I've Met Somebody Else
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Thanks for listening to my call of the day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Paul, welcome to the program. Hi, Dr. Laura. Thank you so much for taking my call. I appreciate it. Thank you. What can I help you with? So me and my boyfriend, we've been together for a little over eight years now. And

We did buy a house and we moved in together for the first time two years ago. And I guess I have been, you know, I think we both, you know, have been feeling we both want to get married. We're not married. We're not engaged. And I feel like we both had our reservations about maybe each other. But just like we have a lot of love for each other.

And I'm sorry, could you could you take a side trip and just tell me what the reservations are about? I think maybe we each have our own reservations. OK, when you hear when I hear the word maybe, then I realize I'm not getting facts. So when you two have discussed getting married, what are the facts that keep you from going forward with it? I think I know one of them.

You know, we have a different in the way we see religion and we also want children. We both want children, which is great. But yeah, I think religion is a big one for us that we have kind of a hang up with. And I'm sorry, why is religion a hang up? How is religion a hang up? What difference does it make what religions you are? Yeah.

I think because we want to have children in the future. Oh, I see. Yes. I think like navigating that. So it never occurred to you personally, Paul, never occurred to you not to invest in something as huge as a house with somebody who's not sharing the same future with you. I mean, why did that not occur to you that that was not a good step? It's very hard to get out of owning a house together. Very difficult financially to get out of that. Yeah.

So why would you take that step? But why would you, in using your brain, take that step when there was no commitment to a future with respect to sharing a religion? Explain to me why you would do that. It's a level of delusion, honestly. I think it was delusional now, you know, and...

And so, yeah, that's definitely, you know, I'm coming to terms with, you know, like we just see the world differently and, you know, hold different values and that's okay. But yeah. It's not okay. Don't say it's okay. It's not okay to have different values. Yeah. Especially when there are children involved here. Yeah, for sure.

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Well, and things have come to a head because a friend of mine that basically I told, I wanted to be honest with him and

We're here recently. I have been feeling just a connection feeling with someone else where we do align so perfectly, you know, we don't, I haven't crossed any lines that I think of. I do feel kind of guilty that I have a connection with someone, but we see the world the same and this and that, like, I don't flirt. Like we haven't, you know, done anything inappropriate. And I recently told him, I said, Hey, like, you know, you're my boyfriend, my partner. And I want to be honest with you. I have developed feelings for someone that,

And I just want to tell you like what I'm processing and this is very painful. Obviously, that was very painful for him to hear. And I think what's bothered me so much is I have, you know, have the fundamental things with this person is so in alignment. And it just seems like I can just so easily see us like if we want to have children. Weren't you one year out of being a teenager when you hooked up with this guy? Yes. Yeah.

And this person is also older than me, too. And I'm like, okay, I'm the younger person here and I'm wanting to... You were one year out of being a teenager and for some reason you thought that gave you the wisdom that would come with eight more years. Yeah. Well, it didn't. You were a kid. He was older. You didn't want to be alone. You were attracted. It was flattering. I get all that. The stupid part was getting a house together because that's going to be...

selling it and divvying up the money is going to be an issue yeah yeah you know you're right um you know funny enough because we're not married i mean it makes sense like we've not bought anything together i mean obviously besides the house it sounds silly saying that but like even even groceries it's like we buy our own groceries you know so it's like that's weird make a commitment on a box of cheerios well that's weird okay uh you realize at 1920 you made a mistake

So are you going to be man enough to fix the mistake? I don't mean hook up with the other guy immediately. I mean, you've got to resolve this. You've got to resolve this. By the way, how much older is he? Six years. Oh, that's not horrendous. 16, that hit you on the head. All right. Yeah, for sure.

In life, we make mistakes based upon our maturity, our experience, our emotional state, etc. The smartest thing to do, because life is finite and we don't know when the off button gets pressed. The best thing to do when we realize we've made a mistake is not demonize anybody, but repair the mistake. He's not a bad guy because you're in disagreement with all sorts of things. He's just the wrong guy.

So he's not a bad guy. He's the wrong guy for the rest of your life. Yeah. No, I know you're right. So fix it. He is a great person. Yes. We don't have to become enemies and hate each other. We just have to realize we're not really a match. Not for serious things like building a family. Correct.

And I have thought that too, like maybe if they found someone with the same views, especially on religion, I think that he would be a lot happier, you know, even though he stays so happy with me, but I feel like he could possibly find, I mean, I know he could find someone that believes the same. What's his religion? He's Christian. And you're? I'd say agnostic slash spiritual. I'm not sure, but I'm not Christian.

I'm sorry, what are you religiously? How are you brought up? I was brought up very religiously Christian, and I deconstructed from that years ago. And yeah, I don't believe in the Bible. And I'm totally fine. I've got a lot of great Christian friends. I'm not trying to say that, but I just don't. I'm sorry. Is that an agnostic, an atheist, or just a bystander? Yeah.

I'd say agnostic. I believe in a higher power. Okay. All right. Well, the truth is you've got to take care of this. Yeah. And please, what you just said before, don't try to convince him that he's better off without you. Don't try to make this better for you. Just tell him we are not a match for me, for the things I want and I believe in and I look forward into the future for. We're not a match.

We met when we were both teeny-tinies, and that doesn't mean it was meant forever. We were too young to make this decision. Yeah, correct. Now, did you both put in... Over the year. Go ahead. I'm sorry. Did you put the same amount of money in to the house? We based 60-40, like our down payment was 60-40. Which one has the 40? Oh, okay. All right.

Well, together, I recommend you get an attorney who helps you unravel this. Get a real estate agent and put up a reasonable price and move on. And don't be shacking up quickly. Wait three years with your new state of mind and your new maturity. Date him, whoever him. What's the name for the second guy? Yeah.

I don't feel comfortable saying that. Okay, don't feel comfortable. Call him George. How old is George with respect to you? He is three years younger. Oh, you're the old man now. Okay. Yeah. That makes him 25. We need him to get to 28 before you guys make a decision about a commitment, okay? Promise me. Okay. Okay, I promise. Okay, thank you.

I was going to be very upset if you didn't. All right, call me back if you need some help excavating this, okay? Thank you so much, Dr. Lara. You're very, very welcome. My number, 1-800-375-2800.

72. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos, and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you've sent me to. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com slash drlaura and instagram.com slash drlauraprogram.

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