Married Life is Not This Couple's Dream Come True
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Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Tina and Arthur, welcome to the program. Hello. Hi, Tina. Hi, Arthur. Hi. Hi. Now, you sent me an email and I did read it and that's why I forwarded it to...

Dan, so hopefully you two would come, and so I'm very pleased. So who would... Let's let Arthur. Arthur, tell me why you're both here right now. Well, I've been having anger outbursts. I feel like it's just been very stressful for the last few weeks, and...

Things have been triggering me that normally I'll just let slide, but the buildup hasn't been happening. So with these anger outbursts, it causes me to curse. Not an excuse or anything, but that's just what has happened. Do you curse and break things and yell and throw things? How dramatic is it? Tell me.

Well, I broke my daughter's toy that I should have probably never gotten her in the first place. It's a cat that just mouths nonstop and she'll just leave it in the middle of the room and just stare. Um, the reason for that was, uh, I was just outside and looked around and I had to do a lot of, uh, cleanup after the dog that my wife has gotten. And, uh,

I was against her getting the dog and she said she'll be taking care of it and cleaning after it. And we've had this conversation many times with her. I come out and I had to pick up 10 bag fulls of dog's poo and got really upset. And then when I came in with the cat mowing, I just basically stomped on it. You lost it. Your cope ran us over. Picking up a lot of dog shit will strain people. Yeah.

Got it. What kind of a dog is it? Is it a big dog with big poops or a little dog with tiny poops? Yeah, it's a Great Dane Husky mix. Oh, my God. It's one thing when you say you don't want a dog and then she goes out and gets a small horse. Pretty much. Tina, why did you do that? Seriously, your man didn't want a dog. And so you don't don't just get a dog.

You get a huge dog, and then you don't follow through on what you said, and you're surprised he's mad? Come on. No, I'm not. I'm not surprised that he's mad about it. Why did... What made you do that when you knew it would make him unhappy? Why'd you do that? Hmm.

It was. I was actually pregnant with my first daughter. I think I was like seven months pregnant. And I was on maternity leave and I guess I was lonely and I really wanted a dog. We had a pretty big property at that point. I'm having a hard time remembering, but he did mention that maybe we could get a dog, but maybe that was because I was kind of like...

pushing it, but I did feel that he didn't really want a dog, you know? Where did you get the dog? I think we had an argument, and then... Where'd the dog come from? I found him online. Well, my cousin actually sent me a post about him, so I went and got him. From who? Somebody from their backyard? A company? Somebody's dog? Yeah, yeah, what? I don't know. I missed...

She's a, I think she's a breeder and she just posted up that she had a bunch of puppies. So I went and picked one out. How much did it cost? It was, I think, $350. Did you sign papers? No. I'm worried about, yeah, I'm kind of worried about when people say they're breeders and they don't have you sign appropriate papers. But how old are you? I'm 24. How old are you, Arthur? I'm 24.

Turn 30 in December. Okay. Happy birthday. Thank you. So if we push somebody very hard and they lose the ability to just take things as they come, isn't that a team effort? Yes. And then not following it up by cleaning up after the dog every day? How do you explain that part? I guess I kind of got used to him doing it, so...

I just left it. Do you think in the years to come that might start more fights when you agree to something and then don't follow through and he does it because it's not being done and it needs to be done and then is upset about it? Do you think if that sort of thinking continues that that might hurt the marriage? What do you think? Yes, of course. So how do you think you want to handle the dog issue right now? We've come to a point where we've been trying to rehome him.

And because I will not be able to, I haven't been already, but for sure with the newborn and the toddler, I would not be able to take care of the dog. So we have him posted up, but we haven't had anyone serious contact us yet. And where did you post it? I posted him up on Craigslist and he,

There was another rehoming website that I made the posting. Are you asking for money? Are you asking for money? Oh, I think I posted in the rehoming website, I posted no money. But with Craigslist, I did ask for a little bit of money. Okay. Got it. Until then, are you going to clean up the poops every day? Okay. Because you owe that to him. Mm-hmm.

One of the things you want to do when you finally get a good guy to marry you is not drive them off a cliff. Because they don't always stay. If they're driven off cliffs, they end up off the cliff. You're 24, and I think you have such an idealized sense of the universe that it'll just all happen, and you don't have to take a lot of responsibility. But being a wife and a mother, that's heavy-duty stuff. So you've got to think about it a little more. Okay, now let me get to you, Arthur.

Tell me all the things that are pushing you toward a cliff. The dog thing is being taken care of. Tell me whatever else is pushing you toward that cliff. We're currently not doing the greatest financially. And I've been doing some schooling. I took some time off work to, I'm a truck driver. So I took some time off work to go get my diploma and

And I did that and, uh, trying to find a more local job because I'm gone a lot on the road. Yeah. I'm an owner operator. Yeah. Um, just trying to get something more local and be closer with the family. And, uh, the time I did take off work has set us back financially. And, uh,

It's a lot of my wife's spendings on things that she doesn't talk to me about and decides that it's necessary, which in my eyes, it just seems like we could go without those things. And that's also kind of been a buildup for a long period of time. I'm not the greatest money saver either, but I feel like when I do go out and buy things, I...

I feel like it's for the family and stuff that's really needed versus her. Would you give Tina some examples of some things that you thought weren't needed? Give Tina some examples. For example, she was having a baby shower and she went and bought a jump house. She entertained the kids and a bunch of other games that I feel like we could have went without. And...

I don't know. I just don't have a lot. I would have to think about it. I don't have a list of things currently. Okay. But that was the last thing. Yeah, got it. So Tina... I saved the receipt to return them. Tina, what do you think keeps you from talking to Arthur about these expenditures in advance? I mean, just like friendly, casual, hey, I'm thinking about getting the jumping thing.

What do you think keeps you from talking to him like he's your buddy, you know? Yeah. I think with that, it was very, very spontaneous, I guess. So was the dog. And that seems to be your excuse. It was spontaneous. I really didn't think. I can't remember. I was pregnant. I wouldn't really think. I guess I just very went and did it, you know? That's what happens.

Do you want a husband who trusts you and respects you? Yes. Do you think you're behaving in a way which makes him trust and respect you? No. Would you like to start behaving in a way which will make him calm down and trust and respect you? Yes. And what will that require, do you think? I mean, I know him and I should really think about before what I buy or what I do to know that I should talk to him first.

Well, that way, then there's no discomfort, you see, if you both agree on something that nobody's uncomfortable and you're a team. So the most the two of you can do as a team, the more relaxed you're both going to be with each other. Do you think that's something you can commit to? Would you say your mom and dad spoiled you? Yes. Well, you're acting like he's your mom and dad.

And that's just not going to fly. And that's why I yell at a lot of parents who spoil their kids because then they grow up to adults who just feel like this should happen because I want it. So I'm not blaming you. I'm pointing out you were trained to behave this way. And you're going to have two kids and it really doesn't work in a family when one of the two spouses doesn't consider the other one. But your parents kind of trained you that way. So you've got to undo their training.

And Arthur, when you get really pissed off, I want you to go outside or get in your car. Don't turn the car on and just use every bad word you know. Then come back in the house. Sounds like a great idea. Who buys a toy that meows all the time? I mean, I would have told you don't do that. Yeah, I knew it was a bad idea from the start. Yes, I would make that disappear real soon. I might throw it out the window on the way home.

Okay. I need you to be very supportive of Tina transforming from her parents' little girl to your woman. So anytime she clearly behaves contrary to being her parents' little girl, I want you to sweep her up and give her lots of positive vibes, hugs and kisses, and tell her what a great job she's doing. That sound good to you, Tina?

Yes. Okay. All right. I appreciate the two of you calling. Thank you. And you guys can call me back anytime, anytime. But right now, get rid of the cat toy right now. Don't send it to me either. I would have tossed it out the window. It's going to go meow until the battery wears out. No.

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