My Husband Won't Fix Anything
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Thanks for listening to my call of the day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Christina, welcome to the program. Hello, how can I help? Thanks for taking my call. You're very welcome. I'm a big fan. I've read several of your books. Thank you.

How can I help you today? That's been very helpful. Well, I've been with my husband for 25 years. We've been married for 23. We have two homes. The first one we got about 23 years ago when we got married, and...

It was built in 1962, as was our second home that we're living in, which was my grandmother's. And we used my portion of the inheritance to put the down payment on and it will be paid off in September. And it is also from 1962. And both homes are in bad shape.

And my husband isn't willing to spend money to get them fixed, even though they're falling apart. We have broken windows. We have a porch that literally has the metal corroding. So what problem has your husband been diagnosed with? None that I know of other than depression. Since the day you married him?

Well, he's always been sort of depressive, but he's been doing better recently. So how is he doing better recently if he's allowing the houses to fall apart? He might at some point even be condemned. How is that showing that he's mentally healthy? Well, he doesn't work on himself the way I do. Okay.

And he doesn't go to therapy, and he doesn't read any of the self-help books. Okay. Christina, do you work? Do you work or are you living outside of the home? I just graduated from college, and I'm getting ready to go into a master's program in the fall. I substitute teach a few days a week. Okay. I recommend that you get a full-time job and postpone your further education. Okay.

so that you can take care of how you're living and how your homes are, so that your investment will pay off, and so you don't live in something that ought to be condemned. If he is unwilling to do that for whatever his psychological... I'm sorry, I was still talking. For whatever his psychological problems are, if you want something better, you better get a job, earn money, and do it. You shouldn't be living like that. All the self-help you're doing, the therapy, the books, you're still living...

in a ramshackle way, allowing him to control your life. For all the books you're reading, you don't seem to be getting the sufficient or the correct amount of help. Because if you were, you wouldn't be living like this, putting it on him. Yeah, it gets me down. And I feel like I can't have people over. I'm ashamed by the way the house is built. Christina, did you hear what I said?

I said get a full-time job. Get a job. Yes. And then you'll have money to fix the house, houses. Okay, I can put off my degree for a year. Or more. Well, I'm already 56. You're living in squalor with a guy who's got problems. That means the therapy hasn't helped you much.

Well, I'm of the mind we could sell them both as is and buy a new home, but I'm afraid that the same thing would happen. Yes, it will. Okay, I accept what you're saying. I have to take the initiative and take care of it myself. You have to take responsibility for your life and not leave it on anybody else. And all this therapy and reading, I think, was to distract you from actually taking control of your life. Okay, point taken.

Good, because between now and dead, you ought to be more in control of the quality of your life, giving it to him using your inheritance. I would have urged you never to do that. But since that's done, because you see your inheritance is yours, not ours, not his. But once you use it for community effort, according to the attorneys who have clarified this for me, it's now community property.

So if he wishes to live in squalor and you go along thinking if you're reading books and having therapy and waiting around for him that your life is going to improve, and the irony of what you're trying to study is alarming to me. You're certainly not role modeling it. Okay, well, the only way I can initiate change is to make it happen then and take accountability for myself. Yes, yes.

I can't expect him to change. No. You can't help other people. Okay, well, thank you for your advice. You can't help other people past what you can't do. Do you understand that? Mm-hmm. Okay. Thank you. You're very welcome.

My number, 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos, and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you've sent me to. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com slash drlaura and instagram.com slash drlauraprogram.

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