Our Salad Bowl of a Marriage is Rotting
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Thanks for listening to my call of the day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Kelly and Kyle. Kelly and Kyle, welcome to the program. Thank you very much. And how old are you folks and how long have you been, I'm assumed, married?

We are married. We've been married for a year and a half. I'm 38. Kyle is 42. Okay. Any one of you married kids before? Any prior anythings? Yes. So Kyle has a 14-year-old son from a previous relationship. He was married once before. This is my first marriage, and I have two sons from a previous relationship. With one guy? Yes. How come you're not still with him?

Well, lots of different dynamics to that, but mostly there was some infidelity and it was a very hostile, toxic relationship and it was unhealthy for the kids to be around. He left when the kids were three and nine months old. When did you figure out he was a bad guy?

Probably, I would say between the two kids were born. Then forgive me to say this and ask this in front of Kyle, but why did you have another baby with a guy who thought was a bad guy?

We have had these discussions. I'm very open with Kyle. We both love your show, so we listen all the time. Thank you. I just need to know a woman's thinking. I know I'm with a bad guy, so I'm going to have intercourse and make another kid. Just help me understand the thinking.

You're absolutely right. I was 24 and I thought I knew what love was. And I will be perfectly honest. I wanted two children. I wanted them to have the same dad. Thought we could fix things. It ended up destroying things worse in the gist of it. So for how long have your kids known each other? For four years.

You mean Kyle's and my children? Yeah. So, no, your kids. Biologically, those are your kids. Yeah. Yes. How are they getting along with Kyle's kids?

They get along great. They have since the beginning. His son gets, like, the two that get along best are the youngest and his son. So our middle is my oldest, and he's the one that we're having troubles with. Okay. And are your two kids seeing their own dad? No.

They go every other weekend. However, my oldest, who's 14, he hasn't gone to see his dad since Christmas. And what precipitated that decision? Did you know that skincare can start in the laundry room?

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There was a few instances when he was growing up that, so their dad lives two hours away and he lives with his parents. And there was a point in time where he was slapped by his paternal grandmother. And so he stopped, this was when he was about nine years old.

Is that an unusual experience in the universe for a grandmother to haul off and smack a kid who has done something egregious? I mean, there's a difference between a smack and beatings. Right. So he didn't go to his dad for a little while after that, and then I had forced him to go back to try to repair that relationship. What had he done that made grandma haul off and smack him?

I honestly don't know 100%. The story that I got was that he was throwing a fit over something. Okay, tell me 90%. I just need to know. It sounds like it would be important for you to actually know what he did. God, I would have found that out. Yeah, go ahead. He was throwing a fit over something that had happened. He...

was taught in school to express his feelings, to scream into a pillow. And that was part of what he was doing. And he was screaming into this pillow and things had gotten out of control with his temper. And he was smacked in the mouth to stop. You send him to school to learn math, science, literature, and they're teaching them to scream into pillows. This is public school or a private school?

It's public school. I rest my case. Yeah. Okay, well, here we are, and how can I help? So lately, we've been having troubles with him showing respect in the home and following the rules of the household. He is very... May I just ask you both, excuse me for interrupting, I'm always a little bemused.

When people call after no marriages, kids out of wedlock, bad situations, going back and forth, new marriages, new kid in the house to deal with, that anybody is the slightest bit surprised that at least one kid is causing grief. I call it payback. My advice is take all three kids and the two of you

into family counseling. You are not going to fix your boy who is reacting to all the nutty stuff that you adults do. I've said on the air for you who say you listen all the time that until the kids are up and out, you don't date, shack up, and remarry and make more babies because the kids really can't handle it very well. And most of the time, most of the time, they act very agreeable because they're scared. They don't want to lose the last parent.

don't want to be punished. They have all kinds of worries. Yet there's always one who gives payback. So that's a product of all the decisions you two made. Please take all of you to family therapy together. Don't put him in therapy as though he's sick. He's not sick. He's reacting to all the circumstances he's experienced. He's lost, he's angry, he's confused, and he's going to wreck the household.

That's it. It's his job now to pay back the misery that he feels. So family counseling, all five of you, please, because if you don't, and worse, if you send him to counseling by himself, you will regret it and regret you didn't listen to me today.

Not a psychologist, a marriage and family therapist. After their names, it says MFCC or MFT because these people are trained to deal with this. I pray. I hope you go. I advise you to take my advice. Much better. I'm Dr. Laura Schlesinger. My number 1-800-375-2872. Everything is fine. He's just...

a problem. He doesn't show respect because he doesn't have any. Why should he? His mother made two kids out of wedlock with some jerk that she dumped. Then she finds this other guy who has a kid. I mean, when you write a play and you start from there, you know there's going to be problems. And what is there for him to respect? Tell me. Really?

Folks out there listening, what is the kid supposed to respect? And then he goes to school and finds out that the way you deal with something you're pissed off about is to yell and scream into a pillow.

So who does he respect? You're just a click away from some terrific deals being offered by companies that get the Dr. Laura stamp of approval. Visit drlaura.com, click on sponsors to take advantage of the special discounts available to Dr. Laura listeners like you. This Father's Day, help dad be all he can be with a gift from the Home Depot because he's not just dad, he's the handyman of the house, the plumber in a pinch.

and the emergency mechanic. Upgrade his gear this Father's Day with the Husky Mechanics 270-piece tool set from The Home Depot. Now on special buy for $119, a $695 value. For every kind of dad, find the perfect gift this Father's Day at The Home Depot.