Refresher: Is Cheryl's Daughter a Lost Cause?
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Cheryl, welcome to the program. Thank you. How are you today? Good. What's up? Good. My husband and I have five children, ages 33 to 21. The fourth child is the only daughter. August the 7th of 2014, she tried to commit suicide.

And why did she try to do that? When we got to the hospital at the ER, her regular doctor said this was another of her attention getters. But this time she went too far.

Oh, so she had done this before? No, no, but there's always something. That's what her brothers say, that there's always something. When she was a freshman in high school, her best friend's father committed suicide, and she wasn't that close to the man, but she was very close to the girl, and things kind of went downhill from there. She had always required a lot of attention. We took her to a licensed... So after she didn't die, what kind of treatment did she get?

We hauled her to a hospital and she had to stay in that hospital. They said mandatory four days and after that they called us and said that number one, she wasn't their normal type of patient. Her doctor has said she had... What does that mean? She's not normal. What does that mean?

A lot of them there are what they considered chronics. They just keep being readmitted, readmitted. They changed her medication and after counseling her somewhat, they said that she could get by on an outpatient basis. And so for a year after that, excuse me, for a year after that, she was in group counseling two times a week and then individual counseling one day a week. So

So three times a week she was meeting with counselors. She went through a behavioral training. That's what all this was, was behavioral training to teach her how to handle all these ups and downs. At the hospital they said she was borderline something. Nobody could ever explain. Either borderline or bipolar, everybody is. Yeah, these days. Okay, so...

Okay. I am either... Well, my husband and I found her, and that was pretty rough. I am either... I'm sorry. I'm either angry or I'm crying about her as long as... How old is she now? She's 25. Mm-hmm. She lives on her own. She was on her own at the time.

But she keeps doing things. She's still seeing a licensed social worker, and she was

was required to sign a paper saying that I am included, I can ask any question I want, and the social worker has to answer it. You know, she can answer them. She's a paramedic and a firefighter, and her boss said that part of her being able to keep her job was she would go to therapy and she would keep us all in the loop, so she had to sign this paperwork.

And so her counselor has said she cycles. And I see the cycles, and I talk to my daughter, and she said, if I see something, I'm to bring it to her. I bring it to her. She gets angry. And then she basically won't talk to me for three or four weeks. And then she'll come back. You realize there's nothing you can do.

I have listened to your show for quite some time, and I have come to that conclusion. Yeah. So my question for you is, how do I get past that fear? Okay. This is how you get past the fear. We had a lady on D last week. Yes, I listened to her. Right. And what did you learn from her?

She's either going to die if you help her or she's going to die if you don't. There you go. I don't want to cry about it. I understand. I'm a mother. I get it.

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I talked to my son. My youngest is at college, and he comes home. You're not going to fix this, no matter who you talk to? No, no, no, ma'am. Whenever he comes home, I visit with him on the phone. We just talk while he's driving. And he came right out and said, you have four other children. Why are you focusing so much attention on her when things are never going to change? And your answer was?

I said, holy shit, you sound like Dr. Laura. That's funny. I'm sorry. No, that's very good. I like that. Just when you said what he said, I thought, whoa, that sounds like me.

Yes. And so what I started, I like to dance. So what I have started doing is I keep my cell phone in my pocket and I play serious music. And if something about her comes up, whatever I'm doing, I just start two-stepping. I find a song and I can just two-step to it. And I didn't know what you thought about that. I thought it was great.

In fact, I'd like to learn the two-step. Come on down. I'll teach you. Well, I keep thinking there's a place near my house, but I haven't gotten the courage to go there by myself on a Wednesday night yet. I mean, it is kind of a bar, and, you know, I'm kind of a prissy type, so I don't know. You can dance elsewhere. Yeah, I'm a dancing fool. Oh, crud. I'm sorry. Let me shut that off.

Listen to your son. Okay. And when people bring her up or when she calls... Say, first of all, I would block her number. She has an emergency. You ever call a doctor about...

We're not here right now. If it's an emergency, call 911. Right. Right? It's an emergency. She or somebody else will call 911. If she's not capable of calling, she won't be calling you either. Okay. I would block her phone. Okay. I would make her earn coming back. Okay. All right. Her counselor has told me she emotionally blackmails me. Ma'am? Ma'am? Yes? Yes.

Don't start sounding like your daughter with one whiny thing after another. Okay. Let go. Your son is telling you he's pissed at you. He's telling you that. You have four other kids and all he hears about is this one. You didn't understand what he was saying? Yes, I did. Yes. And I am having difficulty with that because she is my only daughter. I don't care. Gender matters.

Oh, the boys are less valuable? No, no, no. They just don't like it. You can't fix her, and you're ignoring your other kids, and your husband's not enjoying this either. Yeah, he's hurting too. But you're causing it. He would let go if you did. Okay. Do I not discuss her at all? What for? I don't... Yeah, I think you should not discuss her at all. Yes. Okay. That's what I think. Okay. I'm writing these things down.

And what's the point? If it's right there in my face, I'm not going to be doing it. There's no point. Every day I won't be doing this. It's over. You've picked her route in life, and maybe there are even things out of her control, but they're certainly out of yours. Yes. Okay, I'm going to focus on my four boys. Yes, please. They need you. Okay. I can do this. They need you. Okay.

I can do this. I know you can. Two-step. Yeah. My number, 1-800-375-2872. Please join the growing number of listeners who have signed up for the Dr. Laura family. It's free. You get priority access to things like my Call of the Day podcast and my design store, which features jewelry, glass, and knitted items I personally design and handcraft myself.

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