When Will I Get Over His Affair?
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Thanks for listening to my call of the day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Candy, welcome to the program.

Thank you. So my kind of dilemma here is that I have been with my husband 15 years, a little over 15. We were both previously married and had children that are adult children from our previous marriages.

And then once we were married and we were together about seven years, six, seven, we decided we wanted to have children together. So we have an eight-year-old and a three-year-old. Well, she's three and a half. About a year ago, I found out he had had an affair for almost two years. How did you find out about that? Don't gloss over that. How did you come to find out? Yeah.

How did you come to find out he had an affair? A lot of people...

I was getting some texts from anonymous people, and then the ultimate, you know, and my intuition was telling me just that things weren't right. He works in the oil field, so that's our schedule. He's gone a lot. He's home a lot. He's home, not, you know, it's kind of hectic. But I would get anonymous texts telling me, oh, he's with this woman. You told me the anonymous texts. How did you find out as a fact?

That he was having an affair. One night, I just woke up at midnight out of the bed and something told me to go look in his truck console. So I just did for some reason. And I found another phone. And that was a phone specifically for the woman. And I read through it. Where was he? Woo-hoo!

I don't want to keep woohooing you, so slow down. Yes, ma'am. A couple of woohoos is cute. After that, it even annoys me. Yes, ma'am. Yeah, okay. So was he home when you went into his truck? He was asleep. So when you walked back in the house holding the phone, did you wake him up? No. I actually held on to it until the next day to even confront. Why? Why?

Um, I kind of had in my gut had known and accepted. And but, you know, I wanted to give myself time to look through it. And yeah, I don't know, the normal me would have flown off the handle, but I didn't do that. So when you went through the phone, what did you discover?

Secret meetings that they were having, you know, meetups at parking lots, hotels. On weekends, he was supposed to be with his buddies. Texts and conversations during the day while she was at school, while he was at work. She's a schoolteacher. All things of that nature. But you said he worked in the oil fields. Now he's a schoolteacher? Yes.

No, she is. She is. Oh, she is. Yes, ma'am. So when she would have her conference period break. So then what did you do? So then what did you do?

I confronted him about it the next morning, and he told me, you know, I gave him the ultimatum. It was me and the family, or it was the woman, and I would, you know, that was that. And he's never spoken to her again. That was over. How the hell would you ever know it was over?

Um, the woman lives in the same city. I actually confronted her as well and told her kind of the same thing. Like, you know, you're a teacher at my child's school. I'll take this to where there was also pictures on there. I wasn't nice about it. Why should you be? Trying to wreck your family? You're supposed to be nice?

Yes, and I believe it's over because he has spent all his time, you know, more time with us, making more of an effort, doing the family things that he was not doing. And like I told your lady, I take a little responsibility for the affair because I was not being a proper wife.

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Are you still quoting 30-year-old movies? Have you said cool beans in the past 90 days? Do you think Discover isn't widely accepted? If this sounds like you, you're stuck in the past. Discover is accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide. And every time you make a purchase with your card, you automatically earn cash back. Welcome to the now. It pays to discover. Learn more at discover.com slash credit card based on the February 2024 Nelson report.

My daughter was a baby. She was exclusively breastfed. Not that I should be punished for that, I know. But I didn't give him the attention as a wife. And looking back, I knew that. So it's just my issue is getting over it. Oh, okay. Now take a few breaths and just slow down. You'll never get over it. He won't either. Yes, ma'am.

He cared about her. You'll never get over it. You have to live in, shh, now you need to stop talking. You will never totally get over it, ever. You'll live with it and make the best of it, but you'll never get over it. So don't make that as an expectation that someday you're going to wake up and it's all just going to be somewhat of a dream that went away. No, this is a part of the marriage forever.

Yes. So the thing is, are the two of you going to make the best of it? We are doing better. And I am. Yeah, I believe so. If you are going to punish him, no sex, not being nice, overcooking his eggs. If you're going to punish him, you might as well leave. Yes. And no, I'm not doing that. Good.

But if that was your expectation that you'll get over it, no, you won't. You'll do your best in spite of it. The things that are good about him, the whatever, how he is with the kids, you'll have to find other slots to put this in.

Yes, ma'am. And that's just my kind of thing was, like you said, sometimes I get that, you know, how do I know it's over? And, you know, sometimes I get this little feeling like when he goes into the store to work, like, you know, get this feeling. Is that really where he is? And, you know, I don't know that'll ever go away. You have to live with it.

You'll have to live with that. Or you could put one of those little Apple thingies on the bottom of his truck so you know where the truck is. Okay, good. We did that, yes. We did, which I was very surprised he agreed to, but we did do the light 360 and the little trackers on the vehicle. So we have all that in place. Okay, well then all you need to do is look down at your phone and you'll know.

Yes, ma'am. But you can't expect to not feel insecure about it. You can't expect that. If this marriage blew up, you'd have two kids plus two priors plus, you know, two marriages down. That's a lot. It's more on you than it would be on him. Yes. It would be easier for him to move on than it is for you. Yes. Because you're the mother. You're the woman. Yes.

And I think, like you said, that's the punishment. Sometimes I'll question or ask him and he'll ask me, will you ever get over? Will you ever stop? I have an answer for you to give him. I have an answer for you to give him. How long would it have taken you? See, if you keep talking, then you don't hear what I'm going to say. So slow it down. Say to him, how long do you think it would take for you to stop wondering?

Yes, ma'am. If I was in that man's arms, how long would it take you? Yes, ma'am. That's the way to handle that question. Yes, ma'am. That's a good answer. Thank you. Well, I appreciate it. And I think that you just, you know, give me a little bit more of what I already kind of, you know...

I kind of knew what you would say, but I wanted to hear it from you. I know you need to feel some love, some hugs, some attention. Tell him that's what you need. I need some love, some hugs, and some attention. Yes, ma'am. And he does too, but start there. He's the one who broke the vows. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars.

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