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cover of episode You Picked Her. Stop Picking on Her!

You Picked Her. Stop Picking on Her!

2025/2/12
logo of podcast Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Dr. Laura Call of the Day

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David
波士顿大学电气和计算机工程系教授,专注于澄清5G技术与COVID-19之间的误信息。
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Dr. Laura
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David: 我和妻子结婚十年,有两个孩子。我妻子有比较严重的ADD,我知道这一点,所以承担了大部分家庭责任。我妻子非常邋遢,不善于理财,对细节也不感兴趣。虽然我知道她有ADD,但我还是希望情况能有所改变。我有时会因此对她很混蛋,影响了我们的关系和孩子。如果只能选择妻子的一种特质,我也会选择善良、有爱、热情和性感。我真的不知道该怎么办,我不想让自己这么痛苦。 Dr. Laura: 你需要描述妻子的行为,而不是简单地贴上ADD的标签。你必须承担更多责任,因为你妻子的思维方式就是这样。如果只能选择一种,选择善良、有爱和热情,组织能力可以雇人来做。你无法雇人来爱你。珍惜你妻子身上温暖、令人感动的部分,每次因为她没付账单而生气时,提醒自己她给你的拥抱和爱。婚姻不是生意,你对妻子和孩子不好比她不善于整理更糟糕。她无法改变自己的大脑运作方式,但你可以改变自己做混蛋的行为。如果只能选择一边,你已经选择了更好的一边,享受它,雇人来做组织和清洁工作。你无法雇人来做你的妻子和孩子的母亲。回家后不要再做混蛋,做一个充满爱、美好、温暖、有趣的丈夫和父亲,让自己更快乐。你有机会拥抱、亲吻、玩耍和与家人交谈,为什么要让自己痛苦? 今晚和你的妻子一起洗个澡,这是良药。我很感激那些愿意承认自己是混蛋的男人。

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Thanks for downloading my Call of the Day podcast. You too can participate in my live radio program heard weekdays from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. David, welcome to the program. Thank you, Dr. Laura. I have been married to my wife 10 years. We have two young kids.

And the reason for the call, and I've been wanting to call for a while,

is my wife actually introduced me to you, you know, let's say about eight years ago. She's been listening since she was a kid. But I'm trying to figure out if there's something I can be doing different in our marriage to make our marriage a lot more pleasant, enjoyable for the both of us. I feel in my marriage with my wife, she has pretty severe ADD.

I knew it going in, so it wasn't a surprise, obviously, that I am taking on pretty much all the responsibility. Okay, let's go backwards. When you met her and you knew about the severe ADD, rather than just giving it a label, what were the behaviors that got labeled ADD that she had when you were first meeting and dating? What were the behaviors? Not, you know...

A very messy, messy house, unorganized everything, late financial struggles kind of staying on top of, you know, finances and, you know, any level of attention to detail for things that she just doesn't find interesting for herself. Okay. Let me just say this then, and thank you for being so clear and answering the question. Since you knew that going in,

That's why you seem to have more responsibility because you have to. I don't know why you thought that would change. Yeah, I didn't think it would, I guess. But you're wanting it to now. I'm sorry. You're going to have to be the more responsible one. That's not how her brain works.

Is she loving? Is she affectionate? Is she sensual? Is she thoughtful? Is she kind? Is she compassionate? Is she those things?

Yes. The caveat to that is that I can be like you. I can be an asshole because I want the other part that I feel like I stop. You can't have the other part, can't have the other part. And if I said to you, you can only have one of the two parts. Trust me. Take the ones that are kind and loving and warm and sexy. Don't take the organized and all of that because you're going to hire somebody to do that.

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So you have the part that really matters. You will never have the other part. And if you're going to be an asshole about that, then you're going to miss out on all the good stuff. So then how do I stop being an asshole? Because it's affecting my wife and my kids. I just told you how. I just told you how. Appreciate all the warm, mushy stuff. Every time you get irritated that she didn't pay a bill, go, yeah, but...

She hugged me yesterday, and God, that felt good, and I needed it. Like that. Remind yourself of what you're really in the marriage for. It's a marriage, not a business. That helped. That kind of helped. It's a marriage, not a business. And you being an asshole to her and your kids is infinitely worse than her not being organized. She can't really change that. That's how her brain is. You can change being an asshole.

By putting some maturity and compassion and understanding that if you only had one side to choose, you got the better side. Yeah, that's true. So please enjoy the better side in spite of the other. Because we can hire somebody to organize and to clean the house. And hire people to do that. You can't hire somebody to be your wife and the mother of your kids. Oh, okay.

Go home and don't be an asshole anymore. Be a loving, wonderful, warm, fun dad and husband. Go home and do that. Be happier. Making yourself miserable, not your family only. You're making yourself miserable. I mean, listen to you. You sound miserable. Why would you want to be miserable when you have the opportunity to hug and kiss and play and talk and hang out with your family?

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I'm making myself miserable. Well, don't. Make a better choice. Take a shower with your wife tonight. Seriously. Seriously. Tonight, a shower together. Will do. That's good medicine. Yeah, that is good medicine, babe. My number, 1-800-375-

2872. I'm appreciative that the kind of men that largely call our show are willing to admit to being assholes when they are being assholes. Okay. 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars.

And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

Okay, we've got Katie's projects, Dan's bake sale, Emma has a test tomorrow. Sweetie, I'm out of my blood pressure meds. Managing the house while Mama's gone is not easy. But did you know that now Walmart Pharmacy has prescription delivery straight to your door? Wait, what? Really? Yep, just upload your prescription to the Walmart app and keep doing your thing. We'll bring your groceries and prescriptions all in one bag and straight to your door. Thanks. Dad, when does Mom come back? In 38 hours and 47 minutes. Okay.

Now, your pharmacy comes to you. Welcome to your Walmart. Delivery not available for all prescriptions. Exclusions apply.