Ask, Tell, Confess: Drop the Penis Pump Bro
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Hello, everybody. Welcome to another AskTale video.

Trachi even joined in on that one. Hello, friends. We dropped season nine with the most drama filled podcast. I swear. Listen, I love you guys. And I am so far removed from all the fucking drama. But I build relationships with these people. And it's like I love to have them come back because they need to have updates in their life, you know, and it just so happens that their lives are fucking dramatic. So.

Here we are. But yeah, anyways, I hope you guys listen to the season nine episode drop. Tell me what you think about it. Yeah. How's everybody doing? I want to go home to my farm animals right fucking now. I'd really like a steak right about now. I would like that too. Two different. Two different. But she got me thinking that I want to see my cows. I want to eat a cow. Fucking animal eater. What did you order? Yeah. What did you get?

I ordered a salad with croutons. I also got, what else did I get? Mashed potatoes. Keep going. What else? I think I might have got like a shrimp cocktail, a lobster tail. What were the two other things that were on that order? Maybe just a burger and a steak.

There it is. I seriously miss my farm animals though. This is my first day being away from them and like a couple of weeks and I'm like so upset that I'm not going to get to see them tonight. I'm gonna have to go see them in the dark. Oh, I take flashlights out there. I'm scared.

Oh, they're so little they can't get over the fence. Yeah. Good to see you. My goodness. Pablo can plop his head on top of the fence. Pablito, we love the old Pablito. I love that he's in the door. Oh, yes, that too. I also haven't seen my husband in two weeks. I'm starting to get ornery. She told me she's going to try to put the cows in the pool. Yes. I heard cows can swim.

Okay. Somebody told me that cows love to listen to classical music. So now I go out there and I play 90s R&B for Crunch and he sits next to me the whole time. He loves music. I love how you said they love classical music. So I play 90s R&B. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I wanted to just feel it out. I was wondering if it was like melodies that was getting them.

or you know like I don't know but he really loves him some Jodeci and some fucking Chai but anyways I'm gonna try the when I get my chairs because I ordered some chairs so that I can go sit out there with them at a table I figure I'll start reading a book or something you know or maybe write in my next book you never know don't you love Sean A

Yeah, they might like a little shot of it, but Crunch loved it. He stayed by my side the entire time. He loved the music. Yeah, loved the music. So we'll try the Beethoven Symphony, the one that they say. But I also heard that cows love to swim. So you guys already know what's going down in my pool in the summertime. Put a little gate in the little beach area and just let them splish splash in there. Yeah. Oh, God. What if he takes a big old dump in there?

No. Should we get pools for them in their little run? Yeah, they got to have a pool. We got to get them their own pools. A few. We're going to have a few on the property. They're going to have a spacious little area. Like these guys are going to live a life. Those little like plastic pools.

Oh, with the slide. I'm just scared. Crunchy will try to eat the plastic. He tries to eat plastic out of my hand all the time. We had that issue with Pablo the other day. He got a hold of some cardboard. Yep. Yeah. As we were building the chicken coop. Yeah. Cows aren't that smart. Donkeys, on the other hand, very smart. Pigs, very smart. Donkeys, no. Or cows, no. No. Not smart. Not smart. Not smart at all.

So who wants to kick it off, babies? I'll go ahead and kick this one off. Oh, fuck. We already knew you were going to. I'll let you guys have a couple weeks, okay? Okay. This girl wrote into us and said, I want to start this off by saying I know this was very wrong. Love it already. Oh, I'm obsessed, right? My ears are perked. She said, hello. A few years ago, I bought a secret camera off of Amazon.

That was disguised as a cell phone charger because I wanted to watch my now husband, boyfriend at time, jerking off. That's hot. Something about it was so intriguing to me. I just wanted to see the visual of him pleasuring himself. So one day while I was out of town, when I knew he was home, I sent him a few naughty pics and then jumped on my secret camera app and watched him...

What? Dilly his dally. I feel so bad for invading his privacy like that. I think it was the worst thing I've ever done. To this day, he has no idea. I threw the camera away. I fear I will have to take this to my grave.

Oh God, I would tell him. I'd be like, bro, I watched you walk off and it was hot. That's, I love that. That's my fantasy too. Like Jay was FaceTiming me the other day from his computer cause he doesn't have a fucking phone. And, um, he was like getting in the shower and I was like, just put the laptop facing the shower and let's act like you don't even know I'm watching. And he was like, you're fucking weird bitch. Goodbye. Bye.

He's always like, I think it's so hot, but there is one time that I walked in on an ex and

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trying to make his dick bigger. I'm like, what is wrong with you? Why are you doing that? Like that to me was you in closet. I grow.

I don't know. But like I was home. It was the middle of the day. And he like goes in this room to just fucking get a penis pump going. Like we weren't even it wasn't even like we were having bang time or anything like that. He just was in there pumping his dick up. And I found out that he carried the penis pump around with him everywhere. What? Yeah.

Did he need that much help? No. He had a perfect wiener. Like, I didn't understand. I was like, what is happening? Like, maybe he liked the feeling of it. Yeah. I wonder if it was like, I wonder if that was like him jerking off. Yeah. Maybe. That's what he did to get off. Maybe. Probably. It's like a secret that he probably was trying to take to his grave and you just stormed in on him. I never stormed in. Like, I was really looking for the penis pump fucking weirdo. Like, come on. I mean, no.

No. Yeah. I wish I one day I'll tell who it was. If he ever decides to come for me online. Who I think it is. Yes. Oh, wait. Who do you think it is? Wait. Who do you think it is? Yeah. Okay. Who do you think it was? Exactly who I thought it was. No. Really believe that. No, absolutely not. He's packing. He's perfect. What? He's great in bed. Understandably. He's got a big head.

Yeah. Right now. Well, and so did the other one. So it was like, you know, I didn't understand. I was, it was just a real weird insecurity that he had. Like, how are you going to have a decent size schlong? I guess it's like women, like when we want to pump our lips up, right? Like if our lips are too thin, we want to pump them up. Or if our ass is too small, we want to fucking fluff that up or get that. Yeah. And to them, it may seem perfect. Yeah. Yeah. Good perspective. Fuck him. True. Penis pump weirdo. I'll go next.

All right, go ahead, Haley. You look like you were ready to rock. I'm not. Okay. I thought she said, I'm not. Tell from Paige. Lenny, I know you're all the time talking about how you shaved off your vagina lip. Okay. I mean, I don't talk about it all the time. I just, you probably see the clip resurface all the time.

I was around 16 and had a skin tag looking thing on my bikini line. It was bugging the crap out of me. So one day after I got out of the shower, I took fingernail clippers to it and cut it off. Listen, sister, I am. What? We listen and we don't judge. I'm judging. Your friend sawed her pussy lip off over here. Fingernail. Yeah, but I feel like you had intention. I tried. I tried fingernail clippers. I couldn't get it around the meat. I did. Oh.

I had, so I had, that's why I had to saw it off. But I don't like the word meat used in that term. What else can you call your vagina lip? What is that? A lip? A meat, a piece of meat? RBQ? Wow. Yeah. It's took a turn. Listen, we have no shame, Paige. I'm glad that you took matters into your own hands. Now listen, disclaimer.

people who are listening to this at home do not perform surgery on your body i'm just a weirdo and i've had surgery on my body and i'm sorry i'm also frugal as fuck and i'm not gonna go pay fucking 15 grand and go have my pussy lip fucking shaved down so i'm gonna do it myself you know but ever since i did it it hasn't came back so i really think that from having the labiaplasty it was just a little piece of skin that grew back really little scar tissue essentially what it was but

Well, it wasn't aesthetically pleasing and it had to get the fuck out of here. So, Paige, I understand. I want to know if it bled and if it hurt. It did bleed and it did hurt. It hurt. With a fingernail clipper. Oh. And a skin. I want to know. Yeah, because you saw it at yours. Yeah. She just said. I mean, you probably got to just go one, two, three. And then just cut it. The manpower behind. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like your mental capacity to be able to just.

Well, first and foremost, I, as a person who has had fingernail clippers on a piece of vagina lip, it's very sharp. Those fingernail clippers are sharp. She tried to try with, okay. I tried with fingernail clippers. Just another day. You just, no, I tried with fingernail clippers first and I didn't get it. And then, so I had to use fucking the microdermabrasion razor, which I wish I had would add another razor.

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Okay, I have an ask. Okay. Okay. How does one break up with a friend when that person is part of a friend group? I think I'm just in a different headspace in my life right now and she can be very, very toxic. I need to protect my peace. That's hard because we don't really know all the details. We don't know what she's done to you. We don't know, you know, circumstances. So it's awkward. But on the same hand,

always protect your fucking peace peace is priceless i mean if that piece comes with the fact that you might miss out on some stuff if she's a part of that then that's what that takes yeah so if she's coming to that said event don't go to the event yeah but also it's like look at the other people you're hanging out with if they approve whatever she's doing and

support it, maybe you shouldn't be friends with them either. Listen, I am queen of retracting my energy. So if somebody is making you uncomfortable and making you feel a certain way, disconnect from that entire situation. Disconnect from that entire situation because in the end, nothing is worth risking your mental health. Yeah, absolutely. Sorry, I think Tachi's got hair in my throat. Probably because you make out. This is my best friend.

I was telling Phoebe whenever we were downstairs talking, and I said, I think we're all connected and that we all were in each other's lives multiple times. I said, I actually think this dude might have been my husband, and I'm so glad that he can't talk in this life. What a good POV. Yeah, literally. I feel like Tachi and I were fucking married in another life. Like, he's perfect. I love him. Is it my turn again or your turn? This one was sent in privately. Fucking bitches.

I don't know if this would be a tell or a confess, but my soul feels like it's a confess.

Hot. Yeah.

I go ask a guy to loosen them for me. So when I started working on the next set, there's a set of four, two bolts on each side, and there was one that were the same. But this time, my pride started getting in the way. Not wanting to seem helpless, I am pushing my whole lower body weight into these bolts, and I get the second one off. By the third, I am literally sweating. My...

I am putting my whole ass into getting these bolts off. Finally, I am on the last one and I am tired and I am pushing as hard as I can and I feel a pop. Oh no. Where? Immediately. I think I gave myself a hernia and I am just trying to get this bolt off before the pain finally kicks in. Bolt comes off, but it wasn't the pain. I had no idea what had just popped.

I set up the new job, run to the bathroom before I get started so I can pee. And as I am wiping, I accidentally grazed my ass and immediately felt a stinging sensation. I immediately realized what happened. I reached down to verify and the diagnosis was I had blown out my butthole.

What? I spent the next five hours walking around with my rectum hanging out until I could get home to get myself cleaned up so I could push it back in. Apparently, a side effect of rectal prolapse is gas. So every time I farted, it felt like my butthole was blowing a raspberry. It can come out? Yeah, it's like in your vagina. Have you never seen... What? What?

Oh yeah. Google vaginal prolapse and have a, have a good time with that. Sometimes women have to get nets installed in them to keep it up. Howie Mandel literally posted a prolapse butthole on his like Twitter or something or Instagram. No, he's like asking for a friend posts a photo. First of all, it was super hot that she is a fucking cute tiny little thing in a man's world. I thought that was hot. Um, I always love when women represent. Secondly,

How much pressure were you putting on your little poop chute to do that, dude? I'm scared. Holy fucking shit. Like the visual. I'm like, baby girl.

Yeah, that, I mean, I get that you were trying to be almighty and not ask a man for help, but ask a man for help. It's okay. Let them blow their buttholes out. We don't need to do that. I'm just so confused. I could come out. All right, pull it up. No. Oh no. I'm joking. We'd have to blur it out. Oh, we're not putting it on the screen, but I need to show her. Like, like we're about to eat. We're about to eat. What comes out?

Look, first thing, I only got the P-R-O and it says prolapse to anus. I don't know. Let me know when it's off the screen because I'm probably going to puke. I am not looking. Nothing about that. I'm not looking. I don't want to know. I don't want that imprinted in my pretty little brain of like I have a pink little bubbly world in here that has glitter.

No, you're not ruining my world. What'd it look like, Haley? Give us a fucking play by play. It was like it was chewing bubble gum and went to go blow a bubble. Oh, that's a rosebud. Yeah, it's a prolapse. You're a fine. Some people are into that. It's a fetish. Rosebud is rosebud and prolapsed anus. The same thing. Yeah. No. Rosebud is when you're getting banged like anally and then the meat comes out. Yeah, that's where the prolapse is. Yeah. Yeah.

Didn't you show Taylor Holder a rosebud? Yeah, Taylor Holder. He was so grossed out. Did you show it to him during Thanksgiving? I told him to look it up and he did. I get it now. You get it? I didn't get what he meant by when he showed me what a rosebud was. Oh, in the birthday video? Yeah, that went over my head and I was just like, yeah, I get it. I like that he included that in the birthday. Was it bloody? Yeah.

- Yes! - Oh, fuck no. - No, it just showed the inner meat. - The inner meat was now an outer meat. - But it was kind of bloody. - It was red. - Dark red. - All right, moving on, like a filet mignon that we're about to eat? With a new year comes a new opportunity to reimagine ourselves and more importantly, our wardrobes. This year, I'm resolving to refresh my look with quality pieces and stay on budget, and I can, thanks to Quince. I think everybody needs Quince cozy.

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I want to ask, why weren't you guys at the Grammys this year? I'm sure you're busy, but I wanted to see the fashion. I literally Googled Jelly Roll Grammys 2025 to try and find you guys. Should we tell them the truth? Are we allowed to tell them the truth? Are we? I don't know. The Grammys was the worst thing.

award show we've ever been to. The way they treated us, not just us, it was everybody. Everyone. Everybody. I mean, they had Taylor Swift outside in the rain. When it was over, they just pushed you guys. Yeah, and then pushed us out into puddles of water. Like, it was just, I don't know, I didn't like the vibe. I didn't like it. And also, you know, we're coming up on what, our third and fourth year doing these? Yeah.

And I'm really picky now about what award shows I want to go to and like what I want to pour my energy into. Like they're fun. And I love that my husband is nominated and we're so appreciative of it. But at the same time, I don't feel like we need to be seen all the time. Yeah. You know, like when we come out, I want it to be special. And the beginning, I feel like we went to everything.

to every award show and it was like boom boom boom boom boom we had every award show now it's like I just want to be selective and you know my husband's busy I'm busy and I'm building a fucking farm I would rather be at home with my animals than walking any red carpet so can we put you in a Grammy dress and put you on the farm yes that would be a great photo shoot you should be full we do her full glam full glam

I'm down. Yeah. And just have like the cows and donkeys. Yeah. If we can get them all together. Just spread hella food on the ground and make them come to you. Yeah. I'm down. I would love to do that because that's where I'm at in my life right now. You guys get to see us go through seasons. All of us. We all get to grow in front of you. And right now I'm just in my, I've told you guys, I'm in my baby mama gardening era. This is great. I have, instead of gardening right now, I'm farming. So yeah.

It's kind of like gardening. Yeah. I mean, I'm going to start gardening too. Delaney's going to teach me, but I'm focused on my animals right now. That's so awesome. Yeah. It's just, award shows are cool. What era are you in right now? Same. Same. Fine.

I finally am making my house a home and I think that's the most important thing to me. Having the farm animals make it so much more. Jason told me yesterday, he goes, I love to see you wake up with a purpose sometimes. He goes, and so watching you because normally I'm kind of like you. When we wake up, it's like

This is my me time. This is like I'm going to sit here and catch up on everything I missed overnight. Emails, that kind of thing. And now I move that part of my day a little bit later. And I immediately get up, put boots on, and we're outside. So he's like, it's been really cool to watch you wake up.

With a purpose. And I think that was super special. I go see my animals before I eat now. And you guys know how I am. As soon as I wake up, I have to eat. Yeah. It's crazy though. Like it's almost like you feel like.

They need you. Yeah. And they do. But like, are they going to miss me if I don't get up and go see them? Every morning I scream out the bathroom window. I'm like, hey, donkey. Hey, no. And he's always like, oh, fuck. Here she comes. She's awake, guys. Yeah, literally. It's like Toy Story. Everyone gets ready. What era are you in? Hey, hey. Making out with boys at bars. In bars. Making out with random boys at bars. It's not random. It was one boy.

Add a Chris in your floor. I love it. Listen, do more. Catch Haley out on the... Catch me outside. Yeah. If you guys want to see Haley, just go to Good Night Nashville. She lives there. Bunny floor. Bunny floor. Bunny floor. No, I'm telling you, it was the only thing popping on Broadway. All of Broadway. I love that. She's like, I went to two other places. It was boring. So I went back to the OG and it was popping. Great. I love it. I would say I'm in my interior design era.

Yeah, for sure. Oh, your passion? I think about home design and how my living room is going to look mid-podcast. I'll just be...

I need to do this. You fucking decorated a bathroom and then tore it down. Yeah. Yeah, Marty. I move on so fast with things, but also the wallpaper was shit. The wallpaper was kind of peely. I hate shitty wallpaper. I learned a lesson with the Vegas house with shitty wallpaper. Yeah, but I have the perfect color, so I'm just going to get a perfect paint and wainscot. My favorite thing. Oh, we love it.

Yeah. So she rents the place and the guy had to come over the other day and she was like, oh my God, I didn't tell him I remodeled the whole place. He walks in and he's like, oh my God, like this is incredible. I got so scared. I was like, fuck. And he was like, no, he was like, normally I walk in and it's like 10 times worse. You made it 10 times like better than original. And I was like, okay, good. I was like, so you don't care that I do all this? He's like, absolutely not. This is yours. Do whatever. I was like,

I'm taking out the safe. She's FaceTiming me the other night and she goes, I'm going to paint my cabinets. I said, Haley, what is eight o'clock at night? She goes, Lowe's is open. I'll call you back. Calls me from Lowe's. What about this color? I was like, Haley, you really going to go home and do that? She's like, yeah. Calls me after she's finished. There's pee pads all over the floor around it. So she doesn't get paint on the floor. And she's like, what do you think? Paints her cabinets. She goes, should I paint those over there too? And I was like, I mean, you're already at it. Go for it. Calls me back. They're painted.

He'll probably want you to leave it like that too because it looks so cool on the inside. I know. I hope so because I don't want to take it down. Take it away. Yeah. Changing every light fixture. Well, our food is here. I'm hungry. Bye. We're going to go eat our cows. Oh. Toodle-oo, motherfucker. Bye. Bye. Bye.