TBT: Viking Barbie
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free shipping on your order. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash bunny to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash bunny. Is this thing on? Bonnie, who used to be a former sex worker, now hosts the podcast Dumb Blonde. Most little girls grow up wanting to be doctors and lawyers and shit. And I was like, I want to be super hot, make a lot of fucking money and be a rock star's wife. That was my goal as a child. And here we are. I'm so excited.

Hello. Hello. No, I'm just kidding.

no i'm really not a talking to a microphone now yes yeah she did a podcast last week and she was looking like ricky bobby yeah try to chase the microphone with her mouth so for those of you who don't know who viking barbie is um because there are some people out there who don't know who your beautiful ass is and who think we're the same person yeah this is who you guys think is always me she did a song with jay she redid creep with jay and she's the hot blonde that's in the video she's

brunette now. So if you're watching this video, just picture her with blonde hair and it'll all make sense. Funny beat me up and told me I had to dye my hair because it was her thing. Yeah. I was like, don't be like the parrot. No, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Inside joke, guys. So tell people who you are.

scholar a gentleman no I am well getting over being sick so excuse my man voice but yeah just I sing I do comedy Shakespearean things you know everything she didn't know what I am anymore I know like you're just such a smorgasbord of everything but I love I've always loved that about you because that's how I am like you can't put us into a box like hey being in a box besides being in

insanely beautiful. You have a great personality. You have, you can fucking wrap your ass off, which most people don't know that, but you can also sing too. Hold on one second. Can you see the fly now? I see the fly. I've been watching it. It's so distracting. Okay. Um, you can wrap your ass off. You can sing your ass off. You fucking are hilarious. You do these skits on Instagram. You're huge on Instagram. How many people

Fucking followers Do you have on Instagram On one account I think it's like 11.3 And the other one's 3 million And then So All together like 13 million Yeah It's a lot of motherfuckers Checking out your titties Yeah

Um, I do that as well. Yes. I show those as well. She's definitely in the adult industry. And if you guys are not subscribed to her fucking OF, you guys need to go shout out your OF real quick. Um, it is actually vikingdoll.private. I know vikingdoll.vip. And the reason it's vikingdoll is because Mattel came for me.

They sent you like a cease and desist. And then they went and we didn't desist. So they ended up going to OnlyFans and making them shut me down, which is kind of shitty because there's actually somebody on there using my name. There's a lot of girls who use Barbie. And I'm like, hey, why is it me? You know, like...

Bloody favoritism. No, but I mean, Nicki Minaj built her whole fucking brand off Barbie. Yeah, but she has a deal with them. Same thing happened to her. I found out. Believe me, that was the first thing, you know, not that I'm on that level to where I should like, well, Nicki Minaj, you know, like she's like, bitch.

Yeah. Um, but yeah, so I don't know. They, they definitely came for me for that. They came for me with something else. Uh, one of my other like merchandise things. So when I do merch, I have to like figure out like how to get around that. Just sign Viking or something like that. Yeah. You can't do the Barbie anymore. It's crazy. I hate that. So I think what is really cool about a lot of the girls that are in the industry, um,

That people don't know, you know, like you have this crazy story of recovery and redemption and just pretty much like being a Phoenix that rises from the ashes. So can we like take it all the way back? Like, let's talk about dad. Let's talk about where you grew up. Let's talk about, this is where she Barbara Walters. The trailer park, Barbara Walters, baby. Let's go. Well, you know, I've,

risen from the ashes multiple times I guess because you know you think you're like done but it always kind of like comes back around and you're just like it never ends you know we obviously know that um I was born in Texas uh San Antonio Texas which actually just got a house over there too um my mom was a stripper and uh my dad was like he was a bodybuilder but he was like a

I want to say career criminal as well. You know, he, I kind of, I guess I've described the story before, but, um, he did, you know, a lot of wild things. My mom helped. And then, um, accomplices. Yeah. Partners in crime. And I think she, well, she had me around 19. So, you know, it was like a pretty young, you know, wild family. And I got older, um,

We moved around a lot. They kind of split up because he was dealing with some stuff with like the mob and she didn't want me to be involved with that. Basically what had happened was the...

CIA or whoever was dealing with the case came and and she heard him say like oh they better not come looking for me because they might find me and Like it was when he was like supposed to get on the stand for some stuff and my mom was like, yeah We're gonna go This is my exit. Yeah, so we left for a while and then I went to go stay at some families house and then my dad came and got me we moved to California and

And my mom was gone for a while and then she came back and my dad started doing movies So he ended up being in like Batman and Robin bulletproof. Okay, but don't blow over that. What was your dad in Batman? He was Bane. Yep She's always like yeah, but he did Batman and I'm like, no, no, let's talk about it. Yeah, he was Bane and Batman and Robin the With all the veins. Yeah, so that was pretty cool experience and

And yeah. Where was I? So we're talking about dad. Dad started doing movies. You guys moved to Cali. Yeah. And then, um, and then he passed away around the time I was around 12. I want, actually I want to say like 11. And then, uh, my mom and I ended up moving to the Valley and she remarried and then she remarried, like stuff happened with that. She remarried again. So there was like two relationships. And then I ended up at around 17, like running away from home. And yeah,

When did the drug addiction start? Hold on. My mouth's just... A little parched. She gets like me whenever she starts talking about her childhood. She gets really uncomfortable. Do you see that? Well, she's not the one who's talking about her childhood. No, I have to do it too. And I literally do the same thing you do. I start getting like all uncomfortable. And like...

Yeah, because I'm like a sensitive hoe now, you know, with all this stuff. Yeah, we're going to talk about all that because we're both on healing journeys and Lord help us. Yeah, it's like how am I supposed to like mask up? You know what I mean? And like you just berate him. Yeah. Barricade through this. Yeah. So yeah, I where was I? Dad passed away at 11. Yeah. So my mom ended up remarrying a few times. I ran away.

from home, which I think that happened with you too. Um, I was like 17. Now our lives are so parallel. It's crazy. Like, it's just like, yeah, like definitely like in symbiosis and like a lot of ways, even, even the relationship we have, which is kind of weird to me, the same age difference, the same kid, the same, like it's just like a very interesting thing. Um,

So yeah I basically ran away I was with some boy you know because that's all that I wanted to do was live in a romance novel. Me too. Yeah so. Boys were always my fucking weakness. Yeah I mean I wish I would have banged around a little bit. Just saying I was thinking about that I'm like man I could have banged some beautiful ones and then I was just like in one for eight years you know.

And no offense to him, but you know, he was cute at 18 or 19, but you know, they get old long in the tooth. Long in the tooth. I hate it. Some of the dudes I like back out. I'm like, how are you so bald now? Like, it's just so crazy. What happened? Yeah. No, no,

She said what happened? But yeah, we were basically like using partners. But like just like it was fun at first. You guys were using what? Using partners because like we were we kind of met and like this I was in a relationship that was normal. We met. He took me away from that relationship. We ran away. We're doing a bunch of coke. We were staying in like seedy motels. I was stripping with a fake ID which I was kind of doing that. But when I was like

I want to say the first time I stripped was like at 15. Um, so like it was kind of that kind of relationship and it was all a blast. Like it was really fun in the beginning. You know, don't you ever think back like to childhood or not even childhood, but those years and you're just like, man, if I could just be that fucking carefree again, um,

Yeah. Like I didn't have any anxiety back then. It was like just living my life. Like how, how was it to wake up normal with no, barely any trauma except for when my parents put me through the stuff mama used to make. Right.

Yeah, we just kept going. You just keep making more trauma. Yeah, you just traumatize the fuck out of yourself as you grow up. Yeah. Yeah, so it was fun. And then it was fun until it wasn't fun. And usually that... I mean, it was really when the opiates came in that it wasn't fun anymore because... How old was that? I was...

I want to say I started doing them around 19. Um, and it was still kind of fun. Yeah. And then because I was doing like painkillers, you know, and like Lord nerves. Yeah. But I started like, then I started kind of like slanging from my house instead of going to the strip club and dancing. And I had someone doing like being a runner for me, um,

And she would come and like drop it off and pick it up and like literally have pictures of me naked in my bed just sitting there like a godfather with my coke bags like just waiting. Like I just got super lazy, you know? Like all I did was sit in bed, drink, take pills, do coke, eat. It was fucking fun. But...

I used to eat so much when I was an addict and not even think twice about it. Domino's was my go-to thin crust pizza with their fucking chicken nuggets. Oh my God. Yeah. I mean you, that's the thing. I just became like this like shut in. You know what I mean? Because I didn't really want to leave. I just wanted to be high. It was pretty awesome. Yeah. Um, and, and, but then it's like over time you just kind of start everything erodes, you know, like the relationships erode that, you know, and then, um,

this relationship that was so great. He starts stealing Coke from you secretively. And like, I, and then you're like, wait a minute. Like I thought I could trust this person. And there's all kinds of other weird shit that happened that I won't put him on blast for. Um, please do. Unfortunately, I've only been with like three dudes in my whole life. So everyone be like, Oh, that's that one. You know, he's like remarried. Um, his new wife's watching this. Right. She's like, honey, I never knew. Yeah. Oh, she knows. I bet. Um,

Um, but, um, yeah, so it's just, um, it, it got like really like crazy, you know, and like, there's just the strip club lifestyle and stuff like that. Um,

I started dancing at parties that was like, that made it even easier for me not to have to like work too hard. You know what I mean? So it's like, I go a couple hours a week and I make a couple thousand dollars. And like, I was not a hustler. Like I'm a hustler now when I got sober, but like, I know you were a hustler, bitch. I was not a hustler. I was with drugs. Like I would do what I had to do to get high and I would sell them. Maintain your lifestyle. Yeah. When it came to like, like stripping, um, they would just be like, I feel

I'd be like, Hey, you want to dance? Oh no. All right. I would make a hundred dollars bitch at the club. Like it was bad. And I was only like 19. Like there was a problem. But once I started dancing, it was like, they were at my, um, you know, at my will, you know, it's like, I'm the only stripper you got. You better pay me. Right. It worked out really well because I didn't have to hustle. Um, but yeah, so that, that all transpired. And then, um,

Then I met a girl. We ended up, you know, hitting it off. I was like dating a girl while I was with this guy and she was a heroin addict and I ended up being sick one time and I just had to like, um, not be sick. And she was like, Oh, I don't want to give you, how many pills were you taking a day? The first round I was taking 40 pills a day, but God, um, Norcos and then doing like probably about a gram of Coke a day. Um, but, um,

I got clean and then I went and relapsed again. Wow. And then I was doing less. 40 pills a day. I couldn't, I would just get sick. So most I could do was like two or three a day. And that was my addiction. But 40 pills, no wonder you couldn't shit. Yeah. I couldn't shit off two or three pills. Shitting was but a dream.

It was the thing that, you know, the wealthy only got to afford. So, yeah. So you got sick one day. I got sick and I was like, hey, can I use like your shit? You know, it's the same shit. You know what I mean? She's like, no, it's not. You're not going to take this kind of thing. And I was like, yeah, like just hook it up. Like I got to go to work. Give me a hit, like one hit and I'll fucking go. And she ended up like I end up talking her into it.

And you, I don't believe that talking her into that. Yeah. And she still feels bad about it. But, um, you know, that's a whole nother thing. We ended up breaking up over like a lot of, you know, my mom going through my trash. There's a lot, there's a lot to unpack. Right. Um, but yeah, so, um,

you know, so I took it and I went and that's when I was like, okay, well now I can't get high on the pills. What was it like hitting heroin for your first time? I honestly didn't like it. Um, it was too heavy. It was dirty feeling. It didn't have that like crisp, like, you know, if you like painkillers, like that crisp, like when it first hits your eyes change color cause it feels so good. And you can just clean the house. Like that's how I feel. I get energy from it. Um,

Heroin's not like that. You're just like, you know, chin to chest. You're out and you're just basically heavy numbing. Yeah. And I didn't want to do it. I was like, this stuff sucks. I remember saying that. And then like when I went to, you know, go take pills, it was not working. And I was like, okay, this sucks. Oh no. So just from doing it one time fucked up your whole. Yeah. Like fucked up my system. And then like trying to take it away even after one time, I swear it was like,

the either the worst come down or you're already feeling symptoms. I can't figure it out. Like it was horrible. That's terrible. Um, so yeah, I started doing that shit and I was like, and it eventually start liking it, you know, but it's like, you're almost liking it for what you think it is. It's kind of like an abusive relationship, you know, like rather than what it really is. Like when you're sick, you're like, Oh, I can't wait. And then the second you get it, you're like, that wasn't even that great. Like what a fucking lackluster. Yeah. So, um,

She's like, drink break. It's also recovering. It's interesting. And I think it's what makes you, you know, especially to see how far you've come now is what I really want people to see.

She's like, fine. All right. So you started using heroin. Yeah. And take me from there. And that was when I was like really like hiding everything, you know, because it was like before when I was on the pills the first time before I ever realized.

relapsed again and like got off I would always tell people like oh I'm a junkie like I'm I don't give a fuck like don't ever come for me like I am never going to rehab like I was like proud of it but once you quit there's something that happens where like and why quit I mean like I thought I was sober I was doing cocaine every day like that was what I thought like my friends California sober yeah my friends still joke with me like you were never sober at that time like you were literally doing coke every day I'm like hey that's like a cigarette

You know what I mean? Yeah. But like for me, like I got sober off the pills. They had caused so much problems and so much pain.

And so I was kind of embarrassed like to tell anyone that I relapsed. I didn't want to tell anyone. So like then it just got worse. And when you start hiding shit is when it really gets bad. You know, why were you hiding it? Why did you feel it? Did you had you gone to rehab or do you had, how did you get sober? You just went to Coke. Um, well I, I had a miscarriage. Okay. Yeah. Um, but I didn't ever want kids. I just like wanted to like,

have that one because like the hormones started kicking in right that shit will trick you by the way you're like you can stay pregnant for more than like six weeks like you're just like all I want to do is be a mother it's my mission in life so like I had this whole thing in my head um so I was getting clean for that but it didn't like you know

you know, pan out. Um, thank God though. Cause I was, can we normalize people not wanting children, you know, just to interject. I feel, I hate like people ask Jay, me and Jay all the time. They're like, are you guys ever going to have kids? And I'm like, no, I don't fucking want kids. Like I don't want to inflict the trauma that my fucking family did on me. Like I don't want to be responsible for that. I think you would do that, but I definitely don't want not now, but if I had a shit one out when I was 18, imagine that kid would be fucked up right now. That's kind of where I was at. But,

To be fair, I did detox solely for the fact that I was. So some points there. Yeah. A lot of women can do a lot of people. Drug addicts don't do that. But yeah. So, you know, that's why I got sober. And then I was like, oh, I can't tell anyone I relapsed. Like, that's embarrassing. Like after all that, you know.

So I was going through the whole, you know, liar addict shit. The house was filthy. It was pretty gross. I mean, I'm already, I'm not going to lie. Like I'm a bit of a slob naturally because my father was like, I grew up like with a slob, you know what I mean? Like, and that's not even any shade. It's like the man would like piss and Gatorade bottles and like throw them in the backseat of the car. Oh, so you were married to Jay. Yeah. All right. So your dad was Jay. Sorry. No, totally reminds me of him a lot. But I,

This dude will piss in a bathtub and the toilet's literally right next to him. And I'm like, can you not? And remember he pissed all over my hair extensions? What's wrong with you? Like go

Catherine, you hobo. Yeah, that was definitely... And that's kind of how I am. Naturally, I'm kind of sloppy. You know what I mean? I'll just have my whole nightstand just... And I'll put the last piece of trash to let it... You know what I mean? Make sure it doesn't fall. So I got better about that, but I'm still kind of like that. But this was a whole other level. Because if you're already not a clean person and then you become a junkie, I mean, it's like...

One thing I absolutely cannot stand about bras and panties is when they dig into your sides. On the top, girls, you know what I'm talking about when you get that little muffin flap in the back and then on the bottom when it digs into your hip. Absolutely drives me insane. Can't stand it. But with skims, that never happens. And that is why I'm obsessed with skims. Because they're t-shirt bras, I don't get any lumps or bumps, and they're panties, oh my gosh.

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right now as we speak. I also am wearing a t-shirt bra right now and it is the most comfortable bra that I own. It's my go-to. I literally hang it on my doorknob in my closet so that I just grab it and slap it on before I go anywhere. And don't get me started on the unlined demi bra. That one is perfect. It doesn't have wire underneath it, but yet you still get like

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It's pretty bad. I couldn't imagine. I mean, there were moments where, you know, like I smoked what I thought was heroin off the floor, but it was like dog turds. I did that with cocaine. Yeah. I would like rummage for cocaine rocks in my floor. I feel like everyone does that. At least cocaine doesn't look like dog turds. I tried to smoke a cocaine rock thinking it was crack one night.

Like, this is how deep the fucking addiction goes. Like, you do weird shit when you're an addict, dude. Especially when you're smoking the dog turd and you know it's not. You know it's not heroin. The little almond roca. I'm like, I know this isn't heroin because it doesn't taste like it. I know it's burning weird, but I'm so desperate to believe it is. It might have a hint of heroin. Yeah. Some heroin might have gotten on this dog. Ah.

So, yeah, I mean, I've done all kinds of weird shit. But yeah, so it was just like, and you look at me, people are like, you are not a heroin addict. Like there's something like, I'm like, I think people don't realize like how we all look, you know, different. Yeah, just because you fucking have your glow up is phenomenal. Doesn't mean that you haven't been through some shit. And that's why I wanted you to come back on the podcast because a lot of, a lot of you guys don't know this, but,

And Barb's was the way I met her five years ago was she was like one of the first people on my podcast. She had like no hesitation was like, yeah, I'll do it. And fucking so for that, I just always have loved you. And even for more reasons than that, that was like the beginning of our love affair. And I also have a love affair where we exchange what's wrong with us every day, all day long. Aaron's always like, it's kind of interesting. Like you wake up every morning. The first thing you say to me isn't good morning. It's like,

oh, this is wrong or that's wrong. Last night I slept weird. My arm feels funny. I have a tickle here. And he's like, I've never in the whole time we've known each other and you've not had something wrong. He's like, and now you have Bunny and she can tell you all the things wrong with her. We just beat off of each other. But it's funny because we have a balance because I calm you down and then you calm me down. I know because you sound crazy. Yeah. But it's like, but then I sound crazy.

Bitch. So like sometimes I'll be like, man, is this what it's like? Is that because this isn't possible? She can't possibly have all the, you know? Yeah. No, I'm like, it's totally, it's totally both of us. We are just, we put the fun in dysfunction. Yeah. But yeah, so I, that's why I wanted you to come back on the podcast was because I want, now that I have,

All these fucking listeners And I just want people To get to know you again Because I don't feel like Anybody's gonna go back To episode three And listen Unless you guys want to Well there was one we did I think like a few years ago In Nashville Yeah with you and Kata But that was pretty far away

yeah it was not really like intimate yeah it was well that and it had you and kata and it didn't really have like i don't think you guys really got to like like get into detail it was more of like just hey how you doing we're dropping in to drop some music and kind of like touched base so i kind of wanted to just deep dive with you so that people could you know get reacquainted okay so you're smoking dog turds off the carpet um

Sorry, do it on the mic. People like it. Right. Jelly makes me burp, made me burp in the mic when I was, um, when I was recording, he's like, you have to do that. You always do that before you start spinning. Um, so yeah, um, it was pretty gnarly. Uh, I mean, there was,

there was maggots in my laundry. Like that's how, and most people, my dude's going to be like, why do you always tell everybody all this? Well, why were there maggots though? What was happening? Because, well, I had a laundry pile that was all the way in the kitchen, shoved against the wall, all the way up to the ceiling. Like, cause we just kept buying clothes. Cause I mean, I was stripping, you know, I didn't, I didn't want to wash them. And then I still don't want to wash them. The sink was right there. And so all the dishes were piled up and the maggots got from the dishes to the laundry. Wow. So it was,

So you were living in a trap house. Top tier. Yeah. And this is like the fourth one. Okay. So we would get a place, run it into the ground, stop paying rent. We would get evicted. We would find some way to stay there long enough and then like find another place. Cause I'd make just enough money. I always made enough money, like just to get a nice, another nice place. And I would always like, you know,

you know, smooth, get my way in there. I would dress nice that day and I'd put some Tanner on my white face, you know what I mean? Right. And, uh, I'm trying to get adjusted in this fucking new studio over here. So like, we'd always find a new place to just destroy. And every time we thought we were going to keep that one nice, but it never happened. Um, and, um,

It's funny. I remember the last place that I, when I'd gotten arrested that we were living in, like the, the guy's like, well, you just sit here in the kitchen. Let me know what you think. It was like a nice, like he had just done the house up, walked outside and I was like, thanks. We're going to talk about it. Lighting up heroin, smoking in the kitchen. This guy's outside thinking we're like these like great tenants. You know what I mean? And I was like, God, we were just the worst. It's crazy when you think about the shit that you do whenever you're under the influence. Yeah. I mean, we got engaged, uh,

And we had a whole wedding planned that no one could get a hold of me for to get flowers or anything. My mom had to basically like, you know, get me in a corner to try and get me to plan this thing.

And I ended up having my wedding day while I was in rehab. So the day I was like, well, it's the day princess. So how did you get to rehab? When, what was that pivotal moment? I went with my best friend to a show. She worked with me and like we danced for these cops, believe it or not. I even remember that show. Like it was really fun. We were laughing. We were having a good time, like making jokes with these guys. They were cool. And then we left and we were counting money on the side of the street and

And other cops pulled up. This was over in Fountain Valley in Orange County. And they were like, get out of the car. And we're like, oh, we're not doing anything. We're just counting money. We're dancers. And he goes, well, we're the strippers. There's narcotics. And I was like, how offensive. How dare you? Yeah. So my poor friend and her friend who drove us, who was a preschool teacher that we were paying. Nice. And neither of them had drugs on them. They weren't there for that. Yeah.

Meanwhile, I had like heroin and coke on me and like I just bought like like a really nice like brand new like 40 sack of black tar. You know what I mean? Like it was all shiny and new, you know, I didn't even get to dip into it, you know, and like the cops started looking and usually I had it my bra. He didn't even look him like our bras. But for some reason, you know, it's like that universe thing like it happened to be and I was like, it's fine. He's not going to look in this spot. And it was like I would have never done that.

And he found it, of course. Oh, no. Yeah. So that was a whole...

It was the worst. What did you get charged? What were the charges? Possession of large usable amounts of narcotics, heroin and cocaine or whatever the judge said when I was partially deaf when he said it. I had like all the fluid coming out of my lungs into my ears in court. I couldn't hear anything. So yeah, went to jail that night. My friend took my money to my boyfriend at the time. She's like, dude, she's like, it was the weirdest thing.

She's like, I went to go drop your money off and I hadn't seen you guys in a while. And so he was being so weird. Like and like the whole thing came out like she didn't know I was doing heroin. And she's like, I always just thought you had really dirty fingers and I couldn't figure out why. Oh, no. You know, like it's like there's just so many things. And then she was fucking pissed because, you know, I'd been lying to her. And then like he was acting crazy. She said it was like because he needed the drugs and I had them on me or whatever.

but yeah oh he was jonesing yeah damn and then my mom came and got him and she took him off she's like you're going to rehab like kind of thing and he was like he's a cancer he was like okay you know like he didn't even like really fight it um she strip searched him my mom and he's a full-grown man and he was like okay and she's like let me see the shoes and he was like fuck

There's like shit in his shoes. Um, so like when I was getting out of jail, she was like, well, I took your boyfriend off to rehab. So we're, we got to find you a place. And I had no intention of getting sober. I was like, I am not fucking getting sober. Like, I just want to like get high again, even though I've been kicking for days in jail. And it was like, they arrested me before the weekend. It was a three day weekend. I didn't even like, it was literally like five days. Um,

And it was, what was that like? Horrible. It was the worst experience. Like the worst detox. Like the moment I got in there, there were girls in there that had actually, you know, they're drug addicts too or whatever. They've been through it. Like, Oh, what are you kicking? And I'm like heroin. And she's like, Oh, okay. And she's like smoking or shooting. And I was like smoking. And she's like, Oh, you're fucked. And I was like, what do you mean? She's like, it's way worse detox. So it gets in your bones. It gets in your lungs. It gets everywhere. She's like, you're going to shooting. Yeah.

shooting's way cleaner wow yeah i would never known that yeah so i didn't either so i was sitting there like oh cool like yeah thank you bitch thank you for the anxiety um and it was just like days of just being like puking and shitting you don't know what to put in the toilet you're like completely just like hallucinating my skin was coming off oh it was weird like

Talking after you're getting over a sickness too is like, hold on, I gotta pull my shorts out of my vagina. These shorts have been doing this to me all day. It's been very uncomfortable. How is those shorts? I'd want to be in your vagina too. Come on down. So yeah, I detox for a few days and it was horrific. Went

Went to court, threw up the whole way to court on the bus. Everyone was lifting their feet because the whole bottom of the bus was full of my puke. Oh, no. Which, you know, their guys were on the bus, too. And they're all hitting on me. Still are like, so where are you going? I'm like, dude, are you fucking serious right now? Guys don't care. They're like, fucking just give it to me. Especially those types. They were like giving me little, you know, they had like little pencils they had like smuggled. They're giving me like their number to write them. And I was like, one was cute. But the point is. Yeah.

Right up your alley. Potential there. Um, no. So basically I got to court. My, like I said, I was deaf. Like I could not hear, like it was so weird. All the shit like went into my ears and I was throwing up on the courtroom floor. I was, you know, locked with another girl, um,

And he was like, man, like everybody, even my public defender, like she came to my cell. This woman that's like a public defender was like, I want your mother's number. And I was like, what do you mean? Like, she's like, I'm going to call your mother. Like your teeth are going to fall out. Like it was the weirdest thing. All these people actually gave a shit that you usually don't. You know what I mean? Like, well, they could see that. I think they could see. Well, first it was my first like real offense. Right. Yeah.

And like, I, you know, I was attractive. You could tell, and you could just tell I was on that road. You know what I mean? And they were just like, fuck, this girl's going to fucking ruin her life. Yeah. And, um, she ended up calling my mom and telling her everything. And I was like, this is fucking,

What is this? You're like, I'm a grown ass bitch. What's happening? What is happening? Um, and so my mom was waiting when I got out of jail and then she basically convinced me to go to, um, to Orange County, which is where I'd have to go to court all the time. She's like, you can't leave Orange County. You'll never go to court. You're going to get, you're going to reoffend, you know? Right. Um, and so I'm like, that's awesome that your mom had your back. Yeah, she really did. Um, and I was just like, oh,

you know, like, and of course my mom didn't know what, what drug addiction was like that. Like her alcoholism is drug addiction. So we were all at the thing and she gave me like some wine to sleep, which I mean, I probably needed to be honest. She's putting me in rehab. She's like, you're on a rehab the next day. She's loving you the way that she knew. Yeah. She was trying to figure out how to like knock me out. Cause I was still kicking. We're like, I remember sleeping in bed next to her and I was hallucinating so bad that I thought we were on a pirate ship and the sheets were like the masts. And I was like, you're not able to sleep. You know what I mean? Because you go from being on heroin to,

to being highly alert, like your brain doesn't sleep anymore. So it was just a weird, it's like it puts a cloak over you. Yeah. So she was trying to give me, she had like little pills too. She's like, you take this, like giving me shit. I think she was trying to keep me from taking off. Right. So we ended up, um, some lady and the lobby told her of a place called the rock center.

And it was like in Garden Grove, it was like this like low bottom indigent rehab, you know, it was a really dope place. I had a blast. It was basically like, you know, being in a co-ed program

uh, like a college full of dirt bags, you know what I mean? Which is perfect for me. Like we had a really good time. That's what I tell everybody. Whenever my parents admitted me into the mental hospital, I was like, I found my people. I had the best time there. It was so fun. Yeah. Everyone was like, I was the craziest person, which kind of was a letdown. I'm not going to lie. At first I was like, now I'm like super sane. But like at that time coming out, like I was on another level. Like everyone was like, Whoa, like they're making, they're like, dude, you're not going to make it. You're, you're about,

You're like a foot out the door. There's no way you're not going to get discharged. You know what I mean? And they were just... Because I was like, you know, in there just...

I was weird for one, you know, I said weird shit like really weird shit. I would talk about death a lot I did a lot of like burning myself and like, you know telling people about it Which is not you know, right but I was trying to like kind of fill that void Right, I mean and the boys there weren't that cute, but they all looked cute to me at the time And I didn't bang any of them but

I wanted to make out with all of them. Right. I was like making out with everybody. Um, it was like trying to keep, I just want to feel something. Yeah. Give me something. Yeah. Um, and then, you know, at that point I ended up, I ended up making it. Part of the reason was because they said I wasn't going to make it. And I don't like anybody telling me what I'm not going to do. So I did make it. Is that a challenge? Challenge accepted. Yeah. Yeah.

Um, I ended up at the sober living upstairs. I managed the sober living, which is basically you just log people in and out. It's not really a managing it, but I was like in charge. So I was actually trusted, which was new. Got a little car, um,

Where's your boyfriend at this time? Still in rehab? Oh yeah, that guy. She's like, I was making out with the dudes. Because I was, but yeah, I was so on another level and it was funny because we dropped him off at rehab before we went to take me and me and him were making out in the lobby. I had vomit in my hair from, and he was like, I love you. And I was like, yeah, you know, like this whole thing. And then like I got to rehab and I was devastated. All I talked about, I love you and he's the love of my life and all that shit. And the second like,

We hung out and I was sober and like, I was just like, he would do weird shit. He gave you the ick. Yeah. And it was just, it was messing with me because poor thing. He really did love me. You know what I mean? And he was like, he, everything was fine. He didn't change. You know what I mean? Like, but I was just like, I didn't feel it at all anymore. Well, the veil was lifted. Yeah. It was like, I never had fallen in love with him.

I knew I wasn't. Even when we first started dating, I knew he was just pretty and he was and he was fun. Right. I mean, and he was wild like me. But I was like, with the drugs, you think you're in love. You know what I mean? So I was like, back to that. I'm like, I don't want to have sex with you.

And I didn't know. I don't want to go back to smoking cat turds. Yeah. So and I probably that had something to do with it, you know, like subconsciously, you know, you're like, oh, I don't want to go back to that life. Right. Well, it just reminds you of all the shit you just went through. Yeah. So I ended up meeting someone else there and then we ended up together and that was like started out really great.

Um, we were both sober. We both sponsored people. We both did like the whole thing. Um, and then, you know, he started going out, you know what I mean? And that's when things got shitty. You know what I mean? Because like I wanted to stay sober. Um, I even relapsed on alcohol with him at one point. And then I was like, I don't want to do this anymore. Like, first of all, I'm the designated driver. Um, I, you know, this isn't what I want to do. Like I, we would go out and like,

You know, I would drive and he would get to drink. And so I was like, this isn't fun for me. Right. You know what I mean? So I was like, and then he started getting worse. He started doing other things and he brought Coke home and I was like, okay, I'm done. Like it was just a fucking spiral. So I literally was like, I'm just going to like, we're going to stop. You know what I mean? All together. Um, and actually I think he pushed it even further. He disappeared one night and he never did anything like that. And so all night long, I didn't know where he was, but he's, you know,

he was definitely like a puppy dog type so he would like hit me up every once in a while like to tell like most guys just disappear i was like i could get a hold of him enough to know he was alive and i was able to get out of him where he was right so then i came and grabbed him what was he doing he was with um he well he was working the weho crowd and some guy they have doing a bunch of meth and like the dude was paying him to hang out i don't know

You know what I mean? He was getting the old trombone. No, I don't think he was doing that. But like, you know what I mean? Like I, I know shit gets weird. On meth especially. Yeah. With dudes. They say you're only one, you know, one unit away from an experience. But yeah. So I was like, but either way, the thing I was concerned with was like, why is he out all night? What's going on? So of course, you know, and I went to full borderline episode of,

which I hadn't had in forever. You know, like I'm like, I waited up with the extension cord. I'm like beating him with the extension cord. Like I was going, losing my mind. And then I triggered your abandonment issues so bad. And then, um, I went and then I started doing like the self harm thing in myself in the bathroom. I was like, what is happening? Like, yeah, that's when I was like, no more alcohol, nothing. I'm even going to stop doing it. We went back to meetings, uh,

And then it came back around again. It just, it, it kept being like me trying to save this person who is just constantly going out. And I was like, I had to basically make a choice. You know what I mean? Like either I stay sober or this guy's going to take me out, you know? Right. Which was the best decision ever because then I was able to like actually work on me kind of because I met someone else instantly, but that's a Libra thing. There's a patent. No, it's a trauma thing. Yeah.

So the guy I'm with now, I met right out of that relationship and we're actually like business partners and stuff. So it's like, it works really well. Warbucks. Yeah. Shout out daddy Warbucks. Daddy Warbucks. And you know, it just kind of works out because we're both, first of all, he doesn't,

he's basically me with a penis. How did you meet Aaron? Are we allowed to use government names? Yeah. He, um, he hit me up, um, on Instagram and I had like 5,000 followers and he was like, yeah, let's talk about how you got into your, your Insta thought dumb. Yes. So, um, he was like, Hey, um, why do you only have 5,000 followers? That's such an Aaron line. And I was like, and I was thought he was going to hit on me and he wasn't. And he was like,

I have this thing I want to start that's like a Snapchat premium where you have like multiple girls and like they pay for your Snapchat and you could get like $10,000 a month. And at that time I was like $10,000 extra a month. Like, man, I was like jerking dudes off for that. You know what I mean? But you know, only jerking off though. Nobody here judges. Only the hand is a slut. I like to touch Aaron with it.

Like it's your wooden paw. Yeah. Like it's made of stone. I'm always like, I'm such a clean girl with this hand. That's all right. I was not. Yeah. Um, so, um,

Yeah. He was like, well, would you do a Snapchat takeover for me at a big Snapchat that was like 80 K Snapchat, which was huge at that time, you know? Yeah. And I was like, I don't know what that is, but I'm willing to do it. And he's like, you just go on there and answer questions and do whatever. And he's like, you should have like millions of followers. They're like really hot, you know, like you could make money.

And I was like, you know, he's like, he's the first dude that actually like saw your value monetarily. Yeah. Um, and yeah, cause nobody else saw that. I was like over at the strip club shackled for some pussy. Like I was like, so I had my little blind man glasses on.

Yeah. So he was like, you know, let's, he's like, let's work on this. And he's like, grow your Instagram. And I was like, he didn't even know what to do with that. You're like, okay, how do I do that? He goes, we'll take some good pictures. And I was like, okay,

Okay. And he's like, not the ones you're taking. Those look terrible. He's like, you got to go to like a really good photographer. Like he was trying to guess. And so I started lining up photographers, started like just posting pictures. And then he made a separate account. That's where Viking Barbie account was born. Like I had the Kaylee account. Then he made the Viking Barbie account. And he's like, what do you want your name to be? And I was like, well, I usually say Viking Kaylee or Viking Barbie. Like I've had that a bunch of times. Yeah. And it used to be Norco Barbies.

So I think we can just do Viking Barbie now. Yeah. And so he was building that one. I was building and we were like both. And then I just started doing both. And it started like it grew. You know, I did expeditiously. Yeah, I grew. It started with Karma RX. That's my wife. We love Karma. Shout out, Karma. We met. I met Karma through.

Yes. And she was the first collab I did. Girl, girl. He's like, oh, this chick's making like 60 grand a month, you know, or 40 grand a month on snap. He's like, this is the person you should talk to. She's dating like a friend of mine or something. And I was like, okay, I'm down. You know what I mean? So like I met her, we talked on the phone for four hours the first night we talked and like, we were like basically in love.

And so I was like when we met like we were just inseparable ever since I mean it's been like six years You know, I mean and we're just constantly like, you know, which karma and I have the same birthday. So it makes sense Yeah, she literally is a day before me. I have a thing with I'm a Libra so No, but you're a Scorpio Libra. That's why you're a cusp every single astrologer is like you're basically a Scorpio Yeah, I can see it. Yeah so

That happened. Then my account started growing. We started bringing other girls on. I start, he goes, Hey, I don't want to be the weirdo who's like training these girls. Would you be down to manage them? I don't want to be the creep. Yeah. He's like, I feel weird doing it. They're going to think it's like a weird thing. He's like, he saw me managing the stripping agency for the guy that, that I was working for. Yeah. He just like went like little Donald duck eyes.

And he was like, Hey, could you do that for me? Dollar signs. Yeah. So I started doing that, um, training the girls, teaching them what I do, showing them how to grow a brand, all that stuff. And I just knew like instinctively with this job, apparently it was really good at selling and like, like being, getting creative ideas. Like I'm very creative. I'm just not good at ripping people off.

I wish I was because I would be so much, I would be richer, but I'm just not good at it. Like I'm very, what you see is what you get. Yeah. And like, this is what I got to sell. You know what I mean? Like you're not going to see me trying to trick you. Yeah.

you know dollar for a lip yeah except for when i say it's the gardener yeah it's really not the gardener guys jay and i did we used to do what you guys do we kind of ripped it off of you guys whenever i had the of when i first started oh i watched it and it is so funny it is so funny because people are like that's not the bell boy you're like yes it is

He's 400 pounds. Okay, guys. It's a fucking, it's a fantasy play. Like, come on, you know, Johnny sins isn't a plumber. Right. I mean, like, but you know, it's kind of one of those, uh, yeah. Anyways, he, um, he was down to do that stuff too. You know, like do shows with me and stuff, which was pretty cool. I mean, why wouldn't he be? Some guys are not like, I'm, you know, I couldn't do that. It's like weird or like, you know, um, but he's kind of a freak, you know, right. And we'll never tell anybody. He's like,

He's got Scorpio Venus. That's all I'll say. Yeah. So he's like down to do that stuff. It works out. But yeah, we grew the brand together and it just kind of took off from there. We had Violet Summer. She got huge. We at the time we had worked with like Alison Parker. She was huge at the time we worked with her. And then, yeah, it. You guys have Dakota, Emily. Yeah. Well, Snap started dying. And I remember just thinking like, oh, OK, this is done. Yeah.

You know what I mean? But I'm, I'm not, I don't trip though. Like I'm just kind of like, all right, onto the next whole thing. What else do I do? You know? And like, I wasn't, we're good at selling ourselves. Yeah. I mean, and the reality is like, I was making so much money though. That's the one thing that was a little scary because I was like, Whoa, how am I ever going to make this much money? This is like ridiculous money. You know, he's not tripping because he's a businessman. So he's got like five things he's doing, you know what I mean? Like he's not even worried about it. Um,

But definitely I was a little bit like, okay, what do I do next? You know? And then only fans and like all this stuff. And so we did our own platform before we ever went on only fans. Right. And we were like going to die on that Hill. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, we're not doing only fans. It's all about nudies. So we still have nudies. We still, I still proposed everything, you know, you get all the videos for like a monthly and all that stuff.

But then I was like, hey, can we get the girls like a free OnlyFans at least? Yeah. You know what I mean? Like they're missing out on some money and then he agreed to it. And then we all had like, so now it's just a whole thing.

thing just a snowball of money yeah and then and then i started rapping which you know i know surprised people but you know you've actually you have a song with tech nine like let's not diminish it you and i did a cover with jelly roll hello i mean we don't talk about jelly roll here i'm just kidding um yeah no it's kidding daddy i love you

Um, yeah, but basically like, um, and crooked, crooked eye. He's pretty dope. He's like more of an underground type dude. Yeah. I think he did something with buzz believe to dirt bag. Yes. And, um, I, you know, I, I really want to get back into that too. I've been, I've been working on some stuff. Um, but you know, I, I kind of took a hiatus to heal. Um, yeah, let's talk about that. So, um,

I think what is so beautiful about this story too is, you know, not only have you fucking completely changed your life around now after getting sober, becoming a business woman, fucking, you know, buying a house, doing all the things that fucking upstanding citizens do. You are now on a fucking healing journey. And I know everybody, I think it's like the cool thing now for everybody to say, I'm on my healing journey. But it's like when you're on a healing journey, like,

That shit's not fucking easy. No, it's brutal. It's terrible. Like I literally did my first fucking heart chakra cleanse this week. And this shit really works, dude. Like it's fucking crazy. Let's talk about your journey. So I started about a year ago. What had happened was I kept going to therapists and they kept diagnosing me. Like I would talk my way into a new diagnosis every time I walked in. And I was like,

Which you've been diagnosed with what? Go ahead and tell people. Um, I was diagnosed as, uh, having borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder. Um, which I was, which was news to me because I was like, um,

what? I'm not the good guy though. You know what I mean? Like, and I really like spoken like a true narcissist. Right. So like I never, I never willingly went out. Like I guess during my bad years when I was on drugs, I did mean things to people, but I've always been like trying to help everybody. But I guess, you know, like I, I didn't know there was like other things like the way I am in relationships and the way I deal with like a partner and things like that. So yeah,

I was shocked, but I was willing to accept it. You know what I mean? I was like, all right, this is what I am. And then I started...

kind of accepting this story that that was being told to me it was like oh you're you know you're borderline you're a narcissist these are what they this is what you do when you're this way this is what you can't be cured this is who you are i hate that too and that's why i've never gone to get diagnosed because i'd probably have the same diagnosis as you but i just never wanted to believe that that defined me i mean and neither does any other narcissist but the point is

I'm the good guy. Like this is the thing. If your mind, and I've told you this before, I've said this to you before. If you're, if they have to use a placebo study every time they test a new drug and the people that have the placebo effect, it's, it's actually not that different. They're like, well, there was slight, slightly elevated than the non placebo group. Right. Your mind is powerful. Tells you how powerful, I mean, they've done studies where,

Where they've had someone work out and then people pretend to work out in their mind. And there's only slight difference in the people who physically did it. Oh, well, fuck. I'm going to start doing that every day. Start imagining. Give me one of those VR things where I'm just like. No, it's a real thing. So like I was like this, you know, if I keep telling myself this, it's going to be, it's really going to be real. It's going to be ingrained. I started reading books about, I was obsessing over it. Then I started noticing the behaviors being my out side.

you know what i mean where i'd be like well i'm just a narcissist you know what i mean and it was kind of funny and all that stuff until it's not funny because you're having a bad day or you're having like you know and then you start like it's because i'm like this that's because this is who i am you know and then you're treating everyone around you like shit because they're like oh hey can can you maybe take accountability and you're like i don't take accountability i'm a narcissist you know what i mean like it becomes a story you know right so um

I met this guy, Glenn, who obviously like you, I, you know, introduced you to, to, um, and he does like nervous system, like work on your nervous system. And he doesn't believe in any of that shit. Right. And thank God. Yeah. Because it's bullshit guys. And I don't want to like, I know I'll get heat for this because there's so many people are like, no, it's not a choice. And it's not a choice to like have those traumas. But I do believe, and this is my belief. And this is what I learned from him is that,

These are trauma responses and everybody can have a pattern of behaviors from these trauma responses. Absolutely. And I believe that too. So, and you can, you know, it's like, Oh, well the gray matter, the brain is, is affected if you're a narcissist.

There's things that can improve gray matter. Right. You can do anything you want. You are the master. You're the alchemist. You could do whatever you want. So like, will whatever you want manifestation. We'll talk about it today. So I started going, I'm not those things. That's a behavior pattern. And we started, uh,

Yeah. I was over here sipping on some scissor. It's a lot when you talk about your whole life, dude, it's crazy. It's been a while. Um, it's a great story though. So basically he started like training me and reprogramming me and helping me reprogram myself to be like, Hey, um,

These are these personalities of defense that are coming out to protect your inner child. It's not you. Right. And because of that, their behaviors and if their behaviors, what can you do with behaviors? You can change them, you know? So I'm like,

You know that I basically just went into it like I believe this wholeheartedly. I believe it as hard as I believe those diagnoses. She went into it a lot easier than I did. Yeah. She did not want to go into that dying light. She was just like I was like, I'm just going to fucking I don't want to be gentle. I don't want to be soft. I still want to be me, but I want to heal her. And that's the thing is like he even says, you know, he always says it to you. I'm sure it's like you get to keep.

those parts of yourself, you sometimes it comes in handy to be kind of a bitch, right? You know, those are protecting you in some way. It's when you're being triggered and they're coming out and hijacking you. And that's what happens when you're having a narcissistic injury, a narcissistic injury. And that's what happens when you're having a borderline episode where,

Um, you know, it's your system being hijacked, you know, essentially. And, and it also, let me also add that like health and diet and things like that play a huge part into it because it's hard to control your nervous system. If you're eating things, you have inflammation, whatever, but that's another day. Right.

But yeah, so I mean after about a year of going through these nervous system like we would go into my timeline and like find these triggers and like do these meditations and like I would just cry and it was like these crazy like releases and I

I would feel like a thousand pounds lighter. And then I started noticing the things that used to trigger me in those areas weren't triggering me so much anymore because I was literally being re-triggered from something that didn't exist anymore. It was old. It's crazy. But like this shit really does work. When I did that heart chakra thing the other day, fucking eyeballed my eyes out and

And literally everything that could possibly trigger me this week has came at me. And I've I've maintained my cool and like my peace about all of it. Like it really does work when you are ready to just fucking submit to the universe. The universe has a funny way of softening you in the times that you need it. Yeah. And you're never going to be like super, you know, Bunny's never going to be like, oh,

You know what I mean? Like that's not who you are. It's not who I am. But you can control how you respond. Right. And that's, that is power, you know? And that's what I've realized. I've never felt more powerful than now. Like I feel like a fucking badass. Right. Being able to control your emotions and your nervous system, which I'm still trying to regulate my nervous system, but the emotions is just so powerful when it like comes up and you're like, you can feel where it's at and you're like, Ooh, what's that?

And then it doesn't go here. Right. And then I'm not going like, you're the problem. You know what I mean? Like, that's what would happen. Like when I would have a narcissistic injury, let me just go into that. You know what I mean? Somebody does something that I would perceive as a threat or disrespect or whatever. And it's someone that I'm supposed to love. And my eyes literally go black because I'm not there anymore. I'm completely in the moment of,

this person's hurting my little guy you know yeah they're coming for me and i'm released the hounds yeah i mean like and it's just like a whole like i'll look you dead in the eyes and be screaming guttural you know like you're nothing you know just like you're dead to me yeah like and there's been a few times where i've done it over something that's so ridiculous yeah that was my thing i had the shortest fuse like it's so short and erin

It was one time and he just sat there and looked at me and he was just like, I've never seen someone get so mad over something like this before. Oh, my husband had to calm me down a little bit earlier. Cause like, like I said, this week has been fucking, everybody's been coming at me, but I,

I mean, I think it was warranted me finally fucking standing up and saying enough is enough. But Jay has to calm me down sometimes and just talk sensitively. He's like, do you know who you are? Like, you got to stop fucking responding to people. And I'm just hard because you, you feel, even if you don't want to think like it has some like attack on you, there's some part of you that feels something. Well, when people attack my business. Right. And so that's when I'm like, you have self-worth about, you know what I mean? So, I mean, there's so many things you can unpack.

yeah talk shit about me all day don't care can fucking but come for my business i'm like no yeah no bitch we're not playing that's what's taking you out of the out of the gutter though right it's like yeah it's almost like it's like family you might as well you know what i mean yeah don't talk shit about my sister my mother yeah but um yeah it's very much like crazy to be able to

See someone and then they try and someone will try and argue with your fight with you like they used to. And they can't. Yeah. Because you're just like you have a shield of protection here anymore. Like that person's not here anymore. There are some things I still bat. You're always you're not 100 percent. Healing is a fucking lifetime dedication process. This shit. I don't know how people when they're like, I'm healed because I'm never going to be healed.

Yeah. Well, you're the one thing about healing is you're self-aware now. You know what I mean? So you're able to go, fuck, I can't even act like this anymore because I right now, you know what I mean? So it's kind of one of those things where it's like even Aaron was saying like, hey, you didn't do the dishes like it's your turn. And like, I'm like a little brat.

Right. I mean, don't tell me what to do. And I don't like to do things. I don't do chores. I don't care if we live in filth. You know what I mean? Like, you know who I am. Bitch, I had maggots in the laundry. I smoked cat turds. Yeah. So like I get and then he's like, hey, could you just and he tries to ask me. And there's even that little moment where I feel threatened.

And I feel it happen. You know, like I have that problem with authority too. Yeah. It's like an authority thing. Like, and you feel, and men, I don't like men. This guy's telling me like that. I did something wrong. I'm bad is what I hear. Right. You know, but I know that's what I hear. And I'm like, okay, I'm sorry. I'm like, but I say it, I say it. Damn you. Oh, I think you and her, are you and Aaron ever going to get married? Yeah. When? I don't know. I want to be a bridesmaid.

Yeah. I was just inviting myself to the wedding. I always, I always, actually I want to be the flower girl. I always joke with him when he wants to do another life step. He's like, we should probably get a joint account. And I'm like, when I get my money, right. And I've been saying that for years and he's just like,

Yeah. I was like, I'm done. That's like how Jay and I are. We fucking, he's the same way. A life step. I love how you said that when we do another life step. Yeah. I mean, and that's the thing is most girls would be jumping to try and lock this one down. Yeah. This dude's like, he's just getting richer. You know what I mean? Like I can't keep up with him. Right. You know, hello. Yeah. I know the feeling. I used to make more money than my husband. Now I'm like the peon in the relationship. Here's my measly million. Yeah. You know,

fuck it's all I got honey that's literally what it's like and and I and I'm all for it because then it's like man just think of it you have to be a pretty big bad motherfucking man to be able to submit us to begin with right and then also be in your masculine be in that masculine level so much that we're also like kind of putting our feminine even rich right like I can't be rich enough yeah

I'm like, he's like, Hey babe, I just said yes. Like two more $20 million deals. I'm like, what? Like how? Yeah. No, I stopped. I stopped keeping. I was just like, go daddy. Go. I'll take 350. Yeah. I need my 10%. Yeah. Ike Turner in this bitch. Yeah. But the thing is like money has just never been, I should probably care about it more. Cause the problem. Yeah. I'm going to start manifesting. My focus. I'm trying to take my focus off money. I'm trying to be more in the moment and trying to, you know, cause like,

literally just my sign, how I was born. And I know everybody's like, don't blame it on your sign, but I was just born to work literally, you know? So it's really hard to fucking break that. So it's like, you know, fucking, I've just been money oriented my entire life. So this past year,

I guess I've really tried to like dial back and try to like take time off and try to fucking just, you know, let my only fans go. That was fucking hard, dude. You know, but it's like as you get older and on this healing journey, shit that mattered to you just doesn't matter anymore, you know, and you just want to be a better soul. It

doesn't matter about material things you can't take that shit with you also I'm terrified of the universe it's like no the you know she's a scary bitch gangster like seriously people I have you know friends that I talk to that aren't there yet and they're just like oh yeah but I still want to do this and I'm like I don't want to play any

Yeah. Yeah. She doesn't, she doesn't stop until you do what you're supposed to. Right. And so if you'll get every lesson over and over and over again, over and over and you'll have, it'll just hit you back to back and people, everything always happens bad to me. And I'm like, that happened to me too. I stopped doing all that stupid shit. And guess what? Yeah. Like now my life is amazing. Yeah. It really works that way. It's not like some woo woo. You know what I mean? So it's like, and,

And the moment I stepped away and was like, I'm done with this person or I'm done with this situation. And I really did let it go. Everything. It was like just abundance, you know, but, and you know, when you're supposed to let something go and they say like, you're supposed to let it go when it feels like you don't want to let it go the most. Right. Like when you feel like you're holding on so tight, that's when you let it go. And I was like, that's how it was for me with everything.

that I move forward and let go of. Yeah. Including my personality traits that I thought were my identity. That's where I'm at now. I'm starting to break down my...

My aggression, I guess you could say, and trying to like mellow out a bit because I am so like just fucking control type A personality. Everyone's always going to be terrified of you. Don't worry about it. It's not even that. You'll always be a bad bitch. It's not even that. It's just that that's the next step in my healing is, you know, I've been working on all this other shit. So now it's like it's time to...

break down the shit that I've been holding onto for so long. You know, you can apply also to you. Like remember that? Have you seen that thing where they're talking about a dangerous man is a man that has the ability to inflict, um, devastation, but chooses not to. I mean, it's no different for us. You know, I dare you.

I've been, I've been throwing pennies in that wishing well many times. But at the, at this point I'm like, I don't wish a bitch would. Right. Because I know who I am. Right. I know what I'm capable of and I don't want to do it. I don't want to be there. So I send everything out the way it is. And if the universe wants to send me somebody who want to play, I'm

No, I know. Trust me. This week has been fucking tested, but I think we've done great. I think you've done great on your journey. I think that, you know, you are a role model. Like a lot of girls. And I think what I love about you too, is you're always mentoring women. I love women. Yeah. You're always, preferably some Eastern European ones with large breasts. I would love to mentor those. I call her trucker Tom.

Because she loves big, just jumbly wumblies. I do. Saggier the better. She loves, she's like boobs. She loves them. But I do like, I love women in general and I think I've always been protective of women. You are. You're a good friend. I feel like that's one thing that I've always, there's been moments I haven't been a good friend. So I'm not going to say, cause we all do that at times. But,

but I do believe that like these days it's kind of hard to beat. Yeah. I mean, like I'm there for people. I don't always, I'm not always calling you. I'm not the one who's going to be there all the time. Right. But when I'm the one that if you need me, that's the person to call, you know? And I think that's where it counts. Yeah. I love that about you though. Yeah. I love that. I love everything you do. What do you, what's next? What's next for you? Oh,

Well, I want to start getting creative again. Um, you know, I, I just want to get back into like my creativity. I did like a whole like astrology reading where we talked about my human design and like I'm very sacral and that's where creativity is. And I haven't felt as creative during this whole healing process. So I'm trying to like tap into that and meditate to like, come on, bring me the idea. Get me back into idea mode because I'm such like an idea guy, you know? Um,

And I have been getting him again and I just have to jump on him when I get him because sometimes I'm like, oh, is that the one I was supposed to take, Lauren? Come on, just do it. You know, because sometimes when you heal, the thing they don't tell you about healing is how little you're going to give a fuck about other shit that you thought mattered. So like the money, the abuse,

obsessively trying to be better than everybody because you think you have to and like competitiveness I just don't give a shit anymore so I really need to find the desire to be creative and to do things because I love it and not from trauma and I think a lot of us girls who've done really well in this world it's a lot of trauma based girls who are just go go go go go you know what I mean absolutely I don't want to be unhappy I don't care how much money I have I'm just over it

I love it though. I love what you're doing. So you want to get more creative. What about music? I'm definitely going to be going. I just did a song with Savannah Dexter. I just have to

get everything. You guys actually have one out on Savannah's Spotify. Bet you won't. She did. Um, I featured on one and she put it on and it's, it's a bop you guys. Yeah. Well, I love it. It needs to go to tech talk. Well, we're going to do a video at the same time for both our songs. So that's why I'm putting this one out. So we can do that. Even though she was like, Oh my God, this song's a little racy. Yeah.

Poor Sav. She's like our little sister that we're just like always fucking exposing her to like, come here, little girl. Get on this track. She's like, what did you just say? Pay me. Fuck me. Oh, God. You know, Bravo's over there fucking sweating bullets. Just like, oh, shit. What did we fucking get her into? Yeah. But I mean, I just want to get back into it. And I think everything will just kind of flow. I know that Bury Yourself got, you know, it got pretty

it got pretty big and it went viral on TikTok. It went viral like a few times. Yeah. And it'll keep going viral. It's just one of those songs. I need to just post it. Yeah. It's, you know, my thing. Oh, I know. I'm always telling her, put, put this on TikTok, go on TikTok. And I'm like, here's my boobs. Here's a titty. Yeah. Um, well, I just love you and thank you for being my first guest in the fucking new studio out here. I love you too. Hi.

Why are you so much? Why don't you shout out where everybody can find you? Shout out your only fans again and all your Instagrams. So my only fans Viking doll Viking dot or Viking doll dot VIP. Yeah. And then my other account is Viking Barbie dot com. That's nudies.

um i've got a youtube viking barbie music and um my instagram is viking.barbie so tell leave me alone yeah so they haven't came for you for the name on instagram on instagram because technically i'm not monetizing the name gotcha so you're allowed to use a handle but once you start monetizing it that's why they came for my my only fans but i feel like there's something i could do and this is the level like can i change my name to viking barbie

I mean, yeah, that would be a loophole around it. I will do it. Yeah. That's the level willing to be petty.

If it's your name, is your name like what's Trisha Paytas doing with Malibu Barbie? Like she named her kid Malibu Barbie. Right. So, so how is, you know, I think Malibu has accounts and everything. Malibu Barbie can't make money off her name when she's older. I don't know. I'm sure she will be able to. We have to look into that. We're going to look into that. What's your TikTok? So people will go follow you and you're on Spotify too. TikTok I think is Viking.Barbie too. Yes. I don't know if they think so.

just google viking barbie you'll see her beautiful vagina her tits there's a lot of fakes on there go to my verified accounts yeah um yeah my what was the other thing you asked uh i think you're on spotify right under viking yes viking barbie i don't recall exactly she's just here ladies and gentlemen she doesn't know what any of her is yeah spotify apple music it's all over the place they got some

Good jams. Well, I appreciate you and you need to come back in like another year. Let's not. When was the last time I had you on? Like three years ago, two years ago? It was when we did Music with Jay. Yeah. That was the old studio, right? Yeah. Yeah. I was actually when I came down that time, I was going through the worst depression I'd ever had. Yeah. I was like crying every five minutes. I was so bad. Girl, we were we both went through a really bad fucking depressive shit.

It was crazy. I don't miss those. Me either, man. I'm fucking so thankful. So thankful. We love you guys. Thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of dumb blonde. I will see you guys next week. Bye.

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