Tommy Vext: Exes, Metal and Almost Being Murdered
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All right, gentlemen, coming to main stage next, this is Bunny. Get up there. She's got a tornado of titties coming your way. Get those dollar bills ready. She's got an ass that shakes like Michael J. Fox. So get up there and throw, throw, throw them dollars. Dude, that is fucking iconic. What's up, you sexy motherfuckers? Welcome to another episode of Dumb Blonde. Today, I got the most eligible bachelor in rock.

I don't know if I'm eligible. Oh, shit. I didn't know. I thought you were... Are you single? You're single, aren't you? I'm single, but that doesn't mean I'm eligible. Oh, gotcha. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, don't be whoring me out, lady. We don't... No, listen. We don't do... This is a house of no... We don't do long-term relationships at the house of Tommy Vext. Oh, shit. Yeah, we don't do that. We tried it. Didn't work. Ladies and gentlemen, Tommy Vext. Hi. We're so happy to have you here. It's good to be here. I'm glad it worked out. Yeah, it's been a long time coming. I know. We got in...

We've been here for I got in yesterday and here we are. What are you doing in my neck of the woods? Our neck of the woods? All kinds of things. I had we had had dinner and a photo shoot with Struggle. So me and Struggle Jennings are going to be announcing a co-headlining tour. Yeah. Very excited about that. Yeah, that is exciting. Yeah. We might do some musical collaborations as well. Dope. Yeah. The Patriots are linking up. I mean, you know, it's kind of it's a thing. Yeah. It's a good thing. You guys are like the new bad boys club.

Well, yeah, basically anybody who has an opinion and says it. I mean, it's so funny to me because I grew up in Brooklyn and I'm 39. I grew up in CBGBs and

I grew up in hardcore and gangster rap and death metal and hardcore metal and all that. And the whole attitude of punk rock and the whole... It's not just an aesthetic, it's a lifestyle. And the lifestyle is...

Fuck you. Yeah. It's anti-state, anti- Well, it's anarchy, pretty much, is kind of like what it is. Well, I don't think it's anarchy. I think it's more like, it's more- Rebellious. Yeah, it's rebellion. It's more in line with libertarian values of like, no government, don't get out of my business, fuck you, like, let everybody live and let live kind of vibe. Right. And to see, you know, like in 2020, just mad people.

The unmentionables? Because I've been spilling the tea on too many people. I actually got a text message from a multi, like a band that sells 30 million records. It was like, don't involve us in here, you know, because I'm taking people out. I'm sniping people out. We're going to get to that. But I want to kind of paint a picture of Tommy that most people don't get to hear. So you said you grew up in New York? Brooklyn, South Brooklyn. Brooklyn. What was that like growing up?

It was chill. It was chill. It was a little like, you know, my twin brother and I, our mom was a crackhead. So she abandoned us at the hospital. And then my parents that raised us, they were on the list to adopt one baby. And the hospital called and said, would you take two? And they said, yeah. So my mother and father who raised us,

took me and my brother in and then a couple years later adopted my sister. It was, they really, my dad was a Vietnam vet. He was a Marine and my godfather and uncle, everybody was in the Marines. Right. You know, and they were working class and, you know, so I got those values early on, you know, and, uh,

And then as I got to like pre-teens, that whole age, like my brother started having severe mental health issues and he was being institutionalized.

And then my dad, who had been sober for 20 years, wound up relapsing. Then my mom took my sister and ran away because the house was so crazy. Right. So to protect my sister. I'm so sorry. Listen, don't put any animals in front of me. Dogs, otters, rabbits. I'm like, oh, yeah. He's trying to make his way to your microphone. This is his show. I know. So.

so I wanted to touch back on your, um, your brother, because I remember the first time I had ever heard of you, I was driving and I heard a bad wolf song, song come on. And you, I think it was remember when, yeah, that's just, yeah. Yep. And, um, I called Jay and I was like, babe, you're going to love this dude. You got to check them out, check out the song. You're going to like, it'll resonate with you. But I remember you did talk about your brother in that song, right? Is it that one or the other one? Yeah. So that song actually talks about, so, you

You know, it goes through me and my brother growing up together and then being twins and being inseparable. And then eventually, you know, where I was getting in the story, my dad relapsed on alcohol. My mom left. The house was, you know, my brother became a drug dealer. Then I was a drug dealer. You know, we were...

I was still doing bands, so I didn't really, I didn't get too deep into the game because I knew the consequences. And so music was something because I'd been playing concerts since I was 14. Like I had a fake ID. We'd play down in New York City and.

And then they'd realize we weren't old enough to be there. They'd be like, play your show and get out of here. That was my next question too. Has music always been a part of your life? Yeah, since I was about 12. And then simultaneously, drugs and alcohol happened around the same time. And so it started out with...

playing shows and stealing stealing booze with my friends you know from my parents liquor cabinets to smoking weed to doing acid to doing ecstasy to sniffing coke and then oh we could sell this stuff and we can make money to pay for demos and like you know just like that whole thing so the hustler mentality though yeah and it's and and basically growing up where I grew up

you had no other options, right? So you either... Like, nobody was going to school and going to college and getting a degree or doing anything respectable. You were like, the best job you could do is get a job working for the city, you know? Work for the transit authority, work for sanitation, become a police officer or a firefighter or EMT or something. And that was kind of it. Right. You know? And so... You're like, fuck that. Yeah, yeah. So...

You know, me and my brother did our thing. And, um... I almost got killed when I was, I think, 20 by a gang. They, like, hit me with their car, pulled over, beat me up with baseball bats. Me and my friend James. And, um...

we like somebody pulled up on us getting like beat to death in the in in an alleyway golly and uh and then scared the kids off and i was done that was enough for me i got the wake-up call so i was like yo yeah i'm not doing this anymore and so that was it that was the defining moment where you were just like i'm gonna change my life no i didn't i didn't i still didn't get sober but i was like i i decided that if i could become a rock star

I could run away from all of the problems in my childhood and my parents and all the pain and all the, you know, everything. Right. And so I decided that's what I was going to do. Wasn't there a situation that happened between you and your brother? Yeah, that was many years later. Many years later? Okay. So that was in 2010. So fast forward from, I guess, basically 2000, early 2000s to 2010. Yeah.

So at this point, I had moved to California. I got signed to Roadrunner Records. I was in a band with Dina from Fear Factory and Tim from Morbid Angel and Joe from Niles. Oh my God, Morbid Angel. Super metal. I haven't heard that in so long. Yeah, just super metal.

They used to be on the Bob Larson show. Do you know who Bob Larson is? No. So the lead singer of Morbid Angel, his name was Trey, I believe, or something like that. I cannot remember. There's two of his David Vincent and there's a replacement guy who's not the David Vincent. So I forget his name, but my dad was obsessed with this talk show, Bob Larson, and he was the lead singer of Morbid Angel. And he would call in and his demons would talk to Bob Larson on the air. Oh, wow.

That's amazing. Yeah, dude, you've got to Google this. I swear to God, the lead singer. And that's why I think his name is Trey. But you'll have to just Google Bob Larson, Morbid Angel. And it's a whole little wormhole you'll go down. That's how I grew up. So this is what I'll be doing on my flight tomorrow to Chicago. Right. Oh, my God. This is so weird. Paying $40 for Wi-Fi for two hours.

All right. So you had this band formed. Yeah. So we did this band. I put out a record, traveled all over the world. I still, you know, and I was born addicted to drugs and alcohol. I just didn't know. Wow. So I took my alcoholism and my drug addiction with me. So going to California didn't save me, you know. Right. And it's funny because when I look back, I wrote a biography that is going to come out next year. And I remember looking back and being...

I was such trash. When I moved from Brooklyn to LA, I moved to East LA. I lived in a closet in a trap house that was like, they were selling weed and meth out of the house. Wow. And then I was taking the bus everywhere because I didn't have a license because in New York City, no one can afford a car anyway, so you take the train.

And so I was riding the bus and I was bouncing at the Roxy and the Key Club and then getting out of work and then coming back home, waking up, going to the studio. Right. But music was always your one thing. Yeah, that was the driving force. Yeah. It kept me out of trouble. And yeah, and so the band got signed. Me and the guitar player, we bumped heads a lot. And then finally, we got into a huge argument and I just knocked him out on stage in front of everybody. And then...

I was out of the band. Then I joined, then I joined up. Like, this is not this. You're not allowed. That's it. We're drawing the line here. You can do all the drugs in the world, but knocking out people on stage. That's the line. Well, this is a, this is the thing that's interesting about the metal industry is like, it's a lot of pseudo tough guys. Oh yeah, not for sure. And so all these dudes are out there like, like I have tattoos and I'm tough. And I'm like, dude, like not right. So you can only like, at that point, our power is,

our power dynamic was this guy used to be super famous and I looked up to him so he kind of punked me and bullied me for as long as he could and then I just waxed him. Right. Well, it was a lot of pent up aggression. Yeah. And then months later, like I auditioned to sing for a punk band called Snot and the singer had passed away. I used to listen to them, you know, me and my brother used to listen to that record and smoke weed together and, you know, skip school like that.

And then I'm singing for that band. And then this guy gets mad about it and runs his name. He runs his mouth in the press. And so I'm backstage at a slip, not disturbed show. And I see him and then we just, I just squared up with him. Right. Well, you had it coming. Yeah. I mean, but that's the thing is me. Like when I was drinking, I would just beat anyone's ass or get my ass beat. Like, I'm not like, Oh, I'm a tough guy. Like I've got my ass kicked. Yeah. You know what I mean? So I'm, you know, I'm, I don't have that. Like, uh,

You know, it could go one of either way. Right. But I also learned growing up fighting, I don't act a certain way because I don't want my motherfucking ass whooped. Yeah. The street will teach you how to... Oh, yeah. There's a moral compass of growing up with physical violence as a consequence of your actions. I grew up in the street, so I completely understand. Which people don't have nowadays. The younger generations, because as soon as a fight breaks out, everyone's like...

That or they want to pull a gun out. Well, yeah. Like nobody wants, it's either a camera or a fucking gun. Like nobody knows how to square up and just fight anymore. Well, nobody in the metal industry is pulling out guns. They'll be like, hey man. I'm a gun.

I might. Pull it, pull it. Put them up, put them up. Like, hey, hey. You don't like my demos or shit? Yeah, no, I've realized that because I've been around a lot of the music scene pretty much my whole life, too. And it's crazy because you see these people on TV, you hear their music and stuff like that, and then you meet them and they're completely different humans. Yeah, yeah. But I'm the same way, though, because I'm like, you know, people are like, Tommy Vex is a monster and Bob...

I don't feel like that. I mean, I don't feel like... Well, if you read the headlines, it's just like, Tommy Beck's charged to kill everybody. No, I don't feel like you're a different person, you know, like in person. I feel like you legit kind of keep the same, you know, personality. Yeah, but there's nothing to keep. It's just you...

Being yourself. It's like Nirvana, like come as you are. Right. Right. You're just like, all right, cool. That's it. There's nothing else. So you became the lead singer of Snot. Yeah. And then we did that band. And then that's where I hit rock bottom. I was in a relationship and my ex had, she miscarried very late term pregnancy miscarriage, probably due to drugs and stress and all the other stuff. I took that as a green light to,

commit suicide with drugs and alcohol. And I was like, I'm gonna fucking, that's it. So I went for a whole year basically just pouring everything into my body, right? I ended up homeless. I OD'd and I didn't die. And my buddy Sonny Mayo from Snot, he let me live on his couch. And I started going to recovery meetings with him. And so at the time, he has got seven years more than me. So

he's 19 years sober now, I'm 12. And when I was new, he was seven years sober. And so him and his ex-wife took me in and it was wild, man. It was like for the, I got a sponsor and my sponsor was like, you have to quit the music business for your first year of recovery because you're not going to be able to do this. Like you're a mess.

and this is not working out for you. The lifestyle is so hard to separate. When I got sober four or five years ago, I had to stop kind of touring with Jay after that because it's just so hard to... You got to get your legs underneath it. Right. And I think that that's important. We'll come back to that, but I think that it's very important to focus on...

the situation because it eventually will become a life and death situation. Right. And it might not be, you know, this is why I tell people if you're struggling with drugs and alcohol or even mental health issues or suicidal thoughts or whatever, you

Get help now. Yeah. You don't have to wait till the elevator goes all the way to the bottom floor and you're in hell. Yeah. You know, cause the bottom floor is a coffin. Yeah. You can get off at any time and then just start taking the stairs back up. Yeah. It's a long way back up. No, it's, you know, mental health is a huge issue. We, I'm a huge advocate for it because getting sober is,

I didn't realize that I had depression because I was always masking it. Yeah. We medicated. I've always had severe anxiety. Like even walking into here with all the weed going on, I'm like in full panic mode, you know, like I hate it. But, um, getting sober, you really have to get to know yourself. Like it's, and there's nothing there to cushion it.

so you're just like holy shit all these feelings from fucking who knows what I've gone through it's like it's like it's like driving in a pickup truck yeah with the window open in the back yeah but there's all the garbage of your whole life like Sanford and Son you're speeding yeah and then there's traffic and you hit the brakes and all the shit comes in the window and is in your lap and you're like oh my

Dude, listen, the past two years have been brutal. I've been on like the soul searching mission. So what was it like for you? Did you quit music that first year? Did you continue or did you take Sonny's advice? No, I mean, I took I stopped doing music and I got a job at a dog kennel for the first like two months of my sobriety. And I just went to as many meetings as I could. And I went through the steps and then

I applied for a scholarship from the Music Cares Foundation because I was broke and they put me

in a sober living, a men's sober living. So then I was like in the men's sober living. Then I got a job as a doorman at a, at a bar. Dope. So you were able to get your legs underneath you and then, yeah, yeah. And then I did, I would teach singing lessons to different, you know, different artists in LA who were trying to get better and work on their, whatever, whatever it was. And so I did that and I got my, got my bearings and, um,

I didn't date my first year. I waited like nine months and then I met this girl and I was like, can I just please? I find that hard to believe because to me, you come across to me as like a hopeless romantic. Yeah. I mean, I, I, my thing is, is that many years there are two, the two most broken relationships in my life are, um,

You know have come up in my relationship my romantic relationships and one of them being my twin brother Who I desperately could not save right? There's nothing I could have ever done to save that man, and I loved him more probably more than I love myself That's like I looked up to him like he was always cooler than me. He was always like you know is he still around I

yeah, he's in prison. He's doing, he's serving a 20 year sentence for trying to murder me. Right. And that's what remember when it's about. And so, but yeah, so yeah, I got sober about a, I moved back to New York because my mom and my sister, there was no sober man in our family for like 15 years. I wanted to amend that relationship. Um,

And, uh, I know I'm jumping all over the place. No, you're good. It all comes together. Yeah. And then, and then, and then one night I had come home from being on a date and, you know, my brother had broken into the apartment and he hit me from behind with a crowbar. He fractured my skull. I fought him. Was it just mental health issues? No, I'm smoking angel dust. Oh, yeah. You know, the smell, like any, anybody who knows that, that's that smell. You're like, Ooh, you know? And so we fought and, uh,

I fought him off, he broke my arm, and then he beat me with a crowbar and it perforated my spleen. Yikes. And so I bled out. I was rushed to the hospital. I went to the ER. My spleen burst. I bled to death. My mama got to the hospital. My friends had got there. My sister. It was very traumatic. The girl I was dating, I literally had a seizure and went out. Oh.

And so... That's got to be so traumatic to have to even try to work through that, you know, even now. It took years. Yeah. It took, you know, the... I guess, remember when it came out in 2018. So it took eight years. And I never stopped writing music like I always write.

to it took eight years just to be able to put the our story it's not my story it's our story yeah yeah and the reason why um you know it was a hard thing to do and i remember wayne isham directed the music video and he's done like michael jackson and backstreet boys and madonna and he was so compelled by the story i took my mom my sister out to dinner and i was like hey i just want you know i wanted to get your guys permission because i'm going to tell this story you know and

Yeah, it made my sister really uncomfortable. We didn't talk for like six or eight months after she was like very uncomfortable that it was exposed. But my mom said to me, she was like, if one family, if you help one family feel less alone in this struggle that we know...

then it was all worth it. Yeah, absolutely. And you did it so eloquently too. It's not like you like dragged him or anything like that. Like you really just genuinely told a story and painted a picture for people. I understand that he's sick. You know what I mean? And so I have compassion for him. So I don't have hate in my heart for my brother. Like I honestly don't have hate in my heart for anybody. Right. Which is probably also why people get mad at me.

people try to fuck with me and I'm like, okay, here it is. Send. Well, the thing is, is that you, people can't shame you if you put your own business out there, you know, like so many people in this industry try to hush people by holding shit over their heads. And it's like, I have nothing to be ashamed about. Right. Exactly. Everything that's every, anything that, you know, as of late, like, especially since I came out for a political party in 2020 and,

If you look at my entire life in the press, my entire sobriety for 12 years, right?

has been all of the good that I've done. I've gotten awards for being in sobriety. I've gotten for my service to other people. I've donated tens of thousands of dollars to recovery homes. I've sponsored endless amounts of people. I became a drug and alcohol counselor and I worked with celebrities. I lived with Justin Bieber. I've like a laundry list of people who I helped get through their first 30 days to 60 days of recovery. I worked for five finger death punch people and

who the only reason I wound up singing for their European tour was because I was there to help Ivan not relapse. Yeah, no, I actually got to witness Ivan firsthand laying on a hotel room floor in his own puke, just in the thralls of addiction. Yeah, he was really bad. And he's always been so sweet. And that's not me, you know, spilling tea or anything like that. It's hard to see a good person, but it's not about this. It's like, it's not like...

I don't, again, like with my brother, like I don't, it's not weakness or strength. It's like, that's the disease working on a person so talented and so special and gifted that nothing is enough to stop you. Like when, when you're afflicted with the disease and I've been that guy on the floor. Yeah. So we were really scared. We didn't know, you know, me filling in for them wasn't like a glorious time. It was filled with anxiety and like, is this guy going to be okay? What are we going to do next? Yeah.

And I think that what their band did is very commendable because they sent their singer to go get better. Yeah. Right? Yep. And then when he was better, he came right back. Yeah. And it was like,

And when he came back, it was like a Phoenix, right? He just like, didn't miss a beat. Yeah. But that's the power of recovery working in a person's heart. Oh, it's amazing. So let's rewind. You went through this with your brother and then you came, how did, what was next after that, after that happened, you know, musically, where did you go from there? Um, well, so the, so my brother tries to kill me, uh,

I was gonna I'm sorry I'm not laughing at you no it's funny no it's just the way you said it so my brother tried to kill me I um Mia Tyler Steven Tyler's daughter picked me up from the hospital and I talked to her all the time I love Mia tell her I said what's up I haven't talked to her in a while you should she's so sweet well she took care of me so she took me to her dad's house in Massachusetts and and her and my friend Brooke they took turns taking care of me and

I got better and, you know, I had, time went by, I healed. I started going back to the gym again. I mean, I was really banged up. I was, I was in bed for a while. Mentally and physically. Yeah. And then I went, there was like a benefit concert and like, and a couple of bands played, God Forbid played at Muni Within and the club that I had worked for threw me a show at the club because all my coworkers were like super sweet and,

And then I remember going to see Korn and Disturbed because David donated to my benefit, right? So at the show in this moment was opening and they said, hey, can you come on tour and sing with us? I love Maria. Yeah. And I was like, when? They're like, now. So I was like, okay. So they had a song called The Promise and they asked me to come out and fill in because-

the real guy who sang it, Aaron. Yeah, Adrian. I went to, I grew up with Adrian. Okay, yeah, he had some other, I don't know if he had another tour or something happened and he couldn't do it. So then I went out on tour with them and I'm like, oh my, you know, so it's like the roller coaster of the Tommy Beck's show. And I'm like, oh, now I'm singing one song a night and, you know, I have nothing to do but go to the gym all day but I'm like, I feel like I'm doing something again and,

Yeah. I'm like, like you have purpose. Yeah. That's a huge thing though, to feel like you have purpose. Well, yeah. After all that. Absolutely. And then, you know, it's like being on tour as a guy and, you know, being on a tour like that and being young and,

Being in shape and not drinking. I'm like, there's a lot, you know, the ladies are there. So I was doing that and I was like, all right. And that's why I called you the most eligible bachelor just because, you know, I would think literally and figuratively speaking because, you know, you are single. So I'm sure there's tons of women who are just always throwing themselves at you. But also like even now after all that stuff has happened with Bad Wolves, you're like an independent artist. So you're like, you know, and, you know, figuratively speaking. Yeah. I mean,

We'll get to all that. We're going to get to my dating life after this. I love how Tommy comes in here and he's like, I'm controlling your podcast. Everything has to be chronological. So I come up the corn tour and the police are on my apartment and they're like, get in the car. We got to go. And I'm like, why? And they're like, we'll tell you when we get to the station. That's fucking scary. Yeah. So the DA brought me up and the DA played me a phone call.

My brother hiring a hitman to murder me. But my dumb ass brother made the call from Rikers Island where they record all the calls. And so he was like, is this real? And there were two problems. I knew the guy he was talking to. And I knew if I told the cops...

Or the DA who the guy was. My whole family would die. Right. So I was like, fuck. So I went into witness protection program. So I spent the next 11 months in the witness protection program in California and Florida hiding from this dude. Oh my gosh. Yeah. So that was like...

way more psychologically damaging than the actual, you know, 60 seconds of how I almost got murdered because that fight lasted maybe two minutes. Right. Right. But 11 months

of looking over your shoulder will fuck you up. Absolutely. I mean, that's your constant fight or flight. Yeah. And I was living off $300 a month. That's all the government would give me. That's so crazy to me that they would put you in witness protection and be like, here you go, fucking barely survive. Well, because I'm a musician, the way that that works is they give you like a percentage of what your normal income would be until the trial starts. And so, because I didn't make any money

That's what they gave me. Wow. Yeah. So it was, it was interesting. The judicial system is a joke. I mean, everything's a joke. Yeah. Everything's a joke. And so I went through all that. And then I remember I got a phone call from one of the homies and

Who was like, so-and-so is dead. And I was like, oh, shit. Okay. So the contract... The hitman. Well, I don't know. Or whatever he was. We didn't have gangs or hitmen or this or the other.

Motherfuckers just did jobs back in the day, right? Like a nigga would do a job. Right. You're like, I have a job for you. And then someone would just go fucking missing. Oh God. But it's fucking scary because the shit is, you know what I mean? Like a lot of people I grew up with, they get murdered and like ended up in jail and you know, it's not cool. Right. And I wasn't even living that. I went to California. I turned soft.

I was like, yo, I'm not cut out for this shit anymore. Yeah. Well, after you live a certain way for so long, it just gets to a point where you just don't want to live like that anymore. Yeah. Well, everything gets old. That bullshit gets old. So anyway, then my brother fucking bench warranted, didn't show up for his court case, got my phone number, called me relentlessly, and then...

The DA called me and my brother called me at the same time. And I merged the call and the DA recorded the phone call of my brother saying he was going to kill me again. Wow. And...

He sent that to the judge. The FBI got involved. They put a phone trace on my brother's phone. They found it within 24 hours. Wow. And that phone conversation from the court case is on the Bad Wolves album. Wow. It's in the song For a Friend, which is the whole song is about me being in the witness protection program. Wow. So that's the follow up to Remember When. And there will be another, there's part three will come out too. That's insane. Like you really have to write a book. I did. No, I know.

That's what I'm saying. Like you've got to, people are going to just love this story though. Yeah. I didn't want to, I was like nervous. And then my, my, who made me write a book is super cool. Cause it was, I was speaking at a meeting and Ozzy Osbourne came up to me and he was like, well, you gotta, you gotta write a fucking book, man. And I was like,

I can't write a book, man. He's like, I can't even talk. And I wrote a book. And I was like, yo. You're like, dude, that's inspiration right there. Yeah, him and Anthony Hopkins. Wow. Yeah, yeah, Tony. Clarice. Yeah, he's like, call me Tony. Aw, that's awesome. He's like, Tommy, you have to write this. You're going to change people's lives. And I'm just like, Adam Electer thinks I'm cool. I'm such a nerd.

So yeah, so then I just got, I got to it. So you got out of witness protection after dude croaked. Yeah. Um, and then from there, what happens? Um, my brother got locked up and then some months later I testified against him and,

So I was on survival mode for like two and a half years and I had these expectations like, okay. Because he interrupted my life. Like I got sober and I moved back to New York and then me and Doc from Bad Rules were going to try to start a band. Right. You know, and my whole life got thrown upside down. Yeah. Were you able to stay sober while you were on the run? Yeah, yeah. I stayed sober. Yeah, this has been, that happened in 2008.

September 2009. No, September 2010. And I have stayed sober since May 18, 2009. So it was very early on in my sobriety. That's so commendable, though, because most people would have buckled under that. I mean, it's not me. Yeah. Yeah. Every every turn I took, like every single every step that I took, there was somebody there. Yeah. You know, there was like, you know, even even in my life now, I'm I am very I

I'm very in tune with God. So you're very in tune with God's messages. Yeah, because throughout the entire time I was going through this, I would like run into a sober person and they'd be like, Hey man, I heard you speak at this thing, you know, and I was told to get into service, just do service, service, service. So I sponsored more people, more guys, um,

i don't know only a couple of them stayed sober but i was like sponsoring everybody i go to a meeting and puke like all the all the people and the kids in rehab they're like yeah they all think they're tough they're like you know but this is you know i was in california so right malibu's most wanted right i have a face tattoo and nothing else and my parents have hell of money yeah my grandpa was warren buffett but right exactly nobody understands me i'm like all right kid you're gonna do this or you're gonna die i was just grabbing people and they're like holy shit so serious

But it kept me sober. Right. Right? And so that's why I understand...

Um, altruism, like whenever, you know, we're depressed or that shit, the best thing I can do is help another person. Absolutely. Right. Because it gets me out of myself because my anxiety and my depression are both centered around me. Right. Like I'm, I'm anxious because I'm afraid of what's going to happen to me subconsciously and I'm depressed because I, because I'm nothing. Right. And nothing's ever going to happen. You know, it's like, yo, chill bro. It's real. Go help somebody. Right. Yeah.

I can't. No, I get it. That's how I, that's what I try to use my platform for is to help people, you know, with mental health issues and stuff like that. I have so many people that ask me about that every week when I do my questions every Sunday. And, you know, it just feels good to be able to talk to people and be like, yeah, yeah, dude, like I go through this shit too. And yeah, you're sharing your platform with them. You're making yourself available to be, um,

But it's a service. Yeah, exactly. And that's why people with social media, people are so surprised that I answer. I'm like, what else am I going to do? Same here. Yeah. What do you mean? What the fuck do I have this for if I'm not going to talk to you? Yeah. I don't understand why people are like that either. Yeah. So when did Bad Wolves get formed? Bad Wolves started in 2017. So.

Man, there's so many things that would... Go ahead. Oh, I actually want to get to this. So this is actually very important. So I testified against my brother and I fell into this crazy depression. I've talked about this on Andy Fursella's podcast. And...

I stopped going to meetings. I stopped helping people. I stopped going to therapy and I went through therapy through this whole thing too. I might, I add, it's okay. Like I, I'm fully believe in getting help because we can't do this shit on our own. And like, you know, sometimes I go in there and huge, huge is getting shout out to Chris, my therapist in Manhattan who was appointed by the city holds all the secrets. And, uh, and so anyway, I,

I became suicidally depressed again. And then I put my one suit and I put it on my mom's spare bed and laid it out. And then I went to the train station to jump in front of the train. Oh, my God. Yeah. And I'm so lucky I picked an above ground train. My best thing. I'm so like extreme extreme.

I was like, there's no way I want to get hit by a train and live. So I want to get, if the train doesn't kill me, then I'll fall and I'll definitely die. Right. Cause I don't do it. I'm laughing because of how you're telling it. I just don't do anything half ass. Like everything I do. I'm like, you really thought about this. Yeah. I was not on some, like, I, this is happening. You know, like that's how I am. And I, and,

And so I like get there and I'm like, I stand all the way back at the edge of the other side of the platform. I see the train coming and I'm like, all right. And then my phone started ringing and I looked at the phone and I didn't know the number and I answered it. And it was some kid. He's about to kill himself. He answers the phone. And some kid was crying on the other phone. He was like, is this Tommy? And I was like, I'm kind of in the middle of something. You know, and he's like, I need help.

And I looked at the train and I'm like, God damn it. Acts of service. And so the train pulls in and I'm like, where are you? And he's like, I'm at Union Station. I'm like, all right, I'll meet you at Starbucks in 20 minutes. So I get on the train. I go meet this kid. He's a motherfucker.

Are we comparing messes? Yeah, yeah. You just came from a... But I needed somebody in a worse situation than me. Right, right. I was like, I gotta help this kid. Right. I felt bad for him. You know, he had like been left for dead under a bridge in like Chinatown from a heroin overdose by his friends. Oh my God. And thrown out of his house. And I was like, okay, kid. I'm like...

I'm like, there's a meeting right here. We're going to go get coffee. Like, you got a dollar for coffee? You're like me. I like projects. I love people that I can try to fix or try to help. Like that gives me the best feeling in the world is being able to help somebody through something. Yes. But also it could backfire sometimes. Oh, I know. Trust me, it's happened a few times. My managers over here are like, yeah. So, yeah. So then, so he saved my life.

And then I moved back to California. I started a nonprofit called SFG 12, which is St. Francis group 12. And then Korn endorsed it and Papa Roach and all these bands. And we did some benefit concerts with Snot and, um,

it's very hard to keep a nonprofit going. So we wound up like shelving it. Um, but we looked into them before and there's a lot that goes into those. It's a lot. And if you're not rich, it's like, I was going to say a nonprofit is really not a nonprofit. It's like you put so much money into it just to get it to work. It's an upside down profit. Right. Yeah. Um, so we did that for a little bit. We, we got some people into, into, um,

Basically, we were raising money to get musicians who didn't have record deals beds in Rhea So we did a little bit of that that lasts a few months and then I got a job working

a men's sober facility in Santa Monica called Madden House. And my boss owned the biggest sober companion company in LA. And they had all the celebrities. And I had no idea. Like celebrity rehab? Yeah. No, like...

I mean, like the people you don't. Celebrities are always there. They're so good at their job. You never find out which celebrities actually are having drug and alcohol problems because they call these people and then the people move in with you and they stay with you 24 seven. So you get your shit together. I feel like if more celebrities were open about their battles, it would help so many more people instead of that facade of just, you know, like we're perfect and we never do anything wrong.

I think it's better when they get some time on their hands and then they're in recovery for longer because, you know, it could have an adverse effect. Like when Kurt Cobain committed suicide, thousands of kids killed themselves. Right. Because he was their hero and he spoke their language, but he tapped out. And so he gave them permission to do the same thing. And so that's.

So I think it's important to get some time together. That's true. Before coming out and be like, yeah, I'm sober. And you're like, you're in rehab again. Like, why isn't it working? I'm two days sober. Yeah. Hey everybody. Yeah. So I didn't write a song called sober until I had 10 years. Right. That was one of my favorite songs that you've ever written. Oh, thanks. Um, so yeah. So then blah, blah, blah. Bands this at the other rehabs this. Then I did a metal band called Westfield massacre. And then, um,

The drummer of Bad Wolves was co-managing Westfield Massacre. Zoltan Bathory called me in April of 2017 and said, hey, are you still a sober coach? And I was like, yes, I am. And he's like, can you come to Vegas? And I was like, I have a feeling I know what this is about. And then I started working for Five Finger. Zoltan seems like a really cool dude. Yeah, he's a good dude. He just seems very down to earth and just like he's got a good head on his shoulders. Well, he's...

zoe is a genius on paper like he literally is a genius his brain is like insane and also he's he escaped communist hungary like he literally grew up in that and worked for the military the hungarian military then moved to the u.s didn't speak english learned english in new york city lived in the hood you know right yeah worked for a record label then learned some

Self-taught himself how to like editing software got a job for NASA use the money to find your death punch He's a piece. I didn't even know all that. Yeah, he's brilliant. He's a very brilliant guy. That's amazing He's a very honorable guy - yeah, which is like there's not that's what you get Yeah, you get that vibe from him that he just seems super cool. Yeah, so

So anyway, I traveled all over with Five Finger. You know, everybody knows the story there. Ivan took a break. I stepped in. Ivan came back. And I continued. I had started working on demos with John from Bad Wolves, right? And so John was... Hey, mom and dad. Chaj. Come here. Sorry. Hey, can we get a kiss?

Just in the microphone. Oh, yeah. Chachi, get down. Good boy. Yeah. Chachi, get down. Get down. Get down. Get down. Are you ready? Okay. Sorry. Animals love me. I don't know. They like just, you know, people are like, oh, we never. Yeah. He's like. He doesn't like anybody. He's like, give me a smooch. Yeah, Bubba. Chachi, lay down.

So John, John and Max, this kid, Max, Karen, he works for faith. No more. He's a guitar tech. He's a genius on guitar. He, Max is writing all these songs and John's playing drums on him. And Max plays guitar and bass. And they sent me these, these demos. Uh, and I was like, yo, this is cool. So I sing, I sang one song and it was originally supposed to be for, uh, uh, my buddy had, he makes, uh,

So they were doing a BMW commercial and they wanted me to write a metal song because the car is supposed to crowd serve like the new BMW. Right. We didn't get the commercial got made. Right. But Learn to Live was the first song that we wrote together.

And that's, and then it was so good that I was like, nah, I'm not sending this in. Right. Yeah. And so learn to live is actually about one of my clients who was like really struggling and just kind of like how his experience in his generation, he's a younger guy. He's how, uh,

He was struggling with kind of the same age old issues that all people who are in their early 20s and late teens are going through. Right. But the way that they process it in that generation versus how we had to deal with it is so much different. Right. And it's just so much... It's just like...

We didn't have the internet, but we also, you know, got stabbed. Right. Right. Right. Right. You could get, you could get teased at school or beat up at school or robbed or whatever, but at least when you went home, only your parents could beat you. Right. But like now kids, they get abused on Twitter. They get abused on social media 24 seven. It's more psychological than physical. And I don't know which damages you more, but, um, you know, so that's what learn to live was. And then he, I was like,

I was supposed to be taking a vacation. I rented a beach house from my friend Nikki. And I was supposed to not work because I had worked like five years straight. Right. And then he sends me these songs and they're fire. And I'm like, okay, cool. So I go in and I record all these like songs and...

they were very progressive and you could tell they wanted to be like tool away because the songs were like 10 minutes long and I came in and I was like, no, we're like, it's like Pink Floyd. Yeah. I'm like Pantera verse, chorus, verse Nirvana, verse, chorus, verse the Beatles. Like we're going to do this. Right. You know? And so, you know, then when I left to go do the five finger thing, then I got signed to better noise and came back and I,

I had two bands and Westfield Massacre and Bad Wolves were both my... Bad Wolves was supposed to be a side project. Westfield Massacre was on its second record.

And those guys thought I was the singer of Five Finger. So they tried to steal the band from me. What? Yeah. So they literally tried to kick, they kicked me off all the socials and then tried to replace all my vocals. The same thing that's going on with Babbles now. Right. And in that situation, I was like, cool, let's go to court. And I won. Right. Because I own the trademarks. Right. You know. Why are people always trying you, Tommy? I don't understand it. Oh.

I don't know. I don't know. I mean, do they honestly think they're going to just go up against you and you're just going to lay down and take it? Like, that's what baffles me. No. Well, the thing with Westville Massacre was I sold the name to them. Right. I was like, OK, cool. Here's the here's how much money I've spent on this. And like, you can buy the name from me. Cool.

Right. And then I didn't, there was no real drama about it. Like I just, yeah, I was just like, yo, I'm not singing this band. I'm like, I'm in bad wolves. Right. I can't do all these bands. I'm like, I'm torn with five finger. I'm can't, you know, I'm spread thin. So it was cool. And then those guys came back later on and all apologized to me. And like, we're all cool. Like we all broken bread and gone to dinner. And they're like, that's, and that's like the OG way. Like you're supposed to have conflict with somebody and be able to resolve it and move on. You know, like,

When I was growing up, I used to fight girls and then we would hug it out and be friends afterwards. Well, I grew up with my crazy ass brother, so we... Yeah. You know, broken nose, broken teeth. Like, you're like, ah, you know. Yeah. What happened to you guys? Like, nothing? Yeah. Fighting over the last pancake? Right, exactly. But, you know, like, that's, like, cool that you guys were able to move on from that, you know? Well, yeah, I mean, but that's how, you know, that's how we grew up, though. Right. Also, like, our fathers were men.

Like they weren't the best men, but they were men men. Oh no, they were men, yeah. Yeah, and like if my neighbor said something to my mom, my dad would knock on the door and punch him in the face. So, you know. They were strong. Toxic masculinity. I'm like, yeah, okay.

It's just real though. Well, yeah. And so, um, so, you know, the, so I did bad wolves right now I had already recorded and written several songs with Philip Naslin, who's a producer that I worked on with Westville massacre, who also I met as another sober coach. Like he was mentoring one of my clients and,

So we started working together on music because we had an artist client together. And so we became friends and we worked on some stuff. I wanted to do a cover of Zombie. And so he was my guy. So I went to Joseph McQueen at Sparrow Sound and Phillip and we did this song. And then the guys in Bad Wolves didn't want to have a cover.

Even though the drummer and the ghost guitar player who's not in the band are the only people who write the songs. Right. So I was like, okay, what if Max... We use Max's guitar tone and we re-record the rhythm guitars. But we'll keep the piano and Philip's solo. And it came back and it sounded more like it fit the band better. Right. And the label...

Like Alan was complaining because he listened to the whole first Bad Wolves record that we submitted. And he's like, you have no singles. He's like, there's no hits here. That's crazy. Well, there wasn't. And so... Okay, so it wasn't the one that got put out. It wasn't. Yeah. So most of the songs became B-roll. And we went back in the studio. So...

I went into the studio with Drew Folk and I wrote a song called Remember When. Zoltan put me in touch with Drew because he wrote a song for a band called Failure Anthem and JD, like the song's amazing.

So I made drew, we ha we hang out. He's like, tell me something about, you know, tell me something about yourself. So I'm like, well, you know, I got murdered and pretty crazy. He's like, you want to write a song about it? And I was like, yeah. So we wrote that song and then, um, we recorded it and I had max redo the guitars again. And I was actually in Sweden on tour with five finger and they said, Hey, your vocals got messed up. We need you to rerecord. So if,

I called Philip because he's from Sweden and he put me in touch with his friend Christoph and I went in and I sang Remember When. Right. And then two days later they bounced it back and we were like...

Yeah. And the band did not want it on the record. Why? Because they, cause it wasn't metal. They were trying to be like a metal, metal band. And I just come from singing in fly finger and playing headlining festivals with 300,000 screaming Europeans. And I'm like, I don't want to be in a metal band. Right. Right. Also as a singer, I,

I'm going to just be honest. I'm better than that. Right. Like I'm beyond. Yeah. Screaming in a metal band. Yeah. You know what I mean? There's nothing. I mean you want to be able to use your pipes too and like. Well there's nothing that I can't sing. Yeah. So I'm like at this point in my life I'm not angry and I'm like I'm tough. Yeah. All that fucking pseudo fake bullshit. All those people are fucking pussies anyway. Yeah.

Facts. Like, come at me. Fight me. I will. You heard it here first. I will literally knock out any single person in the entire metal industry except for the dude from, except for probably Zoltan and Chris Kale. So dumb blonde exclusive guys. And I'm trying to think of anybody else who could actually even throw hands at me. Come and get it. Yeah.

But it just is what it is. Right, I get it. But you put me with Def Jam, I get my ass kicked. Right, right. But that's hood digger's hood. Anyway, so we didn't remember when. And then I went to London and I met this man named Dan Waite. And he was friends with Dolores. And he said, hey, I had heard the demos of Zombie. And I'm friends with Dolores.

And I was like, wow, that's really interesting. Rest in peace. Yeah. And so I was like, would you send it to her and see if she likes it? Because the band doesn't want it on the record. I feel insecure about it now because they say they don't like it.

He sends it to her. I go home for Christmas. I get a phone call. He's like, dude, she's over the moon about this song. She's like, I have to sing on it. So he sends me the voice message. She leaves him about how much she loves the track. Wow. So I call the band. I'm like, guys, Dolores is going to sing on Zombie. And they all like, no, she's not. You're lying.

And I'm like, I feel like they just wanted to kind of dim your shine. I think they knew how great you were going to be. Well, they just never believed me. They're like, I'm like, believed in you. Yeah. I'm like, guys, we're going to get a record deal. They're like, no, we're not. I'm like, guys, we're going to go on tour. Five finger death punch. No, we're not. You know, just, I'm like, everything I've ever said is around a bunch of negative ass people like that. Well, I, I brought a bunch of my old friends in, you know what I mean? Who weren't doing shit. Right. And, uh, you know, so it all, so then obviously everyone knows the story.

And then Dolores passed away the night before she was scheduled to record. The label's like, we have to put the song out. I'm like, I don't feel comfortable. I don't want the money. Right. You know? And also, I'm the only person who is entitled to royalties. Right. So the studio musicians that played on it, they got paid. Right. And they signed off before this even happened. So...

I was like, if you... Okay, we'll donate all my proceeds to her kids. So the label still made money off of it. They made millions and millions of dollars off of it. I made zero. Wow. So 100% of what I would have made went to her children. And so we raised hundreds of...

Within the first two months, you know, we had given them a check for a quarter of a million dollars. Wow. So and then the song just exploded and then the band was massive overnight. So then all of a sudden, you know, it's like 10 million views on YouTube. All from a cover they didn't want to do. 400 million, you know. Yeah. Yeah. And so and then there was like the secret that.

you know management and they were like don't you know the people don't need to know who recorded records the records i'm like that's weird like why but my friend played on this they're like no no no it's like it's not gonna look like it's gonna look bad and the band has to look like a band and i was like okay like so then i started like and i've had

who have these handlers around manipulating and doing all this stuff. Yes. That's like huge in Hollywood. I've never been inside of it. Right. And I'm like, all of a sudden I'm like in the machine and I'm like, this doesn't feel right. But you know, and they're like, yeah, but look at all the good things that are going on. I'm like going along with it, you know? And so, you know, we had done,

tour after tour after tour after tour. The band blows up and, you know, we're... You wrote most of Bad Wolf songs, right? No, like this... And I'll give you a breakdown of the splits. So like... So the singles, that's what I'm involved in. Right. The metal songs, I just do the vocals and the lyrics. You know, I will take direction if John has melody ideas because...

I don't really care that much about the super brutal songs. I've been writing that forever. Right. For 25 years. Right. So I'm like, yeah, whatever. Cool. It's not really that important to me. What's most important to me is like the songs that we put out that are hits have a real message behind them. Right. So, so,

I don't, those guys are not capable of writing that kind of material. So we work with different producers. We worked with Brandon Sammons, who's worked with Lady Gaga. We've worked with Drew Folk, who's worked with everybody. I work with Scott Stevens on the last Bad Wolves record, which now they're releasing, you know, they're releasing my songs. Right.

And there's like, we're already in a huge lawsuit. Right. So can we dive into this a little bit? Cause the, and most of the questions, a lot of people were asking, you know, they want it kind of like to know. Yeah. I think one girl was like mad and she's like, well, why can't he just move on from the situation? I'm not, I'm not allowed to. Right. And I was like, I thought that was kind of like, you know, rude because you,

you literally poured your heart and soul out into these songs that, you know, that they're putting out now. Oh, it doesn't matter. Even if I just walked away, Better Noise Music has told me they will never let me release another song for the rest of my career. They will bury my career. They will destroy me.

And this is, you know, I feel like this is kind of like reminiscent of Nikki Lipstick when she came on because the fashion industry tried to silence her too. And she had to go toe to toe with them. Yeah. Well, I mean, like, it's like, you know, Alan Kovac is he's the Harvey Weinstein of rock of the rock industry. He doesn't he doesn't rape women.

He rapes his artists. I mean, that's just as bad. He rapes you financially. Right. So he creates a debt racket so that you never actually have enough money to be okay. Like I could tell you there are artists who you would think are worth $100 million that have $3 million in their bank account. Right.

I won't say who, but I know. No, I know. Being with Jay, I have seen all the behind the scenes of the fucking record and the music industry. And it's scary. Well, so they create a debt racket. And so the band comes out, we're selling, you know, where we have, we're selling millions of copies of this single though. There are for,

debut album goes gold like we're playing all these shows but we don't we can't get a dressing room we have no tour support so we have to go to a t-shirt company and ask them for a loan of $70,000 and then promise to sell the merch back right and

Wow. So we go into debt and lose all that money to pay for the bus to be on the tour and pay for the hotels and the flights. It's just like a fucking whirlpool of just debt. Well, that's the thing with me. You can't like you can't out park the kid. Right. So I'm like, all right. Every hustler mentality. Every day I walk off stage at an arena, jump into the crowd. The whole all of 2018 jump right into the crowd, walk to the merch booth, sign till the next band goes on.

I had every big male. Why is the singer of Bad Wolves walking in the crowd? I was like, because I got to get this bread, bro. Now we're selling $10,000 worth of shirts a night, $20,000 worth of shirts a night. Because I'm out there busting my ass. Nobody else in the band comes. And that's another reason why the people know me because they've shook my hand. They know who I am. That's how my husband built his following. Sitting at the merch booth every fucking night. That's what does it. Because...

I will put in as, first of all, I don't take this shit for granted. And I know that there are people out there that are affected by my music and they might need to talk to me. And I will fucking be there. I don't, even, even post COVID. Yeah. Right. I've been doing free meet and greets on my whole tour this year. I've met over 13,000 people and shook their hands and I'm still haven't gotten fucking COVID. But,

that's a whole other story god i got it in january and she just got over it yeah i got it last year did you yeah it sucked but you know it's like i've had worse things happen to me see mine was bad mine was bad i thought i was gonna fucking croak i was like broke down in the middle of a fucking parking lot with jay really jay got a boner because i cried he's like i've never seen you this vulnerable i was like i'm gonna die dude like what are you

fucking talking about that's such an introspective look into you guys relationship yeah no for sure

that's so funny um but yeah so like they're connecting with the fans and trying to you know and then you know so then we go into more debt and i'm like so they're sending me i'm just constantly doing 200 times the work of anybody else i'm stressed out i wake up they're like you got to get up at seven o'clock in the morning we got to go to the morning show and i'm like doing show up to the city doing all the press shaking all the hands singing like shit in the morning i'm like this is literally holding that band together though you're like the face in the front

Well, I tried to set boundaries with the label. I'm like, I need a break. And they're like, you don't get a break. You're going to ruin everything. Then 200 people call you and tell you you're ruining everything. I'm like, oh my God. And they shame you into working yourself to death. And so, you know, my relationship with the label was tarnished from the first year. And then, you know, I like...

I'm such a workaholic. Even during 2018's tour, I went in and I wrote all the hits for the second record in the fall in a week before the next tour. So sober, killing me slowly and learn to walk again. We're all done in the four days that we had off. And you've stayed sober through all of this, all this pressure. Like that's insane. But I'm just painting a picture here. Like, but again, I,

being in the witness protection program and being murdered. So this nigga right here, I'm like, okay. So they keep, they keep trying to, they try to throw me in hot water and I'm like, all right, you know, I'll adapt. Right. So then we did that. So that's a lot on your shoulders, dude. Yeah, but it's like, but this is what we sign up for, right? So I'm not, so I'm just, this is how it is. Right. In that realm.

I get it. I see my husband. He's a fucking tank. I don't know how he does it. Yeah. I mean, you just, you have to be, you're either born for it or you're not. Right. And so sometimes you get too powerful. Right. Sometimes you get too strong. Right. You know, and then, then the next record comes out and then boom, same thing. We're on tour, on tour, on tour, on tour. All of it. All the meanwhile,

No one realizing we got all these death punch tours because Zoltan made a promise to me. Right. My fee for sober coaching was too high for the band to pay. Right. Right. Because they had a lawsuit going on with their old label and they had all this shit going on. And I said, I will work for 30 percent of my price.

If you promise to put me on tour with you in every market you can. Wow. And he honored that. Wow. And even me and Ivan and even had fights on tour and we got not gotten along for whatever reason. Yeah. And they still honored it. We all, we honor the agreements. So that's really honorable that they did that, especially in this industry. Cause motherfuckers do not fucking follow through on anything they say. I know. I know. And so I have a massive amount of respect for those guys. And so anyway, we,

You know, we're doing all these tours. We're doing all this stuff. The band's blowing up. I remember we did some festival with Korn and we went on at noon and Korn went on at 11 and we outsold every band in merch. And me and Zoe designed all the merch. I designed every piece of fucking everything. I named the band. I did like all this shit. So I'm like, yo, we're killing it. And then everything was cool. We went out on tour with Megadeth and Five Finger and it was like...

Tons of sober dudes on the tour my ex-girlfriend I flew her out on the tour and like you know she had never seen Europe and I was so excited to like take her and we were having problems at home because you know drugs alcohol and and domestic violence to be honest like it was very publicized I have to like tread lightly about how I can discuss this because I don't want to say anything negative towards her but also yeah

There were a lot of things said about me that in court was proven not true. So anyway, we're having this amazing fucking tour. We come home and then we go into lockdown. And I got sick in Italy and the whole tour got sick. And then we came home. I was fine. John got hospitalized. That's when we realized we had COVID. Right. So we had COVID in Europe. Most of the tour got it.

And we didn't know. So everybody came home. Two weeks later, we're in lockdown. I found some stuff on my ex's devices. And I was like, I'm moving out. And I'm not doing this anymore. And it just got to that place. And it broke my heart because she was one of my best friends for four years. We had both...

I was friends with her ex-fiance. She knew my ex-girlfriend. Like we had been through some stuff together. We were on a show together. We had corporate sponsors together and she did me dirty. And, you know, and it's, and I know she's been on this show and I've actually seen like, even at that point, she was still saying good things about me, but it was when she realized I wasn't coming back that everything went like haywire.

I hate that that happened between you guys. Cause you know, I think she's, you know, got her thing going. I think she's an awesome chick from what I've seen. I've never met her before. Um, you know, and I could tell that you guys really had love for each other, you know? So that sucks when you go through something that you guys have had to go through. That's fucking heartbreaking. Well, I think that's, I think it's multiple things. I think that, um, there's a,

We both come from traumatic backgrounds. And so... Well, a lot of people that are traumatized, even as children, you find comfort in other people who have the same wounds as you or wounds that you guys want to fix. We trauma bond. Right, exactly. Like I never met... I have night terrors because I have reenactment nightmares from my brother murdering me.

And I don't really experience them anymore. And then that was the first time I was in a relationship where like the other person was waking up screaming and I would be like, oh. But I knew exactly how to handle the situation. And we just got very, we were just very, very tight. Yeah. And I think that in retrospect, I think there was like the drama. Once we were in a committed relationship, it was like constantly, you know, who's this girl? You know, that whole thing. And it turned into like,

craziness. Yeah. You know, and then after all of the accusations, I've never cheated on anybody in my entire life. After all that for it to, you know, it's like disheartening. Well, you realize when, when somebody's very vehemently saying that you're doing something and you're literally not. Right. And then it comes out that it's like why they're saying it. And it was just sad. Yeah. And it was heartbreaking. And, but I'm also like, I think,

I just keep it moving. I'm so used to getting hit that even before I start to process what's going on, you know, I was just already on to the next and I'm sure that that was painful and that caused a lot of retaliation and then they

Well, that's part of your trauma too, though. If you think about it, it's how you move on from things. That stems from how you were raised and all the shit you've fucking been through. Well, you look at the band and what they did and I was like, I'm going on tour. Everyone's like, what is he, what? Yeah. Yeah, I was like, I'm going on tour. I don't care. You're like, how could you just, and then it just, you know, well, fuck him. Yeah, you're not gonna just lay down and die. I'm like, bro, like, you know, so, yeah, so that whole thing happened and

You know, we got... Nightmare situation. We went to court and then, you know, like she accused me of domestic violence and beating her and choking her and dragging her around the house and strangulating... Like crazy shit with no photos and no nothing and no police reports. I'm like... And literally witnesses who were like, this did not happen. Right. You know what I mean? And so...

you know I our relationship kind of came to a head when she tried to crash my car on New Year's and and going to Europe was a band-aid you know like I don't drink right I I can't I'm just like whatever's going on like it's not it's off the table for me right you know so it just got to work out and and it is what it is and

whatever yeah like there's nothing you could do about it you know what i mean yeah and and the thing with me too is like nothing will nothing in this world my heart i'm already i start with a broken heart my brother has shattered my heart into a million pieces right so i'm not really so if you just hurt me i'm just like i'm like all right yeah another one yeah like okay

And then I just get back to work. So moving on from that, you got into this relationship. I didn't get into it. This is very important. Very important. I'm saying, I'm saying this.

I fucking hit on Nicole Arbor on election night. Oh, God, we're using first and last names. I don't give a shit. Okay. I'm with it. I'm completely allowed to say anything I want. Stay tuned to next week's episode to see what happens in part two of Dumb Blonde Podcast.