Jay Mohr
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Yes, I have actually stayed at Airbnbs from time to time. And truth be told, I do really like them. I'm being totally honest right now that I've had great experiences with them. Yeah. I mean, you can have your look at you go get your own place, get your own pool, your own living room. You're not going to walk in an elevator. You're not going to see people when you're walking around in your undergarments. Yeah.

Yes. And if you don't understand what we're talking about, you should go online. What we're saying is you have a house with a kitchen and a bathroom and it's just for you, tailored for you. You liked your Airbnb over a hotel. Yes. And I do think I've had relatives stay nearby and sometimes it's very nice for them to do an Airbnb and have a little house and they're not underfoot. The last thing you want is your house guest to say, excuse me, um,

Where would I find a towel? That's a toughie when it's because they're naked. Well, it's like the 1800 time you say on the towel rack. Yeah. Thank you. I was going to look there. People don't even think hotels sometimes just go, hey, I'll go there. I'll get an Airbnb. So you won't regret it. Jay Moore is a cast member that, you know, Dana started when I was there as a very young man came in. Yeah.

yeah, Jay Moore, who people know now, but he came, uh, from SNL. He had some great impressions, walk in, uh, few others and very good mimic of that. Um, he had a run there, went off. He does a lot of sports. He does a lot of standup, um, knows a lot about a lot. Been in a lot of great movies. Yeah. Oh yeah. Did a movie with Aniston, uh,

He's done a lot of stuff. Beat me out for a part in a movie. We talk about that. You know, we did a, do you remember when we did our special about the great Chris Farley? Those, those two episodes. Yeah. Well, Jay came in and had some very, very funny, funny stories. Some of it I thought was folklore, but he was there or maybe instigated it. So anyway, I would stay tuned for his episode.

His really funny, funny stories about the great Chris Farley. Oh, he's got so many Farley stories about everything in 8-H. And also talks about lately his marriage to Jeannie Buss. Yeah, he's a newlywed, and he's in a really good space. Interesting. Yeah, he's gone through a lot. And we fucking laughed the whole time. That was great. Enjoy, Jay Moore. Please. Please.

Dana left before I came on. When did you come on? 91. 91? I was there till 93. Wait, do you know who Dana is?

Which one? Are you a Church Lay fan or are you more of a Garth guy? Are you Coffee Machine fan? You're Dana? No, it's about your contract. I had to grow this so we look even worse. I was not on Saturday Night Live with you, Dan. But we both were there in 92, so there's a little bit of a problem. When you and I were there, David, was Dana there also? No. I came in with Sarah and Norm and David Tell. Did you do it with Sarah and Norm and David Tell? No, that was later.

Okay. So you weren't there in 92, because that's what I was doing. Was Wayne's World happening all the time? What's Wayne's World? Okay. Let's back up. So you missed it by that much. I missed it just by a little bit. A birdie told me. But I remember being there once where Franken and Chris Farley were going to fight. Franken and Chris Farley were going to wrestle.

And I remember you hanging around and I remember, oh, Jay, you know, like you were like, I could take both of you guys kind of like you were going to, there was a three. So I don't know if you ever rest. I do remember that now. Yeah. And I also remember, okay, David and, I still always call you David.

David. Spade and Fred Wolf were in the graphics room. I knew Fred Wolf would come up immediately. He's the best. You're really funny. You're not so funny. That's really good. I shouldn't do that. No, no, no. I'm just kidding. So the six shooters up here, that was really good. Really good. I'll tell you a story, but I'm going to talk to you for one second. I'm going to talk to you and I don't have a question for you.

I just remember a waiter coming over going, get the fuck out of here. He's in the middle of a punchline and the waiter would walk up. He goes, get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here. Because they always come on the punchline. I wasn't as funny as you. I was pretty good, right? But I wasn't as funny as you guys. So Spade and Fred Wolfe are in the graphics room and I walk in to see what they're doing. Then Farley walks in.

And then Fred just, Fred's like the master manipulator. Like, hey, Chris, you know, Jay wrestled, you wrestled. Oh, no. You know, Jay says he could kick your ass at wrestling. And I'm like, yeah, I'm 23 years old. I'm like, absolutely.

And Chris just- You were a young- Chris is just like, yeah, all right. So we square up to wrestle. Like he's not even in his crazy- This was in the writer's room where we- No, this was in the graphics room. Oh, okay. Where's that? It was Frank on the way to Lauren's office. Okay. And it was just you and Fred were just doing private time or something. Some graphics. What happened? So I made the mistake of shooting in on Chris's legs and he just collapsed on top of me.

And then I went to my stomach and I brought my elbows in and Chris for the next six minutes sat down.

on my back going and you couldn't get out no I thought you couldn't live I really thought my life was gonna end sure well yeah and I was trying to say Chris you're trying 890 my back and after 6 minutes David saved me he goes get the fuck off come on Chris and he just jumped cheers Davey by the way first of all it was all Fred's fault oh yeah

Okay, Jay is doing, miming Chris Farley's little running thing. His heart attack thing where he always hits his, or he goes, son of a, I have a, are you supposed to have a tingling feeling in your left arm? It's going numb. Yeah, yeah. So what about when he walked you to the elevator? Wasn't he mad about that? Oh, I pinned him. Yeah. So the rematch was, it was Dana Carvey, Dana Carvey. It was, wow. I was the referee. I was reading your name right there. It was Alec Baldwin. I get you guys confused all the time.

Me and Alec, we know, it's just a thing. It was Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger were co-hosting. Oh, they were there? Mingling? Yeah. Okay. And my follow-up to that was like, it really like bugged me because I was like, as the days- Well, can I ask for a second? Yeah. How good were you at wrestling? You're a good wrestler. I'm much better as an adult than I was as a kid. What was the weight when you took on Farley? What was your weight? I was probably 160. Okay, so you were lean. Okay, so talk about how you pinned him by the elevator. He was 1220.

How did you pin a 5'6", 270-pound man? He was sitting on the couch. That's about what I figured he was at his prime. I'm glad you asked. Yeah. You get him right after he went to Wally and Joseph's and he had shells. Wally and Joseph's. He's taking a nap. That was our go-to restaurant.

in New York. You were sitting on the couch right inside the writer's room. And I walked in, I said, hey, I said something to him. Hey, fat boy, you still want to go? And he went to get up and everyone's sitting at the giant table. There's like 40 people. Why are you doing this? I was nuts. Untreated alcoholism. What are you doing? Totally. Totally.

And he went to get up. His mistake was, it's like never getting a fight, getting out of your car, you're dead. So he got caught in that limbo. Starting halfway up. And then where'd you go to? So I went, my right arm around his head and I just went bodied into him. And then we just were falling forward. And then I clasped my hands under his, like back of his knee. So we did like a somersault into the room. And I put my knee down.

in his side and my forehead on his temple just because I knew if I let him go he'd kill me so it's like when you're fighting a bully you are brave I don't want to let him go because he'll beat me up in front of Alec Baldwin more importantly Kim Basinger and so I let him go and everyone's staring at me like what the fuck is this guy doing so then I slap Chris's ass I go now we're even

And I get up and I'm walking to the night elevators. I don't know why I turned left instead of right. And I just hear this like running of the bulls behind me. And I turn...

And it's like the entire room has emptied out and they're walking towards me. But in front of them, Chris is walking like a zombie, like in a Scooby-Doo, like with the big leg and his eyes are up in his head, like his palms are terrifying. So I had that time to get to the elevator. I'm hitting the button, hitting the button.

The night elevator opens and it's filled with people from the rainbow room. It's like, it's just a wall of black tie and gowns, just Taffeta and fucking Ben gay, just all these. So I went into the elevator and then Chris is walking towards the elevator. Now he's going to kill me. And there's going to be collateral damage. And I go, look, everybody, that's Chris Farley. And the whole elevator, like on an episode of new heart just goes, Oh,

And he goes, and he just turned around and walked away. And the elevator door closed. You got so lucky. I got seen with a fucking murder me. Oh my God. Did he get that temper going? The only reason I lived is because he's just, he had to get the laugh. Even in that, even like instead of running at me and grabbing me once everybody was mobile, he was like. I remember I told Dana, I said, I remember that me, Chris and Jay,

there was a wrestling situation and then Jay got the best of him and went into the elevator. I just remember the elevator. I made him turn purple. Oh, he got the best of him and just killed him. So you had skill.

You had a lot of confidence. Well, I watch a lot of UFC, so I, you know. You've seen me on that. Well, I've seen guys that look like you. I don't know, but leverage a smaller person. He just, if it was, he was, the way he was getting up off the couch was just a godsend. I got really lucky and it just took my shot. Well, he was just obviously a big man. And he wasn't ready at all. He was quick. He was just like, hey. He always went like punchline first. He's like, all right, young man.

Hey, how are you? Hey, lady! Sorry. I remember when Dave Attell and I were in the office and Farley walked in at like 1 a.m. on a Thursday. He was just like, whoa. And he's like, what are you guys doing? And at the same time, like creepy twins, we said, we'll pay you $100 to shit out the window. Oh, you initiated that infamous thing? And he just went, oh, give me the money first. Give me the money first.

And so he did this more than once? 17th floor. No, we had to fill out a police report because they thought he was a jumper. So he opens the window. Does he take down his pants? And then he puts his ass out. Yeah, and it was obvious right away he didn't have to shit at all. Because he turned like purple from effort. He was just like... So nothing happened?

No, like one little thing. One hairy milk dud. Yeah. And hit Lorne Michaels, who was coming back for more so's. Excuse me, Paul. Do you have a napkin? Cancel the second song. You got a little bit of feces on you. One of the feature players shit on me. It fell in the window onto my desk. Oh. What? So you initiate it and you become the victim. Yeah. And then...

There was nothing to wipe his ass with. Well. So we wiped, I always leave this part of the story out out of respect, but you guys know how much, we can't love anyone more. No. So he wiped his ass with his hands. His hand is the only option. For people listening who think being on Saturday Night Live is a barrel of monkeys, you're right. And this is an example of how much fun it is. He would come in my office and go,

I have got a greasy trail, which I figured out later what it was. And he'd take my USA Today and go, give me a piece of that. And you know, you can do the rest of that. So after he wiped his ass with his hand, he went back to that mummy walk and he fucking chased us around the 17th floor with the shit on his hand. With the mummy walk and shit on his hand. And I'm running down the hallway past like research and there's those bookshelves in

in the hallway and me and Dave Attell are running side by side and I'm like we're not gonna make this side by side we gotta go single file but I don't wanna be in the back and Dave like I'm like two years removed from competitive wrestling and Dave Attell a chain smoking miserable guy just passes me like he's on a jet ski yeah

And I hit the bookcase. My shoulder, like, pops out. And I'm just laying on my back. Oh, no. And Chris, for, like, minutes, is just standing over me going. Oh, with that. Didn't you have that broomstick, though? Or was that a... Or we don't talk about it. Yeah, that was... We don't talk about it. Oh, that's even more... Okay, yeah. Well, the writer's room was a very fun, late-night, chaotic place. And even down here, everyone's looking for any reason not to write.

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The first sketch I ever handed Downey, I didn't know, like, he slept there. He was going through some shit. Yeah. And he just wanted us around, like, in the loneliest hours between 3 and 6 a.m. So, remember, he'd make us watch, like, Joliet high school basketball. Like, look at this. Look at the ball movement. Oh, you were out by then. You were at some fucking party. He did like to talk about, like, have I ever gotten that Downey's office? Which all we want to do is get Downey's expertise.

And he was, you know, he's been there for 20 years. So when we get in there, he goes, Spade, what is going on in Arizona? And then I would go through all that, but I'm trying to go through my progression so I can get to my horrible sketch that he's not going to like. And I would talk and talk and just talk. And we would just talk. And Schneider, let me in. I'm next. Too much time. So two in the morning, you leave. And then Schneider goes in. But poor Jim, that's what he had to do is just take okay ideas. One time he did say something smart. He goes...

He always said something smart. But he said something that I remembered where he goes, there's times when you're going to give me an idea and I'm just going to say, I don't think you should write it. And I can't really tell you why. I just know it probably won't get on. And I can't even articulate. It's just not right. And I said, okay, fair enough. And sometimes I would do it and he goes, I don't think that's the one. And I'd be like, this is one of the guys that decides. So why go through the motions of writing? Unless it's going to be so primo, he has to-

overturn his opinion, but he just goes, hmm. And that's hard to do. It's hard to tell someone not to write something. The first sketch I ever handed him was the Christopher Walken Psychic Friends Network. That had to have gotten on, didn't it get on? Eventually. But I was, you know, I didn't see him until like 9 a.m.,

Oh. And I finished it at like midnight. So you stayed the whole night? I stayed. I slept on the couch and this. And then they go, oh, you can go, I think it was Laurie Jogos, you can go see him. And then he's sitting on his fucking little couch brushing his teeth. It's like a face of foam. Yeah. And he goes, let me see it. And I go, hey. And I hand it to him and he puts his palm out like this. And I put the sketch in his palm and he goes, yeah, it feels a little long. He just waited out and then handed it back to you? He was right though. Oh my God, feel good.

It was a heavy sketch. Yeah. It was long. I'd get there and sometimes there was a Franken or maybe, was it Rosie Schuster? Rosie Schuster. 18 pages in the read-through. Now, read it. Who is that? Which one's Franken? Oh, Franken, okay. I remember I had Franken somehow in like some sketch.

That was gonna get on. I think it was like Good Morning Brooklyn or something. It was gonna get on. Like, it was just the vibe was there. And I had Franken and, no, Psychic Friends, it was the walk-in sketch. And Schneider goes, you gotta switch out. No, you gotta switch out, Franken. You can't. And I go, no, this is funny because he's like the guy. And he goes, no, don't put Franken in your sketch. And I go, why not? He goes, follow me.

And we walked out of the office around the corner, down the hallway. And there's, you know, the framed photos. And it's when they were having the white sale with slaves, with Belushi and Bill Murray. And then the third one is Franken. And they're just standing there like, whatever. And Franken's like...

Oh yeah. Like all puffed up chest. He goes, that's why. Because he's overacting. That's why. Schneider's an old soul. Schneider is. Schneider will tell you what's on his mind. You're a fucking rookie. What do you know? You don't know what you're doing. They're poisoning our water. Well, he can also note you in your own sketch, you know? No, he's great. Because he was one of the ones that got the pig sketches. So he had,

I'm talking Franken. Oh, right. He would... If he's in it, he's also a writer and he's also one of the producers that picks sketches, so...

He has a lot of control of your own sketch, which might that rub you wrong. Is the Game of Thrones of SNL. Partnering with someone, even if you go into the room and you go, I kind of have an idea. It'd be like you're psychic walking and then let them start the ball rolling. Oh, that's great. That's great. So they get proprietary. So when Lauren is there, anyone walking psychic?

they're involved. Yeah. See, I didn't know any of that. Oh. Yeah. I think when Jay started, I don't know if I knew you, did I know you ahead of time or I just knew you there? No. Okay. So I think,

We all had trouble when we got there. Me, everybody. I had a lot because I couldn't quite like this dope that was better than me. This guy, Dana. So when I got there. David's always there. When I got there. He was like my protege. I was the longest feature player. Rob went first. Sandler went first. Farley. They all went to cast. And so I stayed an extra year on the bench kind of. And I remember when I think you came on, it was like kind of tough. And maybe I try to tell you.

And at the beginning, in my recollection, you were like, you know, I know it's hard. I know how it is. But the truth was you can't even be prepared. It's like, you know it and you get there and you go, well, my sketch was funny. What's going on? And then it just, that's exactly what happened to me. How did you start to go? How do you? And then after three weeks of that, like I gave my best sketch the first week and it almost got on. And then after that, it was a lot tougher because that was the one I worked on. I go, this, this has to work.

And then another week comes by and another week. And if you're not getting stuff on, you start to lose your mind. Well, let me ask both of you guys a question. I mean, the first year, I kind of harvested or adapted stuff that worked for me in clubs a lot of the time. So I'm wondering what...

what were your killer bits when you got it? And you too, Jay, like how you got the show. I mean, you're walking is right up there with any guy's impression. I'm more of a mimic. So I didn't have, like you have the, you're really great, Dana, at like your original characters. But I'm just doing an impression of a person I met kind of. It's a close. But it's still an original thing. Like I'm just mimicking. And I remember when Jim Downey said, you know, go to the guy's,

"Go around to the other guy's offices and just do impressions. Let them know what you..." And I was like so offended, like, "I'm not gonna be a door-to-door salesman." Like a fucking clown? Yes. But that's exactly what I should have done. If I could have done it over again, I would have just walked into your office and been like... I wrote a list out of every one that I did. Really? And just passed it all around. Yeah, my narcissism was too... That's smart. Who were you doing at that point? Since mid '90s? Who'd you come in with?

You've been in clubs for a few years. Like Pesci. Nothing's hacky. Pesci, De Niro, Andrew McCarthy. Was that? Oh yeah. I think from what movie? We did it. We did it in a,

I love her, man. Oh, yeah. We did it with Phil on Sassy when he had that talk show. Oh, Sassy, yeah. We were just talking about Sassy. Oh, yeah. That was with Phil Hartman. See, that's funny. If it's not accurate for me, that's just funny. I love her so much. I love her, man. It's just a funny-ridden, funny attitude. And then you just say, that's Andrew McCarthy. Yeah, and it works because if you have one move, the eyes, the voice close enough, the

You get your laugh. That's all you need really in those sketches. And I did a bunch of black characters, like Arsenio and Tracy, but he wasn't famous yet. Glad it was 1995. Cripple Pussy Stay Wet.

So you're doing crippled pussy? Yeah, that's why I got these wheelchair gloves, David Spade. And this was seeing him in the clubs. He wasn't on SNL? Yeah, I went to go see him at the improv. And I walk into the improv and he's fist fighting the audience in the hallway before they redid it.

And I go to help him. It was like 80 against one. And he's just like, yeah, I miss my daughter. God damn it. And then I go to help him in the fight and he turns to punch me in the face and his fist stops like right at my face and he stops and he goes, I'm not going to fuck with you, Jay Morris. You legendary. That was his way of saying, I almost just punched you in the face. I put a baby in you, Jay. Yeah, Jay Morris got me boy pregnant. I love it.

I like when Tracy does observational humor, but it's only observational to Tracy. He's on stage like Oxnard. Who else remembers finger-fucking Portuguese girls on their handball courts? You know what I'm talking about. You know what I'm talking about. It's like old white people with turquoise. They all have turquoise jewelry on. They're all earthy. They're from Montecito. They just went down to Oxnard. You know them Portuguese girls been giving up the pussy? On their hands.

Well, Tracy, we're not going to have you back. Oh, okay. God damn, that's so funny. That's so fucking funny. Daryl Hammett tells me, tells a story of Tracy, like was Daryl's savior. Like Daryl was struggling and Tracy goes, we got to go give respect to the man.

Like, this is the streets, Daryl. So he's got to go. Like, we have to have like our meeting with Lauren. Just let them know we're soldiers. Oh, okay. And so they wait. They wait like two hours. Five hours, yeah. And they finally get in. And Lauren's like, I have a seat, guys. Hold on a second. Hello, Mick. It's like Mick Jagger calls.

They're sitting in those big fucking chairs. And he's like, one second. Hello, Mick. How's the tour going, man? And then they start talking in Dick Cheney's office calls. Yeah.

Dick Cheney? Jagger than Cheney? They're just getting more emasculated. So it's like eight minutes total. And then he goes, all right, thanks. And they go outside the office and Tracy looks at Daryl and goes, there ain't no eye rolling in that motherfucker, D. And that meant... Like we're in the big leagues. There ain't no eye rolling in that motherfucker, D. Yeah. So did you partner up with...

With Daryl a little bit, but two impressionists. We've been doing shows. Oh, really? Now, right? Yeah. Oh, good. Like just a night of impressions. Like he does 20 minutes, I do 20 minutes. Do you have any overloppers? And then Q&A, is this the two of you? We shut down the Q&A last year because it's like, do, the Q&A is like, do Schwarzenegger. Damn. It's like, I don't do. Q&As are tough.

Yeah. We like to take all the variables out. And then, but we have a guy, Greg Baldwin, who's like the moderator. He's like the James Lipton. And then we do, you know, we just go back and forth, back and forth. We tell a couple stories and then we'll do like speed around, which is mostly cartoons. That sounds great. That sounds like a great show. You like cartoons? Yeah. Who's your favorite Muppet?

Kermit. Yeah, yeah. I just- I hold Kermit the Frog. No, I like some other ones. Cookie Moss. Who's the homeless guy? Are you guessing? Or like, who is your favorite Muppet? No, I don't- Aren't you guessing? I'm not a Muppet guy. I'd be- I'd be- I'm not a Muppet guy. Beaker. Beaker's tight. See? And his boss, Professor Honeydew. Is that the bald guy? Yeah, he had no eyes, but he had glasses. Muppets are killing it. I'm not a Muppet guy. I'm old school. I like Bert.

Oh yeah, Bert and Ernie. What was the story with them? Everybody... Yeah, one came out, right? Bert... Everybody thinks Bert's an asshole, but Ernie just wore him down until he snapped. Yeah.

Bert just runs a tight ship. Yeah. Military guy. Navy guy. Yeah, Ernie was kind of a fuck around. Bert's a total Navy guy. Make the bed nice and early. They have to be a little opposite to make it work. So going back to Dana's question. Yes, yeah. I didn't really bring anything other than impressions with me. But then I kept...

my impressions like a secret. And then I had resentments that nobody was writing sketches. Dumbest thing you've ever done. Yeah, which is again, untreated alcoholism. 'Cause I mean, you did all these movies and I see you like as an actor. Oh wait, I got a question for you. I'm jumping around, I'm sorry. Co-host is talking to you. Oh. My co-host was asking you something. I was just saying you're more than an impressionist in your career, you know, sports commentator. That's not what I was gonna say. Well, that's the thing with impressions too. When people go, how come you don't do impressions when you're on stage?

To me, it's not standup. It's a whole different toolbox. Yeah. I feel like I'm kind of cheating. Like this isn't standup. I'm just doing these fucking voices. Well, it used to be, I would get teased a lot in San Francisco, like Bobby Slate. Yeah, yeah, do a funny voice, do a funny voice. You know, that's all you do. And then I walked into the Holy City's little club one night and he's doing one of the Bowery Boys. That's like his big closing. The Bowery Boys. Yeah, the Bowery Boys. Timely. Going back.

Yeah, it seems like it's a big advantage just to have impressions to go to, maybe not depend on, but to go to on that show. Only if people know that you have them. Didn't you just go around to office and go, hey, how about this? The guy's saying, they literally never found out you got this secret weapon. No, they found out. It would be like whatever movie was playing, I would start quoting the movie because I just talk in movie quotes all the time anyway. So that's how I got Keitel on.

And... Keitel. Look, I understand you're super fucking pissed. Harvey Keitel. I don't know what you think you know, but you're wrong. He's a good kid. Keitel, I never hear anyone do. Well, nice to know you paid attention to the broadcast. We did it. You were in the sketch. No, I know. We did...

Wow, SNL secret. What one was it? Where do you guys hide the cameras? We're not filming this stupid thing. That's why- We couldn't afford it. We didn't have the right- Describing what you're doing because we're stupid. No, my eye is fucked up. What happened, sweetie? I was going to tell you when you came in. I don't know. I just woke up, my eye was red on the side, so it looks like shit. But I think it's not life-threatening. Did you have characters when you came in? You know, we did the thing where you-

Like what you guys are saying about your standup, mine was just stories and standup and punchlines and just talking. So I really wasn't loaded to go in there to go. I think it's a good idea to go into the offices and say, hey guys, I can do this or hey, if you ever need some, but you have to, I'm wondering why does no one write for me, but no one even knows who I am and they don't give a fuck. And they've got-

10 guys that are great right there to pick from. So you almost have to go sell yourself, which is what we both didn't do. And I didn't have as much to offer. Like I was just like sort of sarcastic. That might've been what they picked up just around the office or talking at the read-through table or at rewrites. But you had some things that were useful like impressions and attitudes. So I guess it would have been good for you to go to Smigel, go to Conan, go to those guys, whoever was still around

Jack Handy probably wouldn't have written that much for either of us because he was writing his own stuff that was...

Almost didn't need people. Well, you want to have a reason to do the impression that's kind of organic. Those guys make a good sketch around your impression. Rather than just a cavalcade of, you know. It was funny, like the things that don't get on, like when you're just swinging for the fences because you've had no sketches on for so long. I remember me and Steve looked at Christopher Walken as a waiter at Friday's and that was the whole sketch. Oh, it is. Like you should have a dessert. It's Mount...

Fudgeopolis. We would laugh like that. Oh, it's fucking hilarious. And then it goes to the table and it just takes a dump. Really? That's such a funny... It was funny, but it's just like, what is the sketch? Hey, I work here, right?

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I remember Andy Robin had a sketch. He wound up going on Seinfeld as a writer, but when he was on SNL, he had a sketch where people walked by each other in an office and they go, how you doing? He goes, this week or something. They kept missing what they were saying and they'd say the wrong answer. You know what I mean? Like he misheard him or something or something dumb, but it was just walk bys, the whole sketch, I think. And then he submitted it probably five times. And that is the hardest thing to do is if you're not getting on. And the second time you put a sketch in, I've done it, it's got a stink on it.

No matter why it didn't get on the first time, even if the host, it got cut after dress or it killed, but then it bumped with something. The second time just isn't as good. And it's just harder and harder to get something on. Did you resubmit things? You were saying you did. Yes, I did Friends Network because it got, it got, why did it get cut? How did it get cut? Jesus. The first, it was first week with Charles Barkley and Nirvana when I did Barkley versus Barney. Whoa.

Oh, that's great. As the cold opened, which was just, I panicked. I was like, Barkley, but like, I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. And then I had to write it. And then. And you were Barney the dinosaur. No, no. It was because there was commercials of Charles Barkley playing basketball against Godzilla for a night at the time. So I was like, Barkley versus Barney. And I was like, oh, this is great. Okay. I'm in.

And then we shot it at a Hunter college. It's like the next morning at like 8am Thursday morning. And then when I get there, like Al Franken's just got like video village and he's like, all right, he's got a shot list. In hindsight, thank God. Cause what am I? I was like, you guys play basketball. You beat up the guy in the Barney suit. They had a stunt man in a Barney suit. Yeah. And, uh,

I was like, it's a very unfair tug of war. Guy that's been there eight days, Al Franken, the guy that's going to be a senator. And the new guy. Yeah, yeah. And the big argument was he didn't...

At one point, I had Barkley kneeing just basketballs out the window and he just knees Barney in the nuts. And Franken goes, no, we're not doing that. And he's like, you can't have Barney kneeing, you can't have Charles Barkley kneeing Barney in the nuts. You can't? And that was like my only thing where I dug in and I was like, this has to be, and we wound up doing it. But it was really bizarre. Was it in it? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, got a lot. And so the Psychic Friends Network, it was Nirvana and Barkley. No, sorry. It was the second week with the Shannon Doherty. Yeah. Oof. And Cypress Hill. What do you mean, oof? Well, I'll tell you. Okay. So...

So the conceit of the sketch is Christopher Walken's the last guy you want getting inside your head and helping you with psychic issues. It's like, you know, I can help you with romance. I could be in your garage waiting for you when you get home. Security.

And so- That's a really good tone you have. And then we had other, like David was Crispin, you were Crispin Glover. Yeah. Like, hey, I want to help you. It's all these celebrities that you don't want. Yeah, okay. And then we got away to a phone and the phone doesn't ring because everybody's freaked out and he keeps going, why aren't you calling?

And I had Shannon Doherty as Sean Young in the cat suit. Cause the story at the time was like, she showed up to Warner Brothers dressed as Catwoman because she wanted to part and she freaked everybody out. And then Shannon Doherty, like on Friday says, I'm not comfortable making fun of Sean Young. And it was like, Oh no. Exactly. That's what I was saying. A sketch loses momentum for that. And now you have to resubmit it. Oh, I was fucking heated. And,

And then, so I was, well, not on that show. I thought my life was over. And then it was week three, Errol Smith and Jeff Goldblum. And I was in the writer's room just, just sulking, just being a fucking baby. And Lauren comes in and goes, how's the Christopher Walken sketch coming? And I said, I'm not going to do it this week. And he goes, I think you have guilt and momentum on your side.

And I was like, fucking. Because I didn't have a computer. Oh, yeah. I was writing on yellow legal pad. Yellow pad, yeah. Looking for it. I didn't know where to hand it in. Like, I don't know where to hand it in a sketch. Yeah, Claire. Claire went home at fucking 10. It's 3 a.m. She's just trying to hand it to somebody. All the guys are hitting a button on their computer and the sketch goes to the magic sketch place. I didn't have a computer. Oh, it sucked because you go in there. First of all, you write in legal pad.

I go home at three in the morning, finish writing it. I have to take a cab back from the other side to hand it in to Claire and the Mad Men girls that are typing it. And then I go back home and then I come back for read-through. So it wasn't like attachments and there was no laptop. So it was fucking horrible. Remember? That's how it was for you, right? Yeah. And I didn't know, I knew nothing about writing a sketch. I didn't know if you're in the sketch, I don't know if I write David or do I write Crispin. Yeah. Yeah.

Like I just, I still don't know. Basic low, the lowest common denominator. That's a good question. I'm not sure I know. Back then, did we put, um, I just fucking, did we put names of us? No, you put the name of the character. No, you put character. Yeah. Yeah. I remember, you know, I saw yesterday, Ian Maxton. Remember when, remember when, uh, Norm knocked him out. Cold.

Oh. You remember that? I think he squirted water. I've never seen Norm being violent. Say whatever you're about to say. Dave was, why not? I don't know. Norm violent? I never saw Norm. I was always what? I don't want to say I was violent. He squirted him with water. By chance, you know. It was a cigarette thing. So Norm would smoke after the no smoking. Like this is, people don't understand. Like it used to be like you could smoke in buildings. It was like whatever.

Yeah. And then all of a sudden it was like, by the way, like you're not allowed to smoke in buildings anymore. So there was a grace period of people like, oh, that's right. I forgot. Or they didn't care. So Norm was on the same, where Farley got, where I tackled Farley. He was on that couch smoking and Ian Maxton Graham, all six, 10 of them walks in with his little faggy yogurt. He always had like- Excuse me? You mean gay, a festive yogurt. Happy. That was the name of it, was Happy Gay Yogurt. And-

And he walked in with his yogurt and oats and Norm smoking and he had a plastic cup of water and he just looked at Norm and he threw the water on Norm and Norm just stood up one punch out. Norm was deceptively a big guy. You don't really think of it. I mean, he was sort of a beanpole in a way in the 90s. He got thicker. Big. Do you remember when you guys did the crystal meth sketch? You were like Tony Robbins, the weight loss guy.

I think it was you and Fred and it was Ride the Snake. Oh yeah, Ride the Snake. You know, they show, basically you get people hooked on meth to lose weight. And on those commercials where they'll show like an outline of a fat body and it says like after six weeks and it goes in a little bit, this one was like six hours and it was like a skeleton. And so he's getting, so they had this thing of

at a drive-thru window, a pre-filmed piece. And he's like, let me have 14 cheeseburgers, 14 apple pies, 22 French fries, and three chocolate milkshakes. And the guy in the box goes, will that be all? And he goes, no.

I'll also have... So we argued for two hours over what the back end of that order should be. Like he should just repeat the exact same order or like, no, make that Diet Coke. Or no, give me three apple pies. And for two hours, you know, it just goes around and around. And Norm was in the corner of the room. I think it was 3.30 in the morning at this point. Norm goes, hey, you know, you guys have a Chris at that drive-thru window, you know. Go and give me all these burgers, you know. And...

The guy in the box goes, hey, will that be all? And how about Chris says, yes. That's a great norm. That's an incredible norm. When they filmed it, Chris had like this look of incredible pride. The guy goes, will that be all? I remember it. Leans on his elbow. He goes, yes.

He was already working for him. Like he had different habits at this point in his crystal meth career. And crushed, right? I mean, I think- It was amazing. He could get a laugh. But like Norm with one syllable, we were just a pack of dogs hunting in the wrong direction. And Norm's like, hey, yes. Simplified it. Yeah. Yeah. And we would go back and forth over many jokes like that. Like, how do you get out of a sketch? Yeah.

And if you're the writer of the sketch or if it's your sketch, you do get to pick. Like you get a Downey throwing a joke in, a Smigel, a Frank, and it's great. And you get to add, like when Rob did Copy Machine and everyone's like, sting, sting. Everyone throw in anything and you get the benefit of a room. Every sketch does, not just Rob's, everyone. That's fun.

Down here, I remember once, it was like week three, and he goes, you know, I want to talk to you about comedy writing at some point. And I was like, oh, yeah. About what? Comedy writing? Comedy writing. I was like, great. And so I was like, hey, you got time? And he's like, no, not today. It'll be like down the line. Me and you are going to sit down. I want to talk to you about comedy writing. So it was like week, I don't know, 17. Yeah. And he goes, Jay, what are you doing? He goes, when are we going to have that talk about comedy writing? And I was like, I'm ready. And he goes, come on in.

I go in his office and he goes, you know what the three funniest words in comedy are? I go, no. He goes, full blown AIDS. Full blown AIDS. And I go, yeah. He goes, yeah. All right.

Thanks for coming by. That was it. He set me up for four months. Set you up. Four months. And then he says- When are we going to have that talk? Full blown answer. We saw Downey this week. Really? And I haven't seen him in forever. I had dinner with him last night. Yeah. He talked about the Indian-British war in 1740 for like an hour. Unbelievable mind. I love that show. This just in. Oh, yeah. It's so fun to listen to him talk about American history. He'll go into a college library for hours in Yale or something. He's just-

I love when he'd turn up on sketches or like when Smigel would turn up on a sketch. I always feel like, ooh, somebody from the other side cracked through. Cracked through. It's hard to be a feature player. I think Odenkirk and Conan were feature players and they never got a fair shake to be in, especially when I was there. The only time I saw Conan on camera was that Get Handsome sketch when Mike Myers was doing Get Handsome. Handsome Club or whatever. One of the guys in the audience was like, I got handsome. Oh, yeah. That was probably for an Alec Baldwin type host too.

How about the amount of rewrites when they're not needed? Like Mike Myers would just hand in these perfect sketches and you just sit in a room for eight hours when guys would just dissect his sketch. He's like, bro, it's just Mike. I know, why are we doing it? It's perfect.

If people at home don't know, the rewrite table, would it start at one on Thursday after read-through? Read-through is Wednesday. I mean, ideally. It starts around one, roughly, and it goes to about 4 a.m. So you're there, that's a long haul. And every sketch gets about two hours or something. It just gets- What was the name of the restaurant you mentioned? Wally and Joseph's. I remember. I felt like a big shot when you were like, come on, we're going to- Oh, yeah. It's fun. Wally and Joseph's. But I always felt, because you came in with like Timmy and-

Like you said, like Adam and Rob. And so you guys were kind of a group. And then when I came in, anytime I was with you guys, I felt like a freshman hanging out with seniors. It's like you're in the conversation, but you're not real. But you weren't part of like the next group. You're sort of a tweener kind of, right? Yeah. It was me, Sarah, Norm, and all the Harvard guys like Steve Luckner, Lou Morton, Dave Mandel. And then-

David Tell also. There's so many Ivy League writers on SNL. I know. I know. Where'd you go to, did you go to college? You know, no one's ever asked me that in my life. Really? Ever. That's the first, I used to do a joke about it. Nobody's ever asked me, where'd you go to college? It's just implied. Only because they're mentioning the Harvard guys, but yeah. This is New Jersey public school. San Francisco State, baby. 95 bucks a semester.

Yeah? Oh, it's just a joke. No, I was a straight D student. Because there's no curriculum for standup comedy. Right. And so it's just like, what is this? We're adding letters. Like, what the fuck are we talking about? Yeah. Then you go, but like. She just got in the clubs right out of high school then. Yeah, I started at 16. Same as you. 16? I didn't start at 16. What did I say? You didn't let me finish. You said 20. He said 60. He said 20. Yeah, you didn't let me finish. I have another question for you. Ready? Yeah.

By the way, when you look up research on you, it says what Jay's favorite songs are. Really? Why? I think that was a Don Imus question. You got to give him your top five songs. All right, here, because it's out in the ether. What's the difference between whether you could talk about your first marriage versus your recent marriage? I mean, being a mature adult. Is it easier to be married later in life? Being a mature adult, getting married as opposed to being...

Young. Lauren said... Something wise. Every man should have three marriages. One in his 20s and 30s, one in his 40s, and the third in his 50s when he knows what he really wants. And that's exactly how it went with me. You had three? Did you have three? Okay. And Jeannie's the first... I'm not even going to say marriage because I don't want to put anybody on blast, but the first woman I've ever been with that just wasn't depressed. Yeah.

So it's like, there's some blast. Like, oh, I'm going to go look at, I'm going to go, what'd you say? I said, there's some blast. No, no, but I get it. But you're younger. Expound on that. The one I knew was an actress, seemed like a great girl. And that, I think everyone just changes in life. So you change, maybe she changes, maybe it's a great run. And then it just-

turns into something else where it doesn't work out. The first one, I just was never like in love. Yeah. Just sort of, that's how it goes. That's the progression of a relationship. Somebody, you know, when you're dating somebody and you're young and they go, why don't, why don't we go steady? And you're like, you know, cause I'm from the fifties. Yeah. When are you going to wear my sweater, my pin? When are you going to do this? When are we going to live together? And you're like, all right, you know, we'll live together. I'm turning into Colin Quinn. All right, we'll live together. Yeah. Let's not, you know, cohabitate too long. I digress. Yeah.

And that is a great Colin Quinn. We have to call these out. He just did a brilliant Colin Quinn. When are we going to get engaged? When are we going to get married? And the proposal was like, there's your ring. Are you happy? Like, that's actually how it went. So that's not a good one. So how long did that last? Six years. But I was on the show and she was in LA. So I was. Let me insert this. Did you ever hear Lauren say this? There's something about a man in his forties and a woman in her twenties. They're both at the peak of their power.

Did he say that? It's almost Dr. Evil. That was almost Jimmy Stewart. Yeah, they're both at the peak of their power. And the other quote, have you heard this one? I said it on the podcast, Lauren, again. Marriage is a prison that everyone's trying to escape into. You know who said that? Kris Jenner. Anyway. Anyway.

So the second marriage. How do you know what you said? Because I'm embarrassed. I was all fired up. I had Colin. Well, I wanted to call out that you're just. Jay is throwing in these subtle impressions. So give us a little. Wait, let me get. What was the quote though? Marriage is a prison that everyone's trying to escape into. Well, I don't feel that way this time because I'm.

You got to understand. Okay. All right. Let's break it down. I've been, as of today, I've been sober two years and six months. Oh, that's it. So I met Jeannie after my divorce where that, a divorce is the biggest hole in your soul because you get married because you're certain it's an impossibility that you're going to get divorced. That's why you get married. Like, oh, this is it. This is great. And then when that starts, when the panels kind of start coming off the space shuttle, um,

You get nuts. - Christy McAuliffe said the same thing. - It feels to me like a marriage, the one thing a marriage can't survive is contempt. - Yeah. - Either from either side. - Well, if you were not, if you were drinking or whatever. - Well, what was your drug of choice? Were you alcohol? - This time it was Adderall.

Adderall. I went down. Oh, it helped me focus on getting- I think more people do Adderall. So then you started taking it just to feel okay? After the divorce, it was like, well, shit. I just wanted to feel something. I've always been a drug addict and an alcoholic. It wasn't like this one event made me this thing. I was an alcoholic and drug addict-

when I was born and long before I ever picked up a drink, I've always needed more than anybody else in every capacity. And yeah, it's just a genetic brain chemistry. Everybody else has this like plan for living that I'm not aware of. And I always felt like on the outside looking in. Like if you and I were kids and I was at your house and we were on your couch watching TV, I would spend that entire time trying to convince you that we were having a good time on your couch watching TV. Like I was just needy, desperation's got a very distinct scent and I stunk.

Well, yeah, that's what we all are doing. Having a fistfight in our head. Yeah. Either a lot or a little. Yeah. You know, so I, I quit drinking 1998 and then I use drugs alcoholically. I'm a big pill guy. I love pills. So it was like Viking and Norco. And then when I stopped that a couple of times and then Adderall is the one that brought down the beast and, um,

So the divorce didn't make me use, I chose to go back to using drugs. Like I felt like I was, I like having a secret, like I'm getting away with something. So this was right when the pandemic was starting kind of? In the middle of the pandemic was fantastic. I was just snorting Adderall and I was paddle boarding and fishing for my paddle board. I was just insane. I lived in Malibu on the water and I would just snort rails of Adderall. Did it make you lose a tremendous amount of weight? Oh yeah, I went into treatment at like 160 pounds.

I just was all, I'll show you my before and after. You know, Adderall's big. I was having lunch with people about only like a year ago. And the guy goes, I wish I had my Adderall with me. I don't have one. And the waitress came out and he goes, do you have an Adderall? And she goes, yeah. Yeah. And I was like, does everyone have Adderall? He's like, yeah. I know people just take a decent amount and then write or do a project. Yeah. But then add addiction's a whole nother. Well, it's hard to keep it in check, I'm sure. So I met Jeannie.

at the very beginning where it was like manageable. It's fun, fun with problems, then it's problems. So she met me at the fun and then it was fun with problems. I had a radio show and I interviewed her over the phone and I imagine that there was like a vibe there over the phone. I like, "All right, joining us now is Jeannie Boss on the hotline." Then I went to the Twitter DM, I asked her to do my podcast and then I had left my house. I was staying at the Beverly Hills Hotel.

And when I went to the elevators to go get her, when she walked out of the elevator, it was just...

I was done. Like it was slow motion. It was, it was actually, for me, it was love at first sight. So you talked to her on the phone or over in the radio and then you see her in person. So the vibe is so strong, just instant. I mean, I think it was one sided. Like, you know, she was, I don't think she had love at first sight, but I like, I remember it was slow motion. I remember like there was a green elevator door and that palm tree carpet. I was like, whoa. And I just wanted to be with her all the time.

And then- She's a happy person is kind of what you alluded to. Like that's very- Well, I'm a happy person too. Like that's- But you were coming right off the addiction at that point. Yeah. And it was like this person, like, I don't know. It was just like, it was a puzzle piece that had been missing from my big jigsaw puzzle my whole life, I felt. And then my drug addiction got really bad and she was at my intervention and

which was at my, an intervention being the worst surprise party you'll ever go to. You walk in, like everybody you love is there and you're like, hey, oh no. And then I thought she did the intervention. So, you know, when you're angry, Pac, you either,

never take your eyes off. You either don't look at them at all or you never take your eyes off them. Angry packing. Yeah. So I was like, I was just angry packing for rehab and I never took my eyes off a genie. And then I got to rehab and all I had was socks. You did so badly. Yeah. And then, you know, so she stuck with me. She stuck with you. That's a big deal. Like I was a mess. Like I was a mess. There's, if the world was fair, like we definitely wouldn't be together. I would have lost that.

that prize and we got married last week it's eight days today we've been married any SNL people no they're gross there's only 20 people yeah I guess the odds are in our favor David I need you to pick the energy up a little bit this Jay this is the most high energy he's ever been NPR we're no you're talking about something nice I'm trying to shut the fuck up for a second it's hard it's very hard

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When you've been so humbled and demoralized and you've come completely undone and then you've brick by brick and stone by stone built yourself back up into a human being that you've been meant to be the whole time and that person's waiting for you at the end of that journey. Mm-hmm.

I mean, that's, who else would you want to spend the rest of your life with? What's your coping mechanisms when you feel bad, if it's not Adderall or whatever? I'm a weird guy. Like, I don't really feel- Do you meditate? Do you take a hike? Yeah, every day. I don't really feel bad, though. I'm one of those weird, I'm wired weird, like I'm- For an addict, usually it's some anxiety. Or a comic, even. Like, I just wake up kind of fired up.

I always known you to be upbeast. Yeah, I'm a happy dude. Yeah. Like I've always been that way. I don't know. It's just sometimes it's just the way your hard drive is installed. I think so. It feels like it's a thermostat that you get at birth. Yeah. Because even if I was on a cover of Rolling Stone or something, I felt I was always in this certain range.

On a one to 10, maybe six or seven. Not happy-go-lucky, but it stayed kind of consistent. Yeah. And in addiction, it goes the other way, where it just becomes this mania. Like, you know, also when I was in my addiction, I was diagnosed manic depressive. I was diagnosed bipolar. And then I work a program and I go through 12 steps for a program that might be anonymous. And then...

Now I have like this monotheism for all of my problems. Like every single problem in my life, it can be remedied by the program. So is there no one suggesting medication or anything for bipolar? No, I actually got off. That was the end of the story that I forgot to put in. At about a year and a half sober, I got off all my medication.

And it was just, it was a direct result of my drug addiction. It's like the old equalizers on a car stereo where you get them just right. And when you snort Adderall, you just bang, you just blast them all up to 10 across treble, bass, fader, this. And then when you come off them, boom, they come crashing back down. And then you just keep jamming them back and forth, back and forth. And it's just not an accurate, it's just not an accurate gauge of how you're actually feeling because you're either in mania or you're just completely panicked because you're going to run out of drugs. Yeah.

Damn. So Saturday Night Live is an emotionally violent place for anyone with mental health stuff. Yeah, but one of the best things I learned in recovery was that I am the reason for all of my suffering, which thrilled me because if I'm the reason for my suffering, then I always have a solution. I can change how I'm looking at something or I can go be of service and help somebody else. And then just because if I'm pissed off, it's really just a perverse situation.

selfishness. Because if I'm pissed off, I'm only thinking about me. So as an alcohol, an active alcoholic on Saturday Night Live, it's, you know, woe is me, pour me, pour me, pour me a drink. So it's like, I didn't get my, I didn't get my sketch on like, oh, this fucking boy is bull. And that's, if I could do it again, if I, to be, I guess it's like the classic SNL lament. Oh, if I could be 53, I

in that 23-year-old body and just be like, okay. I can do it. I get to watch Nirvana rehearse. I know. You didn't even think of how great we had it, like see Nirvana in the cafeteria eating. I never felt like they owed me anything or even in standup. I remember I would talk to young comedians. They get all into the drama. Yeah, I was friends with them. Crystal was so good.

Into the drama of stand-up. I'm getting fucked, man. I should be middling by now. And they put that guy getting all wound up in that. I think guys like you and me had a lot of success quickly. Like it was sort of, yeah. Don't you think so? Like you're...

I had a lot of stage fright. Well, there were no comedy clubs when I started. Literally, I opened for bands. That's really the key to enjoying the benefits of the program. Yeah. That'll set you back. Yeah. Just opening for bands and getting annihilated. Normal stuff. But once I got into a club, a real club, not a honky-tonk bar like the other cafe in the Haight, I started to progress just because of the environment. Yeah, well, your talent though, you can't deny it. I think it's

Would you say that you rose quickly once you got into the right environment of clubs? I would say that as quickly as I can, that I never was able to wrap my mind around like I'm one of those guys. Like I'm going to be on TV like Jerry Lewis or Jackie Gleason or something.

And so I was, I did a lot of shitty television. Yeah. Because I had no, they offered me Blue Thunder and I was in a helicopter, James Ferentino, who was coked out and drinking straight vodka, by the way. What else do you do in a helicopter? So it, in retrospect, it seems like.

I played Morongo Casino and they- Morongo. The Morongo. They sent the helicopter for me. Fuck yeah. And my pilot was Lorenzo Lamas. Shut the fuck up. The actor? Yeah. At Van Nuys Airport, they're like, this is your pilot. We call him Lorenzo Lamas. And I was like, ah, yeah, he looks like him. And then we're like somewhere over like Ontario and I look at him, it says Lamas on his headset. To make, to grind it into you? Yeah, I was like- To make sure you ask him. Yeah, only on my side. Yeah.

I was only on my side. He has to switch it. And I wanted to ask him like, are you Lorenzo Lamas? But I didn't want to be that obvious. So I was like, hmm. So it was like, how much money do you think you've left on the table doing this? That was pretty smooth to ask him that, right? Is that what you said? Instead of saying like, are you? What did he say? And he goes, oh, 95% of it. I'm like, okay, that's Lorenzo Lamas.

Yeah. So he's a helicopter pilot. That's not an Uber driver. He just digs it. And then he stayed, I said, come to the show. And he's like, I'm not supposed to. I'm like, come on. So he stayed for the show and then we flew home and somewhere over like the desert, he goes, do you mind if we stop for gas? In a helicopter? Who says no to that?

I prefer let's just ride it out we got this what do you want E? before Jay goes I have to tell him one more thing was I I auditioned for Jerry Maguire you did? yeah for your part really? yeah Bob Sugar interesting so who got it? anyway you know who had it when we were auditioning is that Cameron Crowe?

Yes. There was already an offer to Owen Wilson because they had done, Jim Brooks and Owen Wilson had already done Bottle Rocket together. So by the time that, I don't know about you, but hey, Owen.

Hey, I don't think we should do this part. When I do Owen Wilson, it sounds like Jennifer Coolidge. I try to do it, but my mouth gets too tight. And I say, we take it up. I do him telling a toddler he can't have any more candy. Please let me. I don't think you should have any more candy. Okay.

I'm just doing Melissa. I love that guy. I do. He's the greatest. When I saw Haunted Mansion, I'm like, oh, he was on the screen. I'm like. Owen Wilson. I love this guy. Woody Harrelson, Matthew McConaughey. Yeah. Three Texas eccentrics. Put them in some movie, Hollywood. I love those guys. Here's my Colin Quinn when I said his friend just moved in with his girlfriend. I go.

Did he like moving in with his girlfriend? He goes, what do you think? What do you think? Anyway. Before we leave, I don't know, just a quick podcast. I got to tell you two spade stories that are fantastic. Oh, I love it. I went back to see the show and I was filming Picture Perfect with Jennifer Aniston and I see Davey in the hallway and he goes, how do you like working with Jenny? And I go...

I'm such a dick. I go, I don't know. She smokes cigarettes. And he goes, let her down easy. Is that the most David joke ever? Yeah, definitely. That is exactly how it went. Let her down easy. And then he did that David thing when he goes...

And then we were at a strip club and the dancer, I'm being generous, the dancer, the artist. The artist, yeah. You know like when male bodybuilders, they can flex their pecs? Arnold used to do that. So there's...

girl would do it and so she's dancing for David and she's going like doing the bodybuilder boob flex and it's like two songs go by and she circles back around and she does it again and David goes seen it she just she was like she just got humiliated like you were like seen it seen it

- That's very David, yeah. - God, it reminds me. We went out, we got a picture with, oh, whatever, who cares? Okay, thank you, Jay. You have the best fucking stories. This is great. - I know. - Thank you for coming on, buddy. - This is amazing. - This is great. - Jay Moore. - It's easy, right? Easy. - Dude, you could do it on Zoom. I'm like, oh, I wanna hang out. - No, it's fun to come in here. We like when people come in. - We do a lot of Zooms, trust me. - A lot of Zooms. - A lot of Zooms, but we- - Carcenio. - Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I understand that a crib is your house and your bed. I know I can't. Long fingers. God love. Fucking wig.

Yeah. I'll show you something when we're done here. Oh, yeah. Because it's Farley and Hartman on the Carson episode. Or they domed Eloise. Domed Eloise. Where they flip out. Did you ever see that? Yes. It's so fucking funny. Do you remember when Farley on the Scared Straight motivational speaker episode?

We made an arrangement like when Farley falls through the wall of the prison, we were all going to run out. Then we all run out and escape. We're all going to fall on top of Chris.

As a joke. So he can't come back in and say, live from New York. Oh, that's funny. So Chris goes through the wall. Me, you, Sandler, Schneider, and Timmy fall on top of Chris. And he just lifts us up like leaf bags. He just peels us up. It's not even a joke. Not even one second was wasted. Just, live from New York.

And he had the line where him and Martin Lawrence are selling us back and forth for cigarettes because that's the prison thing. And Farley was supposed to go, sold seven bitches to the homie in the cornrows. And instead, so you're the camera. He goes, sold seven bitches to the corny in the homey roads. Oops. He just looks down the barrel. Looks in the camera. Oops. Oh, I love you, Chris. All right. All right. Thanks, boys.

This has been a podcast presentation of Cadence 13. Please listen, then rate, review, and follow all episodes. Available now for free wherever you get your podcasts. No joke, folks. Fly on the Wall has been a presentation of Cadence 13, executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Chris Corcoran of Cadence 13, and Charlie Finan of Brillstein Entertainment. The show's lead producer is Greg Holtzman with production and engineering support from Serena Regan and Chris Basil of Cadence 13.