Kevin Nealon
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Yes, I have actually stayed at Airbnbs from time to time. And truth be told, I do really like them. I'm being totally honest right now that I've had great experiences with them. Yeah. I mean, you can have your look at you go get your own place, get your own pool, your own living room. You're not going to walk in an elevator. You're not going to see people when you're walking around in your undergarments. Yeah.

Yes. And if you don't understand what we're talking about, you should go online. What we're saying is you have a house with a kitchen and a bathroom and it's just for you, tailored for you. You liked your Airbnb over a hotel. Yes. And I do think I've had relatives stay nearby and sometimes it's very nice for them to do an Airbnb and have a little house and they're not underfoot. The last thing you want is your house guest to say, excuse me, um,

Where would I find a towel? That's a toughie when it's- Because they're naked? Well, it's like the 1800th time you say, on the towel rack. Yeah. Thank you. Oh, I was going to look there. People don't even think hotels sometimes just go, hey, I'll go there, I'll get an Airbnb. So you won't regret it. Hey guys, I'm introducing Kevin Nealon, one of my all-time favorites. I won't be doing it with Dana, he's in traffic and

So I hurry and rushed and did it by myself because then I get to be me, me, me. Sometimes when I send an email, I put subject, me. Sometimes I don't. You know, it's going to be a strug without Dana. You're going to have to strug through, folks. Strug it up. Kevin Nealon. By the way, Kevin Nealon has a book out. You know, Kevin, he does caricatures, is that fair to say? Cartoons. He's great at it. I don't know if he's done The Spade Man.

But he's done a bunch and I see him on his Instagram. But the book is called I Exaggerate My Brushes with Fame. Classic Kevin Nealon, very clever title. He paints or something, you know, in the brush. Do you get it? Oh my God, I'm not going to walk you through all of them. Okay. By the way, I saw Miles Teller the other night. I was at a undisclosed Hollywood hotspot. And I said, if you ever host SNL, you should have them all lined up in the monologue, the whole cast and just name them all.

Sponge bath, popcorn, camel toe. Who'd fucking kill? If you want to kill. Do you want a bomb? Do something else. And then you could add this noise when the plane flies over. If you want. Call that, I'll call it in. Anyway, Kevin is great with his jokes because you know what he does? He doesn't put any spin on them.

He puts nothing. And I loved it because I used to do stand-up. When I started, I was at the Improv and it's his name on the chalkboard. I always say this. But it was like Paul Reiser, Jay Leno, Jerry Seinfeld, Jeff Altman, like all these great comics. And I got to bring them up. They made me be an emcee for a while. So I'd have to go, well, what do you want me to say about you? And I go, just say I've been on Merv Griffin, Carson, and, you know, Mike Douglas. Those are old shows. And I'd go, okay, whatever they are.

open for Joanne Worley and Phyllis Dill. It was like back in the day. But Nealon was always one of the ones I'd watch and I'd go, God, he does not put any spin on it. Dryest stuff, the most throwaway jokes. And I was sort of patterning after that. I was sort of a research paper of Dennis Miller. All the comics I like. And then I kind of went into my own thing. But at the beginning, you have to like people. But I also like Steve Martin, Eddie Murphy. So you just never know. But Kevin is great.

He was great to talk to as advertised. I was repeating a bunch of his jokes to him, which I always do. And I think you'll like it. Here he is. Kevon Elon. I have a question for you, but I got to wait for Dana, they said.

Okay, they're all dumb, though. How's it been going? Oh, this is going through the roof, buddy. Awesome, man. I think. I don't know. Hey, I love your red audio podcast. Sorry. I've been losing more stuff on the road. You know, I can leave it on airplane pockets and stuff. I had like the little ones, but they're kind of gone now, along with my Apple Pencil, my iPad Pencil. You know, I was on a flight this week, and in the seat back in front of me, it said,

This whole, you know, placket about the safety briefing has been scrubbed down with antibacterial stuff. It's stamped on it. I go, I don't believe it. I was skeptical. Yeah. Because they never even touched it after that. And I was like, I touched it. I don't believe the life preservers work either, you know. Is that true?

Well, I have such a terrible fear of Lyme. When they come around and we get to a comfortable cruising altitude and they go, well, would you like a beverage? So inside I'm screaming for a beer because my pulse is like 160. Yeah. But I'm like, oh, I don't know. What do you got? I'll have grapefruit juice. No, I guess I'll have a Heineken. Oh.

Oh, you dance around it a little bit. Well, my wife, she has no fear of flying. So she orders coffee and a Heineken and then I order a Heineken and then I have two and then I put them on her tray and I kind of shrug to the flight attendant like, I don't know, she's got an issue. You beat the system. One time I was joking around. I'm on the ground, I don't drink. Yeah, go ahead. One time I was joking around with a flight attendant. It was like a 7 a.m. flight. Sure.

She goes, can I get you something to drink? I said, yeah, I'll have a scotch on the rocks. And it was like...

Or ordering orange juice. He goes, okay, I want that on the rocks. Okay, would you like something, sir? Because a lot of people drink when they're flying. Because of Fear and Flying, this famous actress flew next to me once. Guess who? Sophia Loren? No, it predates her. But anyway, this actress was really cool because they came around with these vodka lemon drinks on this flight. And she goes, I'll do it twice.

as opposed to give me two of them. And she kept saying, I'm going to sleep later, so I'll do it twice. So that's what I say to my wife. Ladies and gentlemen, the comedy never flies anyone. Listen, Dana, my airplane bits, I think I did on my first Tonight Show. Airplane bits are a real staple of comedians, I feel. And I think we all have some. Yes, have to.

And I remember the one that I can't do anymore, A, because it's old, even though Seinfeld said you should still do old jokes. But I said, when you're in first class and then you're in coach and you're a loser in coach, so the lady will walk out of first class and look at you. Then she looks back and shuts the little curtain so you can't even see the people in first class. She's like, it's a good sound too. Yeah.

And then she, she snaps it shut. And then she comes back later with a tire gun and goes, I'm not looking. I like this one. I like the effects. I know what that, I know what that curtain close looks like from first class, but not from coach. Oh, you look back and you go, can you get one more snap?

You know who was on my flight two weeks ago? Jon Hamm. Oh. Jon Hamm. I didn't say anything to him because I didn't want to have to walk back to coach. You know what I mean? So rude. Can I do my impression of Jon Hamm? Yeah. I don't even know you.

What's that from? Bridesmaids? I can't. I don't even know you. It's him on, it's someone asking him a favor on Mad Men. I don't even know you. Oh, you know, I see it. I can't hear myself. Dana, I've seen memes where, because I'm like, I'm representing the younger generation here. I've seen memes where, because I'm tragically still on Instagram.

But I they show Jon Hamm in an elevator or something and someone says something to him and then they put a picture of Jon Hamm going, I don't even know you. So it must be a famous line from the show. It also makes you do the impression. Kevin, what's your what's your famous for you airplane bit?

Do you have one? Oh, yeah. I was flying the other day, and I think the pilot was a little inexperienced. It was already funny. I like this. We were getting ready to take off. He goes, folks, we'll be taking off in a few minutes. Whoa, here we go. Well, I love that he's a little inexperienced. I was kind of nervous. And then we got up in the air for like 20 minutes, and he comes back on the PA and goes...

Uh, folks, I can't seem to figure out where, Oh, nevermind. I got it. Oh, here's a good one. I go, we land. I go, why are you allowed to land anywhere near the actual airport? We're taxing around and going. I'm like, Hey, I saw some lights over there. Oh, we're going this way. And then I go, all right. And then we got to the gate and, and we were not even allowed to park at the gate. And then we, so we just, then we, uh, start following this pilot. He's walking to a plane, uh,

because I see him holding his keys, but then he's just getting some of his planes, so he can't park there. It's sort of, I think that was it. It was better, I guess. I was in an emergency landing once. I've had many of them. I discovered that the overhead luggage compartments are not emergency exits. Yeah.

You just crawled up there. I did one that we'll probably have to cut this out, but I was playing Spellbinders in Houston in the 80s. I didn't go on the road that much, but Bill Hicks, who's a famous comedian who passed away, was my opener. So he would dare me to do a hacky opening.

So I don't know if it was my joke and I couldn't do it today, it'll be canceled, but it was like, I'd go up and I go, "Hey, ladies and gentlemen, I flew here on Mexicana Airlines. It was a great airline. The pilot had dice hanging in the cockpit."

He just thought that was the greatest thing ever. That guy would go on stage with a sport coat for like 20 minutes. He had a big sport coat on, he's doing all his jokes. And then he would reach in and pull out an ice cold Budweiser beer. He kept it in his jacket like a magician for 20 minutes of that one joke. Who did?

Anyway. One time he tried to drink a dove. He pulled out by mistake. Oh, I had that with great, what was he, the great Scott at Comedy Magic Club? The birds, he'd get them and they'd come out of his jacket. He didn't know where they were coming from. Oh, right, right. And he pulled it out and it was dead. I thought they were made of paper.

That's your showstopper, ladies and gentlemen. Hey, no, but Kevin, you'll like this story, I think, because we're comedians, but I was telling somebody last night that one of my buddies was a waiter at the Dallas Improv. Remember the Dallas Improv? I love the old one in Dallas off...

Central and Walnut, I think. And it was right next to Kroger's. And so a comedian came in and he was there in the day, but, you know, setting up and the comedian, the headliner, it's kind of jerky. I don't even know who it was for real, but he came in, he starts bossing him on around getting the keys to the condo and, you know, asking him this and that and sort of being pushy. So the waiters realized they didn't like him. And then he came back in for the show and he goes to my buddy, Hey, come here. And he goes,

Because this is some people that listen to this know comedy. You have to adapt to a city. So he goes, what's the big store around here? Is it Alpha Beta? He goes, no, it's Kroger's. That's the one around the corner. He goes, yeah, yeah, okay. And you guys have a Circle K? He goes, no, we have 7-Eleven. He goes, yeah, okay, okay.

You know, he's working his act out. And then he goes, and what's this big, huge street right in front of here with all the traffic? He goes, oh, that's Apollo Boulevard, which was a lie. And so the guy gets up and he starts killing. And then he goes, and I was crazy. I couldn't even get here because of Apollo Boulevard. He just comes to a complete screeching halt. And then he goes, Apollo over here. And someone goes, Central Expressway. He goes, no, Apollo. He's arguing with him.

And then he just keeps digging a deeper hole and he comes up to my friend later. He's like, you fucking dick. And he's like, he goes, oh yeah, you know what? I said it wrong. That is Central Expressway. Mike Myers and I were playing Green Bay, Wisconsin, I think. They said, oh, they love it. They love it if you say cheese heads.

So we went up there. I don't know if we're doing Wayne and Garth or whatever. Like, cheese heads, cheese heads. I swear there was almost a riot. That is like a slur. That is a cheese head. We kept doing it. I don't know what's going on, man. Anyway, we should introduce our guest today, Kevin Nealon. Oh, yeah, Kevin Nealon. Saturday Night Live all-star, Weeds. How many times has he been on The Tonight Show? All pro. How many specials? Three? Three stand-up specials? Four? Two. Two.

Two, two, but working on a third. Two, but all good material. Yeah. I didn't space it out like a lot of comics. You know, Seinfeld said, Seinfeld says every comedian, even the good ones, have about an hour 20 of good material, even if they do 10 specials. He goes, you're quoting Seinfeld a lot. You know what? That's the only second time. That's it.

He's the Pope. Yeah, because there's more to come. Yeah. He has the rules of how you're supposed to stand up. You can obey him or not, but he has definite rules of how to stand up. What does Seinfeld say about Jesus? He does. Jesus? I don't do religion. Then half the people hate you. You know, I think this is a big compliment. Kevin, some of the top comedians will talk and say, Kevin is one of the tallest comedians. That has to mean something to you. It's really a compliment, you know, because...

You know, there's rumors out there that I'm not that tall. So when somebody validates that for me, it really, and it's weird too, because I have a fear of heights. So every day I live in fear, you know. Kevin, you know, I was saying the other day that if you're ever around a vulture, don't play dead because that's what they want. That's right. That's one of Nealon's old bits. Not

Not even a bit. It's more of a line. Yeah, that's yours. I didn't know that was mine. Oh, for real? It's funny. Let's go back and say, before we get to SNL, when Kevin Nealon and I used to watch, and when I started and I was at the improv, which was a big deal, I was doing hosting, which is a hard job. And I would host and have to bring every comic up from 8 to 1 a.m. And I'd end up in the hallway and I'd go, what do you want me to say about you?

And so I'd kind of know comics kind of, you know, acquaintances because they'd say, oh, you're the emcee, blah, blah, blah. But Nealon was on the chalkboard. Carvey wasn't there as much, but I was pretty influenced by a little peppering of Nealon, a little Carvey, a little Dennis Miller. And when you're starting out, you start to see all these great comics right in front of you. You don't have to wait a week or three to see them on Carson or something. So I got influenced, but

You guys were all great. And then something happened. Remember, Nealon, when I got kicked out of John Mulrooney's place because his roommate who actually passed away. God, that comic was great. And then you said, oh, why don't you rent my room while I... You got SNL. Remember that whole thing? Yeah, yeah. You rented my room. And Al Siona. And Al Siona. Yeah. So it was me, you, Bob Duback.

Dana above the garage and Joe, the writer. Joe Kenny. Joe Kenny. Joe Kenny. We lived above the garage. It was like a little mini compound, not fancy at all. I got hassled by the postal service there. That's a whole nother story. But my wife and I were saving her salary, which was $29,000 a year working for a state assemblyman.

So we could save up and buy a house. So it was 300 bucks a month and it was just a room with a sink. We had a hot plate. I come back after a gig and just watch TV with headphones on and she would sleep. And Kevin was, rented it to us or Kevin and Bob or Kevin invited us to live there. Bob was like the ringleader of the place. I was just a renter. I had that little bedroom on the end there, but I went back there about a year ago.

with my wife and son to just see what it looked like and the owners were there and they had filled in the driveway with a yard and a swing set what a little that goes across the front you could park a little bit in there but it doesn't have that big park uh parking lot yeah there's yeah i i told him we used to live there and um and in fact the guy's wife dana did your costume

For the commercial you guys did, or wardrobe. For the Wayne and Garth one? Wayne and Garth for the Super Bowl commercial. Oh, really? Yeah. So she knew you...

But they gave me a tour of the place. I went inside and they had changed it around a little bit. I saw where your apartment was, which is their office now. And there's like a downstairs, you know, nobody lives downstairs. They have a staircase and a living room that goes down to the lower apartment. Wait, was there, it was all one story, right? Like your bedroom was close to Alcyona. There was a couple that lived downstairs with their baby. Downstairs? I don't even remember that.

I don't think I was allowed. No, I wasn't allowed because... But Nealon was very nice because when he come back on the... I had just done like Police Academy. I was pretty new. And when you guys would come home, that was really exciting because...

You had war stories and you would say hi to me and Neil and you would stay on the couch. You wouldn't even kick me out of the room because you thought that was unfair. Why don't I remember any of this stuff? I know because I was forgettable and I've been told that by my parents, especially my dad. But I do remember that when you got on SNL, I lost my sub letter. So you really kind of screwed me over there. Oh yeah, that is true.

You know, Dana, I think we have a connection. We've been friends for a long time. And for this episode of Fly on the Wall, we've partnered with eHarmony, which isn't us. eHarmony is a dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. We are not dating. I want to clarify that. But the connection is what you want in a dating partner. Yeah.

just someone like, if you found someone that listened to this podcast, that's somewhat of a connection. And then you sort of build on that. You want someone with some common ground. Yeah. It's not, it, look, if you want to connect romantically over, you know, super fly or fly on the wall, uh,

It just makes us happy. You don't want to be watching The Godfather and the person next to you goes, this movie sucks. You want to- So dumb. Yeah. You want to connect on all issues and harmonize in life. Similar sensibility, similar sense of humor, and similar sense of sense. I don't like when they watch The Godfather and they're like, everyone in this movie is so old. I'm like, they're 40.

Watch 2001 Space Odyssey. Too much of this movie is in outer space. I don't like it. When do they land? When do they land? Why is that stupid red light acting so silly? Who's friends with a robot? We know dating isn't easy. That's why we partnered with eHarmony because dating is different on eHarmony. They want you to find someone who gets you, someone you can be comfortable with.

Yeah. I mean, the whole idea is you're going to take a compatibility quiz, helps your personality come out in your profile, which makes all the profiles on eHarmony way more interesting and fun to read. So I think this is the goal of dating sites, and I think eHarmony does it great. It's just finding somebody you're compatible with.

So get started today with a compatibility quiz. So you can find some and you can be yourself with. Get Who Gets You on eHarmony. Sign up today. And I had to keep... We should tell the story. Oh, yeah, go ahead. Go ahead. No, no, but we're all three interacted in this mid-'80s...

And we all eventually ended up on SNL. But when I met David, I never had been on SNL. When I met Kevin, he'd never been on SNL. I got on SNL by a long, long story for another time. But then, freakily, they had one last slot they were trying to cast in New York. And this is true. It sounds funny at the time. But they mentioned Chevy or somehow, I don't know if they were serious, but it was somebody tall or something. Yeah.

So I, I said, well, I know someone tall. And then through whatever machinations, Bruce and gray or whatever, Kevin came out to the studio. And I think just, so now Kevin's auditioning, but the show had been cast, but I think we were in eight H and didn't you just sort of stand near us near like eight or 10 people do stand up. It wasn't a typical audition. I don't think. Yeah. Um,

I went there and I immediately got tired when I walked into that studio because I used to fall asleep watching that show and it was an association thing. Yeah. So I, um,

David and I used to do characters at our house and I'll see on the drive in the Hollywood Hills. You know, we would stand out in the driveway and just kind of riff on, on different, like a couple of different characters. And I didn't do any characters or accents or impressions. You know, I was just a standup, a really, really good standup. Yeah, it's true. I'll show you, you'll see. Oh, and

I'd like to make an observation. The thing about your style of standup, which really lent itself to this high pressure situation was you never know when you've started.

Like you're suddenly kind of talking and there's no presentation or like, now here's my joke. You just like doing that sly kind of, you know, you always gotta, you gotta, you gotta keep pace with life, whatever. And then, so you, you, you essentially killed, but go ahead. So I got a studio at age and typically they have you on the center stage, I guess. And you have to do like three characters and three accents or something. I don't know what it is, but there wasn't that demand when I went there and I just kind of,

I did the characters we worked on, I think it was a couple of Sammies, and it was like the two guys, the two porn stars, talking about very casual stuff. Were some of them a little undercooked? Yeah, totally. Oh, they never got fully baked. They were very undercooked. And it's like, here's a wispy idea that I'm fucking just throwing shit out to hope something you go. That's what I was doing. That's what I was doing. They look for a nugget of a thought. I think Downey and those guys and Lorne, they go, I like...

that weird idea, even if it's undercooked and it's not quite fully formed and written out well, we got great writers here. You give us that idea. We throw it on the table. I bet we could come up with something. So that's what I learned. They like, but go ahead. Sorry. Go ahead. My memories tells me that I was sitting, I was standing at the end of the bleachers or something and it was on the floor and

And everybody like Dennis Miller, you, John Lovitz, Nora Dunn, Lauren, Marcy Klein. Yeah, Phil. I don't know if Phil was there. But anyway, you guys were all on the bleachers watching me. And I did my thing. It was very short. And then I left.

You know what's funny? Oh, yeah, his act is so dry that it's almost, I think I took a page out of that because if it doesn't work, you're almost like it wasn't supposed to work. I'm just talking. I was just talking, and now I'm leaving. I'm out there screaming, desperate, trying to get laughs. And if I swing and I miss, it's over. But Kevin, I want to know the timeline from when you first heard in California that,

Hey, they might be interested in SNL. Can you fly to New York? You do your thing. Is that like a week later? And then you find out the next day or how soon after you do that? It was very quick. It was very quick. I remember that. It was like a weekend. Like on Friday, I think they told me I have it. I'm coming to New York. I didn't have the chance really to tell my friends that I was on SNL.

And I just packed up. I got Spade to rent my room and I went to New York. Did you stay at the Omni Berkshire? I think so. And I, or the Essex house. I don't even remember, like, I didn't even know New York that well. And Al Franken said, you got to find a good neighborhood to live in. And I think, isn't New York a neighborhood? I didn't know there was separate neighborhoods. You know, you got to find a place that's close to a subway and something with the grocery stores, you know, like the Upper West Side or whatever. Yeah. Yeah.

So Dana and I actually, after a couple of years in, we lived in the same apartment building on Broadway. At the Bromley? Yeah. Bromley is very, very nice. I think Mikey Myers stayed at the Bromley and then Farley moved into the Bromley. Huh. Well, there was a movie theater right underneath it, which was kind of cool. And it was close to the park.

And it wasn't too expensive. Across from Zabar's and H&H Bagels, not far away. Yeah. Everyone lived up the west that I knew. Andy and Katie, my relatives, lived up there. And then slowly, I'm not jumping ahead, but slowly people trickled to the village and I didn't because I only knew my little haunts. And by the time it was over, I didn't know anybody up there. Yeah, I moved to the west village and it was a beautiful place.

federal style home, I think they call it, you know, like a brownstone. And we have the top two floors. Dana, did you ever come over there? I don't think so. I never, I was. It was, it had four fireplaces, high ceilings, and it was just really cool. And it was right next to the meat market district, which is now like the hip place. But back then it was really the meat market. And at night when I come home from SNL, I'd see these like rave clubs where there'd be these transgenders out front, you know, waiting to go in.

at like three in the morning. But now it's like totally gentrified and it's beautiful. So then maybe what, a week or two later, you're premiering on Saturday Night Live? Yeah, are you at the beginning of a season or are you at the- I'm at the beginning of '86, that fall. The first show, yeah. The first show. Who was the host? It was Sigourney Weaver. Ooh, good one. Yes, Sigourney Weaver was the host. I remember at the end of that,

week when she was saying the good nights i was so jealous because she got to go she got to leave and i had it kind of like she was like a prisoner getting released just because of that how did you handle the nerves because it was so intense yeah it's just crazy right well you know what i pretended because the year before that the ratings were so low and they almost pulled the plug in fact we all lived out of our suitcases every day we didn't know if the show was gonna get canceled

So, that's what I kept in mind. I thought, nobody's watching this show. Otherwise, my nerves would have killed me. And I thought, you know, I'm used to playing in front of 300 people, which is about how many are in that studio. And then I remember I was still nervous, though, and we're away from a commercial. And my first sketch was Mr. Subliminal, which is kind of like two conversations at once, you know? Oh, wow. That was on the first show you got to do that? Yeah. So, 10 seconds before the sketch is supposed to start.

you know, we're away at a commercial and we're coming back from the commercial. Lauren comes up to me and he puts his hand on my shoulder and he says to me, are you sure this is what you want? That's his way to relax you, I suppose. But he would say those funny things. So give us 10 seconds of Mr. Subliminal. So people know what we're talking about. Well, Mrs. Subliminal is a guy who kind of inserts these words into a sentence to get what he wants, you know, like, uh,

If I go to a deli or something, I say, you know, I think I'll have the corned beef sandwich, your treat. Maybe, you know, why don't you throw in a Diet Coke too, whiskey, and that'll be good for me, you know. He manipulates his way through life with subliminal messages. And his name is Mrs. Subliminal. Yeah, I love it. First show, you got a good one on.

Yeah, I got a good one and I started getting recognized right away. That's the funnest part. I mean, it takes a while to get famous and then you just stay famous, but it takes longer. Back then, SNL, there was probably SNL and maybe HBO. There wasn't a ton of choices. I mean, there was three networks or four networks maybe. And cable was very new. Cable was new, yeah. So it wasn't so overriding and you would get recognized. There was a water cooler effect to it and Kevin...

And I, and you know, we had a small cast. So everyone got involved pretty quickly. You're on two or three things a show. Was Jan that year? You met Jan on the show. I love Jan Hooks. She was so fucking funny. And Phil Hartman and Kevin and I came in.

And then Lovitz and Dennis, Nora Dunn and Whitney Brown were there. Wait, so Dana, you hadn't started yet? Victoria Jackson. So you were- No, Kevin and I, my first show was Kevin's first show. I was living with Lauren in Long Island, but then I got a place in Manhattan and my first show was Kevin's first show. But I'd been there since August, hanging out. I was about to say, you actually had some influence that you hadn't even started yet. I was with Lauren for a month. I didn't know. I used to come out and I,

Initially, it was just me. I was the only one out there. And then Chevy Chase would visit. How scary that you would go stay with Lorne and see McCartney and these guys. McCartney, hanging out every night with McCartney. We all got to know. Paul McCartney? Well, Lorne does one of it. He knows there's Paul Simon and Paul McCartney. So he said, Paul's coming over tonight. And you have to ask Paul who? That would be McCartney. And I'd never even been on television. He was Paul Dean. Paul Dean. Paul Poundstone.

We're all having lunch. I think it was Central Cafe in New York. It was me, Steve Martin, Lorne,

And maybe Billy Joel was there too. And Steve was talking about Cher. And I mean, Lauren was talking about Cher. And Steve piped in. He goes, Cher who? Steve for having those big jokes, like in his old albums, which I used to memorize and those crazy things. He would also say the driest shit like that too. So funny. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, that was Lauren.

Everybody does impressions of Lauren too, you know, every cast member would do through the generations. But the other thing about us being on, when we were, it was a small cast and then it started getting bigger and bigger. Like our introductions only lasted maybe two minutes. And now if you watch it, there's like 50 people on the show. Yeah.

And then one sketch. Featuring so-and-so. Somebody who might be on. He's standing by. We'll see. So-and-so. And a contest winner. Yeah. I think Kevin and I were on the last small cast show, and then it grew with Mike Myers and then David and Adam and everybody else. But initially, I think it was just like six of us. It was kind of like three or four. Well, what happened was we kind of ran out of tricks, and Lauren...

Kind of saw the writing on the wall. He goes, we got to get some more energy in here. Some more people with some ideas. It was like COVID that was expanding and we were like the Delta coming in. It was just getting bigger and bigger. I came in hard and fast with the lady, but I had the benefit of having to fill in. The lady.

The lady and Phil and Jan were on it and the host would be on it. Sean Penn beat me up and stuff. But the only time it was very conscious with Kevin and I doing a tour with Dennis was our eventual Hans and Franz characters. That's great. You did the Swatch Tour. That's right. It's the Swatch Tour. I was so jealous. I heard you guys are making six grand a night. I was shitting. I was like, no fucking way. It was five grand a night.

Yeah. Oh my God. Okay. I feel better. Um, yeah. So it was, I went and saw it in Arizona and it was like so huge for comedian. They were like three great comedians are coming to town. It was unreal. And you don't have to do that long. I probably do a half each or something. I remember we were in Denver. It was our last, I think, stop on the tour.

And John Travolta came with some mutual friends of mine. And he offered us all a ride back to LA. He was piloting a jet, his jet.

And I jumped on it. I said, yeah, I'll go. But you and Dennis, Dana, were fearful flyers. So you said no. I was a huge Welcome Back Cotter fan, but I couldn't imagine that guy steering. But I've been tapped out. I've been tapped out a few times in my life. Impressionists get tapped out. So I was doing...

Travolta that night, a really silly, stupid pit, whatever, you know, all these guys like this and that. And the crowd starts really starting to roar. Obviously, he's sneaking up behind me. And I'm really, you know, because, you know, I can't. Oh, my God. And then he taps me on the shoulder. And then he says, you know, I think it's a sincere form of flattery.

Oh, how great. I tell people, cause you always, they always ask who was the best, this, this, this, this, and this. I would say Travolta was the most accessible, real, uh, superstar I've ever met. Like instantly liking him. And he was just very affable. Didn't you find Kevin? I mean, it's just, it's no sense. He was a superstar at all. Nothing. He just, he just loves being in the business and acting. And when he was hosting that week, um,

He really befriended Jan and gave her a nice long leather brown jacket for her birthday. And one night we all went over to Jan's apartment. It was me and Johnny and our mutual friends, Linda and Anthony. And we get to Jan's apartment and we were each doing our impression of his character from Grease, like that one scene where he leans against the wall, you know, he leans against the wall and turns around with a cigarette in his mouth.

Yeah. Yeah. Hilarious. We were all doing that impression. And then John went last and he nailed it. I mean, he won the competition. Fucking cool. He was the best at doing it. That's amazing. He must've been practicing, but that's what he's like, you know, he's he'll do that stuff. I was only on the show a little bit when I met him. And about three years later, I was at sushi one-on-one on Beverly and,

And I was eating and he came in with a hat and he's ordering to-go stuff. And I'm like, this motherfucker looked like John Arouba. And then he turns around and looks and then he keeps ordering, gets his bag and turns around and he goes, hey, it's John. What's up? Remember me? I was on SNL with you. I go, I remember you. Yeah. I saw Grease 45 times. Yeah. And then starting to fever.

And right around the same time, bam, bam. Urban cowboy. Monster, monster. Urban cowboy. That same week he was hosting, we all went to the Palms restaurant on the Lower East Side and we're walking. Jeez, give him some breathing room. Go ahead. You're stalking his mother. That was his idea. It was his idea. We are walking up 3rd Avenue. And this is like in 1994 or 95, way after Welcome Back, Cotter. Yeah.

And there's this homeless guy sitting on the sidewalk and he's looking down. And as we're approaching,

He goes, hey, you guys got any spare? And he looks up and he sees Travolta. He goes, hey, it's Eddie Papparito. That was the last time that guy probably watched TV. Dude, how funny was that fucking Tarantino's Welcome Back, Cotter? How funny was that sketch? That was a great one. Well, Kevin, you remember that John Travolta came to Saturday Night Live just to be a fly on the wall, to hang out and learn the show. And that's when I met him.

And then he hosted later, but I think I'd left by then. So I missed that part. But yeah, he just was hanging out. I missed the one where, oh, the Tarantino one? Yeah. Where it was, oh my God. I got to be Horschak. Mr. Carter. Yeah.

You know who I missed by a couple of seconds was when George Harrison came and stopped by the writers room. Oh, no. Wow. Yeah, he came in. Is that when he played the piano? Yeah, he was playing the piano. It was next to Al Franken's office. And Al Franken didn't know it was George Harrison. And he was yelling from his office, keep it quiet. I'm trying to write. That's all. Poor Al. I'm just trying to write a song, you know, for Paul. Shut up.

And the writers remember he flipped the table, he's mad and he smashed his toe. He might have been gone. He was a wrestler. Al is like stocky, you know? And he was a wrestler. One night him and Farley, sorry, I was spaced out. Him and Farley went at it like hardcore.

Fighting each other. Oh, to wrestle, yeah. But for playful fun, but it was intense, those two guys. Yeah, Franklin was always- Yeah, always super competitive. Franklin was always kind of exploring. He wanted to be a part of your history. Like I was a football player, so he wanted to play football.

You know, we would play basketball. He wanted to wrestle with Farley. That was the thing about Farley too. Farley was really, even as heavy as he was, he was so light on his feet and it was a good basketball player, really coordinated. You saw him skating in the rink, you know? Well, that's what made him so funny. Light on his feet. Yeah. That Nancy Kerrigan sketch. I don't know if you guys remember that one was, the whole show wasn't that great, but he, he was doing the ice skating one. Yeah. Yeah. It was very good. Well,

Wisconsin. Look at him on the down by the river thing. Just anyway. This year, Dell Technologies back to school event is delivering impressive tech with an inspiring purpose. With every qualifying purchase, Dell will donate to Computer Aid, who equips solar community hubs with tech and literacy skills to empower remote, displaced or disconnected communities around the world.

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I know. And it's not learning a language when you're older, you know, over the age of 20 is difficult. You know, I mean, all the high school Spanish I took a grade school Spanish, you know, all I can say is Ola and hasta luego. So it goes out of your head. So now you have Rosetta stone, David, tell them about it. Well, Dana, you know, more than anyone trusted expert for 30 years with millions of users in 25 languages. Uh, I mean, my gosh, uh,

They have Spanish, French, Italian, German. I don't think you can throw them a curveball. I think they're going to know. What don't they have? The language you want. Yeah. And immerses you in many ways. There's no English translations. You know what I'm saying?

I know no English. You need a Rosetta Stone for English. No English translation, so you really learn to speak and listen and think in that language. That's the whole idea of Rosetta Stone is that it sticks to your head. It sticks to your brain. I learned German out of a book. It just doesn't stick as hard, so this is the way to do it. Designed for long-term retention.

There's a true accent feature. It gives you feedback on your pronunciation. Yes. And of course, there's desktop app options. There's an audio companion and ability to download lessons offline. Yeah, so that's great. Lifetime access to all 25 language courses Rosetta Stone offers for 50% off. A steal! And I do think that the off-label thing that... I'm ad-libbing now, going off script.

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You just visit rosettastone.com slash fly. That's 50% off, unlimited access to 25 language courses for the rest of your life. Redeem your 50% off at rosettastone.com slash fly today. Who was your biggest idol on that show that you got to meet? I'll tell you who it was. Okay. It was Neil Young.

I had to be Neil Young, but Paul McCartney, I met before the show, so it doesn't really count in real life. But meeting Neil Young was quite a thrill. And one night, I don't know if you were there, Kevin, we went out to dinner like with six or eight people with Neil and

And I was with Phil and I said, Phil, let's make Neil Young helpless with laughter. Let's see if we can really get him. So we're doing every shtick we can, every accent, just going crazy just to get him to helpless. And we did just to pay him back. Fun story, right? That is good. That is good. I like that.

I like that. People, when you're on Saturday Night Live, you just meet famous people doing sketch comedy. So they're especially vulnerable and they're looking to you for advice after the first couple of seasons. It's interesting, isn't it? Do you ever help people out? I find that anybody who's ever hosted, no matter how long ago it was, they're still your best buddy because they latch onto you because they're so scared on that show. They latch onto you and they're friends forever. And they should be.

Yeah, you skip a few levels of casual friendship and you get in there because you're in the trenches so fast and you're explaining cue cards or you're saying this or you're telling them when to get, if you start crying on Friday night, that's normal. Don't freak out because it's so overwhelming to go. We haven't even rehearsed half this shit and it's tomorrow and I don't even know what's going on. And they start, my clothes are made of Velcro. Yeah.

yeah remember robert mitchum robert robert came in the famous famous movie star yeah uh and he had a gigantic thing of jack daniels in his in his room but he was incredible on the show you know just you meet so many eclectic people i remember he stopped he stopped um one of the sketches right in the middle during the table read and he uh

He was explaining what hoodlums, where that word came from. And it just broke the whole pacing of the sketch, you know? Oh, yeah. Hey, Nealon, were you a bartender? Were you a bartender in the improv? I worked as a bartender for two years at the improv. I was 25, 26. At the Improv on Melrose? Yeah. Yeah.

And then Eddie, who's the bartender now, took over for me. Oh, really? And that was like 30 years ago. He's still bartending. People love him. I told Eddie, I said, you're like a friend to me. So you know what? I'm just going to order all my drinks and then I'll tip you at the end. But I meant the end when he quits. When he dies. Yeah. So I said at the very, very end. He can't quit now. I saw online, Neil was a bartender and they said, here's a trivia question. What was Kevin's...

joke about bartending. And so I tried to guess and they wrote a joke kind of to sound like you and used the real answer, which is probably a lie was I just try to put as much alcohol in as possible. And the other answers were, I just try to get the color right of the drink. And the other one was kind of funny. He said, I just tell him to tip me up front.

That sounds like a joke. I guess that one, that sounds like a joke you'd say. Which one was it, Kevin? Well, the truth is, I mean, it wasn't even a joke. It's just I never bartended before, so I didn't know how to make drinks. I had the bartender guy below the bar. If somebody ordered like a 707, I'd flip through the pages and find out how to make it. But I had that college mentality where I thought the more alcohol in the drink, the better they'll like it.

So, often people would come back with their drink and say, could you put a little more club soda in here? I said, really, this is too strong. I said, okay. All right. I'm just trying to help you out. Kevin, I have another thing. Is this your joke? You know, I always know your jokes. But when you say- You remember my jokes from the 80s when you used to go to the club. I remember your jokes. And I swear, I've seen a million comics. I don't know why yours I remember. But-

they're all funny, but when you say you had a lobster, you're cooking a lobster and you went to cook it. And you said, tell me if I get this right. You go, I went to put it in the pot, but they looked at a little face. I go, you know what? This is an animal and it does not deserve to die. So you know what I did? I got my car. I took it out to the woods. I let it go because you got to do the right thing. Cause you guys, that's Kevin. That's a good paraphrase. Paraphrase of it. Yeah. I always thought it'd be funny to have a show where, uh,

the comics girlfriend or wife does their act and they don't get it quite right but they kind of paraphrase it you know all my friends go i could do your act i go it's so intricate and complicated i dare you and then they do it exactly i go well the trajectory the evolution of the wife slash girlfriend is initially she's kind of pretty much in the front row watching your act

Then she's midway back. Then she's standing in the back. Then she's in the green room during your act. And then she'll meet you after. And finally, she just said, home, where you at? She stays home. Yeah, yeah. Going, how was it? Did you guys like going to the after party on Saturday Night Live? God, you're so wired. I was never really in it enough to be wired, but I would get energy from doing the good nights and waving at night. So, and then...

And then they'd hand, do you remember this? Marcy was always scared because too many people would figure out the party. So you'd get a little ticket. Marcy Clio's Lawrence assistant. Yeah. You'd get a ticket. She'd walk by and hand you a ticket like right before air or something. Oh,

Like that's what you're thinking about. But I was, and then they go, Hey, the tickets party is going to be here. It's going to be here. He's me. And so you'd have this. And then after the show, you'd get a limo. That guy, Max would be out there and go spade. You want to go with Farley? Yeah. You want to go with Timmy Meadows? And they try to double us up. Cause we weren't the big stars, but you guys would get your own limo and it'd get you to the party. And then they would get you home and,

And then the party was, it was always so late. I think it's a big status thing now, but man, to wait, if you're not on the show, to sit there and wait till one to go to the party, which is more like 1.30 a.m.

That's a late night. I would opt not to go to the after party because I was so exhausted from the show. And I wanted to be able to get up in the morning on Sunday and enjoy my one day off. But I always had guests coming in that they wanted to go to the after party. Oh, they have to. Yeah. That's not even really a party. It's just, everybody's at the same restaurant. You get your own table. You get your own bill food, you know, the bill. Yeah. You pay for your, all your guests and your friends and yeah.

So, and then, you know, everyone's at their own table and there's just a lot of gawkers. And he'd walk around and the host would like to say hello to you, but I, Kevin, I don't know if I'm right about this, but the show was so in the doldrums when we got on, cars were not provided to go to the party. So you, me and Dennis would be out, it'd be like snowing and we'd be trying to get a cab to go to the party. I don't know when cars came in, but we did not have cars, at least in those first few shows. I love it. We,

We only had an eight-show pickup, Dynamite told us. We had eight shows. So if we don't hit the ground running, we're out here by Christmas. Yeah. Yeah, we were living out of our cars. And we even shared an office together, you and me. Kevin and I shared an office that was very humble, very small. And we would sit in there for hours talking.

trying to riff, especially when Hans and Franz came, we would go. And really, we got so silly. I mean, you're so tired and stressed out. Sometimes I'd put on music on a boombox and you, me, Victoria and Dennis would just dance around in there just because of the stress. Yeah. Yeah. And then I remember like Sandler and Farley and you too, Spade. Didn't you guys have an office on the other side by the writer's room next to Chris Rock's?

We had Herb Sargent's old update office. So it was like that corner. Yeah, it was like a frat house in there. I'd go in there. There'd be like Playboy magazines everywhere, pizza boxes on the floor. And then you go into Rock's office and it was like pristine. He had like Malcolm X posters, Martin Luther King, all kinds of African-American culture books on this, you know, and just spoof.

spotless we're just all idiots because Farley would wipe his butt with the USA Today you know one time I was going to the wrap party and they said and they go hey and then I see Norm on Monday I think you guys overlap with Norm and he goes I go Norm I didn't see you at the party he goes no I go well I saw you getting limo

I went to Atlantic City. Why? To gamble. Like, I'm the asshole. To gamble. I go, oh, well, sorry. I don't know. I thought those are for the party. The poor limo driver's going, gamble.

Keep going straight, sir. We're about 30 minutes away from the party. I think it's at Ollie's. Every week he'd surprise the limo driver. Atlantic City. I know. And the guy goes, oh, fuck, I get Norm. I'm going to be back tomorrow. Lovitz was telling me a story where, or somebody was telling me about how Lovitz loaned Norm a couple hundred dollars, like $200 to gamble. Yeah.

And the next day, Norm didn't pay him back. And they were touring somewhere together. And then the next day he asked him again, he goes, Norm, you got the $200? And he kept asking him. And then after a week, after he asked him, Norm goes, you only lost $200. I lost $5,000. What are you complaining about? It was $8,000. Why are you writing me for? I lost like $8,000. You only lost $200. Yeah. Well, I'll be. Yeah. Hmm.

Yeah, but, you know, I was there for nine years, so I worked with a lot of different people. You know, I saw, you know, Spade came in and then Mike Myers, Farley, you know, Tim Meadows, everybody. I mean, it was, and then we got a lot of those wild cards, you know, like Michael McKean and Chris Elliott, you know, and Janine Garofalo and Sarah Silverman. Mark McKinney. And Stiller. Mark McKinney, yeah. Oh, yes, yes. Ben Stiller, who lived in the Bromley as well during that time. He did? Yeah.

Yeah. Fucking Bromley. And he got let go from the show. And I was doing very well on the show. And I'd run into him in the elevator and go, how are you okay? You know, he was, you know, went on. The guys who get fired or don't get hired for the show seem to do extremely well. Jim Carrey, Ben Stiller. Jim Carrey was on the show? No, but he didn't get hired. He auditioned. He auditioned with us, you know. We should have Jim on just to talk about how he didn't get it.

That audition. Yeah. He destroyed. I mean, I just, I think most, most people got fired from that show. Yeah. I didn't know Farley and Sandler got fired. Yeah. I mean the year I left, um, Sandler and was it Farley both got fired. Yeah. I didn't even know that for fucking 20 years because they're both doing so well.

I didn't know that there was any friction. I don't think there was. So the idea is that they wanted to come back and were told no. That's so weird. That's so weird. They're both huge stars. And I was kind of forced out of there too. You know, there wasn't much future for me in there. Were you bum rushed out? I knew that was my last year that they'd have me. But luckily I got a sitcom with DreamWorks, with Spielberg. So I had something to go to after that. It was called...

What was it called? Something and something. It was called Pushtout the Door was the working title. Kevin, you've done a lot of Sandler movies. Which one do people know you from the most, do you think? Mostly Happy Gilmore.

And Grandma's Boy, even though he wasn't in that one. What was the one where you had? Was it just go with it? You had plastic surgery. You looked hilarious. That was pretty fun. Was that a lot of makeup? It was. It was four hours in the makeup chair. And they only used one day. I did like three or four days of sitting in that chair. But they only used one day of my shooting. But the most fun I had was doing Blended, where we shot in South Africa. Oh, yeah. I saw that. For two months. We went on safaris and everything. It was cool. Yeah, I've done like 13 Sandler films.

Seriously? 13. So you've done 10% of his films. Every time I'm in a Sandler movie, it's a terrible, terrible bomb. I was in Little Nicky. And then I was in Jack and Jill. Those are the only, so I should never be in another Sandler film. Both very funny. Adam doing his thing, but I'm from the South. The deep South.

Uh, Kevin, I have a question for you. Oh, first of all, a back desk. I got two, but bathroom attendant, I was there for, I thought that was one of the, that, that sketch was fucking killed if I remember correctly. Yeah. That was with Harvey Keitel. That's one of my favorite sketches I wrote on that show. And you know, there's a thing I have about bathroom attendants. It just seems so unnecessary, you know, to have a bathroom attendant to dry your hands and to, you know, give you, and then have candy on the counter. Um,

Because, you know, once you go to the bathroom, you immediately want to eat, refill your supply. I always give him 10 bucks and go, if anyone asks, I wash my hands. So I, you know, I've always kind of had that little...

Thing about bathroom attendance. So I finally wrote up this sketch about a bathroom attendant in a very small bathroom with just one toilet. That was the tiniest set too. That was funny. And Kytel was great. That was good. It was perfect. Yeah. And he was into it. He fucking loved it.

Yeah, he did. And then Farley comes in at the end, like he's my regular customer. Oh, what a great way to get out. Yeah. You know who helped me with that was Mike Shoemaker. Oh, really? Who was one of the associate producers at the time. Or at the time, I think it was maybe just, I don't know, a PA or something. I'm not sure. But yeah, he kind of had a lot of good little ideas for it. Yeah, he still works at Seth. He has a big job over there. And it says you went to Sacred Heart.

These are my two last things. You went to Sacred Heart and I don't really care about that, but you, Sacred Heart as comedians, because we're all like in the comedy biz, that was one where I was doing gigs, you know, on weekends at SNL.

I went from getting three grand a night. I think I maybe got up to five a night, but they go take a car. I think that's drivable, right? Kevin, is it far drive? Yeah. It's like an hour and 15 from New York. So they go do 45 to an hour, right? Which was kind of a tough swing because I was not really even a headliner when I got hired. I was,

Pretty solid middle, but sometimes they make a middle to 35. I go, get fucked. I would do 25 maybe. But anyway, so I go to headline. I've got about 50, 55, and I'm like, shit, this is going to be tough, but I gots to do it because I'm getting the dinero.

So I go all the way there. Yeah. So I go to Sacred Heart. I remember this name and, and they're all sitting on like a fireplace or something. And I, you know, schools are great. They have extra money. They hire you to come in, but I haven't really caught fire or anything. I'm just like a comedian. They don't really know me. So yeah.

I'm just like, I go and they're all like sitting cross-legged on the floor. I remember, I think I remember this right. Maybe 200 kids. So I'm doing, you guys all been here. So I'm doing my fucking act. It's bombing ferociously and I'm buzzing through it. You know what I mean? Because I'm not doing well and I know they don't want me there, but I'm like, Baba. And this is my big lesson in comedy. So I do it and I buzz through everything.

But, but I did 43 and all I had to do was go like, Hey, where's this guy from? You know, not even a closer, just some conversation and then get off. But I leave and the guy goes up, he wouldn't pay me. He goes, you did 43. You're supposed to do 45. And I go, and I, and he had me, that's a contract thing because you can't say you bombed because that's objective, but you can say you didn't fulfill your contract. So I left without a check.

And then Gervitz called him and yelled at him and they finally paid me. The funny part. That's the thing, man. When you go somewhere, you know, if you're traveling far, you want to come home with a check. One time I worked with Bill Maher and Tommy Davidson up in Rochester or Buffalo, New York. We had to fly from New York and this little, I did on a little plane prop plane. I got there and I got, I got really sick before the show. I had some kind of a stomach bug and,

And I only felt good if I laid on a cot backstage.

And Bill Maher did his set. Tommy Davidson did his set. And I didn't want to go home without getting paid. So I asked the stage manager if he would put the cot out on the stage and I could lay on the cot and do my act from the cot on my side. And that's what I did. I did it. And I told the people I was depressed. I said, I'm just so depressed. I got to lay down. They were dying. They were loving it. And occasionally I try to get up and do my act. And I felt bad again, like I was going to throw up. So I had to lay. I said, ah, I'm depressed again. I got to lay down. Yeah.

Oh, well, that I started taking that cot with me to gigs. I was your new owner. It never worked as well as that when I was real. As a Ford owner, there are lots of choices of where you get your vehicle serviced. You can choose to go to their place, the local dealership, your place, home, apartment, condo, your workplace, even your happy place, like your cottage on the lake.

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That's $50 off with CodeFly at BlueNile.com. BlueNile.com. I once had one where I was chewing gum for some silly reason. Never chew gum before you do stand up. And now, please welcome Packed House. And then I bit my tongue. And it was bleeding the whole set. I was just swallowing blood and trying to smile. My teeth were kind of smeared with blood.

Sickening. Kip Adada pooped his pants. You ever hear that one? Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was famous. A lot of comedians shit their pants. Poor Kip Adada. That's all we remember his whole act.

Did you ever have a thing where you hadn't done standup in a while, but you're on Saturday Night Live and then they're paying you a lot of money and you do what you think is your whole hour, but it's like 32 minutes? Yeah, of course. Because you're just so out of shape. You go so fast and you're just like, oh my God, that's why I always had the guitar so I could just goof around on that. And you forget chunks. I remember doing my act after I haven't done it for a while and I'm like, that used to kill. And someone goes, you didn't even do the middle of it. And I go, huh?

Because you forget. You're like, how does this track? And that's why it's almost like a play where you have to, every line is important if it's well written. Every line makes sense and it's economized to where you have to do it a certain way. You can kind of riff off that, but you have to get the basics down. And if you don't lay the groundwork, one joke was so stupid, I think I was saying, there was no traffic today, but everything was based on there was traffic. And so I just said one word wrong and then nothing worked.

And then later someone goes, you said the opposite. I go, I did? And then it makes sense. You go, oh, you can't figure it out. Who's critiquing you always afterward? There's always someone there, the court stenographer going, well, tonight, I know you thought you did well.

A lot of it has to do with nerves too. Like when you're starting out, you kind of do that. You forget stuff. That's why I love doing the warmups on SNL because it took some of the stress away from me and anxiety. Cause I was already like, I met the audience and they've seen me. So I'm not coming out kind of like, you know, all brand new and, you know. Oh, I had to do that sometimes. I think, I don't know if I was assigned it from you, but after you, but.

It was hard because Marcy's like, get out there. I'm like, oh, fuck, I'm getting ready for a sketch. So I got to go up and do like five or 10 minutes because we were new. So she would always like rough us up. Get out there. Lauren's mad at you and then walk away. I go, what? So, so, uh, Lauren's always mad.

I know, Lauren. That's the easiest thing. What about when Lauren would walk around the set with her amps to the light and a glass, and he'd just walk around in between, like during a commercial, and you're like, get out of here, because it's too nerve-wracking already.

I know. And he'd say stuff. Maybe kill. We were doing something with Danny DeVito. I can't remember. I think Kevin was in it. And Lauren, during the commercial, he goes, this has to breathe. You know, it was just kind of those sort of notes. Whatever that means. And he always would say, this is just Lauren's sense of humor. You'd walk down the hallway and he'd say, still with the show was another one. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. But I thought it was funny. I.

I would try to huddle up with him by the monitor. Hey, Lauren, what's up? Sometimes they go, Lauren wants to talk to you right after Gap Girls. And I'd be summoned to the monitor, you know, during the commercial. And it's really loud. They're playing the band. He's like, I think the ending, you could do this. You know, he's like, that's how it works. They give notes and they do it right there while it's fresh in his brain.

And then you have to go wait to see if it even gets picked for air. That was dress rehearsal. I should clarify. And then they, and then you've got your notes going. I know what to do if it stays in the show. Yeah. You change, you know, you tighten it and you go, Hey, I made it shorter. Like selling it. Like it won't take up much room. So you can still put it on, you know? And then you guys ever visit, you ever go up there and visit?

I've just been there. If I did Fallon, then usually I'd see Lorne and then maybe do something on the show. But yeah, you just- I used to go up there. I used to go up there to visit, you know, say hi to Lorne if I was in Carolina or something. But, you know, the last few times I went-

It was really difficult because Lauren was so busy because there was other people that were visiting him, like Paul Rudd and Tom Hanks, and they're all around the monitor. And it's like, you don't even exist. A lot of people go around that monitor. I went in and did a church lady on update. This is pre-pandemic.

And then I walked around the monitor and I saw two people going, wow, that was awesome, clapping. And I just kept walking and they go, that was Jay-Z and Beyonce. Oh, okay. Will Forte summed it up. He goes, you never feel less needed when you go back to SNL now.

It's like you're almost invisible. You're of no use anymore. I remember when I finished my high school track career and the coach was so indifferent toward me. I did my last race and I kind of wanted to talk about the experience. I go, see you later. You're just sort of done. And, uh,

Yeah, you've been squeezed dry. I've had other cast members email me who've left, like Fred Armisen, basically saying, "Well, how do I deal with this?" The emotional hangover of it and then watching and seeing people doing your job and in some cases doing it a lot better. Without a beat, yeah. You never totally get over doing that show. Nobody does. On some level, you'll either have a dream about it or think about it. It's too intense. Don't you guys think?

I mean, it's always something. When I left that show, I couldn't imagine something superseding that as far as being notable. You know, I always wondered, I thought, I wonder if I'll ever do anything that's kind of as notable as that show was. And live and weird. Yeah. I mean, doing a movie and then it waits a year to come out, takes six months to get it together. Then you shoot it and everyone's like, where have you been?

For me, Weeds came along and that was something that people really liked. And it was a different kind of a feeling than SNL, but it was still, it was fulfilling for me. Yeah. And it was a very acclaimed show. This Uber driver goes, hey, it's like about a year or two ago. He goes, you know, this is how bad showbiz is. He goes, hey, what about that guy, Chris Pratt? You never see him anymore. What happened to him? I go, Chris Pratt? I think he was in Jurassic World and...

And that other one with the fucking raccoons. Those are two of the biggest...

Movies and history is like, yeah, but what else? You haven't been anything lately. I go, it was this year. I go, what the fuck have I done? Jesus is like, yeah, we haven't done shit. But people, if they didn't see your movie you did once, you know, you did one movie, like I did Wrong Missy. Then if they miss that, then it's such a chunk of movies they haven't seen. Like it's such a gap because it takes a year to get it together. Then you shoot it. Then it waits to come out. Then you try to get another one. So everyone's always like,

Well, you got any movies coming out? It's like the most question I get asked the most. And then if you tell them, they go, uh-uh. What else? How much do I need to do for you? You can make stuff up. I was doing that with Mark Pitta would open for me, the comedian Mark Pitta in Vegas. This was even like,

eight years ago and we would make up. He had just starred in the sort of the Blackjack Network. He starred in I've Had Just About Enough of You and he'd get a big applause like he's a star. Nobody knows what anyone's doing. No one sees anything. I just want to drop things in deadline that I'm starting and then never do them. Just have people go, hey, I heard you got a lot of shit going on. Spank, you should ask that Uber driver, where have you been driving lately? I haven't seen you driving anywhere. No, I've been

over they never would they ever get that i always like when you're jealous like if your wife sees someone on tv that guy's really handsome or whatever it's tom cruise or brad pitt or something you know the the kind of thing you would say is like i i don't i don't get it you know i don't get it you know like a great comic like any great comedian i don't know i don't get it i don't really get it you know but what are you gonna do that you know what that stuff works and you go and they're like what do you mean that stuff no that kind of comedy that'll always work

Yeah, comedy's very subjective, you know? I had the stage hand in the wings right before I went out. Hey, Mr. Coffee, last week we had Sinbad. Let me tell you something. That guy killed harder than any fucking comedian. He had the crown in the palm of his hand, and he was doing all these jokes about local establishments and highways, and they went fucking nuts.

Don't you love to hear that right before you go out? Yeah, right away. I actually followed Sinbad and I couldn't. He killed so hard. And I was like, I'll just kind of beep bop up there. And I was like, I was starting to get nervous going, oh, he's really killing. Because it was a corporate gig and he knew everything about the corporation. He's like, according to section 42. And everyone's like, wah!

I go, God damn. Yeah, but Spade, what has he done lately? I haven't seen him around. You know what I mean? What's he been doing? He's just kind of disappeared. He goes, you know when you wear your underpants so much. He's got a sitcom on the Guys and Dolls Network. The Guys and Dolls Network. He's huge. He's a prime time. Actually, Dennis goes, I did Star Search. I'm up against Sinbad. I'm doing my best fucking joke. Sinbad walks up after me and goes, you ever wear your underpants so many times it's just a rubber band? Four stars. Four stars.

Sometimes I'll watch movies with my son. Yeah. He's like, Spade, I wasn't sure if you were talking to me or if you had indigestion right there. I'm just talking off camera to people. Oh. Go ahead. Well, sometimes I'll watch movies with my son. He's, you know, he's 14.

And we'll be watching a movie and he'll go, is that guy still alive? That actor, is that actor still alive? I go, yeah, that's Sandler. That's Adam Sandler. And then he goes, what about that guy next to him? I said, that's me.

That's me. I'm still alive. So Kevin, I asked David this a couple of weeks ago. And I said, when you're watching TV and you're kind of bored, do you ever check the age of the actor and their net worth? And he doesn't. Have you ever checked the age of the actor or the net worth while you're watching a show? I check the age sometimes, but like the last person I did that to was, what's his name? The guy from Jaws, the older ship captain. Robert Shaw? Yeah.

Yeah, Robert Shaw, because I remember as a kid watching that movie, he looked so old. And then I checked his age, he was like 46 or something like that. Yeah, that's the thing. In that movie? Or 45, yeah. Wow. And he died. Yeah. He died in Ireland. He was driving with his wife and kid, and he didn't feel good. He got out of the car and he had a heart attack on the street at 47.

Whoa. Should we end on that? So, shall I check his age? Pull on the side of the road and put me over and do me CPR. You'll be pressing on me cavity. Kevin. I checked the age of the Disney kids when they're doing the movies. I said, how old is that kid making all that money? You know how old Nemo was? Nemo was just a child actor.

Yeah, he was. And then he, and then he, but you know what? There's a lot of fish in the sea. Doro, Dory was, I don't know. Forget it. This bit's bombing. Anyway, Kevin, I got to jump off. You and Danny can go on for a couple of minutes. We've tortured you. We got a million, we got a million things going on. We've tortured you enough. It's going to take a long time to unpack this show and figure out what happened. Yeah.

Yeah, we got to edit this down. We can edit that shit out of this, man. We've got like five minutes. This is a five-minute show. Kevin, we're going to get you a copy of this. Hang on a second, guys. What is it, Marcy?

Marcy says I need to do warmups for the show. You gotta get going and do warmups? Yeah. Lauren wants you, Lauren's mad at you. We are going to have Marcy Klein as a guest on this show. Yeah, for sure. Because she is the linchpin of a lot of the era of "Shark Night Live." She knows stories. She was the mother, the daughter, she was everything. She was behind the scenes, above the scenes. So yeah, she's got a lot of great stories. All right, Kevin, thanks, buddy. Good talking to you. Oh, wait a minute, I got a great story for you guys. Oh boy.

Go ahead. Oh, he hung up. Okay, that was the hook. That's a funny shtick. Hey, what's up, flies? What's up, fleas? What's up, people that listen? We want to hear from you and your dumb questions. Questions, ask us anything. Anything you want. You can email us at flyonthewallatcadence13.com. Hey, everybody. Spade here. I apologize for looking badass.

I just threw this coat on because it was 95 today. I want to look cool. But listen, I get a lot of questions. Dana and I both do. I'll answer this one. Norm Macdonald, obviously, big in the folklore of SNL and how great he was and blah, blah, blah. We all know about Norm. And a lot of the questions are, any Norm Macdonald stories? Obviously, we have hundreds. One of the ones I like is...

When we would text, he's like a child. You know, he doesn't, he doesn't, he's nothing normal about him. So it's infuriating. And he would text in the middle of nowhere. He was, he was a big time canceler of plans. One of the all time greats. And also with the shenanigans you have to put up with. So let's say he texts me, David, what are you doing? And then I answer, I go, Hey, Norm, what's going on? And then he waits about two weeks.

Then he goes, hello? David, don't you like me anymore? And I go, Norm, I did answer you. What do you need? Do you want to meet up? Do you want to go eat? And then about four in the morning, David, why do you hate me? And then it would go into this one. Do you like money? And I go, yes. David, would you like to win money beyond your wildest dreams?

No, he didn't say when. He goes, would you want more money than you could ever count? And I go, of course I would. And then like four days later, David, are you still thinking about the money? And I go, I am. And he goes, if you really like it, I'll tell you how you can get it. And I go, please. And then about three days later, he says, bet the under on the Chicago Blackhawks in the first period. First of all, how much am I betting? Am I going to win money beyond my wildest dreams? Do I have to bet a trillion?

I said, I'll put a nickel on it. It sounds like gambling talk. I don't even know what it means. But he would do that and then he'd pee in a bottle. But Norm was, there's too many Norm stories that are too funny, but he's always like this. He's very stiff. You ask him any normal question, he answers it like it's crazy. Me and him and Dennis Miller did a gig right before the corona, all of us three crazy people. And he goes, David, when's the show? I go, eight. He goes, what?

I go, Norm, there isn't a more typical showtime in the world than eight. If it was 7:45, you could say that. If it was 8:01, you could say that. You can't say it at eight. And then if you go, if you tell them any real news, like, oh my God, Russia just invaded LA, he goes, oh yeah, when? That doesn't shock you, they invaded LA? They dropped a bomb in LA today? You're supposed to go, what? That's when you say, what? He's got it all mixed up. Anyway, Norm's great. We do miss him. Thank you for the question.

This has been a podcast presentation of Cadence 13. Please listen, then rate, review, and follow all episodes. Available now for free wherever you get your podcasts. No joke, folks. Fly on the Wall has been a presentation of Cadence 13, executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Chris Corcoran of Cadence 13, and Charlie Finan of Brillstein Entertainment. The show's lead producer is Greg Holtzman with production and engineering support from Serena Regan and Chris Basil of Cadence 13.