Yes, I have actually stayed at Airbnbs from time to time. And truth be told, I do really like them. I'm being totally honest right now that I've had great experiences with them. Yeah. I mean, you can have your look at you go get your own place, get your own pool, your own living room. You're not going to walk in an elevator. You're not going to see people when you're walking around in your undergarments. Yeah.
Yes. And if you don't understand what we're talking about, you should go online. What we're saying is you have a house with a kitchen and a bathroom and it's just for you, tailored for you. You liked your Airbnb over a hotel. Yes. And I do think I've had relatives stay nearby and sometimes it's very nice for them to do an Airbnb and have a little house and they're not underfoot. The last thing you want is your house guest to say, excuse me, um,
Where would I find a towel? That's a toughie when it's because they're naked. Well, it's like the 1800 time you say on the towel rack. Yeah. Thank you. I was going to look there. People don't even think hotels sometimes just go, hey, I'll go there. I'll get an Airbnb. So you won't regret it.
So we have Leslie effing Jones on, who is a force not to be trifled with. Who wrote a book called Leslie fucking Jones. Can we say that in the intro? I mean, if she can in her book. If you say effing, I don't care. Leslie fucking Jones. I got addicted to the book. I read the book.
All the way through. This is how it is in the podcast. We want to do what's right. Mine, this sounds crazy, didn't come through. I got to page like 12 and it was blank. So...
Dana, it sounds like a lie. It's not. And then Dana, because we do our homework. We research everyone. No, you got 12. I did 200, but we work together as a team. It doesn't matter. Sometimes I'll do 12 and you'll do 12. Or you could do 200. No, that was, it was a fast read. I think it's a fascinating story. She is, you know, just, her story is amazing. Her personality, basketball star,
And she just tells amazing stuff about SNL. I'm not going to give it away. I want you to listen, but. She's a powerhouse. I mean, it's her standup. And she did that thing we did at the Comedy Store a while ago where they were filming. She comes in, crushes, leaves. She is, you know, she talks about her perspective on SNL, what it was like, the goons.
the good, the bad. Yes. And that's, you know, you get a well-rounded. This has never happened to me before, but after that podcast, I thought of a movie idea. I'll just say it in 10 seconds. Leslie Jones, you'll find out when you listen to the podcast why that makes sense, is coaching a junior high school girls basketball team. Yeah. Okay. Bad elements come in, whatever that may be, kind of like the equalizer, bad people come in and Leslie Jones kicks ass. Oh yeah, she regulates. Yeah.
The Regulizer. All right. We can make this the easy way or the hard way. You have nine seconds. Yeah. I just saw the Equalizer. Equalizer 3 is amazing. I wanted to get that out there. Yeah. Let's get that out there. Okay. Here she is. Leslie Jones from Equalizer 3. Four. No, I do not have a separate microphone, white man. Immediately. Leslie Jones. Just ask me the whitest question ever. What the fuck?
Are you a member of the geek squad by any chance? Even I'm mad at this white guy. Yeah. Even I'm angry. I'm part of his tribe. But Jesus. Do I have to get a mic? I don't know how to work that shit. I think it'll work. You don't need nothing. You're Leslie fucking Jones.
I read your book. So I feel like I know you. Please tell me you did not read my book. I read it and I thought. But the newest, the newest version, right? I believe I got the newest version. I think because it was online. It was like secretive, I think. Oh, it was secretive. So it must have been the latest version. Yeah. Yeah. I hope so.
I hope it's the most edited version because some of that shit was crazy. Well, the one I read you had like, you know, you sort of had a silver spoon, easy childhood. Yeah. Everything came to you. You didn't have to... Hey, find out which version they gave them. Yeah, it was a real Meghan Markle. It could have been the same. There's a lot of sex in it. It's very... The one that I had...
The one I had just to edit, I had to just edit. Chapter six was like, what? Give it to us. Yeah. I mean, it's more outrageous than what I read. Cause I read some stuff that I, I turned red. My wife's going, what's wrong, honey? I broke out in a sweat. Oh my God. Okay. So y'all read it. Okay. Okay. No, I have a question.
Okay, is it boring? Is it interesting? Because that's the thing I'm very, very- Not boring, I'll tell you that much. I can tell you a thousand percent that it's an incredibly great read. It moves very quickly. It's very concise.
I mean, it just blows by. It's a page turner. It's great, Leslie. It really is. Am I your first review? Yes, motherfucker. I'm dying. I'm going on motherfucking Amazon and giving you five stars. My head is exploding right now. I loved it. It's so raw. Okay, first of all, you both of y'all need to know where y'all are in my business.
in my brain as far as people. Okay, first of all, David Spade, and you don't even remember this, David, but you came in and saw me. I was performing one night and I was doing crowd work and you gave me one of the best compliments. And I remember going, I remember speeding home, singing, screaming like, David Spade said I was the fucking chick. I'm fucking doing this. Fucking David Spade.
And like, to me, like, oh my God, you're so fucking hilarious. The chemistry you used to have with Farley was just fucking insane. And then Dana Carvey. What can you say? What can you say? Dana Carvey, you don't understand to black people. I don't know if you know this.
But to black people, church lady is some sacred shit that like we fucking anytime you did church lady, it was that was for black people. Black people fucking love you. Oh, well, I love that. That's awesome. That is a mean she's mean, man. I mean, she says what's on her mind, kind of. But, you know, if she was if she right.
- It's so fucking honest and awesome. - Mm-hmm. - So did you-- - That's not a compliment? - That just cuts through the clutter. No, church lady just calls him as she sees him and it's funny as shit. - It's so fucking hilarious. - Yeah, well, being superior to everyone you meet and really can't wait to tell them with the, "Wow, wow, wow, wow."
We like to write books, don't we? There's lots of naughty parts. That's what Leslie Jones says. Then she says, you know, it just, it writes itself. I knew she'd like that. It's just, man, that's what, that's the SNL I knew. You know what I mean? So like, it's like,
So for y'all to tell me that y'all read my book, I'm freaking the fuck out. Cause I'm like, was it even legible? No, no. The people have to read this because it's just such a journey of undeniableness, which your dad told you, like just the tenacity and the stuff you went through before you got SNL.
And then on SNL, I mean, you just, you're still standing. I have a lot of respect for you, man. You are something else. But the book, I read it. It was just, I don't know. It was very compelling. The stuff you went through and how honest it was. I mean, don't you find that, what's your reaction? What are people saying? No one's saying anything yet, right? I'm the first. Yeah.
This is the first. This is the first that people have told me they read it. I'm freaking out. I'm like, okay, okay, okay. Y'all read it. And I'm just like, that's what I'm waiting for. I'm waiting for, you know, people to go, oh no, it was, it was good. No, it was good. No, Leslie, I'm going to give you a full disclosure. Dana, I didn't even tell you this. Okay. Aside from when I, this is two parter, aside from seeing Leslie, Leslie,
And I think what was happening, Leslie, is you were doing crowd work and I was mesmerized in the back going, I don't think she did one ounce of her act. I think she walked up and was like, look at this motherfucker. And I was like, and she never stopped talking to the audience and killing. And I'm like, that is one of those things that I'm not good at. I go, this is so hard to do. And she just went from there to there, to there, to there, back to this guy, back to that call back to this guy. And I was, I must've told you after I said, holy shit, that was just really, really fun to watch. And,
And on the book part, Leslie, so here's where I got tripped up because, first of all, the book starts, you get shot out of a cannon. You're immediately...
I think it's Chris Rock telling you. I think it was early like that. Chris Rock saying, you're not ready. You're this and this. Then you start into the book. And you know what happened? Mine cuts off, and don't get mad at Jen. Mine cuts off at your dad taking you to the Ramada Inn because that was a good one. And it was like a medieval. It was really early on. So then Dana's filling me in, but...
It's not because I didn't want to, but I was going through it and I'm like, oh shit, it just goes blank. So Dana will fill you in on those parts and I will jump in on the other stuff. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. By the way, I had seven questions just at the beginning, Dana, because the Chris Rock stuff, he's like Yoda going, you're walking to the car or something. He's like, you're not ready. And you're like, what the fuck am I not ready? I've been doing this.
How many years and why do you think? And you're like, fuck you. Must do more clubs, yes. First comes set, then comes stroke. I was so fucking mad. Like, what the fuck are you talking about? I'm ready. I'm fucking ready. Yeah. It's hard to hear that from a guy great like Chris because you're like, I guess this guy knows some shit. And then. Right.
Right. And it was right. Yeah. No, he always was that. He always was that guy. Even as a young man at SNL, he would just sum up things really. And just a few words. He always had the old soul. And he has a confidence with it. Yeah. He's like an old soul. Like he's like Morgan Freeman or something. Yeah. So yeah, you listen to him, but the ride of it, Leslie, I mean, I could relate to everybody had struggles in standup starting and stuff, but
You just had a special amount of it and a special tenacity. And by the way, people, I mean, I could bounce all over the place, but that journey, I just go on. Here she comes again. And then when Jamie Foxx suggested you had to go live your life,
And then you had about six years where you really didn't do standup and just lived your life. And then I think the church kind of saved you, the Victory Baptist Church, to get your attitude straight. Or maybe your brother passed away or something. If you don't play yourself in the movie, who would you want? I feel Margot Robbie. Who plays 20, 19-year-old Leslie Jones? Margot Robbie actually just texted me. She's on the feed.
She goes, I know. I guess it would have to be a young, I would have to go look for a young actress to play me. Yeah, someone in the 20s. But you could probably play yourself as you, you know, the last 10 years. I mean, you know, with a lot of AI. No, listen, Leslie, it says you started at 47 or Dana said you got SNL at 47. I go, 47? I didn't know she was 47 yet.
I'm 55 right now. You're 55. That was one of my favorite. I like the double. I like being 44. I like being 33. 55 feels badass. Now we got to get you to 66. No rush. No rush. No rush. I don't want to rush. Thank you. You know, Leslie, let me ask her one thing. Here's something that Dana, and I know it was brief on my end when I got to go over this, but she's at a club and I think, I
I don't think people relate to this, but you do explain it well. You're at a club on the road, you're busting your ass, it's snowing or something. You go in, you're just jumping around doing one-nighters, I think. And they do it, you know, opener, middle, headliner. And because the rep was you would kill the headliner and you were middling, I think, the headliner would say they have to get out of there.
And can I middle, I'm still the headliner, but can I get paid to headline, but middle and then not follow you. And then you finally said, fuck you. Pay me an extra thousand or I'm not headlining. And they were like, what do you mean?
It was something that I learned from, um, Oh God, I'm looking right at DC Curry. I was on the line. I was on the road with DC Curry and they didn't pay. And he did not walk on stage until they paid him. And he was like, always know your worth, always know your worth. And this had been happening so much. This had just, and it started the first couple of times it happened. If at first, you know, you fall for the first, but then after it started happening everywhere I went, I was like,
oh, these motherfuckers just can't follow me. And instead of just saying, let's switch it up and let her headline and give me respect that they probably would give dudes, they do that shit.
And it just was just like, and this literally happened right before I got SNL. So it was like, it really was one of those moments where I went back to the hotel and I remember this moment exactly, you guys. I sat at the end of the bed because it was actually a nice, it was the one time that I had got a nice hotel at one of these fucking gigs. And I'm sitting at the end of the bed and I'm like, hey man, I was 47. I was like,
Man, how long am I going to be able to do this shit? You know, how long is this? It's not getting easier. It's not getting easier. And the money is not getting better. And it's just like, and now I'm starting to have to fight motherfuckers. Like, it just was one of those moments of like, fuck, like there's no...
there's there's all darkness right now and what yeah so and also people don't know you have to do more time when you headline right you were actually when you headline when you headline you headline that's what it's called headlining no one everybody you it's it's great that you have the opening acts and we know this everybody knows that you love having to open an axe but the motherfuckers be waiting for you to come out
I mean, who did that joke best about like, nobody wants to see fucking a comic before the stones. Like, get the fuck off the stage. We want to see Mick Jagger. Like, what the fuck?
But the headliner has the responsibility because if you've got people killing before you and the middle is kind of the easiest spot, it's warmed up. They haven't peaked. So you, I would, you'd follow middles. I'd follow middles that just, you know, want me not to be able to follow them. It was a gladiatorial, bad-ass gunslinger environment. But the idea that you had to close after all that shit, kill that hard, but
but not get headliner money. The middle guy gets that. So that, that's just, that's not. All the fucking time. And this one particular time, because I remember this fucking, I was like, yeah, I know who this comic is. And I know that this motherfucker don't want to follow me. And I'm not fucking fucked up. And,
And I, and at that time, I don't, I didn't even, I know I might've had some money. I didn't, I wasn't sure. I think it was one of those moments of like, okay, fuck it. I guess I'm not going to get paid. Cause I'm gonna go back to the hotel. Cause I'm not fucking doing this. But it was just, it's a hard thing to do because you think they're going to tell people I'm a problem. They're going to, and you're like, and I think the guy caved and went and goes, and you said, go talk to your boss or something. Yeah.
Yeah, because he wasn't the one who booked me. The one who booked me is a solid dude. He's a solid dude. Okay. You know, and that dude worked for him. He thought, you know, yeah, I'm going to go in and I'm going to tell the female. She's going to book, book, book, book. Because that's how he came in. Well, you know, this is what's going to happen. I was like, come on, motherfucker. This is not what's going to happen. You're going to give me $1,000 more. Fucking headlining this headlining. Because I got to go out when they drunk. They drunk at this point. Oh, yeah. That's the word.
Yeah, when an opener does like, what, 20, 25 minutes, something like that, I got to do like 45 hours, you know, and in a black club, real talk, an hour. Yeah, it's hard. You know, also, Leslie, they throw down the checks in some of these clubs. So when you're on stage of people at home listening, they put down the check for the bill right in the middle of your act and suddenly everything stops immediately.
And everyone's looking at, oh, okay, who had three Cokes? Who had the, you know... You're going for your big closer and they're doing math. Yeah.
Potato skins. Clank. Motherfuckers don't know. Motherfuckers don't know. And it's like, it's like people don't even understand it's on another level for females. For females, it's a whole other level. Like we are at on stage performing like in front. It's a whole different level. What in specific do you mean? I mean, just that even if the crowd is half women or if it's a...
So, so it's a lot of things when it goes on for, for, and I hate to even say female comic, cause we should just be comics. And it's like, cause y'all don't have to say I'm a male comic. You know what I mean?
So it's like, okay, I had to learn early that when I walk on stage, like T-shirt, jeans, tennis shoes, because there's a couple of things that happen when a female comic walks on stage, especially if she's looking nice or good. The first thing, and you don't want to admit it. Most people won't admit it, but a woman will look and go, oh, oh. And especially if she were a man, oh, oh.
And then she'll look at her man and see if her man will want to fuck her. And then you're going through all of this five minutes while I'm standing on stage. It's true. You know what I'm saying? So it's like that level. And then I swear what came to my head when I was thinking about it was, and I hate to say this, we out late.
We out late in front of a crowd that's drinking full of boisterous men. And we're, we have to do some type of material. And if we're doing dirty material, motherfuckers are going to think one way. Do you get what I'm saying? No, I've other, other women comedian have told me similar things about the dynamic of that. Yeah. And I never had to worry about it because I wish I never would. And I, oh,
I will fuck you up. But, you know. Did you ever have to physically fight people coming on the stage? Or did you ever get something thrown at you? I've had things thrown at me. I've had people come up on stage. I've had people pull their dick out on me. I've had people... I've fallen off the stage often. I...
Yeah, I've had to referee a brawl doing a set. Yeah, I've done it's pretty much. I apologize for the dick thing. Yeah. A million times. We talked to. I was going to say David. That was the biggest brawl too that I had ever. It was at dude at the Autobahn. It was the Autobahn. In Germany. It was a little show that Angelo Lazzaro was throwing.
And Gerald Kelly got into a fight with a bunch of Puerto Ricans in the front because and one of them had already got up and showed me they did. And see, in that situation, what you do is there because you have to again, women have to be very smart. You know, you get to listen. I'm going to get in trouble for saying it right. OK, not at all.
As women, it's like a warrior type thing. Now, you do have women that are not going to be like, I'm not cool with that. Like, don't fucking pull your dick out on me. Let's stop the show. I fucking get that. I understand that. But there's a level me that I have been raised around so many dudes and athletes and just...
hustlers, pushers, dealers, it's a moment that I'm not scared of you. You can pull your fucking dick out, but let me see how, this is how I'm going to handle you, sir. So that's all you got. Pull your fucking pants up. You're embarrassing your friends. Your friends are here and you pull that out. God, if you was going to do it, at least have a big dick. Like,
That's how I handled him. He went and sat down. They had more fun. They were drinking. So Gerald Kelly comes on the stage, starts a fight with him, and then chairs start flying. And I just remember being under the table and Angelo was trying to get me out the restaurant, but I was under the table like sealy and color purple, like I want to see. So...
Yeah. So, well, that was well put, Leslie. Well, you got out of it. I totally get that. Anything to get out of it. Yeah. I totally get that. I would. When did you? When did you? This year, Dell Technologies' back-to-school event is delivering impressive tech with an inspiring purpose.
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7-15-24 and 9-11-24. And Dell will donate $1.75 for each eligible product within your purchase to ComputerAid, capped at $1.2 million total. For details and restrictions, go to dell.com slash deals. When you got to like a professional club, did it get a little better, like an improv or like a more upscale club? I mean, because...
Or was it always men had a weird thing? There's a woman I'm drunk. I'm going to give her shit. I'm going to hit on her. I'm going to, you know, make fun of her. Yeah. Got it.
But are you saying that I ever have any good experience? Well, it never really goes away. I don't think I don't think eventually it's Leslie Jones. Famous person is headlining eventually. Oh, and that still happens. That still happens. Like, I mean, I just I'm on tour now. And this woman stood up in the middle of my act and gave me flowers.
Oh. It's like, what I do, bitch? Like, what do I say? Yeah, that's a weird one. At a punchline. And, you know, when they do it right at a punchline, you're like, you're pulling a whole joke. Well, alcohol is a problem with stand-up. Yeah, they just fuck it up. Unless you're Matt Rife. Oh, my God.
bite me. I just had somebody bite me. Like it still happens, man. Like I think it's, and I keep saying this, I just think it's different with women because it's just feels like property. And sometimes when people come and watch you, you know, you, you'd never bite a Dave Chappelle or me. You might jump on, try to shoot them or whatever, but do you get what I'm saying? You might slap Chris rock, but you're never going to, what would you do? I wish that happened to you. I,
I don't want to see you. Let me explain something to you. And me and Chris talk about this all the time. It wouldn't have happened to me because I've been on that stage and that's a long walk. I would have been like, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Okay. Okay. That was... That's Will Smith. No, it's like, are you coming up here, motherfucker? I would have ran around. I'd have been like, Will, calm down. You finna slap me? No. It...
it wouldn't get that far right so did you what did chris say about his react because chris kind of bent forward and kind of put his face out like you know let's talk about it all the time it was like he did not think he was gonna slap him hey whoever this is that keep calling me man tell him to stop doing that come get this phone hey hey fernandez somebody come get this phone yeah
Yeah, I'm going to stop. I it was me. But anyway, I think you're calling her. Yeah, I don't hold the stage when I've had drunks come on the stage. I just leave the stage. So I probably would have danced if I was if I were I would have maybe backed up. I just I would not have stood there. I would have ran.
Well, yeah. If he didn't think it's coming, but if it does happen... I think that that was going to happen. You honestly think that maybe he was going to come up and go, hey, man, don't say that shit about my wife. Don't talk that shit about my wife. No, but Will went straight for it.
Or he could have been doing a bit and gone, put his hand on his shoulder and go, listen. Right. And just get it and get a laugh by doing something like, right. Why I ought to. You're not thinking that it's just a very bad situation all around. I fucking hate that. I think I hate that. It made me sick. It was very bad. Very bad on both States. It's just like, fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck. I said the same thing. I said five.
Well, yeah, it triggered David and I because we were pipsqueaks back in the day. We're kind of burly and strong men now, but we got bullied a lot, you know, so it triggered us just because Will is so much bigger than Chris. But, you know. But did it really trigger you, though? For real. Oh, yeah. Made me feel maybe sense memory of stuff, you know. Really? Yeah. Well, embarrassing. Oh, a big black dude beating you up?
No, no. You know. Well, sure. No, my father, my father, Irish Scottish, you know. Oh, Irish Scottish. His dad is black. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Black Irish. I did it too. When Dana, like Dana and I grew up and we were both, you know, a pipsqueak is a strong word. It's accurate. Yeah.
But it's true. And we would get pushed from my older brother to just everyone at school and mixed neighborhoods where I was such an easy target.
And just, so it's ingrained in you and you just get, it just pushed down because you can't really fight back. And if you do, you lose. And so you learn to just take it, but it's hard to take after a while. And having Chris do that on a national audience worldwide. And you're like, oh my God, in his head, he's like, should I have just fucking dove down on him? Even if I lost at least, because there's half the people go, why don't you fight back? You know, it's just a very tough thing to live with.
Dude, let me tell you something. And I'm speaking from a Black perspective. It's bad for us because it's like, what the fuck just happened on national TV, on a platform that we hardly get on in a good way, and this happens? That's what... It's awful. That's some after-party shit that happened on the fucking stage. And it's just like...
Like for us, it's like, fuck on both on both ends. It's like, what the fuck? You this moment wasn't supposed to be that, you know what I'm saying? And then on Chris's point, this is I mean, to me, he was the braver part of taking what happened to him and still fucking rolling. Like, like y'all need to understand that this shit happened in front of his kids, in front of.
in front of his mom, in front of, that's a lot to fucking deal with. And it's just then on top of pack of this, like, oh, two black people just got fucking in a fight on national fucking TV where everybody's watching. The world is watching. Oh, yeah. And if they don't see it, they see that clip. It's fucking awful. It's awful. So all around, it's terrible.
you know but Chris kept talking which was it was mind-boggling that he could even talk instead of just be stunned like so much going through your mind he's still reading the cards saying the next thing and continuing which you almost just want to stare off and go what's going on what do I do yeah it was great he was great
Chris was bullied too as a kid and he was so poised and then what did you I mean his special a year later all keep reporting the whole thing and then he does his special
And, and lands it really, really hard. We were all there together. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like everybody needs to understand too, that comics, like if real good comics take that shit to the stage. I mean, you know, I think again, like us, we know a lot of comics that didn't take it to the stage and lost their fucking mind. You know what I'm saying? Because that is what you're supposed to do. We are,
- Somewhat, I think of gestures because gestures was very much used by the king when he wanted to raise taxes. Oh, let me make them laugh. But the gestures fucking made fun of everybody. So it's, we are that sheet of like, you're not in this alone. And listen, instead of crying, let's laugh about this shit. Like we are very important
people as far as comics, comedy and its form of it. You know what I'm saying? So, yeah. He had to talk about it. I think he played it smart, waited, does a special, talks about it at the end. Everyone's, everyone's riveted. Not only this, what I told everybody, I was like, this is where we know that comedy is
You know, like people just take this, taking advantage of it because, you know, tick tock. Everybody think they funny. Everybody think they funny. Everybody think they funny. Everybody think. And then you go, they just, they go on the road and they'll, this is what I want to tell you. That's the best that most people learn when they try to fuck with our shit. And then they go to Omaha, Nebraska and don't got no motherfucking material.
Do you understand what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, everybody think they're funny. Everybody don't understand really the development of what comedy really is as far as being a real gangster and doing that shit live, first of all, and then talking about that shit on national television, knowing the motherfucker that did it is watching. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Still there.
Oh, yeah. Oh, that. Oh, you mean that when he did on a special? Oh, you know, he was watching. Oh, yeah. But it's true. I mean, it is it is a club that takes a lot of work to get into. I think you can take a five year old and maybe get him an Oscar if you if you make him sad and they could at least nominated. But no, nobody can just walk on stage the first night and have an hour stand up. It's such a hard road to get there. I don't understand that. It takes time. It was like, why do you wait so long? Well,
"Hey, motherfucker, it takes time to develop a great set."
And you got to read. And it's funny because every set is a little different, even if people don't really notice, but some crowds are a little more into you. Sometimes your attitude is a little different. Sometimes you're like, God, if I do the, if I do the joke exactly like this, it should work every time. And sometimes it just doesn't. And you go, did I get off on the wrong foot? Did I miss a word? Like it's so, it's so hard to nail it every night. There's still big bomb nights for me. I'm sure they are for you guys. It's just, that's the hard part is it's not bulletproof. You just,
It's still hard. It's still hard out there. The scariest part is then they ask you to record it. So you go, we don't know what the fuck is going to happen tonight. Yeah, that's terrifying. I did that show fucking great five nights ago. Why didn't you record it? I used that one. When you taped...
Problem child. Was it one night? I mean, you had one shot because I only had, I would have two shots, but I heard that other comics would have 10 tapings, five tapings. That was so weird. If I could go back, a problem child would have been such a different thing. Um, that was 20, the material. That was the first time I ever did a comment. We did it twice. Uh, we taped two shows. Um, uh,
Oh, but I was... Which show was better? To this day, I don't remember. I just remember both of them being successful for me as far as I got what I wanted. Because I didn't understand that... When I look at Private Child now, I go, that's great. I was funny. I was a very funny comic. But now, I'm just like...
Different level. You just blow that motherfucker out the water now because I'm intricate. You're more intricate. SNL did that for me too, I'm going to be honest. SNL put shelves in my head. They helped me organize a lot of things that I wanted to do on stage. I like that description.
Yeah, you want to keep the spontaneity, a sense of it, but also have some organizational structure to get on a ride with the audience to really, really power them and not be start stopping, right? Well, and also, too, people need to understand this is our job, so it's a tool. So now a set is a fucking tool. So it's just like if I stepped on stage and opened up a thing and pulled my set out, you know what I'm saying? That's what...
And that's what people fucking don't understand when they're up there fucking over my goddamn ass.
Just because you made people laugh in the living room does not make you a fucking comic. Yeah. I mean, on TikTok, I saw a guy on TikTok. You ever seen these, do they do these little pranks and you just want to get the guy to get their ass fucking kicked? This guy goes up to a guy and he just clips off his, he's on earphones, this older guy in a mall. He cuts his earphones off.
And the guy goes, what are you doing, man? And the kid's like, what? I didn't do anything. And I'm like, do you know how fast someone should beat the fucking shit out of you? And the guy's like, don't touch me, don't touch me.
And you think, are these pranks? Are these humor? Are these getting 10 million views or something? And you go, no reward should be put for that. The guy thinks he's hilarious. Because it's called shock comedy. Like a generation that's come along. We sound old. It's funny. Little shit fucks. Like they take, they take pranks and they think it's funny. And emotionally you are inept. You are emotionally inept.
If you think that it's funny to go up and destroy somebody's property and then not expect them to beat the living shit out of him. Yeah. It's that shit never happens to me because that's what would happen. I quit dogs. Not only would I dog stump that motherfucker, I would take
And then I would call a couple of my friends to come up and dog stomp them with me. And then I would call his friends because his friends are probably assholes too and have them come up to get him and then pull them motherfuckers so they not know they could go out and fuck nobody. Yeah. Yeah. Because Dana, you don't see it as much, but like on TikTok, they'll be in a store and
And you throw a kick, they throw a ball like in someone's face and act like they didn't do it. And someone gets like their neck snapped and you're like, basically the premise is I look cool. You look stupid. I get all the benefit of it. And you look like an asshole and I'm a hero. Right.
It's so ridiculous. Anyway, it just it's just shot comedy. I used to always say that to Pete. I was like, you know, that shit don't last. Don't nobody like when motherfuckers just fart in the room. That's stupid. You a child. That's just a child. Yeah, you a snicker. Yeah. But it's stupid. Like, how old are you? You know what I mean? Like, it's like people don't understand that that shot comedy shit. It does not last and it don't work on stage.
Unless you're really funny, only people who can pull that off. And again, you have to be doing comedy for a while to learn it. That's what's wrong with the New Jacks. They don't want to fucking learn the song. They just want to start singing. They don't want to learn the notes. They don't want to learn how the arrangement is. They don't want to learn how the instruments are used. They just want to get on that motherfucker and start singing. And it don't work like that. It's because you got a fucking lucky chance
and sing the song once, right? Yeah, that's a good way to put it. And also, they'll book influencers or YouTube stars, nothing against them, but they'll book them in clubs, and then it's like, uh-oh. Toyota's national sales event is happening now, meaning it's a great time for a great deal on a dependable Toyota truck.
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which isn't us. E harmony is a dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. We are not dating. I want to clarify that, but the connection is what you want in a dating partner. Um, just someone like if you found someone that listened to this podcast, that's somewhat of a connection. And then you sort of build on that. You want someone with some common ground. Yeah, it's not it. Look, if you want to connect romantically over, you know, super fly or fly on the wall, um,
It just makes us happy. You don't want to be watching The Godfather and the person next to you goes, this movie sucks. You want to- So dumb. Yeah. You want to connect on all issues and harmonize in life. Similar sensibility, similar sense of humor, and similar sense of sense. I don't like when they watch The Godfather and they're like, everyone in this movie is so old. I'm like, they're 40.
Watch 2001 Space Odyssey. Too much of this movie is in outer space. I don't like it. When do they land? When do they land? Why is that stupid red light acting so silly? Who's friends with a robot? We know dating isn't easy. That's why we partnered with eHarmony because dating is different on eHarmony. They want you to find someone who gets you, someone you can be comfortable with.
Yeah. I mean, the whole idea is you're going to take a compatibility quiz, helps your personality come out in your profile, which makes all the profiles on eHarmony way more interesting and fun to read. So I think this is the goal of dating sites, and I think eHarmony does it great. It's just finding somebody you're compatible with.
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What about when you got on SNL? Did you feel like, I mean, I think Dana agrees, it's such a different muscle to write a sketch or write something. So you got hired sight unseen, I think, from Rock through Lorne, right? Well, I went auditioning and everything. You know, I went auditioning. Oh, you did? Okay. Yeah, N8H. N8H. Yeah. Yeah. I auditioned in N8H, did a bit and everything. I got lost in the little catacombs. I was like, Chris, you know, Chris.
that runs the square. I was like, Chris Kelly that runs the floor. He just told me to walk straight, but I did not just turn because it was so many turns and shit. And he was like, why didn't you just walk straight until you could hear him fussing at me in the back? And I was like, because I look like I'm supposed to go this way, but I'm supposed to go that way. He was like, just go straight. Just go straight so that all this is happening and they can... Oh my God. So by the time I got to the stage, they're already laughing at me. So yeah. Yeah, I went to the stage. But...
Could you talk about your mindset on that? Because you did it in the book. It's kind of interesting because that's a place where you can fold under the pressure of,
But you had sort of a switch in your head where you took control. Go ahead. We are real comics. This is when the real always comes to fuck out and destroys fake ass motherfuckers. Because whether you are rich, if you can work or not, if you're a good rich or a bad rich, you about to get proven right now. So those moments when I saw that dark shit, the first thing I thought was comedy store. One thirty morning. Let's go.
How many times have we done the Comedy Store and it's been like two people in there and you still go up because what you want that $15. At least that's why I went up because I need to get that check and you need to get enough of them to equal $100.
So and you want to win, you go, I've treated like it's a crowded room. You just go to your. It just was not. It was a mindset of like, fuck it. Something to really just be silly. And honestly, to be honest, it was I didn't go in there thinking they was going to give me the job anyway. I honestly, whenever I go into a job, I don't think that the person that I'm going in to interview is brave enough to pick me.
Do you get what I'm saying? So when I went to SNA, I was like, there's no way they're going to make me a fucking cast member. Not right off. Nah, nah, I'm going to have to, I'm going to definitely have to massage these people. Like it's something that you realize about yourself.
Did you did Lauren, did you see his reaction after your audition or was there any exchange after the 8H audition? I knew he thought I was funny. And I think when I met with him, I think when I finally had a meeting with him, I was so nervous because I was sitting there in front of a motherfucker that you've seen on TV. Now, again, I'm still always this person. When I see somebody I see on TV, I'll be like, damn.
That's that dude. That's the dude from TV. Like you don't look nothing like that. And it just, it was fascinating to see that. Whatever comes out of you. He's like small, like, so he's small, but like, you know, he has so much power. So I think I was very nervous. And then the first thing I thought was, okay, white people like to hear names that they know. So, and I knew Eddie Murphy. So I was like, I know Eddie Murphy. Eddie Murphy said I'm funny. So yeah.
And he was like, oh, okay, okay. I'm pretty scared. Right.
Okay, that's one. That's good. I'm glad. And I was like, all right. You know, because in my head, again, this man is, what, 60-something? I'm 40-something. We grown people. Like, I'm grown, too. Like, the fuck? Like, this is an interview, but I'm grown. I'm an adult. Like, I used to tell Steve all the time, motherfucker, we mark the same on an insurance form. We mark the same age group. Don't fucking come at me like I'm one of these little children.
i love the defiance i'm such a it's great it's also um you know lauren is very buttoned down i mean he's almost british in a sense you know and reserved in that way but all this emotions right under the surface and you would be more demonstrative with him oh because again
Again, it's like a sitcom who's really been in this game. And like, again, I've come from pimps, hustlers, crackheads. You know, you know how to work a person's ego.
You know how to read someone. Lauren, to you guys, is so powerful and shit, but to me, he was just like this older man that was cool and probably misunderstood because everybody's scared of him. So I used to always be just like, I'm finna talk to him. Like, ain't nobody saying hello. Why y'all running?
And like whenever we would sit by each other, I would, you know, like I would fix his plate. Like anytime he would ask me to come, I would always come dressed to the nines because he likes that type of shit. He believes in the like, we sit there beside each other and they're flashing the pictures. He loves that.
for the person that he's helping because he wants them to understand this is a different world. This is a different world. But see, what I had to explain to Lauren was that, yeah, children love that shit. I'm not a child anymore. I've been through a gang of shit. You know, I'm not a kid no more. So them flashing the lights, it's not impressive to me because, see, I'm Leslie Jones. Of course they're flashing the lights. You know, stop that shit so I can enjoy my pasta.
you're going to get your picture. So, and that's, and at any end, I think he finally understood that, but, you know. He did say to me, I think, Danny, I don't know if he said it to you, he said, you know, if you're a star, you should look like a star. Like, dress up, like, look like a star. He goes, you see these big stars? And you go, that's a star. Yeah. And I don't think I ever totally did it, but I go, I get it. You know? Well, it's,
You want to play the part. It depends though, because the world is changing. Everybody see, you know, like it's true. Yeah. Leonardo DiCaprio, what they would say to me is like, Oh my God, you're so different because live that Leo would never do that. I was like, yeah, you know, there's a different type of star. Like,
Everybody used to always wish, and I used to always say this, if I become famous, I'm going to be like Arsenio. Arsenio can walk through the city. Magic Johnson can walk through the city. I don't want to be like Michael Jackson, hold up in my motherfucking house and
and can't gum out nowhere. Like, I still go to Ralph's. Like, you'll see me on Ralph's. Like, you'll see me at Ralph's. I love Ralph's. Are you kidding? That fucking cake? I'm going to get my own cake. Like, you're not going to stop me from going to the farmer's market. There's a... No. There's a fucking chicken wrapped in bacon restaurant there. No. There's a pickle fucking stand. I'm not fucking...
I'm not going to, you know. So, you know, so yeah, what I had to tell him though, like what he had to learn was that I understood what he was trying to, I understood that that's the stardom. But at that point in my life, that wasn't the stardom that I wanted. If you would have called me in my 20s and 30s, I'd have ate that shit up. I'd have ate that shit up. But I might have burnt the fuck out too and not really even became as good as I am now.
And you feel right now you're the best standup you've ever been. Ooh, I feel like I'm a samurai. I feel like I've graduated to the class of like, I will fuck. Please don't challenge me. I'm that bitch. I'm going to erase, you know, like, like I earned my fucking stripes as far as what, what surprises me is that people don't know I'm a standup and people used to say, so you do stand up. And I would be like,
what my head so offensive like do you know how many you know how many bills i paid would stand up motherfucker i would kill you now that this book is out everybody's gonna know i mean it's really the journey when you're at snl do you have any did you have any friction with people because you're a strong personality or is it just sort of every man for himself you're just out there you just work at snl you know there's always friction with people of course yeah i mean you know of course but you know it's like a
family thing, you get inside that bubble. Again, I put it like this, SNL is for young motherfuckers because it's a high school, you go in there and you follow those steps that they have. But an older person going into that shit, like, no, I'm not finna, no, I'm not finna do that. No, no, I'm not finna go to that party. No.
No, no, I'm not. Like, I think I remember when I started, they had this rule where the new cast members would have to sit in the back of a restaurant during after parties. I'm like, no, I would go and get my shit to go and I would go home. I could sit in the back of my house.
I can have no one see me at my house. I was like, y'all have, y'all, I know you fucking lying. I know you fucking lying. Yo, I went up and got my shit to go and fucking left. Like,
Like, like, like it was shit like that, that I did. This is my thing that I would tell Lauren all the time. We're the cast members. Like it's very much to what I would tell promoters and, and club owners. We are the comics. You don't have no show without us. Like, like, like don't stop treating us like we're the lowest of the totem pole and fucking start treating us like the fucking cast.
Like, I understand you gotta get a show. You ain't got to torture and fucking humiliate no fucking body to get a show out of them. We wanna be here. I wanna do the show.
Suffrage shouldn't be so much part of fucking getting across. I understand that there is some paying dues. Trust me, I understand. I've been a comic. I understand that you got to learn the machine. And that is something that I had to learn too, is that this machine is bigger than me. I need to learn the machine. But there's just still a line of like, God damn it. Don't make it struggle. This shouldn't be high school.
And it was very high school sometimes to where I was very grown to be like, I will pull my belt off and discipline you in this fucking hallway. Don't you fucking talk to me like that. I'm older. No. I remember telling Lindsay Shippers one time I said, bitch, I'm older than you. Where's my yes, ma'am? Where the fuck is my yes, ma'am?
Like, uh-uh. That's some of the shit that I didn't like. You know, like some of the shit that would go on. It's like, yo, you're not old enough to tell me to shut up. Girl, you can't fight me. And I would tell Lauren all the time, who going to come over here and get me? Who? Who you going to send? Who going to fight me?
really you tell lord that what was it kenny amon oh my god lord is actually thinking like maybe zeth myers he would go low lucky rob schneider and he would just be laughing because i would be like lord i'm about to whoop his ass tell me not to i remember one time i wanted to whoop steve's ass i was like yo lauren you need to tell me not to whoop his ass he was like please don't whoop his ass
Well, I think people should know at this point that you were national. I mean, you went to Chapman University on a full basketball scholarship. So part of your kick-assery...
and physicality is from being an athlete. And competitive. Competitive, athlete. Trash talking, don't take shit from anyone. I was always the biggest kid. So I was always, maybe I was a bully sometimes and sometimes I was the hero. So yeah, I took that into grown-up hood. You know what I'm saying? Did you find people to write with that you jive with or did you have to write all your own stuff? You talking about at SNL?
Yeah. If they needed me for a certain character, they would write for me. But if like I wanted to do some shit, it had to be something that they really wanted to do. Does that make sense? So it was it wasn't like there were some cast members that had people that wrote for them all the time. Yeah.
I didn't have that. I mean, Tucker, Tucker was always the one that would step up and write for me and Kenan. But as far as like being in a, in a Kent sketch, sometimes when I would beg James and they, you know, it just was very, that much like what they wrote for whoever they wanted to write for. I mean, they wrote for that person, you know what I'm saying? Yeah.
I think it's been, I think it's been like that. There's a couple that got taken care of a lot and then gravitated to, and then maybe you focused on update or just that you knew your own sense of humor as you try to find stuff was what was really, really. Yeah. And see if I would have liked that to be told to me then to be just like, okay, yeah, we want you in sketches too. But only time you have me in a sketch is if I'm fighting somebody or if I'm
cursing somebody out or if I'm having sex with them or, you know, it was just like, you know, I'm more like a prop kind of wasn't, it wasn't. Yeah. So like, like when they put me in the Weezer sketch, which, which I was so,
happy they put me in that because I was like, this is so much different than what they usually do. And I love that. You know, I wanted stuff like that. I wanted to be like, you know how they used to have to sing in chipmunks? Like, and I wanted to be in shit like that. It's just like hard to get in stuff like that. Yeah. Well, they sort of see you a certain way. They see every cast member like through a certain lens. And if you don't fit in that. Well, they make a character of myself.
Yeah. And maybe they would, they say, all they have to do is say either play this really straight or play down, give you a tiny bit of direction. And if you're there, it's so funny that you're saying that. Cause that's what I would scream to them. I said, I know you think that since I'm Leslie, that I'm going to take over the sketch. I already know what you're thinking. That's why you're not putting me in the sketch. Cause you think I'm going to make myself the man. I'm not tell me what to do. I know how to play down. I,
I know how to play down. I've been with myself for 47 years. You think I haven't been told to shut them? Hey, you allowed. You think I haven't been told
You get it. You go, tell me the sketch. What is the feel of it? Okay, we're all playing it under. Great. All the time I said, if you write me loud, I'm going to play loud. But if you write me this way, I'm going to play that way. Just because I'm... And it was just like, you don't understand. When you're in the sketch, you're just this. And I was like, well, I'm fucking sorry. Well, quit writing my character with all caps. That would have been so much fun to see you play a wallflower or very shy...
person, you know, really small. You play like Garth's
you know, nerdy says friend love interest. Yeah. And that's what I used to tell a long, long time. I was like, it's a shame. Lauren actually understood, but like, what can you do when you have all those elements? You like a puppet master at that point. I know. I'm pretty sure he was very disappointed when I was disappointed because he used to love when I would do the cow, the cow videos. Cause I could show how good I could act. He's like, you're a really good actress. And I would tell him to tell his motherfuckers. Like,
tell him to do it but it's like how much how much control really i wonder if he had i don't know i don't think he tries to the energy to at any age to micromanage i think he's more you know he's directing the show and producing it but not specifically i know you'll figure it out it'd be nice if it had like an ending right maybe maybe put leslie in there you know i would love it
Wouldn't be a... It all shakes out. Like, they shake out and at the end, Kristen Wiig's always going to do well. You know what I mean? Each show, it kind of was like, these people get lost in the shuffle. These people come out ahead. Someone writes for them and they get a good spot up front. You know, we're in a good spot in the studio. You know how that is. If you're right up front, it's great. Not in the corners. Right, right.
But the writers would write for, you know, more redundantly for someone who's scoring or they think if I write with this person, my sketch will get on. So it becomes kind of a tape loop where, you know, like I didn't really mind, but I never would play a game show host, which I didn't need to when Phil Hartman was there, the great Phil Hartman. Right. Or Will Ferrell, like certain people like that's our game show host guy. But your stuff, you know,
They would always give me the looks, the looks, the words, like the lines because they knew. And sometimes, too, I would help them tell the joke that they're trying to tell. Like, I know what you're trying. I know what you're trying to achieve and you're not achieving it with what you wrote. Chris Kelly and...
I can't think of the other girl's name, the girl that used to write with him. But when I first got there, Sarah, Chris and Sarah, at first when I got there, I did not like them. I thought they was very high school-y or cliquish. But honestly, on Real Talk, they were really good writers. They were really good writers, and they were specific about what they wanted, and they would write very up-to-date stuff. Matter of fact, when they left, it was noticed.
I remember texting them going, I know y'all ain't going to believe hearing this from me, but I miss you motherfuckers. That's nice to hear, though. Tim and Zach, Tim Robinson and Zach, oh my God, they would write those. When they left, I was like, there's no hope because those four people would actually write. There's no hope. Tim Robinson, the one that does these crazy shows, I think you should leave.
of the best shit for me. He would write some of the best shit for me. And just like, I love... I mean, there were people who tried, I guess, but I don't fucking know. I don't know if it was just a certain thing that they wanted me to always be like.
I don't know what the fucking, but at some point, like in my twenties, again, in my twenties, thirties, you can do that shit because I can take the time to build myself on the outside and do that or whatever. And when it's time for me to go, I'm going to be still young. But when you're 47, Hey man, I'm a, I'm a get up out of here, man. Time's clicking. Yeah. Yeah. Listen, I was, I was sarcastic, Leslie. And so they go,
They have all these comedians and we're all kind of the same. So they just go, if it's this piece of, it's not just, we need someone funny. It's like, Oh, sarcasm. Give it to Spade. He's that's his 3% of the comedy he can do. You get that line. This one, goofy Sandler.
Fall down Farley. It was like that kind of stuff. You know, Schneider had a lot of accents. Dana had a lot of impressions. You know, it was weird. You can always go to them. Dana was like, put a dress on Dana. Put a dress on him. Yeah. And you understand what that is. It's an institution. That's what happens in institutions. And there's too many people. So they go, we've got someone that can do this.
And Leslie can do that. And so if it was less like in the old SNL days, they might say, Leslie, now you have to come in and play Garth's girlfriend because we're out of people. So you'll, and then you get bigger because you're showing more moves. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. But, and if you fumble it, they don't write it for you, but if you can go out there and do it, then they might believe in it and go, Oh shit, we'll give her something else. Just let me do one. Just let me do it.
I think Lorne looks at the writers and the cast as like the Congress. They're two different houses of government in a way. Yeah, that is very much. They're in their own world. I think, and Lorne would say this, when they start to
cross-pollinate and integrate the comedian quote unquote because I did have a writer's credit is integrating with the writers so who were your champions I mean besides I guess Tim really or writers that just had enough like I said Tucker would always come through I mean like I wanted to get something actually written I would go to Tucker and be like hey this is what I want to write and he would make it happen so that's good
Um, yeah. Or you, or you write something and you go to someone good, like even rock. I mean, I, I was blessed with all these guys around. So you walk over to rock and say, Hey, will you skim this and just see if, or you come to me and say, Spade, just give me two jokes. This is a two page update bit, anything you can add. And then he'd do that to a couple of people. Cause everyone there where you turned was pretty funny. And,
And that's a great way to do it. And that feels more of a team effort. But if you can just go to one of those writers, because a lot of them are great. Every year they hire solid people. And you can go, hey, man, just give me five minutes. It's very hard to ask. And it's very hard to get them to actually say that they're going to do it. Because it was always a lot of, oh, yeah, I'll be able to. And then you don't.
Right. They're working on theirs for seven hours with the door closed. And I wish it was just a lot more. Like, I would always take my sketches to Kenan, too, and let him read it. And Kenan always gave me great notes. Sure. Go get something. The update team is always a different house, also. Because when you're doing an update, they're going to give you everything you need to do with the update. But pretty much, I always came in with what it was I wanted to talk about. And they just fleshed it out.
But, yeah. Yeah, I mean... I got up for an Emmy, though. The one thing that's kind of interesting... It's hard to do. Yeah, you're Emmy-nominated and you have awards and stuff, but it's interesting that in Ghostbusters...
You were, what did you think of the character they gave for you in Ghostbusters? I always tell people this and I will always say this. And I know people is not a popular fucking, it's not a popular opinion, but we did not, the movie that we shot is not the movie that got released.
And I don't spend three months in fucking Boston shooting a fucking movie for it just not to come out to what it was supposed to come out to. And I mean, there are so many great moments that got missed out because...
because of press because of dumb motherfuckers sitting behind their computer or computer keys mad that women are playing ghostbusters like i mean trump trump even came out was like women ghostbusters like like it was fucking awful it was just like awful and then it came down to the point where the studio really started getting scared instead of just like fucking like if
Here it is. They were bared down and fucking went on and made that movie. They didn't spend the money that they wanted to spend on special effects. And we're like, if you're making a Ghostbuster movie, then special effects is the most important fucking thing. Go ahead. There was scenes. There was a scene. And I will always say, I even put this in the book. There's a scene where Chris Hemsworth, when he's on top of the movie theater, and he's
possessed by the ghost and he's making the soldiers dance. And Michael Williams did a thriller-like routine. It was the best thing you will ever see ever. It was the two, and the dude that played the, I can't think of his name, that played the white FBI agent,
He, white, white, no rhythm, but he learned that motherfucking routine and it was freaking incredible. Nowhere in the movie.
Not even test screening. You never saw it? You see it in the credits. They put it in the credits. You're like, what? It was so, there was so many stunt scenes that me and Kate did. There were so many scenes between Melissa and Kristen that explained their fucking friendship.
When you look at this movie, you don't understand why they're such friends. But the scenes that they cut out would explain all of that. It was so annoying because it was just more of like, I don't understand how come our society is the way that it is. If anything, you have a daughter. Why would you tell your daughter she couldn't be a Ghostbuster? Right.
It seems like that's not where you, you know, die in your sword is the Ghostbusters. That's the one you won't let go. Yeah, it was ridiculous. I mean, it was so absurd that it was a problem for whatever part of humanity. I don't know, the small chorus that makes noise online, but I mean...
That experience, the filming of it was fun because we really expected it to be such a great movie. What we were filming, we were like, this shit is going to this is going to make all those motherfuckers shut up. And I'll tell you, is one of the one times that I ever learned the most valuable lesson in my life is that I never, ever let anything go out without me watching it first. And we were so confident that the movie was going to be so good. None of us saw the movie before it came out.
They asked us, did we want to go see it? And we were like, oh, no, you can't fuck this up. Oh, wow. Yes, they can. Well, sometimes they don't let you. Sometimes you see it and you don't like it and they go too late. And that's frustrating, too, because you go, oh, my God, now I got to do press.
And I got to be like, this is not what I thought. It's monstrously made. And I don't know the circumstance behind the scene, but man is a movie made in the editing room. And I was, they let Mike and I in the editing room for Wayne's world one and the Foxy lady scene with Garth, it was just all wrong. And so I was able to fix it. It's not simple if it's your thing, but I I'd love to say that that's an unusual story. The only thing is bizarre is, you know,
It's such an unforced error, whoever directed or whoever made it, because you had Melissa McCarthy. You had Leslie Jones. You had Chris Sinwig and Kate McGinnon. So that's an all-star, superstar cast. We should be on the third version now. We should be on the third version of what the—that's how good it was when we were taping it.
And it's just, it just, it just goes through those machines and it spits out some shit that we didn't even recognize. Like you think you have four great, you have four great comedians. And then you go, you're actually trying every day for three months to be funny, not walking through it. Everyone's a, they have scenes together. They're not going to go home without going. It's gotta be funnier. We, I lost 30 pounds doing that shoot. And let me tell you something, the fucking things that the guys had,
We had metal fucking packs on us that we were in the sun every day. That was one night we showed up and I literally thought that Paul Fade had turned into my college coach because he literally said, line up and just start running. We were like, with these packs on? We had to run forwards and backwards for two hours.
I'm a nibbler, Dana, and I think you are too, but you always know me that I just have to keep the energy going. And I think because I learned from my dad, pistachios are a good source of just, you know, nibble, wake you up. They're always delicious. I actually named a character in a movie I did called Master of Disguise. The lead character's name is pistachio. That's how much I love pistachios. Yeah. Yeah.
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Sea salt and vinegar, smoky barbecue. Sea salt and pepper is one I like the most. And I'm going to try this jalapeno lime. They don't have a red, red necky flavor just yet. Yeah, look at him there. Red, red necky loves pistachios. I like to crack things open and put them in my mouth.
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If they could tell you how good the movie do ahead of time, you would work harder because you go, oh, this one. It's like when you're busting up, you're like, is this even in the movie? And how much running do you really going to, two seconds of this? It needs to get like straight, just like attacked. Like it was like a weekend attack was just like, it made me just lose faith in humanity because I was just like,
What? This is not real. This is a move. Yeah. What are they attacking? What are they attacking you for?
Because Dana, sometimes that happens. Like I've done a movies where the first two reviews aren't good. And you go, Oh no, this is the one where they all decide, Oh, let's all jump on this one. Oh, it was, it was a motherfucking field. Like I'm talking about races. I'm talking about people jacking off on my pictures, sending it to me. I'm talking about people sending me videos, talking about they're going to kill me that they're going to fucking hang me. They got like, like real talk on me. Like,
Like the type of shit that you go, what the fuck is mentally wrong with you? Yeah. It's Ghostbusters. It was crazy. Right. Crazy. Yeah.
Sorry to hear that. It's a goofy movie. You're just trying to get some laughs, really. Well, a goofy movie that everybody was like, oh, you're going to blow up after this. Oh, wow. That's even worse the other way. You're going to blow up. You're the fucking Ghostbusters. I had black actresses coming up to me going, girl, you know I auditioned for that. You got that shit. I know. The problem with film is that in the edit or whatever they're cutting out,
it doesn't go from funny to a little less funny. It goes from funny to not funny. Now, I don't know how many cooks were in the kitchen.
On Ghostbusters, but that that's a surefire way to ruin a movie. One guy said, I don't like that scene. We've got to cut this scene. And then the whole souffle gets all caught up. I've been in it. I don't want to talk about the movies I've been in. I tried to. I just walk out and go. I saw the dailies. It was funny.
I would just put a lot of moving masters on the four of you. Not a lot of cutting, just let them do their dance and not beat the shit out of it. Or in your case, I guess...
whole wholesale scenes were cut. It's heartbreaking. That's why God gave us stand up. Whenever you need to cleanse your palate, then you can be a total. Exactly. Exactly. You know what I would do? And this is what I said I was going to put out in the universe. Why not? Because Michael passed on. It would be great if they just remastered that movie. I know they still got the shit remastered and actually put the shit in there that was supposed to be in there. That would be great to see that movie.
Why don't let's let's just say for flying the wall, let's let's do a remastering because digital space, whether Ted Sarandos is listening or somebody or whoever the studio is, let's do a remaster. They do it all the time.
And really have someone go and do a comprehensive edit. Don't just add it on and see we get this new version that you witnessed. David, are you in favor of that? I'm in favor. Oh, my God. The dancing alone. What the villain did alone is so much stuff they cut out that was just like so just so good.
And the money wasted because they spend so much of those movies and then they start to pull back when they come out and you go, no, no, no, no, just go all in. If you've spent the money, just go all in. It literally, 20 more minutes added on to it. If the 20 more, I just went just wide open.
Yeah, well, a lesson. It was a lesson that I learned. I learned a lot of shit when I did Ghostbusters. I learned how to handle everything.
Yes. And you learned about ghosts. Leslie, first of all, thank you for talking. I have to ask her one more thing and we're going to let her go. But, you know, Time Magazine, one of the most 100 influential people. Russell Crowe writes it right now. How do you even get to Russell Crowe, who's a big star? Love Russell Crowe. I guess the question you ask is how do you get to a gladiator, sir? Yeah.
Yeah. Or a mask. Russell is a brute.
Oh, yeah. I love that guy. And he loves it. He's a masculine man. And again, I know how to play people's things. You play on it. Everybody was so scared of him when he came in. And no one liked him because he's a brute. Well, he's got that incredible voice. Yeah. And then I think he said to Lindsay's chick, it's like, oh, you must be the pretty blonde girl that's going to show me around. I'm like, whoo.
Old school. I,
I love me some Russ. And he knew that I knew that about him because every time I saw him, you know, men like that, you know, like he sat like doing a pitch. You know how they sit in a chair? Yeah. No, he got in Higgins' chair and then sat on top of it. So he was higher than everybody. So you know what I did, right? I sat right up under him like I was one of his bitches.
Like I was one of his wimps. And I put my arm on his knee and I was like, yeah. And he loved it.
You play, and everybody was so mad at me, but nobody could control him without me. I had to take his notes in. I had to do all his promos with him. I did all that. Yeah, okay. Wow, that's tough. Love it. I like that. Love me some Russ. I love me some Russell Crowe. He's just a real cowboy. Yeah, I like that old school. He's a badass. Yeah. Master and commander, by the way, if he's listening.
Brilliant movie. Russ did. So anything you want to say to nice? I just want to remind people of the book and yeah, Leslie fucking Jones is, it's a very, very incredible adventure that she tells us. The story is amazing. And I guess just, just,
Where are you going next? I mean, you're doing a tour. How are you feeling right now creatively, and what can we look forward to? Sorry, it sounds like a TV question. No, it's so many things. I got the book tour coming. I'm going to do more dates for my tour coming up, but our flag means there will be coming out. I did Hit Monkey with Jason Sudeikis. That's going to be coming out. Oh, Jason Sudeikis, so the movie Hit Monkey, okay. Yeah.
And then we got a lot of projects, but you know a lot of things are on hold right now. But we got a lot of things cooking. Lots of things cooking. I'm going to do a movie with Brian Fuller and Sigourney Weaver. I can never say it right. Sigourney Weaver. I'm going to be playing an FBI agent.
I like that. So you're busy as hell and you're happy. Yeah. It's just great because your journey, I know this third time I've said it, is amazing. You're such a survivor. And what your dad always told you, right? Just become undeniable. You can win, but just become undeniable. Like, you know, where they can't fire you, they can't fire you. Right. Yeah.
And it's just like in the standup hierarchy, you became the person that no one wanted to follow. And eventually, of course, you're a headliner then. Then you're at the top of that mountain. But because no one wanted to follow you or could follow you. Yeah. Oh, God, how I wish he was alive to see it. Oh, he would love this shit. Yeah. Wow. That is, that's bittersweet. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
You have to do it. Yeah. Please read her book. If you want, if you want inspiration about overcoming and tenacity, that's what I took away from it. Yeah. Like freaking out. That's so great.
I'll be like, they made my book, y'all. Well, well, well. We don't usually recommend books from heathens and sinners. And people like to do nasty things with all the boys. But this one, Leslie Swearword Jones, is a wonderful story. Bye, Leslie. Jesus loves you. Oh, God. And we all do, too. I had to give it to you. I don't do church later on the podcast. But for you.
Thank you. See, that's like love right there. I love it. I will do it all day for you. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I love this. Leslie, we enjoyed you so much. Thank you so much. You're so special. And as far as the book, all I'm going to say is it's special. It's special.
Who was it written by? Satan? There you go. That's it. That's the one. That's the one. That's the mic drop.
Leslie, it's been so much fun hanging out with you on this Zoom. Thank you so much for having me on here. I really appreciate you guys. You're very fucking sweet and kind. And I appreciate your, because I respect both of you. So thank you so much. Thank you. We're going to run into each other and you're going to hug me and pick me up off the ground. Yes! I'm going to pick you up. I've been working out. I'm up to 30 pushups. No, no, still won't be able to pick me up. Ha ha ha!
Okay, true that. Well, well, well, we like to pick men up, don't we? And squeeze them in their naughty area. Anyway, sorry, I'm making Leslie giggle. She's collapsing. Oh my God. I'm so thrilled. I'm going to get your phone number and leave you a message as the church lady. Oh my God. If you leave me messages, I swear to God, I will live by them.
This has been a podcast presentation of Cadence 13. Please listen, then rate, review, and follow all episodes. Available now for free wherever you get your podcasts. No joke, folks. Fly on the Wall has been a presentation of Cadence 13, executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Chris Corcoran of Cadence 13, and Charlie Finan of Brillstein Entertainment. The show's lead producer is Greg Holtzman with production and engineering support from Serena Regan and Chris Basil of Cadence 13.