Martin Short
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Yes, I have actually stayed at Airbnbs from time to time. And truth be told, I do really like them. I'm being totally honest right now that I've had great experiences with them. Yeah. I mean, you can have your look at you go get your own place, get your own pool, your own living room. You're not going to walk in an elevator. You're not going to see people when you're walking around in your undergarments. Yeah.

Yes. And if you don't understand what we're talking about, you should go online. What we're saying is you have a house with a kitchen and a bathroom and it's just for you, tailored for you. You liked your Airbnb over a hotel. Yes. And I do think I've had relatives stay nearby and sometimes it's very nice for them to do an Airbnb and have a little house and they're not underfoot. The last thing you want is your house guest to say, excuse me, um,

Where would I find a towel? That's a toughie when it's- Because they're naked? Well, it's like the 1800th time you say, on the towel rack. Yeah. Thank you. Oh, I was going to look there. People don't even think hotels sometimes just go, hey, I'll go there, I'll get an Airbnb. So you won't regret it. Three, two, one. Yeah.

You got it. Here's David Spade with comments on comments. Thanks, Dana. You know, we get a lot of comments. We do. And sometimes I look at my Instagram, according to my screen time, 23 hours a day.

We got to pump them numbers up. It's not enough. Let's go for 24. You are an Instagram whore. So I go on there and we talk about this show. So we put like little clips and stuff like this. I've heard about it. I can't look at it. Dana doesn't look at it a lot. And I, I look at it on mine and some, most of the comments are very nice. Sometimes they just say we look the same. Fine. We do look similar, but do you, does it need to be every single comment? Look at the fucking other comments, commenters.

Look and say, that guy sort of covered that. You read down 500, they look the same. What am I going to do? What am I going to say? They look the same. Yeah, they go, this is a safe one because 300 people have said it. By the way, don't ding me. When I look, I could see 100 people.

Isn't he the greatest? Isn't he just something else? Let me go on. Boy, is he good looking for his age. Good Lord. And then you sucked, never were funny, and then I'm dinged for the whole day. Yeah. How do you handle that? Because you look every day. You're a looksy type Instagram guy. When I have time. Which is all the time. I do glance. Yeah. Well, you get all the, Dave is the funniest. It is true that they jump out when it's negative, but. What's a coldy one for you?

What was a good one I get a lot? Never, no, a bad one. Cold, chilly, never funny. Never. Never found him funny. Never.

You should have died instead of Farley is the most common burn. I apologize for posting that. Dana, I know you were drunk. I was just, I had a couple of pops. I had a couple of pops at the Wendy's Shumet. I went down to the Jiminy Cricket. No, that's not right. I had a hickory slim at the Wandering Eye. The Slippery Noodle. Yes. And on ice, up with a twish, and I did that mean, mean tweet. No, but Martin Short said,

But Martin Short, speaking of- Never a negative thing about Martin Short. I've asked him specifically about his social media presence, and I said, what about when people ding you? He goes, what do you mean? I just get all compliments. I go, Marty! I must say. I must say. I'm very scared. We do talk to him about his brilliant Ed Grimley character, which is very interesting, and it goes deeper-

then some of the other podcasts would go. Yes. Because I see people cheating on us. I see people go on other podcasts. And then I'd listen. Not cool, but sure. And ours is a little better. Hey, it's showbiz, you know. That's showbiz. But we're not competitive. No, but, you know, Katie, my sister-in-law, Ed Grimley was her favorite character. She did Impression of it all the time. He's got so many other ones. He has, what were we just talking about? Jiminy Glick? Jiminy Glick.

which is genius, really, because he improvises it. He talks all about that. I mean, yeah. David, you were in a movie where you're in a boat. I can't do it. Yes, Jiminy. That could have been six of them, but yes.

Why do people hate you? I know, Jiminy Glick is a little rough. He's the ultimate passive aggressive character. Him and the church lady never did a movie. I'm just saying for Ted Sarandos is one of my very close friends. We were cheap. Jiminy Glick meets the church lady, writes itself. I apologize that my collar's popping today. Oh, I also have this. I didn't know you could grow that big a beard. Okay.

Wait till October when it's fully in. Check back. Oh, fill it in over. I will say this salt's taking over the pepper. I can't wait to see you all burly. So anyway, here's Martin Short, you guys. We don't want to give too much away. Yeah, yeah. If I were you, I would press play and listen to this. That's all I'm going to say. I think they already did. Oh, they already did? Yeah. If I were you, I would not press stop. And don't give me that 30-second forward thing, because we know and we keep track.

We are 35 minutes, Marty. We're going fast. It's going to be so easy and so fun. Thank you, Marty. Sorry, that was Mark Gervais. I know. Everything's harder than they say it's going to be, right? No matter what it is. I love the craziness of you two. See? We're wacky.

Now, Marty, I have so many questions to ask you, but we are out of time. I have. Now, that brings me to one of my observations that Marty's persona on talk shows, you're constantly making fun of the idea of a performer being on a talk show live in real time as you're doing it. The artifice, the ego, the neediness, and you're the master of

of setting up conan you know you're terrific you were better last week but you know the undercutting and i watch you killing with that i go where i mean where did that i mean you're the master of that thing what is that call is that like a bob hope move no no i think it was you know the first time i did talk shows is dave letterman i started doing letterman in 82 and he started doing it and um

I just knew that he was self-deprecating and liked to be put down and hated the opposite. So that probably influenced me doing it. I mean, when I went on Johnny Carson's the first time, I was afraid to do Johnny Carson for a long time. I pretended that I thought Letterman, I was hip and Letterman was hip, but that wasn't true. And when I first went on Carson, I don't do any of that.

So it's really just more with my peers. Right. And yeah, I'd say Letterman would love that. I mean, when I first went on Carson, and I'll ask you this question too, like the most, there were two nerve wracking moments. And I think the SNL, the light goes on that one when I'm actually on SNL and Carson introducing, hearing my name said by him. Yeah.

And then going out, we had analog television then and seeing him close up with that pancake, you know, the makeup and everything and his giant head and his voice. How did you feel? I mean, it was completely surreal. Yeah. I also had to follow three segments of Betty Davis. So that made it even stranger. Oh, that was infamous then, right? Yeah, that was the first time I was on. Oh, oh.

But I wasn't what I wasn't prepared for. I remember one time I someone said to me, oh, no, one of the producers and I was maybe going to do it. And we were and he said, you know, like Johnny might look distracted if he doesn't be blazes over or or anything like that. Don't take it personally. He just has done the show a long time. And I thought.

I'm just going to do Letterman, you know. Then when I finally did it, he was so great. He was so in the moment doing that. That big laugh. He rubs his eyes. He got on a little roll tonight. That gentleman got on a roll. This is the genius impersonation of your life. But it really was. It was. He was as.

great as I had dreamed. I mean, I used to, when I was like 14, I remember one time watching Johnny Carson. He'd been on for two years now. And he said that something to the effect of, you know, I went to LAX to pick up a friend and I used to think, gee, what would it be like to be Johnny's friend? You know? I mean, I just loved it. Totally. Totally. And, and middle-class kids, maybe even kids of celebrities, um,

The transition between being a civilian and then you're in show business and actually on television, like for me in particular, watching SNL and SCTV and seeing you looking like a cousin from Ireland or something, that guy, we're from the same tribe. He's doing what I want to do better than I can do it. And I remember you, you were doing Robin Williams and you were going all over the studio and you climbed up a ladder or something.

It really hit me. It was like 78. And I go, I want to do what that guy's doing. It was, you know, it was Robin Williams for Tang. Oh, thank you. You know, it was all right. You wouldn't get to the point of the commercial because he kept improvising. Yes. Yes. That was it. Yeah. And I remember I was a little nervous about it because, you know, I knew Robin, I didn't want to offend him. And I remember saying to Joe Flaherty, you will, you are the one that will make this mean or not.

Because he was the moderator. Right. And he kept going, oh, Robin. And I said, no, no, no, you got to tone that down, Joe. Yeah. Didn't come off mean. I didn't think about that then. Good, good, good. Now, Martin, when you did SCTV.com,

And you, how long, first of all, how long was the gap before SNL? But did you really want to be on SNL? You kind of were on a big SNL type show. Well, no, no, no. Well, the show, I wouldn't, I mean, SCTV was canceled. So had it not been canceled, I would have stayed with it. So I did a year and a half of NBC, SCTV. Then we did a year on Cinemax.

And then we were canceled. And then, so I finished Cinemax in April of 84 and was immediately asked to do SNL, which I started in August of 84. Cinemax, I was usually tied up watching porn. I didn't make it all the way over to SCTV. Yeah. That's an odd place for SCTV. Well, see, go ahead, Dana.

Oh, why? I don't know. I have so many questions. Could you do Ed Grimley today? I mean, is he mentally, where is that? Where is he on the spectrum? And, you know, like he's, he's, it's just an eccentric. He's okay. Just wonder about it. He's okay, right? I think he's okay. I mean, he was just fascinated by life. I remember like in 1979, 1979,

I was doing a TV series called The Associates, my first show in L.A. And my brother Michael and his wife Liz flew down and she said something to the effect of, oh, I was so excited to fly down and I changed my outfit four times. And I thought,

you change out four times to go on a plane, I would kill for that innocence and exuberance toward life. Ed Brimley, I always remembered that when I was writing Ed Brimley pieces. So like if the phone rang, he'd say, oh, gee, the phone's ringing. And as he went over the phone, he'd pause it. Gee, I love the phone. There's always such a sense of mystery, I must say. So even the phone,

He had never lost the excitement of a phone. And that was the key. Now, does that make him a little challenge? Sure. Sure. Absolutely. You know, my sister-in-law, Kate Spade, was...

back then uh you know i wasn't on snl yet but she you were her that ed grimley was her favorite all time of any character of anywhere and in halloween she did her hair up and loved it love it's so funny and i think because she she loved the upbeatness and that's what i didn't really realize until you just said it that's like the funnest thing to watch is someone so happy about something and so joyous like because you never see it anymore

Absolutely. My favorite egg rimly that I wrote in SNL was the premise that it was Thanksgiving and he was just so excited about Thanksgiving. Yeah, of course. He's going around and he would open the oven. Oh, look at the cookies. Yeah, I wish I had oven mitts. And he burned his head. But in the middle of the sketch, he just said, yeah, I wonder what the neighbors are up to. And then you panned over and he had a huge telescope where he had spy on all his neighbors.

Which is a little, you know, odd. And then he saw Ed Asner killing his wife. So then we came to Rewind. When you got on there for that year, it was kind of like for where I was sitting, just a fledgling stand-up and did some bad television. It was sort of an all-star team. I mean, Christopher Guest has become kind of mysterious. I mean, he's not – and he was on there with you, obviously. Who else? I mean, you guys came together. It was –

Harry Shearer, Christopher Guest, Billy Crystal and I were given a one year contract. Kind of unheard of. We'll see how it goes. No, it wasn't Lauren. It was Dick Ebersole. Oh, I don't do him as well. That was your Dick Ebersole. It was something. When I think of Rich Little, I don't think of you. No, no. But anyway, and that was so that was the before and Rich Hall.

Oh, wow. Maybe that was the one. And had you had you done sketch comedy with any of those guys? No, no, no, no. I had never met them. I had met Billy in 1980. My wife, Nancy, was on soap. So I knew Billy and I was doing another series next door called I'm a big girl now.

with Danny Thomas. So we were both bringing a lot of money that year and we were both on sitcoms. Both would end that year. And so I met Billy briefly there, but I'd never met Chris. I knew Harry through Paul Schaefer. When you did Synchronized Swimming, who shot that? Do you remember? Was that Signorelli or was that Schiller? No, I don't know. No, it was neither of those two. How

How was your, like, going on that show at that point, SNL, like, where was your confidence at? For me, I find that my confidence kind of comes and goes. There's times when I really have this and other times, I mean, you've kind of talked about that a little bit. Well, I mean, I think I still have a pro and con list.

To do it or not to do it. And one of the reasons is we had a new baby and I've been in Toronto. Now we had just rented a place in LA. And so I just kind of wanted to be here. So that was on the con list of doing it. And one of the things on the con list was, am I going to blow it? Like, am I going to blow any credibility I have now accumulated from SCTV by just not being any good or not,

not being able to crank out stuff every week, all those things that you worry about. You think you might be out of ideas or anything at that point and then you got to start over kind of? Or was it the combination of all of us working together, you know, the cast of SCTV? It was just, yeah, you worried that this was going to be a great mistake. And in fact, the first dress did not go well.

And I knew that there were a lot of eyes in that first episode because of the four of us. And my wife, Nancy, came around 1110. And I said to her, this is a disaster. And I wasn't kidding around. I said they should show another like a rerun last year because we're not ready. And she was devastated.

And then the show happened and it was a triumph. What I didn't realize is what you could do between dress and air. You move that around. The synchronized swimming was already filmed. It was supposed to be in show two. They moved that to show one. And it was suddenly...

And I remember Nancy was saying, you are such an asshole for putting me through. I said, I swear to you, I just learned something. Oh, many nights I would think it's not going to go on tonight. Yeah. Literally, this will be the night. It's not happening. We're going to show a rerun. I'm sorry. It's 1055. Lauren is giving...

you know, in very detailed notes and they're going, okay, they'll go in there, they'll go in there. So it's always like he says, it's a miracle it goes on. But I remember that you're, as being such a fan of

You had some incredible sketches, the four of you together. Yeah. I remember Harry and I, the first two sketches we did, wrote together were Lifestyles of the Relatives of the Rich and Famous and Synchronized Swimming. And we shot Synchronized Swimming somewhere in New Jersey, and we're going back on the bus, you know, the bus. And I said...

No, we hadn't aired. We hadn't been on the air yet. I said, Harry, how do you think we're doing so far? And he said, well, all I know is that in this time, these five weeks in L.A., I would have had.

or two about three ideas that weren't developed and nothing would happen. So at least we're creating product. So that was where we were at. That's the bottom line. Yeah, yeah. It's sort of the good and the bad. Like you do a movie and you got to wait a year and then, and it's like, to me, it's never soon enough. Anything we do, you're shooting a TV show, it doesn't come on for months. And then SNL is almost too quick. You're just hung over from the show and the after party. And then they're like, Tom Hanks this week. And you're like, fucking A.

We just finished last week and you go, what are your new ideas? I got that blank yellow pad because no, you know, no computers back then. And so you're just like staring at the wall going, fuck. And a lot of our hosts were like leading men type. We're very similar. So it's hard to think of new ideas unless you have something new looking or someone's got a real quirky thing about them. Of course, if you're a shitty writer like me, so I just blank out and then I wait and hope they had to do a weekend update.

When I came on, they told us, and I don't even know if Dinah Minot was one of Lorne's lieutenants. Well, it's only got an eight-show pickup for the first time in the show's history. That's what we were told, that Bernie begged Tartikoff to give Lorne one more chance for dignity's sake. We had an eight-show pickup. Quote, if you don't hit the ground running, we're out of here by Christmas.

So I for sure thought, and everything I ever did got canceled or was never made. Every pilot, the Mickey Rooney show, Blue Thunder. I did a movie with Bert Langassaker. I should have talked to you, but the stories are amazing. That'll be a whole separate podcast. But so that was terrible. I thought for sure I'm going to be turning out the light. So I understand that fear. When we did the show,

uh, 84, 85, you know, um, Eddie Murphy had left the season before. And then I think there's a whole halfway through. And then Joe Piscopo was manning the ship and then he left. And, um,

They didn't have a wig department. They just rented wigs. And I think the reason, you know, Ebersole was called the George Steinbrenner year where he paid us more money than had been paid before and a one-year contract because he didn't think the show would survive that year. So I think... Wow. Lauren rebuilt it again into what it is today. It's true.

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Visit buyatoyota.com, the official website for deals. All new Toyotas come with ToyotaCare, a no-cost maintenance plan. See your dealer or visit buyatoyota.com for details. Let's go places. Oh, yeah. What did you make at the beginning, Dan?

I made $4,500. I was so, I'd never done sketch comedy, so in sketches during the first dress rehearsal, when I got a laugh, I had to stop myself from facing the audience like a stand-up. Yeah. You know, and I was in the cold opening and didn't know I was in the cold opening. Did you hit your head or something? How did you know? I just, everything was moving so fast. It was the very first show, and at the church late, all these things happened to me.

All of a sudden I was in four things and the church lay got moved up and then Brad Gray came in my dressing room and just said, I don't know why it is, but it's your show. I don't know why it happened.

And he left, and I was so nervous that I was just in those little dressing rooms in the mirror, and I just started swearing at myself in the mirror, fuck you. Try to not be just terrified, literally terrified. Oh, wow, yeah. Was that your first, first show? First, first, first, first show, yeah. Church Lady. And this is 1986. 1986.

I was playing a pizza parlor literally in July doing standup. And then I was at Lauren Michaels house for three weeks. And then I was on the show. It was all completely surreal. And Phil came in with me and Jan hooks and we were in the cold opening. So I was with two really great, great, great. And they were great on church chat. So they were, well, it was so, so awesome to be in sketches. Everyone, you know,

raves about and is revered. As good as anybody. But not one-eighth of what she should. Yeah, I agree. Because she was the funny... I mean, she played... We did a movie together. Jiminy Glick. Jiminy Glick. Yeah, yeah. But we also did this very cool special like in 96. And...

Called the show formerly known as the Martin Short Show. Yes, yes, yes. And she was, she played Brett Butler. She played, she was on fire genius. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And she's, there's sketches where she was dramatic, you know, all of a sudden in a sketch and very super real. Yeah. And she was such a vulnerable spirit and so fucking funny. She was so funny. I remember in Jimny Glick and Lana, you know, it's improvised and

And we were doing this scene and and she's talking. Elizabeth Perkins says something about you. Her husband kept blow ups, sex dolls. No, he knew her husband needed it. That was it. But five times a day. And and Jan said, oh, no, you got to get a blow up thing. You know, I mean, I've had four kids fucking me is like fucking a purse. Yeah.

And you just saw Elizabeth Perkins shake and bring the glass up so she wouldn't laugh. And my next line went, Dixie, remember we discussed the word mistake? Yeah, she was something else. She was something. She did attitude. Remember attitude? Anyway. Sweeney. Sweeney sisters. But when I started, oh yeah, when you came over from SCTV, did they have a thing? Because when I was there-

You wrote your characters down and you could bring them to the show, but they owned everything you wrote from then on.

You were allowed to bring Ed Grimm. Did you bring other stuff over from SCTV? No, I, you know, if there was a rule like that, no one mentioned it to me. Cause I think I would have said, shut up. I'm doing what I created this. I'm doing whatever I want. And I knew, I knew that Andrew Alexander wasn't going to sue me from SCTV. So I just did it. And then when I left SNL, you know,

Like I created a character, Nathan Thurm or people like that. I did another special. No one, I've never been, no one's ever mentioned this to me. You know, I don't, I think it'd be weird if Lorne would call people out on that. I think it just. They changed the rule later, but it wasn't when I first got there. Yeah, what was yours? You could bring in your characters, you would own them.

And then I don't know why, but I ended up selling Churchley t-shirts. And then Lovett said to Lauren, you know, Dana's making a lot of money selling t-shirts, which I wasn't. And I think after that, maybe we should get a contract, you know, so I think it changed, which, you know, I didn't really care. I haven't, but I technically owned the Churchley. So you were doing, um,

a sitcom appearance guest appearance on a hit sitcom and arrived as a church lady you'd need permission i would not for church lady but if i arrived as hans or garth i would and what if you and but but you know if you did it no one's going to sue you i don't think so no i mean i don't know if it's a risk i don't worry about that stuff it's just kind of funny do your gervitz again let's hear it i wouldn't risk it there's another drop there

I think there's a drop more money. I think you're slightly onto something. And I mean slightly. I think the pitch is wrong, but the rasp is there. It's going very, it's just one tone. There's a lot more nuance to it. But it's become. It's a nice little run. Nice little run. Now he's listening to this. There's German shepherds all around him tonight.

I thought it was really good. Marty Wiggum. We love Marty Wiggum. Listen, you do your Lorne. Do you have a Steve Martin impression? I can't do Steve. Steve's hard. I'll do David doing Steve. Well, excuse me. Can you do Selena? No, I can't do a lot of voices, actually. Bill Hader, more than any human being I know. Yeah.

is if he tells a story of balls people he can do every voice in that story it's yes absolutely insane it's insane yeah you know i i i think being assigned them was good when you're on snl can you do this guy by this i would go like i remember an sctv um someone had written a piece about

Because Gore Vidal and Norman Mailer had gotten into a fight at a party. And so in our version, Eugene Levy's Norman Mailer threw red wine on me. And then it became a Tide commercial. We're both by the machine trying to get the stain out. And at some, it said, can you do Gore Vidal? And I said, sure. Because I had no idea. And you go home.

And you look at the tapes. And then what I would do is I'd type out a Gore Vidal interview. And then I'd look at the Gore Vidal script that the writers are writing. And I try to. Well, I tried like phrases that Gore would say. Yeah. Do that. And then I would have it that day. And then I couldn't do it the next day. Yeah. The day of filming. I had John Malkovich in a hotel room in New York one night.

Before I had recording, I just could do John Malkovich perfectly for like an hour. And then it woke up and I didn't have it. I did him on primetime. Malkovich in the middle was a sitcom. It goes Travolta very easily. Yes, it does. Yeah. Why? Can't you tell that they're lying? Then it goes Walken too. See, it's a very slipstream. Can we talk about Jiminy Glick? Because where did...

Where does that come from? I mean, like, like who, like when I did Church Lady the first time on SNL where Steve Martin was sitting there and they wouldn't let me say penis. So I had to write it like bulbous, gorged loaf, you know, and I'm really digging into it. I'm new to the show. I think you were there.

And gorged loaf and throbbing. I think Chevy and Steve and I were hosting. Yeah. But I heard, I'm getting into it, just this and Satan and throbbing buttocks. And Steve under his breath said to Lorne, what kind of mind thinks of this? And I knew what he meant. That's a great compliment. It is. So Jiminy Glick, like what kind of mind thinks of that? I mean, it's so supernaturally funny.

I don't know where, where did that start? How did you do that? You know, when I was doing a talk show for King world in 99, 2000, and I wanted to, so I remember we were shooting at CBS television city and I went to, I went, I was like two hours of makeup, big bulbous nose, weird wig. And I went to farmer's market and I was like handing out sushi with my hand. And we were, and people would say, can I have your autograph, Mr. Short? I thought,

Hmm, that's kind of not what I wanted. But then I had made this film, Pure Luck,

in 1990 where I got a bee sting and I swell up. With Danny Glover, right? Yeah. Glover. No, Glover. Yeah, sorry. Not Glover. Not Glover. That's the other Glover. And so here is that wonderful actor, Danny Glover. Anyway. Anyway, so everyone said, I don't recognize you in that. So that became, Jim, therefore the look so I could be anonymous. And I had known a guy growing up in my street whose voice would go high and then low.

You know, if you stay off my lawn for a year, children, I'll take you to the movies, you know? So I don't know. Just,

And just saying such aggressively cutting things. Well, that part was improvised, and I actually don't know what that is. Because Ed Brimley was very written, and a lot of characters I did were very written. But Jiminy was just always improvised, and I would see playbacks. We'd interview for 16 minutes, and then we'd edit down. The film piece is not when they were live. And I would say, like I'd say myself, I take great umbrage. Yeah.

And I think, I don't even know what it means. I've never used that word, great oven. So it was a little bit odd, that part, in a good way. Do you think...

In the arts. Anthony Hopkins. I did a movie with him once. And it bombed because everything I'm in bombed. This podcast will get it. Well, this will get the wordy or whatever award. But he said he thought acting to him was like self-hypnosis. And he would have a little Polaroid picture of his character and they'd yell speed. And he would just put it on his, look to it like that and take a deep breath. Pfft.

and then he'd be the character. So it seems like when you were doing Jiminy Click and improvising like that, was it a kind of a form of self-hypnosis where you look at it later and go, you're in such a zone? I don't know. Does this sound too process-y? I don't know. I certainly wasn't doing the Hopkins trick. Yeah. He didn't have a picture. And nor did Ali McGraw. I mean, look, everyone has their own approach to great acting. But I would say...

Well, you know, Anthony Hopkins also said that the first thing he does is he reads the script a hundred times or something. Or 200. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I read a 500. You read a 500? Yeah. And then I go, I still don't get it, but I'll do it. And Gerber goes, I think you should do it.

I mean, you have no other option. That wasn't garbage. That was horrible. Yeah, a little rusty. Let's hear your Bernie. Dana, let's hear your Bernie. I don't know if I have a good Bernie, really. He's got Brad. Nobody fucking knows nothing. Hey, kid, it's just show business. You know, Martin, those... Bernie was the last of the great...

I mean, in terms of a character and the way he talked and everything. Wow. You're going to be a star, kid. You know, that guy. And he was so lovable. Yeah. He was a great guy. Yeah. When I started SNL, those guys got, you know, that Brillstein, Gray Brillstein company was a big churning out SNL. So when I signed, it was like,

I didn't really think I'd be on SNL, but I love that they had all these people I loved. But when I got on, I think my first one was a writer. I didn't want to be a writer at all. You know, they saw my standup. I didn't do that great. And they said, we're going to hire you as a writer performer. I'm like, I don't even, I don't want to be, I'm not even a good performer, but I'd rather be that. And then they, I don't know how to write for people.

Like Dana is like a better version of me. So I get it and it's only 900 bucks. And then they go, but you get 1500 if you're on, like if you, you know, stumble in a weekend update and they go, but don't write yourself on. Okay. And so then I did that for a while. And then I got on as Michael J. Fox, like the second show, because he was in the news. I did something with Dennis Miller on an update, but I did it.

And then they... And I go, I got on. I can't believe it. And then they forgot to put me in the opening credits as featuring and fucking everyone thought it was Mike or Dana and I was fucked. And I didn't get on again for months. Never for months. I just stayed as a writer and it was very hard, to be honest, writing for someone like Dana. Anyone that was not me, I could kind of write for me. I just couldn't formulate sketches and I was doing too many scenes and sets and everyone's like, what the fuck are you writing? I'm like...

I don't know when you walk in that place to get a job and they all just shut their door and go, I hope you die because if you're on, I might not get on. So who's helping me? So, you know, so I asked Conan or Bob Odenkirk or Smigel, like they're, they're pleasant enough and everyone's being nice, but they don't owe me anything. And they're stuck in their own hell. It's a tricky place. I mean, my, my only regret about my experience was that I wish I hadn't done a one year contract because I think,

Especially having already been known from SCTV, it put something you weren't just on a series. You were doing a special every week and you better deliver. And so by the fourth show, I mean, I've talked about this, but I went into Everselves and said, I want to quit. Can I get out of my contract?

And, um, cause I just couldn't, it was the every week final exam part of it. I was thinking, you know, cause SCC, SCTV was so ideal creatively because you wrote for six weeks and then you shot for six weeks and you wrote and you shot and, um,

So if you didn't have an idea for two weeks, you could make it up in the next four weeks of writing. Some sketches come in a little undercooked on SNL. They're not even ready. You're just like, we got to go. We got to go. Let's do our best. For me, it played to my ADD, I think, and procrastinating nature.

To have those hard, fast things coming at me and kind of not taking it as seriously, not having time to ruminate about stuff and think about it too much. That was the upside to it. But the downside would be like we didn't get it together and it bombed. Yeah, but that's the thing. If you are, you know, you're going to be there for many years and this is just your job.

Something bombing is fine. When I was in Second City stage and an improv set would bomb, you didn't go and get depressed. You kind of went, you know.

Right. It was definitely a little bit of it became a Game of Thrones in a sense. Yeah. When there was a cast behind the cast as well. Right. Absolutely. There'd be 12. Now there's like 20. 20. And when I came on, you know, I was immediately just me, Jan and Phil and Kevin. And we were just all like six of us basically doing the show. So, yeah, when you came, David, there were there was like a cast behind the cast and they became, you know,

All-stars, you know, with Sandler and Chris Rock and so forth. Tim Meadows, yourself. But yeah, you were sitting behind. David would just sit behind me. And Lauren would say, David's ready if anything happens to you. Right? He doesn't have much game, but he's ready.

Yeah, I wasn't a super character guy. But I never felt, since everything I'd done besides stand-up had failed, when I got on there at a given point, maybe it was in the second or third season, I felt like, okay, I kind of belong here doing this. Quick form impressions, quick form characters. It's like, this fits me.

Okay, when you're hiring for your small business, you want to find quality professionals that are right for the role, obviously. That's why you have to check out LinkedIn Jobs. Everyone knows LinkedIn, but LinkedIn Jobs has the tools to help find the right professionals for your team faster and for free. That's right. You need good people, Dana.

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You're looking in the wrong place. Well, because they get what they want from LinkedIn. So why look around? On LinkedIn, 86% of small businesses get a qualified candidate within 24 hours. That's one day according to my calculations. That's right. And LinkedIn knows that small businesses are wearing so many hats that might not have the time and or resources to hire. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. They're constantly finding ways to make the process easier even though it's easy already. Yeah.

They launched a feature that helps you write job descriptions, make it even easier if you want to post something, you know. That's right. Quicker. 2.5 million small businesses use LinkedIn for hiring. Listen, post your job for free at LinkedIn.com slash candidates. That's LinkedIn.com slash candidates to post your job for free. As always, terms and conditions apply.

I'm a nibbler, Dana, and I think you are too, but you always know me that I just have to keep the energy going. And I think because I learned from my dad, pistachios are a good source of just, you know, nibble, wake you up. They're always delicious. I actually named a character in a movie I did called Master of Disguise. The lead character's name is pistachio. That's how much I love pistachios. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, wonderful pistachios have literally come out of their shells. It's the same taste. It's delicious, but-

It's a lot less work. As you know, cracking them open can be a little bit of a job. Less cracking, more snacking is what I say. That's what I say. That's what you say. And I'm going to use that when my wife goes to the store. Wonderful pistachios. No shells. Flavors come in a variety of award-winning flavors, including chili roasted. Honey roasted. Mm-hmm.

Sea salt and vinegar, smoky barbecue. Sea salt and pepper is one I like the most. And I'm going to try this jalapeno lime. They don't have a red, red necky flavor just yet. Yeah, look at him there. Red, red necky loves pistachios. I like to crack things open and put them in my mouth.

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I would say... No, no, no, no, but he did become a star. So when you're a star, you're an inevitability. You don't think you're going to get fired. No, I think that the... Literally, I think the first 60 to even 80 shows, I was not as confident as I would become. I think that so many things...

that were out of my control being invited into Wayne's world that started its journey. I got to, I was not a political impressionist when I got on SNL, I was assigned George Bush senior and,

And then Lovitz was Dukakis. And so this is true that when Dukakis lost on election night, John called me before the real Dukakis conceded to George Bush saying, well, you're going to be in the cold opening all the time. You happy now? Which is the thing we always say, you happy now? I think also, Dana, you might not. If you knew what you knew now and you saw your first show where you killed in four things, you'd go, that guy's fine.

He's going to be great on the show. But when you're in it, you don't know any better. And you're just like, fuck, I hope I don't get fired. I would get calls like, they don't know if they're going to bring you back. So I would move in the summer. And then two months later, they go, all right, they'll let you come back, but you better really step it up. I'm like, it's just so stressful. And then at the end of the year, they don't know if they're going to bring you back. I don't know if it's clicking. So I'd have to move out and they go, all right. And I'm like, God damn. Yeah.

It's very tough. I'm just wondering if Marty had stayed with the show and then he became a part of our cast, would have elevated us faster. I would have been part of your cast. In fact, Lorne, I remember meeting with Lorne. I have this kind of Rain Man memory for dates and things. But it was July of 85 and I went to Lorne's apartment to discuss this Western thing.

that he was, you know, three amigos that he and Steve and Randy Newman had written. But he also was still hadn't decided and was contemplating whether he should return to SNL. And he would say, I remember him saying, you know, now, if we did it together, we return returned. I said, no, no, I'm not. What are you talking about? I thought we were here to talk about it. Well, how could I do a movie, a Western and be an SNL?

And Lauren said, it's called scheduling. Yeah. Did Lauren write on Three Amigos, by the way? Yeah. The credit is Steve, Lauren, and Randy Newman. And then you guys made up shit. And we all went to the Ziegfeld and watched it. The whole cast. We all went to the Ziegfeld and watched it. Before it was released in theaters. What a monster movie. Well, there was an opening night in New York, I remember. Maybe that's where we were. Or it was at a screening event.

But that would have been interesting to have had you on the cast. And obviously you guys fucked around on Three Amigos, right? It's made up shit. Yes. Yeah. Well, I guess we did. Yes, there were certain things totally improvised. There's a scene where I'm sitting talking to little children about when I was a child star and my obsession, not with Lillian Gish, but her sister Dorothy Gish. And they can't speak English. And I'm saying, and when Dorothy Gish said to me, you've got it.

it meant something you know all that that's your improvisation it's one of those movies that's gotten bigger and brighter as time's gone on oh absolutely we were second to golden child the golden child oh my god yeah yeah

No one's talking about that right now, even though it was a good movie. But Three Amigos hung in there. What about Big Picture, Dana, real quick? Big Picture was what year? Big Picture, yeah. I didn't really get, I got the Hollywood references and I was like, fuck, you were saying stuff like, listen, I've read most of these scripts almost all the way through and what I think, and I'm like, did he just say most? I was like, how fucking good is this guy? It's so funny to me because I was sort of newer, but I'm like,

Ah, goddamn, this is so fucking funny. The big picture was awesome. We shot that in 88. It was released in 89. And I worked two days in that film. Oh, are you serious? And you stole that shit? Oh, my God. Well, and I remember we dyed my hair. We sprayed it. We curled it and made it red like Lucy. But then we had lifts. So it was like that. Oh, wow. And I remember, but there wasn't a wig on.

Because we were just creating it that morning, so it wasn't a wig. So the next day, I had big welts here. What do you have, tape? What do you do? They were doing that. Yes, they're pushing it up. Like big plastic things. Anyway, there were welts. And I remember Chris said afterwards...

like a month later, what we should have done is that the character should have had big bags the first scene and the second scene, no bags and never explained. Never explained. Quick talk. That was, you must love that. That was such a great one. You must. That was,

Fabulous. Now, what's it like? Because I guess we, I don't know how many hours we get to go, but only murders in the building. Like what, I mean, what does that feel like for you now? I mean, it's such a cool giant hit. And here you are again in a big, big television show with your best friend. It's actually, I mean, I was talking to Steve today and I said, Steve, can you imagine if like when we were shooting last January, I had said, hey, you know what?

I bet this is going to be the number one Hulu ever. And he would have said, yeah, not in a million years. So I think everyone's surprised. I remember seeing a Johnny Carson like from the 70s and Tony Randall was on three of the odd couple. And Johnny said, how long will you stay with the show? And Tony just stared at Johnny and said,

That's the dumbest question I've ever been asked in my life. I'll stay with it as long. It is a hit. John hits are few and far between. I will never leave a hit. And it's true. So true. Are like flukes. You got to know that in a career where if like, if you start out on friends or you're a child star, let's say your first job is friends. One of those people. Right. And it's so big and you just don't know. It's not going to go away.

which i'm not saying it did for them but you know any show like that you start off on top of the world like a child star and like child stars are worse it is plummeting i mean it's a free fall after that like you don't even you're like wait where is everybody i just thought it would be so easy i've been caught up in that you do a sitcom and you go i don't want to do another one for a year and a year later they're like who the fuck's this guy and you're like i'm the guy last year remember you wanted me to do anything yeah and then steve said when he did the jerk which was a massive massive massive

And then he thought, this is simple. Every film I'm going to make, I guess, is going to be this kind of hit. And the next three, no one saw. But I agree with you that when you're young and you're in that first hit, it's almost better to be in a hit later on so you understand how showbiz works. Right. And the nice thing is that

Well, things that fail, people don't really see, right?

So when they just think of your resume or me or anybody, they just remember, oh, that thing and that thing and that thing. You know, every once in a while, someone will come up and mention a movie I was in. My wife and I have a running gag for my short-lived movie career. If we're watching a movie and it's really bad, I go, this movie is so bad, I could be in it. But, you know, at the end of the day, it's just really the chemistry, as they say, you and Steve, I mean, this and your stand-up act together and all this stuff.

coming together in these last few years. I mean, but you, it must be, it's so fun to work with your friend like that and make all that money. It's absolutely true. No, it's true because we love the hang. We have a riot on the set. We like a very loose, funny set where there's a lot of jokes and the crew's laughing. And Selena, as it turned out, was exactly the same way, like that kind of set. But Steve and I will literally...

And it's, listen, I have an objectivity. It's a beautiful thing that we'll finish. He'll be really excited when we finished at the same time.

You know? And then he'll arrange the driver so we'll drive Justin to his car and drink white wine on the way home. And then we'll park in front of his house and talk and finish the bottle of white wine. How fun. Jeez, that's like a show in itself. It's a long way from the Eagles, you know? Well, I saw your show at Santa Barbara. It was so great when you guys go on tour. I go on tour. I did...

I did nine dates with Sandler and like Norm and, you know, Schneider. And we did like an SNL thing about two, three years ago.

And even nine in a comfortable way, nine days in a row by the end, I'm like, God damn, I'm not exactly Bon Jovi, but what the fuck does it get to you? The road? It's kind of hard. You know, it's no matter how easy they make it. We'll do the most we've ever done. Maybe it's four. Oh, good. Okay. Okay. Yeah. We just did last week when we were in Nashville and Richmond, Virginia and Columbia, South Carolina, we did those three in a row, but,

the next ones will be in March or something. You can really get tricked, tricked out by playing casinos. I was doing one with Dennis once and on San Bernardino and there's got like a thousand seats, but everyone's in the bar right before the show comes out. So yeah,

The show starts in like 90 seconds and I go out there with, and of course, Dennis, thanks, Carvey. Is it over? Are we done now? Jesus. Three dog nine. What are we here? All right. But then they came in with, yeah, but you know, Dennis, my IQ goes up when I do Dennis because of his references in the, ah, amazing. But yeah, you and Steve. I don't see if Dennis at that one point, he'll be in his nineties. Carolyn will come in and say, Dennis,

The last person that would ever have gotten one of your references died. All right. Christ sakes. Hanging with the Mark cat with Spudley. Okay. Every day. Every day. Putty cat. We do it. We do gigs. Me and Dennis, he goes, say, can I go first? I got to get out of here. I go.

We're on the same flight. You got to get out of here. Where do you got to go? He's like, just let me go first, babe. Come on. I got you on SNL. I go, by the way, he gets, he gets anything he wants with me because we're all buddies. And the last gig I did with Norm was me, Norm and Dennis. And they both go, Norm goes, and then can I go? I go, I have to follow you two assholes. It's too hard. You're too good. Did I ever tell you that Norm MacDonald hosted the Canadian Screen Awards? Yeah.

maybe four years ago. And the Canadian Screen Awards is the Emmys and the Oscars in one evening. The CSAs, right? And Norm was the host. And I was in the audience. I was getting this thing. And he comes out and this is his opening joke. So I was playing up here and I was at LAX and I ran into my friend Chris Rock

And Chris said, what are you doing? He said, I'm about to go to Toronto. What are you doing? And Chris said, well, I'm real excited. I'm about to host the Academy Awards. So why are you going to Toronto? And Norm said, I said, oh, just to visit some family. Man.

And that's his opening joke. And then his next one is, Canadian television is a lot like the Northern Lights. We know it exists, but we've never seen them. I love this cadence. I love Norm, you know, the way he kind of creep up on a line. Yeah.

Just that rhythm of his. But yeah, another Canadian. There you go. Mike Myers. You can't keep everyone thinks I'm Canadian. I run into him. I don't know. Missoula, Montana. I'm 100 miles from Canada. But my wife's a Canadian citizen born out Peace River. Oh, really? Canadians. Yes. It's very weird. People used to say all the time, like I'd be doing a CBC interview, you know, and

What is with all the Canadians? Is there something in the water? And I'd say, no, no. It really isn't. I don't think there's any...

you know, boundary to the arts. And then people just kept coming, you know, Jeff and Phil Hartman and, you know, the SCTV, Eugene and Jim Carrey, Jim Carrey. Fuck. It is bizarre considering it's 34 million people, 34 million people. So it's like Cal, it's like all those people coming from just California. Yeah. Basically. Martin, I have to ask you something before, uh,

Whenever it's over, I don't even know how do we end it. But, but I, do you remember, I've told this story before and I forget you're in my story of my first Johnny Carson.

my very very first and and dana i'll tell you uh it was johnny you know which one johnny was and you were talking about the makeup but when i went on the guy jim mccauley who books me i said he goes you go out there and you hit your mark and you walk back and he's all drunk you know i'm kidding i don't know maybe and he goes uh and i go okay and he goes there's a little dot on the floor and i go god and he goes do your shitty act and get out of here and i go all right

he's got to get over to the copper penny across the street so uh anyway i go all right and then i go what if johnny invites me over i've heard stories and he goes he won't go and i go okay well i guess it's already been decided but i'm new and scared so i walk out i got like a cable crew sweater on that i just i didn't know what to wear it's middle of august so i go out there beep-bop-boop i uh

I do. And all I can think of is the floor is so black and shiny. I've never been on a TV thing. I just, I've only seen the show that way. And so now I'm seeing the cameras and shit, you know, and I'm like, oh, I think about anything but my act. I'm like this. I go, what's going on here? And then I go, oh, and he's kind of behind, you know, so he's really not in your eyeline at all. And so I started to do my act. I do it and Martin's next to him. He's the guest. So

I see later on they're laughing and being nice. And then I leave and I go, all right. And I turn...

as a robot, as I was told, to walk off. And then Martin or Johnny, they like, and I think Martin says, oh, he was funny. And Johnny goes, yeah, let's have him come over or something. And then you both watch me leave. And then he goes, he's, and he goes, he's too nervous to look. Okay, bye. And I just left. And then Jim McCullough goes, you dumb fuck. He invited you over. I go, you dumb ass. Ow.

That's right. I leaned over and I said, boy, he was hysterical, wasn't he? And Johnny was laughing. He went...

you just walked off yeah hilarious i don't think anyone had walked off after being invited over it's so i'm in the back he came by my dressing room though i i i had my i took my sweater off i was setting bo fucking records i took my sort of it's just in my pants and my fucking skinny twig body and they knock on the door and i think it was him and doc or something and he goes

And I had Pepto-Bismol in my hand. And I go, yeah. And he goes, I just wanted to say good job. He didn't come. And I go, yeah. And he goes, Pepto, I'm trying to quit the stuff. And walked away. Got a laugh and walked away. And I was like. I don't think that Johnny ever forgot those early days and those early struggles. Of comics. Yeah. Very nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he had great empathy through. And thank you for laughing while I was out there. You are etched in my memories as part of it.

You know, Dana, I think we have a connection. We've been friends for a long time. And for this episode of Fly on the Wall, we've partnered with eHarmony, which isn't us. eHarmony is a dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. We are not dating. I want to clarify that. But the connection is what you want in a dating partner. Yeah.

Just someone like, if you found someone that listened to this podcast, that's somewhat of a connection. And then you sort of build on that. You want someone with some common ground. Yeah. It's not, it, look, if you want to connect romantically over, you know, super fly or fly on the wall, uh,

It just makes us happy. You don't want to be watching The Godfather and the person next to you goes, this movie sucks. So dumb. Yeah. You want to connect on all issues and harmonize in life. Similar sensibility, similar sense of humor, and similar sense of sense. I don't like when they watch The Godfather and they're like, everyone in this movie is so old. I'm like, they're 40.

Watch 2001 Space Odyssey. Too much of this movie is in outer space. I don't like it. When do they land? When do they land? Why is that stupid red light acting so silly? Who's friends with a robot? We know dating isn't easy. That's why we partnered with eHarmony because dating is different on eHarmony. They want you to find someone who gets you, someone you can be comfortable with.

Yeah. I mean, the whole idea is you're going to take a compatibility quiz, helps your personality come out in your profile, which makes all the profiles on eHarmony way more interesting and fun to read. So I think this is the goal of dating sites, and I think eHarmony does it great. It's just finding somebody you're compatible with.

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7-15-24 and 9-11-24. And Dell will donate $1.75 for each eligible product within your purchase to ComputerAid, capped at $1.2 million total. For details and restrictions, go to dell.com slash deals. I remember the second time I was on Johnny Carson. So I was on the first time with Betty Davis. Now I'm at Ask Back. And I plan my stuff and I plan my stuff and it goes well.

And Jake Johansson. Yeah. Remember Jake? It was his first, it was his first appearance and his parents had flown in and they're in the audience. And, um,

I, so then I do two segments and then they go to commercial and then, um, Freddie, the court of it comes over and it's talking to Johnny and they're talking. And, and I had been, uh, Jake and I were both with Rollins and Jaffe. So I knew him. We were talking before. Anyway, um, uh, Freddie turns to me and says, do you have another segment? And I said, um, yeah, I mean, I have stuff we didn't hit.

But then I said, but you know, if that means you're cutting Jake, Jake is really, really funny. And the two of them looked at me like I was like out of Bellevue. Like, wow. Did you just say something? Wow. And I did the third segment and they cut Jake. So that was bad. But in the third segment, Johnny did this thing. So I'm here. And I said something and he laughed. And then he looked at me. He looked out and said,

You're a funny guy. And I went, by the time I got home, I had been taped on VHS because I went to a party after. And I must have rewound that moment of Johnny going, you're a funny guy. 18 times in a row till I jammed the tape because it was like my whole life was

and being a kid in Hamilton and watching him and just watching show business. Wow. And till that moment, I don't know why it struck. And that's the power that he had over so many comedy. He, you know, Dave Letterman has a hilarious story where I won't name the manager, but his manager. So he's on the spot. It's his first, it's his first appearance ever.

His heart is beating. He realizes this is everything he's ever dreamed of. His whole life is before him. They're saying 20 seconds. And his manager came over to him, started picking lint off his coat and said, Robin got Popeye. Wow. And David just... David Letterman. Jesus. I don't know. I had a weird intersection with Johnny in that I did him on the show and I'd done appearances with him. And then that became...

Unfortunately, there was one sketch that was a little cruel. I didn't write it. It was the funniest sketch I maybe have ever seen in my life. Phil, that is correct, sir. Peaked in the 70s. Is that the one? I felt... Old reference. Lost on younger viewers. I felt when I did that...

That it was so supernaturally funny to me that it was really my first time on SNL where the audience didn't really matter because I had Phil there and I'm able to go, a gentleman joins us. For those of you at home who don't know, you're watching a television, you know, that kind of thing. And it was just, I knew it was so supernaturally funny. Also, what you also did in that sketch was that you had that slight early dementia look in your eyes of confusion. And that's what made it so funny and so mean.

I know. He didn't like that. But anyway, I was told that at a given point, because of the way it was satirizing Johnny compared to Rich Little, it was a little closer to the bone that he used to walk around behind the Tonight Show set, down the big hallway going, they're making fun of me now. It's time to go. Oh, really? Yeah. But I mean. Well, I don't think Johnny liked Rich Little's either.

Well, the first few times I went on the show with Johnny after doing SNL, he was fine with it. He loved Carcino. You know, it makes fun of Carcino as much as it shatterizes us. Yeah, Carcino. It was just that one thing. But yeah, I was kind of bittersweet because I was like you. I just grew up with Johnny Carson. I do think he's the singular greatest television personality we've ever had. And really thinking about his voice, just that voice of his was supernatural, right?

That register down here, the way he would, that whole thing. If David did Carson, it would be, he'd have the shing. But it would be higher. It would be three octaves too big. I had my balls taken away when I was younger and no explanation. I know. And my impressions are off. But I luckily am getting by on my sparkling personality. Yeah.

By the way, Selena Gomez has such a wonderful voice as well. Yeah. Because I'm looking at the show with you and Steve and these voices and then hers is such a cool mix. Yeah. The three of you. Have you noticed her? She just has this really nice voice.

voice it's very interesting listen she's been a star for you know she's 28 but she's been a star since she was 13 seems like a heavy job she had all all these people watching her remove and

I only met her on Hotel Transylvania. She was a sweetheart. She seems like just trying to glide through life and trying so hard to be normal when everything is trying to make her crazy. It's a crazy world. I like when you said, too, Steve, are you not Scott Bakula? Anyway, I think we have to wrap up with Mr. One of the funniest guys ever, Martin Short. Martin, thank you for hanging out with us, buddy. Thanks, guys. This is fun. Anytime. And

And by the way, edit. And here's the other thing you might forget. This is the note you're going to get from the studio, whatever it is. From everyone, yeah. Guys, Johnny Carson left the air in 92. Any newer people you could talk about? I love that you really enjoy talking, but that was a big bulk of it. And I don't think we really have a show. We have editing capability. We can't cut around it.

We have six minutes of a show left. We have six minutes of a show. Yeah, good show. Good solid sixer. Well, you know what? The next one you should do, you should really focus on President Carter. That's our next. That's our next. Come on, man. We're tackling all the- I can do my Biden. Oh, yeah. He's got Biden shit. We didn't even get to that part. Oh, let's do it. Let's do a little Biden. A little Biden. Come on, man. During the credits. Let's get real. My dad. My dad lost his job. No joke. I'm not kidding around here. Come on, folks. That's the best.

Let's get real. Number one, the one part. Number two, what the guy said. You know the drill. Is there a crisis at the border? No, there's no crisis at the border. How do you know? Because it says so here on the piece of paper. No crisis at the border. It says so to people. Fantastic. Now we can go. Thank you. Now we can go. But I like the Carson stuff. All right. Bye. Bye, guys. Pleasure. Miss you already. All right. Bye-bye. Leave meeting. Go.

Hey, what's up, flies? What's up, fleas? What's up, people that listen? We want to hear from you and your dumb questions. Questions, ask us anything. Anything you want. You can email us at flyonthewallatcadence13.com. Ask me anything. Ask me anything. That's like Wayne's World, I suppose. Can you sing it? Ask me anything? A little jingle? I can do it like this.

My money don't jiggle jiggle, it bold. That's the only song I know right now. That's pretty good. Ask me anything, I don't care what a thing, what you do, how to gain, I'm a woman, bling ding. Jesus, that's pretty good. Pretty good, got in the hood, I do what I should. I'm a rhymer, I'm a rapper. I'm getting some morning wood. Go ahead. Hello, gentlemen. Here's someone who asked us,

Hello, gentlemen. My name is Christopher Neowalka. I'm a new fly from Melbourne, Florida, and Lo and a podcast. I had something of the Dale Hammond episode that really intrigued me. You both admit it. He's from Australia. You know I'm doing that. No, he's from Florida. Oh, Melbourne, Florida. Fuck me.

I'm a Trump supporter and I'm a fucking... You switched it. I just saw a mail board. Okay. I'm just thinking of what a Floridian would talk like, you know? No, Australia's easier. Hey, I retired in Florida. My name is Christopher Neil Walker. Oh, boy. No, I won't. Okay. That's all right. Go ahead. I'm a new flyer. He heard we can't sing. He heard the Daryl Hammond episode and it intrigued him because...

We both, Daryl and I, said we can't really sing. He says, quote, that kind of blew my mind, thinking about the amount of control Dana has over his voice, being able to speak like McCartney but not sing like him. Why? Why? Why?

Well, I think they meant me and you admitted to can't sing. I cannot for sure. Even my mom told me because I did karaoke my birthday. She goes, Davey, I did Home Sweet Home by Motley Crue and it was so fucking rough. And my mom goes, Davey, everyone's going to say you can sing. You cannot. And my mom was my biggest fan. It was crushing. Well, can you just sing a little bit for us? I can't really. American the Beautiful. Just give us the first line. American the Beautiful.

Money don't wiggle wiggle I got a time I'm aside That's all I got So that's a real That's a TikTok song Well he was like You know McCartney Sings in different ways If I do you know She gives me All my love That's all she do But now He's more He's rougher Like this

We told the line. We knew where we were going. We were suffering. What song is that? I made it up. Oh. Your day breaks, your mind aches. So you think you can sing like McCartney, but you can't sing in real life. Can you sing in real life? I don't think I really can unless I stylize it. It's like, she's chopping broccoli. If I hit it in a comic way, I'm better. Applause.

♪ She's cold as ice ♪ ♪ Paradise ♪ But if I'm trying to sing, I'm not a real singer. Like, Lovitz has pipes, which he loves to remind me. You can't sing like I can. John has a real voice and Anna Gasteyer had a real voice. I'm sort of a, I don't know, what song would you like me to attempt? Well, I know what you're saying, like, I can't sing, but if you're sort of pretending to sing like someone, it's like if it's Tom Petty, you go,

Now Mike Tyson doing the same song. I forgot.

I forgot which one I used to do. That was funny. But, you know, Paul would just say, you know, you just hit the notes. You play a note. You sing along. You see what happens. It's not a problem. But, you know, people say a lot of things. But, you know, Paul has to sing songs he wrote when he was 18. But he does an incredible job. Well, he's fucking one of the best in the world. So it's easy for him to go. He's a freak. He's a boy genius. Like Lauren said to me, he's Mozart. Mozart.

who apparently wrote more great melodies than anyone in history. Mozart did? Yeah. Did he ever host when you were there? He was a cast member for one season. Dude, I think McCartney was there when I was there. Mozart sounds like a rapper. Couldn't deal with it. But yeah, we can't sing. We're going to wrap this up. We can't really sing. I can sing as Neil Young a bit and Paul McCartney a bit, but no, can't sing. And I don't know why.

Oh yeah, that was what I used to do with Tom Petty. Will the talk on the street station back go solo? Will a good friend, or even David Bowie. What was the song he did, Changes? Changes, changes, changes. Yeah. The Pumans. Anyone can do Dylan. Oh yeah. My friend saw Dylan last night. And I had a date with the fair queen. Really? He did the same song for about 40 minutes.

Dylan does whatever Dylan wants. Yeah, I think at that point, I think it's just turning into a magic trick. It's like Penn and Teller because you go there and he's like, I'm going to do a song for 40 minutes until people fucking walk out and then they don't. And he's like, this is like the longest joke. I'm just going to go in circles and I promise you, you won't hear a hit. I am the musicians. We have to have a new 60. Like you just did a special. You got to write a new hour of original material and then the next two weeks, but the stones are up there. Time.

I know it's true is on my side yeah fuck that that's true come on man you know I do I do the same material but I hold the mic in my left hand and I want to paint it black okay this question's too long thank you for asking it sorry we don't really have an answer but we took 20 minutes to tell you that

Fly on the Wall has been a presentation of Cadence 13. Please listen, then rate, review, and follow all episodes. Executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Chris Corcoran of Cadence 13, and Charlie Finan of Brillstein Entertainment. Production and engineering led by Greg Holtzman, Richard Cook, Serena Regan, and Chris Basil of Cadence 13.