SUPERFLY #14 - Jon Lovitz Crashes the Party
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Yes, I have actually stayed at Airbnbs from time to time. And truth be told, I do really like them. I'm being totally honest right now that I've had great experiences with them. Yeah. I mean, you can have your look at you go get your own place, get your own pool, your own living room. You're not going to walk in an elevator. You're not going to see people when you're walking around in your undergarments. Yeah.

Yes. And if you don't understand what we're talking about, you should go online. What we're saying is you have a house with a kitchen and a bathroom and it's just for you, tailored for you. You liked your Airbnb over a hotel. Yes. And I do think I've had relatives stay nearby and sometimes it's very nice for them to do an Airbnb and have a little house and they're not underfoot. The last thing you want is your house guest to say, excuse me, um,

Where would I find a towel? That's a toughie when it's because they're naked. Well, it's like the 1800 time you say on the towel rack. Yeah. Thank you. I was going to look there. People don't even think hotels sometimes just go, hey, I'll go there. I'll get an Airbnb. So you won't regret it. Homes.com knows that when it comes to home shopping, it's never just about the house or condo. It's about the home.

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We've done your homework. By the way, I just want to say, I can't tell you, many, many people come up to me and they go, no, Dana and his estate, they're always talking about you on their podcast. Yeah, it's called homage. It's an homage to the Omo. Why do you talk about me so much? I don't know why you think we do you. That's ridiculous. No, it isn't. Everyone says it.

I like to be sort of real, but I don't want to be totally real. So I want, I'll definitely, I'll definitely be getting a, if we ever take a week off, I got a full face left from head to toe.

I'm covered in a body bruise. Just my whole body's bruised. Aren't we just puffy clowns? I mean, did red buttons ever get a facelift? I don't know. I know. We're supposed to be gross, I think. I think we're just little clowns. I mean, did Sid Caesar ever get a lip tuck? I know. Everyone's supposed to be good looking. Everyone. There's no... I mean, you know, my dry cleaner has a headshot. It's like, you never know. Like, hey, discover me. Your hair's really like...

Jodie Foster. Talking about good work. I would say, who had good work? Jodie Foster. She looks great. No, I don't think she did anything. She does look great. I have a question for you because we have a guest. We don't ever have a guest. We're going to have it, so we're teasing it. But let's first get to... I know we talked about something before we came on that I want to see, and then we'll talk to this idiot. This...

I read it, I think it's true, I talked to other people, that if Trump, I talked to people, if Trump, I talked to other people, was that a fake news? That's a good source, yeah. I talked to other people that if Trump goes to prison, the Secret Service is going with him, because every ex-president has 24 round-the-clock Secret Service guys. So Trump going to prison with the Secret Service, this is my take on it. Oh, look, man!

We got ourselves a new bitch. What's your name, eh? My name is Donald J. Trump, President of the United States. He thinks he's a president. Sorry, I didn't switch. He thinks he's the president, man. Hey, look at you. You're fat, man, and orange. What do you eat all the time, man? How do you get big and fat and orange like that? I eat cheeseburgers, I eat salads very rarely, and I eat a lot of snow cones. Snow cones?

I like he's proud of being fat. So, yeah. OK, go ahead. Snow cones is a funny word. I eat snow cones, chicken cheeseburgers, snow cones.

Anyway, hey, what's with the guys in the suits? It's the Secret Service. They're sworn to protect me. They're sworn to protect me. And they got weapons like you wouldn't believe. They come into prison with me and they're bringing the guns. They're bringing their Uzis. They got rocket launchers on their back. They got dynamite in their pants. If you touch me, you're done. Oh, oh, it looks like I'm the bitch now. Don't worry. I love the Hispanics. I've always loved the Hispanics and they love me. Thanks.

A little sloppy. Hey, can I borrow a dilly bar? Now, if I can't do it with a Latino accent, I'd have to do kind of, hey, look, man, we got a little bitch here. Hey, what's up with you? You're fat. What the fuck you eat? I think Latino works.

I was gonna do the twist at the end like, "I don't really talk like this. I'm actually from Ireland and I came here and I committed a crime. I was sent into prison so I took on a persona to protect myself. So sometimes I talk like this, but really this is how I actually talk." Hey Trump. Hey Trump. Hey Trump. You got a big rump. Hey Trump, you got a big rump and you stonk. Trump, you're fat and round and orange. What's going on, homie?

I like they let you bring a machete in here. The Secret Service will bring all kinds of weapons. Like you guys have chains, machetes, and, you know, iron fists, whatever they call them, knuckles and all those things. Brass knuckles. They'll hit you so hard you'll be crying all the way down. Let me tell you, you'd be like a girl. I love

A little tiny girly man from Huntsman, France, standing in line. You might want to sit next to me in the cafeteria. Yeah, if you tip over my mashed potatoes, the Secret Service will be like, wait, I'm going to take it up. Hey, man, why is your voice so rough all the time? I don't know. Be nice. I might give you my fudgicle. That's if Trump goes to prison. Now Biden goes to prison. Hey.

Who says we're in prison? It's all just subjective. Okay. He, but he would be, he would be shadowed by corn pop or at least he could say corn pops in here with me. And so you don't want to mess with me because corn pop. Yeah. I wanted to do a little, little Trump this week, next week, next week, it's going to be back to Biden. And then maybe I'll do, um, I don't know, Bobby Kennedy jr. People ask me, but I don't, it's very difficult.

Well, we've got a guest, a buddy of ours wants to jump on with us and we can read the headlines and he'll just read them with us and we'll just talk about it.

- Oh, hold on. - Inane stupid shit. - Is this a mystery guest? Let's pretend it's a- - You have to guess him. Oh, whoops. Well, I guess that wasn't a mystery. - Oh, come in. Tower one, come in. We need to make a landing. - He's asleep with his eyes open. - Tower one. No, he has like- - Oh, John, are you- - He looks at an Air Force controller. I mean, with those headphones. - I mean, what? He told me to wear headphones, for God's sake. - Wait a minute. Is this John Lovitz? - Mm-hmm. John, are you in the incredible shrinky man? - You're welcome.

You want me to play Bill Burr and you play John Lovitz? Hey, John, your head's like a tomato can. That thing was hysterical. What's the deal with pickles? We text each other like that. And I said, we should do that as like on your podcast. So we did. Right. He goes, just say anything. I went, okay. And you gave it to him with both barrels. He's not worried about getting canceled. Hey, it's Jerry the dog.

Hello, Jerry. Jerry and I are sort of on hot and cold with each other. Jerry, does Jerry remember me or is he playing hard to get? He remembers you. Wait, let me see. Jerry's not so thirsty to be on camera. Dana, remember this is what we do when we were on stage at SNL. We'd see each other in the monitor, remember? Uh-huh.

Oh, just go chin up kind of thing. We were only in our thirties then. We didn't really have to keep our chin up. Looking at each other like we're hit. Yeah, that's overhead light. It looks like I'm completely bald. That's why I'm wearing a hat. No, that's good. That hat has Arizona on it. Yeah, because you have like- Is that Arizona?

- Yeah, the wind when I was there with you. - Oh, that's Nevada. - Okay, and you got like flying saucer teacups over your ears and a blue cap. So at first I was like- - I don't have to wear them. - No, no, they look- - I think you do. - You'll wear them. - No, he just cut out. - Well, why aren't you wearing them?

The podcast. I've got these little ones that fit in, you know, this like this, like, you know, I have ones like that, except mine are expensive. They're great, John. You probably better. You have great sound. Are you? I have a shirt like that, except mine's expensive. I had a shirt like that once, but then my mom got a job.

What a fucking burn. Oh, you are wearing head. A Wayne's world, a Wayne's world line. John, we're going to throw up a few stories and you just chime in with this. We're gonna make fun of whatever's going on in the world. Okay. Okay. Hit it fellas. Oh, it's on my screen. Yes. Okay. This is a new, I want to read it, read it. David, Heather, my birthday is coming up. Um, pee stain jeans.

Leaky style come with a big price tag and it's already sold out. So you can buy jeans that look like you peepied in them. Is this from the Billy Madison collection? Look at how funny this is. Are you going to wear these? That guy looks super cool. He's a DJ, I think, at Coachella. I would buy him for a friend for Dana and you as a joke.

Right. Well, they have another one. I think it's called the John Lewis connection in the back. Yeah, I was going to say a fudgesicle motif. I wanted to make you happy, John. It's a melted fudgesicle in your pocket. It's called Poop Hands. And they just sort of have a brown stain in the back. And apparently they're going off the charts. They're Nordstroms. Well, mine has a little airbag in it. So when you kick the guy, he goes...

What happens? Oh, it farts? Yeah. I like these. You've got to be kind of skinny to wear pee pants. Is this even real? I think it's real. I'm calling bullshit on that. Go to our YouTube and give us facts and figures because I like to look at the comments. They're actually very nice sometimes. Some of our fans are nice. Actually, I'm shocked. Why would you want to wear jeans where it looks like you can pee?

They were on the runway in Milan, Heather said. Well, it's kind of like the first time. John Lovitz, where were you when you first saw someone with torn jeans? You go, oh, yeah, this is just the what do we do now? We've torn them up. Yeah, I've never seen that. And I go, I go, I'd throw them out. And then you'd throw up. I do. And then you'd grow up.

I like shirts that are a little beat up. I like old sweatshirts. And then when you started selling them looking old, I thought it was ridiculous, but I kind of like it. It saves me a hundred washes, you know? Yeah. I'm always in my, I'm always down to the laundromat. You're trying to save water and conserve on water. You know, John, when we were all three at SNL at the same time, the hardest day was the day off was Sunday. And I would go in, you'd have to go to the basement of my boiling hot.

apartment building and then i'd have to buy like a hundred dollars in quarters and go down there that's the funniest i paid john on the side to take my laundry and do it and bring it back and i was very grateful and i was generous with my payments remember john you do my laundry yeah i remember that that was cool by the way i just want to say i can't tell you many many people come up to me and they go

You know, Dana and John, I mean, Dana and Spade, they're always talking about you on their podcast. Yeah, it's called homage. It's an homage to the Omo. Why do you talk about me so much? Well, you come up because you're funny and an interesting voice. Dennis Miller comes up because you think of his take, you know. Yeah.

Okay, you got the love man on with the Dixie cup phone things and the Mariner's hat, okay? I don't have the inside of the ear headphones, Matt. Love it. What was that on the $5 rack? What am I, Glico? What's my insurance, Geico? I don't know why you think we do you. That's ridiculous. No, it isn't. Everyone just says it. You're doing Mae West. No, I'm...

not may west may west let you come up and see me come up and see me come up and see me god it is jeez i just put that together may why don't you come up and see me no you know who i really sound like is a wimpy from popeye oh yeah it was me i'd gladly pay you tuesday hamburger today yeah that's you're better than wimpy that was good i know i love them

uh what's the next story and then we'll talk more about one too it's about underwear that is and then my hair let's see if we can elevate the podcast okay here we go oh sofia bush says she's in a relationship now i i just thought in my opinion this is not important but when an actress uh if an actress is gay it's okay to keep that to yourself i think the idea is we're all equal

And being gay is nothing different from anyone else, which it isn't. And it's not a problem, but it always feels like a press release is necessary. And I don't know how to react to it. Like, Oh good. Or, Oh, okay. Or it's the shoulder shrugger, but they seem to always have to come out and say, uh, well, it's kind of like we did. John came out with an article saying he was heterosexual. I mean, would that be news or, well, that was because there were so many whispers. Yeah.

John, what is USWNT? United States Women's Soccer? No. Retired soccer player. Oh, wait. US Women's National Team. Oh. I don't know. I look at this picture and then I'm like, well, why don't they show some video? Okay, that's enough. Of the two of them together. That's what I want to see because I'm just picturing it in my head.

I thought it was her with a haircut on. I'm not even joking. I thought it was her. Is Sophia Bush related to George Bush? I think she is. I don't think so. Is it a different Bush? Dana? Why does it just say Bush likes Bush?

I like the peace day and article a lot. And this one too, I think we're two for two. Okay. I'm just throwing things out there. You're right. It's just like, it's a, what do you call it? A nothing burger. It's very normal. So it shouldn't be a press release. Why doesn't it just say Bush is into Bush?

Okay. Well, we stumbled into that. John is really being full John. I love it. I like it. I'll be like Bill Burr. Don't hold back. Oh, she's no relation to George Bush. Okay. I didn't think so. This is a, this is, is going to bother John. Would you pay 44% capital gains, John?

No, it would kill the economy. It completely defeats the idea of why people want to buy a house and hang on to it for a long time. Their house goes up in value. And now he's taking...

almost half of the gains away. What does that do? 13% if you live in California. So you would get up to like 57%. Come on. It's time for people to pay a fair share. Sharon Stone, simple pilots, Flintstones, Barney Rubble, Rubble, Dresden. I think it would make the housing market crash, wouldn't it?

Well, I think it, it, it, what it does indirectly, it is more money on the surface that would come into the country and immediately go out. But also it's, it, it, it lessens your drive to invest because investing is already a gamble. So let's say you lose money, you lose, let's say you actually do well and you make money. Then you have to give halfway. What happens is people stop investing as much someone like me, like they put tax on houses and

in California and LA County. So I won't buy another house. With the property taxes, when you buy a house, so less people buy homes, that's less property tax.

Well, historically, in the late 90s, it happens is Clinton got together with the Republicans and lowered the capital gains tax. And the government actually took in more revenue. So, yeah, there's a lot of inputs to this tax. Through property tax, basically.

And through motivation to get in the stock market. Yeah. Then you get in because if you win, you might make money. Yeah. But then more people pay tax. I wasn't even thinking of it. You're saying about the stock market. Yeah. You kill it. Animal spirits. Unless we want to be, what do you know, some kind of social welfare state. I don't know. It's a problem, John. You don't think.

Okay, next one. Oh, dear. Who's going to listen to three comedians about 10? Nobody. That's why we're moving on. This is what I thought was interesting. Now, without knowing, there was music attached. Dana!

Is that you? Without knowing this, this was just sort of interesting that just how fast animals are. And I had no idea which ones are fast and slow. So just talk along with it. If one of them seems fast and surprised, you said, okay, here we go. Okay. Turn that down a little bit.

Okay, that's a cat. A cat? Goes 48. That's Sophia Bush and her girlfriend. A fox. What's that, an ostrich? Ostriches are really fast. Well, that's a wolf. Look at their little legs. And they all love ACDs. A wolf, a peacock, and an ostrich. Oh, the rhino? How fast is that? The rhino? 55? 55 miles per hour? I have no idea. I thought they were slower. Okay, keep going. Yeah.

What's that, an elk? Antelope? And a what? A bison and a moose. Buffalo goes 56 miles an hour. A brown bear? Oh, they could fucking haul it. That's as fast as I go. That would be tough to outrun them. Cheetah? Okay, I understand the cheetah. Cheetah can go 85 miles an hour. No, look at the wolf.

Who the fuck had their money on the wolf? No, the cheetahs faster. Oh, and who are these guys? I don't even think these are real animals. I think this is animated. Is this Jurassic Park? It's animated. It's an AI. Where are they going? That's the big question. They're coming back? How dumb. How long can they sustain the hunt? Who's doing this? Oh, a giraffe. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Not a giraffe. Tiger 65. A camel. A camel.

65 miles an hour? Yeah, fuck. No way. Forget that. Look at their homes. Look at the zebra. Dana, the road to getting engaged can be long and full of memories. Oh, yeah. Or it can be short and thrilling or somewhere in between. But the road to finding the perfect engagement ring is straightforward path every time. All you got to do is head over to good old BlueNile.com. Good news, David, on BlueNile.com.

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Find it on auto trader. See it. Find it. Auto trader. Dana running like a little pussy cat. When they used to say you run like a puss, is that what they meant? Yep. Okay. Here's a newsflash though. One animal can run the longest.

- What does that mean? Oh, like a marathon? - A human being. - A human being. We'd go with our spears, we'd hit the animal, the animal would only be hurt and start to get away and we could chase them for 12, 14 hours just running. - Is that true? - Yep. Human beings are really great at long distance running compared to other mammals. - How fast do you think you can run, Dana? - 41 miles an hour. No, in my prime- - Yeah, what'd you do the mile in? - The mile, about 425.

Really? Okay. Okay. Well, we trained a lot and there's a lot of people faster than that. I could train for my lifetime. I'll train, I'll train your head in a minute. What about how fast you go? Do you go 20 miles an hour? I'm not sure how it equivocates. I think human beings top out at like 28. If you're like, you know,

Hussein Bolt. John's big bragging. I heard him the other day bragging to the waitress at dinner that he got 640 steps that day. And then he showed her. I'll clap through this screen to rip your head off. I'll clap through this goddamn screen.

All right, we'll watch this. I'm faster now at tennis. I play tennis faster. That's true. You are quick side to side. This is an old commercial, right? From the 90s. Okay. This is a 90s Instagram. Is that Dana in the middle? Let me see. Flirt squirt. Where did this go? Jesus. Ryan Gosling. And a song.

Oh my God, she's spitting her mouth. So fucking loud. Flirt, squirt. They're awfully young to be flirting and squirting. Oh, that's, Heather says that leads to first base, but I think that's fourth base when you squirt on a guy. He just texted me, John, say this. Oh, he did? Yeah. I said, why are you focusing on flirt and squirt? Awfully young to be flirting and squirting.

No, thank you. Okay, that's a comment. Awfully young to be flirting, awfully young to be wearing a bowler hat, that idiot in the middle, but fine. I think that one kid was Ryan Gosling as a kid, wasn't it? I think it was. One of them was Reese Witherspoon at the end with the glasses. The thing they don't tell you is this is a precursor because if you aim low, you get pee pants. Oh, yeah, it's true. That's good. You tied it up because flirt squirt is basically you pee in the other guy's mouth.

And it's a little bit beyond flirting. It's like, oh, hey, I think Jenny likes me. She just peed in my face. I'm not going to dare you. Oh, yeah. Oh, I wouldn't even. Don't try to church. You and your fantasies. Flirt, squirt. Jerry, come here. You know, I'm so old. I didn't know any girls that squirted in my life. And now there's too many. Isn't that funny? Do they learn it along the way? Do they watch it? I've never been with a girl that squirted.

You have one? No, I've never been with one. Let's look at a clip. That's squirted. Oh, really? Well, maybe you're not Mr. Romeo. Or maybe I'm picky. No. If you push right here and also squeeze their big toe, it can work. It's hard to do that. You get one. Where do they squirt? It can go up to six to eight feet. Squirt, squirt.

All right, read what Dana sent me. Dana, don't jump out on Flirt Squirt. No, no. We got a young audience that wants to hear about it. Dana told me he would Flirt Squirt with Nora Dunn. Between scenes on SNL?

I don't know when, he just wouldn't do it. They were arguing in the hallway one day on SNL. And I thought it was about sketches. No, it was about- And then you heard the flirt squirt song? No, then they were like, yeah, squirt. You promised to squirt me in the middle of the sketch. I tried, I tried. The truth of it is funnier. John and I were in a sketch with William Shatner and we were playing Star Trek Nerds. It's kind of a famous sketch. Famous sketch, oh yeah. William Shatner goes, get a life, you know, so-

And then Nora and I just had an argument, whatever. But I was dressed like the nerd. I had glasses with tape in the middle. And John came out. We're nose-to-nose kind of yelling. You know, there's a lot of stress on the show. I was dying laughing. Yeah. It's hard to get in a real argument when you're dressed as a church lady. Now, you get the fuck out. Take a swing at someone. Could you tell that that was a...

really funny sketch all week because it's lived throughout history is a really good one oh yeah everything about william shatner was just funny that week and they he just killed it he's so so funny we were the most excited about him hosting than anybody because like dennis would always say why aren't i in sketches and he complained i go dennis you don't hang out tuesday night right so then he'd be around the table and he'd always be like

because no there was nothing for him to do but when it was i remember this distinctly and there's william shatner and um but lauren's in the middle and then the host and then the next the table goes this way so i always sat next to the host and dana was on my right and i remember looking at saying to dana go it's kirk we were so excited and i looked at dennis he's like this

Yeah. He was so excited. Well, we all were excited. It was Kirk, Captain Kirk. When they walked down to lunch or they walked down to Huxley's or something. And, but they were like, let's say outside of 30 rock, they're just walking down the street.

to go to dinner or whatever. And he said, so many people yell captain current. And while he's talking, he just throws this up. Yeah. Anyway, Dennis. So we, we golf last week. Hey, Oh, we can do that. And he would throw it out. Like, cause that's all they want to see is say, but then we asked William Shatner and he said, I don't remember that. He said, I can't remember what you're doing to people. Well, Dennis said, he's just throwing it around just while he's talking. Cause he does so much. It's like fluid, which is funny. And, um,

Remember the episode where Spock got mad and did this to a Klingon? No, he did not, did he? I mean, he did. Remember they made Spock, because he didn't have any emotions, they made him wear pee pants around the spaceship? I knew you were going for that. I knew it, I had to. Around the spaceship, because he has no emotion. He goes, why is this humorous? They're fucking pee pants, dude. It's funny. Remember he fell in love with somebody, he didn't understand the motion, and then he did a flirt squirt? That's you. And then he did a flirt squirt? By some Klingon?

Trouble with the trip with the tribbles. No man has gone before. Okay. It was the middle of a curtain. I interrupted. I was in a squirt and flirt like a woman. Don't squirt in my face. John, what couch are you in? Are you in La Scala? What are you doing right now? It's my house. It is? You didn't do that design on purpose, did you?

I did it back then. I know a great lawyer. It looks like you're at a Persian conference store. I went with a Southwestern theme and it was like 30 years ago. There you go. I have to say, John, it is a big mansion. Good luck with your mansion tax. He has a mansion up on me. Your house is twice as big as mine. It's twice as Southwestern. You want to talk about personal stuff like our home? No, John, I don't. I don't want to do this. And yet you brought it up. No, John.

When are you going on the road next? And do you like the road? And if you travel past Texas, do you go the day before? Go. I go normally about once or twice a month. And yeah, I do like it. But I always go to fly the day before the show. Because you never know what if you miss it. So I'd rather have peace of mind and get a good day's night's sleep before the show. Even if it's Vegas. Even if it's Phoenix. Even if it's Phoenix. I don't care where I go the day before.

And I get all sad. I don't want something to happen and then I miss. No, it's so stressful. You're right. So you go to the Hollywood Improv the day before? The Hollywood Improv. You hang out at the Hollywood Improv the day before? No, I don't play LA anymore because. Oh, yeah. I heard this theorem. Well, comics steal jokes for one. Yeah, my jokes are that good. And secondly. My next question. You never know. They film me and go, oh, you said this. You said this. It was a joke. Yeah, but you meant it.

even though it was a joke i go well i meant it yeah but it was a joke who are these people yeah who are these people who are these people they're looking at your career and it's not worth the chance you know a chance well i think you could go on it might happen it might be offended and if they're offended you go so what oh right you're saying hollywood audiences are a little more offended some of your offenses little there's always somebody well guess what steve martin guess what

in his book like he stayed out of la completely went on the road he opened for people he did vegas he did he did a lot of things and uh he became great so there's more than one way to skin a steve yeah why did he stay out of los angeles

Um, well, I think he saw that the sitcom way and that wasn't his way. So then he started opening and just working on the road. Um, two weeks before he made it, he bombed so bad. He considered just forget it. Cause when he was bomb, I can't remember, you know, I don't know. I just remember in his book, he was playing some Miami gig and just, if the audience didn't hook, he wasn't famous. If they didn't hook his character.

it got really grim in there, you know? Well, he was making fun of it. I know, he was deconstructing it. And if you didn't get that, it was bad. But if you did, it was hysterical. Hysterical. I saw him at peak at the boarding house and also saw him at the Berkeley Community Center. Yeah, it was pretty something to watch that. What about when he had the Blues Brothers open for him at the Universal Amphitheater? That's probably the coolest show I have ever missed.

I even Steve, I it's hard, man. That'd be one of the toughest things to follow. Probably the blues brothers when they're with the full dancing and all the singing. Yeah. That's a tough one. Belushi and Acro doing anything. And then, yeah. And you're even better, but he was on SNL then too. So it was like, he was on a lot. Yeah. He was on a lot. Right. Right. Steve Martin was, uh, you know, rockstar as well. I got to work with him in a movie, uh, three amigos, uh, Phil Hartman and I, right. And Joe Montano were in the scene and,

And so they was doing coverage on Steve Martin, you know, Chevy Chase and the Martin. So anyway, they're on Steve. So he would do a take and they go, let's do it again. And each time he was a little funnier and I've never seen anything like it. He had such control. And it was like he had a knob on his chest. They go, where do you want to hear? Let me turn it up one.

Let me turn it up to a little funnier. Okay, we'll go to three. It was like that precise. I've never seen anything like it. I believe it. Incredible.

You lie a lot, but that one I believe. I mean, he's not Dana Carvey. Well, I remember working in Trapped in Paradise, and I would watch it, and everyone would notice it's John's close-up, and it would just be exactly the same every time. I mean, I don't know. I have a knob on me that says 11, and it's broken off there, so it doesn't go below. I've done movies with both of you guys, and I have to say, between the two of you, I'm the funniest. Okay.

Thank you. Thank you for that audience poll. No, I mean, wait. No, you are funny. I didn't mean to say I'm the funniest. No, I'm sorry. Between the two of you, I'm funny. It drives you crazy. I know it came out of wrong again. People go, well, you're just naturally funny. That's what they say to you.

Yeah. They say that to me and I go, Oh, it's just easy for you. No, it's not that I act like I don't know I'm being funny, but I do know. And I know how I'm funny. No, no one can just be a natural and not work the system of how to be funny on command with a camera in your

No, this guy named Ralph Levy, who used to produce and direct the Jack Benny show and the Burns and Aljo, he came to my acting class, Tony Bartok, acting for the camera. He goes, Ralph's going to teach you comedy. But anyway, Ralph said, you do all the things you do in drama, then you add the comedy on top, and then you, the actor, you know you're being funny, but your character should be oblivious. As a result, people think, oh, you're just naturally funny. You're funny just standing there. I said...

If I'm just standing there, it's because I'm making that choice to just stand there with the blank face because I know it'll be funny. Because that's the funny way to do it. Yeah. Could I get a master thespian, A-C-T-I-N-G with full commitment?

acting thank you said thank you thank you thank you that's good okay that was a good laugh no on snl though they break so much now i go what happened to the sketch and so you know

Remember, we weren't allowed to break character. We'd have been fired. This isn't the Carol Burnett show. We don't do that. Ryan Gosling, though, was having so much fun. It was infectious. That was the most breaking show ever. But you couldn't help but

- Well, he's the host. He's not gonna get fired. - Yeah, but it was... - I guess I'll have to go back to my giant movie career. I don't think he's worried about it. - Go look up the Beavis and Butthead sketch. It's kind of a, sort of a classic. - You saw it, didn't you? - I saw it, I saw it. - I get Twitter. - Very funny. - I mean, it would have been funnier if they hadn't broke. I mean, that's how I feel. - Oh.

It wasn't bad. I wish we could have broke. I think breaking sometimes... I agree with you. When I was doing the Pepper Boy, I thought we were going to break for a minute, and I didn't want to break on that because it was killing so hard without it. But it does make you laugh when people break. But anyway, here's my impression of Farley and that. Why...

you pamper more? I would like more pamper. He really made him feel alive. Down by the river, it was you and Christina, and you guys were trying not to laugh. He was doing everything he could to make you laugh. Which was funny. Did you ever laugh? Your whole time at SNL, or did anyone ever laugh? No, I did one time because...

it was uh it was it was tarzan tonto and frankenstein right pat stevens show with nora so she's interviewing the three of us and anyway we're doing the sketch and then all of a sudden phil out of nowhere started laughing oh yeah that's very odd and then five seconds later he just lost it that was it yeah he laughed on and on and i'm like we're all like what is he laughing and then we couldn't not laugh and i have my head i'm like there's

covering my face we were like and i couldn't stop and i afterward i said phil what happened nothing had happened he just started and he was so he said no i tell you what he said he goes well i just thought how ridiculous i look and and i started laughing and then i stopped and he goes and then i thought what did what that must have looked like to the people watching the sketch and at home seeing

seen Frankenstein laugh like that and he goes, "Then I just lost it." - For no reason, yeah. - Yeah, and then Lauren and I might have gone, "Well, you know, that happens, it's all right." - But the other thing, John, is the sketch continued even though he lost it. If I remember him as Frankenstein crashing through the set, 'cause that's what he was gonna do. - Yeah, didn't he do that? He walked through the wall. - And he kept going. - And he was laughing his ass off the whole time. - He didn't stop. - And he's still doing the character. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think I remember that. - We tried, yeah, we tried to finish, but we couldn't stop.

But that's the only time I remember doing that. This year, Dell Technologies' Back to School event is delivering impressive tech with an inspiring purpose. With every qualifying purchase, Dell will donate to ComputerAid, who equips solar community hubs with tech and AI literacy skills to empower remote, displaced, or disconnected communities around the world.

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7-15-24 and 9-11-24. And Dell will donate $1.75 for each eligible product within your purchase to ComputerAid, capped at $1.2 million total. For details and restrictions, go to dell.com slash deals. You know, Dana, I think we have a connection. We've been friends for a long time. And for this episode of Fly on the Wall, we've partnered with eHarmony,

which isn't us. eHarmony is a dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. We are not dating. I want to clarify that. But the connection is what you want in a dating partner. Just someone like, if you found someone that listened to this podcast, that's somewhat of a connection. And then you sort of build on that. You want someone with some common ground. Yeah. It's not, look, if you want to connect romantically over, you know, super fly or fly on the wall, yeah.

It just makes us happy. You don't want to be watching The Godfather and the person next to you goes, this movie sucks. You want to- So dumb. Yeah. You want to connect on all issues and harmonize in life. Similar sensibility, similar sense of humor, and similar sense of sense. I don't like when they watch The Godfather and they're like, everyone in this movie is so old. I'm like, they're 40.

Watch 2001 Space Odyssey. Too much of this movie is in outer space. I don't like it. When do they land? When do they land? Why is that stupid red light acting so silly? Who's friends with a robot? We know dating isn't easy. That's why we partnered with eHarmony because dating is different on eHarmony. They want you to find someone who gets you, someone you can be comfortable with.

Yeah. I mean, the whole idea is you're going to take a compatibility quiz, helps your personality come out in your profile, which makes all the profiles on eHarmony way more interesting and fun to read. So I think this is the goal of dating sites, and I think eHarmony does it great. It's just finding somebody you're compatible with.

So get started today with a compatibility quiz. So you can find some and you can be yourself with. Get Who Gets You on eHarmony. Sign up today. You know Rosetta Stone, the most trusted language learning program. Oh, yeah. If you want to learn a new language, which no time like the present, it's always fun to learn when you get older.

I know. And it's not learning a language when you're older, you know, over the age of 20 is difficult. You know, I mean, all the high school Spanish I took a grade school Spanish, you know, all I can say is Ola and hasta luego. So it goes out of your head. So now you have Rosetta stone, David, tell them about it. Well, Dana, you know, more than anyone trusted expert for 30 years with millions of users in 25 languages. Uh, I mean, my gosh, uh,

They have Spanish, French, Italian, German. I don't think you can throw them a curveball. I think they're going to know. What don't they have? The language you want. Yeah. And immerses you in many ways. There's no English translations. You know what I'm saying?

I know no English. You need a Rosetta Stone for English. No English translation, so you really learn to speak and listen and think in that language. That's the whole idea of Rosetta Stone is that it sticks to your head. It sticks to your brain. I learned German out of a book. It just doesn't stick as hard, so this is the way to do it. Designed for long-term retention.

There's a true accent feature. It gives you feedback on your pronunciation. Yes. And of course, there's desktop app options. There's an audio companion and ability to download lessons offline. Mm-hmm. Yeah, so that's great. Lifetime access to all 25 language courses Rosetta Stone offers for 50% off. A steal! Oh, my gosh. And I do think that the off-label thing that... I'm ad-libbing now, going off-script.

Is that when you learn a language and you learn to pronunciate the words in that language, you start to learn about the people who live there and speak that language. Sort of a subtle, intuitive way of integrating with the culture. A little different, yeah. Don't put off learning that language. There's no better time than right now to get started. For a very limited time, Fly on the Wall listeners can get Rosetta Stone's lifetime membership for 50% off.

You just visit rosettastone.com slash fly. That's 50% off, unlimited access to 25 language courses for the rest of your life. Redeem your 50% off at rosettastone.com slash fly today. All right. Anything else for John before we let him go walk Jerry? What do you have your own show now?

suddenly it's your podcast no i'm just saying because while we're getting it we have a screen john lovitz we'll be right back with dana we are here with john lovitz right after this we are here with the one and only john lovitz with a word from snapple thanks fellas john do you want to promote your promote where your gigs your next one

I'll be at the Grove Comedy Club in Maine, Arkansas. And look for me. I have a new singing show where I sing with a great band. Randy Walton played with Frank Sinatra, a four-piece band at the Jazz Club Vibrato.

Where is that one town? It's in Los Angeles. Top of Beverly Glen. The Beverly Glen Center. Oh, up in there. Okay. Yeah, I've done two shows. And they want to bring me back now every couple of months. It was a blast. I saw it, Dan. Well, you do have pipes. What are you singing? Sinatra type and all that stuff? You wouldn't like it. Yeah, stuff like that. Different standards and fun songs. Yeah.

Songs like The Monkey and the Baboon that my grandfather taught me when I was a kid. Singing in the rain. No, it's still funny. Well, he does comedy. Yeah, I do comedy. It's still a funny show. He doesn't have a good voice. It's not Dana Cardin, David Spade funny, but it's funny. It's not me on my Pogo stick. No. It's not Dana George Bush Dennis Miller. I'm doing a tour of the South, by the way. It's funny. It's funny.

I'm doing, it's a great question, Lovitz. I'm doing. I thought you went already. Well, it's on davidspay.com, but I'm doing like, I think I'm doing Arkansas, Kentucky, North Carolina, Orlando. I'm doing Arkansas. Mew, mew, mew. Mew, mew, mew. Did you guys ever talk about when Dana Carvey brought me to a club and he goes, there's this guy there, David Spade. He's really influenced by Dennis and I.

That's the first time I saw David. And then I was like, oh my God, he's like a clone of the two of them. If Dana and David, Dennis Miller and Dana Carvey had a baby, it would be spade. I think he's outstripped that, Mark. Well, that's no way. Years ago, you have your own style now, but back then it was like, but you were funny, but that's the first time I ever saw you. Dana introduced me to you. When I first saw Dennis...

He said, this guy, John, is a cross between me and a snuffleupagus. When I first saw David, I watched him and I said, he's like a cross between Dennis Miller and a flirt squirt. When I first saw John Lovitz, I thought he was a cross between Moe Howard and Ulysses S. Grant. When I first saw Dana Carvey, I thought he was Ellen DeGeneres.

I first saw Dana. He was across from Tinkerbell. Just Tinkerbell. I can't think of another one. This is a true story. Dana, we'd always tease each other. And he would do characters. Oh, the start, when William Shatner hosted the show. And he went, John, I'm in three sketches. Three, three, right? And he always goes, what can't I do? So one time he's behind me.

dressed in makeup as Johnny Carson and he's imitating Johnny Carson. It was so spookily good. Dana was gone and you were in the room with Johnny Carson. And I remember in my head looking at it and I literally thought, yeah, he's right. What can't he do? That's how good he was. How great he was. I actually thought that I go, he's right. It was so spooky. It was so weird. I remember seeing him run around as Carson. It looked great.

But he sounded exactly like him. And he was gone. It was pretty amazing. That's very nice, John. John is one of the most talented people I know. John can really sing. He said, I can really sing. He would tell me I can really sing. And I go to myself, sure, for a comedian. Then I saw him really sing. So it's the same kind of compliment. That guy can really sing. Yes, he can really sing. Probably the best.

Well, I like to see the show is called from the shower to the stage. I like to sing in the shower. It sounds amazing. Everyone thinks they sound great in the shower. Yeah. I told him that should be a TV show. I'm going to put it out there and try.

Frank Sinatra, though. Frank Sinatra, everyone knows he's the greatest. He wrote a book on singing, if anyone's listening, called Tips on Popular Singing by Frank Sinatra. And he tells you how to sing. And it's fantastic. Does it work? Because the other day you were telling me. Oh, it works. Yeah, it really works. Oh, because it didn't?

Yeah, you told me, you're like, take your upper soft palate. I'm like, let me just... No, like every singing teacher, it's your diaphragm. Pull your stomach in, pull it out to support the air. Frank Sinatra says, breathe in through your nose. And then, because if you breathe in through your mouth, the air goes in and dries your vocal cords. The summer wind. Breathe through your nose.

And then your lungs fill with air and you feel your rib cage go out. He goes, don't let your rib cage go back in. He's the only one that says, not your stomach, your diaphragm, your rib cage. And if you do that, that's what you focus on. You automatically support it correctly with your abdominal muscles. I'm going to take a shower right after this podcast and sing.

I'm going to take a long, long shower after this podcast. Everybody loves somebody sometimes. Well, what's more fun than singing with a band? Comedy is hard. You're up there singing with a fork. He's like the character that's like, don't make me sing.

These guys, Randy Waldman's the musical conductor and arranger. Never heard of him. He's played with Frank Sinatra, George Benson, Ray Charles. He's the top guy. He's Barbra Streisand's personal pianist and now musical conductor. He's been a personal...

a company's penis for 36 years never heard more boring credits pianist the guitar player he's the best studio musician guitar player he's known for michael jay what are we getting at go ahead so he's good now what i want to see in the future oh is he on your cello players one of the best cellos in the world this is his band the drummer's one of the best drummers he's dave tall at a um

That's what you call it. Professor teaches everything. They're so great. So you have to try to play with these guys. It's not easy. David Spade likes it up the bone. I thought we were doing VH1 behind the music. I'm like, what's going on here? That's his band. That's your band. It's good stuff. It's fun, but it's not easy. It's not like amateur hour.

Well, they're not. I'm trying to keep up with them. No, you are. You do good. I've seen it. It's good. Okay. So Dana, nice to meet you, John. Nice to see you. I'll see you out front because you live in my yard. And Jerry, the dog. Nice to see you. Jerry. Oh, boy. Jerry, don't show the overbite. Does he have a good angle? Underbite, right? Jerry. Jerry.

Quit fighting. Don't let him do that stuff to you. He's like, hey, I just found this turd. I have to chew on. Anyway, John, great to see you. Let's do it again sometime. This will never air. Okay, bye. Bye, John. Bye, everybody. Goodbye. This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly. It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade.

Charlie Finan of Brill's Entertainment, Jenna Weiss-Furman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.