SUPERFLY #52 - Trump Dumps
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All tax forms, all 100% free. Now, this is taxes. See if you qualify in the TurboTax app. Excludes TurboTax Live. Must start and file an app by 2-18. Yeah, sure thing. Hey, you sold that car yet? Yeah, sold it to Carvana. Oh, I thought you were selling to that guy. The guy who wanted to pay me in foreign currency, no interest over 36 months? Yeah, no. No.

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This is, I don't want you, you should not have this, but you did. You did go out on stage once. I went on stage. We were telling Kevin Nealon today on the other podcast that I went out with a horse throat, like a laryngitis, which is very tough to go out with because you don't really know what you're getting. It sort of kicked in and out, but I definitely gave it everything I might. I thought it's better an hour before the show to just do it and try it.

And worst case, I'd come back or something. But I don't want to send everyone home with their babysitters and they don't even know really what's wrong. Are you really sick? Why would you cancel? Because I did that once when there was a real problem. And I said, say these apologies, say this, because people are already there. And I was told I can't go on. So I said, oh, I'm so sorry. Anyway, all they did was send an email to everyone on a ticket and said, show's canceled.

We'll reschedule. And that was it. And I'm like, who wants to hear that after all that? You know, that's a little rough. It happens. I mean, I do a lot of voices, so I can't come out there and go, well, isn't that special? You know, isn't that, who could it have been? Say, so I'm kind of in here and here. Not fun, but we don't want to bring down our audience other than looking at it and saying, I don't have that. No, I'll bring down my audience because I,

You don't think you have problems. You think, wait, you think you have problems. Listen to these. I slept and I had the air conditioner worked on. And this is a bombshell. And I don't mean to clip this out. And I don't mean to- We can use this or not. Shake it. If you're hearing it, we- Cut it out if it's too- It'll be cut. Yeah. Shocking for people driving. Pull over. I don't sleep with the AC on or the heat because-

Oh, Danny, you weren't ready for that? Oh my God, it caused an earthquake.

Sometimes the ideas that you have create tremors. Go ahead. What it is, is... We're not going to air this. This is going to be edited out. So just go ahead. Be honest. Yeah, this is like a practice. So we... It blows on me and I don't like it on my face. So even on the road, no matter how hot or cold, I put the... Like here, I put the heat on until I go to bed. Off. Then I dive in.

And then I don't want it blowing on my face. You get all clogged up. So it's suddenly a guy worked on, you know, filters because it's so thick with smoke and sickening here. Yeah. And bacterium and particulates. So I changed it so it'd be 1% better and something happened. And then it was blowing cold air 24 hours a day on me in the winter. And it was so cold. I've never been colder in the house. Last two nights.

So that's really the whole story. There's no real beginning, middle or end of that story, but I'll make an observation. I, I know I'm like you. I think most people, I never want to have air conditioning directly on me. Yeah. If it's, if it's in the weird, in the room, but cold ice, cold air, I'd hate it in a gym.

You're trying to stay warm, and I'm doing the lat pull, and there's just cold, ice-cold air coming down on me. These are first-world problems, but I'm telling you, they're still problems. This is a problem. When you're on the Stairmaster and I start slow, I crank it up. They don't sound anything like that.

That one needs some work. That's a made up sound effect. People at home are like, maybe. I don't know. I used to beat the hell out of it. I got married to a Stairmaster. I mean, I used to in New York because I didn't have the time to go run in the park in the middle of winter. I jump on a Stairmaster. They should be one of our sponsors still around. 45 minutes at the top. Drenched in sweat. Thank you. Oh, yeah. Dennis Miller, who's on Fly on the Wall right now, was saying,

He would talk to you and you were on the Stairmaster for an hour and you wouldn't even be heavy breathing. I like it. I got addicted to it in high school and junior college. Anaerobic pain. Like actually your body's screaming at you to stop.

And you just keep going anyway. You push through it. And then the high that you get from that is pretty amazing. Yeah. I need some sort of highs in my life. Okay. So I'm going to give you a couple updates, Dana, before we get into the nitty gritty. I'm going to try to keep it at under 50 coughs. Yeah. I don't care. As long as I'm sitting next to you on a plane. The reward money for the arson I did. You know, we threw that out there, right? And people bet on that hook. A little too hard because, as I said on last week's show,

People are just, A, just straight up asking for money. Two, I sort of saw this coming. Two, hey, here's a video from Instagram of a fire. So here's my banking information. It's Chase Bank. Here's the account. And I'm like, wait, you're just sending me a video of a fire.

That doesn't count. So I said in there to make it a little less of a scam for people and easy, I said, let's do, you have to, you know, have the cops come get someone arrested. You know, I'm sure they'll never stay in jail or in California, but at least arrest it. And then they let them out five seconds later, but it's something goes on the record maybe. Right. And it's more to keep people's awareness up. Eyes peeled, like, Hey, do something out there. Like these are, these little fires can go big.

And at press time right now, there's a huge one again. Where? Up on the five in Castaic, 5,000 acres like that right away. I'm shooting up there, bus boys tomorrow, and I'm freaking out right now going, oh my God, we have a stunt. We have all this stuff. And I'm like, first problem is it's a horrible situation for everyone in California. Another fire.

Secondly, minorly, what do I do? Can we move the day? Can we, I don't know. Anyway. Oh, wait a minute. It's just so, it's the grapevine, right? What we call the grapevine in LA. What is it, Heather? The 15th?

By Magic Mountain. It goes up to five. It goes up to five. But is it kind of close to Magic Mountain or up toward the top of the- It's a little above it. A little above Magic Mountain. Got it. Okay. They're going to shut the five down or something they said. Damn. We need a fucking rain. I mean, could we just get people- Do some sprinkles. Let's just get OnlyFans, all the squirters. Let's get them all. Do something for the fire. That's-

Come on, that'll get some press. We get all the top 10 squirters. You just said it. We know it. We're just desperate. We're just grabbing it, whatever you want to call it. But we're just trying to think of something because we really need to. You're laying around, how can I help? Here's what you can do. Literally, a week of hard rain, there's no more fire threat. I mean, they said there might be rain Friday, Saturday. And please, God, even if it's a sprinkle, just do something. Anything. It's crazy. So-

Anyway, I will say, you know, thank you out there to all the brave squirters. Okay. So that joke, I sort of milked it until it was over. Okay.

Give some to the kitty over here. Did you have that in your back pocket? Look at all these. I'm getting the greatest hits here. I think because I'm under the weather, you're entertaining me. I'm unleashed. Your job is to make me laugh, even though I can't laugh because I'll cough. I love it. But that was great. I got the greatest hits. I got the cat. You got the cat. The licking of the cat, licking its paws, and then a little wink. Milk, milk, milk. Give some to the kitty. You aim it over.

That's a noise. And then the kitty gets in the eye, funny, and then he goes, meow. And then he takes his little paw and- Yeah, licks it. Licks the milk off. When did you first do that exactly? That one I have done before at probably 10 years ago. No, I've seen it. I've seen it many times on this bot, but I've just realized now- It's not in the rotation enough, I will say that. It's a great little piece. It's a great little set piece. It's got noises. It's quick. So back to sadness. Yeah.

The sadness is the fire. Now, the other thing was the arson. And it's a little silver lining that a lot of people were like, hey, I saw a guy in my neighborhood. Like, I never would have said anything, but I'm going to let you know. And then I called the police and then I went out and said something to him and I filmed him just to get the word out. Like, hey, come on, man, let's do this. Because these are a little garbage can fire can do anything. It can go to the side of a building. So there was a lot of.

I don't want to say the word winners. I want to say there's a lot of people that got involved. A lot of people sent me stuff. And it's hard because they're over on TikTok. Like, how do they get ahold of me? They're just DMing and this and that. So the ones I've seen and Heather, I sent them to Heather when they seem very real. And we did give money to someone yesterday, 5,000. So there's one gentleman-

I mean, it's good in the way that just, it's a way of giving back, but also just give it physically to someone that did something. So he did something, there was an arrest report. He sent it in. We said, great. There's a cop on the set of bus boys. So we said, Hey, is this real? He's like, yeah, all good. And, uh, and there's, I think two more that are looking like it might happen. Yeah. We're waiting for it. Well, just before you go, what did this person see?

This person, Heather, he saw someone lighting a fire. Oh, literally lighting a fire. Oh, he's lighting like egg. He's doing a lot, lighting a bunch of different ones. So I guess the guy called the police, followed him. Oh, so it was bald face obvious. Yeah. And then when they found him, oh, he smelled and he had gasoline on him. So he smelled of gas, had gas and had previous warrants for arson.

So that's his thing. Well, glad they got him. We don't need any arsonists right now. Wait till it rains and then you can try to light shit on fire. His nickname was Johnny Arson. His Native American friend was called Me Like Fire. Johnny Arson and Ed McFlames. So anyway, so we got that guy and then there was some more. And then there's a guy that stopped someone on a hike.

And he was just saying, the guy was literally lighting stuff. He's like, hey man, you can't light stuff. And some people I saw were lighting those candles in a paper bag. What are they? You know, they float over. It's some sort of,

You release them into the sky. You release them into like hot air balloons in a way. Thinking of the word, but they do it at a wedding and they do the place. And people are behind them going, hey guys, bad time. You know, don't do this. This is not the time to do that. And they're like, no, it's just for this. No, it's just for a ceremony of the word. Oh, I'm going to float these up. Then they land in the mountains and everything catches on fire. So there's two more possibilities. We sort of did a cutoff because

there's hundreds coming in. So anyway, that's sort of a positive note. That's great. I won't say the guy's name. I don't think he cares, but I just thought, whatever. He got it. It's real. We have another update, which is Stephen Greer. So Dr. Stephen Greer was on our

on our show that kind of blew up on YouTube. A UFOlogist, former trauma doctor. Says, you know, in the next three weeks to a month, and it's been exactly a month. So they did have a reveal the other day, and I think this might be what he's talking about. So this is, they say, the problem with this and everything in the last two years

Is it real? You can't freak people out unless you see it in the sky. Okay. And it's shooting lasers or landing and people walking out. No one's really believing it or if they believe it, they don't care. So this is a helicopter. This guy is a whistleblower. He runs a helicopter, I think, that takes the UFO 20 feet long, shaped like an egg.

and dropping it somewhere. - News Nation has independently obtained previously unseen video obtained from a secret UAP craft retrieval program. - Which is also a UFO. - This extraordinary footage clearly shows an egg-shaped object dangling - Egg-shaped, that's the tell. - Sling below the belly of a helicopter. - The belly. It looks green. Well,

And it looks like a face, but that's a helicopter with a cable wrapped around. Why is it all green? Let's slow this down to take a closer look. It's night vision. That's an egg-shaped UAP suspended from a 150-foot long line.

We're told the craft is about 20 feet long. The egg suspended in a cradle. The egg scrambled. The pilot is as they bring their precious cargo into land. Let's freeze frame here to look at one of the clearest images of a UAV. Those are the wraps around it to pick it up.

It's not really clear. Where's the UAP right now? It's a blurry. Where is it laying? Where did the guy say? He's a full whistleblower. No markings at all.

No visible means of propulsion or way to see its size. I think since this, I found a little hieroglyphic sign. It's almost graceful as it lands over easy. It's just a little too dramatic. If it really was an alien craft, you don't have to go, and look at the alien craft. Yeah, you don't have to hype it up. It will be scary enough. A little too silly for me.

Doesn't mean it's not true, but I don't mind hearing words like obtained and extraordinary. Well, I can say that British sports announcers are extraordinarily better than American sports announcers. I'm sorry, but they are incredible. Here they go. The race is surely afoot. Stevie Fontaine, a sort of athletic beetle of the chunky American is completely bankrupt. I mean, the language they use is extraordinary. Formula one.

Jackie Stewart is coming out. He slings shots around Max Van Steppen. And now he's got to go. He's got to go now or never. This is his last chance. Jackie Stewart. Nope. Nope. Yes, he's going for it. He's going for it now on the inside, the outside. Quite remarkable. Quite remarkable. And now, Jackie Stewart, how did you feel about the race? Well, it's extraordinary.

Well, I will say this UAP might have been a whistleblower, but it's a start. And I think if they open the egg hatch, walked out, hello, my baby, I would need something like that. That's what people are wanting.

Well, if you've ever seen, you're a little younger than I am. The day the earth stood still, a saucer lands on the White House lawn and a big giant robot comes out and starts talking. Starts fucking shit up or no? No.

But maybe threatening to. And then there was an alien. What are you looking at? Aren't you? Are you? I am Zorinor. I am a god. Can you get a good gander of my balls from down there? We are from the planet Balsaxacia. And we are here to come in peace. So bad. That's all I got. If not, I'll come in my jeans. Excuse me?

Excuse me, is this already on? Hey, man. I want to have this guy on our podcast about the universe, this astrophysicist. And aliens, you know, we don't know. Do you know that if you hold up a foot-long ruler up above the ground, it's 12 inches, and then you put it down on the ground, it shrinks a half inch? No. It's literally not 12 inches because of sort of mass versus space and space versus time and...

That might have to be a two-parter. What I would use in my real life is if I climbed a ladder, would my wiener look bigger? Just so I know if I should buy a ladder for my house. Well, you'd want to have a tiny house and a tiny ladder. That's true. Everything around you has to look minuscule. The good thing is you get a ruler that's this long. Then you go, okay, so this is 12. Oh, even 12. Okay. Not bad. Not too shabby.

Take that robot on the White House lawn. That for you also denotes kind of, what's the thing with the tongue on either side inside the mouth? Is that what I do? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Oh, you want to fight? I don't even know I do that. That's funny. I just thought. I was on the road with Catherine and Bobby.

And Catherine let me know that, A, I used my hands the whole time, almost like that Gavin Newsom video we showed, which I didn't know. And she said, also, you touch your face maybe 1,000 times. I'm like, no idea. No idea. This is you doing stand-up. When I do stand-up. I didn't think, really? I mean, sometimes you do this or you do this. That's funny. I don't know. But I don't know. 1,000 times? Well, maybe. What did you say about Bobby?

Oh, on Lights Out, I go like this, right? But it's always just stuff to, when you're delivering a joke, you want to make it look as casual and thrown away as possible. So you're just doing your, whatever. Oh, Johnny Carson. Was it this? Johnny, isn't that weird? People touch his face. Yeah, a lot. Mm-hmm.

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And that's it. And the bus boys update, which you've been clamoring for is. Bus boys, Theo Vaughn and David Spade. Theo Vaughn. Of course, Theo. Hey man, I got to go to that Nong, you're Alishan. So he went out there. I stayed. Actually, he wasn't working that day, Sunday, but he stayed because we had so much to shoot. And, you know, it's good to have them there to add jokes and whatever. So we shot some hospital stuff. We shot, I don't want to give it all away, but.

Geez, I can't wait to see this movie. A hospital? You're like, what could that be with the plot? They're in a hospital now? What is this, a $20 million budget? I will tell you that Theo is younger in the movie. He's like 15 when I meet him. And they cast it. Everyone says it's cast, but I'll say casted. A kid, you know, we cast a kid there.

And he looks sort of like Kelly from the old Bad News Bears, you know, that kid on the motorcycle? Yeah. Super cool kid, very nice kid, Gavin. And he's super good looking. And I go, Theo, because I go, I'll let you pick the kid. You know, I'll stay out of that process. Right. I said, there's no way he picked this male model.

To play you. It looks nothing like you. He goes, no, man, a little bit. You can tell. I go, this is the most hysterical thing because you should have picked some dirty little mud goat roper with your little hair and it just kind of looks like you, a mini version. No chance. No chance. This guy's like, deez, deez, deez. But the kid was good. And I got to work with the kid and then...

Theo waited around to sort of help with that. Then he scrammed out on a red eye. And then of course he's hanging with the guy. They're sort of in a spillover room because- It's all Jake Paul or Tyson, all the cool guys. All that film 100% of the time themselves squad. So he was with those guys, but he's in like metal chairs and then he fell down and that was one thing. But I don't know if that was a setup or not. I don't even know if he knows, but-

It's just something goofy that happens. And the Ennog. Well, that's really the update on that. It's just been hard and I'll bitch about it 24 hours a day, but it's super fun. The movie and also the Ennog. Any thoughts of the Ennog?

Uh, the Anag was a barn burner. Uh, Trump went full Trump 3.0. God, the guys on both batteries are charged. That dude can yet the little, little, little five hours a night. And then he's talking about all this stuff he's going to do. And then he's just in the oval office signing order after order with inviting the press in too. So he's doing a press conference while he's signing.

I'm like, dude, you got four years. You don't have to do it all the first day. And then he had some woman who was kind of asking, you're really going to deport all these people. We got to do it. We don't have a choice. We don't have a country. And then he just keeps signing. And then he holds them up. I think he should read it. Does he read them first? You get a contract. You say you should check it out. I think they did all that ahead of time, I'm guessing, because he's like, what's this one? Guatemala? Oh, yeah, Guatemala. Now called Trumpamala.

the border, you know, deregulation, we're going to drill, baby, drill. And, you know, he was just, I'd never seen a human being like that. Now I'm just observing him as a human being, like,

He is 78. I guess he slept four hours, had a 20 hour day. I mean, he was doing that. He did all day long. Then he goes to three galas, three balls, dances, talks. I'm nervous if I have five lines in the movie the next day, this guy is going to be present next day. Doesn't matter if he sleeps or not, wakes up going full blast all day.

Eating McDonald's, drinking Diet Cokes. And he's got the Diet Coke button in his back. He has a button just for Diet Coke so he doesn't have to say it all day long. Oh, he just pushed something. I got what? I just want to, he's got a button. But also, he is slower now and he's not running anymore. So now he's like, here's what's going on. He slowed it down and you were right. Right. Well, he definitely, during the inaugural address, for him, he was very mellow.

and tame. He turns sideways a little bit sometimes. He looks, I think he's reading those clear glass prompters, which I don't know if everyone knows. He's got speeches written, but you can't see them. Yeah. It's very weird. Very interesting. Everybody uses them. Teleprompters that are invisible kind of to the audience. They're unreal. They're kind of invisible. And he's like, just kind of leaning over there. And anything funny? Oh, I saw a photo that was funny about Melania's hat. Yeah. That's funny, right?

God, look at her. She looks really sturdy and stiff and ready to go. Very pretty. I kind of like this look. There was a lot of good looks there. I just give her a lot of credit because she's making a statement that's a very potent look. And then she's very serious, but then all of a sudden she'll smile and her face completely changes. And she's super charming. And Trump was saying, when she's mad at me, she calls me sir.

And then he goes, I got to tell people that I'm kidding or they'll just be going crazy on it. And then she smiled about that. And then she put on a gown and it's, it is show business. I mean, Donald Trump was, you know, the real estate developer. And then he did have the show, um,

for eight years. Yeah. And so he's a television guy, you know, a little kid go there. And I think he made a choice, which is kind of smart. You don't go gray. You don't go gray. I keep it blondish, you know, and then all of them have teeth that are incredible. Like you got to have the white teeth. You got to have be tan. You can't be pale. You got to have an orange glow and he's kept it. And somehow I thought like he would, his genetics say yellow, broken teeth, super pale skin,

And just a little wisp of gray hair. He'd be like Bernie Sanders, except so he's showing older Bernie. Bernie's on fire. It shows you that we all age different. Yeah. Bernie Sanders. I could do him now because I, my, with my cold, but yeah, he's a, he speaks very well with a lot of, I have a personal question about Donald Trump, which you may answer. I will answer it all in five seconds. Okay. Do you think with that,

diet and that pressure, does he dump never once a week or six times a day? This is a real question. This is what the press should be asking.

When does he have time to take a dump? He's on full blast all day. All he knows that if you asked him, I'm regular, I'm regular, like you wouldn't believe. It's not a problem down there. It's not a problem. Nobody has a bowel movement like me. You know that's what his answer would be. He would never say, well. You know when they show what your turd should look like? I look like the best one. Mine are the best turds. I let them loose and I get them out. And I get them out. I get them out early. I get them out early and I get them out.

They float when they're supposed to float or they sink, whatever the better one is. That's what they do. I know somebody who knows Rudolph Giuliani. This is years ago. And I asked him about Trump and Rudolph Giuliani said, he's unclassifiable.

He's like a rare insect. Like there, the Trump doesn't, doesn't make sense. That kind of energy eating Kentucky fried chicken burgers, shakes, fries, filet-o-fish and deep diet Coke all day long. Uh, probably weighs 275 pounds. So yeah, he's, he's a one-off. What the hell? I will say it was a little shocking. I know everyone pardons everyone on the way out, but some of those pardons were a little, that last night in the middle of the night. Crazy, huh?

Which ones were they? You mean? Well, Fauci was really. Oh yeah. Biden, Biden got, yeah. The Biden crime family, they call it like he did all of them. I didn't even know there was that many in the family. Yeah. I thought maybe James. Oh, the whole family tree shows up. I know it was like an ad for ancestry.com. If you believe Fox news, they all got checks. Well, something happened because everyone is, they can do it. Can you rob a bank now? Or is it, it doesn't matter. It's just a certain crime.

I think a pardon is a pardon from a president, but a Fauci must be relieved. No, he's fucking clicking his heels. I don't know what they, yeah. I mean, he was shaking his boots a little bit there, especially cause if it's the next day, he could be in trouble. Uh, man, he kind of said it was sort of semantics when he was up, up in Congress, you know,

Senator, the NIH has never funded gain of function in the Wuhan thing. And he meant later there's different kinds of gain of function because there's emails him talking about it. So I'll give him a pass because I kind of like the guy. He's a pistol, that guy.

Who Fauci? Yeah. Anybody who's his highest was the highest paid government employee. And we know from just show business, just anyone who's the head of a corporation for 40 years has sharp elbows. That's a game of Thrones there. He's still the head guy in his eighties. I mean, that means, you know, it's like Nancy Pelosi. She's never going. She broke her hip and she's already walking. Yeah. They don't want to let go of that power. I get it. Does Fauci still have any job? What does he do? Does he do anything over there anymore?

No, he ironically got long COVID and he's just nowhere. No, I don't know. I don't know. I think he, I think he's retired. Well, he's going to write a book. That's what they all do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, Obama leaned over to George Bush and said, how do we stop this thing? Something like that. That's what a lip reader said.

You can pull it up. We're on the, you know. I did see that in a paper this morning. Lip reading is not a perfect science, but it's fun to watch. It's pretty close, according to the movie 2001, A Space Odyssey. I saw an ad for that today, and I'm like... That was the AI reading. The girl that reads the lips is partially deaf, you said? She must be. Okay. Oh, here's the bit. Okay. This is on...

TikTok. Okay. There we go. Good to see you. Yep. Thank you. How can we stop what's happening? How can we stop what's happening? I think that might be right. It's hard because it was a side angle. Yeah. She does side lips too.

But whatever George W. Bush, like Michelle loved him. He'd give her mints and stuff. And when they go to funerals, they'd meet up. Michelle Obama. They like the Bushes? Yeah. And they like both of them, but they like him because he's funny. He's got that frat boy fun energy. Hey, Dylan. Hey, Brock. By the way, that was shown on TikTok. I don't know if the TikTok-a-lips got your way. Not bad.

tiktokalypse oh did you hear about it didn't trump reinstate it for now it shut down for about not even 24 hours maybe 12 or something 12 and everyone had a fucking shit fit everyone went bazooties everyone's like i get it i get it we talked about last week but it's back i don't know how long but it's back for at least what 90 days so get your tiktoks in yeah i mean for me i just um

I kind of feel like I need a break. It's winter. I want to go south. So there's an island off of Cuba. I can't remember the name, but it's in the Gulf of America. Yeah. And I'm going down. I'm going to fly down to the Gulf of America and go to this island. Are you going to go to the...

Where do you cross over there? Not the Suez Canal. What's it called? Panama Canal? Panama. Is it called the America Canal? Let's have a presidential scholar as well on our podcast. Oh, yeah. I want to know about executive orders and the power of them for Democrats and Republicans. It seems like there's no Congress. It will better do this. It's really like 5000. The president says so, you know, I mean, so I'd love to know where that's going and what does it mean? But yeah.

I remember that when they, I didn't know much about executive orders. They just kept saying, Oh, Biden can close the, close the border with one executive order, but they're not doing it. They want to vote on it. They want to do a whole rigmarole about it. Is that true? There's a, there's, there's a lot of different regulations that Trump put on the border and Biden rescinded them sincerely. Um,

Now Trump wants to put back remain in Mexico. So you come to the border, they arrayed you yada, yada, yada, but you got to go back and wait in Mexico as opposed to wait in the U S. And so I guess that's back. I don't know. But where do you wait in the U S do you wait over the border and somewhere holding, or is it like, no, you just, you just, you'll have an arraignment and then we'll see you later. I don't think they have follow you or anything. Yeah.

And then it's the honor system. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Let's start looking at stories. Let's see what's going on in the news. Oh, I thought this was good. This was after the big college title game, championship game. And this is the quarterback and the coach being let out, I think, to the trophy ceremony after the game. Okay. Brian Jay, you deserve it, brother. Thank you. Thank you. It's okay. It's okay. Broken axle.

Oh, yeah. Look, it's pretty bad, actually. Wow. You'd think it would bounce off. I thought it was easy. She wasn't going that fast. Hysterical. So that's like the guy who just won the game, and there's the coaches and some players, and they're like, you got to walk from here. And it was da-da-da-da, and then roll. Yeah, and it runs right into a wall.

Love it. Why did someone yell you fucking deserved it? I think they meant you deserve the win. Oh, and put it. Before they hit it. Put an F word. Yeah, people are throwing that F word around. I don't like it. Go ahead. What's the next one? I could play that one. Heather made me put a fucking straw in here and I'm like, I don't need it. She goes, actually you do. And I'm like this. You see me digging that goddamn straw. All right.

You have a great diet. Heather keeps you, you know, gets you a little green drink. Now, this is a sponsor. Dana, she doesn't eat that. I'm observing something. I'd like to make an observation. Great diet because I can't eat because she buried the straw in the bottom. It's in quicksand. Okay, so this is a house. Dana, could you stay in a house for a while?

For an hour for $5 million? What is that, a haunted house or something? No. I would say yes. You think you can handle it? Yeah. Okay, that's interesting. $5 million net or gross? Gross. For some reason. Yeah.

Just for this contest or what? Man. What's the point? Sounds like a razor commercial. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Sick. Cool. Cool.

Well, those people are...

Of course you stay in the room and all you do is exactly. It's so easy. Well, because are you allowed your, your, there's no rules. You can yell, right?

So you distract the silence by making noise. You just go for an hour. Would you do that for $5 million? Let me see you do it. I go like this. Yeah, you turn yourself into a baby. I would sing or something. I would get in the fetal position like a baby and just rock myself. I wonder if you talk if it's super loud.

I would just mumble then. By the way, why did they build it? What do they need it for? Yeah, what is the point? Yeah, just to have a contest in? Who built it, Mr. Beast?

It reminds me of the Twilight Zone where there's this gentleman's club and this one guy just talks, talks, talks, talks. And then somebody says, I bet you couldn't talk for one year. I'll give you like a million dollars, like 18. One year. One year, something like that. And so they put him in this room and he couldn't speak. I'm thinking remembering his year. Didn't speak for a year. And he came out and the guy gave him the money and said, how did you do it?

And you saw that he had his throat slit so he couldn't talk. Didn't kill him, but he had a turtleneck on. Oh, weird. It's called a twist ending, David. I know. I think they paid someone to talk for a year. Whitney Cummings, do you know her? Anyway. She's got a lot of words per minute, that woman. A lot of WPMs. Yeah. No, that just sounded funny, though.

I'd have to research that quiet room built by Microsoft. I will. Why are they building this stupid place? The guy 90 seconds ago and could suck it up for a million. They said most people can't do one minute. And most such an eerie feeling. Interesting. I guess a lot of people, you know what? They don't like money. Yeah. They don't like money. It makes everything simple. When you figure out that you literally don't like money. Yeah. You want to go in there? If you like money, go in. Yeah. Yeah.

But what if you love money to a point where it's almost psychotic? Like you love money just to have money. I can hold it. Look at it. And sometimes eat it in a salad. I like to rub it on my body. By the way, Gervitz, because he's such a workaholic, he goes, I drive into work every day. I still go to the office. See, some people work. And he's way out in Malibu by a Joffrey. So he's like,

Takes me two hours, 20 minutes, but I do it. Two hours and 40 minutes, last I heard. Well, believe me, I accidentally wazed it and it was about an hour 16, but you know, fine. I'll let him puff it up. I'll fudge the numbers. Let him have his day. I'll let you have your big overwhelming number. You say, 240. Everyone's like, what? What? By the way, my set tomorrow is an hour 30. I'm like, oh, each way. Well, when he moved.

What's your set tomorrow for an hour 30? What do you mean? Way the heck out. Cause in the movie we live near the border. Your set, I thought it was standup. You're going to drive 90 minutes to the set. No, I'm going to do a set tonight just to practice because I haven't gone on in a while. And it's good to just bop on, but I'm just good to give the gift of my act. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Next story.

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Play Chumba Casino today. No purchase necessary. VGW Group. Void where prohibited by law. 18 plus. TNCs apply. We're doing good. An early screening of Mission Impossible, the final wrecking report. They almost caused a heart attack for an audience member. Now, I know what this is. I'll tell you what this is right now. Just hearing that. Okay. Hype. Okay. They have to hype it because I see in the Daily Mail

They must have some deal with Netflix because it goes, this new movie is so scary. Two people threw up in the theater and everyone's like, oh, I got to see that. I saw the movie and it didn't scare me at all. I thought it was fun and great, but. Right. And people go, oh, this movie, people were walking out, which sounds bad because they were so scared. And people are like, oh, I bet I can handle it. And so you get people. So these kind of early things you hear about a movie, the trailer teases intense action.

including submarine and aerial stunts. Well, I mean, listen, we know it's Tom Cruise. I don't want to sound like a hater because I do like these movies. I'll probably go see it, but they're all sort of blurring into the same movie. Like he runs here really fast. I think this is number eight.

Yeah. I mean, listen, Fast and Furious, I kind of, haven't they run out of gas yet? Well, I had to write a new theme for myself because I saw one of these. Then I saw the next one and it was like, not as good. Not as good. That's like a good Hollywood miniature. Not as good. Not as good.

Not as good. All the same. Seen it before. You've seen it once. You'll see it again. We know. They learn from Fast and the Furious. Not as good. Seen it before. That isn't great. That isn't great.

He's a bit older. Not much older. I tell you what, I would love to have Tom Cruise on this podcast. I don't do it because it's easy. I do it because it's hard. Because I want to understand where...

How he is sprinting like that. Is it sped up effects? Because that's, I know he swims underwater, hangs off planes, but sprinting at 60 or whatever, 62, like they show him sprinting is pretty extraordinary. In hard shoes. How about he sneak some Skechers on under there?

You know, when they do the close-ups. I don't watch it. Wear Skechers. Wear Skechers. I wear Skechers. They look like hard shoes. I wear them. They spray paint them black. But go falsetto for a second for me. With something.

Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. No reason for another Mission Impossible movie. Dun, dun, dun. There's a new hot chick in everyone that comes out. You will like her. 28. 28. I'm 68.

She's 22. She's 22 and you're 75. Too much of an age gap. Too much of an age gap. That's not even a rhythm. Too much. No one mentions she's too young. It's great, but every woman that I know that has power is going way younger too. So it's not just a man. Two-way street. Madonna. Get out of there. Hey, Phil Belichick.

Bill Belichick is great. I did a podcast with him. He's such a nice, sweet guy. I can see why she's brilliant. Now get in there. Between sex. Let's huddle up. Bill Belichick. 73. 21. Heart attack. Too much. Check with your cardiologist. See if you can take the beating.

Used to be pros, now it's college. Because he coaches college now. Why is that so funny? Because it's just information. It doesn't really even fit that line. It's not a put down. Used to be a pro, now it's college. Kind of a has-been, sort of a has-been.

Used to be pro. But college is not a step down. There's college players because of NIH and all these rules that they stay in college as long as they can. Name, image, likeness. Is that grandpa? No, it's my...

gymnast from LSU. Very pretty young lady. Makes four million. Makes four million for going to college. He does TikTok if I tell him. I see him on TikTok. He's like,

hey, Mark, all right, or whatever. I'm like, oh, boy. Oh, boy. I'm starting to like the Trump dance. I like Trump, Dan. He comes up. He puts about as much into it as me in like a fight scene. I'm like this. I can do this. I don't need a stuntman. They're like, oh, I can do this. It's the funniest. I don't even know what Obama's dance is or Jimmy Carter's was or any of these presidents. All the girls want Obama, that's for sure.

Rumors of Trouble in Paradise. I don't repeat rumors, but

He came solo. What is the deal? Separation. Trial separation. Where is she? Time apart. See if it's better for both of them. Trial separation. Is Heather laughing or we're just punching? She's kind of quietly laughing. Will Heather do one? Can you hand her a mic? Yeah, Heather, yell one.

oh he says they're thinking obama oh oh they try to say that obama fixed tiktok because did you it's good it was a good

swing and you don't have a microphone so that you had a lot going against it but i understand what was the thing where who's the speaker mike somebody mike johnson have you seen when he talks about meeting with biden goes sir why did you do this he goes i didn't do that he goes yes you did he goes i said we'll look into it he goes no you did do you did sign that bill and he goes who's there

Geez, he's gone downhill even since I did him on SNL. I know. When he's at the inauguration, he's just staring in his face with his wife, Jill, and he's like this, I like this guy. And she's like, no, you don't. It's Trump. He goes, no, I don't. I'll tell you one thing. Because that was in the indoors and they placed Biden...

And Mrs. Biden, Joe Biden, right next to each other, right over Trump's shoulder. And he's just giving him the biggest beat down. It's been a total disaster. And Biden is looking down, itching his face like, what is this talking about? Who's he talking about? That guy sounds like a real jerk. We're going to take our country back. We're going to take it back. We all know how to take it back. Everybody sees it. Everybody's talking about it. And we're taking it back.

And Biden and they took a beat down, man. It was for the ages. All right, next story. We beat out the... I guess I'm going to retire the Mission Impossible thing. Yeah, unless it comes up again. Unless it comes up again. We can always... I'll never... It'll never ever go totally away. All right. Good morning. Good morning. This is a U.S. Naval Recruiting Office in Alhambra. That's right around here. Okay, play it. This is my...

they are asian you wouldn't think so okay so every recruiter here is chinese as well as all the people coming to a list unless the working language is chinese this was filmed by a youtuber a chinese youtuber

So there... You can turn it off. It's too loud. And I don't know Chinese as well as I thought I did. Is that Mandarin, Dana? Does that just mean Chinese? I guess it's a dialect in China. Yeah. I went with my wife because...

My feet are kind of gnarly. I know you're a bath guy. You're a bubble bath. I used, yeah, I still do. You're a bubble bath guy. So you can reach and you wash your feet intentionally, but I don't take baths. So I'm in a shower.

And I don't have nowhere to put my foot. So my feet are gnarly. So I went to a- Nowhere to put my foot? What's that mean? Well, if I'm trying to clean my feet and stuff, you're going to lift up your foot- Oh, you don't have a step or something? Not really. And then I can't- That's what you need. I'm not wearing readers in the shower. So I'm Mr. Magoo in there. You don't know where your feet are? Long story short, I go to a place, they call it a mani-pedi. You know all this because you're a metrosexual. Hmm.

manicure pedicure pedicure is the hands I don't do that but they're doing my feet and they're incredibly charming people from somewhere in Asia set it up so I said how do you say thank you in Mandarin and she said ah

We are Vietmanese, you know. And I go, fuck me. And they go, hello. That means hello in Vietmanese. Fuck me. No, I asked her what is thank you in Vietmanese. She said, come on. Come on. Come on. Let's come and get some. No, she's like, come on. You got to do the accent. Come on. You're doing it right. A lot of people come in and say, come on. You're like American accent. You're best. So I say, you know, you say thank you. You go rack them.

That is my mani-pedi story. That is my mani-pedi story. Not really interesting. Well, the Navy's going to have some Chinese people, so that's good or bad. I don't know if they're allowed to get other countries. The American Navy is going to have foreign nationals in their military? No. It seems like it.

Really? From that video, it just seemed like it. I don't know. Can't we all get along? I'm an old hippie. We're going to get along. I don't want to war. Me neither. I hate it. What is this? A guy with pants on or a towel or what? Let's play it. This is a $900 towel skirt imagined by Balenciaga. It manipulates a belt and a button closure to bring shower and tires. He has to rub his wiener on the way down.

This is a 900. So this guy's clothes on. You get out of a shower and you put that on so it won't fall down. It's a towel with a button. No, you wear it out. It's clothing. It's like a skirt. It's like a skirt. And you put it on outside, walk around. I like when Dana's like, what the fuck is going on in the world? Yes. And it's expensive. $900 towel.

Comes with a button. That's great. $900 to put a button on a towel. Call it a skirt. Okay. I'm in the wrong biz. That's a good business plan. Cry six, you know. Cat and I are doing that. Yeah. How much was it? $900?

balenciaga i like that balenciaga got in trouble for some sketchy stuff and they're back full swing nobody gives a fat buck anymore yeah there's no more cancel culture kind of right or i mean unless it's harvey weinstein or something that's a that's a good one but he's he's literally grandfathered in uh okay what's another one do we have any other ones

Oh, how would you like to be skiing and this happens? This is a really worst case scenario. You're skiing on the left. This is going to be a great day. Go ahead. A freezing geyser of water and you can't move. Look at the guy. He's kicking his leg. What do you do, Dana? A freezing geyser.

Well, it's freezing water on your snow. So it's freezing as it hits you literally freezing. I would have to jump off. I'd have to find some way out. I couldn't take it. Well, first of all, for the people driving. So they're just going down a ski lift. Apparently the ski lift stops and then there's a broken main or something. And ice, ice, ice, cold water is spraying up on you and freezing on your body. And they're just hanging there. What happened? Did they jump or. I don't know. Tick tock. Didn't tell me the rest. Hmm.

Would you jump? Would it be safe to jump? I saw one where the ski lift went on five times as fast and people were whipping around at the bottom and it just throws them off and everyone's jumping back going, what are you doing? And people are coming there going, jump off. And then it goes, you know, they're on that hairpin and it just flips them backwards, upside down and people are flying.

That one's gnarly. We'll play that next week. Danglers are kind of funny. I'm not really into danglers. You know, I always get a little nervous when I'm dangling, you know, like you just, if you're on some amusement park ride, that's going up and just have this little thing. But I would say, have you ever been on a tram and it's like 2000 feet down? And even though, you know, the odds are in your favor, you're like, I'll be glad when we get to the base camp. Sure. Yeah. I'll tell you this. When you see these people, like, let's say this,

And they say, it was like that for 11 minutes. Or they were dangling upside down on a roller coaster and they got saved after 40 minutes. In your head, you think, I could probably take 40 minutes out. When you're there, there's no time limit. You don't know that yet. So in your head, you're spinning out going, this could be three days. Can I live? But when you hear later they were saved and the timeframe, maybe I could do that long. But you don't know.

I've told you this before, I think, but maybe only once. I was somewhere doing a corporate date and then I was going to christen a roller coaster. But it was gigantic. It was like Magic Mountain on acid. And I'm watching it upside down and turning and going like a pretzel in the sky, you know, like a five mile loop. And then I'm going, OK, I'll do it. You know, all right, fine. And then they go, the temperature just dropped too much. You can't go.

So, of course, to be a hero, I said, are you fucking kidding me? I want on that thing now. But anyway, I didn't have to do this silly thing. You were never going to. Because if it goes up and then if it freezes upside down, then they've got to get the hook and ladder and just have... It ruins your day. Not a chance in the world I would do that. I'm such a magnanimous puss, dandelion. I could not be upside down. Well, I'm trying to calm down most of my life. I'm not looking for...

you know, thrill rides at this point in my existence. I'd rather be on a seaside Chateau with a cocktail looking at the seals play on the beach. My Mandela oblongata getting slapped around my head. My C5. You get enough adrenaline rush from just walking out on a stage and stand up all the time. I get adrenaline from seeing that the fires are contained.

They're not even fully contained, the regular ones. Now we got this new mother effer out there. All right, we can wrap up, Dan. Let me see. So hopefully the next Fly on the Wall or podcast, I will not have this disease. You were fine, Dana. No one has any complaints. It's just when you cough a lot over a period of days, it's kind of sore. I'm not complaining. A lot of people have it worse in the world, but it's a little bit uncomfortable.

When we get off the air, I'll ask you if you have any extra codeine cough syrup, and then I'll drive up there three hours just to get it. It's the one thing I'm allergic to. No, but get it anyway. I've got some stuff I can take. Yeah, I have stuff I'm taking. I mean, for me. It just hasn't kicked in yet. Yeah. That's all. Anyway, don't hide, divide.

You know what I'm saying? Don't be tight. Splurge on the urge to emerge. You know what I learned in school? How to share. Okay. All right. So, Dana, good luck to you. I learned watching cartoons. What's up, doc? Yeah, what's up, doc? So, we've learned a lot.

Okay. Thanks, everybody, for whatever. Thanks for listening and watching. And we're going to have some guests coming up pretty soon. We're going to explore AI and Bitcoin. We have a lot of questions for these people. So stay tuned. This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly. It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.