“Do Mom and Dad Believe in Me?”
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If your child is discouraged, one of the best things you can do is just remind them, I believe in you. One of our kids has had some underemployment issues and it's been hard. I mean, this economy is a difficult one for an entry-level person. And I've just had to say, I know we'll find something. I know you'll find something. And I want to have hope for you, even though you're not feeling it right now. I have faith in you.

I'm John Fuller, along with Danny Huerta, and he heads up the Focus on the Family Parenting Department. Danny, I don't always do this well, but it's important for us to seize a moment like that when our child is despondent or feeling overwhelmed and say, I know you've got something ahead of you that's good. I know God has a future for you. Yes. And you did it, right? I mean, you did it. You shared a story. That was awesome. I love it.

When we're listening in to our discouraged child, that's relational gold. I mean, you're getting to understand a deeper place of where they're at and they're willing to share it with you. And I think a good response to that is, hey, thanks for sharing this with me. It's a gift. They've opened up their heart to you. And a good question is, help me see what you see. I probably don't see everything. And so help me see it. It makes sense that you are

feeling discouraged. It makes sense that you feel a bit helpless, maybe hopeless with this because of what your experience has been. And then you can say, hey, let me offer some hope. And this is what could happen. And the I believe in you is key. When parents do that,

And even though a teen may blow it off, they love hearing that. And I remember when my daughter was taking this test that she felt very ill-equipped to take and very nervous about. It was a certification to be a personal trainer. And she was saying, dad, I don't know, 85% fail. I don't think I can do this.

I said, honey, I believe in you. And she said, well, what if I don't get it right? And then I have to pay another $250 to take the test again. And she was just feeling discouraged that she was trying to learn it. She took some practice tests. And I said, honey, you've got all the tools there. As I'm hearing you learn some of these things, so I was reflecting what I've seen, observations. What I've observed is that you are learning it as you're teaching me some of the things you're learning today.

I'm hearing it take shape in there. You've got it. I believe in you. And I looked right into her eyes, didn't shift the eye contact. And sometimes in those loving ways where you can just look at them and say, I believe in you, you got this. It is a warm moment that is so important for our kids to feel every once in a while and just seize those moments, be present with your kids as they wrestle through discouragement. You can't just pull them away from it, but you can be there with them. Yeah.

Appreciate that. And we're going to hear now from Lucille Williams. She was on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly and talked with Jim further about why your children need to know that you believe in them. But, you know, what you're expressing there generally is the principle that parents need to catch, and that is your children need to believe that you believe in them.

And elaborate on that because sometimes we could think that we're building up kind of pride or ego in our child if we say it too much. I mean, I don't think that's true, but some people may feel that way. I guess speak to the importance of making sure your children believe that.

that you believe in them. How do you do it without it being syrupy or really do it to the point where it's not even believed because it's over the top or whatever it might be? That was something that, like even today, if I were to call my son I was just talking about and tell him that he's doing a really good job with something or I saw something and, you know, Tim, you're doing a great job. He goes, thanks, mom. But it matters. It

I just took every opportunity I could to show my kids what was great about them. Like my daughter, she had trouble with math. One day she came home and she said, school's not my best subject because she was struggling in math. But she was a great writer. In fact, she and I wrote a book together about me raising her, the impossible kid. And her part of the book is like gold. It's the best part.

And so she has a journalism degree and now she's choosing to stay home and raise her children. So yes, she struggled with math, but she had other talents that were really good. And I don't think...

I don't think as parents we can ever lavish our kids with too much love and praise. I think that our kids really, really need that. They need to know that we believe in them. And it reminds me of a story about Stephen King. He was struggling as a writer in his beginning years. And there's some things he went through that were just amazing. But he started one of his novels called

And he didn't like it. Three pages, crumpled it up, put it in the trash. When his wife got home later that day, she saw these crumpled pages in the trash can and pulled them out, lined them out on his desk and read them. And then he came home and she's like, this is great. I love this. I want to read the rest of this. I think you should write the rest of this story. And so he did.

And that was his breakout novel. That's what made him famous. If one person, just one person believes in our children, it just takes one, that will give them the confidence to soar and move on and do what they need to do. It just takes one person believing in them. Lucille, you're a very energetic person. I mean, everything about you is just beaming. I'm thinking of the parent where that child is

having difficulty, maybe junior high. It seems like we all have difficulty in junior high. I remember being punched in the chest in junior high by a much bigger guy. And man, it just destroyed me for a few days. I'm never going to be big enough to take care of myself. I think I've gotten to that point. But the point of that is many parents may struggle with knowing what to do. Like your dad saying, hey, I got enough of my own problems. You

That is a point of strength and resiliency that a child is going to learn through that. But there's also a place for a parent to step in, like you did with Tim, to encourage him to do boxing. Even though that didn't seem to be his bent, then he was brilliant at it. Some good stuff from Lucille Williams and with Jim and Danny. What Jim said is so true. The junior high years, those can be some of the most challenging for our children. Yes.

So how do we lean in and not just let our child kind of struggle silently with some of the stuff going on? Man, yeah, you're right, John. The junior high years, they can be so confusing. They can be difficult.

And we're getting to teach our kids skills. And it's a skill of being able to make sense of what's happening. And their bodies are changing. Friendships are changing. Insecurities are pouring in. A lot of self-doubt about skills and also self-doubt about the future and self-doubt about relational connectedness are all coming in. And there are these natural structures trying to be created in the school socially. They're

they're shaping and a child wants to see where, where do I land in all of this? And what we get to do is be present with our kids during those struggles. And we don't, we get to help them, um,

have self-talk inside of them, this conversation inside that helps them learn how to believe in themselves and be able to talk to God along the way and being able to sift through the different types of voting. And we've talked about different levels of voting in our life. Well, this is where it comes in in a very real way. And the way this exercise plays out, John, is that

You draw out a bullseye with your child. And we have the download, actually, in the show notes. That's great. We'll link over to this. There's a bullseye. And in the middle, those people that have the most amount of voting power and saying who you are and giving you feedback. And then the ring outside of that are people that have a little bit less voting power. And then on from there. The middle circle generally has either powerful personalities or people you admire or people that are close to you.

And if they say something, it carries weight and it has a ripple effect down the road. It's good to know who's in that middle circle, especially in the junior high years. And generally, it has something to do with a sense of belonging or a sense of competence. So you're in sports, someone says something, and now they believe it completely. And it may have been said by the other person out of insecurity or jealousy, but

So you want to help them learn how to decipher those. And then in the place of relationship, sometimes they'll get a certain feedback on the way they dress or their hair because there's so many comparisons happening. Help them make sense of those words as well. And so as kids have struggles, help them understand those and then check in as they're going through it. So let's say...

two weeks into junior high or two months into junior high, there's a challenge that has continued to happen maybe with a certain group of friends or with a certain relationship with a person. Check in. Hey, so how's it going?

What has been something that you have found frustrating in there? What has been something that you have learned along the way? Or what has been something you think you've done well? Those types of questions that are different are helpful in the junior high years because it causes that preteen or teen to really think through what is happening. Yeah, yeah. Well, you can get that downloadable bullseye that Danny is talking about at our website,

And then we'll have more on Lucille Williams' kids' book called Turtle Finds His Talent. It's an excellent resource for starting to encourage those children who are younger and help you develop that habit of offering, I believe in you, in simple, practical ways. Details about that book and how you can donate to this show and this ministry are in the show notes.

More from Lucille Williams next time. And for now, on behalf of Dr. Danny Huerta and our entire team, I'm John Fuller. And thanks for listening to the Focus on the Family Parenting Podcast.

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