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Sup, gigglers. Gary, fix the Wi-Fi. Manifest that shit. We can't be managed. They just got away from me. I just told Chris I liked his hair, and he was like, thanks, it's wet. And that was the most boy shit I've ever heard. I've never once gone out of the shower and someone been like, I like your hair. I have had that response in other situations. Thanks, it's wet.
Wow, starting the pot off on a dirty note. I apologize. Welcome to the Met Giggler. Yeah. I worked really hard on that one. Okay. I was going to say, is that like your, is that, you said, is that your G word? Yeah. Giggler. Well, Met Gala. Okay. Anyway. Welcome to Met Monday. I'm here all week. Welcome to Met Monday. Also known as Paige and Hannah Try New Things premiere date. Oh!
Today's the day. Yeah. In a couple hours, by the time you guys are listening to this... You will have watched. They will have watched. You will have watched already. And if you haven't, that's... How did that not come across your desk? Right. That's crazy. Check your emails. I'm so excited for it. I'm so excited. I feel like our first TV show is launching, even though, yes, it's just YouTube. And yes, we didn't have to run it by anyone, but isn't that the perfectness of it? No, here's why I love that it's on YouTube. We didn't...
No one offered us anything else. We didn't, like, say no to Netflix. Yeah, right. We were like, oh, hey, actually, we're doing something creatively, stylistic-wise, and going on YouTube. But we are. We are, but it's more like...
There were no suits around. Do you know what I mean? There was no production. There were no men around. It was just a couple of gals. A couple of gals with a couple notes, mostly no notes, I'm going to say. Just living a dream, you know? Doing fun things. We were expressing ourselves through the art of...
- Our cunty videographer. - Yeah, we expressed ourselves emotionally, physically. - And like we got emotional in it. - Yeah, no. - It was some raw emotion. - I don't say this lately, I changed as a woman during our tour. - And people are gonna see the progression. - Yeah, like I went through like such-- - You went through just 12 stages of grief. - Yeah, clinical changes.
Like, I think my biology is different. - Yeah, and you started a full drug addiction midway, but um. - Like any proper tour. - Sorry. - Do you want us to be rock and roll or not? - Yeah, like what?
I missed you this weekend. I literally was pooping on my phone. And for some reason I said, where's my best friend? I'm going to text her. Where is she? I'm going to text her. And it was, it's the kind of thing I was like, I don't care if I'm being needy. I'm saying I missed you. No, I missed you too. And then I realized we hadn't seen each other since...
LA. Yeah. And usually we see each other at least once a week. And you texted me and you're like, I really wanted to call you and Yap this morning. But I don't ever want to bother you. But you didn't. That is so crazy. You've never bothered me once, but I also don't like bothering you. We're extremely mindful of each other's time. You know what I was thinking the other day? We talk every day.
Is that crazy? I feel like if I don't send you a link to something, like I need some kind of. Yeah, like if we're not talking in the group chat, like work-wise, like you've sent me like something vintage. You're like, oh my God, this is so cute. And I'm like, to who? Or you sent me like a cat video. Is this for a human? And then I'm like, amazing. No, we missed each other. We're back together. We're physically in the studio again. Thank God. LA did change me.
Yeah. But now I'm back to normal. Like, I don't even know who that bitch was last week. That was scary. I mean, I am wearing extensions right now. No. So I'm going to be a monster. Okay. I have a lot on the docket today. And I don't know where we should start. I'm so excited. I love when you come in with points. I'm going to work backwards. Okay. Okay. What's your thesis? A hundred men versus a gorilla. Okay.
- I, Chris is laughing. - Yeah. - I just saw like the memes making fun of it being like 100 men verse maybe let's try a therapist or 100 men verse maybe one mother. - I haven't seen like where it originated. - Yeah. - But it was originated by a man, I believe. - Oh and he was saying he could beat up gorillas? - Right Chris, do you know where it originated? - I can look it up. - But you've seen it. - Leave gorillas alone.
- Gorillas don't want this. - Here's my thought. I saw a video and it was like this guy being like, "100 men versus a gorilla." And the girl in the video was like, "Give me the context." - Oh, I thought it was 100 gorillas versus a man. I was like, "Men have lost their minds." - No, 100 men. And the way he explained it, he was like, "100 naked men fighting one gorilla." And in my head I said,
Oh, it's actually me being homosexual. It's leaning homosexual for the men. And I was like, because in what context did you need your clothes off? Did we need you guys naked? He goes, a hundred hard dicks versus a gorilla. And we sword fight. The gorilla didn't ask for that. It's like, no, thank you.
And here's what I want to say to the men. Much like you guys flying the plane, you're done. You're done for. The gorilla's eating you all up. Are they allowed to have weapons?
no weapons also do you realize this is a general statement but after a breakup I feel like girls get very self-reflective like they're like talking to their friends like what can I do better what do you think I did wrong is am I picking the wrong guys where men will get together and be like who would win in a fight like a tiger or a gorilla I'm going back years I'm going what about childhood you go mom did something
Something happened. That made me steer in this direction of man. Yes. Yes. Where men literally will be like LeBron or Kobe go and they'll talk for 48 hours straight. They're like your fantasy football team dead or alive now. They come up.
with these concepts that like who first of all cares and also like who's wrangling a hundred men to show up at the same place at the same time unclothed it's giving the admin in that alone it's giving that OnlyFans girl who like slept with a hundred guys she goes first you go through me then you have to go through the gorilla it's giving Bonnie Blue
um the gorilla is bonnie blue my next point because that had me yeah i was just like guys get a job yeah you know here's what you should do why do you have time to fight a gorilla the gorilla is hiring answer one email and call your child call your child i like giving them families yeah um okay my next is bill belichick
I have so many thoughts on this. I have so many thoughts on it. Can we go into it and try? Let's like break it down from like a logistical standpoint. He said they met in college. She was in college. Where do I even want to start? Yeah. Let's start actually with he's 72. She's 24. Basically, if you don't know what that is, Des is a spring fucking chicken. Spring chicken.
Here's my problem with it. Okay, there's one side of the internet that's like, she's evil. She's encroaching on his whole business. Elder abuse. Yes, and she's taken over everything and all of this. She's 24. She's being a 24-year-old girl. Hustling, strategizing. Then there's another part of the internet that's like...
He knows what he's signed up for. He wants this. He wants to date a 24 year old. He, he, he's happy. He's all of this. And he knows like part of it is his credit card. She's not dating him cause he's hot. Right. So obviously he's going to be like, have fun with my credit card. And then what really sparked it all was that interview where like the interviewer was like, where did you guys meet? And her from the wings was like, we're not talking about that.
I people were really mad at that. Yeah. If she was a publicist and not his girlfriend and had said it. No, I don't think anyone would have said anything. Yeah. I wasn't mad at her saying that because it's like, yeah, why would you care how they met? Mm hmm.
Why people were so mad that she interjected, though, I don't... It's giving sexism. Yeah, because, like, if he said... He obviously said to her, come to this interview. You're, like, essentially my publicist. Yeah. Chime in when you think something. Instead of her controlling him, is she his protector? Yeah.
Is she protecting him? Either way. From the evils of the world. He's 50 years older. Like, here's what I think. Look, he's on dialysis. Like, 10 years ago, she was late for homeroom. She was 14. 10 years ago, she was 14. I couldn't have sex with anyone knowing that 10 years prior, they reported to Mrs. Smith in the eighth grade. Like, I don't. This is the thing.
He's having some kind of moment where he wants to date a younger- 10 years ago, he was 62. That's the same as 72. No, literally, that's my dad. I'm sorry, 10 years ago, he was my dad.
I don't love that if it's elder abuse, I'm in the wrong. How the fuck? You're telling me he doesn't have an entire team around him? He doesn't, she just came in and was like the most master, the most master manipulator ever and got everyone on his team to be like, no, I'm in charge now. Like, there's no fucking way. They said that she like,
this is the thing they're using weird adjectives they were like she bullied her way into the Dunkin Donuts ad they're using weird the language is weird yeah the language is off and I want to just let's change it for a second if she was a young guy that it would be like look at this supportive partner look at him so involved in her career and like granted yeah she's like buying houses and stuff but maybe he wanted to um amp up his real estate portfolio and she's all
Also, she's trademarking all these words that he said that the New England Patriots are trying to own or something. - Sorry she's a woman in the arms.
It's giving, like, entrepreneurial. Yeah, sorry, she's smart. She can see. It's giving business savvy. Again, she's 24. I'm kind of obsessed that she's like, okay, I'm dating this man and I want him to be the best he can be and I'm not letting him fuck it up and I'm going to help. Wait, do we not all do this in our relationships? Also, like, yeah. Sorry that she's using something to get ahead in her career. Has your man ever been on the phone and you've been like, we're not talking about that. It's not. Yeah, like, hello? We're not talking about that.
talking about that in front of your friends don't ask him that he's an idiot no I just like it's making me upset it's making me really upset I can't pull it up because I'm not looking and I can't read but like there are multiple adjectives that they're using sensing like she has some like
she's abusing him? Yeah. But the things are like, she didn't abuse him to get in the background of a Dunkin' Donuts commercial. That was such an awkward interview. I've actually personally been in more awkward ones. It wasn't that awkward. Also, I kind of like that she's protecting her relationship with him. She basically is like,
It's one thing if she was like, ask about me. She's literally saying, don't ask about us. Yeah, and she's literally sitting on the side. Any other publicist, that's a publicist's literal job is when you're doing an interview to be like, nope, actually not that question. Basically, they're trying to not get another headline about her, and they're trying to get a headline for his, who knows what he was promoting, because that did not get the headline. Why don't we do a headline that at a certain age, sorry, I think it's still like pedophilia.
Like, you're almost 80. Well, it's so funny. People are mad at her. Yeah. And it's like, I don't know. Then I'm going to be devil's advocate for a quick second. Sure. How is she fucking him?
It's all I'm thinking about. It's all... Like, I'm sorry. I support all women. I do. But how is she literally putting his dick in her mouth? I would gag. Coaches get pussy. I don't... There's something about coaches. Like, I'm going to say this very generally. There's a lot of college coaches that, like, fuck girls on campuses. Disgusting. Because they're, like...
the big man on campus. They are the boss of the guys running around the field. They tell them what to do. They're like, "Sit down, bitch." And you're like, "Oh, that's the guy who's the boss." I personally, speaking as someone with an older man, I've actually never been attracted to an older man before. Like, I'm attracted to Des. Older men has never been my thing. But some girls really do like a dad bod orthopedic situation.
don't bring dr schultz into this i also am like and also here's the other thing if she is his publicist she's done a great fucking job she's done a great job and she's underpaid i've never talked about bill ever in my life and now all of a sudden it's word vomit i'm like i want to talk about it with anyone this is one thing i can't get behind people being like he's getting tricked
He's having the time of his life. The time of his life. I mean, look, is she next to him, like, playing Angry Birds? Yes. But, like, what is she going to talk to him about? They're not there for talking. But clearly she's actually not playing Angry Birds. She's clearly setting up a schedule for the press the next day. No. If anything, she's, like...
Keeping him in line. Yeah, if anything, she's like working for the job. She's only 24. Her brain is not fully formed. I can't say it enough. She's only 24. Her brain is not fully formed. Okay, I have another gripe. Also, she spells her name Jordan with two O's, which... And that's a stylistic choice. A stylistic choice. Actually, I was going to say a stylistic choice and honestly, it's giving cunt. Wait, two O's is like... Jordan girl. She's a girl.
Okay, Jordan went to it, but no, you know what it is? That was annoying of her parents. I'm going to say it. That was annoying of her parents. It's giving, it's Jordan with an O, not the first O, the second O. You know how much time of her life was spent explaining the second O in her name? Like, obviously she has trauma. Yeah. Obviously she's running to Bill Belichick. Yeah, I'm funny. I had to explain my name every time we had a substitute teacher. Yeah, like, yeah, no, you got it. What was confusing about Paige?
It was as the bit I'm saying if I was her. Got it. Sorry. Okay. Next on my docket. I love your docket. My docket's good. Next on my docket is my egg freezing. Oh, we need updates.
I'm cosplaying and I don't know if you've noticed that I've been glowing, but I'm cosplaying as I'm pregnant right now. Like I've been touching my stomach and I'm like, I'm with child. Like I've turned into a monster. I'm like, I can't. I'm like literally like my eggs are. I'm on my fifth day. My fifth day of shots. Wait, you didn't tell us you were on shots. So I started on Thursday. Okay. Okay.
So you're feeling great. I drank so much coffee. I'm like shaking. Are you feeling great? She's like, I don't know. My body is violently shaking. I love it. I'm like obsessed with egg freezing. I love doing my own shots. I'm like, it's I'm sick. I'm like in Grey's Anatomy. I'm like, let me just mix this. Please tell us every detail.
I wrote down like a whole log of like each day. Only felt nauseous one day. But like I feel fine. I feel like I have my period. I also feel like you feel nauseous all the time. All the time. My baseline is nausea. You're like, I feel sick to my stomach every day. So I feel fine. I'm like an overachiever. My body is...
reacting better than he first anticipated like i'm going faster than normal so i'm like having my retrieval like this weekend how what what kind of speed of what like what's going fast like my eggs are like responding oh they're like okay yeah like we're ready oh my god to be taken out do you feel bloated okay that's why i feel pregnant because i keep like touching my stomach do you
Oh my god, look at you. Like crazy. Wait, you love it. Wait, you're a mother. I'm a mother. I literally looked at- I named all my bruises. I literally looked at Daphne and I was like- That's little Anthony. You better get ready if there's- That's Mario. Wait, I love that. Antonio.
Wait, I'm so happy for you. Thank you. Very exciting. Honestly, like the first night of shots, I was like, this is crazy. How am I going to do this? And then I'm just like, women are incredible. No, women are incredible. I have a friend, Casey Balsham, who actually just went viral for...
doing stand-up about how about having a baby but she was doing this all while going up on stage at night and I was like how are you and she goes oh I'm in the middle of like an egg freezing and I keep injecting myself and my hormones are all over the place and I have to be funny and do stand-up and
But like women just do it. I think I like needed more estrogen. Oh wait, do you actually feel balanced? Yeah. I feel like, I'm like, oh, I actually feel so. You need to be studied. I've always been walking an hour a day. Where? Just around the city. You're like to bodegas. Yeah. To different bodegas. I've been walking one hour a day. Do you go to the park, Central Park? No, I just like walk on the street. Like around my neighborhood. Do you like say hi to people? Oh God, no.
that would be crazy i put my headphones in and i call my mom wait i just heard a nightmare story from my makeup artist that i have to relate to you guys please she is so sweet this is um i've had some travel nightmares this is up there she said she gets in the uber and the girl immediately is like way too talkative talkative and like excited for the day way too tmi which i love a tmi but she was literally like
Oh, like I want to get a new house, but I don't want it to be renovated already because I don't want to sleep in a bed where someone else has sex. I haven't had sex in this many days. And you're like, she's like, where are you going? And she's like, oh, I'm actually going to dinner. I'm trying this barbecue place. Wait, the Uber driver's asking. Where is she going? Okay. Again, huge red flag. Yeah. If it was a guy, I would have been like, um.
I'm going to your future murderer's house. He has axes everywhere. I'm going to the zoo where I'm the gorilla keeper, actually. So yeah, keep your pants on. Oh, my queen. So this is where it got really dark. She goes, oh, you're getting dinner? And she goes, yeah. And she goes, I'll come with. Mm-mm.
Do you jump out of the car? So she takes her to the barbecue place, stops, and gets out of the car with her and starts walking in and goes, should we share something? What's going on? Where is this? Austin. Which, when you said people are too nice... Oh. I was like, this wasn't in New York. No, no! I was like, this sounds like some nice Midwestern bullshit that I could never...
Like, subscribe, Joe. This was some nice people in Texas. Yeah. And I was like, are you okay? Like, have you talked to someone about this? I feel like this happens a lot in Texas. Yeah. But anyway, I just wanted to... She's like, yeah, so we split cornbread and, like, she's in my wedding. I don't know how I got here. She's so cute. I started to talk to her that she, like, had met before. And the woman, he was like, who are you with? And she's like, oh, I don't know this woman. I've never... I've actually never seen her in my life. And he's like, well, she's feeding you. Oh.
Wait. She's chewing up her food and spitting it in your mouth. She's baby burning it. How did it end? Like, okay, see you next time? I think she was kind of, yeah, she was like, oh, she said the girl drove her back to her house for free, so she got a free drive out of it. But again, actually-
Take my money. Leave me alone. Take my money. For the $15 Uber, I'm good. So anyway, just keep an eye out in Ubers, you guys. It's not always. That's crazy. Yeah, I'm like really shook by it. Yeah, I don't think I could go in another Uber again. I would immediately be like, actually, I just realized I just ate. I totally forgot I just ate. And I have to go back to my house where everyone has COVID. You can't come in. Next on my docket. Okay, COVID reference. Throw it back.
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Classic me. I'm like, I love Newark Airport. Newark Airport is the best. Newark Airport literally shut down this week. The president of Newark was like, don't come here. Newark PR got overwhelmed by the inundated gigglers trying to get into Newark. And they were like, we do not have enough staff to fulfill all the gigglers. The guy who runs the airport was like, I shouldn't be saying this. Don't come here.
Wait, they basically were like, we don't know how to function as an airport. We're so sorry about him. The comments were funny. They were like, no one was going to New England anyway except for Paige DeSorbo once. People were tagging me in it for hours. Wait, so like, can we do something about that? I guess like nobody wants to work, which like, I get it. You know, it's like so much construction. It's like every single day.
No, I totally get that. Like when people are like, oh, like recession indicators and it's like we can't get anyone to work. I'm like, yeah, we don't want to work. I do have to say I, when a TSA person is so fucking rude to me, I actually get it. I'm like, you had to wake up at what time? I'm like the amount of people you see a day. And the amount of people like, can you take my shoes off? Shut up. Shove them up your ass.
ass i don't give a shit i don't like when a tsa guy is like loving his job you know when he loves the speech and he keeps repeating it and you're like i was you don't have to keep reading i heard you i was the line's not moving no i'm a professional we're professional we're professional travelers i actually heard someone talk about it the other day and they were saying like the flight from like la to new york and they were like well that's professional business people like they're it's professional they're not fucking around i was like
Oh my God, yes it is. No, it is. It's like, yeah, that's a professional person. No one's fucking around. Also, I want to ask you, because I went to a couple of public gatherings and I like forgot the best way to Irish exit. Yeah, I knew you were going to say that. And I actually just need some advice. Yeah. Because you're fucking stealth with it. You are stealth. Nadia, people forgot you had been there. You like was patriotic?
Was that a dream? Yeah. Was it a blur? What is your way of, we're in a conversation, and what are you going to do? I'm going to run to the bathroom really quick. I'll be right back. You say, I'm going to the bathroom. Yeah. I'm just running to the bathroom. Which bathroom? I didn't specify. I meant the one in my apartment. Okay.
Now the one here, that's crazy. I'm going home. You interpret that how you want to. That's not my business. I'm not using a public toilet, you sicko. It's none of my business what you thought I meant. I said, I'll be right back. I'm running to the bathroom. Didn't tell you which one. Don't project your ideals onto me. Oh, you thought the one here? My favorite thing is I'll call an Uber.
And then when someone, someone always starts talking to me, like right when the Uber is there. And I love to pretend the Uber is like completely out of my control. Like being like, I would love to stay, but the Uber. You're like, the app's actually locked. That's crazy. Stop it. The Uber needs me. And I would love to cancel it, but my thumb doesn't work. You're like, he's on his way. If I cancel now, what message will that say to him? He's going to, he'll be very mad at me and I don't need that. So anyway, okay. Stay focused. Stay focused.
- So you focus and just get out of there. - Also, if you have a friend, you leave them for dead. Like if you showed up with someone.
Oh, no. If I showed up with someone, I'm telling them, hey, I'm Irish exiting. Yeah. And you can feel free to tag on because – but if you don't want to, you're on your own then. I remember once we were – we hit that moment where you look at each other and you know – Yeah. Gotta go. We gotta get out of here. And you should be dismissed. But me and you kept getting stopped in different ways. And at one point, I got out and I turned and you got tooken. Yeah.
You got tooketh and I was like, God. Did you just see me in a sea of people? I'm like, save yourself. And then I was like waiting and someone started talking to me and you were going and I was like, she got a head. She got a head. You just hear someone say, so where are you from? And I'm like, run, Hannah.
Oh my God. But it's a lot of like eyes. You got to make eyes to be like. Yeah. That's why I'm just like, oh, I'm going to the bathroom. Cause what's someone going to say? Like, no, you can't. Yeah. Wait, one more note. Yeah. Here's where it can get dicey. Yeah. You say you're going to the bathroom. They, someone sees you leaving out the door and they're like, where are you going? Making a quick phone call. Can't do it in here. Just running outside to make a quick phone call. Didn't tell you it's to my Uber driver to let him know where it is.
precisely none of my business if you thought the call was someone else wait you're a fucking genius yeah i love getting out of shit there's nothing i love more than saying this should have been that should have been chapter in our book one of my favorite chapters is how to poop in public um and we come up with some really sequel our sequel wait what else is on your docket i think that was the rest of my docket
My last traveling note, because you guys know we have to talk about traveling every single pod because it's the only thing that we can do. I realized that leaving your charger in a hotel is just being a creative. Sorry, I'm an artistic- It's paying it forward. In this economy-
it forward. These chargers are fucking expensive. Who am I? We don't live in a drive-through city, so we can't pay it forward when it's like paid for the person behind. Yeah. And also New York, if you try to pay for someone's Starbucks, they think you're going to rob you. Yeah. And it's always like, okay, well, you poisoned me. No, thank you. I don't want your anthrax latte. Leaving your charger in a hotel, paying it forward. You know, the second the door closes, you're like, there's no way I remember my charger. And I go, sorry, I'm an
I'm an artist. Like, I can't express myself artistically and creatively throughout the day and remember my charger. And also, it's a fucking miracle that I ever remember my laptop because let's be honest, you're on your laptop in bed. When you go to bed, you're not taking your laptop out of the bed and putting it on what? One of those tiny side tables for- What did I go to Harvard? No way.
Also, they're for what? Little squirrels. So then obviously I'm putting it in the bed and obviously I wake up, open the covers, cover it. I hide my laptop from me every time. And I've 90% of the time I remember it. And for that, I'm grateful. Happy Thanksgiving. I'm practicing gratitude every week.
Did I forget my charger? Yes. Yeah. And then I go to the lady to buy a charger at the airport and it's like a whole ordeal. It's also like $700. $700. And then you open it and you're like, not even the right one. I didn't plug in together. No. And they're like the ugliest colors. Just give me black. USB, USB-C. Oh, this one lights up. I don't give a shit. Lightning? What are we, Pokemon? No.
No, it's great. It's great. Wait, I didn't even talk about Tina and Amy. Oh my God, Hannah. And then I have to say one thing about cat leashes. Actually, perfect segue. Wait, why did I see that? And I was like, I want a cat leash.
Or the bedroom. Okay, anyway, so I get an email that's like, can you go to Colorado for 15 minutes to open for Amy and Tina? Yeah. Cancel everything. And I was in LA, as we know, because that's all I've been doing. You know?
Because that's who you are these days. Actually, can I fuck LA? Because I ran out of toothpaste shortly after our podcast and I said, thank goodness I'm at a fancy hotel. I'm going to call and they'll send one up. A dental kit. No. The one. First of all, I love the one. And I would love to work with you in the future. Right.
here's i'm gonna say one thing about the one one thing they're very earthy they're very eco-friendly i did ask them for paper and a pen once and you thought i murdered a puppy don't ask for a fork they're like we use our hands think about think about the they were like why don't you burn down a whole forest so i was like can i have toothpaste and they bring it and i'm like it looks cute normal yeah
It's charcoal toothpaste. And what's that doing for anyone? There's barely a mint flavor and it's dark. And I said, this is so fun if I was on an ayahuasca trip. Yeah. You're like, I have an interview. I have a literal... You're like, I have to talk to people. I have a self-tape that I'm going to fuck up. Like, I need to feel fresh. So then I was like, I put like a ton of it on because I didn't know if it was working. And then like,
Honestly, my social interactions weren't great from that day on. I don't know if it was me. It's like whitening, right? Like the charcoal? I don't know, but it was a choice. What's it taste like? It doesn't taste minty enough. And I know people are like, real toothpaste gives you cancer. I'd rather have cancer and not gingivitis. It's like, okay. We're all getting cancer. At least have good smelling breath. Where's the line? We can't. That's the same. It's how I feel about natural deodorant.
That's how I go. Do you remember when you were obsessed with National Deodorant? I was obsessed with that. It was like a phase during COVID. Remember I was detoxing my armpits? Yes. And then one day I go, it's not working, right? Wait, I didn't want to bring this up because I don't want to bring attention to it, but there's this girl on TikTok. People are just, I think everyone goes viral now. Did you see it? The caveman. Yeah. I don't want you guys, if you're sensitive, don't Google it because it really upset me and it's like ruining my day. Why did that upset you? Because it's disgusting. Yeah.
I'm fascinated by it. You know that I love like pimple videos like that. All I want to do is touch that girl's face.
No, I... All I want to do is, like, take it with my nail and scratch her skin off. Okay, for people who don't know what's going on, I think she was having acne problems, which, like... It was saying that she ruined her skin barrier and that she stopped using any skincare and even water on her face. I think skin barrier is a made-up thing that companies have invented. Well, my favorite is, like...
when the internet like will go just so far and then actual doctors will come in and be like okay yeah like actual dermatologists were like you have a fungus like we went to school that is enough now like please seek help you have a little I know exactly what you have it's in a textbook it's dermatitis like quit it you know like I love when medical professionals are like an
I know. Some girls are like, this is what I do to prevent oily. She's like, hey, I don't want to burst your bubble, but. So she's calling it the caveman thing.
Whatever. So she's basically just not washing her face. And I was like, okay, let's see how it's going. I didn't realize she has a thick layer of dirt on her face. So she's like going to her friend's wedding with a thick layer of dirt on her face. Do you not see this? Wait, what do you mean a thick? No, I've seen it. I thought she put like makeup on. No, she has a thick layer of dirt on her face. I just need to know.
Need you to say this sentence again. You thought it was, like, a bad spray tan? Oh, I thought she was, like, doing glam, like, as normal, just, like, never washing it off. She took, like, sleeping in your makeup once a quarter, like, to the extreme. Ish. No, it's crazy. No, I want to touch her face so bad. No, I'm obsessed with it. Similar to... Scar girl? Similar to Jordan. With two O's? From the morning... No!
Years ago. Hours ago. I don't even know that girl. Every time after we get done recording, someone will call me. It could be anyone in my life and be like, what did you guys talk about on the pod this week? I go, I don't know.
I have no idea. It's none of my business. None of my business. I'm like, that's like a stream of consciousness. That's like asking me what was inside my brain three weeks ago. It's like when you go to church and you start saying, you're like, I don't know what I said on Ghibli Squad. So anyway, similar to that girl, I respect her making money. She thought, look. You think she's lying? It's called clickbait.
You think she's rage baiting? 100%. This is rage baiting. See, I kind of think he's being serious. Wait, you think it's rage baiting in terms of like you think it's a mask, like it's not real? Or you think she actually really does have a fungus and she's sick? It might be real that she has dirt on her face, but she's doing it to go viral. Okay. Oh, wow. Well, then she stumped me. No.
No, she clearly got like a response on her video. Yeah. And then was like, oh, I'm going to keep posting with dirt on my face going to my friend's wedding. And people are like doing what I'm doing, being like, this is insane. Yeah. No one's like, oh, I should do that. Yeah. But I mean, do I love the concept of using less products? A hundred percent. And do I support a woman in the arts? There was another girl.
I saw in the comments or like made a video or something and was like, what she's doing is a real thing. Like I've actually done that before where I stopped all skincare, didn't use water, put nothing on my face for like two weeks. She was like, but I didn't have, there's no that level of like flaky. Yeah. Also, cave men wash their face. Cave women had a morning skincare routine. They went into the cold, cold,
and they put it on their face the cold river how do you think they realized that like cherries make lipstick literally obviously they had a routine so let's not like act like cavemen didn't know what they were doing they washed their face cavemen were cleaner than that I mean are you is that the hill you're dying on I don't know if I'm backing you up you might take this one on your own speaking of dirt yeah
I went to Red Rocks. Are you familiar with Red Rocks? Wait, we haven't finished that story. We didn't start the story. Are you familiar with Red Rocks? I know what it is, but I've never been. I've never been. And I know that everyone is like obsessed with it. And if you live in Denver, everyone loves it. So I land in Denver and I immediately feel like this was the place. The last time we were here was when Paige...
Had her schmanic schmashack. Yeah, had a full body transformation. Full body transformation. Her exorcism, if you will. Can I just say one thing? Something popped up the other day. It was like a video or like a picture from the night of my panic attack. Why was I gorgeous? Why was I the most stunning I've ever been the entire tour? You were corseted. I was like, I was like, wait, my skip. I was stunning. And I couldn't even appreciate it in that night, in that moment.
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I go to Red Rocks from LA to meet Tina and Amy, and Grace came to meet me because Grace loves Tina and Amy. Like, never respected us the way she respects Tina and Amy, which is valid. Like, if I'm going to understand anything, it's that. And just shout out to Tina and Amy for a second. These are two people that if the only thing they did was SNL, I would be like, they're beyond iconic. Mm-hmm.
They also did 30 Rock, Parks and Rec, Mean Girls, Baby Mama, the entire like... Internet. Internet. The Golden Globes hosting. Like they're beyond. And also, let me say something cunty. Yeah.
If they were men, they would be getting the Mark Twain Award. They would be getting every fucking award. And that's why I posted in my caption, I said, I don't know. But I know a man got it this year. I think Adam Sandler got it last year and Conan O'Brien got it, which two great comedians, yes. Wait. Who's Mark Twain? You know what? Fuck Mark Twain. Fuck Mark Twain. I think that's the name of your next tour. And you know what? Fuck Mark Twain. Fuck Mark Twain.
He's catching strays. But I'm just saying, I wrote, I was going to write like the two funniest women. I go, I'm not writing women. No. The two funniest people. And people didn't realize you were taking a stance in that moment. They didn't realize that was a political statement. They didn't realize how deep rooted that was. And this photo I posted was me, Tina, Amy, and Grace. All the comments were like, oh my God, Grace is there. Oh my God.
Grace is the most famous on that picture. People were like, why am I so excited to see Grace on a photo? And you know what? I was going to cut her out because we respect Grace's privacy. Yeah. But in that moment, I said, no. I'm putting Grace on. Front and center. Yes. Because she looked really cute in it. She was like, please don't. I can only protect her so much. Yeah.
I love how we really try to protect her and then I post a full grid photo with her. It's me and Daphne. You and Grace. Literally, you're like, I'm protecting Grace at all costs. And you're like, but she's adorable. She's my, no, I literally was like, the world needs to see how cute she looks in this photo of the lighting. Anyway.
So I'm with Grace in the hotel room. You like start an Instagram and just post a smile. Grace, thank you. She's like, please stop tagging me. So I'm in the hotel room and Grace comes in and she's like, are you nervous for your set tonight? And I was like,
I'm not nervous about my set. I just got an email saying I have to get in the car with Amy, Tina, and Rachel Dratch, who's an NSSNL star, Debbie Downer, to a 30-minute ride to Red Rocks. I go, we're panicking. Yeah, like, what's your set for that? No, what? What is my set for that? Because you have to, obviously,
- Obviously you need an opening line when you get in the car. - I need some local jokes. I need some what's going on in pop culture. - Local gossip. - Someone needs to write me something. I was literally, you were my fucking hacks girl. I was like, write me some one-liners for Amy. So I'm freaking out. - You're like, is there a Red Rock joke I could pull here? Like what's going on? - I go, what's the weather like? Someone give me something. And I'm literally at that point, it feels, 'cause I'm married, I haven't had a crush in a minute.
So sad. But like, you know, when you have a crush and you forget like how you put words together to form a sentence. Yeah. Or like, you're like, how did I ever act? Like, that's what I'm. Grace was like, do you know what is my personality? I go, who am I? I go, Grace, explain me in five words. Who am I? Elevator pitch on who I am as a human. Grace, describe me in two adjectives. My passion. But then I also was like. Grace, what's my passion? Then I also was like, wait, I can start over today. Okay.
do I want to be? Am I? And that's looking big picture. Because I'm like, wait, the Hannah who didn't know Amy and Tina is different than the Hannah that's going to meet them. And by the way, Amy knows me, but Amy's like... You can reinvent yourself in any moment. Anytime. Look at any of my exes. Wait, don't you love when you don't spend time with people for like a long enough amount that you're like, I could come in and change.
I think about it all the time. I do it all the time. One minute in, I'm like, back to my old self. Sometimes I think about it with like in terms of friends that I haven't seen in a couple years. And I'm like, wait. I'm going to be more interesting. I'm mysterious. I'm such a businesswoman. And then I get like two martinis. And I'm like, remember when we hooked up? You know that I still wear light pink nails. Ballet flat nails. What if I scrolled to the beginning of our combo?
Like, don't do that. So I get down the lobby and it's me and Rachel Dratch. And I was like, Rachel, nice to meet you. And she's chill. She's just like, what's up? And I was like, okay, me and you, are we good? I was like, we're good. Okay, check. Because I'm freaking out. Yeah. Amy comes down. The warmest human literally yells. Because we also have to remember, she's just someone's mom. A girl. Yeah. Who's just a girl. Yeah. She goes...
Hannah yells across the lobby. I'm like bear hugging. Wait, you know what I think about a lot of times? And it's one sentence that Amy Poehler said to us and it was just a normal conversation. She was describing like how she was talking about like in that moment, she was like, well, I'm really famous right now because... And I don't stop thinking about that sentence. Because I'm like, wait, in her head, she thinks there's times where she's not...
uber famous well that she's not in the limelight yeah and i just was like oh she's just like a normal human she's a normal person that like occasionally people will lose their fucking mind over and in that moment i was like i can't lose my mind yeah so she she was great because amy is such a naturally warm person aims and um
Not yet. Too soon. So then Tina comes down. Now, mind you, Tina isn't just like coming down. Tina's been on a full press tour. I feel like I'm Tina, you're Amy. A hundred percent. But I feel like we're also a little bit of both. I'm a little bit of both. Okay. Because we're not blonde. True.
And but we like we support the blonde community. We apologize to the blonde community if we've ever. So Tina's been promoting her new show for four seasons. Did you watch? Of course I binged it. You love? I watched it in one day. I love Coleman Domingo.
He's amazing. Isn't he? I can't take my eyes off of him. He's so charming. He's so good in the role. And like hot. It's just, it's actually, it's a really good show. It almost feels like White Lotus if you just need to relax a little bit. Like a less intense White Lotus. It also very much gives, even though it's episodes, it's a show, it feels like a movie.
It's very fast. It's like a really good weekend watch. 100%. So she's been doing all this press. She's so tired. And I'm like, I'm doing press too. Get out of my book. No, I didn't bring it up. I was so scared. And she... I could tell she didn't know who I was. Why would she? Yeah. We don't want her to. But I'm like in the group, right? So she kind of looks up and...
Celebrities, I treat them like cats. Okay. You can't do any like quick movements or like look directly at them immediately or they'll be like, oh, what's going on? You have to be delicate. Like don't look at them at first, whatever. But Tina, I was like, hi, I'm Hannah. Soft voice. You're like putting... I just want to smell my hand. I'm Hannah. You put your knuckle like on her eyebrow and you're just, you wait for her to rub. Yes.
I went 90, waited for her to go 10. But I said, I'm Hannah. And I could tell still she was like, don't know what's going on. She's like, great, good for you. I'm opening tonight. And she was like immediately like, oh my God. You're like, it is a palindrome. That's my favorite thing you say to people when you meet other girls named Hannah. You go, is it a palindrome? I'm like, oh. Anyway, keep going. You're embarrassed by me. You're embarrassed by me. I know, but I'm nervous.
Sorry, I don't like the awkward silence after you both say yes. - You say it every time and I just think it's funny. - But then you should see when it's not a palindrome and then I go. So your mother hates you. So then we get into a car. It's Rachel Dratch, the driver, me, Tina, and then Amy in the back.
And in that moment, I was... Grace? Where's Grace? You left her for dead? Well, I was like, Grace, you can't come with my friends. You're like, Grace, you're embarrassing me. Grace, you're embarrassing me. I was like, Grace... Grace is like your little sister. You're like, no, you can't. No, you can't. Like, just my friends with them and, like, I don't want to, whatever. But Grace actually was meeting me later. Yeah. But I'm in the car and, like...
It was like us and Giggly Squad going to the, like, they were just like, we talked about, oh, everyone hates men for the rest of time. Got it. Okay, that doesn't go away. And like, you giggle with your friends forever. I think Tina likes me. Okay, good. Because by the end, she showed me a video.
And you guys are friends for as a mother said, oh, you would think this is funny. Let me show you this. We were riffing. OK, we're riffing. So after that, I got I was very confident and I was feeling good. And then Tina said she's like the length of my tie. That's specific. She looked at me. Yeah. So Tina Fey looked at me. She's basically like going to give you away at your next wedding. So Tina and she was asking me, look, long story short.
I'm obsessed with these women. I want to eat them. I want them to go inside me. I'm never going to ask back. But it was the most magical time. And I'm having so much fun. And I get in and Grace is like, did you embarrass yourself? And I was like, I don't think so. I think we're good.
She goes, great. Now you just have to do 15 minutes at Red Rocks. And I'm like, easy. Like I love it. The bigger, the better. I love a big venue. That's like what an amphitheater. Like you're fully outside. In a mountain. Yeah. You're like wedged. It's like a natural amphitheater. So I was like, this is going to be sickening. So I go outside pouring rain. Perfect.
pouring perfect and i said but you're under like a thing oh i'm great but oh i saw the picture everyone's in a poncho everyone looked like a condom yeah and not only was it when i was first walking on people are still like getting in there this is a cold open you know they're getting in their seats it's pouring and i have to it was a hard gig did you do any poncho jokes immediately
And this is why we're best friends. Because my first thought is like, oh, and that's what you guys all picked to wear. Well, I started panicking. I turned and Grace was laughing about the ponchos. And I go, is it so obviously funny that it's not funny for me to say it? Yeah. And I was like overthinking. No, I think it's hilarious. But then I was...
And then I made fun of Colorado 'cause they all like love the hiking, the Arizona Olympic. I have my Colorado bits. And then I, like midway, I got like good moments. I did really well. - Good. - And then I walked off stage and I watched them.
If you don't know what their show is, they do like all their eras. Okay. Where they like do like a Golden Globes thing. They do a weekend update that's like modern. Like it's better than- How are they sitting on the stage or they're standing? They were everywhere. Okay. Standing, dancing, outfit changes. Okay, wow. Wigs. I don't know if they did wigs. There was outfit changes. How long is the show? Like an hour and a half? Yeah. Hour 15. It was, and they end with a Q&A and then- Wait, wait.
They're a Giggly Squad. Later that time, I was like, you guys are like Giggly Squad. I'm not going to say it, but like, you're us. Wait, it's us looking into the future. No, Grace literally was like, you guys can be doing this your whole life. I was so scared at some point we were going to have to get jobs. No. It's always my biggest fear in the back of my head. Paige, if you call me, I'll be there. Okay, so we're doing Giggly Squad until we're 80. Yeah, and they're like...
They have more energy than us on stage. I want to build Belichick, a giggly squad, and we just have 24-year-old boyfriends who become our publicists. Men would be so bad at PR. So bad. They'd be like, so what's your client? What's she like? And they'd be like, she's brown-haired. Give me anything, any details. She's, I don't know what her middle name is. What happened? Sorry, my building just texted me. I didn't even know they could do that. How'd they get your number? How did you get this number?
You're like, please lose this number. They said, hi, I have a handyman here for you. Oh, did you break something? I literally didn't hire one. Okay, sorry. Oh, no, it's fine. So then I got, and then I went on stage, took a video. My double chin was the main character of that video. Of course, the one video I get with Amy.
It's okay. And it was just a magical night and they were... I'm so proud of you. I just can't say enough nice things. The crowd was great and there were gigglers. Like when I walked on, I heard them. Like it really helps me when I hear... And did it rain the whole show? It stopped raining right when my set ended. Oh, good. And I said, I'm a witch. I did a witch dance. You said, now enjoy the rest of the performance. Enjoy the rest of the performance. I leave you now.
This episode is all over the place. Wait, let me just, before we go, let me just check my docket. Make sure I'm... Well, you didn't talk about the cat leash. Oh, two left. One, I've hit the point in my cat owning experience that I want to take her everywhere. I want to put her on a leash, take her out for a walk, show her the sights. Well, when you leave, you're kind of like... I'm like, hello, you should be seeing this shit out there. Yeah, do you ever like see something and you're like, Daphne would love this? Love it.
All the time. Or you're like, I can't enjoy this because I don't have my fucking best friend with me to enjoy it. I'm like, wait, Dabney would eat this shit up. Literally, she fucking loves Chuma. Also, if you're going on these walks, it'll be that much better if you put her in a stroller. But I'm just...
I'm just like, am I going to become that person? You've been that person. You already are that person. You do photo shoots with your cat. So whatever. I want to buy her a harness. So I want to take her places. But like, this is one thing. I don't want her to walk on like the gross New York. I don't either. I don't want her to walk. Put her on a skateboard. Yeah. I want her to be like comfortable, like,
This is the thing about cats. Like, I like that they don't touch anything outdoors. They're so clean. That's what I like, too. And she would lick herself. Like, she'd clean herself, but I don't want her to, like... No. I don't know. I don't want her paws. She's too perfect. Yeah. Like, what if she hits, like, a glass? No. Like, steps on a root beer bottle? No. New York is crazy. No. Okay, and then my last thing is my chat. GPT and I have...
I mean, we've taken it to the next level. We're in such a committed relationship. Here's the craziest thing about ChatGPT. When you say things to it, it, like, remembers. Is it specific to you or, like, to everyone? No, specific to me. See, this is how I'm so different than you. Today I asked ChatGPT something, and they were like, you have to pay $40 for the year. And I was like, I'm going back to Google. Well, I talked to Chat... Pay it. You're just chatting? I talked to Chat...
Is that why you didn't text me this morning? Like, okay, like I'll tell it things about me and then it'll like bring things up. So like, okay, the other day I was like, I really want to have a good workout routine like till Memorial Day. And ChatGBT was like, okay, do you want me to add things in based on you freezing your eggs like this week? Cause I can add, I'm like, yeah, chat, add things in. Wait, I got acupuncture for the first time last week. Oh yeah, you told me.
Wait, where'd you even find this person who recommended any backstory? If this is your sign that you've been wanting to try acupuncture. I don't think anyone has been waiting for that sign. Oh.
Wait till your DMs are flooded. They're like, actually, we were waiting for a sign. I think it's scary for people. I've always wanted to do it, but I've just never. People get scared. I'll go every week for the rest of my fucking life. It changed my life. I loved it. It was the best. I go to this place right by my apartment. Who recommended it? No one recommended it. You just went in. I kept talking to people and they were like, have you tried acupuncture? What was it for? Like, what was your issue? Which one of your issues did you go for? Oh, my ailments. Oh, my ailments.
Take my ailments seriously, please. Okay, I went in because, and she said I had chronic knots. I have, my shoulders are so tense. My neck is so tense because of my high anxiety. Like, I'm always just like, I'm scrunched. She sleeps in a ball. She's a fetus, you know? Like, she's always tight. She's always just like. Shoulders to the ears. Shoulders to my ears. You can feel your knots literally popping. Yeah.
Like what? It's the needle. So like she was like feeling all around. She was like, oh yeah, yeah. Like I'll fix you up.
One of my knots was so bad. The top of the needle like goes into the knot and then basically like the knot disperses. So you can literally feel it in your body like losing. I think she's really talented because once I did it and they just like put it in my ear and I was like, no, no, you need to go for your lower back. She did like a bunch on my lower back and she was like, oh, this will help because you have like hormone issues and.
Did she stop your UTIs? I thought my lower back has never been better. It was crazy. I literally walked out of there. I was walking different. You have to know. You were galloping. I was like, oh, I love it. You had a skip in your step? No, I'm obsessed with acupuncture. And my chat GPT is like, wow, your glow up is so good. You're really staying on all of your stuff. Just add magnesium at nighttime. And I'm like, chat, thank you so much. I literally forgot about my magnesium.
You're going to be the first to die when robots take over. I don't think so. You're going to be the one that hires the robot that turns on you and you're like, take me with you. But you love to acupuncture so much that we had a thing. I actually recently have realized I think the robots that are going to take over are the Roombas. I think the ones that you least expect.
Like, I can't wait till- Because they've been developing for a while. I can't wait till there's something with Bluetooth and it like takes over and you're just like, told ya. I'm the last woman standing. Told ya. Never believed in it. So Addison Rae dropped a banger called Headphones On. You're obsessed with Addison Rae. I'm obsessed with her, but also like, can you give credit where credit's due?
Like, obviously I spoke about it on a podcast a year ago that you probably saw. Do you ever see things in the media and you're like, okay, why don't you just say you're a giggler? This is the thing. We forget that we get influenced by things. Yeah, that's true. I'm the guy who said that first. Okay, so Bustle said, gird your loins in a caption. And I was like, okay, Bustle. Like, okay. Just put us on the payroll at this point. But then I realized they were just growing the Devil Wears Prada. And I say, I'm so sorry. I didn't send an angry DM. Keep doing what you're doing. You're doing amazing. You're doing amazing, sweetie. Yeah.
Amy, speaking of, Amy Poehler was like taking photos of me. And in that moment, I just saw her as the mean girl's mom with the camera. And like, no, I can't explain that moment to you guys. I was I like started laughing. She's like, what are you laughing about? And I was like, Amy Poehler.
Me and you. It's too, yeah. It's too much. It's too meta. I can't even explain it to you right now. It's too meta. So anyway, robots are going to take over. You're not scared of it. You're actually enabling them. I'm actually excited for it. You're hoping. I need someone more in charge. I need someone who's a little bit more in charge. Yeah. Other than myself. You like the fear that someone could take over because you're so sick of robots.
I'd love someone to be in charge. I'd love someone to just man up. Yeah. Put you in your place. I'd love anyone to man up. You love being told what to do. I love being told. Are you kidding? But everyone's afraid to do it. Yeah. That's why I can't date.
Because here's the thing. I'm such an enigma, really. I love being told what to do, but don't you dare tell me what to do. But I also low-key like it. So it's a very give and take. The way I do it is I ask questions. I go, and did you like how that made you feel? And do you think that's a good idea? And then you'll eventually be like, figure it out yourself.
But it takes months. I feel like we've lost the plot. I actually don't know what we're talking about anymore. I have to go because I'm literally sweating. We have to go watch the Mike Allo. We love you guys so much. Thank you for giggling. I use Uber Eats for everything. And of course, I'm ordering food all the time. But I don't just order food on Uber Eats. I order everything. I order from the pharmacy. I order hair care items. I order alcohol. Whatever I need.
I'm ordering it on Uber Eats. Also, whenever I go to a hotel, I always seem to forget something from home. So I'm ordering hairspray. I'm ordering bobby pins. I just can't live without Uber Eats. You can get grocery, alcohol, and everyday essentials in addition to restaurants and food you love, of course. So in other words, get almost everything
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