Giggling about lavender marriages, skincare inventions, and St. Anthony
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Hello, my galactic gigglers. This week is going to be out of this world. Sorry, that was so millennial. Grace is so mad right now. Wait, Grace is like, I've been spending too much time with Grace because everything I'm like, ew, so millennial. And I love being a millennial. The call is coming from inside the house. Well, I think it's just me being super self-aware.

I'm like, you can't do that. That's millennial. Yes. See, I identify as Gen Z, so I'm allowed to call people out as millennial. But also, I love my little millennials. Like, we've been through so much together. And we've paved the way. No, like 9-11 was like so... You actually wrote something on the notes that's so millennial. I couldn't even believe you wrote it. What did I write? Aiden or Big. Oh, but...

That's like the most millennial thing I've ever seen. I was like, there's no way she's just jumping into conversation now. No.

By the way, 10 minutes ago, I go up to Paige and I go, have you tried this Charlotte Tilbury like blush stick thing? It's so good. And she's like, yeah, we've known about it for four fucking years. Where the fuck have you been? And I was like, okay, I was just recommending a product. No, that hive, it is good. Charlotte Tilbury is great. It's good and it's like fun to put on. No, I was talking to someone and they said something like, well, yeah, big is so hot. And I go, hot take. I wasn't into him.

Yeah, like he seemed busy, which I guess is hot. And he had a driver. He was a loof. Where were you driving all the time? No, I love that he had a driver. That gave rich. It gave rich. But I liked Aiden. You would. Here's the thing. You would not.

When I first watched it in high school, Rihanna's probably eighth grade into high school, I was big. I was like, obviously it's big. Then when I was in college in my 20s, I'm like, she should have picked Aiden now that my frontal lobe is fully formed. Yeah.

I'm back to big because like, yeah, she could have picked Aiden, but she would have thought about big every single day of her life. True for her. Yes, big. Clearly she hated Aiden. Like she literally, she could have, she left him for dead. She literally couldn't stomach him when he was fat.

And so that says it all. Also, hot take, neither. Like literally there's more men in New York City. Why are we having to pick from two? Yeah. That's what I always tell my friends when they're in a pickle. I said, there's more men in New York City. Wait, I just watched the Chris DiStefano stand up on Hulu. I have to watch it. You have to watch it because he has this joke about how like once you have kids, like,

all your other friends who don't have kids their problems are so irrelevant and he has this joke where he was like I was talking to this one girl and she was like couldn't decide if she should break up with her boyfriend or not and I asked her do you have kids with him and she said no and he was like kill him you're single like what are we talking about like just kill him like and it's so true like if you really sit back and think like you don't

Your problems could be so much more complicated. Like, we overcomplicate them. If you aren't married, you weren't engaged, you don't have kids, light them on fire. Like, I don't... Who cares? Shout out to Chris DeStefano, who almost got me in trouble because he filmed us at the Knicks game. And I gave him the middle finger. And then he posted it. And it looked like I was giving the middle finger to, like, a giggler. Like, a random giggler who was filming me. I said, no, that was a comedian man who deserved it. And it's his love language. And then he's like...

He loves Giggly Squad. Who doesn't? Who doesn't? And then Chris was like, oh, me and my co-hosts are going to be the Giggly guys. And I was like, don't make me get legal involved. No, literally, don't make me call my lawyer. Because we actually don't know how to do a legal battle. But see you in Small Claims Corp. See you in Corp. We were so excited to announce the Vanity Fair thing purely because we knew the Gigglers would be pumped the fuck up. We manifested that. We said, where are the girls and the gays on the red carpet? And Vanity Fair said, hello. Hello.

So we have to leave. I leave tomorrow. You leave tomorrow. I leave Wednesday for, this is my question. I got a spray tan a week ago. Okay. Can I get a spray tan again, even though this spray tan is not fully gone? Yeah, you just have to exfoliate it off.

Oh, no. That sounds so intense. It's not as intense as you think it is. How do you know when it's off? Like, my apartment's pretty dark. You just go by vibes. When you feel... Go purely by the vibes. Not to be sovereign, but when you get a little scared, you know it's right. Just get in the shower. The...

The night before you're going to get your spray tan. I don't have a loofah. What are we exfoliating with? Get like an exfoliating mitt and some like... Like Osea has a really good exfoliator. Yes, they do. That's the one I use. So get that shower. You have so many beauty accessories. Oh my God. It's insane. It's insane. But no, we're excited about Vanity Fair. We've never been on a red carpet and you bring people together. Never. So... I don't like...

Tell your truth. Tell me, tell my truth. I don't know if Vanity Fair is really ready. Like, I think they need their legal team on standby. Definitely someone accompanying us on the carpet of like, please don't say that.

Because it's going to be silly. I do have to say shout out to interviewers who do all these award shows because you have to know everything about everyone, every movie they've done, any reference, what they're wearing. And I did ask that in the meeting. I said, no, if I forget a thing or two. But it's an after party. So they said that everyone's like, this is the last award show. They're just partying. Yeah. And it's kind of like. So we're just there for literal vibes. Like only bringing a certain energy to the function, which we don't know what energy it's going to be yet.

It's certainly not knowledge. I don't know if that's the energy we're bringing. I feel like, hey, can you guys stop giggling and ask literally one question? Yeah, one question that's important. I'm excited. I have no idea what I'm going to wear yet. Me neither, which is crazy town USA. Mm-hmm.

I've never waited till the last minute for something more important in my life. Well, we've never, you've done a gown before. Like you did the Caroline Herrera. I did Oscar de la Renta. Oscar de la, Oscar, Oscar. Oscar de la Renta. Oscar. Oscar. I watched the SAG Awards to like get us going last night. Get in the mindset. Live on Netflix. It was really good. Wait, let's talk about Timothee Chalamet's speech. Did you see that?

Yeah, I have like thoughts. You have thoughts. I have thoughts. I felt it in my bones that you were going to have thoughts and hot takes. Do you want to do yours? The only hot take I really had was –

I thought it was like a fine speech. If a woman made that speech, there would be a very different news day today. It was the only thing I could really think. Let me preface this by saying I'm a huge Timothee Chalamet. We're huge. We love Timothee Chalamet. Yeah. Also, he's so New York. And as a New Yorker, I love him. When they said he won, he was like, ooh, yeah, what's good? And I'm a huge him and Kylie fan. Him and Kylie. We support him.

I think he's been on this like insane press tour and he's run out of things to say because he's actually like really good in press. Yeah. I think he also was a little off. Did you notice when he had to do his like announcement, he messed it up and he goes, should have made it to rehearsal. Like maybe he was having a day. He's got to be tired. He's, I mean, the wicked girls are holding on by a thread at this point. No, literally.

Thread. I mean, it's – they're Judy Garlanding themselves. Yeah. It's too much. It's like us on tour. We get it. No. Yeah. So – I've never felt more aligned with the Wicked cast. Right.

That I do right now. And we don't even have to hit any notes. No, no. We're not being chucked into the sky. So Timothy, honestly, I loved how he started it. He was like, let me just say, some people make it look effortless. It's not effortless, at least for me. I worked five years on this role. And then he stops and he goes, I just want to say...

I'm here to be the greatest of all time. It was giving rapper. But like when a rapper says it, you're like, yeah, respect. He's the best player in the game. He was like, yeah, I'm MVP. I'm here to be the best of all time. I'm not there yet. This is a step. I want to be Viola Davis, Marlon Brando. I want to be the best. And he walks out. And he chucks his mic at the crowd. Fuck all you untalented fucks. I'm better than all of you. But I do have to say with Timothy, I wish he had worded it like,

I'm so grateful for this award and this is so motivational for me to be the best I can be. And I'm so excited to keep working the hardest I can to be as great as I can be and fulfill my whatever and just be like, thank you guys so much. There's a little bit, you got to have a little respect for the crowd. You're in front of Harrison Ford. Yeah. Well, men can be a little cockier than women can be in an overall setting. Yeah.

Men can be an asshole and it'd be fine. Women can't be a bitch and it'd be fine. This happened to me at Starbucks. I was waiting for my Starbucks, as one does. And this guy next to me is watching the woman make it. And he goes, less foam. Oh, never. But no one reacted. He was just like, hey, less foam.

No one reacted. And like, I just thought if a woman had said less foam, she would have been arrested. Arrested. I would watch the Starbucks barista spit in my coffee. And it's not even me. And I would say, thank you so much. We've all been there where I'm like the color and shade of that macchiato is going to ruin my day. But that's when you just say thank you and you move on. You move along. You take the L. But it's like if he just added a please sign.

Yeah. Or excuse me, can you add more foam? Thank you so much. So sorry. Yeah. He literally just goes, more foam, please. No, no, please. More foam. Yeah. Less foam. No, if that was a girl. And I looked over like. Who was making the coffee, a girl or a guy? A girl, of course. And she just kind of like nodded. Yeah, she's probably used to it. And he didn't even say thank you when he got it. How old was he? It was just a middle-aged white dude. Yeah, like 30s, 40s. Yeah. So this is my thing with Timothy. Then I thought about it again because I was upset.

He's manifesting. Yeah. Like I know some comedians will write like on their promotion, they'll be like your favorite comedian or that kind of thing because people start thinking like, oh, that's my favorite comedian. So it's like you say it to people and then people start believing it. So him, he literally was manifesting by saying I want to be the greatest of all time. I just don't say that to your therapist. Yeah. I'm not as mad at it. Really the only thought I had was like he can say that.

He can say that like other people wouldn't, it wouldn't have been as well received. Like if Nikki Glaser got up after hosting and said, I want to be the best host of all time for all of the award shows, people would be like, okay, you did one and you did good. Chill out. Or like, yeah, keep it in your brain. Yeah. There was, there was no need for it. Yeah. It does remind me though, which I, one of my favorite speeches of all time was Snoop Dogg when he goes, I want to thank me. Yeah.

For getting me there. Yeah. We're like, no girl can ever do that. No, we could never. There was one tennis girl that was like, I want to thank me. And it was like really cute. Yeah. But everyone was like, okay, calm down. No.

Not to bring it back to me, but like going through a breakup, like half my comments are like, you got where you are because of a man, which is like the craziest thing ever. But like, you can't credit yourself. This is my thing. As a tennis player, I was always coached. And did I always do it? No. But I was told, speak with your racket. There's a lot of trash talk. There's a lot of saying, I'm better than you. You deserve this, whatever. Speak with your racket. And for him, it's like, speak with your talent, which he has. He's also...

I love him. He's the most humble, funny, cute guy. I think he just was feeling himself that moment. It's just in front of all the most talented other actors. Like, I'm coming to be better than all of you sitting here. It felt like he was like, I'm going to be better than all of you. Just watch me. It was a very rap video. Yeah, it was. Which, you know what? New York, you're shit out. But let's keep an eye on him. Yeah. That's what I'll say about that. Side note. Maybe he'll come to us at Vanity Fair.

Oh, yeah. Oh, fuck. I don't know. He's going to look at me and be like, you're the worst interviewer of all time. No, we support Demi B. Chalamet. I just think it was unnecessary because I actually think he can be one of the greatest of all time. Well, that was the thing, too. That's why. I was like, no, you are on your road to the greatest of all time. You don't have to say it. You are amazing. Okay. Yeah. Side note, just some tea. Friend Drescher comes up and I'm like...

I miss her. What is going on with her? Because she's the president of SAG, which is a really tough job. I Googled it. First thing I see is, you know, her high school boyfriend, she married for like 20 years and he came out as gay.

And if you see the photos, you're like, well. Fran, that's on you. Open your eyes, Fran. If I had a nickel. And they're like best friends, obviously. Yeah. They're not still married. No, but they were together for 20 years and then he came out as gay. But she's remarried, right? Yes, I believe so. But she found out because like a tabloid was like exposing him.

Wait, that's fucked up. One, that a tabloid exposed him. But two, I don't see it as a loss. Not at all. I mean, it's like you lived 20 years with your best friend. Yeah. Do you know what they call it? The Gen Z's are calling it. What? Grace, correct me if I'm wrong. A violet relationship. Laugh. Laugh.

Periwinkle. I was so close. A lavender relationship, which is kind of fucked up because people see couples online instead of, because I guess it's not socially acceptable to be like gay. They just write lavender relationship. I mean, if I had a nickel, if I had a literal nickel for all the gay men I've dated. I'm only attracted to like very toxic couples.

straight men. Yeah. I feel like life would have been easier. I love a toxic gay. I'm obsessed with a toxic gay. Some girls always end up with like gay guys. Yeah. Which is like, I'd love to know the science behind it. Is it like, is their dad gay? I'd also love to know the science behind it. How did we get there? Are there some girls who like a tinge of gay? I think it's because it's like deep down, I know you don't like, you don't even like women. So I know you don't like me. You're the ultimate challenge. I do.

is like when I see a hot gay I'm so turned on because I'm like you hate me and that is loathe how I was born that is my biggest fucking turn on also I think it's my own insecurities cause I'm like the gayest straight girl ever yeah I want a man to make me feel like a little dainty girly flower without having to change myself yeah so that's why I've dated like

gorillas yeah but then for you I think you're so girly that you can handle a more girly man and you still are girlier than him wait I feel the same see if I'm with the girly man I'm like what's up bro no I feel like no my new vibe is like ultra ultra masculine yes I need it yes that's what I'm looking for are you putting feminine energy out there I think I'm very much in my feminine energy right now are you sleeping on the right side of the bed I sleep on the right side of the bed

Okay, then you should be good. Everything points to I'm going to be okay, but who truly ever knows? Actually, one of the girliest things that I wrote down was –

I had a pimple last week that literally ruined my social life. And it was like so traumatizing. But I figured out two things that I was like, I can't wait to tell the gigglers. Okay, so I had this really bad pimple. I popped it, but it wasn't going away. I took my Lumify eye drops, put it on my pimple. Wait, you were doing a full woman in stem? Yeah, I was like, I have concoctions that I've just made up.

Put my Lumify eye drops. Redness immediately went away. Then I took Neosporin because I had dried it out so badly that the skin around the pimple was like dried and crackling and I just looked a mess. I mean, it was my fault because I attacked it. You were at the end of the substance. Truly. Then I put Neosporin on it.

literally gone the next day. You want to be a dermatologist so bad. So bad. Wait, that's incredible. Yeah, so I was like, I have to tell the girls. Two non-skincare products and Lumify is probably going to email me and be like, please do not. This is not for skincare. Girls are going to end up in the hospital. Yeah, they're like, I drank my Lumify. Oh.

No, you guys, we're going to say it again and we shouldn't have to say this. We are not doctors. Also, you were in Miami and you were like going out to dinner with people who were not me. I knew you were going to bring this up. Like, I don't mean it in like a negative way. I just want to know like, how was it?

Okay. I went to Miami. I got to Miami on Thursday. Because dinners can be hard. I went to dinner Thursday night, but low key. Then I had to work like a literal 13 hour day on Friday. I did that. And one of my girlfriends came to Miami with me and I was like driving back to the hotel after my work day. And I was like,

Alexa's literally on drugs if she thinks I'm going out with her tonight. That's crazy. I was so surprised to see you. I'm getting home. I'm showering. I'm putting my pajamas on. Mind you, I had a 7 a.m. flight Saturday morning. I was like, I can't go out. But did you have full glam? I had full glam. Okay, so that factors into it. I walked into the apartment. She said one sentence and I was like, okay, I'll come with you. She's in sales. She's in sales. She really got me. She got me good. Um...

went, this was like OG Paige, went out till 3 a.m., got back to my hotel, slept for one hour, got up, went to the airport. If anyone saw me at the Miami airport on Saturday morning,

No, you didn't. No, you literally didn't. Back to the OG days when we drive to the Hamptons on like a Thursday and you'd be just in sunglasses like about to puke. And I was like, what did you do Wednesday night? I was like, I walked through the Miami airport with a hat on and sunglasses, not because I wanted to be cool. My eyes were crossed. I literally couldn't see in front of me. And you used all your eye drops on your pimple. Yeah, I was like, I have no lumify because it's literally on my skin.

I felt, I was like, I sat there waiting to board and in my head I was like, Paige, you're almost 33. Why don't you figure it out? But I had so much fun. I literally needed it. Hot take, I want the Miami airport to be better. Like, because when I go to Miami, I love Miami. The airport, I don't know if it's because they don't pay income tax. I don't know what the science is. But they've left it for debt. Miami airport gives that there is a casino in the vicinity. Yeah.

And there is not. Miami Everett gives everyone retired and they're in Boca right now who ran it. It feels like I lost all my money. It feels like

You can't even walk. Like there's nowhere to stand. Walk? There's nowhere to eat. Nowhere to eat. I'm sorry. I'm not getting a tuna fish sandwich from Subway at 7 a.m. in the Miami airport. I bought three of those little things of olives, which was a bad choice, but I panicked and I was like shoving olives in my mouth for a snack. So yeah, like when we've traveled to a lot of horrific airports, Miami, you could do better.

Miami can do way better. And I know we're like cocky because we have fancy LaGuardia and Newark, which took years of our lives. But we're New York City, as we should have the greatest airports. Because you fly from New York to every, you can fly from New York to anywhere because it's the best city on the planet. We take it for granted. We take it for granted. Like I'll be somewhere and I have to fly somewhere else. And they were like, you can't. And I'm like, it's a plane. No, wait. It's a plane. I didn't realize that.

that until I spent so much time in the South. I was like, oh, and I'll just get a flight to here. And they're like, no, you can't. I'm like, what? That's why we drive five hours to places because there's no direct flights. No. And I'm not stopping. One thing about me. I'm not stopping. I'm not doing a connecting flight. No. I emotionally can't handle it. But we don't deal with it that much because we live in New York. But yeah.

Even though planes have been falling out of the sky, I've had this real, if it's meant to happen, it's meant to happen vibe about it. I was on a flight yesterday, and these two... Talk about karma. This one woman in the front, you're supposed to check your bag. She like...

gets away with it somehow and I watch her like get around the guy and she doesn't have to check her bag. Gets there. They're like, ma'am, you got to check your bag. And then the bathroom starts to flood and she's in the first row and the rug that like you're on is like literally like getting wet. And I'm sitting there just watching this and she's like losing her mind. And I was like, that's what happens when you don't check your bag. When you don't check your bag. Here's the thing. I'm listening to what the airport people tell me to do because I

I don't work here. Like, who am I to decide? Can I say one more thing about male pilots? Yeah.

Yeah, I can't get off a plane anymore. I've literally like now every time I get off a plane, I think they've listened to Giggly Squad. They know I am Giggly Squad. So when they say thank you, have a nice day. I'm like, I feel like you put a little extra oomph on that one for me. Side note, why do they feed you like you're in Little League? I do not need pretzels and a cheese stick. Like, give me hummus. Give me.

Like, give me something nice. I don't know. We love the marketing girlies at any company. Like, the marketing girls run the country. Yeah, they really do. What is commerce? Marketing? I don't know what it is, but it's the girls our age. What's going on with the disconnect from airlines, their food, and brands?

Because like why there hasn't been a Chipotle collab on the fucking airplane. Like I don't get that. Where are we missing? Apparently there was a Shake Shack one and people were like complaining like I don't want my airplane to smell like a cheeseburger. And I said I will pay money. For my airplane to smell like a cheeseburger. I'll pay extra money. And it was like a limited time, limited flights. No, no. I want to get on an airplane and feel like oh shit this is going to be so fun because I can literally order whatever from like –

It just, they need to step that up a notch. Also, like,

I'm not asking for much. Like, what about a Pop-Tart? Just like a s'mores Pop-Tart. Like, I'm not asking for the craziest things. I don't want mustard pretzels at 7 a.m. No. Or they're like, they're either like too healthy or too unhealthy. Do you know what I mean? No, like I don't need a quinoa with a tarragon sauce. It's a literal brick. Get the fuck out of here. It's literally that. Or it's like the saltiest 500 calorie two pretzels you've ever seen. Anyway, I'm not happy about it. So anyway, that's why...

Oh, I have one more note. Yeah. If you're a pilot, don't practice your material on me on the plane. When it's 8 a.m. and these guys start trying their one-liners, start your own podcast or crash the plane. I don't want to be a part of this. Like, it's 8 a.m. and I want to be asleep and not worry about things. And sometimes they're really – the only people that can be funny are actually the steward I. Yeah.

Because they're these like pissed off women or gays. They can be funny. Absolutely. One more question. Yeah. I have a lot of thoughts. Yeah. I'm like immersed in tipping culture right now. I know what you're going to say. Have you ever tipped a stewardess? I'm like, we literally have to tip an iPad. But no one ever tips a stewardess when they're literally like waking people up, which they shouldn't. That should be illegal. But like they're talking about one-on-one. Yeah. Yeah.

My flight to Italy, I tip my stewardess. Did she like go down on you? No, I just – I think if you're doing like an overnight eight-hour, you've fed me two meals, I'm going to throw you a 20. Wait, now I'm upset. Do they stand there when you're walking off because they want to be tipped? I've never seen a tip. No. No.

But then sometimes I wonder, am I insulting someone if I give them a $5 bill? Yeah. Like that's a – If you're tipping, you're throwing a $20. Yeah. I think for anything. Also, who has cash? If you have the question – Who has the cash? My dad. If you have a question in your head, should I tip this person and I don't know like how much, I always – it should just be a $20 bill I think. So I had this guy driving me around for my Alabama shows who I loved. I'm obsessed with this man. Yeah. And –

at the end I was like I don't have any cash can I Venmo you oh yeah and then he's like I don't have Venmo and I was like no problem I'll Zelle you and I get out the car try to Zelle him doesn't work text him hey how can I pay you cash up I tried downloading cash up it's a whole thing you have to put your card in okay actually this weekend in Miami all like the Bell

men like I'm like bringing my bags up and stuff I'm like I have no cash can I Venmo you everyone takes Venmo now like in a tipping set it's good but it's so much more intimate to have to Venmo like it where cash is there was such a beauty it's like I don't now I have your phone number yeah like did I need it I don't want to see that you Venmo'd your friend for a Long Island iced tea last week yeah and now I have to be friends with you forever no Venmo can be invasive but it is good if you're bored like when random people friend you on Venmo I'm like

This is like, it's inappropriate. It's inappropriate, but if you're dating a new guy, find his Venmo and just, you'll learn more about him than if you're just like scrolling his Instagram for sure. The winters are harsh. Everyone's always dry. Their skin is always cracking, but not when you have Osea. I've been using Osea for like,

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You want me to check? Yeah. Yeah, let's see what your latest emojis were. While you check, I'm going to do an egg freezing update because that seems appropriate. Oh my gosh. Thank people for editing, going to get a haircut, more drinks. Oh, you pay your barber through Venmo? Yeah. Okay. Okay.

He's got a guy. He's got a guy. I love when guys have a guy. How often? You get weekly? Yeah, what are you, a weekly shape up? Things are going all right now. I'm bumping back up to weekly. Weekly. No.

I realize I only want to date men who have a weekly shape up. Chris, on your birthday, we're going to get a guy to come and give you a haircut during the pod, okay? Wait, I love that. Chris just got so excited. I literally love that. This is what dreams are made of. How are your eggs doing? Are they scrambled? Are they sunny side up? It's a process. It's like a full process. There were definitely things where I was like, oh, that's like more extensive than I thought. Or, oh, that's way easier than I thought. Okay.

So I went for my appointment. I had to do a blood test. I had to do an ultrasound, did that. Everything came back normal. Then I did a Zoom with the doctor where he just like explained more things like in detail and

And now I have to go. Did you listen? I did. I listened. Did you take notes? I actually asked a couple of questions and he said, good question. Good question. And I said, yes, A plus. So now I have to go and do like just like a quick appointment with the nurse to like teach me how to do the shot. And then once I get my next period, I call them and I say, hey, I have my period. And then I go in and I get my shots.

You get more shots. So I get the shots that will be like 10 to 12 days. Okay. Then, and you do them while you have your period. Then when you're done with the shots, you go in for your egg retrieval, which is only 15 minutes, which I just had no, you are asleep.

Like you're under anesthesia, but like what they call like local local anesthesia, I think. So like you're breathing on your own. You're not like incubated. Wait, so you're sorry. You're doing your own shots. You do your own shots. But then when you have your period, they come in. No, no, no. You always do your own shots. OK, but you don't have to do it until you have your period. Yes. So like you I'm going in for them to teach me how to do it. And then once I get my period and I'm like, I'm ready for them. So you only do shots for a week. You can do them for like 10 to 12 days. Got it.

All individualized. Got it. Then you like sign this whole consent form and all this whatever. The one thing I just didn't think about until I saw it was there's a question on the consent form that's like, okay, and if anything happens to you, what would you like us to do with your eggs?

So the options are like discard them. Scramble. If you're married, do you want to give them to your spouse? Like would he make a baby with your eggs? Would you want to donate them? Oh, I hate these like future questions. I'm like I literally don't know what I'm going to have for breakfast tomorrow. How many years do you want us to like have them for? I just did like the largest one. I didn't know you had to pay to like bank them. Yeah. Yeah.

Like they literally take up rent in New York City. Yeah, no, you're paying like a rent. Is it more expensive, I wonder, in New York City than like somewhere else? Well, it's probably legal in other places. I don't know. I don't know what like the pricing is around the country. Square footage. But I was like, wait, I don't know. I was like, I literally don't know. And she was like, look, we can always go back. Like you can always go back if you change your mind. Like if you do get married and you're like, yeah, if something happens to me, I would want him to have them.

Part of me was like, well, I wouldn't want a child walking around and them not having me. Like, that's crazy. Or be like, why do I have these weird mental demons and my mom can't explain them to me? Right. But also I'm like, if I had a sister and say she couldn't get pregnant, I would want her to have mine. What if your brother's wife can't get pregnant? Well, that would be incest. My brother's sperm cannot make a baby.

with my egg that would be so highly illegal I literally spent three days in Alabama you're like give it to well gosh you aren't a page give it to your brother he'll have a baby with it like nope super super illegal um could not do that could not give my brother's wife my eggs oh my god I was thinking about my friend's

My Becca, who's a lesbian, I was like, do you want to use your brother's egg and put it in sperm? And you guys, I don't understand any of it. No, I understand. I just haven't talked about it. I think it's so good that you're explaining this because we don't know the details unless you like sit down. Also, I feel like our parents generation, this like wasn't as popular. I love the place I'm doing it. It's called Extended Fertility. The doctor is

Just so they really do break it down of like, you're gonna have these questions. You actually don't even know it yet. And here is like, yeah, first, let's do your blood test. Let's make sure everything. And he said that I'm at like a normal age for 32. And they can they can really like, can they say, yeah, you're definitely going to be able to have a baby? No, but they can give you like the percentages of like,

You know, in a couple of years, like how hard will it be for you to get pregnant? And if your eggs are 32 now, like, could you get pregnant at 42 with these 32 year old eggs? Like, yeah, you definitely have a chance, but like,

So they really just break it down for you so nicely. Yeah, it's funny. I don't know anything about my eggs. Yeah. I say eggs weird. I don't know anything about them. You do say it like my mom. Eggs. So I'm hoping that like here's the other thing. Now I'm just like waiting on my period. Well, are we synced up because I'm supposed to have mine on Tuesday? Oh, fuck. Okay, don't be jealous. Tuesday as in like tomorrow? Oh, yeah. I'm like so PMS-y right now. I cried yesterday.

Oh my, I'm crying over everything. Well, here's what I'm manifesting. And recently I've been praying to St. Anthony because I feel like him and I are just boys. Yeah. For things that like, things that aren't even lost. He's literally like 100% accuracy. He's never failed you. Do you want to know what I used him for last night? Um,

I ordered pasta, but they didn't have ravioli. But I wrote in the note, if you have ravioli, can I please have it? And I was like, I'm definitely not going to get ravioli. And I said, let me just say a prayer to St. Anthony. And I said, St. Anthony, St. Anthony, please come around. Something is lost that must be found. And it's my ravioli. Got ravioli in my order. St. Anthony is dealing with an Amber Alert. And then he's like, hold on one second. Paige DeSarbo needs ravioli. He needs a ravioli and a spicy vodka sauce. And he came through. So I literally pray to him for things that he doesn't even specialize in. Side note.

No matter how good of a person you think you are, whenever we get an Amber Alert, I'm like, I'm in the middle of a text. I'm in the middle of a text and you're going to frighten me with some six-year-old's bullshit. What did she do to deserve it? Okay? No, and you want to know why? It's always the dad. It's like, let's just find where the fucking dad is before we all send a text. Yeah.

No, so I'm hoping that I get my period when we get back from Giggly Squad last leg of our tour because that would be ideal. Okay, so all the gigglers are in on it with you. Yeah, so like manifest then because then I'll be home for like the two weeks to do the shots. Can I say like the most fucked up joke that I'm not doing on stage? I did it once and it didn't get like that good of a response. So then I lost confidence in it. Okay, great. It's really inappropriate. It might need to be cut.

I want to do a joke about why getting older is better and how getting older is better because if you run into a pedophile, you're like, oh, I'm safe.

Because like if you see any other man, you're like scared unless he's a pedophile and you're like, phew. Yeah. Wait. That might have legs. There's something about like- There's something there. Like, yeah, pedophiles are really scary unless you're in your 30s and all the other men are scary. Yeah. I didn't even get to all the things I've watched. Have you watched the Gabby Petito-

I thought we were going to say the same thing. Baby girl? No, no. I watched a show on Hulu this past weekend. Okay, you start. I watched a show on Hulu called Paradise. Mmm.

It's so freaking good. My guy from This Is Us, Sterling K. Brown, he plays- Oh, I love him. No, he's so good in this. He plays the bodyguard of the president of the United States. But it's about the world ended and now it's all these people that have survived and they're in, but they made a fake town. So it's normal world. I love apocalyptic stuff.

But it doesn't give apocalyptic of like they're running around being zombies. Yeah. I don't like that. It's been done. Yeah. I'm like, it's dusty. It's dirty. It's not for me. This is like they live in homes and like they have shoes on. I do feel like zombies are 90s grunge, though. No. It's kind of like Charlie XCX. I've never been into like a zombie like whatever. It's such a good show. There's only eight episodes. Six are out right now.

And I don't usually like stuff like that, but it's a really good show. I wasn't a fan. I don't think it was that well done of a movie. Do you remember the apocalyptic one with Julia Roberts and stuff? It was on Netflix. It was called The End of Something. Oh, when they couldn't see. Oh, no, that was different. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but it was really bad. They all went to the Hamptons. Yeah, yes. No. But the Hamptons were only 20 minutes away. It just didn't make sense. But then when one of the...

all the Teslas started like freaking out and then when when the big boat like got turned it started to scare me to be like are they warning us for something oh we're starting conspiracy theories I'm getting too high here's the other thing I'm not fighting I'm not like I'll take myself out like please me and Daphne are see ya like I don't give a fuck

Someone was talking about, what are they called? Preppers who are like prepping for the end of the world. And I was just thinking about like, I'd literally rather kill myself than talk to a doomsday prepper about Joe Rogan for like 24 hours. No. Like you don't want to be stuck with people who are preppers. Being in someone's basement eating a can of beans, like get out of here. Unless they have Pop-Tarts, I'm not going. Okay. So you're familiar with the Gabby Petito case. I am. Because we're journalists. Thank you. So-

This, if you're like, oh, I remember when it happened, because it happened pretty recently. They have so much footage and interviews from Gabby's family of Gabby Petito. She falls in love with Brian Laundrie. I think that's his name. Yeah. And then they head to Florida. You get all these new details. His mom hated her. Like kind of thing where she didn't like that she was taking attention from him. Like real boy mom vibes. Ugh.

And she even had sent him a note at the end being like, I would bury a body for you, like all this stuff. The mom? Yes, a note basically being like, if you killed someone, like I will protect you. I'll do anything you need. But Gabby, it shows how she started talking to her ex-boyfriend being like, I have to get out of this like relationship. And they show all the police footage

when someone called in and was like, this man's hitting a woman. And then they ask her questions and he comes out and he's like, yeah, she's being crazy right now. And like, I hope she talks good about me. And then she's like, sorry. Like, she doesn't want to get him in trouble. So she's like, sorry. He like...

I hit him because he had a scratch on him. And they were like, did you hit him? You can't hit a man. Well, first of all, it's legal. But also, no girl hits a man for no reason. But they literally put him in a hotel for domestic... Violence. No, for people who were domestic victims, abuse victims. And she's stuck in the van because they think she did something. They could have saved her life that day. Even if she did hit him because he pissed her off or like...

Have you ever been in a situation where like you've looked at your boyfriend and you're just like, if you really did want to kill me right now, like you could and there's nothing I could do. I don't know. My husband's ACL is torn and like I feel like I could run away from him. A hundred percent. But no, I know. In reality, he's six five. Yeah. Like there really would be nothing you could do. Yeah. I mean, I thought it like I kick him in the ball.

Right. I could poke his eye. Right. No, you'd have to like squirm and figure it out. But all those TikTok videos that are like, hold his hand like this and twist it. Like, you know, you're not going to do that. No, you're not going to do that. In the moment, you're so shocked. Like you're literally just thinking about surviving. So that's,

insane to me. - It's so spooky because she's crying and she's like, "Sorry, I have bad anxiety. "Like, I freaked out." And she's trying to protect him. He's not protecting her and he's basically like, "Yeah, she went crazy." And they believe him. And then weeks later, she's murdered. - She's dead. - But this is the crazy part.

No one knows where she is. The parents of her are texting the parents of his being like, where's Gabby? I haven't heard from her. Your son isn't texting me back. What the fuck's going on? Yeah. The parents aren't responding. So police go up to Brian's parents and they go, hey, where's Gabby? And they go, you can talk to our attorney. And they're like, whoa, we're just checking in. Unpopular opinion. My child comes to me and says, mom, I killed someone. My...

I don't want to manifest this. Oh my God. St. Anthony, we're not manifesting this.

Am I protecting him? Fuck yeah, I am. I think I am. Now, if my child is a sociopath- But he is. Serial killer- He is. I'm not protecting them. You have to go to jail. You need a therapist. I understand you'll be there for your kid no matter what. If your kid murders someone, they're capable of murdering again. Yeah. And they're not going to- I mean, I don't think they'll be killed unless they're in a state then they could be killed. It does the chair, whatever. Yeah.

Visit your kid weekly in jail. Yeah. Like, where he's not hurting other people. Does the chairs crazy? Does the chairs not? Also, chairs crazy. Like, they don't even let you lay down. Like, they make you sit up. But this is the conspiracy theory.

So everyone's looking for Brian Laundrie and the parents are like, he's here. But like the cops don't have the, they can't get him yet. Then apparently he escaped and went hiking somewhere because they're, this was also the hardest thing. Like these people love hiking. So I was having trouble wrapping my head around like that storyline of it all. So I was, I don't know. I couldn't relate. But then there's, they do this whole search party for him. Mm-hmm.

And then the parents in one hour find him. I'm putting that in quotes. And his body was already decomposed. This is what they're saying on TikTok, that to identify him, they brought the teeth to a dentist. And that dentist was the mom's brother. There's a conspiracy. I don't know if this is accurate, but there's a conspiracy theory that he's still alive in South Africa. I mean, sorry, South America. Wow. No, like it's a lot to process. I'm stressed out. How big is his tooth though? The point, the thing is it probably wasn't his tooth.

That was the good part. Oh, I'm still hung up. I'm like, so he took out all his teeth and he's in South America with dentures? That's a crime in itself.

out no so that her brother who's the dentist was like yeah that's brian so that she could hide him in a different remember there was also a conspiracy theory he was in like the flower bed in their backyard yes i loved that one that was one of my favorite ones it's a rabbit i was like this is a real scooby-doo thing she changed him into a rabbit with a magician and now he lives in her flower beds

So that's fucking horrible and scary. But one thing I did like about the documentary, it really shed a light on the victim. I hate when they're like obsessed with like the man and how fucking crazy he is. It was literally just being like, Gabby Petito was an amazing fucking person. Here's something else to note. Someone kills my daughter. I'm showing up to your house. I'm ringing the doorbell and I'm shooting you in the head. Like there's just, I don't get, I will have called the cops prior. Like meet me here.

Because you're going to get and make sure you have your handcuffs because I'm going to kill someone. Imagine texting the parents and them not responding to you when you say do you know where your daughter is. I would have killed those fucking parents too. Then we're wondering like why are the parents not in trouble for like

whatever it's called like hiding a fugitive yeah which is crazy an accessory they should be in jail too apparently he wanted to get her away from her friends and family kind of classic so he brought her in a van to be like let's do a van thing because that was kind of her dream and she goes i'm gonna do a then i'm gonna make money and do like a youtube van vlogging thing yeah and he didn't believe in it he made fun of it and now her vlog has millions of views

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Are you on the side of TikTok where girls are just like posting their like, like their legitimate abusive husbands? And it's like, I'm like, wait, but you're still married to this guy. Like you're in it real time. Like what if he sees this? Like posting him doing something? Yeah. Like I'm on the side of TikTok where all of these girls are posting like

like videoing their husbands and the husbands don't know it and being like, no one's going to watch your TikToks. And then they do get like a bunch of likes and people are like, leave him. But that makes me so scared for them. I'm like, wait, you're still in it though. Like what if he catches wind of this? It's very interesting because it's like when you're in this like scary place, you're really crying out for help. But these people don't expect the videos to go viral. And next thing you know, like

He's exposed in a way that he could hurt you. I'm not on that side of the screen. Oh, okay. Sorry. You don't know where my algorithm has taken me. You know?

like one time we were on tour though when i heard a guy do you remember when i heard a guy yelling at his girlfriend in the hotel room and i called down to the front desk yes that was scary and it took everything in me to not open my door and go out but i was like i can't like what are you gonna do i don't want him to know my room and yeah and then like what are you gonna fight him no i was like no you did the right thing you did the right literally gonna i want

murder this guy. Honestly, if anyone's man, if any man's voice gets raised, like even slightly, I'm calling the police. No, calling the police. I actually one time was with a boyfriend and someone called the hotel security on us because he was screaming so loudly. And in that moment, I was so embarrassed because like I've never had to talk to hotel security. But in that moment, I was like, I know a girl called for me. Isn't that crazy? What did you say?

I was like, oh, like, well, I'm fine. But like, yeah, I was like, oh, he's just like, you know. I'd be like, OK, this is the fucking tea. But like, what are you going to do? No, yeah, because obviously you told on him if he's in trouble. Right. It's a very, very. Oh, sorry. I just like. That was your inner. That was my inner child. My inner child. My inner child.

Weird transition. Have you watched Baby Girl? Yes. Okay. It's a very controversial. Wait. This is controversial. What are your thoughts? As someone who literally watched 365 days during COVID every single day and used my vibrator to this man, I love a sex scene. I love a sexual movie. I love putting myself in the mindset. It does not – it's never too much for me. Baby Girl made me uncomfy.

And I'm never like, I literally felt like a mom. I go, this is too much. Wait, really? I did. I was not aroused. You love choking. Yeah, I love like a dominant, like.

There was... I don't know if it was because it was Nicole Kidman and I feel like I have a relationship to her. That's my mother. That's my mother. Yeah, I was like, no, Nicole. She's my mother. So Gabby Bryan, one of my good friends, had the funniest response. She was like, first of all, no one's believing that Antonio Banderas has never given you an orgasm. That's really... No, that was weird.

That was a miscasting. No, because in my head, I'm like, wait, your husband's hot as fuck. Also, Antonio Banderas will make you come just pronouncing his own name. Yeah, I was like, this is not. And then she was saying how she kept like licking milk, but pretending to be a dog. And I'm like, that's just like factually incorrect. Yeah, like cats like milk. This is the thing. I thought he was like so hot. He was so hot. But then I saw him.

being himself, which is British with like a weird haircut. And then I got the ick. So I love him and his American version. There were also just like certain things where I was like, okay, you're not doing this before work. She got like all ready. And then it was like meet me at a hotel. What time is that? 6.30 a.m.? You can't do anything to me at 6.30 a.m. but get smacked in the face. Like what? No. Get off of me.

But there's theories that make it like a little more interesting. I thought it was fun. I just think there's like two types of people. People who were like, this was too much. And then people who were like,

Like, okay, you like made her drink milk. Like, do more. I thought it was going to be just like – those types of movies though really never, I feel like, do well. At the end, you're kind of like – Like, 50 Shades of Grey, like it was never really it for me either. I was just like – It reminded me of the Barry Keoghan movie. Yeah. Like, they love getting a baby girl boy dancing to music awkwardly long.

Yeah, and there's just like, I'm too interested in like logistics and it's like he showed up to the house. It's like now you're just being messy. Like, don't talk to my kids, you know? So I want to say a spoiler. Okay, I'm going to say spoiler alert. It's been out for so long. Fast forward, like the Charlotte Tilbury podcast.

Yeah, it's literally been out for almost... Fast forward, but what makes it a little more interesting is, you know, it kind of doesn't make sense that like the dog attacks her and then he brings the dog back. And it seems just like very planned. And she's like, you just like get people like you understand me. You like saw me.

Apparently, he's always been dating that girl and that girl knew what she was like and that girl told him the whole time to do that stuff so that at the end she could say. Then it's funny, at the end, she's not even like, make me CEO. She's like, let me talk in the YouTube videos. Here's the other thing.

If you're below the age of, what am I, 32? If you're below the age of 31, you're a fetus to me. Like there's in no situation I'm looking at a male intern and being like, you could probably fuck me really good. This is my thing though. I think there's an age of a woman where you, you like kind of forget what young guys are like and you're like, wait, it would be fun to teach them. No, not for me.

See, I feel like you and I are similar in that. We're going old decrepit. We're going, remember how hot of girls you used to be able to get? Here we are. We're not going opposite. Let me teach you. No. I've taught enough men enough things. Luann gets it.

She's different than us. She's fun. Yeah. She's fun. Do you now think, because I got you to be a cat girl, could you see yourself with a zaddy? 100%. Why? I could never see myself with someone younger. I could only ever see myself with someone older. Who like falls asleep at like nine. I would love that.

I would love it because I have – I like to do things by myself at night. No, I party at night. So, like, there's nothing I love more than, like, occupying my boyfriend with, like, his favorite show. And it's like, okay, I'm going to put this on for you and then I'm going to go do my stuff. Like, you know? Yeah.

So I could go older. I could never go younger. I just – I really couldn't. And I do have to say, I feel like in your 20s, going a lot older, there's a weird power dynamic. But you're kind of prime time for a zaddy right now because you're financially independent. You know who you are. You know what you want.

an older man is not gonna like a crisp 44 oh no but also let's discuss how 44 is when their faces like become like they're men yeah they're men like no offense but like i see a 35 year old guy now and i'm like okay literally you still have to call your mom you still have to call your mom yeah yeah you still call your mom is still like nervous that you're not gonna get married 44 they're like

We don't give a fuck what he does. He doesn't even have a mom. You know? Like, no, I'm down for that. Oh my God, I'm excited for you. See, we're merging. Here's the other thing that people don't realize. The Vanity Fair red carpet is also me speed dating. So they better get ready for that, Hannah. Wait, I'm going to be Chris Harrison. Yeah, no. There's no Bachelor in 2025. Yeah, there is. This is called the Vanity Fair live stream. Yeah, there is.

Wait, someone comes up and I look at you and you're like, no. And I'm like, sorry, we can't interview him right now. She's not interested. They're like, no, you're supposed to interview me for my movie. And I'm like, sorry, I don't want to go on a date. What is interview? I'm not available. You're like, Paige, it's not why you're here. What is interesting with meeting these like A-listers that we're going to do is like, you know them. But then when you interview them, first of all, you get their vibe and you also see their actual height. I'm nervous that

Some celebs, I feel like I'm never going to be able to enjoy their movies again because I'll be friends with them now. Here's the thing, though. Not friends, but I know them now. I'm not trying to date an A-lister or someone famous. Who's the guy behind you? Who's your manager? Well, it's normally a stressed out female publicist. Yeah, that's true. But is your financial manager also here with you?

Or maybe your agent is here. You go, who's your agent? Who runs the agency? But who really runs everything? Yeah. Who's calling the shots? Yeah. Because you're a puppet. A little puppet. You're a little baby. No, it'll be interesting. It'll be interesting. So to wrap this up, I caused some drama in an elite. Amongst? Elite Daily posted a video of Fuck, Marry, Kill, Italian food. I saw. And...

The cancellation was close. I wanted your opinion. Because at first I was like, I don't know if I said the right thing and I thought about it and I go, no, I'm going to double down. I think I was right. And I'm not someone that just like will blindly support anyone. It's definitely not me. But let me tell you something. I think you made the right call. Wait. Okay. Tell them, fuck, marry, kill, lasagna, pizza, or chicken parmesan and why? Chicken parmesan is just like –

It hits everything. It hits everything. Sometimes with lasagna, if you don't have a meat in your lasagna, and like I personally sometimes don't like meat in my lasagna, you have pasta and you're like, I need a protein, like I need a meat. People fuck up lasagna. People fuck it up a lot. Also, like you always feel like it's too much lasagna. Not like too much. It's like the soup of-

Of pasta. Yeah. And I'm going to say something else. I never order lasagna out. Never. I'm not going to a restaurant and ordering lasagna. Lasagna, I hate to say it, lasagna is what people make when there's too many people at the party and you just want people to be fed. Right. And that's why leaving it on your stoop, it's homemade. It's homemade. And that's better for me. Yes. I'm not getting it out at a restaurant. It's a casserole. And pizza is...

Well, we're not going to kill pizza. That's crazy. Late night? Yeah. Pizza has always been there. Pizza cold, pizza warm, pizza with toppings, pizza with just cheese. Every kind. Turn me around. Yeah. Every hole. Let's go. Let's go.

But chicken parmesan, like, I respect. Like, I respect its mind. I respect its body. I one time dated a man that was just like, well, I actually, I shouldn't really come for this because I feel like you like this too. That was just like pizza with pineapple on it is like so good. It's very Des. Des has like a really good comedy bit about pizza with pineapple on ham. And I think it was like in that moment that I was like, I just like will never orgasm to you. What?

I'll never think about you later in life and come to you. So know that. Des, I'm going to ruin it, but this is one of my favorite jokes. He jokes that when people say like, oh, I don't like pineapple with pizza. And then he's like, why? And they're like, I don't know. It's like, oh, so you don't like something. Like, have you ever tried it? And they're like, no. And he said it's giving like

When guys are like, oh, I would never date another man. It's like, what are you afraid? If you tried it, you'd like it. Yeah. Yeah. I've tried it though and I don't like it. Yeah. I would never order it out of the blue.

Yeah, and I would never order it over at things. But I like pineapple as my fruit. I don't like when pineapple's in other foods. Like I don't like a pineapple sauce on like a random chicken dish or like – so I'm – keep me out of it. Unless it's like kind of Caribbean. Yeah, but even then I'm just like I don't like when things are sweet that are supposed to be savory. Yeah, and some people are obsessed with sweet and salty together. Yeah, and I'm not one of those people. I like am individualized.

But anyway, that's just a little bit about me and my palette. What time are we at? We have to promote two shows, Vegas and Salt Lake City with the Mormons. Who knew the Mormons were not buying tickets? I'm just kidding. We have actually a couple tickets left and we love the Mormon community. We take back everything we've said. This is the last time we're doing Giggly Squad outfits and I... Have nothing left? I have nothing left to give.

We love you guys. Thank you for giggling with us. And the next time we talk to you, we will have done the Oscars. Oh my God. So next episode is going to be so cheap. Next episode, make sure you're swipe, subscribe. Don't miss it. Swipe up.

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