Giggling about onlyfans, canada, and cake
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of a cocktail revelation to share, Hannah and I are obsessed with espresso martinis and have found the secret ingredient for them. It's Mr. Black. Mr. Black is a cold brew coffee liqueur made from 100% specialty grade coffee and vodka. It's unlike any coffee liqueur. It's not too sweet and it makes the perfect espresso martini. I'm all about cultivating a vibe in my new apartment and the first thing I make whenever people come over is an espresso martini with Mr. Black.

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We can't be managed. I mean, the day just got away from me.

What's up, my gotcha gigglers? Oh, good. I do have to say, at the end of our shows, we do a Q&A where Grace goes around and chooses people based on their kind eyes. Yes. She doesn't like when people run up to her aggressively. She doesn't even want to be doing it. She doesn't want to be there at all. She doesn't want to be there at all. And this girl runs up to her and grabs the mic, and immediately everyone was like, oh, no. Because this girl clearly was blackout, having too much fun. The girl grabs the mic, and I'm like, what's she going to say? And she just goes...

Gotcha. And everyone just went nuts. No, it was so funny. So it's become a thing. Now like gigglers are coming up to the airport just going, gotcha. So we created. Honestly, it's kind of terrifying. If someone came up to me on the streets of New York City. Gotcha. Gotcha. I'd be like, they're going to shoot me in the face. So we almost didn't make it to Canada. No, we almost didn't make it back into America. Both. Both.

When we were going across to Canada, the lady was not having it. Giggly Squad is a professional podcast. Let's talk about something that's really important. Border control. Let's talk about border control. You didn't think this was going to be top of the agenda today. And I understand that Canada was in fact trying to keep out the riffraff. And that is... And we respect that. And I respect that. We respect that. We pull up to the border.

And we get – first of all, we get our passports. We, like, give them to her. She's stunning. I feel like that's, like, important. Yeah, and her skin was glowing. But she immediately had an attitude. She was, like, all at the same time because Grace was, like, holding two. And she's, like, all at the same time. And I was like, ooh, she's not happy with us. And then this is the difference between me and Hannah. Hannah wanted to give her her life story. Like, this is why we're here. This is what we're doing. And I was like, tell this bitch nothing. Nothing.

Why does she need to know what we're doing at the casino? So this thing with border control, if you don't have like a, when you are working in another country, you have to have like a slip of some kind. Yeah, like a permit of some sort. And I've definitely gone over and like didn't print out the slip or whatever and then just been like, I'm going to see friends and they can't really say anything. But this time I knew we had the slip and she was giving us attitudes. So she was like, why are you guys here? And I was like, we're performing. I love how I was like, ask me more, bitch. Ask me. And she was like, what kind of performance? Is this like a

band or something and I was like and I was like I actually can hit the note thank you so much for bringing this up I've been practicing did you see my wicked note because I did hit it and it just immediately goes yeah it is a band oh

But she's looking at us like there's no way you're a band. And I go, we're a podcast. She's like, what's your podcast about? And in that moment, I wanted to be like, how difficult it is to get over the border. And now you get attitude. And I tell that to the guy when we leave. And he's the guy driving us. And he was like, you would have gotten us arrested if you said that. And I was like, thank God for the first time in my life. I kept something in my own head. Yeah. And you just said, comedy. Comedy. And she looked at us like, well, you're not funny. And then really scared us. Like we weren't going to get through. Yeah.

So we didn't think we were going to get through even though there was, they make you feel like you have cocaine up your pussy and you start to, like they gaslight you to be like, I shouldn't go over the border. Well, here's the thing in my head. If we did have cocaine,

Who is going to get it? They weren't going to find it because this is the first time I've ever gone into Canada driving. Like so going through the border like in a car. Yeah. They don't check anything. No, they're like, do you have guns? And we're like, no. And she's like, good. She's like, don't lie. Don't fucking lie to me. But like what if I did? Like I totally could have in that car.

We definitely think Canada, you got to tighten it up a little bit. No, Canada, tighten it up. Kind of tighten it up. But then going back, this is, we've done six shows in four days. It's the end of our tour for 2024. We're like, oh my God, we did it. And it's zero brain cells between the three of us. It's 7 a.m. So I never have brain cells at that time.

and we get to the border and the guy goes give me your passports and grace immediately looks at me with like a weird look and i'm like like you were her mom she looked at me like the guy said it in a weird way and i was like i don't think he was mean about it and then she's like still looking at me with this weird blank stare and i'm like are you okay and she goes i can't find my passport and this is when wait that's such a like little kid to your mom like mom can i tell you something

when are we going home? That's like how it felt. No, and immediately I'm like, I turned into my mom. You turned into yours. I start praying. I'm like, it's fine. We'll say St. Anthony. St. Anthony. You went to God. You found Jesus. I assumed that I took it. I go, I probably have it. I'm going through my shit. I'm like, oh, I was looking for that chapstick. You looking through your bag was so iconic because Grace goes, why are you looking in your bag? You go, I'm trying to be helpful. Oh my God.

I'm looking under my shirt. I'm like in my hat. I'm like, we're done for. You go full negative. You go, we're never leaving. I go, we reside here now. And it turns out we were in, what's it called? Like in between. We were in purgatory. We weren't in America, but we weren't still in Canada. So we couldn't get back. No, we couldn't go back to Canada to be like, we forgot it. So we call the hotel though, to be like, do you guys, can you look in the hotel room? And it's like a bunch of security guards and they're like,

We looked. We couldn't find it. And I'm like, is there a woman there? No, truly. Because you guys searched for two minutes. I know how men look for things. They don't even like lift stuff up. Yeah.

But they're like, we can't find it. And the woman is like, Grace gives her a paper and Paige is just like, we're not making it. Yeah. I'm like, there's no way. There's no way. This is 2024. You can't get into America without a passport. At that point, we weren't even trying to get in. We were just like, fuck. We were like, what do we have to do? Meanwhile, border control getting back into America. She's like, yeah, you guys are good. And Paige is like, St. Anthony, St. Anthony, we're never going to make it back. And she's like, can you please just drive? And Paige is like...

just like we're never gonna get home so they were begging us to go back to america grace got back into america oh yeah grace also didn't have another form of id i was like i was like there's no logical possible i was like if you had your id and you lost your passport yeah you're saying you're grace no she lost her id in boston america was like we don't give a flying fuck so for anyone who

to get in from Canada, you're welcome. You're fine. Our arms are wide open. And if you're thinking, Grace, stop losing things. Grace has too much on her plate. No, she does. Grace has to keep, make sure we're awake, make sure we're breathing, make sure we're fed. She does for HR multiple times in the past three months. We've denied her request every time. We're like, put it in the comment box. We'll get to it.

There's going to be a Netflix documentary about the toxic work environment of Ailey's squad. And it's just Grace, like anonymous speaking like, yes, this one time I forgot her boots and I had to Uber back 40 minutes to get her boots for the show. One time Paige commented on my boobs and how she wanted to see them.

You guys are laughing, but everyone with a real job is like, yeah, not okay. Not okay. She will legit ask for HR. We start laughing. We're like, that's so funny. We have to harass you. You're the next Lizzo. Hannah. We've never taken Grace to a strip club. We've never taken her to a strip club, even though she asks all the time. I'm just kidding. Grace's mom who listens. Oh, God. Oh, God. Anyway. Anyway, we're back. Quick update. And I forgot to say yesterday. I am...

on the holiday episode of Is It Cake? Yes. A lot of moms have been messaging me, just want to say...

I probably was the worst judge that ever judged. Do you know how fucking hard it is? They give you 20 seconds. And you're far away. You're far away and they give you 20 seconds. But you also have to say stuff that's like funny. Every time I blanked. Yeah. And like it's one of those things where like I think I could hit the wicked note. I don't think I could get is it cake. And Tiffany Haddish was like confident. Like she was like that's cake. That's cake. That's cake. I said whatever she wants. Whatever she wants.

What was funny is when we got there, they were... I was like, do people, like, get upset? Like, you know, we're judges. Like, is this fucking American Idol? And they were, like, literally once someone cried, like, years ago. But, like, no, it's really fun. But they were, like, they do work for, like, 12 hours to put these cakes together. So just, like, keep that in mind. Yeah, like, they're tired. The whole episode was people crying. The whole episode, people cried. And I loved all the... I was like, no, you're perfect. Like, I don't even...

Tiffany got it. I don't know. Like, I couldn't tell. You're perfect. But do they get, like, eliminated? I only watched your episode. They literally are like, bye, bitch.

Oh my God, it's cutthroat. That episode is like them working hard and then us dumb comics coming in being like, death kick. I like the host too. Oh, Mikey Day is so cute. Yeah, he's cute. He's funny. So he's actually, I realized, from one of my favorite viral YouTubes back in the day of, who's the magician? I was going to say David Spade. David Blaine. YouTube David Blaine. It's like making fun of David Blaine and how he'll be like,

I'm pulling this out of your pocket and how people freak out. I feel like there was a time in the 2010s where magicians were really having a moment. No, magicians were cool. I feel like we should bring it back.

- I don't know. - Should we do it on tour? - Have you ever gone to a magic show? - I once went to this swanky New York City bar where everyone sits and there's a magician at the table and it was really fun. But there's two types of people. One that are like, oh, it was in his glove and for this. And then there's the people who are just like, I believe in magic, I enjoy it.

That's what I was. I enjoyed it. Until they were bringing out the doves. I don't need doves. Yeah, I don't need live animals. Leave the animals out of it. That's why we don't have live animals on the Giggly Squad show. But David Blaine and locking yourself in a cage that goes into shark-infested water, it's like, maybe call a therapist. Maybe call a therapist. Just like...

men will do anything to not go to therapy and they'll become magicians no and why is it always like the girl that they put into that box well have you ever seen a female magician like putting a man into a box and and sawing it up okay now that's my next Netflix now I need to do that well if

like like pilots we're gonna get like a ton of girls being like I'm a magician as you should be but it is it is funny that it's always a man being like I think yeah I've never seen a magic show advertised and it was like a woman

Normally, I guess it's more like the Cirque du Soleil where the girls are like, I can take my limbs and like fold it behind my head, which jealous. I'm actually into that TikTok. I feel like me and you should do it. But it sounds like, have you ever seen this one? Have you ever seen this one? Every girl that was a former dancer, I just have to say, did it probably get you like nowhere in terms of your career? Probably not.

Sorry, it's a Monday and Hannah showed up. No, but you know, like, you played football, you got a scholarship. Yeah. I don't think there were dance team scholarships. The dancers have a hard life. No. Well, like, yeah, they're getting paid no money doing, maybe they became cheerleaders. And to, like, even become a professional dancer. You're just, you're a backup dancer on a tour. You're still not getting paid enough. Yeah, you're not getting, like, the recognition. But what I'm going to say is. Yeah.

Were they fucking cool in high school? Yes. The dance team at my school, these girls were just popping their pussy like so effortlessly. They would all do it like the same and like they were untouchable. Like they were... The only reason I wanted to become a cheerleader in high school was the vibe. In my like public school I went to, the cheerleaders kind of were like we barely had a gym. So like I don't know what they were doing. It was the dance team that was the shit because they were like...

They could give a blowjob. Yeah. The dance team knows how to give a blowjob. Like when Ciara came out with her song, when she came up with, my goodies, my goodies, my goodies, my goodies. Every cheerleading team. And then the hair flip. Yeah. And the hair flip. And the hair flip. That's my favorite thing about dancers. They're really good at the hair flip. Actually, one of my favorite things to watch on TikTok is like college dance team competitions. Yeah. It's amazing. But I do have to say...

Y'all bitches are so lucky I can't do a split. Hannah, we're so lucky there's so many things that you can't do. We're so lucky that you don't have the voice of an angel. We're so lucky that you're not flexible. If I was flexible, I'd be sitting here with my leg around my head. And we're so lucky you're not a morning person. If you had those three things, I don't think we'd even be friends. I don't think we'd even be sat at this flower table. I might be the star of Wicked. No, you're not.

Which, by the way, I saw with my mom. And what did you think? It was fucking fantastic. Are there moments that you would be cringy or you'd be like, I'm going to fall asleep? Yes. But after watching it again, remember, I'm delusional.

You are Glinda. Like you are Glinda and I am Alphaba. Yeah. This is like a niche comment, but it was giving like reality TV to me where like you kind of became the princess. And then I was like, gotta go. I think you're just going to leave me here with all the munchkins. I became the Wicked Witch of the West. But then people realized it was it's all the whole thing is about propaganda. So the story of Wicked is about us.

It's literally Giggly Squad and there's short men running around. No, not the short men. But I do have to say, it's about propaganda of how you can make anyone believe in something and you can make everyone can bond over hating the same thing. And there's this concept of they all started to turn on the animals because animals could speak and they were like, these animals speaking is bad and they got everyone against it.

And also you guys know this from The Wizard of Oz, so this isn't a spoiler. Oz is all bullshit. Like his power, his everything, it's all just made up to control people. And she calls them out. I didn't know that. And they try to make her seem like she's wicked because she was the only one telling the truth. Speaking your mind. Speaking your mind. Being like, ah! And, well, people are going to leave bad reviews for that. It's getting better.

Don't say that to me. It's not getting worse. Don't fucking say that to me. It's either staying the same or getting better, but it's not getting worse. Well, because at first, honestly, there was really bad acoustics in that room. And you had a true throat. I also had like a weird nap earlier that day. You had to eat a lot of dairy earlier that day. Musicians are so funny. They'll be like, all you have to do is drink Dr. Pepper with a little bit of honey and you're sound amazing. Like everyone has a weird like. A weird little thing.

Thing they do. Did you see Ariana and Cynthia were both nominated for Golden Globes? Yes, as they should. Want to make one note. Why? I think it's one of them. Golden Globes, they added a comedy section. They did? Well, they have like the comedies and they go musical slash comedy. Why is that the same? Then they added a stand-up thing. I was not nominated. I will be speaking to the Academy about that.

Wait, so it's a section of TV, film, musicals slash comedy. Yeah. How many musicals slash comedies are there? They have a separate thing for musicals. Like musicals are not comedies. It's just like these the Academy or whoever does not respect comedy as an art form.

When it's fucking hard to do. And when you say it's comedy, it's just movies and TV. It's not specials. Specials was just given last year its own. Okay. And it's sometimes- Who was nominated for- Specials? Yeah. Well, Ali Wong. Okay. Nikki. Okay. Jamie Foxx, who I didn't know was a special. Really? Yeah, I was just going to say what men- Rami Youssef.

And there's one more that I'm forgetting. Shane Gillis? No. Really? But that's why you... Who's nominating the people? Okay, actually, this brings me to my next thing. Lana Del Rey didn't know that you had to submit your songs to the Grammys?

But also she's not even the one that would do it. It's her team who would do it. But like that's what she was like. I didn't know that was even a thing. Her managers had to tell her like, no, you have to submit to get a Grammy. Did she not submit? No. She just thought like, oh, you just like get put on the ballot. But that's her team's job to submit her. No, but then they submitted her. Oh, OK. But like going into it, she was like, oh, I thought you just like. I actually don't know if my team submitted me. Grace, can you double check that? Yeah.

I think that's what happened. I think it got lost in the mail. But what about the section for live shows and drunk girls? Live podcast shows. No, but I do have to say, awards in general, this is like end of the year where you're going to start seeing...

oh my god everyone doing the like my year in a nutshell and it's like god love broken heart working out eating good food traveling the world like what are you talking about this is what's gonna happen on tiktok everyone's like end of the year like montages which i love that everyone's making their life more romantic than it is but like who's it for send it to your mom who's it for put it together send it to your mom speaking of do you have any new year's resolutions

I'm trying to survive today. News resolutions. Anything you're trying to like improve on, change?

I'm drawing a blank. That's crazy. I'm perfect. I actually do want to stretch more, but like I've been saying that since I was 12. Yeah. No, I want to work out more. Not even like this is the first time in my life I'm like, no, I need to work out because I'm brittle and frail and I will die. Not like, oh, I want to have like a high tight body.

But like also, yes, but like. Mine is definitely not because I'm brittle and frail. But we travel a lot and I feel like, yeah, our bodies are like breaking down. I mean, I've been doing the worm, my lower back. Like I need to be stronger. We want to be strong. And strong is beauty. As Ilona Mayer would say. True. My goodies. My goodies. Another thing, I have a question for you. Yeah.

Say you're walking into your bedroom. Wait, you never ask me questions. This is crazy. You're walking into your personal bedroom. Why are you pointing? Because I'm trying to set the scene. This is you walking in. Okay. You're walking in. You're staring at your bed. Yep. Okay? You're at the foot of it. You're staring at it. My bed's on the left. Okay. What side do you sleep on? Oh, okay. This is crazy. It's crazy. This is crazy because...

Not to brag, but when we're in West Hampton. Yes. When we're in West Hampton, I sleep on the left. Okay. I've always slept on the left. In the city, I sleep on the right. Basically, I sleep whatever's farthest to the door. In my head, the man sleeps closest to the door. Okay. That is how I sleep too. Like I'm always closer to the window. Yeah. Because if someone comes...

They get them first. They get them first. At the door. As they should. But I saw this thing on TikTok that was like, it has nothing to do with like the door or whatever. There's a masculine and feminine side of the bed. And she said, if you're single, you have to sleep on the left side of the bed to like tell the universe you're ready for someone to be on the right side. I support women in the arts. I don't support this. It's not true. But...

Like, okay, me not even knowing this, inherently, I go to the left side. Like, I go to the feminine side. Well, it's funny because I was single. And during COVID, I slept on the right side the whole time. That's when I met my husband. So go fuck yourself. I'm not trying to be negative Nancy. In my old apartment, I slept on the right. But I felt very in charge and very masculine. Okay.

I love when life imitates art. That's when I was really just coming into my own. I do understand the like coming into your feminine energy thing. But again. I so need to come into my feminine energy in 2025. I'm going to be softer. But I would argue let's all like that all of it's made up. Like what makes feminine energy is a stereotype anyway. Like what if feminine energy is being assertive and organized. And like it's all all the binary stuff. Like let's forget. Okay. Yeah.

You're a soul. Thank you. You're a soul. Like Daphne. Speaking of that bitch. How is she? When I came home yesterday from tour, she was like...

giving me attitude like oh look who it is wait she's the only one in your life who gives you attitude truly like she wouldn't come over to me like I obviously picked her up and was like we're snuggling we're hugging we're loving and she was like okay and then like I'm gonna go do my own thing so she wasn't like actively coming over to me it was more just like can't believe you're back like this is what we do here so like fall in line and then at like 3 a.m. I felt her little head on my head and I said okay are you not mad at me anymore and

And then we loved each other. And then this morning was good. This morning I was just like, you're perfect. And that's why I love cats because like you're almost, you respect her more. Yeah. Because being like, I was disrespectful. I was disrespectful. I was gone for four days. I want to earn your love. I left you with like a plethora of men. Rotating door. Rotating in and out of the apartment, like feeding you, petting you. You probably had no idea what was going on. And then I just come home and I expect you to be like obsessed with me. And she was like, give me a freaking minute.

Which is so page-coded. So page-coded. She's like, you're not just coming into my life and, like, rearranging things. But the best thing was my brother was watching her over the weekend, and he calls me the one day, and he goes –

hey, everything's fine. Daphne's fine. And I'm like, what's wrong? And he's like, well, she's just like really lethargic. I don't know if something's wrong. And I'm like, oh my God, what is she doing? And he's like, she's just like not getting up and like I'm calling her name. She's like not looking at me. And so I like look at the clock and I'm like, it's two o'clock. We're in prime napping time. No.

Call me when there's something actually important. Goodbye. Cats are cuddling from around 11 to 4, I would say. Like, they're not moving. They're not doing anything. She also was partying the night before, running around, doing whatever cat drug she has.

This tour is sponsored by Neutrogena. I have to confess something and Hannah's actually turned me into a new person. I can't believe I let her do this to me, but we no longer get glam when we're on tour. Doing it myself, I have to have the perfect base and that's why I love the Neutrogena Hydro Boost Water Gel. I actually don't use primer because my amazing makeup artist once told me

that you really just need good hydration. So I always use it as my primer. And the Hydro Boost Water Gel really is such a weightless hydration and it stays for 24 hours and we're flying multiple days in a row. So we need that 24 hour protection and we can both use it. And we have two very different skin types and it's suitable for all skin types. Shop it now at Neutrogena.com.

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And I love doing things to make myself more comfortable, like getting fuzzy socks or being on the couch all day. And sometimes a good way to feel comfortable, especially during the holiday season, is therapy. I've talked a lot about having anxiety and therapy in recent episodes, and it's really helpful to learn positive coping mechanisms, setting boundaries, and it empowers you to be your best version.

If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge.

The holiday time can also be a stressful time. So maybe you were in therapy, you're not in it anymore. This is a perfect time to start up again. Find comfort this December with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash giggly squad today to get 10% off your first month.

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Learn more at paloaltonetworks.com slash cortex. Also, speaking of travel, you saw the woman who with the Paris flight. Who just like got on the Delta flight with no ticket. She broke onto a Paris flight with no ticket. I think it was Grace. And she was just going from like bathroom to bathroom. Okay. After being on tour in a thousand different cities, the airport is made up. An abyss.

And accidentally breaking into an Indianapolis flight. TSA is straight up made up. We broke into the airport in Indianapolis. Hannah almost got on with no ticket. Like that, I'm not kidding. That scarred me. Accidentally. When I said, how did she get through TSA? And Delta goes, we don't know. That terrified me. I was like, what are we all doing here? They said, gotcha. No, TSA is a lie. The border is a lie. Like there's no authorities.

anywhere. Authority. Also, all you have to do is giggle and they'll be like, oh, they're fine. Yeah, it's just like crazy. No, that woman getting on the Paris flight is insane. I feel like when you're getting on flights, they're more worried about you having a purse. A third bag. I was just going to say that. I've been stopped getting on the flight.

Just because I have a mini purse that's like not consolidated. If I hear the word consolidated one more time in the airport. As you know, I literally almost got arrested during a Southwest flight because of this and I had to choke myself in front of the line. However, this is sexism. They're not factoring in that we come with a mini purse. I mean,

A mini purse does not count as something that would... It's an extension of my body. It's extension for your body. And like, yeah, men don't have purses. So they just think in their head, oh, too, that was made by a man. And you know what? All of his stuff in my purse. Yeah. In my purse. So why don't we split that purse up? When I go to the airport, I have my luggage. I have my backpack that then has like my makeup and my laptop, if I remember it.

And some people would have a nice bag as you do. Yeah. Like a big bag. And then you have your purse with your phone and your wallet, your wallet and Grace's passport, your personal items and your personal items. That's called girlhood. That's called being a woman. But what I do, because look,

- I don't follow the rules. - No, you don't. - Gotcha. - You put your purse on first. - So I put my purse on first and then I put my backpack over my purse and they've never got me once. - No, they really don't get you. - They don't get me and if they did, I would just be like, oopsie poopsie. But I'm not putting my little purse into my backpack that doesn't fit to then just take it out when I get to my seat 'cause they both fit. If they both fit under your chair,

What are we doing? I'm done with airports. I'm done with TSA. I'm done with planes. The last plane we got onto, it was all men in the aisle rows. And I'm like so tired and like struggling. And my arms are shaking, like putting my luggage up. And I literally put it in the overhead bin. And I'm not kidding. I turned and I looked at all of them. And I said, you should be ashamed. I mean, I didn't say that, but I gave them all looks. Yeah, there's, we've lost etiquette.

We've lost the plot. We've lost the plot. There's no airport etiquette. I'm freaked out. Have you heard about the meta smart glasses? No. There are these glasses that you wear that really look like normal glasses and it pans people's faces. And when you see the person, you can press on them and Google them and see like it matches their face. No. And that's where I'm at. That's where I'm at. No, thank you.

That's where I'm at. No, thank you. I mean, maybe for dating it'll be good, but like anything that's like it feels so exposed. It feels so violated. Being at just like picturing being at like a bar. And everyone's just looking at you with the sunglasses and you're like you liking what you're reading.

Like where would that, in what situation would that be like, oh, thank God I have my spy glasses. No, that's the thing. In what situation is that like helping? The girls are already spying. Like we know what's going on. We don't need stupid fucking glasses. Unless like it was for like the police. Yeah, the police should have them. But like I don't need one at Starbucks. No, imagine a guy comes up to you and he's like,

Do you have a podcast about how sharks kill you? And you're like, yeah, that was a clip we did. And then he's like, cool. That's how you date. No. Don't approach me. If you're a man, don't approach me. Also, if you're a man with stupid sunglasses out of Starbucks, don't approach me. No. I rarely get approached, I feel like, by men. Unless their girlfriends want a picture. I don't know. My algorithm thinks I'm you. I'm a lesbian. No.

Mine thinks I'm a lesbian. No one said that. No one said that. I've gotten more and more that I give lesbian energy. Wait, no, I know for a fact that you could have like at least one relationship with a woman and it'd be like amazing. But then you go back to men. Yeah. Like aesthetically, you'd be like, I would like this like for photos.

I don't think. She just goes down on you all the time? I don't. Here's the thing. As someone who identifies with the lesbian community, way more with the gay community, the gay male community. See that? I could be a lesbian if we were just chilling on the couch and chatting. But that's just a friend. Would you be? Well, I couldn't be a lesbian because of the sexual stuff. First of all, we're in a lesbian relationship. Yeah, but we don't have a lesbian relationship.

we don't go down on each other a lot of lesbians i don't know but in marriage don't you eventually stop so are we just a married lesbian relationship like you come in and you're like starting a sentence with i don't know a lot of these lesbians is so funny and amazing i know i could see you okay i don't want to like

Okay, you know Caitlyn Carter? Please don't put me in a box. Do you know Caitlyn Carter? Yeah. She dated Miley Cyrus and I saw it. Question is, do you want femme or masculine? I don't know what I would want. I think that's gay of you. The fact that you consider it all if you're gay.

My instinct is I would want like a femme girl. Okay. Okay. Well, I mean, I went in

more masculine like a girl that was more masculine yeah I've dated gayer men than that like I've actually been with someone more I think that's the thing though lesbians their whole thing is that they have the masculinity that I said earlier wasn't a thing but then also like like when two lesbians raise a baby well that's profound it's the most incredible thing you've ever seen

That's I mean, the the their apartment must be so when I think of lesbians, I just think about like their apartment must be so tiny, tidy and organized. Yes. Like everything must have. And everything's fixed. Everything's fixed. Everything's DIY place. Yeah. Like and they're cooking, but they're cooking like steaks. They're cooking, but then they're cleaning up after they cooked, you know, like they're not waiting for the next. They're barbecuing and making all the sides. Yeah. Yeah.

Do you ever see like a WNBA girl that you're like, wait, you can throw me around? Yes. No. No.

No, but there is one WNBA girl, but I don't know if she's actually out. Paige Bukers. Yes. She's not out. I'm obsessed with her though. But like her vibe, I'm like, oh, she's like, has like swag and I'm like nervous. Like when I look at her, but like I don't want to date her. I know you're so right. I'd be like. But also imagine I dated someone with the same name.

Like the tailors. The tailors. Yeah. The tailors. If I went lesbian, I would only go lesbian with someone named Paige. Which is honestly so page-coded. She's so page-coded. And like just think about like us as a couple, we're P squared. Wait, I love how this whole episode is just me calling you gay. Yeah. Wait, I have a question. Because your fingers are so long. Yep. Are...

Are dicks, like, smaller to you? Like, for me to get my hand around a dick, it could be small because I have little nubby fingers. Every dick seems huge in my hands. You could amass – I really take their confidence away. I'm like, really? You could amass – you're holding a string bean with your fingers. Oh, my – have you thought of that? Like, you giving a hand job, does it get embarrassing ever because your fingers are folded over so much? No.

I'm like, I've wrapped around three times. No, but I once had a guy say that my fingers are so girly looking and my nails are always done that he liked the way my hand looked. That's crazy. Never happened to me before. Not once. Well, I always say you could be a hand model. I could. Oh, God.

Wait, this is actually a really good segue. The men are mad. About? Only fans. Why? So girls are coming out being like. They're the only ones on it. No way.

5B house. Because you came up with it. Some girl came out and said she's making like $40 million a month on OnlyFans. A month? Did I make that up? No, I think a year. And the men are furious. But it's like, this is just basic business. Well, if the girls subscribe to it, I mean, get mad at your own people. If there's demand, there needs to be supply. Yeah. Econ 101 that I didn't even go to. So why did I go full Sebastian Mascarco? And I didn't even subscribe. How are you?

43 million in her first year. So the men are furious and this is my thing. But you guys paid her. You're the ones paying. Yeah. Also, I feel like guys used to make fun of girls for being strippers. And it's like now we're making money doing sex work that is safer in our own apartment and entrepreneurial. I saw this quote that was like, I can't remember it like exactly now, but it was...

Something where it was like women. Oh, fuck. It was like women. If it's unconsensual, it's sexy. If it's consensual, it's just slutty. So like men like feeling like we don't want this and that's like seduction and like I'm going to make her want this. But when we're like, yeah, give it to me. They're like, you're a whore. And that sounds my therapist would say is you don't love yourself.

If the second the girl wants to fuck you, you don't want it. Look inward. But also, like, OnlyFans is, like, going on to Pornhub, but, like, they're just, they have a better pay situation. A better pay structure. So, like, what is really the difference? They're doing their own production.

It's just the girls are making more money on OnlyFans because it goes straight to them. Right. Instead of getting like, I mean, there are companies that do OnlyFans, I guess. There's men on OnlyFans too. There are men making money on OnlyFans too. It's just. The women are just smart enough. Like, no, I'm not paying for porn, you bunch of idiots. These fucking guys being like, I would never, I would never marry a girl who does OnlyFans. I'm just going to. She wouldn't touch you. No, she wouldn't.

- She wouldn't touch it. - The guy, she's fucking-- - She'd literally buy and sell you also. She makes so much money, you would be a joke to her. - If you have ever had to say out loud, I wouldn't marry a girl who does OnlyFans, you've never met a girl who does OnlyFans. You're not even in the room with this level of girls. You're not even in her tax bracket, exactly. But I think it's they're mad that

A lot of men, I think, don't like hot girls because they feel like they're already rejected before. That's what I was saying. I have your algorithm. They think I'm like a hot girl who likes white cats. Yeah.

who has a Southern boyfriend because I keep, I send you anything that relates to you. So it fully, so it sends me things like, are you a really hot girl? And did you, and I'm like, no. But they say how like hotter girls get approached less. Yeah. And how people can like be, and like I'm not trying. Can I admit something to you that I don't think people would like ever really like imagine? I've never been truly hit on in my DMs.

Like ever. Not even Charlie Puth? No. Like I've never had a man that I've like not previously met. Like yeah I've had like guys like oh I met him at a club or like oh he's a friend of a friend like slide into my DMs and be like you look whatever. But you love random guys be gross. No.

I don't. I don't have random men being gross and sending me sexual things. And I don't have anyone like ever shooting their shot in my DM. I've never had a guy that I've never met before who is like anything that like I would potentially date DM me and say like, let's go on a date or something. Never. Is that kind of crazy? I hate to say it and I hate to like support pretty privilege, but like.

It's because I think my Instagram is not even anti-men, but it's like, oh, this is literally like shoes, clothes and like Daphne. Well, the male gaze is a real thing. And you can tell as a man like Chris, can you tell when a girl's posting for men versus posting for girls? Yeah. Yeah. So like the girls who are my first shot is at my ass.

Actually, you did. That was for, who was that for? That was for myself. That was for myself to be like, you're 32, but you still got it.

But no, my Instagram very much gives girl. Like for the girls. Yeah, for the girls. Not lesbian, but for the girls. And you also look just like really rich, pretty, and mean, which I feel like... Good. Don't fucking DM me. This is not an invitation. This is me saying, I like where it is. Keep it that way. Back in my single days, I was very... Like, I was just chatty. I loved to flirt. And it was like...

Sometimes guys would message me, but also I would message men. I never really even did that well on dating apps. I was active. I was chatty, chatty, chatty. I'd lose interest quick, but I also was quick to just say something funny. I think if I look at my 20s as a whole, how many years of that I was on dating apps, definitely more than two. I legit only went on two dates from dating apps.

math maybe three i've gone on yeah no i don't really like get that many match i would say dozens well you're probably crazy picky true i mean not that i was just like well because you want to know what dating apps actually used to make me really mad because sometimes i'd get like someone sliding in there and i'd be like how dare you how in what fucking world yeah like you just pissed

- Aw, like in what world, sir? Like that would annoy the shit out of me. But like if you have the confidence,

I feel like I would just swipe on like, I was, it's, the apps are so strange, but it is algorithmic and it is numbers. So that's why it's like, I would just like, I'd start talking, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, attention, attention, dopamine, dopamine. It's like a game. But yeah, I'm so, I'm sorry that no man likes you. No man likes you.

I'm sorry, you don't have a husband. But I was going to say. And no prospects. I'm working on a new bit because I feel like I know I'm funny because my husband's better looking than me. Wait, you know that you're funny because your husband, I don't think Des is better looking than you. I think you actually are a very complimentary couple. I can't tell if you just dissed us or complimented us. Gotcha.

Gotcha. That's my whole personality. I don't know if Paige just insulted me and read me for a film. I'm going to go to sleep tonight and be like, oh, I had so much fun recording with Paige. What does she mean by that? No, I think there's moments where I glow up and I'm like, ooh, I'm fucking hot right now. Then there's moments where I'm like, he is so naturally good looking, like his bone structure, like his cheekbones, like his nose. A naturally good looking man. But I've also always been...

I don't know why. I've not always been pretty. Oh. Which I like. Oh, no. Call the authorities. You're so Glinda-coded. You have to. I'll watch it with you. I haven't always been pretty. No, I have to watch it with you. But then we might get kicked out. Because you can't make a sound. No, I'm not gonna. I wouldn't even dare sing along. Yeah, but that's when we get our giggly fits. No.

Wait, what were you saying? No, so just saying that like you have to have, I know I have a good personality because I'm with a hot man. I think that was always why I liked hot men to prove that like I could be the man one. Like I could be the ugly funny one. But you're not the ugly funny one. But that's my identity. Okay. Am I the prettiest person you've ever met? Yes. When I look away from the mirror, yes. Okay.

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Did you see?

Jonathan Bailey and Wicked? No. Cooper Koch and Fernandez Brothers? We have to get over the gay men that are never going to bark up this tree, okay? They don't care. They're actually repulsed by our parts. The fact that they would be repulsed by me is, again, why I need therapy and why I'm obsessed with them. And when they put their stupid straight voice and they go, hey, what's up? I'm like, I come. Yeah, no. They'd literally look at your vagina and be like, ew. Yeah. Yeah.

Now, what was I? Oh, sorry. Did you see Timothee Chalamet? Oh, with the sports thing? Just like talking about sports. Yeah. I don't know one thing he said. That was hot. That's above my pay grade. I don't give a shit. But I could not. Was he acting? Like, I couldn't understand the bit. Who knows? Don't care. I could not stop listening and watching him. There's something about a guy doing...

I think because I'm so girly and I love doing like girl stuff that when I see a guy doing like boy shit, I'm like, I'm obsessed with you. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's also like very New York of him. Like at the end of the day, he is just like a New Yorker. He is just like a New Yorker. And he could put it, he could just talk like this. Yeah, he's going to win the Super Bowl. He's going to go this and win these games and whatever. It was like, wait, and suddenly I'm pregnant. Him with the mustache. Yeah.

It's not Jacob Elordi bad. No, nothing's as bad as Jacob Elordi. Like what? Someone needs to call his mom. I love that he's lost some power. Jacob Elordi? Yeah. Yeah. I realize who my celebrity crush has been. I never spoke it out loud and I know he's not good for me. Okay. I know he's bad news. Let's say ours at the same time. Okay. One, two, three. Chris Hemsworth. Theo James.

You say Theo James? Who's that? He's like this British guy that's in... He's in like a lot of random things. But like most recently he was just in that HBO show. Oh. What's that one where they go away on vacation? Wait. He looks like Matthew Bomber. Are you sure he's straight? He's straight. Okay. But that is...

he's so fucking that's not even like a good picture i know but like that's like him younger no no he's but he's beautiful and he's swaggy i feel like and i think he's tall yeah but that's not your type i know but i like him but you like them a little pretty you like them aesthetically a little pretty see i like i also like Dua Lipa's boyfriend who is she who's Dua Lipa who she left

Callum Turner or something. Is he like skinny with tats? No, he's like, he just looks like a guy who could take a punch. See, I can't do anyone that like, I like Timothee Chalamet, but I can't do someone like skinnier than me. One, that'll send me into a fucking tailspin. No, no, no, no. And two, like I don't want to be able to like snap you in half. Have I ever been with a skinny man?

Oh, my high school boyfriend was like tall and skinny because, you know, like they're going through. Yeah, they're going through a weird time. They're going through a weird time where like they're just getting long. But like it was it was definitely annoying. Like he had he would do like accidentally do a skinny arm pose. And I'd be like, no, no, I don't think I've ever dated someone like lanky. Not my brand. I've never dated like a tall, lanky guy.

You love them sturdy. I love them compacted. I love them stout. You want a thick baby. I love them.

You want a little chonk. You want a chonky one. I love a chonk. I love a chonk because I'm like, this is the best day of your life. And like, again, we're not trying to put dad bods on a pedestal, but there's something to be said about a man who's been working all day. So he's put on a little pouch. Well, it's also like most of my life, my type has been either like Italian or Jewish and sorry, they're chonky. What?

I'm Italian, so I can say this, but I'm sorry. They, like, they pack a punch. Like, they... 100%. I also, I do like Liam Hemsworth. I, like, aesthetically, I love Liam Hemsworth. Light eyes, whatever. And, like, clearly he dims women's lights. Yeah.

And not to pick sides. Well, maybe. I don't know. I was never. Here's the thing. I'm going to admit. Why is he single? That's what I'm confused about. I've never been like a Miley Miley stan. Yeah. So I was never really as invested in their relationship as other people. I like her and I like her more as we both get older. I didn't. I was too young for Hannah Montana. So I feel like we missed that. Also, whenever I met anyone, they'd go, oh, like Hannah Montana. And I'd have to be like, yeah. Yeah.

Oh, like when you're like, hi, I'm Hannah. Yeah, it was really traumatizing. You should have been like, no, Hannah, like banana. That's what I would say. Like Hannah banana, that was first. Like Hannah banana.

Sorry. Instead of Elf on a Shelf, it's Hannah eating a banana. Can we just talk about all the moms right now whose lives are being tortured by Elf on a Shelf, which I did dress up as on Sunday. I hope by the time we have kids, that fad's gone. I'm not doing Elf on a Shelf. No, well, you have to do it if everyone's doing it. But it wasn't a thing that we did growing up and we're fine. I know, but think about them going to school and being like, my elf, and then your kid's going to be like, I don't have an elf.

Elves aren't real. You're going to be like, you have Snoop on a stoop. Wait, I love someone messaged me and they're like, hey, I'm a mom and I want to watch Is It Cake? Just want to know, do you say Santa isn't real at any point? And I was and I go, honestly, I don't remember what I said, but I don't think I said that. Actually, when you have children, they're growing up and like you're doing all the Christmas stuff and you're doing like you're sneaking around like all the Santa's real stuff and all of that.

If your child gets to an age where they're still believing in Santa, will you tell them?

This is such a hard question. Or like, are you, are they, is every mom just waiting for like them to find out on their own? Because like, is there an age? Because I feel like there's an age where I'd be like, all right, look, we can't have her be the freaking class. Like we got to let her know. I definitely, there have been people in my family who it was like a little late where it got a little awkward where everyone was like, hey, just so you know, she still believes. Yeah. And we had to kind of like go with it. I just think there's a part of your brain that's,

at a certain age that you realize like, oh, there's... Like how old were you when you found out that Santa wasn't real? If you have kids, oh my gosh. I don't remember. Sorry, turn this off. I don't remember the moment. I think it was, I think...

Yeah. It wasn't like a big deal in my house. I was just like, I don't care who gives me presents. Just give me fucking presents. Yeah. Like it didn't need to be Santa. But I do. I have thought like, why would I do that to a kid? Like lie to them? Yeah. Like the magic it creates is so worth it. Yeah. In a very truly page coded way. I remember I was in fourth grade. I was hearing murmurs. I was like, oh, all the kids are chatting about gossip. The gossip was so hot on the playground. The tea was tea. And Christmas is coming up. And I and I said, you know what? Let me do a little test. And

And I didn't put on my list this pair of leather pants that I wanted. I was in fourth grade. I was like, I need these leather pants. Didn't put them on the list like that I knew was going to my mom. And in my head, I was just like, I want these leather pants. And then when they didn't come that Christmas morning, I was like, something's up.

Something's up. My mom would write a note and be like, Santa, whatever, loves you. And here's a cookie. Or I would write a note to Santa. Yeah. And then she would write a note back with a bitten cookie. Yeah. And when I found out Santa wasn't real, I was like, is this sneaky bitch been writing all those notes? Yeah. You've been writing them

the litter. You're like, who's eating the cookies? You sneaky little bitch. I just thought my mom was like, I was like, you sly little fox. Yeah. Because I think, I think there are some kids that like now, like,

Like, I meet some adults and I'm like, you seem like one of the kids that were in seventh grade. And you're like, no, he is real. And I can't have that energy around me. But then there's also the weird energy of the kids who were young going around being like, well, my parents said Santa's not real. It's stupid. And we just believe in science. Well, fuck you, Sam. Like, fuck you. Fuck you that you don't have a happiness in your household. Well, and then, anyway. Yeah.

No, I do have to say like there is a moment though when you're a parent where you're probably like working so hard to get together and then your kids to just be like, thanks, Anna. And you're like, it was it was me. But I do think there's a point to where your kids become grateful that you like went above and beyond. I'm not doing the elf thing, but everything else to make them happy. I'm going to make you do the elf thing.

The reason why I spoil my parents and my grandparents now is because of those mornings. Yeah. That, like, they spoiled the fuck out of me and the joy it brought. Like, I'll... That's... It was so important. I actually had a moment...

this year at 32 years old this is the first time I've ever decorated my own apartment with like Christmas stuff and I was like that's so crazy like the past 10 years living in New York City I just like haven't cared about like Christmas decorations don't need to put them up it's not like I'm sad about it I'm like I just like don't give a

And one of my friends said, well, that's because you must have grown up in a household where your mom made Christmas so special that you don't like long for it. Like you're just like, oh, I know when I go home, like it's Christmas there. And I was like, wait, that's so true. Like I've never felt like, oh, I'm not in the Christmas spirit. It's just like, no, my mom's going to do it. My mom is doing it. Wow. I do have to say I saw Paige's house.

that she grew up in for no i moved since like 16 yeah but i saw your house for the first time we went to troy and i feel like i couldn't i already thought i understood you too much i couldn't understand you more like when you walked in like the aesthetic and everything i'm just like oh this is what page gets her taste walked into my bedroom and i said it used to be my parents but i made them a couch outside her bedroom and she goes that's the waiting area if people want to see me just

Come into my room. You have to be invited. Miranda Priestly. You have to be an invited guest. Oh, my God. It was amazing. And Kim spoiled us with all the food. She really did. But I really feel like you can't be really close to someone without seeing the house that their parents live in or that they spent some time in. No. Oh, my God. No. Yeah. I feel like there's moments that I've stopped liking a guy when I went to his house and I saw the vibes. Oh.

I feel like every boyfriend I've ever had, I'm like, oh, gotta go. Yeah, like you're making up. Like you just see the tip of the iceberg. When you go to his parents' house, you see the iceberg and what they built. Well, because so many people, it's such like a mix, you know? And it's like, oh, when you marry someone, you marry their family. But then other people are like, don't go by the family. Like you're marrying the person. I very much, I feel like go by the family.

Yeah. And I've even stayed with boyfriends too long because I'm like, oh, but I love his mom. Yeah. Like, I'm obsessed. No, I know. But I've seen something like a dad has done before and been like, that's literally going to be him. No, truly. And that's a no to me. Also, like...

Sometimes you know those guys who just like tell their mom to shut up and like roll their eyes and you like never saw that side before and you're like, oh, because you want to fuck me. There was only one relationship I ever had and I saw the dad and the way he talked to the mom and like how the mom like reacted. And I remember sitting there and just being like, I will never be in this family and I have to break up with your son literally tomorrow because that just terrified me. Yeah. I think the...

A lot of gigglers probably have dated guys whose moms are like outgoing, fun, funny, strong women. Because that's most... If I see the mom and the mom is similar to you, I feel like it's a really good sign. Yeah. Because it's like he respects her, he respects you, you guys are similar. Yeah. I think that's like a good green flag to look for. Okay. Not to be too positive on Giggly Squad. Oh, okay.

This was from a couple weeks ago, but I thought it was important to bring up because you're the aesthetic queen. Jaguar, or as they say in Europe, Jaguar. Is that how they say it? Jaguar changed their logo. And I don't think anyone's ever been passionate about a Jaguar logo before. The internet is up in arms. They're so mad about it. They're really upset about it. I...

don't care well they made it very like gen z they made it look like it's literally like a fizzy drink brand oh my god yeah it looks like it like will get you fucked up if you bring a pack as like a six-pack it's four local yeah it's a four local car it does not give luxury whatsoever and jaguar is like a luxury car but i feel like jaguar is not

that big in America as it is in other countries. It's not. And I think they're trying to go really and make it be like more electronic vehicles like EVs. And maybe they're trying to look more like for the future. But also like we don't care. And I'm sorry I brought it up. It's okay. Because like no one here cares. No, but I think it is an interesting topic with like how many brands are changing their logos to be like more plain. Yeah. And it's like I like a good logo. My final thought. Yeah.

there was a meme that said, "Why is there nothing funnier than your friend saying a word wrong?" And I realized that's our entire podcast. It's just me and you trying to put words together and not doing it and then calling it a day. - I feel like one of my earliest memories of you, is this real or is this you or someone else? I'm gonna say it, but I'm pretty sure it's you.

I feel like were we ever walking down the street one day and you tried to say the word espadrille, but you said the word Esmeralda? Was that you? I feel like it was. And it was like the funniest thing that's ever happened to me in my life. And I was like, what'd you just say? And you're like, she's wearing Esmeraldas. I think you're trying to say espadrille. What?

And that is Giggly Squad. The one, oh, shout out to Burner Phone. If you guys aren't listening to Burner Phone, you should. It's basically Giggly Squad, but if Des corrected me when I said it wrong. It's as if I had knowledge. It's Giggly Squad, but the second co-host is knowledgeable. Yeah, if you enjoy Giggly Squad, I highly recommend you listen to Burner Phone. We have also an exciting announcement. Tour 2024 is done.

But we're not done, bitches. We're not done. We are announcing the new show's added presale goes up on Wednesday, December 11th at 10 a.m. with the code GIGGLY. Nashville, Tennessee. And you thought we were going to forget about you. New Orleans. St. Augustine, Florida, where we don't know where that is, but it's going to be good weather. And Hollywood, Florida. Tacoma, Washington. Portland, Oregon. I always lost my virginity in Hollywood, Florida.

Portland, Oregon for some granola. Vegas, because how could we not? And then ending with our Mormon sisters in Salt Lake City. Wait, I'm so excited to go to Salt Lake City. I know, I'm so excited. It's actually like lit. Like everyone's just fucked up on Coca-Cola. Maybe we'll stay out there and like do a little skew.

vacay we won't ski but we'll go okay I'll do that but I'm not skiing I retired I've announced my retirement even though the Olympics keeps reaching out I literally just want to get put the outfit on get a picture and go no it's literally perfect um also I released some We Ride It Dawn merch check it out right now hannahburn.com and

Go watch Paige on Amazon every week. Forever. For the rest of your life. For the rest of her life. We love you guys so much. Thanks for getting with us. Talk to you later. Bye.