Giggling about private jets, snorting spray tan, and fake bags
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I mean, the day just got away from me. What is up, my giggly goldfish? My sexy, chic goldfish. That's so weird you say that because someone said to me the other day, like, I just feel like you have the kind of personality that would get a goldfish. And I was like, I feel like you have the kind of personality I never want to talk to again.

That's like when people called me body positive online for posting a basic photo of myself in jeans. Stop straight up insulting us. I have some controversial statements to start with. Okay. And I realize that you know how you're scared of getting arrested because of tax evasion? Yeah. I know how I'm going to get arrested. How? Um.

Bitch was in Chinatown last night. Those fake bags are good. Yeah, they're good. And fun fact about Des, he speaks Mandarin and he loves haggling with them. You're getting arrested. Because when we were in it, I was like, is this how I'm going to go down? Like, is this how they get me? Imagine you go down for a fashion crime. Yeah.

because the lady came up to me and she's like do you want a bag and i was like you know prada re-edition 2005 i've been nylon i've been looking at and she was like i got you girl and i was like des do your thing he was like no no we gotta walk away we gotta walk away yeah it was like 60 dollars and he's like we gotta walk away he was being tough with these women we walk away and i was like is that illegal and he's like absolutely

And I was like, baby. Absolutely. Here's my thing. If you don't live in New York City and you don't know what we're talking about or like you've never visited, basically they sell fake bags in Chinatown just like on the street. But here's what I think. I don't think some of them are fake. Like I think they're real, but like they can't sell them in the store because maybe like the zipper is broken or like –

the threads are off and not aligned properly. So they just like disregard them rather than fix them. And then they sell those. Now, I'm not trying to have the entire fashion industry come at me, but I have a very stylish friend who had like this Prada bag. And I was like, that's so cute. And she goes, it's fake. And I was like, what? A lot more women wear fake bags than you would think. Well, it looks exactly real. And you're like, why would I...

if I can get it cheap why wouldn't I why wouldn't I and then I was like oh my god that'd be so funny if I had to do Giggly Squad from jail for a $50 bag but also the way they do it is it's pretty sketchy like the bags aren't just like laid out like they come up to you with like a paper I mean you point to something and they they then they bring you like across the street and they're like I guess they go into like a dungeon and they like bring it out

I like the way that they get you and they only say it to people walking down the street that they think they could entice. And it's like Prada, Prada, Fendi, Gucci, Prada, Prada, Fendi, Gucci. And you're just like, what? You're like, what new Jack Harlow song is that? It's just like your version of an orgasm. You're like, yes. I'm like, what? What?

Wait, that's hilarious. I also realized, though, that some of my very fashion-forward friends are shopping on the black market. And there's places you go online. And I'm not trying to be out here being like, buy rip-offs, but...

We buy H&M. Right. We buy Zara. They're all inspired by the most... I don't know. Am I getting in trouble by this? I feel... No, people get really mad about fast fashion, but like... We're not in the 1920s where we all can like sew a new shirt when we need one that's going to last us forever. I do date a man who's made sewing his entire career. Oh, jeez.

Also, I do have to apologize to everyone that we're slightly late. Paige is working on a very secret project. Very secret project. A very secret drug project. Literally. It's also 10 a.m. And when Hannah and I first got on, we were like, what an ungodly hour. Truly ungodly hour. I was like, Des, I need a coffee. It's the middle of the night.

But we're about to get into it because I have some wild shit going on. Okay. Wait, so should I get the fake Prada? Yeah, you should definitely get the fake Prada. Should I say it on a podcast where hundreds of millions of thousands of people listen? No, we're going to say that you didn't get the fake Prada and I'm going to wink right now. Okay. I also, I'm turning into you. Please explain. I have something on Amazon that everyone has to get. What is it?

It's not fashion though. Okay. Do you like drinking water day to day? I mean, I do it, but I'm not like, ooh, yeah, water.

I think water is so boring. I think I hate that it's the source of all our hydration. Like why couldn't it have been sangria? Why couldn't it have been something fun? You know? Right. I also, I hate skinny teas. I hate all that shit. I don't like the sugary drinks. Yeah, you hate a sugary drink. If there's one thing about you. If there's one thing. You can't do a Gatorade. Like you're not just opening a Gatorade and chugging it.

No, we're diluting. Yeah. We're diluting. We're putting water in it. I will put water in a sugary cocktail and people will give me death stares. Yeah. People get angry when you like dilute a drink. I've watched it. Like I've never seen you drink a full glass of lemonade without being like, you better put some water in that shit if you want me to drink it. I go to a Thai restaurant and I get a

Thai iced tea as one does. And then I get a big water. And as I sip, I dilute. I sip, I dilute. And it lasts three times longer. Am I a genius? Some would say. Yeah. Would some say that it's a hate crime? Absolutely. But it's a thin line. Yep. So it's called sport tea. Have you heard of it? No. Well, I originally found out about from TikTok.

It's a tea that this guy drank when he was going up Mount Everest. Oh, God, Hannah. You're just getting out of bed. Barely. I stay horizontal for most of the day.

You're like, are you sure? Am I training for a marathon? No, but do I need to send a couple of emails and possibly do a reckless TikTok? Get me the sports tea. So it's called sport tea. Okay. And it has no sugar, no anything in it. It's literally just tea. Okay. And it tastes good.

like sweet but like you drink it you drink it cold or you drink it cold like you fill it up with water you let it sit for like two hours in the fridge whatever sport tea is the most amazing thing and it's not like some crazy beautiful hydration it's just like a really good tasting tea that you can put in your stuff and if you want to climb mount everest you can with ease

Yeah, it's been scientifically proven through Hannah. Do you wake up with a lemon water? Okay, you want to know something so weird? In my younger 20s, I was actually so much healthier than I am now. And I don't know why. I think I'm going through a rebellious phase at 29, which we're talking about it in therapy. We're working it out. We're figuring it out.

But I used to start and end every day with a hot water with lemon. And let me tell you. You know what I think it is? What? I think when you're younger, you're scared. Yeah. Like, you think you're going to die. That is true, though. You're just scared in your early 20s. I feel like my 30s, you, like, survive it, and you're like, okay, and that's, like, you know what I mean? Showbiz, baby. That's showbiz, baby. Yeah.

You go, what? What, I'm put on 10 pounds? Who gives a shit? No, I've actually gotten to that point where I'm just like, this is my body now. And she's got a little bit of a tummy and she likes it. Because then my ass is just so much better.

True. People don't talk enough about that. And then if you want, you can take that little belly and inject it into your ass and become a Kardashian. And that's a whole thing. Take the sides of your cheek fat. There's fat that I didn't even know people could take out that they're taking out. It's kind of insane. Actually, there was like a small time period that people kept DMing me asking if I had gotten my butt done.

And I was like, if I had gotten any work done, don't you think I would have done it better? Or like, do you think I'd do it so subtly and tastefully? Right. Like, don't you think I'd... If I was going to pay thousands of dollars? I would walk out of that operating room straight up Pamela Anderson. Like...

I'd even get my eyebrows done while I was in there, like dyeing my hair. I wouldn't be messing around with like some small BBO. Me and you deal with different problems. Yeah. People accuse you of getting all this plastic surgery and people accuse me of being brave. And I don't know what I'd rather. I think I think I'd go plastic surgery. Yeah. You really hurtful. Both people were calling us ugly. So it's it's fine. Yeah.

But we're working it out. I found myself in plastic surgery TikTok. As you guys know, I eventually find like it knows I don't want to see it. And it's interesting to see girls do their they do their like 30 days till surgery, 20 days till surgery. Yeah. And then you're like, what's this person getting done? Those TikToks get me going. They get me going. But they're like, oh, my God, there's like a little bit of fat underneath my chin on the left side of my face that I want to get removed. And it's like.

Just say it, Hannah. Just go into it. You're already started. We haven't had this rant in like two episodes. No, I just see like really pretty girls being like, I need to like,

remove fat from below my chin. And I'm like, can we allow fat to be under your chin? Why do we have to look like Barbie dolls where it's like a stick and then a head on it and your chin has to be fucking like, oh, why can't we have a natural progression from the neck to the chin? Speaking of things you should get on Amazon, there are these face masks that look like chin straps that you attach to both of your ears and it's supposed to like suck up your...

Your neck fat. It's supposed to contour it without feeling like you have to get your neck chopped off. But this is the fucked up thing. Ladies, your necks are not fat. Your neck's just connecting to your head. Don't eat it. Get it off.

And this is one of those people be like, oh, yeah, they don't talk about, you know, lip filler. Like you have like fairly big lips. OK, well, I have a I have a gobble. People when I was in middle school, a guy said I had a gobble. No way. Yeah. And you know what? I said I have a fat ass. So fuck you. If I didn't have a gobble, I wouldn't have a fat ass. I'm picturing like a fat.

a fifth grade Hannah being like, I have a fat ass. What do you have? I got a fatty. They call us the wet added to the Betty. Okay. I need to stop. I need to get offline. That's the moral of I, it's funny that you get to plastic surgery, tick tock because you hate it. I get to cleaning tick tock. Cause I'm like, I'm never going to clean.

I'm like, these people are stupid. But do you like watching it? I love watching it. Oh my God. It's like watching a workout video where you're like, yeah, that's good. I'm so satisfied after it's on a different level. You're like, she cleans, so why do I need to clean? At least someone's cleaner in the world. I'm like, wow, I wonder what it's like to date her. Someone was like,

ever just get into a weird manic cleaning phase where like you start by just putting a cup in the dishwasher and then your whole kitchen's clean and I'm like come over you're like here's my address let's figure it out in my apartment

She's like, you ever just get wild next thing you know, like, all your laundry's done? I'm like, that's... Me getting wild is suddenly there's Chinese takeout everywhere and I've been in a YouTube hole watching videos of army veterans visiting their children and I'm crying hysterically. That's my manic phase. The amount of times I've ordered food and, like...

seriously thought about putting in like the delivery notes just walk into my apartment down the hall and hand it to me in the bed I'm like do you think they would do it is that unsafe that's the best thing about touring though is you eat in your bed with no judgment you're like what am I gonna eat at the desk

I'm not eating at the desk in the hotel. There are so many people that find it so vile that we love to eat in the bed. Some of these people are in my family, but like find it so vile that we like to eat in the bed. And it's like, I don't come at you for like your weird quirks. Like, let me let me rest. Let me enjoy the things I like.

I'm one of those people. I don't like outdoor clothes in my bed. Like I also street clothes, city street clothes. Yeah. We're not like in LA where people are in the car all day or like,

In the Midwest where people have like real homes. Yeah. We are in New York City where people are on the subway. They're in Ubers. They're who they're who knows what the fuck they've been. Yeah. I mean, at any point on the street, someone could just be taking a shit next to you and you're just like, we love New York. It's so clean. They could be dissecting a squirrel and then eating it. We were walking Romeo yesterday and he's we like we're talking and somehow he got a hold of like

There's something on the ground that I could not identify and I couldn't look at him for like an hour. I was like, Romeo. Imagine if humans were like that. Like imagine you and Des got engaged and I came over to your apartment. I was like, here's a dead squirrel. Do you like it? My mom was telling me that cats will bring...

you their like prey or like their stupid toys to either be like i know you're a human and you're not good at hunting so i got this for you or because they know that you're their mom and they know that you'll protect it for them that is so freaking sweet i watched this documentary about orca whales and first of all i was an or i feel like i was an orca in a past life like i connected with them so much did you just start a dope documentary segment

Did we? Is this Freaky Friday? What's happening? You just talked about Prada bags for four minutes and I was like, right. But the Orca whale is crazy.

They need saving. And what are we going to do about it? What's the name of this documentary? Where? I don't know. Wait, is this the black? No, it's not like the really famous one. Here's the thing. Me and Craig, when we're like getting in bed and about to go to sleep and you want to put on something stupid that you don't have to like listen to.

He puts on like the deep blue or like some like ocean thing. Oh, I love that. It's actually really smart because it's like they're down in the bottom of the ocean. So it's so dark, like the picture is so dark. So you like kind of fall asleep or like sooner. David Attenborough in the background. Yeah. And like the voice is just so good.

the little minnow knows its life's gonna end soon but it's gonna enjoy its final moments you would actually really like orca whales because in their species the women are in charge so like the most do not already love it i'm i'm sold i love when you're like because the women beat the shit out of the men you would love them

They exile all the men. They use them. They have sex with them to get pregnant. And then they're like scram. Wait, so they're on their own. I hate mentor. They're in the ocean for thousands of years, centuries. They've been on it. They're like wearing Giggly Squad t-shirts in the ocean. They're like, fuck them on. They're just straight up toxic and they own it. So like the grandmother is in charge of like the whole pod of orcas and

And so when humans are like in the ocean following the orcas and like watching them like what they do and whatever, they know they're like the smartest. They have like the closest brain capacity to us. So they know that like we're humans and that they don't want to eat us. Like we live our lives. They live theirs. And they're like, cool, you can follow us and like track it.

So this one orca brought this human who's like in the ocean with him, a dead stingray and was like, here you go. This is me saying that like, I'm not going to eat you. And like, if you want this, you bring it to your family. And then like, so they're like jack dolphins because they also could like

They can, like, beat up sharks, right? Yeah, they're a... What is it called? It's... There's a word that's, like, there at the top of their food chain, and I forget the word. Yeah. Yeah. Why do I feel like we're in third grade, and we just, like, got home from class, and we're trying to explain to our parents what we learned? We're like, Mom! Okay, but did you know? Orca whales are fucking cool! They can, like, take a stingray and, like, give it to humans.

The other day, Craig was telling a story and he kept being like, well, apparently. And then I just shouted, apparently. No one got it. Not a soul. And I was like, everyone just kind of looked at me and I was like, I guess.

You guys aren't on the internet. I also hate when you're trying to bully your own boyfriend and people don't support it. You're like, if anyone's allowed to, I am. And he's said the word 14 times in the last minute and no one's calling him out. Apparently. Apparently. Apparently. We were in LA with another couple and they just looked at me and I was like, apparently I've never been on a roller coaster. And apparently. And Craig was like, I'm trying to tell a story. I was like, yeah, apparently.

And for the gigglers that don't know, it's a YouTube video. Just Google apparently it'll come up. It'll come up. I wonder where that boy is now. I wonder. Oh my God. I want to do a sequence of like, where are those viral YouTubes? Like, do you remember the kid when the interviewer was like, do you miss your mom on your first day of school? And he was like, no. Yeah. He starts sobbing.

Yeah. Where's that kid now? They did one where it was like, remember the very first YouTube video ever was like, ouch, Charlie, that really hurt. They're like grown adults. They're like married. They have kids. They're like, please stop. You know what I think about? I think about the leave Britney alone guy. I follow him. Well, actually, he transitioned.

I don't even know what you're talking about. What is the guy who was like a teenager, like kind of emo and he was just like in a curtain being like, leave Britney alone. And he's sobbing about Britney Spears. Yeah. And it was like wave and everyone just like laughed at him. But he was like, leave Britney. OK, he's a time traveler because he like knew what the fuck was up. He knew what the fuck was up to believe in time travelers.

what do you believe in time travelers guys this is what it's like when we record at 10 a.m we're not high we're just in a different realm that we don't we're scared but we're going with it like if someone came up to you and was like i'm a time traveler would you believe them i'd be like good one brad if you want to get laid like just get a 401k you have to be a fucking time traveler just be tall okay like shut the fuck up

You're like, is this because you're short? Yeah. Oh, speaking of short man, I love Back to the Future. He was so cute. What was his name? Michael J. Fox. Yes. Put him in your pocket.

Anything else about orcas you wanted to say? No, I'm good. But I have... I'm going to watch some more documentaries because I watched two. And I was just like, I fucking love these guys. Okay, let's go full into dope documentaries. I have to complain about Georgina because I finished it. You did. What do you think? And now I know what you mean. Because when you first started off, you're like, okay, whatever.

Where's it going to go? Okay. Yeah. We're setting it up. What's going to happen? We're setting the scene. Then you're like, oh, this is a full propaganda of just... You guys, she'll do anything. She could like fart on someone's face and then it'll cut to the confession on there. Like she has the most beautiful farts that anyone's ever farted. I'm like, who is this PR team? And can we please rewrite my narrative so that people like me? So...

You start getting angry because I'm not like, oh, I need drama on every show. Even though, let's agree, it makes shows better. But I was like, they're just interviewing all her friends to say the same lines. Like, she's so generous. She's so amazing. So I Googled her. Which, and guys, don't believe everything you read. However, she has a pretty interesting life. She's the daughter of a cocaine and cannabis kingpin who was in jail for 10 years. Did they think that didn't make good television?

I skipped over that. And like, no one's judging you. If there's one thing I like, it's a cocaine kingpin. Okay? There's one thing that moves the needle when it comes to ratings. It's a cocaine cannabis kingpin. He was like, I have conquered cannabis. We're moving to cocaine. Yeah. And it's like, it's not even heroin. Like, put that shit on. Like, we want to see that. She doesn't mention her parents. No one knows what's going on with her mom.

She grew up in Argentina. No one talks about that. She pretends she moves. This is where she lost me. Okay. She brings... And by the way, I like her. But this is where like the show lost me. She invites these kids that she used to be an au pair for. Like it's like a fancy babysitter. You're a babysitter, but you call it au pair. And she invites them. They're nowhere near France. Not a lick of French going on. She's an au pair. She's an au pair. Okay.

But she invites the kids she used to au pair for to this, like, what's it called? A Six Flags? Like. Basically, yeah. Like, basically, like, a big theme park. A theme park. That she shut down the entire theme park for, like, five of her friends because she's so generous. Yeah. These kids come and, like, it's really cute. She's like, fuck all the kids that wanted to come here today. My friends are coming. Then they found out she was an au pair for them for three months.

I've taken longer shifts. My milk in my fridge right now has been in there longer than three months. Are you fucking kidding me? You're like, and I'm not inviting it to my child's birthday.

Like, she tried to make it. Like, she had this amazing... Like, I know my friends have done babysitting for good money and they become, like, part of the family for, like, five years. And I was assuming that's what she meant. I'm telling you, the PR team on this Oscar award winning, like, they knew what they were doing. I don't understand. The whole thing was about her family and I don't understand the dynamics of her family. There's one, two, three, four children at the time. Three of them are not hers.

No, they are. Three of them are hers. The oldest son is not her. You've never heard the Cristiano Ronaldo story about like his first son? No. Okay, so Cristiano Ronaldo got this woman, got a woman pregnant. He then paid her off to never tell anyone that her identity and that she is the mother of his child. He then took the son and...

like the son lived with him i don't think the son has ever even met his mom because cristiano ronaldo didn't want whoever this woman's like identity to come out yeah so georgina's not the oldest son's mom but she acts like it because this kid like doesn't know his mom okay like that this poor boy in therapy immediately is that not crazy

Wait, we have cocaine and collusion and we're not talking about any of it? No, but she didn't have the twins. Like she didn't carry them? They said it was a surrogate. Oh, okay. Okay, yeah. But they're still biologically hers.

I don't know. Like, no one, like, explains it. Yeah, they cut, they, like, gloss over a lot of things and then just, like, show her closet. And I am, like, that person that's, like, squirrel. Like, is that a Birkin in blue? I'm like, I don't care. Did you kidnap all these kids? I don't care. Look at those shoes. Did you trap, are you a child kingpin? It's okay. That's Prada. Is that real or fake? I don't care. I like it.

Okay, I have a question. Of all the stuff the Real Housewives wear, what percentage do you think is real? Because these women have a lot of pressure on TV to show it off. I think Beverly Hills, they're all real. I think any other franchise that's wearing like full onesies, not real.

Fuck you, bitch. I know you got that on Canal Street. Oh my God. It's expensive and you start getting pressure. Remember like Leah had to buy a whole new apartment for Real Housewives of New York. I mean, two of them are literally on trial. But I did find out that Jen Shah wants Kim Kardashian to represent her. I'm done living on this earth. I feel like.

Yeah. I've seen it. I'm like, I'm good on it. It's just to be honest, if it was like parking ticket, I get it. I'm not saying Kim is not capable. I'm saying have some fucking respect. Right. For the old people that you allegedly stole from. Like, don't make this a press affair for your followers. You know, it's also like how many times does the FBI get it wrong? You know, like.

I don't know. I do watch a lot of documentaries, but I'm not going to get into it. Do they get it wrong a lot? I mean, I did watch a whole thing last night about, but I'm not going to get into it. Sometimes... It's for a different pod. It's for a different pod. It's a whole different pod. Speaking of documentaries, I...

I'm still watching Secrets of Playboy. Okay. And it's getting really crazier. It is. It's getting much crazier. They really start slow. They really start slow where they're like, he's a monster. Just trust us. And then they're like, okay, let's lay down the law. He was having like full orgies every night. It's just like, where do you get the stamina? I have one boyfriend. I have one penis. And I'm like, I am exhausted. Yeah.

I'm exhausted. You had to take a two-week break off for your vagina got depressed. I'm like, we did it twice in one day and my vagina was like, you deserve a UTI. Apparently, he always like... Apparently. Apparently.

I love when our jokes come full circle. It's probably one of the best feelings in the world when we're on the pod and we have jokes from the first 30 minutes that wrap around to the last 30 minutes. Do you know what it's called in stand-up comedy? I knew there was a name for it. A callback.

I fucking love it. What I love about you is you are a purebred, just like natural comedian. You just don't know it. And you don't need the words. I don't need what the professionals are calling it. I know the feeling. I'm fashionable and funny and I don't want the vocab.

When you want to have fun and have scratchers to scratch, there's a playful way you can do just that. Scratch with a key or acrylic nail, scratch with a quill from a porcupine tail. Use a belt buckle from your friend Lamar, or scratch with your pick while you play guitar. You can scratch in a bunch of different playful ways. Scratchers from the California Lottery. A little play can make your day. Please play responsibly. Must be 18 years or older to purchase, play, or claim.

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I don't know if you guys have noticed from my Instagram stories but I've basically switched all my loungewear over to Skims. I was obviously obsessed with their bras and underwear but now I really can't get enough of their soft lounge collection. I have their soft lounge tank with

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um okay secret's a playboy basically he will like find a girl to groom as his main girlfriend he liked to watch people have sex but the way he did it was he would get the girl it's kind of like jeffrey epstein they find these women they're victims as well to get trust in other women so he'd like finally like groom a girl after four months to be like

I want to do orgies with you. And she'll be like, fucking fine. And then he'll be like, go grab a girl and say we want to party with her upstairs. So she's like, this is super weird. But she goes, you go up to a girl and you go, hey, do you want to party with me and Hef upstairs? And obviously her eyes light up because she got chosen to go to hang out with Hef. I wonder how many girls that were like, no, I think I'm good on that. I feel like there weren't.

That many? They made it sound like there weren't that many that would say no, but there were a lot who after the first night were like immediately no. And they left. I've seen what I've needed to see. What I've needed to see. You're done. You're done. So there were a lot of like in and outs. But he had this whole thing where he had staff who after a crazy orgy, their job was like to go in, clean all the dildos,

Like put it in a special thing. Go back. Put it back. Could you imagine? Oh, my God. Could you imagine moving to L.A. and your parents calling you and being like, how's it going? Did you get a job? And you're like, yes, I clean up dildos. How is that going over at Thanksgiving? You're explaining to your grandparents at Thanksgiving like, well, I wash down the dildos. I put them back in their perspective home. And I'm fucking good at it. Yeah. And I'm thriving. I'm the best at it.

But people have to understand how grooming works. It's just like the Tindler Swindler when everyone's like, I wouldn't give that money. It doesn't start immediately where it's like, clean this dildo. It starts with like, oh, you're doing a great job. Like, you're doing great with the garbage outside. And next thing you know, it's like, could you do some stuff in my bedroom? Yeah. And next thing you know, you start to feel special that he like chose you to be there at the end of the orgy. I feel like that's also just like corporate America.

They're like, you were so good at filing these papers. You're now going to do 10 other people's jobs too. And you're like, I... For the same salary. Yeah. You're like, my mental health is dwindling.

I love that you brought that up and that was so genius of you considering you've barely had a corporate job ever in your life. But I like to pretend that I did. Yeah. I mean, I got I got coffee and answered phones and like forgot to write down who called. And like someone called us. I forgot who it was, but they'll call back. Full transparency besides being very likable and fashionable and like probably like fun to be around. Were you horrible at your job?

horrible literally the worst i know your boss loved you i know she did but i know it wasn't for the things my work ethic it certainly was not i was the resident hot girl so like i walked in i had a crazy outfit every day i made a few people laugh the snack fridge was always stocked so i kept my job i mean in the first two weeks she was like i do have to fire you and i was like

Oh, my God. Why? And she was like, well, it's very simple. You could come in any time. We all love your energy. She's like, you're just not doing your job. Your job is to literally answer my phones, give me the messages, and you don't get anyone's name right, nor their phone number. And it's the basis of your job.

For millennials and Gen Zs out there, there's so much answering phones in corporate America when like, that is my nightmare. Yeah. I feel like Gen Zs are at their job and they're like, ew, just text me. Like, you're disgusting. You're like, I don't know how this works, this phone. They're like, hello, mom? Mom?

My first job was in sales cold calling. I don't know how you did that. When I was on the call, I was good, but it would take me like 30 minutes to get the courage to make the call. I believe that. Have you seen the TikTok of like, they're like Gen Z's as 911 operators and they're like, I'm manifesting life for you.

We're not coming because like we're so busy right now and we're just so overwhelmed. But like I'm going to manifest you continuing to breathe and we'll just like we'll see what happens. Okay. Just like be open to it now. That's what Des needed at the Italian restaurant. Someone going, hey, do a mood board. Yeah.

I'm like what you want your life to be after this like little blip, you know, like this is putting you down a different path. And what do you see for yourself? What's find out from a psychic? What happened to your past life? That's triggering you currently over this pasta fagioli and 911 is not necessary. Honestly, it's a waste of oil for the environment. Yeah. They're like you want someone to come in a huge truck with all of that gas emission like into the world to save you. I don't think so.

Greta Thunberg. Not happy. Did I just call her? I called her Thunberg. Like, what is that old Nickelodeon show? The Wild Thornberries. The Thornberries. Yeah. Which is actually my current spring aesthetic. Fashion. The Wild Thornberries was so before its time. Oh.

Oh my god. Nigel? Arguably is that it? Gen Z doesn't even know. Speaking of Gen Z. Gen Z doesn't know. So they were like Tide Pods did it. Done. We're good. Now they are inhaling spray tan because it gets in your fucking bloodstream and naturally is making them tan. I mean no one's dying. So you did it. So you've done it. Yeah.

I literally texted my mom. I was like, you know how you say I try everything and I just like put whatever in my body that I want to. You're lucky I'm not inhaling my spray tan. She's like, hang up. Hot take. Hot take. Have you ever smelled a spray tan and been like, I want to eat this? Yeah. Oh, I know what you're talking about. This is...

Like, I can't eat this, but how good is it to smell it? Yeah. Wait, so tell me what the side effects are. So basically, doctors have come out and been like,

Stop doing this. Okay? Because we don't... Immediately no. We don't know what is going to happen to you long term, but we know short term, it's not great. Just stop doing it. And there's all these... And what kind of spray tan is it? It's like some type of nasal spray or something. And doctors would be like, okay, you tried it. It did work. But we're telling you, it's not going to be great for the long run. And Gen Z's are like... You look great. You do look great. Why?

with your tan we love it the gen z's are like whatever i'll die pretty and i'm like you're stupid the gen z's are like the world is ending anyway they're not wrong about that but like i watch we don't have to go out like that i know you don't go out with a bang not like a little sniffle of a spray tan

Have some fucking self-respect. Wait, but you never, you really never thought of doing it because that kind of sounds easier than like the whole like putting a thing over your hand and like trying not to get lines and then it's all sticky. And then like, honestly, I'm like, I sit here and act like I didn't think about it. I'm thinking about it. But like, I know that I have a gag reflex. Yeah.

immediately so i know even if i did that i'm vomiting you know i have my nervous vomit i'm probably gonna it's gonna happen and i don't want to go through it so the i mean i'm not a scientist but it goes in the blood and then your body's like oh your blood's tan we're tan now your blood's like jersey shore is on on thursdays speaking of jersey shore what a segue

Wow, I didn't even know she do that. I found myself on Snooki's daughter's Instagram the other day. Stop. That just made me feel so old. Snooki's daughter is a full-on incredible cheerleader. How old is she? Like preteen? She's got to be like 12, 11. I'm feeling like 9 or 10. I don't know for sure. But she's like on her way to being like full cheer mode. Like Rancho Cucamonga.

So adorable. And like her whole page is just like her doing the sickest like backflips and shit. And I'm like, your mom did that once drunk getting out of the car. I saw episode four, season three. She just like ends all her TikToks with like...

where's the beach where's the beach so adorable but think about it like snooki's adorable her husband's adorable of course they were gonna have like the littlest cutest most adorable her husband is so cute like he looks like a grown man baby an adorable toddler face yeah like he takes baby face to another level and he's also like probably five seven but um they're a small family

tiny tiny family don't take up a lot of space and snooki walked so we could run is all i have to say it it really is so true i want to talk about the um the weekend and simmy hayes and bella i'm i need you to explain this to me because this is a lot so the only reason i knew it is because when craig was like did you know that angelina jolie and brad pitt broke up and i was like

I can't believe this was my boyfriend. The Weeknd broke up. No. Craig texted me the other day. No, no. Nope. My boyfriend, the husband of Front Page News. So now we know you don't watch Front Page News, you fucking liar! I mean, did you know that I had a podcast? He was like, oh yeah, I forgot you were funny. Right, right, right. He was like, oh my God, Paige. Brad Pitt and Angelina broke up and I was like...

Yeah. You're the worst assistant ever. You're fired. You're worse than me when I worked a corporate gig because that is embarrassing. I was offended. I was so mad. And I was like, yeah. And then I posted it and I was like, Angelina has been rumored to be seen out with The Weeknd. And everyone was like, how do you not know about Bella and her friend Simi? Now,

Have you heard of Simi Hayes? You've definitely seen their plastic surgeries. So I follow all those before and after plastic surgery accounts, as I should. And these girls were a caricature of two very nerdy girls with the frizziest hair. And it looked like they purposely were trying to look like they wanted to get pushed into a locker in high school. Literally, right?

real life princess diaries they're like and we took this and this and we made a princess like they look unrecognizable it's wild but they're so they're twins like they both went through the same princess diaries like glow up yeah so basically they have been like best friends with Bella forever like they grew up together they've known each other and obviously if you like have the internet you know that Bella and the weekend had like

A pretty tumultuous relationship in terms of, like, he broke up with her and then he was dating Selena Gomez. Selena and Bella unfollowed each other on Instagram. Then The Weeknd and Bella got back together. I mean, there's multiple pictures of The Weeknd, Bella, and Simi, and, like, all hanging out. They were friends. And now Simi is dating The Weeknd. And I just...

I couldn't even... Is she dating or did they just make out in that one photo? I mean, there's multiple... They've been spotted out multiple times. I couldn't even, like, wrap my head around enough to be like, I need all the details I want to know because I was so disgusted by it. Because it's like, after college...

If like there's no excuse. If that is your friend's ex-boyfriend and they told each other that they love each other and now you're banging him. I don't care about you as a human. I just feel like there's too many men in the world. This is about to get even crazier. Did you see Selena post the photo with Simi on her own Instagram? Recently? That bitch. See, I don't fuck with that. Literally go on your phone right now.

so no so i look at it and i start to do some research and everyone's like oh my god selena's so classy she's saying she doesn't have drama with simmy but in my head in my head right i took it as oh you're saying fuck you bella they're all saying fuck you bella and like all bella did was date the man first first

Like I literally take it as Selena being like, oh, it's it's so great that Selena is like, no drama. I did the weekend. Now you do. I go, no, no, no, no, no. She's saying, fuck you, Bella. No, I I'm like, I just don't fuck with that. If you know your friend like someone and then you're like, I don't care. I want to see what his dick looks like. See you in court. See you in federal court. Federal Supreme Court.

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It's some wild shit. Also, one more dope documentary that's like crazy is the Boeing documentary on Netflix. Do you know what Boeing is? Yeah, the planes. Okay. Girl, if you think I don't look up private jets to manifest, you got something wrong with you. You really? I mean, who doesn't want a private jet? I'll be honest, never found myself just shopping private jets.

you know how some people are like oh my god i just like love real estate and houses and let me look up like expensive homes i'm like let me look up a g5 and see what the seating arrangement really is like my thing is i think i'm just so cheap that i could never get my like even if i make so much money i'll never be that bitch who's like i'm gonna buy that yacht or that plane that's so fucking expensive that's for like

Hannah, I have only flown private once. And when I stepped onto that tarmac, I was like, yes, yes, I was born. So you're going to be the friend with the PJ that you can invite me for. Do you know how expensive the gas is for one trip? I am the Georgina of our friendship. She is.

She is so generous. You are the Anna Delvey and you're like, are we stealing this plane? I'm manifesting us getting like so fucking rich and we're trying to like plan shit and you have to talk to the other friend group and you're like, guys, guys, guys, I know like we love Hannah. Yeah.

But when it comes to planning trips, we will be at a Best Western and she will not even get us an Uber XL. And it's going to be a fucking nightmare. So like give her other things to do, not the travel. It's going to be a fucking joke. We'll take the L.A. Double R. And like, I don't have time for this, Hannah. And your Best Western. I don't have time for this! Like, why are you bothering me with this right now? I'm stealing a G6. So Boeing, when I say see you in federal court, see you in federal court. And I'm not trying to say everything goes back to Bravo, but this...

This is the same thing that Erica Jane's husband got in trouble for. Yeah. Tom Girardi was the lawyer on this case and defrauded them. But anyway, so imagine one day in Jakarta, a plane goes down. It starts with the wife of this pilot being like, it was just another day. My husband went to work and he didn't come back. Hundreds of people die in this plane and they're blaming him.

Like kind of like, oh, like the pilots overseas, they don't get it. It's like he was trained in America. So shut the fuck up. Right. That Boeing is like, there's no way it's us. There's no way it's us. Classic. You're crazy. You guys are fucking crazy. That.

This Boeing documentary is literally like explanation of gaslighting. So then like four months later, not exactly, but around four months, the same exact Boeing 737 Max goes down in Ethiopia. Okay. This is unheard of for modern flying for two crashes out of nowhere to happen of the same plane. And when I say...

And they're showing stories of like these people on this Ethiopian plane were like people who were like doing charity work, people who were like building businesses, like just like, like real fucking like beautiful fucking people on this flight. They were like giving real stories behind it that you just like can't handle. Boeing's like, um, yeah, you guys are fucking crazy. Like it's not us, it's you. And they're like, okay, this is insane. So they do some research. Turns out,

It's it all comes down to money. Boeing was like the best. You did your research. Boeing was the best. They were pro engineering. They were ahead of the curve. A new company buys them and decides they don't need as much quality control. They fire like tons of skilled engineers and they just want their stock prices to go up and make the stockholders happy.

When another company in Europe starts doing better, instead of them, like, trying to make a whole nother plane to compete, they just, like, tinker with their current plane. And they add this thing that, like, has sensors that if things fuck up, the plane just, like, nosedives. Yeah. And...

If that sensor is broken, you just nosedive to your death and didn't tell anyone about it and didn't really know the extent of it. And that's what happened to both planes. They even... And they purposely did not even... The pilots didn't even know that this new thing was on because they didn't want to tell them because then they'd have to do additional training, which was, like, expensive or something for them. So fucking...

greedy motherfucking gaslighters caused the death of hundreds of people and the ceo literally got like a raise and like millions of dollars and boeing got like sued but the company got sued no individual person was held responsible fucking tom gerardi's scamming these people and it was just

The most fucked up thing in modern day for like people to die just based on greed. And this is why you should fly private. And now I fly. It's a safety thing for me. And that's called a callback. It's pure safety. No, that's so fucked up. Also, like you're one of the biggest companies in the world. Like you have you you're held to a different standard. And they were just like, fuck it.

Like we don't care. It's literally like they were treating it like you when you were an assistant just being like, I'm just not going to put this in the calendar and no one's going to care. I'm like, yeah, no one did. Who's going to yell at me? Who's going to know? Who's going to know I didn't do it? And they're like, no, I, you pushed me to text that girl because you've been acting crazy. Yep. That's exactly what they said. And the girls were like, hmm.

I don't think that's how it works. So now I have super, I have a lot of trust issues that I'm dealing with because of that. Finally. Yeah. This guys, this episode is beautiful, chaotic energy cause it's so early, but I have to end with something positive. Jason Momoa and Lisa Bonet might be back together. I mean, it warms my heart. It's just like,

it's what should happen you know like i feel like dating nowadays like it's and like being married it's so easy to get out of it if you want to and it's like no hey motherfucker you said your vows and so like you're staying like i'm really happy i'm i'm getting past the fact that i do think that they look like brother and sister but i'm happy for them what do you think happened

I think they probably just like got annoyed with each other for a second. And then like you go out into the single world and you're like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I take it back because apparently everyone's fucking nuts out here. Apparently I do want to stay married and. But talk about like being in a public relationship and having to deal with the backlash of like a full divorce and dealing with the whole press cycle and then being like, just kidding. Yeah.

I kind of love that too. They're just like, got y'all. We're back in the press. Someone's PR agent is like, yes. Yeah. And we love love. We love that. Thank you for giggling with us today, guys. Thank you so much for giggling with us. Sorry we were a little bit late with this episode, but like we love you so much.