Engulfed Coast | Good For You Podcast with Whitney Cummings | EP 271
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Hi, everyone. Coming to you from Los Angeles, which is on fire. But also just want to remind you, I'm still going to be traveling all over America for my big baby tour starting back up in February. I will also be looking for a new place to live, a new city to move to, and quite possibly lodging and shelter. So let me know if you can help me with that. New dates on WhitneyCummings.com. Bop, bop, bop.

Oh, hey, everyone. Whitney Cummings here recording a podcast in Inferno. I am surrounded by flames. I'm in the Los Angeles area. I'm still here. Why? It's unclear. The whole situation is retardant. People will be talking about like losing their homes, losing everything they've worked so hard for, crying. And then you'll hear someone say retardant.

like six times in a row and i can i this is obviously a trauma response and a very immature coping mechanism but like i will be like sobbing because a friend of mine lost their home they can't find their dog we're like trying to find their horses and someone's like well the good news is they just dropped a bunch of flame retardant like we got to change the word you guys because i am just too childish let's just be honest uh

I'm going to be all over the place in this episode talking about what I think is happening with the fires, what I've seen so far. This is going to be very disorganized thoughts here. But I did have to evacuate. When you evacuate your home in a jiffy, you really find out who you are. I'm not proud of that.

The way I behaved when I evacuated, I grabbed my passport, my son's birth certificate, of course, so that I remember his birthday. I grabbed all of his favorite Chinese trash, a couple irreplaceable gifts. I got, you know, obviously the Rodney Dangerfield jokes that I have written by Rodney Dangerfield on one of his Tonight Show sets. I grabbed that because putting them on eBay is my backup plan. And then after that, it just got embarrassing. I threw...

three root sprays into my bag. You don't know what a root spray is. It's once you have a kid, your hairline starts migrating back. So when you have a kid, they, they eat your brain and then your bone marrow and your thyroid, but they also just like

eat your hairline, which is weird because going bald is like a different thing. You know, you go bald also, but your hairline starts moving back. Like, and I did have a pretty rough go with postpartum depression. And when you look it up, the internet is like, you know, we don't know the cause of postpartum depression. It's like, I'm not a doctor, but I feel like I can take a guess. Okay. You start going bald, your hairline recedes, your gums start bleeding, your bones hurt for no reason. You can't have sex for three months after having the kid tear through you. And then none of your cool friends will talk to you. Like,

Could that be my doctor? Like, I think I got it. Like, I don't think we need more studies on this, but I do. There must be a biological basis for it. Like, I guess the idea is to make you look like Gollum so that you don't lose focus of taking care of the baby because no men are attracted to you. Being a new mom and being bald does make sense so that you look like the baby. I don't know.

I don't know. It did make sure that my only focus was keeping my baby alive because I couldn't leave the house. I was too embarrassed. Anyway, so the root spray. It's a weird time to be using brown root spray paint for your head because it doesn't stay put. And if you scratch your head and then touch your face, I look like a mechanic in a Broadway play. And then if you touch your face, it's just like you look like a full-on coal miner. And right now we're in the LA fires. Someone sees me and they're like, did your house... Are you okay? Did you go into a fire? I'm like...

No, I just, I'm going bald and I'm fighting it tooth and nail and I'm carrying around a can of aerosol scalp spray in a literally flammable aerosol. It is incomprehensible level of insanity and vanity. So in Los Angeles right now, what I will say is, is the days of

rich are just over. I'm not sure what's going on right now. The fires... Look, beachfront property, that was always going to go, right? Malibu, all this stuff. That's why beachfront liberal people are the ones that care about climate change the most because it affects their homes. You notice that? It's like the richest people that have beach houses are like, you guys, the sea level's rising. You're like, no one else cares. It's like...

Literally no one cares. Most people go to the beach like once every five years, like if they're lucky, like, like, but the earth is warming up. Like most people like, yeah, I take the bus. I would love for it to be warmer when I'm waiting for the bus. Like, you know, so the whole climate change, whatever, we'll get into that later. But like, I just, I do believe the days of being rich, being like fun and glamorous are over. You can't go to ditty parties. You can't be a pedophile anymore. It's, it did start with, um,

the billionaire who went down with the video game controlled easy bake oven to go see the trash in the ocean, the Titanic. And he imploded like it, it just like an, like an anal sphincter.

And did he sell? It just, and we laughed when the billionaire that, that was in the little Titanic, you know, see do the underwater jets, whatever it was. And everyone laughed. That's when I was like, some, this is something's up. If you're smart, this is the time to capitalize on. You could kill a lot of rich people and get away with it. That's all I'm saying. Cause it's now officially funny. Remember there was another billionaire whose yacht sank and

Buy an Orca? I mean, it's just, I think what is so ridiculous about it is I think we all hold onto this belief that if you're rich, you're safe. You know what I mean? I've never thought that way. That's why I don't ski. That's what I knew that, you know, that the Walmart guy, there's a guy that was a Walmart heir and he flew a

like a kite into the side of the Grand Tetons. I actually have a theory that rich people die or because they do risk your stuff, you know, because they can afford to ski. They can afford to like hell of ski and all these things I've never heard of. I think rich people, they live under the idea of like, well, I'm rich, like I'm safe, right? Like not anymore. This is hard on gold diggers. And I'm not defending gold diggers. I'm just saying a lot of women are

who do not have skills, okay, and worked very hard to afford to pay for those lip fillers, and they have been self-tanning, and they have, you know, sewn in each individual hair and got the button plants and, you know, doing their key goals. Now what? What are they going to do? I mean, what are they going to do? Palisades is gone. Bel Air might be gone soon. I feel like if you're a gold digger, you have to totally rethink your...

goals in life. You have to become a gold digger. You have to become a girl boss, which is honestly, I've done it. It's a nightmare. I don't recommend it to anybody. The harder I work to be independent as a woman, the more jealous I become of gold diggers because I'm just like, yeah, talking to that annoying rich guy is way easier than being

I mean, what even is this thing I'm holding? Do you even know what, like, is the keyboard, it's not even connected to anything. I have to push this to look at my note. Like, can Robert Kraft just call me? Like, it just, I get there is something very feminist or whatever empowering about getting to a certain point in your life and going, you know what? I'm funny. I'm smart. I deserve to have someone just pay for everything. That's feminism. That's high self-esteem.

I'm the other way. You know what's not feminist? A woman being like, oh, no, no, I could never get a man to love me who's achieved a lot in life. No, no, no, he's too successful. He would never want to be with me. Let me just become independent because they would leave if they found out what my personality was. Gold diggers, they're the real feminists around here. They're like, yeah, why not me? Yeah, I deserve that.

Anyway, it's over for gold diggers. I remember when the billionaires sunk in the ocean being like, dude, gold diggers used to be able to just like, you know, it'd be like, so where are we going tonight? Are we going to like fly to Paris for dinner? Or like, should I put on like a cute, like, I don't know, should I put on like a bathing suit, like under this like Versace dress in case we like jump in the pool and it beats that? And they're like, no, no, no, I'm going to need you to put on some scuba gear. I'm going to need you to go down to the co-op, get yourself scuba gear, and then I'm going

We're going to look at the Titanic. She's like, what? Oh, huh? I thought we were going to Nobu. No, we're looking at garbage on the bottom of the ocean. Your head is about to implode. So I just now if you're a gold digger, you're like running from fires in Los Angeles, just like grabbing all of your Hermes handbags and you're like,

It's one of those dogs that look like those inbred dogs. After that CEO got off to New York, the gold diggers now are like walking down the street. They used to be like, I'm with this like billionaire. Now they have to be like, you're a gold digger. Now you're out with your like billionaire guy. And you're just like, it's like took all the fun out of it. Really?

Okay. Let me just also say, just for those asking, I am getting my information about anything fire related, not the arson stuff. Those are texts. I read them. I don't want to make him look bad from Michael Schellenberger, who, by the way, I met him at the comedy mothership in Austin recently. I got off stage in Austin. He was there. And when I tell you, I have never been so nervous. Okay. And I realized that journalists are my celebrities, like good ones, the real ones.

Michael Schellenberg, it was... I literally asked for a photo. I was so nervous. I was like, oh my God, there he is. He knows the truth. I was so... I didn't even realize how starstruck I was going to be. I was like, oh my God, there's Michael Schellenberger. He did a piece on how recycling is a scam. Oh my God, I love him so much. It made me realize that truth is the new money. Knowing the truth is the new power. Because if a guy is powerful...

But power's over, dude. Power is now just a precursor to being in jail at some point, right? Like if you kiss someone's ass who's in power now, in four years, you're going to be on a videotape that's going to ruin your life. Like powerful people are like bad news. Like don't get near them. Like truth is like the new survival tool. So I think on like a reptilian level, I was just like, ooh, she knows the truth. Like power's over, money's over. Like, you know,

And just that everyone who's a billionaire now is going to be in jail in like 20 minutes. You know what I mean? Or like on fire or like at the bottom of the ocean, quite frankly. Like it's just truth though. I'm like, hey, like a good journalist who can like tell when someone's lying. Like, like, you know where to get facts. Like, hey. It was very embarrassing how I behaved. I did get a photo with him, but like, whatever, no big deal. Anyway.

Last night, we found out that a lot of the fires are arson. Let me just read you exactly what Google says about arson. Arsonists may be motivated by revenge, spite, power, or anger. They might also be seeking excitement, such as by retreating to a safe distance to watch the fire or trying to help. Bone chilling.

That made me realize that there are people that are mental arsonists, people who cause problems just to pretend to be the hero and solve them. Side note, but this is a level of mental illness that I haven't even entertained. And it's me. Okay. Like 12 things in my life just made sense after reading that. The point is, Luigi got a lot of people, I think, fired up about like, we can just do that. We can just like take out like rich people and like, we can just like start getting sociopaths. Like,

It's clear nobody has empathy for rich people anymore. It's like a video game. Like, let's just like take out rich people, right? No one cares. They think it's funny. But like arson, dude, even Luigi would spit on an arsonist grave. Okay. It's like how, you know, murderers in prison go after pedophiles. Like arsonists are right up there. Okay. You're going to come for trees.

And arson, like you're like going to come for like bushes, trees, things that give you oxygen. Like the they're 400 years old. The level of elder abuse involved in arson. Like it's one thing to want to off a person, but trees and bunnies and squirrels. I I think if we learn anything in the last year, it's that you don't come for squirrels. OK, this is the year. OK, so.

that a squirrel was put down in New York and we were irate. If we learned anything from 2024, it said humans were fine with people dying in senseless wars. People died of turbo cancer. People are being pushed in front of subway trains in New York City. We don't care. We don't give a shit. But when Peanut the squirrel was kidnapped and frankly murdered in cold blood, even though it probably had rabies,

that was going to kill him imminently anyway, or toxoplasmosis, or I mean, a Waymo was definitely going to get him any day now. We rose up and we had enough. You can come for our kids with the fluoride in the water. You can come for people in Appalachia and Flint with chemicals in their drinking water. But if you dare terminate the life of a squirrel in New York City that can get brand deals, you're going to get it because we're empaths.

I don't even want to call an arsonist a psychopath because like psychopaths are like strategic and they have charisma and sometimes they have good ideas. Psychopaths sometimes make good things, you know, like Apple computers and like

Zara, like whoever put peanut butter and jelly in the same jar, like the Four Loko guy, like those are all psychopaths. But sometimes they make things that we like and want to buy. You know, like we need some psychopaths to just like work all day. You know, Los Angeles authorities said they arrested 29 more people overnight in the fire zones, including one. We have cops in L.A. that there is good news. Silver lining every now and then.

You're like, there's cops in LA. I thought we defunded them all and gave the money to Natalie Portman. All right, I'm digressing. Overnight, 29 people were arrested by police officers in fire zones. One burglary suspect was dressed as a firefighter. Unclear if those cops were real cops. It...

It's literally Halloween in LA. No one knows who a real firefighter is. People are just in cosplay. But just so you know, LA people are sending each other messages of stuff that they're seeing. A lot of it's not being covered on the news for a million. I don't even think people report. If you saw a newsworthy thing right now, what would you even do? Would you go like, hey, I need to call local Fox 5. You wouldn't even call the news at this point. You know what I mean? You would just tweet it out. But friends are texting me stuff. One,

A person texted me. I'm not going to tell you his name, but he said last night, that was two nights ago, just below my house, a, quote, homeless man poured gasoline down a sewer grate and lit it on fire. By total coincidence, someone from the gas company saw him do this and called the fire department. They put it out. My neighbors were all saying what kind of mentally disturbed person would do this. First of all, it's impossible to know who's homeless in L.A. because everyone dresses like a homeless person.

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I put it this morning in a smoothie with like yogurt and some berries. I mean, we're in a fire right now in California. So I'm just like, things are wild. It's kept me going. It's kept me strong. I am obsessed with it. Whether you're rushing to work, hitting the gym or in a fire evacuation zone, Orgain is perfect for our busy lifestyles. Just add water, shake it up. You're good to go. No prep needed. Head to orgain.com slash Whitney and use code Whitney for 30% off your order. That's orgain.com slash Whitney. Promo code Whitney for 30% off. Guys.

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I'm just telling you, they're in a way better situation at this point than Kate Hudson. Like, it's a lot. It's a lot to take on. And here's the other thing. For those of you that are like, why are you coming after homeless people? Because homeless people, they used to be, it used to be like, yes, homeless, give this person money. Oh my God, homeless, this is heartbreaking. Because it used to be vets. It used to be like heroes that our country failed, remember? Now it's just like...

Zombies, dude. Like now it's just what's that stuff? Trank? Trank? It's like meth and a bunch of other. I don't know. I'm sure I'm sure I took it by accident during the pandemic, but it's a different breed of homeless people, dude. And I think they just realized like, oh, I can just like set this entire city on fire. Things aren't going to change for me. Like, why not?

Whether they got paid to do it, I don't know. Is it arson? Is it arson? I don't know. Is it arson if you know that homeless people be cooking and you know 80 mile winds are coming and you go to Ghana? Is that arson? I don't know. Arson is so fascinating to me because like murder, I think we've all been there. You know, first of all, when I hear that someone murdered someone, just one person, it's the only one they've ever done. My first reaction is always like,

I would just like to hear their side of the story. I just want to hear the murderer's side of the story. Like we've all snapped. We've all not handled things well. Like Gypsy Rose, like I'd like to hear your side of the story. Like I don't, Luigi, I think we're all heard his side of the story. And we were like, we've all been there, man. Yeah. You spent three hours in a doctor's office in a waiting room, even though you made an appointment for 1 PM. Yeah. We've all been there. We've all been like, thank God I don't have a 3D printer on me.

You know, we've all like waited on hold with the doctor's office for 30 minutes to end you, then called back and then reception takes lunch from 12 to 1. So you call back again at like 4.30 and then they're gone for the day. And you're like, I can't walk. Like, thank God I didn't have a 3D printer and the ability to use Google Maps, right? Like, I'm just saying choices would have been made. We've all been there. We can, you can only go for so long without snapping. In terms of the fires, I wouldn't worry too much because...

Meghan Markle is out there giving people hugs. So I think we're good. Can you imagine if I just lost my house and the girl from Suits tried to hug me? Oh, oh, I can't get through any of what's going on with the fires without laughing because it is so preposterous. Firefighters from Mexico are on the way.

Okay, so first off, the firefighters coming from Mexico is crap. Can you imagine being a firefighter in Mexico and getting that call? Hot take. This is how immigration should work. This is how it should work. Even though all these Mexican firefighters are like, I'm not going to go fight for that rich person's house, the guy that pays my cousin $4.

to work all day. No, I heard about this guy. My cousin works for him. He doesn't pay him anything to cut his penis-shaped topiary in front of Diddy's lawn or whatever. So I'm kind of worried about the intel going back to the Mexican firefighters from Mexicans that are now in LA working. They're like, yeah, come help.

They're like, I don't know if I want to help people that know that L.A. people are a bunch of assholes, but it does feel like a lot of the firefighters. I don't know if you're a firefighter who's like going. They're all heroes. But if they're going into Bel Air, they're kind of like, we'll get there when we get there. We're going to go to this neighborhood first. Like, I don't know. The whole thing is just so much to process. The idea of these underpaid firefighters that are having to save these 30 million dollar mansions.

Do you think part of the firefighters are just kind of like, I'm going to go to the guest house first where I know where I know they keep the gardener. Like if I'm a firefighter going into Bel Air, I'm definitely going for the like gardeners quarters first. It's like house manager, the guest house. Like, OK, so maybe this is how we do it. There's a big fire. OK. Immigration is a very big saga at the moment. The people in Mexico that volunteer to come fight fires, immediate citizen. Right.

You're a citizen now. You're a hero. No, no. Well, here's why not. Okay. This is, this is the kind of, ever since the New Year's Eve thing, when I kind of went off on CNN, this is the kind of, these are the kind of texts I get from unknown numbers. I don't know. I think my numbers on Reddit or something. I'm getting all kinds of wild stuff. This is what I'm getting. Mexico cartel networks, the cleanup crew, the Sinaloa cartel. Should I be saying any of this? Am I an idiot?

Cool.

Cool. California wildfires seem to strike areas where hidden facilities, trafficking routes or sensitive information could be buried. The presence of foreign operatives allow for cleanup crews, quote, to operate under the weight off. Bringing in foreign assistance creates a spectacle of unity in crisis management, diverting attention from the questions about the fire's origins or not. What's it for them? What is it for them? There's 49 other states. But don't you think other states in America are like, we're good? Yeah.

Like it's like Egypt and the Palestinians are like, oh, no, this doesn't seem like our problem. I know we're right next door, but like this seems like a lot of drama. No, thanks. I feel like Gavin's approach with the Mexican firefighters is like, hey, can you guys come help us, please? I did. I did let your cousin over the border for free. No questions asked, because I thought he was going to vote for Kamala, which he didn't. So you guys kind of owe me like, I don't know. He's like, and since your nephew is already here, I pay him five dollars an hour to water my lawn.

OK, which is one of the reasons we don't have any water. But that's beside the point. OK, maybe your nephew shouldn't have taken the orders I gave him. Imagine being a Mexican firefighter right now and coming here and being like, what is wrong with you guys? This could also be how immigration stops.

What if no one wants to come in here anymore after this? Like, I mean, this could be it. What if just like Republicans are running around starting fires, like make the country so repellent to other countries that no one will ever want to come here again? They're like, how did this happen? And we're like, ah, our homeless are addicted to drugs and they're cooking drugs and starts fires. And they're like, what? We're like, yeah, you know, drug addicts. Like, yeah, we don't have drug addicts. The cartels won't sell any of the drugs to us. They sell it to you guys.

Because you're the idiots that'll overpay for it. Like, we don't know what you're talking about. Imagine if it is true that there's some insane cartel coming in through the guise of being a firefighter. It's like Scarface or something, like of Mexico. And they're like, I just, you gotta, you know, look, you gotta take out the, take off the gold chains, take off the gold diamond rings. You have to go in under the guise of being a firefighter. This is our chance to go in, right? Yeah.

It's like, you know, the billionaire that runs the cartel. And he's like, all right. And they're like, you got to put on a firefighter outfit. And he's like, fine, fine. This is my disguise. Fine. And then he gets here and there's like a fire. And then whatever happens, like, you got to go, go, go, fire, fire. And he's like, the idea that all these cartel guys that are disguised as firefighters actually have to go in. And they're like, uh, this is not, that's so funny to me.

The idea that they're like, no, no, no, no, we're just actually drug dealers that are here to destroy your country. Like, we're not like, go, go, go. Like, they're right on camera. So they have to go along with it. That's so funny to me. The idea that like, like a bunch of news cameras are on them. Like, you're the heroes coming from Mexico. There's a fire right there. And he's like, I don't, I can't. They're like in Bel Air. He's like, go, go, go. It's like a $50 million house. He's like, why are you even saving that? It's such a shithole. I can't.

All the cartel guys go to Bel Air and they're like, yeah, let it burn to the ground. This place is disgusting.

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you covered. They even have mental health professionals. Note to self, stop putting off those doctor appointments. Go to ZocDoc.com slash Whitney. Find an instantly booked, a top rated doctor today. That's ZocDoc.com slash Whitney. ZocDoc.com slash Whitney. Is it possible that maybe America, the reason it was settled so late because it wasn't

It was a tricky spot. People were just like, we're the youngest country and we were the last to be settled. Maybe no one wanted it because the climate is a mess. I mean, it doesn't seem like this is a great... Topography-wise, I don't know. There's a lot... I think this is just the beginning, is what I'm kind of saying. With the age of this country...

How fast things were built. I mean, you know, Baltimore, this just happened. Bridges are long overdue for maintenance. Buildings, sewers, aqueducts, this stuff is all expiring. I mean, New York City, you know that the water pipes underneath the city, they just explode. It's just whack-a-mole. It's just we're all in like this video game where at any moment like a street can just like explode. I just I feel like between the terrain of this country, which is what I'm

bred this type of personality that we have, right? It's like really tough terrain, really challenging. But also now we're kind of like all really comfortable and it's like, oh, wait, hold on. Like, like this place is just kind of is was this meant to be inhabited? I'm just saying there's like there could be an argument to be made that America just isn't meant for European albino dorks who don't know how wind works.

OK, it's we have 19 climates in one country. Right. So it's just this crazy thing. Like, I mean, I don't know, man. This is when we got to really just fuck up, apologize to the natives and go, hey, what do you guys know? How did you guys do it? You know, because they were out there. We don't know how wind works. They were out there painting with all the colors of the wind. OK, that we're just do you think natives are just at their casinos like you guys, guys,

I don't know. I'm just saying. The wind is coming to California 80 miles an hour, okay? While our governor is literally getting his balls waxed at Bohemian Grove. Like, this is... California is not prepared in any capacity for this type of weather.

Much less arson. Okay. And weed is now legal. So this is the perfect storm, literally and figuratively. And what's intentional and what's not, I don't know yet. But everyone's on drugs here. Everyone is also stoned. Okay.

We became legal and no one's on high alert. Okay. Which is, is it by design? I don't know. Cause I see a lot of people losing their homes, losing everything going like, well, this is just how it should be. And you know, like material things, like it's just like, isn't everything. And at least we have each other. I'm like, stop eating the edibles and create them for five minutes. Stuff that matters. Maybe yours doesn't, but the person next to you that isn't on edibles all day wants his stuff. But here's the deal with the fires. I think we can all agree. It doesn't add up. None of it adds up.

It doesn't add up. Sorry. I know I need to trash California leadership, but I'm going to do you one better because everyone's doing that. That's easy. I'm going to actually try to defend it because honestly, I think when you try to defend a despicable person, you reveal that they're way worse than you even think. Okay. So when people like Gavin Newsom did this and the water was empty, it's, I think it's so much worse than the worst case scenario. And here's why.

It's important to get into the mind of the person's behavior trying to figure out, right? Gavin Newsom is clearly, I'm not a psychiatrist, but I think we can agree he's a malignant narcissist. I didn't went in politics, right? You know, remember he cheated on his wife and gave like a speech about it. Like what I highly recommend you watch Gavin Newsom interviews. He is a bone chilling psychopath to the core.

So all he wants is to be a hero, right? That's his goal in life. So this is his worst nightmare, right? No one gets up in the morning and is like, I want people to hate me, maybe Blake Lively, but most people don't want that. Gavin Newsom is such a raging narcissist, egomaniac. He wants to be remembered as a hero. He wants a medal of honor. He wants to

get the CNN Hero of the Year award. He wants medals. Okay, Gavin Newsom is truly what we thought Justin Baldoni was, I feel like. He wants to be a hero, and usually bad people do some good things just to get medals and trophies to speak at charities, which are obviously money laundering schemes. But, you know, yes, he'll go get the tax write-off, but also he wants...

The Purple Heart, you know? So sometimes power-hungry egomaniacs, they're useful because they want to save the day and get more power so that they can talk young girls into polyamory, okay? So how is Gavin Newsom not figured out a way for this to not have happened solely to be a fake hero?

is what I can't figure out. Okay. And I say this as someone who will for sure be the first to be offered to play his ex-wife, Kimberly Guilfoyle in a Hallmark movie. I mean, that is a straight offer. Okay. I just, I am obsessed with the fact that sociopaths sometimes do good things, right? To like throw people off the trail, the grandiose gestures, where are the grandiose gestures? Okay. So maybe he's not a psychopath or a sociopath. We'll get to that. But like,

If he did these grandiose gestures, like if he came out three weeks ago and went, guys, I'm making sure the water's here. Guys, I'm making sure that the hydrants are working. He could have done that and this still could have happened and we'd be okay. Does that make sense? He could have gotten ahead of it even if he knew he was going to do nothing. And he could have been like, guys, Dana Anders are coming. Let's just make sure to be on top of things. He could have pretended is what I'm saying. And he didn't do that.

Weird, weird. Okay. So I'm trying to understand because normally sociopaths, psychopaths, they do grandiose gestures to throw people off their trail, right? It gives them something that buys them like this immorality pass, right? He could have bought a house in the fire zone and lost his house. Okay. Why wouldn't he have done that?

Genius, right? Psychopaths need to hire me to manage them. I mean, it's like there's so many things he could have done to make himself a hero out of this fire, and he's not doing it. Isn't the whole point of being a governor that you get to play with fire trucks? Like, isn't that like...

Why else be a governor? Like, especially in California, like, I get to get on the choo-choos and I get to get on the wee-wee. Like, you get to fly on private planes. Like, that's the goal. You get to get women. You get to get private planes. You get to get in helicopters. And you get to ride on the fire trucks and go down the fireman's pole and hang out with the firemen. Like, wouldn't you want as many fire trucks as possible?

Literally put my son after having a son. I am fully convinced any man, as soon as they become a governor, like we need more fire trucks, more fire trucks. We need more fire trucks for California. Like why aren't there more fire trucks? So I'm off. I'd say he's a lizard. I know you guys like he's a lizard. No lizards know how to conserve water. That's their thing. Definitely not a lizard. There's something when someone is so comically bad at their job and then gets called out.

The assumption is that we're going to go, oh, now they'll change. This is the point where things get really dicey. And I think this is the big mistake Los Angeles made, you know, besides that whole Shirley Temple thing. Is that Gavin Newsom, this is the danger of bad leaders and bad politicians. When they mess up, we go, oh, they messed up.

They won't do it again because now they want to save their ass, right? This is best case scenario, right? It's like when a guy cheats. You go like, well, he cheated and he was busted. Now he'll never cheat again. That's not how it works. You guys like got away with that once. Now I know the price for cheating. I have to like be good for a couple months or I have to get a new phone, whatever the thing is. So Gavin Newsom,

has failed so much that we're like, oh, he wants to run for president. Clearly, there will be no end to what this guy needs in terms of power. Like he's spending all day. That's the other thing about all these like Kamala spending half of her term running for office. You're in office, though. Can you imagine at what job can you spend two years at your job trying to get another job? Why? Why?

All day? Like, what if I, if I worked at Chipotle, would I be allowed to take shifts off to be like, I'm just, I'm interviewing with Chick-fil-A. Just like, you don't get to. So Gavin Newsom spends all day, every day trying to run for the president in four years. That's his full-time job. He will probably still like, as of a couple of weeks ago, he probably was going to be the Democratic nominee. Like full stop. The only thing that literally in meetings, they were like, as long as California doesn't like burn down,

you have the nomination. They're like, I mean, you're pretty much a shoo-in to be the next Democratic nominee unless California burns down. So...

I like to go, who has a vested interest in California burning down? Which is why I'm saying that Kimberly Guilfoyle did this. If you guys want to get into this wormhole, I highly recommend it. Gavin Newsom's ex-wife, when he was the mayor of San Francisco, Kimberly Guilfoyle, who I don't not look like, married Don Jr. You tell me.

Anyway, the point I'm getting to is normally shame works and it doesn't work on Gavin Newsom. It doesn't work on him. It's kind of fascinating. Like shame works really well on me. Maybe too well. Remember during the pandemic, like, you know, the pandemic was tough on workaholics. I had 10 haircuts. I started smoking weed. You guys called me a drug addict. So I got sober and I changed it. It worked. And look at me, look at me buttons.

The hair that God knew matched my face right here. Okay. Gavin Newsom was called out so shamed during the pandemic because he was, remember, just like building vineyards and out having, you know, dinner without a mask on while everybody else was like losing their livelihood. You're like, this is definitely, this shame is going to work on him. Right. And then you're like, okay, dude, this is it. It's so easy to turn your reputation around these days. Even Gavin Newsom could have gotten out of that.

as despicable and disgusting as what he did to California was. He could have turned it around with a big, grandiose gesture. Robert Downey Jr., when he was an addict, he woke up in a girl's bed. Now he's Iron Man.

We're actually a very forgiving species. Mel Gibson yelled about Jews on the PCH, which rest in peace, PCH. Now he's 15 movies in production. He's on Rogan. He's a hero. He was already busted for cheating. Like sociopaths do stuff like this to be like, yeah, babe, I'm sorry. I just, I was working all day to make sure that there was the water and the hydrants to make sure LA didn't burn down. And I just, I just did it to take the edge off. Like he's not even doing that. Like even Jeffrey Epstein donated to science so that he could have an office on a college campus.

But was good science done as a side effect of his pedophilia? Maybe. Unless he was like the person who funded the women mature faster than men study, which put me in a cage with those scientists. Like,

Like Epstein's like, I would like to fund some research that at 12 girls are mature enough to give grown men massages on islands. It actually helps with their frontal lobe development study that I just came out with. Whenever you see a study, see who sponsored the study. Okay. It's going to be some fake company. It's going to be like the orchid group. Then you got to look up the orchid group because then that's going to be like,

Jeffrey Epstein or Bill Gates or something like that. You know, like Saudi Arabians, like the Crown Prince Fund. It's not Saudis. It doesn't say Saudis sponsored this. You know, it's like the Visionary Sunshine Group. And you're like, oh, the Visionary Sunshine Group paid for this study. That's so cool. They're visionaries. Like, no, it's someone else, right? Visionary Sunshine Group funded a study that said that teenage girls should have at least 12 male partners. It increases their fertility. You're like, that's a weird statistic. Okay. Yeah.

The Visionary Sunshine Group just came out with this awesome study. Like, I don't know, man. Why did the Visionary Sunshine Group donate $4 billion to the Pew Research Center last year? I have questions. Dude, I'm so done with studies. I can't. I can't. When people throw studies at me, because also having a kid now, people have so many studies they want to throw at you. And I'm always, I'm the person at the park who's like, timeout, timeout. Someone's like, you know, there was just a study about how that, I'm like, let me stop you right there.

OK, like there was a study where five year old girls and five year old boys were watched for 12 hours a day. And when the girl had her diaper changed, she was calmer. I'm like, put me in a cage with the scientist who wanted to do this study. No mentally healthy person wants to watch other people's kids for a living with a clipboard. Also, no one needs studies on kids. We got it. We got it. No phones. We know.

We know. We got it. Like if someone's giving a phone to their kid at Applebee's, at this point, it means the kid's behavior is actually better with the phones in its life. OK, the kid was biting someone before. The parents like, yeah, we know it's an improvement. We know it's bad, but it's actually worse without it. So we got it. OK, like worthwhile trade off. Like who needs to study kids? Go to Chuck E. Cheese. Look around. Girls mature faster than boys. Yet. I know I've been to the airport.

Like, what are you talking about? Do we need to put a kid to study? How about just hang out with your own kids? So hold on. You leave your kids every day to go to work to study other people's kids? It's like how we cut down birds' houses to make birdhouses. Like, I just, I am definitely going crazy, you guys. Me on a tangent? No. We're actually very forgiving is what I'm trying to say. Kevin Spacey is on Peter Atiyah's podcast. Amber Heard has a book out and another kid. Someone signed up for that.

We have no short-term memory anymore, okay? It's easy to go from zero to hero. He could have just been like, ah, yeah, I went to therapy. If you're a man in his 50s, you can blame anything on like childhood trauma these days and get away with it, okay? Listen to armchair expert. Men being like, yeah, I just...

My parents got divorced when I was... Men are now discovering therapy and using it as a way to defend themselves when they have horrific behavior. Yeah, I guess I was just trying to get the approval of my dad. That's all he had to say. And we'd be like, oh, man.

Oh man. Anything that a woman like says with her girlfriends all day, every day, if a guy just says it on a podcast, $80 million. Take it. So we're like, okay, there's no way that he's not going to come out of this, figure it out. He's going to nail these Santa Ana wins. He like has to. That's how sociopaths work. Okay. They do a grandiose gesture. So we forget the abuse, but no dude, nope. He's just buying croupon on.

LA looks hair gel, just nowhere to be found. The fact that this guy is wearing flammable hair gel in a fire zone. Could all the hair gel be why Gavin Newsom doesn't know the wins exist? He's like, what do you mean? Everyone's like, he's like, no, I don't know, man. Were these fires planned?

That's what's tricky, dude. That's what's tricky about this, the moon landing, all that stuff. Moon landing is different, obviously, because it was like paper and pen back then. My thing is, I'm not sure that Gavin Newsom and Karen Bass and all these people or whoever, I think it's way bigger than them. If it's planned, they know nothing about it. I just don't think any of these people are smart enough to plan pretty much anything, except maybe building new wineries. But I do think they are dumb enough to do nothing about it.

Dumb enough and selfish enough and clueless enough to do nothing so that the people that are smart who are planning it can just not involve them at all. Does that make sense? In Ozark, there's a scene where Laura Linney's character, her like nemesis starts having a heart attack in front of her and she goes to help. And then she just picks up the phone and she just waits and then dials 911 very slowly and just lets it happen. It feels like that, right? It feels like

If you would like California to catch on fire, all you have to do is kind of wait for these idiots to continue idioting and then come in and capitalize later. Right. Like, I don't know.

It just doesn't add up to me. But I also think that the people in charge can't add. So maybe they're like, I do think it's a criminal level of stupidity. Is stupidity illegal? I don't know the answer, you know, but I do think that anyone that wants to LA to catch on fire, you don't have to do much, right? Because there's also this perfect storm. But what I will say by not

Getting homeless people off the street before Santa Ana wins. You might as well just light a match. I don't know what's going on, but what I do know is it's worse than that. That's the only way I know to say it. Like the worst thing you can think of. I think it's worse than that. Does that make sense?

Like the idea that it's like, oh, there's this big scam on behalf of Gavin Newsom to make parking lots for the Olympics because the Olympics are coming to LA and they want to build more buildings, you know, and make more money. I think it's worse than that. I think he might be too dumb for even that. I think a dumb person might be flying the plane, not someone that's so smart that they know how to cause wreckage. I think...

He's probably being played by someone way smarter or some power way smarter than him. Here's the things I find fishy about these fires. Number one, it seems to be in like a circle, like it's encircling Los Angeles, right? No one finds it weird that it doesn't go above Santa Barbara or below Santa Monica. None. None.

There have been a little flare ups in like Temecula, but like an acre gone handled. And usually those are just like, you know, no one thinks that's weird. Nowhere else. Do you think we'll lose the Olympics? Will we lose the Olympics? There's no way we'll lose the Olympics. We can't lose the Olympics. Why? Because they'll say the Olympics was like, wait, none of the drag queens burned, right? We're working on the opening ceremony. The drag queens aren't on fire, are they?

I think they're going to do a special route with the torch. Are they going to, when the Olympics come, they're going to use a torch? Yeah. The Olympic is trekked on foot from location to location, very ceremoniously. And the torch. Imagine being the person. Cause someone's job is to just like handle the Olympic torch choreography. And they're just like, Oh God, can we bring a torch through LA right now for the Olympics? Is that a good look?

Maybe the curling should just be cleaning up ashes. What are we doing for the Olympics in California? We're doing what? Beach volleyball? Hopefully more break dancing. I don't know if Gavin Newsom is behind this. I don't know if he's just being played like a pawn, but I do know that he's retarded. ♪♪♪