Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
We're going to the Kentucky Derby. We have another girls trip this episode. So me, Kristen, Sarah, and Natalie are heading over to Kentucky. I think you say Louisville. I thought it was Louisville, but apparently that's not how you say it. Louisville. And we're going to Kentucky for a girls trip this weekend. I've been born a cowboy with checks.
This episode is presented by Sephora. Nourish yourself with hair care that really works whatever your hair type from brands like Amika, Kerastase, Moroccan Oil, and K18. Click or tap the banner or visit sephora.com to shop now.
This episode is brought to you by Tinder. We all have a dream of how we'll meet that special someone, right? We think it's going to be this big romantic moment. I'm going to be walking down the side of the road. He's going to see me, think I'm the most beautiful girl he's ever seen, turn right back around, come sweep me off my feet. But that's never a
quite how it happens. I mean, I met my boyfriend at the bar at a party, you know? I mean, I feel like that's how it happens when you go out. Some of you are still waiting for a meet cute moment to happen, but in reality, you might be more likely to find your meet cute on Tinder. A new relationship starts
every three seconds on the app and the time it takes you to get a drink. You could have already met your special someone. So don't overthink it. Open Tinder and take a chance on romance. No matter how your journey starts, you may join the millions of relationships that started thanks to Tinder. Explore all of the possibilities for yourself. Tinder, it starts with a swipe. Download Tinder today.
This episode is brought to you by Liquid IV. It is hot out this summer. It is actually absurdly hot out and you don't have to be an athlete like Braxton to get the sweat going working outside training. I'm sweating walking to the car, walking down the road. People are taking Zoom meetings on their porch sweating and you need to replace that sweat with hydration. I personally love Liquid IV. They have three times the electrolytes of the leading sports drink,
plus eight vitamins and nutrients for everyday wellness. Liquid IV hydrates two times faster than water alone. If any of you were listening to one of the episodes where I said I had a panic attack this summer, it's because my body was so dehydrated. It was run down, didn't feel good. The boat captain actually had to bring me out a liquid IV to put in my water because I was feeling so nauseous. That just truly shows my love for liquid IV and how much they do. They're so amazing. They have a bunch of flavors to choose from and, you know, take it to the beach with you. Make sure you're staying hydrated this summer. So grab your liquid IV.
Hydration multiplier sugar-free in bulk nationwide at Costco, or you can get 20% off when you go to liquidiv.com and use code HOTMESS at checkout. That's 20% off anything you order when you shop better hydration today using promo code HOTMESS at liquidiv.com.
Preparing for this trip has been so much fun because I've had my two weeks at home in Miami. I've had my health and wellness. I've been going to the gym. I've been cooking meals for myself. And now I'm like, okay, four-day bender, here we go. I cannot wait. So the reason we're going to the Kentucky Derby is...
Honestly, I don't know because this was kind of like random and last minute, but I love horses. I actually used to be a horse girl myself. I used to ride horses when I was little and we were like, you know what? The Kentucky Derby would be so much fun. And Unwell is also doing a house there where they're going to have parties. So similar to what we did in Austin where I was partying with you guys, the Earl girls, we were getting after it. And there's something about partying with you guys that like sends me over the edge every single time. Like I
I always black out and I don't know why. Like you guys are just a lot of fun and we have a lot of fun together. So we are in for a weekend of drinking, horse racing, cute outfits, big hats, and a lot of fun. And honestly, the more and more I learn about this Kentucky Derby weekend, the more I get excited. I had no idea that this was like a very fun weekend.
spot party trip. A lot of colleges go. A lot of frat formals have their formals there. Why did I have no idea about that? Apparently, the infield at the Kentucky Derby is a complete disaster, and there is going to be an unwell tent there, and there's going to be a little hot mess glam bot. I was like, I think this would be fun. The girlies got to get their pictures in. They got to get their glam bot in. I'm literally searching up photos because I'm like, what does the Kentucky Derby look like?
in terms of like the field, the partying, what's going on. And all I see is pictures of blacked out people just like sprawled on the grass. And I was like, oh my God, this looks like so much fun. So I'm bringing Kristen. And then the other friends that I'm bringing are Sarah and Natalie. And you guys have met them before. They've been on. I lived with them in Casa Amor. Sarah, I actually lived with all four years of college, which is crazy. So I miss them. They're my long distance friends now, which is so weird. Like anyone who's grassy
graduating or about to graduate or did graduate like you just know like when you don't get to see your friends every single day and second and you're living breathing sleeping with them every day like you just miss them so much so I'm so excited and grateful that we get to go this weekend and it's gonna be a fun time I even had my cousin who's going she texted me I had no idea about this whole frat formal thing like our frat formals we were going to Fort Lauderdale
they're going to the Kentucky Derby. Like, that seems like so much fun. And frat formals are just such a scary, dark weekend, but they're also a lot of fun. And I feel like sometimes you end up going on them, but you don't even really like your date or really want to be with them. You just kind of want to go because the whole college is basically like field tripping somewhere and you want to go and you want to be a part of the fun. But Kristen and I have
the most horrendous frat formal story, it's disgusting. Like, this formal just tops everything
all other formals as worst formal we've ever been to. And I can't even tell this story myself because I need Kristen to come in here and attest for how bad and scary this weekend was. So I'm going to go get Kristen really quick. Kristen's here. We've got her. So I was talking about how people are using the Kentucky Derby as their like frat formal, which I feel like is really cool. It is cool. That's different and fun. And
I can't help but think of our time that we went to Fort Lauderdale and had the frat formal from actual fucking hell. I never had a fun formal, which kind of sucks. I don't think I did either. Like they always seemed fun in the moment. And then you go there and it's like, oh, yeah. So I really wish I went to the key West one though. That was sick. That one was fun, but it also wasn't, it wasn't giving. Yeah. It depends on like who your date is, who the people you're with.
But this one formal in particular was worse than all of the other ones. It's, like, up there with, like, one of the worst weekends of my life. But it also was so fun, like, in hindsight. Because, like, we made it. It was, like, stupid and fun. But it was, like, also terrible. It's the best memories now. Like, it's good to laugh at now. But, okay. So, to set the scene, this is, like, a few weeks out before formals happening. And this is when girls are, like, scrambling. They're, like, okay, like, give me a date. Like, I'm not going to do it.
I have to find someone. Who am I going to be matched with? It's literally, like, The Bachelor. Like, you have to, like, find someone. And I had developed this, like, liking for this guy. Yeah. And we didn't really know him that well. Or I guess I didn't really know him that well. And I remember, like, we were at this one venue. And this was, like, a frat party type of thing. Yeah.
And I was like, you know what? I'm going to like just be ballsy and be like, come after party with us. Like I went up to him. I'm talking to him. And he was like, yeah, OK. So I'm like, perfect. I ordered this Uber. I'm like, let's get in. Let's go. And we were also with Ashton and her boyfriend at the time. So it's the four of us in this Uber. And.
First off, this Uber pulls up and it was like one of those fancy Teslas that like... I feel like it's like a rare find. I love a Tesla Uber. It's always a treat. When you get one of the fancy ones. I'm like, okay, here we go. And I was so belligerently drunk that halfway through this car ride, whilst we're on like the highway in Miami, I start getting dizzy. And I'm like, this is not going well. And I just remember...
being in this uber like i'm so sick right now like i don't feel good like something is going to come up and i remember looking to the side and trying to like roll the window down but it was too fancy that i couldn't figure out like where the button was for the window so the only other option i had was to lean over to my right which this guy's sitting in the middle seat like all crammed up in there and he was like a big guy and i just puked on his lap like i i
I don't know how that's a real story. And I feel like we've really... I don't know how you caught the formal invite after that. I don't know either, but... Well, obviously I do because it's like, it's you. And he was like... I'm so sorry for puking on you. But yeah, so I literally puked on this guy and then we had to pull over the Tesla on the side of the road. And it's so bad that like...
I had already puked on this guy. Like, he could have at least just, like, stayed in the car or something. He was like, I'll get out and, like, call my own Uber. He got out on the side of the highway. And I was like, well, that's it. Like, I'm not going to formal with him. Like, I ruined my shot. And I put on my charm somehow and...
And two weeks later, we got the formal invite. So that's how I found... How did you get that formal invite again? I don't... I feel like it was, like, word of mouth from friends. Like, I didn't... Like, after that, I was like, I'm never talking to this guy again. And I think... I remember. I think he randomly texted you and, like, proposed. Yeah. I think maybe it was, like, Natalie's doing... She was doing some finagling or something. I think he texted you, like, proposing that we go. Yeah. Like, with me and the guy that...
So I wanted to go to this formal because all of our other friends were going. And then I was like, okay, I puked on this guy. Now he's taking me as a date. And now Kristen, I was like, she obviously has to come with us because I don't want to go alone to this. So now we're on a hunt for Kristen to get this man. I also did not want to go at all. Like I genuinely didn't want to go at all. And all of my friends were like trying to find a way for me to go. And I'm like, I don't think you guys understand. Like I don't want to go. And they were like, well, too bad you're coming. And.
And the guy that I ended up going with was one of our best friend's boyfriend's friends who I like didn't know and they were like older and like random and I was just like I didn't want to go at all and everybody forced me to go. And we were like Kristen it's fine. Like it's fine like you'll be rooming with me like whatever like maybe you'll end up like falling in love. Just kidding. It was just like you'll have a fun time whatever. So I said yes and
I never was excited about it, but it's okay. We were like, it's going to be fun. So we started off with low hopes for Kristen. She was like, I don't want to be here. And I was like, bitch, if I'm going to Fort Lauderdale for this formal, you're coming with me. So basically... But then the night before made us not want to go way more. Oh my God. We, the night before this formal, before leaving for this formal... I don't remember where we were. It must have been some frat party, but...
something was in the water this night. Okay. Don't judge me because I'm talking about puking and now I'm talking about this story. It just happens when you're in college. Okay. It was like one of like the pivotal, like it was sophomore year. Yeah. It was sophomore year. Like sophomore year. I feel like it was post COVID for us. And we were just so like, when I think of my sophomore year self, I'm like, I don't associate with her.
No, same. I don't blame that. She was disgusting. She was a rat. I don't know what she was wearing. I do not blame that. Like, she was crazy. We were so choogy. Ew. We were the worst. We were the worst. We were Hetsudoshian. No. But you know what? That needs to happen. Yeah. Make college kids choogy again because they're way too cool now. They're way too cool. Everybody needs to be choogy for a little bit. Yeah. I don't even like who I was as a person. Yeah, no, same. I feel you. But anyways.
I wake up and I'm like, okay, time to go to formal. It's like 10 a.m. We have to like get in the car to drive with these two boys that we really don't know. All we know is like Kristen kind of knows this guy. We don't even know if they get along. I only know this guy because I puked on him. So I remember like walking to Kristen's room and she's like, I'm so hungover. I can't go. I was like really trying to be like, no, I really can't go. And I was like, okay, like she's just being dramatic because she doesn't want to go. I walk into Kristen's room.
Kristen looks like she just caught the plague. I'm literally like green and shaking. You have like a mac and cheese and you're sitting in your bed and like Kristen's skin is the color of her white sheets. I was like, um, okay, well we have to pack the bags and we have to go to Fort Lauderdale. We get in the car. I was also driving. You were? Yes, I was driving. And we were both in the front seat. Yeah.
I don't remember. I just remember the car ride being really awkward. It was so awkward, and I remember it specifically when I was driving. Because the guy that I was bringing was, like, directly across from me, like, in the backseat. And he kept, like, coming, like, up in between the seats to talk to us, and I was like, get away.
Kristen was not having it. Kristen was having the sweats. Wait. We also... Okay. So the drive from Miami to Fort Lauderdale is like an hour. Yeah. Oh my God. But such bad traffic. We got such bad traffic, one. And then we took a wrong turn and we ended up at this weird... At the airport. At the airport. And we're like...
First of all, so hungover that we can't think. Oh my god, I completely forgot. We're circling the airport with these guys in the car that we don't want to be with. And like, now we're like 10 loops around the goddamn poor Otterdale airport. I totally forgot. Like, actually though, like we accidentally took a turn into the airport and then we're stuck sitting there like through all the arrivals traffic. Bumper to bumper traffic at the airport. And then I accidentally took a turn back into it again. We ran around there twice.
oh my god i totally forgot about that those boys were probably like can they not drive because i was definitely the one feeding directions and you were the one driving and like yeah our brains weren't we didn't have brain cells that day a specific thing that he said that just like we both looked at each other we were like oh my god oh my gosh why do i feel like i know what you're talking about about the ships
Wait. We drove past a bunch of ships on the water and you were like, how does that float? How does that massive thing float? He was like, well, actually...
And gives us like a 10 minute lecture on like how... So I actually was like, can you just be like, yeah, like I know, right? Yeah. So Kirsten was icked out by her man. Yeah. And like, I wish him the best. He's great. I hope he's doing great. But like, I just personally didn't want to be there. It wasn't a vibe. It wasn't a vibe. We weren't, the chemistry wasn't there for me personally. Yeah.
I didn't want to be there. And I was hungover. Yeah, you know, it's just like the last thing you want to deal with when you're hungover. So finally, after probably like three hours, we get to Fort Lauderdale. To set the scene for anyone who doesn't know how frat formals work, usually, unless you're like a couple that's like bougie and wants to ball out and have your own room, everyone stays in like a room with two queen beds. So it's like
two couples per room and then obviously one couple in one bed the other couple in the other bed which is like kind of crazy everyone just like bunks together and yeah i don't know i remember the whole way that i was driving i was like fuck what the fuck am i gonna do later we pull up to this formal kristin
Like, obviously, Kristen's the nicest, most warmest, smiley person ever. When I tell you that I've never seen something like this in my life, Kristen was not having it. I was not having it. Kristen put her foot down day fucking one. She was literally, like, this guy would sit next to her on the bed, and she would get up and come sit next to me, and I was like, oh, my God. Okay, well, I feel like, in general, like, it takes a lot for me to, like... No, it does. I've never seen this. Entertain the guy, but, like, if I especially don't like you...
I don't know. I just, for some reason, like, I was just so triggered by, like, everything. And I feel bad. No. I truly wish him the best. No. Well, he was kind of being triggering. Yeah. Like, he was. I also, like, I feel like I always try to, like, live life in a way that, like, no one can, like, say that I've been a bitch to them and it be true. And I'm like, I always think that is one person that could be like, she was a bitch to me. It's true. I feel like he still wouldn't say that. You think?
I think him and then one of our friends' ex-boyfriends. The same one he was friends with. Oh my god. That guy definitely dates with you. I bitched him out because he... It's okay. What a wonderful way to live with thinking only one person could say something bad about you. But like seriously, that's true. I think about it all the time. I'm like, I think that's the only person who could be like, she was like, treated me poorly that weekend. Nonetheless, first day of formal. We're here to have a good time, look cute, pop some champagne,
You know, we have each other. We're in this together. Like, we're in the room. It's fine. And that first night we went out, I think you slept in a different room. Yes, I did. There was absolutely no way I was sleeping in that bed with that man. So Kristen did not sleep with her night one. I slept in my bed. Because a bunch of our friends were there, too. And some of our best friends was like...
Our girlfriend and guy friend who just went as friends. And then our other guy friend who just went solo. So they had space. I feel like I...
I didn't get with my formal date. I feel like at the point that we were there, I kind of was like, actually, I don't even really like this guy either. Yeah. And I feel like formals are so awkward because like every formal I've been to, I feel like I literally end up in bed with a guy who's like spooning me and I'm literally like, get off of me right now. On the last inch of the bed trying to get away from them. You're up at seven in the morning, like staring at the ceiling, like please like take your hand off of me. Can the day begin? So yeah, I feel like that's just the experience I've had with formals. But yeah, I remember we all went into their room, into our friend's room.
And I just like got in bed and like pretended to be too drunk and was just like all like cozied up. And he like came over and was like trying to wake me up.
No, well, Kristen's date, I had to play, like, cock block McGee because Kristen's date's like, where'd she go? He's literally like, Kristen has, like, not answered this man. And he's like, Alex, like, where is she? And I'm like, oh, I was like, I don't know. She must be, like, in someone's room, like, doing something. Like, I don't know where she went. Like, meanwhile, I fully know that Kristen's running as far away as she can. Moving on to the second day of this formal. Morale's at a low. Another hangover has set in.
And we're at this hotel in Fort Lauderdale that's, like, we couldn't even, there was, resources were also low there. There was, like, a little restaurant down below. I'm trying to think during the day, too. I remember I was running away from him. Yeah. At that, like, beach thing. Yeah. The whole thing was just dragging on way too long. I literally wanted to get in the car and leave. But, like, it felt like we had to stay. No, Kristen, like, actually, I'm pretty sure Kristen contemplated leaving. I did. I really did. Yeah.
And, you know, I was like, we're sticking it out. We have one more night. Like, let's just be the best dates and, like, stay. Also, another, like, level of context to why I was so, like, miserable that weekend was because I had, like, just, like, broken up with my, like, semi-boyfriend, like, right before. And so, like, the fact that it just was so not a vibe, I was just kind of being, like... I forgot about that part of it. You know? I forgot about that layer of the onion. Something happened where I...
also got the ick for Kristen's man. Like, the ick has extended past Kristen. And your date did too. I'm pretty sure my date also had the ick. It was like, imagine four people in a room. We're really not that close. We're also really not vibing. Like, the vibes couldn't be more off. Kristen's date gets a call on the phone. He got his dream job offer.
Great. Amazing. Like, we're so happy for you, but like the vibes could have been worse for this man to be literally swollen up almost with tears. He was literally like jumping up in the bed like, fuck yeah, let's fuck this.
And it was a great job. And like, we're so happy for you, honey. But like, it was just like, we don't even know you. The vibes were off already. And like, it was just so awkward. And this poor guy's getting his like dream job opportunity. And we're all sitting there like, like this guy was, I'm not kidding. I think he was doing cartwheels between the two beds. Like he was so happy that it was like, let's not be that happy.
Let's calm down. Let's tone it down a second. And now the vibes are just... I'm like, I can't even be in the room anymore. Things have just gone haywire. So night two...
I was like, Kristen, wherever you escaped to last night, like, I'm coming with you. And I remember we slept in this other friend's room. Yeah, the same one that I was in. And the bed sheets were literally wet. Yeah. Like, they were wet and cold. Something was wrong with, like, the humidity in there or something because everything was damp. They also had ordered, like, so much McDonald's the night before. And you know that McDonald's stench? Like, it has such a particular smell. It was just reeking of McDonald's in there. Ew, ew, ew. And I specifically remember sitting in there and, like,
The frat boys just, like, come in and out, and they're just, like, drooling.
drinking and like doing whatever they're doing like they're just like smelling whatever it is that they do like they were just coming in and out of this room way too much and the bed sheet was literally like a soppy mildew towel and I'm like you know what this is better than being in our other room I remember I fell asleep that night and I woke up in like the middle of night and everyone else still hadn't gone to sleep yet it was like almost more miserable to sleep like I think staying up was the preferred condition and that was when we had the trash can water
Another layer to this is there's no water in this hotel. And it was like probably the middle of the night. There was nothing on Uber Eats. There was nothing open near us. We had asked the front desk for water. We're like, we're literally so dehydrated. Like we are going to die and pass out right now. And they're like, we don't have anything to offer. I'm like a fountain, anything. There was no cups in the room either. Like we were going back and forth. Like how can we get water? Like we were literally trapped in this room.
hotel fort lauderdale the city of fort lauderdale went out of water and i was like okay well what are we gonna drink because it's the middle of the night and you know when everyone's just like so thirsty like your mouth is so dry and our friend had the idea to fill up the trash can in the room it was the recycling bin which is semi more acceptable yeah i guess he rinsed it out and he took it to the ice machine to fill it up with ice so it was ice cold
And then he filled it up with the shower. So we drank. And we slurped that shit down. Shut up.
We drank shower water out of a trash can in Fort Lauderdale. But, like, that's so, like, that's, you have to do that in Fort Lauderdale. Did you even go to Fort Lauderdale? We didn't do some shit like that. No, and it's so formal coded. At the moment, like, it was the best water ever. We were all, like, so delirious that it was so hilarious. I think we were so... Every time someone would reach for it. We were so dehydrated that every time someone was slurping it, they were like... It was so funny. The cherry on top, which I'm just remembering now to all of this...
Is leaving formal. Wait, and...
Before that, my date hooked up with another girl that night. But like as he should. Yeah. Pop off. I mean, that could have ended better. Like if he didn't do that, we would have felt bad. Yeah, we would have felt bad. Not that we owe him anything, but like pop off. Yeah, no, he needed that. The vibes were so awkward when we were leaving this formal because we like basically didn't see our dates all weekend. We were like, hey, thanks for the hotel room and the trip to Fort Lauderdale. And we were just like waving them goodbye. And like we went in our car without them.
Yeah, I think we really did. I think we were just like, all right. Yeah. So honestly, everyone that's going to the Kentucky Derby has is going to have a much better time. Yes, they definitely are. And I'm really bummed I'd never had a good formal experience out of college. I feel like hopefully some girls can relate to this because there's probably some girls which would definitely be me who just want to go to the Kentucky Derby for the parties and the cute outfits. And the hats.
And you know what? This is your sign that it's okay to be a cock block during your formal weekend. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Yeah. And just go for the experience. Go for the vibes. A lot of girls just want to go for the vibes and then end up feeling like weird. Yeah. Because you're forced to like sleep next to this person you don't know. Just do what we did and ditch your dates. And run away from them all weekend. Ditch your dates. Be the worst date possible and sleep together in someone else's room. Yes. So now we have to...
put away our stuff and go to the Kentucky Derby ourselves. I know, I'm so excited. I can't wait to see Natalie and Sarah. I know, I'm so, so, so excited. Thanks, Kristen, for popping in. Of course, it's been a while. Now we gotta pop on over to Kentucky. Oh, yeah. Is Kentucky considered, like, Southern?
wait i talked like half of the first part so it better be i think it is wait what do you mean it's definitely southern i mean it's like kind of high up there but i think it is southern i have if you gave me a million dollars i could not tell you where kentucky is on a map i have no idea like i'm pretty sure it could be out west louisville is like on the border of ohio which is like i'm so bad at geography that's the one thing i'm good at everything else
um well regardless well yeah yippity-doo-dah-day this episode is brought to you by tinder we all have a dream of how we'll meet that special someone right we think it's going to be this big romantic moment i'm going to be walking down the side of the road he's going to see me think i'm the most beautiful girl he's ever seen turn right back around come sweep me off my feet but that's never a
quite how it happens. I mean, I met my boyfriend at the bar, at a party, you know? I mean, I feel like that's how it happens when you go out. Some of you are still waiting for a meet cute moment to happen, but in reality, you might be more likely to find your meet cute on Tinder. A new relationship starts
every three seconds on the app and the time it takes you to get a drink you could have already met your special someone so don't overthink it open tinder and take a chance on romance no matter how your journey starts you may join the millions of relationships that started thanks to tinder explore all of the possibilities for yourself tinder it starts with the swipe download tinder today this episode is brought to you by mejuri you know i had a thought the other day since rwanda jewelry becomes something we only bought on special occasions
Mejuri approaches fine jewelry a little bit differently. Each one of their pieces is handcrafted by jewelers committed to quality craftsmanship as well as ethical and sustainable jewelry production. Created by women for women, Mejuri is breaking down barriers in what has long been an exclusive and occasional category of men buying for women.
So packing for the Kentucky Derby was a whole other issue in itself because everyone wears very like bright fun colors I think and big fun hats so
So I don't own any of these big fun hats and I'm like, okay, what can we pack? What's going to be a good vibe? And also I get a little bit scared of like Southern people with like, everyone's really buttoned up and fancy and nice. And I'm like, okay, I still need to
bring a little bit of like Alex Earl into this. So like we're going to have our boobs out probably in something, but I was just going back and forth because I was like, what is like the perfect outfit to wear to this? Let me show you. I actually have one of these over here. I can't even pack these things. I'm like, how am I supposed to pack these huge, ginormous hats, these big dresses that like, I don't even think I can sit in them. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't,
This dress I'm so excited about and I really want to make work like look how perfect and cute she is and I'm Definitely gonna have my boobs out in this so I like hope that's acceptable and okay But you know what? We gotta bring the young fun vibes to the Kentucky Derby and there is something about a themed party That is just so much better than a regular party like themes are so much fun And I have been a themed party girly my entire life Halloween's my favorite holiday and
I think I started doing theme parties in high school. Like we would go balls to the walls for the themes I remember we did like an ultra themed party in high school So imagine me and my friends dressing like naked ravers in my friend's basement just like Drinking whatever we were drinking and like having a good time and we had like the sparkly disco ball lights and like We will do anything for a theme. We did great gatsby themes in high school There was jersey shore themes
And then when I got to college, I feel like that's where a lot of people really have big themed parties. I was prepared. I was like, I already have...
costumes up the wazoo from high school. Like I'm ready to go. I have my costume bucket from Amazon and if there's a theme party, I will be going all out. I feel like one of the times where I went the most out for a themed party, which you guys know if you remember my frat wedding. So my senior year of college, I got elected by the frat to be the bride of
of the groom grant and we got married and usually girls for this wear a white dress something simple they have their bridesmaids there and i was like no we are going to get a full-blown wedding dress for this because we're going all out like if we're doing this wedding we're doing it correctly and everyone at this wedding is going to have so much fun and have the time of their lives so i got this big poofy wedding dress from amazon and all of my friends got these like matching dresses from
I don't know where they were from actually, but they all got these light pink matching dresses and we looked so good. Like we actually looked like a real bridal party and I like may get this dress again for my real wedding because it was so cute, but I can't wear the one that I wore because at the end of the night it ended up
being scissored off of me and was like black and stained so can't wear that one but it was really cute and it was from Amazon so any brads out there let me link this dress for you because it was actually really really good and really flattering but this wedding like it felt so real and so special like now I'm prepared for my actual wedding that was like my practice and we had a
the best night ever. And then another night where I would say I got most into character besides looking the part was
I was fully like possessed. I'm pretty sure this past Halloween when I was Madonna I told you guys the story on hot mess. I was like, oh I peed my pants I was being crazy whatever and everyone's like, oh, she's disgusting whatever I was possessed It wasn't me. It was Madonna like you can't blame Alex Earl for doing that That was fully Madonna like Madonna's soul took over my body because I took the costume so seriously and like you guys probably think i'm kidding right now like my friends were like
that like wasn't even Alex like in your eyes like you had Madonna's soul with inside of you like I was at this club hanging over the balcony like living my life I was like I look so amazing right now like yes like oh my god this is so much fun I was dancing on the tables and the security guards were literally like get down and usually I would be so mortified and embarrassed and I'm run away and I'd be like oh my god I'm so sorry I literally was like I
I don't care. Like, yes, here I am dancing. And they had to like pick me up off the tables and take me down. And afterwards, which this is how I know I was possessed because we went to this party afterwards and it was all the way in Brooklyn. It was like some apartment party, but they had like a doorman there with like a big list. And there was a long line down the block because it was Halloween. Everyone wanted to get into this party.
And when I tell you I've never done this before in my entire life, like I never have the balls to do this. This is not like me at all. Like I'm actually like pretty shy when it comes to these type of things. I walked right up. I skipped the whole line and went right to the doorman. I was like, my name's Alex. We're supposed to be here. I'm with six of my friends. And they let us right in. That confidence...
I don't know where that came from and the only explanation is that I was possessed it was not the tequila sodas it's because I was possessed and I truly fully believe Madonna's soul took over my body that night so moral of the story I love a theme and I can't wait to get into character this weekend like I don't know what we're gonna unlock I don't know what I'm gonna be like I need
I need to like really get into the Kentucky vibes and see it through. And even Friday morning, I'm going to a tour of the stables with all the horses. And I'm so excited. Like I think horses are just the most beautiful animal. So we're going to kick in our southern boots this weekend. And we're going to Kentucky, Louisville. And we're going to see some horse racing and drink some tequila. So we're about ready to head there. I'm bringing this horse.
It's so flattering, so cute. But do you guys remember that pink Belmond dress that I wore during Paris Fashion Week? Or I tried it on for Hot Mess, but I didn't actually end up wearing it anywhere. It's pink. It has black polka dots on it.
I also packed that for this trip. So they let me have another go around with it because I was like, please, please, please, like let me wear this dress some other time if I can. So they sent it to me to wear. So I may possibly wear that too. We're going to have to like gently put these in my suitcase so that they just stay as perfect as they are. This Miami mama is ready to head to Kentucky. We're off to Louisville.
Louisville. Louisville. The hot mess is coming to Kentucky. Guys, we have a little bit of a letdown. A little bit of a mess. Oh no, no. Not that Kristen is a letdown, but I did say we were going to see Sarah and Natalie, and
Yesterday, Sarah was a little sick. So we're heading to the Kentucky Derby and Sarah is off the side of the golf cart puking. And then every other 30 minutes, Sarah was running to the bathroom puking. And we were like, oh, Sarah's just really hungover. Yeah, she kept being like, I'm just hungover, guys. But she never throws up or gets that hungover. So we were like...
Yeah, so then we, you know, thought that maybe she could have a stomach virus, and she does. She was puking the entire day of the derby, so we were supposed to podcast with Sarah and Natalie yesterday, but they ended up going back to New York already this morning, and Sarah, you know, was unwell the whole day of the derby, but honestly, props to her for sticking it out. Yeah. Because if that was me, I probably would have been like, I'm gonna, like,
I would have saw myself a few hours ago. She literally sat through the entire derby, us walking, trekking from suite to suite. So Kristen and I are just going to recap you guys on what happened at the Kentucky Derby. We're going to walk you through the weekend a little bit.
Okay, starting with Thursday, I had a party at this place, which actually we were in Indiana, which I had no idea, but we just crossed this bridge and we went from Louisville to Indiana. And we had a party there, which was a lot of fun. And we got to meet a lot of the Earl girls and everyone loves Kristen. And that's like my favorite thing about it is they're standing there and they like start chanting for Kristen. And like, it's always my favorite thing. It's the best. Kristen's...
more liked than I am for sure. Stop. Genuinely, no. But I do love meeting everyone. It's always very fun. It is always fun. And then I said I wasn't gonna drink that night that much. I ended up being pretty drunk by the end of it. And then we had a Taco Bell fiasco. Yeah. So we get back from this party and I was like, obviously we should order Taco Bell. Like that would just be...
a treat and we finally get this Taco Bell. You know when you're just like drunk and waiting for so long like we were standing around here and the hotel room we're in like didn't really have any food besides like some like talkies that we were snacking on and we're just sitting here like grasping onto the table waiting for the Taco Bell and it finally gets here and I literally stormed down the stairs. Meanwhile, wait, we're somehow staying in a palace.
Yeah, I brushed over that part. Um, it's genuinely we're in like the owners suite of this hotel and the Kentucky Derby like sent me here So they like set us up here. This was not my doing and we're actually in a mansion Museum palace right now like maybe I'll walk you guys around in a second, but it's the craziest not even a hotel room We're in
We're in a pet house apartment. Yeah, there's a lot of really sick art. It's really cool in here. Really weird niche art. Yeah, there's like, hairy bulls and like, naked women. Then we have like, Justin Bieber, so it's a lot of fun. Yeah, it's great. But anyways, I'm sprinting down these stairs and
I get the Taco Bell order and it's like a little tiny box and I was like usually when I order Taco Bell comes in like a big bag I was like I've never seen all my tacos like because I order a lot I'm the type of person that when I order I just click like double or triple of everything what everyone got because I'm like just in case we want more food yeah and I see that it's like for this person like
The word. It was like, Alco. Or like, it was Akil. A-K-I-L. Akil. So I was like, oh, okay, like, the Uber Eats driver must have just mixed up, like, Alex and Akil. Yeah. Because it was, like, almost the same letter. So I was like, that's fine, whatever. So I'm harassing. Not a mistake. Harassing this Uber Eats driver, and he brings back another order, and he was like, I'm so sorry, like, whatever. Yeah.
We get the second order and we just start like going to town and I'm eating this burrito and it was seeming like what we got as well. It was seeming like what we got and I bit into it and it was just all beans. It was like literally just beans and a tortilla and I was like, wait, we definitely didn't order this. So we look at the big bag and it says Mary. Yeah, whoever out there, Mary. Burrito, all the beans. Mary, whoever. Yeah.
You are ordering just beans and a tortilla. We need to reflect on the inside. But maybe it was someone who was like a vegetarian. We ended up eating Mary's whole order of Taco Bell and we never got ours, but that's okay. I, any Taco Bell is a good Taco Bell day.
So sorry Mary. So my tummy really hurt the rest of the night, but it's alright. I don't think I've ever had sober Taco Bell. Neither have I. I think that's just like something that's just wrong to do that. Like the most sober I've had Taco Bell is a lot of the times I'll order it and then it's outside the door in the morning because I like fell asleep before getting it and I'll eat it in the morning. But I still feel like that's when I'm like still kind of drunk waking up. I feel like Taco Bell between the hours of like 8 a.m. to like 11 p.m. is just like forbidden. No.
No, I think people go to Taco Bell like yeah during the day like definitely like people definitely go to lunch there That's like psychopathic behavior. Are you guys not shitting your pants? They are wait, that's crazy Friday we went to the Churchill Downs horse race track and this was like the female horse race day, which was a lot of fun and
It was. I kinda dissociated for a second. I'm trying to think like what happened. My brain is all foggy right now. So this day I was wearing this Belmond dress. It was like very low cut. My boobs were out. This has nothing really to do with the story that I'm about to tell. Just to set the scene. Oh my god.
Anywho. So I posted this TikTok that was a transition and it was all of us four girls, me, Sarah, Natalie, Kristen, like getting ready to go out. And I couldn't get Natalie in the second part of the transition because we were like being screamed at. Everyone was like, 60 seconds, we gotta go. You had to be on TV. Yeah, I had to be on TV, so I couldn't be late. So I'm like, we have to go right now. And I'm like, Natalie, Natalie, where are you? She's like, wait, I have to put my perfume on. So...
So Natalie's like, okay, well, Natalie's not in the video. So we do, we finish the transition without Natalie in it. And I post it and all the comments are like, oh my God, like, where's Natalie? Like, where did she go? I feel like this is mean girl that true friends would wait for you to finish the transition. No, true friend would say, hurry your ass up, bitch. It was like, hurry your ass up, bitch.
I was like, the thought came in my head and then I got scared to say it. Hurry your bitch ass up. Hurry your bitch ass up, Natalie. But I feel like that's like our friend group is we're so close and we've been so close for so long that we're like sisters. Like we're like, especially like Sarah and Natalie because they like live together now. It's so funny. They literally just like scream at each other or like say Sarah's not afraid to just like we'll say the most brutal things, but it's like a sisterly love. Like obviously we're best friends.
but Natalie replied to one of the comments like joking and because I was like Natalie didn't make the cut or whatever and then
Natalie replied to one of the comments being like the bitches didn't wait for me And just responded to multiple comments instigating That she was left out. These people are thinking that I'm like bullying Natalie Everyone's like it's okay girl like we've all been the friend that's left out it's the worst feeling you need to find true friends who would wait for you And Natalie's sitting at this dinner like replying to comments and I'm like Natalie like you can't do this because people like don't understand that you're like being sarcastic
Everyone's like funny how the only one left out was the only brunette. She's actually brunette so she couldn't be in the video for a while. But that day was a lot of fun. We had some encounters. I was a little bit nervous this day because my boobs were out and about and I feel like sometimes the southern classy like old money people get like very like offended by that and I was like there's no way I make it through this whole day without someone like making a comment to me and I did.
I was like, no one said anything bitchy to me, like, this is so fine. Until the next day, which was the actual Kentucky Derby race, I was in the bathroom, and there's this, like, very tall, beautiful woman who walks in, she has this big hat, and she was like, oh my gosh, Alex, hi, how are you? And I was like, oh my gosh, hi, and I was like, you look amazing, like, you just look, like, mesmerizing, like, so beautiful, and...
She said something to me that was definitely so backhanded and I was like damn it. She's like you looked amazing yesterday And I was like, oh my gosh, thank you. And she was like that dress was very low-cut
And I was like, oh my god, I feel it. It was, like, I loved it. But I was like, she definitely meant to, like, be a bitch and make me feel bad about myself. But I won't feel bad for having my boobs out. Yeah, never. But we did encounter a few people that were a little bit, and it's almost like I don't even know if they're doing it on purpose. But they are. Yeah.
They kind of are, but like saying just like backhanded things that... Are just like condescending. Yeah. They're just like meant to like make you feel like...
I don't know, less than. So the first day that we were there, we were kind of hopping around because we didn't really have like actual seats. Like our seats were like on this like grass viewing area. So the guy that was like leading us around the Kentucky Derby was so nice. Literally the definition of like the sweetest southern people. I feel like we've met a spectrum of people here. Yeah. People that are just sweet.
95% of people we met have been so overly nice. I'm just like, how are you this nice and how are you this happy? Like I could never be that. Southern hospitality. They're so wonderful and welcoming. But then there's like the 10% of like the richest snobby people. And he was leading us around from like his friend's bar.
from, like, suite to suite. And this was, like, the boxes where I'm pretty sure all these families, like, actually own the horses. And we went into one. And off the bat, I was kind of like, I don't know if we should, like, do this. Because he was like, oh, my gosh, go in. Like, I know the one guy. Like, it's so fun. But, you know, when you're just, like, encroaching on someone else's, like, space. Yeah, it was giving like we weren't welcome.
Yeah, we just kind of like walked into this little suite with like five family members and we're like hey and it's like By all means like if that's your deal like we don't want to crash, you know, you're just told to go there Yeah, no, and one guy that they were talking to us like yeah He was just being like so rude like to our faces like I just started talking to him and he's just like when we walked in he was kind of like stank eyeing us and
And then, like, I started talking to him, and he was kind of, like, laughing the whole time and was like, so what are you guys doing here today? Just hopping around boxes, seeing where you could stay. And we're just like, uh. And he said, and taking your little photos. Yeah, and I was kind of like, uh. And he's, like, taking your little pictures everywhere. Like, because we had just had a photo shoot, like, 10 feet apart. We are walking into your box and taking a photo as if we were standing here the whole day. I didn't say, I was just like, yeah.
like, I don't know. I mean, just, I don't really know what the plan is. But I wasn't standing there for that. And I'm the one to be like a little bit more snappy, but I,
after he said this to them, he then turns around and asked me for a photo. So everyone loves to be rude. Don't be rude. You can't have your cake and eat it too. So then we were like, you know what? We got to get out of this box. Like we are not welcome. I literally fled the scene. I was like, I felt so like weird after I was like, I need to get out of here. So we left and then we went down to the grass area, which is where we were supposed to be and where we were welcomed. And I was saying hi to someone else. She was like,
so sweet and so nice and it's like i also don't know if this was met in a bitchy way but she was like oh you guys flying out of here on sunday and i was like yeah we're leaving sunday and she was like from the private area she said she was like i think you're flying private out on sunday and i just like kind of ignored it i was like yeah we're like yeah we're fine i'm flying out on sunday and she was like but you're flying private out on sunday right and we were like
She was like, "Ohhh..." I was like, "Ohhh, sorry." That breed of people that, like exactly, I don't even think she was so nice besides us. They just feel the need to sprinkle those little comments in. Sprinkle, sprinkle! Put you in your place a little bit and I hate it. Like as someone who's from the South, there's like a definitely a kind of breed of people who are like that, just like southern, like bitchy, like...
think they're elite people and I hate it like that just triggers me so much because it's like for what? it's so unnecessary I agree some people who are just
Rich just feels so entitled. And I feel like we encountered this kind of in like the Hamptons too. There were just some people and they just say the most like backhanded things to you. Or like I said to them in the Hamptons this summer, I was talking to someone and I told them I'd never been to Palm Beach. And like, you would have thought that I said, like, I just killed your entire family. They literally were like,
Oh. And they like look at you with like such disgrace and I'm just like, are you guys like happy with your life? It's so weird. I just don't know why you feel the need to like bully these people. I hate that so much. So yeah. People who are just like judgmental about like such superficial things like that. Yeah. I feel like in Charleston I'd catch it out a lot.
There's like two sides to Charleston where my family lives where it's like super chill like surfy beachy people and then the other half is just like preppy like bitchy stuck-up people and I remember once in Charleston I wore my naked wolf sneakers out and like the big like white chunky sneakers How dare you not wear a golden goose pair of sneakers out Literally how dare I and I was in the bathroom at this party and I literally hear this whole group of girls be like did you see your sneakers like oh my god like blah blah blah and I was like oh my god
and i fear there were many of those here this weekend but it's okay we still had a great time no no we had a great time we had so much fun it's fun coming to those kind of scenes because we just know like in the hands like we're like okay yeah i just felt like obviously we don't take it personally but i felt like we were in like another world like it was so cool like the kentucky derby i was like someone commented saying it reminded them of like the hunger games and it's like all these like rich people coming out and i feel like we were just like standing like staring observing all these people yeah i'm just like
This is so interesting to see. The house definitely made it in Hunger Games. Yeah, it was definitely Hunger Games vibes, but it was so much fun. And like you said, most of the people that we met were so nice. So nice to the point where I'm like, am I a mean person? That's literally the sound. Just overly friendly. It's great. Even this guy we were with this whole weekend, his nickname was Mr. Smiles because he's just like, yeah, I'm always friendly and happy. And I was just like...
This is great. Everyone that we were with was awesome. Yeah, honestly, I loved it. And then we were, you know, the other half of the horse race, we were trying to like get into the bedding and we didn't do this until like later on in the Kentucky Derby day because we were like trying to like gauge out
how we could win or not. And we kept like placing bets with ourselves without like putting money on it. Cause I was like, we just need to like practice. And I kept picking horses that were winning or like almost winning. So I was like, Oh my gosh, like I'm really good at this. So, you know, a few drinks later I had some Bloody Marys and then we had a lot of Aperol spreads and then I got hives all over my neck. Cause I think I'm allergic to Prosecco.
Because every time I drink, I get hives and bread and puffy when I drink puss in belt. I'm not addicted to Aperol Spritz these days. But yeah, I'm still going to drink it. So then...
I was like, you know what? Let's take out this money. Like let's gamble. Let's do it. Like I was feeling so confident. I placed three different bets on the same horse. Cause I like put down money for this horse. And then I was like, I want to go more in and I put it down again. And then I went back a third time. It was like more money on this horse. And I was like, she's going to win Sierra Leone. Like I got it. Number two, like everyone place your bets, like let's go. And then we did it. And,
None of us want. Yeah. I did Fierceness because that was all the rage. Everyone kept talking about Fierceness. And then I also did Just a Touch because I like that name. Yeah. So I was really feeling for Sierra Leone and Mystic Dan. Mystic Dan. Won. But I will say it was fun because he was like an underdog. Yeah, that's so fun. I'm also addicted to the name Mystic Dan. Yeah. Yeah.
I want to be Mr. Chris. Mr. Gal. Mr. Gal. The actual Kentucky Derby race, so the way it works, which I feel like maybe some people don't know because I didn't really know before this, is the Kentucky Derby day, there is like...
20 different actual races, but I think it was race number 12 was like the Kentucky Derby race. I had no idea I thought there was one single race. No. Yeah, there's races all day. And it's also not the last one. No, it's not. But the like Kentucky Derby is that one specific race So that's the one and like honestly I got the chills when the Kentucky Derby was happening because everyone like no one was inside everyone's out on the balconies and
where we were we could see the whole infield which is where a lot of the actual partying, I feel like a lot of college kids go there and they're like it's literally a frat party here and everyone was still staring at the screens and like, I don't know, why don't the chills again tell me about it right now?
Like I just I have a thing where like I whenever there's like a big community of people like concerts I will cry and like actually saw Tarayomi talking about this too and it's like a disease not a disease. It's like a condition
It's a disease. It's a condition where like there's like something where you get overwhelmed by like people all- Just like how cute humans are. Yeah, and like supporting one thing like I don't know. I had that at Ultra when everybody was jumping up and down. Yes, yes. So cute. I don't know. It's just it's usually like concerts or big crowded spaces where someone's like there for something and everyone's just so passionate about it like everyone outside like
Just waiting for the horses like I feel like music is cute for that reason. Yeah. Yeah music makes me emotional. Yeah, definitely I was dying though because you were like look there's no one at the food stands. Everybody's watching I'm like, yeah, I know I know the Kentucky turkey is literally 30 seconds away from starting and I grab Kristen and I'm like, okay, the food stands are empty Everyone's waiting for the horses. Like yeah, that's the whole point. That's why we're here today. I was about to say that
But it's just, it is really great. No one's getting a hot dog right now. We had a great time at the Kentucky Derby. We did. We had so much fun. It was definitely a cool experience. It was. Afterwards was the big after party last night, and we slept through it. We didn't make it. I knew the second that we said that we were going to nap,
We weren't going to wake up. Yeah. And I don't know why we didn't, like, try harder to go out. But honestly, our bodies needed sleep. Because I slept 13 hours. Yeah, we left here at, like, 9 a.m. yesterday and got back at, like, 8 p.m. Yeah. And... It was a long day. It was a long day. And the day before was super long, too. So we needed it. It's okay. It's fine. We slept through what we already ate. I'll survive. All in all, it was a great weekend. And...
Sorry for not having Sarah and Natalie on but Sarah was sick and we have to exclude Natalie because she is- Natalie doesn't make the cut. So we're about to leave for the airport right now and head home back to Miami. My hand's really sweaty. They are very clammy.
Sorry. Never mind. Sorry. So yeah, back to Miami. I'm going to be back in Miami. I'm going to sit down with you guys. I'm going to wrap up the episode with some What Would Alex Do? And wait, I feel like we should tell them about WAD. WAD? About Emma? Yeah. Yeah, we should. My friend Emma...
was drunk and was running around in her "What Would Alex Do" t-shirt and was saying "Wad, wad, wad, wad" to Elle. It's like a joke in our friend group that we call it "Wad" instead of like "What Would Alex Do". Yeah, "Wad". There was like a video of her, like our friend took, and she's like coming from across the room like "Wad! Wad!"
It's like storming at the camera. It's so funny. We have to go to the airport right now before I miss our flight. And I'll see you guys back in the comfort of my bed in Miami for some WOD. See ya. This episode is brought to you by Joiba Bubble Tea. If you're a fan of bubble tea, then you guys have to try this range from Joiba. I've seen this all over my TikTok. And personally, my little siblings are obsessed with this Joiba Bubble Tea. They show me videos all the time. So Joiba Bubble Tea, it comes in several delicious flavors.
This episode is brought to you by Joiba Bubble Tea. If you thought bubble tea was just a trend, think again. In fact...
Now you can have it in the comfort of your own home. I have seen it all over my TikTok page. Ooh, bubble tea. Ooh, ooh, ooh. I'm like, okay, what is this? I need to try it. All of my friends are now drinking it. Joiba bubble tea comes in several delicious fruity flavored tea combinations with popping boba, like strawberry lemonade green tea and mango passion fruit green tea. Enjoy your popping boba moment anytime, anywhere with Joiba bubble tea. Follow Joiba.
Joyba on Instagram and TikTok at joyba.fun for fun giveaways and to find a retailer near you. Back home in Miami in my bed. It's all nice and clean in here right now. It's so nice. It's
Guys, I have to admit, I was a little bit of a hot mess at the Kentucky Derby. We had a hot mess moment, so I didn't bring the regular microphones to record there, but I had the little like lav microphones that you just strap to yourself. And then when me and Kristen were just recording that segment that you guys just heard, we accidentally, we as in me, plugged them into the wrong part
of the camera so they didn't record so the audio for that part might be a little bit weird you guys might have just been like why does it sound like they're in a fish tank right now I I don't know I feel like because I'm listening to these audios all the time I was like oh this sounds like really weird but my friends were like I think it sounds fine so we decided to just keep it um but that part probably sounded like a little bit of a hot mess and that is why it sounded like
Kristen and I were recording from a fishbowl. But now it is time for What Would Alex Do? where you guys write in questions. I have the link in bio where you can submit these questions on the Hot Mess Instagram, the Hot Mess TikTok. I literally love reading through these and talking with you guys because I
I don't know. It just makes me feel so connected to you guys. Love giving advice. I always say maybe it's not the best advice, but it's just what Alex would do. Hi, Alex. I feel like this is such a simple situation, but I can't get over my ex. We've been apart for a year now and after dating on and off for four years. Every time we break up, it's only because we both made mistakes and we just keep hurting each other. But I can't imagine him not being in my life. What should I do?
Four years on and off is a long time. And I feel like that at that point, like you've given the relationship like a very fair chance.
I feel like you owe it to yourself to like take some time, but you keep going back to him. So what would Alex do? Honestly, I feel like if you are going back to this guy, it's probably because you feel comfortable with him. Like four years is so much of your life, especially when you're young. If you were to ask me four years ago, if I'm remotely the same person, like I'm not at all. And I just feel like that is,
probably feel so comfortable to you and like this person knows everything about you I was kind of saying this in the last episode like you go through so much with this person where you don't want to like start something with someone new and then they have to like learn about your family and learn about your trauma and your history and all your secrets and everything about you and just your personality it's like so much and I think that's why it's sometimes easier to just stay with this person but if you're having trouble leaving him and sticking with it because you keep going back and
My advice, what Alex would do would be to distract yourself with someone else. And I don't know if that's wrong or not to say, but I feel like you need to distract yourself. Get out there, go on dates, get on dating apps. And even if you don't really like these guys, like literally distract yourself and talk to other men because otherwise you're going to be bored and keep going back to your ex.
I'm trying to think if there was ever a time where I really kept going back to someone. I'm actually pretty good at like breaking it off. When I break it off, I'm like, I'm done with you and I will not look back. But there was this one time in college that I...
You know, I didn't get back with my boyfriend, but I started hooking up with him again. And then it always just made me feel like so guilty and bad. And I was like, why am I doing this? And it's literally just because it's comfortable. It's like he knows me. It's easy. Don't have to try and talk to someone else. I'm like, let's just hang out. So, yeah, I would say distract yourself with other people and maybe start a new podcast.
hobby or something for yourself to distract yourself and keep yourself really, really busy. Like, I don't know what it could be. Maybe take up like cooking or something else, learn an instrument and, you know, start playing the piano at night as if I would do that because I really want to do that. But find something to distract yourself. And if it's not going to be a guy, then find a new hobby for yourself.
that's what Alex would do.
Okay, so this girl is just saying Ashton because Ashton is my younger sister. But weirdly enough, I've been in this situation where I feel like I was kind of trying to give Ashton advice or maybe there were some things going on in her relationship that I didn't really agree with. And I gave her my two cents and I would step in and say like, you know what, this isn't right or don't do that or you should really leave him or you should break up with him. And all that did was...
put like this wall in between us like me and Ashton were not close for a good amount of time and now you guys see Ashton I literally travel with her all the time I text her every day I'm with her every weekend but for a while me and Ashton like really weren't that close and it's because she knew I like didn't really like her boyfriend or like the relationship or I just didn't like the way
she was acting and like who she was with this person. Like, I feel like she felt so like sheltered. And as a big sister, I tried to step in and I thought that was the right thing to do. And I think it's important to voice how you feel, but you can't be so like assertive and be like, break up with them right now. Like you need to do that because that's kind of what I did. And I was a little bit pushy with it. And it kind of like put this wall between us and
you know, when you're in a toxic relationship, there's nothing anyone can say to you to make you leave. Like, you will just not... Anything anyone says to you in one ear out the other, like, you literally don't care. And it sucks, but you kind of have to wait for this person to realize for themselves. And as hard as it is, I know you can, like, maybe say some things here or there, but just...
let this person know, I think more than anything, that you support them and this is your sister. So like let her know that you're there for her and you support her so that if she does break up with this guy or when she does break up this guy, she knows she has someone to like lean on because I think that can be kind of scary too when you're in a relationship and people are like,
he sucks, break up with him. And then you are like, well, I don't want to be friends with you. Like, I don't want to talk to you anymore if you're going to just like shit on my boyfriend. And then you get nervous about leaving the boyfriend because you're like, wait, do I have any like friends there to lean on now that like I do realize that he's shitty? So I think just like letting her know some things aren't okay in a nice way.
Just say maybe like, hey, like that's definitely not okay. Like you can definitely do better. But like I'm here for you. Like I will support you whatever you want to do. I think a really important thing is make them feel comfortable to tell you things because I think when people or like friends you have or a sister are in a toxic relationship and you really shit on their significant other, they don't tell you things anymore. Like they will hide everything.
everything that's going on that's toxic and they won't tell it to you and then that just kind of like festers up in themselves so I feel like as much as you want to give them constructive criticism you have to go about it in a gentle way that they're not gonna stop telling you things because honestly she's probably not gonna leave them this time it might be the second or third or fourth time that this guy fucks up but you just need to be there and support them and it sucks watching people go through this
But you just have to be patient and they won't come to the realization that they need to leave them until they do. Like nothing you say will make them come to it. So I think just like being there and being supportive. Hi, Alex. Over this past summer, I started dating a guy. Football season just started up and I usually attend all of the games with my friends.
along with pretty much the whole school. My boyfriend plays on the team and said he doesn't feel comfortable with me watching him play. On countless occasions, I've been invited by my friends to watch the game, but I can't go because of my boyfriend. What? So I've spent a lot of time on Fridays alone while the rest of the school is at the games. What would Alex do? What?
I feel like that's very weird, but also it's like he's on the field. Like my initial thought is like, oh, is he being shady? He doesn't want you to come to this event. But it's also like what event? Like he's playing football and he's on the field with all these guys. Like how shady could he really be getting? Maybe he's nervous.
that like to me I don't know like I want to say that that's some weird controlling thing which don't let him tell you what to do but I feel like that's coming from a place of like insecurity like maybe he doesn't want you to watch him play like does he suck or something like that is strange weird I don't know what I would do imagine if Braxton was like don't come to this game I'd be like um
I'm taking a helicopter there and parachuting down into the middle of the field with a telescope if you don't let me come. So, hmm. I mean, he can't let you or not let you do anything. Like, you can't stop going to Friday night football games. That's the best thing ever. Maybe, though, if it is a place of him being insecure about, like, his football skills or maybe if he's, like, not getting a lot of playing time, just let him know that you, like, support him and that you love him and, like,
you don't care or maybe to ease him into it if this is the issue I'm not sure if this is but maybe it's like oh I want to watch you practice maybe you can like go to a practice or something or just get him like used to you seeing him play football because maybe when it's like the whole school watching and staring I mean that's like scary and if you mess up then it's like everyone's like oh
Like, I don't know. Like, I feel like sports is definitely very scary. You have all these people screaming at you. So maybe he's having some nerves, but he definitely shouldn't be like excluding you from the football games. So you gauge this on whether he's like being shady and has some other girl at the game who has like,
His number on her face and he's like, oh gosh, like she can't see him But I feel like this feels like he's like scared. He doesn't want to want you to watch him play So maybe just like ease into it go to a practice or something. Hi alex. I love you so much and you are the best I had to really exaggerate that so there because there was a lot of o's um
My parents and I, I mean, whoa, my parents are going through a divorce right now and it's been really hard for me. I can't get over that. My family will never be the same again and all of our holidays and family traditions will change. I know it is for the best, but I miss my old life. That I,
want to tear up because I know exactly how you're feeling and especially when your parents are first getting divorced your mind just goes to like things like that like holidays or you're like going out to lunch together family dinners or you're at Christmas or the 4th of July and it's like your sense of family is like split and it's very weird and
I don't know if that's like talked about enough, but your concept of like your family in your head, it's just like split in half and you're like, oh my gosh. And you honestly like,
It's not gonna really be that way ever again but that doesn't mean that you don't have your family and your parents and that they don't love you and It will be okay. Like I promise it is a weird adjustment and I thankfully I feel like I was really young So I like kind of just had to like get equipped to it Um, and I feel like you're probably a little bit older. I was in third grade If there's any third graders listening to hot mess. Hey girl. Love you um but
I would say just take it day by day. And honestly, you get two Christmases now, you get two Thanksgivings, you know, it's not as bad as it seems. It's just a scary change. And I think once you get used to it, it'll be okay. Honestly, something that would really help me is like talking to my sister about it. I don't know if you have any siblings, but I think just like sharing with your siblings that it's like a weird change and
bonding over that is good because sometimes I think people will like get afraid to talk to their siblings or try to be hard around them and I think going through something when your parents are going through a divorce is like a very tough time and it takes a big toll on your mental health and it's a hard pill to swallow and
And it feels like your family's being split up. But like, I promise you, you still have your family. Like, as long as you have a good relationship with both of your parents still, like, it'll be okay. And, you know, that's why I'm like, very grateful that
my parents after, you know, years, but it took many, many years for my family to like come together and be okay. But my mom and dad will sometimes do things like together. So Thanksgiving this year, for example, like my mom came and like, those are moments that like mean the world to me because it still feels like
when you have your like OG family, like when I think about my family, sometimes it's like, I can't even remember these core memories when we're all together. Cause it was like when I was eight years old. So now my family in my head is just my family, but separate, like my mom over here, my dad over here, my step-mom and my little siblings. And you know, there's times that we all get to be together now. That is really, really great. And I'm just really grateful that my parents were able to
make that work and be friendly with each other. So we do have that sense of like family, but you know, it's a modern family. This is the reality of a lot of households now. So I don't know. I'm just grateful that
I am still close with my parents and that they are here and love me and I love them. Well, that is all for today's episode of Hot Mess. I love you guys. Thanks for listening. Don't forget to follow and subscribe to this podcast and I will see you guys next Thursday for another episode of Hot Mess with Alex Earl. Bye.
Listen up, you naughty little pelicans. It's Harry Jowsey here, host of the new video podcast, Boyfriend Material. Dating, sex, and relationships in your 20s?
It's messy, confusing, and sometimes you just want the male perspective. That's where Boy For Material with Harry Jowsey comes in. Every Tuesday, I'll let you in on what the male brain is thinking, breaking down all of your relationship questions and situations and giving you honest advice on them all.
Watch Boyfriend Material with Harry Jarzy every Tuesday here on Spotify. You know, you might potentially land the guy of your dreams or the red flag, but there's no judgment here. Follow Boyfriend Material with Harry Jarzy on Spotify.