Tea of 2023
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Buckle up everybody, this is about to be a hectic episode. It's the one that everyone's been waiting for. The year is coming to an end and I thought why not go over all of the tea of 2023. Drama, headlines, everything I have been staying silent on. We are going to go month by month and I'm going to give you the full behind the scenes scoop. I'm like a little scared for what I'm about to say in this episode.

I'm really hoping I don't create more problems from this. I'm definitely going to. Welcome back to another episode of Hot Mess with Alex Earle. This episode is presented by Sephora. Nourish yourself with hair care that really works whatever your hair type from brands like Amika, Kerastase, Moroccan Oil, and K18. Click or tap the banner or visit sephora.com to shop now.

This episode is brought to you by Liquid IV. It is hot out this summer. It is actually absurdly hot out and you don't have to be an athlete like Braxton to get the sweat going working outside training. I'm sweating walking to the car, walking down the road. People are taking zoom meetings on their porch sweating and you need to replace that sweat with hydration. I personally love Liquid IV. They have three times the electrolytes of the leading sports drink plus eight vitamins and nutrients for everyday wellness. Liquid IV hydrates two times faster than water alone.

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This episode is brought to you by Tinder. We all have a dream of how we'll meet that special someone, right? We think it's going to be this big romantic moment. I'm going to be walking down the side of the road. He's going to see me, think I'm the most beautiful girl he's ever seen, turn right back around, come sweep me off my feet. But that's never a

quite how it happens. I mean, I met my boyfriend at the bar, at a party, you know? I mean, I feel like that's how it happens when you go out. Some of you are still waiting for a meet cute moment to happen, but in reality, you might be more likely to find your meet cute on Tinder. A new relationship starts every three seconds on the app.

and the time it takes you to get a drink. You could have already met your special someone. So don't overthink it. Open Tinder and take a chance on romance. No matter how your journey starts, you may join the millions of relationships that started thanks to Tinder. Explore all of the possibilities for yourself. Tinder, it starts with a swipe. Download Tinder today. First, a little New Year's celebration. I don't know if this is really gonna work how I want it to. One, two, three, New Year's Eve tea. Ha ha ha ha ha.

If my room wasn't messy enough, it's definitely gonna be messy now. I'm nervous to even start this episode because we have so much to unpack here. I hope we even get it all out. Everything that you guys think I'm probably not gonna talk about, we're gonna be talking about today. This past year, I've said this a bunch, but basically, you know, a year ago, my life changed. We have gone on a lot of trips. I actually wrote down a list of all the places I've been this year just because I wanted to see. Okay, this is all the places we've been in 2023.

LA, Dubai, Wyoming, Scottsdale, New York, New Orleans, Houston, Nashville, Turks and Caicos, Ibiza, Positano, Mykonos, Santorini, Hamptons, Chicago, Bahamas, Paris, London, Germany, Las Vegas, Jersey, Miami. And we've been a hot mess in every single one of them. I'm so grateful for everything that has happened this year. Like I can't even begin to explain. Like my dreams beyond my dreams have come true. And with that has come...

A lot of stories, a lot of speculations. And everyone's told me, like, you know, it's better to just stay silent, shut your mouth, like, not say anything. And that's what I've done all year. I have been quiet as a mouse. I have not spoke on anything. And I figured...

Let's go into 2024 with a fresh, clean slate. I'm going to get everything off my chest because as many good things have happened this year, there's been some stuff going on behind the scenes that you guys haven't really heard about, or at least haven't heard about from my perspective. Ugh.

This is going to be a fun one. Earl girls, buckle up. We have a drama tea-filled episode coming up. I think we just have to get right into it. I think we just have to start. I'm really like, oh god, I've been procrastinating this all day. Okay, here we go. So I'm going to take you back to a year ago, last December 2022. We are introducing a new character to the Hot Mess plotline.

And his name is Baseball Boy. Okay, we have NFL Man, but you guys, I haven't really talked about Baseball Boy. Or have talked about him, but we haven't given him a name yet. While I started to gain a following on social media, I was in another relationship. And this relationship only lasted about three months because it went downhill like just super, super fast. Like, I mean, it was like kind of good. And then, I mean, wheels off the train, like total mess. And...

We ended up breaking up in beginning of December of last year, but it wasn't really a clean breakup. Like we were kind of going back and forth for a while. So the reason I want to bring this up is this time last year in December, we

Baseball Boy and I had just broken up and I never really talked about it online before. At this time, people started to get a hint that like we weren't together. He wasn't really at my birthday party. And I was like, you know what? I'm just going to go on live like I normally do. And of course, everyone on this live stream is asking me like, did you and Baseball Boy break up? Did you and Baseball Boy break up? So I was like, yeah, like we broke up. And I just start shit talking the relationship. And...

Basically, I'm like, yeah, he wouldn't post me. He turned evil. Like, it was this whole mess. The moment that I got off that live stream, my life had flashed before my eyes because all I see is screen recording after screen recording of me on this live stream talking shit about Baseball Boy, saying that we had just broken up, announcing it for the first time. And I had...

around a million or two million followers at this time and I got those followers within the span of like a month so I didn't really know like what that meant or how many people were actually listening to what I had to say that's something I still kind of deal with it's like almost imposter syndrome sense because I'm like there's just no way that many people actually like care to hear what I say and maybe they don't but they cared when it was about the drama and the breakup and it

I saw maybe 15 or 30 screen recordings of this live stream on my TikTok. I'm scrolling one after the other. I don't even know. I feel like I felt all the blood drain from my face. This was probably the first time I hadn't posted for like two days. Like I went into hiding into shelter. I'm

calling all my friends. I had no idea that people would ever screen record a live stream that I was doing. And I start bawling my eyes out. I'm hiding in my bed. I'm locked my door. I'm calling my friends. I was commenting on every TikTok like, please take this down. Please delete this. Because I was just so embarrassed that this information had gotten out in a way that like I felt like I was just like casually talking to my friends on FaceTime. Like I would go on live streams

all the time because, I don't know, I just, I love them. I like interacting with everyone in the audience and, and,

I was like, shit, what did I just do? Not only is it all over TikTok, but the press starts to pick it up. And Christmas morning, they literally announce on ESPN, they're like, the only thing bigger than Santa Claus this week is Alex Earl. Did you hear she broke up with her boyfriend? Everything was saying Alex Earl breaks up with her boyfriend because he would not post her on Instagram.

And I was so embarrassed because that wasn't even the reason that we broke up.

We'll get to that in a minute. But I... That's been the narrative ever since then. I was like, I don't even want to speak on it anymore. I don't want to see this ever again. I shut my mouth. I just wanted it to go away so badly. That was definitely my first taste of like, oh shit, like what I say can be like picked up and actually has like meaning. Like I can't just like speak as freely as maybe I did anymore because now people seem to care. Oh God, it was not good at all. I was...

really, really down bad. There's no way to describe, I don't think, the first time where you are seeing yourself on social media in a way that people are talking about you. We do it all the time, right? We see something about Selena Gomez and everyone's talking about it, but it's like,

It's such a weird feeling to be on the other end of that when everyone's talking about you as if like you can't see it or it's just like you're now in this position where people are allowed to have an opinion about anything you're doing and like being on the other end of that is so weird and like people picking apart literally every single thing you say, everything you're doing. Like I was mad.

not okay. I was mentally spiraling. I was like, you know what? Actually, this is not for me. I don't want to do this. I then went to my doctor who prescribes me my anxiety medicine that week because it was literally Christmas week and I was like, you need to get me in. Like, I need to up my dosage. Like, this is not okay. Like, I went in feeling so ill and sick and

from what I had said on this live stream. And honestly, it wasn't even like that bad. Like I could have said a lot more honestly about Baseball Boy because he was actually the worst.

but I just felt so guilty and just weird. And I've never seen people talk about me in this way. And it was stressing me out. And no one was even saying anything bad about me. That's the crazy part. They were just talking about me. And I was like in this mental like breakdown because it was just a weird concept for me. So I go, I'm talking to the doctor. I'm telling my friends, I'm like, this is horrible.

So I'm gonna give you guys the real reason why baseball boy and I did not work out. There's a ton of reasons. I don't even know where to begin, but it was such a toxic relationship, which is why I kind of got to the point where I was like, oh, he didn't post me. We broke up. Like that was just one of the things we would fight about. We only dated for three months. So it really, it didn't get too serious. Everything that I did...

He shit on he did not support me at all, especially when it came to social media stuff so the fact that like nfl man now like supports me and like

I don't know, lets me like edit a video on my phone without screaming at me is pretty nice to see. So when I had started dating Baseball Boy, I was fresh out of my junior year of college. This MLB player hits me up. I'm like, oh my God, this is so cool. We start hanging out and talking. And mind you, this was in my acne era, very, very bad, where I was like so...

low when it came to like my self-esteem my self-confidence so like the fact that someone liked me let alone the fact that i thought someone was like he was like really cool in my eyes um

I don't know. I was just like, oh my God, perfect. Like I saw nothing wrong in the beginning and all the red flags just went right out the window for Big Al. I had my blinders on. I did not see anything wrong. Like we would go out to lunch and someone would ask him for a picture. And I thought that was like the coolest thing ever. I'd never seen that in my life. I was like, wow, what is going on right now? Like he is famous, famous.

So eventually, you know, we start dating and he was really, really nice at first, I will say. And then we started dating. And at the same time, I started to gain a following on social media. And for some reason, like that just like sent him spiraling, like that was just not OK for him. And he would literally be so toxic to the point where like,

I would come over to hang out with him and he would say, oh, we're not going to talk tonight. Like no talking. I talk too much today. I was like, what? And like, we would literally sit there in silence. And I was like, this is like so abnormal. Not okay. I would pick up my phone to take a picture. He would scream at me. I was like, literally what is going on? And I am someone who like does not stand for that. So like, that's really why we only dated for three months. He would like

every single bikini photo lingerie photo of an Instagram model and I was like hey you know like that just like bothers me like I don't know it's just like kind of weird like can you respect me at all like boundaries I'm not really okay with that he did not care he told me that it made him feel better I was like something is just not lining up with this and

He also would never come hang out with my friends. So I was living in my college house at the time and he would drop me off or pick me up to come hang out. And I was like, okay, I'm not ready yet. Like, can you come in, say hi? He would literally not come in to say hi to my friends. He was like, no, I'm not going in there. That's not happening. And I don't know, it just...

It was so toxic and not good. And that's okay. You know, we love a little toxic relationship, but it just, it wasn't lasting for me. I was like, this is not in the cards going forward. And what really happened with the problem of him not posting me was actually not the fact that he wouldn't post me because we had only been dating for three months. Like I would not expect anyone to like post me on their Instagram at that point. Like that is so soon to do that.

But the problem was that he would lie straight to my face about his reasoning. And that's what bothered me. Like he would literally say people my age. OK, to put in context, he was 28 and I was 21. He would say people my age don't post their significant others on their Instagram. Like that's not what we do. You're young, so you don't get it. Trying to gaslight me. And I was like, I'm not stupid. Like, I don't do you think I'm an idiot? Yeah.

And I don't know, it just was not good, not healthy. Baseball Boy also showed up last year on my birthday, which obviously you just saw my birthday is like my favorite day of the year. Showed up to my house on my birthday.

empty-handed like all I wanted was just like a card or something, you know, like we had been fighting at this time So I wasn't really expecting the most luxurious gift ever. I just like anything to like recognize It's my birthday, you know pick a flower from the sidewalk and give it to me like I would be happy and he showed up empty-handed and I had someone at our house at the time who was decorating balloons on the wall and

And she saw the look on my face. He walked in the door with nothing in his hand on my birthday. And I started bawling my eyes out. I was so upset. And oh my God, it was literally so awkward because it was me, baseball boy, and this girl hanging up the balloons who was like witnessing this all go down. And she was like, oh shit, like that was not good.

This episode is brought to you by Tinder. We all have a dream of how we'll meet that special someone, right? We think it's going to be this big romantic moment. I'm going to be walking down the side of the road. He's going to see me, think I'm the most beautiful girl he's ever seen, turn right back around, come sweep me off my feet. But that's never going to happen.

quite how it happens. I mean, I met my boyfriend at the bar, at a party, you know? I mean, I feel like that's how it happens when you go out. Some of you are still waiting for a meet cute moment to happen, but in reality, you might be more likely to find your meet cute on Tinder. A new relationship starts every three seconds on the app.

and the time it takes you to get a drink. You could have already met your special someone. So don't overthink it. Open Tinder and take a chance on romance. No matter how your journey starts, you may join the millions of relationships that started thanks to Tinder. Explore all of the possibilities for yourself. Tinder, it starts with a swipe. Download Tinder today. This episode is brought to you by Mejuri. You know, I had a thought the other day. Since Rwanda jewelry becomes something we only bought on special occasions.

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And this was the type of relationship that I would storm out of Baseball Boy's place with my clothes in hand. I had like pajamas and some clothes at his house. I literally took everything. I was trudging down through the lobby of this building, bawling my eyes out. I was like, never speak to me again. Like, it was just one of those. It was not going anywhere. It wasn't good. So we ended up breaking up. And then I go online. I'm talking shit. And I felt so guilty and so bad about that. But...

And now as I've taken a year off from talking about this subject, I've realized like there is so many, so many bad, horrible things that have gone down in that relationship that I'm like, you know what?

air it out, Alex. Let it go. Let it be. Like, we're okay to kind of touch on it now, but, you know, just wanted to say my piece with that. And this will make sense going into the story that we're going to tell later in the episode. So this was December. Now we're moving into January of this year. Things are looking up for Alex. I'm like, what is going on? Insane opportunities. And I decide I'm going to get married.

This was a frat party that we had at University of Miami where like a

girl and a guy get fake married, obviously. But I mean, we went to extremes for this wedding. I had all my friends. We had all the bridesmaids and it was so much fun. It was so funny because like I think I still get tagged in headlines to this day. Like Alex got married or like did Alex get a divorce? Like that was just a frat wedding. Fun, fun little wedding. And what also happened in January was I went on the infamous Tarte Dubai trip. So if you don't know,

Tarte Cosmetics did a big influencer trip, which was to Dubai and it was the most like luxurious insane trip ever that it like Broke the media and I had brought my mom on this trip with me This was like my first like real big influencer trip. I was like, what is an influencer trip? I don't really understand they flew us out and

in the fancy seats on the big plane all the way to Dubai. I mean, put us up in like the nicest room, gifting all around the room. Like my mom was like, what is going on? I was like, what is going on? And this is now like taking the media by storm because everyone is up in arms about what is going on on this trip. And I think the reason that this trip got a lot of backlash was one, it was an insanely luxurious trip. And two, I don't

think anyone had ever really seen an influencer trip before besides like the YouTube days because the time that TikTok kind of like popped off was COVID era and this was finally like the first time that brands were allowed to do these trips since then and it was insane. Like I just remember everyone talking about this trip and it was so

so cool. That was my first time meeting any other like influencers, people in this space, like people I followed online. Like I was like, what am I doing here? Like this is actually crazy right now. I'm so happy I got to bring my mom though and it was a great trip. So I feel bad that they got a lot of backlash for it because it really was an amazing time. I mean, they had us up at the nicest resort. We're riding camels around. We were taking these like

dune buggies in the sand. Like, I had never seen anything like this in my entire life. I was like, what is this world and what am I doing here? So around the same time that my life was just looking like great, going upwards,

I had to make a lot of changes and adjustments to the people I was hanging out with like my core friends have stayed my core friends forever, but there were some people on the outside that Literally used to be so mean to me and then came back into my life or tried to come back into my life at this point or Vice versa there was people that I was hanging around for a few months and were really nice to me but now all of a sudden like

started to really use me and I heard things they were saying behind my back. And, you know, next episode, we're going to get into friendship breakups and all of that. But it was just a weird realization for me that people like didn't genuinely understand

care about me. Like, they really just cared about, like, what I was or what my status was or what I was doing or, like, what they could get from me. And, you know, I had people messaging me on Instagram that there was a girl at a bar who was literally spilling all of my secrets and it was someone I was hanging out with a lot. So...

Had to make that cut out of my life. And I don't know this was just like a big time of change for big Al I was like, what's really going on? So I was a little lost in the sauce I didn't know anything as much as you think I would know about like pop culture stuff Like I literally know nothing. I don't know what a red carpet is. I'm like what is going on? So big Al takes a trip to LA and I'm in LA I

Didn't know anyone there besides my ex-boyfriend, Baseball Boy. And he offers to host me at his place. He's like, hey, you can stay with me for the week while you're in L.A. I'm like, perfect. That's fine. I'm going to stay with Baseball Boy.

If there's one thing about a toxic relationship, it's like you're always just you're finding your way back for a minute. I don't know. I really I knew I wasn't going to be with him anymore, but I would enjoy the free place to stay. Thank you, baseball boy. So we stayed at his place. Now I see on TikTok people are posting up like me and baseball boy hanging out in L.A. We got caught. It was honestly just kind of like funny at this point. He was telling me that he changed his

I knew that he didn't and whatever. We move on. We go back to Miami. We're now moving forward to the month of February 2023 and this is where I meet NFL man. We're at a party in Miami. We've been over this story in depth before, but I meet this guy. He's super cool, super nice and I

Flash forward two weeks, I get invited to go to the Super Bowl. Now, Super Bowl weekend is like the stem of this whole drama bubble, which we will just get into as the months go on of 2023. Kristen and I go to the Super Bowl. It's in Scottsdale. I've never been there before. And I get invited to go to this party. This party, Drake's playing there. And the person who invited me to their table was the same person that...

NFL man and I are mutually friends with. So I end up at this table at Drake's party. NFL man's there. We're hanging out. We had a good night. We were drinking a lot, partying. It was a lot of fun. But after this night, nothing had really happened. Flash forward to the next day. I had followed NFL man on Instagram at this point. And I wake up the next morning and they were going to like some golf thing. I went to see if they were posting any stories there. And I was like,

And all of a sudden, I see that NFL man had removed me as a follower. From the stalking that I had done at this point, I saw that he had another girl on his Instagram. So I was like, okay, does he have a girlfriend?

And I asked this right after the party that we met at and everyone was like, no, they just broke up, blah, blah, blah. So I was like, OK, maybe he's back together with his ex because I don't know what's going on. But it honestly didn't matter at this point. Like, it's not like anything had happened between me and NFL man. I just met him and I was like, oh, he's a cool guy. He's cute.

So now it is the second day in Scottsdale, Super Bowl weekend. I'm at another party. Naturally, I run into NFL man and I've had a few drinks. I'm having some confidence. I'm like, OK, I saw that you removed me as a follower on Instagram. And at this point, like we're nothing but friends, you know, like we've hung out. I met him like I think he's cute, but nothing has happened between us. But I'm just like, what's going on? Like, why did you remove me as a follower? Like, what a big I'll do to you.

And basically, he tells me that he's not even going to the actual Super Bowl game tomorrow because he's flying to L.A.,

to go see his ex-girlfriend because she had gotten word or something that, like, we were together at the Drake party, was really mad, and he was like, you know what, we never really, like, had closure, we never really talked, like, from when we broke up, and I'm going to go see her, like, I dated her for two years, I owe it to her to, like, go have a talk with her. And I was like, okay, like,

That makes sense. And I honestly was like, that's really cool that he told me that and he's like being honest with me and he can like admit that and doesn't have to like go around some like weird lie. And I don't know. I think it was like respectable to do. Like he left Super Bowl weekend to go talk to her. She was upset. I was like, good for you. We'll be continuing this story later on in the episode. And you know who else was at Super Bowl weekend was Baseball Boy.

And at this point, we had just felt like really bad for Baseball Boy because he was down bad. He like really wanted to be back together. And I was like, it is not happening. Like we are not getting back together.

But he was there and we met up with him for some drinks. And I have to know because we took drinks like someone came up to us and was like, Oh my god, Alex, like, I love you. Like, let's get a shot together. And it was literally me, Kristen, baseball boy, and the Earl girls taking shots together.

I was like, oh God, please no one take a picture of me and him right now. We move on. We leave. We're done with the Super Bowl weekend. We're moving on from Baseball Boy. We're back in Miami. Now my friends and I took a trip to go to Mardi Gras. My sister goes to Tulane University. So we got dressed up. We had a

great weekend there. I mean Mardi Gras is like so much fun honestly. I want to go back this year like we had the best time ever. February was a great month. We're moving on to March now. March 2023. I cannot even believe what is happening. I had a photo shoot with Victoria's Secret. I was like what is my life like? What is going on? I don't understand what's happening to me right now like

it is just like dreams come true. NFL man eventually had asked me on a date this month. We went out. That was our helicopter date. Oh my God, like March was a great month. Now, lo and behold, we thought we were done with baseball boy. Well, I was done with baseball boy, but he was not done with Big Al.

He comes back swinging around full force. March, he calls me up. He's like, hey, you know what, big Al? I'm better. I've been going to therapy. Like I've been working on myself. Like I am completely fixed. And I was like,

there's just no way. Like, okay, you're telling me that you were literally like screaming in my face two months ago when I literally said hi to you and now you're better? I don't really believe you, baseball boy. I'm at Casa Amor, my college house, and a big cardboard box shows up. I open up this box and it is filled to the top

with photos of me and Baseball Boy printed out. Like, he must have gone to, like, Walgreens, CVS, printed these out. And written on the back was a description of why Baseball Boy and I were good together and, like, why we had a great memory during this time. And first of all, this was hilarious to me because I was like, every single one of these photos, like...

Every single one of these, I can tell you that we were like screaming and fighting this day. So I don't really think it was that great of a memory, but okay, we're moving on.

underneath the photos, he sends me a shirt of his and it is sprayed in his cologne because Baseball Boy somehow thought that his shirt and his cologne was going to send me over the edge and I was going to take him back after all the toxic stuff that was going on. I was like, no, like literally what is going on? But at this point, I felt bad because I was like, okay, like

I feel bad. He's printing out these photos of us. I am so sorry. I don't know. I'm not getting back with you, but I felt really bad. I call up Baseball Boy. I say thank you for my box of photos and his shirt. I mean, I'm ever so grateful to receive this gift. I don't know what I did to deserve it.

And he is telling me basically the same thing. He wants to be back together. He's changed. And I'm like, you know what? I really don't think that you have.

because Big Al noticed something. Because I'm a stalker. Of course I'm a stalker. Like, what girl is not a stalker? Like, I literally stalk everything, everyone. I know everything there is to know about literally everything. I stalk way too much. But I see that he is following new people on Instagram after we break up. And who does he follow after there's these speculations about me and NFL Man? Baseball Boy follows NFL Man's

ex. And not only does he follow her, he starts liking all of her Instagram photos. So I'm sitting here and I'm like, wait a minute. So you're telling me that I'm hanging out with NFL man and now you're going to go and hang out with NFL man's ex or like you're going to try to or like literally what is going on? And I was like, I need to get out of this like love square, like literally get me out of here. He tells me that he DM'd her asking if

NFL man and I were hanging out. I have no idea if that's true or not or if he was just lying to me to make the liking the photos seem better. I was like, I don't know what's going on, but like this was my sign. Baseball boy was officially kicked to the curb. No more communication. I was like, I cannot do this. Like clearly we are still playing games here. Like I'm not going to be a part of this. And that was the end.

Of baseball boy now we're moving on to april april was another Amazing insane month. I had got invited to go to coachella, which was crazy because A brand was basically Saying i'll fly you here You can take your friends like we're gonna put you up at this nice house and the year before I went to coachella but I literally was like Spending so much money to go there. I

was trying to do work for this one brand at the time I was posting I'm not even kidding I think like 40 posts a day for them just so they could give me clothes to wear to go because they gave me like a ticket to Coachella but I was staying on like the floor of these other girls hotel room like it was just like I didn't care I just wanted to go to Coachella so the fact that like I had got invited by like a huge brand and I got to bring four of my friends I

I brought my sister, I brought Kristen, and I brought my friend Sally and Brie. It was like a dream to me. I was like, literally, again, like, I cannot believe this is my life, what's happening. And we ended up having the best time at Coachella. Like, oh my gosh, April was just such a fun time. And this is now the first time that I had really been spotted out with NFL Man. I think we went out to lunch together and someone had posted on TikTok.

Well, at the same time that this happened, I start reading all the comments because I was like, okay, like me and NFL man are called out together at lunch. Like, that's fine. All the comments are calling me a homewrecker. And I was like, wait, what? It turns out that Braxton's ex had been posting on her story, even had a highlight up on her Instagram saying that like, basically she was cheated on by NFL man with me and that like,

blah, blah, blah. She's going through all these changes, whatever's happening. And like basically accusing me of being the homewrecker of her and NFL man's relationship. Now, I was so down bad and sad about these comments because for personal reasons and stuff I've gone through, like

Being called a homewrecker is probably the most triggering thing you could say to me. And, like, I don't know, like, that, it just sent me, I was bawling my eyes out. I was like, what is going on? I'm questioning NFL man to no extent because I was like, I don't understand, like, what's happening? How did this happen? Like, how am I dragged into something like this? And I was just, like, not at a great place. Basically, like, the whole problem was that

The ex-girlfriend was saying that NFL man had cheated on her with me at the Super Bowl, specifically at this Drake party at the Super Bowl. My mind, like, that was so, like, refreshing to me because I was like, okay, well, if that's, like, what you're saying, like, I know that I didn't, like, kiss him or do anything with him at that party at the Super Bowl. Like, I think the most was, like, we were talking and, like, maybe dancing together, but I'm like...

If you're going to say that I was like making out with him, like I know that I didn't do that. So like in my mind, it didn't really stress me out. And that's why I never really said anything. Also, not my relationship to comment on, you know, like I'm just like, this is not my place to say anything about this. Like,

everyone grieves in their own ways like big al is gonna take a step back here because like I was like I don't want to be involved in any of this and I know I didn't do anything wrong so I was like whatever we're moving on to May now we just graduated from college having the best time I go on a three-week trip to Europe with my friends like actually the most insane thing ever we went to

Positano, Mykonos, Santorini, Ibiza. Like we had the trip of a lifetime. Like that was honestly the best trip

trip I've ever been on. It was the most insane three weeks of my life, like nothing. I don't know. And I would do anything to go back to that girl time, like traveling the world with your best friends like that was so much fun. So we just land in Positano and we're getting back from Ibiza. Everyone is so hungover. It is like the middle of the night. We are trying to find this place that we booked in Positano through booking.com and we're looking up this address and we're like, I don't think this address exists.

Because one girl had flown earlier. She was walking around with her luggage. She was like, I'm literally in the middle of a field. Like, this place does not exist. We thought we got this, like, insane, like, house in Positano. No, we did not. It just, like, literally didn't exist. So...

We're at the airport. We were like stranded and we found some like random hotel. We stayed there and obviously, you know me because I post everything I'm posting about this on my TikTok and Airbnb their team had reached out and they were like we got a place for you Like we'll take care of you and your friends while you're in Positano and they hooked it up like you have never seen before we were in the nicest house in Positano and we were like

What are we doing here? Like, what did we do to literally deserve this? Like, all of our friends were like, we booked this cheap place because no one wanted to spend more than like $50 a night. You know, I'm like, what are we doing in this actual mansion in Positano? So it was insane. I'm posting about it. And now all of these headlines come out basically saying that it was like a really good like brand deal partnership. And the whole thing was like a stunt. And...

I'm just here to say like that was not a stunt at all. I would tell you guys if it was but we actually like were stranded in Positano so that like I just wanted to touch on that because I thought that was pretty crazy that that happened and that Airbnb came to the rescue like that like that was not premeditated pre-planned at all. So we're on this trip. We're having the time of our lives like

Oh, girls trip. We love it. We come back and now it's June 2023. I had just moved into this apartment with Kristen. I really didn't have any furniture at the time. Like we were just kind of getting our grounds here. I still clearly don't think I have my grounds because it is a complete disaster in here. But we're back and everyone is...

moving out of their college places, moving back home or moving to a different city and I feel like this is when like the post-grad started to hit me. Like it was just weird that I wasn't like with all my friends anymore and we were all going to be living separately from each other. Like we still are really close and like talk in a group chat every day but this was like a weird realization that I was like damn like college is over. The real life has begun. Now that we were out of college and

My life is just still changing by the day. I really wanted to focus on keeping...

the group of people and the group of friends I was hanging out with like just really close to me and I wanted to keep my circle small like I just was dealing with stuff, you know behind the scenes with friends and the reason i'm not going to talk about this all right now is that I think start of the new year and we're going to talk about whole friendship breakups Like that's a whole episode in itself, but I had gone through like really big, you know friendship breakup breakups and

That was really hard for me to do. And I don't know. It's just like now that college is over, you know, you're not like seeing people just going to frat parties anymore. Like the people you're hanging out with are like people you genuinely want to be supporting you and loving you and like you want to do the same for them. So yeah.

June, we had to make some cuts and that was super, super hard for me and still is hard for me and still processing some of that stuff. But we'll get into that next episode. Things are going great with NFL man at this point. I'm like, you know what? It's time for me to post him on my TikTok. What a lovely time.

summer's coming, like, we take this trip together to the Hamptons. We had the most amazing weekend there. I was like, I'm gonna post him. I wasn't even posting his face, but obviously people knew who it was because they'd seen us out together. Here's where the shit started, Toaster. NFL Man's ex comes out and basically starts talking her shit online, basically going along with this narrative that I was a homewrecker in their relationship and...

I am one for a listen. If you want to air your stuff out online, go for it. I clearly do that myself, but this was my first time where I feel like I had been pulled into this huge scandal, like it's all over my TikTok, all the little gossip pages, like all

All the press is picking this up and basically everyone's calling me a homewrecker. I have already been through this a million and one times with NFL man because I was like, I will not be with you if this is like what happened. But I know that nothing happened because I know myself that I did not get with him this weekend at the Super Bowl. And I'm like, OK, well, then fine. Like, unless you were dating her in March, like, I don't know what to say. But like, I did not homewreck your relationship.

She was going along with this narrative online. I'm thinking at this point, I feel bad because I think that she genuinely thinks that this is what happened. And I was upset because it was like, at least like reach out to me offline. Like this had become such a big issue online where it's like, she was posting stuff online

after TikTok and then like deleting stuff. And I was just like, this feels like so weird, like girl against girl, like what's going on right now? Like if there's a problem, like just message me offline, you know, or like we'll figure it out or maybe she doesn't want to speak to me and figure it out that she probably hates me. But I'm just like, this is feeling like very cryptic and weird. And I wanted no part of it. And it really sent me into a bad place.

as much as it wasn't true. I just was like, I don't like all this drama that's surrounding me and NFL man. And I was just like, I don't need to be in a relationship. Maybe we just take a break for a little bit. I just couldn't deal with it all. And I hadn't said anything at this point. I was just silent because one, it's not my relationship to speak on. Two, it's just not my place. I never said anything. And three,

we'll get to the point online speaking on it now, but I was just like I don't I don't want to deal with this like I don't like that this Relationship is now bringing all this drama into my life like that is just like not worth it for me I don't know it was getting in my head and I was like I just we need to take a break So then I get this DM from Braxton's ex on Instagram. This had been in the news for like a few weeks and

And honestly, like a little bit more than that, like this had gone on for the past few months, like her repeatedly posting stuff. And I was just always like,

uneasy that this was just all online like there had been no communication between us offline and I finally get a DM on Instagram from her she basically is saying like sorry blah blah blah like that this is all online and I'm like it's okay like in my head I'm reading this and I'm like okay well clearly we've been doing this for months so I don't know like how this wasn't purposeful she's saying stuff about the Super Bowl and that like she knew what happened and whatever whatever and

I say back because I'm like, this just isn't true. Like, this isn't what happened. I said, appreciate you reaching out. It's been hard on me being blamed for something I didn't do. I hope we can all just move on. That's all I said because I was just like,

I don't know, like, do we need to have, like, a conversation about this? Like, I didn't do anything, so, like, I don't know what to do. I was, like, asking my mom. I was, like, what do I send back? Like, I feel bad, but, like, I don't know what to do. I have to stand up for myself. Like, I'm not going to say sorry for something I didn't do. And this will be important.

in August. We're getting back to this or in September maybe but basically she didn't answer that. She just liked it and we moved on. Now it's July. Live love July. Having a fun summer with my friends in the Hamptons. We had a house together like a big girl's house and we were just having like the time of our lives. I had never really been to the Hamptons before so I was experiencing all of that and it was a lot of fun there. This month

was the first month I think I really realized that like people were watching me when I was out and like that was a very weird concept for me to grasp. Can you imagine like going out with your friends every night and like everything you do is being watched at all points? Like I literally like started to notice and would look around and you just like

see cameras everywhere and I'm like well damn like I cannot be trusted with this like I'm out having drinks with my friends like this is scary like not that like anything is wrong but I don't know that was definitely a weird concept for me to grasp and I think a weird concept for anyone and that was like the first moment where I had a big realization and learning lesson with that and this is where I really really just

the friends that I was around and was like breaking down crying to them. And I was like, I don't think you guys understand like how much you guys mean to me. Like my friends that have been with me for years, like have my back with everything. Like I was like, I don't care about anything going on. Like all I care about is my friends and the people who like actually truly love

appreciate me and have been there for me and are supportive of me and like that's where I just was like, you know what like my circle of my friends is really gonna be the people around me that I can trust and that I rely on and like that I love and anyone else on the outside like we just we don't have time for because like Nothing means more to me than my friends and at this time I knew I was kind of planning all of this but I knew it was gonna start hot mess the next month Which is so exciting

And I was like, I'm coming out with this podcast. Like, what am I going to do post-grad? Like, what am I going to do? You know, am I going to start a brand? Like, nothing felt right to me in that moment because there was a lot of really great opportunities. But I wanted to do something that, like, I genuinely cared about and that meant a lot to me. And I didn't want to just take an opportunity away.

for, you know, money or for whatever reason. Like, I was like, I want to do something that I care about. And of course, I have plans and dreams and hopes of starting my own brand one day. But like, to me, a podcast felt like I could have you guys get to know me better and get to know me in a different way than you maybe would know me like online or through my TikToks. And yeah,

As much as people know about me, I was like, there's so much more they don't know about me and so much more I want to say. And this was at the point where I had kind of been keeping everything into myself. All of this stuff that's happened the past year, like I haven't really spoken on all of the drama. Like I have just kept quiet because it was like, you know what? Like

This doesn't feel right for me. Like a podcast, like I feel like you have the platform to be able to let it out and fully explain yourself. It just felt like the right next move for me and something that was really exciting for me. And I started working with Unwell and we're planning out Hot Mess and how it's going to go. And then the beginning of August, I'm back in Miami. We had recorded my first episode and we also recorded an episode last.

for Call Her Daddy and that was so much fun and also just such a huge goal of mine. Like, I don't think you guys understand in January of this past year, I wrote down that like my dream podcast to go on would be Call Her Daddy and I was such a fan for so many years, but I didn't think that would ever really happen for me and the fact that like

Like one, I was going on Call Her Daddy and two, starting a podcast under the Unwell Network, which is Alex's. And I just was like, this is such a dream come true. And I was so excited about this. And the day that this Call Her Daddy episode that we had recorded aired,

Something else aired online as well. It was another podcast and it was Braxton's ex going online again and basically talking shit about him and basically alluding that he had cheated on her with me. At this point, I was so fed up. This was like my big day. Like I knew that this was pre-calculated because it was announced that I was going on Call Her Daddy and it was coming out this day and

And there's just no way that in all the days of the year, it's a coincidence that his ex comes out on a podcast at the same time talking about us. I woke up this day like this is going to be the best day of the year. Like my dreams are coming true. Like I've always wanted to be on this podcast. And I see that basically another huge story has come out online where she is just like

alluding to this lie and I just wanted to scream and put my head through the wall and like punch someone and

I don't think you guys understand, like, the amount of self-control it took. I was like, oh my god, I just want to say something right now. Like, I literally want to go online and just, like, start shit talking, but I didn't. I kept quiet because I was like, you know what? It's not worth it. I kept quiet. I was like, you know what? It's just better to take the mature route. Look at me now.

Here we are keeping quiet over here. And I was just like so beyond frustrated with this. But I was like, at least now, whatever, I have a podcast at this point where I can touch on this at some point. Like I can get this off my chest. Like we are just going to let it go because I don't think it's ever good to act off of emotion in the moment online, especially because...

Going back to December of last year when I was talking shit about Baseball Boy Online, like, I was clearly acting off of, like, fresh breakup emotions and I regretted it so, so, so, so, so much and was so embarrassed after it. So I was like, you know, I'm not going to do that again. And in this podcast episode, NFL Man's ex basically says, like, you know what? He was...

shitty, whatever, said a lot of things about him that like is not the same guy that I know. So I don't know. Maybe he was shitty to her. Like I can't speak on that. I don't know. He tells me it's a lie. But like, what am I supposed to say? Like, honestly, sometimes I believe the girls like and I hear her talk about that he had cheated on her with me and that she DM'd me and that we agreed to just move on from it.

When I heard this, I actually, I don't think you guys understand, like almost broke my phone in half because it was like, no, no, that is not what happened. No, you did not DM me. And I said, okay, like, so sorry. Like, let's move on. I clearly said like, no, that did not happen. And here you go again, just like trying to say this online when it's like,

I'm telling you this didn't happen. Like, at least, like, give me the respect of, like, having a conversation with me about it. Because for so many months, I truly thought that she, like, maybe thought in her head that that was true and, like, wasn't just going online to say this online for...

attention or whatever. And I thought if she had asked me and I had said that, like maybe a conversation would have sparked from it. I have to stick up for myself at some point. Like I'm just not gonna go with this narrative and say like, okay, whatever, I don't care. It was getting a little messy. And now Hot Mess has launched.

I was a little bit more at ease because I was like I have a platform now to speak on something if I choose to speak on it. I really didn't think I was ever going to speak on it but when I was trying to plan out this episode of just like talking about the past year I was just like it would just be wrong of me to not touch on this and to not at least like say the truth of what happened you know like I don't know you're just going to drag my reputation online and

Calling someone a homewrecker is not, like, a light thing to call them. Like, I don't think that's something that should ever be taken lightly. And for you to say that is just so disheartening and upsetting. So I thought I could make it through without saying anything ever, but here we are. And I just, I wanted to get that off my chest. Whatever. I don't really think we've dealt with anything since then.

Hopefully, that's all because that was pretty hard for me and that was not a fun one. But, you know, we're moving on. September, Hot Mess is launching. October comes.

and were having so much fun. I got possessed on Halloween. I, like, oh god. So, basically, I talked about on Hot Mess, if you listened to the Halloween episode, you know what I'm talking about. I said that I, like, peed my pants in the Madonna costume because I was going out and

Of course the internet's like, "She is a health hazard. Like, what is this girl doing?" Like, no. I'm just a hot mess and we've all been there where we're a little drunk or maybe we haven't been there and I'm the only one but I just, I couldn't, I couldn't pee in this bodysuit. It was zippered up 10 layers so I just peed through it.

And I told everyone that I like had got my period and there was red on the costume because I thought that's what happened. All of a sudden, I'm checking this costume from unpacking it when I get home to Miami. And I'm like, wait a minute, that is not period blood on the costume. I'm going to go get it right now.

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So this is my Madonna costume that I wore on Halloween and there was like some red on it that I found in a video from Halloween night that I was like, oh god, like I got my period on the costume. And of course I tell that on Hot Mess because we say it all on here and I'm like, whatever, like the Earl girls will get it. They'll be supportive of me. The other people who are not the Earl girls, they were not supportive. They were like, she is a walking health hazard. Like this girl is just like off the rockers, whatever. And I'm looking at it. They're

There's nothing on the inside of this costume like at all There's only like some pink right here And i'm like wait I think I just like somehow like smeared a drink or smeared my lipstick on this because it's not a period It's not period blood. So I guess that was like a lie, which I didn't even mean to tell because I really did think I got my period and then The internet shit on me and then I opened this up for my costume when I got back to miami and I was like Wait a minute

It actually wasn't a health hazard because I actually didn't get my period. So sorry to everyone who wanted to call me gross and disgusting. What are you going to do now? And what I've also been dealing with since like not being in college anymore and like going out and still having fun and like posting it is a lot of people are like calling me a drug addict and an alcoholic. That's the thing about posting online is like, hello? Oh my god, NFL man.

on my iPad. Yeah, I'm still filming. Say hi. What's up, gang? I've been spilling a lot of tea on here. I was about to say, how's it been going? I'm probably saying way more than I should. Bye! Call me after. See you, babe.

So, where was I? If you post online, people are entitled to give their opinion and that's something that I've had to learn this year and you just have to like go with the flow. People are gonna talk shit. Like, that's just... It is what it is. But I will say it's funny that I never got these comments when I was going out like a feral rat like six months ago because I was in college. But now that I'm like out of college and going out like way less than I was before, now everyone wants to call me an alcoholic and a drug addict because...

I'm not in college anymore, so now I can't go out. Please stop.

you know what? I'm okay. Like, I'm fine. And I'll always get comments, especially about drugs. And I'm like, I don't think you guys understand. Like, I went out this weekend with Kristen. We went out to John Summitt's concert. We were there from, his set was 4 to 7 a.m. And I'm like, we're not on any drugs, actually. We're having some tequila and an energy drink and we're having a good time. Like, we love that type of music and, like, love dancing. Like, if there's music and I can dance and sing, I will be out all night. Like,

I'm sorry that I'm a fun time. Like what do you want from me? Like I don't know what to say. Like I was thinking about literally going to get a drug test in one of these episodes. I'm like maybe we'll have to do a field trip drug test because no one seems to believe me over here. But I'm like

I think if there was a problem, we would know and I would not be getting any work done. And I think it'd be a little bit more apparent if there was a problem there. But that's been something fun that's also happened this year. So it's crazy how much good has happened this year and then how much like comes with it that goes on behind the scenes that I don't normally talk about. And I hope that no one like takes this as complaining about anything. Like I am so, so, so beyond grateful and like,

My life is a dream right now. Like, I am loving it. But I just don't think I... I don't think I ever really talk about, like, the behind the scenes of what goes on just because I don't want it to come off as complaining. And I just think it's something, like, I wanted to share for this episode and ending the year and talking about my life just because...

there is stuff that goes on behind the scenes and this is a show about my life. And there's been a lot that's happened this year that I have stayed very quiet on and I haven't shared with you guys. And that also just like doesn't feel right to me. And I think with progressing this next year and like you guys getting to know me even better and what's going on, like I think these things are important to note and also note that like

This is all like very, very new to me. I think some people expect me to know it all and do everything right. And that's just like not the case at all. Like half the time I actually have no idea what's going on or like, I don't know, magazines doing interviews on me. I'm like, I

I don't know what to say right now. Like, I don't know what's the right thing to say, what the right thing to do is. Like, this world is all completely new to me and I am learning, taking it step by step and I'm really trying to do the best I can.

But you know, sometimes we mess up a little bit. And now November, I'm traveling. I think I went on nine trips in November. That was an insane month. Like I love, love, love traveling and I'm so grateful I get to travel for work. I love traveling. I've always written down in my journals when I was younger, like I hope that I can have a job that allows me to travel and yeah.

Boy, am I traveling. We're not sleeping much, but I am getting to see the world and it is really just so exciting. I'm so grateful for that. And now it's December. Birthday, 23 years old. We're leaving 2023 in the past and this was definitely the best year of my entire life. Like, I don't think you guys understand.

I can't even put into words like what this year has meant to me. And we are going to have a great 2024. We're going home for the holidays. I'm so excited to just be at home with my family. So what are my 2023 goals? Like, what are my New Year's resolutions? I think one thing is I really want to stick to therapy because I've only...

only like ghosted my therapist a little bit, but I need to make some more appointments. Therapy has been really helpful for me and I just think it's good for self-improvement and working on yourself, especially like when I'm sharing so much online. I think sometimes I need to talk through some issues before airing it out online, which is what I always try to do. Another thing I was thinking for a New Year's resolution, I'm like, should I do the 75 hard?

I feel like there's really no way that I'll ever do that fully. Kristen and I tried to do like the 75 or no, it wasn't even the 75. It was like the 45 soft last year. And we held ourselves accountable for maybe about two days. But I think the 75 hard, it's like no alcohol, work out twice a day, drink a gallon of water,

you're like reading or journaling or something, it just seems like really great. I'm like, maybe we should try doing that. You guys let me know what you think. I don't know. I think I could do it though, but that would be really, really hard. Another goal I have for myself in 2024 is...

having a healthy relationship. I do have a healthy relationship right now, and I've been working on myself in relationships because I struggle sometimes to show and share emotion, and I don't know, like, I have been in a lot of toxic relationships, and I think the toxic is fun, but I really do appreciate NFL Man, and he...

is the best and is so respectful of me and I'm trying to be my best self and something we've really been good at which I want to keep up in the new year is just talking like if there's ever an issue like what I don't think we've ever had a fight about anything but we talk through everything like fully even if there is just like a little thing that's on my mind that

usually I would just not bring up. Like, we will have a conversation, sit down, like, talk it through if something's bothering me, like, in the tiniest bit or if it could bother me in the future. Like, we just talk through everything and,

I think that is super helpful, not only in relationships, but also friendships. Like if there's an issue, like sit down with the person and talk about it. And it's like, it will just be so much better. So that's something that I have been working on that I want to keep up as well in the new year. And the most important resolution of them all, keeping my friends close to me and just continuing to have a really good friend group because I think that is important.

The core of literally everything for me, like my friends, ground me and I just, I love them more than anything. I think this is just a reminder that you owe it to yourself to be around people that respect you and you owe it to yourself to be around good friends and we will get into all of that later.

next episode, which we are not airing an episode next week. So January 4th, we have an off week. We will be back January 11th. Next year, I'll see you guys in 2024. That is actually so crazy to say. But we're going to be talking about friendships and

everything in that realm because I do think that it is really important for us to all have a clean slate in the new year. We're gonna have good people around us. We're gonna surround ourselves with happiness and love and we're gonna love everyone and love ourselves. Happiness and wow, feels so good. We got that all off my chest. Here I am preaching happiness after we just, you know, we're

We were doing a little tea talking this episode, but...

I hope you guys take it in the right way. And we just, we had to air it out. It was the T of 2023. We're moving on. Now it can be in the past. We are done with it. That was my year. Like that was a crazy year and a crazy fun year. So love you 2023. We're saying goodbye to you. We're welcoming the new year with open arms and love. But we're always going to be a hot mess. Like that's not changing for sure.

New year, same hot mess. I love you guys. Little New Year's present for me. Subscribe, follow, show some love. You guys are truly the best. I am so excited to see you. Not next week, but the week after that. Thanks for listening to another episode of Hot Mess. Bye.

Listen up, you naughty little pelicans. It's Harry Jowsey here, host of the new video podcast, Boyfriend Material. Dating, sex, and relationships in your 20s, it's messy, confusing, and sometimes you just want the male perspective. That's where Boyfriend Material with Harry Jowsey comes in. Every Tuesday, I'll let you in on what the male brain is thinking, breaking down all of your relationship questions and situations, and giving you honest advice on them all.

Watch Boyfriend Material with Harry Jarzy every Tuesday here on Spotify. You know, you might potentially land the guy of your dreams or the red flag, but there's no judgment here. Follow Boyfriend Material with Harry Jarzy on Spotify.