Hmm. Should I buy a new yoga mat? New mat? New me? When's the last time I went to yoga class? Hey, Erica, did my membership increase? When your questions about life turn into questions about money, there's Erica, the virtual financial assistant to help you spend, save, and plan smarter. Only from Bank of America. What would you like the power to do? Erica is only available in the English language. You must download the latest version of the mobile banking app only available on select mobile devices. Your chat may be recorded and monitored for quality assurance. Message and data rates and additional terms may apply. Bank of America and a member FDIC.
Hey, everybody. Just wanted to give you a quick heads up here. There's something we should all be doing. It's going to improve your life, make every day a little bit better. And that is eat more Reese's peanut butter cups. Yes. Think about it. All the gurus, all the coaches out there, they've never said the words eat more Reese's peanut butter cups.
Eat more Reese's. I mean, that combination of sweet chocolate and salty peanut butter. I mean, this is something that brings other people and ourselves joy. That's why there's two in a pack. Shop Reese's peanut butter cups now at a store near you, found wherever candy is sold, and often in my pantry because I love these.
Hey, everybody. Sweater weather is over and sweaty weather has begun. And that's why you need a pair of Bombas socks because they are a premium extra long staple cotton sock that feels light on your feet all summer long. I love my Bombas. Why? Because they support my arch. So get ready to get comfy and give back. Head over to Bombas.com slash bonkers. Use the code bonkers for 20% off your first purchase. That's B-O-M-B-O-N-K-E-R-S.
bas.com slash bonkers and use the code bonkers at checkout. Cold planet, hot asses. We saw the journey colon absolution. So you know what that means. I'm going to take you from the pool by the wind, bring your hands and shriek
We are live. We are live in Los Angeles to talk about the 1997...
Sci-fi classic, Absolution. It is a movie where you could easily be confused because I thought it was The Ab Solution with Mario Lopez, which I found out is an actual real thing. He does have a workout video called The Ab Solution. He also has one called The Ab Final Solution. That's really, don't watch that. It was a weird period in Mario Lopez's life. Um...
I was thinking before the show started, how do I describe this movie? It's tough. Mario Lopez is in a world that has been destroyed by an asteroid, and then 30 years later, but we don't know when that 30 years started. We'll get into that in the main part of the episode. But 30 years later, it seems like most of New America is in the Antarctic? Yeah.
And he's a soldier who's transferring to another base. And I don't know much more than that. I mean, I know weird things are afoot. Richard Grieco. Really, that's all I need to say about that. And Jamie Presley has no problem getting into a secure military facility multiple times. Yeah.
Like, it seems like this place is like the outpost from The Thing. It is very far away. Again, we'll break it all down, but I can't break anything down without my co-host. Please welcome to the stage, Mr. Jason Manzoukas! What's up, jerks? How we doing, Largo? Yeah, that's right. I don't... I watched this movie this afternoon, Paul. Don't remember it at all.
It is a zero to me. This movie is really odd because... Is it? I'd love for you to tell me about it. I just watched that trailer and I was like, well, when you put all the scenes together quickly, it does like, oh, right. Not much happens, but when you put it all together, it seems like a different movie. It feels like a Nickelodeon version of Starship Troopers with tits.
Which sounds right up my alley. And yet, I was like, why is any of this a movie? Well, to your point, that's really the thing I have no real answers for, and I hope our audience might. It is a movie. It is rated R. Prove it. Like, it, like...
It has all the trappings of a sci-fi. Not like a science fiction film, a sci-fi channel film. Yeah, because it takes place in two rooms.
Basically. Yeah, I mean, with one room that has a little bit more, but there's one dirt room, which is kind of a fun little motif. But yeah, it's dirty. Not dirty, it's R. There's a lot of fucks by one character in particular, which I don't think any of them were scripted. But anyway, we'll break all that down. Oh, I can't wait to get into it.
I love myself some Greco. Greco. Greco. Greco. Greco in this, thank God for Greco is what I wrote in my notes. If not for Greco, we would be fucked. I came into this world not liking Greco when he took over for Johnny Depp as Booker. Fuck Booker. Hanson was better on 21 Jump Street. Then Booker got his own fucking show and it sucked. Anyway, sorry if you're not over 40.
I thought that Greco at this point in time would be more viable. Gotta get them back together. Gotta get them back together. For the love of Pete! For the love of Pete. And for the love of Pete, let's bring out our next co-host. She might have an opinion about Richard Greco. She may not. Ladies and gentlemen, Miss June Diane Raphael! Hello. How are you, June? I'm not well after...
this viewing. I spoke to our guest backstage. This movie put us in a bad mood. I wanted to ask you, where do you fall in, Richard Grieco? Was that someone that was on your radar? Are you a Grieco freak? No, I'm not. And in fact, I said to our surprise guest backstage, I said, is he from 21 Jump Street? Yeah. And she said, yes. Uh-oh, I already revealed her gender. Uh-oh.
But I said, you know, I, 21 Jump Street, for me, I have this memory flipping around the channels and always being bummed if the only thing that was on was 21 Jump Street. I know. How dare you? You were bummed that the most important show in television history was on? For me, it was a cop show for kids. Yes. What better thing could you get? Yes. It was great. The only thing better was WizKids. It was the same.
I felt the same way I did. Real show. Real show. Real good. I felt the same way when I was watching Saturday morning cartoons and the only thing that was on was Steam Pipe Alley. Oh, well, that was a rough one. Right, but that's how I felt. That's a New York specific thing. Mario Cantone hosted a show on Channel 11. Channel 11. And he would be like, hey, kids, what's up? And it was just him in an alley with a bunch of kids, but like a set alley.
And he would throw the cartoon. Sesame had a street. Yeah, he had an alley. Steampipe had an alley? Yes. That was it. And there were a lot of pipes. I was looking for facts of life. I was looking for other things. I hated Steampipe Alley. Oh, I hated it. I did too. I wasn't looking for 21 Jump Street. So no, I mean, I've seen other work of his, of course. Have you? No.
Maybe not, actually. The only thing I know is you have $1,000 to name one other Richard Grieco. I won't be able to. But listen, we'll bring out our guests, but I just have to say... We will. I just have to say, I do think this is Mario Lopez's best work.
I do. Well, guess what? I do. That's it. Introduce the guest. Well, again, when you said why, I have an answer. Ladies and gentlemen, our next guest is a guest who has not appeared live with us for a very long time over Zooms. Yes, but not next to us on stage. She co-hosts Deep Dive with June Diane Rayfield. Please welcome Jessica St. Clair.
Hello, hello. Welcome. Welcome, Jessica. Thank you. As I said to June, this film was picked for you because you hate a trash can fire. And this movie... Shirtless Mario Lopez. You wrote us an email that said, never have me back on the podcast unless Mario Lopez is shirtless. I brought this on myself.
I would rather literally catch my own hair on fire in a trash can fire than watch this horrible film that made me so angry. I was so mean to my family afterwards. I was like, get the fuck to bed. And that was to Dan? That was to your husband? Yes.
I know. It ruined my day. It ruined. I watch you with an angry face watching this movie in our living room on an iPad with earbuds in because when I was watching it in front of the children, there was a lot of F-bombs going on. So much so that my littlest came up to me and was like, Dad, and he's like, shut the fuck up from the team. I was like, oh, sorry. What? Sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I tried to turn it off real quick.
And he was like, ooh. Like I was just watching a profanity machine. Are you watching The Journey colon Absolution? I really think like this movie, I knew we were in store for something good when the first three shots are asteroid, earth explodes, title credit, Mario Lopez. Okay. I'm so sorry. But in between each of those, just lava. Yeah.
Like as if they took it from YouTube, which did not exist. It's just B-roll. It's just B-roll of lava for the whole credit sequence, as if the movie is going to be about lava people. I was like, I guess we're in a volcano planet. Would have loved that. Guess what? No way. The Arctic. Well, and... What?
And they do something that is so upsetting to me. I talked about this in a previous podcast where I like to just slowly ease into a how did this get made movie. You do? Well, because... Do the movies ever let that happen? Not really, no. I find these movies to be assaultive. They slap you in the face. They start with a kick in the crotch and they end with spitting on my face. And I'm like, how much did I do this for?
But I will say that it's really rough to drop VO exposition in a credit sequence that's separated by black. So it's like, it's been 800 hours. Black. Music, music, music. Credits, credits, credits. I'm almost there. It's like, wait. Like, you can't separate sentences. I will tell you all, and I'm not afraid to say this. I...
I rewound because as the movie, as we got into it, I thought, oh, I've missed something. Me too. Me too. I've missed something so important. Yes. That's going to unlock the keys to the kingdom. And the narrative becomes so clear. All of us did the same thing. I went back. I must have watched that credit sequence. Yep. Seven to eight times. I figured, oh, maybe I looked away and missed a crawl or a chiron. Yes. Maybe there were people crawling up.
And then it just says... There weren't. Nothing. 30 years later. So from what I understand... From now? 30 years from now? 30 years from asteroid impact. Right. So I would imagine this movie comes out in 1997, but there's also an alternative history, which we should get into at one point, but... That's crazy. Yeah.
So in 1997, this happened. And from what we understand is that the earth becomes lava.
and nothing really has changed. Like, Turtle Wax is still around because at one point, Mario Lopez says, hey, what are you, shine those shoes with Turtle Wax? And I was like, wow, Turtle Wax made it through the apocalypse. There's also, like, just to get back to how confusing it was, and Paul, you mentioned the absolutely pointless and needless Mario Lopez voiceover. Yes. And the real insanity is the movie is...
and without plot to a degree that they put it together and said, we got to put some VO in here to make sense of this. Is that it? It's after the fact. That's what I was wondering. Was it after the fact? Oh, it's post. It's absolutely, because they were like, we got to, because this makes no sense. And...
And the V.O. makes it double confusing. Is he like Philip Marlowe? Well, this is the thing, because he does V.O. throughout the movie a couple of times where they sit on his face. Well, that happens later. But I will say that I don't think that... If somebody is going to sit on your face, V.O. might be the best thing to do. It muffles, it gives you a shake. Here's what I'll say. The way...
That he read the lines is wrong, I believe. Because he says, and I just listened to it right before I came out here. He says, 800 hours.
Almost there. Like, it's 800 hours since I've been traveling, but I think what he wanted to say was, it's 800 hours. Like... 8 a.m. 8 a.m. But he said, like, it's 800 hours. Zero 800 is what he... He's meaning to say 8 a.m. Right, because later on, he goes, what time is it? And some guy goes, 922. And he goes, yeah, I thought that. I thought that, but when I think, I think in military time.
I thought that. You never think... I thought it was 9.22. 9 o'clock, sure. 9.30, maybe. This is so important, Paul, because I thought it was an intentional 800 hours. And I thought, wow, where do you go that takes 800 hours? Yeah. Right. Life takes 800 hours. How long is that? Like, how long is that flight? And then I thought... 52 hours in a day. Yeah, and then I was like, oh, that's...
How long does it take to travel the whole world? A couple times. 16 days. Siri, how many days is 800 hours? 33 days. Yeah, 33 days. Okay, but so how long does it take to travel around the Earth?
Serious? Now I have to do math? Now I'm really fucking pissed. I cannot imagine. This is already more research. 47 hours. This is already more research than the screenwriters for this movie. No, but this is important. This is important because, Jessica, this is important to me. Let me say this. Jessica, what is important is that I really thought, because that 800 hours was with me throughout the movie, and I was like,
Oh, they're in a different planet. Like, they are not off planet. I would have believed that. I thought they were at Hoth. I just did some more research. 17 times around the world, he could have gone in 800 hours. But, to be clear, he is saying it's 8 a.m. Yes. Well, now that changes everything. So, none of this factors in at all to the movie. This is when I knew we were in trouble.
Today's podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. I love Squarespace. I'm in the middle of trying to balance my business life and my real life. This work-life balance, it's tough. But Squarespace has been helping me by giving me the tools to reach my goals and have time to celebrate. That's right, Squarespace is the all-in-one
website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. With the guided design system of Squarespace Blueprint, you can select from curated layouts to styling options optimized for every device. Get your website discovered fast with integrated optimized SEO tools. Plus, make checkout easy for customers with easy-to-use payment tools. You can accept credit cards, PayPal, Apple Pay. Plus, with Squarespace AI, you can explain what your site is about. You choose your tone and enter what you need to get auto-generated.
perfect text. Anyway, I love Squarespace. I've been building sites with them from the beginning. And when I launched my book, I said, I'm doing it all myself on Squarespace. And I'm very pleased with it. Head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash bonkers to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.
Have kids at home? Then you know parenting is hard. From balancing family with work to juggling the family calendar, you might need some help. If you need a sitter or nanny, then you gotta check out Care.com. Sure, you could use social media to find sitters or nannies, but how reliable are those referrals really? I mean, there's a reason why 29 million families have turned to Care.com. Every caregiver you hire is background checked, which is
so important for peace of mind. It is easy to find full-time, part-time, or even occasional help for date nights or even a day to yourself. You can search for sitters and nannies in your neighborhood, view rates, and book highly rated caregivers that fit your budget and schedule. Even better, you can reach out to multiple caregivers for interviews and message safely in the app. No more phone tag. Get the help and the break you deserve with Care.com. You'll be glad you did. That's Care.com.
When you're hiring for your small business, you want to find quality professionals that are right for the role. That's why you have to check out LinkedIn Jobs. LinkedIn Jobs has the tools to help you find the right professionals for your team faster and for free. LinkedIn isn't just a job board. LinkedIn helps you hire professionals you can't find anywhere else, even those who aren't actively searching. 70% of users don't visit other leading job sites. If you're not looking on LinkedIn...
You're looking in the wrong place. LinkedIn knows that small businesses might not have the time or resources, so they're constantly finding ways to make the process easier.
86% of small businesses get a qualified candidate within 24 hours. They even just launched a feature that helps you write job descriptions, making the process even easier and quicker. Post your job for free at linkedin.com slash valuable. That's linkedin.com slash valuable to post your job for free. Terms and conditions apply.
I feel really misled, Jess, because when I said, what movie are we doing with Jessica? Paul said, a Mario Lopez and Jamie Presley movie. And I was like, oh, great. That's what I thought. I go, let me watch that romantic comedy. Thank you. Let me see them have sex. Not the fucking awful sex scene we saw on a single.
Are you kidding me? That's for it. That's for it. That was the most realistic sex scene I've ever seen. Sex happens with no lower body movement and maximum back arching. Jamie Presley appears as though she's trying to back bend away from him. Yes. She is. She took her tits off.
She is wearing a thong. Multiple women took their tits out for this movie. And that upset me. Women harm during the making of this movie. The sex scene slows down as it goes. That's not how it works. To me, the sex scene to me felt like
It's like a party game. You put it on and everyone has to hit a button. It's going to end now. Oh, longer? It was great. No, it's definitely got to end now. There's got to be some rule about lower body movement because I felt like there was somebody off camera being like, no, no, no, you can't move. Can't move your butts. Can't move your butts or your legs. Only arms, necks, heads, and eyes closed all the time. But it's an R-rated movie. It's R. It definitely is a bit...
Body parts are out multiple times. Yeah. Hers. I'd like to see his bald penis. Barely, Jason. You're right. That's what I'd like to see, his hairless penis. That's what I'd like to see. You're on record. That's going to be in, like, Entertainment Weekly's quote of the week. I want to see his hairless penis. Over Heard at Largo, loud woman screaming...
That she wants to see Mario Lopez's bare penis and balls reviewed to be Jessica St. Clair. Hairless. Hairless. I said bald penis. Send that to Dumois. Someone send that to Dumois. So here's one thing, Paul, about the sex scene and the lower body. So earlier on they've established that they don't take their boots off as cadets. They never take those boots off. Never.
I don't think he has his boots on while he's having sex with her. He doesn't play by the rules. Okay, that's a hot shot.
He's a hot shot. But I will say, I don't know if you felt this, Jessica, but I found, I mean, the men have their shirts off the entire movie, which is fine. They're in their underwear. Guys, we're all screaming. What I really, I really resented was the length of those undies. It's like a Mormon underwear situation. So much so that I, are those military issue? They're terrible. Is that what's going to, they look,
like sports uniforms. Like pantaloons. They look like what old-fashioned baseball players used to have to wear. I didn't want to bring this up this early, but I feel like it's important to. Are you wearing them? I got them. Is that what you put on when you make a covenant with God that you're not going to ever take off?
Another... Okay, so another bit of connection for you in this film, Jessica, is that this movie is directed by the same guy who directed A Talking Cat. This makes total sense! And, but more importantly, he is known for a series of features called the 1313. He released 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12...
I think he released over 14 films, or maybe there's 13, films that all heavily feature men in boxer briefs. That's like his calling card is these films. You know what's unfortunate, though, Paul? So all of the men have wonderful figures, but...
all look so terrible because of the cut of those undies and it was just so distressing and at one point during the sex scene Mario Lopez his lower body is of course not moving but you can't see he's paralyzed he's on top of her like he's trying to pin her in wrestling yeah like like a starfish
That's called giving someone the starfish. I can't imagine that's true. I mean, I want to show you a little bit of these... Yes. We got a lot of the... This is where it gets real because there's butts and stuff. This is where it felt Starship Troopers to me. Yeah, I guess we don't have a good shot of the underwear. I'm sorry. Maybe there's another part of it. Okay, that brings me... I'm glad you showed that, Paul. Sex scene dry hump. Here's...
That man that we just saw on screen, is he an alien? Well, here's a good question. Only Grieco is. Are you sure? No, Grieco... So what happens... So what happens is... I believe... Okay, go on.
Now this, I really, this is what I really am going to go out on a limb here. And this movie is completely plotless, I believe. But what I think is happening is Greco is the only actual alien. He gives, what is it, Team Z? Yeah, Team Z. The Z team. He gives them steroids that are his blood. And fluids. And fluids or whatever. Oh, God.
So then that's why they get healed because he can heal from gunshots and so forth. That's why they heal. That's why they start to feel really zombified or whatever. I think it's because they've been given his blood. Okay, that's probably right. His jizz. His fluids. Fluid. Jason, please use the proper term. Fluid. I'm so sorry.
And he is... I would have liked that sex scene. Like when Mario Lopez is up in the skylight and Grieco's just coming on all the guys. But I am... Team Z! And they're all like, this is what I signed up for. Who knows how much of humanity is left? Is this worth it? But, all right, so...
Are we to believe that when the asteroid hit the Earth 30 years ago, Richard Grieco was on that asteroid? Oh. Hmm.
Yeah, I don't know. Because he seems to have a good knowledge of human history. The movie seems to theorize that that was meant to weaken the planet so that they could take over more easily at this point. That was what they said was like the soft assault or something like that. That's what Mario was giving that girl. She's back! She's gotta go! Take care, Jess!
Here's my question though. Why, why did Grieco need them to like reach some sort of physical peak and do all of this work? Because they were all going to survive. Because here's the, but just,
was to survive because it seems like they just had to get into that machine, that tilt-a-whirl thing where if they couldn't survive that one thing, there was no way they could exit. The next machine, that was some sort of can-they-handle-it machine. The next machine that Grieco's in at the end is some sort of teleport or something. But now, meanwhile, Mario Lopez is kind of... Was that it? Resolution Day? Yeah.
Reclamation. Reclamation Day. But the machine that sucks up Grieco at the end, there's a sequel here, right? Because he went up. Did he? That's what I said to Jason backstage. I said, what is the last moment in your... I don't know what it means. I just know what I saw. Yeah. And that's at the end of an entire movie. That's a failure. Yeah.
I just know what my eyes saw. So there's a thing that says malfunction, malfunction, malfunction. Yes, saw that. Rico wants Jamie Presley to go with him so that he can dot, dot, dot. I'm not sure. She doesn't. And because it malfunctions, it explodes. Now, we do see Rico get teleported away. Right. Successfully or not, I'm not sure. But Jamie Presley was going to be
in that machine with him. Yeah, and she hadn't been given his jizz at all, so she was just... Not yet! She was going to get right away. By the way, there is a moment that I've never seen a more tired actress in my life. Yes! When she had the gun to her head. He has his gun to his head. And now... She was exhausted. She looks like...
Do you want to know my theory? Yes. My theory is they had Grieco for one day. Okay. They shot his whole thing in one day, and that was the last setup. And Jamie Bresley was like, I am done-zo. I've been here for 19 hours. Because her face wasn't like, I'm tired because I'm scared or I'm exhausted from the physicality of this moment and this man has kept me captive. It was just like, I'm tired of doing this.
Yeah. She looks checked out and I think the thing that I'm putting together is and once you see it you can't unsee it with this movie.
Richard Grieco is reading off of cue cards. That's what I thought. He goes back at times. The pauses. He's like, let me tell you something. He does this, actually. He does this. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. He double talks twice. And that's why there's so many fucks. There's so many fucks. He was like, I'll give you one take. Even if I flop it, you use it.
Yeah, and Jamie Presley's like, I took my tits off for this shit. You, Greco. Now, meanwhile, also, I believe... You don't even know your lines? I have another big theory on this movie. That he was a last-minute addition, and they shot a majority before they locked him in because...
In my opinion, if you took away Richard Rico, it could be that guy from Avatar, right? That... Stephen Lang? Stephen Lang. Or the drill sergeant from Full Metal Jacket. Because at one point, Mario Lopez is in the bunk, and he starts doing an impression of the guy. He's like, I'll say you never done do things like that. Yes. And I'm like, well, that's not his voice at all.
And to bolster that point, Mario Lopez, when he arrives, is told by the guy that escorts him to his bunk that Greco's character, we haven't met Greco yet, but Greco's character doesn't like Yankees or people from Queens. Yes. And he's a good old Southern boy is what they're intimating. But then Greco is just full-blown Greco. And Greco turns not liking Queens into something incredibly offensive. Differently.
I mean, here's a little bit of... This is a little bit of what you get in a Richard Grieco performance. Can I just say, this is the sum total number of people who are in this movie. Yes.
And this is one of the two rooms these people occupy for the whole movie. And honestly, this movie looks like it could have been shot on this stage. Yes. I said that I've watched Chipotle training videos that had more cinematography. Why? Why?
Why have you watched Chipotle training videos? Don't worry about it. Real question. Don't worry about it. Rider's strike, baby. I got to be prepared. I got to be prepared. Oh, my God. Scoop that avocado, baby. Here's a little Richard Grieco. Is this man your new barracks mate? Sir. Yes, sir. What is his name? We haven't met yet, sir. For the love of Pete.
Does anybody know this rat's name? Sir, his name is Murphy, sir! Cadet Hubbard! Yes, sir! Advance, Cadet Murphy, and stand at his attention. You have been negligent toward your fellow squad member. As a gesture of apology and redeem your lost honor, you will pay him a tribute of 61 push-ups. Ten! Ten! For each letter of his name and one to grow on. And you're going to perform this task in the hopes of your reference name and speak forward. Yes, sir.
That's just a little taste of the Greek. He has a writing crop, but yes, this is not written. No one was like, we really need a Richard Grieco type. It's out of character for him. The same way that you would never give a Richard Grieco character the repeated catchphrase for the love of Pete.
That just doesn't sound like him, and he never sounds right saying. But let's also then walk one step further and go, at one point, Richard Grieco brings Mario Lopez into a room, and they have this scene about the Bay of Pigs invasion. This is fascinating.
As we speak about this, I believe I do. As we speak about it, I start to believe that Richard Grieco improvised everything. Oh, that's interesting. So here, just take a listen and we can kind of unpack this here. Here we go. The Bay of Pigs. The Bay of Pigs. Yes. The Bay of Pigs. 1963. 1963.
General Oswald and his men slaughtered 2,000 Marines on the shores of Dallas, Texas. General Oswald on the shores of Texas. Yeah. A military genius. Wife Marilyn by his side. A glorious, glorious slaughter. Yes, sir. Marilyn. Marilyn Monroe. Yeah. Okay, so I guess I can't be improvised because there is a picture of Oswald on the wall. I think I can explain this better.
I think this is the first piece of evidence that he's an alien.
He's jumbled up history incorrectly and they think he's crazy but in fact he's just an alien who's gotten history wrong. That's why Mario Lopez is like I'm not sure it's Dallas or whatever he's But how could he have gotten this far in the program and like when people came into his office like why you have this picture of Nixon on your wall like the asteroid hit in 1997 like
I don't know, but that's what I mean. That's my best guess. I don't think the movie takes place in an alternate history. I agree. See, this is what I thought happened. I thought it wasn't our first clue that he was an alien. What I thought was whatever's happened to planet Earth, or maybe we're on another planet, because again, I thought it took 800 hours to get there.
We have lost history. That's what I thought. So because of the virus that hit, because the pandemic has hit. By the way, the only one time they reference it. It seems like an asteroid hit more than the pandemic. Well, one probably followed the other.
So many things happened, and in that time, history got rewritten, which I was actually like, oh, that's the only interesting idea in this movie. Yeah. That perhaps, like... I would go along. That is absolutely possible as well. Yeah, actually created a generation that has rewritten history. Now, the one question I have, though, is Mario Lopez has been sent from, I believe, something called the agency? Yes.
Is that right? No. I believe... Well, he's referred to as an agent, but I don't know what organization he's from. He's not a new recruit like he's pretending. No, he requested transfer because his best friend, who when they meet seem like they've never met each other in their entire life, they speak to each other in such a way. Hey, man, what's going on? It was like...
That poor actor, the monologue that he has to deliver about what reclamation day is or recreation day or rejuvenation day. He's just as confused as we are. It is. I was like, this is, if you put these words in front of me and I had to deliver them, this man is doing the worst. He was embarrassed. He was embarrassed. And some sort of, I know this sounds crazy, but...
The stars have to align with another solar system. Now, I do, and he's like, I think it happens every 30 years. Now, here's the interesting thing. In my impression of this, Mario Lopez is a military man. I'd like to perform that monologue at auditions. It's long, too. It's very long. It barely sheds light on the events of the movie. Yes. I mean, if we're going to talk about big monologues,
We got to go backwards for a second and talk about the Jamie Presley monologue, which then is the precursor to the sex scene because it's like she's like, yeah, my parents were killed. I became a sex worker. And he's like, wait, let's watch. That's coal miners daughter. I want to see that. Never saw that movie. Is that what it's about? Wait, hang on. Was it like coal miners daughter Jessica? Go ahead.
I'd love to hear what you think Coal Miner's Daughter is about and how it relates to this movie specifically. Please go ahead. Can you give a spotlight to St. Clair? There's a... What's that song? Fancy don't let him down. You know about raising that... That's not Coal Miner's Daughter. I always felt like that was sort of similar plot. I'm here to tell you that Coal Miner's Daughter is about...
That's right. Who was raised in rural Kentucky, married at the age of 13, begins writing and singing her own country songs in the early 20s, and with the tireless help of her husband, Oliver Mooney, Tommy Lee Jones, Loretta rises from local honky-tonks to small town record deals. It's a little bit different. At what point does she survive a dystopian future?
In which her parents are killed because one has the plague, one doesn't, and then she becomes a sex worker at the outpost. Does Loretta Lynn sing Fancy? God damn it. But, but, but, hold on. I'd like to watch Pulled By Your Star, but that sounds like a good film. But Jess is right. Jess might be right because I... There's always a connection.
Because Sissy Spacek was in another film. Okay. Called Prime. I guarantee St. Clair didn't know Sissy Spacek was in Coal Miner's Daughter. She admitted to never having seen the movie. Okay, well, I just want to give her a little, I want to give Jess her flowers. Why? Because the first, the first film. Thank you, Paul. Paul takes care of me. Paul takes care of me.
don't understand. I heard you say the same thing in the same voice backstage. I don't... I'm just gonna clarify. Paul helps me with my cords. He takes care of me. Jessica came over the other day and I was... She was putting an outfit together and...
And I said, just maybe try like a button down shirt on it. And she grabbed one of Paul's shirts and she put it on and she said, I like the way this shirt feels. And I said, okay. And then she said, as she was buttoning it up, she goes, Paul takes care of me. It was the strangest thing. When I,
where a dongle goes into what court. It's Paul who answers the phone. Not you fucking assholes. Please. Keep calling Paul. Please. Let it be Paul.
So I would like to say that Jessica is kind of right because Sissy Spacek, her first film was a movie with Lee Marvin and Gene Hackman called The Prime Cut where she played an orphan named Poppy who gets sold into prostitution. There we go. That's not, no. There we go. I say no. This is not a win for St. Clair.
of Sissy Spacek. That's the game we're playing.
You couldn't name any other Sissy Spacek movie. Also, 25 years later in the Lonesome Dove prequel, Sissy Spacek also played a former prostitute now married with children and the residents must be okay with her previous occupation. Wonderful. Thank you, Paul. Is it simply the connection is there's a sex worker in the movie? Yeah. Then Pretty Woman is like this movie. Okay. Okay.
Now you're making connections. That's called a band. Oh, God.
Hi guys, Amy Nicholson from unspooled here and the national sales event is on at your Toyota dealer making now the perfect time to get a great deal on a dependable new truck, like a rugged half ton Tundra combining raw capability with premium comfort and advanced tech to fuel your wildest adventures or check out the fully redesigned Tacoma delivering trail dominating power and captivating style. The new Tacoma was born to make your off-roading dreams come true. The
Check out more national sales event deals when you visit buyatoyota.com. Toyota, let's go places.
Have you ever browsed an incognito mode? You probably think, oh, wow, that's safe. It's not. Not as safe as you think. In fact, all of your online activity is still 100% visible to a ton of third parties unless you use ExpressVPN. ExpressVPN reroutes 100% of your traffic through secure encrypted servers so third parties can
can't see your browsing history. And it is so easy to use. Fire up the app and click one button to get protected. It works on all devices, phones, laptops, tablets, and more. ExpressVPN is rated number one by top tech reviewers like CNET and The Verge.
And I got to tell you, whenever I connect to public Wi-Fi at a coffee shop or at the airport, I always use ExpressVPN because you never know how secure a public network is. And I feel so much more at ease knowing that I'm not being tracked. So protect your online privacy today by visiting ExpressVPN.com slash HDTGM. That's E-X-P-R-E-S-S-V-P-N.com slash HDTGM. And you can get an extra three months free. ExpressVPN.com slash HDTGM.
Drive into summer with the Honda CR-V and Accord, your fun-to-drive weekend getaway vehicles. From Honda, the 2024 Kelley Blue Book's KBB.com Best Value brand. So hurry in to the Honda Summer Event. For a limited time, well-qualified buyers can get a 2.9% APR on a 2025 CR-V or 2024 Accord. See dealer for financing details based on 2024 Consumer Choice Awards from Kelley Blue Book. Visit KBB.com for more information.
So here's what I'll say. Jamie Presley delivers this monologue about her parents dying, her being sold into sex work and entertaining these men, and now she's here. And then it leads into a sex scene. It seems to me the worst possible time to have a sex scene, right? Like, yeah, and then I became a sex worker. Great. Also, like, Mario, I don't need to know.
I don't need you to tell me it's okay. She also says that she didn't like it. She has a very negative reaction to it. And then it segues directly into pretty uncomfortable sex. And it's the best beginning of sex of all time because... It is? What I will say is it's so choreographed because she has her bra off, but it is still placed over her breast. So she lays down...
The bra could be easily peeled. It's on the hook. See, this is why I said women were harmed during the making of this movie. Because when she had that bra just laying across her, I was like, good, Jamie. Good. You know what kind of movie this is. Like, that was a great choice for you. And then in the next frame, it's off. And I think something must, some conversation must have happened. Yes.
as they often do. Did they show her the dailies of that one woman who took off her bra in the previous scenes? Like, it looks so good. That's the most uncomfortable scene. And she's forced to wear her pantyhose. That poor girl. Do you know how uncomfortable pantyhose are? By the way, the moment you can, you take them off. Why was that? This is what I really didn't understand. Why was that woman killed?
And shoved in a locker. Why? I don't know. While this movie's going on, there's just a serial killer? No, the villain guy. The villain guy kills her. The bad guy who's been... But the biggest question to me is... He has some line that explains it, but I don't remember. But the question to me is this. I mementoed myself.
Forget about it. The main character that we're looking for, Liles, Mario Lopez's best friend, that he's got to bring a picture of his best friend to remember what he looks like.
My only clue to my best friend is the picture of my best friend. Everybody in movies is carrying... Last night's movie, picture of the daughter. Everybody in movies is like, I need a picture. Otherwise, the events of this movie cannot take place. But the one character that is assumed to be dead...
is not. He's in the brig, but multiple other people are also dying. Like the guy in the gyroscope, he died. Where did they put his body? By the way, they said you could be like your buddy over here, dead on the wheel. They cut to him breathing so heavy. They cut to him and he's visibly breathing heavily. And I'm like, guys...
Dallas is alive. Yeah, get him some medical attention. I have an update on Dallas. He's okay. That's what I mean. I think they got like one take of everything and we're like, oh, who cares? Put it in. Who cares as long as they're in long, long underwear? Who cares? All I care about is that they're shirtless in boxer shorts that go right to the knee. They're like board shorts but tight.
I realize that. Yes! God! Like, what is this? With those socks! I do have one pair of underwear like this. Why? No, you don't, Paul. Wait, but is it for sports? It is. Okay. And it's not that long. They are. They are. Sometimes they shoot down past my shorts that I'm wearing and I'm like, gotta heat them up. They shoot down? How do they get that kind of propulsion? What are you doing? Let me out! Let me out! Let me out!
They are very, yeah, they are tricky shorts. It's also, when you see a man, when you see a man. They're so tricky. If you didn't watch the movie, this is what they're in for. I'm going to say 75% of the movie. Absolutely. May I say something about the color of them?
If they were crisp snow white, I would be okay. But they're oatmeal. Yes. They look like they're just like... How about also the mock turtleneck?
That's when I knew we were in trouble. They're wearing an oatmeal bodysuit, tucked in real tight, and you love a bodysuit. I do. I wear them all the time. You've never met a bodysuit you didn't love. Well, T.C. has the black turtleneck like they're all Steve Jobs or Mox T. Can I just say something? You're neglecting to look at one important fact.
Yes, they're oatmeal shorts, but they're also in brown shoes with black socks. Yeah. They look like... Oh, I didn't even notice that. I thought they were black shoes. They look like an older man, like, oh, I just wear... You know, like, hey, where are my sock garters? Like, it is...
It is a gross look. Guys, this is post-apocalyptic. This is all we've got. This is what we've got. And you know what we're neglecting to mention is they do such a good job seating and showing us all these guys in their boxer shorts so that later Richard Grieco, once given Mario Lopez's artifacts, can sniff his underwear... What's that about? ...for so long... For so, so long...
This is incredible. What the fuck is this? Lights down, lights down. What is this? Is this Blue Velvet? Is this Dennis Hopper in Blue Velvet? Mommy, mommy. I will say that at least the actors and Mario Lopez, they do play it like, what the fuck is going on?
I appreciate that. That's the most natural moment of the entire film is how disturbed those actors are. And super hot. So hot. But why was he smelling? I don't know. Because he's an alien. I think he's got like heightened alien senses and is trying to get something off. I think you're right. It seemed like the smell came into play.
What did you just say? It didn't seem like the smell came into play. He smelled him. Or it's like you said, Paul, they were like, okay, we've got the guys. We'll bring in the stuff. He's like, I'm going to do some stuff. Don't worry. Just roll on it. And then that's what he did. Here's the thing. They know he's gone. Right. So what is he smelling that stuff for?
It's not really to identify him. Or you would think he would then use his nose to follow him and be able to track him or something. But no, that doesn't happen. I thought it was more that he's in love with Mario. That he has a sexual, some sort of sinister... He wants his pheromones. Yeah, he just is starting to lose his mind. But there's part of him that wants to devour him sexually. Maybe. Maybe.
Go on. This is... This is St. Clair fanfic for this movie. I will say, I mentioned it before, but I do think that Mario Lopez was doing some lovely work in this movie. I really do. Like, this was... He...
is carrying the movie and he's doing a really nice job. He felt like an anchor to me when everything else didn't make sense there were his dimples to rely on. He does have a
very good ability to casually toss off jokes and lines and stuff in a movie where everybody else is unfortunately being very by the book. Here we are. We're in the military. So that he can be like, who cares? But I would say what was uncomfortable to me about Mario Lopez in this film is
was he acted like someone from 1997. Like, he felt very contemporary in a movie where no one else felt contemporary, which is bad, but also good for the viewer who's like, I don't get it. So thank God I have one thing to hold on to. I think that's right. And I do agree with Jessica. Like, the main thing, I was like, I don't know what planet we're on. I don't know 800 hours. Where do we travel? But I do know those dimples. And I know...
that they are from planet Earth. Like to me, to me, I don't trust anybody else in this movie but those dimples. To me, he is, we're in good hands. To me, he is the Olive Garden. Will I eat there normally? No, but if I'm in a place and I don't recognize any other restaurant, that's going to look good to me. Yeah, I'm going to Olive Garden. I trust that that will provide me a fine meal. We went to Olive Garden a few weeks ago. And it was fucking delicious, right? I have never been there before.
And I know. I've also never been to Olive Garden. Let me tell you something, Jason. I was scared to go. And Paul said, it's great. And I said, it is. It's great. Really? I was very scared. It's pasta. You can't mess it up. Thank you. Unlimited breadsticks. There was a 40-minute wait. And I said, are we really waiting for Olive Garden?
And we waited and we waited and we waited. And then we went in and sat down. Service was absolutely wonderful. And a giant bowl of pretty fresh salad came out. Tell them about that salad, June. It was crisp. Delicious. You can't get that dressing. You can't get that dressing. Because that's the secret. That's the secret. Hang on. Hang on. I want to let this go on. Is this an ad? Whatever do you mean? Am I not aware we're doing an embedded ad?
This is pure passion. That dressing is good. You get that hot bread. The hot bread with a little bit of parmesan on it. It's delicious. My kids looked at us as if we hid this Michelin star restaurant from them. They said, this is the best meal of my life. My children's two favorite places now are Papa John's
But for the politics. For the politics. Well, my son says it all the time. He'll say, I know Papa John's a bad man, but I love that pizza. Oh, that's cute. It's cute as hell. I'm glad we're advertising for these two behemoths. Olive Garden, I have been sleeping on. And I have my ass handed to me. I've been sleeping on a Casper mattress. Now, here's the thing.
It arrives in a tiny box full of breadsticks. Let me ask you this. Come on, it's Saturday night at Largo. In a movie with a lot of homoerotic imagery... Was there? I guess I didn't notice.
In a movie with a lot of homoerotic imagery, what did you think of the scene when Jamie Presley is seducing the guard outside of the jail cell? How did we wait this long? This came up. This. Mario Lopez's hand. This.
That was single. That was the craziest move scene I've ever seen. That we believe that Jamie Presley knows that Mario's going to know to do a reach around. Yeah, they could not have planned that. Because Mario is in jail. They could not have planned that. That's not a thing. No. That's not a thing. But what was even the plan? You get close to him.
And why does he... I guess the question is, why does he have to touch his balls? Jamie Presley could have touched his balls and pushed him there to get choked. Because same end result. He doesn't. It's just for fun. That's for shits and gifs. It's a goof. It's fun. It's a goof. It's fun. And it's also like a little bit of a fuck you. In what way? Just in like... Just like, fuck you, guard. And... Yeah. Yeah.
You thought it was a woman. It's a man. This is what you could have had. Jokes on you. It's a man. Yeah, you thought I wanted to fuck you. A man's grabbing your dick right now. When Jamie Presley shows her hands like a magician, she's like... But meanwhile, she's 15 feet away from him. Of course it's not her hands. Like, it was such a great... It was just crazy. It was like... Honestly, their sex scene went on for so long that I was like...
did discuss this possible scenario somewhere that night did you find it awkward or uncomfortable when he was like i want to say he's fucking her from behind but he's not because she's she's like laying he's like laying on top of her from behind and they're just like it's a we it's weird imagery because they're not moving really it's just like well he's like planked on her
This movie lives in a world in which all of sex is gentle caresses. And that's it. It's all. I know. Yeah. But you know what? In the Grosso movies, in the Grosso movies that we have done. Starfishing. There he is. She is trying to get as far away from him as possible. There's the starfish. Yep.
If I was having sex with someone and they were doing that, I would be like, stop, stop. You're going to hurt yourself. Are you okay? Yeah. It is really, I mean, this movie has, you know, besides great sex scenes, amazing fight scenes. Yeah.
That was a little too Mario. And again, he's committing and he is our North Star and he is our Olive Garden. But his fight scenes were a little too West Side Story for me. Yeah. His fight scenes were like, oh, I can fight. I take Tybo every Wednesday, 9 to 1030. I'll go a step further and say all of the military scenes are also like, give me no hope that
that this is an effective military force. I wrote down, this was written by someone who kind of watched a military movie. I think they say stuff like this. I won't watch it to make sure. What I couldn't understand is they've got the military training exercise where they're using live bullets. For holograms. Are they?
Yes, because they disappear. So that's what I couldn't make any sense of. But the holograms also have live bullets. Okay, so any headshot... How? That's what I mean, because our guys get hit with real bullets. Right. So holograms are shooting real bullets from hologram guns. And the holograms are shooting machine guns. So there's not a lot of intense accuracy. And it's also like...
because they don't have much of a set, it's just three dudes standing with their legs spread apart like they're riding a horse. Like, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh. There's no military, there's no military training whatsoever. They're not in any formation. They're just like scared. They're like, yeah. It's as if like,
It happened, yeah, it's okay. It's as if it happened to regular people, not at all even people in the military. They're supposed to be experts at this. Grieco's training them terribly. And I guess when you've seen this movie or a scene like this before, it's normally a person on a range. It's like, woman with shopping cart, don't shoot her. Bad guy, oh, shoot him. It's like, this is all bad guys and they all just popped out of different windows and doors. That was it.
Yeah, I mean, it seems like most of their training is just like upper body work. Yeah. They're jousting in one scene like American Gladiators. It's never let's day. And in the obstacle course, they never take cover. They're like, our job is to be as out in the open as possible. It's wild. It's a wild movie, and I think it deserves this audience...
to ask us some questions or to illuminate us. Maybe the director and writer is out here. Maybe we know about the oatmeal shorts. We don't know. Maybe Richard Grieco is here. We will see. Mr. Grieco? Paul, before you... Okay, if you don't mind, before you do, I do just want to give my favorite Richard Grieco quote of the movie. Yeah, please. And it is, would you ram a bayonet up your own mama's coochie
And feed her liver to the devil. That was improvised. What? Yeah, for sure. It was improvised, but Mario Lopez says yes to that faster than would you kill the president. He's like, would you kill the president? Yes.
Would you kill your mother? Yeah. Yeah. Wow, wow. Oh, yeah. Well, you know what? Speaking of a Richard Grieco line, I'm going to have you do your best version of, say, For Pete's Sake. And so say your name and For Pete's Sake and your question. My name's Clint. For Pete's Sake. That's really good. That's great. That's great. My question about Richard Grieco's character is he can heal from bullets to the face instantly. His fluids. Hold on, hold on.
That's a good question, though. I'm sorry, ma'am? Yeah, he heals from bullets in his face. His fluids cure the scar on the person's arm. Why does he have a scar on his face? We never find out, right? We never find out. My conjecture, Greco wanted it. Yeah. Greco's like, my guy has a scar. And they were like, oh, but your guy heals from anything. He's still got a scar.
I'm gonna go to the S-man. I'm gonna go to Pete the S-man. I saw his hand up over here. All right, Pete. Right here. Oh, yeah. All right, so here we go. We know your name. It's Pete. But give me For Pete's Sake. Oh, For Pete's Sake. And your question. For my sake! Great.
I thought you were going to touch on this with the director. I have some amazing movies that he's done. Some of them probably are problematic. Not the 1313s, the movie that he made 14 in two years. So, Paul, you have a better voice, so I'm going to go ahead. The Wrong Student, The Wrong Crush, The Wrong Man.
The wrong cruise. The wrong friend. The wrong teacher. So this is the wrong series. The wrong boy next door. The wrong stepmom. The wrong mommy. The wrong tutor. The wrong cheerleader. Did you say the wrong mom and the wrong... The wrong house sitter. The wrong wedding planner. The wrong stepfather. The wrong cheerleading coach. Cheerleading coach?
The wrong fiance. The wrong Mr. Right. The wrong Prince Charming. The wrong Valentine. The wrong cheer captain. The wrong blind date. The wrong high school sweetheart. And that said, wow. Wow. Great. Great option.
You had me at the wrong mommy. The wrong mommy. And very quickly, Jessica, it's so great to see you. I moved from New York out to L.A. I just want to know, how is the Sinclair Fabergé egg collection going? Well, I was going to bring up that day.
That grandmother, we used to bring her to Olive Garden all the time. It was her favorite restaurant in South Philly. And we would say that it was her birthday every time. Even if it was like, and she was mortified. But I will tell you what, do they bring out a spread when it's your birthday? It's almost like when you're there, you're family. It's exactly like that. Somehow, this is a second spot for...
How much are they giving us for these spots? We better be getting Olive Garden bucks. What is this?
Hi, what's your name? Chelsea. Chelsea, give me your best for Pete's sake. For Pete's sake. Oh, I like it. All right, great. Now your question. So following up on the director, he is actually a former adult film star. Okay. And this came up with Talking Cat. And there's actually a theme in all of his movies that he specifically casts men that he likes to see in outfits that he used to wear during...
his days as an adult film star. So that's why the casting in this movie is all a very specific body type and why they're all in their very long tighty-whities and boots the whole time. Wow. He had to wear this? So I will tell you this. I will tell you this. As you just said this, you have unlocked a core memory. This is... Here we go. Oh.
And away we go. Oh, no. Paul, you have the stage. I don't want to be sad again. No. Don't make me sad. Paul, were you in this movie? When Human Giant was shooting in Los Angeles...
before downtown got repurposed as, you know, very artistic and nice, it was kind of just a trash bag, bunch of stages and sets that you could get for really cheap. And so we were in this one stage and you could rent like, like every floor you could rent a different stage. And on the front of the building, we had our little poster. It said, you know, filming MTV human giant. And then there was another one that says, uh, letters to Lonnie. And I was like, Oh, letters to Lonnie is in the basement. Um,
And so I went downstairs to go get a, to take a phone call and I go down the stairs just a little bit. And as I turn, there is a naked man in a, in, in a, like a military hat and those shoes and socks.
Those? Like that kind of like military look. And he had a heart on. And I realized that he was shooting. He was shooting Letters to Lonnie was an adult film. And that was going on there. And you've just remembered. And he was like kind of on a smoke break and was like, hey. And I was like, hey.
We're shooting upstairs and he was shooting downstairs in multiple ways. He's like, I'm shooting all over, man. Fluids, baby. Wow. But that look seems similar. Maybe it was... And he just has to maintain an erection just throughout a craft service? You just have to be completely hard. Was his dick smoking?
I just remember the image of seeing those. I remember it because I was like phone, phone, phone, shoes, dick, hat. I'm going to go upstairs. It was all very quick. You know, it was not like I was there for a long time. But I remember seeing shoes and pulled up socks and like a helmet that you would wear in the trenches. So maybe. Wow, Paul. Wow.
Seem like a nice gentleman. Letters to Lonnie. I don't know if anyone's seen it. Anyone? Letters to Lonnie? This episode promos a lot of stuff. I wish we could watch that. All right, we have a question over here. What is your name, your best letters... Best letters to Lonnie. Your best letters to Lonnie. Your best... What is your name? Don't be creepy, Paul. Paul gets canceled. Your best letters to Lonnie.
I mean, I wonder what was in those letters to Lonnie. I don't know. All right. Your name, your best Pete's sake, and your question. My name is Gonzo. For Pete's sake. All right. I like it. It's understated. Great.
I had a problem from the get-go where it's at least insinuated that he's there to find his friend, protect his friend, do something with his friend. Yet at the end of the movie, his friend is shot dead in front of him and barely reacts. He's kind of like, he's like, oh shit, I spilled some milk. He's more upset about Quintana than he is about this friend. And also, I'm still thinking about the mechanics of the reach around thing.
Agree! Yeah, so you can clearly see it's a brown hand, so it's his cellmate. So his friend's reaching around and rubbing his car. Jerking the guy off. Lyle jerking him. Lyle? Lyle? Lyle?
So he's rubbing his cock with one hand. The guy's enjoying it for half a second before he realizes it's not Jimmy Presley. Then Mario Lopez grabs him behind, insinuating that Mario Lopez is probably resting his cock and balls on top of the guy's head whilst this is going on. I agree because that was confusing. And that's the poster. That image, you see the door, somebody...
I couldn't figure out. I felt like they thought that was hilarious or something because Jamie Presley, like she's seducing the guard. Yes. We talked about it while you were in the bathroom. She just walks away and is like, and it's, and it's the guys in the cell are both jerking him off and then choking him out. Well, I can't believe that is the name of one of this director's movies. Yeah. Now, but now what I'm understanding here, we still got it.
The olive garden When you hear your fucking family The wrong jerk off The wrong choking him out
But now it does make sense. He's like, "Lyles, let's do that thing that we do." "Okay, I get the cock, you get his neck." - But you're right. I will say to your initial point, you're absolutely right. He's in voiceover. His goal is to find his friend, the guy he's carrying a picture of. They have, you know, he's his, you know, whatever. And then he finds him, oh my God, they have a brief moment. The guy is shot dead in front of him and he's like, "Later."
Okay, but here's my favorite thing about Lyle too, is that when they find each other, they have a moment together and then I think a few minutes later, Lyle's lying on the bed.
Just staring straight ahead. Oh, yeah. There's no energy of like, now we're going to get the fuck out of here. I've been trapped here. Lyle's like, what are you doing? He's like, I'm looking for a way out. Isn't Lyle's reading? He's like, I'm still resting. I thought he went to go back to reading. Here, I just will quickly show you, you know, for those of you who are concerned, he didn't give his friend a second look. Maybe the producer shot that as well because they added this VO. So this is the end into the VO here.
I keep going over it in my head, trying to remember the exact sequence of events. Trying to think of all the alternate paths I might have taken. Looking for the one that could have saved Liles and the others. I only had a second chance. You'll get one, Murphy. Someday we all will. How? How are you given second chances at the events of the movie? You cannot bring your best friend back to life, but I do love this moment too. Someday we all will, she says?
I want to be clear. This is the last line of the movie. She says, you will get a second chance. At what? You can't bring back your friends. To the events of this movie? You'll be able to do it differently and save all your friends? Is he trying to queue up? There'll be a sequel? I think so. I think it's like there will be a sequel. Of course. It is bold. It's the journey absolution. This person has got a lot of movies made. That's true. How about the journey colon resurrection? Yes.
I will just say, just to point out this one thing, the special effects clearly were done way after. And this moment when they're all looking at the alien, they probably said, you're going to see this cool alien being and what they could afford was just a flashing yellow light. But they all are picturing something way cooler. So here we go. See that your mission is nearing completion. We have monitored your progress on the blue planet for some time. From your arrival and integration into the human habitat...
Letters to Lonnie.
With each hour, the survival of our great race is threatened by the conditions of our own. And why is the evil alien the voice of movie phone? At 710, you can see Avatar 2 way off water. The Earth will be destroyed by our great leaders. Time is of the essence. The cycle is almost complete.
The attack force will be ready to strike. Their objective has to be clear. They must be ready to give their lives for the cause. I swear to God, this is what letters to Lonnie look like. Many years later, many years later, I shot in that basement with Christopher Lloyd a funnier die sketch and I couldn't get that image out of my head.
I would believe it if this was all repurposed footage from a different movie. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Okay, so obviously we had opinions about this film, but there are people out there with a different opinion. It is now time for second opinion. Zach, take it away. What is this I see? A low-quality movie is on my screen. That means June, Paul, and Jason will have to see...
Provide us all with funny commentary. Literally. If you have something to say, because you have eclectic taste, you know Amazon is the place, because no one can see your face. Greco's character is not gay. Leather gloves and cigars all day. Are they in the military?
Alright, let's give it up for Zach! Thank you. Love you guys. Thank you, Zach. Great job.
Very hard to find any opinions about this movie, but we did. The average rating is 2.6 out of 5 stars. There are 158 total reviews. 19% are 5 stars. 35% are 1 star reviews. Timothy W. Thompson writes, never saw this movie before. Fun. Title, fun. 5 stars. Then we move on to Letterboxd.
For the love of Pete, Richard Grieco is getting no notes on his ad-libbing in most scenes and random and clearly reading off of cue cards and others. It is tragic, but the gravitas and hilarity and charm he brings to the screen is undeniable. My favorite bad sci-fi movie, the whole set and crew, aside from Lopez and Grieco, clearly...
moonlit as stars of a Skinamax feature. Flamingly fantastic stars. I love every inch of every shit of this wild film. And you wrote that one? Ha ha ha.
This is the weirdest one. It's a third opinion. It's a one-star review from Luis, and he writes, so, I tried to listen to this movie with my earbuds, but the sound only came out on the left earbud only. Wow.
And the right earbud is where you'd heard like the background sounds and footsteps. So then I started with the right earbud in and I could only hear people talking around me. Then I noticed the characters mouths were moving and talking, but I didn't hear anything. I was perplexed. So I had to put both earbuds in to listen. Weird. I only give it one star because there's zero, you can't give zero stars. So waste of my time and energy. One star.
I will tell you, Paul, if that person had the Beats earbuds, earphones, LinkedIn, my Amazon store. I'm sorry, is this an ad for Beats? You don't lose them. They wouldn't have that trouble because they just lay, you could wear them, they magnetically close right here like a little necklace. You never lose them. You never lose them. They're wonderful. Beats. What the fuck is happening?
Beats the Beats Buds. Can we just shout out things? Yeah, if they come up. Okay, wow. They come up organically, of course. These are some of the tags that this movie has on IMDb. Sex scene. Asteroid. Male nudity. Alien. Post-apocalypse. Female frontal nudity. Bare-chested male. Rear-entry sex. Ha ha ha!
Blonde. Lust. Kissing. I feel like these are all Pornhub categories. Yeah. Kissing while having sex. Man wears underwear. Woman on top sex. Reference to Sun Tzu. Low budget film. Space station. Military training. Martial arts. Bully comeuppance. Independent films.
Okay, now. What about cover zip? That pretty much replicates almost entirely my notes. But I will say, where is there a space station? No space station. Unless we are on one.
I don't, I mean, I think we're in like the Arctic or something, aren't we? No, that's all of America is now. Just a wasteland? We're in new America. New America is completely frozen. That's right. Well, any final thoughts? Would you recommend this movie? Would you recommend this to your friends, your family? No, never. No, never. I'll be honest. I don't know if I'd recommend it to myself. Yeah.
Having forgotten that I've seen it. I don't know. I don't ever want to discuss this again. I want to forget about it. It never happens. Yeah, I want to put this in a place I never return to. That being said, I would encourage everybody to watch it. 100%. Thank you everybody for coming out to the show. Thank you.
Thank you, Jessica Sinclair. And there is one thing I want to bring up to you, something I think is really cool that we've been doing. I am a part of this organization called Tusk, and we are raising money for our crew members affected by the strike. So what I am doing right now is helping put together a giant celebrity auction where you can do very cool things. You can actually eat corn dogs with Brett Gelman, Murray from Stranger Things.
You can get a vase from Seth Rogen. You can hang out and smoke weed with Woody Harrelson. You can have me pick your fantasy draft and so much more. Head on over to TuskTogether.com, hit on auction and start bidding now. And just a reminder, How Did This Get Made is going on tour.
We are almost sold out all across all the venues we're at, but not yet, New Jersey. I want to say, Red Bank, we're coming for you. We want you to come out to that show. And you know what? We got a special thing lined up for New Jersey that I think might knock your socks off. I'm working on it. I'm not saying it's going to happen, happen, but there might be something really special happening that night. Now, people, I want to remind you, tpublic.com is your one-stop shop for all of your How Did This Get Made needs. We're going to have exclusive merch on Tpublic.
tour. But the only place to get exclusive merch right now is cheappublic.com. Check out the How Did This Get Made store. You can go there. You see all the designs of all of our shirts. Anyway, if you have comments, concerns, questions, whatever, let us know. That's right. Hit me up at the Discord, discord.gg slash HDTGM or
619 Paul asks, 619 Paul asks, you can come in, help us out, maybe even give us an alt tagline for this abomination of absolution. And we will get you on the show. Um, a big thank you once again to Jessica St. Claire and our amazing team producers, Scott, Sonny, Molly Reynolds, and our movie picking producer, April Hallie and our engineer, Casey Holford. We'll see you next week for last looks. Bye for now. Okay.
Hi, guys. Amy Nicholson from Unspooled here. And the national sales event is on at your Toyota dealer, making now the perfect time to get a great deal on a dependable new truck. Like a rugged half-ton Tundra combining raw capability with premium comfort and advanced tech to fuel your wildest adventures. Or check out the fully redesigned Tacoma, delivering trail-dominating power and captivating style. The new Tacoma was born to make your off-roading dreams come true.
Check out more national sales event deals when you visit buyatoyota.com. Toyota, let's go places. Every sandwich has bread. Every burger has a bun. But these warm, golden, smooth steamed buns? These are special. Reserved for the very best. The Filet-O-Fish. And you. You can have them too.
Ba-da-ba-ba-ba.