Bloodsport LIVE w/ Nicole Byer (HDTGM Matinee)
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You get the store clerk's attention and point to your favorite lottery scratcher. You prepare your lucky quarter. And work that popcorn shell out of your tooth. Quarter beats scratcher and scratch away. With the Illinois Lottery. Be smart, play smart. Must be 18 years or older to play. The first rule of Kumite. Do not talk about Kumite. Unless, of course, you want to talk about Kumite, because then it's totally fine. It just really depends on the person. There doesn't need to be any real rules there at all. We saw Bloodsport, so you know what that means. Woo!

♪♪

Hello!

Hello, people of Earth! And hello, people! We are at Largo, our L.A. home! To bring you a show! An underground show! A podcasting show! Please welcome my co-host, Jason Mintz! What's up, jerks? Should I go here? You can go wherever you want. We are sadly missing June tonight due to a family emergency. She was called away at the last second, but...

We have an amazing guest. You know her from Girl Code and also the brand new Fox Show Party over here. Please welcome Kumite. Kumite. Kumite. Kumite. Kumite. By the way. This podcast ends in a death. I feel like everyone all the time should be brought in with Kumite. Yeah. It felt very good. I was like, should I hide?

But I didn't. I thought about it and was genuinely like, oh no, I'll hurt myself. By the way, the one thing I will say, this is the third time we have visited a Jean-Claude Van Damme film. And I will say... And if we did three more, happy. All in. I'll go on record as saying, this movie is fucking awesome. Yes!

I 100% agree. I loved it. Also, he was so fuckable. Oh, yeah. He was so sexy and every time his eyes just were dead, I was like, yes! He,

He is, like, I would argue, and this is the thing, like, we have seen him at different points in his career on this show. But this is the most pristine, angelic... Oh, he is, if I may, absolutely gorgeous. Yes. I looked at his, like, because of course you see his ass, right? That's a staple of a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie. Buns. Yes.

There's some juicy buns in this movie before he wraps them up in some tighty maroonies. He literally pulls down the underpants to then put them back on. I mean, guess what? When you're putting briefs on, you don't have to double dip because once they're on, they're on. Like, you didn't do it wrong. Like, oops, nope, oh, no, it's okay. He was giving us a little treat. It's like the front latches first and then he had to come back for the back.

The backlash? The backlash. If you go to moviebitches.com, you will see a collection of Jean-Claude Van Damme's buns, which this audience will see in just a little bit. Guys, these are grade A buns. Just before we start talking about this, because this movie, while awesome, there are some questions that need to be answered. Some things that are a little out of the door. I can't think of one. It all adds up.

A couple things you should know, which I never knew. This is truly based on a real man. When that happened at the end of the movie and the thing came up and said it was based on a real life story, I came. I was like, what? Like, if you gave me the title card up at the end of Lake Placid, I would have believed it more. This...

This man, his name is obviously Frank Dux. Frank Dux. Dux or Dukes? Dukes. And the funny thing about him is that, well, a couple things. One, people think he's full of shit and that this never happened and it's all a lie. Ooh, I love that. And then he disagrees with them.

And as a matter of fact, if you've been following around the show, we have Blake Harris. He is an oral historian of the film. He got Frank Dukes to talk, and he got him for an epic three... Hey, everybody relax. There was like a low rumble. There was like one for real guy that was like... He got him for...

I would love it if there was just a straight up monster in the crowd. Just like a universal monster from the old days. Just... Podcasts make me mad! Um...

He had an epic three-hour interview with him, and he'll finally set the story straight. Three hours? Three hours. Oh, poor Blake Harris. One of the things that he did tell him, and this is part of it, he goes, you know, that Jean-Claude and him kind of got into it one time. And he said, hey, look, if you want to fight me, meet me on the roof.

And so Jean-Claude and Frank Dux went up to a roof 60 feet above the city, I guess. Is it where at the end of the movie Jean-Claude is stretching on the altar? I believe it must be that place. And he said that basically Jean-Claude wimped out and brought three of his friends. And then he did this amazing full rotation kick.

And then stared him down. And then he said, I could see Jean-Claude's heart beating in his chest. And he's like, all right, you're a good man. I'm into you. And then Jean-Claude left. And then they fought? Oh. They fought.

So... Oh, yeah. This is the man that could have beat Jean-Claude Van Damme in real life. He actually also trained Jean-Claude Van Damme for this movie. And Jean-Claude Van Damme said it was the hardest training he's ever done. Because Frank was like, you're not ready to be in a fictionalized version of my life. That's diabolic. Like, you're not ready to be me.

I love that. That, obviously, that you can go off and research, but let's talk about the movie, the movie itself. Ooh, wait.

I truly loved it. Yeah. All of the splits. There were so many splits. He does the splits seven times. Oh, you count it? I did. I would have happily taken seven more. It would never have gotten old. If you can do them, you should. Just do them. Can anyone do them in the audience? Anyone think they can do it? Can anybody just get straight to it? Back row? Bring it up right here. Let's go. All right.

Come up here. I know. Come up here. I see you pointing. Yeah, please. Come up here. You're allowed to come on stage. Oh, wait. No, I'm sorry. He goes, not in these pants. Take them off. Take them off. Take them off. Take them off. Take them off. Too much tape. Too much tape. Too much tape. His pants are off. His pants are off. No, his pants are on. His pants are on. All right. Here we go. Here we go.

He says hold. Hold his cell phone. His shoes are coming off. He's wearing a Kumite. Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite! Kumite!

And for that, I'm going to give you a bumper sticker that says, more Joan Allen ass. I want to see it. Wow. Show is off to an epic start. Oh my God, I'm so glad I'm out of bed. If you are listening to the podcast, go fuck yourself.

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I wanted to just, the one thing that jumped out at me right away was, it just said screenplay or story by Sheldon Lettich. And that name just felt like not the guy to bring the Kumite story to the screen. Like, oh, I got this movie. And it's about this karate guy. And he's really crazy. Like, I don't know why, like, it just felt like, oh, okay.

Oh, you know what we need? We need a scene where the guy can like take him and punch him and like probably kill the guy. Sheldon, what do you got? Yeah, you know, he just...

It's a real hot in the balls. There's a lot of nut punches. Many more so than I would have thought from people. Why do they get... I guess it's like full... They keep reminding you, guess what? This is full contact. No doing on that. It doesn't look more intense than a UFC fight, though, at this point. No, it doesn't. But I mean, that drop split into the nut punch, that was great.

I would love to see that happen real. You'd be like, oh. How about this? Does anybody here have the fetish where they like to be punched in the nuts? Because we can get that guy...

And make it happen at the end of the show. You stand atop, he'll go down below, poof. Think about it, fetish weirdos. By the way, that gentleman, we don't know his name, but he got down pretty quickly into the split. Jean-Claude does it very quickly. Very, very quickly. And that is a... I mean, look, yeah, I would do it a million times a day if you can do it. That's why the guy's never fucking wearing pants either, because the one skill.

skill that he has is you have to kind of be pantsless. Also, if I had those buns, I'd be pantsless all the time. There is a baby. I looked at him and I looked at his buns and I was like... And you have a baby. That's why I said, fresh from a lady baby buns. Can't get enough of them.

And also, the thing that I feel like worthy of talking about is, and I know this is an era of film where, you know, Schwarzenegger, Jean-Claude, they make no attempt to explain that they're not American. They are just like the most American. Like, more American than anyone that you could picture, than any country western star. And they're like...

no justification of the accent, never. Yes, no, there is. What does he say? Wait, is there? It's in the flashback. Okay. When he's that little boy who can barely speak? Yes, the flashback, which lasts the first act, that he has in flashbacks where he's like, huh?

Looks scared. It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. It goes back into his head. Anyway, it is when he's a kid and his parents are meeting with the other parents. He's like, you came to America to have a better life for your son or to do wine, right? To work with grapes or whatever. I came to America for this, that, and the other reason. What we're growing is roots. We're growing sons, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I think I do have it here because I pulled it because of...

the term martial science. Yes. And I hope you also pulled it for this kid's acting. You know what? They auditioned everybody to play young Jean-Claude Van Damme?

this was where they came up with and we're like, yep, yep, we got it. Well, you know what? Let's just get into the younger Van Damme's voice because younger Van Damme's voice, it's better than any martial law. Here, this is young Van Damme in the first act which is kind of like a karate kid in five minutes. So here we go. Karate kid with no wisdom. You cannot get katana sword by stealing. It is a very special sword. You must earn it.

I wasn't going to steal it. - He cuts the brim off his hat. - You didn't flinch. You have fighting spirit. Not if we make a deal. - What kind of a deal? - That's, that's Jean-Claude Van Damme. What we're meant to understand is that that grows into the most beautiful man in the world.

This kid who looks like he was maybe rejected for being a little too old to play Elliot in the E.T. movie grows up to be... Slash this kid who was like delivering sandwiches to the set and they're like, ah, that kid, let's get him in.

It can't act, don't worry. We'll just replace his voice all in post. It is wild, these flashbacks. Because is that his... I mean, I know I'm obsessed with this stuff, but is that his voice? I can't tell if this whole movie was done like an old... A ton of it is ADR. Yeah, right? No one's speaking. Everything they used was inaudible, I feel like. Like, what, we need microphones for it? Shit, all right. We'll do it later. Oh, God. This is the first time hearing of a sound department. Oh.

So obviously Jean-Claude, he learns with this master who is, I don't even really understand what's going on here because he's kind of there to protect his son. So he's training his son and he brings Jean-Claude Van Tam to fight his son. To be like a punching bag? Yeah, essentially. So he can stand back and be like, oh, yeah.

And then the kid gets beat up and then Jean-Claude Van Damme helps him and then he's like, okay, I guess we could be equals. And then the kid dies? Dies, yes. And we don't know why. We're never told why. We just cut straight to like a picture of the dead son. Over the sword. Yep. But then later you see the sword with no picture. So it's like, do they go like, now we're done. Now we're over. Put it away. We're done with this. We're done with that one.

Yeah, this picture of our dead son's really bumming me out every time I look at my... Every time I want to look at my sword, all I see is my dead son. Let's hide that picture. I want to love this sword more. But then John Claude Van Damme, young John Claude Van Damme, pleads with...

with the Mr. Miyagi kind of character to train him as if he was his son, which he does. Oh yeah, he does. And it is straight up torture. Yes. Like Mr. Miyagi is teaching lessons and doing things like this guy is just kicking the ever living shit out of him. It's a montage in which each one is like, now he is just beaten with a stick. Yeah.

They literally put him, like we were describing, like a stretch Armstrong. Like they grab him from every part of his body and just pull him in different directions. And then he like makes it tighter and then looser and then tighter and then ties it up. And then Jean-Claude Van Damme is like, I will rise above. And then breaks it. But I don't even understand, what is that teaching him? Like what muscle is that working? Like if you ever get like drawn and quartered, you could come back.

I guess if four guys are pulling you apart, Spready, you'll escape. Now let's get into that.

No, I feel, I felt like tons of the training was just like how to take a beating. Yeah. It was like preparing him for some of the just utter punishment that he would take at the hands of stronger people. But you guys, it came in handy in the end when he got salted. He knew how to like do shit without his eyeballs. Absolutely. The blind, yeah, that was like very much at the wax on, wax off. You know, he had his, what if I'm blind? And he learned the art of being blind by serving tea.

Beautifully executed. You do a blindfolded tea party. By the way, I think I could do that tea pretty flawlessly with zero training. Especially if it was at a house I was familiar with and a table I'd sat at before. I bet I could do blindfolded tea. The thing about that house was it seemed like it was in a residential neighborhood. Yeah, sure did. So I just want to see the neighbors, like the Wilson from Home Improvement of like, what the fuck is going on?

Wait a second. What are you building over there? What are you building? What is that? Some sort of sexual torture device? What are you doing? You're going to put that kid from town in it that's not your son? Who's at your house every day? You're going to put him in this window?

"Yeah, cool, okay, I'll talk to you later." Oh, Mr. Tanaka's just beating the shit out of that weird French kid again. "How you doing, Mr. Tanaka?" "I don't know, I think Tanaka might be blaming the French kid for his son's death. All I do is see him beating the shit out of the kid every day. They're involved in something mixed up."

I would love to be that neighbor. I'd love to make a movie that is just that neighbor's story. Like a movie that is this movie adjacent. Just the beginning of it, just seeing what's going on, the private investigators coming to the house. And then we get... Oh, I have a question, though, because while we're still at the relative beginning...

Is he in the army? Yeah. What's the option? I believe we're to believe that he is... This is what I'm putting it together from a little bit that I know of Frank Duke's and this. He is an elite CIA operative that they are training to be a killing machine. What? No, that was never explained. It was never explained. Frank... Now, is this at all related to the character that he plays in Street Fighter?

It would seem so. I feel like both would wear a beret. According to Wikipedia, yes. Nice! That character is based, or Street Fighter is based on that character. Really? That's what Wikipedia said. Amazing. Amazing.

I mean, you would argue that every character... You know, they say, like, Quentin Tarantino, all the characters are related in one big universe. I would argue that every character Jean-Claude Van Damme plays is related to the Jean-Claude Van Damme. Or it's just the same person and he's not even doing a character. He just has a thing that he goes... Yeah, there's no character. Frank Dux. But, yeah, he seemed to be, like, left alone on the army base, by himself on the army base. They were very... I mean, they wouldn't be going after one guy who's AWOL. Like, I feel like they would...

They chase him across the world. And seemingly don't ever stop him. They know the hotel he's staying in. They know where Kumite is. They could easily stop him numerous times. No, they sit down and watch the fight. Yes, they cheer. Yeah, they cheer. They didn't do anything to stop it. Which also brings me to the whole idea, and we'll get to this eventually too, but of Kumite, I thought it was super secret,

FBI agents like walk in like oh do we have a seat in the front row also also everybody the journalist woman can't get anybody to tell her we're Kumite no everybody's like Kumite nice try

But there are conservatively like 500 spectators at Kumite. It's a large venue. And there are just very ordinary people there. Everybody's just like, oh yeah, you going to Kumite tonight? Definitely. See you there. But you saw where Kumite was. They had to walk through the streets of Agrabah to get to it. Like weird tarps hanging. No, I agree. It looked like the sets from Gymkhana. Yeah.

They, I mean, Kumite also believed, the way it was positioned was like, this is a fight for fighters to watch fighters. Yet there are people fucking betting. It looks like there's a big party going on. It wasn't like an elite group of people. It looked like scumbags that you would see. Yeah, the most basic of basic people were just like, hello.

Yeah, it doesn't even seem like you need to... Well, only one guy shows up in a suit. Like, that one guy's like, I'm a fancy man. But, like, you would think everyone would be fancy men. No. Wait, you would think everyone would be fancy men? Well, I mean, in general. I just want to make sure we don't just run right past. So you think Kumite is like everybody puts on their fineries and goes to Kumite? Yeah.

I think that the way that it was positioned, like, this is an elite thing, the best of the best. Like, people put on nice suits to go watch a boxing match, which is on pay-per-view in public. People dress up to go to the Magic Castle. It is required, though.

I wish there was more blood sport at Magic Castle. I would like to be at Magic Castle and have the whole crowd just start going, Kumate, Kuma, and have two magicians be like, we have to fight each other now. Just throwing cards at each other's necks. With close-up magic.

I would say not since the Fred Savage Nintendo movie, The Wizard, have I watched two men play video games for about a minute. For a full scene. A full scene. I paused and I was like, really? Watch. And a shitty video game. It's not like one of those times where they get into the movie and it's like, oh, this is a video game that doesn't exist. It's like, no, no, this exists and it's kind of shitty. And it is mind-blowingly boring. Yeah.

To watch two grown men. And their conversation is boring. It's like, you're good at this. And he's like, yup. That's it. Did the sensei teach them the art of video game? Because he was like, oh, I am good. How would you be in training equate to button pushing? And you'll also be very good at Ms. Pac-Man. What game is it, nerds? Super Karate. Super Karate.

There was nothing super about the karate that was happening in the game, but I was like, oh, of course it has to be a game in which they're fighting. Wouldn't it have been so much better if it was like Centipede? Yeah. And they're like, with the roller track. That would have made me much happier. Or like Joust. Where you ride an ostrich around and knock soldiers off large eagles and make them lay eggs, which you collect. Also known as the game Joust. Joust.

My favorite video game. Is that a real game? Oh, yeah. It is a real game. Oh, yes. Never in my life heard of it. Joust and Dig Dug. Dig Dug. Dig Dug. Oh. You have to blow up these. It's like reverse Pac-Man. Yeah. It's like you have to build tunnels underground. Oh, God, man. You're basically making the Pac-Man maze. You have missed everything. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'll go home and download it.

Wait, can you... You can binge watch all of Dig Dug. If I can download Joust, game over life. Oh, by the way, you can download Joust. You think? I think it would be almost comically easy. I think you can download Joust on a flip phone. Really? I'm going to get a flip phone and download Joust. My night just got rad!

But the video game introduces to me my favorite character in the whole fucking movie. Oh, boy. What was his name? Jackson? Ray Jackson. Ray Jackson. Jackson! I killed him! That was so sad. It was like, get back here! What are you doing? No recognizable martial art. Nope.

That I could tell. Or fighting. Also, no fighting skills. He's like the Kimbo Slice of this tournament. How did he get in? Meanwhile, Jean-Claude gets there and they're like, how do we know that you're part of this house? Break these bricks. It's like him, yep, you're in, dude. Wearing your Harley Davidson shirt, get in there.

Stop fucking waiting by the door. Go, go. Exactly. You seem to have to be like somebody important to get into the Kumite unless you're Ray Jackson. Roy or Ray? Ray, I think. He can just wander right in. The judges were big fans of Revenge of the Nerds. So they were like, go, get in there. Yeah, he gets in there. And I mean, he's just a mess. He's a mess of a mess. He also has like a jerry curl. Like he just didn't look good.

I thought they were originally going to be enemies because you first see him being like really rude to a woman on the bus that they're on. And JCBD is like, clocks it like, I don't like that guy. He's a creep. You know? And then they play video games and he's like, I like this guy. He lets me beat him and is still cool about it. And then they're bros. Then they are literally best friends. And Ray Jackson sits in the stands and he's like, yeah!

That's my guy! That's my friend! He broke the world

90% of this movie's dialogue is exposition. Just telling you as the audience what you just saw. There is an entire character. You beat him! You hit him with your fist! He's wearing a red jacket, you're wearing a black one! There's a character whose only job is to jump in from the side of the screen to explain what's happening now. Literally, Ray Jackson has my favorite line in the movie. He goes, that's why they call it blood sport. Yes!

Because someone got a little bit of blood. And there wasn't much blood. I was like, that's boxing. That really isn't worse than boxing.

The villain of the movie is just the guy that always wins named Chung-Li. He is like the baddest of badasses and he's like represented accordingly. Like every fight he gets in, he toys with people, blah, blah, blah. And my favorite is Ray Jackson's first match. He knocks his guy out, walks out and goes up to Chung-Li. He's like, I'm going to kill you. I'm going to kill you. I was like, this guy's coming in hot.

I do. Chun-Li is a legit badass, and this dude is not.

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And that's how they got him. And there was no stunt people used in this movie. So everyone is really fighting. That was a big thing about this movie. Zero stunt people. Everyone had to do their own stuff. So that's what you see is what you get. And I think that's why that one guy who seemingly is the only actor, Ray Jackson, the Revenge of the Nerds guy, has no discernible fighting technique. While Jean-Claude is out for three months working with Frank Dukes, he's just drinking beers and just going like, yeah!

It seemed like his big movement was just to push people off the white stage. That was basically it. Because that was winning too. Yeah, if you push them out of the ring or whatever. The guy that was my favorite, and it's hard to, I can describe for the audience better, but he kind of had his hands out. His hands are up here? He's like sleeping. He's almost like a sleeping Frankenstein. I believe you're describing Paco. Yeah, Paco.

But Paco is actually a Muay Thai kickboxer. He's one of the most... I will say, I'm not surprised to hear that all the stunts, there were no stuntmen because I felt like all those fighters looked legitimately like they were doing all the fighting and it looked cool. Like, all the fight stuff I was super into and was terrific. Yeah. I would have liked much more. Yeah, the fight, I mean...

The fighting, what, I mean, what'd you think of the fighting? I loved the fighting, but the thing I loved the most was when that guy got his gold tooth knocked out and that little man was just like... The most conspicuous janitor of all time.

Like, you know in cartoons they show you thought bubbles? This guy articulated that without ever seeing a thought bubble. I saw everything that went in his head in real time. I want to know where he went. Like, where's his, you know, story? I want to know. He stole tooth. Then checked it. He'd be like, I'm not just going to take a fucking... Yeah, it's gold. All right, now I'll pocket it.

Do that shit at home. Steal it real quick and then do it. But to his credit, like, kind of steals the movie. Like a real, like, he's like, oh, all I get to do in this movie is, like, steal a gold tooth. Oh, I'm going to make a meal out of this. This is going to be the longest little drama you've ever seen. Do we even want to touch on the fact that Forrest Whitaker is in this movie? Oh, yeah. So dumb. Like, so dumb.

and he's like on the boats trying to chase him and he just can't. And his face just looks dumber.

But the thing is, he's supposed to be like the smarter of the two detectives because he's constantly being steamrolled by the older guy who's his partner, who's like a real piece of shit. But it's such a fraudulent storyline to have these FBI agents or whatever they are, army guys or whoever, chasing him down when we don't entirely know why they want him back so bad. They don't say anything. The only thing that we know is, where's Dukes?

Suri escaped. God damn it! Like, get him back! That's the all... Of a movie full of exposition, that's all we know from him. And when they finally do find him, and he leads them on a chase through, I believe, all of China. And Forrest Whitaker and an old man keep up the entire time.

They're never far behind. But it's also because JCVD is kind of clowning the entire time. He's really having fun with them. I would love it if somebody would just put yakety sacks over that. Oh my God, please do that. If one of you nerds could just take the chase scene and just put yakety sacks over the whole thing. April would do that. That would be pretty terrific. That would be amazing. Here's the thing.

about the two of them. They also hate Asian culture because when they're eating that Chinese food, they're like, no, this is... No, Forrest Whitaker loves it. Yeah, Forrest Whitaker is so into it. The old guy doesn't, and then the other Asian man comes and goes, I wouldn't eat that, and then they throw it to the dog, and the dog is like... I thought the Asian man was saying, like, I wouldn't eat here, and then Forrest Whitaker was like... I couldn't make heads or tails of that scene. It was tough. They were like, yeah, I couldn't...

I couldn't tell if they were like, because they're trying to be like these idiots, but yet they always seem to get to where they need to go. I couldn't understand why the police chief was protecting, I felt like protecting Kumite and then eventually is like, oh no, we got to take down Kumite. Just shut down Kumite. It seems like that would be the easiest thing to do. You can't shut down Kumite, bro. Is Kumite real?

Am I to believe if Frank Dukes is real? According to Frank Dukes, it is 100% real. But he broke the rule by talking about it? Well, he was actually a CIA operative that was told to enter into the Kumite. Oh, he was ordered to? Yes. My involvement in the tournament was part of a plan launched in 1975 to infiltrate the criminal organizations that organized the Kumite. Okay.

The original idea was to participate and make a few contacts. We initially assumed I would lose, but eventually I became one of the best Pumatay fighters ever to participate in the event. That's fantastic. That's great. So that is that. So then the whole beginning is fabricated of him escaping

because they sent him in. Yeah, they didn't want to get into it. They didn't want to, like, obviously it's kind of that thing about, like, you know, they don't want to expose the government. This is like back in the time where films weren't trying to, like, sell out the government. They were protecting it because obviously, Kumite is where most of the criminal stuff was going down and the biggest crime bosses were going to watch organized fighting in Hong Kong. No, they weren't. That's all a lie. Uh...

Can we talk about the romance? I was just gonna say. I feel like the romance was a real afterthought. Like, he was like, let me go fuck up some dudes and I'm gonna fuck this bad bitch. She was hot, though. She was, like, gorgeous. She was foxy 80s lady. I loved her. They basically only met twice. Yeah. And then she was like, you can't fight in the Goomba, I love you. Like, they were like, in it. Well, it's because they, and she caught that

and she was like, "Yes, I'm never." - He will split into my vagina. - Yes, yes. - With that baby soft dick. - Paul, don't be so dirty.

I want to show... They have what amounts to a one-night stand and then have the most tender morning I've ever seen. Like, it is, like, fingers entwined, like, drinking each other in, like... And he basically is like, I gotta go to Kumite, babe. And then she's like, okay. And then he arrives at Kumite and...

seconds later she is dolled up in a fucking dress with another dude she's like hey I'm undercover wait how how the fuck did that happen because I'm telling you if that dick game is good you will do anything to get it back like how many people is she blasting to try and get into Kumite is what I want to know

Like, I have concerns. That is questionable journalism. But she's gorgeous. I love her. April, who puts together all of our clips, pointed out something here that I thought was interesting. She's like, if you watch this scene and you listen to it if you're at home right now or at work, wherever. Or on the subway. Or on the subway. In a car. Walking.

Cleaning the house. Laundry. A lot of people doing laundry listening to the podcast. It seems as if this scene was shot when neither was in the same room. So the intensity of the conversation does not really match up. And if you view it like that, it's amazing. Just think of them not being there and not reading anything off of anyone. Here we go. It's self-explanatory. Here we go.

All those different fighters in one event. Sounds wild. You have to see it to believe it. Oh, come on, Frank. Couldn't you just get me in? I really want this story. It would mean so much to me. They have strict rules. No press. I bet we could think of something. I doubt it. You telling me you never break rules? What do you want from me? I'd really like you to help me get into the Kumite. More than that, I'd really like to get to know you.

Crazy. Immediately they have fucked. It's morning. He's like, I'm late for Kumite. And then we get this beautiful, beautiful buns. Ready? Three, two, one. And buns! Damn it. Buns! Watching those buns.

Yeah, he's giving her a little treat. We talked about it a little bit, but when Ray Jackson does knock out Chong Li, he parades around a little, like, just wait until you win. His epic, I guess they were like, we don't want to show him being a bad fighter. It's like the best macho reasoning. It's like, well, look, he's not a bad fighter. Okay, yeah, but we got to make him lose. Right, okay, well, what if he wins?

But then he's, like, too excited that he wins, and then he gets sneak attack. Like, they had to, like, find this middle ground. It's like when Vin Diesel and The Rock fight. It's like they can't, neither can win, neither can lose. They just have to hit each other and then fall back two paces. Like, all right, next time. You know, it's like they're like. Well, they also can't have Chung Li appear to be able to be beaten by Ray Jackson. Otherwise, it doesn't make sense for him to go against JCB Gates. But, yeah, he does, though.

He does knock him down. But if Ray Jackson just was like, pa-bop, pa-bop, pa-bop, he would have beaten him. Yeah, if he kept hitting him, he would have beaten him. That's Paul's training coming through right there. Pa-bop, pa-bop, pa-bop, pa-bop, pa-bop. It seemed like Ray Jackson's thing was just to hit people in the head until they were unconscious. And even Jean-Claude Van Damme was like, what are you doing? Get back into it.

That's my H. John Club Van Damme. I liked it. Should I put that on the SNL reel? Was it good? It is flawless. It is. For those people at home, they just were like, fuck, they got JCBD there? What? Are you fucking listening to this? Van Damme is there. But he is literally, if you timed it, I would think he's parading around the stage. Yeah.

It's like a good 30 seconds. Yeah. You're like, this like turnaround, like the ref. And these refs, come on, these refs are not doing it. It's only one guy. I mean, it's just one guy in a brown silk outfit. Now, I will say, I'm stealing June's joke. I watched this with June and she said, what are these refs watching for? It's no holds barred. What are they going to stop the fight for? He basically starts the fight. They kill people. Oh yeah, but

they're like kneeling into it. Like a lot of the times that reference, huh, huh, huh. I think they're waiting for them to say that word. There's a word that you say. The mate. Yeah, mate. So I guess they're waiting for that whisper. Ha ha.

But yet, fucking Chung Li pulls out powder from his crotch in a aggressive way. Yeah, and nobody seems to care. That ref is like, not on my way. Like, I don't care. This episode of How Did This Get Made brought to you by Chung Li Crotch Powder and Squarespace. Are you building a website? Why not build a Chung Li Crotch Powder website from Squarespace? Yeah.

Bonobos. Bonobos. The pants with built-in crutch powder. Fuck, in all honesty, CISO. CISO. CISO. CISO.com. CISO. Portlandia is back. Portlandia is back. Funny for you at home, the audience has now probably heard three commercials that have been...

I will say, I feel like when the, okay, so Ray Jackson. Yeah, Ray Jackson. Ray Jackson, he hits Chung Li, Chung Li goes down. Ray Jackson has previously, as I've said, said to Chung Li, I'm going to kill you. So then he starts parading around the stage going, yeah, I killed him. I killed him. And I was like, oh, he doesn't know what kill means.

He thinks kill means I'm gonna knock you down from which you can still get up. Because that's all that has happened. Chung-Li is not dead on the ground. Ray Jackson is, I killed him! I killed Jackson! Jackson! And Chung-Li's just like on his knees like looking at his bloody nose like, oh. Oh, he like, he tastes that blood and he's like, mm, I like my own blood. Oh, yeah. It makes me hungrier. It was pretty sad when Ray started the chant for his own name and it didn't catch on and then...

and then literally had his head stomped in. It was like, oh! The saddest moment in a Kumate Spider's life. Do you think the Harley Davidson bandana was a product placement? No, I think he brought that personal piece of wardrobe, and they were like, eh, I don't know if that works. Like, hey, we need to get you into wardrobe. Fuck no! I'm going to set. Yep. I'm already in wardrobe, brother. I didn't train. I didn't train for this movie, and I'm wearing my own shit. Yeah.

Also, I am drunk. Who am I really fighting? I do want to talk to the audience about what they think that we've missed here. But I do want to also bring up something that Nate, who is our researcher, Nate Kiley, brought up something. He is a third degree black belt. Nate is? Nate. And he says it's not hard to do. You know, practice and do your art. But he goes, I'm going to nerd out here about martial arts for a second.

And this is about the beginning of the movie when Jean-Claude Van Damme is given the katana blade, which never comes into play. Nope. Ever. But there is a sword ceremony at the end of the movie where I think he gets another sword. Great. Ah.

Dude's just drowning in swords he never uses. Just not the person, it's like giving Jeb Bush a gun. Like, there's no reason to give it to him. Wait, wait, why? Why is it like that? I don't know, did you see that gun that Jeb Bush was like, just playing with his name? Just a ceremonial gun? Yeah, like, just like, here's a gun. I thought you meant so that he could do something with it. Oh, no, no.

Technically, when you give a Japanese sword to someone, the blade must be facing toward you and upwards. This is to show respect towards the person accepting the sword. When you receive a Japanese sword, it's customary to turn the blade towards yourself when the other person lets go. If someone ever handed a real samurai sword with the blade facing towards the receiver, like he does to Frank in the movie, it would be considered offensive and hostile, and you would be justified in drawing that sword and killing the person who offered it to you.

How rad would that have been? The rules... The rules and customs for sword etiquette in Japan can vary slightly depending on the region and style, but this is steadfast across the board. That would have been the best opening scene. Who wants more?

All right, well, let's go into the audience here. Let's see if you guys have questions about Bloodsport, things that we might have missed, anything at all. Oh, let me get my stickers for you. All right, get those hands up. This movie was retitled many a time and finally landed on Bloodsport. So I'm going to ask you also, what is your title for this film? Think about it for a second. I'm going to also ask you your name. You shouldn't have to think about that. And then your question. So here we go. So your name, your title, your question. Here we go. My name is Camilla.

Welcome. Is it Camilla Parker Bowles? Be cool, Jason. What? Be cool. CPP? All right, here we go. My title would be Bunsport. Ooh, great title. Good title. I just wonder if there's any significance to the fact that in flashbacks, young Van Damme has very tall hair, but in current timeline, his hair is combed flat to the side like a seven-year-old boy on picture day.

His hair is... That's a great question. I'm going to give you a sticker designed by Leanna Waldron. It says, Top Butt, and has a still from the great Wachowski Brothers film that I forgot the title. Cloud Out... What was it? I forgot that movie. Jupiter Ascending. Yeah, his hair is perfectly coiffed like a little boy. Again, not to bring up my son, but when I comb his hair and he has no control over what I'm doing, that's what it looks like. There's also

frequently people refer to him as like being too young. Like, aren't you a little young for, to be in the Kumite? No, that would be the thing that you would do. Right. I'm like, I don't understand. Like he's a grown man.

Kumite is an old man sport. Maybe they were trying to say with the hair, like, oh, he's still like... He's still like a young boy? Yeah, something, I don't know. Well, that's a typical military cut, right? Totally. Yeah. Totally. I mean, if he really was in the military, he would have to have a military cut. Regulation military haircut. Yes, your name, your title, and your question.

My name is Kathleen and kuma-tay, kuma-tay, kuma-tay. I love it. Don't try to curry favor with the audience, Colleen. My question is, what career did you inherit from your father? Oh, yes. Great question. You'll also get a sticker. This was commemorating when we were on Jeopardy. The reporter says...

I was a good writer. My dad was a reporter, so I became a reporter, right? So what did, yeah, what career did you inherit? I don't know if there's a good answer for us, but... All right, that question bombed. I'm going to take back that sticker. I thought that was a funny scene when the reporter justifies being a reporter. She was, I mean, I would love to read the story she's written. LAUGHTER

You know, I would, and I hope that it's honest. And they don't end up together. Oh, no. The movie goes out on a symbolic bow between them. Yep. Oh!

sad just friends yes she got friend zoned so hard she got on a plane and fucking left her I would love that to be no goodbye kiss no no I would love that to be the new way that you like end a one night stand fist in palm bow and then leave get on a plane fly away

Get in your Prius and just fucking hit the gas. Bye-bye. You guys tonight, some of you are on dates, you filthy weirdos. You're going to sleep with each other. Some of you are never, it's not going to happen again. Do a favor, don't ghost the person. Just give them one of these. They'll know what it means. Let's make this a thing we do now. Oh, is that where we're at? Report on it. Please report on it. I just want to know, where's this going?

Oh, fuck you. Oh, don't you ceremonially bow to me. All right, sir. Your name, your title for Bloodsport, and your question.

My name is Trevor, and I think the title should be The Quest because it's the same exact plot as The Quest. Good call. Of which? Quest. The Quest? Yeah, The Quest, the Jean-Claude Van Damme film, The Quest. Oh, I've not seen that one. Oh, yeah, you should watch that one. It's a good one. Maybe he made multiple movies just in case you didn't see the other one.

He had no realization of VHS or anything. He was like, "I just keep on making these. "Just get the word out about this." He was like a stand-up. "Yeah, I'm just doing a couple sets tonight. "If you come to the Comedy Store, "you come to the Improv." It was the same set, but maybe he didn't see it. - "Come to my house Friday. "JCPT's coming to do one of his movies." - All right, your question.

So when the kid Frank breaks into the house to steal the sword, he's wearing a San Francisco Giants hat and a New York Giants shirt. They're like, is this a fan of the Giants in general? I will pull up a picture of that, which we have. But yeah, he is just a fan of Giants. Let's see a pic. That is fantastic. I did not realize that. I did not notice that. It is, here we go. Amazing.

That is awesome. There was no costume designers. I love big things. He must love that big guy. The guy who's like the Andre the Giant kind of fighter who just lumbers and swats. Maybe that's why he likes Ray Jackson. If done in the correct Lord of the Rings kind of thing, he would look like a giant. He would look kind of like the guy from Harry Potter, which I'm forgetting his name right now. Hagrid! Yeah.

I said it first. We said it together at the same time. Guys, let's all go to Universal Studios tonight. Wizarding World. Hogwarts! Ooh, I want to be sorted.

Okay, here we go. Your name, your title, the film, and your question. My name's Tim. The title is Kume Terrible Acting. Ooh. Ooh, sick burn! Sing! Sing! No, so the title card at the end says that he has won the World Heavyweight Kumite Championship. To be heavyweight, you have to be over 200 pounds. That black guy's not 200 pounds. We don't know that. These are, you're talking about...

Do you know the Kubota? You don't know how big Jean-Claude Van Damme is. You don't know him to scale that. He's in the TV. Yeah.

It also begs the question, are there different divisions of Kumite? I think that is likely true. That was not represented. In the movie, the timing people are fighting giants. I don't know if there's that tiny little monkey man climbing that giant man. That was my favorite fight. It was wild. It seems to me... He scampers all over that guy. Just scampers. Like he's a goddamn playground. I almost thought the Lion King music was going to play. Like, no, it's a mania. And you're like...

He moves like Rafiki. Like, he should live as a parasitic thing on the giant. Yes. You know what I mean? It's like Master Blaster from Mad Max. Yeah. And then the web too hard. Yep. Oh, so cute. It was adorable. Like, those two walk away, for sure walk away from Kumite Best Friends. Yeah.

He just needed a hug. Maybe he just needed a hug to straighten his body out. He's like, oh, my back is really sore. Maybe that's why he was so hunched over. That seemed to be the Giants' only move because he also hugs Jean-Claude Van Damme. Maybe he's just like a guy that loves too much. Like those people you bump into at Comic-Con that hold up a really ratty sign that says free hugs. Wait, that's a real thing? Yeah. Really? Yeah, I've seen that a lot. Or he's like Lenny from Mice and Men and they're like, ah, you keep killing people. Get that kuma down!

I would love... Mice and Men 2. The Kumite. I would love it if they had just been like, Lenny! Kumite! John Malkovich. All right.

Sir, your name, your title, and your question. My name is Alan, and my title would be Kuma Taint. Ooh, nice. Hey! And my question is, at the end, did you, like me, think that Ray Jackson had his head crushed in by Chong Li and was dead only to find him drinking a beer in the hospital? Yeah. Like, they really, again, they whipped out from everything in that moment. That should have been like the Rocky IV Apollo Creed moment. Yep. Like, Apollo dies and he has to go, but no, it's

he got a little cut on his head. It didn't even look that bad. And Chung Lee killed an ancillary guy that we had no allegiance towards. He wasn't like a favorite of ours. They were like, sequel, sequel. But then after he kills that man...

but then nothing else happens. Yeah, they're basically like, essentially, Chung-Li kills the guy in the ring. Everybody turns their back on him to basically be like, not cool, dude. And he's basically like, fuck you, I don't care, I'm Chung-Li. No, Chung-Li does his silent yell. He doesn't know they're dead. He doesn't even know they're ringing the bell because he can't hear. He's like, oh, he's sleeping. Ma'am, your name, your title, and your question.

Anna, JCVD's splits extravaganza. Ooh, nice. So this movie is very, very racist, just openly. Hang on. Prove it. But when we first see the journalist and she's like, you know, I know you're here for the Kumite. There's no other reason you could be here. She's just talking to two Asian businessmen in a... You're so right. Yeah, it's really racist, actually, yeah.

You know, two things here. First of all, you know how Jean-Claude Van Damme got this movie, this is his first movie. Menachem Golem, who made this movie, made many of the films we've talked about on this podcast. The Apple, fuck, the list goes on and on.

Masters of the Universe. Masters of the Universe. Jean-Claude Van Damme saw him outside of a restaurant and went up to him, tried to split kick, like, did a split kick to his head, but missed him by an inch. And he was like, you're in the movies, kid. That way is it. Really? That's all you? Yep. Almost kill someone, and then you get in the movies. Ooh, I can't wait to see Scott Rudin in public. And then... But...

The question that I had was, who was this guy who was like, it seemed like everyone was at the Kumite without an agent, but yet the two American guys had this like, hey, guys, what's going on? Why was he the agent? And he was part of their crew immediately. It was like, come on, you're my guys. As if they were all best friends, which was not the case at all. They were acquaintances at best. Did Ray Johnson, that's his name, right? Did he go to Kumite before? Has that ever explained? No.

Has he been to Kumite? I feel like he has been to Kumite. He's been to Kumite. He says, I don't know if he competed, but he knows he was there when Chung Lee killed a guy last year. Right, he saw that. Or two years ago or something. He saw that. I don't know if he fought, though. Your name, your title, your question. Here we go. My name's John. My alternate title is Girls Just Want to Have Buns. Nice. And my question is, isn't the guy that Chung Lee killed in the last Kumite Tanaka's son? I figured that was how he died.

- Oh! - Wait, holy shit. - Oh man, that explains a lot. - Does that add up? It doesn't add up though, I don't think so. - No, it does add up because then that's why Jean-Claude Van Damme has to go to Kumite to avenge the death of that guy's mom. - Holy shit, I don't think so. - That was-- - And then he says he's gonna grow up and you know, and that'd be so-- - I'm away from him with a microphone. But yeah, that makes sense. - Does anybody know this? Is this a known? - No. - Someone just said that's bullshit.

I think, here's what I think about that. I think that is such an interesting idea, but I don't think the timeline adds up. No, because he was... Because the kid is younger than JCVD. And JCVD needs to be fully trained before he can even get to Kumite. But he was very young. Oh, but yeah, he had to go in the army then, too. When did the son die? How old was he? I don't know. Yeah, the kid was young. I feel like years prior. Maybe he went to kid Kumite. You're full of shit, sir.

Yeah, that's like the heavy, lightweight kumite. Kid- Kidmate? Kidmate. Kidmate. Kidmate! Kidmate! Kidmate! Ooh! Let's do a remake of this movie with all kids. Shot for shot! I would love this. The movie had four sequels.

Bloodsport 2, the next Kumite. Bloodsport 3, no addendum. Bloodsport 4, the dark Kumite. I hope that's all black people. That would be, I would legit not be surprised with the casual racism of these movies. The, um, John Clive Van Damme did not appear in any of the next Kumites.

There's a new Kumite coming. Guys, we're not spoiling. This is, uh-oh, HDT. How did this get made exclusive? They don't want you to know. They don't want you to know that there's a new Kumite. And the title makes me so happy. Do you want to just, both of you, just take a crack at the title, all right? Has anybody here said it tonight? No. I'm just kidding. Okay.

So this will be Bloodsport 5. Oh, you know what? I'm going to... It's a remake. I'll say that. It's a remake. It's not a sequel. It's a remake. Is it a reboot? Is there a star attached to it? Is JCVD in it? Is he in it? No. So it's not like... I'm going to give you guys this thing. I'm going to say, you are Hollywood executives. You have this property on your desk. Is it Kumite Re colon Ducks?

Okay. Really good. That felt great. Oh, no. I don't have anything nearly as good. All right. We'll call it Kumiti Still Bloodsport. Both of you wrong. Okay. Okay, wait. Let's keep going. Let's keep guessing for like an hour. It is called Lady Bloodsport. Yes! Say Mr. What? Constantine. Constantine. Lady Bloodsport.

Oh my gosh. The people for the next show. Lady Bloodsport. That is for sure some sort of period situation. Lady Bloodsport. It's that time of the month.

Everybody who listens to this podcast now start calling your periods. Lady Bloodsport. I've got Lady Bloodsport this week. Oh, my Bloodsport's coming. Oh, honey, I want to, but I've got Lady Bloodsport right now. And then when you finish Lady Bloodsport, you put your hand in your palm, bow to your tampon. I hope Ronda Rousey's in it. I mean, that's what it feels like to me. They're like, Ronda Rousey, Lady Bloodsport. Done. Ronda Rousey, Michelle Rousey.

- That would be, I'm in. - I'm in. - To Lady Bloodsport, I'm fucking in. So good. - Fuck, yes, Gina Carano is Ray Jackson. - Oh yeah. - Right?

She's like a wild card that can't be trusted. Ronda Rousey, JCVD. I kind of feel like Angelina Jolie could also pull off a cool-ass shit cameo in this, too. Is she in it? I don't know. Is this an exclusive? No, we don't know. How did this get made exclusive? All right. Obviously, we had some opinions about this film.

But now it is time to hear a different opinion. Obviously, you can go online. You can read about Frank Duke's opinion at slashfilm.com as he talks for three hours that Blake has edited down to a concise but yet enthralling piece. Also, if you feel like your voice has not been heard yet, you can call us up at 619-Paul, P-A-U-L, at.

ask, A-S-K, and you can leave a message and we'll be playing these on our mini episodes. So if you feel like you need to get a word out, you need to ask a question, we'll do that. That's 619-Paul-Ask. But... You're so nice. It's a lot, a lot of things to do. Don't fucking call me. They're not calling me. Oh. That's not my phone number, no. My phone number is not Paul-Ask.

It would be awesome if it was. It is Paul Ass. It is, yeah. Because I love Dan Bond, son. But now, obviously we had an opinion about this movie, but there are some people out there that had a different opinion. It is now time for Second Opinions. Second Opinions. Amazing. What are your names? I'm Louise. Louise and Christina, give it up. Give it up. Sweet. How long did you practice? Ha, ha, ha.

Walking up, you guys came up with that? All right. But we put a little more work into it, guys. Views pulled from Amazon. We'll get going right here with Kenneth Lueng. He writes here, as a young and impressionable boy, this movie got me interested in martial arts. I would stand in front of the TV watching this movie trying to imitate all the moves I saw. Needless to say, I was the best fighter in first grade and performed... Wow. Wow.

Needless to say. Perform many punches to kids' groins and spinning kicks to their faces while also breaking necks, Chong Li style. Okay, I'm kidding. It does raise the issue of TV violence and its influence on children. That's a real turn that one takes. Five stars. Oh, man. That guy can't figure it out. This one is probably my favorite one to date.

Five stars by David Wirth, and it goes something like this. Of course I'm going to give Bloodsport a glowing review. I was a cinematographer. It was Jean-Claude Van Damme's breakout film, and I was thrilled to be a creative part of it. I also, it worked out so well that two years later, in 1988, I was once again back in Hong Kong with JCVD as the director of Kickboxer. Yay!

budgets of both of these films combined were less than $5 million. They still do a ton of business worldwide, became martial arts classics, and launched the career of JCVD. Not bad for the price. Five stars. Like...

That's, really think about that. He's on Amazon writing reviews for movies he's worked on. Oh, Dave Wirth. Come on, man. This is five stars. Although the martial arts scenes are spectacular, this movie is really about what a man learned from his martial arts training.

It's a true story of a man who had a critical juncture in time when most people would give up in despair, looked within, and found the necessary strength of spirit to face a deadly adversary. It's a story about the power of integrity and character and well worth watching many times. That was better written than the screenplay. Oh, my God.

That was so lovely. I love that that movie, that person rather, got so much out of the movie. Yeah. Pulled so much depth out of the movie. When life gives you lemons, you know, kick those lemons in the pit. Go to Amazon.

Okay, this may be my favorite one too. I have two favorites in this one. It is simply titled, "The Jean-Claude Van Damme Review Matrix." Who is he? Frank Dux, the American martial arts expert. Which family member or friend must be avenged? His friend Ray. Does he take his shirt off? He has his shirt off nearly the entire movie. Does he have sex with a C-list actress? Yes. Cute but anonymous blonde. Is there a tournament?

Only the baddest tournament in the world. Is training needed for the tournament? No, he's already awesome. Does he do splits in the training or in the tournament? Several times. Punch someone in the balls? Let's say he just puts an unfortunate sumo wrestler's balls about a foot higher than normal. Does he do the flying or 360 kicks? Yes, and no one dodges them.

Chung Lee holds all the records and has killed people in the tournament and makes other black belts wet themselves. So yeah. Does he overcome an injury or hindrance? Yes, Chung Lee throws salt in his eyes and Dukes is blinded. Does he win?

Not only does he win, but he forces Chung-Li to say, Mate. This one has it all, folks. It's JCVD's best movie. So I love that this is how you have to review every one of his movies with these 12 questions. That's amazing. They are amazing. That is the best way to review a JCVD movie. Holy shit. Well, for those that

A simple Google search will show you Frank Dukes, and for you here at the audience, you can see him up close right here. Pretty great. That is Frank. He looks awesome. He does look awesome. He's amazing. I bet he's got great buns. One thing about him is that he changed his name from Frank D-U-C-K-S, Ducks, to Dukes.

to Dukes because he had too many people making fun of his name. Oh, no. Poor guy. Poor guy. I feel like we talked about everything. He does the coin trick in the bar. Oh, the coin trick. Oh, the coin trick was good. Because not only did he take the coin, he replaced the coin with another coin. That's a strange trick. Magic castle. I do want to show this one piece. You can't really get the full idea of it, but this is pretty amazing. April found this. This is...

Jean-Claude Van Damme doing an interview in a gym. And for those at home, just know that they're both doing sit-ups while the questions are happening. So I'm going to fast forward this first part, and here we go. And the interviewer does not look... The interviewer does not look happy to be doing this. So here we go.

So Jean-Claude, how did you get in with Canon Films? In Bloodsport? Yeah. It's a funny story. I always want to meet Manar M'Golan because, you know, he's number one action film in the States right now, especially on karate, ninja film and everything. So I call Canon and I say, I've got an important meeting with Manar. He knows me. I'm leaving tomorrow for France.

And I didn't tell the truth, by the way, but Menahem is a very curious person.

I highly recommend that you find the workout. I have never seen a man happier bouncing up and down in a split. His butt was psyched. You can find it on VanDammsFans.com. Fans with a Z. VanDamm fans. Do you have...

I will say this. Oh, can you click on Kumite song, please? Yes, sure. Because this song... I will for real work out to this song. No!

It's amazing. This song is awesome. It does not fit the movie at all. No, it doesn't. Aggressively against the movie. And I watched it with the... Because I watch everything that was subtitled on, I guess. And the lyrics are cuckoo bananas. Like, T to B, like nuts. They're great. Please dig in on those. Kumite. Well, this has been a great deconstruction of Bloodsport. Jason? I don't have anything to plug, but I would like to take this moment...

to address a controversy. Oh, this is very good. That exists currently. This is one of those moments where I'm like, so happy I'm not on Twitter. During the Covenant episode, I mistakenly identified the town of Ipswich as being on the South Shore. Now, no doy, Ipswich is a North Shore town.

I know this to be true. I played soccer in Ipswich against Ipswich. I broke my leg on an Ipswich soccer field, but I totally had a brain fart, guys, and I fucked it up. So my apologies to all the fucking assholes...

Who are, like, losing their minds that I misidentified it. What? The South Shore assholes? No, to the people who are like, fuck you, you don't know where Ipswich is, you're a piece of shit. By the way, you don't have Twitter, I do. Yep. So because of that, I got all of that. LAUGHTER

Ipswich anger with maps and fucking pointers. You tell Jason. They are all 100% right. My sincerest apologies to the North Shore awesome people of Ipswich. Fuck you South Shore still. But that's all me. All me. I fucked up, guys. I really fucked up. I'm genuinely so sorry. Please forgive me. I was on my lady blood's port.

This show could not be done without some amazing help. Obviously, July up in the booth, everybody here at Largo. Halie, who put together pitches on YouTube to watch a very special JCVD expose of his buns. Nate Kiley, who gave us all that amazing sword research. Marissa Zeitz, Leanna Waldron designing all those great stickers. Everybody at Earwolf and you for coming out to this live show. Thank you all for coming. Good night.

Hey there, it's Andy Richter, host of the Three Questions with Andy Richter. Each Friday on my podcast feed, you can listen to weekly call-in show episodes where me and a special guest invite callers to weigh in on topics like dating disasters, bodily disasters, and more other kinds of disasters. Read the questions on the podcast feed.

Recently, I invited Chris Fleming and Rachel Bloom to talk embarrassing stories with me in front of a live audience at the Sirius XM studios. From a dinner table fiasco to an emergency onstage bathroom trip, these stories are some of the best I've heard. So what are you waiting for? Listen to The Three Questions with Andy Richter wherever you get your podcasts.