Matinee Monday: Cellular (w/ Ike Barinholtz & Erin Gibson)
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bas.com slash bonkers and use the code bonkers at checkout. I wish we saw a movie about William H. Macy running a day spa, but instead we saw cellular. So you know what that means. Now it's time for

How did this get made? We're gonna have a good time, celebrate some failure, not just be a hater, cause you know you won't know. How did this get made? Let's follow in the mediocrity of subpar art. Perhaps we'll find the answer to the question, how did this get made? Hello, people of Earth, and welcome to How Did This Get Made? I am your host, Paul Scheer, joined, as always, by Jason Manzoukas. How are you, Jason? I'm good, Paul. How are you? Very good. Good.

Watched this movie, didn't care for it. Really? This wasn't a, you don't think this is kind of like a successor? A lost gem? No, no, it's not. Once again, you've made me watch something that is like, something that was lost that deserves to be lost to time. Oh, no, no, no. Yeah, cellular, eat a dick. This is like speed. This is like a better version of speed. It's like a...

It's actually a How Did This Get Made? All-Star kind of day. We have two returning guests on the show. I guess I'm so excited to have our first guest. You know him probably from The Mindy Project or the hilarious film Blockers. He just wrote, directed, and produced and starring in a brand new movie. It's called The Oath with Tiffany Haddish. It's right now available on Vimeo.

Check it out. Mr. Ike Barinholtz. Welcome back. Yes. Thank you. I have not been in- What? What? Jason and I went to the night gathering the Juggalos together last year. Whenever we talk to each other, we got to give up. We met up on the drug bridge. My man was sucking down a strawberry Faygo. Hit his ass out.

Whoop, whoop! This is the... I was at the premiere of this movie, Ike, and I really enjoyed... Oh, sorry, did I... No, go ahead. Say something nice about the movie Interrupted. Go ahead. Oh, sorry. I was at the premiere of this movie, Ike, and it was great, and you spoke very eloquently and passionately, and the movie was fucking fantastic. I talk good about the movie, see a good, good time movie. Yeah!

The movie is great. I also saw it. And it's... I think what I love about the movie is how funny it is, but then it also is... It's a very, like, tense movie. You do a great job of kind of balancing comedy and tension really well. First of all, thank you, guys. It's basically like if Twitter were a movie where you look at a tweet where it's like... It's a tweet of, like, a pig wearing a diaper. And everyone's like, look, a diaper pig. Diaper pig's amazing. I love him. And then the next...

tweet is like, I don't know, children being separated from the parents, you start crying and you're scared. That's basically what I wanted to make a movie about. Is Diaper Pig a real thing? He is. He is repped at UTA. And he does a bunch of different stuff. He's a writer though. That's why I think why they want to lie. He was a YouTube celeb. Oh, that's so cool. He was part of Logan Paul's crew. Oh,

Oh, yeah. Or Jake Paul. He was a Jake Pauler. You mean so he's hilarious? So he's hilarious and a good person. Oh, that's great. We also have another special co-host joining us today. She's also been on the pod. She has her own amazing podcast called Throwing Shade and a fantastic book, which I read and love. It's called Feminacity. Please welcome Erin Gibson. Hi, y'all. What a real... Yeah. What a real...

What a real turd movie this was. We made you watch this. I watched it last night after, well, I'm kind of nervous about the election, so I've been drinking almost a full bottle of wine every day. Sure, of course. So this was post-bottle of wine. I have to say, this is the way to do it. You guys have me on this podcast for my hot takes, right? Yeah, of course. Oh, yeah. And your hot looks. Thank you. Here's my hot take. This movie wasn't that bad.

Ooh. In fact, listen, I've listened to almost every episode of this podcast. Long-time listener, second-time guest. Yeah. Ike Barinholtz.

I think I know how this got made. I don't know if that's happened before. I think I know how it got made. Well, here's the thing. I agree with you. I think it exists as a film. Like you can get it. It's a decent story. Great actors in it. Every time a new scene started, I'm like, Noah Emmerich, the guy from Americans, I'm in. Yes.

And again, this is a young Chris Evans who is playing like a real surfer dude. It actually made me appreciate his body for Captain America because I was like, whoa. But even in this where he's much skinnier, his body's frigging dope. Yeah, he was. Oh, he's like a straight up hunk. He's a hunk. He's a hunk and a half. Um.

But they got him right between Johnny Flame. Yes, Fantastic Four. Fantastic Four and Captain America. They got him in that spot. His whole thing is he's an approachable hunk. Yes. Like you don't think he's going to like...

put a date rape drug in your drink. No, he's very charming. He's a hunk that you, like, went to school with. Like, he's, like, the hunkiest guy in, like, regular high school. But he's not, like, from another world hunky. Yeah, he's also, like...

light on his feet and kind of nimble in some of the scenes. I mean, they were the character. It's not like a great character. It's just like this, like surfer fuck boy. Yeah. But everyone in this movie is doing their best job. I mean, at doing this real shit ball screen. Well, I will say this and look, and I'm not suggesting this is like Godfather part two, right? You're not. I'm not. I want to be on the record. It's not a good movie, but it's not like so bad. Although the cold open, uh,

was not real. It left me feeling cold. Yeah. I was like, this is not grabbing me. It looks like a sales commercial or something. I was like, at least I was, I was happy at least that they started hard. Like,

Like immediately she is grabbed, taken, thrown into a room, sledgehammers the phone. Housekeeper murder. Housekeeper murdered immediately. That is fucking dark. Unanswered for that goes unanswered. Like that woman just disappears. Yeah. She didn't even look like they cleaned her. They,

definitely cleaned her up in the house because she's not there when William H. Macy comes in later probably because he didn't want to pay her more than one day to work I agree with Paul what you said in the beginning I wrote in my notes too I would have rather this was a procedural starring William H. Macy but unfortunately this is one of those movies that I feel like Hollywood decides they need to make every 10 years which is what if the whole movie is a phone call

And it was written by the guy who wrote Phone Booth. Right. No, it wasn't. Yes, it was. It was the same. Oh, my God. His phone. He basically thought while he was trying to get Phone Booth made, he's like, you know what? Why don't I do another one, which will be like kind of the bookend to it. Like there's one where he's trapped on the phone. He can't leave this one. He can travel all over on the phone. And all of his friends are like, you just made the same movie. Well, it all started in 1997 with Beeper.

He just keeps on seeing 911 and help. It reads upside down. I got to find a PayPal so I can call this in. It is funny, though, for a movie called Cellular, written by a man who clearly is into phones, really, they don't understand how cellular phones work.

No. I mean, there's one point where the cellular call jumps to another phone. This is the craziest scene in the movie. It defies all fiber optic cellular cell tower logic. It's...

Basically, just to give you the idea of what the movie is, if you've not seen it, Chris Evans, surfer bro, gets a phone call from kidnapped Kim Basinger saying, you've got to help me. Because she's taken a smashed rotary dial telephone and is just knocking wires together. World War II style, trying to get a connection. She is literally a science teacher in this film. Sorry, Paul. She is a...

A scientist biologist or something? Hold on, I wrote it down. She had a very general title that allowed her to be good at- She's like a high school teacher, right? Right. Because she would teach-

who knows the human body. He knows how to put together phones. She's a very smart person, but when it comes to descriptions, terrible. They go, what does he look like? And she just describes what he's wearing. Yeah. She says she's a science biology teacher. Science biology teacher. So that means that she can put together a phone like someone's hot wiring a car, two wires, like...

Which I still don't even understand how that works. She's also being kidnapped by a mostly nonverbal Jason Statham. Yes. And when they say describe him, she says like eight characteristics before she says close cropped hair. Yeah. It's like, do you mean bald? She always starts with the pants. Yeah. She's like dark jeans. Jeans. Brown leather jacket. Slightly apple bottomed.

Probably J. Crew, maybe The Gap. You know what she never mentions as a descriptor for this Los Angeles police detective? British. Yeah. Which he very clearly is. If I was her, they'd be like, who was he? Okay, bald man came in. He clearly is from England, but he was trying to pretend he was from LA. And he's actually one of the cops on our force. Jason Statham, I guess the director said at one point, like,

You know, in this take, just do something fun, kind of, you know, scare Kim a little bit. And it was an improvised take when he took out his belt and strangled her with his belt. No! It's not okay. I know. That's not acceptable. Not at all acceptable. And it was the only, they only did it once. And that's the take that's in the movie. Oh, God. But to think about Kim Basinger.

Like she doesn't react in a way that's like, if I was an actor on set and someone took a belt around my neck, I would be like, Oh, slow down everybody. Also, she's number one on that call sheet. Yeah. And she took it. Like, but I just love that. That's where Jason Statham's mind was like, I want to take off my belt and strangle her from my belt. I'll belt her to this post.

That made no sense. He also has to keep holding it behind the post. Yeah. So like it's a physically puts. It's the worst way to strangle someone. It's not like he ties her up with it. That would make sense. Okay. I'll use my belt to restrain you over here. And while I'm like monologuing or whatever, but no, he's just kind of having to actively hold her with the belt while he's saying, where is he?

Where is he? I sort of appreciate it now in hindsight that we're talking about it because there were moments when she first gets into this like whatever $4 million teardown that they're keeping her in. Where she's like... It's a really nice house. It's so nice. There would not be a spare bedroom in any house like that in LA now. It would be an Airbnb. Yeah.

And by the way, the attic totally empty. That attic is empty, except for the phone. That was my favorite thing. Oh yeah, we all have an attic phone. Everyone has an attic phone. That's why they call my calls. You get caught in the attic. Yeah. But when they first throw her in there, it's almost like she doesn't care. Yeah. I didn't feel like she was worried at all, or she was just like, now I'm in an attic. She kind of makes herself at home very quickly.

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I was obsessed with Jason Statham. I'm a legit Jason Statham fan. Same. But the accent was so crazy. It was just like I kept doing this bit to my wife. First of all, my wife was, we don't get to watch a lot of movies anymore. We have little kids and I'm traveling. And I was like, hey, we're going to watch a movie tonight. She's like, oh, great. I want to see the Mr. Rogers movie. Is this where you're announcing your divorce? How about cellular? She goes, what? What?

The 2004 classic? She was like, why? I go, oh, because Paul and June, Jason, are doing a podcast. She's like, well, can you watch that on your own time? I go, no, we have to watch it now. So anyways, I kept doing this bit because Statham's accent is so bad. He's like, yeah, I'm from LA. I was born in LA. I went to Crossroads, didn't I? I gotta go. I'm going to the Clippers game. Lifelong season ticket holder. I'll see you at Langer's, motherfucker. It's there.

It's so funny because we talk about this all the time. Like you get these bad guys that are, or good guys like Schwarzenegger that have these defined accents that you have to acknowledge. Like, wait, so he's an LA police officer. It's one line. It's one line. When I moved here from England, when I was 18, I didn't like it. Now I love it because I'm a cop.

Instead, it's like, sorry I'm late. I was on the 405. I got off at Centinella and there was a part. I grew up in Chatsworth, mate. Was he trying to hide it?

He was trying to, but he can't. He can't. And it's just, it's sort of a muted statham. Like, I feel like he's got more bite when he's doing his full on British accent. Here, he just seems a little bit more muted. You meet me at Pete's Coffee on Lodgemont tomorrow, motherfucker. You understand what I'm saying? The coffee bean is better than Starbucks. It's the vanilla powder. They use a malt in it, don't they?

But I also feel like that's why he was so angry. That's why he's whipping out the belt. That's why he's using a sledgehammer to bash a phone. By the way, he takes a sledgehammer to like a beam that clearly. Like a load-bearing beam. A load-bearing beam. It's the middle of the room. It's the only beam in the middle of the room. I would love it if he hit that thing, the roof caved in, and credits rolled. And the movie was literally over.

So would my wife. This movie is also a movie where I realized in watching it, where no one is really doing scenes with anybody else. Everyone's talking to someone. Yeah. It's like everyone's just doing a day. It's like, all right. You can hear like the scripty off camera just going, no, I need to get there now. The script supervisor was working overtime. Wow.

is there so much dialogue where someone has to describe to Kim Basinger what just happened that we just saw? Half of the movie is just explaining exactly what we just saw. Also, also, hey, great, Kim Basinger, you got an outside line. Someone's trying to help you. You don't have to talk the whole... She's talking...

at full voice in the attic while there are three to four bad guys in the house. She's talking like, what's going on now, Ryan? Describe him to me. Where are you, Ryan? Ryan? And you're like, lady, you're supposed to be alone in the attic. Whisper. Can we talk about the worst joke of the whole thing? Oh, please. Which is when she tells...

Chris Evans, what her son's name is. Oh, I have a little clip of it if you want to hear it real quick. Here we go. What's his name? Ricky. Ricky what? Ricky Martin. Ricky Martin? You named your child Ricky Martin? He was before this. Whatever, whatever. What does he look like? He's 11 years old.

blonde hair. He's really small for his age. Ricky Martin! Was that the bell? Yes, it was! Hurry! Hurry, he'll go to the hair salon. Of course it's the bell, you idiot! It's a legit good joke. It's a legit joke like she said that was before the song came out. If that fucking joke was in Talladega Nights, it would be like, I needed the music to drop out for just a second. I needed them to drop all the pressure.

of the movie and just do that joke full out. But that to me is like, if you were to like really pinpoint the problem with the movie, it's two different films because that movie is like intense music, Ricky Martin. Like, and you're hearing like, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. I mean, they're just doing jokes about Ricky Martin. Even the one, like the first scene is so terrifying. They're killing a domestic worker. And then it cuts to Chris Evans intro and it's like a Mountain Dew Code Red ad where it's like really bad. And it's,

And he's with his buddy. He's with his buddy who Eric Christian Olsen Olsen, who they make out to be a super perv. He is videotaping on his phone like girls asses. Yeah. And then refers to one woman as just nipples, which was her name.

In the casting call, in the script. Hold on real quick. I'm going to just get rid of the PC police. Whatever Christian name was nipples. And that was like, her name is like Lisa nipples. Okay, guys. Not everything. The only thing that I will take back on it, it was like, I'm like, he's creepy, but is it less? Well, no, it's, I was gonna say,

It's credibly creepy that he calls it to her face and behind his back. I go, what's up, Shear? And they'll say, I saw Shear the other day. I'll see Dave later on. I don't know. I think it's her last name. I feel like, here's the thing. I believe in their future together as a couple. So I feel like it's going to be part of their playful nicknames for each other. And on the altar, he's going to say, nipples, when we first met. Yeah.

The audience is going to laugh. I knew you were the one. There were three female characters in this movie. One of them is a nameless Jessica Biel. Yes. I think it was Chloe. Oh, Chloe. Chloe, nipples, and then Kim Basinger, who's referred to as bitch more times than her real name. The bitch has more kick in her. He does call her a bitch a lot.

She gets called a bitch twice in the span of 10 seconds by a guy she murders. She doesn't even have power at the end. But there was a really... I was like, there was a moment when she's killing the main bad guy in the car at the end with her handcuffs and the husband's back. He's like, don't look, don't look. I was like, you felt like she was like, she finally, like enough is enough. She was a badass though because when she slices the guy in the one artery... That was a great move. She kills two people. She...

Kim Basinger takes two lives in this movie. She claims two human souls for herself. And Chris Evans, no lives. Chris Evans, no. No, no. Chris Evans is responsible for dozens of civilian deaths in the multiple car pileups. Like a car explodes because he leaves it in the middle of the street. He causes a highway pileup.

pile up so like at least 12 people are dead i will say like i thought the car scenes were legitimately well directed well shot yes i was like whoa they were like kind of cool but by the way the time when they started using those weird uh or not weird but the um the cameras that faced the driver that were on the hood yeah sure yeah right that was like the beginning of that well uh just you know uh

the, the reason why I think it was directed so well as the, the director is like a stunt man. So basically he has like 77 stunt credits going back to 1976 and also has directed like sinks on a plane, final destination, shark night 3d. But, uh, the,

Part of the script was written by the Fast and Furious guy, Chris Morgan. He wrote... So this is kind of like his entry point into that kind of world. They did a good job of making L.A. Traffic one of the best villains. Oh, yeah. I love it. L.A. Traffic and random L.A. street construction. I love it.

I do love a movie where you're running through L.A. I'm like, oh, that school that he goes to, that's by my house. I was like, I know that school. Great, that's perfect. L.A. Center Studios. Yeah, L.A. Center Studios. Shout out to John Ennis. Yes. He's the security guard at the school. Who has a gun? Gun?

He has a fucking gun. This is an elementary school. And it's like a very private elementary school. And then oddly, his car is parked outside, but yet he was patrolling the hallways. It didn't look like he was coming in to get Chris Evans. Hey, can I make a statement of fact? Sure. The movie gets 54% better the second William H. Macy shows up. Oh, I agree. William H. Macy is awesome.

He is so fucking good in this movie. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Like, not a bad moment for him. I mean, this is the first time we hear him. And I just will play this clip too, because this is a great, this is how you're introduced to him.

I'm a cop and have been for 27 years, so let's just cut the bullshit, pal, because I've heard it all. Now, I ordered the rain shower with awapui. Don't tell me jojoba is awapui. I wasn't born yesterday. So I'm going to return the two cases and you will refund my money. Or maybe, maybe I should just drive down there and we can discuss this in person. No, no, no. I've got lufas out my ass. What I want is a refund.

That line could be from Magnolia. And that's what I kind of love about this movie is that Noah Emmerich, like I mentioned, he's in it too. And they're great together. I feel like they're all just playing different movies. There's a movie where it's like, William H. Macy is the, I just need to retire and open my day spa. But he's also doing comedy when he's getting the green face mask on. Hilarious. Hilarious comedy. I liked the idea of a cop.

procedural where the cop is just kind of he's not a super badass he's just kind of like going about his day doing his thing getting ready to retire and then just kind of has like a nagging feeling about this one I want that movie I don't need Chris Evans on the phone

When I used to live in an apartment in Hollywood and- Brag. Whatever. No big deal. I'll tell you the street when we're done. How many bedrooms in that thing? Two, baby. Nice. How many baths? One and a half. One and a half bath? William H. Macy-

owned the building across the street and he would come by and like inspect it while they were building and every time he came by it would derail my writing because i'd be with dave stasson writing and then for the next three hours we would just talk like william h macy's yeah no no this is my deal no no shep shep like for hours that's my william h macy story did you ever go out and talk to him no no no i don't want to bother the man he's a busy man i was a loser

He's outside. He clearly wants to be spoken to. He does. It's his fault. It's true. William H. Macy just, like, I feel like

You believe everything. Someone was talking to me last night. They're like, it's so you can, you know, you're watching a good or bad movie when you believe the cop in the movie. And I believed William H. Macy as this cop. 1 million percent. 1 million percent. Yeah. I wanted, I wanted so much more of him. He was so good. Every scene he was in was funny and cool. And Noah Emmerich as well. Yeah. Noah Emmerich. They're,

their kind of banter back and forth in the precinct, I was like, yes, I would like this cop movie, not the Jason Statham and his rogues gallery of bad guys cops. That precinct scene was crazy. Remember like the gang fight? The gang fight breaks out and then Chris Evans can't,

bring the phone upstairs because he might lose signal, but that's not how it works. No, but it's so odd. It's in this time where like, this is the time where they were making movies when technology is kind of on the cusp. It's like, how does the internet work? What is hacking? What is cell phones? Like when they're doing that thing about, wow, the cell phone could take video. They show this like Nokia that there's no way, like you were playing like that, like snake.

It looks like Tetris. Yeah, like there's no way that you're getting like crystal clear, like TV level video. But that was like the future that they predicted. But then when he goes into a tunnel, he's like, oh, tunnel! I can't do it! But yet he like makes a real big turn into the tunnel. Unnecessarily big turn. Also, this movie would have been five minutes long if people just believed women. Okay.

No, I mean, everyone is so like, okay, great prank. Oh yeah. Oh, you're a lady. You've been kidnapped. Unbelievable. I got another woman call. Oh,

All my friends pranking me with their kid. I mean, that's the thing. It's like, why are you like, why would that be the first go to? Like, oh yeah, you got me again. Hey Jerry, get this. He says a woman's been kidnapped. Get out of here. Go upstairs to the robbery department. Like he's so cavalier about it. Like, and like, I've also been to a police precinct. They don't just let you wander around. Like, no, why don't you just make your way?

Make your way up there, bud. And then that other weird moment of that guy being like, are you a homicide detective? No, I'm a victim. Yeah. Okay.

The idea. He's just wandering in the precinct while nobody is in the police precinct. When the fight breaks out on the first floor, every available policeman goes to that fight. And he's like, what happened? I was following a report. But that's these comedy pops, which I go back and forth between loving and hating. I kind of love the lawyer who was.

so aggressive. I hated him at first, but then in the end, I was like, ah, I love this man. I mean, he's just working it. He's just like pitching a million jokes. Oh, he's throwing a lot of shit at the wall and some of it's sticking. I gotta tell you, it is. Like, it is. I'm like, all right, I'm down. He says at one point to Sherry Shepard, he's like, he's, well, because Sherry Shepard's running the deep, like the impound. Yeah. And he's like,

I got car jacked. That's when a jack off takes your car. That's a good one. And his license plate is like, I will sue you. And I loved that he's talking to his mom about how he got the Porsche. The partners gave him a Porsche and it goes zero to 60 and whatever, three seconds. And it drops the panties in like, like four seconds. And then he's like, okay. He goes, okay, mom, I got to call you back. That's good. I think that is good. That was the best joke ever.

That was the best joke for me in the movie. The joke that I liked was... Because I was like, I get that guy. Because I also talked to my mom about getting that puss. Also, everyone knows girls love nothing more than a car. Yeah. I don't remember my wife or like obsessed with cars. Oh, yeah. By the way, I didn't even think it was that like cool of a car. It's just like a bluish Porsche. There were so many Porsches in this movie. Yeah. I love that he liked that Porsche so much he had to go steal it back.

He steals a car. And then he goes like, what a crazy plot twist. Now you got to go to the inbound. To steal it so you can get the cell phone? Yeah. And all because he sees a tow truck with the same, and he, it's so crazy. That flashback moment. We have to back it up. Remember, remember, remember. He is on the phone with Kim Basinger, life and death.

Somehow, it's very rare, but the lines did get crossed. Literally crossed. Literally crossed like they're on a switchboard in 19... Like it's fucking Lily Tomlin pulling shit. Okay. She's like, I'll have Chelsea 459, please. Yeah. Connecting. And the lawyer is so irritated. He's like, hey, get the fuck off my line. I'm talking to my fucking mom about pussy over here. Hey, guys. Wait. Okay. So let's just say the lines do get crossed. Okay. Yeah.

He drives past this lawyer. And by telling he's on the... Seeing he's on the phone, he can tell that that is the person whose lines he's crossed with. The odds are in the trillion... I mean, first of all, no, there's no odds. The odds are zero. It's impossible. But if it was, the fact that you would drive past... They say every movie gets one miracle. This is like... It's impossible. For a movie that should make a lot of sense...

It doesn't make a lot of sense. It should be a very clean story, but it doesn't. No, because no one is telling anyone where to go, what to do. Like the cops are don't care. No one is doing their job well. So you have to like, like, well, the cops didn't work. So now you get back in a car. I got to find this place. Another police precinct. Stop a cop.

Anywhere. Anywhere. There are so many opportunities to intercede in this life or death situation. And instead, Chris Evans commits multiple crimes, points a gun at people, steals cars, causes huge car pileups. He's actually terrible at this. He's having a crime spree. And there's a certain point where they say, we need to bring...

along because he will recognize him. Like, oh, just put on the TV because he's already been like all over the place.

All over the news. Well, he made Macy just recognized him on television. He saw him on the news. Yeah. There's plenty of footage of this guy who's a straight up villain. And then they have to do a thing. At least the news media would assume he's a villain. And they have to have like this reporter go, but he seemed to be doing something good. He paid for his charger. Oh, yeah. He paid for the charger, which you don't really even see in that scene when he goes into the

That TV cellular fucking store sketch. I think I saw me and Frank Caliendo in the background. It's...

It's so crazy. He walks into the store. It's so crowded. And then he goes, the only thing I can do to get this thing is bring in my gun and threaten everyone in the store. He also shoots a thing on a post. Rather than just grab one and run out, rather than steal...

He goes, he gets a gun. He shoots the gun at the take a number counter thing. Yeah. Which means a bullet is being fired at like chest level in this store. In a crowded store. Then he pays for it. For a man who's never shot a gun. I mean, that's the other thing too. Throw $20 on the counter, take the thing and walk out. That's it. Is it even his phone?

Isn't it his friend's phone? It's his friend's phone. His friend's like, I got this. No, I think it's his phone that his friend was amazed at. He's doing perps and technology. By the way, why didn't Eric Christian Olsen come in at the end? I felt like that would have been a great little... Dressed as the fucking whale. As the whale. The big whale. Heal the bay. And that's always a good move that girls appreciate. When you're dressed as a blue whale and you tell them how a blue whale has an 11-foot penis. That's how I met my wife. Oh, I like it when a dick goes right through my mouth.

I like to blow a guy two rooms over. I think the women are turned on by a man in a big mascot costume. They know, oh, this guy's going somewhere. That we know because the Philly fanatic is dripping in pussy. Hey, can I just say my two favorite cameos? Not cameos, but just small parts. One is Mikey Palmisi from The Sopranos. Oh, wait. He was... Fuck.

I can't remember. I was really stoned when I watched this. He was in it. But at the end, Dat Fan. What? Dat Fan is in this? Dat Fan. He's the man. He's the caricature. What? Yeah, that is Dat Fan. He's in it like four times. Yes. Dat Fan, the original winner of like- Last Comic Standing. Last Comic Standing. A controversial choice for him to win because-

There was a lot of, is he funny? Is he not? I didn't realize that that was Dat Phan. That's Dat Phan. His name is Dat Phan. Oh, wow. And that phone call was also so crazy because he picks up a payphone as if someone forced him to pick up the payphone. He's doing caricatures and he's like,

oh, I'm losing money. I'm losing money now. Like no one made you go over to the payphone. Every second I'm on this phone call is one kid that is not being drawn on a skateboard. Do you understand? There is more attention paid to Dat Phan's caricaturist career on the boardwalk in Venice than William H. Macy's day spa plans in retirement.

There's something that really, truly bothered me so deeply in this movie. And it's when Chris Evans is running away from,

from somebody and they started playing a Nina Simone song. Yeah. And I thought, I can't believe they have the gall to put this song in here. And then I realized it was a SoulCycle remix. Remix. And then I was like, well, now it makes sense. They just somehow made this amazing song. Bold choice to take the song that ends famously the Thomas Crown Affair. That's like very, I think a famous scene from a big movie. It'd just be like, we're just going to fucking do a remix. Oh yeah. But less interesting. Yeah.

I mean, that's what I think this movie is. That's what this movie is. Yeah. This movie is let's take a bunch of good things and make them shittier. Yeah.

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There was a line that I really liked and I don't remember the full line, but like Jason Statham gives like Kim Basinger a couple of choices and A was shut up. Hey, shut up. Keep your mouth shut. Just like Fernando Valenzuela after he left the Dodgers and gave a shitty interview to Bill Plasky in the LA Times, which I fucking subscribe to.

Which I read every week just for Jonathan Gold's reviews of San Gabriel Valley Chinese restaurant. He's a regional treasure, isn't he? Dim sum is my favourite thing. I'm going for a hike in Griffith Park, I am. Then we're going to Chengdu Palace afterwards. You're going to love it. They've got fucking lobsters right in the tank.

Did you guys wonder what was going to... I love Jason Statham, Angelino. I remember when Maroon 5 was called Katie's Flowers and they were just a band in high school. Let's finish this up. I got to see Dan Cook do a set at Dublin tonight. Fucking rock star he is.

Do you guys, like, with his character, I was surprised. I thought they were going to maybe go for the fact that Kim Basinger was going to be the bad person, or she knew more than she was letting on. Right. And then I was like, what is it? What is it? She didn't. And then she didn't. And then I thought, oh, her husband's going to be really bad. A bad guy, yeah. And he isn't. He was just filming a home he might buy. He's a real estate agent. Who?

is like going like who does my favorite thing like he basically catches cops on camera killing somebody in broad fucking daylight broad daylight and not even hidden like so he's out in front of LA Center Studios which is a place where people shoot things down here uh and he has the movie Drive famously yes and every like season of 24 uh

Inception as well. And he has a camera. He goes, hi, this is Bill Peters here. He's narrating it, but he introduces himself. This is Ricky Martin Sr. And this is a beautiful apartment building. I would love it if his name was Ricky Martin Sr. That would have been such a good callback. He says Sr. in his own video.

That would be amazing. This is Ricky Martin Sr. for Ricky Martin Sr. We got two Ricky Martin the Beats out here. Take a shot. Take a shot.

It's a fully operational, like, class C building. Oh, it's a big, it's a big, big building. And he's taping it. And then he just kind of hears something. And the camera pans, I would say, five feet to the right. They're next, they're in front of the building he's looking at, basically. In front of a beautiful building. Murdering a bunch of Latino men in broad daylight. In front of the lobby of a building. And by the way, how...

fucking cops were there. It was like nine cops. The whole force. The whole force. It was everybody. It was like, you know what they were like? They were like, you know what? The shield is good, but what if there were twice as many people? And some of them were from England. Was the implication that they were taking their drugs and their money? Yes. Because they did put a big duffel bag in the car, but it was hilarious because I think what you could have done is kept the twist that Noah Emmerich was bad, but

until the end, but he's there too. Yeah. Everyone's there. That should have been the last thing is him being like, no, no one will know. I'm Noah Emmerich. And then no, it's like, he's just there. And then why did they even put that one cop in Kim Basinger's house? Like the lady cop? Yeah. Why was the lady cop in the house?

do anything. What did she need to do? I assume in case the husband came back or somebody came nosing around. But she did hit the answering machine immediately. Yeah, the answering machine was part of that. I feel like they had her there just to see. But also, didn't Kim say... Kim, we're on first name basis. KB?

Didn't KB say something at some point where she said, someone's going to call the cops because I didn't show up for work? Yes. She was lying. Never looked into it. Apparently, everybody had a substitute science teacher that day. Well, I mean, she didn't seem like she was even going to school. She was like... Mrs. Ricky Martin hasn't showed up today. What?

Oh, is she on tour with Ricky Martin? The other teachers are just savagely mocking her. Which one is Ricky Martin? No, he's on the Lord of the Rings backpack. Which clearly this movie was produced by the same people who made Lord of the Rings. New Light Cinema. Yeah, New Light Cinema. Because it wasn't even a cool Lord of the Rings backpack. It was just like the logo on a backpack. Like no kid would be like attracted to the logo of Lord of the Rings. I imagine like the production coordinator call or like whoever called the studio was like, hey, can we get one with Gandalf?

Gandalf on it. And they're like, no. And they're like, well, how about one with like Sam? And they're like, no, get the generic logo or fuck off. We read your script. You only get the logo. You get the logo. That's it. This came out in 2004. I wonder if Lord of the Rings was even in production. They may just had the logo at that point. They're like, we got to seed this in. I thought the first one already had come out. It might have. Yeah. They also had a weird amount of office Depot product placement at the beginning.

if you remember. She was like trying to say like, can you help me with the, he was like, I'll do anything. Well, how about you pass out these flyers? It was in a massive office Depot box. And then on top of it, she said, I got these made at office Depot. Yeah.

Yeah, and she says like, Jessica Bills is like, those shirts are sitting at Office Depot. I didn't even know that Office Depot made shirts. The one on Vine, parking and back. It's actually easy. Walk to Tender Greens if you get hungry. Which is exactly what Jason Statham would know. Whenever I'm at the Ork, like having a movie, I'll go to Amoeba, but first I'll get a little bit of Tender Greens. I love to get O.J. V. Deason's Criterion Collections of EP. I remember when there used to be a boy.

this bookstore across the street. I'm going to try to watch all this Umami Burger then. You guys get to go to Ground Wax and get me coffee. What's all this Umami Burger burger then? Oh, I love Madame Tussauds right then. What I do is I go to Madame Tussauds, Ripley's, have a cocktail, Mousseau and Frank's, and then I stop at Umami Burger.

Oh, for me, it's the chicken parm at Dan Tanner's. Old school Los Angeles. First, we'll stop at the taco truck. My favorite is over by that CVS in Echo Park. I heard Dimitri's leaving Sunset Plaza. I love these LA jokes are just for us, you fucking turds. You know what else was bonkers is that

15 story slide that Oh my god Where he would die instantly Into a soft pile of garbage Industrial garbage There's never been soft garbage by the way Hard stuff always sneaks in the soft pile By the way that was a garbage can Full of blankets And like discarded carpet It was so weird Why is there so much carpet They were just making a cotton candy house Yeah

My kids have been in harder bounce castles than that. Oh, my God. That was a crazy fall. It looked fun. Oh, I would definitely do it. But then he went down there to examine the phone, which fell off the 15th. Yeah, it is broken. No shit, man. It's a thousand pieces. You need to run, man. Hold up the motherboard.

It is indeed broken. He looks at the motherboard like as if maybe it still works. He looks at it like maybe. He longingly looks at it like, oh. Like he's going to say like hello into it or something. According to the logic of the movie, he could make it. He didn't try hard enough to make that work. He could just take two other pieces and knock them together. And theoretically it'll start working again. Another cameo I noticed. The bank teller.

Oh, who's the bank teller? She's the woman from Total Recall who goes, two weeks. Oh my God. Two weeks. That's her. This is a cast of thousands. Also, was there a woman in a movie

A woman in a car playing loud music that was also the lady from something about Mary. That's Lin Shay. By the way, that was another great moment where her music is so loud that it's coming through his cell phone. It's crazy. I'm telling you, the guy who wrote the movie Cellular didn't do a quick Google search on Cellular and how it works and what it means. And when he was trying desperately to find the mute button, you could see him opening up multiple screens to find the mute button.

That really pleased me. I like that a lot. There was, what did I write down? Oh, when we get to the end and like everyone's on the pier. I can't. By the way, I want to make a call out to our amazing listeners. You did it for us for Escape from LA. You actually mapped out on Google Maps what

how long it would take to get around because this movie, they are at LAX. They're downtown, LAX, then they're running the beach. They're everywhere. This is a very... They park and they're always able to park right next to wherever they're going, right in front of, and the car is waiting for them when they get out. There's not a police officer screaming at them anymore.

Immediately. I have been to the Santa Monica Pier ten times. I have parked no closer than two miles away. Oh, you can. Unless you leave at seven in the morning to get down there. What I do is I park at the Fairmont and then I get validated at Sharky's. All you've got to do is buy free things. I buy a pack of gum, a pint.

You always want a pint, lady. And of course I need my fish tacos. He loves fish tacos. Not as good as Jones Beach, but they'll do. Me and the fam are going up to Dana Point this week. Go Dodgers!

The newscasters at one point... Stop and get a dodger, dog. One of the newscasters... I saw bloody Larry King there last week. I said, how are you, mate? The best bagels in LA are definitely Brooklyn Water Bagels. Larry King, pod owner. That's crazy. I'm actually bagel broker guy. I'll get there early. If you're there after eight, don't bother. Fuck it.

I bought a place in Atwater. It tripled its price in three years. I'm flipping houses in Glassell Park. Highland Park's a new hot spot. Have you been to Triple Boom Pizza? Onster all the way, baby. And not the bullshit one on Vine. The old school one out by the cemetery. Yeah, where I bring my kids and get their haircuts and their little munchkins. We're just naming things we do in our lives.

There is a newscasters at one point also said this, and I didn't know if this is, I'm not an LA person, but I've never heard this term. It was a gangland slam, which I didn't know. Like, it sounded like an order at Denny's. Like, well, like it was like, is that like, there's, there's so much gangland violence that they have. Like this name is a gangland slam. Like, I don't know even what that is trying to tell me. Also strange to put this like really dark,

LA Confidential style B story or whatever of cops murdering and stealing from gangs and gangs getting almost the blame for it and then ignore it completely. Yeah. No, that's the least interesting part in this movie. In this movie, the most interesting part is cellular phones. Driving and talking on the phone. More, more, more. That was another joke. Yelling at another being on their cell phone. Yeah. By the way. Come on. While you're on the cell phone.

He gives up the coolest car right away. He's in that cool Jeep in the beginning. Yeah. And he downgrades almost every time. Yeah. Until he goes back to steal the car for a second time. To work out something that I don't even quite understand. It was like, Oh, when he's explaining tech now, Oh, this is a great little moment when he explains technology to this is Jason Statham and Chris Evans explaining technology. How did you get this number? Well, modern technology is amazing. You know, my phone remembers the last 50 incoming calls. What do you want?

I want the woman and her family. Okay, now let me tell you what I want. I want you to tell me where you are right now or bad things are gonna happen to this little family. Sorry doesn't work that way. You're playing with fire, kid. Yeah, and you know what? You're lucky I'm still talking to you, sorry-ass, all right? From here on out, you do as I say. Exactly as I say or I slap this bitch on Nightline and call it a day, okay?

That's the intensity you're getting at all times. By the way, I really am hearing Statham's accent there too. But that's like the big reveal, like this phone holds 50 of my last calls. Yeah, was Nokia a producer on this? Make sure to remember, you tell them the 50 calls. Yeah, really plug it. And the video was great. I mean, Nokia is psyched because they, at the end, when it's revealed that he used his phone to tape the footage on the Handycam device,

to then show it to the cops. The footage is amazing. Amazing. But it also, it...

I had this big question at the end. He dives into a large body of water with a phone on him and then takes that phone out at the end and then shows the video. It's a new waterproof Nokia. It's waterproof. Don't worry. Jump in. He doesn't take it out of a bag. He doesn't do anything. He jumps into the ocean with the phone and then pulls out and is like, here's the video. Click. Perfect. My iPhone 8 was in a light rain and exploded.

I went on a log flume and I was in my pocket and protected and it stopped working. When I saw Chris Evans in an ear Bluetooth, whatever they're called, a jawbone, I retroactively lost all attraction to him. In Captain America, all movies, I couldn't deal with him. Because he's on the

beach undercover. He's wearing like a gray hooded because actually he looks more like you can see him more because he's the only guy wearing like a full outfit. Like everyone's like shirts off on their phones. Ready for Portland in December. And he's just longingly staring off into the beach. It was a terrible ending to this plan of like, like,

I mean, what is the plan? Because he doesn't have any help. So what is his plan? To hide in a boathouse, which has never in the history of anywhere in Los Angeles existed. I know of one in the Venice Canal, actually. My friend's got one. We head down there. We stop on Abbot Kinney and get coffee, and then we go down to the houseboat. You guys like pressed juices? Yeah.

The one good thing that Nokia... Goodbye, Jelena, and have a nice meal before we hit the... Creation, as long as you don't mind waiting in line for a few minutes. Squash blossom pizza. The best use of the Nokia was the credits. Oh. The credits themselves. Oh, my God. What they do is they take a scene from the movie where someone's looking at the phone, and then they pop a shot of...

crew. Yeah. So it looks like Chris Evans is like amused because he's looking at film, but then he sees like editor, you know, Paul Jackson. And they do it for about four minutes longer than they should have. It takes a long time. The screen is so, so small. It's basically doubling the length of your credits because you're not just showing the credit, you're showing a character in the movie reacting to this person. Yeah, you're...

And showing us parts of the movie that we've already seen and been explained to Kim Passenger. It's also about as entertaining as the movie. Like it has like the same like weight.

Do you think that Jessica Biel and him are going to be okay at the end? Do you feel like they're going to have a good relationship? After what he's been through? Yeah. I think he's learned a couple of things, my friend. About what's really important. How is she going to get over him saying, I have no idea who this person is? Oh, she's so upset. That was cold blooded. When the fucking, like people who look like they're about to kill him. She's like, you're embarrassed by me? Like, no, get the fuck out of here. Leave the room, Biel. Yeah.

Read the room. I don't want to keep going back to this boathouse, but I really, for a long time, couldn't believe how... It was like the scene in Jaws when you meet the shark hunter. Yeah. Yeah, it's like...

Full Cape Cod, harpoons, shit that you never see in Los Angeles. And by the way- Like old nets. And by the way, this movie is hypothesizing. Nets from Ireland? This is literally underneath the Santa Monica Pier, the most populated pier in LA, like under a fucking Ferris wheel. It's like a fishing cottage. With like surfboards and boogie boards. Half bottle, half drunk bottles of water stolen from the trunk of my car. That would never be intact.

That place would be clean the fuck out. Wait a second. How valuable is this water? What are you rolling around with? I love that they took a half full bottle. You go to the gym, you drink half the bottle, you put it in the trunk.

You go somewhere, park your car, they disappear. That is amazing. It's a huge problem in Los Angeles. Jason Statham knows. And by the way, it's a very anticlimactic fight scene. Like this is your final fight scene. It's like just people are kind of rolling around on the sand. It's like, I don't know. Happening over across octopus hooks. Yeah.

I mean, William H. Macy does do that thing in both scenes where he does that kind of like flying, like that flying. There's a distraction. Yeah. Something else distracts the bad guy and he jumps out and fires. Bill Macy's the wrong actor to do that because he's so funny. Even when he's sad, he's like, and you think of the fucking Bill from Blue Nights going, like jumping with the gun. You need Bill Macy to be like the Bill Macy. You need him to be like Reginald Vell Johnson at the end of Die Hard. Like almost afraid to be like, because he never,

held a gun before. You need to be like, this is exactly why I want to open a spa. And he says, this is the first 27 years and I've never had to do this shit. After he murdered a cop. After he murders a police officer and then murders more. He's like,

Jeez Louise. I couldn't quite tell what he was feeling about the murder. Like, did he seem like, oh shit, it was a cop or oh shit, it was a person. Like there's a part where it felt like, well, at least it was a cop that, cause we can deal with that on our side, but it's still a human being that you kill. No, I think he really was like, what have I gotten myself into? This is really wild. And well, that EMT, and by the way, I maybe am just like combining it. Cause that EMT was really bad when he was checking him out and going, I'll go, your skin is gangrene. It's like, Hmm.

you can't leave. That's a face mask. And I'm like, this is a bad EMT. Like, why do you think that? Wait, did he say gangrene? He said gangrene. He's like, your tissue is gangrene. And he goes, oh, no, no, no. That's a face mask.

See, Algie. You managed to contract gangrene in 30 seconds for the first time in years. Somebody should have said to that EMT, hey, Chad, I'm going to need to talk to you over here for a second. Do you not know that gangrene has to set in over time? Chad, what did I tell you? Wash off their skin before you make assumptions about gangrene. Chad, this is L.A. where everybody's got an avocado mask on all the time. Someone say L.A.? That's my hometown. Which farmer's market do you go to? I go to Studio City, actually.

I go by the dry bar. Have them give me a blowout. Every Halloween, you can count me at Mr. Bones. I love that guy. I follow him to the valley, to Griffith Park. Mr. Bone, Boney Island. That's where I'm at. Fountain is the best way across town is what I found.

Can I ask you guys something as bros? Yeah. I don't want to. Yeah, you got the best bros in the biz. I know I got the best bros in the biz. Hold on. Let me just do some pushups. Okay, I'm ready to go. I'm going to do a crunch. When you

When you're a Lakers fan... Keep talking. All right. You automatically, with your other bros and tons of other bros, go and buy a... In Los Angeles, the hottest place on the planet, a full...

long-sleeved leather Lakers jacket. Yes, I do. Yes, I do. Got to support the team. Signed by bloody Robert Horry. I would never wear a leather-sleeved, letterman-styled jacket for the Lakers. I would wait to be gifted it from my bros. By the way,

By the way, that jacket, the ugliest jacket ever, and two people wearing it. The same jacket in a 30-foot vicinity of the airport. Remember how long we had to wait to find out that it was the wrong white guy? Oh, yeah. He throws him in the bathroom. I wanted to be in there. I wanted the camera to follow in. I'm like, what? No, because he just comes out and goes, you got the wrong guy.

Also, I would also love what's that conversation like? That's what I want to see. Yeah. Give me a real airport bathroom. Have that conversation while you hear the worst shits. I also like this. The worst gas. They are all ticketless going through the security checkpoint. They had a boarding pass, but nobody was there.

but no ID. No ID. That's impossible. And what was his name? Chris Evans Steel. Chris Evans' gun. Mr. Clouseau. Mr. Jacques. Yes. Jacques Clouseau. Wait, did they say Jacques Clouseau? No. Clouseau. Not yet. Well, it's an obvious nod to the King Panther. This is the spiritual sequel to the King Panther, I think. Spiritual sequel. He puts his security guard gun

he realizes he has it on him. So he puts it into Jason Statham's bin. Smart move, by the way, I thought. I like that. That didn't even pay off. He's like, oh, I'm a cop. Cops can't also still bring guns into the airport, right? But he learned he's a cop. Oh, that's right. But he didn't do it intentionally. Like it was all happening. It was just an accident. It was a happy accident. He happened to be there at the right time to catch it. I'm going to put this gun in here and see what happens. But everybody at the security checkpoint is like, oh, okay, cool. Yeah. Oh,

Yeah, oh, your cop. It's just a loose gun here that doesn't belong to any of you guys. Well, I mean, look, there's a lot of bold choices in this movie. I would also say that when Kim Basinger decided to drive the car into, like, through the edge of the garage, I'm like, are you also a structural engineer that you know that when you drive, she drove through it in a way that she clipped off a corner of it that could have collapsed the entire garage. It was really dangerous. It could have killed the kid easily. Why not just drive through the front door? And hope the kid jumps. Honey,

Honey, hide behind the armoire. The rickety, rotten armoire. Stand behind this lawn chair while I demolish the structure you're in. I wish that the ladies from Great Gardens were also in that house at the same time. What's going on?

Running around with a sparkler. By the way, you know what? My outfit of the day. The most unrealistic scene about the LAX security scene was no one stopped. Chris Evans said, none of the TSA workers said, where do I know you from? Because that happens a lot. Or what happens to me, which is I like your hair better in your picture. Oh, that's not. Thank you. Oh, thank you. It's 7.15 AM. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you for hair shaming me. Thank you. It,

made me really mad because clearly that wasn't LAX and even that version of LAX is nicer than the remodel that's currently happening at LAX. Well, I mean, you know, I do like the theming of left field, the great LAX bar, left field, the themed, the themed, just a cage in the middle.

An airport. You guys don't go to left field at LAX a lot? Do you know which one I love? Oh, we love it. I love Rock and Brews, which is owned by a member of KISS. Yes. And one time- What terminal is it in? Four. Four, yes. Okay. The UTA was having some sort of pre-go-to-sundance party at Rock and Brews, and the guy from KISS showed up to- Which one? Ace? Gene? Paul? I got it. No, it's- I'll tell you. The other guy. Yeah. Rock and Brews is owned by, let me see.

That's when you're walking past it at 6.04 a.m. and you hear, like, you ain't seen nothing yet. And you're like, oh.

But yeah, he was out there taking some portraits. Left field. Also, if you're going to give a fake bar restaurant at an airport, they always have names like Altitudes. Paul Stanley. It was Paul Stanley. And there actually are... Gene Simmons is also part owner. Of course he is. He's a piece of shit. He's getting into everything. He's awful. I saw a... Sorry, I don't follow sports. Do we have the... Are the Kings our hockey team? Yes. Okay, I saw an LA Kings...

celebration party at the Southwest terminal at like 6. AM. I don't know if they weren't there. Were there? No, but they had the Stanley. Did they win the Stanley cup? Like two years ago, they had the Stanley cup and they had to look up was in LA at the Southwest terminal and then there were cheerleaders. And then there was a breast cancer awareness ribbon colored, like, um, uh,

that you would walk under to get to your flight. Nothing. Like ham fisting 8,000 different celebrations. It's a cascade of emotions. I feel like, I don't, I don't want the, I don't want the hockey fans to come after me, but I feel like the Stanley cup gets passed to anyone for any event for that year. It's like, can I quickly have it? I just want to do this thing about breast cancer and, uh, and the scrambled eggs and Southwest. Oh yeah. Keep it for two. Um, LAX is hell. Uh,

So it's the Southwest Airlines is the official airline of the Washington Capitals. Oh, and they helped deliver the city's first Stanley Cup. Oh, no, that's a, yeah, that's no. Okay. Did you also read that this was made into a fictionalized novel? No.

No. Someone wrote it into a book. After it came out? Yeah. October 2014 is what I wrote. Did this movie do well? Okay, well, let's talk about it. All right, so the budget for this movie. Do you guys want to take a guess at what the budget was? I'll say $25 million. I'll say $35 million. Yeah, I would say, I'm going to go in the middle. I'm going to do it Price is Right style. I'm going to go $27.5 million. It was a very exuberant time. It was $25 million. Ooh.

The opening weekend, it made $10 million. Domestic gross, $32 million. Worldwide gross, $56 million. So this is an $80 million movie. It made $80 million. Is that a success? I don't know. I don't understand if that's a success or not. I don't know. Depends how much they spent on P&A. I bet at that time this was a success. I bet so, too, because the standard was so much lower. Roger Ebert gave this movie.

Three and a half stars. Whoa. What was the upside? I just looked at a couple reviews just to see how it was reviewed. And they were pretty, it was actually pretty well reviewed. 55% on Rotten Tomatoes. So it's a right, foomp, right in the middle. Right there, yeah. And it's like, you know, a lot of the reviews said, oh, it's just fun. It's a fun, lighthearted caper. But it was not so lighthearted. It wasn't lighthearted enough, I thought.

If it's going to be a lighthearted caper, I need to have moments. I can't have moments in the movie where I have to stop and think about why this is happening. Like what the logic is between. No, I mean, it's perfectly stupid in a fun way. I'll tell you two other facts and I'll read some of these reviews here. Sean William Scott was going to be

the lead for yes and I think that would have been interesting to me to see Sean because he would have played up the comedy of it a lot more yeah he would have he would have seemed also more kind of hapless and harried which could have been funny yeah but also he couldn't have been in the scene with Eric Christian Olsen because they're the same person I always but when he first came out when I would see their face be like oh that's oh no well obviously we had opinions about it but there are people out there with a different opinion it is now time for second opinions

The movie was a piece of shit Yet this person recommends it Tell me what is the message Maybe that art is subjective I need a second opinion

All right, these are five-star reviews. Cole from Amazon.com. That was Jon LeJoy singing our second opinion song. All right, so there are 339 reviews for this movie. 50% are five-star. And so here are some of these 50%. Oh, wow. Yeah, this one is from Christy K. James titled, I Love This Movie.

I don't know what it is about Cellular, but I watch it every couple of months and I never get tired of it. Without question, Chris Evans is adorable, but he's also a really good actor. And the predicament that he finds himself in, well, let's just say he rises to the challenge and becomes a hero, whether he wanted it in the beginning or not.

All in all, though, I couldn't be happier to recommend this movie to anyone. Except for the moment of complete insanity, which makes no sense and destroys the reality we're living in. I thought it was fun. This one was written in 2018 by Christine and Jeff. They're a couple. It's a couple reviewing a movie. Another one.

And told...

Everywhere in America where strangers come to the aids of others in trouble, only in America, the true red, white, and blue. Now, white strangers, it should be said. White strangers will do something for other white strangers. And this final one is from Arlene, which is, she writes this, back in the day, this is a great movie. Still, compared to some of the stuff out now, it's a great movie.

I wonder what she's seen recently. She's like, shit. Back then it was good and now it was good. I just imagine her watching, I don't know, Deadpool being like, I wish this was cellular. The tagline of this movie, if the signal dies, so does she. Hey, good tagline. This is the thing about this movie. It's

I mean, we just talked about it for a long period of time. There's a lot to unpack, but it's one of those movies that like, if it was on TBS, you'd be like, oh yeah. I'll watch it. Also, if it was just like, if it was like 20,

20% better it would be like good oh like there's choices that they make 20 oh you're in the right thing if you just played this moment differently if you just had him say this if you the tone was it would actually be good 20% better makes it like speed like you know on that level where you're like oh I'm all in because speed is ultimately super stupid it's like a bus is a bomb it's like if you were if

but executed. But the stakes are so clear. This one is so like diffuse because there's so many independent players that they have to pay attention to. And it's also like, she doesn't know where she is. So he can't get any, all they can do is like, the movie is predicated on the fact that the, the bad guys have to keep on going out and running errands and he's got to intercept them at errands. They always are coming back to the house and be like, all right, let's go. We're going. We're going to the bank. Uh,

I've never run more than two errands in Los Angeles in a day. It's not possible. I've run six. I hit Rite Aid. I hit L'Arche-Mart Beauty. I went to Groundworks, got some fresh coffee. Stopped by Mr. Turk, got a new shirt. Picked up a baguette from L'Arche-Mart Wine and Cheese and went to Wells Fargo. All in one bleeding afternoon. If it's me, I'm soping at the In-N-Out on Sunset for a double-double animal style so that I can have enough energy. The half menu is off-items.

All right. So, well, I guess I... Before I go to the Grove so I can watch Mario Lopez do Access Hollywood Live from the Grove. You can catch him just doing it, sitting there with some of the best names in Hollywood. Here's a stater tip. Get lunch at the farmer's market because it's cheaper and you get better cultural foods than if you get one of the restaurants inside the Grove proper.

Then you can also get, then you are also allowed to park in the gru, in the farmer's market's parking lot. Oh, I'm going to, I'm going to warn you, it's tough to find spots there. Any time between 11 and 2, you're better off parking P4. The new LACMA is fantastic. The rain room, I got fucking what was going on. It didn't rain on me. Have you been to the bloody Brode? Yeah.

You know what? I'll tell you the truth. The finest private art collection in the world is at the Brogue. I love going to Pasadena Playhouse. They have a lot of great stuff there. It's better than the Almanson. The Almanson Theatre. What I'll do is sometimes I'll go to Pasadena in the morning on a Sunday and I'll go to the big swap meeting. Huntington Gardens. Huntington Gardens and I'll stay and watch a show that night. Perfect Pasadena Sunday.

You know, it's controversial. I liked Hamilton much more when it was playing at Pantages Theatre than when it was playing in New York. It just is the lead. The lead is there. I've got to go. I'm seeing Andy Kindler at Largo tonight, aren't I? Largo. I'll talk to Griff Rea at the door and maybe I'll see Flanny over there.

He's a real comics comic, Andy Kin. There he is. So one thing I will say before we kind of decide whether we're going to recommend it, which I don't know how that will go. And before we do an hour more of Statham doing LA specifics. I think we have a new podcast, guys. Statham in LA. Statham is LA. What about this final line where Kim Basinger comes up to him? And it's like this moment where...

She's like, look, you know, she touches his face and it's like this. She's like, well, if I could ever do anything for you, you know, he's like, never call me again. Never call me again, bitch. That's your name, right, bitch? That's what he referred to you as the whole time. Should I call you Mrs. Ricky Martin or bitch?

But like to me, like that's a moment that we're the, this is that, that moment like sums up the movie to me where it's like, it should have been like a laugh line, but it's delivered too serious. It's like, he's like, yeah, never fucking call me again. I look at him and I would shake her. It's like how I would play. Yeah. I look at her and go, yeah, never call me again. Yeah. Yeah.

The first time they've ever been in a room together too. Yeah, like, oh my God, you're alive. Thank you guys for saving my life. Whatever it is, we've been through it. Can you imagine co-starring in a movie and you have literally, you shoot 10 minutes together and that's it. Never fucking call me again. And I didn't like the fact that Chris Evans had to save her at the end. Like, let her have that one kill. Yeah. Let her have that. She was doing it. She's fine. Meanwhile, that guy, when he was dead in the car seat, he was like, he looked like a guy when you pretend to sleep. Right.

Like, he looked a little fake asleep. And then he woke up.

Must kill gun. I have one thing I just looked up from Pat Cadigan, who is the authoress of Cellular, the book. I just want to say a couple things. Shout out to her. She does look like Bette Midler in Hocus Pocus. Oh, my God. She apparently was the queen of cyberpunk in the 90s.

And also used to work for Hallmark Cards, writing greeting cards. So I think that pretty much sums it all up. And by the way, if you want to just keep on going down the cellular rabbit hole, in 2008, a Chinese remake was made and it was called Connected. So we can really go, you can read it, you can see the different versions. Ike, would you recommend this movie?

To watch it for the way that we watched it. It's a tough one. It's a tough one. I'm going to say, for the purposes of this show, if you're a fan of this show, I'm not going to recommend it. Okay. I'm not. I think like the last time I was on, we did On the Line. Yes. I recommend On the Line because it's so bonkers and off. Yeah. Every mistake you can make in a movie they make. And you can really get stoned and drunk. Turkey sandwich. Turkey sandwich. God bless. Yeah.

But this one, I think you will find yourself in this weird in-between thing where you're like, I want to laugh at this because it's so bad, but William H. Macy won't let me. I know. The performances kind of bring you back. And even Chris Evans is good. He's good. He's fine. There's no digs on anything but just the way it's all put together. Yeah. So I would not recommend it. Aaron? I'm...

I'm going to say what made me angry about this movie is that it isn't bad enough to earn the fact that I then couldn't sleep afterwards because I was so amped up over suspense that was not deserved. My husband was making fun of me. He fell right to sleep and I was like, I feel like I watched an action movie that I didn't

So for that reason, I would say no. Do not watch it, especially if you're like me and you can't handle any suspense. You will not go to bed till 2 a.m. like I did. I love that it kept you on the edge of your seat. Jason? No, I agree. It never kind of tips into being very fun.

The performances, I agree, are good, but it's just not... It's so little, it's so thin and so diffuse because they're spreading it all around that it's not fun. You never kind of get lost in it. You're just kind of like, oh, I guess now we're going to do this. And I agree, like...

There's a couple of ways that you're like, oh, if you had just made this more about William H. Macy doing his thing, it would have been a better movie. Or if they had just done a little less, I don't know. It just felt like episodic in a way that was never settled into like a movie I wanted to be watching. I...

I watch this on an airplane, and I really... You know, airplanes travel in movies, really. I can forgive so much stuff. And I just... I think I enjoyed it. I think we watched so much kind of hard-to-get-through, like, dreck, you know, that sometimes, like, when it's light and airy like this, I'm like, oh, there's enough...

fun stuff in it. But yes, it's not something I would go out of my way to be like, you got to see it because this scene is crazy. It's fun for this. I think you're going to get just as much out of hearing us watch it. We've watched it for you. We've taken the bullet here. You don't have to watch this now. You're welcome. But I'll tell you this much. You asked about, was it successful? It came in, it was the 80th,

seventh film of the year. So that's where it came in out of all the movies made in 2007, the top three of 2004, Shrek two, Spider-Man two and passion of the Christ. This movie was beaten by the movies that we did on this podcast, Van Helsing, Catwoman and sky captain in the world of tomorrow. So that is what it, what it is. Passion of the Christ has the same Ricky Martin joke though.

though. But they do it better. They do it better because they take the music out and they do a little bit of the same thing. They give the joke the appropriate gravity. Um, cause it's punch is pilot saying. Yeah. Oh, what's your name? Ricky Martin. Kill him. Uh,

Ike, since we last had you on the show, you've become a gigantic movie star. You've made your own movies. This is exciting to have you back. All right, so we've talked a little bit about The Oath, which will be available on video on demand. You can find it there. Apple, Amazon, whatever your preference is. Do you want to give a short pitch for what the movie is? Do you know how...

Everything sucks now. Yeah. Right. I wanted to make a movie that was basically that and really encapsulate like a family falling apart during the holidays and fighting about politics. And, but it's funny. Yes. Very funny. It's fucking scary. It's uncomfortable. You want to talk about a tension movie. Like that's a, yeah. You'll be, you'll be like annoyed with me when you watch it.

But it's everything I've been feeling in the past three years in a 90-minute movie. With an insane cast. Oh, my God. Tiffany Haddish, John Cho, Billy Magnuson, Carrie Brownstein, so many great people. And I think it's something different that you'll really enjoy. I love it. All right, so The Oath, check it out on Video On Demand right now. Erin, your book is fantastic. Your podcast is fantastic. I do cellular for feminists, essentially. Talk about hard things.

You guys have been on the road like all the time. People can follow, find you on the road, like through your web. Do you have a website where people can find you? Yeah, throwingshade.com and feminasty.com for the book. Now, did you read the audio book of your book? Yeah. I have not. Was that an interesting experience? It was four to five hours a day of just talking. And I had the flu. So what was crazy is I had this oregano spray that I had to use. And it was like, have you ever taken oregano pills? They burn. So I had to like burn. I was just like,

constantly trying to open my nasal passages. So it was fun. You can't hear that I'm sick, but I was super sick. And tell us what the book is about or your elevator pitch for the book. It's a feminist manifesto slash comedic essay book

For women who are either currently mad or don't understand why they're mad, I'm kind of distilling every way we're marginalized in like funny little essays and some depressing facts. Yeah, there's some depressing facts. Look at this, Throwing Shape podcast. Look at this. Can you hear this? Subscribed.

Oh, wow. And it's such a good podcast. I'm going to listen to it on my way home. Uh, it's so good. Well, I'm so glad to have you both here. Uh, Jason, thank you so much. Bye dudes. People want to also, you know, that Grayson Frankie is hitting Netflix right now. A brand new season just dropped today. That's right. Catch June in all the episodes. It's another great season. RuPaul is in it this season. Yeah. RuPaul and June together in a scene. It's amazing. Have you ever heard our episode of what's the tea? It's pretty insane. Uh,

Also, my brand new show, Black Monday, premieres on Sunday on Showtime. For the next 10 weeks, we'll be airing. It's me, Don Cheadle, Andrew Rannells, Regina Hall. I think you'll really like this show. It's funny. It's crazy. It's got some really dramatic moments in it. It's something that's very, very different. Co-created by David Kasp, who created Happy Endings, and Jordan Cahan. I think you'll like this show. I have a smaller part in the pilot, but grow as the season goes on. It's really, really fun. And a big...

thanks to Kelly Alto for all of her help here putting together this episode. Averill Halle for pulling all of our great clips. Nate Kiley for doing all of our research. Devin engineering the shit out of it. Everybody here at Earwolf, especially Cody and

we thank you all. We will see you next week for a mini episode. If there was something that we didn't talk about in this show, give us a call and we will talk about it there. Or if you just want to ask me life advice, we can do that there as well. We will see you next week on How Did This Get Made? A mini episode. How Did This Get Made? Here we go.

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