Matinee Monday: Freejack LIVE! (w/ Jessica St. Clair & Phoebe Robinson)
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Howdy.

Hello people of Earth! Hello people of New York City!

We are here and we are so excited to be a town hall part of the New York Comedy Festival to talk to you about a very important movie. Free Jack. It is our future. Why did we pick Free Jack in New York? Well, because there's no better New York movie than Free Jack. This movie lives and breathes New York.

It's like a Woody Allen movie where New York is a character, New York is Free Jack. Ladies and gentlemen, to talk to me tonight about this movie, my co-host, please welcome Jason Manzoukas! What's up, jerks? New York City! How you feeling? How's that balcony? That's right.

I tried to make the balcony tops off exclusive. Shot down. They are bottoms off, though. That's the cool thing. It makes people more comfortable because you can't readily see it. Jason. Freejack.

Free Jack. I will tell you that seeing this commercial on TV as a child, I thought I was in store for a race car movie of some kind. I thought that race car driving was too... Well, the commercial that I... Why? Neither Free nor Jack connotes a race car. Oh, because he's a race car driver. Yes. God. When I was a kid in the commercials, I didn't see this movie in the theater, thank God. I...

I uh, but when I saw the commercials it felt like he's a race car driver and he's in the future and I was like oh when I was first watching it I was like oh well clearly they're gonna use his body as a race car driver. No. You thought they were gonna turn his oh to like race in the future? Oh yeah. Yeah. That's what I assumed at the beginning I was like oh there must be some sort of future race they need him to win. 100%. 100%. Some sort of master race.

That they're trying to get to for some sort of, I don't know, like final solution to a problem. That stuff both sounds familiar, though. Yeah, this is an interesting movie. Is it, though? Is it interesting?

I'm not sure. I know for a lot of people, you know, they always say, well, I would love to see Mick Jagger and Anthony Hopkins, Sir Anthony Hopkins, share the screen, and you finally get that here. Our guest co-host, you know her from episodes like Pluto Nash. She is fantastically funny and amazing actress, comedian. Please welcome Jessica St. Clair! Woo! Woo!

Yes! A high kick! A high kick! For those of you listening, Jessica just performed a high kick on the level of Jean-Claude Van Damme. That's all right. Earlier, when we showed the Jean-Claude Van Damme buns thing, and he was doing the splits, you said, I can do that, so, if you wouldn't mind. Come on, man. Do not be...

everybody feel bad they can't do it here also I don't want to break my vagina wide open yeah that was what would happen we who knows who knows what would come out you don't want anything to fall out or jump in why would you try to jump in I'm not saying me but you would I guarantee one of these weirdos would be like fuck it I'm getting in there oh I want to come out like a little baby I want I want Jesse to be my mommy

And then you would have to take care of the audience members. I'd have to care for it. For 18 years. Yeah. Until I was 36. Jessica, I know that you have strong opinions about movies that take place in the future. Oh.

Specifically dystopian futures. They make you sick. I knew it. You know, you guys gave me a couple movies to watch this weekend and I thought one of them is going to be in the goddamn future and there's going to be trash can fires and people with their boobs out hanging out of windows and stupid cars and dumb haircuts. In this instance,

The boobs are all painted, which was weird. Yeah. I didn't care for that. Fucking weird. You know what I don't want on my boobs? Paint. A bunch of fucking paint. Yeah, exactly. Tell it to Mystique. I don't like unattractive. You know what? I will tell it to Mystique. Where is she? Ladies and gentlemen, Mystique. The actual Mystique, not the actress that played her in the movie.

Just somebody morphs into like a blue creature in the front row. The actual... Raven. Actual mystique. Doesn't matter. Let's keep moving. Tonight we have a very special guest. She is amazing. She is an author. Wrote a book called You Can't Touch My Hair and Other Things I Still Have to Explain. She is one of the co-hosts of the Too Dope Queens podcast. Also, the So Many White Guys podcast. Please welcome Phoebe Robinson! Yeah!

Welcome Phoebe. So excited to have you here. I'm pumped. I should have worn my shapewear. I didn't prepare for this. Got a little poof here. Little food baby. I feel like I need to let a button open. But then what are you bastards trying to crawl in my bathroom? One lucky audience member.

is going to get to crawl into St. Clair's vagina and live there for one day.

And then we are going to deliver you tomorrow like a baby, swaddle you, sleep train you. That's right. You're, like, talking about things that, like, really rich men on the Upper East Side do. Like, it's like, ooh, I want to be swaddled. I want to be swaddled. Yep, and sleep trained. Phoebe. Yes. Free Jack. Is this a type of movie that you're interested in? No. Or where does this fall on your scale of movies? Do you like future movies? Do you like... I don't...

I like future movies, but I was watching this and I was like, this got made so easily. And we still don't have like a Harriet Tubman biopic. Like, I don't know what we're doing. Yeah. Where's my Eleanor Roosevelt film? Right? Come on. Come on now. This movie was made in 1992, which even seems like, wow, it feels more 80s than that. I am shocked to find that out. Yeah. Yeah.

That is... I would have put this at like an 84 max. But I do believe that until 1994, no one asked questions. It was like, here's a script. Okay, we'll make it. Like, it was no... There was no... It was like, yeah, yeah, we're making these shitty movies. It just kind of happened. Yeah. I got anxious during the credits.

Because the names that were being thrown out there were very incongruous. Is that the word? It was Emilio Estevez. Okay. Okay, for the time. Men at work. Mighty Ducks. No? Yes? Sure. Okay. I mean, like, The Breakfast Club. Great. The Breakfast Club. Mick Jagger. Weird. Okay. Rene Russo.

and then Anthony Hopkins. Great. That's fucking weird. Yeah. You should have known that that was a bad stew. Yeah, that's a bad episode of The Love Boat. I mean, that is... Those people do not go together. On that, I will disagree. That is... That might be a great episode. ...the greatest episode of The Love Boat. I would say it's the greatest episode of Fantasy Island. Bad episode of The Love Boat. This movie could have been Fantasy Island. LAUGHTER

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Guy with one... Let's just sit with this. Let's just enjoy this silence together. So the movie was made in 1992, but it takes place in 2009. And right out of the gate, I'm like, I feel uncomfortable. I don't like Emilio's relationship with Rene Russo at all. I thought it was so cute. You liked it?

I thought it was cute. I was like, yeah, she's showing thigh meat. She's like into him. I liked it. Her bangs are bigger than his head in the first scene. Yeah. And her gigantic scrunchie. Yeah. And I'm not interested in that mommy relationship. Yeah. She's a full head taller than him. Yeah. And she's in flats. Yeah. And I think at a certain point he might have come out of her vagina. Absolutely.

Absolutely. Well, what I thought was interesting too was clearly at one point they did reshoots and they didn't care to match her hair. Because in the first part of the movie you see her and she's got something going on with these bangs. And then later on in the same scene she's wearing a hat and it's almost as if she went to like got her hair done between Emilio like leaving her and Sherm watching him at the track.

But no effort to fix continuity. Well, then 18 years later, she looks exactly the same. Yeah, yeah. No one aged. She ages. She's meant to have aged 18 years. She's got good genes. I was into it. I'm team Rene Russo all the way. By the way, I am also... I like Rene Russo. I didn't like... I didn't think...

That she was good enough for or I didn't think that Amelia was good enough for her. Okay. Yeah. Like I think she's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was fully on board for like her being like over him. Yeah. When he gets to the future, I feel like she should have been like, well, I'm in love with like a normal person now. Yeah. Not like the young boy that you still are. Yeah. Like their relationship in the future is arguably inappropriate. Yeah.

Yeah. No, I think it's okay because he's like early 20s. I just hate it when they reunited on the bed and she was like, I'm older now. And it's like, fuck you. Fuck you.

But, like, I think we can all agree the idea of, like, an older woman and a younger man is gross. And if you reverse it, like, an older man and a younger woman... Cute. Hot. Very cool. Cool, ladies. But there was a line that he said to her, like, in that bedroom scene where he was like, what happened to us?

the 18 years that you weren't here, that kind of happened to us. Like, he seemingly has no, like, consequence to it. When they are having sex in that scene, correct me if I'm wrong, one of the things they flash to is his car exploding. Was that a flash? So while they're, I think, while they're having sex, one and or both of them are coming while thinking about his death. Oh.

That is the only assumption I can make due to that particular bit of visual juxtaposition. I feel like they were like, we spent so much money blowing up this car, we're going to cut to it at least eight times. Yeah, half the time. Like, we got to get our money's worth on one special effect. Because they cut to it, like, even at the end when he's merging brains with Anthony Hopkins. On the giant jack? Yeah.

Yeah. The giant toy of a jack. Like, there was an episode, and I'm dating myself and saying that, I watched this episode of Happy Days one time, where, like, Mork and the Fonz, like, changed brains, and the instrumentation in that episode looked more, like, futuristic than what was going on in this movie that took place in 1992. But, like, even in that sequence, he only flashes to such a small part of his life, the car crash being a majority of it. Yeah, yeah.

And it's like, no images from him being a child. It was just like, only for the last 72 hours. They didn't want to shoot it. He could only have flashbacks to things we've already seen. They should have just put a onesie on him and I would have bought him as a baby because he's so fucking tiny. Stop explaining your sexual fantasies to us. Are you saying that Emilio Estevez's full-size Emilio should be in a onesie? Yes. I love it. And I would buy

I would buy it as a baby. I also would have loved it if there was just a quick shot of Charlie Sheen. Yes. Wait a minute. Today's podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. I love Squarespace. I'm in the middle of trying to balance my business life and my real life. This work-life balance, it's tough. But Squarespace has been helping me by giving me the tools to reach my goals and have time to celebrate. That's right. Squarespace is the all-in-one website.

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Speaking of just things that didn't really work here, I'm going to go out and say that Mick Jagger, not a helmet guy. Interesting. I don't think he can pull off a helmet. That's your takeaway from the performance. The helmet's not right, but everything else, great. The performance besides the helmet was on the mic. It was reminiscent of when Mike Dukakis wore a helmet on that tank.

Because it's also similarly little guy, big helmet. Yeah. It's like kind of like incongruous. Yeah, yeah. You know what? If you listen, because Mick Jagger doesn't have a lot of lines, right? Which is fine. And I think he does have a great stage presence. Okay, I think we can all agree on that. But Mick Jagger,

Most of the audio in his scenes is the sound of leather on leather. It's just like squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak. And then he's like, I'm going to get you, squeak. I mean, he is wearing...

Like, I don't think that he was costumed as much as like, I'm like, if you told me every outfit in this movie he wore like on like the voodoo lounge tour. Yeah, he brought it. That's like Mick Jagger's wardrobe. Like, he didn't seem futuristic because I'm like, yeah, he wears all that leather all the time. Maybe that lapel is a little bit different. But besides that, but I found it weird. Like he was the bad guy. Whose bad guy was he?

He was working for Anthony Hopkins number two. Yes. For Hopkins, because Hopkins calls him off after he... From Mike Ehrmantraut from Better Call Saul. Okay, so he was working for, what's his name? James... Jonathan Banks. Jonathan Banks. Who is also working for Hopkins. So they're both working for Hopkins, but Jonathan Banks is making a power grab. Yes, he's going rogue. Because at a certain point, Jonathan Banks' guys were all in blue suits and had laser guns, and Mick Jagger's group had like...

and were in black suits. That's right. And I was like, who are these fucking other guys? Yeah. I thought we had like one bad guy and now I,

I don't know what's doing. Well, there's a lot going on that I think is unsaid because Mick Jagger to me and Emilio, they have this adversarial relationship but they've never met. It's like, aha, what do you think now, Furman or whatever his name is. Furlong. Isn't that what happens when you get laid off a government job? Furlow? Is that Furlow? Furlong. But his name is Furlong? Furlong. Also, in the movie,

at one point make the joke of both his name being Furlong and then the word Furlong, which I thought was really weird. Like you won't be Furlong for long. Yes. I think that was some version of the joke. I hated this movie. I just wrote down

I just wrote down like this is your two lead characters like it's uh Vincendic and Furlong it's like oh these are not like the worst names they're hard to pronounce and I felt like Mick Jagger was just doing an impression of Fred Armisen impersonating him like it made no sense I was like what the

is this? Well, this is, you know, by the way, bringing this up, Avril Haley, who pulls all of our clips, found this great interview of Mick Jagger that explains why he did this movie. For the money! And I will say that

This is, I think, again, I think there was a time before publicists came in to be like, oh, no, no, no. No. We're not going to ask that. And this falls in that, like, right at the end of it. So, and I'll say this. The clip works in a wave. You'll think it's over, and then it's going to pop in for the end. Here we go.

Oh.

Let me see it. So they said, well, I've got to know, we've got to know by next week because it starts shooting in three weeks. So I said, okay, I'll do it. So probably if I had six months to think about it, I probably would have turned it down and said, oh no, it's not quite the one I want. What was it like working with him? I enjoyed working with him. I thought it was a really good fun guy. We went out a few times, went to a few strip clubs in Atlanta. That's what we do in Atlanta. Okay, darling, I'm off to the strip club after work.

Oh, shit. I love that. Wait, so he went to strip clubs in Atlanta. In Atlanta with Emilio Estevelo. He likes...

He likes the dark chocolate. That's tight. That's tight. That's cool. Mick Jagger's like, we went to Magic City. I made it rain. We went to the Claremont and did all that nonsense. It was pretty extensive. Now that I know it was shot in Atlanta, I don't know why it makes me even sadder for Mick because he signs on to a movie. He has to be in Atlanta. It's all night shoots.

You know what I mean? And that's why he never did another movie. That's like he never appeared in another film. Is that right? Yeah. I mean, I don't have the research in front of me, but I don't think so. That's it for him. I think he did one other movie. And in all honesty, I think it's obvious, and we can all agree, I suspect everybody in this room, he kind of nailed it and doesn't ever need to perform again. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, it's like, I think Daniel Day-Lewis is currently like, okay, this new movie, this PTA movie, is it. I'm donezo. This is as good as it's gonna get. I can retire. Mick Jagger watches this movie and he's like, fucking crushed it. There is no role greater than Vesendik. I will just keep making very mediocre Rolling Stones records. What the fuck are you talking about, man?

Their latest stuff is better than any of that early stuff. Ay, ay, ay. There's one thing in this movie, there's a lot of things, but the cliche that I always love is when someone comes in from another time and it's nighttime, they don't recognize that the world has changed around them. Like, Marty McFly does that in, like, Back to the Future 2. It's like, his house has, like, bars on it, and he's like, huh.

huh, just walks in. And in his mind, Emilio's mind is like, I left my apartment this morning and there weren't trash can fires and my building wasn't burnt out. But again, it's nighttime, so I'm not really pulling it all in. I've done a lot of stuff at night. I am not losing all my surroundings. If I came home and my house was slightly on fire, I'm like, I don't remember that graffiti on my front door. I wouldn't be like, oh, I guess it has kids. But when he goes home

Like he's running through the street. People are shooting at him? Yeah. He is like, wait, does he first find Amanda Plummer's nun?

No, I think it goes home first. It goes to Julia's... Is that her name? Julia? Yeah, that's his house. I was convinced when the door opened it was going to be an old Rene Russo and old lady makeup. Me too. And I was very happy that wasn't the case. It was just this old black couple like, you're a free jack. And I was like, oh, Jesus. Oh, Jesus. You got to work in the title like that? You're a free jack. Oh, fuck. By the way, they have to work in the title so many times because the title...

It should be like, you're a bodyjacker. Like, bodyjacker is a thing. Like a hijack. You've hijacked a body. What is it? You know, it's like they bring people at the moment they're going to die to the future so that the rich can transfer their consciousness into those bodies for, to gain immortality-ish, right? But what does that mean? You never age? But why are they free? Is it because they're not paying for it? Like,

But first of all, the free jacking, I guess it's like you're free jacking. You're like, you're freely taking someone's life. You guys, you guys, just stop. It's not worth it. It's not worth it, y'all. No, no, no, no, no, no. We're going to get to the bottom of this. So I'm Anthony Hopkins. I'm like, okay, I'm dying. I need a young body to transfer my consciousness into. I like that idea. So I can continue to live. Got it. Right.

What's that person called that we're bringing from the past till now? Okay, huh? Freejack? Why? Don't know. It just came to me. Done. It should be like free lifer. Bodyjack. It should be called bodyjack. How about a new guy?

New guy. How about like, how about like, Free body. Blank slate. Yeah. How about tabula rasa? But all right, well, as we're figuring out that, why is Mick Jagger's people called Bone Jackers? Why are they called Bone Jackers? I don't even know that. They're not jacket, they're, I mean. For a brief moment, I thought they were called Bone Jaggers. Bone Jagger, that's a good name to call somebody. And I was furious. Ah!

I was like, fuck you, movie. I already hate you. And now you've got something called Bone Jaggers that Mick Jagger runs? Fuck you. By the way, I would have loved that in the future Mick Jagger is a...

a bone jack. Like, he was like, I left music behind after my solo album and now I'm just this. I'm this guy. But I thought body jacker, again, that's what he should be. He's the body jacker. Like you're hijacking someone's body. Yeah. Body jack. That works better than body jack. Can I just ask you

question though because so but that also has like vaguely sexual connotations to it a bone jacker yeah and a body jacket oh man bone jacker is bone jacker is much more sexual than body jack i'm like i get it i thought emilio's name was gonna be jack uh-huh and then it was alex and i was like i'm immediately like thrown for a loop like i had to recover for several and everybody knows

Everybody knows because those people that he goes to the apartment to find, they're like, you're a freejack. So that's something that exists enough. Do we ever meet another freejack? No, but it seems like this is the first time a freejack has gone wrong. Yes. Why do they want to kill you, though?

They want to just capture him. They need the body. But why does, so for instance, the couple that says you're a freejack, get out of here. Why don't, why do they want to kill, why don't they want to have any association with him? Because people are no doubt coming for him probably. Yeah, they give him a behind him. He's probably bringing trouble. I think you're probably told like you can't hang with freejackers. All right.

I don't know. We're filling a lot of holes here. To me, I feel like it is that future jargon that someone's like, yeah, yeah, free jacket. Got it, yeah, got it. It's like control, alt, save. We got it. It's good. Let the eggheads figure this out. What made it hard was that, what's his name? Jonathan Banks had his own army that was called something else.

And so they were constantly all showing... It was very muddy to me because they were all constantly showing up at all the same fights. Yeah. And I couldn't tell... Mick Jagger's guys were shooting Jonathan Banks' guys and I was like, I think they're working for the same people? I don't know. I didn't like this movie. No. No.

There was also, talking about weird names, the spiritual switchboard. Yeah. Which... Got a lot of questions about this. Yeah. So the spiritual switchboard is literally a place where I guess your body is held in spiritual stasis?

Or I guess... You can switch minds? Yeah, so I guess you would bring a free jack... That's where the minds are switched. You'd bring a brain-dead free jacker in there. Yeah. And then you make them touch the jack. Oh! Maybe the giant jack is a free jack. No! No!

Holy shit. Guys. That or the costume. Whoa, whoa. That would be like the art department's like, free jack. Make it a big jack. Make it a jack. No, I think that's why it's in the shape of a jack. Yes. That's fucking so stupid. That is, that's, this is like as revelatory as the Rudy Reindeer Games reveal. That is, if that's why it's in the shape of a jack, I'm now incensed. Yeah.

Full disclosure, my computer ran out of power right after Anthony Hopkins said I did it because I was in love with you, which I thought, oh, I get that. Can you fast forward, Paul, to the end where we see the jack? But then you told me nothing else happens that is of interest after that, and it turns out the entire movie comes together in a gigantic jack, so fuck you! Well, I mean, the free jack happens, and then this scene happens after the free jack. You're no longer needed here, asshole.

McCandless is no more. Wait. That's the Jack! There's the Jack! Oh, it's been blown up. It's been blown up. Nice try, Mark. And I made it. I completed the transfer. Don't you give me that shit. Shoot him, Vesendik. He tried to assassinate me. Take orders from a free Jack? Is he McCandless? Damn it, of course I'm McCandless.

What the fuck is going on? This is so stupid. Six. What? Correct! Six!

And I know, I do know, moments later he does say some more numbers, but when he said six and Mick Jagger said correct, I almost jumped out a window. I was like, you fucking movie just ruined my life. What's his personal ID number? In the future, six. By the way, also...

Loving the choice in that scene where Emilio is kind of doing a British accent but kind of not. It's like walking a line like,

I'm affecting something. Right. But you're not going to be able to figure it out exactly. But if you jumped into someone else's body, you wouldn't just bring your accent with you. Yeah, it makes no sense. Wait, so in that scene, is he in someone else's? Oh, well that, all right, so you think he is, and then this is the final scene. You told me nothing happens.

You said don't worry about it, nothing happens. I thought it would be better for this to happen. If I didn't know what the fuck was going on! I chose the show. So this is how the movie ends. Oh, by the way, why are they in an antique car? I mean, there's... What, what, what, what, why? What the fuck is that about? There's so much stuff going on with this. And they're also dressed old-timey.

It's so stupid and the driver of the car was also like an old timey outfit as well. Here we go. Is that you? Nibble my ear. Wait a minute, how'd you get the ID done right? He didn't. I lied. He was not close. Get the fuck out of here. Are we really gonna do this? Stranger things have happened. Now come on, buckle up. Let's see what this baby will do.

Not much. How dare you? Not much because it's a very old car. How dare you? And by the way, that's the way the movie ends. I just want to say this. The audacity to think that nibble on my ear was so important to the audience to fucking bring it back at the end. Like, see a nice button. We all get it. No. Wait, I would have loved it if he was like, if he was like, you're dumped.

You're dumped. You're too old for me. It's gross. Like, I just won. I'm like, I'm in the future now. I got a lot of Bob shit. You're dumped. I got shit going on. You know, I'm a free jack. You know, ladies love a free jack. What?

Why is Mick Jagger their friend now? Why? That's the relationship that makes no sense. They're adversarial, like, aha, you're a good... There's no basis to why they're against each other, why they're for each other. I get why he says... I can understand the logic of saying Emilio Estevez says the number and he says he's right so they can shoot Jonathan Banks. Got it, okay? Because that's his main competitor at that point.

But why keep these two dildos alive?

Why not just kill them as well and seize power? Because he showed him humanity. In this future world, people kill all the time. And Emilio was like, you know what, buddy? I'm not going to kill you. And then... Wait, Emilio could have killed Mick? Yeah. That's why Mick Jagger does that thing. He's like, I'm going to give you a five-minute head start. And then starts counting by seconds. Yeah. He's like, one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi.

He's counting to 300 with his hands over his eyes. His whole team has lost respect for him. I was like, all I want in this movie is for this five minutes to be in real time. 333 Mississippi. 334 Mississippi. We gotta go. We gotta go. I told them I would give them five minutes.

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I also wrote down that this movie felt like every scene was like someone off camera was like, you know what? Don't do it at full speed. We'll just do it rehearsed. Just say the lines. Just say the lines. We're just going to rehearse it. We're just going to rehearse it. Yeah, you guys had a long night at Temptations. You know, Mick is scratching.

And we're not sure. It all just seems like sleepy. Yeah, it does. Maybe that's what it is. The nights at strip clubs with Mick Jagger come to set a little punchy. A little loose. I will tell you this. 40% of the movie was reshot. What? So you're telling me there's a worse version of this movie. By the way. That exists. Not worth it. The movie had a terrible test screening.

And Emilio said that the director focused too much on action, so they brought in the producer to add more character and humor. And they wound up reshooting 40% of the movie. 40%. And this producer, who didn't go on to direct anything else after that, that's what he did.

40% that is such a waste of money just be like you know what let's cut our losses just release it yeah it's over yeah and by the way what's so wrong about action like like that seems to me like okay like oh movie was all action okay I will say this I didn't buy Emilio as an action star so when he kept running I'm like that's not him running

He doesn't seem like a tough guy at all. He's too frail. He also never seemed really scared. He's cocky. When he's supposed to be like, what's going on in the world? Instead of being like, really, he's kind of like,

What's going on? Yeah. As if, like, he came home and his roommates had, like, rearranged the furniture. Yeah. Like, everything, his level is that level of, like, hang on. He's like that guy you break up with because you're just like, I just want to see some life. You know what I mean? Yeah. And...

And what? Nothing. Nothing. No life from him. He's like, I get it. Yeah. The guy that I want to see a whole movie about is Boone, Rene Russo's bodyguard. Driver, always in a turtle. That guy's the best. Lethal weapon, die hard. Yep. Kills it.

He fucking carries a samurai sword and a machine gun. That guy's the best. I was very confused where that samurai sword came from and when he did the training for that move. That was fucking insane. He was shot...

Then they take a moment. The camera's like, let's enjoy this moment where you massacre someone. And he just takes out that sword. He's like, and you feel it plunge in to this dead man. I love that guy. I would have watched a whole movie about that guy. Me too. And so much more than Emilio Estevez. Boone did do one suspect thing, which was like, he held his gun down

Like, his arm was like that. I feel like that's not a good position. Like, if you're like... Yeah. Yeah, you should maybe be like this. You know? It just seems like an odd...

It just seems like an opposition. But you know what? He's the fucking best. He's directing himself in these scenes, I'm pretty sure. Let me ask you this, because this has really confused me. So he is guarding Rene Russo. Yes. Who is working for Anthony Hopkins. But she doesn't realize that Anthony is bad news bears. Okay, because... So aren't...

Isn't every single character in the movie, with the exception of Emilio Estevez, working for Anthony Hopkins? No matter what uniforms they're wearing, no matter who they're fighting, no matter what's going on, they're all on the same side except for him. Yes. Some guys are on the books. Some guys are off the books. Yes.

Their communication, their phone tree is terrible. They're not communicating well at all. They're like shooting each other and instead should be like, wait, wait, wait, same side, same side. Let's team up. We can get them if we team up. No, we're going to massacre each other? Okay, cool, fine. It's like playing like a multiplayer like Halo game or something. It's like, we're all on the same team, but then you're getting a lot of friendly fire. What was up with the suicide? I wrote that down. What is that?

A billboard that just advertises suicide. Yeah, I think it was like maybe like a suicide hotline or something. But it just felt, or suicide awareness. Was it awareness? I think, let's go back, but I think it was suicide awareness. I'm like, this is not very, suicide assistance.

Oh, that's fucking weird. You know what I mean? So it's like... So they're cavorting it up. Yeah, like a future in which... That's what they think 2009 is, is just like suicide assistance all over the fucking place. And it was... And I looked at it and it felt like it was written in the Coke font. Yeah. So it was like, oh, suicide is as big as Coke in 2009. Yeah. Yeah.

Which it was. And why? Battery Park is so close to Park Slope, right? No. Well, I mean, they're just across, right? Oh, oh, oh, I mean, not, yes, yes, yes. And yet, Battery Park is trees. So Tony. Yeah, it's just bizarre that they're not sharing the same. And Park Slope, as you all know, as New Yorkers, is not a nice place to live. No.

Park Slope between being like in Hal Ashby's The Landlord, like a very downtrodden neighborhood to 2009 in this movie, undergoes like a real up and down. Yeah. Can we talk about Fabergé eggs? Yeah, that is...

you know what in 80s movies they're always stealing faberge eggs risky business yeah there i feel like there's been other fabric because i feel like okay but when did our family do you know like our fabric eggs they're not made of they're not eggshells right no right because that crack so easily yeah he's like get out of my office god damn it i'm like what

I'm like, what? Yeah, no, I feel like that would be a heavy... Yeah. We're Faberge eggs. Just catch it and then put it back on your desk. Maybe a jewel falls out of it. But it's intact. That fell apart. I mean, maybe the side plot is that he bought some bad Faberge eggs. Yeah. Why did... Why have we decided... My kid made that! Why have we decided that Faberge eggs are the universal symbol of something priceless? I don't know.

I think my relatives in South Philly had a couple of those Fabergé eggs. Wait, what? No. Yes, right? No, no, no. Wow. With like the Limoges, you know, like the shepherd. With a shepherd girl? No, they had like Yadro figurines. Yadros. Isn't that the same as a Fabergé egg?

What are you... You're acting like you've seen one. Where have you seen a Fabergé egg? Where? Your family. Never. Imported them for a priest. No family has... Nobody has Fabergé eggs. Yeah. Have you lost your mind? You're saying like, oh, my family had Fabergé eggs and Hummel figurines. Same. Are you insane? That is categorically impossible.

Fabergé eggs are something that only... How fucking expensive is a Fabergé egg? Fabergé eggs were made between 1885 and 1917. They were made for the Russian czars, Alexander III, Nicholas II, as Easter gifts for their wives and mothers. How many of them are in South Philly?

Just a quick count. How many are currently in South Philly? I will tell you this. So there are 65 known Fabergé eggs. Okay, I get it now. Only 57 have survived to the present day. 10 are displayed in the Kremlin.

Okay, okay. So that leaves how many? That leaves some 40 odd. So I'm so wrong. Yes, you are so wrong. I'm so sorry. You're incredibly wrong. I'm so sorry. You are outrageously wrong. Wait a second. You just said on the podcast, I think my family in South Philly has a couple of Faberge eggs at their home in South Philly.

Let me just say something. Yin's don't have any Faberge eggs in South Philly.

I will say that Wikipedia... Don't worry about it, hon. Wikipedia does account for every single one, but... Except for one! There is one that was just found in the U.S. At Grandma Sinclair's house. And bought by a private collector. The third Imperial Easter egg of 1887 was... It's not me! It's not me! I'm allergic to eggs! That's the irony! You just sit there petting it.

Oh, my egg. Oh, you hatched a knife. So are we convinced that you don't have any Faberge eggs? Yeah. And we settled that. Do we want to, should we get your South Philly family on the phone?

They're like, oh, Jessica, those are some like, what are they, tender memories or what are those called? Yes, that's what I'm thinking. When you go to Hallmark, to the Hallmark store. Yeah, when you go to the Hallmark store and you buy a Faberge egg. I put, I put my. When you go to a Spencer Gifts and you get a Faberge egg.

And you put it on your mantle like a fucking moron? Have you lost your mind? I put my Faberge egg next to my statue of Jesus playing hockey. It's really lovely. Next to my trophy that says most meals with dad. A trophy I earned. Most meals.

Guys, we're having fun. What if when he grabbed the egg, he was like, I got this from the Sinclair family in South Philly. You guys don't know. Isn't that one of the new plot lines of the next Indiana Jones movie? Yeah. Is that Indiana Jones is trying to break into a house in South Philly to fucking get one of the only unaccounted for Faberge eggs.

We may have our couches covered in plastic, still, but we also have Faberge eggs. Suck my dick. You're living a lie. There are two characters that I want to talk about and I feel like, um, I'll just play this clip and then we'll talk about it. Here we go. I have to watch this again. Great. The River Rat. This guy, the River Rat. The ancient riddle. What's the point?

Have you ever seen an eagle flying back to his home with dinner from the missus and all the little eagle babies? And he's flying against the wind, and he's flying in rain, and he's flying through bullets and all kinds of hell. And then right at that moment, he's about to get back to his nest. He says, "Oh, what the fuck? It's a drag being an eagle." And right then, two little X's comes across his eyes, just like in the old-fashioned cartoons, and he goes plunging down.

By the way, that's clearly a reshoot scene, right? Yes. That was a scene that they were like, that fills up two minutes. All right, great.

That monologue means nothing to the movie. What does it mean? It means nothing. Nothing, right? I am adding that to my list of monologues that I do at auditions. Yes! In addition to the one from Miami Connection about the guy that gets the letter. And now this, because these are unbelievable. That guy, I mean, the Riverrack guy, I mean, literally, like...

I can't think of a scene that has less to do with anything. It's sort of like a character moment. It's a weird... What do you think he's telling? What's the metaphor? I can't figure it out. Yeah, what's he trying to communicate? I don't know. Does anybody know? Nerds?

Hold on, hold on. Let's go to this guy. This guy looks like a... He's wearing a shirt with a button down, so he looks pretty cool. Say your name. Max. Max, okay. What does the monologue of the river rat mean? So he's sitting next to him and he's complaining and he's like, I was in the river, I'm all wet. And he's like...

Here's an eagle that's got it bad too, that's struggling, and it feels sorry for itself for a second, and then dies. There's not really a connection there, but that's what he's telling you. That doesn't happen. He's saying, don't do that. That's what he's saying. You've got to cheat up or you're going to die too. He's saying, you're the eagle, you're going to die? No, he says... If you feel sorry for yourself and you sit here and you give up. Ah, I see. But we still have a national bird because the eagle doesn't give up? Is that what he's saying? Yeah. We what? Say it again.

USA. Oh, I'm sorry. Could this whole thing have not been this monologue and could he have just come upon him and he, Frankie Fezzan, could have gone, USA, USA. And it would have done the same thing. But to me, this movie is like Infinite Jest. You do need to like watch a scene, read a little bit about it, like get to the bottom of it. There's a lot of footnotes. Yeah. Yeah.

Honestly, I swear to God, not one person in this room has read Infinite Jest. My brother's favorite. You fucking nerds. You're lying. Those people that clapped are liars. It's like 2,000 pages, isn't it? It's like 7,000 pages. It never ends. And I'm just waiting for that sequel. Oh, Jason. What?

We shouldn't talk about it. I'm waiting for that sequel. No, oh, no. No? DFW, where's that sequel? Oh, no. The other guy I want to talk about is Nick Jack. It's called Finite Jest. It's a pamphlet. I do know he's dead.

The guy who works with Mick Jagger who has the one lens sunglass? Yes, and by the way- Is that Issa Morales? Both eyes work. Well that was the reveal! I thought he was gonna lie! That's crazy. That would be great and they position it like, "Ah!" It's like, "Oh, he's got both eyes." 'Cause you know what I thought to myself is, "That's a great idea if you don't have an eye."

Pop out a lens and then you don't have to worry about tying on a patch, right? Yeah. But no, but that was just a fashion statement again. Because for you, for you, a lot of the stress would be the tying on of the patch. Yeah. Yeah. Because you got it. Maybe it's too tight.

You know... Well, spoilers for the new Thor movie, but that patch just seems to sit there somehow without anything going around or anything. That's weird. Yeah, which I thought was weird. That's magic. Because everything else in the movie makes total sense. We should get to the audience. So obviously we have a lot of points, but I want to come to the audience, see what they have to think, and I'm going to ask you your name and who would you freejack?

And your question, okay? Paul, just a quick question. Just so we're clear, what is the definition of free jack? And I only say this because people can interpret it a couple of ways.

Oh, yeah. Not sexually. Don't freejack anyone sexually. Because I've got a quick list of people I'd like to freejack. Nobody wants to hear it. This is just whose body would you like to jump into? Well, that's kind of what I'm talking about. That still sounds bad. That's a lot of what I'm talking about. Now, feel what... I'll show you a picture of what I mean versus what you mean. I'm going to send you some websites. All of you, click on them.

Just blind click on everything I send. Your name? My name's Ryan. Okay, and who would you like to freejack? I would like to freejack... Oh, wow, that's hard. Jason Mantzoukas. He's not dead, though. All right. Wait, does that mean... So you have to know it has to be a dead person? No, no, that makes sense, because you'd have to... The person has to be about to die to freejack them. Right, and you're on death's door.

I am? Wait a minute. What's her name again? What do you know? All right, Ryan is going to free Jack Jason Manzoukas. Your question. So, at the end of the movie, I was watching the credits, and in the credits, they have a dialogue coach for Mick Jackson. Wait, what? He told me there was nothing at the end of this movie. Wait, so was he supposed to be doing...

An American accent? I wonder if they did an American accent and then it didn't work and they ADR'd his lines with his accent. Well, that's the thing because if you listen to the movie, his accent sounds absolutely bizarre. But when you see that he has a dialect, you're like, maybe he was trying to go...

He was pulling the Emilio Estevez at the end move where it's like, I'm kind of here and I'm kind of there. It feels like that's why his lines were a little sheepish, if you will. Like, it was like, I'm not fully here to commit to that. But why would he have to have an accent? That is cryptic. That is worth... That's a Blake Harris question. Yeah. All right. Wait, can I ask a question of this girl whose name I've forgotten again? It's Ryan. Ryan? Ryan?

Ryan? Ryan, what are you exactly planning to do with my body once you have it? Now I'm getting creeped out. I'm going to the other side. That took a turn. Great question, Ryan. Great question. All right, sir, what's your name? Who would you like to freejack in your question? My name's Dana, and I would freejack Kathy Ireland right before she made Necessary Roughness because I think that killed her career.

Kathy Ireland? Is that what you said? Her underwear's okay. Kathy Ireland, maybe her acting career, but her career is enormous. She's wildly successful. Don't judge a people's jack, okay? Okay, all right. You're right, you're right. Don't judge the jack. Don't judge the jack. Judge the game. All right, so here we go. All right, so Mick Jagger does the handprint lie detector thing

With the gentleman with the one-eyed lens. Yeah. Setting up what we think towards the end, when we have the switcheroo, it could come back into play. What happened to it? Well, I think what we've established is that he doesn't want, he wants them to get away. He doesn't want to prove that, right, you're saying he could have Emilio Estevez put his hand on it and say, who are you? I don't think he, he helps people.

He wants to help. He wants to help him lie. We still don't know why. Although I would be willing to guess that machine came back in the 40% of reshoots. Because why set it up to not have it

come back again. What I was hoping was going to come back was Mick Jagger playing video games. The most simplistic video game. Video games took a step back from 1992 in a major way. It was like Pong. And I didn't see Mick Jagger's character being like, tough day of bone jacking. Let me just get on my video game machine and just crank a couple out.

Sir, your name, your freejack, and your question. I'm Matt. I would freejack the league, I'd like to say. You'd freejack a TV show? Boy, we're having a lot of problems with our freejacks. Okay, so this illustrates a central problem. Right, we don't know what it is. That people fundamentally don't understand freejacking to a degree that this guy, keep in mind, back row of the balcony...

Would like to freejack a TV show that is no longer on the air. Okay, sir, you'll freejack a TV show. Your question? Can we talk about that taxi driver near the beginning? Hang on, hang on. I have a second question. First of all, yes, I'm his voice coach. You sound foreign. Yeah, I'm from Australia. Oh, God.

you dildos not come out so I've got to come in. Okay, fair. Did you come here just for this? I may have stayed a little bit longer just for this. Okay, good. I'll take it. Great. Well done. Did anybody travel from farther than Australia for this show? Where? Philly? That's the perfect answer. Where's your eggs? Show us your eggs. Show us your

Show us your eggs. Show us your eggs. Show us your eggs. Show us your eggs. Just kidding. Just kidding. We know they're in your ovaries. But if you jump into Jessica, you can also get one of her eggs. All right. Sir. I don't know.

Remember the taxi driver. So when Emilio lands into the future, he gets into this taxi. He has to give the guy the watch. And then he figures out that he's a freejack. And then he starts to shoot him. He tries to kill him. And Emilio outruns a bullet because he's an A1 race driver, I guess. I remember this. I don't know why the Australian wanted to know about it because it is a pointless scene and a pointless character. But you know what? Australians...

Your name, who do you want to freejack? That's right. I'm going to war with Australia. My name is Mel and I would probably freejack Oscar Wilde. Right. He's already dead. All right. Hey, Mel. Whoa. I feel like you were going real good and then it just, like Emilio Estevez just crashed into the wall. Hey, Mel, quick question. Are you mad at us?

This movie is making everybody upset. But my question is, do you think this is Emilio Estevez's version of The Wraith with Charlie Sheen? Because it's so ridiculous. What year was The Wraith? Oh, it's a bunch of years later. What's that? What's The Wraith? What's that? Charlie Sheen's riding a dragon or something? Wait a minute. What do you think it is?

Charlie Sheen rides a dragon? Yeah. Yep. We'll go with that. That's what a wraith is? We'll go with that. Charlie Sheen rides a dragon. Is it it? Yep, that's what it is. That's what a wraith is? Do me a favor, rent that movie. No way! No, it's another terrible sci-fi movie where Charlie Sheen sort of is in it. What's the wraith? He's the wraith. But what does that mean? The wraith is like a vengeful spirit.

that comes back to avenge like a... - Great. - What? I think we all know it's not amazing. - Yeah. - Your name, who you freejack your question. - My name is Oliver. I'm gonna freejack Kate Upton. - Oh, come on. Get out of here, Stedman. He looks like Stedman. He kinda looks like Stedman a little bit. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm assuming because you wanna fuck that baseball player, right? Hey, hey, guys.

Let's not criticize this guy for wanting to fuck that baseball player. What's his name? Sports guy. Verlander. We get it. You want to fuck sports guy. Don't shame him for that. Can we talk about how Freejack was a prequel to Nundercover with the nun who's

Amanda Plummer? With the New York accent and packing guns all over the place. That's Amanda Plummer, one of the greats. What's her name? Amanda Plummer. She was the nun. Okay. She was the nun. I loved when she kicked, what's his name in the balls? Michelet. She kicked him so hard in the balls. He died. That he like froze for like four seconds and then fell to the ground. All right. Front row.

This is Pressure's On. You got a good seat. You were here early. You got a question? Ooh, it better be good. Your name? Who are you going to freejack? This better be... Oh, the pressure's on. I would freejack Adam Sandler. Okay. Okay. Good freejack. So right before they go upstairs to the top floor, the 200th floor in that building, when they're escaping, he says, she types in the 100th floor. It's like, why are we going to the 100th floor? He's like, there's a fire escape.

That's what Rene, when he was supposed to go down the fire escape on the 100th floor, is it quicker to go down the fire escape on the 100th floor than just running back out like a back entrance on the first floor?

Yeah, that's a great point. That's a great question. And I think that I want to give you a special award. Is the only access to the fire escape on the 100th floor? Is that what we're... That's it? My question is, is that anybody who is paying that much logical attention to the movie at that point, you get a special prize. Yeah, you do. At that point, I'm like, whatever. All right. And I do want to say, while she's making her way in, that guys...

You're great. Everybody comes prepared. People have got your notes. People have been watching parts of the movie that we're barely paying attention to. I'm talking about these people down here. You fucks are animals. But I want to say, great job, audience. New York, you really fucking showed up for this. Well done. Again, I am not talking to you, Balcony, because you are filthy monsters that nobody trusts. I did get HPV up there.

You what? I got HPV up there. You got HPV? I'm surprised you only got HPV up there. Okay, your name, who you'd freejack, and your question. My name's Bridget. I'd freejack Jeff Buckley. Who? Who? Jeff Buckley. Oh, yeah, sure. Oh, he's great. Sure, wonderful. Finally, we find somebody we agree on. Wonderful. Beautiful, and an angel on Earth, lost too soon. So, I'm from East Harlem.

And so the beginning of the movie when Mick Jagger's in his giant truck and East Harlem is the safety zone. And it is the one part of Manhattan that has not been gentrified. And Park Slope, as we mentioned earlier, is cobblestone, 1889 style. So why, why?

Why did that happen? Let's talk about infrastructure. Let's talk about the city. We'll get into it. This is a great question, and it brings us to the part of the podcast that we all love urban planning. Ha ha ha!

We're talking about Robert Moses. We're talking about the power broker. Guys, please welcome to the stage Leonard Lopate. He's here to tell us all about New York City and how it is changing. Please welcome to the stage Brian Lehrer. Ladies and gentlemen, Manoush Samarody. Guys, these are all WNYC jokes. You're the only people that get them.

The people on the podcast can eat a dick. I once made a Manoush Samarodi joke to dead silence, and I'm so happy. You made it in the wrong place. This is where we make those jokes, baby. Sir, your name, who need to freejack your question? My name is Matt, and I want to freejack anyone but Louis C.K.,

Too topical. Topical. Topical. Topical. Taking shots. He went there. All right, so Kevin Spacey. Now, so your question is what? So Emilio Estevez is getting chased, and there's all these futuristic cars everywhere and tanks, and he, a race car driver, commandeers a fucking champagne truck. Yeah. What is a champagne truck, and why did he take that?

Yeah, that was really interesting to me because a champagne truck is so, like, ornamental.

Ordinary. Or comical. It's almost a comical vehicle. But that was part of the reshoot where they wanted to add humor back into the movie. You are 100% right. I think that's probably true. I think that's what they did. Yeah, because nobody drives a truck around with just loose bottles that can come flying out. But do we live in a world where, because that truck was set up kind of like you see the water trucks, you know, the big jugs of water trucks.

Are we to believe that in 2009, champagne is just dispensed into everyone's... Like, champagne's here!

Right. Like, it's set up like the milkman's truck, but it's champagne. Like, that poor guy has to eat that dog food in that diner, which I felt so bad for him, because, you know, take after take, he had to eat that dog food. That dude had no teeth. He's fucking lucky to have that slop. Are you guys talking about the famous pork chop diner? Yes. Yeah, pork chop diner. I will say that, speaking of cars in this movie, I'll also just point out the Coke Den...

car that renee russo has where it's like two white leather couches oh i wanted that so bad i thought i would look so good in something like that why why why and an egg it's like a it's like a leather egg i missed something and i'm sorry i know we're in the middle of the audience but what i missed the renee russo's turn from not trusting that he was alex to believing he was she said a nipple on your ear

Right? No, but it was before when Mick Jagger came for Alex. Then she was like, oh shit, that must be Alex. Okay, so that was the... Right. Do you remember, Jason, the amazing push freeze frame into her face? Yeah, I guess so. That was the craziest shot I've ever seen in a movie. They did two shots of her like...

It was like, I may have been on the toilet for that scene. I may have missed it. Obviously we had an opinion about this movie, but there are people out there that have a different opinion. It is now time for Second Opinion. I'm gonna second opinion. Your opinion is my second opinion. Valerie, give it up for Valerie. Amazing.

But in true New York form we have another opinion song. Here we go. Your second opinion song. Gonna draw the curtains, turn off the lights. I'll log on Amazon tonight. I'm always down for an internet fight. So there is a review I have to write. Can you recommend a movie even though it's five stars but zero facts?

Thank you both. Holy shit. That was awesome. New York bringing it to town. I wanted to turn my chair around. You know what I mean? Well, I want to do the voice.

I'm Blake Shelton. You want to do the voice? Yeah. Okay, go ahead. No, not me. I wanted to turn my... I wanted to have them on my team. I've never watched it. That was good. You were spot on with it. So your specifics are turn the chair and hurt on your team. Yeah. Okay, you get the voice. Yeah.

Um, this is an interesting movie because there's 84 reviews total and 55% of them are five-star reviews. - What? - And you can't-- - From Amazon. - You have to buy that movie, right? - Well, these are people that are on Amazon that are like, it's like a message board. - If they bought it on DVD or if they watched it on the video service. - They don't even have to have bought it to comment on it. - Yeah, can I ask a quick question from the crowd?

Because I think this is maybe one of those things who, like, either from childhood or even now, loved this movie. Oh, okay. Not as many as I thought. Not as many as I thought. Examine your life and the choices you've made. I'm going to just read a couple of them because they're so short. This one was written by Joan Jett, the electric guitar hero. Joan Jett? Yes. Yes.

Wow! And the title of the review is: "The Lawnmower Man is a Good Movie." Now you would think from the title, the person is confused. But not so much because it goes, "Now this is one movie I really like." Emilio Estevez plays a very good part in this movie. Give it a view. Five stars. So, "Lawnmower Man"

Wrong title, right actor. Was Emilio Estevez Vaughn Moorman? Okay. So she was just cutting and pasting different subject matter. But do you think maybe the virtual reality kind of elements of it is the connection that this person is drawing? I don't know. I don't really, yeah, I don't know. Or is this just like a cry for help? I feel like they were just writing. Suicide assistance. Yes.

They're going through a breakup and they're like, you know what, I'm going to review every one of my DVDs on Amazon. It just got confused, cut and paste. This one's from Kenneth Deal. Wrote, good job. Five stars. I love that. C. Willie wrote, another one of those movies that are brought up during talk about movies that you just gotta see. Very good movie. Great actors. And very good movie.

I highly recommend this action-packed, full-screen movie. Wow. So this isn't one of those half-screen movies. I believe, like, there is an ESL teacher out there going, your homework is to review movies on Amazon. I bet that's amazing. And then finally, this one's from Mary. They all are the same. They all seem like people that have suffered blunt trauma to the head. Mary wrote...

Been looking for this movie for a long time. Will tell all my friends. Thank you. Five star. It's as if, you know what I feel like is these are people that have been freejacked. Their brains have been taken from them leaving behind just the vestige of a body, you know? And finally, this one is a one star review but I wanted to read it because it was kind of great.

piece of crap DVD only plays in my car DVD player. Don't waste your money, people. One stop. So that's that. As we're wrapping up here... I love that visual of that guy being like, I want to watch Freejack, but I don't want to just sit in my car.

It is now time for a third opinion. This one live from Montreal. Miss June Diane Rapier. Here we go. Hello, New York City. It's your girl, June. I'm so happy.

Well, I'm two things. I'm bummed not to be there because these shows are so much fun and I'm deeply relieved to not have to watch this motion picture. Sometimes it's fun, most of the time it's really hard for me to pay attention.

Based on... Paul's asked me to talk about what I think this movie might be about. I know nothing about this film, Free Jack. I've never seen a DVD. I've never seen cover art on iTunes. I've never seen a billboard. I haven't seen anything about Free Jack. So this is truly just a guess based on two words. I'm going to guess that this film, and I'm really thinking about it right now for the first time, is...

potentially about a man named Jack who was imprisoned for many, many years, maybe wrongfully so, and has finished his time and is now out in the world a free Jack and having to readjust, find the freedom and space in his mind to be a person in the world. Actually, I feel like I just pitched a movie I'd like to see.

Or maybe it's not an animated but like live-action type film about a Joker, like a Jack and a deck of cards that escapes somehow and enters the world. I guess that seems unlikely. Anyway, either way, I remain thrilled that I didn't have to do this movie.

And I am wishing you guys a great night and hope to be back doing the show in New York City very soon. Bye. I, um, a little visit from June. I will say I do like her pitch for a live action animated movie about a jack who escapes the death of cars. I'm kind of into that. Any final thoughts? Any final thoughts? Like, finally I'm free from the 52.

Anything we didn't discuss that anyone feels like they want to bring? Yes. These are things that I made mention of that I did not get to talk about. Okay. Emilio Estevez gets drunk in a bar. He is one of the most sought-after people in town. Gets drunk in a bar and starts talking on television.

Why? Don't know. Never puts on a costume. Okay, also... He does put on the hobo costume. Sort of. When Rene Russo takes him to the other guy's kind of safe house...

Are there giant feet sculptures in that house? I wrote that down. I couldn't make heads or tails out of that at all. I was like, very ornate safe house. Is this art? Is this what is... I couldn't figure the giant feet sculpture. Keep my grandma smiling is what the guy says to him when he dies. I wrote down...

hard cut to Einstein's face on the wall. And I felt like that Einstein face, it was like, intelligence is important, imagination is, and I felt like that was the director going, see? Like, that makes up for any of that shit. It doesn't make sense, but I came up with that, and I should be getting something for that. We have not given an appropriate shout out to David Johansson. Oh!

Who I only want to hear give exposition. "Alright kid, here's the deal. You're free, Jacka. Then take your body and then we go out! Ayyyy, alright." Like one of my- The same character from Scrooged. Absolute favorite people, New York Dolls, all of it. So great, great to see him. Abba, I feel like I'm louder than I was before and I'm not sure why.

Why is Anthony Hopkins dressed in a Mark Twain costume at the end? Yeah. That's a question. I also like the casual Skyping of Anthony Hopkins. When he's in the car, he's like kind of looking out the window. He's like, oh, hi. Yeah.

I want to say this. And then he's like, okay, great. Back out the window. Wait, why do I have this written down? Some of my notes read like a haiku. Why are they saran wrapping him and also what the fuck?

They put, oh, after they were trying to lobotomize him, they like put a whole thing of saran wrap on top of him. That's how that scene ended. I don't remember that either. Oh, yeah, I do remember that saran wrap thing. They're like trying to keep him contained or something. I don't know. Yeah, like hold him, yeah. Yeah. Susan's saran wrap. Oh, here is... What did you just say? All right, we have to wrap up. What did you just say? I didn't say anything. We got to wrap up the show, but... What did you just say? They heard me. Oh, God.

Avril Hally found, Avril Hally cuts all of our video clips. She noticed something that they take the James Brown scream from I Feel Good. So here it is kind of cut in in full. So that's a treat. The existence of a champagne truck continues to confound me.

And that visual alone, I mean, Mick Jagger must like, this must haunt him. He did so few movies. He did so few things and this is one of them.

All right, so we watch these movies for the reason of doing this podcast. They're fun, bad movies. And apparently we hate ourselves. Would you recommend this movie for this purpose? To enjoy this movie on this level? Is it fun, bad? Is it interesting to watch? Phoebe, what do you think? Fun, bad, absolutely. Because I need to talk to someone about this. This is fucking ruining my day.

It ruined my entire day, so I gotta bitch about it with someone. And I think that's the appropriate response. Jessica, what do you think? This was bad, bad, and I feel like this, however long it was, was like probably eight Barefoot Contessa episodes I could have walked back to back and learned real skills.

about a chicken piccata and instead I'd watch this piece of shit and be made to feel sick. Can I ask a real question? Is she barefoot? Never. You never see her feet. So the show from its title is a lie. That's right. She's wearing shoes. Always. Always. You never see her feet. You don't want to. Then I'm not going to watch it. I only want to watch ladies cook while barefoot. Ugh.

You have one of those foot sculptures at home in your house? Yeah, you know I do. Jason? I'm pretty much no on this. You know what? It would be yes if Emilio Estevez was more charismatic. If it wasn't Emilio Estevez, did somebody just have a problem? Is Emilio Estevez here? There is something like, I think that Bruce Willis perfected that, like, every guy, action, you're a guy. Right, but it's not his...

Emilio's fault. The script is bad, guys. Oh, let me be very clear. This is a abysmal movie. It's not his fault. And it's not his fault. It would be more fun if Nicolas Cage was in this part. It would be more fun if Kurt Russell was... It would just be more fun. That's all I mean. He is kind of negative energy, and so it feels more draggy than I want it to. That's kind of what I mean.

I don't think that would make it a good movie. It would just make it more fun to watch. I'm in the agreement of that. I feel like it was, it's, there's interesting things in it, but not, it's not to be, yeah, unless you're doing it for this purpose, not to be watched. Um, the tagline of this movie was time flies, but to survive in the year 2009 or 2009. Uh,

He'll need to move a lot faster. That makes no sense. That makes as little sense as the movie does. That is very clumsy. The other one was Don't Let the Future Pass You By. Nope. Nope. Nope. Those are bad. Just to put it in perspective, this movie came out in 1992. The top three movies were Aladdin, Home Alone 2, and Batman Returns.

This came in 71st out of all the movies. It was beaten by Lawnmower Man, Sleepwalkers, Stop or My Mom Will Shoot, and Toys.

Do you think in this movie, in the future now, do you consider Emilio Estevez and Rene Russo to be like peers? Like now that they're together, are they the same age? I know they're not, but like... They're going to live as such. I think they're going to have trouble. That 18-year age difference is going to be a real problem for them. And where are they going to live? How are they going to live in that antique car?

Yeah. They're just going to drive, drive, drive and nibble each other's ears until they eat each other. I don't care for that either. Me neither. I don't like it at all. Nibble, like the least sexual thing, nibble my ear. Ears are almost as gross as feet. Not except for barefoot contestants. Phoebe, what do you want to plug? You have so much cool stuff going on. You're currently on tour right now. Yes, I'm on a stand-up tour with Alana Glazer, which is a lot of fun.

You have a new show coming out to HBO? Yeah, Jessica Williams and I are doing four Tudor Queens HBO specials that come out next year. Yeah, that's it. It's great. And your book is fantastic. If you have not read her book, it's amazing. I actually just lent it to a friend because I think it's so good. Oh, thanks, Paul. And then, Jessica, what do you want to plug?

We got Womp It Up coming back. November 25th, I think. And the last season of Playing House was something I'm really proud of. And so you can get that on iTunes or Amazon. I'm not really sure how to get it. I couldn't find it. But good luck. I'm sure you can buy it on iTunes. I think you can. Yeah, but go buy it. No, be honest. Go buy it on iTunes. All right, go do it. And Jason...

I voice a character on the TV show Big Mouth that is on Netflix currently, if you can imagine a world in which I play a 13-year-old boy who fucks his pillow. Then get on board for this show. And I play your brother, who's totally cool. That's true. Yeah, that's about it. And I'll plug a movie that Jason, June, and I are all in. It's called The Disaster Artist, coming out in a couple weeks. Oh, yeah.

James Franco as Tommy Wiseau. And it's all about the making of The Room. An interesting fact about it is that our podcast of The Room with Greg Zestero was used as research in writing the script of the actual movie. Thank you all so much for coming. We love you, New York. I'm just gonna be here now.

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