Matinee Monday: The Boy Next Door (w/ Heather Anne Campbell & Ben Siemon)
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It's a movie with many morals, but the most important being, if you did nothing wrong and you're in trouble, do not ask for help and do not tell any of your friends. We saw The Boy Next Door, so you know what that means. How did this get made? Let's celebrate some things. You're not just being a hater, because you really want to be. Let's watch Idiocracy. It's not far off.

We'll find the answer to the question, how did this get made? Hello, people of Earth, and welcome to How Did This Get Made? I am your host, Paul Scheer. That was a brand new theme song by Vander Talens, who decided to go out and record her actual theme song with real musical instruments, not on a synth or anything like that. That is all real music.

But the same people that did the original theme song, or is that a cover? It's a cover with original instruments. So he went out and he got like different people. But he's not the person that made the original theme song. No. Okay, got it. So yeah, it is a cover of the original theme song with real musicians. And that's Vander Talens who made that for us. Jason, welcome. You're my co-host. I didn't give you a proper introduction. Yeah, fuck you, man.

You know what? Real dick move. First of all, you throw a real curveball at me with a song I've never heard. Then I get no intro. What is this show? It's already off the rails. Reddit. Reddit.

Figure it out. This is where it all ended. Sadly, today we are not joined by June. She is off shooting the third season of Grace and Frankie. So for the next couple of weeks, you might see her sporadically on the deal with it. Deal with it. You can go to Grace and Frankie set. You can boycott out there. That's where she'll be. Just get at least don't do that. Please don't do that.

We have two very special guests, two first-timers to the show. Please welcome, you know her from CW's Whose Line Is It Anyway? Heather Ann Campbell. Hi, everybody. Hi, how are you? What's going on, guys? Very good. We're so excited. Hello, Heather. Hi, guys. Hi, how are you? And just to say, before we even start talking about this, I read an awesome article about Whose Line Is It Anyway? the other day. It was awesome. About how the show is still amazing after all these years. Arguably amazing.

And here we are, like, 20 years into, for me at least, improvising in some way, shape, or form. Arguably, my first introduction was the British Whose Line Is It Anyway? And, like, the fact that that format continues to succeed and inspire kids to improvise is pretty amazing. Yeah. Yeah. So you have a hand in that. Thank you, guys. It's you. I'll take full credit. Like, in the Time is a Flat Circle situation, like, you inspired me to do this thing.

Wow. Now. I'm not sure that that track is. Say thank you. Thank her, Jason. Thank you. Thank you, Heather. You're welcome. Thank you. You're welcome. Also today we have a very special guest, Ben Seaman, who is, you might know him from CW's My Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. He plays the grocery store guy with the half eyelid. And you're coming back, so people can look forward to that. I'm hoping so. Season two. I was in two episodes, season two. I'm pretty sure I'm a big character. Yeah. Yeah.

I've been, I've started to be recognized by like really aggressive people because it's like a cult show so people are really passionate about it. Oh, they feel a real ownership. This is a very CW friendly show. We have two of our guests are from CW shows. Oh, that's true. That's right. That's right. We're shaking hands right now. CW representing. Yep. And this show is now sponsored by the CW. And our third guest, Michigan J. Frog from the WB. CW.

He won't talk when, when everyone's around only when one person is by themselves. Right. He's actually got a mic right now, but he's not saying a thing. I had a small cane and top hat just sitting in front of him. I had friends who worked at the desks at WB when it was W before WB became CW. And, uh, and they had to answer the phone, go, uh,

hello, welcome to the WB. Like, you have to say it like that. Oh, no. Like secretaries and stuff. That's the worst. Yeah, you have to say WB. Oh, that's awful. That's, I don't know.

That should be its own podcast. Just people who had to work the deaths of the poor WB talking about homeboys and outer space. Yeah, I feel like those people must have like PTSD from that job. That is the worst. You're forcing a stutter every time you answer the phone. Like what if you were someone who recovered from a stutter? You went through speech therapy, all of it. Oh, man.

as a kid and now they're forcing you back into a star you got your first Hollywood job working for a big time executive and you know like you're like hello welcome to the wwwwb and it's like your mom calling being like oh

Are you okay? Or they instantly regress, and then they lose everything that they work towards to speak like a regular person. Well, I'm very excited to have you both here, and Jason, too, because this movie is kind of, for me, the perfect how-did-this-get-made movie because it's so...

It's so perfectly, wonderfully, bonkers, enjoyably fun to watch. Great. And if bad judgment had a movie, this would be this movie because everyone in this movie shows incredible poor judgment at every single step of the way. And just so you don't know, if you don't know what this movie is about, J-Lo is – Jennifer Lopez. Yeah, is kind of in a divorce situation.

With her husband. We don't really know. This is basically all you get to kind of understand the whole backstory is this ADR. We'll just play this ADR. Because this is literally the first thing you hear in the movie. The movie begins with her just jogging and then flashbacks. She begins by having flashbacks. It's the same opening as Silence of the Lambs. Oh.

Oh, wow. Yeah, she's running through the forest and you're like finding out how her life went. Oh, wow. This movie is a lot like Silence of the Lambs. This is basically Silence of the Lambs 2. And I will also point out when you do listen to the ADR, listen to how blasé John Corbett reads his lines. I want to come home, Claire. Let me come home. Please. Just get out. Get out. Don't tell me dad's not coming back. Don't tell me that. Jogging, jogging, jogging. Kevin, wait.

And that's basically that you're getting into this world and they don't really tell you if they're divorced or if they're not really. Well, in the first scene, they tell you when Chenoweth is like, just sign the divorce papers. It's been nine months. I

I wish that instead it had been like a political thriller and you'd seen all that in white text on black. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Nine months ago, her husband cheated on her. Yeah. They still have not settled the divorce. It is... This movie is just...

It's absolutely 100% like a lifetime, like I feel like one of those lifetime movies where, you know, someone, where it's about a woman who someone turns on her and it is just like a, but this is like a, this is, this movie is basically a fatal attraction in reverse. Yes. You know, but she is just...

relentlessly pursued by the boy next door in a way that is very crazy. Oh, it goes so crazy so quickly. I wrote it down. I was like, he's already a full psycho at like minute 25. Yeah. Oh yeah. It's such a fast turn. And even, I haven't seen Fatal Attraction in a while, but when they have sex, like, isn't it just like a,

all great. Like, it's super sexy. And in this, like, the sex, at least the first half of it is very upsetting. Yeah, the first... She says no, like, so many times. She says no a lot. And stop as well. When no is not working, she's saying stop. I was really worried about that because...

That sends the completely wrong message, too, because he just wears her down. And then she is really into it. Yeah. But that's not a good message to be shooting out to people. Hey, let's not say shooting out. I mean, when we're describing this, let's not say shooting out to people. I bet there's a correlation between. So this movie and Fifty Shades of Grey both feature like psycho creepy characters.

alpha dudes right and they both have a hardware store scene in the first act oh wow whoa that's a big connection and I feel like you could probably draw a diagram of like if you have a hardware store scene because it like the guy is not gonna turn the guy

is not going to turn out good. He knows where he can get like special ties and things like that. Well, let's even walk it back for a second and just give you the idea that J-Lo is now separated from her husband, her best friend's Kristen Chenoweth. She's got this son who is in line to see the best allergist in the county. This part of the movie really resonated with me. As somebody who has very severe allergies and who carries an EpiPen wherever I go, this movie...

was really scary. Well, they also, they also set up something in the beginning that I thought was going to come into play so much, which is the garage door. It's like, they're like, Oh, the garage door is not working. And, and it's, it's just like tricky situation where it's like, Oh yeah, the pull this handle and it's going to go down. I'm like, Oh,

Clearly someone's head is going to... Yeah. I definitely thought that's how he would die or someone would die. Oh, interesting. It was just a setup to show his bicep. Well, it was also an opportunity for him to ingratiate himself with the family by fixing it. Right. He comes in and he fixes the garage door. But you also thought, well, if they spend that much time, wouldn't it fall down? They never even go to the garage. It would have been amazing if when she was going through, and this is a spoiler, when she was going through his files later, she also found broken garage door. Yeah.

Well, I love that he looks at that garage door and he goes, that's the clutch. I didn't even know if the garage door has a clutch. I had to Google it because I was like, do they have clutches? Because nobody, and I guess they do. So I was really disappointed. I feel like it was so specific. You and the writer of this movie are the only two people that have Googled that. Oh, the writer. Did you guys see? The writer is like a cricketer.

criminal lawyer or something, right? Oh, really? Yes. She is a, she holds a JD from Northwestern University School of Law and an MFA in screenwriting from UCLA. She was an assistant U.S. attorney in downtown L.A. for nearly a decade, working in the major violent crimes unit on federal cases that included murder for hire, prison murder, racketeering, arson, kidnapping, and bank robbery. And she taught criminal procedure at FBI headquarters in Quantico,

and advanced trial advocacy in the U.S. Justice Department in D.C. All of that sounds so much more interesting than what's in this movie. Which, by the way, she wrote. Which she also wrote on my interview. She wrote her own biography. She should have written any of that into a movie. I feel like it was really specific that they wanted you to know that he knows about clutches. It wasn't he's good at fixing everything. It was like, it's the clutch in the garage, the clutch in the car. It's only clutches that he knows about.

Well, he's like, he is like that kind of, you know, he's the kid who moves in next door, but they also make great effort to be like, but he's 19. No, he's 20. Oh, he's 20. Sorry, sorry, sorry. That's too. But he's not, but he's in high school.

That made me... That actually took away the entire dramatic thrust of the movie, if you ask me. Because, like... Yeah, go ahead. Do you think that was a rewrite thing? Do you think that was, like, a... I feel like it had to be, because... I feel like they couldn't make him an actual kid. Yeah. Sure. In high school, because that would be... That would almost... Like, in this way...

she's allowed to have the fantasy of sleeping with him without there being like, well, that's a child. Yeah. He's a 20 year old. Maybe it was written a little bit more morally gray. Like maybe originally before it was so black and white, maybe it was about like,

how these kids are... I don't know. Because even if he's 18, you can at least buy it on some level because he's 20. She could have met him, you know, out anywhere. You know, it's like... It just felt weird because it's like... And... But that's... And that's... The other thing is, I agree with you, it lets the steam out a little because...

She like fucks this 20 year old man. And then, then, but then it has like such a, uh, an inability to like go to anybody for help because I think she's afraid she'll lose everything. Right. She'll lose her family. She'll lose her son. That's what she says. That's what she says. I'll lose. I can't imagine that's the case. He's not even, he's not underage. He's not even her student when they have sex. No. Yeah. That's the,

other thing, like, just back it up. Put them in the class before, like, just put some stakes to it. There are no stakes to it at all. If he was 18, it would have been way more exciting. And they don't even really, it's just like a way more exciting. It's just like a throw-a-line way of, like, I think he doesn't even explain why. He's just like, yeah, something happened, so now I'm 20 or something like that. There was an accident. There was a thing. So basically, I missed three years of school, now I'm here. Also, like,

Like, in high school, a 20-year-old is like a full-blown adult. Like, they're terrifying. I would argue a 20-year-old would not be allowed in high school. No. They would have to get their GED. Yeah, I agree. You know what I mean? Like, why? Why is this happening? And he approaches high school like college. Like, he's wearing, like, a tie going in. Oh, he's entering, like, quoting poetry, like, performing for the class. And, by the way, this 20-year-old...

Has sex with a girl that's probably underage at another point in the movie, too. That's true. Hardware girl. Hardware girl, which I really want to get into hardware girl because we did talk about the hardware stuff. First of all, my favorite thing in the hardware store was when they go to get the clutch, they go over to the garage door display. They're just like the worst set design of all time. Just like, oh, yeah, these are all your garage door parts. I've been to many a hardware store. I've never seen a garage door display.

Like, oh yeah, these are where I get all my parts. Oh yeah, yeah. No, they have the best garage door section.

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- So the hottest girl in the school is working at the hardware store and J Lo's kid, the Wiz, who has allergies. - The Wiz. - The Wiz. There's some of these stuff I want to talk about. - Oh man. - So much. - This girl is like, he's like, "I can't talk to her." And he's like, just the hot guy's like, "Go, go, talk to her."

And then he kind of makes eyes at the girl, and she's like— Wait, he who? The young guy. The kid. Noah. Oh, Noah. The boy next door. No, the boy next door makes eyes at the girl, and then she's all of a sudden nice to the whiz. Yeah. Which I didn't understand. Is that a thing that— That happens throughout.

Like that's when like when the whiz later, the second hardware store scene and the whiz is like, I want you to go to the movies with me. And she's like, I'm busy at work. And then Noah arrives, the boy next door arrives. And she's like, but I'll go to the fall fling with you. And I was like, whoa, you just upped the ante. Also, when they have sex later, it's like pornography. It's like pornography. When hardware store girl and the boy next door have sex. Yes, it is dirty. Well, it's like the sex. All the sex is pretty boring. Oh,

Oh, I thought that the sex for J-Lo was pretty, like, not, like, I was surprised for J-Lo. I guess I'm surprised. You're surprised for J-Lo because she can't pull that kind of action down? Well, you know what it is? It's like, I think I'm surprised to see fingering in a mainstream movie. Oh, well, to me, sure. Like, besides, like, I feel like, oh, she's a big actress. Like, we're going to finger this person? I felt like all the sex in this movie, the J-Lo boy next door sex, was interesting because it had as a function of it,

Because all of the – like in a way that was so interesting and is not ever normally seen in a mainstream movie, all of the pleasure of the sexual encounter was him towards her. Yeah. All he – she is – I mean, A, she is saying no, no, no, stop, stop, stop for a lot of it. But even when she gives in to it, she is just – he is just fingering her and feasting on her pussy constantly. Yeah. And that's all – it's as if –

All he wants is to give her pleasure. And that's, like, that I feel like never happens in a movie. And that's, like, the, that's why to me this felt like a very kind of, like, interesting, weird, like, again, reversal of Fatal Attraction, which is, like, it really is, like, he is so into her. And that is so winning, I feel like, not winning, but, like, that is so compelling to her in those early scenes that the turn is just so bananas. Yeah.

Because all he's basically doing is just worshipping her. Yeah, he loves her. And they should have, I think, again... And he says, let me love you, right? He gives like 20 red flags just in that sexual encounter. Yeah, he really is... There's a lot of wrong things, but I feel like in that sex scene, though, it is...

She obviously, I think, you know, she falls prey to him, right? Like, he seduces her, I guess. But, like, yeah, go ahead. One of the ways in which he seduces her is by buying her a first edition of the Iliad. I mean, can we? First edition. All right, so just...

I mean, that's a big thing that definitely has to be talked about. It would be over 3,000 years old, and it would most likely be on a scroll. Like, that would be how the first edition would be. I mean, unless it's like, oh, it's the first edition of, like, such and such as translation. But she just, for the first time,

It's like this is a first. Oh, my God. She's basically like, oh, this is the original Iliad? Yeah. And that's one of those things where I just can't imagine that all those people on set and the writing and all the process is that nobody brought that up at any time. Yeah, it's not like a John Grisham book. It's like this book, yeah, this is an old, old nobody. Did he ever clarify where his money, was his money coming from the death of his parents? Did he even have money? I don't even know. He had a huge treasure.

And he bought the first Iliad for a dollar. For a dollar at a yard sale or whatever. But it doesn't seem to even... They don't really explore a lot of anything. Like, he's now here. I guess maybe he got his parents' money from when they... His truck is like a $100,000 truck. And did he kill his mother? No. His mother killed herself. Okay, so this is what we find out at the end of the movie. Is that he's basically an orphan because...

He has, and that's the whole thrust of a lot of the movie is he has a real vendetta against Tao. Against cheating dads. Cheating lying dads. His mother killed herself because she found out that dad was cheating on her. Got it. And then he killed his dad and his cheating whore. Well, I got that part because that was a great way to show that he was with a real whore. Because she's like, they're driving, I got a minivan or whatever. And she lifts up her skirt and he's touching her thigh. But what's interesting is it shows us this scene.

which none of our characters are present for. No, it's the only flashback with like nobody involved. Nobody's perspective. The only flashbacks are at the beginning which you can kind of understand but then this flashback which is completely unnecessary and strange. You cannot have a flashback to a scene in which none of the characters in the movie are present.

You know, like that flashback is basically his imagining of what might or her imagining of what might have. Like none of it can actually be real. Right. Unless the truck driver is somebody we've met. I don't know.

I also had issues with that whole, like when she, when JLo goes in full on investigation mode. So weird. So shades of blue, all of a sudden she's like a detective. The San Bernardino police department is like, Oh, you want to see a, like a burned out husk of a, an accident truck and all this stuff. Oh yeah. We'll give you full access. And we keep them on file. We keep a,

All of our accident cars ready. Which one do you want to see? Oh, yeah, this one, yeah. I'm a detective. I'll bring you, a public school teacher, down to check out the burned out wreckage of a car accident. That happened years ago, right? Years ago. Years ago. Which has no signs of foul play, so they would never have kept it. Yep.

a burned out husk, they would have just compacted it or gotten rid of it in some way. Did you think it was weird that like when she was looking at the files of the cars that were cut, like the one car had the brand name of the car and then the other file was 2006 minivan. Yeah.

And I don't know if it was because Chevrolet was like, we don't sell minivans or we don't want other brands mentioned, maybe? Maybe. Weren't all the cars extremely glossy, fancy versions of cars? I mean, his truck, when you really see that truck, especially when he does that U-turn towards the end, it's like, that's a

big ass truck. Or the scene where he's revving his engine in front of her house while they're trying to go to school in the morning. And he's like, and her son is like, what's going on? And I was like, good question, Kevin. Like, shit's not right. You need to ask way more questions. And then he gets in the car with him like 20 seconds later. Oh yeah, well he's got Kevin wrapped around his finger. I wouldn't be surprised if he was having sex with Kevin too. I thought that was so, I felt like

at the beginning when you first meet the boy next door that the son is like wants to have sex with

With no one more than the mom. That would have been a movie. That would have been an amazing movie. With everybody? Yeah. Because he is instantly 100% smitten with him. He already has a father, so he's not looking for a father figure, but he wants to hang out with him. He means that brother. They're supposed to go to the allergy doctor, and then there's this garage problem, and then they just don't go to the doctor. And by the way, why doesn't he want to go to the allergy doctor? He...

is on the verge of dying at every step of the way. Like, hey, buddy, let's see if we can get this fixed. Because you said it was bees, but then later on you get allergic to punching a bag. So I don't know. This really bothered me. Is it asthma or is it a bee sting? This really bothered me. Because they say he had an allergic reaction to a bee sting, which very serious. I want everybody to take that very seriously. But then he basically has an asthma attack, which you...

would not presume would put him into anaphylactic shock. Maybe he got stung by a bee while boxing. Maybe. Maybe he was floating like a butterfly, stung like a bee. Guys, RIP Muhammad Ali. This show, this episode of How Did This Get Made dedicated to the champ Muhammad Ali. Always. They didn't do anything to explain why he had that reaction of punching the bag. They could have just thrown a line in there of like, oh, the dust or something like that. Or, have him get stung by a fucking bee.

Have a bee in there. Why not? You introduced the bee. You just basically need to remind the audience, oh, yeah, he has an EpiPen on him because that plays an amazing part towards the end, which we'll get to. But also when he does pull out that EpiPen, that was a great scene, too, where the boy next door is like, ah, where do I put this? He's like, yes.

Who's going to shoot it in his heart at one point. Yeah. And also, it's genuine heroism in that moment. Yes. For one moment, the kid is like a great guy. It was such a weird choice. I didn't know if they were supposed to give us that so that J-Lo would like...

carry him on a little bit longer like wouldn't immediately call the cop it was just for a sentence where he's like you could have thanked me for saving your son's life yeah like that was the only callback to that it seems to me and I mean correct me if I'm wrong but if J-Lo would have just continued the relationship this guy would have been like one of the best guys he would ever have right he would have loved her completely forever and he

And he's putting down his bone marrow transplant needing an uncle, which we never found out if it really took. I mean, obviously he's in the house, but we don't know. He was very sweet to his uncle as well. Sweet to his uncle? Didn't correct Kristen Chenoweth when she pronounced guacamole as guacamole? And who else would you want to date if you're J-Lo? Except for a young, good-looking guy who's handy around the house, takes care of his elders.

And all he wants to do is eat your pussy immediately. Just pleasure her. Immediately. But interesting that when he has sex with another woman, he just wants them to go to bed. Oh, yeah, yeah. Because he doesn't give a shit about Hardware Girl. He only loves J-Lo. He loves J-Lo. He's a consummate gentleman. I'm going to crawl in that puss.

Yeah, if there was anything to let us know why he liked J-Lo so much or if he just fixates on somebody once he fixates. And that sex scene. Justice. Justice was why he fixated on her. That sex scene also I do want to say she only closed mouth kisses him.

Oh, yeah. She never gives him an open mouth kiss. His tongue is out a lot. He's got like a real tongue situation everywhere. We pulled some clips. Nate pulled some clips from the commentary track. Not audio, but I want to read what the director says during the sex scene. These are some of it.

And he goes for it because he loves her. And everything he does to her in this scene is out of worship and love for her being. And he goes, and he really starts triggering her sexual responses. And look at that body on Jennifer at age 44. I mean, she's absolutely remarkable. She's got the body of a 20-year-old. And she's a mother of twins. She's on the road performing American Idol. She's always busy. She's one of the hardest working professional women I've ever met. And she's still got time to hit the gym. So you know I like that.

gross god damn it he takes something where it's like a very rare sex scene where it's all about the woman being pleasure and then commentary turns it into the grossest and then he says this is my other one he goes with the understanding that we really went at it to create an intense erotic experience that she's hungry for that she's adoring swept away by his male power and sexuality merging with her mature female sexuality and he seems to know just what to do and that's

erotic in and of itself. He also adds, he adds, I was the physical stand-in for a lot of these scenes. You know, because sometimes the actor wasn't available, so I'm the one, you know, like James Cameron in Titanic drawing, I'm the one going down on her in like five of them. I was the fingers in the fingering scene. I didn't want him to do, I did wonder if there was, I mean, not to go back to the fingering, but I did wonder if there was a fingering Dumble because like, Dumble? Dumble. Dumbledore? Is Dumbledore in this movie? Yes.

Oh, boy. He created the spell. He put him under the spell. What? Yeah, he put him under the J-Lo spell. Oh, wow. I am always fascinated by sex scenes. Albus Dumbledore sex scene. It's hot. Yeah. It's in the new plays. Hey, guys, before we're going to block this scene before we shoot it, so J-Lo, you don't have to be in this Dumbledore you're in. Okay.

I'll get my wand ready. I was taking notes during some of the movie, and I didn't, did they explain why she had stripper heels?

Oh, yes, because Kristen Chenoweth gave them to her. They went on a double date or she was going to go on a double date. Oh, right, yes. Oh, so she wore those heels to that date? Yes. Oh, I missed that. Was she wearing them? Yes, because when she was walking in vacant Chinatown, this movie had no extras. Nobody there. Zero. It was so creepy. There was easily seven people at the Fall Fling. Oh, the Fall Fling was equal, yeah. Empty.

Empty Chinatown streets. You know what neighborhood is constantly full of people at dinnertime at night? Chinatown. Chinatown. There wasn't one extra. It was zero. It was like an early dinner. It wasn't like late night Chinatown. No. It was prime time. The only thing I could think of was J-Lo was like, I don't want extras in this scene. Maybe. And they're like, okay, then we won't have anyone. We won't even have a sign of a life on this street. It was very odd looking. She's walking down Main Street Chinatown and wherever they're living. Empty Chinatown.

Empty. Los Angeles. And that date. Was it Los Angeles? Oh, yeah. Yeah, right, yeah. San Bernardino, right. Yeah, they wanted us to really have a contrast to this. That date was terrible, terrible. Comically, that guy was a monster. They definitely wanted us to hate him with every fiber of our being. And also for us to recognize that in comparison...

TBND, the boy next door, was much, much more attentive, more thoughtful, smarter, more intelligent. Every bit of what that guy isn't is embodied in

The boy next door. I love, I really did love when she dropped the mic, basically, by going, J.K. Rowling, billionaire, classics major. Yeah. And, like, turned on those stripper heels. And, by the way, they're in fucking high school. So, who cares? Like, you don't go, like, oh, I'm in high school to get out and make money. It's like, if she was teaching, again, this is where the logic of the movie is flawed. It's like, she's teaching a high school English class. Like, she's not, like,

She's not teaching the major. No, she's not like a professor. How did she afford that giant house? I'm assuming that's Corbett bucks. Corbett dollars. Corbett on the weekend is building computers for his son. Yeah, building computers who has like some sort of job where he has to go to San Francisco where he fucks his secretary. Yep. Because we all know San Francisco is like sex city. I thought they were going to tie the girl that he cheated on with that kid.

Like, because they're both up north. Yeah. Oh, wow. But maybe that, you know. I had like one minute for some reason I thought that Kristen Chenoweth and John Corbett were having an affair. Corbett. John Corbett. For a second I thought they were having an affair because there was that thing of like, she smelled like cookies. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. And then later in the movie, J-Lo smells a chocolate chip cookie. And J-Lo's always making cookies. That's weird. Did she smell it because Noah had taken a bite out of it? No, she smelled it because Kristen Chenoweth, in the scene earlier in the movie, tells her that Corbett...

Said to the woman he was cheating with that you smell like chocolate chip cookies. The woman, the girl. Exactly. And so she smelled the cookies to be like, what did the girl that my husband cheated on smell like? And boy next door says to her in front of the dinner table, I really like your cookies. Oh, yeah. We should play that scene, the wet cookie scene. Because this is like a great double entendre scene. So basically the boy next door comes over to kind of,

just kind of stake his claim a little bit. Here we go. And this is, I want to talk about this scene, but here we go. Hey, Mrs. Peterson. Hey, Noah. Oh, it looks perfect. You tell them what happened this weekend? What happened? Oh, there was a big thunderstorm up here. You guys didn't get it up there? No, beautiful. Dries the bone at the lake. Well, it got pretty wet here. Don't want to touch it.

It got pretty wet here. Oh, shit. Yeah.

So now this scene. This is right after they had sex. Well, but I'm very confused about this because she's hosting the dad and son. They've just come back from a camping trip, which she opted not to go on. But she's so freaked out in the kitchen. She's like, oh, and she's dropping the pie. Oh, yeah. But he's not even there, Noah, at that point. And she's so like. Maybe she was hungover.

Maybe. Yeah. I would at least buy that because there was no reason for her to be that nervous in her own home. They're going to find out. They're going to find out. But there's a reason he's not there. She can't handle it.

She is like, I feel like undone. Yeah, that was her first orgasm. Yeah. Like when she wakes up in the morning and because here's the thing, when she goes, okay, we, I mean like, yes, but we've talked about the sex scene, but the lead up to the sex scene is she's got on the terrible double date. She's at home. Noah calls her.

And she goes over to help him with a chicken. And she's a little drunk. Is she, though? Yeah, she is. She's pounding wine on the couch. I guess that's true. Because I was like, when she gets up in the morning, I was like, you're not drunk enough to be like, oh, no, what happened? Yeah.

Right. She remembers. She acts as if, yeah. She blasted this kid for hours. And his hands never left her breasts at all. And never, never. As an adult woman did not walk next door to her own house, slept on his bed with him, I assume. On the couch. On the couch. And then woke up as if to say, like, what has happened? I agree, yeah. She woke up so flustered, like, what happened? Like, you drug me or something. Does the uncle live with you?

them he's in the hospital for his bone marrow transplant whereas he says transport she's like we made a big mistake we can't do this and then he immediately punches the wall in a very angry way to let us know that he's crazy and then she's like alright well you know what now that you just punched that wall let me sit down with you again just another bad mistake like

let me bandage your hand. You psycho. Uh, I'm not going to go next door. We do get a lot of the boy next door just because this has come up on the show before. We do get a lot of the boy next door's buns. Oh yeah. We get buns in the mirror. Where do you guys, where do you get? We, we've had an ongoing debate about buns and, and it's all personal. Do you like buns? Do you like to see buns? Uh,

Is buns for men in movies the boobs that is for women? Is it the body part that is like, ooh la la, I can't believe I'm seeing these buns? I think every time you see buns, it's such a choice that it always just takes you out of the movie. Yeah. Interesting. It's never somebody walking by the camera and like, oh, you just see a butt. Random buns. Right. It's always like a glory shot of butts.

And that one was, I also find thin buns to be upsetting. Oh, you're upset by thin buns? Because I felt like he's too thin to show off his buns. Oh, so you like some beefy buns? I would like some beefy buns. Like a more muscular bun. Like the Jean-Claude Van Damme buns? Yes. I thought they were nice buns. I enjoyed them. I liked them. Uh,

And you first see them when they're having sex, right? You don't see... No, you see him in the window. You don't see... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You see him in the window first. When he's staring at himself completely naked in the mirror, just standing. Like American Psycho or something. Just like...

This might as well have been titled The Young Patrick Bateman. It really should be. That's where he goes off to where he gets out of the bar. But it's that thing of like she's like ogling him through the window. I do appreciate the reversal of all of the traditional gender dynamics that are going on throughout all of this because it is very enjoyable in that way. But he's –

Like, the way that he is objectified is fascinating. You know? Like, they are, every single person wants to fuck him. I mean, she, like, she, like, and I thought this was an interesting choice. She, like, she really takes in his abs in that sex scene, too. Oh, yeah. Well, he grabs her hands and, like, is like, feel my abs. That is so weird. Oh, yeah.

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One of the things I loved about this movie too was that a lot of the movie was built on the tail end of jokes. I always felt like we were coming in at the tail end of a joke or like people like, oh yeah.

All right. I wrote down that her fake laugh is so insane throughout. Like, people, she, I feel like she decided, like, my character is light and bubbly, so she laughs at stuff. Like, she's laughing constantly for no reason. Well, you hear these things like, and then I got closer, and the window went down, and the dead dog's still in the car. And I'm like. Yeah, that's like how you begin a bad sketch.

Like a date and people are laughing and telling the end tale of a joke. Yeah, there were some weird jokes. A lot of just walking and laughing. Like, oh, didn't you wish you were with us for this moment? I enjoyed the buns. I don't know how to speak for all gay men, but I feel like I'm more attracted personally to like the chest and the abs. And buns...

I guess there's lots of gay men that probably like buns because that's where they have sex, right? But for women, it seems interesting. I don't know if women are as attracted to buns, but you have talked about this with June and all that. Yeah, I think it's becoming— June, on record, doesn't like buns. No, she's against buns, but I feel like it's a personal choice, and I feel like it's interesting to see where people come from on the buns. I wish that maybe he had also turned around and then you saw a reaction shot like he has a giant dick.

He did turn into the window and it felt like it was close. They could have gotten his dick in this movie. Maybe they did and they had to cut it for rating. Yeah. I would not have been surprised if we had seen his dick. And if it was this hard, if it was this hard. Just a rock hard dick. Just turn around from the mirror. That would have been amazing. How shocking would that have been in a movie? Just pull it out.

Points at it and then points out the window at her. That would have been amazing. Like Babe Ruth. And then like her tongue drops out and her eyes bug out. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you just hear, like, as if her water broke. You just hear, like, a splash. Oh, that would be so upsetting. And then Kristen Chenoweth walks in and it's like, did your water... Slips in the puddle. Yeah, she falls down. And then it's just a very slapstick sex scene. Kristen Chenoweth and her Susie Orman haircut that she has. Kristen Chenoweth has made a good career of being people's best friends in a lot of movies and always giving bad advice. And I feel like she...

I feel like there's a part of me always, and I think when we all do stuff, we all act in things. When you look at certain things like, oh, someone's going to have to say this to my face. And I feel like she must have had a gulp moment when he gets abrasive with her and he calls her a dried up, dirty fucking cunt. Yeah.

Throughout the movie, added fucking, like, he says at the end, oh, I wrote it down because it was so, die, you piece of fucking shit. Yeah.

It's amazing. He adds fucking when he does it. And it sounds more intense than fucking. It does. It's too scary. Those were his acting choices to take it to the next level. He's like, I took a one-on-one class. I'm going to improvise. I'm going to add some stakes. The simple action, the singular action that The Boy Next Door takes to beat up...

J-Lo's son's bully. Yes. So J-Lo's son is also being bullied by like some skateboard thugs. Deservedly so. Yes. So the kids are making fun of Kevin. They're taunting him. They call him Wiz because he pissed his pants and blah, blah, blah. And I just want to bring up one thing too. At one point they go, hey man, I saw your movie on TMC. He goes, The Wiz is...

It's the black wizard of Oz. That's not a thing that we need to get in deep. Like we got it. Like I was definitely a note where someone's like, I don't know if people know what the way people probably don't know the whiz black wizard of Oz was such a weird specific. So the boy next door comes in and fractures the kid beats the kid almost to death. And the only person to take any disciplinary action over him is Chenoweth, a vice principal. Yeah.

Like, the police are not called? No. He put this kid in this... Noah, the boy next door, would be put into jail so quickly for assault. 100%. It is crazy that the police don't show up. There is no... They are bad administrators. It's a bad school. And he doubles down on her. She's like, hey, you shouldn't have done that. And he's like...

fuck you! That's the scene where he calls her a dried up, withered old cunt. How did he get keys to the school? Like, because that's another thing. He's the boy next door. He can do anything. He's Googling breaks online. He can figure out anything. He's hacking computers. He can do anything. And look, he's clearly got some amazing technology from those little spy cams to get amazing high-res sex images. Like, that was a... So much force

My thought goes into, I'm going to put cameras in my alarm clock in case I fuck the woman next door. Yes, in case. And I need to get her into the living room because that's really the only, I need to fuck her on the couch because that's the only way this will work. And I'm only doing that so I can blackmail her or I guess maybe jerk off to it. Jerk off in his terrifying basement. And that was weird too. Why would he stop her trying? Because the uncle came back, I think. But wait, but he has to sleep in the basement when his uncle's back?

I don't know. You know, that was his like sex dungeon. Oh, so he just like jerks it there. He just jerks off in that bedroom. That's just his jerk off room because he fucks Hardware Girl. Oh yeah, in Adventure. It was also a real bummer. I was like, oh, this poor Hardware Girl because she's the person who is arguably the most naked in the movie. Yes. Oh yeah. You see her whole naked body. Yeah. You know, just like totally and I was like,

whoa, this is presumably a 16 or 17-year-old girl in the logic of the movie. This is very strange. We're not seeing J-Lo. We're seeing his buns and chest, but this girl is straight up nude. If there's one thing I know about the awkward sexual situations you find yourself in high school, it's that before you give a blowjob, you strip completely naked across the room and walk slowly.

It was very eyes wide shut kind of thing. It wasn't a normal sex scene. And it's also like, what was the deal they made? Hey, why don't you date my nerdy little friend and you can blow me? Like, cool. Yeah, man. Yeah, that goes back to what you were saying about like she only agreed to do stuff with him because, you know, Noah would come in and give her a sexy look. And what was her thought? Like, I'll date this guy so that I can fuck him later. Yeah, like if I get in good with this one, I can fuck him because that's how it worked.

At the hardware store that also says skateboards and car parts and like...

everything. It's everything. They didn't want to have another location. It's the only store in town. Nobody's ever there. Also empty. Yeah. I felt like it had that big skateboard display just so when the skateboard kids come in, then you'd be like, why are they in a hard store? Oh, they also sell skateboards. Now my question is. They also sell produce. I want to just talk briefly before we get to the end of it, talk about when she goes to, that in her class, the class is anxiously waiting outside her door. Oh my God.

And the class is like aligned with their sex pictures, which that's like one of the most comical scenes I've ever seen in film. Oh, it's so funny. Because the printer is still printing them. Yeah. The printer is still shooting out the images from the video. Shooting them onto the floor. The floor is full of pictures. They're streamed around like it's a quinceanera. And there's a great quote from literature written up as a threat. Yes.

She's like quickly shoveling them away. The principal's like, hey, let me in. Let me in. Why is he so angry? We're so angry that the class is starting five minutes late. By the way, it would have taken her conservatively 35 to 50 minutes to have cleaned all of those up. She cleans them up in one minute.

And all under her desk. All under her desk. And when I was watching the movie, I gave it more credit than I should have. I was like, there's no way they're going to be gone. The principal's going to come in and they're going to have to talk about something. Also, it's a beautiful day. Yeah. Why don't we just sit in the yard and do our lesson in the quad? I love there's this very low angle Wachowski-esque shot of the key going into the door in slow motion. It's like totally unnecessary. Which is unnecessary because the principal does not open the door. No.

He doesn't unlock and open it. She opens it from the inside out. And she's like, oh, I was on a call. Yeah. She has those hundreds of sheets of paper that she stuffed under her desk. And then she goes out to talk to him for a long time. And I just can't imagine those piles of paper are concealed behind the desk. Yeah, they would fall. She's going to teach the whole class with this giant mound of garbage. That is like...

That scene is a complete, like that is, every step of the way when J-Lo is confronted with the actions that she has committed and the repercussions that he is threatening her with, she makes every wrong choice. Oh. She always makes it worse for herself. It's a movie where you make a mistake.

It's like a horror movie. And then she continues to make mistake, mistake, mistake. And then you're like, well, now I don't even feel bad that you're the victim because you just made too many mistakes. What a great title for a movie would be Every Wrong Choice. Yes. Yes. That would be – I would go see that movie. Yes. I would say 80% of the movies in our How Did This Get Made canon would qualify. We skipped a scene that I really loved where the husband is back to have dinner or something. He spends the night and you keep nodding to Noah who is –

furiously reading the Iliad while having flashbacks of fucking J-Lo. Weird flashbacks again. And with hands on breath. Shadow boxing and then reading again. Like nobody goes from boxing to reading to masturbating to reading to boxing.

And he's so angry because John Corbett's car is parked outside, and he assumes he's fucking J-Lo. You know, there's a really funny piece of audio design that happened, and Averill found this for us. So just listen to this. This is like he cuts the brakes on John Corbett's car while Noah's driving, or while Noah the boy is driving, the whiz. And this is what I think is interesting. Like, the brakes are cut, so the car is losing control. But if you listen to it,

the sounds that the car is revving up as if the foot is on the gas. So like, and that's the instant, like here, listen. That is the sound of gas. Yeah. Yeah. It's like shifting up. Hit the brakes. Downshift. Downshift.

Yeah. I didn't even think about that. No, it's true. It's just a revving car. It's as if the kid is hitting the gas the whole time. Well, when there's no clutch, that's what happens, right? Also, why when he gets overwhelmed while boxing, does he not have one of his like asthmatic panic attacks during, like how much, that would have added so many stakes. Yeah.

Yep. And he was suddenly couldn't breathe while also not able to control a car. Oh, that would have been amazing. I would have liked that. I mean, well, you know. They should have died. Yeah.

That would have been amazing. That would have made this movie amazing. Yeah. If he successfully, or if he killed first John Corbett, it would have been amazing if this movie had upped the ante. And he does eventually kill, spoilers, Chenoweth. Oh, when he kills Chenoweth, I was like, what? What the fuck? Because he like sliced her throat. It was like gory. It was very brutal. And meanwhile, I kept- And he shoved her in a closet. She fell out of- She fell down. This is the first time, like all of his other movies,

whether murders and everything are like kind of untraceable or blackmail-ish. This one, he's just like, fuck it. Yeah. I'm killing everybody and we're getting out of here. He does not care. I wrote that. I wrote that in his reason. I killed her in case she wasn't your friend.

What? That's what he said. He goes, I killed her in case she wasn't your friend. Oh, wow. So like he's, because she knew all the details. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he's like, but I love that murder. Well, in case, just as a safety precaution, I killed her in case she wasn't your friend. It's only now occurring to me that a hardware store girl was in on it with Noah from the beginning, not the beginning, beginning, because she's the one that tells J-Lo to go to the boys' bathroom at the Fall Fling. Oh. Oh.

Where he is waiting with having written on the wall, I fucked Claire Peterson. And is the only boy using the boys' room? There are no extras. No extras. No extras at the fall fling. It's a winter, it's a dance, rather. And why didn't that ever get, like, why didn't the principal... That never came back.

Yeah, the principal should have said, hey, you know, we've been noticing some weird stuff like that gigantic piece of graffiti that says, fuck Claire Peterson. We go out and want to talk to you about that. And also, like, the other teachers saw you manhandling, like, the best-looking 20-year-old boy who goes to this school. Like, ah.

I'm not dumb. I think something's up. That I Fuck Claire Peterson, no one took care of that. Huge. Yeah. And really well done. And at the dance. At the dance. So people had to have been going into the bathroom. The five people that were at that dance would have all seen I Fuck Claire Peterson. Her son.

It's a teen dance. If the whiz had to make a whiz, yeah. Yeah. It's a teen dance. That's where everybody is going to like secretly drink booze. And what was also the thing, like it was just hair that was in the sink? No, it was paper towels. Okay. I thought he pulled that out. It was hair. I thought it was like an extension or something. I was like, oh, I got this from YouTube. Oh, I've seen that.

All right, so the end. How dare you suggest that J-Lo has extensions? Look, you know, her character. How dare you? Her character. I like the idea that a woman who looks like J-Lo would ever be named Claire. Oh, well, that goes to my... I wrote this down in the beginning. It's like, this movie is people saying things that they would never say. Like, she says schmutz. And I was like, J-Lo is never saying the word schmutz. Like, she's not like, you got some schmutz. And then when they're talking about computers, like, yeah, it's...

Arctic-cooled PC gaming computer. You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. No one feels like they, even the bullies don't feel like they know what they're saying. Everyone's like, yeah, I'm saying it, but... But we have to know that it's all authentic because it came from a real criminal justice lawyer. These are all things she's seen or heard in depositions. I do have her reason why she came up with it. She developed the concept for the script after running past her dream house.

A bad boy her son went to school with resided in the house across the street. This gave her the concept of a neighborhood boy creating conflict and driving a wedge between a family. And the first drafts focused more on the 12-year-old boy and the mother trying to get her son out of the boy's clutches. So it was much more that. 12-year-old boy. So she did slowly age them up.

And she said she was influenced by Mary Kay Letourneau. There must have been a draft at some point where there's a 12-year-old boy and maybe a 15-year-old kid that she fucks.

Yeah, I bet that's right. If she fucked a 12-year-old boy, then it really was sympathy for her. There's that story right now. There was that story last week about the teacher who got pregnant by her 13-year-old student. Oh, my gosh. Oh, wow. And it's bananas. And they had sex every day. Jesus Christ. Like under the bleachers. The story was absolutely crazy. Well, to me, I feel like, couldn't you argue that if she did have sex with an 18-year-old or something, he's a senior in high school, and he was just a little bit younger...

Yes, it was a mistake, and yes, she's a teacher, but he wasn't in her class yet. People would not root for her. Really? You don't think so? I think people would not. People would think...

I feel like right now, I feel like that's this movie made in the 80s. Yeah. Right. You know what I mean? That's this movie made and it's an 18-year-old Rob Lowe. Right. It's like that version of the movie exists, like class. You know, like the mom fucks the kid's friend from high school. But it also has this Tyler Perry-esque...

moral thing where it's like, hey, look, the husband fucked around on the wife and nothing happened to him. But that's what I'm saying. I feel like right now that wouldn't, like, everybody wants to be able to be like, no, she should be able to get hers. Yes. But not in a way that is morally reprehensible, like that it could be perceived of as hurting a child. Right. You know? And I think that's why they have to make him, like, they have to go through so many hoops to be like, no, no, no, no, he's 20, but he's still in high school. Like, it doesn't add up.

No, and I think that's why she had to say no, no, no to him so much because she couldn't really be seen. Like, what's the big deal if her defenses went down? She had some wine, they're eating chicken, and all of a sudden... And then all of a sudden, he's eating chicken. Did you come here? Guys, pussy tastes like chicken. I'm here to say pussy tastes like chicken. Finally.

Also full of salmonella. You need to get out of there, man. I am a single. Did he kill the uncle? Or are we to believe the uncle was okay? Because when she went in to delete the files, I definitely thought she's going to find the dead uncle. Murdered in the basement. He finds her. He's fine.

I don't think the uncle ever went home. I don't think he ever went home to the uncle after the uncle. Once the uncle got home, he was like, oh, you scared me. I think from there on in, that guy was never. Also, she left the basement door open, didn't she? Yeah. So wouldn't the uncle. He can't go down there in that wheelchair. I think Noah, the boy next door, I think his plan is, I think he's like ready to leave now. He's like, I'm out of here. Things have gone down. But I also think he loves his uncle.

I think there is a really weird kind of, he does love his uncle and he does think he loves J-Lo. He loves, I mean, that's. He loves too much. He loves too much. He loves too much. That's his crime. He's like Lenny in I Have Mice and Men. Yeah. He just squeezes too hard. Yeah, they're going to, he wants them to run away together at the end, right? Squeezes those boobies too hard? Yeah. That's right. Boom. You guys, just listening to the podcast, are missing a lot of high fives between Heather and I.

He's always squeezing her boobs so that we don't see them. Well, yeah, that's what I mean. I mean, it's always just boobs squeezing and pussy eating. Squeezing. And then finger blasting. I did love the... But he's like finger blasting in a way that it's like the way that I feel like softcore movies are like. It's like delicate outside touching. Very tender. Yeah. Very loving. And she's wearing... She went to that date wearing like real underwear.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. That weird brown slit. She was like, if this goes well. Yeah. Well, J-Lo, though, there's no slacker. I pulled up a picture of just her in nightgown with this slit up the side. Like, she's not, you know, she's like. She looks great. She's going to look great all the time. She's not, you know. And she's wearing a bra to bed every night. Wait a minute. Wait. So.

she's got to be thrusting her hip out sideways to get that to work like that. She's used to that. That's all she does. Her butt is like shooting out. It's such a weird slip too because it's very modest looking until you see the side and then it's all about pleasure. I want to talk about the end of the movie really quickly and then we can get into these second opinions but the end of the movie I think has the best

two of the best kills back to back, which is the EpiPen comes back into play. And I literally could not watch. She fucking stabs him in the eye with that EpiPen. Yeah.

And it was so, I don't know what. And then he pulls it out. Oh, yeah. Oh, and then he's got this fucking eye that's like, oh. That was a great, like, I mean. Yeah. Anything with eyes. Shocking, shocking. And I felt like they wrote the EpiPen first, and then they reverse engineered the sun and everything.

that went on with him to justify this EpiPen. How can we stab this guy in the eye? Not to mention the fact that what you would be doing in that moment is giving him an overwhelming dose of adrenaline in the eyeball. I thought that he was going to be like, Hulk out. Oh, that would be amazing. Like Super Shredder. Yeah. Exactly, like Super Shredder. But then she... But then...

then like in very comical fashion he walks two feet she hits a button and a fucking engine falls through the ceiling and hits him on the head which is sorry I was going to say I watched the beginning of it for a second this morning to be like and they show that engine thing hanging down but there's no set up for that engine thing like there's never anything to make you know of it why would you hang an engine in a farm like why would you hang

an engine and it was so many well what if the engine killed your daughter you'd hang that engine also it's really nice that they managed to murder him in the way that he murdered his yes with car parts car parts car parts he finally got it back but wait but let's keep this in mind because I'm almost positive

We are in a barn at the end of this movie at Kristen Chenoweth's house. Yeah. So he is, there is an engine hanging in her barn. Yeah. It's not like it's where he fixes his car or something. That's her side hobby. Yeah. So we're to presume that Kristen Chenoweth, who I believe is a single woman. Yes. A vice president. Has like some sort of tractor engine hanging in her barn. Yeah. She's a weekend farmer. And not just a farmer.

and not just hang, hanging way up. Yeah. There was no reason to ever get the engine that high. Well, there is,

Nobody would ever do that. Unless you were hoisting it to the second floor for storage to get it out. And a substantial part of this fight happens during a gasoline fire. Yes. Which they are clearly safe from in a circle of no fire. Obviously, we had an opinion about this movie, but there are people out there that had a different opinion. It's now time for Second Opinion. What if they said you had cancer? What if they said you had AIDS?

All right. These are five-star reviews. Cold from Amazon. How are our themes coming? Are people sending in themes? Oh, we have amazing themes. What we just heard right there is a brand new one. Yeah, we have tons of themes. Great. This is from Teddy Tao. Now, most people will kind of tell you the whole movie, but I think this one was worth it. Omar.

Oh my. Jennifer Lopez never makes a bad movie. She hits it home again with this one. Going through a separation with her husband, she meets her next door neighbor, who is much younger. He knows she's very lonely and needing a man, and he kindly takes advantage of that situation. They have a one night encounter, she breaks it off, and then it gets very, very, very

Very ugly. That leads her husband and son getting involved. And then in the end, the neighbor gets killed. And Jennifer and her husband and son all get out of the burning barn alive. It's a great movie. Some sexual content is in the movie. They could have left that out. But I do like the movie. Five stars. Wow. Wait a minute. What the...

what would the movie be without the sex? Yeah. That's the entire movie. And by the way, also spoilers for the movie. Big giant spoilers. Like, like really, the friend dies and they make it out of the barn alive. And then, uh, this one is, uh, this was from Stephanie E. Horn. How about Stephanie Horn E? Nailed it. Oh,

She writes simply, the title of the review is Playing with Fire and writes, not a good idea to cross that age gap. I would, but that's me. Five stars. Because she is Stephanie Horny. And then this is from Heidi Bailey who also gives it five stars. By the way, lesson not learned from the movie. No, not at all. And then Stephanie Bailey gives it five stars and simply writes, volume was too low.

What? That's a review that still gave it five stars. Volume was too low. Couldn't find remote. The volume of sex scenes? I don't know what that... No, I think the sound. I think the sound

the movie. The volume of the sex scene. I'd like to see those person's other reviews and maybe all of the reviews are like, the sound was too low. It just turns out their TV is broken. They don't know how to turn on their speaker. Or they're slowly going deaf and don't know it. There is no sound in this movie. This movie sounded silent, much like my husband and everything in the world. June and I once stayed in this like, oh, go ahead.

Our first review is Jurassic World couldn't figure out how to turn this down. Definitely loud. Too loud. One star. June and I were in this kind of hotel hospital thing when we first came out to L.A. And they had a DVD player, and we put in that movie Manchurian Candidate, the remake. Yep.

And it was pitch black. And we'd always, like, you could see figures. And it was like, wow, it's a really cool artistic choice. And we, like, watched the entire movie, like, without being able to see the figures. And then we realized that the brightness was off.

all the way down. So we watched the movie and justified it to ourselves. Like, wow, Jonathan Demme is like a real genius. He's making it hard to see the things. It's murky because this idea is a murky idea. That's amazing. It was like the shitty TV in a shitty hotel that we, like, and we gave it so much credit. Like, oh, it's a really interesting filmmaker. I love that when you justify things like that, especially because you do it to someone to make it seem like...

Nothing's wrong. Right, yeah, yeah. Like, I remember I went to a concert once when I was... Like, I went to see The Replacements when I was in ninth grade, I think, with a girl that I was, like, just so in love with but who, like, thought of me like a brother. And there were...

the bands kept coming on stage and I kept being like, this is them. And, but it then was not because there was like four opening bands. But there was such an anxiety around which band is going to be the replacement and I kept being like, declaratively like, this is them and we would like enjoy a couple of songs. I think I know this one. I think I know that one. And then it was like, none of them were the replacement. And then when the replacements came on, it was very obvious it was the replacements. Like, they made a big deal about it. Ah,

Well, do we cover everything that everyone wanted to talk about? Anything left? I think so. Die, you piece of fucking shit. Oh my God. Poor Chenoweth. Also, Chenoweth's boyfriend seemed like a real piece of shit. I felt really bad for Chenoweth. She needed a boy next door. I thought it ended very odd. I thought,

Oh, yeah. They was going to maybe let us think like there was no body in the barn. And like, obviously, it wouldn't make a sequel, but it'd be fun to have that little like. You also. A jump up moment. Jump up anything. You also don't see like any aftermath. You don't see like them six months later. Like, OK, we're all together now. We lived. The movie ended like someone's like, hey, I got to go. We got to go. We're like, oh, shit. Well, all of a sudden, like, wait, we left? The movie's over? Like, I literally was like. There is something missing. Like, just a shot of him happy or a shot of the barn being burned.

A helicopter shot of the helicopter. Just a pullout. Yeah, just some artistic pullout. But it was like they get out of the barn and the credits start playing. And they immediately go back to the flashback scene so they can show you more sex scenes again. Yes, yes. Immediately. They make their money in that sex scene. What a weird trailer thing to show the sex scenes again. I've never seen anything like that. Three times. As the director pointed out, she's got an amazing body for a movie. 44, got twins, and she still goes to the gym. You know I like it.

Oh, yeah. Heather, anything we can tell the people? They can follow you on Twitter, of course, Heather and Campbell. At Heather Campbell on Twitter. And you can kind of get to everything from there. Yeah. Instagram and all that shit. I don't know. Ben? Yeah. Sure, you can follow me on Twitter. I have this Instagram called KylieJennerDoesStuff, which is bleeding followers. So if...

If anybody wants to re-follow it. I would like to follow that. So is this Kylie Jenner just doing things? I try to take her selfies and then make it look like she's doing something either more satisfying with her life, like hanging a picture of Ruth Bader Ginsburg on the wall, or just like something garbage that she would never do, like, you know, making macaroni and cheese or eating pork rinds. And it's just called Kylie Jenner Does Stuff? Kylie Jenner Does Stuff. I'm going to follow that immediately. Jason? That's great.

Oh, I, oh, um, I'm in an episode and June is in as well. Uh, lady dynamite on, uh, Netflix. Oh yeah. Um, great show. So it's Maria Bamford show, uh, with Pam Brady and Mitch Hurwitz. It's a terrific show. That's definitely worth checking out. Um, that's about it. And I'll plug, uh, and if you're on a plane, you want to be single. I did. Jason's great in it. Uh,

And I told him that the other night, in all honesty. No, everybody is now watching that movie on planes. It's so hilarious. People keep coming to me, hey, I just saw you in some movie. I was like, were you on a plane? Yeah. So if you want to get on a plane and watch me make out with Alison Brie, how do you say it? If you're going across country, that's a great way to spend a couple hours. You can watch Filthy Preppy Teens. That is my show that I co-created on the full screen app. It's a brand new app, kind of like Netflix for millennials. It's all up there now, 8.

Eight episodes are all up and available. If you want to follow our show, follow us on Twitter at HDTGM. You can follow us on Facebook. You know how to do that. And if you have felt like we haven't talked about something on the podcast, you can leave me a voicemail message at 619-Paul-Asked. That's P-A-U-L-A-S-K, not Paul-Assed. We will play it in our new and improved mini episodes. If you haven't been listening to our minis, you've got to check them out. They're rich.

They're full. So thank you to everybody here at Earwolf. A big thank you to Averill Halle for cutting these clips, as always, just perfect. And Nate Kiley for not only watching the movie, but watching the DVD director's commentary of the movie. Thank you all. And Marissa Zeitz for putting it all together for me every day. We'll see you soon. Bye-bye. Earwolf.

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