Matinee Monday: The Meg LIVE! (w/ Nicole Byer & Adam Scott)
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BAS.com slash bonkers and use the code bonkers at checkout. Jason Statham literally fist fights a shark. I'm in. We saw the Meg. So you know what that means.

Howdy.

What's up people of... And how are you Los Angeles? Los Angeles!

We are here live at Largo, our LA home. So excited to be here tonight to talk to you about a movie that is important, so important we couldn't wait the four months for it to come out.

on video on demand. No, we didn't give this the skyscaper treatment. We said you have to go to the theater and see this movie. You need to support the box office. And you did. This movie came in number one, and I think it's all because of you. So excited to talk about this movie, which is Jason Statham Fighting Sharks.

single-handedly. I know there are other people in it, but I don't remember them, and I can't tell you their names. But to talk about this movie tonight, I have assembled an amazing panel, of course led by my amazing co-host. Please welcome Jason Manzoukas! What's up, jerk? - Ooh-wee! Show of hands, who is it the 5:00 p.m. arc light showing of this movie?

Yeah, by the way, I think me and the people in the audience were the only ones there. I will say that I think most of our panel is freshly from the theater. Ooh-wee. I've still got popcorn in my mouth. Holy cow. I want to talk about this movie in great detail, and that's what we're going to do here. You don't want to just broad strokes this one?

I mean, I had some other things I would like to get into. Frosé, we could talk about that. Frosé all day, baby. Love it. Make it. Anyway... Under everyone's seat! Get it before it melts. If it's just rosé, I'm... We are responsible for many alcoholics falling back into bad habits simply by forcing frosé on you. Talk to me, Jason, very briefly about...

- I went in with very-- - How briefly? - Very briefly, 'cause we're gonna get into it in the show, but-- - Great. - High hopes, I went in with very high hopes. Where did it fall? Did it exceed them? Did it meet them? Did it go under them? - You know, you know, you know, you know, I also, very high hopes, and it didn't exceed them. - No. - Can you imagine? Can you imagine what this would have been if we had gone and it had exceeded our hopes?

There was a hope that it would have exceeded it. I mean, what would that entail? More boobs, but I thoroughly enjoyed it. Yes. You know, some parts were kind of exactly where I wanted the whole movie to be, and some parts were like, oof, I wish this wasn't happening. I feel like that is a good summation of this film I am...

Pretty much on your same... It was like a 40% yay, you know, 45% yay, 55% oof, maybe? Somewhere in there? I don't know. And there were moments when they hit that you were like, fuck yeah. Like, for example, the very end title card, Finn.

100% I'm like, I want that movie all day long. I got this movie and I'm happy with this movie, but I wanted more. I will say this. If anybody else but Jason Statham had been in this movie, it would have been awful.

It would have been awful. 100% agree. I'm trying to think. Originally, it was going to be directed by Eli Roth, and apparently the reason why he left the project, I think, was because he wanted to be the lead actor in it. So that would have been...

No, and I just feel like you need someone with a very strong gravitas. The Rock could have done this. Yeah. I don't believe his body in a diving, swimming situation. I would, well, really? Baywatch, baby. Ooh, you're right. I will say this. Like, I feel like The Rock should have done this instead of Skyscraper, right? Well, look, I don't want to shit on Skyscraper. You don't? A future episode of the show. I want to save my opinions for that movie.

I've never seen Die Hard and this is my favorite movie about a burning building. No, I'm just joking. I've seen Die Hard. A gentleman over here just lost his mind. What? What? I don't want to get too far ahead of this discussion. I like that for that guy, that's the big reveal of the night. She's never seen Die Hard.

I've seen them all multiple times. Except the first one. Yes. Which cannot be as good as the one with Justin Long. I know. How can it be good? More Bonnie Bedelia all day long is what I would say. That's the success of the franchise. Give me Bonnie Bedelia.

Give me an Ann Archer. Give me... Where are you, ladies of the 80s? Ladies of the 80s is Jason and I's other podcast. Yep. All right. Ladies of the 80s. Kim Basinger is our focus on today's episode. That is... By the way, that is a podcast I would legitimately do. Oh.

- Gina Davis. - Ugh, Gina Davis. Accidental tourist? Come on! - Fletch, Fletch. Ladies and gentlemen, our next guest had very strong opinions about the film Bloodsport. She is hilariously funny. She's a great standup comedian. She has a amazingly hilarious Netflix show. Please welcome Nicole Byer!

Kuma 10! Kuma 10! Kuma 10! Kuma 10! Kuma 10! Kuma 10! Kuma 10!

Welcome, Nicole. Ah, thank you for having me. So excited to have you here back again. I feel like we needed to bring you back for a film that... Look, I mean, The Meg. Where do you fall on it? Were you excited about it? Did you know about it? I had no idea about it. Okay. Hadn't seen one trailer. But I knew it was about a shark, and I was like, I hope it's like a woman who falls in love with the shark she calls Meg. And...

That's not what it was about. You wanted it to be a woman who falls in love with a shark named Meg. Yes. And the shark is a female shark named Megan? Sure. I'm into it. I don't care. I'm into it. Like a lesbian, the shape of water? Yes. Either way, I'm into it.

100%. No, but I will say, you got a great love story in here. But there was no dick. There was, like, nobody fucked, and we were at the same showing. Did you hear me going, when they go fuck? Because, like, I said it out loud three times. No, I didn't hear you. Nicole and I figured how we were at the same screening did not know it. I was very busy jerking off. Ah, yes. And I was busy scooping my puss. Yeah.

Don't go to that arc light. If you're in LA, avoid it. - Wait, I think I did see you. You had an ice cream scooper? - I had an ice cream scooper. I was hovering over the seat just scooping it. - Guys, it's so hot. - And to be fair, you did the same thing for Christopher Robin. - Oh, absolutely. Gotta scoop that honey out. - Oh.

Well, where did it fall on your scale, not knowing anything? If it's Christopher Robin, I'm scooping my butt. Because that's where the poo... Boom, boom, boom. No. In that movie... I loved it. True or false? True or false, Winnie the Pooh does teach Christopher Robin how to go down on his wife. Is that true? Yes. Yes, and the CGI poo has a dick. Nicole, did the movie...

Meet expectations, fall below expectations, or exceed expectations? It was just so wild. It was like a first draft that like eight people wrote together and they were like, "Ah! Let's shoot it!" And I admire that. I feel like someone said, "If you can shoot the movie next month, we'll give you the boats." And they were like, "Okay!" Um...

I feel like it's probably not far away from that. I felt like it was a team of international road rules contestants writing it. It was like no one spoke the same language, but they understood that they could make a movie. They all understood movie. It was like the dialogue was written in another language and then translated to English. I'm not even sure some of those people, English is their third language. Yeah.

It was wild. Now, obviously, you know, I bring the level of expertise to a film like this because I, of course, was in Piranha 3D, Piranha 3DD. I know about animals attacking people, but...

There's also someone who also has a similar level of experience. Someone who's been on the show before. He is a hilariously funny guy. He has been in shows like Parks and Rec, Big Little Lies. Please welcome Adam Scott! Hi, guys. Welcome.

Welcome, Adam. Also fresh from the theater. Oh, yeah, it came straight here from the Grove where I saw this movie. What are your treats of choice, Adam? I sat there. For dinner, I had a bag of peanut M&Ms tonight. Yeah! And a Diet Coke the size of a swimming pool.

Do they have one of those Coke machines where you can kind of do whatever you want, like 190 flavors? No, it wasn't the touchscreen one, which is a bummer. It's the best. I know, I want that so bad. I want one in every room of my house. I don't like it either. It's too overwhelming. Because then you're like, what if I mix gripe and cherry? And you're like, well, it's trash.

I know you never end up doing it, right? Because you know it's going to be terrible. I mix it up. I do it and then I dump it out and then I'm that lady who's like, sorry everyone. You have to start over. I have to start over. Gotta get more ice. Wait,

You guys are treating getting soda at the movies like it's an experimental, like a lab. It reminds me of going to 7-Eleven when I was a kid, but with 150 choices. I lean heavily into seltzer and the flavor. What's happening right now? You know what I did? I said to the guy at the counter, can I have a root beer? That's what happened to me.

Arclight doesn't slum it with these big Coke machines where you can put like a million flavors. Like I can have watermelon soda. That's what my go-to is. It's delicious. Yeah. I've never had that. And I feel like I should have had watermelon soda. It's really, it's not like, it's not, it's a mellow yellow side trick. I feel like the crowd just caught on to that. It's black people's national fruit. Like we all know that.

That's like if I haven't had fried chicken soda. Like, that would be the first thing I taste. It's 150 flavors. Do they have fried chicken soda? They do. Like, where are we at here? What is this? I mix it a little bit with, like, a Coke Zero, and it tastes really good. The fried chicken soda. Can I get, like, is there, like, a Go-Gurt in there? Can I get, like, a thick, viscous yogurt? But you can get a milkshake at, like, a machine at a gas station. It's called For Real. For Real.

Really? Yes. I'm saying you put the cup in and they mix it. Yes, and you can pick this. And I love it. Wow. I love it. Oh, I love gas station milkshakes. They're so good. Do you also get to pick, is one of the selections how quickly it becomes diarrhea? Do you get to set a timer on it? Like, well, I'll be home in about a half an hour, so in about 45 minutes, I want to have like

brown water explode out of my ass. It's just an ice cream treat that they just stir up for you. Adam, this movie, where did it fall...

Where did it fall on your scale? That's where the poo is. Did it exceed your expectations? Did it come in below? What did you feel? I will say that I was as weirdly invested in seeing this movie as Cliff Curtis was weirdly invested in Jason Statham and the leading lady's relationship in this movie.

A character whose name I think was Mac and it was indistinguishable when Statham said Meg or Mac. So he'd be like, where's Mac?

And you're like, wait, is he asking about the guy who's his friend or where's the shark right now? That's right. I was confused by that and I've already forgotten about it. Like I think most of them. Oh, this movie has a one of those things that if you watch it till the end, you it tricks you into forgetting it. There's like a post-hypnotic suggestion and you just forget it almost instantaneously. That's right.

I will say that this movie, it's interesting because I think they made a really serious movie that was bad.

And then they were like, but what if we just made it a little bit lighter in moments? Like, I don't... Because it had like a weird tone that it never really went either way. It was weird. It was like they... Because there were lots of parts of the abyss that were lifted, lots of elements of Jaws, but it was as if they had never seen the abyss or Jaws. They took out... Most of the movie is the third act of Jaws, but without the first...

or like where there's any terror or like they don't even seem to be that freaked out. They're like, no one ever screamed. No, no one was ever like, I'm gonna die. Like nobody. Except for at the very end at the beach in China.

a woman screams in English, shark. Yeah. No, well, that was a white woman. A white woman. A white woman on vacation. At the Chinese beach screams shark. She was having the day of her life. She was upset. Yeah, I get it. But I'm like, I was like, what the fuck? By the way, that beach does not exist. A beach where every water sport is happening concurrently? And everyone is in...

Everyone is in an inner tube. Everyone is in an inner tube. And then they have floating rafts and I was like, how's that? And they have jet skis going in between. And then like stand up paddle boarding. And people in giant balls. And people doing. I want to get in one of them balls. I want to get in one of those balls too.

That was genuinely a fun element, was the guy in the ball being chased. And then him biting it was weirdly disappointing. Yes. Yeah, I feel like that bite would have been great in 3D because it seemed like the cap of the ball shoots at you and you're like, oh! I think they did it wrong. I think the shark should have bit it and then the man should have been propelled forward. Yeah, something like that. That would have been very funny. What was this movie rated? PG-13. Okay, because that was the other thing. I felt like...

the kills were unsatisfying. Yes. And as a result, you are like, people, is the shark actually getting? Everybody kind of gets away. Well, they're basically, I mean, they're not even in a danger of people getting killed besides those people on the station for literally like two hours and 40 minutes. Or an hour and 40 minutes. Also, a lot of the time, they're on the surface of the ocean in a

Rig that is pretty safe. Yeah rather than being trapped under the water or or on but there's a period of time on the book But it just felt like the for being in this situation the stakes were were weirdly weirdly low

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The movie is based upon the premise that Jason Statham is an underwater, like, EMT, right? Like, I mean, like, he is... He's reluctant. A reluctant underwater EMT. He's really bummed about it. And he's like, but that's his thing, is he's the best...

deep sea rescue. Right. Not the best at like diving, not the best at whatever. He's the best at deep sea rescue. But how often? How often are his skills necessary?

- You don't hear that many like, yeah. - Once. And he's super pissed about it. - Yeah. Well, he clearly is not that great because the minute they get onto that sunken submarine, he immediately takes off the hazmat suit, which I'm like, I don't know if that's the smartest choice, immediately to be like, no, we're all good here. It's like, no, that seems to be there for a reason. There could be many of gases out there.

You're right. Many of gases out there. Many gases out there. Many of gases out there on the sub. Someone could have farted inside the submarine, too. You never know. The opening moment is, you know, the Meg, or a Meg, is attacking this big sub, and he makes a decision, and he thinks about it. And how do we know he thinks about it? Because that camera. Oh, yeah. This is the crazy thing about this movie. The thinking shots. He's just like,

I've never seen a powerful... He's awesome. He's great. Like, again, like Jason said, without Statham in it, it's not a good movie. I don't know.

I think Will Smith could have done a very good job. Because Men in Black is a masterpiece. Sure. Here's what else. Yes, I agree. There are people of that level who would have been great. I'm saying at Statham level. Will Smith, yes, a million percent. George Clooney was attached originally.

- Really? - No, no, no, no. - Ooh, that one is in a tree! - When this movie was first put together, George Clooney was attached as the lead guy. - That's... - That's wild. - That's nuts. - Yeah. - I mean... - But Rainn Wilson's been in since "The Chump," right?

Rainn Wilson's character in this movie is interesting because he's essentially like an Elon Musk who seemingly is nice until the very last time we see him. Oh, you're evil? There was nothing to connote that he was evil. Can I ask a question? And I mean this. What was his macro plan?

What's he up to? Oh, that's wild. I understand, like, he didn't want this to get out. He didn't want the culpability to be put back on him when he says, oh, these are all people, any attack, they could sue me or whatever. But what's his initial plan? To go beneath the surface. For what? Yeah, for what? To be like, cool, we found a new thing.

But he gets there not understanding anything and has to be introduced to everything that's happening there. But he's got very cool sneakers. Oh, yeah. Also, I loved that all of the secondary characters were stereotyped. Like the black swim. I know. That was wild. What? That was crazy. It blew my mind. They acknowledged how racist it was and then just kept doing it. Yes.

Yeah, because I think he had a line using, oh, because I'm black, but then later it was like, I swear, oh, a massa pulled me out. It was so wild. It was crazy. Except in this case, the massa is a tiny Asian girl who's like, shut the fuck up.

And there's an odd thing with him, too, because not only do they embarrass him by not having him swim, but then he's like, this wasn't in the job description. It's like, wait, working in an undersea research facility? You didn't think you were going to be anywhere near water? Like, he didn't seem smart at his job. And I didn't know what anyone... That's the rover pilot?

I guess that's what he's there for is the rover pilot. Everyone there. You know what had a real job? Yeah, Ruby Rose. I'm like, I don't know what the fuck she is. What was going on with her hair? She had some nasty little dreadlocks. Couldn't handle. But they also did that in the movie. There was like, what's up with your hair? Yeah.

Every time they wanted to either indulge in a stereotype or whatever, I felt like somebody was like, well, if you speak to it in the movie, you can do whatever you want. But he said, what's up with your hair when she just got out of the water and was just wet and slicked back. And then in the next scene, it's all crazy again. And everyone's fine with it at that point. And then she gives him a real good slam. She's like, what's up with yours? He's bald. He's like, ugh.

Touche. And that's the kind of level of writing that you're getting throughout. End of convo. These are people who, within the last four hours, have watched four of their friends be murdered in front of them. But they only cared about one. They only cared about Toshi? Toshi. Toshi and The Wall, which is my favorite indie rock band.

But after he dies, they're all having a meeting and his picture's just on the computer. What was that about? What?

They have that one made at a stake. Computer things of all the stuff they're looking at and his, like, ID picture watching over them. I mean, my favorite moment was when the grandfather dies and the daughter goes to get off the boat and the daughter's like, well, now I gotta tell my daughter immediately. Just so you know, grandfather's dead. Okay, let's go back. Like,

Like, here's my question to you. But the little girl didn't even have a reaction to it. None. No one. But I think everyone here is suffering from something because they don't react. The shark isn't a big deal. Right. This is the,

craziest thing. Like when they were getting in that tube, he's like, I'm afraid of getting in the tube. She's like, why? Fucking, you can't bite through this. And it's a shark that's like as big as a city bus that gets eaten by a shark that's as big as like, what, eight city buses? Yeah. And everyone's just kind of figuring it out. It would be like,

I think it would be the same reaction if it was like an eight foot shark. They're like, yeah. Okay, well, when they put the woman in the shark cage, right? That basically becomes like a probiotic pill that the shark is trying to swallow. Gagged down. I was like...

Why, yes, of course. This is a shark-proof thing for all of the sharks that we know about, right? Right. Now, what we're up against, though, is a shark that is, you've already seen.

exponentially larger, stronger, more dangerous. And she's like, I'm going to be fine. But do me this one favor. As you're lowering me down into the depths to face this shark, make sure my daughter is on board watching every moment of this. Why is her daughter there? Her daughter, what? She is not a good, first of all,

I have issues with that tank because the one thing they learned was don't put on the lights, right? The first team went down, the lights fucking make this shark angry. First thing that that tube goes down, boom, boom, boom, three lights. Like, all right.

Okay. And then her big plan was to have a laser pointer gun and shoot that into the shark's eyes? Out of the smallest hole in America. It was so tiny. And she misses. She went, oh no. She misses once. Once. And then nails it the second time. It took more arrows to hit the single missing scale of Smaug than it does to get this shark right in the soft spot.

But also, also...

The logic, the entirety of the logic of them being out there on the boat and trying to shoot a tranquilizer. No, first, before it's the tranquilizer, it's the tracker device. So they're like, okay, the shark is like 100 yards out there just swimming back and forth. And they go, okay, let's drive the boat over there and shoot the tracker device. And the guy's like, no, he's already shown aggression towards boats. So we can't do that. Yes, and then they stay on it.

the whole time. And they're like, okay, well then obviously one of us has to swim out there. Yeah. And they're like, okay, I guess I'll go. It makes no sense whatsoever. Statham jumps in that water like he

I think he has a death wish because for him, he at any given point is like, fuck it, like going in. And then I realized I think part of the reason is because Jason Statham was an Olympic diver and this is him competing. You can see a little. Yeah, here he is. This is some classic Statham footage. Here we go. England's Jason Statham. He's in ninth position. Two point eight.

Forward two and a half somersault with one twist, 2.8. Ooh, yeah, look at that dick. Far too much forward travel on that dive. On the left, Beverly Boys. Pretty big splash when you hit the water. Yeah, like a car position. Wait, do splashes cost? His forward three and a half somersault with tuck. Is that why there's no fat divers? I was on a diving team. He's good. I mean, look. Okay. I mean, it's okay. But I mean...

Yeah, he's always-- he is jumping in at a moment's notice to get that chart. And when he comes out, what did that guy say? I wrote it down. It was like, he goes, "You might be a son of a bitch, but you're no coward."

Yeah, and then laughed. Yeah, give him a wink and a laugh. By the way, just before I forget, can I add Nancy Travis and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio to Ladies of the 80s? Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio is everything. Yes. Everything for me. Oh, um...

I really like that they made Jason Statham a beer drunk. Like, he's like, oh, he drinks beer all the time because he has a real beer bod. You know? Oh, yeah. And he looked really comfortable holding that beer through the whole scene. I also like that he had some breezy culottes on and, like, a fun vacay hat. And I love that he's like, you'll never get me back in the water. And they're like, but it's your ex-wife. And he's like, soon enough. He's like, all right.

- The best part about when they convince him to come back in for his ex-wife was they go, "Look what just happened." And they take out an iPhone and they hit the voice message feature and they just play an audio recording of her going, "Oh my God, oh." - Right, it was so, like they hadn't cast the actor yet or something.

show him some fucking footage give him something just don't play it out yeah it was weird that's the whole reason he comes is to save her and then he saves her and she disappears from the movie not a part of it he starts a romantic storyline with someone else and their tension they're not even romantic they is no they don't like the room knew what was up and I was like help him out show him to a room but then they got to a meeting late just the two of them so I was like maybe they did fuck I don't know I spent most of the movie being like who's

Do you think that the bride and groom on the ship, those great side characters, are they fucking this thing? No, because that woman kept being like, you bang! And then the dog was on a power trip. That dog leapt off the boat.

this dog swimming. And to show that he was alive at the end. Why were those people jumping off the boat? They seemed like they were part of the wedding party. It was like as soon as they took the picture, it was time to jump into the water. That tradition. But the bride was upset that they were jumping in the water. Because she wanted more pictures. They were ruining her wedding. You know brides. Yeah, brides. You know women. I don't.

I'm sorry man. Oh buddy. Like it wasn't a fucking joke. Someday I'm gonna be on a yacht getting married. The dog's gonna go in the water and we're all gonna get eaten by a megalodon. Did you like Jason Statham's swimming song? Swimming, swimming, I'm swimming in the water. Wasn't that from

I thought he was singing The Finding Nemo. Oh. And I was like, they're going to get sued. Disney's not nice. Did not realize that. Yeah, it was just keep swimming, just keep swimming. And I said, you didn't hear this when I said it out loud, they're going to get sued. You didn't hear that? I guess I should talk louder in movies. Please, please don't take that as evidence. Nope, I got to speak loud.

Boost your volume. No, I gotta stand up and state my cause. Yep, Jake, yep, thank you. You know the mistake you made was sitting so far front, you know, if you sit further back, you'll carry over the audience. You know, like you were yelling straight to the screen. You're right, I should just lean back. Or just bring some sort of mobile mic and amp and just like...

I'll bring my karaoke machine, I'll set it up. Everybody all set here? They're gonna get sued! Who's fucking? You've watched a special Arclight presentation with Nicole Byer. By the way, I would go to movies.

specifically knowing that you were in that screening with a speaker just talking the whole time. My roommate does. Some screenings at the Arclight are like 21 and over or filmmaker will be present. I would like it if there's a little asterisk and it just says Nicole Byer will be shouting during this movie. Nicole Byer will be trying to figure out who is fucking. Okay.

It is a weird... You can program whatever movies you want. Shame. Who's fucking? Who's fucking? But I do feel like it would be fun because it would be when you would actually go see a movie. So it could be a 5 o'clock screening. It could be a Sunday screening. You have to catch it at random. I can't believe you didn't hear me. I talked through the whole movie. There were so many moments where I went, and my roommate kept going, and I was like,

- Oh, that sounds, I wish I had. I wish I had, if I'd known, we could have had so much more fun together. - We could have, we could have just been killing and terrorizing everybody else. - Oh yeah. - It would have been fun. - Plus these turds over here were there. - I felt like, and it's no fault of the actors. - No it is. - I'm sure everyone's doing a good job. - It is, that whole movie was the best takes they got. - Well, this is like, my, here, this is like what I thought.

Before you shoot a scene as an actor, they have people come in, they're stand-ins, and they just kind of walk through the lines, just like a camera blocking and stuff. It's a real paced thing, so it'd be like, yeah, you know, prehistoric shark just killed our friends. Okay, great, we got that. Yeah, the camera will go here, great. And I felt like this movie, if you told me, oh yeah, all those people were stand-ins, and this is before the real actors came to set it, I'd be like, yeah, I buy it. Yeah, they cut together the stand-in version of the whole movie. Because it just, everything seemed so...

There was no energy. And when the movie starts, like Rainn Wilson, God bless, because he gets off that ship and he's like, I'm giving it. I'm like talking in Chinese. I'm doing bits. But he's slowly

- And then he probably has less energy as the movie goes on. - It's like the movie sucked and dropped. - As if they shot it in order. - But they also punctured his character with all these weird moves so you couldn't figure out who he was or what he wanted or what he was doing. - Just make him an asshole rich guy who's along for the ride. Make him like Mark Cuban or somebody. But yet they like, not that Mark Cuban's an asshole, I love him, sharks, let's shark tank shark. That would've been great all together.

But I feel like, yeah. Oh, Paul. I just got a text from Mark Cuban. Oh, shit. If he is not getting in my... He's really upset about what you said about him. He has invested 25% in my 150 frozen yogurt flavored machine that I have at all movie theaters. And if this does not go through, Jason, I am in trouble.

Hang on. Barbara Corcoran just texted me. Should I take it? Should I take it? She said if Cuban's out, she's in. If Marcus Limonis comes in at the last second, I'm going with Marcus. Paul, Marcus Limonis just texted me. From the Prophet? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

He said if Barbara doesn't work out, and if Cuban's out, for 100% control over your business, he will give you $200,000 and he will make all of your familial troubles smoothed over. - Fuck, I'm in. - But, but, but, he is 100% in charge. - In charge, yes. - All right, I'm gonna agree to this and then forget that I agreed to this exact thing and question everything that he does.

Guys, this is some prophet humor. It's one of the best shows. The Prophet. If you're not watching it, what the hell are you doing?

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- No, it was weird. It's a weird zone for Rainn Wilson to be in because when he goes evil at the end, he hasn't built up enough equity to be a villain that you care about. - Yeah, no, it's not. - And he's not really villainous in his goals, I guess. - No. - He's just kind of-- - He just wants a shark to, at the end he becomes

Bond villain as like, get me a shark tooth from my desk. Yeah. And you get one too. It's like, all right. I was confused because he was like, let's drop this dynamite and kill all of these people. But then they didn't. They dropped it on the shark, right? Yeah. Well, I thought it ended up being a whale.

I don't know. - Like he was gonna kill all the people? - It was confusing 'cause I thought he was gonna kill the people, but then I was like, oh no, he gonna kill that shark so nobody can sue him for being murdered by the shark, but I'm like, they dead. - And by the way, isn't killing the shark a good thing? - Right, that's what they're trying to do for the whole movie. - Yes. - And he just had a better plan to kill it instead of-- - I have a question about this section of the movie. At this point, I went to the bathroom. Where did they get missiles from?

What missiles? Part of their plan is that when they bring the little yellow scooters, underwater scooters. The same planes from Phantom Menace. He and this woman, each of them has a missile on the edge of their thing.

That they're going to shoot at the shark. Where did they get a missile from? Okay, but they don't use them, do they? She does, but it misses. And then Jason Statham, he hit it on a rock or something, so it got locked, and then he couldn't use it. So why even have them? So he killed it by cutting its belly with what? And then that shark decided to go to the surface so he could stab it in the eye. You didn't hear me go, what?

I literally screamed that. I don't want to tell you that I didn't hear you say anything. I did, certainly. But I couldn't make out exactly what you were saying. Was it the stabbing in the eye that killed it? I guess I shoved that pole so deep into the eye that it went into its brain. No way. No way.

No way, that shark could live for another 200 years with a thing stuck in its eye. Easy. Its brain is like 40 yards in. Yes, and also it's probably the size of a middle school. Yeah, with Marcus Lomonas inside of it making fun of that guy.

I would love it if half of the movie... Here's what I wanted. I wanted the shark to swallow the woman in the cage. Then he has to go into the shark. Pinocchio style. Yes. To rescue her. His name is Jonas, which is Jonah and the whale. So get the fuck in that shark asshole. By the way...

So the original ending of the movie was, or I guess in the book, Jonas... There's a book? Oh, yeah. This is a novel. This is 100% not interesting. Oh, boy. What, is it a young adult book? No, it is not a young adult. It's a young adult book in which the shark has cancer but falls in love for the first time. That's what I wanted to see.

By the way, I'm pretty sure there's a Peter Benchley follow-up to "Jaws" called "The Meg," but this is based on a novel by Steve Alton. And it says here that the end of the book was, "Jonas kills Meg by diving down into its throat and into its belly and then ripping its heart out from within."

And then what happens is the Meg gives birth to three baby Megs. One of them survives. Great. I mean, that's a way better. Why do like a kish, like an eye stab? Even if you do do that, still get, why not do all of that anyway? You know what I mean? You could have, because there are, spoiler alert, two giant sharks in this movie. Do one to one and one to the other. I want to get in these sharks.

By the way, I'm looking at some information here. When I said that George Clooney was attached, that was back in 1997. Oh, wow. When the movie was first, when the rights of the book were first bought. What? This has been going on since 97? 1997, Walt Disney Company bought the book rights after it was published for $1 million. Wow.

And it went into turnaround. Honestly, what are we doing? What are we doing with our lives? It went into turnaround because they didn't think it could succeed after Deep Blue Sea, another movie featured on this podcast. So like Deep Blue Sea, they had to wait from 97 till now. Wait, is it still owned by Disney? No, they gave it to somebody else. Wow. For free. For free.

By the way, this movie made like 40 some odd million dollars. It is like a legit success. Right now, the budget is 130 million. That's the budget. And the worldwide gross as of today is 213 million dollars. That's insane.

It made $45 million in opening weekend. It's already made $60 million here. In China, I bet it's doing very well. I mean, that's the thing. This movie is made... We're watching a Chinese imported movie. I think China has been seeing a lot of American imported movies. We're watching a Chinese imported movie, I feel like. So there's going to be a sequel. What will it be like? The Megan?

Those kids are coming out of the superhighway. What did they say? It's just like Meg Ryan just coming up from under the water. But doing the O scene from Harry Met Sally. And then Billy Crystal's in the movie as well. And it's the two of them. It's the sequel to when Harry Met Sally and the sequel to this. I love it.

Combine the franchises. By the way, when they said... I wrote down my favorite lines as we were going through. It was like, are you telling me that we created a superhighway for giant sharks? I did not understand what the fuck they were talking about when they talked about the superhighway. Okay, I think I got it. So, like, there was, like, a part of the ocean that was, like, too cold and, like, also, like, too hot at the same time. So then a barrier broke between

in the hot and then I guess the shark was like oh shit there's a hole and then the shark was like okay and then that's how the shark got up and I think it was caused by the ship going up fast so it provided a pathway for us even though it's water yeah you know how in the water there's just something that keeps you down yeah that's right you take a bath and you're like I can't get out

But my question about that was when they went into that special undersea water, I thought it would be like a really beautiful, like, whoa. They didn't light it. It's the same way. Can you believe what you're seeing? And it just looked like the bottom of the ocean. Yeah. And it was like a fish eating another fish. And I was like, looks normal to me. And there was one part where they go down and you see a fish, but it immediately turns away. And I was like, but that's a close-up. Why?

Why didn't the fish go get it? But you know what I loved? I loved, and here's what I was like, yes, if this is the movie, I'm 100% on board. Giant squid attacks her pod or whatever it is. Her go-kart. Skipper, what's it called?

A go-kart. Her go-kart. Her underwater go-kart. And I was like, cool. This is what I want. I want everything down. I want it to be underwater kaiju fight. Like, let's do this. Yes. Right? But that's Rampage. And then the shark comes and takes the squid. Yeah. And there's no reaction from anyone. There isn't even like a big music boom. Nobody reacts to anything. It just happens. So much so that there is so little...

People have no reactions and no accountability, right? When she's in her thing going down and she's going to rescue the people, but then it goes awry. He has to rescue her, right? And then rescue them. Now, because she's insistent on it. Now, Toshi dies, right? Spoiler alert. And she's like, you killed Toshi. And it's like, if he hadn't had to rescue you...

Everybody would be alive right now. But she kept making it such that he kept having to go after her. I was like, you have to have personal accountability, guys. What are we doing here? Otherwise, Toshi would be alive. I feel like the most reaction you got was from the man with the scraggly hair who was like, that shark ain't my friend. I was like, oh, give him an Oscar. I believe he was called The Wall.

But that guy's fantastic. He's great. He's on Maria Bamford's show. You know, he plays her husband on the show. And I love that guy. I was like, oh, you killed off the arguably the best and most interesting member of this team that I could discern what the personality was. Ruby Rose looked cool, but I don't know what she, I don't know what purpose she served. No one served a purpose. They're all making these plans that seem pretty like, all right, well,

We'll do this. I don't know. Can we go back to... Oh, sorry. Sorry. No, please. I was just going to say at the end it seemed like she was a hacker, but I don't know. She did seem like a hacker, but then she built the shark tank thing that went down. She was very confusing in her hair. But Toshi, that was his name, right? Toshi, when he wrote that letter, I was like, what's your plan? You're in water. Yeah.

It's paper. Right. Nobody will read it. No one seems to have an idea that they were dragged into a water-based job. Here's the thing, right? Everyone's reacting. Everyone's like, why am I here? And they all, it really is like, there is like the deck, the main hub of the thing, right? Yeah. Right? And where the, what's it called? Mana One? Yeah, Mana One. Okay.

They're all there, right? The whole room is full of people who have completely different skill sets. So there is Ruby Rose, who's like, "Chack-a-da-clack-a-da-clack-a-da, I'm a hacker." There's the guy who's like, "I'm driving the rover." There's a doctor? Who's just there on the deck of the... - In the main... - In the main... They're all like... He might as well be like, "And here's the chef, who's gonna be later cooking dinner."

Everybody, this would not lay out like this. It's a bad improv scene. Like, everyone get in here. This shark research facility needs to step up its game. Well, as the doctor aboard this ship, I think we need to. I'm the janitor. Wait, did the doctor interview Jason Statham in that video? Was that the doctor? Yeah, the high-angle video. Which is like, what? Well, because he was on that submarine that exploded in the first scene. Oh, yes. I mean...

I mean, come on. And by the way, they're blaming him for that death. It's like, that fucking submarine blew up. And they're like, he saved you. It made no sense. And they basically were accusing Statham of having like deep sea madness. From the abyss. Not basically. I think they said it. They were like, oh, he's got deep sea madness. What? What?

that they planted at the beginning of the movie, so I'm like, oh, later on in the movie, someone's gonna get it and try to get it, but no. Remember when the two helicopters flew into each other? Yes! Why is it? Suddenly, at a point in the movie, the sky's full of helicopters. Yeah. By the way, all I wanted to see in that sequence was that fucking Meg just come out and eat that helicopter. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes! Like, eat it.

How do you not? The helicopter. How do you not do that? I don't know. But when the helicopters collided, I was like, okay, there's something. I wrote down a note at one point. I was like, this movie should be called Stay Away from Tension Wires because the entire movie is like, oh, shit. Tension wires were much more dangerous than any shark. It was like they were all being hit by debris. That was it. Even the helicopter was like, oh, fuck.

And I think maybe three times the shark is somehow entangled in something so when it's about to hit something or eat something it stops right at the last second and gets pulled back. Like a few times. It reminded me a lot of The Little Mermaid when they're trying to escape the shark and that shark's stupid too and then he gets caught in that little thing. But like I

that when it got caught and Jason Statham's just floating in front of it being like, wow. And then this dead lady on his arm, she was dead. There's no way she survived that. Let's go into the audience and see what you guys have to say about this movie. Sir, your name...

you know, give me your most blasé reading of, oh, look, there's a giant prehistoric shark. Any way you want. You can phrase it any way you want. My name's Wren. Oh, there's a giant shark. Pretty good. That was pretty good. I don't know. That was too much feeling. You were sad about it. All right, your question.

So when this movie was in turnaround back in the 90s when Disney acquired it, at one point Guillermo del Toro was attached to the movie as a producer and he may have ended up directing it. So if the fish man from The Shape of Water was in this movie, would this meet or exceed your expectations from what you saw?

If the fish man was in this movie, wouldn't that have been amazing if in the last scene, like the post-credits scene, like the Meg met up with the fish man and they were like buddies? And he goes, I've trained you well. Now we go to New York. Yeah. And then the fish man was like, hey, dude, smell my fingers. Right? Right? Sir? Right?

Did Meg, did, wait, because I think this is when I was dropping a hot deuce in the bathroom at the Ark, like, did Rainn Wilson get killed? What? Yes, yes. I missed, that's what I missed.

I missed that scene. Wait, did you miss the part where they dropped so much explosive on the whale that it blew up and got all in that guy's face? Yeah, I missed that. He was in a helicopter and he got whale shit on him. Yeah, I saw him in the helicopter and he's got the explosives and he tosses it to his friend. But then they take off and he falls off the boat and nobody notices. So then he climbs

climbs on the whale and then the Meg takes a bite next to him and he's like, phew, and then it eats him but leaves his hand. Did anyone else catch that? His hand was still there. It was wild. Do you think the hand will be in the sequel?

I also have an issue with a movie like this where Meg is eating one person at a time. Like, why go back for the one? It makes no difference. It would be as if, like, we were just singling out individual ants to eat. Yes.

I was going to say a piece of pirate's booty. Like, I open a bag and I just take one and then I seal up the bag and I put it back away. I was going to say a french fry. Oh, that's good. I was going to say a skittle. Ma'am, what were you going to say? But like, when the Meg is chasing Pippin the dog, I was like, this dog is not on this shark's radar. This shark is too big to notice this small, because the

The Meg's mouth, when the Meg's mouth opens up, it's like a whale getting plankton or something. Yeah, exactly. Anyway. And the size of the shark was a little inconsistent here. Oh, it was so inconsistent. It was very confusing. But then I was like, well, things do look different in the water. So I was like, it's okay. And I'm sure they were taking that into account. Well, there wasn't attention to detail after it ate all those people.

their like bathing suits in his teeth. You didn't know that. Yeah, that was great. You didn't hear me say

What would you say, Nicole? Would you say it's fair, like, 65% of the things that you call out are set deck, right? You know, you're like, I like that. Well, yes, I like set decoration and fucking. Those are the two things I want to see in a movie. By the way, the kid that this movie needs to... The sequel needs to be about that kid who gets his life saved, the ice cream pop-eating kid. Wait a minute, that kid... I love that kid. Why were those...

cluster of people trapped together in the water. And also, hey kid, get rid of your fucking popsicle. Oh, I'm sorry. That was a commitment to being fat. I identified with that. I was like, I wouldn't drop it either. I was like, at this point, the popsicle's been in the water. Who cares? That's a salty treat. It's salty sweet. That's a commitment.

He's like, well, if I'm a die, I'm a die happy. Lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick. That's how I'm going out with a hot dog in my mouth. Suddenly, like, three dozen people are a mile and a half out as if they're stuck together, and he's like, oh. Ma'am, your unenthused response to a shark and your question.

Oh, it's a shark. Great. No. Okay. So my question is, they claim that this is the first time anyone's gone below this hyper cold layer. So why is Jason Statham, the supposed expert who's already had PTSD from this shark, but there's no explanation as how he got below the layer or how he met this shark to begin? What is his origin story with the shark? You guys never talked.

Oh, it's that... It's the... Hey. That's good. Hey, lady. Listen, hey. Wow. Listen, listen. Wow. Just to give you a visual picture, she was gesticulating with a glass of wine the entire time. Okay, okay. Now it makes sense. Hey, lady, don't yell at us.

First of all, don't yell at us. Second of all, it's in that first scene. The first, I don't think they're below that layer, but like... I think it cracked that layer. Like, I think the ship ran aground in that layer. That's what I think. Got it. Here's what I will say. This is, there is an episode of Blue Planet 2 wherein there is a kind of...

salt water that has a higher saline density than regular salt water that some sort of animal in the ocean secretes or whatever, that salt water, because it's higher in saline, sinks to the bottom of the ocean. So at the bottom of the ocean, there is a lake

heavier water. Just jizz? No, it's just heavier water and they go it's so it's like this and there is an ecosystem within that thing that is unto itself unique and it's awesome. More interesting than this movie. Eat shit nerds! But yeah, I do want to just address one of the things that the wine lady said which is

Correct me if I'm wrong. He doesn't know it was a shark, right? No, he said it was something and then they called him crazy and they said he had deep sea psychosis or whatever. Yeah, because he sees it hitting the submarine. But the submarine still did blow up, so...

It seems like... They're all there, too, and so they can all hear something hitting the hole of the... Yes, right. Yeah. So it doesn't make sense that they think he's crazy. Yeah, because everything happened. Yeah. It could have been so... It would have been so easy. If he was the only survivor... Yes, exactly.

Exactly. That's what I was about to say. It would have been so easy to have set him up as someone who's lost his mind, someone who is believing a fiction... Quint! Exactly. But no. They have ample evidence to the contrary, but people are still like, he's got deep sea madness. Yeah. This dude literally saved...

saved your life. And it didn't need to have anything to do with the Meg either. It could have been a completely different event that scarred him and made him kind of ostracized. Because I think one of the fun things about Jaws or great films like Piranha 3D is that Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep going. Is that that opening scene is somewhat fun and off

the main story of the movie. It's like, oh, we're getting to see this creature. It's a scary moment. And that scene was a lot of exposition. It was not fun. It was not fun and it wasn't scary. Not visually interesting. Yeah, it was none of those things. It was like, boom, we're in. Oh, okay, great. That's how I felt. Ma'am, your unenthused response to Shark and your question.

Hey, y'all. Shark. Great. So my question is about that little girl because one of the first times we see her is when her mom leaves the conference room, walks into the hallway. She's got... Yes!

- Yes! - She's been through everything, no one is watching her. The second time after mom has gone to do her failed rescue, Jason Statham ends up in a submersible and this little girl is in the pilot chair of something that probably cost millions of dollars. My question to you guys is like, why was no one watching this child? - I will say, I believed from the father to the daughter to the granddaughter, everyone is a terrible parent in this movie.

Well, there's clearly no child care. Yeah, there was no child care on that boat at all. The girl doesn't appear to be in school. No, and she doesn't have a room. Like, she was just there. I was like, that's her bedroom. By the way, Statham's ex-wife is recovering, and then she's like, I gotta play cards with this girl? Okay, fine. Also, I don't know if you noticed, but in the last scene, the little girl had a barrette that said love, and it was upside down! I was like, just part her hair a different

- In a fucking way! - I was like, what's, how do you do this? - It was wild! - What's going on? Also, that, the mother, the main scientist's daughter, who's the mother of the child, this woman here, dies in the movie. She dies, is dead, and then they're like, and she's like, okay, I'm ready to go, I'm back, I'm back, right? And there is no representation-- - By the way, I may fall asleep during that point.

There was a moment in the beginning of the movie where I was like, and then I really perked up. I don't remember that at all. In the shark tank, you know, when her mask breaks, she passes away. And then she wakes up like, and they're like, be careful, you were dead a minute ago. And then she's like, can I talk to Jonas alone? And I was like, oh, they're about to fuck. Like, just a sad yes. I was like, she woke up from death horny. Yes, horny. Horny.

She's like, I've been to the other side. I need that dick. Right? Yes. And then they didn't. There were so many times they could have fucked. Like when she went in and he was shirtless and she's like, you're naked. And I was like, yeah, fuck him. Suck his dick. Do something. Just like she just keeps looking. Yes. She just keeps looking like, even when she looked back, I didn't buy it. I was like,

I was like, what are you doing, bitch? Get in there. Take your clothes off. Get to work. Get your pussy scooped out. Fucking get fucked. Nicole. By the way, we got to write the sequel. People who control the Meg, please let Nicole and I write the sequel. It will be X-rated.

There will be penetrative sex between humans, between humans and fish. I want people fucking on the Meg, just riding through the ocean. Oh, yeah. You got to fuck in its mouth. Got to fuck in its mouth. Fuck in its mouth. Yeah. How great would that have been? If they get swallowed and they're like, here we are in the belly of the beast, I guess we should fuck? And then they fuck out of the shark. Yes. They fuck.

They fuck so hard. They make a hole and they plop out. They're just like, whoa. And just as they're both coming together because they're in love, the shark vomits them out into the air where the daughter on a boat is watching. And she goes, yay! And she's like, it's like Free Willy. It's Free Willy. Guys, that's how easy it is.

international box office achieved. - You know what bothered me about the movie in general was it had the same problem, like Jaws eats people, right? Jaws goes after like a swimmer or whatever. - Jaws acts like a shark. - A shark that is size appropriate. It's chasing people singular. The Meg should be, its size should dictate that it doesn't just individually pick people

pick people off. It should be picking whole groups of people off together. I would argue it's harder for the Meg to individually pick people off because his mouth is so big. It almost seems like, like what you said, you're always going to be getting extra in there. Yeah. It should have, like, eaten half a boat with one bite. Exactly. It should have gone through that beach and just swallowed up like 40 people in one bite.

This shark is the equivalent of the Tostito scoop chip versus the regular Tostito chip. It's like... Wait, break that down for me. Because when you put the scoop in, you're getting a lot of stuff in there. Oh, I see, I see. When you put your regular chip in. Sure, but I think, see, I think this is like a scoop chip the size of a bowl, right? Damn right.

And that's the opening scene of your movie where they fuck? Yes! Close up on it. They're just scooping out their vaginas. Ma'am, your reaction to a shark and your question. Oh shit, shark. So I actually saw the movie by myself and I just had to... Hold on one second. How many of you saw it by yourself? I did. All right. All right. That's it. No, yeah. That's good. That's awesome.

It sounds like you're upset by that. No, no. Are you upset you saw it by yourself? No, I'm confident about it, but I heard something that I felt like I needed to share. So you know the little chubby kid with the microphone? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's running into the water with his little thing, and the guy next to me leans over to his girlfriend, and he's like, hey, that's to you. Wait, what? Hey, that's you? Yes.

You're telling me, you're telling me. - Oh my God! - Wait, so you're telling me that that guy said, "Hey, that's you," to the woman that he was with. - Right. - Right? And they are successfully in love? - I don't know about, I don't know about it. - I'll say this. - What world am I living in? - I'm on his side. I'm on his side. He sees her in everything. I'm desperate and single. I can rationalize anything a man says.

I would get it if he goes, "Hey, that's you." And I'm the popsicle. -That is-- -Because then I'm like, "Okay, they're cute together. I get that." -No. Oh, my God. -Also, did you notice that when-- Okay, when Statham cuts the shark from tail to tip... -Yeah. -...open and then stabs it in the eye and blah, blah, blah,

There is a swell of heroic music that comes up, right? But it's not for him. It's for all the sharks that are coming to eat the Meg. Yeah. So all these like true terrifying killer sharks come and feast on the Meg and the music is up like, and it's due. But whatever, this is really just like a huge, they should bomb that.

Right. Get rid of all those sharks. And make that delicious shark fin soup. Yeah! Give me that shark fin soup boner! It is now time for Second Opinions.

Give it five stars, give it five stars. That shark was vicious and white truth's delicious, so give it five stars. It took a full hour too long, enough for me to write the song. You gotta love it, Jaws can shove it, give it five stars. Give it up for Kaylin, that was amazing.

Katelyn walking away with a How Did This Get Made Fast and Furious inspired poster with Mr. Adam Scott on it right there as well. It is now time. Katelyn, you're lost. You can't get down that way, can you? Katelyn is now just wandering the stage. By the way, I would love it if for the rest of the show you just wandered in and out like incapable of getting off stage. Alright, here we go. It is now time for Second Opinions.

So when I saw this movie, I sat down and wrote my opinion. I gave this song five stars. I wrote my opinion. I love this jock and shark.

Amazing. Here is a specially designed Jason Manzoukas poster. There you go, there you go. Thank you so much. All right, well, Amazon didn't have many reviews of these films, but I found some here. This is from Rotten Tomatoes. This one starts off like this. Honestly, haven't seen it yet, but I'm giving it a preemptive five stars because I'm just that buck wild about the Meg.

Not so hot on the cast and crew or the marketing team at Warner Brothers. The crew? Wait, not so hot on the crew? What the crew do? There's a whole electrical department that's like, oh, come on, man.

Still haven't gotten any comp ticks for the film or anything like what I'm going to have to pay full price. What gives you the right? I've been nothing but supportive from day one, and now maybe I don't even want to see your shark film. Five stars, though, because the trailer was good, and I like that song by Bobby Darin. Somewhere beyond the sea, there's a shark. LOL, JK. Five stars.

Maybe that was George Clooney who's upset that he was no longer involved. What a wild review. Like, it is thoroughly through and through negative, except for the five stars. I didn't get comp tickets. I don't care for the cast, the crew, or the marketing of this movie. But then goes on to be like, but the trailer was great. The trailer is marketing, you shithead.

I mean, look, Bobby Darin, I think, is really pulling home that review, that five stars. Did Bobby Darin write that review? By the way, my favorite part of it, we're talking about songs, the Thai version of Mickey, You're So Fine was pretty great. Wow, yeah. Love that. Even had to come back to it at the end. All right, Frederick D. writes, and this one's not as funny as it is, just, the movie did not rely too heavily on CGI. Yeah.

And for those of you who compare this to Jaws, it's just as good because it has the same horror element, namely an unseen horror. Really? I think the shark is all over this movie. You got a really good look at it. Multiple times. Where the shots of the creature are limited for a time or until the moment they're immersed in the action attempting to kill it. And unlike Jaws, the manner in which they do kill it is more epic and...

And more realistic. Five stars. What? This guy, this girl, Brenda B. writes, it was an amazing movie. I love the detail the editors gave to create the Megalodon. First of all, not the editors. And I'm obsessed with sharks. I love learning new things about them. Plus, it's shark week.

Yes. I need you to edit this movie. If you can, edit a shark into it. You know, cut the scenes together, take the take so we get an understanding of the setting and the actor's takes, and then just insert a full shark into the edit. This movie was a romantic comedy, and then those editors come in and do their magic. I love that they learned new things about sharks from watching this movie.

I don't even know what you would learn because this is not a creature that exists. I love learning new things and I'm obsessed with Shark Week. So if you're obsessed with Shark Week in general, then I am absolutely certain that this will be the best movie that you will ever see. Five stars. That's Brenda B. And I'll take it down to end on Lindsay M. who writes, Fantastic! And I loved it. And Ruby Rose? Phenomenal!

The movie had amazing special effects and thrilling moments. I'll probably watch it again, maybe even buy it on Blu-ray. Spoiler alert, question mark, question mark, Rose doesn't die in the movie. I seriously was gonna straight up walk out if she didn't survive it. No joke. Yes, I know it's a movie. Five stars. - I like that enough people say to him, "You know it's just a movie."

that he has to preemptively say it in the review. You didn't kill Ruby Rose. Now, if you question the movie's reality, here is, this is Mythbusters seeing what a Megalodon would do to a jet ski. Take a look.

So the Mythbusters created a giant Megalodon shark that they thought it would be. Wait, is this recent? Yes. Okay. Two, three. And they use its crunching jaws to bite a jet ski in half. I see, I see, okay. Is that like promotion for the movie? I don't know where that clip came from, but I know it's here. And I know that Averill Halley who got... It's in your folder of things for the Meg? It's actually my jerk-off folder.

Oh yeah. Ooh, my dick's the jet ski. Eat that jet ski, yummy, yummy. Ooh, crunch down on my jet ski, Meg. Okay. Well, Jason would recommend this movie. You know, here's what I'll say. I think this would have been more fun if I'd been with friends in a packed theater. Yes. I don't think, I would not recommend it like we saw it, like alone, or you saw it with a friend. I saw it alone.

As did girl over here and some other folks. We saw it, you know, alone. No, and it's not as fun. So I would either see it with friends or go at a time where you think a lot of people might be there or wait until it's on iTunes or something, get friends to come over and watch it. Then it would be fun. But otherwise, it's not so great you got to rush out and see it, you know, in an empty theater alone. Nicole? Nicole?

I didn't get to see it the way I normally watch movies. Usually I'll bring in two bottles of some white wine and just by the middle be wild. I knew I had to come here so I didn't do that. I appreciate this is the tone down. You still are enjoying it enough to comment on it. Oh, I talk through all movies.

Two bottles of white wine just for you? Oh, no, no, I share. So one for me, one for a friend. Great. And then if they don't drink it, I drink theirs. And are you pouring it into cups or are you like just long straw? No, no, you got to get some cups. You can't be a savage. You got to have some class. I'm sorry. I didn't realize the cups was the demarcating line between savage or not. Well, you can't just be, you know. No, I was thinking long straw.

Oh. Well, straws are banned in L.A., right? Oh, that's right. We're not allowed to have straws. Which is so annoying. You're drinking something with ice in it. Sometimes the ice attacks your face. I bought straws. Can you straight up not get straws in restaurants anymore? You have to ask, and then they might give you a paper straw. Don't like that paper straw. Guess what that is? Nothing. Not helpful. Yes. Oh.

By the way, I agree with you. I think I saw you said somewhere that I don't want to try your homemade ketchup restaurant. Yeah, I don't. Like any restaurant with their own homemade ketchup. Don't like it. No thanks. Yeah, I don't. I don't like homemade ketchup. Fucking Heinz, right? Yeah, all the way. Heinz all day. Having fun. Do you recommend the movie? Yeah, sure. I think kind of...

I think kind of the same, like I was by myself and I feel like it's so easily like there's, you could have made it so much better with like really easy things that wouldn't have cost more money or taken more time. Really easy things. So it's a little frustrating that it couldn't have been more fun, but it was all right. I think it walks that line of not just being fun, but I will say being in the theater, I also am recommending it. I think Better as a Home Rental, uh,

But there was a moment where one of the characters says, I came here to celebrate with you, and now I'm mourning with you. And the entire audience started laughing. And I was like, all right. We're all on the same page. And there is something about the theater experience in that--

arguably the most dramatic line in the entire movie. - Yeah, I feel like if you went right now to like a prime time showing, it would be fun. - Yes. - You know, but otherwise less so. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Get drunk, go see it with friends. Nicole, what do you have going on? What do you wanna tell us about? - Oh no.

What do I have going on? Nailed It is streaming on Netflix. The best. New episodes come out in December. I have a special coming out I think at the beginning of next year. I don't have a date yet. That's also on Netflix. Netflix has been good to me. I love that. That's it. Adam, what do you got?

- I did shut "Big Little Lies" this summer. That'll be out next year. - That's exciting. I'm excited for that. I love that first season. - Yeah, yeah. It's season two is gonna be real juicy. - Ooh, excited. Jason? - It's because in season two, you guys run a cold press juicery, right?

It is odd. We're just juicing the entire time. And it becomes like a real ensemble workplace, like broad comedy. Yeah, yeah, it's very different, season two. It's almost like that Kathy Bates weed shop show on Netflix. Yep. By the way, if you don't know about that, enjoy. Jason? You know, Paul...

I don't have anything to plug, although I will once again, now that the Chris Gethard show has been canceled, I would like to implore our fans to find the Show Us Your Pets episode that exists, I believe, only on TruTV's

inane app and you know put it online somewhere where everybody else can watch it maybe on like a porn site or something let's like get it out there I want people to see it if you have not seen the episode of the show in which Paul and I try and guess what's in a dumpster

Don't spoil it for your friends. It's great. Pass it around. I just watched it. It's so fucking funny. It's really funny. It's incredible. I love it. It's funny, and I want people to see it. And if you think it should have been listed in the Ringer Top 100 Episodes of this Century, please feel free to tweet at Chris Ryan at

at the ringer and tell him so, and you might want to remind him that he's a fucking turd. I'd also like to recommend the, Tilly Walden has written a book called Spinning that is a fantastic book. It's a great graphic novel that is about her growing up. I would recommend everybody buy it. It's called Spinning. Go, yay! I love that.

I got two things I want to plug. One is I told Jason about this. If you like Mission Impossible, especially Fallout, which I did, there is a seven-hour podcast split into two parts with Christopher McQuarrie that deep dives into every aspect of the movie, and it sounds like, ooh, that's a slog. I'm four hours in, and I'm like, can't wait to hear more. It is... That movie was amazing. That was awesome. I loved it. Yeah, yeah.

And then I'll also say, be on the lookout. There's a new trailer out right now for Slice. I'm in the movie with Chance the Rapper and Zazie Beetz, and it is coming out sometime. But the trailer just dropped, and let that mystery surround you. I can't say more, but it is in the vicinity of maybe coming out.

I love that as a date. Yes. Check it out in the vicinity of when it's coming out. Follow us on social media for clues. That's what I can say, for clues. All right. Thank you all for coming. A big thanks to April Halle. We're both going together. Nick Kylan. July up in the booth. Alec up in the booth. Thank you all for coming. Give it up for our panel. I just can't wait. Here I am.

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