Matinee Monday: The Visitor LIVE! (w/ Rob Huebel)
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bas.com slash bonkers and use the code bonkers at checkout. Hey, everyone, just a heads up. Today's film includes a scene of familicide, which we discuss in length, but not in grotesque detail on the show. And if that is something that is triggering to you, we want to give you a moment to stop and go find something else to listen to. All right. Enjoy the show.

If anyone tells you this isn't the best movie that you have ever seen, then send out your hawks with switchblades in their mouth to murder them while driving. We saw The Visitor, so you know what that means. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

People of Seattle!

We are live at the Moore Theater and I am tall John Shearer. And today we are talking about a horror film that trumps every other horror film. The cast, amazing. John Huston, Sam Peckinpah, Shelley Winters. This movie is not fucking around unless you mean when it comes to plot because then...

It is kind of fucking around. How to distill this movie? Well, there was an alien many years ago who came to this earth and had sex with women, leaving little remnants of his seed inside children. One of them is now coming to full power but needs a brother, so they send down John Huston, who's dressed beautifully in khakis.

To make sure the end of the world doesn't happen? Or that the Atlanta Hawks win the NBA championships? That's kind of the plot. If you've not seen this movie, I highly recommend it. Go. Stop what you're doing. Watch this movie. It's amazing. Here to break down the film, though, is one of my co-hosts. Please welcome Mr. Jason Manzoukas! What's up, jerks? How we doing, Seattle?

That's right, mezzanine! Okay, now we're talking. Jason, have you... Ooh, I'm exhausted from moonwalking. Jason, have you ever seen The Visitor? Never seen. How about it? I loved this movie! This movie started and I was like, yes! I don't know what this is, but I am stoned enough to watch this.

There is a definite artistry at play in this film. If you told me that this was some sort of Jodorowsky side movie, that they all took opium and made a movie because it's all directors, weirdly it's a bunch of next-level directors are in this movie with 1970s Honey Boo Boo as the bad guy. This movie is...

This movie is the omen meets Rosemary's Baby meets The Exorcist. Star Wars meets, I don't know what, it's crazy. It is such. Meets The Birds. The Birds. The Birds. It really is every heart. It's a real like. But it's its own thing.

What I liked about it is this movie is an experimental film in a good way. Absolutely. I think. I totally agree. Here to help break down this movie even a little bit more is my other co-host. Please welcome Miss June Diane Raphael. How are you, June? I'm doing well. How are you, Paul? I'm very good. Thank you for asking. June Raphael.

Where does this movie fall for you? I know that horror, you have a conflicted relationship with it. Oh, I enjoy horror. You do? Yes. But it scares you? Of course. I think it scares everyone. Isn't that the intent? I don't care for gore. And I don't care for...

I don't care for the sort of Saw movies, the torture porn. You also don't like a scare. I love a scare. You do? You seemingly don't like a scare. You are married to each other. This is...

Fascinating. Guys, I'm so sorry our time is up for this week. Next week, we'll continue to delve into whether you like horror or don't. Thank you so much. Can we write you a check or do you take Venmo? Yeah, you can send me Venmo and just give me thumbs up. I've never used Venmo. You want to make it public? I don't know how to use Venmo.

But there are times where I'm like, let's watch a scary movie. No, no. You get upset when a scary movie is broached. You're like, is it scary? I'm not into it. So I think you've misunderstood me. All right. Here's the thing. You know, you guys keep talking about this. Let's us step back.

Why don't we all just step out for a second? I don't like when you scare me. Got it. That is true. How does that work? I have done some scares to June that have not been nice. Yeah, like what? Well, like we'll be talking like this normally and then I'd walk into the other room and I'd have a mask hidden and then I'd walk back into the room with the mask on

But wearing the same clothes? Just with a mask? Yeah. That's how easy she is. That's not a good scare. And then one time... Watch the way she reacts to it. Well, it is scary. It's surprising. It's very scary, actually. And one time... You know he's in that other room. It doesn't matter. You know he's still wearing the same clothes. All that's changed is he's re-entered the room in a mask.

It's certainly just Paul in a mask. But it's a terrifying mask. It would be scary if you left the room, climbed out a window from that room, walked around the house, put on a mask and a jumpsuit and walked into a door. Please don't give him these ideas, Jason. Here's the thing. Here's what I'll say. And I mean this with every loving bone in my body. I will help you scare June. Thank you.

You're not going to do that. June, do you remember, like, what's the biggest scare I've ever given you? Well, so when we were in your first apartment... Oh, boy, this is going to make me look bad. This was a very bad scare. And I honestly, I haven't recovered fully from it. I walked into, the apartment was pitch black. 16 years ago. I walked into the bathroom from watching a movie...

And I thought Paul was in his bedroom, and I walk into the bathroom, I open the door, it's pitch black, and then he just turns on a lightsaber. Oh my god. He just stands there. The idea that a lightsaber is terrifying? Like, the nerdiest of things? First of all, I wasn't expecting a person to be there staring at me, holding a weapon. The way you're holding it, though, is like a dick.

The way you're holding it, it was not meant as a scare, but as a bit of eroticism. Are you ready for... It was terrifying. You are very easily scared. Anyway, the question remains, did this movie scare you? Yeah. In a great way. I loved, I also loved this movie. Right? Absolutely.

I loved it. Everybody's giving great performances. It's visually inventive. I was into this movie. Now, I don't know who the good guys are. I don't know who the bad guys are. I don't know who I'm rooting for. I don't think anybody's good. Yeah, and I wasn't that concerned with it. I...

I wanted desperately to play the role of the mother. Yes. That's an amazing, unbelievable character. A character who is paralyzed at the end of the first act and the movie isn't concerned at all with her getting used to Nope. or dealing with the emotional upheaval of being paralyzed. She is just easily plugged back into her own life just like, ha ha ha ha!

Everything's great! Everything's great! She is resilient. Any other movie would be about this woman grappling with becoming a paraplegic. No, she's just like, I don't put another baby in my body. I don't care that the bottom half doesn't work. I just don't want to carry another child. Well... Guys, let's... Yeah. Well, let's get another voice into the mix here tonight. Um...

Very special just for Seattle. We have a guest here tonight You know him from shows like Children's Hospital and transparent, please welcome a how did this get made all-star? Mr. Rob Welcome Rob

We were lucky to get Rob because the Seahawks are in town and Rob has been, you've been on the bench this season. Well, I pulled a groin muscle. Yeah. And yeah, so I've been. Coach is going to get you out there eventually though. I did wear my Seahawks shoes. I was going to do my impression coming out here of one of the fake birds in the movie. I'm a pretty bird. I'm a pretty bird.

But I didn't want to get ahead of ourselves. Well, Rob, we were talking about scaring, and you are one of the best. Master scarer. Master scarer. I like being scared. I wanted to be a part of that conversation, June, because... Jason just walked off stage. He'll be back. Is he preparing for a scare? He's making a cup of noodles. But I had seen you...

very scared and not enjoying... One time we went as a group. I think you were there. Halloween Horror Nights. It's one of those things where there's mazes and people jumping out at you and grabbing you and stuff. June just...

tried to make the best of it and would appeal to these people as fellow actors and would take them aside and say, sir, sir, please, I know that you are a human being and an actor and I am also an actor and there's no reason for this.

June would also do this, which is when you're walking around the park, there are people who will try and sneak through the crowd until they're right up next to you. And then they've got a noise maker, like something that makes a chainsaw noise or something like that. And if June caught sight of any of those people moving within the group, she would be like, no, no, I see you. I see you. No, no.

Listen, a lot of the men playing those parts are enjoying it a little too much. A little too much. For sure. I don't think we can cancel ghouls.

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For free. Terms and conditions apply. So The Visitor, Rob, have you ever heard of this movie before? No, but I'm on board also. I feel like this is a great movie to take mushrooms and just sit back and relax. Wow. Yeah, visually just striking. I will say, don't want to get ahead of ourselves, the music is...

Too much. No! What? No! Disagree! Too much. No! Disagree! Hold on. Wait. Too... Well, let me... Boo! Boo! How about this? Too loud. No! Boo! Too loud? No. When John Huston's theme music comes on... It...

Every time, I was like, fuck yes. I love that theme music. It's basically from the Rockford Files or something. It feels like it's TV. It is an old man's theme music. But there were some scenes where they're playing this unnecessarily alarming music when nothing scary was happening. Well, the poor little girl is stretching out strangely at gymnastics.

And they're like... The music sounded like... She's stretching. The music sounded like birds, which I also loved. The music... I will listen to this music, like, when I bring a lady home. It is... This is pressed as a vinyl because this movie was re-released by Alamo Drafthouse, so they made a vinyl of the...

actual soundtrack. I want it. Send it to me. But this is what was odd about it. The movie opens up with this, like, the producers like to thank Georgia and the mayor of Atlanta. And I'm like, oh, this movie takes place now. Boom. A hard cut to, like,

desert wasteland, blown out world, two shadowy figures staring at each other. I'm like, whoa. Then it's like, hard cut to blonde Jesus. And I'm like, whoa. And then it's like, boom. Hard cut to John Huston. And I'm like, what the fuck? So good. The scene in the beginning with Jesus and all of the young, bald kids. I was like, what is this?

Sitting around on footstools. Yes, well, he just tells stories. Everything happens in such close-ups. I just thought this movie was exciting to watch. See, the movie didn't really take off for me. I was worried about it for the first probably ten minutes. Once this girl shot her mom, picked up a gun and shot her mom, I was like...

I'm watching. I'm listening. Then it really, to me, just took off. By the way... And then it didn't stop. When she smashes her mom through the aquarium question mark, there's no fish in it. Is it a water feature? Honestly, I want to talk about the number of water features in that house. Yes. I want to talk about that house. Yeah. What? What? That house had a Frogger machine in it or a Pac-Man machine? Pong. A Pong. It was a huge...

Well, they were playing pong, but there was also a video game rack. I was wondering, did they just find this cool house in Atlanta? I think so. I think so, yeah. Because it seemed like that was not a set. It seemed like that was just some billionaire's house. And we're to believe it's the owner of... Lance Hendrickson? Yeah, Lance Hendrickson is the owner of the Atlanta Hawks. It's not the Hawks. It's the Atlanta Rebels.

And it's the San Francisco Miners. That's right. Just so weird. Okay, wait, so it's his house that they're living in? No. They're living in their own house. They're living in their own house. She's dating that guy, but that's not his home. Oh, so that's that woman's home. Yeah. Correct. Women are allowed to own homes. Is that true? Now, I know this is hard to imagine. Is that true? No, yeah, it is true. We can now own property. June, June, June, let me explain this. Shh, shh, shh, shh.

June, June, you don't understand. Women are allowed to own homes. June, a man is talking. I'm so sorry. I won't interrupt again. I think what June was concerned about was, June was saying... June, even you could own your own home. But it was odd, and I think... I was trying to make heads or tails of this movie because...

Lance Henderson is dating the woman who becomes paralyzed, but they're not married, yet they have a kid, but she seems very... It's not his. It's not his kid. That's not his daughter. Remember they're sleeping together, and she says, I have something terrible to tell you. Something very wrong inside of me. Well, it's set up in a weird way because she seems to be working in tandem with Lance Henderson, the young girl.

Doesn't she? No. Oh, no, no. She wants him to succeed in impregnating her mother. Right, to get another son. By the way, so do I. But why is she trying to help the rebels win basketball games? Hmm.

It seemed to me at one point when he's being interviewed in a very... Hold on, audience. Hold on. We'll get to you. When he's being interviewed on the side of the court in a very aggressive interview. Very aggressive. From behind. The guy comes up and is like...

Where's your money come from? Where does your money come from? It's an open checkbook. It literally is like during a timeout question, a Q&A thing. But it felt like he was like, I got Satine spawned, so the Rebels are good this year. I feel like part of his deal with the devil is that the Rebels will be good if he wins.

Well, that is the Rosemary's Baby element of it, where there's like a cabal of men in a room who are deciding that the woman who is Katie's mother is the harbinger of the Antichrist or something, some sort of powerful negative force. Satines. Yes, thank you. By the way, did you guys get it?

Satine. What is it? Satan. Oh, Satan. Like... Pretty cool. Pretty like, oh, it's a real thinker. LAUGHTER

I honestly was confused because I thought for the beginning part of it, I was like, is this like an indictment of the NBA? Like, is this like the NBA is in with like space aliens? But I still think your question stands, which is why did the little girl care if they won or not? It seemed to me in that scene she was just like flexing her powers. I think that was just a flex. Okay, that was just sheer flex. It's just a tilt of the eyeglasses, explode the rim. Yes.

Which happened. She exploded a rim, which no one questioned. That's not something that happens. If she deflated the basketball, she basically did something that is otherworldly and was like, okay, that other team won. No, no, no, no, no. If the rim explodes, I'm sure there's some rule in the book to be like, we've got to take it back here, guys. That doesn't count. The rim exploding...

Like, trip him or do something. Don't just, like, flex that hard at a half-attended NBA game. Also, is the bird that she has around that she controls, I'm just curious, is it a hawk or is it an eagle? That's a hawk. Because someone said something about an eagle. It's a hawk. That's not a hawk. A falcon. It's a falcon? It's a falcon, yeah. The Atlanta Falcons. Really? Maybe not.

Now, is she controlling that bird or is that bird John Huston? Birds are a very big part of the good and bad guys team. Because you brought up, you, June, brought up something really interesting because you said, I don't know who's good and bad. I also don't know who's good and bad. But here's, I did have a printout. Avril Haley gave me a printout of the opening monologue.

And I'll just read you this. This is Jesus' monologue? Yes, Blonde Jesus says... I would say not Jesus, Handsome Jesus. Yes, all right. Or White Jesus is what we should call him. By the way, Jesus did not look like this. So this is it. It says, in order to... In order...

In order to find and destroy Zatine, Commander Yahweh tried many methods. One of these methods was an immense army of birds trained to hunt and kill. But when one of these birds did discover Zatine, he transformed himself into an eagle and managed to destroy them, except for three, which survived and wounded him fatally in the brains.

But now Zatine, now dead, lived on in another way before he was killed. He made it with earth women, procreating numerous children, thereby transmitting his wicked spirit and evil powers through new generations. Yet the struggle continued and goes on, for Yahweh's descendants pursued the progeny of Zatine's, lest their contamination spread through the cosmos. Okay, wait a second. Wait, wait, wait. Now I am actually more confused. Because...

But we meet the little girl's dad, her bio dad. Right. Isn't Sam Peckinpah the doctor? I'll give you an abortion. Her father? Very sexy music behind the abortion scene, by the way. So if that's Katie's bio dad, then her mom wasn't inseminated by this.

The movie didn't explain that element of it. Is he supposed to be like a Joseph? Like not the real father? Like actually Satan somehow got in there? I don't know. Maybe that's why they broke up. I don't know that he's the real dad. I think he's like the Earth dad. But one thing we're neglecting... The Earth dad? Oh, my Earth dad is really up my ass.

But my demon dad's pretty cool. One thing that jumps out at me that no one here has the courage to discuss is the speed of wheelchair elevators. A realistic speed. I know, because I did have that thought, like, wow, technology has gone backwards. Yeah. Yeah.

I saw that and I was like, I want that. And I was really impressed with Lance Hendricks. When he first comes to the house, he knows how to operate it immediately. They come in, she's like, I'm back from the hospital. Hi, I'm in a wheelchair. And he...

Like no one, like that house was ready to... Their lives are unchanged. Yeah. Their lives are, she is in a wheelchair, yes, but everything else, they don't have to, they don't deal with the physical or mental impact of her recent...

very recent paralysis at her daughter's hand. Well, to your point, when she leaves the hospital in the wheelchair, she's still being wheeled out of the room. She's laughing it up. She's having a great time. She is practicing radical acceptance in her life.

Just like, these are my circumstances. I have to radically accept what's going on here. You would think the first half of the movie, she would have been miserable walking and was like, I cannot wait to not do this anymore. Yep.

She also, how about this? No, I mean, because there are nefarious, you know, like the cabal of evil men who control Lance Hendrickson are telling him you have to impregnate her. The head of the NBA. One of the, the head of that organization is her doctor. He's called Dr. Walker. Walker?

Who's treating a woman who can no longer walk? I was like, okay. He has her unconscious. Why not impregnate her while she's undergoing surgery?

I don't know because I also don't know, does that mean that Lance Hendrickson or whatever is evil because was it his sperm that they needed or just? No. Lance Hendrickson is evil because he's Lance Hendrickson. All right. If you're casting Lance Hendrickson, you're like, oh no, this is a bad guy. So whose sperm are they putting inside of her? Doesn't matter, they say. She will just produce an evil boy. With any sperm? I believe so.

Oh, I see. So actually, okay. I didn't know there was going to be so much talk about sperm. It's the same thing as Rosemary's baby. Are you uncomfortable? There's so many people. We're talking about sperm so much. Well, here's the thing. Who here has sperm that we can have? A couple of hands. No, no. I mean, who here has it like in a cup right now? Oh, wow.

So wait, now I'm understanding. So many hands. Such a bummer. So Katie's bio dad is her dad. It's just she was always going to... The mom was always going to produce... I think what Paul read, that thing that white Jesus talks about is that there are certain people who have the lineage of Satan. What is it? Zaytan? Zaytan. Zaytin. Sorry, Zaytin.

who have the capacity to produce his children. And she is the, they say at one point, she is the only person of this lifetime. Regardless of what sperm is inside of her. Correct. I believe so. I'm not positive, but I believe so. Well, I want to play this one thing because this is a reveal. This reveal, so after you hear this giant monologue, which we just heard a part of. This is, by the way, John Huston.

This is like, this is the Maltese Falcon. This is Rio Bravo. This is El Dorado, right? This is like one of the great directors. He's a wonderful actor. Like, this is wild. Treasure Sierra Madre. In a handsome J. Crew coat.

It did make me feel like... Did George Lucas see this and want him to be Obi-Wan Kenobi? I mean... And then did he make Alec Guinness look like this in Star Wars? I think vice versa. This came out in 1980. Ah, okay. 79, sorry. Okay. Paul, you're a real fucking idiot. Does that contradict my point? No. Okay, so thank you for stopping the show. All right, so...

Here we go. So he comes in and goes like this. As it happened again. Her name is Katie Collin, and she'll be eight years old. ♪

I mean, so you are so... Mix it down. Mix it down. Those stings are so good. It's so great. Every time it happened, I was like, yes, John Huston sting. It's amazing, but it's like, so what, I guess what we're getting to is this. Who's evil? The mom who has the womb that creates evil or the child? Because he's coming in and saying this. Has it happened again?

her name is katie collins yeah no the child is evil the mom is an innocent so i'm trying to understand that i'm trying to understand the teams here right because so john houston is trying to get the young girl because she is that teen's progeny uh lance hendrickson is working for a cabal of men who is trying to impregnate a woman who doesn't understand that she is producing that teen's

Yes. And then John Huston is also kind of... John Huston is like some sort of angel. Who's also then trying to say, like, hey, get an abortion because you have evil inside of you. All right.

So that is essentially what is going on. This poor woman is literally driven mad by what's happening to her. In the third act of the movie, she's in her wheelchair, like, wheeling around the house. Shelley Winters is watching her, wheeling around because she's gone mentally insane because she's pregnant with the devil's baby. What this movie, by the way... This movie...

This movie actually addresses maternal ambivalence really well.

And that was one of the things I loved the most about it was seeing this mother really struggle with her feelings for her child. And it's presented in a way where it's, you don't judge her for it. You understand, even before we, like we know Katie's insane, but we also know that this mother loves her child, but she's having these other feelings. And very responsibly, she is like, I should not have more children. I am struggling with this.

Maternity thing. But then she lays it out very clearly to Lance Hendrickson in the first scene. Right. He's like, I want to get married. I want to do this. And she's like, no. No, that's not for me. I want no more children. She even says, I don't even know that I like the one that I have. Yes. And he rolls off of her and says something like, crazy woman. But it's true. Are you talking about the sex scene in the bear skin rug? Yeah. Yeah.

But it's similar. Mia Farrow in Rosemary's Baby feels this. Liam Remick in The Omen feels this. This incredible difficulty between wanting to love your child and rear this child, but knowing that there is some true evil at play here is wild. Well, you know she's evil when you see her play Pong on Atari. Just Pong, Pong, Pong, Pong, Pong. And she messes with that machine. She speeds it up. The worst thing she did in this whole movie was cheat at Pong.

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I like that they bring in Mrs. Doubtfire to help with around the house. Shelly Winters. I am obsessed with her in this movie. Amazing. She can do no wrong. Everything she does, every choice she makes, every bit of it is perfect. When she slaps Katie. So well played. It was amazing.

It was incredible. This movie goes there. Because what is the girl? The girl says something like, where's my whipping boy? And she goes, and I think that was a real child actor in Atlanta in the 80s. They're like, fuck it. It's Atlanta. Just hit her. This is when you could hit a kid and it was art.

Yeah, it really, that was a real hit. It was a real hit. Too far? Seattle? Two hits. No. And that was, by the way, that was a crazy twist at the end when we find out that Shelley and... Jersey. Yeah. She wants to go with him. She had a love connection. Yeah.

So was she working for, was she also sent there? She's there on, she's working for him. My biggest question, and I know that we're getting into some of the stuff, the nitty gritty, but why would they need a babysitter if they had Mrs. Doubtfire in the house? I think Mrs. Doubtfire only worked from like nine to five. She was the housekeeper. Got it. She was the housekeeper. And what was crazy is John Huston's character is Polish.

In the movie, he arrives on a Polish passport, jersey something or other. I think it's Polish. And he is just speaking with a straight-up American John Huston accent. I also love the... Jersey Koloskowicz. I also love the conversation when they're driving at night to the thing. They're like, do you think that babysitter is a child molester? Yeah.

And then the daughter calls him a child molester, doesn't she? Yeah, she's like, I don't like you. What are you, a chum? Oh, she says that to the detective. Yeah! The movie is so weird. Also, as long as we're talking about that, I want to acknowledge that...

The rate of a babysitter in Atlanta is only $5 an hour. Well, this is 1979, so... The idea that John Huston asks for $15 at the end of that is amazing. But he says it like...

It will be $15. $5 an hour. Have to pay the agency. What cut is an agency making it $5 an hour babysitter service? One of the greatest things I've ever seen in a movie ever is Katie shoots her mother with a handgun. At which point the movie enters one of, I'm going to say, three dozen montages of

In which the mother is put through all of the stages of surgery, operations, recuperation, everything, intercut with Katie doing gymnastics. And that, the idea that the mother is in surgery and she is just like doing, this, this is wild. Is there no music on this? Uh, yeah, we can. ♪

Too loud for my taste. Don't like that shot. I did not like that shot. I'm in ticket. This is great. Yeah, you can't take your eyes off this movie. But what I love about it is that, hey, this girl shot her mom at her birthday party. The mom was, this seemingly is rushed right to the hospital. And then the girl was like, well, I do have gymnastics practice.

Well, you take her to gymnastics. She doesn't need to be at the hospital while her mom is getting spinal surgery. Yeah, because she's getting stronger. And the daughter seems disappointed that the mother survived the gunshot. She seems bummed. Yeah, because, I mean, but that's weird because then she's killing the vessel that's creating her brother. Yeah, that's true. But I think she just likes to mess it up, you know, keep things a little interesting. We haven't talked about Glenn Ford, the cop, who really sniffs out the weird... Oh, yeah. Yeah.

The weird stuff about this family. By the way, are cops allowed to just come into your house when you're not there? Snoop around? And instantly find the thing they're looking for? Oh, there it is. Bird. Now, who did put the gun in the gift? I'm assuming Katie. So Katie took... Satan, the meat substitute. John Huston?

How many people think that John Huston put the gun in the thing? Wait, wait, wait, hold on. What's the motivation? Hold on, right here. Wait, is this Rebecca? Okay. Rebecca? We know some locals. You are the hero of last show. I want to caution you, don't get cocky. All right, I'm going down. Are you sure you got it? Here we go. All right, here we go.

Okay, so he put the gun in the box because he wanted to stop the spawn of Zatine to keep continuing. At the end of the movie, he says, like, you can't kill children. You can only kill the evil in them. And he laughs. But he's okay with killing a woman because this is an anti-choice allegory. Interesting.

So you think he was intent on killing the mother? Then why not just kill the mother? It is Atlanta. It is Atlanta. Why not just, like, kill the mother? Why give the daughter a gun and hope she kills the mother? Why not just, like, listen, he's going to get in a spaceship and go away anyway. Why not just come in and be like, see ya?

Does anyone else have a cogent argument like Rebecca had? Are you allowed, if you're a child, to tell a cop to go fuck yourself? I think anybody can tell a cop to go fuck themselves. I think that is called free speech. All right, so what is your anti-argument to who put the gun in the box?

I think it's the board that was trying to get her impregnated because the mom says, "I don't want to have children," and then they shoot her to paralyze her because then Lance gets to move in and she's like, "Yay, we're a family!" And then she now gets pregnant and they're all together.

The board of directors. Rebecca is furious. That actually is a good point because one of the saddest moments in the movie for me was when he brings her to that dinner and Lance brings her to the dinner and then announces that they're going to get married. No, he proposes to her. He proposes to her. He doesn't even propose. He just says...

I intend. I'm going to marry her. Right. Right? And so then they go out to that little deck area in the hotel. And he basically says, like, you got to marry me. You're not going anywhere. Yeah. He does. He says, you can't even walk. Yeah. And he kind of picks up her wheelchair and kind of shoves her. And then it's like this overhead shot. And you're like, she's trapped. And I was like, I felt, I was like, ooh.

Can we, just for a second, I'm not sure where this is in the movie, but we have to discuss the ice skating. Yes. Oh my God. I forgot all about it, Rob. Yes. So John Huston is walking down the world's

Tallest escalator, which is turned off. By the way, that is the escalator that takes you into the CNN tour, but it only goes up, it doesn't go down. So they had to shut it off so they could walk down it. And while he's walking down the world's tallest escalator, she is having an ice skating fight with some local... It's not a fight. I mean, she's attacking...

I feel like those boys are making a little bit of a plan. I think she's being attacked by... Also, I think they are Italian stunt skaters. If you look at them, they don't look like... Because the director is Italian and I think it's an Italian crew. Now you said backstage you don't care for Italians. It was shot in Italy. Lance Hendrickson said that one of the reasons why he took this movie was to be in Italy.

Although, one of the craziest things was John Huston was not excited to be in this movie, and then he saw the movie at the premiere and got really excited about it. He's like, "Ooh, I didn't realize you were making this kind of movie." And then on his deathbed, he called this director to be like, "Let's talk."

Just about, like, we made that movie. And, like, this movie was on his shelf in his bedroom. Like, this man who has this storied career, this movie was in his bedroom at the time of death. Wow. Do you think when Robert De Niro is on his deathbed, he will call me to talk about Dirty Grandpa? Let's take a look at some of this ice skating fight scene. Too loud. Too loud.

Well, she's also, she's going in the opposite direction, which I know because I've been working on my roller skating. Don't worry about it. That pisses people off. So she's pissing people off intentionally. They're mad at her. And everyone goes ice skating in the middle of summer. That's a big fun thing to do in Atlanta. ... ...

I will say, she is fantastic. She's so good. I mean, why is this scene in the movie? Like, I love this scene, but why is it in this movie? I will say, you could argue that for almost every scene in this movie. Almost every scene is, in some way, both integral and absolutely meaningless.

Like, it is, this movie is ephemeral. This is a tone poem. It truly is. I mean, for a long time, we watched a bird trying to open up a door. A door.

And Jurassic Park ripped that shit off, man, with those raptors. But look at this shot. This is a great shot. And they both hit symmetrically on the sides of these bars. Poor John Huston with these stairs. Spinning them around and then fucking hurls a guy into an Applebee's. It's funny. When she hurls that guy into the Applebee's, there's no background. It looks like a black void. Like that Applebee's is just in the middle of...

Like, I don't know. Watch, you'll see. Oh, these kids fly through a restaurant window just destroying themselves. I want to point out this. See this sign? It looks like a highway sign in the back, but they're in a mall. It says, like, call 1-800 something. It says, like, call 1-800. Like, is that, like, is this happening on a highway?

Did she throw them that far away? It was in the mall. Because we saw where they just were. In a brightly lit mall. That is pitch black darkness. Anyway. June, I imagine one of the scariest moments for you was seeing that bird attack Glenn Ford in the car. That was very upsetting to watch.

I mean, I, Paul knows this, I don't care for birds. I appreciate all animals and respect them. When we walk around New York City, you are, felt like you're under attack. Yes, they fly way too close to me a lot of the time. Do you eat birds as revenge?

No, I don't eat birds. You don't eat birds. I don't eat birds. The idea of a bird in a car, it just kicks up some real claustrophobia for me. I thought that scene was terrifying and so effective. That is the most frightening thing you could ever do, be trapped in a car with a bird. I mean, I don't know if those birds had the switchblades in them, but that one, when they did that couple of those plunk, plunk, like...

In the eyeball. Yeah. Is it hard to defend yourself from a bird? The answer is no. He drove pretty well. He could have done this. So I know exactly what I would have done. Please. Which is... Roll your car? No. Well, yes. Stop the car. First of all, brake. Brake. But even... He drives for like two miles with that bird in the car. But even if I'm the mom...

I would, and was being attacked by birds, I would immediately find a blanket and either throw it over the bird that was attacking me or throw it over myself and run out. So that's the plan. It's a good plan. It's good that you have thought of that before it happens because it will happen. Well, no, there was a bird in our home and I had to deal with it. But how did you deal with it? She pulled her home over to the side of the road. I, well, I called my sister and

A noted bird expert. I asked her to come over. I also posted on Instagram and asked for people's feedback on what to do. People's feedback?

Was this a bird or a bat? It was a bird. A bird. I was alone in the house with a bird. By the way, the most terrifying part of this was I had a baby monitor. We had the camera set up in the living room for some reason. And so I had the monitor in my bedroom and I saw the bird hopping across the floor.

I first heard it, and then I saw it hopping across the floor. Wow. And so I closed the door. Can I ask, is this day or night? This is nighttime. Thank you. No, it was nighttime. I thought I came home from work, and you told me the whole story. You thought the bird came home from work? No, I came home from work. I was watching the whole story unfold. Should we leave? We should leave. We should all leave. No, it was nighttime. You did come home, but the kids were already asleep. It was nighttime. It was nighttime.

So, anyway, what people told me was to put a brown paper bag over my head and cut out two eye holes. People are fucking with you. What? What? People were so kind and responded immediately and said, cut two little eye holes and a tiny little hole so you can breathe. Please tell me this picture. Cover the bag in birdseed.

And grab a giant blanket and go out there and wear long pants and try, if you can get gloves on, great. And go out there with a blanket and throw the blanket over the bird and try to drag the bird outside. So I was ready to do it. But thankfully...

My sister came over and she, and I also, then I tweeted that my, or Instagram, that my sister was on her way and everybody wrote back to tell her to keep her hair up.

Sure. And I think that's something we saw in the movie. If you have long hair, you're fucked. It can get caught. Yeah, absolutely. It's going to get caught up in the birds. So she came in with her hair up in a bun and holding a magazine, like a Harper's Bazaar that she had rolled up. That's a great magazine. So she comes in ready to kill the bird. Cool, cool, cool, cool. Thank God the bird had already found its way out. And if you think that June is cool in a situation like this,

Her sister is, well, I would say, like, picture June's reaction to this. And your sister's reaction is way less cool than your reaction. Oh, then she's not the person to call. Yeah. Listen, she was the only person I knew who would definitely come over to do something about it.

The person that Instagrammed the advice about putting the bag over your head is going to hear this and be like, what? She did that? Multiple people told me to put a brown paper bag over my head. Listen, people tell me to do that all the time. But it's not because there's a bird in my house. Did they think you were auditioning for the gong show? Is that what...

I thought it was great advice. So if the bird were to get upset or startled and start to attack me, I had a layer of protection. Oh, yeah, because that brown paper bag is going to really protect everything. Can I go back for just a second to where the bird is attacking the guy in the car? Yeah. Because there is a stunt in that sequence that is incredible.

The motorcycle guy. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I've never seen a stunt like that, and I feel sure that that person was killed. Yes. Agree? I don't know. I wrote the same thing. I just watched someone die. Yeah. How do you survive that? And then I think for the reverse shot, they just threw his body out of a van. Yeah.

No, that was upsetting to watch. In Italy, you can get away with full frontal hits on your stuntmen. I really felt that hit was devastating. Yeah, I don't know that that guy is laughing about that. I love when the mother says to Shelley Winters, what do you think of my daughter? And Shelley Winters says, she's bad. LAUGHTER

And then the mother's like, "Really?" Yeah. "You just said you regretted her." The mother's first lines to Lance Hendrickson in the movie were basically like, "I'm pretty sure my daughter's evil." By the way, what was going on on the roof? Yeah, what roof? What is John Huston building? Some sort of Christo-level exhibit. Is that like he's just doing art installations in addition to his other work?

It seemed like he was building a landing pad for a spaceship. Yeah, but they never are near that building. There's also a very brief cameo of Matt Pinfield from MTV. Deep cut. Never mind if you don't get it. Oh, no. There's old people here. When that guy walks into the doorframe, I laughed so hard. Yeah. Because he's just like...

Because there are bald children and that's acceptable, but when you see all these bald guys in white, it just was making me laugh. Why does John Huston get to keep his hair and wear khakis? And I don't think that those kids were wearing bald caps because you can always tell. I think they shaved those kids' heads. Every one of those kids' heads were shaved, yes, completely.

Oh, man. And some of them are so young that they don't understand why. No, no, no. They don't understand. They just like... My mama got me in a movie. Yeah, I'm going to shave. Like, those kids' heads just got shaved. By the way, why does Katie have a very thick southern accent? I mean, she's from Atlanta. She's from... Because Satan is from the south? She is white trash.

I said she's like Honey Boo Boo, like, with, uh, as Satan's daughter. Um, when the, I thought the scene where their car breaks down and the truck pulls up and the people come out was cool. I thought there were visuals in this that were great. I thought it was a spaceship for a second, because she's like, are you scared, Mama? And the things come out, you don't know what it is, it's like this orb, and you're like, oh, that's a truck with some extra lights. Yeah.

And then it's an impregnation truck. Do they have those? I think that they have them definitely in Atlanta.

All right, let's see what the crowd has to say. Oh, boy. Did anyone notice there's a part where she's going to school and she comes out of her house and she runs in front of that fucking school bus? Yes. So scary. That was so scary. And that was real. Yes, that was real. They really had that little girl run in front of a school bus that's like... Yeah, I was like, that's the fuck... You're going to kill this girl. That was crazy.

I'm here with this other, I'm here with a woman who is wearing this awesome switchblade bird homemade vest. It's awesome. Ma'am, your name and your question. My name is Jade, and this is a general Seattle question. We heard the lack of enthusiasm for orgasms in South Carolina. Does Seattle think that orgasms are as important as flowers? Yes.

It's a good question. In our recently released episode, there was a debate. So wait, sorry, just to be clear, you're saying Seattle is pro-orgasm? Fair enough. Oh my God. The mezzanine is out of control. Yeah, Paul, please be very careful. Look at these maniacs. Much more wild. High five. The mezzanine is acting like the balcony.

They really are. The mezzanine, the original balcony. Is this where that Pearl Jam video was filmed when he climbs up on the thing? Wait, was it? Cool, cool, cool. All right, here we go. Your name, your question. My name is Miranda. I love you all. My question is, how can she still drive a car when she's supposed to be a carol singer? Yes! Yes! Yes! By the way, I was thinking the same thing.

This is like a family feud audience. Yes! Good answer, good answer. She goes to the hospital, has an abortion, drives herself home? What? I know she's paralyzed. Well, but there are vehicles that are... Wait, she's paralyzed. People can drive. Yeah, they can drive cars. She can drive a car. What? She has use of her arms. But she doesn't have a... Wait, what's going on? She's driving a regular car without the device. So it's not like a wheelchair. It's not... Yeah. Yeah.

Fine. I guess I'm the asshole. Hey, who kills like the board of... Just to be clear, Seattle is saying paralyzed people shouldn't drive. Cool, Seattle. Okay, got it.

Who kills the board of directors at the end? Do we know? No idea. No idea. It was a really good one. Sounds like people know. It's all right. You have a good one? Oh, man. There is like... All right. This is a lot of energy up here. Please be careful. Everybody take a deep breath. All right, sir. You came all the way down from the top. Name your questions.

My name's Jacob. Did you guys see... Did you say my name, Jacob? My name, Jacob. Paul, walk away. Paul, you should walk away. This person... Paul, you're gonna get a switchblade in the throat. If you wanna ask a question, you got to use verbs. We need those verbs, people. My name, Jacob. I watch movie.

Guys, all I'm going to tell you is that my exit is blocked from the Mez right now. Paul, do we need to send somebody? Look at their lining up to block the exits. Paul, get out. Paul, jump. Paul, jump. Rebecca will catch you. Use the wheelchair elevator down the stairs. It's really fast. Climb down like Eddie Vedder.

Alright, your question. Did you guys see the mom was riding on a skateboard when she got dragged to the living room? Yes. When the girl is dragging mom by the hair, the mom is on like a skateboard or something with wheels to allow for them to move through that. We haven't talked about that sequence when the girl goes, can I have a kiss, mommy? Then spins around and she's got lights in her face. Yes.

It's a bigger stunt woman that jumps on. Oh, it was so scary. It was crazy. And then drags her feet first up the stairs. That was wild. When she was like, I'm so sorry, Mommy, I would never hurt you. And then gets her to the top of the stairs, kicks her down the stairs in the face. This is where Lance Hendrickson ties a fishing wire to her fucking neck. Lance Hendrickson has teamed up with a daughter to kill the mother.

It's a crazy situation that I didn't find un-erotic. Sir, I believe in you. Name your question. Sean. Okay, so... We'll take it. He didn't... All right. So this is a super rich mansion, right? And two scenes, there's a seven-up, like, chandelier hanging there. And I'm like... Right. What the fuck is happening here? The beverage of kings...

Or the beverage of the devil. Also, wait, Jesus kind of looks like Kurt Cobain? Oh, yeah, big time. And Katie wears a 12 shirt, so we got the Seahawks here. She wears a 12 a couple of times. You should have stopped at the 7-Eleven.

Sean, too many points. Is there something special about the one bird at the end? I mean, besides the fact that he has a switchblade beak. I thought that bird was going to turn into John Huston or something like that. The one bird that's a fake bird that has a switch. I thought that was going to be like the personification of good. Not the personification, but like the bird that could transform the way that the bad bird, the Satan was in the other, the hawk.

Let me break it down for you. There's a good guy and a bad guy. They both use birds. They both want the kid because John Huston brings her back to his bald-headed community. They don't both want the kid. Well, Satine wants the kid so he can live. I mean, they want the kid. But wouldn't you say they both want the mother?

Not really, because the mother, they want the mother to produce. I think that John Huston knows he needs to take, we think throughout the movie that John Huston wants to kill Katie Collins.

And instead, what he wants to do is kill within her the portion that is the devil, the horcrux that lives within her, right? Yes. And he also doesn't want to kill the child. And he doesn't have to. What we find out in the final scene is all of these kids that block Jesus have at various times throughout history been the progeny of Satan. Yes.

And John Huston has successfully gone out, exorcised the demonic part of them, and brought them here to live in God's kingdom, I'm assuming, with his son, Jesus Christ. So if your child, if people out there have children, and your child is being bad, shave their head, right? I mean, not exactly. I'm going to. What I would say is have someone else shave their head.

Obviously, we had an opinion about this movie, but there are people out there with a second opinion. Now it is time for Second Opinions. Alright, so here we go. Time to rate the movie we've just seen. Give the world the opinion of its dream. Log into your Amazon. Your keyboard catches fire. Cause they're a palm page. The answer there

Five stars for this movie. Amazing. Give it up for Marin and Danelli. All right. These are five stars reviews. Cole from Amazon.com. There are 167 reviews for this film. 31% are five stars. 31% are one star. This one I'm just going to start off really quickly. This is from Jason Quiggle, and he writes...

A late 70s docudrama about cocaine psychosis. Take that, Rebecca. And the title of the review is, If this movie went to the hospital, it would be held against its will for 72 hours. Five stars. This one is written by Channel 83.

If you're currently on medical marijuana or live in a place where it is legal, then this is the picture for you. You need to interact with it both for maximum enhancement. Five stars. And the title is Your Brain on European Drugs. This was written by Books and CD Freak. The little girl whose real name escapes me... Well, too bad you're not at a computer. Um...

Wow. Not cool. That's not cool. Like Satine.

L&R writes, a must-see for crazy people and non-crazy people alike. Five stars. So that's everybody. Two more. This one's written just by an Amazon customer, generic one. Very creeper to start about a man who only knows where he's from is sent to Earth to a pervert child, 10-year-old girl who has powers that people from another world or time want.

It's a fight of who will win and who is really good or evil. Five stars. Why is she a pervert child? She didn't do anything. She didn't do a thing. All she wants to do, right, is kill her mother. That's all she wants to do. And gymnastics. Yes, and gymnastics.

Yeah, I mean, is she very skilled at gymnastics? She's okay. She's a better ice skater. Her coach says that she is near perfection, doesn't she? Her coach is like, that thing you did was almost perfect. Almost. That's what drives gymnasts crazy. Just trying to get that perfection. Early on, I thought this was the Mary Lou Retton biopic.

Do you think it's really her doing the gymnastics, that actress? Like, do you think that, like, it might be, because there were a couple shots. There were a couple shots. I thought it was her. Where you see her face. There might be little, yeah, there might be some of the easier stuff. Well, I'm glad that you both asked this, because this next review kind of pays a little bit of an homage and gives us a little bit of an answer about Paige O'Connor.

Yeah, this is written by Fred Dury. If you're a fan of possessed kid horror flicks like The Omen, The Brood, and of course The Exorcist, then you will love this movie. The otherwise cut, blonde-haired, all-American girl actress Paige Conner, who wound up being a pro football team cheerleader, is one of the best.

And it's her own voice the whole way through. Just watch the scene where she tells legendary actor Glenn Ford to get the bleep out of here and try to throw her performance into the camp bin like everyone else has tossed this movie. But this gets so fantastic, the entire movie follows her lead. And what is it? Well, it's quite good. Great even. Hell, George Lucas had the biggest budget in history, and look what he got in Phantom Menace. This movie...

does the best it can with the little money it had, including a small handful of once great actors. But once again, Paige O'Connor, this one's for you, kid. You nailed it. You creeped me out, you freaked me out, you scared me, you entertained me. Five stars. Paige O'Connor, child actress, deserves some credit.

Okay, I agree with everything that was written in that review. Every word of it. I agree as well. I thought she was by far the best part of this whole movie. She reminded me of, oh, I don't know if everyone's seen it. People watch Barry? There's one episode of Barry where I was like, yep, yep. Bill Hader. She reminds me of Bill Hader. Are you saying that she became an NFL cheerleader? Yes.

Are you also saying that that takes gymnastics ability? I think there's some gymnastics ability. How does she get to... So, I'm sorry. When she grows up and becomes a cheerleader, is she still Satan's progeny?

Ooh, good question. I mean, I think the evil was sort of sucked out of her, but from that last shot and that last smile on her face, it seems like not all of it. Well, it's very hard. And do you think that's why she goes to work for the NFL? It's very hard for... Interesting. The tagline of this movie... Who farted? They know we're here.

The budget. Who's they? Who's the visitor? And who's we? I don't really know. Who's they? Who's we? This is a mess of pronouns. They know we're here. I think it would be. My name, Jacob. I think it's. My name, Jacob. They know we're here. I think the tagline is from the point of view of the young girl. They know we're here. But the young girl is not the visitor, though.

The visitor is John Huston? Yes. Cool. They know we're here. So John Huston is like, they know we're here. Okay, let me ask you this. Who's the protagonist of this movie? The mom. John Huston. Interesting. I would say Switchblade Bird. Switchblade Bird is...

By the way, how do you train so many pigeons to attack an actor at the end? Like, those pigeons... You don't. Are you just throwing them on there? You cover an actor with bird seed and fucking pigeon. Like, they're all pigeons. Oh, disgusting. The worst. Just a couple of facts about the movie that I think are interesting. Sam Peckinpah's, all of his dialogue is ADR'd because he couldn't remember any of his lines.

I think that's the scene where none of the dialogue matches their mouth movements. Oh, and by the way, when I say ADR, I mean he was dubbed by another actor completely. If you watch that scene, the sync is all crazy. So some other actor came in and said, talk your mom into getting you an ice cream. No, four ice creams. That was written down for someone.

Then, um... Okay, well, then there's a couple other things. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was one of the basketball players in the movie. Oh, wow. That is interesting. And then we talked about this briefly, but Paige Connor said that Shelley Winters even smacked her during the rehearsal for the scene. Uh-oh. That's how you get a performance. Yes.

I think we all agree that we would recommend this movie. I don't even think we have to go around the world. I think this is one of the few movies we've watched that I'm going to return to. I will show people this movie because I'm curious because I don't think we all were talking about it. None of us had heard of this movie, right? Have you guys heard of this movie? No.

No. The Alamo Drafthouse re-released it so you can get this pretty easily. So it felt like a true discovery. It was neat to be like, whoa, this is wild. Absolutely. Really fun, fun movie. I'd love to see this in a theater.

Absolutely. I'm going to actually talk to the Alamo Draft House to see if we can do a screening of this in L.A. because I think it would be really fun. You guys should come. It's only a quick plane flight. Except for Jacob. Thank you, Seattle! You guys are a fantastic crowd. We did it, Seattle! Thank you, Balcony. Thank you, Mass. Thank you, Mass. Good night. Thank you, everybody. Great job. Thank you.