Cheaters, Cold Feet and Porn...Jana Kramer and her husband go at it!
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Okay, we are back on I Do Part Two and I've got my amazing husband, Alan Russell, with me here. So let's dive back in to some burning questions. Was there any point leading up to the wedding did you have cold feet? No. Zero? No, even though we had a tough week leading up to the wedding. It was not an easy start. No, there was no part of me knew that... There was no part of me didn't want to get married to you. Never. And for those listening, it was...

Listen, it was one of those things where we had all the babies were sick days before the wedding. Yeah. No sleep. We were in Scott. I mean, but it was, no, I couldn't sleep. I had insomnia the first time ever experiencing. Yeah. It was, yeah, but it was a beautiful day. The wedding ended up being beautiful. I was so tired to have any cold feet, but no, I had, I had zero. Yeah.

I just tired feet. It's just tired feet. No, it was one. But I mean, I, but I did in previous, that's the thing. And that's what I'm like, you know, would want people to know is I knew I've only walked down the, you know, of the divorces. I only walked down the aisle twice in each one. I had that feeling of, Oh God. Oh really? I'm making the wrong decision. Absolutely. The, you know, absolutely. The first one, you know, I was just the only weak marriage was, um,

I mean, I cried about it in the bathroom at the wedding. Like I made a mistake. And then the second one was, you know, again, you know, ended up being my longest marriage, but yeah, I walked down going, I don't trust this. The second one? Mike, because he cheated when we were dating. So I already had, I didn't trust it.

And so, but I wanted to believe in something and I wanted to believe a version. So I walked down to a version that wasn't real. And with us, it was like, I knew who I was walking down to. Like you gave me zero thoughts the opposite way, right? Like I knew who you were, what you were, what you were about. And so, you know, to anyone redoing their part too, it's like, I think that comes with wisdom and to listen to your gut, knowing,

And I got to imagine, I mean, I don't know if I, maybe you didn't feel that way, you know, with your previous, I don't know if people have that. I have no idea, but I knew. Yeah. Zero cold feet. Thanks, Ben. So when it comes to how we both approach life, what's the biggest difference? I think the biggest difference between you and I and how we approach life is you approach it with more like you're very, um,

internal processor and I'm external processor. So I want to talk it out. I want to be like, all right, what are we doing? How are we doing this? Let's just plan this. And like, let's, and it's like, you are, you get really serious, really like in your head. And I, I can't facilitate or help when it's like the internal processing. And that's difficult for an external processor being like, ah, yeah.

Yeah, I think of it like there was something that happened this morning and the calendar stuff. Oh, yeah. And part of... So Alan, this is one of my husband's, this is one of my biggest pet peeves and one of, I think, Alan's weakest things is like, I don't know, weakest. No, it's not weakest. It depends what it is, yeah. How do you say that then? Like it's, it's not a strength. So like when it comes to a calendar, I put everything on the calendar. What?

that is important that I have to do that day. Alan won't put things on the calendar. So I have no clue. So when I'm scheduling, cause I do all the scheduling, I'll schedule the nanny and the- It's not, I don't put them on. I'm just not as consistent as you are. You don't always put them on. So like you don't have any stuff on for tomorrow or the next day. So I don't know what's happening. And then I'm scheduling. It's like, okay, you have to leave, but I have the nanny leaving at this time. And-

if I don't know this so this morning I'm like hey this is so frustrating like I I need to know what's happening so I can plan my life baby's life yeah I expect you to know what I'm thinking and what I'm doing well that is that's that's that's gonna lead us to it's crazy like and that's why and like I said since I've met you I've been I've become better at using the calendar on the phone but

I expect you to know what's going on in my world and it's not, I should, I need to be better at that. So the biggest difference is you're really structured and externalize and vocalize the things you need done. Whereas I'm a bit more, less organized when it comes to the structure, but also I don't vocalize it enough. So you need to talk less and I need to talk more. It's basically what I'm saying here. And I need to get my fingers busy over the calendar.

Okay. Noted. Since getting married, what's been the biggest obstacle we faced? Did you get through the obstacle or is it still something you deal with? Probably the Chicago thing. I mean, I think it was one of them. Yeah, there's been a couple. I think when it was so working around job obstacles where his coaching job takes him

Having to move, I can't move because I've got kids here in another co-parenting situation. And I think it becomes an obstacle of, all right, well, shoot, you know, what do we do here? This is what you love to do. You love to coach. This coaching career is 10, 11 months away from the family.

I can't move, it becomes an obstacle. No, it became an obstacle, which we got through. And we're now getting through to a point where I've pivoted and found solutions in other ways, which are good solutions for many things. Being with family and still being able to be flexible, not being bogged down at a club seven days a week. So it was an obstacle that we, again, we got through it.

There's been other obstacles and things that have come up that we've got through. I think communication has been an obstacle, but we have, we have a couple of therapists that helps. It's like to work on the communication now so that it doesn't become a, uh,

catastrophe in the end, right? Like if we continuously don't communicate well for years to come, well, that's why at seven years, everyone's like exploding. Yeah. So I think that's where it's work on the communication on the front end, where you, when you see the problems arise. So that way you can be on the same page to want to keep fighting for it. But I think when couples don't work on the communication in the beginning, then when they have so many years in, they're like, I'm just, I'm over it.

Well, they don't have the foundation there. And there's so many things that probably fights that have happened or things that have just added so much turmoil into the relationship, then it makes it harder to walk through and make it better. More resentment built. Right. So we do that. A lot of people have their opinion on the couple stuff. We do it so that our foundation is stronger. Yeah.

not, we're not walking in at war. And I think that's the thing where, what I love about therapy is you can walk in at peace to not have a war. But when you walk in with war, you have like a mountain of resentment to work through. Yeah. What counts as cheating to you? Is liking women's men's pictures you don't know on social media cheating? It's disrespectful and out of order. Yeah. It's a lack of respect.

Is it cheating? I think it's a form of cheating. Really? I think it's a gateway to cheating. Okay, wait, time out. Can we... Okay, if I'm liking... No, no, no. Can we just time out? I need to set boundaries on this for one second. Okay. Is it people we know or don't know? Well, the question says...

Okay, you don't know. Okay, so yeah, I just want to make sure that's very clear because I'm like, shoot, I heart people's guys that I know that I like follow or whatever. Okay, so that you don't know on social media cheating. I think it's a boundary crossed. Do I think it's cheating? I don't think that's cheating. I think it could be a boundary if, but we've never really talked about that. Like, I think that I find it disrespectful. One million percent. If I'm liking a woman's picture on social media that I don't know and you don't know,

That's crossing the boundary and that's disrespectful. On that topic, I do want to talk about this because this bothers me and this is something when I was dating guys, one of the very first things that I would do is I would go to their follow and see the type of women they're following on Instagram. That showed me a lot. And if it was the certain types of women, I'm not trying, I'm like, I'm really not trying to like sound like,

Cause I'm not like, they're all, they're beautiful. They're stunning. They're, you know, like, yes, the most amazing butts ever. And I think there's a certain, how do I say this? I don't want it to sound like I'm hating on women because I, in no way, shape or form is that at all. But if a man is only following these,

This is going to sound so bad because I'm like not trying to make it sound like... Like Instagram model type people? I don't know if that's the type of guy that I would want to be with.

Because I've dated those types of guys that have followed and it's not ended well. Yeah. Does that make me sound bad? No. But like, if that would have been your follow list, I would have been so turned off. Yeah. But like, how is that okay for me to say that though? When like those women are beautiful and it's not, it's. You're not, you're not, everyone knows what you mean. You don't need to say it.

Everyone knows what you mean. But there's nothing wrong with those type of women at all. No, not at all. But you don't want to be with a guy that likes that type of woman. That's fair enough.

Yeah. That's your opinion. That's what your need is. So therefore that's fine. But I would say, I guess if we're in a relationship and you're still following a bunch of women like that, I would have a, I would have an issue with that. Like I couldn't believe, like I, sometimes when I look at guys that I'm like, okay, I know their relationship. I'm like, how are they still following all these girls like that? And that girlfriend's okay.

Like I would not be okay if I know that that's what your home screen looks like when you're on, when, when we're together in a relationship and your home screen looks like an only fans page. I would have a really, I would, I would struggle with that and not because I'm insecure, but because I don't want my, my man looking at, I wouldn't want my man looking at that. It's like, absolutely. Yeah. I think it's another form of porn grabs respect on a grid. Yeah.

Okay. Cause like, right. Like, would you want my page to be like all these like muscly dudes with their shirt off? Like as those are the guys that I follow. And then like when I go to my homepage, it's all like, like my homepage is like narcissist abuse, trauma stuff. Um,

kids stuff and like funny relationship things because we always do memes. I think we're pretty good and aligned on a lot of things like this. Like if I'm out in our little sanctuary area and you see me on Instagram scrolling and I'm looking at like dudes in the gym, would you be upset? Yeah, I would actually want the f*** you're doing, yeah. Yeah, I mean, same. I wouldn't like it either. Yeah.

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Again, I don't think it's cheating. I think it's a boundary. And I don't really think, have we ever talked, do you watch porn? No. And I don't think it's something that promotes a healthy... Why do you smile? Did you? I'm not smiling. You can totally be honest. It's only just us. I'm being honest. I don't think it's something that promotes a healthy man or a healthy marriage. Yeah. So therefore, no. I know we have discussed that before. I don't, I wouldn't...

break up with you over it, but it's a triggering thing to my past that I would appreciate you not doing. It's just not something that I'm interested in. And I think it's something where it opens, I think, a negative gateway. It could get worse. From my personal experience, it starts there and then it grows and it gets worse. It's a gateway, like a lot of things. Yeah. Okay. Is flirting with a waitress or bartender cheating? Again, I think it's a boundary of respect. Yeah. Is going to a strip club cheating? Again,

It's not, it's not cheating, but it's not something that you do to promote a healthy marriage. Yeah. And you go and I'll have your bags packed again. Not because I'm not secure, but I just, I don't want another girl's titties up in your face. And you don't need to worry about that. And I know that that's the thing. Like I, I know that you are a different type of man and I appreciate that. And I love that. Thank you for respecting me the way that you do.

Not saying that a guy going to a strip club doesn't respect a girl. I want to just put that out there too. But if that's fine with you and you don't care, like for dudes, like letting the dudes go out for a night out. I just, I know girls that are fine with it. I have friends are like, yeah, it's fine if they just go for fun. I just don't want that. And I think it's too much of my past.

Trauma. Yeah. Listen, again, if you flip the situation like we do in our marriage, if you're going to a club where a guy's rubbing his gooch all over your leg and your face and stuff, am I going to be happy with that? No. Yeah. And that's the rule we live by. Flip it. Anything in life, flip it. If it's, he's doing something, he flips it. Would he like me doing that? If the answer is no, don't do it. Exactly. It's having a subscription to OnlyFans cheating. It's just not.

Again, boundaries. Yeah. Do you think it's ever okay to tell little lies in a relationship? It's not, unless it's a fun one. Like it's a fun lie, like...

a present you've got them and you've told them you've not got them a present. I have lied in obviously past relationships to protect the, how do I say this? To me, it's like irrelevant or I don't want to blow up. I don't want it to be a fight. But in this relationship, I mean, I've come to you with hard things when you've asked me or when you've asked me a question and like a piece of me is like, oh, just say no. Cause it's like, it doesn't matter. It was back in when you were 20 in LA and like, who cares? Yeah.

And what I love about our relationship is that I can say like, I've never lied to you. And I, you know, and there's been something where you asked me and I'm like, and it was tough because you didn't like the answer, but I'm like, which one would you have wanted more? Cause damn, did I want to lie to you? Boy, did I not want to tell you the truth? Cause I didn't want this reaction. Yeah. I know exactly which one you're talking about. Yeah. Yeah. But,

Which one at the end of the day? But it actually made me respect you more for the truth that came out of your mouth. Yeah, but I mean, yeah, that was better than hindsight. Yeah, longer term, that's better. Absolutely. It's not easy, but it's better. Yeah. What drives you nuts about the other? What drives me nuts about you is you revert to feeling like you have to do everything yourself. You go into solo mode. It drives me nuts because...

I'm always here for you and I'm always here to try and help with things. I might not always be forthcoming, but I'm always thinking, how can I help? How can I make a day better? How can I, so when you feel like, I'll just do it myself because that's what I'm going to be doing. That's how I'm going to do it. And that drives me crazy. I get it. Is there anything we haven't asked each other, but really should? Not that I know of, no. I think we've been asked that question before. At any point in our relationship, have we not prioritized intimacy? No. No.

We good in that area. I think it's something where we know it's important to both of us. And so we are always either touching each other and it's not just sex. Like we have a very healthy sex life, but it's, we're constantly touching each other, hand, kiss. We're connected even in the passings. Yeah. Which arguments tend to repeat in our relationship? My quietness, my me internalizing before I externalize things. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And sometimes like the words. Yeah. Think before we speak. If you could see into our future together, what would you like to know? I don't know. Did we make it? Okay. Did all kids survive? Did we make it? Did we manage to? No. I would say if you could look into our future, what would you like to know? That it was, gosh, it's such a good question. And I would,

that we took it in and we enjoyed it all would be kind of my thing. Yeah. Because we're so busy and kids and the whole thing. And it's, I'd like to look back and go, okay, we, we did, you know, went through some tough times, great times and we're stronger. And I would simplify it as what I'd like to know is that we never took each other for granted. And always respected. Yeah. Yeah.

But I already kind of know that's like, that we were always going to have that respect for each other. Well, thank you hubby for coming on the podcast. Those were some questions that, that were, that were good. We got answered there. Do you have a question when it comes to dating in your chapter two, call us or email us. We're here to guide you. All the info is on the show notes. Follow us on socials. Make sure to rate and review the podcast. I do part two and I heart radio podcast. We're falling in love is the main objective.

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