I Choose...Believing I'm Good Enough with Julie Bowen
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For decades, the mafia had New York City in a stranglehold, with law enforcement seemingly powerless to intervene. It uses terror to extort people. But the murder of Carmichael Ante marked the beginning of the end. It sent the message that we can prosecute these people. Listen to Law & Order Criminal Justice System on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Want to know how to leverage culture to build a successful business? Then Butternomics is the podcast for you. I'm your host, Brandon Butler, founder and CEO of Butter ATL. And on Butternomics, we go deep with today's most influential entrepreneurs, innovators, and business leaders to peel back the layers on how they use culture as a driving force in their business. Butternomics will give you what you need to take your game to the next level. Listen to Butternomics on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

What's good? It's Colleen Witt and Eating While Broke is back for season three. Brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. We're serving up some real stories and life lessons from people like Van Lathan, DC Youngfly, Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, and many more.

They're sharing the dishes that got them through their struggles and the wisdom they gained along the way. We're cooking up something special, so tune in every Thursday. Listen to Eating While Broke on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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Every week on Talk Easy with Sam Fragoso, I invite an artist, writer, or politician to come to the table and speak from the heart in ways you probably haven't heard from them before. Some of my favorites are with Tom Hanks, Questlove, and Cate Blanchett. In recent weeks, I've talked to actor Dan Levy, director Ava DuVernay, and the editor of The New Yorker, David Remnick. You can listen to Talk Easy on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Hi, everyone. Welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is all about the choices we make and where they lead us. I love this podcast because I get to sit down and have really cool, insightful conversations with people I respect and admire. And then we all collectively learn from one another. What could be better?

My guest today is known for playing the beloved character Claire Dunphy on Modern Family, which she received two Emmys for. She's starring in the new Peacock show Hysteria coming out in October. She's hilarious, brave, and just an all-around badass woman. Please welcome Julie Bowen to the I Choose Me podcast. I just saw you this morning on my TV, actually. I saw your commercial. Is it WhatsApp? Yeah.

Nope, nope, not that one. The eyes. Oh, Zydra. I didn't know that was on. That's right. That's right. That started airing. Yeah, I actually have eye problems. And so I'm doing a partnership with them. I love that. About the eye drops. Yes, they're actually saving my life. That's good. The best part is that my husband was in that commercial with you. Yes, you can see him. I mean, I saw one cut of it.

Yeah, but it was really fun to see him. He's so handsome. Oh, thanks. Yeah. Like I noticed him as I was like, oh my God, what a handsome man. And I was like, don't talk to handsome men. You know, like you don't want to ever talk to like somebody really good looking on a set.

because it just, I don't know, could get complicated. Yeah, it could make it weird. And then he came over and he's like, you know, you know, my wife, Jenny. And I was like, oh, my God. OK, I'm totally talking to you. I don't care. I don't care how good looking you are. Now I'm talking to you. I was so glad. I was like, you better talk to her. Because he kind of sticks to his own. He loves doing his commercials.

Well, he was, he's, you got a good looking one. I want to go, can we start at your beginning? Because I find these stories fascinating. So tell me about the kind of household that you grew up in. I know that you were in Maryland, right? Was that where you were born? Yeah, I grew up in Maryland.

Baltimore, just outside of the city. So it was suburbia, but it was still Baltimore with two sisters, no boys, and went to all girls schools and like never did not know what to do with a boy. I did not have a boy in my class until I was 14 and I went to boarding school. Whoa. Yeah. That's a culture shock. Yeah.

Yeah, but then I end up with three boys for kids. I've got three. I've got a 17-year-old and two 15-year-olds, and they're all boys, and I...

I've literally just been lost since day one because I grew up with all girls. That's so funny. You say you're one of three girls. So I thought always that I would have three boys. Like I just knew when I grow up, I'm going to have three sons. And then I grew up and I had three daughters. Yeah. So it's the exact opposite of you. Yeah. No, I've seen your girls on social media and they are so gorgeous and

Are they all out of the house? No. No, no. Just one of them is out of the house officially. But the other one is like biting at the bit to get out of the house. Yeah, but where are they going to go? Like, come on. Your house is going to be nicer than whatever...

shitey apartment. Right. And nobody's going to be cooking for them and cleaning for them. Doing their laundry, folding their laundry into little packages. Perfect little things. Yeah. No, there's going to be a reality moment for my youngest daughter when she goes to college, I think. So wait, you still have two at home and one is still in high, they're both still in high school.

I have one that's in New York. She's a career woman. I have one that is Lola, who's 21, who was in school in New York. She moved back home. Now she's going to school out here. She's living at home. I could not be happier. And then my daughter, who's going into her senior year this year.

Oh, wow. She went to her senior year. Wait, we have kids. I have a rising senior. Yes, you have a 17-year-old. Yeah, they all know each other through social media. Isn't that wild? And they all hang out. Wait, because you're living in Studio City-ish, hillsy. Yeah, I'm out of the city a little bit more now. We moved out east. But does she go to school in LA? She does. Yep.

I wonder if they know each other. I bet they do. It's like a it's like the biggest city ever. But somehow they all know each other. They all know each other from Snapchat. They literally look on Snap Maps and they're like, I mean, my kids, anytime I drive, we're driving down the street and they see a group of kids like, slow down, slow down, slow down.

Yeah, I know those kids keep going. I'm like, we just have to verify that you know them and then keep going. Yes. Isn't that creepy? They know where everybody is all the time now. I know. I know. It's really weird. It's really weird because there's nothing more disturbing than me. I always am turning off my location services, you know, unless I need them to be on. I have the weird feeling of being followed or tracked.

freaks me out. And these kids are so native to this idea of everybody knows where everybody is all the time. Just deal with it. Who do you share your location with? Do you share your location with anyone? I only share it with my kids for, Oh, and my life wife. I have a, uh, Rachel is my Rachel field is my producing partner. And my, like, if I was, uh,

if I was lucky enough to be gay, she would be my person forever. But we're both straight and we spend like 18 hours a day together. And so, yes, we share our locations with each other. That's good. That's it. Yeah, I share mine with my best friend Adele. And I would have to say she's my life wife, too. I wish I could be gay because if I I think it would be so amazing to be married to her. I mean, I am married to Rachel. Like she has a room in my home. Like, yeah.

Oh, I love this. She is my life wife. She has a boyfriend and I am so excited for her because she's younger and she's going to get married and have babies. I can't wait, but she's my person. And it's really important to have a person and not just a dude, you know? Yeah. Women are women in friendships. I've been thinking about this so much lately. Like, I mean, that women used to be

You couldn't hang out like if somebody was claimed called a witch in the 1600s, everybody had to stay away from her or else you'd be called a witch. And there's always been this historical process of keeping women separated because if they're together, it's what, too powerful, too scary. They're afraid of it. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm like, what are you afraid of? We make everything better.

I'm happy to be a witch. Sign me up. I have some really good witch friends. I have a one friend who was a terrific witch and she freaks me out. Sometimes she knows way more than like, you don't tell, I don't tell her anything. She knows everything. She gives me all sorts of, she's like, here, carry this crystal. I'm like, what? And then I'm like, why is it burning my hand? And she's like, just nodding. Yeah.

Well, okay. So you went to an Ivy League college. Yeah, I did. I went to Brown. You went to Brown. So did you study acting there? Was that like what you thought you were going to go into? I always thought I was going to do... Like we would put on plays in our yard. That's what we did. My mom was not into television. It was, you know, the 70s, early 80s, like benign neglect, like...

get out and come back for dinner she literally got one of those triangles oh ding ding ding ding yeah it was huge though like one of those big like ranch style ones that she could ring when it was time to come home so you could hear it all over the neighborhood we knew we weren't allowed to cross like the big street but otherwise we were like wild animals it was fantastic and we would

It was a bunch of girls in our neighborhood. There was a couple boys, but we didn't pay a whole lot of attention to them. And we put on plays. That's what we did. That would be our project. And we put on these very elaborate productions. But my older sister, you know, families label you and you get like your role. You're the lawyer or and she was the actress. And I then had to be something else.

What did you choose? What did you? Well, I was supposed to be the artist. And then my younger sister was always the doctor. And she did become a doctor. And then my older sister, Molly and I eventually flip flopped. She is an artist and I'm an actress. Oh, my God.

They had you pegged wrong. I love that. They did. So in college, I was really scared of all the actors. Brown had a very fancy theater department, and I always felt like they were terrifying. And so thinking that I was supposed to be the artist, I studied art history, and I became a Renaissance studies major. Whoa. Wow.

It was, I mean, I went to Italy, lived there for a year. I spoke fluent Italian and I was just like, I guess that's what my major is. And then at the time, you know, school cost a lot less. My parents were pretty awesome about education. They said, study whatever you want in college. Grad school is where you really focus.

And something that we would never say to our kids now, because we're like, it's $80,000 a year, figure it out. So I was like, okay. And then at the end of college, I said, I want to go to grad school for acting. I started doing acting at Brown and this indie film came to town. And this is like,

So it was like literally film in a film camera. And the opportunity to get film on yourself was, that was hard back then. Like it didn't just magically, everybody didn't have a phone. Right. You couldn't just film yourself. Right. So I got the lead in this little indie film that was really cool and black and white and super artsy and awesome. And I was like, oh, I love this. I was doing some plays, but I was like, this is,

I loved doing film right away. I was like, it's so collaborative. This wasn't this feeling of like, you're all alone on stage. It was like, there's the guy with the boom pole and somebody's holding a light. And I was like, oh, this is so fun. And so right away I got that bug. And so I wanted to go to grad school for acting and my parents were like,

Not that's not what we meant. We meant like lawyer, like master's degree. And God bless them. They were like, if that's your chosen path, you're on your own. And so I moved to New York and waited a lot of tables and started taking a bunch of classes and got an agent and did a bunch of really great.

silly commercials but they paid the bills and you know i clearly still do commercials because they still pay the bills god love them uh-huh i want to go back to you've you've chosen to talk about this before you struggled when you were a teenager with eating disorders yeah body image issues oh yeah

When do you think that started for you? And do you remember like, what was the tipping point that made you get help? Oh, well, I was the, I was, and again, it's like language we would never use now. And I just have to like preface it because we said things so casually then that were, we would never say to a child now, but I was like the fat kid and it wasn't fat. And if you

If I was walking around now as a 12-year-old, you wouldn't ever say that. But

beauty standards were really different. And I was in elementary school until, you know, sixth grade. And my two best friends were ballerinas. So they were these life gorgeous spinning, spinning, and they both ended up leaving Baltimore to become professional dancers at 13. One went to the Royal ballet, one went to American ballet. And, you know,

They were fantastic and fun and they happened to have these beautiful bodies, but I was always compare and despair. And I was like the chunky one. I was like, they're the, I always felt like they're that friend. They never said that to me. This was all an internal dialogue. And then I had an opportunity that summer between sixth and seventh grade going to a new school. I'm like reinvention. I'm going to start the, I'm going to lose weight. And I,

I did. And I was really good at it. And I felt, it felt great. It actually felt really good. And then it became a thing where I,

you can't go back, you know, going back somehow as a failure. And, but going forward, even I knew, I was like, you can't go forward forever. You can't, you can't lose weight until you don't, you're at your birth weight, you know, like seven pounds is not my goal. But I think I discovered in that a sense of a false sense of control and also so much positive feedback at first that,

And then you sort of crossed this line. Then you look great. You look so great. How do you do it? Oh, my God, you're so amazing. So disciplined, incredible. And then all of a sudden one day goes, that's enough. Wait, what changed? But they were right. I mean, my poor parents, God bless them. We're like, oh, we have three girls. Of course, we got one with an eating disorder. And.

They did every intervention that they could and put me in therapy. But honestly, it was not until the advent of Prozac, God love you, Prozac, that I really was able to turn the volume down on that internal dialogue that I had to look a certain way and fit a certain size into

That noise finally got turned down. Okay. So you went on medication to help you with those negative thoughts. Interesting. How old were you? I was 18.

I mean, I'd been and I'd been struggling like, you know, I was I'd get a little better and then I got a lot worse. And then, you know, they didn't have medication back then. I mean, it wasn't Prozac just came out. Yeah, because we're about the same age. And I remember going on Prozac very young as well. Yeah. And being like and all my friends were like, I didn't want to. I thought, oh, no, this is so weird. I thought it was like, you know.

psych meds you know where you think of like lithium and thorazine and people sort of drooling yeah but i had a really wonderful doctor in maryland in baltimore who was out of johns hopkins and he came to my house so nicest man alive and i went to his office but he drew a map of like

This sort of wave and he drew a line and he drew this wave and he said, normal is a wave. It goes up and down. Life goes up and down. And he goes, but normal should go across this line of, oh, I feel good. I don't feel so good. And you're experiencing your whole life below the line.

And I was like, oh, so I would, you know, at best I was still pretty bummed out. I was depressed and he, and everybody was trying to sort of treat this eating thing. And I was like, it, he explained to me and rightly so it's not an eating thing. It's a, it's a mental thing. And it is really a function of your depression and anxiety. And this is how you're managing it. He was right. When you're really hungry,

And you're really limiting your ability to express yourself. You limit your feelings as well. And I was like, this is working. I'm not having any feelings. I'm like half dead. It's awesome. I love it. So, and Prozac just, it's like, I went to here, like, it was like the light turned on. It took four or six weeks. And I just remember it.

being in an argument with my boyfriend at the time who would really get to me and upset me. And all of a sudden I started laughing. He goes, what are you laughing about? And I said, I'm laughing because this is a whole conversation is bullshit. This is ridiculous. And I realized, oh my God,

I'm touching something normal. I don't have to take everything so seriously and horribly. And it was a huge game changer. And I've always, I'm happy to admit that I've been on Prozac since the dawn of time because it changed my life.

And it's worked for you throughout the years of your life. Like you didn't have to change medications or experiment with different things. I tried. I thought, you know, everybody goes through different periods where I would go off of it and be like, I don't need this anymore. Right, right, right. And I go, I do. That's like the story of it all. Like you're like, I'm great. I don't need this anymore. I'm going to just go off of it for a while. And then you just, it starts to creep back in. Yeah. And yeah.

Yes, I try. And then I, I, when I was trying to get pregnant, I thought, okay, I'm, I needed to be like holistically pure and clean and nothing in me. And that was a terrible idea. Cause then I'm like, why would I bring a child into this world? Cause it was immediately just went back into some major depression. And I went and I saw a woman at UCLA who did a study on women, depression and pregnancy and stuff. And she,

I waited and waited to get into her and I paid a fortune and I go in 15 minutes. She goes, looks at my chart, looks everything. She goes, you're on 20 milligrams of Prozac. It's like spitting into the ocean. Take your drugs. Take it.

take your meds. And I was like, what? I waited months for this. She's like, it's not going to do anything to, to your baby. You're going to be absolutely fine. I did go down just like to 10 milligrams, maybe they still felt like I don't, I, you know, you're creating something in your body. Um, and I thought if they all fail third grade, it's going to be my fault. Um,

Did any of them fail? Nobody's failed third grade. They're all perfectly normal and healthy. And we talk about mental health and we talk about, you know, medication and, you know, should you ever need to avail yourself of medication? Don't be shy. You know, sometimes depression and anxiety can run in a family. And I'm always like looking at them like, good, you good? They're like, mom, I'm fine.

But they're also dudes. I know. Well, that's got to make a big difference in it too. But like I do sometimes do that as well. Like I project...

my anxiety over what I've been through or just like trying to figure my life out when it comes to like my emotional rollercoaster or my medications or whatever it's been. And I sometimes will project that onto my kids maybe and give them worries that they didn't even have. Yeah, I know. I know. I have this one of, you know, I've got twins and they're very different. And one is Mr. Social and like,

super sporty and his twin brother is and they're not identical is much more like I was just quieter and kind of hangs back and then joins him when he feels like it but I am guilty of projecting onto him oh no oh no you're depressed something's wrong he's like what yeah like don't put that on him luckily I have a great therapist who tells me to stop doing that so I don't do it oh god love therapy

Oh, yeah. The best. I can really relate, though, with your struggles, with your body image and everything, even at such a young age, even before Hollywood was ever in the picture. You know, just the pressure that we, like you said, compare and despair, like what we, the pressure we put on ourselves. Yeah. And I mean, look, you were, how old were you on 90210? 20? 17. 17? Yeah. Mm-hmm.

I mean, I can't imagine. I cannot imagine. And having gone through with my, I call them my fake kids from Modern Family, watching them grow up in the public eye and go through literally changing bodies and hair and faces and everything and going, how are you doing this? I was in awe of their composure and their ability to say, and they were living out loud and on social media and

getting hate on social media. And I'm like, maybe you should just not be on Twitter or Instagram. And maybe you shouldn't do those things. And they were like, we're fine. We're fine. It was just they had so much more composure about who they were in the world. But I've definitely know, I can't imagine having done that myself. And I can't imagine how you did it. Mm hmm.

Yeah. I mean, that was and that was a rocket ship of a show. 90210. That was like game changer. And that was in the 90s where anybody could say anything about you or your body. Oh, yeah. And it was okay. Like acceptable. Yeah.

That was okay until like five years ago. Yeah, feels like it. Right? But when we struggle with our body image and then we choose to start to change the way our brain thinks and we start to love our bodies. Yeah. That is like the ultimate I choose me moment. When did that happen for you? When were you like, was it because of the medication? Do you think that helped you reach that point?

It definitely, without medication and, you know, the help of SSRIs, I don't think I could ever have said, I choose me at all. And I know that there was also a lot of work alongside it. You know, I've had great therapists over the years. I would have to say really the, I choose me, the biggest moment of that was much later. And I will never speak ill of my ex-husband, but he,

I needed to get divorced and we did get divorced and I will never like go into the nitty gritty of it. But that was ultimately the first time as I was an adult, I was a mother and I was living alone. You know, I'd had my kids for half the time, but I really had to go, okay, you need to put yourself first.

It's still hard to say that. It's so hard to say it because you're not OK. You cannot carry this. You can't pull this train. And it's really hard. It's still hard to say out loud because it feels like shameful. Would you say that like.

For me, it was very hard for me to say, I love myself. And everyone would always say, oh, well, you can never really love someone else until you truly love yourself. And I used to just roll my eyes at that and think, I can love people fine. I'm good. But it was the point of saying, I do love myself. That really shifted everything for me. And being okay and able, like you said, to say that and feel good about it.

Yeah. It's, I still can't say that out loud. Like I can't, it just feels like, oh no, they're going to come for me. You know, like, I don't know about you, but I don't, I have a hard, no Googling rule. Like I don't Google myself. When my kids got old enough to be online all the time and everything, I said, I don't ever want to know if you see something I recommend you don't

Google me or yourselves because you will come up. And I said, I don't think it's a good idea. I think it's really unhealthy, but if you do, I don't need to hear about it because it is too upsetting, which means I'm still vulnerable, you know? And my therapist says to me all the time, I want you to get to a place where you just say, I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit, but

Not there yet. It's, it's really hard to, to say, you know, I am enough. I've gotten to a point in my life where I can say that about other people and I

I think that that's a good indication. I like a good step of going, oh, I am not demanding perfection of the people in my life. I'm not demanding that everybody beats this bananas high standard. And I can then see that reflected back to me. Like, why do you hold yourself to this ridiculous standard as well? So hard on ourselves. Yeah. So hard, so hard. And women have to do everything. Like we have to do. I was...

I had babies and I was breastfeeding and I was going to work at 5 a.m. I had three kids in diapers and, you know, you're going to work every day and going, oh, my gosh. And you still need to be nice and professional and you have to look good and you're not sleeping at all. And it's an enormous amount of pressure. But I think it was such a loving experience.

atmosphere on set. I was so lucky on Modern Family. I felt like as much as getting up at 4.30 in the morning to get to work can be a pain and not being with your kids is awful. I loved being there so much and I felt so much validation and I felt so good. I spent the first year or year and a half of Modern Family being terrified because everybody there was so funny and so good at what they did. I'm like, I don't belong.

I mean, how did you feel when you did a sitcom? Suddenly you were like a sit. You were like in front of a live audience, you know, having to get the big laughs. A hundred percent. And I just did an episode called about imposter syndrome and just struggling with that throughout my whole life. And that was one of the major moments when it really was clear to me that I was having it was when I was thrust into that world of doing something I didn't know how to do and doing just what you did. Like,

comparing myself and saying I wasn't good enough and I don't belong here and everybody's so much better than me. And all that messaging can just really mess with you. Yeah. And I can't even, I mean, you went from, I mean, you were like a drama person

you know you were you were like literally the teen soap opera of our time and then you got to do a sitcom I remember watching it going like how does she know how to do that like that's how does she stand there and like go in and hold for the laugh and all that stuff and it fucks with your head yeah especially when you're with people who I mean I look at Ty Brell and before a scene like he went one line in the scene he'd be like

walking around thinking that I go, what are you thinking about? Like it's one line. And then he would bust out something genius and brilliant. I'm like, oh my God, why I need to think more. I'm not good enough, but maybe just a function of time or the fact that that was the most loving and supportive environment in the entire world that I just started to feel like,

Okay, maybe I'm never going to be the best here, but I can hold my own. And I felt confident about that. Yeah, it changes.

For decades, the mafia had New York City in a stranglehold, with law enforcement seemingly powerless to intervene. It uses terror to extort people. But the murder of Carmichael Ante marked the beginning of the end, sparking a chain of events that would ultimately dismantle the most powerful crime organization in American history. It sent the message to them that we can prosecute these people.

Discover how a group of young prosecutors took on the mafia and with the help of law enforcement brought down its most powerful figures. These bosses on the commission had no idea what was coming their way from the federal government. From Wolf Entertainment and iHeart Podcasts, this is Law & Order Criminal Justice System. Listen to Law & Order Criminal Justice System on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Thank you.

Want to know how to leverage culture to build a successful business? Then Butternomics is the podcast for you. I'm your host, Brandon Butler, founder and CEO of Butter ATL. Over my career, I've built and helped run multiple seven-figure businesses that leverage culture and build successful brands. Now I want to share what I've learned with you. And on Butternomics, we go deep with today's most influential entrepreneurs, innovators, and business leaders to peel back the layers on how they use culture as a driving force in their business.

On every episode, we get the inside scoop on how these leaders tap into culture to build something amazing. From exclusive interviews to business breakdowns, we'll explore the journey of turning passion for culture into business. Whether you're just getting started or an established business owner, Butternomics will give you what you need to take your game to the next level. This is Butternomics. Listen to Butternomics on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Every week on Talk Easy with Sam Fragoso, I invite an artist, writer, or politician to come to the table and speak from the heart in ways I imagine you haven't heard from them before. Some of my favorites are with Tom Hanks, Margaret Atwood, Questlove, Cate Blanchett, and Oscar Isaac.

If that sounds like a varied group of people, it's because it is. I always wanted to make a show where one week we could sit with a politician like Beto O'Rourke, the next an author like Min Jin Lee, or TV titans like Bill Hader and Quinta Brunson. Basically, this is a podcast driven by curiosity and an abundance of research.

conversations where people actually start to sound like people. In recent weeks, I sat with Dan Levy, Ava DuVernay, Benny Safdie, and the editor of The New Yorker, David Remnick. You can listen to Talk Easy with Sam Fragoso on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I hope to see you there. I've been thinking about you. I want you back in my life. It's too late for that. I have a proposal for you.

Come up here and document my project. All you need to do is record everything like you always do. One session. 24 hours. BPM 110, 120. She's terrified. Should we wake her up? Absolutely not. What was that? You didn't figure it out? I think I need to hear you say it. That was live audio of a woman's nightmare. This machine is approved and everything? You're allowed to be doing this? We passed the review board a year ago. We're not hurting people.

There's nothing dangerous about what you're doing. They're just dreams. Dream Sequence is a new horror thriller from Blumhouse Television, iHeartRadio, and Realm. Listen to Dream Sequence on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Meet the real woman behind the tabloid headlines in a personal podcast that delves into the life of the notorious Tori Spelling as she takes us through the ups and downs of her sometimes glamorous, sometimes chaotic life and marriage. I don't think he knew how big it would be, how big the life I was given and live is.

I think he was like, oh, yeah, things come and go. But with me, it never came and went. Is she Donna Martin or a down-and-out divorcee? Is she living in Beverly Hills or a trailer park? In a town where the lines are blurred, Tori is finally going to clear the air in the podcast Misspelling. When a woman has nothing to lose, she has everything to gain. I just filed for divorce. Whoa. I said the words.

that I've said like in my head for like 16 years. Wild. Listen to Misspelling on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is going to another very personal topic. Some people don't know this, but you have a pacemaker and I'm fascinated by this. I want to know all about it. Why do you have a pacemaker? When did you get it? How do you live with it? Tell me everything. I have a pacemaker that I got when I was 29.

I had been a really competitive runner all throughout high school and I was really good at it, but it was, it, it,

I guess was taking its toll. Also not eating wasn't a great idea and do some damage. Yeah. And I genetically, my dad is incredibly low resting heart rate. I always had a low resting heart rate, but it started to get really so like low and, and uneven that, um,

I noticed and it would feel almost like I was going to pass out when I was like sitting or watching a movie, like it would get so low that I was like, wait,

And my sister was in med school or maybe her residency at the time. And she had a stethoscope one day and she just listened to my heart. She goes, what did they tell you that is? I said, oh, they say it's runner's heart. It's like a thing that happens when people are really athletic and run a lot and they get a super low heart rate. She goes, that is not what that is. And I said, what?

And she insisted that I go see a cardiologist immediately. And I was like, and I tried to put it off. And I was doing two pilots that year, like two, like back to back. You know, no one takes a day off of work. No. And I was like, I can't because I've got a lot of other things going on. But she wouldn't let it go. And I went to four different cardiologists. They all were like, oh, you need a pacemaker. And I was like, what?

Yeah, I was so freaked out. And, you know, I only knew them as like a box on somebody's like chest or something. Mine's underneath the muscles sort of in through my armpit. Okay, that's good. So it doesn't like show itself.

It does some like in some outfits, you can sort of see it. But I'm like at a point where I'm like, I don't care. There you go. Look, you just said it. I don't care. That's true. I don't care because the pace, it's such as much as I freaked out about it at the time and thought, oh, no, this is like, what does this mean? I'm dying or I'm a freak or something. I learned about the anatomy of the heart and

It was there's electrical impulse that wasn't traveling through the vagal nerve in the middle. And it's such an easy fix. And I tell people this all the time because I've met so many young people who are pacemakers because I have one. And it was such a simple fix. And I have to get the battery changed every day.

I don't know, seven years or something, which means they take out the whole thing and put it back in. It's an operation. But otherwise, it does not interfere with my life or change it in any way. And I'm just so grateful that my sister identified that this was a problem. I mean, that little box is going to keep you alive for longer than anybody. Too long. Too long. You're going to literally be like, please stop, heart. When I get you, you have kids and suddenly you have to make a will.

Like, cause I didn't have a will until I had kids. And I was like, and they're like, you have to have it. You know, somebody who has your medical directive and all that stuff. And I was like, oh, I made my lawyer right in, like unplug my pace, turn it off.

He's like, wait, is that a thing? I was like, just write it in there that like if I'm in a coma, turn off the fucking box because I know I don't want to be kept alive from the box. And he was like, I don't know if that's the way it works. I was just writing down. That doesn't sound fun. No, but I'm not so concerned anymore.

So we talked about the beginnings and your eating disorder. How do you feel now, though, in your body? You're a pacemaker. It seems like you take amazing care of yourself. Yeah, and I'm living with the fallout of not having taken amazing care of myself. You know, I don't know. Maybe you feel the same way. There's something about you go through...

I mean, my body was destroyed after babies, you know, and you suddenly start going, what was I complaining about? At least my skin didn't look like a melted candle. At least I could wear a bikini and not have to wear like a Lily Pulitzer with a skirt one piece. Yeah.

No offense, Lily. Lily, we love you, Lily. But yeah, that feeling of, oh my God, I don't want to waste any more time

I wasted way too long and when I didn't realize how good I had it. And I think to myself, whenever I get into like a little bit of a toilet spin in my head about, oh, I'm not good enough for, oh, I'm looking old or whatever. In a year, you're going to look back to today and go, what was I thinking? In 10 years, you're going to be like, why were you not naked running down the streets having so much fun? Right.

We spend so much time worrying about it. And that, I think, just perpetuates it and makes us feel and look older. Yeah. Yeah. So to...

Really appreciate like I can I can move my body. I can go running I can I'm recently obsessed with the rest of America pickleball and I can play for two hours at a time and I'm just like I'm so glad that I can do all these things I'm so happy that my body is strong and serving me and hasn't hasn't you know I've had a couple injuries over the years when you have those because you oh my god is this

You become very grateful for just a healthy, functioning body. And that is much more how I look at myself. I'm like, I'm strong as hell. And that is that has served me well. Yeah. If anything, that should make you feel proud and love yourself more.

I can't. Jenny, I can't do it. Here's what I need you to do. I need you when we're done. I want you to go in the bathroom, look in the mirror and look into your beautiful eyes and say, I love you. And I know it's going to feel gross.

I can do it. I have a whole visualization process with sort of another me. Wait a minute. Wait, another you? Like a younger, little Julie? Yes, that I take care of her and I tell her how great she is. That's perfect. I can't get to the mirror yet, but I do visual. I do work very hard and go like,

You know, because when you're suffering, when you have anxiety or fear, I always think, OK, what do you need? It's not you. I'm the adult. I'm in charge. I am smart and capable and strong. This feeling is coming from some other place, probably an earlier place. And I just try and think about like this younger person. I'm like, what do you need?

And just asking that question usually helps resolve the anxiety. That's amazing. Just acknowledge it and go, oh, poor thing. Okay, I get it. I see you. Life is scary. We all carry around so much old shit. And I don't try to necessarily get rid of the old shit. I just acknowledge it. You just embrace it. I love this. I know you're there. I hear you.

Yeah. That's the best you can do because you can't get rid of it. Did you watch that documentary on Phil Stutz? Yeah. The one, Jonah Hill. He has a whole thing about like, I mean, I don't know. He could be a giant quack. I don't know. I just watched a documentary. But he has a whole thing about like your shadow self. And that is this like amalgamation of all the parts of you that you think that are bad. And if you don't acknowledge it, it turns toxic. But if you could just acknowledge it.

And say, yep, it's like my shadow. It's my friend. It's just there. It's somehow like turns the noise down and makes it less potent. And we all have that that shadow or that everybody has it. Everybody has it unless you feel like it's only you.

Sure. But that is the ultimate sort of like, I'm a piece of shit, but I'm a piece of shit in the center of the universe and everyone's talking about it. And you're like, no, most people are really just thinking about whether or not they need to get their nails done or. Right. That's the most freeing thing. I think as we age, you realize nobody's talking about you. Nobody's even really looking at you. Yeah. That's all the stories we're making up in our heads.

And the unintended side effect of being able to have a conversation like this, as I always discovered that it takes, I'm very self-effacing and I don't like compliments and everything. And, but when you're honest about sort of anxiety or fear, whatever else is going on, you become more human and less of, and this was never intended. I never intended this, but

I always feared like being somebody on a pedestal that other people wanted to shoot down. And I think that being open and human makes you less of a target. And that was never my intention, but it's a very welcome side effect. Yeah, that's great.

For decades, the Mafia had New York City in a stranglehold, with law enforcement seemingly powerless to intervene. It uses terror to extort people. But the murder of Carmichael Ante marked the beginning of the end, sparking a chain of events that would ultimately dismantle the most powerful crime organization in American history. It sent the message to them that we can prosecute these people.

Discover how a group of young prosecutors took on the mafia and with the help of law enforcement brought down its most powerful figures. These bosses on the commission had no idea what was coming their way from the federal government. From Wolf Entertainment and iHeart Podcasts, this is Law & Order Criminal Justice System. Listen to Law & Order Criminal Justice System on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Want to know how to leverage culture to build a successful business? Then Butternomics is the podcast for you. I'm your host, Brandon Butler, founder and CEO of Butter ATL. Over my career, I've built and helped run multiple seven-figure businesses that leverage culture and build successful brands. Now I want to share what I've learned with you. And on Butternomics, we go deep with today's most influential entrepreneurs, innovators, and business leaders to peel back the layers on how they use culture as a driving force in their business.

On every episode, we get the inside scoop on how these leaders tap into culture to build something amazing. From exclusive interviews to business breakdowns, we'll explore the journey of turning passion for culture into business. Whether you're just getting started or an established business owner, Butternomics will give you what you need to take your game to the next level. This is Butternomics. Listen to Butternomics on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Every week on Talk Easy with Sam Fragoso, I invite an artist, writer, or politician to come to the table and speak from the heart in ways I imagine you haven't heard from them before. Some of my favorites are with Tom Hanks, Margaret Atwood, Questlove, Cate Blanchett, and Oscar Isaac.

If that sounds like a varied group of people, it's because it is. I always wanted to make a show where one week we could sit with a politician like Beto O'Rourke, the next an author like Min Jin Lee, or TV titans like Bill Hader and Quinta Brunson. Basically, this is a podcast driven by curiosity and an abundance of research.

Conversations where people actually start to sound like people. In recent weeks, I sat with Dan Levy, Ava DuVernay, Benny Safdie, and the editor of The New Yorker, David Remnick. You can listen to Talk Easy with Sam Fragoso on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I hope to see you there.

Meet the real woman behind the tabloid headlines in a personal podcast that delves into the life of the notorious Tori Spelling as she takes us through the ups and downs of her sometimes glamorous, sometimes chaotic life and marriage. I don't think he knew how big it would be, how big the life I was given and live is.

I think he was like, oh, yeah, things come and go. But with me, it never came and went. Is she Donna Martin or a down-and-out divorcee? Is she living in Beverly Hills or a trailer park? In a town where the lines are blurred, Tori is finally going to clear the air in the podcast Misspelling. When a woman has nothing to lose, she has everything to gain. I just filed for divorce. Whoa. I said the words.

that I've said like in my head for like 16 years. Wild. Listen to Misspelling on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I've been thinking about you. I want you back in my life. It's too late for that. I have a proposal for you. Come up here and document my project. All you need to do is record everything like you always do. One session, 24 hours. BPM 110.

120. She's terrified. Should we wake her up? Absolutely not. What was that? You didn't figure it out? I think I need to hear you say it. That was live audio of a woman's nightmare. This machine is approved and everything? You're allowed to be doing this? We passed the review board a year ago. We're not hurting people. There's nothing dangerous about what you're doing. They're just dreams. Dream Sequence is a new horror thriller from Blumhouse Television, iHeartRadio, and Realm.

Listen to Dream Sequence on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You mentioned we've all talked about, and we talk about it a lot on this podcast, anxiety and stress and different ways to do it. So I'm hearing from you that you run, you play pickleball. Do you meditate? What other things do you do to handle your stress and anxiety?

I do meditate and I'm not as religious about it as I used to be. When I was going through a divorce and my very, very close friend and cousin was dying of cancer. And I just felt like it was just a cycle of like, I could pick anything.

anything and it was a problem that you know it's like oh my god oh my god I felt like I was constantly walking around the top of a turret just looking down at like incoming bad things and I always thought

Sleep is for the weak. Lunch is for losers. And meditation is for people that don't want to deal with life. I've since completely changed on all of those things. Okay, good, good, good. All of them. Lunch is not for losers. Lunch is for champions. Lunch is for champions. It really helps to have great friends around to have your lunch with. Sleep is not...

For the week, it is. I had to say that for years. And you know what I mean? Because when you have kids and you're working, you can't indulge in reading the New York Times that's telling you that if you don't sleep, your brain is turning to rot. You have to survive. You're just surviving. Yeah.

And then meditation during that time when I was just thinking, oh no, it's all going wrong. And I didn't want to suddenly start doing a bad job at the thing I loved, my work, and I could feel like the anxiety coming back. And I just started meditating and I just started by simply counting my breaths. That's it. And I was like, something crazy happened. You know, it just something switched. And I was like,

oh, that's crazy. That just worked. Now I'm into breath work. Oh, Bim Hof and like crazy breath work. That can really change your chemical, your brain, how you feel. It's, it can be really psychedelic because what do you do? Yes. What do you do? I listened to this, um,

God, I listened to some dude that I found on YouTube. There's two people and they both have one's 40 minutes and one's like half an hour. And sometimes you're back to back. It's almost like you're hyperventilating in a way. It feels very weird. And you do all this deep controlled breathing and then faster and then you're holding your breath. And then at the end, you meditate and it is fantastic.

I've never done acid, but I imagine that it's, I mean, it is like, I feel like doors of consciousness are opening. Oh, I need to know who these people are on YouTube. You have to send this to me. I will send them to you. It's, you know, it's not for everyone. Do you go like this, like...

Do you plug your... No, I don't because my nose is inside, it's like sideways. So I can't, it's such a deviated septum, it's crazy. So one nostril, it's like I don't breathe through it anyhow. But I do the like, you do belly, chest, belly, chest, belly, chest. It's like two kinds of breathing and then holding it, holding it, holding it and then breathing all the way out. And I don't know why it works. I read a book that my cousin gave me called

That is great. I highly recommend it. It is. It will. By the end of that, if you're not, I was like, oh, my God, I have to I have to breathe. I have to start breathing. I know. And so, yeah, I'm very that. And also, it is like such a great enhancement to meditation because it is like very psychedelic and great. I'm I'm inspired by that. I definitely want to try it. I want to talk to you about you.

are single. You have been single since your divorce. I think that was around the time of my divorce, maybe a little bit later. But you said that you love being single. And I love hearing that so much. Like, what do you love about it? I'm a little jealous. I'm a little jealous because I really love being single too for a minute.

I love, I am by nature an introvert, not meaning that I'm introverted all the time, but that's where I recharge by being alone. Some people recharge by, yes. Well, it could be any, I could be hiking. I could be, but I need a certain amount of alone time every day. And I've struggled with whether or not this is just inherently selfish because I

I'm not sure I'm as open to sharing my life because I guard my, that alone time. And I work a lot. I work from home. You know, I'm doing development. I've got to deal with universal for comedy. They were, I'm developing stuff. I've got a skincare line. So there's all these women come to my house every day. There's usually,

Four or five of us, but the four of us, and I'm constantly surrounded by people constantly on zooms and taking meetings and I need no one around for a while. And between kids and work and, you know, friends, I don't know where I would put a relationship. And I really am not willing to give up any of those things just yet. I'm not willing to give up that opportunity.

alone time. I feel really stressed if I don't get it. And it sounds like you're just in this major discovery of doing all these different projects and doing what you want to do now. You're not, I won't say stuck, but you're not committed to a show that the whole world is watching. Isn't that the scariest thing though? Come on, when we started out, you took any job because you needed...

a job. You need to pay the bills. Yeah. Right. And so you took any job. It didn't have to be good. It didn't have to be the perfect job. You just took jobs. And it's much more challenging. Of course, I'm grateful for the ability to have choice, but it's much harder when they're like, well, you have to pick now and you have to create. And I'm like,

oh, it was easier when I could just say yes to everything and just go do it and then let the chips fall where they may. It's much more challenging to say, I'm not going to put my time and energy into that or put yourself out there, like develop a project from the ground up with may never see the light of day, all of that. It's much more difficult. I miss the days of being able to just be like,

It's a job. I'm going like I my tendency is to say yes to everything because I'm like, well, you say yes to jobs. But what makes it's easy to say no, because everything's out of town now. So I I do say no to a lot of stuff because I don't want to leave. No, you don't want to leave your boys. No. And they're like right at the, you know, 15, 15 and 17. One's going to be gone next year. And I need you so much right now. And I need them. And the idea of like this is.

they're such fascinating people. I loved having babies. I loved having toddlers and little kids. And this is so interesting who they are now. And I'm like, I don't want to miss it. You know? Yeah. I like, I just want to hang out with my kids all the time. And they don't want to hang out with me at all. Let me make it clear. It's not like we like,

I always hear people talk about how great relationship they have with their kids and they're all like doing things together. My kids have no interest in me, but what I've discovered is being around is like 90% of the work. Just,

If I'm not around, I'm not going to get that conversation that just suddenly happens. Or I'm not going to meet their friends who are over. If I am super busy all the time and out of the house, I just won't have access to that. Just don't know when that weird conversation is going to come. When one of your kids sits down, it's like, mom, I like this girl. And you're like, look ahead. Don't make eye contact. And I don't want to miss that.

Yeah, you were really close with your, you mentioned this before, your co-stars that you shared the screen with for 11 years. I can relate very close to my co-stars that we were on for 10 years together. And I know it sounds to me like you kind of were a little bit of a motherly figure off screen as well as on screen. And I think that that is such, you're a nurturing person. So it's probably natural for you to want to help people.

And, you know, just those relationships that I know you form with your kids on screen. Yes. It feels like they're really your kids, kind of. Well, I mean, especially Nolan, who I'm so grateful for, because he was 11 when we started and 22 when we finished. And so I got to see a boy older than my boys who were babies at the time. And I got to see a boy go through life.

all these changes and he'd be really into something for a while and super into something or annoying about something. And I could say, Oh, these are all phases. Like you don't have to go in there and micromanage because I'm not his actual mom. So it wasn't my job, but I'd be like, I could just watch him grow and develop and make mistakes and come back from them and try new things. And it was like,

parenting light because ultimately at the end of the day I wasn't responsible for him but he allowed me and I love him so much and I'm so grateful to him for allowing me into that process like he would talk to me and we would talk about girls or school or you know family stuff and I realized okay boys are real people um which I really didn't know because I only knew dudes who were like

I was dating or adults. I didn't know boys. And he was my first boy that I got to know. And he really helped me

That's so interesting that you say that because I had a very similar experience on What I Like About You with Amanda. I had three, at the time I had two young girls. Yeah. And I had two young girls and I had no experience around teenage girls other than my own experiences and those weren't great. So I had to, I had to, I had to, I had to, I had to, I had to, I had to, I had to, I had to,

So I was really nervous about having a teenage girl. And then I got to work with Amanda so closely and we became very, very close like sisters. And I got to see what I was in, what you're in for. Right. What was I in for? But not necessarily in a bad way, but just like this is normal teenage behavior. Right. And I shouldn't be scared of it. I should love it. Yeah. Getting to have relationships with

teenagers is like one of the perks of, of our job, you know, like how many, cause my kids, they let me in and then they don't. And I got to have full realized relationships with teenagers. And that allowed me to, it allows me to accept my own teenagers better as exactly as they are right now. Cause I also know it's, everything is, everything is changing. Everything's a moment. Right.

And you can't get to, I mean, I would love to tell them to cut their stupid hair and wear different clothes. And it's like, no, just, you know what? It's, this is all a work in progress. And the more I can step back and let them kind of live, the closer I get to them.

Because they have to figure it out on their own. Yeah. Yeah, they do. They really do. And they have to learn to fail and pick themselves up. And it's really hard not to want to go in there and just fix everything. But I'm so proud of the people that they're becoming. And it's so exciting to see them becoming adults. And it's exciting when my sister, the doctor, has kids a little older than me.

And she said about this age when I was like, they don't want me around. And she's like, teenagers do not need you 95% of the time. But the 5% they need you, they need you. And the only way you'll find out when that is, is by being around. Very true. Yeah.

For decades, the Mafia had New York City in a stranglehold, with law enforcement seemingly powerless to intervene. It uses terror to extort people. But the murder of Carmichael Ante marked the beginning of the end, sparking a chain of events that would ultimately dismantle the most powerful crime organization in American history. It sent the message to them that we can prosecute these people.

Discover how a group of young prosecutors took on the mafia and with the help of law enforcement brought down its most powerful figures. These bosses on the commission had no idea what was coming their way from the federal government. From Wolf Entertainment and iHeart Podcasts, this is Law & Order Criminal Justice System. Listen to Law & Order Criminal Justice System on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

*Squeaky*

Want to know how to leverage culture to build a successful business? Then Butternomics is the podcast for you. I'm your host, Brandon Butler, founder and CEO of Butter ATL. Over my career, I've built and helped run multiple seven-figure businesses that leverage culture and build successful brands. Now I want to share what I've learned with you. And on Butternomics, we go deep with today's most influential entrepreneurs, innovators, and business leaders to peel back the layers on how they use culture as a driving force in their business.

On every episode, we get the inside scoop on how these leaders tap into culture to build something amazing. From exclusive interviews to business breakdowns, we'll explore the journey of turning passion for culture into business. Whether you're just getting started or an established business owner, Butternomics will give you what you need to take your game to the next level. This is Butternomics. Listen to Butternomics on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Every week on Talk Easy with Sam Fragoso, I invite an artist, writer, or politician to come to the table and speak from the heart in ways I imagine you haven't heard from them before. Some of my favorites are with Tom Hanks, Margaret Atwood, Questlove, Cate Blanchett, and Oscar Isaac.

If that sounds like a varied group of people, it's because it is. I always wanted to make a show where one week we could sit with a politician like Beto or Wark, the next an author like Min Jin Lee, or TV titans like Bill Hader and Quinta Brunson. Basically, this is a podcast driven by curiosity and an abundance of research.

conversations where people actually start to sound like people. In recent weeks, I sat with Dan Levy, Ava DuVernay, Benny Safdie, and the editor of The New Yorker, David Remnick. You can listen to Talk Easy with Sam Fragoso on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I hope to see you there. I've been thinking about you. I want you back in my life. It's too late for that. I have a proposal for you.

Come up here and document my project. All you need to do is record everything like you always do. One session, 24 hours. BPM 110, 120. She's terrified. Should we wake her up? Absolutely not. What was that? You didn't figure it out? I think I need to hear you say it. That was live audio of a woman's nightmare. This machine is approved and everything? You're allowed to be doing this? We passed the review board a year ago. We're not hurting people.

There's nothing dangerous about what you're doing. They're just dreams. Dream Sequence is a new horror thriller from Blumhouse Television, iHeartRadio, and Realm. Listen to Dream Sequence on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Meet the real woman behind the tabloid headlines in a personal podcast that delves into the life of the notorious Tori Spelling, as she takes us through the ups and downs of her sometimes glamorous, sometimes chaotic life and marriage. I don't think he knew how big it would be, how big the life I was given and live is.

I think he was like, oh, yeah, things come and go. But with me, it never came and went. Is she Donna Martin or a down-and-out divorcee? Is she living in Beverly Hills or a trailer park? In a town where the lines are blurred, Tori is finally going to clear the air in the podcast Misspelling. When a woman has nothing to lose, she has everything to gain. I just filed for divorce. Whoa. I said the words.

that I've said like in my head for like 16 years. Wild. Listen to Misspelling on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

We had also similar experiences, I think, just growing up in the business and being in the press and, you know, having people talk about our bodies and our faces and our aging and our weight and all the things that they feel that it's their right to talk about, but also sort of pitting women against one another. Did you ever have that experience with your castmates? Yeah, I felt it on Modern Family. The

And I know they did that with you and Shannon. I mean, I remember it. I remember it so clearly. And then I remember seeing you guys. It's just so stupid. But I remember seeing you guys on like a Today Show segment where you took or some morning show and you guys were taking some correspondent like thrift shopping or something. You probably don't even remember it. And I was like, what?

Oh, they're friends. This real that's we're not getting real life in the press. And granted, you know, it was a it was a morning show segment. But when Sophia, they were just like determined to pit us against each other. Like we hated each other or there was only like it's this scarcity mindset that there's only only one woman can be happy at a time. And I was like, oh, no, I love Sophia and I love how different we are.

And I love what she is funny and self-effacing and bawdy. And she loves life and she loves dancing and eating cake and all these things. And I'm like, what? And I learned so much from being around her about what it is to be a really funny,

completely in herself, like woman. No one would mistake her for like a 14 year old boy from behind. Like they do me all the time. And yeah, I found that to be really disappointing on the part of the press, but I just never fed into that. you know, it was, it is, it's,

That's a scarcity mindset. And there's no such thing as like, oh, if one woman's doing well, that means others have to step back. I can't support that. Right. No, it was definitely tricky to navigate through those young adult years of being like, wait, what are we? Yeah. Are we enemies? And they, yeah. And people, you know, I would see things because I never, I've never,

banned tabloids and my mom would go, we send me pictures out of a tablet. She's like, look, it's a good picture. I go, please mom. I love you, but no, don't, I don't ever want to see it. Right. I don't want to know. Cause also the, like you get a picture that you go, I don't, where was that camera? I was having lunch with my,

And then you start to get the neurosis about where, oh no, I'm like, I can't live like that. But I would see sometimes, you know, you're just at the grocery store and you see like your face and I'd see my face and Sophia, like into how we hated each other. So I was like, that's so crazy. That is just ridiculous. I don't understand why society doesn't have room again, like goes back to the witches. Like we're too scary if we're all together. I don't know.

There's something there for sure. I would be remiss not to ask you this because I am a big fan of your early work, maybe 1996. Yes.

happy gilmore and oh yeah they're bringing it back they're they're doing a sequel right netflix is doing something are you going to be on it i am i'm going uh we should in september we just got my dates yesterday which panics me because it's in it's on the east coast so i'm like oh no i did so much back and forth and i'm gonna miss my kids

i will say i'm not in it a ton and i'm 100 okay with that adam was so sweet and like called me multiple times to make sure like before i got the script i said adam

I love you. You're like one of the kindest people I've ever met. You're I don't care if I'm not in this movie. I'll show up and support it. And but in order for it to be, you know, a story about happy's journey, we need to he can't be happy.

I can't be happily with a girl. So that's all I'll say about that. But yes, I'm going to do it. And I can't and I'm very excited. People are going to freak out.

Also about your new show that's on Peacock. Hysteria. Hysteria. I watched the trailer for it this morning. Isn't it bananas? First of all, I love your whole 80s look in it. And your face looks incredible. Like they did like a close-up on you. I was like, hello, Julie. That was good. That's either good lighting or someone did some digital retouching, which makes me bananas. Because...

You know, when you see... No one retouched it. I'm looking at you right now. You are beautiful. Oh, that is... You're so kind. I mean, we all feel like, you know, we came of age right alongside of digital and high def and you go, do we? Must we? It's a little too intimate. I'm really... I'm excited about it. It was... It's like...

horror-y and which is a genre that I can't watch because I get so scared but it was the people that were doing it were so fun and exciting and I was like okay I'm gonna try this I'm just gonna do something different

just radically different. And I had so much fun. You're just, you're taking so many great chances right now. I love this about this chapter for you. Well, I mean, my, the backup plan is living in a cabin far, far away. And like some, some,

state where you don't have to pay high taxes. Also, I'm into that. So take me with it. If it all goes wrong, if these chances don't pay off, that's where I'll be. You can come and visit. Well, I want everyone to make sure that they do check out Hysteria because it looks really good. It's on Peacock and I think it debuts on October 18th, if I'm not mistaken.

You have so much more information than I do. I just got the trailer yesterday and they, Peacock said, would you post? And I was like, have you watched it? Wait, no. I was like, the microwave one, the microwave. Yes. With a baby, you know, good. Yeah. I was like, Oh, this is fun. And the eighties, you know, the eighties look is not my favorite, but I got so into it when we were there and just, I just loved it. You look great. You look great.

Yeah, and I got to do a ton of stunts. You did? Yes, flying through the air and being, bad things happen to me. I'm not sure what I want to say yet. So bad things happen to me. You did your own stunts? You had, I mean, I had to. Like, yeah, there's a lot of stunts in it. I did a movie for Netflix like a couple years ago and it wasn't Netflix, sorry, it was Amazon. That's why I'm making a mistake. That's okay.

And I get killed. I get killed in like the first 10 pages, but I get to have this really massive, brutal fight scene with the, with the killer in the movie. And it was so fun. And I had to like do so many stunts and learn to shoot guns and do all this stuff that I was like, okay, I want more of that. That's really fun. I'd like to lean into it because for years and years, I mean, modern family, the comedy was, um,

sometimes physical. And I liked that totally killer. I don't know why I'm being such a daft idiot. And it was, that was really fun. And that kind of got me like, yeah, I want to do more of that. I love you are unstoppable. Come on. Look at you. You're very inspiring. Okay. Before I let you go, I need to ask you, Julie Bowen, what was your last? I choose me moment. That's such a big one. I'm looking outside. I'm looking outside. I'm looking outside.

This is a dumb one. It's dumb, but it was big. I never, ever spend money on myself. Mm-hmm.

ever I will spend money on education or travel but like I never buy myself I'm a huge Poshmark fan if it's over a hundred dollars I got it on Poshmark I guarantee you I love Poshmark I love it I live for Poshmark and I was just away with my sister and um she went to this boutique and I

everything there was gorgeous and it but it was all very pricey and I was couldn't justify it but there was this one necklace that had been made with a stone from I was on Martha's Vineyard and and the woman who ran the boutique made the necklace it's like a stone that's been like like it's held in gold and it was expensive and it was beautiful and meaningful and I bought it

for no reason other than I wanted to. And I still feel like vaguely guilty even saying it, but I was like, yeah, it's a really pretty thing. It's from a specific place. I get to do this for me. It was hard to even admit that Jenny, I can't believe like, I didn't know how heavy this was going to be. No, but it's so important to give yourself things like that because you deserve it. And if nobody else is buying you gifts at the moment, like,

Buy yourself something. Make yourself feel good. Well, that is the first thing that I did not posh in, I can't even remember how long. And yeah, I really, and I did, I do feel good about it, but I also feel vaguely selfish. So that was, I wish that I could choose me without it being, having an undertone of selfishness, but maybe that's exactly why you're doing this podcast is to make people have these

deeper thoughts about it. Yeah, that it's okay to choose yourself. Is it?

It is, I promise you. I promise you. Okay. But I'm right there with you. I struggle with it too. I think we all struggle with the feeling of guilt or that, you know, it's really hard to be kind to ourselves or do things for ourselves when we're so used to doing things for everybody else. Yeah, it's really, really hard. And as your kids get older and my kids need less of that one-on-one, you know, like constant attention. Yeah.

you realize, I realized I didn't have anybody to be nice to, you know, like my friends. But then you go, oh, I guess it could be nice to me. As long as nobody makes me say it out loud. And then Jenny Garth is going to make me say it out loud. I'm going to make you look in the mirror and say it. Oh, Julie, I could talk to you forever. I love you. Thank you so much for coming on. Thank you. You're such a delight. I've always enjoyed running into you. I can't wait to see more of you. I hope this leads to us getting to see each other more.

Me too. Thank you. Thank you. Okay. Wow. That conversation with Julie was just so good. I want to thank her for being so incredibly open and fun to hang out with. I can really relate so much to her journey from the imposter syndrome feelings that we talked about to the struggles with body image and how hard it is to believe that you are enough.

I know a lot of us have had these same feelings, but I think this conversation is an important reminder to all of us that we're all works in progress. It's never too late to start improving ourselves and changing those negative thoughts that try to keep creeping back in. All they want to do is derail us.

As we continue to choose ourselves week after week, this week, let's try to do some breathing, like some real breathing. We talked about it with Julie and how it has helped her with her anxiety. So this week, I challenge you to find a guided breath work video online, something that looks good to you, and follow that in the morning one day when you wake up.

or when you're feeling overwhelmed or anxious. And if you're into it, keep it up. Maybe it will become your new me time ritual. Remember, it's never too late to start something new. You can check out all our social links in our show notes. Are you following us on social media? Because you should be.

Rate and review the podcast and use the hashtag I choose me whenever you feel like it. I love you. I'll be right here next week and I hope you choose to be here too.

For decades, the mafia had New York City in a stranglehold, with law enforcement seemingly powerless to intervene. It uses terror to extort people. But the murder of Carmichael Ante marked the beginning of the end. It sent the message that we can prosecute these people. Listen to Law & Order Criminal Justice System on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. ♪

Want to know how to leverage culture to build a successful business? Then Butternomics is the podcast for you. I'm your host, Brandon Butler, founder and CEO of Butter ATL. And on Butternomics, we go deep with today's most influential entrepreneurs, innovators, and business leaders to peel back the layers on how they use culture as a driving force in their business. Butternomics will give you what you need to take your game to the next level. Listen to Butternomics on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

What's good? It's Colleen Witt and Eating While Broke is back for season three. Brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. We're serving up some real stories and life lessons from people like Van Lathan, DC Youngfly, Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, and many more.

They're sharing the dishes that got them through their struggles and the wisdom they gained along the way. We're cooking up something special, so tune in every Thursday. Listen to Eating While Broke on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Presented by State Farm. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Yo, it's Big Bank. Check out my podcast, Perspective with Bank, on the Black Effect Podcast Network. Each and every Monday, Perspective with Bank podcasts will feature individuals, all walks of life, who come together to share their unique perspective and engage in enlightened conversation. This podcast will explore all type of conversations from everyday people, your favorite celebrities. Every Monday, listen to Perspective with Bank on Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple

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Every week on Talk Easy with Sam Fragoso, I invite an artist, writer, or politician to come to the table and speak from the heart in ways you probably haven't heard from them before. Some of my favorites are with Tom Hanks, Questlove, and Cate Blanchett. In recent weeks, I've talked to actor Dan Levy, director Ava DuVernay, and the editor of The New Yorker, David Remnick. You can listen to Talk Easy on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.