A Skunk at the Garden Party with Michael Kosta
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So are we supposed to start the podcast? Ready? One, two, three. Oh my God. That was terrible. One, two, three. Oh, Judy, Diana. One, two, three. There we go. Judy, Diana. Judy, Diana. What have you had it with? I've had it.

with vendors text messaging me when I don't give them when I give them my email somehow they connect it to my cell phone because I've fallen into the trap that to get the discount you give them your phone number well I've stopped doing that but now I notice even places that I don't give them my email like vendors they

Are texting me and I'm like fucking stop it. I've had it. They're double dipping. They're double dipping and it's horrible double dippers in the solicitation department Yes, and i'm afraid it's going to get worse because we're moving into the holidays, you know, here's what I don't appreciate I don't appreciate when you give somebody your Cell phone number like a med spa or a doctor's office or like a dentist

And in order to give them your cell phone number, you're agreeing that they're going to text you a reminder of your appointment. Right. Which I support. I do too. And then they start rolling out their, guess what? It's National Botox Month and we're giving you a discount. And it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Or patient surveys. I didn't agree to this. Did not agree to this. I agreed to the patient reminder. I did not agree nor sign up for these solicitations. No. And it's like-

If I wanted you to have my cell phone number, I would have given you my cell phone number. Let me ask you this. If we had all of our listeners' cell phone numbers and our downloads one particular day were kind of low and you could mass text them, just a reminder, you have an episode to listen to, would you send it? I'd be the biggest hypocrite in the world if I sent it, but I'd probably send it. Okay.

I'd have to eat a lot of crow. Please go give us a five-star review and therein leave your cell phone number so Pumps can remind you each Tuesday and Thursday morning to listen to her lackluster the first two times but nailed it the third clap. Clap. That's exactly lackluster. Let me tell you what I've had it with. Okay. All-you-can-eat buffets. Why have you had it with all-you-can-eat buffets? You would never go to one if your life depended on it. They're gross. Yeah.

Okay. I don't think it's a good idea. All you can eat. I mean, I think that's just a bad tip from the start. All you can eat. Like, I just, I don't think that that is a good thing for people. I don't think just letting people go up to the trough and get a plate and go get another plate and then go get another plate. I just, I don't think it's a good idea.

I also have had it with the soft drink free refills. I think that is not good either. Number one, back in the day when my kids were little and everybody was picky, I would always take them to a buffet so they could each just get what they wanted. And you used to give me shit about it. I still remember it. And so for that purpose, I do like an all-you-can-eat buffet. And I absolutely fucking love a free drink refill.

I don't mind it on a water. I don't mind it on a tea, but on a soft drink, I just think it's too much. I think, I think they need to start charging. I will go out with my family and then Roman will order like a Sprite. He's literally only drank four inches of it and they already bring out another one. And I'm like, this is just not good. Like you're just promoting calorie on top of calorie on top of calorie on top of calorie. I have had it.

I don't like the all you can eat buffet culture. I don't like the soft drink free refills. I don't like it. I don't think it's healthy. I don't think people need that much. I think it's like all about we just have to consume. And like another thing I've had it with are the portion sizes of food in the United States of America. It's disgusting. They're big. Most places are really big. You could never eat all of it. It's disgusting. I don't like it.

I don't like it one bit. I don't like getting it. I oftentimes order the children's plate if they will let me, even though I'm over 12 years old, barely. But I often am just like, I want to order the children's plate because it's a more reasonable portion. Right. I've ordered the children's plate before and been overwhelmed by how big it was. I think portion sizes are out of control. I think the free refills are ridiculous. Nobody needs that much of a soft drink.

And I also think the all-you-can-eat buffets are gross. And I think Congress needs to act and ban them. I don't like it. I think if we could get Congress to do anything meaningful, that would be the last thing on my list. Well, I'm just saying that, first of all, I'm saying that tongue-in-cheek, obviously.

So I would appreciate you leaning into the nuance there. And secondly, I just, I think it's all, I think it's just this consumption, like just we're going to go out and we're going to eat all this food and drink all these soft drinks. And I just, it kind of grosses me out. There's heart disease, diabetes, all this shit that's going on in this country. And it's just like free refills for everybody. All you can eat buffet, heart attacks, be damned. And guess what? Fuckers eat all you want to. And you're not getting healthcare either. Yeah.

That heart attack we're going to give you from the fucking Golden Corral, guess what? Tough titties when you have that heart attack, fucker. You're dead. Oh, your family can't afford a funeral? Tough titties. Had it. Welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. She is Judge Judy Diana.

Dolly, Judge Judy Diana Dolly, the star of our show. That's right. All right, listen up. Pumps and I like to do this and it irritates the shit out of Kylie and she just looks at us like we're little kids, but we're going to do it. We do it when we're traveling on tour all day and we crack up all day long and Kylie just is like, God, you're all still at it. Here's what we do.

We pick a person that's going to be a guest on the podcast in our imagination. Right. And we have an imaginary interview with them. Right. And this entertains us for hours upon hours upon hours. And so we thought, why are we enjoying this all to ourselves? Right. It's really so funny. I mean, Kylie always says, boy, y'all think you're so funny. Yeah.

So it might be a total bomb. Okay. But here's our imaginary guest today. Let's welcome to I've Had It podcast, the former first lady of the United States of America, Melania Trump. Pumps, why don't you welcome Melania? Melania, we're so glad to have you here. We have so many questions we've just been dying to ask. Melania, right out of the gates, I just want to ask you,

When Donald fucked the porn star Stormy Daniels, were you relieved that you had a few nights off? How about Melania? How do you feel about immigration given that you were an immigrant and that he did fast track your residency? So why aren't you out there helping immigrants on the border instead of sitting in the Gucci Palace with your fat ass husband? How about Melania? Yeah.

When you fuck your husband, do you have him remove his makeup before or after sex? Melania, do you swallow? Melania, have you ever stuck your finger up Donald's ass during sex and or a blowjob? If so, please describe what happened next. Melania, when's the last time Donald ate you out? That's repulsive.

I don't know if I can come up with a great... Here's my number one question I would ask. Okay. How many times have you just slapped his face off because he won't shut the fuck? I mean, I want to know that and I want to know when are you divorcing him? Now's the time because he's getting ready to lose all his money and writing a tell-all. We're all waiting for that. See, I think that would require like...

Some sort of savviness. And a self-awareness that she just doesn't have. Any smart person at this point would have immediately jumped ship from that and gone to publishing houses and told all and answered every question we just asked. Right. In painstaking detail from the oral sex down to the pegging to the pinky in the ass. Tell it all. Tell it all.

Get your cash. Put it in the bank. But is she doing it? No. No. Melania, do you and Donald share makeup tips? Melania, do you ever assist in applying his cosmetics? Follow-up question. Does he also put the orange on his penis? Melania, I would like to thank you for joining us at I've Had It today. You've been a wonderful guest. Kylie, what's going on?

I've got a really sweet review for you. Oh, good. Because we haven't been very sweet. I don't know if we deserve this. Okay, go ahead. It's from Big Tits with a Z. Love. Five stars. And it's titled Stand In Mothers. These women are now my mothers. My mom has been gone for a year and I just started listening to Jen and Pumps and they have the exact same personalities that my mom had. My mom would have loved them and I look forward to the podcast every day thanks to my new moms. And then she adds, please send money.

Oh, big tits. That's so sweet. That's very sweet. And I'm very touched by that. We'll be your honorary mom. Absolutely, we will. Yes. Today, we have a great guest. We have a guest that has a job that I really want. I think it would be so fun. He is a correspondent on The Daily Show and stand-up comedian. And he's a former professional tennis player. Let's welcome to I've Had It, Michael Kosta.

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Pumps, are you still running around cramming spoons up your ass due to constipation? No, I poop like a regular person now. It's so exciting. All because I started Just Thrive Probiotics.

That is incredible. You know, I wandered over to their website to see what other products they had. They have a probiotic for dogs. So now my biological children, Tubby and Cha-Cha, are on this product. They also have a product called Just Calm, which could be called a psychobiotic.

Stress is at the root of nearly everything that makes life feel harder. Sleep loss, low energy, dissatisfaction, irritability, illness, etc. So you know what I started? The Just Calm Psychobiotic. Listener, if you're ready to take control of constipation,

bloat and stress and live your healthiest life yet, you can get 20% off your first 90 day bottle of Just Calm and Just Thrive probiotic today. Visit justthrivehealth.com and use promo code HADIT.

Pumps, as you can imagine, buying gifts for Josh is a tall order. He's quite the prima donna. He really is. And so I'm always on the hunt for something that he doesn't know about that he can wear that will be one of his favorites. Luckily for him, I have discovered True Classic. True Classic is a great gift.

Our friends at True Classic are on a mission to maximize men's confidence by elevating their style. Trust me when I say that this is a gift that will make your man look nice. A gift for him, but really, it is a gift for you. And I have to admit...

I ordered a sweater for him, tried it on to see if I liked the way it felt. I ended up wearing it the entire day. So now I'm going to have to order him another one. Listener, the men in your life need this. So if you're ready to do them a favor and upgrade his closet, shop now with my exclusive link at trueclassictees.com slash had it. You can save up to 60% off this site-wide during their November holiday sale.

This year, I am so thankful for True Classic. Michael, welcome to I've Had It. It looks like you're sitting in a janitorial closet. What's going on there? Oh man, I was trying to be discreet. No, this is my office at The Daily Show and the writer's strike is finally over. So I'm here and kind of waiting on instructions. And this is what my office looks like. Shirts are here, some pictures, Tucker Carlson's head. Yeah.

My gym bag, terrible blinds I've tried to have fixed for years. But this is it. This is where comedy is attempted. Do you ever throw darts at the Tucker Carlson? We throw verbal darts. Okay.

So I think that your job is so enviable because I think there's nothing more fun than making fun of breathtaking right wing stupidity. It's one of our favorite pastimes. Yes, we love it. I mean, the material that they pump out to be ridiculed is infinite.

look a comedian's job is to call out that's those have been my favorite people my favorite comedians I owe it to myself and the thousands of comedians before me who did that or attempted to do that so look

I'm willing to call out bullshit any direction. It just seems like the right has gone insane. I mean, I grew up in Michigan with a dad that probably voted Republican most of the time. I just don't ever remember it being so batshit crazy. Right. Right. It's gotten so crazy.

And people will come to my shows and, you know, I was in Phoenix last week and I made fun of, I hypothesized that Donald Trump's pajamas were superhero pajamas and that he slept in a race car bed.

click under this this just infuriated this one couple like to the point of yelling and being so mad and look if you're in power you get you get mocked a little bit you know and we can make fun of Joe Biden's pajamas also we do but it's just so interesting that the side that talks the most

has such a hard time just taking a little jab, you know? Total soft. They're soft. So wait, let me get this straight. So you throw out that you think Donald Trump's wearing superheroes, superhero underoos and sleeping in a car bed. Mm-hmm.

And there's a butthurt Trump couple in the audience. That is fucking awesome. It's awesome. And the thing is, it's not like I start the show going, let me tell you about Trump. I was talking about how my daughter had wear pajama to daycare day. Right. And how nice it was for the parents. You don't have to think about anything. You just throw them in the car. They're there. And I was thinking, you know, I wish all...

all adults and in particular elected officials we could see their pajamas and biden probably has a nice royal blue pajama with white piping and the presidential seal maybe the maybe the pants are on backwards right and so i even made fun of i even made fun of biden right so it's like i got my biden shot in and then as soon as you made fun of trump they got so upset now i should also say

There was 350 people there. Everyone was having fun, right? Except for those, except for those two, except for those two. There's always a skunk at the garden party. I like that. Yes. Yes. All right. Michael, what have you had it with? Oh man. Um, I loved that Susie Orman said she doesn't even know what it's like flying in an airport. Oh, you don't even, you've never been to an airport.

You've never sat in traffic. I know you're wealthy. I know you have to exude this wealth confidence, but you can't even put your brain in the traffic. So I had it with that. Okay. She totally flexed on us. Didn't she? She did, but it was also really great that she was so honest about her life. I love that. Yeah. It's like, it wasn't doing the, the faux celebrity, uh, humility of, so I liked that, but I also like, Hey Susie, I know you've been to an airport. Um,

I've really struggled lately with people who don't communicate clearly. And that isn't like emotional clarity. That's the actual words coming out of their mouth so I can understand the message. A really simple thing, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mumbles. I get lots of mumbles. I pay a lot of money to this gym. And then the instructor's like, okay, in six minutes. Yeah.

That's a requirement of this job. So that really struggles. That's a struggle of mine. I say to my daughter, I say, you know, I didn't hear you speak clearly. And then she over exaggerates, like almost mocking me, but I'm kind of like, I want you to know how to really communicate. Right. You're you two are very good at it. That's why you've got microphones in front of your face. But I just find it in general.

And maybe it has to do with the country and the division. I don't know. We're just not clearly communicating and we're also not receiving, and that's another one of my pet peeves, non-engaged listeners.

Right. Okay. I completely had it with non-engaged listeners and listeners. We're talking to you because let me tell you something, Michael, there's a huge disparity on downloads that we have and Apple reviews, which means a lot of people are not taking this process over the finish line. And I'm talking to every motherfucker who's listening.

with their ear pods in their ears right now who have not taken the time to go give us one through five stars. We'll read the one star. We'll read the five star. Honestly, we think we're a three to four star podcast. We never get those. It's either one or five. It's black or white. You clearly communicated that message. No.

I like those. I like those reviews also for my pod, but I also kind of wonder why I want them so much. Is it just for the number? Like who gives a shit? You know, everyone loves you. I want them so bad. And it's like the, we pumps and I are so ridiculous. If we start falling in the charts, she'll text me.

We're face planning. The podcast is completely face planning. I mean, it's like ridiculous how immature we are at our core. It's unbelievable actually that we're adults that have children. We've bred. Yeah. You, you have a beautiful balance of, we don't give a shit about this thing. Yeah.

But also, we're very good at it. And clearly our set, our mics are out. We do care. So I love it. That's right. We're also slaves to our Apple watches, though. Like if I'm sitting down with people and my thing says stand up, I mean, I hop up like somebody has a gun to my head. I mean, it's ridiculous. So I think it's just that whole anything Apple. I just think I have to.

that succeed at it. So you're like totally fallen prey to the whole Apple monopoly. The whole watch, the podcast reviews, the phone. All of it. Yeah. I do get bummed out when I'm talking to someone and they look at the thing, they look at the text. I don't think that's engaged listening. I think there's a lot of room for people who do square up

and really look at you and present you with like what you're saying is really important to me. I think I really, really remember those people. That's true. Right. That's totally true. You're right. Sorry, I couldn't hear you too. I was just checking my phone. What did you say?

No, when somebody really listens and is engaged, it's really captivating. And I don't know if it's our own narcissism where it's like, they're really listening to me. Like she's really into what I'm saying that makes it so captivating that maybe it's like, oh, I'm so amazing. Look at how captivated she is. But I recently had brunch with a friend of mine and she was so, she was such a great listener. And I felt like, God, I fucking nailed that conversation. Way to go, Jennifer. Yeah.

Totally. Okay. Michael, I of course like deep Googled you and you were a professional tennis player. That's right. Thank you for deep Googling me by the way. I haven't heard that. I haven't heard that one before, but it feels great with deep throat. It's the deep Google. Get your head out of the gutter, Michael. Okay. My bad. But, um, you're only a couple of years older than Roger Federer. Have you met him?

I have met him thanks to Trevor Noah and The Daily Show because they Trevor has a Swiss father and a South African mother and Roger Federer has the same breakdown right so besides them both being Swiss and famous they of course it's like you know they somehow know each other I don't know how that all works

But in Trevor's last few days here at The Daily Show, he said he text me and he said, you better come in today. And I'm like, first of all, I've been coming in for seven straight years. No one's even known I'm in the building. So, of course, I'm coming in. But it was Roger Federer was a guest.

And Trevor brought me down, introduced me, gave me such a nice introduction. And this ties back to what I've had it with. Roger stands up, squares up, locks in. He's never met me in his life, right? And we chatted for 10 minutes. And it wasn't the length of the conversation. It was the feeling that I got. He was paying attention to me.

And of course I'm already a huge fan. I'm already meeting my hero, but he really just locked in and listened. And it was a special moment for me. And the photographer got this perfect picture of me talking to Roger. And he's like listening, like, like I'm some genius and it was great. So yeah, I, I would, I wish I had his tennis career, but I'll just take that quick meeting I had as consolation. He's so, okay. If you could change the results of any grand slam final, uh,

Which one would you change and why? Oh, that is such a bullshit question, but I will accept that question. There's only one right answer. Oh, there is? Okay. For you, is it 2019 men's Wimbledon final? That's it. When Roger had a couple of match points and Novak somehow beat him. I...

I want to hear your take on this I love Novak Djokovic and I just love his fighting spirit I love that the whole world tells him to get vaccinated and he says you I love that he grew up in the middle of Serbo-Croatian war and he has this edge to him and it's just such a world-class competitor that isn't perfect but I love that about him

Oh, for fuck's sake. I know you're mad. I'm furious with you. You've had it with you, Michael. Okay, here's the deal.

I've seen him play. I just saw him win. I was at the U S open finals. I was at the Wimbledon finals with, it was the worst. It was a Kyrgios and Novak. The final. Yeah. The final at Wimbledon in 22. Anyway, here's my deal with Novak. Incredible tennis player. He's phenomenal. I just, he loses me with like when he gives these interviews and he says he's

Oh, yeah.

You know, like that he was persecuted. I don't like him personally. For me, he doesn't have that it factor like Roger or Rafa. Like, he's phenomenal at tennis. There is no question about it. I just...

I just don't like him as a person. He doesn't have that whole package for me. And maybe I'm shallow and maybe I need the whole package. But like Rafa is my favorite. Roger, like my husband would like gay loves Roger. I mean, like totally maybe leave me for Roger. That's how much he loves Roger. I'm all in for Rafa. Like I love him. He's an atheist. I'm an atheist. Yeah.

Is Rafa an atheist? Out of the closet atheist, yes. Let me tell you how much I appreciate someone publicly in the media saying that and also saying that you don't like...

when an athlete brings up all the God stuff. Because I've been doing this for 10 years, and every time I do it, I lose 2,000 Instagram followers. And it's just nice to, like, you guys talk about your God all the time. Can I talk about how I don't buy that? And you know who does this all the time? You know who's bumping the chest and pointing up? Your guy, Novak Djokovic. Oh, yeah. Djokovic. Does he kiss the thing? Oh, he does all the shit. He does all that. He owes it all to G-O-D, baby.

But Rafa, you can look even on his Wikipedia page. He is an atheist. Let me share something with you that you two already know. Okay. People whose public images are perfect, like Rafa, like Roger, they're not perfect people. And they're not perfect. It's well choreographed. It's well...

branded they are really great people and it's not that Roger and Rafa aren't but what I really appreciate about Novak in consideration of those two is he's imperfect he fumbles he stumbles he gets defaulted out of the U.S open for hitting a ball at a lineswoman's neck we're talking about the greatest tennis player of all time you know he really has those fallible

human like me and you moments and I just I just really appreciate it because when I met Roger Federer he looked good he he was good he smelled good it was a little too perfect okay listen if you want to be kissed great

If you want to be fans of a Bible thumper, that's your business. And I'm not going to judge you for that.

There are some football feelings you can only get with BetMGM Sportsbook. That's right. Not just the highs, the ohs, or the no, no, no's. It's the feeling that comes with being taken care of every down of the football season. The feeling that comes with getting MGM rewards benefits or earning bonus bets. So, whether you're drawing up a same-game parlay in your playbook or betting the over on your favorite team. Hey!

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This episode of I've Had It is brought to you by Wild Grain. Pumps, I'm going to have you over this holiday season and I'm going to razzle dazzle you with my baking prowess. What happened? I've discovered Wild Grain.

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Let me ask you this. Do you play pickleball? That was on my list of things I've had it with. And I know through your Instagram that you pretend to like pickleball. And I think that a lot of people pretend to like this half-ass bullshit, white trash tennis wannabe checkers sport. It's so funny that you say white trash because my husband and I, when we started playing it,

Because we've been to Wimbledon. We've been to Roland Garros. We're like total tennis tourists. We play tennis. And then so we would watch it on the YouTube TV channel. And the commercials for pickleball are like, pickleball juice, pickleball, let's go. And Josh, my husband, is really shallow, really pretentious. I mean, uber vapid, okay? And he's like, God, I mean, pickleball is so white trash. Yeah.

There was a racquetball craze in the 80s, you know, and it kind of reminds me of that. Have you played it? I've played it. I enjoy it. You know, that's kind of the one thread that keeps me that keeps me open minded to it is that it is it is fun.

Um, you know, so is doing a cannonball off a high dive. Does it mean it should be taken seriously? So, um, have you ever won a pickleball tournament? Are you a medalist?

No, but I know you have. So shut up. Just stop. It's so clear what's happening here. She's the most insufferable winner on planet earth. I mean, it's appalling. And then she's probably a terrible loser, right? Actually, here's the weird thing about it. She's a great loser. She's so gracious and lots, but she acts like a complete dick when she wins anything. I'm a sore winner. She's a sore winner. I kind of, I kind of accept sore winner if you're a classy loser.

I'm a total classy loser. I really love it. I think that's cool. Thank you. More Americans are outside. More Americans are playing something, swinging, moving their feet. This is good. Elderly people have an activity that isn't harmful to their legs, hips, whatever. It's all good. It's all good. Right. And I will quote the great Martina Navratilova when I say, if it's that popular, then go build your own courts. Right.

Michael, now it's time to play a game called Had It or Hit It. Oh my God. Welcome to Had It or Hit It. I would hit it. Had it. I hit it every day, sometimes twice a day. All right. Had It or Hit It. Rafael Nadal.

Had it. I know this is his last year. I know. Well, you, you, I know it's his last year. He's won 14. Goddamn Roland Garros. Just you're done, bro. Go. You, you wanted a medium sized fishing yacht. You got it. Go fishing. What if he comes back and ties Novak? What if he wins the Australian and then Roland Garros? Would you hit it? Yeah. I mean, I, I, one of my favorite things to do just for me is,

is listen to his post-match press conferences and just pull these nuggets of positivity. And, you know, he says things like, I prepare to be unprepared.

he says things like it's all about who can suffer the most i mean here i am bitching because my like c train is crowded and i got a transfer at j street metro tech and i'm hearing like it's all about who can suffer and i just it just fills me with

an exuberance of life. So I do absolutely love the guy, but take a, you're done, dude. Just it's over a good run. Pat it or hit it threads. I, I think threads made a mistake in that. It's what is it? What demo are, you know, what is it? I, I,

I would like it if they said we're family friendly Twitter or if they said we're edgy Twitter. I just don't know. It's just the same thing to me. So I hate it because I always feel guilty when I get back on Twitter, when I have a threads account, but they get the news so much faster on Twitter and it takes it takes forever to load on threads. And then so now I just don't even look at threads and I hate that. I don't want to do anything to help Elon Musk.

I feel like it's just one more thing we have to fucking check. Yeah. Just one more thing. Like I was recently in my DMs. We're going to London next week to do a show. And this girl was like, Hey, I've been WhatsAppping you. And I'm like a person that I know that lives in the UK. And I'm like, I don't check WhatsApp. That's one more fucking thing I have to check. And so I feel like threads is just one more fucking thing we have to check. Are you two so actually likable in real life that you answer fans like DMS and stuff?

Some. Some, yeah. Some. I try to. Okay, the non-crazy one. That's really nice. That's great. I just can't imagine. I'm very comfortable ignoring multiple of those and it makes my life better, I think. But maybe that's why I'm hiding in a coat closet and you two are on some expensive sets. Okay. Had it or hid it, Walmart.

So I live a bit of a dual life. I have a city life and then I have a getaway house life in real America. And it's easy for me to say Walmart, I've had it. I can't put up with it. The people, the putting the small businesses out. But as soon as you go where that's all there is, you go there for everything. I go there for grapes. I go there for kids' clothings. I go there for batteries, paint, automobile stuff. So yeah,

Um, I gotta say hit it. Sorry. She makes fun of me for going to Walmart too, but I mean, it's a one-stop shop for everything. I really do like it. I mean, well, we recently went together and let me tell you how alarming it was. So I go in and of course, you know, there's regional buyers, right? And so we're in Oklahoma city. There's this kiosk smack dab in the middle of Walmart with all of this. I'll call it a fiction section. Okay. Um,

So it has all of these like Noah's Ark type books. My favorite book that I found, Michael, is probably one eighth of an inch thick. And I'm not overselling this here. And the cover of it said, scientific facts in the Bible. Oh, God. Why are you doing this?

But also, you know, where you guys live, it's just, it's just gonna, it's not that I don't see that book in my Walmart, but you know, a good example, my sister was visiting. We wanted to get her a cake. She likes giraffes. She's older. She's like a, you know, 40 plus and somehow still likes giraffes, whatever. And we wanted to get her a cake that looked like a giraffe. And I called like five cake decorators and,

No one was available. They didn't answer or whatever. I finally get someone that says, oh, you got to call the Walmart place. And it's like, I don't want to go to Walmart. I want to go small business, but they just weren't answering or didn't exist or whatever. So you go to Walmart. Right. Okay. Had it or hid it, pleated khaki pants. I would say had it pleated, had it khaki. Really? I like it. Yeah. I do wear a pair of khaki pants. They're non-pleated pants.

I just think of like, you know, some frat boy, South Carolina wearing New Balance and Dan Cox hat that's twisted like that, you know, but. Okay. Had it or hid it. This is your last one. Manscaping.

I think manscaping is toast. There was, yeah, there was a time there where everyone was shaving the chest and getting waxed. I'm proud to say my manscaping days are over. The hairy chest is in full effect. I'm not afraid of it. I've taken some TikTok videos and they're the shirts a little too low and I don't edit. I post it.

The Burt Reynolds laying down on the rug naked. I think that's back in, baby. Let's do it. Body positivity. I like it. Hair positivity. Well, Michael, I cannot thank you enough for joining us. I want you to give Rafa a chance for next year. He is the Spanish bull and I think he can come back.

He's unbelievable. When you were at Roland Garros, did you see the statue they made of him that was made of steel or iron? It's kind of interesting. Yes, I saw him. It was the greatest day of my life because let me tell you, I was 22. He won. He's there winning. I'm in the audience watching. And then like the love of my life is also in the audience, which is Larry David, who

And I'm just like, how am I? I've got Rafa. I've got Larry. And I was like, I love you too, honey, to Josh. But I mean, it was one of the greatest days of my life. Like that day being with those two men and the day my sons were born. I mean, that day it was so much better than giving birth. For sure. Giving birth is way overrated. It was like, it's the best day of my life. I'm like, no, it's not. They're better when they're older. Better when they're older. Babies are not fun.

I have a three and a half year old and she's getting to be great. And I have a six month old who's getting to be a disaster, but I love my family and thank you for having me. This was really nice and fun to chat with you ladies. I hope to do it in person sometime. That would be great. I would love that. Yes. All right. Thanks, Michael. Thanks, Michael. I just can't believe he likes Novak.

I just loved it so much when he trolled me, trolled you. I mean, that makes me so happy. I know. I know. Here's the deal. I know pickleball's not cool. You're trying to make it cool. I know that it's kind of white trash. I know that if it's, I get the optics of it. I understand the optics of it. But when you play at my level of athleticism, it's a major sport. Yeah.

Okay. I just don't trust somebody who's that diehard of a Novak fan. I love you, Michael, but that's suspect as hell. I kind of liked his reasoning, though. I liked his reasoning. I liked it. But Rafa's better. Roger's better.

Oh my God. And Matteo Berrettini. It's hot. Listen up, all you little gay listeners of ours. Go look up Matteo Berrettini. He really is hot. There's no doubt. I think even the lesbians would think he's hot. No question. Kylie, you think he's hot? I couldn't pick him up out of a lineup. Oh. God damn it, Kylie.

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