Asked and Answered with Jonathan Van Ness
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Listener, for this episode of I've Had It, we've partnered with eHarmony, the dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. Pops, what's going on out there on the dating apps? It's unbelievable how many people try to be something they're not on dating apps and

And what I love about eHarmony is it's real people for real relationships. You heard her, listener. That's why we've partnered with eHarmony because dating on eHarmony is different. eHarmony knows that to find something real, eHarmony is designed to help you bring out your personality on your profile with their unique personality test. They

They even highlight similarities with your potential matches. And that's when the magic happens. When you form genuine connections and authenticity leads to intimacy. Listener, give eHarmony a shot and get started with their compatibility quiz so you can find someone you can be yourself with. eHarmony, get who gets you.

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All in one place. Find your perfect somewhere with Hotels.com. So are we supposed to start the podcast? One, two, three.

on my outstanding clapboard that I love. Yeah. It's, it's opened you up to not having to battle with your boobs anymore. I know. I just, I just feel so professional. You are nothing short of a professional. That's for sure. That's right. Yes. Always professional. Always. Always 100, 100 emoji. Always 100. I try. I like it. Pumps, what have you had it with?

What I've had it with is when they update your phone, but it's not authorized. So this happened to me just the other day. It used to be if you put your phone on the charger, it would update at night. Well, the other day I was working on my other job and I needed my calculator and I was at the courthouse, so I needed it right then. And it was in the middle of an update, in the middle of the afternoon, unauthorized. I never said, yes, I want the update.

It just started updating my phone. And I mean, it's at that point you realize how dependent you are on your phone, that everything revolved around it. It took like seven minutes, but it felt like 500 hours. So I've just had it. They should only do it at night when you're asleep, when you're do not disturbs on. I think that's an easy fix.

But I've had it with not being able to use my phone. I think you had to have hit something. Well, I mean, I can't rule that out. I just, I think you had to have hit. Is yours always at night? Yeah. I think you hit something. Because it's the only time it's ever happened. I think it was authorized.

You think I did it right then? Yep. I think you authorized it. I probably did. I'm not great with my phone. Listener, you know those people, those older women that you know, and then you look at their texts and the letters are like one inch large each letter, like an A is an inch large. Pumps is one of those people with her phone. She has like the magnified text.

Text stream that distorts the scale of everything on the screen. And there's just no question in my mind that this grievance of hers was authorized by her. And I know that if Tim Cook and I were friends...

And I could call him and say, would you please investigate? Was this authorized or unauthorized? That probably have a satellite image of you going approved. Yeah. I mean, I certainly cannot deny it because that could easily happen to me. But yeah, my texts are, I mean, my letters are the largest they'll do. Well, let me tell you what I've had it with. Okay. And this is probably going to get a lot of blowback. Oh no. But I've had it with this. What is it?

The phrase, I love me some, like, I love me some queso or I love me some pumps. I love me some sweet tea. I've had it. I mean, I have had it. And I think it's mainly people our age. It's like a Gen X thing because I don't hear like younger, cool people using this. It's always like, you know, somebody around our age and you see it on social media, they're

I love me some pumps. I love me some Kylie. I mean, I have had it with that. Yeah, I, I have to say I would like chime in because it's obnoxious. But I, I would hate to say that I've never done it because I probably have. I don't recall you ever saying I don't. I mean, I don't. You don't use that phrase. I love me some and it might be a southern thing, too.

See, I'm trying to, I mean, I'm racking my brain to see if I've seen it. I mean, if I've heard it in real time. Oh, you have. Have I? In the suburbs, I think it's probably everywhere. Yeah, I don't, I can't put my finger on the time that I've heard it. I've heard it and I don't like it. It grinds your gears. I don't like grinds. I've had it with grinds my gears. Oh, I love grinds my gears. It's one of my favorites. I fucking had it. That's like so like, I don't know, like middle-aged woman, you know,

Oh, that just really grinds my gears. Well, if you haven't noticed, I am a middle-aged woman. I know. As are you. I know. I don't like the grind my gears saying very much. Well, now I'm going to say it more and more and more. You should. I'm going to start trying to do it every podcast, just to tell you. Okay. Welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. She is Judge Judy Diana. Kylie, what's going on? Well, I've got a really good one-star review. Okay, let's hear it. Excellent. And I love me some one-star reviews. Okay.

It's titled Angry Aging Narcissist. Okay. So you got to buckle up. I was hopeful because the premise here is good, but it didn't take long to figure out these hosts are angry aging narcissists trying their best to maintain relevance by giving the leftist echo chamber cult more material to get off to.

A few good quippy one-liners here and there, but at the end of the day, a podcast for sad, soulless, and lost individuals caught up in worldly pursuits. At least he didn't call you a centrist. You know, I mean, that's like, how do you tell us you're a Bible thumper without telling us you're a Bible thumper? Worldly pursuits. Worldly pursuits. Leftist echo chamber. I will say to, what was this person's name?

This is AJSSD. AJSSD. I was recently accused of being a centrist. Right. So I don't know how left echo chamber you can call me because apparently I have a lot of work to do. Right. You're not near left and F. The listeners think I'm a centrist, which really still just sits in my craw. Or as pumps can say, really grinds my gears. I mean, that's like, that is such like, that embodies me.

everything that's wrong with America. And he thinks we embody everything that's wrong with America. But here's what I'm going to say. That guy thinks that two kangaroos hopped from Australia to the Middle East and got on a boat with a 900 year old man and floated around. And that's all you have to say.

That guy believes that and he believes it and he'll take it to the grave believing that. And I just don't really, I'm not interested in having conversations with people that believe that that literally happened. You know, my take on it is different. I don't feel like we're angry at all. That's my only takeaway. Like, I don't feel like

We're angry people. I don't think we're angry people in our everyday lives. We're not. We don't sit around and bitch all the time. It comes off as angry. We are cartoon character versions of ourself in this room where we've taken this one aspect

slice of our life where we like to bitch about petty grievances. And that's what's been magnified and put out there. Most of the time we're really duds. I mean, total bores. Total bores. And so I think it's like you become this caricature of yourself. If you're a politician, an actor, you know, D-list podcaster like ourselves, you become a caricature of yourself. And so I can see

in all honesty that they could see that and think, oh, those women are bitter and they're angry all the time because we are sitting here bitching and like world-class hating. So I can see that jump. With that Yahoo, it's just like...

It's impossible to like talk to somebody who thinks the earth is five to 6,000 years old. Like, like they have no business listening to our podcast. They need to go back, get deprogrammed and then start school back over at preschool and just go run, you know, run it all up again. Yeah.

Even if he's 60, I think you start right back over at preschool. Start pre-K? Yeah, you got to go back through the entire thing again after he's deprogrammed. I mean, this is a guy who probably thinks Jonah lived in a whale. But we're the assholes.

I mean, you know, I mean, that's like, it's just like, listener, you probably catch up all the time. I get, I'm a very frustrated agnostic atheist in the Bible Belt. And these Bible thumpers drive me fucking crazy. See, I didn't make the leap that he was a Bible thumper. Caught up in worldly pursuits. I didn't know that was like a biblical phrase. Oh, bullshit. Did I? Yes, you're all up in that.

been that shit. I just, I haven't heard the worldly pursuit. That's the whole, like, that's their whole thing, you know, is like the, you're stuck up in worldly pursuits. I mean, that's just such, yeah, he's a total Bible thumper. So that's a red herring. Yes. Okay. I didn't know that. He's caught up in unworldly pursuits. He's got... While we're down here... He's with JC. Making a podcast. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

he's piling around with JC up there. I like that. JC. Yeah. I like it. I learned something new every day. We're down here grinding our gears, loving us some. I've had it. That's right. Loving me. I've had it. Grinding gears. I love, I love me some queso and chips. I love me some queso. I love me some Tex-Mex.

Why can't you just fucking say I love Tex-Mex and shut the fuck up? I love queso. I love queso. I love me some. Yeah. I'm going to have to pay attention to that now. Now it's going to really bug me. You know how when someone points something out to you that you don't notice? It's ubiquitous. Then you get, you find it everywhere. Like when somebody says like something's wrong with her, you know, like her tooth is weird or something like, or they blink a lot, then that's all you can see.

One I hear a lot is, I love me some Jesus. Oh, do you hear that a lot? Yeah. Now, is that in real life or on the internet? Real life. I love me some Jesus. I love me some Jesus. What about God is my co-pilot? Bumper sticker? Yeah. Or like, you know, like that's the one where it's like, I was walking on the beach and

And there is the footprint thing. Oh, yeah. It's just me. But then there was a second set of footprints because Jesus walking with me. And I'm like, God damn, all that walking y'all did. And you're still a fucking asshole. Oh, my God. These poor Christian listeners. Here's my deal about Christianity. If it's something you you go to and it's something that was a part of the fabric of your upbringing and you go to it for prayer or I don't know, meditation.

That's your business. But if you start using it to weaponize...

and oppress other people, I take issue with it. I also just take issue if you think the world is 6,000 years old and two kangaroos hopped from Australia to the Middle East and got on a boat with a 900-year-old man and you want me to take anything you say seriously. I just am incapable of it. To me, that's just like conversation ender. Yeah.

You're like, okay, we're done. Yeah, we're just done. You're like back, you know, you're living like I'm living in 2023 in the modern world and you're back there. You know, you've got two penguins swimming from Antarctica to the Middle East hopping on a boat just never fucking happened. So you just can't have rational conversations with people like that. Yeah. All right. Well, today we have a fantastic guest and I think he's going to have a lot to say about a lot of this stuff.

And he is one of the stars of Queer Eye and the host of Getting Curious with Jonathan Van Ness. Let's welcome to I've Had It, Jonathan Van Ness. Listener, for this episode of I've Had It, we've partnered with eHarmony, the dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. Pops, what's going on out there on the dating apps? It's unbelievable how many people try to be something they're not on dating apps.

And what I love about eHarmony is it's real people for real relationships. You heard her, listener. That's why we've partnered with eHarmony because dating on eHarmony is different. eHarmony knows that to find something real, eHarmony is designed to help you bring out your personality on your profile with their unique personality test.

They even highlight similarities with your potential matches. And that's when the magic happens. When you form genuine connections and authenticity leads to intimacy. Listener, give eHarmony a shot and get started with their compatibility quiz so you can find someone you can be yourself with. eHarmony, get who gets you.

Listener, for this episode of I've Had It, we've partnered with eHarmony, the dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. Pops, what's going on out there on the dating apps? It's unbelievable how many people try to be something they're not on dating apps.

And what I love about eHarmony is it's real people for real relationships. You heard her, listener. That's why we've partnered with eHarmony because dating on eHarmony is different. eHarmony knows that to find something real, eHarmony is designed to help you bring out your personality on your profile with their unique personality test. They

They even highlight similarities with your potential matches. And that's when the magic happens. When you form genuine connections and authenticity leads to intimacy. Listener, give eHarmony a shot and get started with their compatibility quiz so you can find someone you can be yourself with. eHarmony, get who gets you.

Listener, for this episode of I've Had It, we've partnered with eHarmony, the dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. Pops, what's going on out there on the dating apps? It's unbelievable how many people try to be something they're not on dating apps.

And what I love about eHarmony is it's real people for real relationships. You heard her, listener. That's why we've partnered with eHarmony because dating on eHarmony is different. eHarmony knows that to find something real, eHarmony is designed to help you bring out your personality on your profile with their unique personality test. They

They even highlight similarities with your potential matches. And that's when the magic happens, when you form genuine connections and authenticity leads to intimacy. Listener, give eHarmony a shot and get started with their compatibility quiz so you can find someone you can be yourself with. eHarmony, get who gets you. Welcome to my closet, you guys. Yeah.

Can you stand how cute it is in here? Thanks for having me, you guys. Thank you for coming on. And I hate that you're back in the closet. I know. It's like, it's such a place to, you know, come back to, to record the pod. But it's what, it's what I'm working with in New York. So, but that's okay. I'm not mad at it. It's comfortable. And I got one of those chairs that people sit on it, like picnics. Oh yeah. Well, Jonathan, can you tell us what you've had it with? What have I had it with lately? Um,

fear-mongering against queer people. I've had it with angry commenters. I've had it with

I don't know. We've had it with so many things, you guys. It's really a time. I know. It is. It's an unbelievable time. I want to talk to you about what you said about the fear mongering against queer people. And I think that a lot of mainstream people that I'm saying, people that kind of live their lives down the fairway. I'm not talking about their Google search history. I'm talking about their outward veneer that they put out.

Is this quick to judge? This quick, everybody has to be categorized in a binary choice. There are boys and there are girls. And one thing that I want to do on this podcast is open up people's minds and hearts and eyes that not everybody fits into those boxes. And so you openly have talked about being gender fluid. And so can you tell us what that has been like for you and how you discovered that yourself?

My whole life, I kind of, you know, boys never really accepted me or were super cool. Like it was the rarity. Girls,

did more often than what boys did, but I also was like clearly not, you know, welcome in those spaces. Like, you know, my best girlfriends would have like sleepovers and, you know, like if I always did like a foreign language and an instrument so that I wouldn't have to do gym class, so that I wouldn't have to do like a locker room moment 'cause I knew that that wouldn't be a safe space for me with the guys. So I was like, I just need to not be in there at all. And so, you know, then as an adult,

And I talk a lot about this in my second book, Love That Story, kind of my experience to gender expression and my relationship to my gender expression. Because it really, I think, I didn't know that there was an option other than being a gay man. And

Also, a lot of my gender fluidity and my femininity, I really stifled, not only for the acceptance of my cisgender, you know, straight counterparts. It's like, you know, they could tolerate you being like a fun gay, but like a dress, you

you know maybe thinking that you're a woman or not quite sure like that was not going to be as you know readily accepted so i really stifled that especially and also for acceptance from my own community like sexually you know like there's a lot of like transphobia and shaming within the gay community as well so i kind of you know tried to butch it up as best as i could and then i talked about how like you know once i got a lot of sexual partner then really became a

you know i don't say hot slut every monday for like i really became comfortable with my with my sexuality but um

Then once I realized that if I ever hooked up with someone again, it would be too soon. Like I really wanted like connection and I wanted someone to like see me and I wanted someone to see the fullness of who I was. And then once I kind of learned more about that, I was like, oh, actually I want to like express myself for who I am and not for the approval of like men. And then I started meeting like a lot of other non-binary and genderqueer and gender fluid people. And once I started to meet them and interact with them where I was like, they were saying things and like,

That I just had felt my whole life. And then also I think through Queer Eye, like so many people were like, well, what are your pronouns? Like, are you like, what are your, and then I was like that. So it was kind of like in real time in front of everyone, really there's another choice. And so I kind of learned everything all, you know, kind of in those last few years, but that was a really long answer. I'm so sorry, but. No, it's informative. Okay. Another thing that when we were emailing with you prior to having you on that you mentioned that you had had it with are unhinged people on social media. Yeah.

And this is a minefield really that we could dive into of shit that we've had it with because there are certain people that are unhinged on social media where I'm like, Oh, that's terrible. I've had it with them, but sometimes I've had it with a person on social media, but I can't stop reading it. And I'm also like hitting it at the same time. Like I've had it. They're so psycho, but I keep scrolling and reading every single thing. The worst is when you see them in your comments and then you,

get really crazy and you're like, "Oh, I'm going into their DMs now. I'm gonna go in there. I'm gonna be like, 'You're a fucking mess. You're a nightmare. You're a no good, too time and fake and a phony and I wish I never met ya.'" And then when it says "seen,"

then you block them. Like you gotta wait there and look until it's a scene and then you block them. No, it really, it really is frustrating. I just think that people forget that there's like another person on the other side. And also I just think it's interesting that people feel so comfortable to call you names, like full names and then expect you to be like nice about it or like understanding about it or something. Yeah. And just ever since

my episode my armchair expert episode there's just been a lot of like you know turfy anti-trans people in my social and then obviously with everything that we're going through now it's like there is you can say that you

condemn anti-semitism which i do you can say that you condemn islamophobia which i do unequivocally both doesn't matter what you say when you say it or how you say it uh you're either being to one way or to the other or you're being too quiet or you're being too loud yeah the amount of people who have told me in the last you know week that if i were to go to gaza i get my head cut off um

is astounding to me, mostly because that really, I think, misunderstands my level of safety anywhere in the world right now. Right. You know, including Palestine. I am not safe. I live in fucking Texas. Okay. Right. So, and I just, you know, I just, especially with like, with what's going on with Israel and the Middle East, like the amount of people who have like really sent me the most viral, like virulent DMs

DMs calling me either Islamophobic or anti-Semitic, saying that I'm too loud, too quiet, whatever it is, and then saying, "All you do is scream and cry for justice for women and queer people, but then when it's X or X, silence," or, "I'm so disappointed in you because I looked up to you and I'm so disappointed because you are being such a coward," or, "You hypocrite," or, "You don't care about queer children. You only care about yourself."

or just so much really intense comments.

And but then I'll go look on their page because I'm like, well, maybe this is like a massive activist. Like what are they doing on their page? What are they standing for? And it's like a feed full of fucking cats or just selfies or and I love cats. I'm not anti cat. Like I love a cat. Like I understand wanting to have an Instagram full of cats. But the point is that these people that are pointing all these fingers telling me that I'm not using my platform right and this and that.

What do you use your fucking platform for? I don't see one flag. I don't see one, nothing, anything about like, in just the expectation of like, I don't think, I don't know. It's just really been interesting, but it's also, I'm trying to hold space for those people. Cause like,

I shudder. Like, I once called out Nicki Minaj on Twitter. Actually, not once, but twice. I called her out twice in 2018 and 19. She was, like, my favorite rapper. She was, like, my favorite entertainer. I always loved her so much. And then she did this cover of, like, Vogue Russia or Vanity Fair Russia or something. And I was, like, on Twitter, like, did you get to talk to the journalist about, like, how they're kidnapping queers? And there's, like, an anti-propaganda law in Russia? Like...

And then like her fans came in. But like, I look back on that and I shudder because I'm like, girl, like let people do what they're going to do. You can have like, you do not need to shit. And like, here's like this fierce artist who got a cover and Vogue or VD peer, wherever it is, like shut your fucking mouth, JVN. And like, I had to cut my mouth, but I had to cut my teeth on that in public, you know? Right. And really have all the barbs come for me and be like, sit the fuck down. And they said it in a lot more mean ways than that. But still it's like,

Like, and so I get being on the other side where you look up to someone and you're disappointed in them. Right. But it's like, I feel like I learned that lesson so long ago. I don't understand how people are so repeatedly like just being so. And also, I don't know, like these people really are just like kind of fucking unhinged. No, they're totally unhinged. I also just have like a light. I have like a light. Had it with something that just came up for me because it's happening three times. Okay. Okay.

You guys, I love Taco Bell so much. It's like one of my biggest spices. Like I love it more than anything. I just, it's like really comforting to me. I just love it. And I just discovered on Uber Eats because like in Austin, it's like across town for me, but like I can get on Uber Eats in like 10 to 25 minutes. So I become, it's not not a problem because I'll eat Taco Bell like at least once a day if given the choice. Like it just always sounds good. But three times I've ordered it in the last fucking two weeks.

and i literally even leave notes to the driver i'm like please don't not get the salsa like on uber eats on taco bell you literally have to add the packet of salsa like right it's like a its own order so who orders seven hot sauces if they aren't serious like seven like what a number like i literally had to press like one because i'm in my mind i'm like i need three for the mexican pizza i need two for the fucking soft shell tacos right i know what i need how

have not brought it and I Uber Eats. Like I tip so leaving nice reviews and like a horrific, I was li the first and second tim second time. I was like, y but if you don't not, you

Get the sauce packets from Taco Bell. That's what I've had it with outside of all the other stuff. I couldn't agree more. What's going on with the takeout and delivery food service and them not adding the detail that we request is horrible.

Horrible. Nobody's addressing it. Nobody's monitoring this. Nobody's doing a fucking thing about it. And there you go. Your mouth, it's like Pavlov's dog. It starts watering. You're imagining the salsa packet. You're imagining the hot sauce. Oh my God, you're giving me the chills. And then they fucking short you. They fucking short change you. Or even left. They don't even short you. They don't even bring it.

Right. Number one. Yeah. And then, and then what, what's left? What can you do? All your only option left is to go full Karen. And I imagine you oppose Karenism. And there you are. I do. Except for that third time. The third time they pushed me too far. And then you're going full Karen. You know what I have to say? Pumps here flirts with Karenism and I've been working with her on it, but we recently went to Europe.

And sometimes having Karen and you not being the Karen, you kind of being able to look at the waitress and be like, but like we were at a restaurant and we were 20 minutes and they wouldn't bring us water. And I'm like, God, I really want some water. She gets up, parades over. She looks in the waitress comes and kind of looks at me and I'm kind of like,

Not me. I get to sit there and play possum, you know, and I'm just like, oh, and then she gets to take all the heat for being the Karen. So here's what I can advise to the listeners.

Get you a friend that's kind of a moderate to good Karen and go dine with them because they will go do all the asshole shit. And then you can sit there and then you can leave the big tip like, hey, I'm sorry she was such an asshole. And you can just be totally passive and she can be totally aggressive and it really works out well. So maybe, you know, you could get you a partner in this situation with the hot sauce thing.

I have two more really fast ones. I know we talk so much about trans rights, but I just have two more light alts. Maybe you guys will like it. Maybe you'll like it. The other day, I was flying from LaGuardia to Austin. And...

We sat at the gate for like an hour and I was like, okay, no harm, no foul. They're like, it's a little antenna thing. But then they were like, it's not an antenna thing. It's fixed mistake. We're pushing off. Then the second we push off the gate, they were like, there's 12 planes in front of us who some of which have been waiting for three hours.

we're going to be out here for a while. And when they said three hours, I was with my assistant, this, this fear just jolted through my body. I was like three hours out in this chart. Like I'm going to be one of those people. And so I literally, I went to stand up. Like I went to stand up. I was like, get me out. And then my assistant like pulled me down. She's like, you're going to end up on fucking TMZ. Like get down. And so I was like, I was like, oh my God. And I realized that like, I had this like,

unvarnished almost Karen come out that I've never even been aware of like like this Karen almost like crept out of like my fucking like seventh chakra and was like fuck you United like I just was like whose fault is this who's the fuck was it the fucking unit who was it the was it the traffic control union was it United I want to know three hours I was I was ready to have a meltdown but that's happened to me a few times and now every time I like get them on I'm literally just like

Please, God, please, God, don't let us sit here for three hours. Like, there's only like three hours that you're just like, oh. So that I've had it with. I don't know what that's about. Like, if we could please just get that together. Yeah. I'd love. And then the other thing back to your friend who's a Karen story. I have a moderate to good friend who's a Karen at restaurants or who flirts with Karenism at restaurants. I can't do it with her anymore because I'm too embarrassed. And it all came to a head in 2019.

2009 we're still friends uh but we went to this restaurant in la and they were not they were not they were not bringing the check the check was not happening like the food just like took forever so then the waiter came over and was like oh my god i'm so sorry that it took like four hours or like for this whole deal like we're gonna give you free dessert right at that point i was moving to la so i was the landlord that was trying to get that apartment called i was like i gotta leave you guys i'm gonna go outside and take this call so i decided to call this landlord

When I got the phone, I turn around to go back inside and all my friends come out in a single file line with their heads. Like they're just like all their heads are down and they're all like just looking naughty. And I'm like, you guys, what happened? Like, well, I'll just say the restaurant. It was Real Food Daily and it was 2009 and I loved Real Food Daily. I was vegan. This is like a huge loss for me. Well, we can never go back. Well, and I was like, well, what happened?

And my friend who's the Karen was like, well, you remember they were going to give us this free desserts for it taking so fucking long. And I was like, yes. And they're like, well, she fucking, they charged them on the bill. So when it was on the bill and the desserts were there, I said, what the fuck are these desserts on here for? And so then they brought the bill back and it was clear and it said zero. And then the manager said, don't ever fucking come back. And I was like, well, Jesus Christ. And then, but

But here's this is how bad their memories were. My roommate who was at that same dinner became a waitress there like three weeks later. And I ate their vegan nachos every day for years and no one was ever the wiser. So we all ended up OK. I think it's building, Jonathan. I think that we are going to build to that level of climax with pumps soon.

And I'm so grateful to live in a world with a smartphone because I will document this. I will go IG live. I want to watch the entire thing go down and I will just be sitting there tapping my vein going, yes, get into it. Go full Karen, just kind of idly watching because she definitely flirts with Karenism and I, I kid her about it and I know it's wrong, but when her Karenism benefits me personally, I,

I can just play this role like, yeah, I know she's out of control and I'm the calm, cold, collected one here. Yeah. I've had it with also when my TikTok doesn't show me enough Karen videos. Like, I really like when my TikTok shows me like, so like, I love like people falling and Karen videos. Like, I love them. Yeah. And I hate it when they're not resolved.

You know what it is? You know, it's like watching. I love like true crime stuff. And then I get invested in this whole true crime thing. And then I'm like, you know, nine podcast episodes in or a documentary five episodes deep. At the end, I'm like, we still don't know who fucking killed this person. Are you kidding me?

It's so funny that we're having this conversation. I'm not even kidding you guys. This is the second time I've had this exact conversation today. My makeup artist was like, I can't because I love Morbid. That's my favorite like murder true crime podcast. And she's like, well, I love Morbid too, but they do a lot of unsolved mysteries. So she listens to this other one that are all solved. And I was like, but I loved unsolved ones as well.

well because I like to talk to like a you about it to see like who you think did it and then I can say who I think did it because of like whatever it's like giving clue you know like I like for us like compare our notes on like on like who the murderer was yeah so I do kind of like I like the conversation around an unsolved one because I just get very convicted in my heart of like who I know the murderer is yes I'm finite because I like to have somebody I want to know who did it at the end because do we ever know you know it's like do we it's like

I should have been a lawyer. I would have been such a good lawyer. I probably could have saved trans rights if I was just like... In fact, I object. I'm going back to law school. I'm pulling a legally blonde. These folks better watch out. If I become a lawyer, these Republicans better watch out because I object. I have some alarming news for you, Jonathan. Pumps is an attorney. I am an attorney. But I just do divorce work. So I don't know anything else. He wants you to go... See, and this is what the people want. We want you to be...

judge fucking Judy Diana and go out there and be like, go give Amal Clooney with a little bit of Karen and go do human rights shit. Don't you agree, Jonathan? Oh, that's not where I thought you were going. I...

I only heard Judge Judy and I was like, yes, absolutely. I was Divorce Court on TV as Judge Judy. I'll do Human Rights. You do that. Although it's going to take me like 18 years to pass the bar. So maybe you'll have to parallel path. You're going to do half Human Rights, half Divorce Court live. I have one word to say to that idea. You ready? Yeah. Sustained. Sustained.

What about this one? Asked and answered. Oh, is that like a rebuttal that we say at the bench? Asked and answered. Like if they keep asking the question again and again in different ways, you can objection asked and answered. Oh my God, I'm going to start saying that to journalists. Can we role play that really quick? Can we role play that really quick? Let's role play it. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Jonathan, so can you tell us on the new season of Queer Eye, do you feel like your performance has been transformational?

- You know, I object. Ask and answered. Yes. If you don't know by now by season, this season, I don't know what to tell you. Judge, judge, judge. I don't know why I turned into such a southerner when I become a lawyer.

Yeah, interesting. Yeah, I love that. That's interesting, yeah. Yeah, what other, is there any other like great legal retorts that we are just missing in our everyday vernacular that like just gives us a little bit more sustenance, like past, object, and sustained? Judge Judy, what else? Okay, so we have I object. I object. Sustained. Asked and answered. Hearsay. Like if somebody's got something. Hearsay is a fucking word.

Great one. I am going to start saying objection hearsay. Okay. Yes. What else? And assumes facts, not in evidence. That's really good. So if they haven't testified about it and now they're acting like it's true, then you could say that objection that assumes facts, not in evidence. Jonathan, you have to promise me that in the next 30 days, I open up an article about you.

in the news and that all every answer is objection assumes facts and answers yes yes objection objection hearsay you know somebody's talking about one of your castmates and I heard you said this about Bobby or whatever objection hearsay objection hearsay objection hearsay

Asked and answered. I never saw you answer it. Well, you should have saw harder. Because I know I did. I know I did. It's out there. Just find it. What else? Is there any other ones? There has to be a couple. I mean, that's pretty good. It goes a lot to work with. Objection. Argumentative. Oh, argumentative. Oh, what a great word. Argumentative.

Objection. You're being, okay. So I went to your husband. I want to do some role playing with you right now. Okay. You ready, John? Oh, I have a great one though. Hold on real quick. Okay. What is it? You have to have, before you get a date to have to go to court, you have to file a motion to enter. So like, it could be like, so that could be a fun way. Like if you're walking into a room, like you could be like motion to enter. Like if you're like, that could be kind of like a fun way to like,

Say hello to like a group of people. Or, hey, I've got a motion to enter rating for you. Motion to enter. Oh, yes. Naughty. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Nice little girl. I like it. Judge Judy's brain is always in the gutter. Yeah. Yes. Okay. So let's do role playing. Jonathan, so you are on the cast of Queer Eye. Is that correct? Objection. Ask and answer. Okay.

And we hear that you are constantly fighting with your cast mates. Is this true? Objection argumentative. Jonathan, we hear that you think that you are the most popular member of Queer Eye. Objection assumes facts without knowing. Was that the right term? Not in evidence. Close. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I say objection assumes facts, not in evidence. Although I think it's evidence that you're the most popular member.

Oh, no, I think, I think it varies by state. Oh, it's a regional thing. Yeah, I think it's like regional. Since we're close to Texas, and I was born in Texas, you're going to be my favorite region. You're already my daughter. Regionally, we all have our own we all have our strengths, like,

We all have our strengths. Yeah. And I'm... I am the most... Of the five of us, I'm the one that if you hung out with me for like... And I'm sure you can feel this from the last 90 minutes or however long. You need a break. After you hung out with me for a minute, you need a fucking break. And whereas like Anthony Tan, Bobby Cromwell, you could like have a weekend. You could like... Yeah. You know, you're like, God, I just love being around you. It's just so like fulfilling. You're not feeling... You're going to feel tired after you hung out with me. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like he talks a lot. So...

Yeah. Pumps. I feel like finding the perfect skincare regimen is such a minefield because your dermatologist is going to tell you this. The person that does your Botox is going to tell you that your best friend's going to tell you something different. And they all seem to be good skincare regimens, but.

By God, they are so expensive. Yes. It's cost prohibitive a lot of times. It is. But thankfully, we have found the Inkey List, which is an award-winning science-backed skincare brand. What I love about it is you can get a whole skincare regimen for around $30. That's amazing.

Such a great price. And their products are excellent. I already have noticed my fine lines decreasing using the Inkey List products. They have retinol, vitamin C, and I absolutely love their lip plumper. Within four weeks, you can have 40% more fullness in your lips. It's an amazing product. Right now, the Inkey List is offering our listeners 20% off their purchases with promo code INKYLIST.

HATIT. Go to theinkylist.com spelled I-N-K-E-Y and use the promo code HATIT for 20% off your order. That's theinkylist.com and be sure to use the promo code HATIT. Okay, now let's play our game. Okay. Oh, I'm so excited. Oh my God. Welcome to HATIT or HITIT. I would HITIT. HATIT. I HITIT every day, sometimes twice a day. HATIT or HITIT. Bangs.

Oh my God, it's so complicated for a first one. Okay, honestly, this is like a semantics question for me. This is like semantics, okay? Okay, okay. Bangs, what's the options again? Just had it or hit it. Yeah, had it with bangs, hit it with fringe. I just don't like it when we call them bangs. To me, it's like...

I like fringe. It's a little more like European. It's a little like chiquer, like fringe. Like what do you think about a fringe? Like rather than a bang. Do you think women as they get older should get bangs or do you think it's totally optional? I gave one of my clients the best fringe of all time. Like she was like in her probably like in her 40s. She'd been married for a long time. I gave her an amazing fringe. Very fashionable, very chic, very sexy. It was like fringe, but then with like length.

I also did her husband's hair. Her husband came in to me three days later for a haircut and got in my face and was like, you gave my wife the boner killer. You gave her... Horrible. And he couldn't fuck her. Like, with a fringe, he was like, she reminds me of, like, it reminds me of, like, a little girl hairstyle. And so, like, she had to, like, put her hair in, like, a little pony for her husband to F her. And I was just like, God, you suck. And they ended up getting divorced. Yeah, she did. Oh, my God. Yes, which rightfully so. But ever since then, I've just been, like...

Talk to... Not that we do anything for the partner, but I just think fringe is a very divisive thing. So it's like you meet someone with fringe or not a fringe, they always think of you like that. So it's just like a thing. Like if you do one, it's like be ready. But I love fringes. Okay. Had it or hid it, no show socks. I think I'm going to break. For the last...

15 years, I would have said had it. I've really been into like visible socks. Okay. Lately...

I've been feeling the creepings of an anklet. Like I've been feeling the like early urgings of wanting to fuck with an anklet again. And I haven't felt this for a long time. So not to, I think for a non-binary person, this game is almost too hard. Like we, it's just so hard. But you've got this. Okay. Let's, let's go on. Okay. Had it or hit it forced small talk.

Hit it. I like talking. I'm into it. It's not forced for me. I like, I like, what do you do today? Like, I like it. I'm into it. You like to listen to the answers. Yeah. Cause then we'll get in a fight and it's fine. Okay. Had it or hit it talking on the phone. Hit it hard. Love, love, love talking on the phone. Cannot get enough. What about how great like the drunken dial is?

I mean, I love a drunk title too, but like I'm even just sober love or well, I just little weed. I smoke a little joint call. Talk to you for three hours on a Saturday morning. Love it. I don't even know. Yeah. I like a little phone call with certain people. I do. I'd still like the...

the camaraderie of a phone call over texting and hearing the person's voice and you're kind of puttering around your house. I enjoy, like I enjoy talking on the phone with you. But we're efficient with our talk. Sometimes we're on the phone like old ladies for like two hours. I know, but I feel like we're not, I mean, we're not,

We drag out dead horses that we've been talking about for 20 years. We drag these horses out and we beat these motherfuckers 20 years later as though the issue happened that very day with enthusiasm, with accuracy. Like it's the first time we ever had the conversation and I enjoy our dead horse sessions so much. And I like that they're not efficient.

And I like that we have so much vigor and enthusiasm for each motherfucking dead horse that we beat the shit out of. I love that so much. I can't stand it. Okay. Had it or hit it. Regrets. Had it. It's hard to wrap.

I'm going to, I have a contrarian opinion here. Hit it. I needed regret. I needed for me to grow. I needed to regret things. No, I totally agree. But you can't beat yourself up for years on end over something that's passed. And that's, and that's why I said, that's why I said had it. Cause I do, I beat myself up too much naturally about it. And so I've had it with,

With that, I'm going to forgive. No, but I absolutely agree. You have to have regrets to grow. A hundred percent. Because that's how you grow. I had to have some, but I agree. I think we all agree that you can't sit and stew in them and forgiving yourself is one of the most important parts of growing. But I do think I needed some regrets. I needed to regret some behavior that I did in order to get to the other side of it. Oh, there's no question. Well, yes. Yes. Okay. Had it or hid it, personal questions from strangers. Yes.

Let me give you an example. You go to check into a hotel and the receptionist says, are you here for work or pleasure? And you say work. And then they say, well, what do you do? And then you have to explain and you just start down this line of a lot of questions where all you want to do is get your room key and go to your room. Had it. Look at his face. He's not, you're not a hundred percent. You know what that was? Leading the witness. Yeah.

Objection. Yes. I think I have had it with that though. Like, yeah, like I don't, I don't, I don't want to explain, like, I just want to be able to go. Hi, how many nights are you here for? You tell him how many keys do you need? And then move on. I don't want to talk about why I'm in town. I could be a prostitute. That's turning a bunch of tricks doing. In fact, I am a prostitute. And I am turning tricks in this hotel.

You know, I just don't, I don't like, I don't like that question. And then also like when I get my hair done. I push back on this. I push back on this though, because the hairdresser has to know, honey, if you're a fucking, if you're going outside all fucking day, I need to put a flat iron on your hair because I want to frizz up. And if you were, and if you were touchy with me on that, or I could tell that you were not trying to respond, I would purposely take the nozzle off and I would give you a puffy, shitty, you know,

And she hates her hair. Oh, yeah. Like I'm like, oh, I'm very particular about my answer. Oh, well, before you don't want to talk before you don't want to tell me what you did. And now you're particular on your blow dry. Well, tough luck, honey. That'll be eighty five dollars. I will see you. And you know what I love more than anything? I love a sassy hairdresser. I had this hairdresser for the longest time.

And he would, he would blow my hair out. And if I acted up or I'd be like, Hey, that kind of hurts. He would take the round brush and go, you straighten up right this second. Yeah.

And he would just slap the shit out of me with a round brush, but he gave these fucking dynamite blowouts. Dale Brock, if you're listening, he lives in Miami, Oklahoma, but he used to come to Oklahoma City. I remember Dale. Oh my God. And he was just such a hateful bitch. And I loved him. I'm only like that. I loved him. I am like that with high...

high maintenance clients, I can be like that. Like if you really need it smooth, but then every time I go to smooth it out, like it's too hot. And like, how do you think we get the curls out? If I can't get it. I kind of like hairdresser abuse. I like it. I like to know that you're in charge and you're willing to fight for my hair. Even if that includes fighting me to do my hair. I like that kind of, I like that. Yeah. Okay. Had it or hit it. Save the date cards.

Personally, I've had it, but because I have an assistant, we can hit it. Like I can, I can, I can accommodate. Okay. Last one. Had it or hit it. Cheerleaders.

Well, like obviously hit it because I was a cheerleader and like I love cheerleading and like I was like a literal competitive cheerleader like in high school and college, like loved cheer forever, like obsessed. We were both cheerleaders too. Loved it. Did you ever go to an NCAA camp?

We were actually, I think we were UCA. Yeah. Did you do the NCAA? He's younger. All the way. Did you do that? There's NCAA too in my, like, and like, they're kind of like competitors. You know, you like, you did one or the other. You did one or the other. Yeah. I'm old enough that that was all they had was NCAA. Pumps won at her cheerleading camp. She was much older than me. So we weren't at camp at the same time, but that's neither here nor there. But she won all American cheerleader and had a dynamic toe touch and standing back tap.

I did. You had a standing tuck? I did, back in the day. In what year? 1974. No. Like, 86, 780. I'm sorry, but a standing tuck in 1987 was, like, pretty badass. Like, that was, like, ahead of its time. And a hyperextended toe touch. Yeah, I did have a hyperextended toe touch. Can we see it on social? No. The last time I did it, I graduated from law school. I did a herky. Blew my knee out. Had to have knee surgery. I love gymnastics. It's so much fun.

Well, Jonathan, this has been such a treat. You're a doll. I love you. I had so much fun with you guys. I can't, I'm like, I literally had so much fun with you guys. Like no wonder your podcast is so, you guys are the most fun people. And thanks guys. Jonathan, thank you so, so much. You're a dear. Thanks for coming on. Bye. Bye.

I love Jonathan. He's delightful. I love how with each had it or hit it, so much thought. And he even called the game hard, which I really appreciated because I like that we challenge our guests. And I thought that we really knocked it out of the ballpark with all of those had it or hit it selections.

So that's something we can really keep fine tuning. Try to stump the guests with a hat at her head to where they're not so obvious, where the answer could go either way. Very thoughtful answers. Yes. Listener, please give us a five-star review. Subscribe to our podcast. Go check out the hot shit tour. Follow us on Patreon for our documentary club and send a voice memo to Instagram and pumps. Tell them we will see you next Tuesday or Thursday. Oh, that's just me. Perez Hilton.

Drinking all the tea that goes on in this world. And with the way social media is, I just can't get enough. I'm obsessed. It's like every day something new and scandalous comes out and I want it all. I'm the OG of entertainment gossip. And if you are like me and have an unrelenting thirst for all the drama that's flying around, you should listen to my podcast. The Perez Hilton Podcast. Available wherever you get your podcasts.

Listener, for this episode of I've Had It, we've partnered with eHarmony, the dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. Pops, what's going on out there on the dating apps? It's unbelievable how many people try to be something they're not on dating apps.

And what I love about eHarmony is it's real people for real relationships. You heard her, listener. That's why we've partnered with eHarmony because dating on eHarmony is different. eHarmony knows that to find something real, eHarmony is designed to help you bring out your personality on your profile with their unique personality test. They

They even highlight similarities with your potential matches. And that's when the magic happens. When you form genuine connections and authenticity leads to intimacy. Listener, give eHarmony a shot and get started with their compatibility quiz so you can find someone you can be yourself with. eHarmony, get who gets you.

Listener, for this episode of I've Had It, we've partnered with eHarmony, the dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. Pops, what's going on out there on the dating apps? It's unbelievable how many people try to be something they're not on dating apps.

And what I love about eHarmony is it's real people for real relationships. You heard her, listener. That's why we've partnered with eHarmony because dating on eHarmony is different. eHarmony knows that to find something real, eHarmony is designed to help you bring out your personality on your profile with their unique personality test. They

They even highlight similarities with your potential matches. And that's when the magic happens. When you form genuine connections and authenticity leads to intimacy. Listener, give eHarmony a shot and get started with their compatibility quiz so you can find someone you can be yourself with. eHarmony, get who gets you.