Blasphemous Naughty Nuns
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Listener, for this episode of I've Had It, we've partnered with eHarmony, the dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. Pops, what's going on out there on the dating apps? It's unbelievable how many people try to be something they're not on dating apps and

And what I love about eHarmony is it's real people for real relationships. You heard her, listener. That's why we've partnered with eHarmony because dating on eHarmony is different. eHarmony knows that to find something real, eHarmony is designed to help you bring out your personality on your profile with their unique personality test. They

They even highlight similarities with your potential matches. And that's when the magic happens. When you form genuine connections and authenticity leads to intimacy. Listener, give eHarmony a shot and get started with their compatibility quiz so you can find someone you can be yourself with. eHarmony, get who gets you.

Listener, for this episode of I've Had It, we've partnered with eHarmony, the dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. Pops, what's going on out there on the dating apps? It's unbelievable how many people try to be something they're not on dating apps.

And what I love about eHarmony is it's real people for real relationships. You heard her listener. That's why we've partnered with eHarmony because dating on eHarmony is different. eHarmony knows that to find something real, eHarmony is designed to help you bring out your personality on your profile with their unique personality test. They

They even highlight similarities with your potential matches. And that's when the magic happens, when you form genuine connections and authenticity leads to intimacy. Listener, give eHarmony a shot and get started with their compatibility quiz so you can find someone you can be yourself with. eHarmony, get who gets you. So are we supposed to start the podcast?

Okay, ready? One, two, three. Happy Halloween. Blessed be the fruit. May the Lord open. We are coming to you in full costume today. Those of you on YouTube get to see our ensembles. Those of you that are listeners, let me describe what's going on here in the podcast studio. We are both naughty nuns.

Very blasphemous. Yes. We have on naughty nun outfits that we went shopping for yesterday. Yes. And we could not be happier with our costume selection. Could not be happier except I'm about to flash everyone and you look like Wonder Woman in a nun costume. You think you're going to do a crotch shot? No. I mean, I have to be careful because, you know, I fidget a lot. Yeah, mine is. It's pretty...

It's kind of the cut of my nun habit is a micro mini, but it kind of has a Flintstone style cut to the bottom of it with these angled hemlines. I see a little ass cheek from the back. Yeah. May the Lord open. And also with you. What did they say on The Handmaid's Tale? Blessed be the fruit. Blessed be the fruit. Under his eye. Under his eye. Yes. Under his eye. Under his eye. So, listener, when we went costume shopping yesterday,

We were reminded of something that we have absolutely had it with at the checkout counter. Yes. So we go to the checkout counter to buy our blasphemous naughty nun costumes because it just seemed only appropriate that that's what we would be. And the gal pumps is there first. I'm going back to find my flask that I want to purchase later.

that says holy water on it with a crucifix because of course we had to have a holy water flask. No one needs holy water more than us. Oh, we totally need holy water. Okay. So tell the listener you're at the checkout counter first while I'm getting the flask. Okay. So I set my costume down on the counter and the girl says, do you want to donate to the babies? We have a, we have babies you can donate to. And I kind of looked at her and I was like, how

She was like, yeah, the little babies on the wallet goes to the babies at Children's Hospital. And I was getting ready to say no, but you saved me because you came up right behind me. I come up. I put the flask down. Pumps totally aborts. Like I can't find her anywhere near the register. So she leaves me. I was returning the knife. Oh, yeah. I was going to buy a bloody knife. So she leaves me with the enthusiastic cashier who then she brings everything up.

She tells me the total. And she said, how much of this total would you like to donate to the baby? And I look over at the wall and there is a photograph of a couple of babies. And what's so interesting about this is just about four minutes earlier, we had found like a creepy baby doll. Yes. And we were simulating that the baby was breastfeeding from the Sagan dragons and the Halloween costume shop because we're incredibly mature. Yeah.

You're the biggest dicks on the planet. So we did like a little acting out role playing of pumps being the demon baby's mom and breastfeeding the baby. We didn't end up buying the baby. So then we're at the cashier and she's wanting us to donate to the babies. And I said, no, thank you. And then she didn't miss a beat. She goes, would you like to round up to the nearest dollar for the babies? At this point, it's about 49 cents and I'm wanting it to end. So I said, sure.

Then pumps and I get in the car. And if there are two people that can wind each other up like cheap clocks, it is pumps and me. And I go, I have fucking had it with the forced philanthropy at the Halloween costume shop. And pumps had had it as well. So we just start fucking going at it.

We get each other so worked up. I contemplate turning the car around, going back and getting my 49 cents back. I really wanted you to. I mean, I was ready for it. Yeah. If you would have done it. I mean, I was trying to push you to do it, but I mean, it's kind of embarrassing over 49 cents, but we don't know where that money's going. Who the fuck are the babies? How much are they getting? And there's a million questions we need answered. So let's go through the questions for the listeners. So we've, we, the whole drive home from the costume shop, drive back to the studio, we

We talked about what we can do to help society in instances like this. Are we anti-philanthropy? No. Are we anti-baby? Only on a case-to-case basis. Right. Okay. So certain babies are okay. Certain babies are not on the approved list. It's a case-by-case situation, but that's neither here nor there. What we want to do is help the listener when you find yourself at a cash register being manipulated. Absolutely. Absolutely.

I'm grifted. Yeah. And what you can do to fight back. And so the first question that we came up with is I'm going to say, can you give me the information about said hospital that

And every name on the board of directors of said hospital. I need their voting history, their income tax returns, their STD results, their blood type. Right. Their Google search history. So what you do is you flip the script. Yeah. You flip it. You say, okay, that's, I'll consider donating to the hospital, but I need for you to give me information about the hospital. Right. And then Pumps had some more questions you thought would be good. I thought...

How much of this goes to the hospital? Who gets it first? Does the company match the donation that I give? Yeah, that's boring. Tell them about your really good question. And my really good question was, have you had an abortion lately?

Right after the STD question, we're willing to give this 49 cents, but we just have questions in return. Right. So basically you flip the script and just start interrogating them and act like you're very interested in the cause. Right. But she has to give you information because all this girl's been told is,

Is, hey, tell the people to donate to the babies. Right. Well, that sounds really benign. We don't know. Do these babies have an agenda? Do the babies exist? Are the babies Trumpers? Are the babies anti-gay? Who are the parents of these babies? Right. There's so many things where we could have flipped the script. And you don't even know if the whole thing's a racket. Right.

I kind of was wondering if it was a racket. She was dead set on it. And I also, I just have to point out for the permanent record, she was baby talking the manipulation. I'm so glad you brought that detail back up. Yeah. Because not only was it forced philanthropy, the use and abuse of baby talk from one adult to two other adults. Yes, it was bad. Do you want to give to the baby? Yeah. It was awful. I mean, you know, we don't, it's like...

We got ourselves so worked up on the 15-minute drive back to the studio. Had we had the time, we literally would have turned the car around because I felt so manipulated and rushed. Because I already said no once, and then she didn't respect my boundary. Well, and she did the number one rule of grifting or hustling or whatever. She didn't say, do you want to? It was like...

So I can put the remaining 49 cents to the babies. Like it wasn't a question. Right. The statement was a leading statement that you would agree with because you're kind of a dick if you don't. Well, let's talk about just being a dick. Right. Okay. Let's just talk about that. So I think it's kind of a dick move to manipulate us like that on the spot. I agree. When we're trying to buy blasphemous Halloween costumes. Right.

Right.

And asking for a fork and knife. No, no. Contemplating going back and maybe buying that bloody knife or maybe the baby that we had pumps, the demon baby that we role played pumps breastfeeding. Maybe going back and buying that. And now this time at the register, we'll be ready. Right. Now we're ready. That's the thing. We're ready. So let's role play. Okay. Okay. You're coming to checkout. Okay. So how much of your total here would you like to donate for the babies? None. Thank you.

Well, why? Do you not like babies? I hate babies. Really? Have you had multiple abortions? Have you? Just waiting on my plan B to kick in.

What's your STD status? None right now. Just got over chlamydia. Right. Do you have a tetracycline on hand for all your chlamydia? Yes, we do. We distribute. Are any of the babies gay? Because if any of the babies are gay, we may consider making the donation. It'd be more of a powerful pitch. Right. If they're all white heterosexual babies, we might think they already have a jumpstart. Right. I mean, we might be less interested. Right. Right.

And that's something she didn't give us the demographic breakdown of the babies. No. And we don't even know what constitutes a baby in her mind. Is it a 65-year-old man or is it an infant or a 4-year-old or a 15-year-old? The way she said babies just went all through me. Yeah. So, listener, here's a little something about pumps in me. We could literally talk about this for about four hours. Kylie's over there shaking her head yes, but we will spare you the details. Welcome, Kylie.

I've had it, this very special, blessed be the fruit under his eye, may the Lord open, spooky Halloween episode. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. She's the naughtiest nun in podcasting. It's hard to look over and see you in that and not best out laughing. She is the naughtiest nun in podcasting. You notice I have on my Apple watch under my crucifix gloves. You would hate to miss the calorie burn while you're sitting here. Yes, exactly. Exactly.

Pumps, I always feel like I'm losing my glasses and I feel like you can never find your glasses. I can never find my glasses and they're so expensive. They're so pricey and then sometimes it's like maybe you want to jazz it up and try a different look, but you don't want to have to go peruse the glasses.

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it. Pumps, there are just so many things that I've had it with that we have been unable to fix. Number one, how crazy we are. Number two, all of these drivers getting in our way when we're trying to go from point A to point B. Lately, I have had restless nights, brain fog, bloating, and I've just had it with that. But thankfully, my best friend here, you, has turned me on to Happy Mammoth's Hormone Harmony. I love hormones.

Hormone Harmony. I have slept better. My mood swings are better. I don't have night sweats. And most importantly, it has helped with my hot flashes. It's a game changer of a product. Did you know that it's so effective and popular that they sell a bottle every 24 seconds?

So I think you may remember a few episodes back.

You know, we read hate comments often. None of the hate comments ever bother us. All the mean things they say about us, couldn't give two shits about. But there was one particular comment that really, really sat in my craw. Still not over it. Still wrestling with it. And basically, they called us centrists. Okay.

That hurt. I mean, you have been wound up about that for like three weeks. So I went online and I took a quiz from the Pew Research Center and it's called the Political Typology Quiz. I took it four times in a row for accuracy. You are a nut. All four times I got the exact same result, which is far left as you can go, which is progressive left. Okay.

Right. Not centrist. Not even we're close. No. This chart, the centrists are called stressed sideliners. That's the center. And then one notch to the left is an outsider left. One notch over is a democratic mainstay. One notch over from that is establishment liberal. And then as far left as you can go, which I took four times and confirmed that I am this each and every time, is progressive left. Right. I sent the quiz to Pumps.

And Pumps is, were you an establishment liberal?

No, I was a... Democratic mainstay. Yes, Democratic mainstay. So pumps is two notches over from center. Right. I was, for the permanent record, four times over to the left. And then when you go to the right, you have ambivalent right, and then one step further, populist right, and then one step further from that, committed conservatives, and the freakiest freaks of them all, the faith and flag conservatives. Yeah.

Which I'm certain is what those fucking babies were at that costume shop. I bet those fuckers were faith and flag conservatives. I want, I really want my 49 cents back. I know. Kylie, I sent Kylie the quiz. Kylie, what were you? I was a faith and flag conservative. You're fired. A lesbian faith and flag conservative. I got establishment liberal. Establishment liberal. So this is interesting.

This is interesting because you know what? Nobody got stressed sideliners. Nope, not us. Nobody got stressed sideliners. No centrists in this studio. So I just wanted to address that.

And kudos to the person that left that comment because you have lived rent-free in my brain for quite some time. Yeah. You did not like that at all. I have our talent booker has reached out to Bernie Sanders. Much to my surprise, he has not responded yet. Shocked. I've had her try to reach out to AOC. Much to my surprise, crickets. Yeah. Yeah.

Crickets. We've tried to have Hassan Piker on this podcast. Ghost City results in a ban. Bernie's next on being banned. So is AOC.

Because everybody is just knocking on the studio door. Right. Dying to be on this podcast. I thought I saw Bernie Sanders in the parking lot. He's just dying. Dying. Dying to be on this podcast. Absolutely. With all the other A-lister stars of the Democratic Party. Yeah. To which we have booked zero. For the permanent record. Zero for 20. Yeah. Yeah. It's not going well for us. Not going well. No wonder they think we're a centrist. We've got to keep trying. Hassan won't even come on this show. No.

He's banned, remember? Yeah, he's banned. We broke up with him first. Yeah, exactly. For the permanent record, he's ghosting us initially and it was for a brief period of time. But now we're doing the reversed ghost. Right. And the reverse ghost has been much longer. Right. That we are ignoring him. We're calling that the white girl breakup. That's right. It is the middle-aged white girl breakup.

He didn't break up with me. I broke up with him. That's right. That's right. But it's not a centrist breakup. No. It is a progressive left breakup. And I want the commenter that left the centrist comment. I'm aware that pumps is only two over from center.

Despite spending all of her spare time with Ben Mycelis of the Midas Touch. Right. I'm going to DM Ben who will talk to us. He will. He's been on the pod. He's been on the pod. Yeah. And let him know about your results and see what we can do about getting you all the way over to the progressive left. I've got two more to go. We'll work on the Karenism and then we'll work on that. Okay. Sounds good. All right. Next up, somebody tweeted me some rather alarming news. Okay. Okay.

So we've done a couple of episodes about the person that took a shit down the aisle on the Delta airplane. Yes. Discussed. We've discussed it with a few people. Oh, yeah. Well, apparently, same thing, similar kind of happened on EasyJet. What? Okay. So it was a flight from the Canary Islands to London. Okay. They had to cancel the flight. Everybody got on the plane.

And then I guess the flight attendant or somebody went back to the bathroom and there was so much shit on the bathroom floor. They didn't make it to the toilet that it was uncleanable and they had to evacuate the plane on easy jet, kick everybody off, promise to refund their hotel costs. The passenger responsible for the mess has not been publicly identified, but it is believed to have been ill.

The passenger. So many questions. Either mentally or physically. It's got to be both. But why, if he's in the bath, he or she, if they're in the bathroom, why can't they just sit on the pot? Why does it have to be on the floor? It was on the floor? On the floor. And it was so much, they couldn't even scoop it up? No. What is wrong?

I have never heard of this. And now I've heard of it twice. Which is amazing coming from the woman that took a shit in a styrofoam cup on the side of the road. I know. And every time we get in a plane, I think my karma's coming back because I've just been so outspoken about the Delta flight. But you know what? Now you know that you have such great ass aim. Right. I could make it in the toilet. You can. You could. No. What if you can't get up? So let's say that we're on a plane together. Okay. Yeah.

And we do know based on the highway incident that you have incredible ass aim. Right. And you have your Stanley Cup that you've gotten through security empty with water. And then you get on the plane. It's empty. You could take a shit in the Stanley Cup. I would not ruin my Stanley Cup. I would do it in the barf bag.

You'd shit in the barf bag in the seat. Yeah. I mean, if I was that desperate, if it was that or shit my pants or down the aisle of a plane, the barf bag. Yeah. I just, I mean, the people are shitting on planes left and right. Had you ever heard of that before now? People shitting on planes? No, I just had the friend that had the lady who did the shit and run.

At the restaurant. But you know what's interesting? After Kylie posted the shit and run, so many people commented in the comment section, I work in retail. This happens more than you think. We go into fitting rooms and people have left a shit in the fitting room. What? I'm telling you, the shitting thing is happening all the time. People that work in restaurants, in retail are reporting very alarming things. The same thing that's being reported on airlines right now.

people are shitting in the wrong places all the time. And you are a member of that group. No, because I didn't do it in the wrong place. I did it in the toilet. A styrofoam cup on the side of the highway. But my whole thing is, is it a kink? Because if you've made it all the way to the bathroom, why can't you sit on the toilet? It's a very confined space. I just think maybe it's a kink.

I don't know, but I just think a lot of people are shitting in a lot of places they're not supposed to be shitting. Like on the side of highways in a styrofoam cup with traffic passing by, you can get defensive all you want to. I'm not defensive. I'm just saying I got it in the cup and I threw it away. Nope. No animals.

Or trash people. A victimless crime. It was a victimless crime. Except for your son. Except for your son. Your teenage son that was in the backseat. Right. Except for him. So when he goes to family week. So the therapist is going to really get on me about that. Right. So we might go ahead and start working on, you know, an apology for that. Oh, God, I've apologized a thousand times, but I probably need to work one up better. I'm talking about, of course, you apologize to him. I'm talking about the performative apology you do in front of a therapist. Well, yeah.

Yes, we should start role playing that immediately. Not the quit being a pussy, get over it. My stomach was out of control. I'm talking about the one that you go in front of the therapist. Right. I have to prance in front of the therapist. The performative apology. Right. The one where you put your best foot forward, where you, Pumps' representative apologizes on her behalf. That apology. Yeah. I think I'll probably have to work up some tears for that one. Yeah. Yeah. Kylie, have you ever shit in a...

I have never shit in public in a precarious situation. I'm pretty under control. You've never shit in public ever? You've never... Like, besides a public restroom? No. Oh, okay. I thought you meant you've never used a public restroom. I was like, how's that possible? For sure. Yeah. I always make it to where I'm supposed to do it at. Same. Well, okay. I obviously don't because I did it in a cab, but...

I just, I don't think I would do it on an airplane. I think I would rather run off the airplane because they're still at the gate. That makes perfect sense. You can run off the airplane pumps. Just run off the airplane. Just open the door and just run off the fucking airplane. But you said they had to, they were on the ground. I believe so. They took them off. It sounds to me like this person got away with it. They went back to their seat and they didn't get caught. Right.

Right. Okay, here it is. Previously, the flight delay had already caused inconvenience, but the situation worsened when a passenger soiled the bathroom in such an extreme way that there was not enough time for adequate cleaning. Okay.

As a result, the passengers were required, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. So it was a real shit show. It was a shit show. Pun intended. Yes. Yeah. It was a total fucking shit show. Oh, I had a listener text me a really funny tweet or DM me a funny tweet. And so Sarah B at yoga mom, one, eight, two, three. She tweets. My eight month old just said her first word. Namaste. Yeah.

Hashtag proud yoga mom. Hashtag purposeful parenting. And then Kenny at K Channel 3 responds, my main issue with this tweet, Sarah, is that this did not happen.

That's fantastic. So, you know, all of the performative parenting online. Called it out. It's just, I think we should start commenting. My main issue with this post is we didn't see you yelling at your kids before and after the video. That's my main issue. My main issue is that you're full of horse shit. My main issue is that I think you're the person who took a shit on the EasyJet tarmac bathroom. That's what I think.

The easy jet airplane bathroom. You could put like after they posted something stupid. I hate to call you out, but I know you're the person that had diarrhea on Delta. I know you're the Delta shitter. Listener, this is what we need to do. This is a great troll. This is great. This is what we need to do. Just start identifying offenders on the Internet. Just I don't know who needs to know this, but this is the Delta shitter.

As you can see, we're rock solid mature today. Right. Well, it's Halloween. You get to, your childlike impulses get to be released. It is Halloween. And you know what? We celebrate holidays. We do. Early even. Blessed be the fruit. May the Lord open. Under his eye. Under his eye. I just have one comment to make about the habit. Okay, let's hear it. I'm like sweating like a horn church. It's, I mean, are you, are you hotter with this on? You know, never has the horn church.

been as appropriate as it is here today because if you are a whore

in church. You are here today. I am. The only thing about the whore thing for you is you're just not getting enough ass to be a whore. I know. I would love to be a whore. Yeah. I mean, I absolutely would. Hey, it's Halloween. I think this outfit can help. I do too. I could just do the leg flare. Yeah. Like the basic instinct. You can just, yeah, you could just lift the back of your skirt up and just take it from behind because we don't know how much you like it from behind. Yeah.

Is your head sweating? Are you hotter than normal? No, because I'm younger than you and I don't have all these... Fuck off! You are not that much younger than me. Well, permanent record reflects otherwise. Kylie? Yes? How much do you hate us so far? I love you guys. The listener needs to know that this is 24-7. A car ride, a plane ride, lunch, a meeting...

You're getting a really good look. This is, you guys, when we go on the hot shit tour. Pops and I sit and role play for an hour, two hours about imaginary questions we want to have with certain people in the world. And we die laughing. And we just look over at Kylie and she just has this like,

Deadpan face like a mother would just like shaking her head left and right. Not even a smile crack. This is a typical conversation between pumps and me. This is so happy Halloween. Welcome to...

The inner workings of the mind. Or how deep, mature, and intelligent we are. Right. This is not a great look. Okay. Since we were talking about airplane bathrooms, Kylie. Yes. Listener needs an update on her status after London. Listener, you know, we went to London and Kylie took her first flight across the pond. She'd never been to Europe. So, so many listeners were like, because Kylie intentionally dehydrates herself.

So that she won't have to pee on an airplane. So, so many listeners had been messaging her, asking her, are you planning to pee on the plane? And did you pee on the plane? So, Kylie, give us an update. Well, on the way there, I nailed it. Did not pee. Did not pee. Did not shit in the aisle. I was a really good passenger. Right. On the way home, I'm at like hour nine.

I mean, we're almost there. Yeah. And I had to go to the bathroom. And so I have stepped foot in an airplane bathroom. Yeah. You popped your airplane bathroom cherry. I did. Did you bear back or have her? I bear back. I bear back. No issue with that at all. Way to go, Kylie. How was your first airplane piss?

Honestly, it was pretty good. I really needed to do it. I was like, I held it for hours and I was like, it's UTI or it's bathroom right now. Right. I had to make a decision. Everything came out okay. Everything came out great. Good. Good stream. Good. Excellent. No turbulence while you're on the pot. No turbulence. Got a good wipe in. Yeah. Did you close the lid of the toilet before you flushed or did you leave it open to flush? I left it open to flush. Is that something...

I always do a close. So you don't get some splash. Yeah. On, yeah. In the bathroom. I was very scared when I pressed the. Yeah. Cause it really goes. It's like a bidet. Yeah. No, it goes. Yeah.

Yeah. Also, I had my first experience with a bidet. Right. The hotel in London had one. Yes. And I sat there and I really thought about trying it and I was too scared. Oh, you didn't? I hear Pumps had a great time with it. I loved the bidet. Pumps was cleaning her vagine left and right in London. You had the cleanest vagina in the UK. And back door too. Her ass and her twat was so clean in the UK. Too bad you didn't get laid. Too bad.

Too bad. One thing, just a minor I've had it with the listener. Kylie's name is not spelled K-Y-L-I-E. It's K-I-L-E-Y. I've given up at this point. It's K-I-L-E-Y Josie. The other day I spelled it wrong. I see it every day. It's spelled wrong. Yeah. And I started to write out K-Y and I was like, oh my fucking God.

Listener, for this episode of I've Had It, we've partnered with eHarmony, the dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. Pops, what's going on out there on the dating apps? It's unbelievable how many people try to be something they're not on dating apps and

And what I love about eHarmony is it's real people for real relationships. You heard her, listener. That's why we've partnered with eHarmony because dating on eHarmony is different. eHarmony knows that to find something real, eHarmony is designed to help you bring out your personality on your profile with their unique personality test. They

They even highlight similarities with your potential matches. And that's when the magic happens. When you form genuine connections and authenticity leads to intimacy. Listener, give eHarmony a shot and get started with their compatibility quiz so you can find someone you can be yourself with. eHarmony, get who gets you.

Listener, for this episode of I've Had It, we've partnered with eHarmony, the dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. Pops, what's going on out there on the dating apps? It's unbelievable how many people try to be something they're not on dating apps and

And what I love about eHarmony is it's real people for real relationships. You heard her listener. That's why we've partnered with eHarmony because dating on eHarmony is different. eHarmony knows that to find something real, eHarmony is designed to help you bring out your personality on your profile with their unique personality test. They

They even highlight similarities with your potential matches. And that's when the magic happens. When you form genuine connections and authenticity leads to intimacy. Listener, give eHarmony a shot and get started with their compatibility quiz so you can find someone you can be yourself with. eHarmony, get who gets you.

I think, K-I-L-E-Y, I think that we should do some voice memos and celebrate this joyous holiday season of Halloween being blasphemous naughty nuns on I've Had It with our listener. And let's play some voice memos. It's a great idea. J-E-S-S-I-C-A. Okay.

This one's very on theme. Okay. We're getting some good insight from a pilot. Oh! Okay, and this is Andrea. Hello, Jen and Pumps.

I am reaching out because I don't have a very specific I've had it, but I have a little insight. I am a captain for a major airline in the United States. So I spend my life absolutely had it with airports and the fuckery that goes on in them. I just listened to your podcast about passengers who need wheelchairs to board and no longer need them to deplane. And in the industry, we call that jet bridge Jesus. Yeah.

changing lines while I propel us through the sky. Just a fun fact today, leaving the hub, I had seven passengers who needed wheelchairs. And when we got to the destination, we needed zero wheelchairs for our passengers. So another day, another life or seven changed with JetBridge Jesus. I knew you would love JetBridge Jesus. That's fantastic. JetBridge Jesus. I knew it.

I fucking knew it. Bunch of fakers. Yes. You know what? They're doing it to pre-board. Right. They're skirters. They're skirting the system. And then Jesus has healed them on the jet bridge. It's a miracle. May the Lord open. That's right. Under his eye, under the jet bridge, on the jet bridge. And then they walk out, which reminds me.

Listener, we went to, when we were in London, we spent one free day there after our fantastic live show, the Hot Shit Tour. It was so fun. And we went running around London and we went to see ABBA Voyage, which is this ABBA show. It's incredible. Yes.

Yes, it was a group activity. Yes, it was a concert. It was only an hour and a half long. It met a lot of requirements that we like. Anyway, as we're sitting there, there was kind of a row of people with wheelchairs. Right. And they were so sweet. Like there was a woman, she's in the wheelchair and her husband was not in the wheelchair and they're like dancing the whole time. It was cute. Last song, Dancing Queen. Yeah.

Woman in the wheelchair stands up and starts dancing. Right. And Kylie and I thought, wow, man, dancing queen. It's a miracle. Yeah. We're really teetering here, aren't we? We are bad people. Yeah. All right. Up next, we've got Matthew.

I have fucking had it with older white women. Pumps, Jennifer, you guys are excluded. I love you. Hugs and kisses. But the moral of the story is that older white women, even above 50, are the worst offenders of being fucking looky-loos and stares 24-7. As a gay man, I get this constantly. Just the other day, getting out of my car, walking, okay, maybe strutting, some might say, strutting into Starbucks to pick up my order.

And there is this white mom, maybe 50, 55, 55 tops in her leggings with her little Birkin bag staring me the fuck down like she's never seen a gay person in her life before. After about two minutes of this going on, I simply turn around, get off my phone, stare right back at her. As she gives me dirty looks, I say, the fuck are you looking at, you little lemon? Keep it pushing, bitch. I have had it with white women.

That's amazing. I agree with him. I agree with him, but I have to tell him. I'm going to break his heart right now. There is no one worse on the stare down than Jennifer Welch. You are the worst stare down. You get caught all the time. Not...

What he's talking about. You're talking about separate things here. You're talking about... You're awfully defensive. No, you're... Because he's talking about somebody being homophobic. So I am going to be defensive about that. See, I thought she was admiring how well-groomed he was. No, she's giving... He said, she's giving me dirty looks, acting like you haven't seen a gay man before. What Pumps is talking about is when she struts into the office with a camel toe from here to fucking China and...

And I'm staring at her twat because I can't imagine that she doesn't feel it. Much to my surprise, she has no idea. No clue. That there is a seam right up her fucking twat. And that is fascinating to me. So yes, I look elu. I look longer than I should. I'm completely shocked by it. But I think what he's talking about is...

white women being uber judgmental. Right. Which I think they are. And I totally agree with what he's saying. Right. I totally agree. And I think that groups of white women are really tricky to hang out in. I have a really hard time hanging out in them. And

And then when I have with a bunch of heterosexual white women, somebody always says something or does something. I'm just like, you know, this is just not my quote unquote hashtag tribe. It's just like my pickleball group that I love so much. Half of them are lesbians. So it's this great mix of women that are all open minded and progressive. But when when you get to just straight white women at Starbucks, yeah, it's a problem. They're a problem.

Alright, up next we've got Caroline. I don't even know where to get started on this, but Jen pumps what I have fucking had it with are these fucking suburban truck drivers.

One, why the fuck do you have a truck when we're in the suburbs? You live in a condo, Kyle. Why do you have F-250 that can't even fit into our goddamn parking spaces? Like, come on. You don't have a contracting job. You don't have a farm. You work in an office that has a fucking parking garage and you have F-250 cars.

For what? For what? Just be a normal person. Get a normal car that takes normal gas so you can just not be so irritating to all these people. You don't know how to park your car. You don't know how to fucking drive. And then if you do drive decently, you're still going 30 miles over the fucking speed limit. Damn near killing everyone on the road. And you don't give a fuck. Like, is your dick that small to read?

you need a car that big like people already know when you're driving around that you have a small penis you don't have to advertise it we don't care that much about your little penis just get a normal car that's all I care about I'm sorry about actually I don't apologize fucking get a normal car and be a normal human being thank you

I love her. I love her. I love the piling on. I love the piling on. And she cracked the case on why they have those big trucks. And it's Ford truck abuse. F-250 abuse. And it is where we live. It is ubiquitous. Yes. I mean, it's alpha male wannabe show out little penises. Like I have no tolerance at all for the whole thing. Yeah.

And you know what? Oftentimes the majority of these cars are parked ass in, nose out, not to revisit something that we've, you know, definitely gone over multiple times. But I have noticed since we've been keeping our eye on the ass in, nose out, the trucks are the biggest offenders. Yes, that's true. And they're also offenders on getting right over the line. They can't park in the spot. So these huge trucks, they try to get in the compact car parking places and then they take up two. It just goes all through me.

Yeah, I do think that it is kind of abuse, but I have to concede. I drive a Land Rover Defender and I never go off-road. Yeah.

Yeah, but a lot of people drive SUVs. I'm never trekking. It's a normal size SUV. It's not oversized at all. Right. But I mean, I do. It is kind of fraudulent. You know what? We had an ice storm and Jennifer showed up right to my door and picked me up and drove me and that car came in handy. I did. I called Kylie and I said, I don't want you driving in the ice. I would feel horrible if you got in a wreck. I will drive to your house and pick you up because I have...

A vehicle that is equipped to drive on ice. An off-roader. Thank you. Thank God, because a snow day, that would have been awful. It would have been terrible if work just got canceled. You had the four-wheel drive. Thank God I could pick up. You know why, Titty Babies, you listeners? If she hadn't come in work that day, the podcast would have completely fallen apart and we wouldn't be doing this blasphemous episode. That's true. That is true. All right. Up next, we've got Heidi. Heidi.

Hey ladies, I have had it with chronic sires. So like the person that is sitting in a room with you and just like every two seconds they're like,

Just hoping that you ask them, oh no, what's wrong? Why do you sound upset? No, I'm not going to do that. I will let you sigh until you run out of air and pass out. If you want to complain, then just be an adult and complain to me. I will listen. I love listening to complaining. That's fine, but I will not ask you to do it. Love that. The attention seeking sigh. It's the worst. And there's everywhere. Yeah. Yeah.

dying for someone to ask what's wrong. Listen up, listener. Do not.

Under any circumstances, take the bait of an attention seeking sigh. This is attention seeking behavior. Do not enable it. If the person is too big of a pussy to say this irritates me or I'm irritated about that, then let them sit there and fucking sigh. Do not enable the attention seeking sires. I could not agree more. I love it that she was going to let him pass out.

Okay, the last one is from Olivia, who you may remember. Rawdoggin? Rawdoggin. Okay. She's back. Jennifer Pumps, this is Olivia again with yet another grievance. I've had it with these women who go to their friend's bachelorette parties and then post the bride's Venmo code on Instagram saying, buy the bride a drink.

Yeah.

So this makes it just plain rude of you to ask me for money. All the people who should be getting you drinks are already there. So stop doing that. It's stupid. And respectfully go shit in a hat because I'm not giving you anything. Start your marriage with dignity woman and not as an Instagram fool. She's from Poland, right? Yeah. It's just in here on all this fuckery of American Instagram culture. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. I mean, it's tough. Yeah. It is tough. It's tough out there on the gram. You know, it must just be running rampant, all this Venmo abuse, everybody asking for money for stuff. It's on cars. People are asking on bachelorette parties. Let's talk about it being on cars. I saw that the other day. What the fuck? I mean, I don't get it. I don't get it. I saw the QR code.

On somebody's fucking car. It's ridiculous. For Venmo. It's crazy. I mean, do we kind of admire that the person just puts it on their car and thinks, hell, maybe I'll get a hundred bucks by the end of the week. Who knows? You miss a hundred percent of the shots you don't take. Have you seen this, Kylie? The Venmo on a car? Oh yeah. It's all over. They think you're going to like, what, speed up and try to get it on your camera. Yeah.

See, my whole thing is obviously as much as it keeps ramping up and you keep hearing about it more and more, fucking stupid people are Venmoing these people. Exactly. So it continues to happen. I want to circle back to a little bit about Olivia's point. And every time we get to weddings, bachelorette parties, showers. Sprinkles. Sprinkles. All of this shit.

You know, there's a lot of fucking grifting going on. It's a total hustle. And people that are getting married act like they're like,

graduating from like, you know, with their PhD in neuroscience. Right. You know, like it was a major, major accomplishment. It's really not that difficult to hook up with somebody and potentially get married. Now there's going to be single listeners out there that are like, Oh, you have no idea. But generally our species likes to get together, fuck and procreate. That's kind of what we do. And then considering that,

Judge Judy, you can weigh in on this with your great legal mind. Considering so many of these marriages and in divorce and a lot of people I know, like in the last five years, I've been to three weddings. Two out of the three people are divorced already within five years. Right. And we had to roll out all the shit.

All the stuff, both were destination weddings, lots of showers, lots of engagement parties, lots of posts, lots of fuckery, lots of gift registries. And within five fucking years, they haven't made it. So here's my proposal. Nobody gets jack shit for their wedding. Agree. No party. Go to Vegas or do it in your fucking living room. Or if you're a Bible thumper, go do it at your church. Go get married. Nobody can be there. If you make it,

to 20 years, that's when you start getting shit. Right. See, I like that. But I think I would just say within, if you get divorced within five years, you just have to refund the guest stuff. You have to return everything that you received as a gift. Any Venmo money you have to return. They won't. They won't do it. That'll keep a lot of people together, I bet. Yeah, no, there's a lot of grifting. I think Venmo just made it easier to grift.

Yeah. Yeah. It's a, I just can't believe it. When I saw it on the car, I was like, is that a QR code for like, for somebody just randomly to send them money that's driving down the road next to them? Much to my surprise, it was. I do have a good instance of seeing this. We did a live show and the drag queen that we had open for us ripped off her robe while she was performing. And she had made an outfit that had her Venmo handle on it.

So the whole crowd could Venmo her during the show. I thought that was great. I think that's smart. She's a performer. And she earned it. She earned it. Driving your car from point A to point B is not that special. Well, also, like...

Putting on your Insta story, Venmo us and buy the bride a drink. This goes back to the forced philanthropy at the Halloween store. How do we know that money's going to the bride? Right. How do we know it's not going to the bridesmaids that's just going to pocket the money and buy a shot for herself? How do we know the bride's not a crack whore? Right.

How do we know this isn't going to hire a male prostitute that the bride's going to raw dog later? That they're going to gangbang as a bachelorette party. How do we know? How do we vet these funds? How do we know that the bride, is she fucking around on her bachelorette party? Is she being faithful?

If she's fucking around, we might support it depending on how the, you know. Right. Is it a lesbian fuck around? Is it a straight fuck around? We just need more disclosure. We need a lot more disclosure before we agree to donate to charities, before we agree to give brides money. Right. I nominate flipping the script on everything. Right. So when you see that on your Instagram story, respond, has she been faithful? Right.

Throughout this entire engagement. Is she a virgin on her wedding day? We are nuns. We are nuns. So we need to make sure that she is part, her purity ring is valid. We are women of the Lord. Aren't you technically married to God? If you're a nun? Yes. I am married to God. Yes. That's true. You know how religious I am. Yes. Yeah. Yes. JC and I.

BFFs. But yeah, I just need more details. I might support. Right. Depending on who the players are. Right. You know, considering how tight God and I are, I might be able to say, I think they're both pretty hot. I think we can excuse this one. Or are they hot when they have sex? And if so, can we watch for the Venmo money for the drink? We are truly terrible. 24 seven. Yeah.

I think what's so annoying about it is we think we're funny. Like we're the only ones that think we're funny. If we're around our kids, they're not laughing. Kylie's not laughing. Kylie's not laughing. It's bad. Well, I think listeners, you know, we started calling you guys the titty babies and also the forced listeners. So I know that this has been a forced listen. Right. And the Lord and Pumps and I would like to thank you. Do you want to lead us in prayer to close out the episode, Pumps?

under his eye. Amen. Kylie, would you like to lead us in a little prayer before we leave? Um, yes. Okay. Cause I know one. Okay. Let's hear it. Um, John three 16. Okay. Said that God so loved the world. I actually know it in song. That's how I know it. Okay. Well,

Spare us this. I think, you know, I think there's some parts of the Bible I like, like Leviticus. That's pretty juicy. What happens in Leviticus? Yeah, I don't know. I think there's a lot of fuckery going on. Like Roman and I, the other, about a year ago, we Googled, we were bored. So we Googled like fucked up Bible verses, which is a really fun read on the internet. And it's like,

The woman, it's like she felt like the stallions were taking her from behind. I mean, it's very, yeah, it's very erotic. There's a lot of fucked up shit going on, like genocide and sexual assault. And yeah. Anyway, it's really good reading. Is that banned from schools, the Bible? I don't think so. I think it's highly encouraged reading in Oklahoma. Maybe mandatory. You know, there's like sex crimes and gay shit and genocide and stuff going on in there.

Just saying. Okay. Listener, thank you for joining us today. We so appreciate you joining us for this Halloween special with our holy water and our holiness. Holiness. Because we're nuns. We are nuns. Please go give us five stars.

Please send us a voicemail via Instagram. Please join us on Patreon. Kylie is putting together some behind the scenes footage of this Halloween costume party shopping, Halloween costume shopping. And on Patreon, we have a documentary club where we analyze fucked up documentaries. You won't want to miss that. The hot shit tour is always fun.

Everybody in California, cool your fucking tits. We're coming early this year. They're going crazy on Instagram, aren't they, Kylie? They are. Early next year. Like, what's wrong with California? Well, maybe we're coming to California where it's cold everywhere else. I thought you guys were smart. I thought they knew we were smart because looking at us, you can tell that immediately. Rock solid. Anyway, pumps tell them. Happy Halloween and we will see you next Tuesday or Thursday or both. I'll tell you what I've had up with.

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