Our Best Gays Are Ahead of Us
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So are we supposed to start the podcast? Ready? One, two, three. Oh my God. We haven't commented on the clap in quite some time. It's anemic. Is that a Trump's America clap? That is the defeated clap of living in Trump's America. I mean, my God, patriots, gayatriots, and natriots. Okay. All right. I'm back. But the clap was horrific. It was really lackluster. It was really lackluster. It was little dick energy.

And I usually have big dick energy. You do. You really do. I really do. You really do. You really do have a lot of big dick energy. I do. Yeah. BDE. BDE all over the place right here. What have you had it with? Okay. What I've had it with is Netflix texts me all the time. We have a new list that you're going to like. Here are your favorites. We think you'll like this and all that. And I'm just like, mind your own business. Why are you in my business all the time?

And what really, really makes me had it, like I've had it so hard, is I like everything they recommend. And it infuriates me that they can read me so well. They text you on your, like a text message? Well, no, like it just comes up on my phone. So like a notification. Is that what you call it? A notification? Right. But I'm just, I'm just looking at my phone and it says, Angie, we have new picks for you. You're really going to like these. And I'm just like, mind your business. I didn't ask.

And then when I get in there and look, I do like them. So then it just keeps happening. I just keep feeding the algorithm because I watch what they tell me to watch. And I don't like it. I've had it. But you do like it. No, I don't like them knowing what I like.

I feel like that's weird. It's a boundary violation. They shouldn't be able to pick shows for me as well as I pick shows for me. And they do. And I don't like it. And you're not appreciative of the service. I'm not appreciative. After you watch the shows they recommend, you're not appreciative? No.

No, I get irritated because I'm like, damn it. I did like this show. See, I would like that. This is where I can't get on board. I support you in your grievance because you get to have it. But I'm always like, I need good shows. And they don't notify me of anything. I don't get any notifications. No, I get them all the time. Or as you call it, text messages. They show up on your phone close enough. I don't. I get them twice a week. Really? Yeah.

And maybe it's because I haven't been watching as much Netflix lately and they're just trying to remind me to watch it. But I think it's weird that I get them all the time. Yeah, I mean, it's... I'm bitter about it. If you think about what goes on with our phones and our watch and, you know, and like...

My watch is telling me all the time, like, you know, it's too loud where you are right now. Yeah, mine too. And, you know, you need to stand up and you need to, you know, it's like there's no privacy between us and these Apple devices and big tech. And we all saw what big tech, what they think about us when they marched to that inauguration and kissed the teeny tiny hand, orange hand of Apple.

the convicted felon president that we happen to have. So that's nuts. Yeah. So I'm bitter about all of it. Oh, well, I'm sorry that Netflix is doing that to you, Pumps. If you have any good shows, though, will you actually text them to me? I will. A real text message? A real text. Yeah. Okay. Let me tell you what I've had it with. I've had it with MAGA-coded merch. Okay. So I'm talking about we're on an airplane and you see a guy.

And he's got on some sort of shirt that has some sort of bastardization of the American flag. And it's got, you know, like the blue line or it's got like language in it. Like I'm a lion. I'm a big boy. I'm a tough guy. And you see this MAGA coded merch all the time on airplanes. Yeah.

And you know, this guy thinks he's like in his mind, he's thinking he's a Navy SEAL. 100%. In all reality, the resting heart rate on the airplane is probably through the roof. Right. You know, not fit, not somebody you think would rescue everybody should the emergency plane procedures start. But it goes even deeper than this for me. So listener, as you all know, we live in Oklahoma City and my son plays varsity basketball and

And he plays all of these from his division that he's in. He's also in the same division of a bunch of these private evangelical schools.

which I call indoctrination asshole academies. Hate academies too. Hate academies. So we have to go to these schools and they're called like victory Christian. And the mascot is like the crusaders. It's all this like, you know, it's just ridiculous. So we go to this one gym and all the parents are wearing all the MAGA coded merch. One guy has on like an overt, like it says, Jesus strong, Trump tough. No, it does not. Yes.

not be real. It's real. He had it on and he was grinning from ear to ear, proud of himself for his outfit choice. But anyway, in the gym of some of these churches, I'm just like kind of people watching the opposing team because it's wild. I mean, it's like they just got released from the compound to go to the basketball game for the night. And in the gym, like when we go to the asshole academies, it's like

In Jesus name we play. It's on the wall. Get it? I get it. Got it. Okay. So then one game I couldn't make it to because it was in Tulsa, had to work, et cetera. So a couple of my friends came over, Liz and Tricia, and we're sitting streaming the game. And it's one of these like hate academies an hour and a half away from home. And so we're streaming the basketball game. And my friend Liz is looking at the court and

And the way the lights are shining down on the wood floor of the gymnasium, there's a message on the sideline. And it says, it appears to say, our best gays are ahead of us. G-A-Y-S. But it was the way the light was hitting the D. I think it really said our best days are ahead of us. But we read it as our best gays are ahead of us. So are you thinking Freudian? Yeah.

Totally, because I'm thinking that's exactly right. Because as soon as the poor kids whose parents forced them to go to this awful asshole indoctrination, white supremacist, anti-evolution, anti-science, MAGA-entraining dump truck of a school, and they get out and they go to college and they meet other gays, then for that school, their best gays are ahead of them.

So it wasn't wrong, right? No, I completely agree. Right. Their best gaze are ahead of them. Yeah. Well, as you know, I have, that's where I sent my kids to hate academies. Made a lot of mistakes when I was younger. One of the biggest regrets that I have is where I sent my kids to school. And luckily, not by anything other than just pure luck.

I'm so grateful that they came out of that and were like, what the fuck just happened to me? How... Why did you send us there? What were you thinking? Like, so oppressed. You know, so I just...

It turns my stomach to hear that because I was part of the problem. Yeah. I mean, not obviously when they got older and I wanted to take them out, I couldn't because they had all their friends and you can't move like a kid in high school. Right. But, you know, I just, I look at that and I just think, how was I so stupid? What was wrong with me? And then I go through the years of therapy and I'm able to identify most of those pretty quickly. But it really is.

When I hear you say that, like coming from the outside looking in. Yeah. It's so gross. It really is. It was hard on me in our early days of our friendship, knowing that your kids went to a school that supported institutionalized homophobia. You know, like it...

It was hard on me. But if you look at, we both came from, I come from parents that are open-minded thinkers. You come from parents that are biblical worldview thinkers only. Like that is the only worldview. Okay. Welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. Kylie. Hi. Hi. Kylie, what do you think about the hate academies?

Obviously, I grew up all around them. I was a public school kid, but I always found the kids from those schools were some of the craziest partiers. Totally. Just like the opposite of what that school thinks that they are. I agree with that. Firsthand. Listener, this may come as a total shock to you, but Pumps and I have not always been this pulled together and rock solid.

In fact, we used to be rather screwed up when you say pumps. I would say damn near psychotic. Totally. And we have written a cell phone expose. One could even say it's a manifesto. And the book title is...

Life is a lazy Susan of shit sandwiches. In all sincerity, we share a lot of our struggles that led us to this grand stage where we can talk about petty grievances. You can click the link below in the show notes to pre-order your copy now.

This episode of I've Had It is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, Pumps, everybody's always focusing on red flags in a relationship, but we never talk about green flags. Have you ever thought about that? No, I haven't. That's a great point.

What's so nice about my therapist with BetterHelp is she can help me to identify and distinguish between the green flags and the red flags because it seems I'm more attracted to the red flags than the green flags. That's right. For this year, we need to get you switched over to the green flags. And thanks to our partners at BetterHelp.com.

Pumps is going to be green light go with her BetterHelp therapist. Listener BetterHelp is fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient, serving over 5 million people worldwide. Access a diverse network of more than 30,000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties. You can easily switch therapists anytime at no extra cost.

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Listener, every single day at lunch, I go and play one hour of tennis and then I have to come back to the studio like it never happened. And my secret is Lume all over body deodorant. I can wear it from head to toe, my feet, my cracks, my pits, everywhere. And I can come back to the studio and not stink.

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Thank you.

That's code HADIT at L-U-M-E-D-E-O-D-O-R-A-N-T dot com. Please support our show and tell them that we sent you. Smell fresher, stay drier, and boost your confidence from head to toe with Lume. I've got a really great email from a listener that I want to read you guys today. This is from Henry, and he says...

I am a perpetually tanned, radiant, hilarious, and undeniably gorgeous gay man. Naturally, this makes me the quintessential GBF, gay best friend, for every sorority sister, basic baddie, and beyond. Think of me as the centurion card of the zesty femme twink community. Exclusive, fabulous, and always in demand.

Yeah.

These girls who hump pride floats, bedazzle their Stanley tumblers with rainbows and pop their pussies to Kim Petras transform into entirely different creatures the moment a wedding is on the horizon. It's giving Princess Fiona turning into an ogre after sunset. Weddings, I've come to realize, are a toxic breeding ground for gender norms, thinly veiled homophobia and relentless capitalism.

Not only am I shelling out hundreds, sometimes thousands of dollars on travel gifts wardrobe, but I'm also subjected to condescending advice on how to be a man at these family functions. Quote, you have to wear a suit. Maybe go lighter on the makeup. Would you mind standing on the guy's side? Excuse me, bitch. I am doing you a favor by being here. Sit me in the front row like the VIP I am. And if you don't want me at your wedding or if you want me at your wedding, then let me be me.

I mean, here's what I have to say is this kind of segues into what we're talking about earlier. And there is this tendency that people fall into that when they get married and have kids, like they're not going to have conviction anymore. It's like, oh, I'm just going to go the easy way and just have this black and white thinking. And it's like, how can you throw a relationship with somebody in...

that you've had all of these experiences with. And so what if he wears makeup? And so what if he wears a skirt or whatever? Who cares? I would just say I loved the description that he had of himself. So I love that. And it really, I shouldn't be surprised because I remember too, like 2022 or 2021 being like,

you know, married men that you knew were gay, that were having affairs, were still married women. It's like, why would you do that in 2021? Nobody cares, 2022 or whatever it was, whatever the year was. Now with this new administration and being these people are so emboldened with all their racism and homophobia and sexism, I do understand why people would not come out and that we are going backwards and I hate it.

I just hate it so much because I just feel like this whole movement is emboldened to be ugly and nasty to people. I do think you would never tell like a female bridesmaid you have too much makeup on. Do you think you would? No. I think that they're picking on him because of the gender roles, don't you?

They're trying to butch him up. Right. They're saying you can't be this gay. Like they're trying to quantify the gayness. And this is what a lot of straight people try to do with gay people. They say things like, oh, I have a friend that's super gay. I have a friend that's gay, but he's not like a total flamer. That somehow that quantification is somehow acceptable or non-acceptable. So

Gay people have to really walk through a minefield. Are you too gay? Are you not gay enough? I didn't realize you were gay. Black people experience the same kind of thing. Like, oh, they're articulate. They're, you know, these types of quantifying the blackness, quantifying the gayness. White people are the people that do this. There's nothing wrong.

That they do with us. Nobody has to quantify their whiteness. It's something that white people do to marginalized people. And it's really, really gross. And so what they're doing is trying to make him, he's gay. Doesn't matter if he has a full face of makeup on, a dress, or is the butchest gay man you've ever met. He's still gay. So just accept whatever package that comes in as a human being. But this is something that white people tend to do to white

I don't think they tend to. I think it's overt all the time everywhere.

All right, Kylie. Okay, so today I've got some great stuff teed up that Jen has been sending me. And we're going to start with this clip that she sent me on Instagram. I think there's too much self-exploration. I think we're all as dull as ditch water. If you've been born in yourself, you know yourself. So when they say, what did you discover about yourself on this short journey? You go, nothing, because I was here all the time. So I don't understand that question. Because I like reading books and looking at paintings and talking to people.

and sharing new ideas and things. I think if you keep on trying to find out who you are, again, quite a short road. So you've never been one for self-reflection or introspection? I can't see the point. All the time there's shallows and puddles. So again, it's just bang, gone. Okay. I saw this and I had to send it to Kylie to share with everybody because I totally agree with this. This is forced upon us all the time. What did you learn?

What did you discover about yourself? And then you're like, oh, shit, I need to find something profound to say here because I didn't discover jack shit. I just walked, you know, like say it's some hike or something that you want. I noticed that nature was pretty. I noticed that, you know, I got to twist my ankle and blah, blah, blah. And then there's always this forced self-discovery. And it's obviously, I think you get to know yourself as you get older.

and you make mistakes. Mistakes, in my opinion, have been the number one thing that have helped me grow as an individual. Absolutely. And pain. Right. That's, I mean, to say that I sit around and self-reflect would be a real stretch. But I am going to tell my therapist next time I see him, no, I'm not going to do any reflection. I think it's pointless. I agree. But here's the thing. It's like this, always this forced reflection

bullshit that you have to dig deep and what did you discover about yourself? And at the end of the day, she's right. She said she's as shallow as a puddle. What I discover about myself time and time again, I'm bossy. I'm impulsive at times. Shallow.

incredibly loyal and pretty low key socially. Like as much as we are out on the internet and all of these things, my real life, I am not very social at all. I play tennis, pickleball, come to work and that's the end of it. And then go to these hate academies to watch my son play basketball against a bunch of homophobic racists. But you know, I digress. Yeah. I just, I just can't say I have a whole lot of self-reflection in,

Just by me saying, okay, I'm going to self-reflect. It's always because like I'm in such a painful situation. I've made such a horrible mistake. I have no choice but to grow because staying there, I can't, it's not survivable where I am. Right. Okay. The other thing that Jen sent me was so interesting that I went into a deep, dark dive last night. So I'm going to share this story with you. You guys can jump in, stop me anytime. Okay.

And it's that the first child influencer memoir is here. And a young girl named Sherry Frank is releasing her tell-all experience as the daughter of a popular family mommy blogger, Ruby Frankie.

Have you heard of this case? Yes. I'm so excited about this. Before we do this, I want to say that video and the story were both sent to me via DM by some of our listeners. So thank you guys for sending us content. Okay, Kylie, go ahead. Okay. So the backstory is Ruby Frankie was a popular YouTube mommy blogger. Her content showed all aspects of her six kids lives as they grew up.

and it presented her as a loving mom that gained millions and millions of followers. However, in August 2023, she was arrested on charges of child abuse and neglect after one of her children escaped and was found malnourished and abused. Investigations revealed disturbing details about the harsh and abusive treatment her children endured. The case shocked many, given her public image as this great mom on her mommy blog. Ruby was a member of the Mormon Church.

Her Mormon faith was a central part of her public persona, and she often referenced it in her videos, sharing how her religious beliefs influenced her parenting style. Fast forward to today, her eldest daughter, Sherry Franke, is now releasing a memoir titled The House of My Mother, and she's become an advocate for child influencers.

And these are quotes to lawmakers. When children become stars in their family's online content, they become child influencers. It is more than just filming your family life and putting it online. It is a full-time job with employees, business credit cards, managers, and marketing strategies. And she says, there is no such thing as a moral or ethical family vlogger. Wow.

Wow. I might have to read that back. Oh, no, we'll definitely have to read it. But I think that this is going to be the next phase of this. We're fucking around right now with the internet, these family bloggers and the moms that are doing TikTok dances with their kids and all this stuff. And now we're about to enter into the find out phase where you and I always say when you see the perfect –

the mom that's doing that. This morning we made homemade pancakes and then we read this and then we went to our garden and we made organic pancakes.

bullshit, blah, blah. We're like, we want to see the part where you're like, hey, come on, da, da, da, da, da. We want to see the real part. That part's about to come out because all of this made for social media, everybody that's alive knows that nobody's childhood is like that. None. No one. It's not a part of the human experience. No. And I just, it's going to be interesting for these kids as they grow up, what's their relationship with their parents?

How are they able to reconcile their adult relationship? Now, obviously, this woman's in jail. Her mother, she doesn't have to worry about it right now. But I just wonder, like these people that are constantly doing, you know, oh, we're doing the homeschool and we're doing this. And they're not, you know, once they get out of that, what's their relationship going to be like with their parents? That's a question I have.

Well, I mean, I think it's like probably any relationship with any abuser. You know, it's very complicated. But I mean, the exploitation of that and the performative nature of that, I would think the child would feel, would have a very difficult time with reality. Because when parents project...

Everything's perfect. Everything's normal. And all problems are swept under the rug. Those adult children have debilitating anxiety and it's very difficult for them to function as adults. Yeah. And the exploitation and then it's just, it's sad. And a lot of them start so young, like toddlers doing that. Well, and I think there's going to have to be some...

form of regulation on the industry that if the parents are profiting off of this, just like there was with child actors. That's what I was going to say. And anytime you see children working anywhere,

you see exploitation. Right. I mean, that's just, that's why there are child labor laws because of the nature of children to be exploited. And so, yeah, this is going to be, it's going to be interesting because I think over the course of the next 10 to 15 years, you're going to see so much of this trickle out. Yeah. And it's that Ruby Frank story was crazy.

Like she was abusing him, tied him up. I mean, it's just awful. And then she was a parenting guy. I just don't understand. Fucked up. Well, I mean, it's the same thing as like Lindsey Graham, you know. Right. He's anti-gay, blah, blah, blah. And then apparently, you know, he frequents all the. Lady G. Yeah. You know, escorts in D.C. You know, it's thou doth protest too much. Yeah. As we constantly remind people.

Yeah. And I think it's the same as what we say about couples, the shinier the image. Like when I looked through her Instagram and it was just the happiest, best family, the more they portray that, the more I know that nefarious shit is going on behind the scenes. Always. Yeah. Agree. I, yeah, there was a, I remember my kids were super young and there was a girl who lived kind of around the corner from me and she,

Everybody kind of knew that her husband was a con artist and was ripping people off. But when I saw her, she was smiles like total Stepford wife, like everything was just normal, hunky dory and perfect. But we all kind of knew like that his business, he was robbing Peter to pay Paul and it was all like a house of cards Ponzi scheme that was about to collapse. Yeah.

And so I'll never forget this. I was sitting in my car at carpool to pick up my kids. And they were like, one was in preschool, one was in lower school. And Josh had relapsed. And I was just devastated. And the news that he had relapsed was in our peer group somewhat fodder. You know, it was gossipy. And of course, she had heard it. And I was really, really depressed and really sad. And so I'm sitting in the car waiting on my kids to come out from school. And she comes up to the car door.

And she says, "I'm just so sorry to hear about you and Josh." And I said, "It's totally fine. I'm completely fine because I don't like that. I don't like that kind of..." It wasn't like you were close with her. No. We were friendly but not like friends. And I said, "Yeah, it's tough. Addiction is a really tough component." She keeps prying and keeps prying and then she looked at me and she goes,

I just can't relate because my husband and I, we just don't have problems. And I remember exactly where my car was parked in conjunction to the front door to the school. I remember exactly what her car was parked right in front of mine. I remember everything of that moment. I remember what I was wearing. I remember what my kids were wearing because I couldn't believe the ability to just willfully

be in denial that much that she could look at me straight in the face and not feel a tinge of dishonesty. Like it almost gave me the chills. Like,

Your whole life is your house is about to get repossessed. Your cars are getting repossessed. Well, after this, like literally 10 days after that, my husband and I don't have problems. They leave in the middle of the night. Literally the middle of the night. Literally pack up everything and leave town in the middle of the night because this business has gone so belly up. And so always when you see people that are super performative, you know it's super problems behind that. And so as painful as it was to...

you know, share that my husband had a drug addiction and that it caused pain and sadness for my children and me. And it was a really dark time. I will take that pain and wear it because I was real about it. I was honest about it. I didn't fucking lie to people about it. Then be the lying liar that has to leave in the middle of the night who tells people, Josh and I just don't have problems. Like I,

I even think about saying that even right now, and he's sober and we're great. But if I were to look at you right now and go, you know, Poms, Josh and I just don't have problems. I could not genuinely say that because it's,

So divorced from reality because everybody fucking has problems. Every relationship, every person, there's nothing that's exempt from having problems. Yeah. The perfect marriage, the perfect child, the perfect friendship, everything has problems. Yeah. That's just reality. Yeah. That's funny. I remember that. I remember I asked you what they were doing the other day. Do you remember I called you after? Yeah, I remember. And I was like, oh.

What? I just, I think that I just couldn't believe like, I mean, she's really trying to, I couldn't, I was like, does she believe this? Or is she just so used to living bullshit, performative bullshit that she's just presenting this to me and she thinks I'm stupid to fall for it? Remember we went back and forth, like, is she lying to herself? Does she believe it? Is it all a front? But we never knew because they left in the middle of the night. They sure did. They got divorced.

News flash. No problems. Yeah. That got worse. Any more tea on that, Kylie? That's all the tea I have. There's a lot of documentaries. And then that book's supposed to drop soon. How many kids did this lady have? Six. Those Mormons always have a bunch of kids, don't they? And she has... You know what? I do have another bit of tea. There's a woman that was arrested with her that helped her abuse these children. And it's this Mormon life coach. And...

and people think they're lesbian together. Of course they are. I knew that immediately because they were living together and they had two houses. No disrespect to lesbians, but I mean, I would think that, yeah, I mean, I just, I totally... And the one, not the mother, I mean, I think this girl had kids, the other lady had kids, but not this Ruby Frankie. It was clear that she was a power lesbian. Why do Mormons have so many kids? Is that just like a... Okay, I think I...

You've come to the right source. Oh, yeah, because you're a Mormon connoisseur. I'm a Mormon expert from the outside. Okay. The more children you have, the higher you can get in the celestial kingdom. So there are certain levels. Like you can only get to say, and I can't remember what the levels names are, but the

highest celestial kingdom, you have to have a lot of kids and a lot of wives if you're a man and a lot of sister wives if you're a woman. So like the more kids you have, the closer you are to that. The more husbands you have or the more wives you have, the closer you get to all that. You know what's bananas is when I think about this, all religion in general, it blows my mind because I wasn't indoctrinated in any that people believe it. But Mormonism in particular, they believe that I think Jesus was born in Missouri and

Isn't it? No, it's John Smith. Was born in Missouri? Yeah. Like Jesus is Jesus, but the new Jesus is John Smith. And he was born, I want to say it was on the East Coast that he migrated to Missouri. And he started getting all the wives in Missouri because he had a crush on a 13-year-old girl. That's why they marry him young. And he took her as a wife and he'd already been married.

I've read all the books. Oh, man. That is a sick puppy. Yeah. See, and you know what? And it's within the last 200 years that this guy, he found these gold plates. That's all bullshit. He didn't find jack shit. Of course it is. There was like a fairy or some goddess that told him where the plates were and nobody ever saw the plates because the plates were so special. It's a grifter, con artist. Yeah. And then the reason they have multiple wives, pluralism.

is because he fell in love with the 13 year old when he was already married and he wanted to marry her. So he then said, the more wives you have, the closer you are to God or the celestial kingdom or whatever.

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This year, I've been trying to educate myself on plastic and the impact that plastic has on the planet and trying to cut back and be more earth friendly.

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Get 40% off EarthBreeze when you sign up for auto shipments at earthbreeze.com slash had it. It's a great way to feel good about yourself and help with saving the planet from the impact of plastic. That's earthbreeze.com slash had it. All right, Kylie, what else do we have, Dave? We have voice memos. Yeah, we could lighten it up with a couple voice memos. And up first, we've got Caleb. Caleb.

Hi, Jen. Hi, Pumps. Hi, Kathy. What I've had it with is bumper stickers, more specifically bumper stickers that only reinforce how much of a fucking dumbass a person driving the vehicle is. When we're in traffic and there are cars passing by us, next to us, in front of us, behind us,

You don't know who that person is. You don't know their story. You don't know their background. You don't know their beliefs. And I enjoy it that way. Unfortunately, when you have someone who has a bunch of bumper stickers on the back of their vehicle, like MAGA, God's country. If you're seeing this, your mother chose life.

Baby on board. I now know exactly what kind of person you are when I never set out to do that. I don't want to know that you're a fucking idiot. I would rather continue to be oblivious and hope and pray that people are just as rock solid, headstrong and intelligent as I am and as you ladies are. But unfortunately, that's not the case. Take that ugly ass shit off. I don't give a fuck if it rips your paint off. Take it off. It needs to be banned. It's propaganda. It's bullshit. And I'm tired of fucking seeing it.

I love him. That is exactly how I feel about it. Exactly how I feel. It's like it's called in my brain. That is an A-plus delivery. A-plus. A-plus listener. A-plus grievance. A-plus voice memo. And I'm going to say this. When I had it, the MAGA-coated t-shirts...

I feel exactly the way this guy does. I don't want to know. I don't want to know when I'm on the plane that you have your, I'm a lion, I'm a big boy with my American flag with a grenade next to it, T-shirt on. I don't want to see it because I know you're compensating for a lot of problems. I know that probably when you watch porn,

I know that you're probably watching that penis a little bit more than you are the tatas. I know that and I don't want to think about that on my flight. Right. I don't want to think that you're unstable on my flight. Right. And with you parading around and all that. I, I, I, yeah, I, it's just, there's so much coded MAGA shit. It's everywhere. And here's another grievance. It's just bad fashion. Yeah.

On top of it. You know, it's the sloppy American fashion culture. But this caller is 100% correct about these bumper stickers. It's better to not know. I agree. And the other day, I was behind a car. We were in parallel lanes. But he or she, I can't remember, was in front of me enough that I could see the back. And they had like 27 bumper stickers. And some were like pro-environment. And some were like...

pro gods and guns. So I was really in a quandary because they had over 20. And so I was just like, what side are we on here? Mixed messaging. With some mixed messaging. So they were crawling up and then I was crawling up and then my car like slams on the brakes because I was trying so hard to make sense of their bumper stickers that I'd let my foot off the brake. And so I was about to run into the person in front of me. Can you imagine? I'm like,

Officer, here's the deal. This person had missed messages on their bumper sticker. I couldn't tell. I got so enthralled. I forgot what I was doing, but I wasn't texting. So, hey, yay me. You need to write them a ticket because that was a hindrance. It distracted me on the road. Yes. So many. All right, Kylie, who's next? Okay, next we've got Matt. Hi, Jen. Hey, Poms. Hey, Kylie. Hi, Kylie.

So I love you guys. This podcast is everything to me. I listen to it first thing every Tuesday and Thursday. I know we've talked about this at length about baby showers, but I saw something so egregious show up on my social media this weekend. I just had to share this.

So they always play their stupid little fucking games of like, guess the gender. But for this particular game, they took diapers, melted different chocolate candy bars into them. And then everyone at the party took turns licking the different chocolate, trying to guess what it is.

I know we have to blame Trump for everything, but at this point, what can we do about white people? Because my God, not only like that's how the next COVID is going to start. And then luckily I'm gay. I don't have to deal with diapers at the moment, but don't they also have a scent? Like, do you want to be licking a Snickers bar with a side of fucking baby powder? Absolutely repulsive, disgusting, disgusting.

I had it with baby showers, but that was just over the fucking top. Yeah. I've seen that. You've seen this? Yes. I've seen... People eating poo-poo diapers? I've seen chocolate in the diaper, and people try to guess what it was. I think they had spoons or their fingers. I was not personally there, but a friend showed me the pictures. So...

Yes. Your one degree of separation showed you the pictures of somebody else's baby shower that they were at, that they were doing that. So I was one degree of separation. This wasn't just an account online like Matt saw. This was like, hey, look. I remember exactly who the friend was because we were dying over it. We were just like, who does that? Who even thought of that? This has been like years. So now it's escalated to now it's on the internet and people are doing it just all the time.

It's gross. Stupid. It was like dark chocolate, caramel chocolate, milk chocolate, like a hazelnut. She was explaining the whole thing to me. I can't even process this. If I showed up to some event and people pulled out diapers with chocolate in them and wanted us to sniff and lick them,

I would say you all are fucking crazy and I would have to leave. Like you can't, you can't have any part of that. That is it. You have to make your stand immediately. Immediately say you guys are fucking nuts. There is not a bottle of vodka big enough that I'm going to be able to drink to do this. Yeah. But I just think, I think baby showers, bridal showers,

People just get like mothers of the bride, mothers of the child coming. I think they get touched with crazy just like the bride or the mother-to-be. I think probably now this woman's like nobody thought to say, let's not do this. Nobody talked to anybody off the ledge. Like when this idea came up,

Somebody should have said, we're not going to do this. This is not a good idea. But you just get so into it. I think we've all got to stop telling people, you're special. You're unique. We need to stop that. It's...

everybody's basically pretty ordinary. All of us, all seven, eight billion, however many there is on the planet. And then there is like a 0.001% where you're like, dang, that is a spectacular person with star quality. And they are few and far between. Michelle Obama. But now we have this, you are so special. And we have to pump

rainbows and unicorns up kids' asses all the time that when they have real problems, they're unable to handle them. I saw some thing on the internet that Gen Z kids are having a hard time ordering off of menus because they can't make decisions. I shouldn't laugh. It's not fair. And here's the thing. We need to start telling people where you're going to grow the most as a mother and

are the mistakes that you make as a mother and you will make them. You 100% will make them. And where you're going to grow as a person are the mistakes that you make. And it's all about managing those mistakes and managing the suffering from those mistakes. And the people that can't manage suffering and can't manage making mistakes, those are the people eating poo-poo diapers at a baby shower. All right, Kylie, last one. Okay, our last one is from Sam.

You know what I've fucking had it with? I have fucking with people who get dogs, keep them for a year, maybe half of a year, maybe a couple years, and then they're like, this is such a hard decision. We need to find him a home that can give him the time and attention he deserves. Motherfucker. Then don't get one in the fucking first place. I'm sorry, but like,

think about it before you get one they're not just gonna they're not just ornaments they don't just sit at your house and stare at the wall all day like they need time and attention so don't get one if you're gonna be like give them to a home that can give them the time and attention they deserve fuck you don't get them because we are their whole world

What I love about this is the buildup to it. Right. You know, she's just, she's trying like, you need to do this. You need to do that. You shouldn't have done this. You shouldn't have done that. And then finally, you know what? Fuck you. Yeah. I love it. The climax to the fuck you is so satisfying. Yeah. I will say that I was thinking about like, you know, always getting ready to have a birthday. And I thought, you know, he's not a puppy anymore. And I kind of want a puppy. And then I just thought fucking puppies are hard. Yeah.

There's a lot that goes into a puppy. For me, with the dog I didn't like, like every dog I've been A+, but this one dog I didn't like, I just let him go out the door and I said, I don't want you back. I'm not rehoming you. I don't like you. I was going to rehome him, but at least I was honest about it. I wasn't like, oh, well, they just needed someone that needed more time. I was just like, I don't like the dog. I don't want to be around the dog. So I feel like that's at least taking accountability for being a dick. And I was a dick. There's no doubt.

Yeah, poor Scout. Somebody sent me a DM the other day and it was like a missing dog. And I was like, do you think that this is Scout? Yeah, you know...

I think I've read some articles about people like during COVID that got dogs. Oh, yeah. Because they were so lonely and home. And then now there's all these like COVID orphan dogs. And there's just something about when I think about dogs and their feelings and people not being good pet owners, it really bothers me.

like immensely and like even being reminded that Scout just left and nobody looked for him and stuff really bothers me. But we did some work to get to the other side of that. But I just, I don't like it. You know, I think I've talked about an episode or two ago about people that, you know, are like, I don't let my dog on the sofa. And, you know, I just, I don't understand it because

my dogs are the most consistent emotional creatures I have in my life. For sure. All right. Well, listen up listener. We, uh, what do we, do we have any updates? Kylie, what do we update people? We've got merch that they can get. We have merch. Patreon, YouTube memberships just launched. I have news. Blue sky. Blue. Yeah. We've got blue sky. We're forming a sub stack. So go find us on that. And, um,

then other than that i mean writer view how are we doing on the reviews oh my god we always need reviews yeah we need more reviews oh i know i know what we're we're missing to promote is that we have this other podcast called i hip news kylie reed i you i didn't even told you this so kylie and i were talking about the other podcast and like branding it

And I just like, it was like scrambled the jets committee meeting all at one time. And I had the perfect sentence, no rewrites, no notes. Kylie, what did I say about IHIP News? You said IHIP News, a daily or twice daily podcast serving digestible political news in short doses.

Wow. I said, Kylie, write this down. It just came to me. And then Kylie wrote it down and then we put it on the top of the YouTube page and put it in the bio of that podcast. How good is that? That was great. But you have really succinct good ideas like that. That's not lightning in a bottle. You consistently, I feel like, have those kind of things. I mean, they're not rock hard cock chats, but not everybody can be me.

Rock Hard Cock Chats listeners are for it's at one of our chats in our Patreon club. Yeah, that Pumps named. Well, we were trying to think of a name and that's the only thing I could think of. Because we all know all roads for pumps. We do Rock Hard Cocks. All right. I think we've done everything we can do here at Pumps. Tell them. We will see you next Tuesday and Thursday.

Listen up, patriots, gay-triots, and nay-triots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called IHIP News. It's Monday through Friday, every day, 15 to 20-minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America, always served with a side of petty grievances.

We are on all the available platforms, Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever. You get your podcasts and YouTube. Please go rate, subscribe, and review so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind, pumps. Pumps, what does an eagle say? Caw-caw. A little bit more enthusiasm. Caw-caw. That's it. That's, that's. Caw-caw. That's the patriotism that this country needs right there. Caw-caw.