Protect the Voodoo Dolls
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This episode of I've had it is brought to you by booking.com booking. Yeah. Every time I use booking.com to find a place to stay in the U S I know they'll have exactly what I'm looking for. They have a huge variety of options from hotels to vacation rentals and I'm

always able to find something that fits my specific needs. I found that Booking.com has something for everyone. Find exactly what you're booking for on Booking.com. Booking.yeah. So we're supposed to start the podcast. Ready? One, two, three. Patriots, Gayatriots, Theytriots. Sorry, I got scared. I guess I was so nervous. I'm so nervous.

You guys, this is a big day in the big city. Big tits in the big city is here. It is Monet X Change. She is a gay-triot. She is a patriot. She is a they-triot. She is a black-triot. She is all that and a side of chips. And she is an OKC. Pumps has got on her push-up bra. It is big tits, big time here in OKC. Two pairs of big tits right here.

Yeah. All right. So let's go around the table first with what we've had it with. Monet, let's do you. Just one little one before we dive into the big green. Okay. A little one. I've had it with people who show up on time for a party.

- You would hate both of us. - If I'm starting at seven, you have to come at 7:05 because I'm still doing last minute touches at seven and I'm still in my moo moo. So I need the last five minutes to run upstairs, do it off, and to do the big reveal and come out looking fresh. - Do you wanna hear something super cunty that I do? - What, tell me. - If I don't wanna stay out late, but I want for sure for the host and hostess to know that I showed up,

I'll show up five minutes or so they remember Jennifer was here.

And then within 10 minutes, you're out. I'm out. I'm in my pajamas. I'm fluffed up with my French Bulldogs living my best life. What? Is that diabolical? You come at 6.55. Yeah. I like to be the first one at a party because the host knows you're there and then you can leave. You can leave. When people start getting there, then you just trickle out. Is that straight people stuff? That is very straight people stuff. The gays would not.

Never. The gays, they want to be fashionably laid. They last minute, they're stopping to get a bottle of Voo before they get to the party. They're coming at like 7.15, 7.20 for sure. Especially in LA. Oh my God. Everyone complains about the traffic. Baby, you knew the traffic was bad. You chose to be 20 minutes late and I appreciate you for it.

All right, Pumps, what have you had it with? Okay, what I've had it with is when you're working out and people stop to visit, like you're just, you're having a social call. And it's like, I have a very finite amount of time that we're doing this. I don't want to chit chat. I agree. No chit chatting. I don't like it. Especially when your ears are in. That just goes all through me. I agree. And then also at the gym, they'll be like, hey, Monet. Oh my God, I'm a big fan. I'm like, hi, nice to meet you. And they're like, can we take a picture? I'm like, no, no, I'm like sweaty. I don't want to take a picture. And then they go, no, I don't mind.

I don't mind taking a picture. It's not about you. I mind. I don't want to be sweaty hugging someone at the gym taking a selfie together. Like, no, like just say hi and next time when I'm dry we can take a picture. Not when I'm sopping wet. Like, I'm flushed. Like, no. The gym is not a good time to chat or to take a selfie. Never. It's not about you. It's not about you. It's about me. I don't want to.

So let me tell you all what I've had it with. It's kind of like pumps, but it's a little bit of a nuance. So I hate small talk. That goes without saying. And I think we're going to dive into that with you later. But this is a niche part of small talk. It's digital small talk. A lot of little nuggets dropped in DMs or in text messages. And it just doesn't end despite you using like a closing phrase.

Thumbs up emoji and making sure they see no bubble like this. We're pumping the brakes here with all this chit chat. And so it's like now the small talk.

infection, disease. It's infecting everywhere. It's infecting text streams. It's infecting DMs. And I just feel like I can't escape it. Yes. Digital small talk is so annoying, especially like in the DMs when it's someone you've never met before. So you're trying to give like you said, like a fine line, like this conversation has ended. So we're going to be like, okay, I said something cool. You said something cool. We're fine. And then it continues on and lingers on and you feel the pressure to continue the conversation and it's awkward and it's weird. Yes.

and it's some celebrity that I'm a big fan of but now now it's awkward and you're asking me these weird questions and then I feel the need like I need to be cool the whole time and like give a cool answer and I hate I hate the digital small talk it's annoying it's weird that you can feel awkward about a

text message. Right. Like I've been in person, you get feeling awkward, but I've been like, oh my God, how do I respond to this? What do I say? What do I do? Why are we even talking? Like, okay, I'll just do a thumbs up. And then, you know, they think that you're the biggest bitch on the planet and it's just exhausting. Welcome to I've had it. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. And I'm Monet.

Monet, we are America's top thruple, America's top DEI podcast coming at you live from Action City. Action City. Big tits in the big city is here. That's pumps, of course. And oh my God, Monet. I just have to say thank you, ladies, A, for having me on, but B, for just being these beacons of light, letting these fuckers have it on the internet. Y'all don't take shit. Y'all don't take any shit. Y'all...

Y'all don't mind literally eviscerating these fucking opportunities. Every time a clip comes on Twitter, on TikTok, on Reels, I'm like, thank God for YouTube beacons of hope in this shitty time we're all living in. You know, it's so important that we stand up for everybody and that democracy is for everybody. We don't cherry pick who gets freedom of expression or freedom of speech. And for me personally,

the most marginalized people are the people we should protect the most. And I just think it's super important. I want to read you guys a text message that my son sent me. So I got in a fight with this Democratic strategist, Rahm Emanuel. I saw it. I saw the clip. I saw the clip. He's saying the whole thing. He's going, that is fucking bullshit. That's bullshit.

My mom sent me the clip. She was like, I love it. I was like, I have a surprise for you. Okay. So my son graduated high school with a trans woman. And once she graduated is when she transitioned and my son has stayed in contact. And so her name is Aiden and she sent my son and they haven't spoken in like a year. So the following text message after seeing that clip.

Dylan, I hope you're holding up all right and that life is treating you kindly. I'm messaging you because I saw a video of your mom telling Rahm Emanuel, tearing Rahm Emanuel, a new asshole in defense of transgender. And it made me really happy. And if you're willing, it would be so epic if you could let her know that I really appreciated her for doing that and that she could she should keep up the good work.

and that it makes me feel a little bit better about our current political situation to see someone like her stick up for me and my bitches so publicly and with such intensity. And particularly, it's nice to see someone like her really insist on the importance of protecting trans people to the Democratic Party operatives who want to sacrifice and dispose of us. She really tore, I must say.

Oh, so good. So when you do something like that, and then I just get ripped on Fox News, which I have thick skin. I wear my big girl panties. I choose every day to sit in front of this microphone. Unlike Donald Trump and Elon Musk, I'm not a titty baby and I will not sit here and be a victim. But when your son, who's a senior in college at Syracuse, and some friend of his sends him this. Yes.

this you have to multiply in every state, in every small town. And these people exist everywhere. And if it made them feel like somebody was fighting for them, then I'm going to rev up the fight even more. I love it so much. And you know she's Gen Z because she edited or Jennifer is your alpha with she tore. She tore, honey. I tore, pumps. She tore. Okay, listen.

Okay, let's check in with the power lesbian sect of the podcast. Kylie, how are you? I'm good. How are you? Monite, tell our listener how fabulous and power lessee Kylie is. I walked in and I almost converted to lesbianism. Shit.

She looks so stunning. The outfit is so cool. She's gorgeous. She's like a model height, probably 6'7", I imagine. Yeah, Kylie's fierce. She is fierce. Listen, I picked this outfit out two days ago in preparation for you guys. Really? Oh, my God. I was shocked by that.

Did Anna pick it out or did you pick it out? I did. Really? Girlfriend, you want to talk about like the prettiest lesbians you've ever seen in your life. When you see two people who look good in a relationship together, you're like, God damn it. I'm like, I'm playing ping pong with myself. No, I'm kidding. No, but when you see two beautiful lesbians together, specifically, they're both fashionable. They're both gorgeous and fairs.

I really would like, God gave me the short end of the stick. I should have been a lesbian. Oftentimes I think I should have been a lesbian. - I think I should have been too. - I think I should have been a lesbian too. - I'm built for it. - I wish I was. - Here's the thing that I've come to realize.

Lesbians are greater than all others. Yes. They're better in sports. They're better in work settings. They're better friends. The one thing that I think would be exhausting about lesbianism is a lot of emotions. Like Kylie and Anna have matching tattoos. They get photographs professionally taken together. There is a lot of public French kissing. Yeah.

I don't think I'm a good candidate in that regard. Because like if my husband's ever too clingy with me, I'm like...

what the fuck are you doing? Oh my God. I think we're the same person. I, my, me and my boyfriend, we, we've been together for three and a half years now, which is like 30 years for gay men. And like, I, he's very like, he is the lesbian in our relationship. Like he wants to be on top. Like if we're on the, if we're on the couch together, I can sit on this side. You can be over there and we can watch a whole movie together. And I would feel like we have spent a great time together. He wants us to be on top of each other. Just needy. Yeah. He is that, which I love that sometimes, but most times I'm like, give me my space.

Yeah. Sometimes it's like hit the bricks. I'll let you know when it's time to do that. And then immediately after complete separation, don't want to hug. Don't want to cuddle. Don't need it. Don't need it at all. Should we get married? Totally. Oh my God. We'd be the hottest. Have beautiful babies. Oh my God. Yes. Okay. Kylie, what is the internet saying about I've had it?

Okay, up first, we've got a review. Five stars. It says, they may not praise Jesus, but these ladies are doing the Lord's work. Keep it up. Amen. Amen. Hallelujah. Yes. Praise the Lord, honey. How do you like this? Yeah, like that. That's the megachurch. Yeah. People on the coast don't understand what this is. No, no. Yeah, that is a very megachurch behavior. Very megachurch behavior. I've had it with megachurches. Oh, my. Don't get me started on religion.

Oh, I could go on. I could start now and finish on my deathbed. 100%. I can't. For the life of me, I don't get it. I don't get these people who make $40,000 a year and you feel inclined to give $4,000 of that, 10% of your income, to these people who have private jets, have mansions, are living these lavish lives. On top of all of that, and this is just something that's tangible that I always like to probably, the architecture. Yes. These churches. My

God, is that not the tackiest shit you've ever seen in your life? If you're going to be that rich, hire a goddamn good architect. At least the Catholics did that. For fuck's sake. Yeah, the Vatican is gorgeous. These nouveau Christians and their taste is just awful. Have you seen what Trump's done to the Oval Office? Oh my God, it is. Hobby Lobby Sheep. Somebody on the high said Dictator Sheep.

That's so true. The gauche and gaudy gold everywhere. It's just so, ugh, it's awful. So now the next person that comes in has to destroy all of it and make it look chic and fashionable again. Here's the thing. You know what that stuff is? They're little applique things they bought at Gay Hating Hobby Lobby. And somebody spray painted it. And I can tell you this much. You can tell how anti-gay this administration is based on two things.

the decor of the Oval Office and the makeup and hair and the crosses of all the MAGA women speaking on his behalf. There are no queens involved in that administration. Oh, at all. At all. Donald Trump doesn't have a... I mean, a gay stylist, obviously. Obviously not. Obviously. This episode of I've Had It is brought to you by Booking.com. Booking.com.

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All right, Kylie, what's our next? This one is five stars titled I Can Dig It and they write, I might be the only straight white male who listens to this show, but whatever. I love it. It's nice to know there are still some people in Oklahoma that aren't full MAGA. I live in California, but had a friend that moved out to Oklahoma a couple years ago because her husband got some job. She

She was very liberal, but within six months of moving there, she did a 180 and went full MAGA. I don't know what's in the water over there, but after she told me she supports fascism, I had to cut her off completely. Anyway, love the show. Keep up the great fight. I'll tell you what. I love our DEI listener. I do too. I love the straight male DEI listener. I love a token straight male. I do too. Everybody needs a token straight male. We need our straight male allies. Yeah, for sure. For women, for the LGBTQ plus community.

Yeah. We need white men to align with us. Yeah, now is the time. Like, now is the time to step up and be like, you know what? For centuries, my people have been absolutely horrible. So now I'm going to step up and be the best straight white man I can to women, to gay folk, to trans people. Like, now is their time to step up. I agree. Yeah, they have to. They must. They must. But instead, you know what they're doing? They're having a stage five meltdown. Oh, yeah.

Titty babies. I love titty babies. I'm going to start using that. Titty babies. Okay. I have a new story I want to share with you in puns. You guys, this is wild. Okay. There is a viral study. A viral study shows the stark difference in popular baby names between blue and red states. Okay. Oh, good. Blue girl names Fiona, Liana, Mira, Miriam, Kira, Miriam, Nina, Aisha, or Aisha, I don't know, Paige, and Kayla. Okay.

Okay. Red state girl names. It's all the bad ones. Patty Oakland is spelled O-A-K-L-Y-N-N. Oh, God. Oak Lee is spelled O-A-K-L-E-I-G-H. Grace Lynn. Renly. R-W-R. Wait. W-R-E-N-L-E-Y. Blake Lee. Uh.

Collins, another Oakley, O-A-K-L-E-E, Saylor, S-A-Y-L-O-R, and then another Oakley, O-A-K-L-E-Y. Okay, here's the thing. We all know now, if we ever meet somebody named Oakley,

Oakley. Red flag. Turn around and run as fast as you can. If you meet a male named Oakley, you cannot hit it. Okay, wait. Why are red states – why are Republicans obsessed with oak? Like what's with oak? I don't know. Is it like – it's like a big tree, so is it a phallic – I mean, I have no idea. It's just – here's the thing. All of these baby names, like immediately when I saw it before I even got my glasses on, I was like –

Like, of course. Yeah. We've been sounding the alarm on this. When you try to make your kid's name something different and you spell it all fucked up that they have to spell it every single day for the rest of their lives, they're never going to outgrow this stuff. It's child abuse. They're never going to outgrow it. You should not name your child a name. Like, let's say Jennifer. Like, I know this poor woman named Jennifer, which a lot of people who were born in the 70s. I know I look great for my age. Oh, great, girl.

Fabulous. A lot of women that were born in the 70s are named Jennifer. And this one friend of mine, her name is spelled G-E-N-I-F-E-R.

That, why? The parents had a moment when they were young and dumb and they thought, this is going to be so fun. That is a life sentence. Yeah. Just do a normal spelling. A normal spelling. Quit just walking around with your kids' names. Yeah, I know. I know in Ashley it's spelled A-S-L-E-I-G-H-K-T. Shut up. Yeah. It's strange. It's very strange. She's from Brooklyn. Hey, Ashley from Brooklyn. We went to middle school together. How you doing, girl? Everything is well.

But it's a strain. Like, why do you spell names like that? I hate it. It's annoying. I hate it. Yeah. Okay. Now, Kylie has found something online that she and I reviewed. And I want her to do a presentation for Monet and Pumps because this is just wild. Okay. Let's pass it to the power lessee. Okay. So this is a Wired article titled, You Too Can Hire an Etsy Witch to Curse Elon Musk.

The article goes on to say, in the days following the presidential election, Riley Winkes was angry. Specifically, she was angry at billionaire ex-owner Elon Musk for the role he played in President-elect Donald Trump's victory. So Winkes turned to a solution she'd used for other personal problems in the past. She hired a witch on Etsy to curse him, and it only cost her $7.99, she says.

I really just love the idea of supporting a small business and sending ill will to someone that I hate. Oh, wow.

And then it goes on to say, seeking out witches, psychics, mediums, and other purveyors of magic or mysticism during times of change or uncertainty has been happening for centuries. Following Trump's first election in 2016, U.S. witches did a mass spell to try to bind him. Witches on TikTok and Instagram similarly hexed Trump and his supporters in the wake of January 6th insurrection. And then I did a little deep dive of my own on Etsy to see what I could find. I found this page. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

It says curse Donald Trump, J.D. Vance, Elon Musk. It's only $3.74. That's steel. I told you.

Totally. Money well spent. And this is the description. It says, upset over the 2024 presidential election results or just have a strong hatred for Donald, J.D. Vance, or Elon Musk? I've got you covered with this curse. This is a curse I've been doing for years, and it always brings about lots of bad luck and chaos to the lives of those it's cast on. Let's get back at Trump, Vance, and Musk together by creating hell with them with this curse.

I found another. There's a bunch of these voodoo dolls. Oh, one of our listeners gave us some voodoo dolls. We have them. They're sitting out there. We have a Ted Cruz, a Donald Trump. And J.D. Vance. We need an Elon mask. Babe, for Christmas, you know what I want? What?

I want to boot it all of the entire cabinet. And throw in Marjorie Taylor Greene and Nancy Mason there, too. Oh, yes. The whole lot of them. I mean, those hexes are clearly working. Have you seen how bloated Trump looks recently? Oh, my God. He looks like a goddamn bubble tick. He really does. He's gone any day now. He looks like an Easter egg. Yes.

Jennifer and I were talking on the podcast like, why doesn't he get on Ozempic? That would be such an easy deal. Literally, my phone shows me this article that says, Trump's looking so good lately, people think he's on Ozempic. And I'm like, the gaslighting doesn't stop. Oh my God. No, he does not. He does not. He looks terrible. Awful.

Nobody would fuck him unless he had money. Let me ask you this, Monet. As a drag queen, and when you see all of the anti-drag vitriol coming out of MAGA, and then you see Trump every single day wear orange makeup, and you see the vice president of the United States...

whose nickname that I have named him is a smoky-eyed sociopath, J.D. Vance. He's always popping a smoky eye. Oh, for sure. And then you find out that the Secretary of Defense, Pete Hegseth, has put a makeup studio at the Pentagon, which that's super masculine. How do you feel? Like, what...

Like, what the fuck? Yeah, to me, I just, it just seems like this attack on drag is like, it's, it's, it's the calls coming from inside the house. Like these fuckers, they want to do drag. They are doing drag. I feel like it's just like obsession with, I think it's, it's, it's an obsession with how free and liberated drag queens feel. Like how, like how to live their lives. That's what I'm saying. That's what Jennifer says all the time. Here's what I think. Okay. I have a theory.

I think that a lot of these MAGA men watch a lot of porn. Okay. And when they're watching porn, sometimes they see a hard rock penis and that excites them. That's the money shot. Well, then after that, then they're like, oh shit, that was kind of gay. I wasn't looking at the girl.

I was looking at... And so then they feel bad and they're praying, you know, Jesus, megachurch, $4,000 of their salary, et cetera, that we reviewed earlier. So then they're like, God, that was pretty exciting. So then they're back on Pornhub. And then they're going deeper and deeper. And then I think they're so insanely jealous because out of the closet, gay men and women or, you know, non-binary, queer, whatever, all the letters are the bravest people in our society. Right.

because to come out and feel safe enough to be vulnerable, to be ridiculed, to be bullied, to not be perceived as normal, and to do all of that despite that takes a lot of bravery. And then once they get there, all these queens are like, I'm going to have great fucking sex. So they have this shame-free...

Sex, because they've already done all this hard emotional work. And I think these MAGA men get a little aroused by Hard Rock Cox. And they're insanely jealous of gay men because you guys just have unemotional transactional sex when you want to, if you want to. You want to have a relationship style sex, you can, but you have removed the shame from sex. And they live in that. I agree 100%.

a million percent with that with that assessment of the situation thank you i really do i think that there is something about seeing how free and open or how not when we don't want to be that we allow ourselves to be that way and they are so stuck and in whatever situation that that their families or whatever they've they've chosen to be in that they will never ever know that and it pisses them off to no end and they are jealous they're angry they're pissed

that we get to have it and they don't. And that's the number one, that's the thing that they hate. They like to keep things for themselves and not let anyone else have it. So I think that's what really gets their go. - And the number one thing they try to control, whether it's the mega churches, MAGA, whatever,

It's always sex. It's always, you know, the abortion issue is really because they don't want women having sex. And so their idea is, oh, well, if they slut around and they get pregnant, everybody should know. And then maybe in their fucked up minds, they think that woman's a little bit less fuckable if she has a baby. Not even taking into account the majority of abortions are done for reasons that aren't abortions.

birth control style situation. But they don't care because it's all about controlling sex. And then when you get to the liberated, like pride parade and just how I love how like, you know, Roman and Greek it is. It's just like, there's no shame. Just,

Pop it out, have fun with it. And I think they're just so jealous. I think they're so jealous too. And something I'm jealous of is how beautiful y'all's skin. Oh, thank you. What's in the water here in OKC? Well, I'll tell you what. Our little Botox spas right over here across the street.

Have you been doing that? I'm doing M-Face next week. Yeah, we do this thing, M-Face. It hooks up to your face and it exercises. Okay, can y'all send me the note? I'm here for two days. I will go. I'm making appointments tomorrow. Y'all look great. Thank you. All of it. Thank you. Well, thank you. That's a big compliment. I'm not watching on camera. I'm like, in person, I'm like, oh my God.

Here it is again. Here it is again. Everybody. So we did this podcast, right, for like a year. And then they were like, y'all need to go on tour. We're like, we're not going on tour. And the people at our agency were like, trust us. Nobody's going to show up. They said, trust us. People are going to show up. So we go on tour and then we have this like VIP meet and greet. Okay. So people would walk up to us and they'd go, oh my God, you guys are so pretty. You're actually pretty. And we were just like.

Kylie puts a hammered dog shit filter on the computer because the shock and awe. It's shock. But I will say, okay, one time we were in- Kylie doesn't filter the opposite way so people can be shocked with an IRL. It's like a,

Bad profile picture. We look worse in photos than we do in person. But one time we went, we went, we were in Los Angeles. We had a live show there and we go, we arrived from LAX. We go to the concierge desk and we're like, Hey, we need to make sure the hair people and the makeup people are in our room at this time. And the guy's like, yeah, okay, sure. No problem. So we got our room and like five hours later, we come back down to the concierge desk and

And this guy, 2K goes behind us. This guy goes, wow. I didn't even recognize. I didn't even recognize you guys. You guys look great. I mean, he was his jaw on the floor. He was still talking about the next day when we checked out. He was. He goes, hey, I can't get over how good y'all looked last night. You know what? That's money well spent. That's right. That's money well spent for sure.

You see, that's what I like about the gays. The gays, we keep it real. We're honest. Girl, okay. That was great. You look fearless. Of course you want that. That's good. Okay. Let's get into your habits. Yes. You emailed us some. I'll put this list in front of you here if you would like to review. Oh, my God. Okay. Yes. Okay. I've had it with big dogs on an airplane.

When I spent my well-earned money on a little first-class seat, and because I'm allergic to dogs and cats. And, well, dogs that have fur. Like, if it's like a schnauzer or a poodle that have real hair, I'm fine with it when I have fur. It's rough.

And girl, one day I check into this and I'm like, you know what? I had to sing the next day, I think at a Cincinnati Symphony Orchestra. I was doing a big concert and I was like, I'm trying to like do all my things. I'm wearing my mask, doing all my, I get to my seat. And when I tell you a dog the size of a Great Dane

is like sitting between me and his owner on the thing. I'm like, how is this legal? I thought they have to fit under the seat only. And the dog is like almost eye level with me looking at me in the seat. And I'm like, what? This is crazy. So if it's a dog that fits under the seat normally, I'm fine with it. But when it's a human-sized dog, like a chow-chow sitting next to me in first class.

I've had it with that. I can't deal with it. It's too much for my dog allergies. I have to say, when I see a dog on a plane or anywhere, it makes me happier. I would rather fly on a plane with dogs than people. Well, that is true. People are horrible. Oh, my gosh. I remember what I wanted to talk to you guys about. Okay. So my son, Roman, my other son that still lives at home, he's a senior in high school. So his really good friend, Jaden, they played AAU basketball together. And-

Jaden sent us this screenshot and it was like a picture of him and he was like in a text and it was like Please come to my prom send-off and it had a time. Mm-hmm And so I was just like ha ha like I didn't know if that was real or what that was Prom send-off meaning like when like all the families get together to watch the kids go off to the prom and take pictures and stuff like that Okay, so I mean, I don't know and so I didn't know what the proms why we were invited because my kids go to different schools, etc Okay, got it. So I

That night, Roman and I are having dinner and my husband gets home and he goes, did y'all go to Jaden's prom send off? And I was like, no, that's ridiculous. What's a prom send off?

off. And my son, Roman goes, mom, that's a culture thing. You can't be like that because Jaden's black. And I was like, what do you mean? He goes, that's just their culture. They have a big prom send off and they invite people to go and you need to not be like that. And he like totally checked me. So tell me, I love your kids. Your kids are amazing. Tell me like, cause of course I love Jaden, but tell me about the

about the culture thing of the prom send-off in black communities. Girl, the prom send-off, it's like the pre-prom social hour before the prom. So all the families get together in the neighborhood because typically all the kids in the neighborhood go to similar schools and they

all get together and they have like cars like BMWs Rolls Royces all the cars that the kids are going to take the go to the prom in and they get together take all these pictures sometimes they get really extravagant I'm like girl it's not a wedding it's a prom like come back it's a little much like the gowns are crazy they have like uh

like very Cinderella, like a big pink carpet is rolled out. I think that's a little much. But the send off, it's like this cultural thing where the parents, after, you know, I'm sure raising kids is not easy. So you have done the hard time of 18 years. This kid is finally going to a ball. It's kind of like a little send off, like after 12 grades of hard work, come in this beautiful outfit, take beautiful pictures, and we're going to send you off to the prom and have a good night. So let me tell you what white people do. I was like, well, let me tell you.

Let me ask this question. So do you get to take pictures? Like if she would have gone, would it have been appropriate for her to take pictures with the person that invited her? Yes. It doesn't have to just not. Okay. Okay. Yeah. That's how white we are. I'd never even heard of it.

And so Roman, I mean, he immediately goes, mom, it's the culture. Like, why are you, why are you poo-pooing on the culture? And I was like, you know, I left Jaden Nickens. He calls me mama Jen. Like I've known that kid since he was in second grade. And I didn't know, I thought he was like grandstanding about being sent off to the prom. And then I got checked, borderline called, you know, not an ally of the black community, but my son, which good on my 18 year old son. But, uh, okay. So for Roman's prom, it's just like, you get together at some parent's house and

And everybody does some different combination groups of photos and then skirt. And that's it. No,

No, it has to be more grand. See, I like the culture. I like that too. It's really sweet because, you know, because grandparents come. Did you go to prom? I did not go to prom. You didn't? I didn't. I went to a performing arts school, which was inherently a very queer experience. I was still a little gay in the closet. You know what I mean? So no one asked me to go. And there was a boy I wanted to ask, but I was afraid to ask him. So like me and my friends like fucked off and went to like –

the movies or something and I didn't go to the prom that year. And you know what? I don't regret it. You know, I don't think you should because, you know, first of all, proms are overrated. They are. They're expensive. Yeah. But I bet that, you know, could be, that's probably a lot of the gay experience. That's like, you know, you get to a point where

you know you're probably gay and then if you take a girl, that's some expectation you're gonna have to get it up for. That can be exhausting. - That happened to me on a field trip on junior year. - Oh no. - So I went to school in New York and they took us, they would take us on a field trip to see the fucking Capitol in Albany. Why the fuck are we going to see the governor's house in Albany? Anyway, it was an overnight trip.

So we're on this bus. I had my girlfriend at the time, my first girlfriend ever. And we're sitting on the bus side by side. And, you know, that's the point. Everyone is, you know, experimenting. Right, right, right, right. And I was like, oh, God, I knew it was coming. So we're sitting on the bus next to each other. And, like, her hand is on my thigh and I'm on her thigh. And she's like, you know, do you want to, like, you know, touch my boob? And I was like, no, I'm okay. And then.

And she's like, are you sure? And I'm like, yeah, I'm sure. And she's like, why? And I was like, I looked at her, I was like, God wouldn't like that. Oh!

I know her little daughter. I don't care about God. I don't want to do it. I was like, God, I'm going to like that. And she's like, you're right, you're right. And then, like, I came out to her the next day. What propelled you? Yeah, yeah. I was like, but so thank God she asked me to touch her booboo. I would have been in the closet long enough. But she kept my secret until college. And then I officially came out sophomore year of college. Okay. And what was that like for you? You know, it was good. It was, honestly, I kept the secret for so long. And

after I said it, I was like, oh my God, it cost me nothing to say this. Like, it was this thing I was built, because my family has been, always been so sweet, so supportive. They watch Drag Race more than me. They have their own group chats about the show all the time. But I was so afraid to like tell them for whatever reason

things in my because of all the warped and fucked up stories I've heard about friends right losing families they don't talk to their dad anymore their mom anymore whatever I mean my dad calls me Monet my dad calls me Monet and he calls me girl you know what I mean so my family's so cool but yeah I was so afraid of what I might lose that I robbed my family of so many experiences they could have had with me you know in high school and in the beginning of my college years because I was just so afraid to come out and after I did it oh my god I

I became my own town crier. I was running around the whole town like, the British are coming, the British are coming, and I'm gay! Like, I was letting everyone know. It was amazing. I had, like, a little press conference with my family at Christmas that year. I was like, hey, everyone, thank you for joining us for Christmas dinner. I want to confirm a few things you may have seen on Facebook that I sucked at grandma. Like, it wasn't very that. Like, then they were like, okay, cool, we love you. Were they surprised? They...

I think, I don't know if surprise is the word. They were like, I think they were surprised that I came out when I did. I think they thought that I was, I think they knew, but they thought that I was so afraid that I was going to keep it a secret longer. My mom was like, I just wish you would have told us earlier. Okay, let me ask you this. As a little boy, what did you play with?

So, say, I did not play my mom's clothes, like her heels or little dresses. What I would do is, because I lived in, I was born in Brooklyn, but I'm at one year old. Do you say one years old or one year old? Singular.

One year. Yeah. Okay. At one year old, my family moved me to St. Lucia and I lived in the Caribbean. Okay. So when we washed our clothes, we didn't have a washer and dryer. We had a washer where we drew dryer clothes like on a clothesline outside. So what I would do is I would go in the backyard and steal all the clothespins and put them on my fingers and make nails. Finger nails. And I was in my room...

casting spells, girl. I was Sabrina the Teenage Witch in my little room and I was pointing to shit, trying to make magic. - You know what you should do is get you an Etsy page. - Right. - And put curses on Trump and J.D. Vance with your nails.

My clothespin nails, yes. Girl, I'm going to tell you, Andy, I want those voodoo dolls for Christmas. I want every single last one of them. Oh, I love that idea. It's a great idea. Yeah. So you did the nails, and then when did you think that, when did you start thinking, I might

be gay or when did when does that experience like is it with hormones before hormones I think it was a little before hormones I think I was around like around like nine years old okay I remember having a crush on a boy in fourth grade and I was like oh my god he's cute but I didn't know what that was yet right and I was like why do I think he's cute and then like it started to inform itself a little more in like in fifth grade and

And I started thinking more boys were cute. And I was like, oh, okay. And then, I mean, by seventh grade, I was already, like, making out with boys and kissing boys. It was, like, a whole thing. But, like, it was, like, four, five, sixth grade. That's when I was, like, I was discovering, like, okay, I'm a little different. But I think, again, all of the straight girls in my life, they were my ride or die. It's, like, when boys would, like, make funny and pick, like...

bully me in middle school. Oh my God. My straight girlfriends, Reiko, Kamika, and April, they used to have my back. They used to beat boys up for me. I love that. Yeah, it was great. I love that. All right. Let's get to your next grievance. This one here. Oh my God. Every time RFK is in front of a camera, it pisses me off. I have had it with him talking. How are we listening to this person talk to us about anything? He sounds like he should be

Being taken care of. Like, he sounds like, how are you giving us health advice when you need health yourself, sir? Like, it is, it sounds so, and looks so oxymoronic to get health advice from this fucking person who is sick and infirmed himself. I agree. Not to mention, it's just fucking annoying as all hell. Yeah. Plus, he's a dipshit. Yeah. He is running around with the dumbest conspiracy theory ideas in that ground.

I'm like, we're a visual and audio society. How did we get this far? How did that happen? Yeah. It boggles my mind. It boggles my mind that RFK is allowed to... He's part of what? HACA? Health and Human Services. Health and Human Services. Yeah. I just... I can't. Here's what bugs me the most about the Trump administration is just that nobody values expertise. Like...

Call me crazy, but I would say that you're an expert in drag. Yes. Okay? Yeah. So you couldn't take somebody like Elon Musk and him be an expert in that. But this is what all these fuckers have done. RFK Jr.,

is not a scientist. He reads a bunch of junk science and then now he's dangerous. Right. And now he's, you know, there's a measles outbreak and all of these totally preventable things. Yeah. And I just read that now they're not going to be checking chicken for salmonella anymore. Why? Like why? But you know what? It's so that people don't have to see pronouns in people's emails. Right.

You know, we'll have salmonella, but the MAGA that get triggered by pronouns, they won't have to see that. The pronouns that they use every day. Right. The fucking pronouns they use every day. Every day. I read there's a person, I mean, because people are dying from measles because they don't get vaccinated, which is absolutely abhorrent. Yeah. Somebody, and this person looked like they would say this, but they were like, I know I lost my child because he died of measles.

Because I didn't vaccinate him. And if I had another child, I wouldn't vaccinate them. And I'm just like, you can't help these people. You can't. You can't. You can't help it. Well, what it is, we have completely lost the ability to critically think. Like, it's just like people are just not thinking. You guys are the same person. Like, people just are not critically. Like, just think critically. It's an exercise you learn, what, in elementary school? You learn it throughout your entire life. Okay, I have another theory. And I know that you and I are going to be simpatico on it. Yeah, tell me. Okay.

Back to the megachurches and the religion. These people that are indoctrinated in that breed, that brand of Christianity, when they start critically thinking and asking, wait a minute,

There were only two humans that started the whole earth, and how did we get more? And they start asking a lot of questions. You can't question God's faith. So whenever you critically think, you're told it's a sin and it's blasphemy. So then that is just reinforced throughout your whole life. And then they get to adulthood, and they don't have the ability to critically think. My opinion, because you have like...

Like MAGA and Christian nationalism are like this. I mean, they're completely interwoven. And I think that evangelical Christianity set the psychological soil by discouraging critical thinking. You know, people believe that people used to be 900 years old, that, you know, Jonah's living in a whale, Noah's parading around in some yacht with all these animals. You know, that's fucking crazy. And he's 900 years old. Everybody knows that didn't happen.

Right. Some guy's getting all liquored up with his daughters and screwing his daughter. So it's just a lot of bad shit going on in there. Right. But if anybody questions it, then they tell you're a sin. That's blasphemy, et cetera. So then they are primed.

to fall prey to all of this authoritarianism. And I just think that critical thinking is something that hurts them. Like when they start to critically think, like it injures them and they're averse to it because they have been discouraged from doing it all the time. And now we have an administration that's attacking. Like, can you imagine like...

Harvard is a bad idea. Right. Shut up. Like what? Shut up. Then don't go there. Then don't go there. It's so easy to avoid. The Trump administration has united people in support of Harvard, which typically you're like, oh, God, somebody went to Harvard. They think they're so smart. Like, whatever. And now it's like,

Yeah, it's silly. I agree with that, though. Yeah, it is a way to subjugate people, like to take away the ability to think critically and to think for themselves and to think about what is going to be best for... Also, it's also this thing of like everyone is just only now concerned about themselves and like them getting the best out of life and not...

concerned about community and like how everyone doing better makes you do better in the long run. It's not just about you. Cause if you're up here, we're all down here. Then where is that? Like, where does that leave you? You're, it just doesn't make sense. And I think American culture has always valued individualism over collectivism. Yeah. And we've always valued money over like people getting healthcare. And so we,

Donald Trump is a manifestation of all of our worst impulses as a culture. And we bred him, we popped him out. Oh, my God. Well, also in church, they teach you money is the root of all evil. Okay, so let's go with that. If money is the root of all evil, what does that say about your millionaire pastor?

Why are you taking Venmo? Venmo for Jesus. Have you seen that thing, that pastor Marvin Sapp telling the ushers to lock the doors of the church? Have you seen this? No. Girl, it was a service happening in whatever city. And then it's the end of the service where it's the offering time. People bring the tithes and offerings to the thing. And I guess there were 2,000 people in the congregation, also about 2,000 people watching via stream.

He goes, I need 20 people to give $2,000. We need to make four, 20 people to...

No, I need 4,000 people to give $20 each. Because we needed whatever that 20 times, I think it's $200,000 or maybe $400,000. They needed to make that much money. So he said, so people started to leave. He said, uh-uh, lock the doors. He goes, lock the doors. He said, why aren't I listening? I said, lock the doors. It's all over the internet. It's crazy. Because he wanted to make that $400,000 that night or whatever, $40,000, sorry, I think. And it was insane that he was telling the ushers to lock. And they did lock the doors. And now it's a whole thing. And now he's making a song.

about the scandal that he's putting out on iTunes and putting it into the format. It's just such a grifter. When we were younger, there was this preacher named Oral Roberts. O-R-A-L was the first name. Oral. We'll visit that in just a second. Oral Roberts. And he is a big televangelist and he locked himself up and he said, if I don't get $2 million, God's going to kill me. And this televangelism was a big thing in the

80s and 90s. Tammy Faye. Oh, Tammy Faye. So my grandmother, his meeting... Which was high camp, by the way. Oh, totally. And so my grandmother had sent money and all these people sent money to Oral Roberts. I think he's dead now, but he ended up getting the money. But there is an actual university in Tulsa, Oklahoma called Oral Roberts University. It has these big praying hand statues. And I'm just thinking...

America is so dumb. They took a dumb, corrupt, grifter, con artist man that lied to people who should have been in prison for ripping off senior citizens saying that God was going to kill him. And they made a university. That's right.

And that's all legal. And that's all legal. But we're mad at Harvard. Do people still go to the school? Is this like a real school? Yes. And everything. That's insane. Yeah. Could you imagine? I would feel like an abject failure if my child went to Oral Roberts University. Oh, my God. It's no secret that I use GLP-1 medication regularly.

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Okay, all right. Now it's time. You remember our game Had It or Hit It? Yes. Okay. Oh my God. Welcome to Had It or Hit It. I would hit it. Had it. I hit it every day, sometimes twice a day. Had It or Hit It, Newborn Babies.

Had it. Can I tell you something? I get accosted by pictures of newborn babies. And I'm not saying like, you know, like a toddler or one or two. I'm talking about like freshly delivered babies, okay? They're still wrinkly. They look sticky. They're still covered in chlorophyll or whatever it is on the baby. I don't know what's on the baby.

I'm like, a newborn baby has to settle. Give it a week or two so it can settle into what it's going to be. Because you literally just gave birth to Lord Voldemort. Give it a second to settle, like Botox. I remember when my kids were born, I was like, that is the most gorgeous child I've ever seen in my life. It's perfect. Then a few weeks later, I get the newborn picture they took of the hospital. And I was like, that is the ugliest motherfucker I've ever seen. I thought that was cute. That's love. Because this was not cute.

Yeah. I'm not a big, and we had newborns, but I'll tell you what, neither one of us really like babies or children or

We started this whole movement that it's called the Todd Toddler Advocacy Program. And we're such advocates for toddler that we think that parents need to keep them closer and not let them go out into the world as much that they parents are endangering their children by taking them to restaurants, right on planes to shopping centers. They need to keep their kids at home.

For their safety. For their safety. I'm also, I'm doing the boarding school where you send your kid off at six weeks and you get him back at five. That's the boarding school age. I would love that. That would be the perfect time. That sounds great. Okay. Had it or hid it, quote, unprecedented times. Oh my God. Oh, I've had it with unprecedented. Please give me some precedented times. Okay.

I am praying for times that are unprecedented. Every day you wake up on TikTok or whatever, and it's just a new unprecedented thing. I've had it. I know. It's too much. It's too stressful. It is stressful. I agree. We need to pray for unprecedented times. Okay. Had it or hid it, the Luigi Mangione case. Oh, hid it. I love Luigi. Luigi's a patriot saint. Luigi, I'm going to send money and put him on his books or whatever you do to people in prison. Yeah.

I'm hitting Luigi. I'm here for Luigi Mangione. Also, isn't it not just a gross thing of the law? They have people who have done way worse than him and they get out in whatever years. And this person kills one rich guy and now he's facing the death penalty. It just seems egregious. Yeah. I think the message behind Luigi's doing that was a cause.

call for action because the point that that UnitedHealthcare was using artificial intelligence to deny people healthcare so that they could make more money is so profoundly evil and that UnitedHealthcare killed

so many of its customers by denying them claim for profits. And it gets us back to that as a culture. What do we value? Yeah. And sadly, Americans as a whole, not us, not the three of us, all of America, value, you know, the individual capitalism and all of those structures. Now, I will say, I think, Luigi,

Luigi Mangione's hot and all that. I don't think the solution to this is to kill people in the streets. Right. But the case and all that. Yeah.

I read it. I love all the memes online. I'm into all, I mean, I think he's wildly attractive. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I know such a young kid, his whole life is like, I feel, I feel bad because I think maybe, I think maybe he wasn't okay when that happened. You know, because I think he probably would have played the tape through. I understand that you want to make a big case for something, but yeah, it's the whole thing is I feel bad for him. Yeah. Okay. Next step. Um,

J.D. Vance's Smokey Eye. Oh, my God. I've had it. But also low-key like Work Girl. I feel like she might be a secret sister. And after him and Donald Trump are gone, we're going to hear, he's going to come out as part of the queer community. Okay. What do you think the likelihood is that when J.D. Vance gets home from work –

And he goes to the, what is it called? The Naval, what's the name? Naval Observatory. Naval Observatory. I just envision the following, that he's like, Usha, I can't talk. I'm going to be in my study. And in his study, he has like a trunk and he opens it up and he has stilettos and feather boas.

and eyelashes and eyeliner and wigs and clip-on earrings. And he just gets it out of his system. And luxuriates it. Yeah. Girl, I can totally see that.

I can see that. And he has some soft piano music playing in the background. He's wearing a thong. And he twirls with his bow and his thong and his silk little robe. Fishnet hose. Fishnet hose. Oh, yeah. And not even the little skinny fishnet, the little big old fishnets. Yes. The little wild wide fishnets. And then I envision originally he does his lipstick properly and then he does some twirls around and then he just starts feeling crazy and unhinged and then he takes it and he's just putting it all.

over and he's like you know and then he has it like on his fingers and he's rubbing his chest and the eyeliner is going and then he's like you know it's like oh yes and then he showers and exfoliates you've thought about this too much I have thought about it and you know what the Chinese have been thinking about it too the Chinese memes are fabulous on TikTok no I haven't seen it oh my god Kylie download one so you can play it for Monday you're going to D.I.E. so the Chinese they're so good

I'm not thinking about this in a vacuum. The Chinese have been thinking about this too. Kylie's going to get something to show you. Let's move along. Had it or hit it, Fyre Festival 2.

wait, it's happening again? Kylie. Oh my God, I'm so... It's happening again. She says it's happening again. It was a huge grift and they're doing it again. I feel like Maggie is Fire Festival too. Yeah, absolutely. I've had it with that. You can't help these people. The first one was so... Watching the documentary about it was so insane. I loved the documentary. The guy that was going to suck dick for a bottle of water or kick the water or whatever. I'm like, girl, I would have done it for fun.

I have a video for you. Okay, okay. Watch this. Watch this, Monet.

It's all over Chinese TikTok. Oh, my God. That is so good. Because he called them Chinese peasants. There are hundreds of these. Hundreds. That's so good. And it's like, J.D. Vance called us peasants. J.D. Vance, who do you think makes your eyeliner? And it has J.D. Vance doing the eyeliner. They are trolling the shit out of him. Oh, my God. That's so good. But here's the thing. Think about this. Go down this conspiracy theory with me. Tell me. Tell me.

China would have psychological files on high profile Americans. They're a big country, big government. They've got spies. They have a lot of technology. They can do spy shit. They have satellites. So they just start rolling out all this J.D. Vance out there, queening it up on TikTok. I don't think my theory about the hidden drag trunk

Is that far off? I don't think it's that far off. It had to have come from somewhere, right? That's what we think. Yeah. Because Trump's an easier target because he wears the heavier makeup and the hair and the lifts and all that. Yeah. But they're not saying that about him. About J.D. Vance. Well, he has been. I will say I'm a connoisseur of J.D. Vance's eyeliner. And I, Pumps and I did a whole episode where you can see during the day he does a day line.

And then he has a TV ready. It's a little bit heavier. He has an evening. And then he has a full-blown pre-smoky. We think that we're just one or two news cycles away from him going a full-blown smoky eye on national television. And let me tell you something. I know my eyeliner. He's using the MAC Kohl liner in the color Feline. Okay.

I promise you. Look it up, y'all. It smudges beautifully. It's effortless. That is exactly the color he's using. I'll tell you what. When he pops, when he finally goes from pre-smoky eye to full smoky eye, I don't care what time it is. I don't care where we are. We're going live. Right.

right here in the studio and it will be breaking news. Sound the sirens. I mean, we will cover it from top to bottom and we will have to zoom you in. No, I was going to say I'm booking a flight. Just let me know. Let's let me know. We will have to analyze, have still shots every single bit of it. Okay. All right. Had it or hid it, the United States of America. Oh God.

That's a tough one. It is. It's a tough one, okay? Because I love our country because we can do this. Right. Yes. I love our country. For now. For now, we can do this. I love our country because as a descendant of American child slavery, my family has been here. We've helped build this country, so I love it for that. And I don't want a few, not a few, a lot of sour apples to ruin the entire bunch. You know what I mean? So I'm going to say hit it.

Because I also don't want to leave here. I want to fight for this place. I want to fight for this place that I grew up in, my fam grew up in, that gives me the freedom and the love and everything that I want. So I'm going to say hit it. I'm going to keep on fighting. I'm going to fight, fight, fight, fight, fight. I agree. I agree with you. Because when I think about our multicultural nation and, you know, just –

all of the craziness of the United States, all the bad parts, the trashy parts, all the fabulous parts. It's us. It's us. Right. It's ours. And we have to fight for it. And the world is counting on us to fight for it and to fight for everybody. Yeah. Everybody in this country and leave no one behind. I agree. I agree. 100%. Like, you know, we all have that drunk uncle at the family barbecue every year. And I'm

I'm not going to leave my family because he's making everyone uncomfortable. I'm going to tell him he has to leave. And you need to. I'm going to take the bear out of his hand and put him to bed. Let me ask you this. Do you have any family members that are MAGA? No. But I do have one family member who in 2016, because they are a cop.

I think they voted for Donald Trump because this was when he disillusioned everyone about for cops and blah, blah, blah. Right, right. And then so, but after that, they saw the light and they were like a few months into his presidency realized, oh, this guy is a horrible person, but there's no one else in my family that's mad at all. I have one final story to leave y'all with. You'll get the biggest kick out of this, Monet, and I don't think Pumps knows this. So during this most recent election, my husband, I live in a, it's, I would say a 99.9% white neighborhood. Okay. Okay.

So my husband comes home from work and he goes, well, the weirdest fucking thing just happened. The house two blocks south of us just put up two MAGA signs in their front yard and they're black. No! How's that? No! We're the only black family that lives in this godforsaken whiteness and they're fucking MAGA. He goes, it's just such a disappointment to me. No! Yes! Fuck! And they had two. They're a corner house and they had...

And I was just like, because I remember when they moved in, Roman, my son that told me, you know, the prom send off the culture. He was like, love this. We need to have more color in this neighborhood. And I go, I agree. I agree. That family popped up MAGA signs. Black Republicans is something I will never understand. I agree. Black maggots. MAGA. Like, you know, gone are the days, you know, the Colin Powells and, you know, those people you can, somebody can tolerate. Right. But now a black maggots in the neighborhood? Yes.

That is upsetting. It was so upsetting because we had these great signs and it said Harris, obviously. And I live on the corner too. And so I had them both ways, no matter who passed. And then we had more Harris signs in our neighborhood than we did Trump signs. So my husband was just devastated.

Oh, I didn't know that. And Josh takes that kind of thing really personally. It really upsets him because he like he it that kind of stuff. He's a criminal defense lawyer and he is I mean, he despises racism. He can't even watch the news because everything that MAGA says is somehow racist.

racially coded. Oh yeah, everything. And it just drives him insane and he's a recovering drug addict so for his serenity he's like, I just can't fucking watch it. So when he saw that black family double dip two magazines it just destroyed him. You know what I think we should do? I think we're gonna gather all the white people in your neighborhood and we're gonna have an adult prom send off on their lawn. Yeah.

And we're going to make, it's going to be part of the culture. It's going to be the culture. It's going to be the culture of the neighborhood. That's what we're going to do. That's how we're going to fix those black maggots. Oh my God. Can you believe that? Awful. Devastating. God awful. Only in Oklahoma. Monet, I hope your show is fabulous. It's going to be great. I love y'all so much. Thank y'all for having me here in studio. It's a pleasure to come and chat with you ladies and talk about all this was, this was a dream, a fever dream. Honestly, I love this moment. I love it. We love you. And pumps tell them.

We will see you next Tuesday and Thursday. Listen up, patriots, gay-triots, and natriots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called IHIP News. It's Monday through Friday, every day, 15 to 20-minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America, always served with a side of petty grievances.

We are on all the available platforms, Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever you get your podcasts and YouTube. Please go rate, subscribe and review so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind pumps. Pumps, what does an eagle say? Caw, caw. A little bit more enthusiasm. Caw, caw. That's it. That's, that's. Caw, caw. That's the patriotism that this country needs right there. Caw, caw.