Un-American Cheese with Matt Bellassai
44:51 Share

Listener, for this episode of I've Had It, we've partnered with eHarmony, the dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. Pops, what's going on out there on the dating apps? It's unbelievable how many people try to be something they're not on dating apps and

And what I love about eHarmony is it's real people for real relationships. You heard her, listener. That's why we've partnered with eHarmony because dating on eHarmony is different. eHarmony knows that to find something real, eHarmony is designed to help you bring out your personality on your profile with their unique personality test. They

They even highlight similarities with your potential matches. And that's when the magic happens. When you form genuine connections and authenticity leads to intimacy. Listener, give eHarmony a shot and get started with their compatibility quiz so you can find someone you can be yourself with. eHarmony, get who gets you.

Get ready to rack to school at your Nordstrom Rack store, because the deals are amazing. Levi's, Adidas, Volcom, and Hurley from only $20. Save on everyone's favorite denim, sneakers, boots, backpacks, and more at Nordstrom Rack. But hurry, get first dibs on new arrivals from just $20 and make it the best school year ever. Great brands, great prices. That's why you rack.

I've had it. Listener for this episode of I've had it. We've partnered with eHarmony, the dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. Pops, what's going on out there on the dating apps? It's unbelievable how many people try to be something they're not on dating apps.

And what I love about eHarmony is it's real people for real relationships. You heard her, listener. That's why we've partnered with eHarmony because dating on eHarmony is different. eHarmony knows that to find something real, eHarmony is designed to help you bring out your personality on your profile with their unique personality test. They

They even highlight similarities with your potential matches. And that's when the magic happens. When you form genuine connections and authenticity leads to intimacy. Listener, give eHarmony a shot and get started with their compatibility quiz so you can find someone you can be yourself with. eHarmony, get who gets you.

Brought to you by Peloton. Find your zone with a 30-day worry-free home trial of Peloton bikes. Visit onepeloton.com slash home dash trial. So are we supposed to start the podcast? Ready? One, two, three. I'm screwing up. One, two, three. Oh, that's weak. One, two, three.

There we go. God. Okay. So listener, Pumps was totally on the spot because we have an in-studio guest today. Mm-hmm.

All the way from New York to Action City because he wanted to see that clap in person, which... That's exactly why it's here. It took her three times, but that's neither here nor there. But we're just going to go ahead and introduce everybody on the pod immediately because this is literally an emergency episode because we have a visitor from New York City to Oklahoma City, a.k.a. Action City. Welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. I'm Angie.

And we have with us today, Matt Bellassai. Yes. You got to give the Italian chef. She thinks he's Italian, so that's perfect. Matt Bellassai. I always say my family is Chef Boyardee Italian because we are technically Italian, but like

we ate spaghetti out of a jar. Yeah. I like when you put the spin on it. It makes me feel more Italian. Yeah. Matteo Bellisai. Exactly. Okay. Let me ask you this. Were you razzle dazzled

by the clap when you saw it in person stop it i was yeah yeah tingles all over i'm sure yeah no i felt something i don't want i mean we just met so i don't want to get too fresh right off the bat but yeah no i felt i tingled a little bit another question when you entered the studio and came up the stairs and you saw pimps and i could you tell that her star was emanating brighter than mine

Could you see it? You are so obnoxious. I can't take it. Yeah. I mean, I don't want to pit you two against one another. It sounds like you're doing that enough for all of us. Right, right. Yeah. No, I mean, hey, I'm not getting in between anybody. So I'll reserve judgment for everybody outside of this studio. Well, Pumps and I just had lunch and we realized there is something that we've had it with that we have been remiss in bringing up

on this fucking heaping pile of shit podcast of ours. And this product is a heaping pile of shit. And this comment and this had it may be deemed unpatriotic, but we're going to go there. Okay. We've had it with American cheese. It's bad. See, okay. I also just had lunch. I'm sure yours was more elegant than mine. I ate a Subway sandwich in the car. And?

And here this my first time in Oklahoma City also and the subway was in a gas station. But yeah, especially at subway when you have the array of cheeses that you have to choose from. Yeah.

Yeah. American, I've never quite understood it. No, it's so over-processed. It's like the default cheese. This is how bad it is. I buy American cheese every time I go to the grocery store because that's Blaze's treat. I don't ever use it. Blaze is her husky. Blaze is my dog. I assumed it was either, yeah, a spouse or an animal. Yeah. It's her husky. He's shaved. He's a shaved husky. He's homosexual. Oh.

Oh, love it. We just ordered him a rainbow puffer because we've been told by veterinarians that you should never shave a husky, but Pumps is a bad pet owner. So she shaves her husky, so we're getting him a gay puffer. I love that. Because we walk in the neighborhood and I didn't want him to be cold in the winter because he loves his walk. So we're getting the puffer. Like in my mind, the owner of a gay animal, it's always like one of those tiny shivering chihuahuas. Yeah.

Imagine that it's like harder to find for a larger dog. They're always like, no, there's no gay person is going to have this dog. He's a plus size queen that likes American cheese and we hate American cheese. Let's get back to the cheese. Yeah, it's bad. Okay, because here's the problem with this.

If you're raised in America, you're told, whether it's true or not, listener, international listeners, don't lose your fucking mind. This is what they tell us in school. It's the best country in the world. We're the best. We're the brightest. Our military is kick-fucking-ass, rah-rah, sis-boom-bah, USA. That fucking cheese is not on brand. No, it's not. No. Yeah. I mean, you go to Wisconsin, you're going to get shot. But...

I do agree. I just, I got, I got back from Wisconsin last week. So I'm in the clear to talk shit about cheese. Yeah. Yeah. They were like, you got to try the curds. I'm like, absolutely not. I'm not. Yeah. No, when you start thinking about cheese too much, any cheese really is upsetting. Yeah. But you know, the French, they've nailed cheese. Yeah. The Italians, the real Italians, not a Chef Boyardee Italian such as yourself. Yeah.

But, you know, the mozzarella and it's really good cheese. And this American cheese is so bad. It is so subpar. I would rather have a hamburger than a cheeseburger because I prefer cheddar on my burger because that's how foul I think American cheese is.

And it's so disappointing to our brand as a nation that we have such subpar, lackluster, over-processed, unpatriotic, not on brand cheese. And I've had it. I agree. Yeah. I mean, I do think that is what other cheese would America have, you know, if not an over-processed plastic fake. Well, that's got to be true.

That's true. Square of cheese that you can't tell if the wrapper is actually off of it or not when you bite into it. Yeah, shiny. It's got like a sheen to it. Are you suggesting that the cheese is symbolic of our national identity as a whole? I think I am. For the permanent record? I think I am. All right. You can never go back to Wisconsin now. You know what? I agree with you, Matt. See? I agree. Yeah. I agree. We got to get our shit together. We're always kind of saying, you know, these Americans...

Not all of us can be as rock solid as the three of us in this room. I know. It's a lot of work. Yeah. Okay. I want to tell you guys something I've had it with. Okay. This is happening to me all the time. Okay. I'm on my phone and I'm like deep diving on Instagram or doing something very like, you know, I'm on the hunt, deep, dark investigation, deep in Google, deep on the gram. Okay.

And I'm down and then I go back up to hit something at the top of my phone. Uh-huh. And at the exact time that I want to hit the arrow to go back, an alert pops up. Uh-huh. And then I inadvertently hit the alert.

Instead of where I wanted to go. Right. And I don't want to hit the alert. Does this happen to you all a lot? I know exactly what you're talking about. It is very upsetting. I mean, the problem is when you get a message. Yes. That you don't want to read right away. And you don't want it to be shown as seen too soon. And then you accidentally click on it. And yeah, you should be able to click unseen. Yes.

Yes. Or something. Yes, I agree because this happens to me. Yeah. I'm in the DM somewhere and then I like respond to one. And then I'm going about my troll. Right. Monitoring some accounts that I like to monitor. Right? I'm checking some things out, seeing what's going on on the World Wide Web. Yeah. And then I go back up to hit the back arrow. And at the same time, it's like Matt has sent you a message.

Like it's a reply. So the one I just sent two seconds ago, but I think I'm hitting the arrow. But right at that time, then I'm back in the DM and it shows seen immediately. Yeah. Then I look like a psychopath. Yeah. But you're just waiting. You cannot wait until they send you a message. Yeah. No, this happens to me all the time. The problem for me is that I am the person who's like desperately waiting for the reply. You don't want to seem like the person who's waiting for it.

Right. Right. Right. You know, it's, you know, it's fun to kind of be able, you know, when you have like the hidden messages and you, you can see what they all say without hitting accept. Right. See, then you look like you're cool. Yeah. You're not in there marking scene on everything. You're not a psycho parked out in the DMs. Right.

I love the hidden message folder. It's hit or miss, though. I don't know if you both get this, but sometimes I'll have people who accidentally forward my own story to me. All the time. I'll post that I'm doing shows and then people will send me my own story and say, do we like him? Is he funny? Yeah.

I'm like, I do. I do. We do. Yeah, we do. Really funny. Yeah. We do like him. But I mean, it could be worse, I suppose. Okay. So Matt, tell us about yourself. You are from Chicago. You live in New York. Yes. You're a comedian. Yes. And now you're on tour. Yes.

Yeah. And now I'm doing standup shows and I'm really coming to the end of shows this year. So I'm in Oklahoma City tonight. And then Louisville is the last show of the year, which is mid-December. Okay. How do you feel about being in like deep red Bible Belt territory? Well, here's the thing. And you can be, I want you to be as unfiltered

As possible. You won't hurt our feelings. I am always a little nervous when I get to the Bible Belt. Right. Like, I'm going to tell a blowjob joke. Right. And, you know, someone's going to...

whip out a belt and start spanking me or something. I don't know, that got weird. A belt would be a gift. I mean, yeah, really what I'm afraid of is not a belt. Because we have an open carry in this state. I'm sure. I drove here from Tulsa this morning and the number of billboards that I saw for gun shows. It's unbelievable. Did you see Jesus billboards too? Yeah, yeah. What did Amy Trump

No, no, surprisingly. There's one on the way to Dallas. Yeah, there's still a Trump billboard out. Trump 2020 billboard. I slept for most of the ride. So yeah, I also have done shows and like, you know, I'll be on stage and I'll see people in the audience and they just don't look like.

the type of demographic that is going to love a blowjob joke. And they're kind of sitting with their arms crossed. And I'm like, oh, someone brought their dad and he is hating this right now. And then they'll come up to me after and it'll be like a gay couple who has Hillary Clinton as their background on their iPhone. And they're like, we loved you so much. I'm like, see, you can't really judge. You really cannot. I have some great news for you.

We are a demographic that loves a blowjob joke. Do we do? I mean, you're in good company today. I knew it. I knew I'd be coming into... You know, the last time Pumps gave a blowjob, I asked her recently, was 2004. Okay. Okay. 2004 was the last blowjob she gave. So could you share a couple of blowjob jokes with us? Maybe it could be...

You know, I don't know, spark something in pumps. That make me dying to put a dick in my mouth? I sincerely doubt it. Yeah, no, I don't know if my blowjob jokes encourage blowjobs. If anything, everybody's going home and thinking like, let's lay off a little bit. Well, the good thing about our age is like, I think 90% of the people that I know, like

they don't give blowjobs anymore. It's like, we're married. Yeah. We're done with blowjobs. Like that's circa 1995. I have to have one blowjob joke because I like bad humor. I mean, one I talk about on my doctor has told me I need to stop drinking because I have acid reflux and acid reflux, you know, when your stomach sends all of the juices back up the pipe. It does mean a blowjob for me comes with hot and tingly sensations. Yeah.

So I will burn your dick off, but it will be worth it. Told you. We're a great audience for this shit. Yeah, we love this shit. Yeah, I told that in Tulsa last night and I don't know. There was mixed reviews. Mixed reviews. Mixed reviews.

This podcast is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Let's face it, sometimes multitasking can be overwhelming. Like when your favorite podcast is playing and the person next to you is talking and your car fan is blasting all while you're trying to find the perfect parking spot. But then again, sometimes multitasking is easy. Like quoting with Progressive Insurance. They do the hard work of comparing rates so you can find a great rate that works for you, even if it's not with them. Give their nifty comparison tool a try and you might just find getting the rate and coverage you need is easy.

All you need to do is visit Progressive's website to get a quote with all the coverages you want, like comprehensive and collision coverage or personal injury protection. Then you'll see Progressive's direct rate, and their tool will provide options from other companies all lined up and ready to compare, so it's simple to choose the rate and coverages you like.

Press play on comparing auto rates. Quote at Progressive.com to join the over 28 million drivers who trust Progressive. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Comparison rates not available in all states or situations. Prices vary based on how you buy.

Drive into summer with a rugged Honda Ridgeline, Passport, and Pilot. Get outdoors and kick up some dust with Honda, the 2024 Kelley Blue Book's KBB.com Best Value brand. For a limited time, well-qualified buyers can get a 1.9% APR on a 2024 Ridgeline and a 2.9% APR on a 2024 Passport and 2025 Pilot. See dealer for financing details based on 2024 Consumer Choice Awards from Kelley Blue Book. Visit kbb.com for more information.

Okay, Matt. So what we like to do here more than anything is shit talk. Yes. Okay, because there is a lot of fuckery that goes on. Uh-huh. And we have to know, what have you had it with lately?

Okay. So one thing I have had it with is when did we go astray? When did cake stop just being cake? When could we not just enjoy a slice of delicious cake without having to make it look like something else? Right. Because more often than not, the second you start trying to make it look like a shoe or a purse or like a hamburger, taste goes down the toilet. And I care too much about cake. Right.

To let it be disrespected in this way. You are a cake advocate. If nobody else will stand up for cake, who will? We're going to join you in this because I think this is something that has nobody's talking about this. No, they're feeding into the is it cake industrial complex. They are. Yeah. Big bakery. Big bakery is taking down.

Good cake. Yeah. Just a basic fucking cake around a rectangle, a square. Give me a Sam's club sheet cake. Whipped icing. I'm your girl. Yes. No, but you're right. It tastes awful. They do. They always taste all wrapping cake and fondant. Like that is not, nobody wants to eat that. It is only for the aesthetic. And it's like, at that point,

The related thing is there's one guy in particular and he's a very hot French chef. So I'll give him that. But he is like the chocolate sculpturist. Oh, I've seen him on Instagram. He has a show on Netflix or whatever. And I'm like, at a certain point,

You might as well just use concrete. Like if I can't actually eat it, then what does it matter if it's edible? Like technically it's edible, but like it's not because I can't actually eat it. Right. You can't go break off a piece and do it because then you're in the sculpture. Yeah. But no, if it's a nice sculpture. Did you ever watch that cake boss show?

Yeah. See, I think he's the one who started it all. I think he's the one that started it. And I bet you $1,000 those cakes tasted terrible. Yeah. I just like, I feel like we have prized aesthetics over flavor. And that's not, wow me with taste.

and texture that doesn't sell on TV, but sell it in my mouth is what I'm after. Right. I'm in, I'm in the aesthetic business. I'm an interior designer, so I appreciate aesthetics, but I'm with you on this point. Yeah. I mean, I don't want the cake to look like shit, but I'm with you on this because I've been to so many weddings or a fucking baby shower or a wedding chart that I didn't want to go to any of them, but I go because sometimes I'm a decent person. Okay. So sometimes, but,

And then I'm really excited about the cake portion. Right. And then you get the cake and then you get this icing that literally has the texture of clay that you played with when you were a child. And before I got the cake, my mouth starts watering like Pavlov's dog. I'm imagining the buttercream. You know, I'm imagining the whole. It looks nice. Yeah. And then I get it in the mouth and it's.

It is dog clay. It is a constipated piece of dog shit on the outside of that cake. And it's so upsetting. Why is it chewy? My jaw hurts all of a sudden. We need to defend cake. Yeah. Give me the cake that the Trunchable ate in Matilda any day of the week. It could look like someone dropped it on the floor. But if it tastes good, I'll take it. Yeah, I agree. Do you take pictures of your food? I...

I have in the past. That's so embarrassing. I haven't done it in a while. Have you posted pictures of food on your Instagram? Probably if you scroll back far enough, you'd find one. But I think, no. If I make something myself, then I'll take a picture of it. Yeah. Is that allowed? We can make an exception here or there. I think if you make something yourself, that's different than if you order something. Here's the deal.

We're going to Mexico in a couple of weeks. We could 100% take pictures of our food and post it on Instagram. And if that's the case, we change the entire permanent record right there on the spot. Right. That's how this works. This part of the podcast will have never existed. Right. No, I like to think... I always say, because I...

I feel like dating apps and food menus are very similar. Like everybody is posting their dating app photos like their Olive Garden or the Cheesecake Factory. And it's all of these like glistening photos where everything looks fantastic. And then you get the plate and it's like, this is slop. Yeah. That's like, I just feel like everybody...

Your food, oftentimes the grimiest looking food is like the food that tastes the best. Yes. Yeah. Just like a good hometown restaurant where all of the food looks like it was dropped on the floor a little bit. Yeah. That's always the greatest food. Yeah. You also mentioned you've got some hang up with coffee. Oh, that's right. Yes. What's going on with coffee? Tell us what this grievance is because we're always on the hunt for new things to be pissed off about. Uh-huh.

I do not think you should, if your coffee, if you're making it at home and it's taking you longer than 45 seconds to make your cup of coffee, something is wrong. You're doing too much. There are people posting videos on TikTok where they open up a cabinet and have coffee

an entire Starbucks worth of flavored syrups in their own pump bottles. It's too much. It's too much. I oppose syrups and coffees. Same. I'm a black coffee girl. Let coffee be coffee. Yeah. Why do we have to pump shit into fucking everything? Right. I've had it with that. It's like coffee in Europe, in Italy, in your homeland. Yes. You have...

espresso, cafe americano, latte, cappuccino. That's fucking it. That's the list. If you try to order anything else, they'll spit in your face. That's all you get. That's the choice. You know what I think the problem with capitalism is?

Too many choices. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Gets overwhelming. Too much. I mean, the fact one of pumps is things that she's pissed off about is how long it takes people to make up their mind what to order at Starbucks. Yeah. It's just ridiculous. Uh huh. You shouldn't. By now you should know. That's what I'm saying. Everybody goes like the people that I'm most bitching about. I know for a fact they go four times a week. I'm like, this is not a surprise menu. Right. I go twice a year. I know exactly what I'm going to order.

Yeah. Yeah. Like we've all, they're not inventing new stuff, really. My related beef is people who make just very elaborate, like high-end coffee at home where they're like measuring, you know, the beans on a little scale and then grinding it. I can get into that. You know why? Really? I respect coffee.

Yeah, but at a certain point, I'm like, what are we doing? Do you not have more to do than worry about how much coffee and all that? I guess I love coffee, but also I just love caffeine. Yes. And so I'm not above just, you know, Café Bustelo instant, slap that in a cup with some boiling water if I'm desperate. Yeah. It's not my preference, but like that is...

I just want the caffeine. Right. You know? And so when I see people who are spending 20 minutes to make a single six ounce cup of coffee. It's counterproductive. Just they have those $600 espresso machines on their countertops and they're running a whole.

coffee shop. They've got a whole Starbucks on the ground. Let me tell you guys this. At my old house, I had one of those built-in Mila coffee makers. It's built into the wall. The water's plumb back there, right? Because I love coffee and I respect coffee. Okay. So you're exactly who I'm talking about. Exactly. I'm not going to bastardize the coffee. But here's the thing. You push a button and it makes whatever you want. So you're not spending 45 minutes on it.

I love the coffee that this machine made. You put the beans in it, would grind it. Here was the fucking problem with the Miele coffee maker. It was the bossiest piece of equipment I've ever owned. It's bossier than my Apple watch. It's unbelievable. This watch...

I, it is, it rules my life. Stand up. You're in a place that's too loud. I do everything it says, right? This coffee maker, you would get up in the morning and again, Pavlov's dog, like all I can think about is that, you know, that like dark and I'm talking pharmaceutical strength coffee hitting my taste buds, you know? So I'm imagining going in there and hitting the start button and then it goes, it's time to descale your coffee maker. Oh, that's the worst. The descaling of this thing takes like 40,

minutes yeah and then it was like empty this add more this and I was just like fucking I just want the pod so when we moved to our new house I didn't put the meal of coffee maker in it despite it makes fantastic coffee yeah because I didn't like all the maintenance of it more trouble than it's worth yeah it just seems that's why I truly am the opposite I like go get my bucket of well water outside and just pour it in whatever shitty $10 coffee machine that I bought

Okay, tell us how you feel about the cycle of hydration. Oh, yes. I just...

Listen, I've been on like a fitness journey in the past several years. I feel like the number one thing is to stop you right there. Did you just say fitness journey? Did I step in it? Did you say journey? The simplest way to put it. Okay. I just I just want it noted for the permanent record that we didn't let it slide. Tell us about your fitness journey. Go ahead.

Really what I'm trying to say is that one of the main things that it's like, you know, all of these fitness people are like even more important than going to the gym and eating properly is just staying hydrated. Right. But the second I have a sip of water, I have to pee. It is constant, unrelenting. I didn't ask for this. I don't understand. We need whatever the opposite of like getting your stomach stapled, for

For my bladder, I want that. Blow it up more. There's got to be a way. Because, yeah, I mean, I'm sure the older I'm getting now, yes, I'm like, okay, I have to get up to pee like twice a week. Yeah. Twice a night, twice a day. If only twice a week. Wouldn't that be heaven? Yeah. It would be heaven, especially at night. Yeah. It's nothing worse. And I know at this point people are like, you're diabetic, you have this disease or whatever. Yeah.

Probably. But for the time being, I'm just going to complain about it. I don't. It's a never-ending cycle of hydrating and pissing. It's awful. Yeah. Also, Kylie, she intentionally dehydrates to avoid peeing. That's smart. That's what I think. If you got to cut corners somewhere. Yeah.

I say do it. See, my issue is that I'm so lazy that I'll just hold it for too long. And that's bad. You're not supposed to do that. Right. You're an air attract infection. Yeah. No. The number of times I have gone to the doctor saying, I think I have a UTI. And then the doctor has literally told me, I get 10 women a day who come in with a UTI. I get one man a year. It's always you. Yeah.

His point was like, you don't have a UTI. And I was like, no, I'm your guy, actually. This is it's me. But yeah, the number of times that I will buy the cranberry concentrate because I think I need it. Yeah, I'm convinced I'm like the only man who knows. Have you ever had one?

I don't think I have. So you're a hypochondriac. Self-diagnosed. I am a hypochondriac, but only about UTIs. And so I don't know if you talked about this before, but I have had it with cranberry concentrate because they need to warn you on the bottle. Have you had it? No. What's going on with cranberry concentrate? Okay. So we have very clean urethras in the room. Mine, I... So...

That's supposed to be like a natural... Right. I've always heard that. But it's not just like Welch's cranberry juice. That's the only thing I've ever had. No, it's like cranberry concentrate. And it is... It tastes like you're swallowing a firework. Like it is the...

Tardest. It hits you in the back of the throat. So you don't dilute it. You're supposed to kind of dilute it. But even if you dilute it, it's still the worst thing you've ever tasted. Really? Yeah. It is so powerful and so strong. And it definitely feels like, oh, this has got to be doing something. Because it's so potent. Yeah. But I'm convinced no other man on earth knows the taste except me because I convinced myself.

UTI constantly. Because you're a hypochondriac specific to UTI. Right. Yeah. And it's only because I never want to get up to pee. So I hold it and then I give myself an issue. I hate to ask, is there an STD issue here we're having that we have some PTSD about?

No, probably not. If we're being that, let's just say the odds are if we're putting the odds on one thing or the other, it's likelier that it's because I'm lazy. More frequency. Right, exactly. Exactly.

Yeah. If we had to count up the number of times it's because I didn't get up to pee rather than because I had sex. Right. I feel your pain. Right. This podcast is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Let's face it. Sometimes multitasking can be overwhelming. Like when your favorite podcast is playing and the person next to you is talking and your car fan is blasting all while you're trying to find the perfect parking spot. But then again, sometimes multitasking is easy.

like quoting with Progressive Insurance. They do the hard work of comparing rates so you can find a great rate that works for you, even if it's not with them. Give their nifty comparison tool a try, and you might just find getting the rate and coverage you need is easy. All you need to do is visit Progressive's website to get a quote with all the coverages you want, like comprehensive and collision coverage or personal injury protection. Then you'll see Progressive's direct rate, and their tool will provide options from other companies all lined up and ready to compare, so it's simple to choose the rate and coverages you like.

Press play on comparing auto rates. Quote at Progressive.com to join the over 28 million drivers who trust Progressive. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Comparison rates not available in all states or situations. Prices vary based on how you buy.

Drive into summer with a rugged Honda Ridgeline, Passport, and Pilot. Get outdoors and kick up some dust with Honda, the 2024 Kelley Blue Book's KBB.com Best Value brand. For a limited time, well-qualified buyers can get a 1.9% APR on a 2024 Ridgeline and a 2.9% APR on a 2024 Passport and 2025 Pilot. See dealer for financing details based on 2024 Consumer Choice Awards from Kelley Blue Book. Visit KBB.com for more information.

Okay, Matt, we're going to play a game with you called Had It or Hit It. Got it. Oh my God. Welcome to Had It or Hit It. I would hit it. Had it. I hit it every day, sometimes twice a day. Had It or Hit It, man on the street videos. Absolutely had it. No more. The second I see someone with a microphone outside my...

Holes clench up. I don't. Yeah, the internet has given too many people the power to think that they can just interview whoever they want on the street. I agree. Because let me tell you something.

Pumps and I, when our podcast was about what, five months old? Yeah. Pumps and Kylie and I go to New York. Uh-huh. And we thought we were hot shit. No. We take the baby mics. Yeah. You whipped out the remote. We go to Washington Square Park. That's ground zero for- For stupid. For man on the street interviews. And we think we're going to stop people and ask them questions. Yeah.

First and foremost, I want to give the people credit that do this because it's a lot harder to find a candidate than you think. Yeah. Especially in New York. But we did it for about 15 to 20 minutes. Uh-huh. We netted zero usable videos. Zero.

And now have joined you in the had it category. Yeah. I mean, so I went to journalism school, spent 50 grand a year. Someone did. I don't know. We're still paying it off. Thank you, mom. Joe Biden, please. Let's forgive those loans. But yeah. And we had to learn like how to do man on the street interviews. And it's basically like get ready to be humiliated. Yeah. Right. It's hard. And yeah, I just I think that these these.

Teens on TikTok should have to go to journalism school before we let them just whip out a mic in Washington Square Park. I agree. You've got to have some sort of experience, training. It's not on-the-job training. You need to have... They need to be degreed. Yeah. We would have been banished and that was fine because we failed miserably. Okay. Had it or hid it, charcuterie boards? In general, I've had it. I think...

You know, just I don't I don't want to put my meal together for my for myself. I'd prefer it be made for me. Charcuterie board. You're just giving me ingredients and telling me to make something of it. Yeah, I'm just I'm not a grazer, you know, right? I'm not. I just I like to have a full. It's why I don't like I don't.

I don't like a Korean barbecue place where they just bring you raw meat and I got to cook it myself. I know that's a cultural thing. So, you know, I'm treading carefully. But yeah, I just don't. I like stuff being made for me. I like for them to tell me what's in it. And then I can be like, OK, I like that.

because whenever I go to one of those places, I cannot decide. I mean, I'm the person that I hate at Starbucks. I'm like looking at it. What does this taste like? Asking everybody what the sauces are. I mean, I'm horrible. But I do love a charcuterie board. I do too. I do. I'm a grazer though. I like to graze. I like to graze.

It depends. And I'm going to go off brand here and contradict myself. I think they're kind of pretty. They are kind of pretty. They can be in the right hands. Right. Some of them look stupid. You strike me as the kind of people who are going to a person's house where they're going to have a nice charcuterie board. Yeah. I'm going to like people's apartments in Brooklyn where they're just kind of throwing whatever shit they have. Like a Lunchable. Yeah. Like a Lunchable. Exactly.

Yeah, it's not great. Okay. Had it or hit it. Dentists. Oh, that's a big had it. Hate. I mean, now I feel whenever I talk about the dentist, I feel like I need to cover my mouth. Yeah, I literally have a follow up dentist appointment because I had enough cavities where they were like, we're going to fill some today and you're going to have to come back for round two. So I have to go back next week, actually.

Yeah, I just dentists are so passive aggressive. They are. Do you take the nitrous oxide?

I, oh, see, this is what pissed me off about the dentist I went to in New York once, never went back. Because he basically was like, you have a cavity in every tooth, essentially, is what he told me. Not actually. But he was like, you got a lot of them. And we, you know, we got to take care of these. And also some of them, because I still have my wisdom teeth. He was like, some of them are back there. And at that point, we should just take them out. Because like, it's hard to fill a cavity in a wisdom tooth.

And so I was like, great. So you just knock me out. Right. And take them all out at once. And he was like, funny. And I was like, what do you mean? No, you're going to knock me out. Right. And he was like, no.

And then he said, it's always the big guys who come in and act like they're afraid. And I was like, yeah. So he called me a pussy to my face in the dentist chair. When you're getting ready to pay for wisdom teeth. Right. So I did not let him take out a single tooth or fill a single cavity.

I saw something recently. I can't remember if it was a true crime show, but it was about dentists. They're freaks. That say that you have cavities and you don't. It's a fucking racket. Oh, yeah. And they say that you should get like second opinion. Yes. Yes. I've actually seen one. I, again, could be totally made up and I'm just presenting it as fact. Let's roll with it. But it was like they did some study. They.

Who knows where they sent some people to the dentist with like a suit and tie on and some people with like casual clothes to see if they would get different. It was like the same person they'd send it to dentists, but in, you know, different clothing. And they found that I think it was the person in the casual clothes got charged more for

Because they assume that the person in like the business clothes would be more like onto their shit. And so they need to be more. I could be mixing it up. But the point is that like they sometimes will tailor their clothes.

Their diagnosis. The point is dentists are running a racket. It's a racket. Your dentist called you a pussy. We're adding dentists to the things we've had it with. We're at war with dentists. Yeah. And I went to a different dentist, the one that I like now. And yeah, he was like, oh, you know, I did have five cavities, which is better than one in every tooth. Right. And so, yeah. So I'm getting those filled. Yeah.

But the fact that it was a different diagnosis, I'm like, what are we not looking at the same mouth? That's problematic. Yeah. All right. Had it or hid it mornings? You know, I'll say hid it.

I sometimes I might have written that I hate mornings. But no, I I'm trying to be a morning person. I always want to be a morning person. And so I'll give them that I like I want to be someone who wakes up with the sun and like here's birds and isn't angry and, you know, enjoys my coffee. But rarely does it work out that way.

We are morning people. Yeah. Early, early. What time is the alarm going off? There's no alarm. It's a natural wake up. I've had it with people.

Who say that they don't use an alarm. We don't use alarms. Okay. On top of all the other things that we just fucking crush life at. We are great morning people. Okay. So add that to your list of grievances about us. So when we are on tour, we share a room because we like to spend time together. We both wake up at like five naturally.

We have the coffee delivered to the room. Pumps goes and makes my coffee. And she knows I just like a touch of cream. Not some pussy coffee. Just a real coffee. Just a touch. Just a tiny little touch. And she brings it over and she puts it on my nightstand with enthusiasm and pleasure.

And we are in the best of moods. And then we start tackling the big things of the day. I love that. Like Wordle and connections and the mini New York Times crossword puzzle. I do love those. And then we share each other the results. All of this happens before 5.30 a.m. And our frowns are turned upside down. We fucking crush mornings. Yeah. You should see us at 9 o'clock. It's just a fucking disaster. Yeah.

It's a disaster. Yeah, that's when I'm starting the day.

It does make me feel because I also love I'll do Wordle. I'll do all of them. I'll do the full crossword every day. Very impressive. Yeah. And I have a pretty good streak going, actually. I don't want to brag, but I do because I'm clearly bringing out my phone. All right. Tell me how many. Let's see. I have a 51-day streak of doing. That's impressive. My longest one is almost a year. That is fucking. Over a year. That is.

child's play. That is embarrassing. I have 51 day streak. I don't know what happened 51 days ago. Wait till you see this. I broke my streak accidentally too and she brow beats me about it. Yours should be over two years. Mine's like 500 something. Wow. With 100% completion rate. Wow. Yeah. I'll get thrown off one day and then, you know, it really screws me over. All right. Last one. Had it or hit it. Harry Potter.

Oh, I mean, I gotta say had it. Yeah. At this point in 2023, we cannot, we cannot support Harry Potter. It has to be over. Everything good must come to an end at some point. Like I was a fan. I grew up with them. I, you know, I like, I actually, this is a brag, although it's not because now Harry Potter is canceled, but like I was one of the first kids. This is such an obnoxious thing to say, but,

I was one of the first kids who read Harry Potter in my class. And I remember it because I was in fifth grade and my teacher called over the couple of us who had read it. And she was like, is it okay for my kid to read? Because I'm hearing some stuff that it's like satanic.

Oh, God. Because if you recall – Yeah. There was a big – Yeah. They were like, you know, if you read the hidden message in Harry Potter, you know, J.K. Rowling wants your kid to, you know, suck the devil's dick or whatever. Yeah.

And so I was like an early adopter, loved it. But now J.K. Rowling is a piece of shit. She's a total piece of shit. And she keeps doubling and tripping down. It's honestly like it saddens me that she has this huge platform and is just unapologetically a piece of shit. And like, it's just, yeah, it's sad.

middle finger in the face of all of the fans who have been supportive of her. So loyal and made her, because she was like almost homeless when those books were published. And now she's a billionaire. Right. Well, and here's what I think like the lowest of all humanity is is

If you're out there picking on transgendered children... Literally the most vulnerable among us. That's who you want to pick on and browbeat and single out. Like I saw Candace Owens on TikTok the other day. And she was just going off. And I thought...

You are browbeating transgendered children. Right. That is literally the meanest, cruelest thing you could possibly do. They're not hurting you. It's none of your fucking business. Shut the fuck up. Does it make you feel like a big girl? Do you feel like you're hot shot now picking on a transgendered child? Yeah. I mean, have some fucking decency. And you know who does it? It's these women.

All these conservatives. It drives me fucking crazy. Yeah. No, it is. Yeah. It makes me sick. It does me too. Yeah. Because they don't actually believe any of this stuff that they're actually helping kids. I don't believe it. No, they don't. No, they don't because they supported Trump when he separated the...

kids from their families at the border. That's not pro-kid. That's creating generational trauma. So no, they don't give a fuck about kids. No, they don't. It's awful.

Yeah, the amount of statistics and stuff that it's like providing children with this care is literally life-saving. Yes. That, you know, if the concern is what if they regret it? Right. More people regret getting tattoos. Right, totally. And we let people do that. Anybody at 18 can go get 15 if they want, but they do massive psychological studies, psychiatric studies. I mean, it's not like a snap decision. Right, yeah. So it is. I agree with you.

Yeah. And the fact that someone with as big of a platform as J.K. Rowling has just like flushed her legacy down the toilet. Right. Yeah. Can you imagine out of all the things, you're J.K. Rowling, you have all this money, you've had all this success. And out of all the things you get wound up about in life. Yeah. That's the one. Right. That's it. That's the thing that winds you up. It's so...

Yeah. You know, that that's what you pick. It's not, you know, like child labor laws in third world countries. Right. You know, or Kentucky. Either one. Yeah.

But anyway, I cannot tell you how great it's been having you here. Thank you so much. This was so much fun. It's so fun to have people drop by the studio. Yes, of course. So good in person. I love it. Okay, this is the part where we have to talk about you real quick behind your back. Okay. I really loved having Matt on. So much fun. I thought he was so fun. It was so nice of him to come to Oklahoma City, didn't you think? He's lovely. Yeah. All right, listener.

Matt, tell our listener where they can find you. I'm on the internet at Matt Bellassai, wherever, you know, you can find me. Just fucking Google him. Instagram, Tik TOK.

Yeah. All right. Listen up, listener. Follow us. Go give us five-star reviews. If you leave a one-star review, make sure it's at least really readable and fun and good. We prefer the five-star. Follow us on Patreon, Hot Shit Tour. Send us a voice memo to Instagram to be featured on I've Had It. Pumps tell them. We will see you next Tuesday or Thursday or both.

And you might just find getting the rate and coverage you need is easy.

All you need to do is visit Progressive's website to get a quote with all the coverages you want, like comprehensive and collision coverage or personal injury protection. Then you'll see Progressive's direct rate, and their tool will provide options from other companies all lined up and ready to compare, so it's simple to choose the rate and coverages you like.

Press play on comparing auto rates. Quote at Progressive.com to join the over 28 million drivers who trust Progressive. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Comparison rates not available in all states or situations. Prices vary based on how you buy.

This podcast is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Let's face it, sometimes multitasking can be overwhelming. Like when your favorite podcast is playing and the person next to you is talking and your car fan is blasting all while you're trying to find the perfect parking spot. But then again, sometimes multitasking is easy. Like quoting with Progressive Insurance. They do the hard work of comparing rates so you can find a great rate that works for you even if it's not with them. Give their nifty comparison tool a try and you might just find getting the rate and coverage you need is easy.

All you need to do is visit Progressive's website to get a quote with all the coverages you want, like comprehensive and collision coverage or personal injury protection. Then you'll see Progressive's direct rate, and their tool will provide options from other companies all lined up and ready to compare, so it's simple to choose the rate and coverages you like.

Every sandwich has bread. Every burger has a bun. But these warm, golden, smooth steamed buns? These are special. Reserved for the very best. The Filet-O-Fish. And you. You can have them too.

Ba-da-ba-ba-ba.