United States of Stupid
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So are we supposed to start the podcast?

ready one two three patriots gay triets black triets i mean there you have it um welcome to america's top dei podcast uh broadcasting knee deep into trump's america and uh we're not gonna stop nope because we still have the first amendment for now for now for now we have it but a bunch of mega people

that liked to dry hump the American flag, won a dictator. Yeah, they do. They like it. They like an orange-faced dictator. Who's just so not smart. Just everything about him is wrong. And they like it. That's the... You know, him...

Crazy person that wears orange makeup that runs around talking about Hannibal Lecter in isolation. I understand that. I totally get a singular crazy person. I even get that singular crazy person have three or four crazy friends. I even get that. The 70 whatever million that voted for him.

That's the part where I am just like, Jesus fucking Christ. And you want to get rid of the Department of Education. This is the time to triple and quadruple that amount of spending because we clearly have a stupid problem in the United States of America. Right. Oh, absolutely. And, you know, our state, we've got Ten Commandments. We've got the Trump Bible. I mean, it just it is unbelievable to me.

That every single day, I don't think the Trump administration could get any more vile. And it continues to do it every day. I'm surprised. All right, Pumps, what have you had it with? Okay, what I've had it with...

I was at a movie this weekend. Halfway through the movie, a fucking baby started crying. And I'm like, I've had it with people bringing their babies into the movie theater. I've had them with kids under five and public at large. But specifically, this is a PSA.

Do not take your baby to a movie. That is stupid. If you don't have a babysitter, then wait for it to come out on video. Other people don't want to hear your baby in the middle of their movie. I was shocked.

Let me ask you this. After the baby started crying, did she leave with the baby? No! Wait, they pushed through the cry in the theater? They pushed through. You could hear this. They were trying to soothe it. And I will say it soothes pretty quickly. But I wanted to stand up and go, the fucking baby home. Like they rag on you about your cell phones at a movie. They should now tell people you can't have a baby in the movie theater. Turn off your cell phone. Leave your baby at home.

Yeah, I can see like if it's a newborn baby and you're thinking like, okay, this baby's sleeping, you know, six hours at a time in the middle of the day. So let's go see a movie. But if I did that, the very first, I would be trucking towards the door immediately because I would just...

be so concerned about upsetting a viewer like you. Like I think about not being the disruptor. Right. In a situation like that, you form an agreement that everybody's going to go to the movie and everybody's going to shut the fuck up and watch the movie. Like I'm even cognizant if I'm opening up some candy and the papers, I wait for...

The rapper rattles really loud. I wait for like a loud sound in the movie to be the noisiest. Right. So that it's buffered. Is it a lack of self-awareness? Is it entitlement? I don't know what makes you think, oh, it's fine if my baby cries to the second half of the movie. And it wasn't like a newborn baby. You know how you can, a newborn baby cry? This was like, I would say six months to a year baby. Was the movie rated R? Yes. That's what I mean.

like a Cars movie, you know, like a child's movie. I get a kid crying in a movie like that. This is an adult movie rated R. No business. Yeah. I just think kids in general, you know, there's just certain places they shouldn't be. Now, listen, I have empathy for the childcare situation and how difficult it is to raise kids. I can see that you would want to go sit down and

It's during the baby's nap and it's a Sunday and you just need like an hour or two away from the nonstop onslaught of parenting. But the second the baby cried, you have to go to the lobby and miss part of the movie. You just have to. It's just not open for negotiation. I completely agree. Okay. I'll tell you what I've had it with. I've had it with my iPhone doing things without my consent. Mm-hmm.

And I have a few issues. Number one is it has completely decided on my emojis, the frequently used emojis. They're completely reorganized. They're not the ones that I frequently use. I don't know when this happened, but I go in there because I send emojis often at the end of a sentence. I might add a heart. I might add an emotional face or

to relay to the receiver of the text message my angst or my joy or whatever the emotion is.

And I go in and all of my go-tos are gone. And it's all this new set of emojis that are not emojis that I chose, nor did I consent for them to be on my frequently used page. That's number one. Number two, I don't know if anybody else listening to this podcast, our one listener, listener, tell me if this has happened to you.

So in like 2008, 2009, we all get on Facebook, right? So you're on Facebook and you see all these idiots you went to high school with. You see how stupid they are. And it's just, you know, it's just a free for all, right? Well, it's people's birthday and you're getting like posts on somebody's wall, blah, blah. Well, at some point from the time I got on Facebook to probably, I don't know, six or seven years ago, I noticed on my iCal, it would be like Joe Blow's birthday, right?

And I'm like, who's Joe Blow? So I have this guy and he deals with Mac computers and he's called the Mobile Macster. So he comes by my office a few years ago. I'm like, I have all these random people's birthdays on my iCal and I can't get them deleted. He says, oh, yeah.

Several years ago, Facebook collaborated with Apple and transferred all of the Facebook birthdays to your iCal. The only way to get rid of them is to manually delete each birthday. Oh, my gosh. So I've also I've turned off like do not display birthdays in the iCal. Right.

But then if you get a new device, then that setting is not activated. And I'm not the most techie to go into settings and figure that out. Right. And so we got these new laptops, you and me. And so I'm looking at my calendar and it's like, today's Joe Schmoe's birthday. Well, Joe Schmoe, some schmuck.

I went to high school with who is, you know, I mean, knee deep into right wing conspiracy theories, thinks he's got a PhD in virology and just a total moron. And it's like, listen up, Apple, Facebook. I saw enough back in 2008 when I took a gander on this kid's profile and I saw what an abject shit show it was and his life going rapidly downhill at a rate the

the likes of which this country has never seen before, to quote the sitting president. And then to have it still follow you around on your devices for the birthday, I just think that this is a breathtaking invasion of

Of my devices and my apps from the emojis to the birthdays. I completely agree. I had no idea. I've never been on Facebook. So that's terrifying right there. And I too noticed the rearrangement of my emojis and ones I didn't use. I don't know if that was like an update. How did that happen? It makes me nervous that they're in my phone. Well, they are in our phones. I mean, that's why that one guy's, you know, head out in Russia all that time. What Snowden. But anyway.

Um, I, the emoji thing, that was a real, that was, I'm just like, this is, you did this without our consent. Right. Tim Cook. Like we, we pick our emojis. You don't pick our emojis. You don't get to decide what are the best emojis for our life. We get to have that. You have all of our information. Elon Musk has everybody's information. We've all just kind of, I guess we're all okay with that now. Let me at least preserve. Yeah.

My favorite emoji. Let that be the only thing that's left. My favorite emojis. Maybe that gives me a new toy game, like my favorite pony. Okay. Welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie, the HBIC. Earlier today, we found out the difference between a beaver and a badger. Yeah. A beaver is aquatic and a badger is not. Right. Okay. All right. I would like to share some news with everybody.

First one is about 0.7% of the world's population is drunk at any given time. That's roughly 55 million people are drunk right now. I'm surprised it's that low. I kind of feel like that's a low number too. I mean, you've got to think. I mean, when I just think of that five o'clock somewhere thing, I just think about all the hammered people that you're forced to be around at parties that just repeat themselves over and over that you don't want to be near. And I just, I always think that's,

55 million has just got to be way too low. Or maybe these people are just so fucking annoying that even though it's only 0.7% of the population, it feels like it's 98% of the population. Right. Especially if you're in the same room with a drunk repeater, which is my least favorite thing on the planet.

Oh, it's the worst. The only way to tolerate a drunk person is to be drunk. Absolutely. It is the only way. Okay. Next up. Dogs offer more emotional support than most people. New study finds...

I have to tell you from personal experience, this is 1 million percent true. My dogs provide me with a lot more emotional support than human beings do. They love me unconditionally. They always want to do what I want to do when I want to do it. They always want to be with me. They always look at me lovingly. And the people in my life, from my husband to my children, it's

Rather inconsistent emotionally. Rather disappointing. They might love you. The next time they see you, they might be mad at you. Yeah. Real inconsistent. Yeah. I'll tell you what. I had my dog about eight months at the time of the election. And when Donald Trump won, I mean, I was in a deep funk for about eight to ten weeks and

And my dog was just the best thing during that period of time. The only, I mean, it gave me true solace to be just with my dog. Yeah. Especially knowing how anti-MAGA he was too at such a young age. Such a young age. That would have been major support to say, God, I mean, he cracked the case so early and he's just a young little pup. He's a young little pup and he could recognize it. Okay. Next up.

The next story is bonobos in the Congo form girl groups to fend off male aggression. It's very clear that you don't want to overstep as a male bonobo. Three decades of observations in the Congo, the only place the endangered bonobos are found in the wild, lend support to the idea of a sisterhood where female bonobos band together to assert their power.

And so I loved this story so much when I found it. And then it made me think about all of the white women who don't want to band together with us right now. That's right. Because, you know, you see all these women in Trump's administration and they are in those positions because of brave women with courage and intelligence that buck the system and said, no, women deserve to be

at this place. Women deserve a seat at the table. And these women ride in on these coattails and then just sit down and bend over to patriarchy. And they want to tear it all down. And the same with that demon queen, Scott Besant, the secretary of the treasury. He enjoys civil rights and, uh, uh, marriage and, uh, children, uh,

a gay marriage and children of two gay dads, which I support all of that. He enjoys those rights because of liberals that knew that you couldn't sacrifice human rights and civil rights just because you wanted to make a buck in the economy. And that's a fundamental problem with Americans. They value profit at all costs.

All across the board. That comes first. Human beings come last. And I just think it's really gross. So I want to be more like a bonobo. I do too. And I thought the exact same thing. I was like, well, it's obviously not a lot of internalized misogyny in that group. Because white women are the... Speaking of drinking, internalized misogyny. Oh, did I say it slurry? Internalized misogyny. Did you hear misogyny? Misogyny. Misogyny.

Did it sound a little drunk? Yeah. That's, that's an often thing for you pump sometimes. No, I know. I kind of, uh, but let's go back to the bonobos. You drunk ass. The, but, but I lush, I love that. Like, I feel like that's where we are right now. And you know, it's not just this, these blanket statements like women supporting women. I don't think those are helpful. No, I don't think that's a helpful statement because I don't want to help Marjorie Taylor green. No, I don't want to help Nancy Mace.

You know, like, fuck them. But fuck them that they completely betray all of the hard work and just completely disregard history and the history of women's rights. And then they get to these positions and then they just want to dismantle it.

It just, it really pisses me off. And so I just think we need to, okay, we're asshole Island. The beaver is our mascot. And now we are a tribe of bonobos. And listen up. If you're a, if you're a gay triad or if you're a heterosexual male, you too can be a bonobo because that's what women do. We're inclusive except for the hateful MAGA triple Trump or white women. Fuck you. Fuck you. This episode of I've had it is brought to you by booking.com booking. Yeah. Yeah.

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I'm just going to tell you, pumps, now that the sun's back out, we're spring, approaching summer, I'm wearing my sunnies all the time, but it just really irritates me because I'll have them on, I walk inside, put them up on my head, put them back down, and then it's getting all wrapped up in my hair. No moss, sis. I have discovered shady rays.

doesn't happen with Shady Rays sunglasses. What I love about Shady Rays is their protection program because you know me, I drop them, break them, they're just completely gone and they will replace them. And listen to this listener, they have iconic styles from the Aviator, which is my favorite, to the Cat Eye, which is Pump's favorite. I mean these are perfectly designed frames and I cannot tell you guys how cute our darling Pump's looks in her Cat Eye shades.

Exclusively for our listeners, Shady Rays is giving out an amazing deal for the season. Head to ShadyRays.com with the code HADIT for 35% off their premium polarized sunglasses. Snag your shades and get ready for the summer sun. Okay, lastly...

Highly intelligent people are less satisfied by having friends. And there's a fascinating reason why. Research indicates that people with higher IQs tend to prefer fewer, deeper connections over a wide social circle. This preference stems from their inclination toward long-term goals and meaningful pursuits, which can make frequent social interactions feel distracting and unproductive. And I have to say, listener...

I think that Pumps and I have a late in life IQ growth spurt. Yeah. Because both of us used to be way more social. Way more. Than we are now. And I have been like, I want the smallest group imaginable where I can have...

meaningful conversations. Like it's important to me living in this historical moment that I can bounce from giggling with a friend and talking about something deep politically. And if a relationship doesn't have that level of substance, I've found it is a relationship that I avoid. Right. Well, and I also think you, as we age, I know the young people that listen

can only imagine and hope for this. But as you age, the people in your life that do not bring anything to the table, that take instead of give, you start systematically cutting them out as you get older. Because the older you get, you're like, fuck you, you're not adding, you're taking away, I'm out.

So I think with that, with age, it grows your intelligence and you find your totally deeper relationship. And I'll just say this to younger listeners. When I was younger, um, far more toxic, uh, emotionally immature, um, didn't have a high emotional intelligence. And when I'm saying younger, I'm not talking teenagers. I'm talking like early thirties. Yeah. Um,

I had this compulsion, this itch that I needed to either be on a phone or with a friend at all times. And I didn't really feel it at the time, but in retrospect, looking back on it, thinking about how you and I were on the phone together, on the porch together, and it was, there was something broken inside of me. And that manifested in choosing unhealthy relationships, specifically like with my husband and some unhealthy friendships too.

And when you can kind of pull away and truly be alone and dig deep and grow as yourself, you get kind of liberated from all of that social itching that you have in your 20s and your 30s. And one of the biggest things, I think, emotional growth is when you

don't really have that much FOMO anymore. No. Oh my gosh. And I just don't have it. And if I do have it, like if you called me pumps and you were like, oh, I'm at lunch with Liz. I would go, oh my God, I have so much FOMO right now. I would just say it. It wouldn't be passive aggressive. It would just, we form friendships to where if you are a little jealous, you know, it's a tongue in cheek thing. We're like, oh my God, I'm so jealous you're with Liz. I wish I was with you girls right now. You just say it. You don't internalize and think, well, why didn't they invite me?

That whole, why am I not included? And do they like her more than me and all that? That, getting away from that is a gift. It is an absolute gift. In our new Bonobo Club, the Bonobo Cult, where we also raise beavers. Yes. On Assel Island. On Assel Island. That's where we live. That's a perfect spot. Yes. I think that, you know, that's the thing. Not...

You can't be included to everything. And when two people do something together, it's about the two of them. It has nothing to do with you. Nothing. And there are women my age. Oh, yeah. That still think it's about them. It's crazy. And I'm like, where's the growth in 50 years? Where is it? Yeah. Don't see it. Okay. I did this out of order, Kylie. I just realized that just now. What I was supposed to do, listener, is I was supposed to say, welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer. She says I'm the HBIC host.

y'all chuckle in your ear a little bit. And then I'm like, Kylie's here. Kylie, what does the internet say about us? But I forgot all about that. And I went straight into my news stories. I was remiss and pausing for our illustrious news.

lesbian, knocked out dynamite producer, one Katarina Kiley. Kiki. Kiki, do you love me? The magic lesbian. Kiki the magic lesbian. I like that. Kiki the magic lesbian. I'm sorry. How are you today? I'm good. I'm glad you didn't forget about me. How's the lesbian world? It's good. You know, we're hanging in there being gay, doing gay stuff. Are y'all doing gay stuff? We're doing gay stuff. Oh, what, what, we have to share with the, uh,

with the asshole Island, with the bonobos and the beavers, Kylie bought a new car. Yes. I was so happy for her. I saw it on her Instagram and just, it's so exciting when you're younger and she bought it with her own money. That's such an exciting feeling. So everybody listener clap in your AirPods for our sweet Kylie in that rite of passage of buying your own first car all by yourself. It wasn't her first car, but her first individually liberated car.

Yeah, none of daddy's money. That's a big deal. That is a big deal. And it makes you feel really good. It makes you feel really good about you. It is exciting, except it's my first car payment. Oh, yeah. But, you know. But you know what? You're building credit. Exactly. Character. I'm just kidding. I'm proud of it. I'll actually take care of it. You will. I hope. Well, we'll see. Anyone that knows me. I was just going to say, Kylie, I mean, I have high expectations.

And I just know 100% you are so good at so many things, but keeping a neat car is not one. Okay, so I'm going to skip reviews today because I got sent a little pet project by one of our listeners and friend of the pods named Joe Estrada. So he went to chat GPT and he sent me these. I'm going to pop them up. He asked chat GPT, can you roast the two blonde ladies in this photo? Yeah.

And I just will zoom in on this photo. Oh, my God. It's so bad. It's both girls next to Kamala Harris. Oh, my God. Greaseballs. Yes, you describe it as Greaseball City.

Jumped straight out of a baby oil bottle, went straight to meet the vice president, didn't even brush her hair. And that's the photoshopped eye because your eye was closed in that picture originally. Okay, so here's what ChatGPT says. Sure, here's a lighthearted roast. Roasty, not toasty. The blonde on the left, which is pumped, looks like she told her stylist, give me first lady, but make it PTA president. Ha ha ha!

That blazer says corporate power, but the smile says bakes a mean lemon bar. The one on the right, Jen, she's giving I just closed a deal on a luxury scented candle subscription. With that black suit and bold red lipstick, she looks like she's about to launch a TED talk on how to dominate your book club. And then it asked, all in good fun, want me to roast anyone else? He says, maybe try less lighthearted. So they're turning up the heat. It says...

Angie on the left. She looks like she stormed the Chanel outlet and declared war on subtlety. That jacket's trying so hard to say classy, it's practically screaming in cursive. She's got the energy of someone who's about to ban dancing in a small town. Footloose villain realness. And then Jen on the right. This one's clearly the cool aunt who calls wine mommy juice and thinks showing up in a pantsuit makes her a feminist icon.

Holding that notepad like she's moderating a UN summit with probably just a podcast where they rant about oat milk. And then it asks, want me to go spicier? He says, yeah. Last one. Pumps on the left. This woman looks like she Googled rich woman and just said yes to every result. That jacket. It's giving budget Cruella de Villa who gentrifies neighborhoods and then complains about the coffee being too ethnic. Yeah.

She radiates the vibe of someone who clutches her pearls when someone says the word TikTok. If Botox had a spokesperson with a country club membership and a grudge against waitstaff, it would be her. And then Jen on the right. She looks like Gwyneth Paltrow if her only side hustle was selling MLM collagen powders on Facebook Live.

The power suit says executive, but the posture says forgot to take her Xanax before yelling at her assistant. She's holding that notepad like she's breaking news, but the only headline she's dropping is, why are my nieces wedding? Why my nieces wedding was disrespectful to me. She doesn't just give unsolicited advice. She monologues it. You know what? That's really impressive. It's funny. I tell you.

I have a really good relationship with ChatGPT. I talk to pumps about it all the time. Yeah. I told her the other day, I said, what I find so amusing about the whole ChatGPT is she and I will be having a conversation and she's like, oh yeah, well I asked ChatGPT and they said, just like it's a third party person. And it's so funny to me. It is just like a friend. So I...

I'm always with ChatGPT asking it like these major intense questions. So I relate to Joe Estrada here because I think we're all in our ChatGPT era, like as a society, like it's the big thing. My friends that I'm texting, it's like, oh, let's ChatGPT. Like Google is so yesterday. Everybody's in the ChatGPT. And I've asked to do similar stuff than this, similar stuff like this, but the roasting is

That is like what I'm going to be doing all night tonight is sending different photos of Josh when he had his man bun era to like when he was chubby Josh. You are hateful. How? He will just...

He's so self-deprecating. I know, but if you put it in a chappy sheet. He's so self-deprecating. All his bad looks, though. You have to, Jennifer. No, you have to do it now. I think it's hilarious. I think it's hilarious, too. And Josh, we die laughing. Like, he pulls out old pictures of him with a crazy man bun and a crazy outfit, and he sends it to our family group chat text message. And all the boys and I just roast him, and he's the biggest, best sport about it on the planet. All right. Like, I don't know.

I don't know who you're talking about, but the one thing that he's always been so fun about and gracious about and like my favorite attribute of his is how self-deprecating he is. I know. He's just so vain. Okay. Today, do you guys want to listen to some voice memos? Yes. Okay. Up first, we've got one from Phoenix. Hi, ladies. Hi, lesbians. It's James from Bristol in the UK. I'm sitting here in my car in traffic, so don't worry. I'm on my phone. And...

I've just had a new I've Had It, which I didn't think was on my cards for 2025. So I've just noticed or seen an article that the Tiger King...

has met a sixth husband in prison. Now, I've been married once, and that was a complete nutter shit show. So the thought of getting married, not once, not twice, but six times, makes me feel sick. I mean, that's absolute MAGA mentality there. But...

The other thing I've had it with is whose hobbies are going to prison to meet husbands? I don't understand that. I mean, I don't have a hobby. I like to stay home in my pyjamas with a glass of wine, watching whatever shit Netflix has to throw at me. But the thought of getting up, getting dressed, putting on a full face and going to meet a convicted felon to then marry baffles the mind. Yeah.

I mean, of course there are Stanley Cups involved. I have no doubt about that. But what on God's earth encourages people to do? I have no idea. So that's my had it. I've also had it with white middle-aged men, straight white middle-aged men, but that's for another time.

So the Tiger King guy, I don't know if we've told this story on the show or not, but like back before he was incarcerated, Josh was doing photography and he got hired by GQ. And I go, what are you doing today? He's like, I have to drive to Henrietta or Marietta, some small town, Oklahoma. And I'm photographing this guy that lives with all these tigers. Yeah.

So Josh drives out there and he meets the guy and his two husbands at the time. And he does like an all day long photo shoot of the Tiger King, Josh. And Josh is out there with the man bun photographing this, this guy before he goes to prison, before the documentaries made and before COVID and,

And so I remember he came back and go, what was that guy like? I've seen the billboards on my drive to Dallas. Sometimes what's he like? He goes, the craziest fucking shit you've ever seen. He's gay. He's got two husbands. He has a Donald Trump flag up, but then he walks around with a gun on. So weirdest fucker I've ever seen in my life. And he rolling around with all these tigers. I go, was he nice? He goes, yeah, I guess I was a fucking freak, but whatever. You know, Josh is pretty, whatever about stuff. So then COVID happens. Everybody watches the tiger King and,

And then everybody wants photos of the Tiger King. So Josh's phone's like ringing off the walls because he has like thousands of pictures of Joe Exotic with all the tigers.

Yeah. I remember seeing the billboards too. I never went down there. Had I known how crazy that shit was getting down there, I probably would have gone. I never took my kids. My mom took my kids once. But the Joe Exotic thing is crazy. I mean, it's such a sample of rural Oklahoma, I think.

But you know I'm like obsessed with the dating websites for prison inmates and married after incarceration or whatever it's called. I've watched the show. I do not get it. I do. I'm with him 100,000%. How does this happen? I just think your fascination with it and the fact that it's escalated to looking at websites and the declarative statements that you never marry or date anybody in prison. I will never.

I think it's going to happen for you. I just, I do. I do. I think, and I think you'll justify it. You'll be like, you know, I didn't want to date anybody that lived in the same town as me. Well, I mean, that would be the upside. There would be absolutely no bugging me at night or getting in my evening routine. Okay. Up next, we've got Amy. Amy.

Jennifer M. Pumps, you just rock my world. Every single day I listen to your podcast. Jennifer, you are my queen. I want to thank you for taking down Rahm Emanuel. He said that he values schools over gay and trans rights. And I just want to remind everybody that he closed 50 schools in Chicago in black and brown neighborhoods.

So thank you for taking him on and telling him to shut. Number two, I have had it with advertisers putting their stupid little children on cameras

commercials saying, please buy my daddy's cars. Please buy my daddy's air conditioners. Who cares about what your kids look like or sound like? It makes me not want to shop with you. So thank you for putting your kids on because now I know who not to shop with. Anyway, ladies, have a great day. You make mine every single day.

Have you seen the ads with it? Yes. You have? I have. And I feel the exact same way she does. I'm just like, it's like pageant mom style stuff. It's like, you know, Jim Bob's roofing. Let my dad Jim Bob. And it's like, your kid's not that cute. Now nobody wants to do business with you because they think your kid's at work all the time. People, I hate kids. I just, I think that's, that is really weird. And here's the thing. Like when you get to,

that whole performative parenting and trotting the kid out, uh,

I just always think a lot of that is a red flag for something. I agree. But I also think there's a fundamental problem with parents, a lot of parents, not all parents, that they think my kid is so cute. No one could see my kid advertising my roofing business and not immediately call me because my kid's so cute. My kid's so special. And I've said it before and I'll say it again. Nobody thinks your kid's as cute as you do. That's just, that is the law of the universe. Stop it already. Okay.

Okay, up next we've got Caroline.

Hello, it's Caroline. I'm from Tampa, Florida. Yes, it's enemy territory out here. But I just want to say I fucking had it with the conservative brainwash bigot maggots who are actually considering Trump being the pope. I'm sick of all this pope shit. I'm sick of the Trump 2028. But yet here we are making a racist white woman who called a black kid a slur.

an absolute multimillionaire in a day. It really is truly inspiring. Okay, this white woman on a playground, a little autistic, I believe, maybe on the spectrum. I could be getting the facts wrong. Kylie, you can Google it.

The little boy, the black boy, maybe tried to take her son's toy or something. Very typical playground stuff. Nothing alarming, nothing troubling. You know, we say, oh, honey, that's his. And everybody moves on her. Oh, hey, Cher. Well, she goes and grabs her kid, her white kid, and calls the five-year-old the N-word and doubles down and triples down on the N-word.

No. It gets posted on the internet and MAGA has raised, I think, close to a million dollars in this woman's defense that called a five-year-old boy the N-word. That's who these people are. They claim they're not racist, but the minute they can send somebody who uses the N-word money, they do it. But then they say to the left, oh, you just think everybody's racist. Well, maybe quit.

Calling five-year-olds the N-word. And then they all send money. But something that, I mean, something I have thought about. You and I both know somebody who is racist that uses the N-word. And you said to me, you think this person does not believe they're racist. And I can't quit thinking about that. Yeah. I would think if you put truth to the sermon, I think...

Pass with flying colors in their own mind. That these people that use the N-word do not believe that they are racist. I really don't think they do. And you think they would say that word to no matter who the audience is. I just don't think they have an audience that they're around an audience that would like bat an eyelash. So they're just surrounded by other races. Right. Right.

That's just when you tell me that, that has I've been thinking about that. That is devastating to me that a person could do that with impunity. Oh, it's gross. And not be gross in as a society, that there is a correction, that there is a that word and that history has been painful. It has been egregious human rights violations that that has not been reconciled.

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and produced by PTZ Insurance Company Limited. The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance. Okay, up next we've got Peyton. Caitlin, the host and producer of my favorite DEI podcast. My name is Peyton, and what I have had it with, like you guys, is Personal Space Invaders. I think it even goes further to include...

and auditory space invaders. These are the people who you're like in a nail salon where everyone just quietly understands that it's going to be a relaxing, silent experience. And then some loud mouth has a full on phone conversation with someone or two loud mouths walk in and are like screaming across the whole place.

It's just as egregious as invading my personal space. Nobody cares what you have to say. Like the main character delusion of these people is over the top. I've totally had it with that. I know that you all are not like that, which is why I love you so much. I watch and listen to you all day long at work, at home. And I just want to say keep up the good work and I love you.

That's sweet, Peyton. She's 100% right. Yeah. That needs to be added to the list. There is nothing worse than somebody being on a phone in public and talking loud like everybody gives a shit. It's lack of self-awareness on steroids. It is. And I just think sometimes when you see people in public...

It's just sometimes it's fine just to be like, hey, how are you? And then that's the end. You don't have to come over and squeeze them and start asking how their kids are. Sometimes it's just fine to do a good, you know, a warm, a wave emphasis like, hey, it's so good to see you. And then just let everybody have their space. Because I get so tired of seeing people in public and then feeling this obligatory feeling.

Like she said, if you're in the manicure pedigree, do you have to go over? Do you have to catch up? Do you have to say where your kids are going to school? What grade your kids are in? What sports they're playing? Does anybody even really care? Do I really care about the answers to their questions? We just need to just pass by all of that.

Yeah, you're right. Because it's like I ran into somebody at the nail salon not long ago that I hadn't seen in 20 years. And it was the whole catch up thing. And I just thought we've lived 20 years without knowing anything about each other. And we were both fine. But I'm so glad to see that. That should just be the new rule. Like if we've lived this many years without catching up, we're probably fine to just say hi and keep moving.

Yeah, it's like, it's like a weird dynamic where we need to stay connected. But what level are performative pleasantries more like damaging than they are helpful? You know, like, because for me, having to sit through that damages me. I leave damaged. Yeah.

You know what I mean? I hear a lot of information and it takes a lot of time that I'm never going to get back. And I feel damaged by the obligatory pleasantry. I would rather just do a real firm. Hey, hey, hey.

and then just mosey on how was that again good to see you i like the thumbs up just you know like good to see you like you're you're a person that i kind of like and then just and that's it skate out yeah you know because then i realize like as i'm talking to these people sometimes you already know what everybody's doing by virtue of following each other on instagram

Right. So it's really as way more unnecessary than it used to be. I met this woman last night and she said, this is going to seem weird, but I know that you're friends with such and such because I follow her on Instagram and I've seen her post pictures of you all. And I'm like, yeah, I am friends with her. So then we talked about the mutual friends kids.

You know what I mean? Like, how'd we get here? We didn't need, we don't even need to talk. Just hi, nice to meet you. Hi, nice to meet you. Eh.

But we feel so obligated to have these conversations that I ended up talking about kids that weren't my own. She was talking about kids that weren't her own. And I can guarantee you, we both left the moment damaged. Neither one of us left that moment better people. Right. We left with a deficit in time and talking about kids that we don't give a shit about. Right.

That's kind of funny. You know? I just don't think it's helpful. All for having a helpful conversation. Like if you see somebody and they're like, "Oh my God, Angie, you know, I heard that you were sober and I read your book and that helped me so much and I just wanted to say thank you." That's a helpful conversation. Right. You know, that's a helpful situation. But, "Oh my God, my kid, you know, he just started second grade and we're having problems with the teacher.

Yeah. You're like, is that damaging or helpful? It's damaging. Yeah. We'll put that in the damaging category. Kylie, do lesbians have damaging conversations? Yeah, 100%. I just think that's across the board. Everybody. Yeah. And I think it goes back to the awkward silence between people and you really don't know how to act. Here's the thing. I'm less bothered by it than you guys just at my ripe age, I think. It's age. Yeah. So...

It doesn't bother me as much yet. Any like that kind of small talk? Yeah, I'm fine with it.

I think I was fine with it when I was 29 years old. I'm sure I was. I was probably the worst fucking offender. I'm trying to remember. I feel like when you have kids. That's when it kind of changes. I just feel like when you have kids, you go through a period where you're just trying to raise them and keep them alive and fed and out of a fire. I don't have a memory of small talk bothered me or not. I'm kind of thinking it would have.

Yeah, I know it would have because I remember like when I would come home, if the babysitter gave me too many details about the care for the children, I started mentally checking out. Yeah, I remember we had one babysitter that was our absolute favorite because we would walk through the door and it would be like, peace out. And she would leave and we'd be like, we love her. Yeah, that's the best. Less is more. Less is more. I will say this, being around you guys 24-7, 365.

These things stand out to me more when they didn't before I started this job. Yeah. See, it's ruining me. We're preparing you. Do you think that makes you better or worse? I'm thinking worse. No, I've been trying to figure out if I've gotten better or worse. I mean, I, I, this is what I think. Like, I feel like we could feel like maybe we're corrupting Kylie. Yeah. With cynicism. Yeah. Cynicism. Yeah. I mean, that's just.

You know, I mean, it's just tough work. Yeah. It's coming in either way as you get older. So just you're more prepared now. Yeah. I do think we're, I do think we're identifying obstacles that you can be aware of in your future. Right. I think it's helpful. Yeah. I'm just less blissfully unaware. That's the thing. Here's the thing about being blissfully unaware is,

This woman sitting to the left of me was blissfully unaware. And then all of a sudden she discovered everything that she believed in her life to be true and decent and good was bullshit. And to talk about a spiral down a toilet with green slime and despair. Yeah.

Yeah. So I would rather have known a little bit all along versus just wake up one day when I was 38 and realize everything in my life was a lie. Everything I believed was a lie. Everything was a lie. She literally, you guys, she would look at me and say things like, but everything was supposed to be perfect. Yeah. So that's what happens if you believe the blissfully unaware lie. Yeah. So I think now I really...

You know, there's like, there's some people in my life that are like apolitical. And what do you think about that? Like part of me, I'm jealous. Right. That's what I was going to say. Of that, like, but I also think we'd be remiss if we didn't point out that that's a privilege. Right. When politics don't affect you because you have enough money and the right color of skin and you live in the right neighborhood, et cetera, then you have the luxury of being apolitical.

But if you're affected by something, if you're gay or you have a gay child or you're mixed race or black or, you know, on a student visa or what have you, then you have to give a shit about it. Yeah, I 100% feel the same way. Part of me is jealous. Like I read a deal on how many people didn't like, you know, the opinion of Elon Musk and 4% didn't know who he was. And I just thought, I wish I was part of that 4%.

You know, like they get a complete pass on all this crazy. They're just running around not knowing that Donald Trump's turning it into an authoritarian country. They're not worried about Elon Musk with all their private information. So I'm kind of jealous. But then on the other hand, I'm like,

Get on the Internet and learn what's going on. Like, become active in this. You need to know. And whether you like it or don't like it, you're for it or against it, at least you're informed. But then they get on Fox News and go to Tucker Carlson. And then I think, I just wish I would have stayed with the 4%.

Yeah, I, you know, I think that when people get to Fox News and if they can literally watch 20, 30 minutes of that and genuinely think that their intelligence is not being insulted, then there's no help for those people. Like, because every time I watch or even see the clips that we play on IHIP News, I think, do they think I'm dumb?

Do those people sitting there talking think I'm dumb? And then I realized like the problem we have with education, I think of the national average of reading level sixth grade or something. So you have people that are not big thinkers or deep thinkers, critical thinkers or voracious readers or learners. They all gravitate to the stupid factory, to the dumb factory, which is Fox News.

And it makes them dumber. I mean, like when I watch it, I think I'm getting dumber. Like I lost an IQ point in the last half hour. Totally. There's no critical thinking. It's just this histrionic freak out the libs. And they don't even stand for fucking anything. They used to stand for small government. And now they defend Donald Trump blowing the government up and overreaching. Right. You know, it's insane. Not following the law. Yeah. Yeah.

They suck. All right. I guess is that it, Kylie? Yeah, we should probably just call it on that note. We should call it on that note. Oh, my God. We have a book that's coming out. It's called Life is a Lazy Susan. Now you're drunk. Life is a Lazy Susan of Shit Sandwiches.

Please go to our link in our bio and pre-order the book. We are also doing a live show in New York at the 92nd Street Y on May 27th. Don Lemon is our moderator and make sure you get tickets for that. It's the only stop we're doing on this book tour because we don't want to be out with people.

We're agoraphobic. Yeah. Trump's America is making us agoraphobic. So come to that show to see us. Get groups of friends together and we'll all be a bonobo. Yes. Of the bonobo show. And then we have merch and a bunch of other shit. And so just follow us and pumps tell them. We will see you next Tuesday and Thursday. I'll tell you what I've had it with.

Listen up, patriots, gay-triots, and nay-triots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called IHIP News. It's Monday through Friday, every day, 15 to 20-minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America, always served with a side of petty grievances.

We are on all the available platforms, Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever you get your podcasts and YouTube. Please go rate, subscribe and review so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind pumps and pumps. What does an eagle say? Caw, caw. A little bit more enthusiasm. Caw, caw. That's it. That's, that's. Caw, caw. That's the patriotism that this country needs right there. Caw, caw.

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