What in the Caucasian Hell
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So are we supposed to start the podcast? One, two, three. Here we go. Here we go. Okay. Happy holidays.

We are in full-blown holiday season. We are, and I've already had it with the holidays. We just got started. That's right on brand. I know. Like two days after Thanksgiving, I was in, well, the Monday after Thanksgiving, I was in a store and they were playing Christmas music over the radio, which I know is completely appropriate. That's what you're supposed to do. And I was just like, I fucking had it with Christmas carols already. Just bugs the shit out of me. I don't know why. I kind of like Christmas.

I like the holiday season. I got my trees up. I have lights on the exterior of my house. I have stockings up. I have all that, but I just don't. The constant Christmas carols 24-7. Let me tell you what the Welch family does. What? You play Christmas carols while you put the tree up? Yep.

It is not Christmas until you hear Mariah Carey. I absolutely love that song. And on my permanent playlist, I have Last Christmas by Wayne. How much money has she made on that song? Seth, will you look that up? How much money has Mariah Carey made on All I Want for Christmas? Report back to us. If it was just that...

And George Mike, or Wham last Christmas. I think I'd be more inclined, but I've- That's a great song. It's a great one. I listen to it year round, but I cannot stand the normal, the constant influx of Christmas carols. What was that one in the 80s, Feed the World? Remember it had all of them? Yes. All of the-

Don't hum for our listeners. Don't do that. I'm a terrible singer. Was it Feed America? What did they call it? Feed the World. Let them know it's Christmas time again. Okay. So Mariah Carey reportedly makes $3 million every single year from All I Want for Christmas and has made over $60 million in the song's history. Yeah. I mean, it's... I believe that. It's a great song. It's a great song. It's a great song.

Unlike you, Ebenezer Scrooge, I enjoy the holidays. As my mother, Linda Martis, would say, I like to celebrate all the pagan holidays. Yeah, I just, I don't know. I'm not a huge Scrooge, but I'm just a real weirdo about the Christmas carols all the time. You're kind of a little bit of a Scrooge. You are counting down the years until you don't have to put up a tree any longer. That's true.

I remember when our kids were little, I would talk to you on Christmas Day around 1 p.m. and your tree was already down. Always. Always got the tree up. On the day of Christmas, it was down, not up, down. Right. I would take it down on Christmas. I had a competition with one of my college girlfriends every year who could get their tree down the fastest. Yeah.

Yeah, it was after lunch on Christmas Day. Right. When everybody came home to take naps, I would take it all down. It's over. Move on down the road. Yeah. Yeah. But I was very good. I used to be a ton better when the kids were little about getting all the shit out the day after Christmas and doing all that. Oh, my God. I just remember something. All the shit I have. Oh, my God, listener. Okay. So I go over to Angie's house. She used to live on the street called Whippoorwill. Right.

Whippoorwill and I go over to her house and it's like right after Thanksgiving and

And it is a goddamn knickknack, paddywhack, give a dog a bone, 900,000 Santas everywhere. I'd never seen anything like it. And you're so anti-clutter. And as I start walking through, there was not one surface in your house that wasn't touched with some little holiday decor. And it was, you know, I'm kind of,

design stuff. It was all kind of precious moments-ish. Yeah, no, I still have all that shit, but I have it all in boxes. And as the kids have gotten older, I'm down to getting out one box. I haven't seen it out in years. Yeah, I mean, I just slowly chipped away at it. I think that's probably why I don't like it so much. It's so much clutter. I know why. It's so much unnecessary shit. I know why. Because they were all bad accessories. Yeah.

I think maybe. I wouldn't know the difference in a good and a bad accessory. Maybe had they been better looking accessories, your love of the holiday season might not have face planted. I think that you give me way too much credit about distinguishing accessories. I think subconsciously somebody as pretty as you knows when you're around pretty things. No, I just think it's too much shit to do for no reason. The kids don't care.

They used to care. No, I don't care. I don't know that they used to care. I think I made that up. Okay. All right. Well, so you've had it with the holiday season? The holiday season's fine. It's the fucking nonstop Christmas carols. That's what's over every surface. Everywhere you walk in. You walk in the grocery store. You walk into a clothing store. Everywhere you walk in. I've had it with that. Okay. So that's my habit. Happy holidays from the –

The star podcaster in the nation, Pumps, Judge Judy Diana. Let me tell you what I've had it with. It's just a little follow-up. We just praised the LaGuardia airports. Right. We recently were in the Denver airports. Yes. And you may recall what terrible design took place there. Oh, yeah. It was bad.

So, listener, here's what happened. Denver, I believe, is in the process of remodeling their airport. And we were in a wing that had been remodeled. So it was a brand new bathroom. And I had the highest hopes in the world when I walked in because I was fresh off.

that great LaGuardia public restroom design. And I walked in and I thought, so far, so good. I walked into the stall. It had the extra space. It had the hooks. It did not have the light above that was red or green, but nonetheless, it had the extra space, which I appreciated. I get out to go wash my hands. And much to my surprise, the sinks were

are completely all the way on the other side of the restroom. And I had to pass, and I know you did too, the diaper changing table. And there was a woman there changing a rather explosive diarrhea from her toddler that I could have gone my entire life without seeing. Right. So you have to pass by that and you have the scent, the sight, and the sound of this toddler and his shit. Right.

And then you turn the corner and then there's a row of sinks. So basically you walk in this public restroom and there's one row of toilets. You have to go down another hallway and then there's a row of sinks. Whoever designed this bathroom, I think you thought on paper, this is cute. This is neat. This is fun. We'll put the stalls here and the sinks way over here.

I thought it was an F, too. And not only did you have to pass the toddlers, there was also a changing station. Like, you walked in the bathroom, and there was the toddler changing station. Right. Exact same thing. So, I mean, you pass them twice. Yeah.

You can't get away from it. No, it was bad. We were both walked out of that bathroom like, what is happening? Kylie, did you use the restroom in Denver? I did. And I thought that that toddler changing station was a sink. So I turned a full corner and was like ready at it and then realized I still haven't found where the sinks are. Because you have to curve all the way back around. Yeah. Yeah. I can't remember what gate number this was, but it was the tail end of the Denver airport, a newly remodeled, bad designed pub.

Public restroom, take a play out of LaGuardia's playbook, Denver. Right. They've got it right. Don't try to cute it up. Yeah, it was bad all the way around. All right, listener, we would like to welcome. We have big news today, and I've had it podcast has grown.

And Kylie needed a bitch. Yes, she did. She told us she needed a bitch. And so we hired a bitch for her. Listener, welcome to I've Had It podcast, Kylie's bitch, Seth. Seth, say hello to our listeners. Kylie, am I allowed to say hello? Thank you for asking. You can go ahead. Hello, listeners. I'm Kylie's bitch.

So that means Kylie is the HBIC. That's right. That's right. And anyway, seriously, we'd like to welcome Seth. He is going to be doing a lot of video editing. We are going to be doing a lot of reaction videos on our YouTube channel in addition to our Tuesday, Thursday regular podcast. And our documentary club on Wednesday. Our documentary club on Patreon. But anyway, we would just like to welcome Seth and everybody else.

Go slide into Kylie's DMs, K-I-L-E-Y-J-O-S-E-Y, on Instagram and congratulate her that she finally has her very own bitch. Love it. Welcome to I've Had It. We are bringing you bathroom ratings from international airports. And holiday cheer. And holiday cheer. Kylie. Hi. Hi. Hi.

So I want to read you guys a hat-it that we got sent from a listener. Okay. Her name is Ryan, and she writes in, Hello to my bitter bitches. I recently caught your show in Portland, and my face hurt all night from laughing. Thanks for the fun. The three of you are hot shit indeed.

I'm certain with the holiday season approaching, everyone is seeing that ugly, creepy little elf on the shelf popping up on their social media. You know what? I've fucking had it. We don't care that Sugar Plum, the motherfucking elf, has returned from the North Pole again to keep watch over the kids and report back to Santa. You know what? We've seen your kids, and you should be watching over them.

Not worrying about placing little sugar plum in precarious positions each night after your little brats are in bed. Keep that shit to yourself. I have had it with Elf on the Shelf on my social feed. Love you, ladies. Ryan. I totally agree with Ryan. I totally do, too. I remember we had that Elf on the Shelf when the kids were little, and I would go to bed and forget to move it. And then they would be devastated the next morning. Oh, my gosh, the Elf on the Shelf wasn't moved. And I would just be like...

One more thing to do before carpool. Yes. Roman sniffed it out pretty quickly. I got the elf on the shelf and I'd move it around. And, you know, that's the first thing they think of when they wake up. 100%. And I would forget to move it inevitably one day. And he'd be like, it didn't move. And I'm like, oh, I think its arm has moved a quarter of an inch. It looks a little bit crooked. Here's the thing. Like Christmas is so fun and it's so magical as a kid. Yeah.

The Elf on the Shelf is just an added layer to this bullshit that we feed the kids. What age did your kids find out about Santa? Well, I mean, it kept getting younger and younger. I think Sam was probably around seven. And he, of course, told Emily. And I think they told Luke earlier. But I remember that I used to have to get Emily. Emily, I forgot so frequently to move the Elf on the Shelf for Luke.

that Emily would move it for me. So that was clutch. Yeah, that is clutch. I don't know. So my oldest, Dylan, I think he was probably about five and a half or six. And so we do, and Roman's a baby, maybe one or two at the time. So we do the whole letter to Santa and we get carrots. We have the cookie and the milk. All that, the whole production. And it's really sweet. And that's really like a fond memory that I look back on. And-

Dylan, he's talking to me about it. He's running through the logistics and we're looking at the NORAD Santa tracker on the computer. So Dylan's going through the logistics of it. And he's like, so he has to stop it. Like, just think about this neighborhood. Just think about the street. And he's starting to like realize there's a time problem. And he's starting to kind of crack the case and piece the whole thing together. And he goes, mom, is that real? Yeah.

And I just kind of looked back at him. And he's young. I could have squeezed out like two more years out of it. Right. And I'm like, God, what do I do here? And I just thought, I have to tell him because he used great deduction skills, cracking the case that this is bullshit. And so I told him...

no, it's not. But the spirit of Christmas and the spirit of Santa, you know, some bullshit that I fed him. And he was completely fine with it. And then he played along for Roman for many years. And then Roman, you know, completely cracked the case. And I remember the first year that Roman didn't believe in Santa. Like he'd come down, he comes downstairs the next morning. He's probably eight. He comes downstairs and we do everything. He goes, you know, it's just not as much fun. Yeah.

About Santa. Yeah. And I was like, I kind of remember that too. It's kind of fun to think, you know, believe in imaginary things. It is fun. And it's fun to see what I get, what I get instead of send mom your Christmas list.

Part of it goes in the stocking. Part of it is quote unquote from Santa. Okay. I haven't ever, I don't know if I've ever told you this. So when one of my kids was, I can't remember which one, like first grade kindergarten ish. One of the other kids told everybody at school in the class that there was no Santa Claus. A whistleblower. A whistleblower. A first grade whistleblower. Yeah. It could have been later, but anyway, it was around that time. And that mother, one of the mother's

in the class called and wanted to fight and chew out, not fist fight, but wanted to chew out the mother of the kid that told their kid there was no Santa Claus. And I was just like, she goes in the you're a fucking nut category. She was going to call the mother and chew her out. See, that's the thing. You know, like the lie, it's stitched together so delicately.

Because it's so unbelievable. Right. And most kids hear from their sibling or an older kid at school. I mean, it's not like you're going to take it into eighth or ninth grade. I had a friend who like her son was probably like 14, 15 years old.

And she's still telling him it's true. And then, of course, everybody thinks the kid's a pussy. Right. Of course. You know, you cannot, past a certain age, I would say around seven or eight, you cannot let your son or daughter continue to believe in Santa Claus because then they're nothing short of a little titty baby. Yeah.

getting peer fights at school because everybody else has it. Think about an 11 or 12-year-old full-blown going to bat for Santa. Immediately, you and I'd be like, that's a titty baby. It's a red flag. Red flag.

Run. Run. Move on down the road. Jen, you'll like how I found out about Santa Claus. Okay. I was like six, I believe. And my parents had bought me a little Bible devotional, like a kid's devotional book. And it said like on the last page, it said, God is real, unlike Santa Claus. And it was for little kids. I remember I cried all night. Oh, how old were you? I think I was like five or six.

So that reminds me, you want to hear my story? So I was around five or six and I have a sister and brother who are like nine and eight years older than me. So of course they whistle blew. Of course. I immediately run back to my mother.

I'm like, mom. And I was way too young for it to, I mean, maybe even four and a half or five, somewhere in there, really young. Like mom has seen a reel. And she was like, yeah, I could see that like the wheels were spinning. I was like, what about the Easter bunny? What about the tooth fairy? Cause she had told me this elaborate scheme, this elaborate hoax. And when she was a little girl, she remembers waking up and she saw the tooth fairies white gown, leave her room and kind of billowed through the air. I mean, just a lot of lying. Okay. Easter bunny, all sorts of shit. She had sold me.

So I'm asking her and I'm really applying a lot of pressure. And she's like, well, Jennifer, as a matter of fact, they're not real. And I said, what about God? She goes, afraid he's not real either, darling. Yeah.

I just got wiped out on, I mean, immediately got wiped out. One fell swoop. You know, religion, any sort of imaginary friend, she completely guillotined right then and there for me. That was it. That was the end of it. I grieved for a little bit and that was it. And here you are now. And here I am living in pump shadow. Full of shit.

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com slash had it and get on your way to being your best self.

Kylie, have you ever tried therapy? I actually just started this year. You know, I think it's so smart. I think if I would have started when I was your age, I might have been healthier years ago. But instead, I'm still a work in progress. But thankfully, with BetterHelp, my busy schedule, I can schedule a session with one of their therapists online. I can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge.

And I'm able to just kind of go unwind. And I really value the input and the feedback that their therapists provide for me. It helps me get centered. It helps me be a better mother. It helps me be a better podcaster. And I would even argue, Kylie, a better boss. Of course. In the season of giving, give yourself what you need with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash had it today to get 10% off your first month.

That's betterhelp.com slash had it. Kylie, do you suffer from constipation? I do. I'm maybe pooping once, twice a week right now. Kylie, that's terrible. You know, I think you need to start taking what pumps takes. Comes in here, grandstands and showboats constantly about the success that she has had with the just-

Thrive probiotic, you know, it doesn't seem like that long ago that she was cramming a spoon up her ass And now she can't stop rubbing in my face how often she poops. That's all she talks about and Personally, I love this company's product called just calm It's a psycho biotic and I've noticed it totally levels my moods out. I think you should check that out as well Listener the just thrive probiotic and the just calm

Calm Psychobiotic have completely transformed everybody over here at I've Had It Podcast. Listener, if you're ready to take control of constipation, bloat, and stress and live your healthiest life yet, you can get 20% off your first 90-day bottle of Just Calm and Just Thrive probiotic today. Visit justthrivehealth.com.

and be sure to use the promo code HATIT. While you're there, check out all of their other clinically backed products. Take control with Just Thrive. Visit justthrivehealth.com and be sure to use the promo code HATIT. Okay, today, listener,

We are going to share some news stories that we have found rather interesting to do some dramatic readings. This story is from UPI and the headline is Texas woman finds possum lounging in her Christmas tree.

Okay. A Texas woman had an early holiday surprise when she found a possum hiding in the branches of her Christmas tree. A video posted to TikTok by Brett Brat 359 shows the possum hiding inside the adorned tree inside the woman's home. She said she heard noises after arriving home from work, but initially thought they were coming from one of her three dogs or her cat.

Oh.

Oh, Lordy B. The woman said the possum, which she was able to carry outside, was not mean or aggressive during the encounter, just skittish. She says, quote, as an animal lover, I probably would have kept it if it didn't smell so horrid. Here's the thing. Number one, how did this fucking possum get in there? Right. And how did, like, if it's, she's already decorated her tree, had it been in there the same? Number two, she's a badass. Yeah.

Oh, I would have been screaming out my house like a woman possessed. I would have been stage five. Meltdown. Meltdown. Ran out of the house, called 911. For sure. The FBI. I would have white-girled that situation so terribly. I mean, it would have been just hysterics. Hysterics. She gloves up.

She just goes in. She fucking gloves up, dives in, and then she, quote, tackled him like an NFL football player. And she would have kept him, but he stunk. Yeah. See, that's respect right there. I could not have done that. I would have seen that tail and I would have taken off running. And I think they have services where you have like animal control or whatever. It's like private. She gloved up.

Fuck no. You don't know if it has rabies or if it's going to bite you. Oh, no. That's the last thing I would ever do is try to grab it. No. This woman's a badass. She is a badass. All right. Kylie. Okay. So there's a new phenomenon. Okay. And it's called the breakup photo shoot. What? And I have an article from BuzzFeed News titled, This couple did a super depressing breakup photo shoot and people have no idea how to feel. So two 20-year-olds...

were dating for three years and they broke up a little over a year ago. They were both back in town in their hometown and the guy decided that he wanted to do a breakup photo shoot. So it's his idea and he's quoted saying he thought it would be ironic, funny, and artistic. He said, "I got the idea. Wouldn't it be interesting to use the same setting everyone uses for their happy relationship photos in terms of after the relationship? After I did it, it reignited the feelings.

We're doing better now, but it kind of made me relive the breakup. It brought it all back. It wasn't my initial intention, but I've been feeling that way all day since. Here's what happened. I'll tell you right now. They were both in town. He wanted to fuck her again. He thought...

I'll make up, let's do a breakup photo shoot, and I'll see if I can just slide in. I mean, that's the dumbest idea I've ever heard. I think you just do a drunk text or drunk call and say, hey, you want to hook up? Here's the deal. He says he has an idea and he wants to be artsy. If you're not an artist, stop trying to be an artist. Because that, like what he says there at the end, that it brought back the feelings of the breakup. Yeah.

I really think I hate this guy's guts. Yeah. He's a pussy. He's a pussy. Yeah. He's a drama queen. Drama queen. And I just, do you really have to document a breakup? No, I don't think you do. Let me read you some of people's responses on Twitter. Okay. So they post the original tweet that has the photos. Okay. And this person writes, and people say white people have no culture. Okay.

This person named Joel said, this is Trump's America. No shit. And the last one, Emily writes, what in the Caucasian hell? They nail, it's all white people shit. Yeah, I just think this, this guy just wanted to, he just wanted to do a little slap and tickle and he took it too far.

And then he got himself hurt again. I think he thought he was going to be – I think you're giving him too much credit. I think this guy thinks he's like artsy and he's like some innovator in photography. And it's just a bad idea from – probably the relationship initially was a bad idea since it led to breakups. And they wanted to double down on the bad ideas. Yeah.

So you don't think there was either A, he wanted to hook up with her or B, he wanted to get back together? Because why would you just call your ex out of the blue and say, let's do a photo shoot if you didn't have any ulterior motives? I just find that hard to believe. I think he's a grandstander. He's in the news. He sold the photos to the news. Why didn't he just take the photos and it never end up on BuzzFeed? Yeah.

Well, I brought it because you know what? I could call an ex-boyfriend right fucking now and we could do a photo shoot. You could call your ex-husband and do a photo shoot. Nobody would know unless you send it out into the World Wide Web. This is a classic case of a grandstander. Albeit he could be horny. I'll give you that that's a percentage chance, but he's a yak mouth grandstander that wants to flex on the Internet about his breakup. Yeah.

Because he's quote unquote artsy. Right. That's always a bad sign. Okay. Here's one. Ooh.

and now doesn't know whether to continue with their plan or to start a family. What? He went on to explain how he met the, quote, girl of his dreams when he popped into a coffee shop one day for a quick drink. Wanting to get to know her on a deeper level, he started visiting the coffee shop on a regular basis so he could speak to her while she cleaned tables. She was 19, I was 24, but age didn't matter to us.

She had long black hair, lovely face, and an amazing body. She was the sweetest thing and seemed to understand me. When clearing out his mom's attic, he came across a photo album from his mom's college years. He said, I flipped through it and noticed something. A guy commonly with my mom was my wife's dad. Shocked and stunned, I approached my wife with it and she said we should talk to her dad about it.

We got to him and he tells us about how he dated a girl in college, got her pregnant, couldn't handle it and disappeared to a different part of town. We explained to him how that's my mother and that's where this story leaves off. After overcoming their initial panic, the couple decided to stay together despite knowing they share DNA. But the idea of having children is now up in the air.

He added, I'm grossed out, but my wife and I talked about it. We're going to try to stay together and never talk about this again. Well, you know, that's the perfect solution. How'd that work out for you? Not good. Let me just tell you from personal experience, it doesn't work. It only makes it worse.

See, I do kind of feel for them that it was a random meeting. They fell in love. But once you find out you're brother and sister, I think children is off the table. You've got to abort. You've got to abort mission. I mean, I think that it would probably gross you out so bad you wouldn't end up staying married over the long haul, if I were guessing. The last quote here is he says, I'm grossed out.

But my wife and I talked about it. And that's the thing. Like, I think it initially you might still be clinging on to some original. It's just going to take a while. And you're going to go through the five stages of grief, you know, and then eventually he's going to get to the fact that I'm fucking my sister. This is incest. Right. Our kids will have chromosomal defects. Like, this is not good. Good stuff right here. Surely. Surely. I know. Could you imagine, though?

I mean, it'd be creepy. What if you found out Josh was your half-brother right now? Well, you already had kids, but let's assume you didn't have kids. I mean, I just think it would take a while to process that. No, I do too. I think it would take a couple years to get your head around it. I think you would have to like totally...

I think it would take, it's a total mind fuck. I feel really bad for them. I feel bad for them too. It would take quite some time to process it because obviously neither one of them are into incest. Right. And then here they are, unbeknownst to them, their dad has a slap and tickle with her mom years ago. I wonder with all of this, like people donating their eggs and sperm and stuff, I bet this starts popping up more and more. Yeah. All the 23andMes and stuff. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I kind of hate this father-in-law, too, that just took off and never was heard from again. Yeah. He's the bad guy in this situation. Yeah. I really feel badly for them. I feel badly for them because he's clearly in love. Everything's great. And then he finds out his wife is his sister. And that's just, that is, I mean, a gut punch. That is a gut, that's a world life alterer for sure. Well, the alternative is taking breakup pictures. So I think I'm sticking with my sister. That's the other one.

just when you thought it couldn't get worse. Yeah. The thing I don't get though, is he said, we want to keep going. They're a little bit embarrassed and we just want to never talk about it again. He said that to the news. Again, another great point, Kylie. All of this information made it to us because I started off the article by saying, a man has taken to social media. I'll tell you this much.

If I find out that Josh Welch was my half-brother, I am not posting that shit on the World Wide Web. Nor am I contacting the news. No. Of course you're not. Right. Because I'm fucked up, but I'm not that fucked up. That fucked up. There's a line. All right, Kylie, who else is fucked up? Okay, this is an article from Dexerto. Okay. Titled, Karen kicked out of taco shop for assaulting employee over receipt. Okay. It's a classic story.

The latest viral incident comes in the form of a San Diego taco shop snafu when a woman absolutely lost her mind over a receipt and proceeded to take out all her anger on the employee. The video, which was originally uploaded to TikTok, shows a woman who was in a car accident

shows an older woman demanding an employee give her a receipt while launching a tsunami of abuse towards the cashier. Instead of leaving, however, the woman continued to demand she get her receipt and even proceeded to grab the cashier by the apron, screaming in her face in the process. For her part, the Lucha Libre taco shop employee refused to back down and stood up for herself by knocking the woman's hands away.

That's just a fucking nut is what that is. Okay, I'm going to propose it again. The TSA needs to hire this gal. She needs to be...

at the security checkpoints, standing there at the x-ray machine, you know, as you put your stuff on the conveyor belt and

And she needs to be standing there going, I told you to have your fucking phone out of your pocket. Those people deserve to be browbeat. The worker that works minimum wage at the taco shop, good for her for standing up for herself. Good for her. Good for her for knocking her hands down. Let's get these Karens and let's repurpose Karens. We here at I've Had It are going to start a mission. Our platform for the year 2024 will be to repurpose Karenism. Let's get these broads.

out to places. They need to be standing at the Walmart entries. If you don't have on shoes, they need to chew your ass out. If you're at the airport acting like a dick, don't have your phone out, don't have your shoes off, care

carrying around too much shit, hogging the conveyor belt at the luggage carousel, you're snooping right up to the entry. They need to regulate all these people. Everybody at the airport that cannot follow rules deserves to fall prey to Karenism. We've got to repurpose and employ these crazy women and just let them unleash at airports. I think that's a fabulous idea. We hear it. I've had a chock full of great ideas. Karen's for hire. Karen's for hire. That can

be the name of our little like... We can start an LLC. Great. We'll start a little side hustle here. We'll start, you know, Seth, you can scour the internet to find videos of all these Karens and then we can connect them with the TSA. We can connect them. You know, Walmart has those greeters, those old people at the front door. We, you know, they still can sit there, but we need to get these Karens also at the front door. Just, you know, just running a much tighter ship in parking lots too. People that

They can cruise up and down parking aisles and go, you didn't return your cart. You better put your cart back up. I'm going to put this on the World Wide Web. Over the line. Over the line. Why the fuck are you ass in nose outing right here? Is there a good reason for this? Maybe monitor heterosexual couples that sit on the same side of the booth. Great use. Starbucks, people that are taking too long. That's right. Oh my God. The Starbucks order. What about a restaurant where you're lined up?

And there's a long line and you have to order at the register. Then they bring your food up for you. And you've been in line for 30 minutes. You get up the front. You have no idea what you're going to order. We have a Karen line.

standing right there going, uh-uh, taking you too long back to the back of the line. Yep. That's what we need. But Kylie, I want to take exception to one thing. I'm not that kind of Karen. You're not a violent Karen. I'm not a violent Karen. And I would never put my hands on someone or scream about a receipt. No, you're a Karen for good and you should work for Karens for hire. I should be the trainer. We've repurposed you on our I've Had It podcast tour trips. Listener, anytime I need anything done or Kylie needs something done,

For example, we're at the hotel and we need to steam our outfits for our show that night. I go, hey, Karen, can you call down to the front desk to get me a steamer? She goes, oh, it'd be my pleasure. And then she's like, this is Mrs. Welch in room 304. Could you please bring a steamer? Thank you. Click. And then she's impersonating me.

Well, I don't say it's Mrs. Welch. They say, how are you, Mrs. Welch? And I say, I'm fine. I don't deter them from that thought. Yeah. So it's not, I guess. But you could be our new LLC trainer. I could be the trainer. I could be the head cult leader of repurposing Karens. Yeah. I was going to suggest calling it Angie's list, but. I already have one of those.

I mean, I think this is a great idea. This is a great idea. A little side hustle. A little side hustle. I mean, particularly for the orderers that you've been in there for 15 minutes standing in line. People talking too loud in movie theaters. Yep. Phones ringing in movie theaters. People in public transportation.

Taking phone calls and listening to videos full volume up without ear pods in. The worst. Get a Karen on each subway train. Yeah. Each car. Yeah. Yeah. Each individual car. Regulating shit. Do we put them in some kind of little vest? Yeah, I think you do. Yeah. I just think they have on a black t-shirt and it just says Karen.

And they've got like blonde spiky hair. Yes. They're identifiable to people that need them. Yeah. If we find a Karen, she has black hair, she immediately has to go to a hairdresser, have jet fuel applied to it, and then we have to do it like a revamp. Kind of make them look a little dated, you know? This sounds like a TV show we're working on. Totally. This is a makeover. This is a reality TV show. We're quitting the pod and we're going to start this.

Karen makeovers instead of extreme. Okay. I have an article. This one is a humzinger. It's from the mirror in the UK. And the title is in quotes, my girlfriend is pregnant, but we've never had sex. She wouldn't cheat on me. A man. Here we go again. A man has taken to social media.

What about their car? I mean, there's a million other places. He said, I'm trying to put this all together in my head right now.

I know it's not Jesus, obviously, but I don't think she just went out and cheated on me either. We come from pretty religious families. Oh, really? What makes it worse? And it's been sort of an unspoken truth that we won't be doing it anytime soon, and especially not in my parents' house. He says she swears up and down. She hasn't slept with anybody. Yeah.

And he believes her saying she doesn't have time to. Seeking advice on social media, he said she's in shock. All she's been saying is that there's no way she's pregnant. I don't know what to do. I can't tell anyone in my family. And I know my friends will rip her to pieces for this.

Listener, who's going to tell him? Who's going to tell him? Who's going to tell him? She fucked around and he found out. He found out. This is a classic case of fuck around and find out. This is a well-documented case of fuck around and find out. I mean, and here's the deal. You can tell he really believes that she didn't, like he wants to. He knows he can't, but he wants to. But I mean, all the time, I mean, there's just...

He is the dumbest motherfucker on the World Wide Web. We found him. He says, I'm trying to put this all together in my head right now. Here's what happened. She fucked around and you just found out. Right. You just found out. This is a fuck around, find out. Right. She wasn't fucking you because you weren't going to fuck. I know it's not Jesus, obviously. Obviously.

I mean, obviously. That makes it sound like he really hopes it is. Right. That's the only other option for him. Right. It's that or cheating. This is rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. Which I have done. Yes. I have done for many years. So I have to say, you just have to break it now. Just break it now before pretty soon she's going to be saying she doesn't know how she got pregnant. Then they're going to have this baby and he's never going to know. And then one day...

A couple of years from now, he's just going to be like, you fucking lied. They're going to be on Jerry Springer. They're going to be on Jerry Springer. They're going to get tested. They're going to find out it's his brother's baby. I mean, like there's a whole. Here's the problem. He says they both come from like really religious families. Well, that's a clue. So they weren't taught about fucking around. Right. Safe sex. All they happen. All that. They've had to skip over the learning about the fuck around part. Now they're in the find out part. Right. Which.

We all know abstinence only is bullshit. Right. And every human being needs a robust sex ed period.

Full stop. I agree. A hundred percent. I mean, here's the thing. I think she knows more than she's saying. She knows a lot more than what she's saying. And she, you know, had a little side hustle, so to speak. Absolutely. She fucked around. He found out. And now she's like, I don't, you know, I don't know what happened. I don't know. You know, I think that this probably happens quite a bit in religious communities. Oh, I'm sure it does. What does he say here? He says she swears up and down. Let me just tell you.

That's not as foolproof as you might think. The swear up and down. I swear on the Bible. I swear you know they're fucking lying. I swear on my mother's life. You know they're lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie. Yeah. Totally. I mean, basically, you know if you confront somebody with a lie and they go, that's just not true. Then you know if it's, but if they start going, oh my God, I swear to God. Oh my God, I swear on the Bible. Oh my God. And they start freaking out. Then you're like, okay, you're lying. Right. Right.

Okay, Kylie. Okay, I've got an article from Sky News. Okay. So there was an airplane, Southwest Airlines, and it was in New Orleans. And it was already loaded up, so everyone's sitting waiting to take off. Okay. And a passenger uses the Southwest Airlines plane's emergency exit and climbs on the wing.

It says,

See, he obviously had a psychotic break or they'd be more worked up about it. Did y'all hear about this? This is a couple months ago. There's a pilot and he's flying like in the jump seat. Oh, right. Okay. And so he had been out at some rager. Okay. And this guy's like a total, like professional commercial pilot. And then he got to fly back as a courtesy on his airline and he's sitting up in the front cockpit, but only in the jump seat. Well, he'd done a bunch of mushrooms with his friends.

He freaks the fuck out on the plane. And there's like a thing that you can pull in the plane that like pretty much stops the flight. So he's trying to pull the flight like to stop the flight. The pilots that are actually flying the plane have to like jump up and like tackle him to the ground. This guy's like married, kids, claims he's never done drugs before in his life.

Goes on this like weekend trip to Vegas. I'm probably getting the destination wrong. Bachelor party for one of his friends or something. Eats a bunch of shrooms. Loses his fucking mind. He's charged with something like 86 counts of attempted murder.

Wow. Yes. I mean, it's like they're not fucking around because he was like a serious threat. Yes. Yeah, that was. And I guarantee you when his first time to do that. The mushrooms. No. Probably not. Probably not. Fucking planes, man. You just don't realize how lucky you are to get off every time. Speaking of planes, let me get to our next story. Bus. It's about a bus. Okay. A bus driver ate gummies containing THC.

Then passed out on a highway. He's now on probation. Let's dive into this. A commercial bus driver who pulled over on a Connecticut highway and passed out with 38 passengers aboard.

After eating THC infused gummies has been granted a probation program that could result in criminal charges being dismissed. Chin was driving a go-go sun tour bus in March of 2022 when it started swerving on interstate 95 in Stratford and terrified the sun casino patrons aboard.

Chin managed to pull the bus over and called 911 before passing out, authorities said. So he self-reported. State police said troopers found Chin unconscious and slumped in the driver's seat with an open bag of Smokies Edibles cannabis-infused fruit chews next to him. Chin was brought to the hospital where testing showed a high level of THC.

Chin, through a Mandarin interpreter, told Judge Elizabeth Reed that he did not know the gummies contained THC because he does not speak or read English. See, I know you're going to say I'm naive and gullible. It's a fuck around, find out.

I think maybe he really didn't know. I agree. I mean, he self-reported. I don't think he knew. I think he fucked around. He thought he was eating a bag of candy. Right. And he found out later it wasn't. This is in this episode. This is case number two of fuck around and find out. Right. He fucked around by eating a bag of what he thought was candy. Yeah. And he found out later he was munching on THC. Yeah. I'm kind of glad the judge let him have a chance because that's a big deal. I mean, that's a...

driving while intoxicated with 38 passengers. That's pretty, I don't think he knew because he's doing his job. There are 38 people on board. He pulls over, he calls nine one. It's a fuck around. Find out. Yeah. He's his biggest crime is he trusted a product put out by the American capitalistic society. I just, I just think that there's, I think it's totally plausible that,

that this man would have no clue idea right I think that happens a lot now because they've commercialized it so much everything looks like candy yeah these weed gummies or yeah it looks like a piece of candy yeah ice cream they do it all yeah that kind of makes me sad for him unlike the guy that's girlfriend got knocked up and he can't figure it out I feel like this guy really was kind of

had no idea he just thought he was you know eating some gummies right he thought he was having a couple gummy bears little sugar rush while i drove the casino passengers around yeah and he fucked around and he found out yeah tough break yeah that's a really really really bad tough break well listeners this has been our breaking news day from i've had it podcast

We are going to be launching our LLC shortly. Karen's repurposed. Hear us out about this, you guys. It's not a bad idea. They're a problem. Right. How can we use, divert their mania

And their neuroses to the greater good. And I think people that don't have their shit together in airports could use a verbal browbeat. I agree. I just think they could really. I mean, for example, we travel all the time and I saw a guy and they're screaming at him. Make sure your pockets are empty. Make sure your shoes are off. And then he starts going through the metal detector and his phone's in his back pocket. It goes off.

He's got to go back. TSA are rolling their eyes. And I don't blame the TSA agents. Oh, be the worst job on the planet. You're hurting morons. Right. You're hurting morons. So we need to have the Karens do that. Okay, pups. I think we have a lot of rock solid ideas to launch for 2024. Yes. And...

Number one is the diverting Karenism. Yeah. And number two is we've got to find more news stories like this. Right. And we've got to find that guy on the Internet and say, honey.

She cheated. I wish we could do a where are they now next month. Oh, wouldn't that be great? Maybe he'll – he's a listener and he can call in and say, oh, I found out it was my brothers. Yeah. That would be – oh, that would be great, wouldn't it? Yeah. More than likely, it's probably the preachers. Sorry. I mean, it's just true. Y'all know we're from the South.

All right, listeners, listen up. Go to Patreon. Join us there. We have extra content every week and hard-hitting coverage of our documentary club. Go to Instagram and send a voice memo to our DMs. Go to our link in bio and hit us up at the hot shit tour pumps you tell them. We will see you next Tuesday or Thursday or both. I'll tell you what I've had it with. Cheerio.