Just B Dating: Not Feeling It? Abort the Date!
10:47 Share

Kay hasn't heard from her sister in seven years. "I have a proposal for you. Come up here and document my project. All you need to do is record everything like you always do." "What was that?" "That was live audio of a woman's nightmare." Can Kay trust her sister, or is history repeating itself? "There's nothing dangerous about what you're doing." "They're just dreams."

Dream Sequence is a new horror thriller from Blumhouse Television, iHeartRadio, and Realm. Listen to Dream Sequence on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Meet the real woman behind the tabloid headlines in a personal podcast that delves into the life of the notorious Tori Spelling as she takes us through the ups and downs of her sometimes glamorous, sometimes chaotic life in marriage.

I just filed for divorce. Whoa. I said the words that I've said like in my head for like 16 years. Wild. Listen to Miss Spelling on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Angie Martinez, and on my podcast, I like to talk to everyone from Hall of Fame athletes to iconic musicians about getting real on some of the complications and challenges of real life.

I had the best dad and I had the best memories and the greatest experience. And that's all I want for my kids as long as they can have that. Listen to Angie Martinez IRL on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

So I've been talking about aborting dates because I've aborted multiple dates and I've been talking about this on social media. And later I'm going to get into the stories. But the date abort is about cutting your losses. It doesn't mean just being afraid and running into your cave. It means doing a little bit of due diligence and trusting your gut and your instincts. And if something feels bad in your body, not going.

So you got to find that line between being scared and just not wanting to put yourself out there and in something not feeling right in your body. And sometimes something doesn't feel right in my body and it feels like a pink flag and I'll go and I'll do a deeper dive as a result of that. And it's left me inside someone's divorce agreement, finding out that their ex-wife supports them and that they were lying about how much they make.

It's left me finding out that someone was lying and pretending they live in a certain area that they don't, that they're hanging out with a certain wealthy person that they're not. And it's left me realizing that a person wouldn't give me their last name. And I could have mistakenly met with them and put myself at risk. Like dating is also a risky business. And so I've aborted multiple dates. And it's not because I think I'm better than, it's not because I,

I will never be happy and I can't be alone and I just have to wait. I'm not ready. It's not because of any of those things. It's because I don't want to go out on a date with someone who is supporting a woman who asked me to pick them up on the way to the date. I don't feel good about it. And one thing I talk a lot that comes up in every time I talk about a date abort, I don't like how it makes me feel. I don't like how this is making me feel. Like you're allowed to say that. You're allowed to be that.

I had a guy on a text very early in, I don't know this person, I've never met them, start judging the fact that I'm friends with a married couple and go to dinner at their house and will sit next to the man in the married couple because he's a business-minded person and we talk about business. And I had a guy say to me, like, don't tell me that he wouldn't want to fuck you. I'm like, excuse me?

He's like, yeah, your friend is comfortable. I don't know this guy. I'm like, are you okay? I go, I don't like how this is making me feel. Please don't call me again. Like there's a strength in that. There's a strength in a date abort. There's a strength in saying, I don't like how you're making me feel. Now, by the way, if you have to say that sentence, it's probably somebody, it's something you should abort. You should be like, please don't call me again. If you get to that point, like it means if someone's like texting you back and forth a little much, but if they're being a little sleazy,

And you don't feel the way that someone's texting you or something or the way someone's talking to you on a date. Like, oh, maybe you shouldn't have worn panties tonight on the first day. People go sleaze. And I don't know how you feel about that. But for me, I'm not judging you. If someone is going to go sleaze, like go and people go sleaze early. I've had someone say, oh, yeah, like something like that. Wow. I like if you wore a shorter skirt or how about not wearing one pieces? Like I've had people go sleaze and I'm like, yeah, I don't like that. I don't I don't do sleazy.

And maybe you just have to get yourself through the check and get through the date. Like maybe it's not bad enough that you're going to get up and walk out, which I would absolutely do too.

But I don't like how this is making me feel. And I've done it where someone has been so different than what was supposed to be set up with. And you feel enraged and you, you gaslight yourself where you feel like a bad person that you want to get up because the person didn't present as who they are. The person presented a certain way, you know, on their profile or in their picture or was described a certain way. And then you see somebody totally different. And now you are gaslighting yourself because you feel like you're being superficial and

Because you thought the person was tall and they're short because you thought something and it's something else and you feel guilty. And that's sort of like you're gaslighting yourself because the person intentionally or unintentionally kind of duped you. Like you need to look like what you've presented as you need to be what you've presented as. And I'm sorry if this is going to be a hardcore business because it is, but I have been out and I've gotten up and I've said, I'm so sorry. I don't think this is a fit because I'm not leaving my house and

and leaving my child and leaving my dogs and getting duped, which is why you must FaceTime. You must FaceTime if you're meeting people on apps. Like it's not a discussion. You're not going out and getting dressed to

and taking that risk. It's going to make you feel bad. And you don't want to risk how something's going to make you feel because if it makes you feel bad, it's going to deter you from wanting to go when it's going to be good. And then you'll get full and feel bad about yourself and not want to go because you're defeated. So you got to really treat your time wisely. So when people are thinking I'm being too precious about it, someone was like, well, maybe they're busy and their text game is off or something because someone...

that I made a date with weeks before on the day of that I text in the morning by 1130. I feel like a loser. I don't like how it's making me feel that I don't know where we're going and if we're still even on. And I've blocked out that night. I text the person. They don't text you back within a couple of hours. Like, yeah, no, we don't have to go. It's okay. We'll do it another night. Why? Because I don't like how this is making me feel.

Like as a woman, you got to be strong enough to say that. And that's your intuition. That's your gut. And you could say the words out loud or you can know the words and back out. Quality over quantity. This is not a volume business. This is a patient business. So that's how I feel about aborting dates. It's absolutely something I completely condone. I don't care what the person is going to think about you. Do it nicely. Be confident. If someone's being a sleazebag, also do it just confidently and emphatically and block.

I've been thinking about you. I want you back in my life. It's too late for that. I have a proposal for you. Come up here and document my project. All you need to do is record everything like you always do. One session, 24 hours. BPM 110, 120. She's terrified. Should we wake her up? Absolutely not.

What was that? You didn't figure it out? I think I need to hear you say it. That was live audio of a woman's nightmare. This machine is approved and everything? You're allowed to be doing this? We passed the review board a year ago. We're not hurting people. There's nothing dangerous about what you're doing. They're just dreams. Dream Sequence is a new horror thriller from Blumhouse Television, iHeartRadio, and Realm. Listen to Dream Sequence on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Meet the real woman behind the tabloid headlines in a personal podcast that delves into the life of the notorious Tori Spelling, as she takes us through the ups and downs of her sometimes glamorous, sometimes chaotic life and marriage. I don't think he knew how big it would be, how big the life I was given and live is.

I think he was like, oh, yeah, things come and go. But with me, it never came and went. Is she Donna Martin or a down-and-out divorcee? Is she living in Beverly Hills or a trailer park? In a town where the lines are blurred, Tori is finally going to clear the air in the podcast Misspelling. When a woman has nothing to lose, she has everything to gain. I just filed for divorce. Whoa. I said the words.

That I've said like in my head for like 16 years. Wild. Listen to Miss Spelling on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Angie Martinez. Check out my podcast where I talk to some of the biggest athletes, musicians, actors in the world. We go beyond the headlines and the soundbites to have real conversations about real life, death, love, and everything in between.

This life right here, just finding myself, just this relaxation, this not feeling stressed, this not feeling pressed. This is what I'm most proud of. I'm proud of Mary because I've been through hell and some horrible things. That feeling that I had of inadequacy is gone. You're going to die being you. So you got to constantly work on who you are to make sure that the stars align correctly.

Life ain't easy and it's getting harder and harder. So if you have a story to tell, if you've come through some trials, you need to share it because you're going to inspire someone. You're going to give somebody the motivation to not give up, to not quit. Listen to Angie Martinez IRL on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

It's my opinion that when you're dating, you should have a dating board of advisors. And that means some trusted people. It could be someone you work with. It could be a girlfriend. It could be a guy. Whoever it is, it should be a group that you can go ask questions.

tell them the situation. Everything doesn't have to be somebody you want to marry. It could be someone you're just dating. And then you're going to give them the context to be able to be honest with you about who's paying. Do I go on this trip? Do I have sex? Do I not? Does it matter? Does it matter that he goes to church twice a week? Does it matter that he has four kids? Does it matter that his kids are young? Like have a dating board of advisors that are not going to be yes people that are going to

push back and then crowdsource. I'm a big crowdsourcer of opinions with business and with personal. And then I ultimately make a good decision, but that does reflect the advice I've gotten. Nothing's worse than getting advice from people and then realizing you're just asking them to hear, you know, yourself talk. Like you've got to be a person that is willing to validate and take other people's opinions and criticisms.

And in your minds, assigning who those people are doesn't mean it's not an official board. It's ridiculous. But people that also feel like they're part of it and you're including them and you're validating and thanking them, you got to thank them. Thank you so much. Like, it's a lot of work to be on that board if someone's in the dating process and they're not. But sometimes they're entertained by it. Sometimes they're married. They find it fun.

I have a major guy who's very successful and his wife that are on that board of mine that I'll ask questions. And you would be shocked at the perspective you get. One person gave me the perspective of don't go away with someone for more than two nights. It's going to be too much, too much of a good thing. Somebody else was like, yeah, stay in a hotel or don't sleep with them on the first night. Everyone's going to have a different opinion. And then like in business, you're going to ultimately make the decision yourself. But I think a dating board of advisors is extremely important.

valuable. And you could have one of your kids on the dating board of advisors. Like if your child is at a certain age and including them is maybe helpful, maybe makes them feel like they're not left out, or they may know you better than you know yourself because they live with you. I mean, there are many different ways to go about it, but I think it's a good practice.

So dating is like fishing and fishing is a patient game, as is golf, as is anything to be good at. It's not something where you expect a fish to jump right on the line the second you sit down. You could have a really bad day. You could go out for hours. I'm allergic to fish, incidentally, but I am aware of what the sport is like or the hobby is like.

And it takes a lot of patience. It takes understanding the process. It takes appreciating the reward. And it does take sort of not like just settling and not just, you could be frustrated. You could go home frustrated.

And you also could be, and I'm going to go now say fishing and hunting, because you could be a big game hunter and you're not going to settle for something that's less than what you deserve. And if you kind of fold before the big fish comes on your fishing rod, you could be doing yourself a disservice because if you get nervous and you sort of choke,

And like, then you just accept like something that in your mind is dating down or a smaller fish. You're being impatient and you're expecting it just to come on a silver platter. That means that you're not trusting yourself enough to wait for the good thing to come. And we've all done that. Like we all have done that where you've like convinced yourself and then you end up settling. And it's not just that you end up settling and you get less than what you deserve, which is the

the worst thing, it's that you end up settling and then you take up that time block. And maybe if you just went a little longer, if you just sat a little longer with the fishing rod, would you come with a great, amazing fish? So I think you have to be patient and you have to go through the frogs to get to the prince. You know, I really do think that. And that's where

people fold. That's where people, you know, that's where you separate the men from the boys, the women from the girls, where if you're willing to wait and you're confident enough in yourself and in being alone, then you might be willing to wait for something great because you'd rather be alone than be with something mediocre in any situation. I'm like that with food, with anything. I'd rather not go if it's not going to be great. And I'd rather not eat if it's not going to taste great. And I'd rather not date if there's not the potential of something being amazing. I'd rather be home with my dogs and my daughter.

Kay hasn't heard from her sister in seven years. I have a proposal for you. Come up here and document my project. All you need to do is record everything like you always do. What was that? That was live audio of a woman's nightmare. Can Kay trust her sister, or is history repeating itself? There's nothing dangerous about what you're doing. They're just dreams.

I just filed for divorce. Whoa.

I said the words that I've said like in my head for like 16 years. Wild. Listen to Miss Spelling on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Cheaters and Backstabbers. I'm Shadi Diaz. And I'm Kate Robards. And we are New York City stand-up comedians and best friends. And we love a good cheating and backstabbing story.

So this is a series where our guests reveal their most shocking cheating stories. Join us as we learn how to avoid getting our hearts broken or our backs slashed. Listen to Cheaters and Backstabbers on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.