Bikini Bush
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Hello and welcome to another episode of Telling Everybody Everything. I hope you had a very lovely Valentine's Day, whether you celebrated it with a partner, alone, or with friends. I mean, it's just another commercial day to do a thing, and Bobby and I have never been alone.

partakers in tradition. We didn't have a wedding. We don't do like New Year's Eve or we didn't even get our, each other Valentine's gifts, not even a card though. Bobby did give me flowers from the children, but I think everybody has a different level of expectation on Valentine's day. I've seen women who say like, if you don't come with gifts, multiple gifts and like a planned date night, um,

I don't even think I was like that in the beginning of my relationship. So Bobby and I reunited in January, though like our one night stand was January 7th slash 8th. And then by February 14th, we were already like moving quite quickly. Obviously, he had come for his visit earlier.

London and he was back in Toronto at the time but he did send me roses which was cute I just I think the card said just something generic like happy Valentine's we did not write our own vows we don't do any of that but actually this February 14th was very special because I was booked for a guest appearance on the late late show in Dublin Ireland and this show has been going either for 62 years or since 1962 a really long time I think I

Probably for 62 years because my dad knows it. His uncles all know it. And God bless their genetic pool because they're all still alive. My uncle own is in his 90s and he is an entertainer. He's a musician himself. And he stayed up to watch it live and he did me a little Facebook status. So I don't get nervous very often. And I can't say the feeling doesn't.

that I had going on the Late Late Show was like nerves. It was a really wonderful welcoming environment, really nice green room. I love being in Ireland and Bobby and I had 24 hours away from the kids. Normally if I did a Late Show we would fly home first thing in the morning like if I had a tour show or something but At Home with Katherine Ryan is streaming on U, U&W. It's available through Sky and it's available in Ireland so we had to do some promo for that as well.

In addition to my tour dates in Ireland that are coming up in March, I believe, or May, but probably March. I should have known these things. I'm doing like Limerick and Galway and Dublin and hopefully not Donegal because I sort of slammed Donegal on the show. I didn't mean to, but this is what I'm trying to say with nerves. It's live television. It's late night and I'm in my dad's office.

home country. There are a lot of his friends and relatives who are still alive and watching. And I don't want to cock it up in front of all of them. I certainly don't want to offend anyone

well-meaning relatives. I don't think a lot about offending people and my career has been overseas for all of my adult life. So I never really worried about offending people. Of course, when I started doing stand-up, I wasn't on TV. And then when I was on TV, there weren't streaming services and British comedy wasn't readily available in Canada. So I didn't think about it much. But now like everybody can see everything everywhere.

So I tried to be cool. I think I called my dad.

a little bit of a, I mean, what is the word? I inferenced that my dad might have been a promiscuous young man only because my dad was obviously brought up because he's from Cork. He only moved to Canada just before he had me. And I said something about when we were young and in Cork, we weren't allowed to explore very much. And so we didn't get the full experience as young girls. But I think that's because my dad was protecting us from whatever lifestyle, whatever

he led. Like my dad was protecting us from boys like him. And I do think God gives a man like that exclusively daughters to teach him a lesson about how to treat women. But I have no basis for that like assumption. I just picture my dad as like a long, lanky, young Colin Farrell running around Cork. I mean, I don't know.

I assume, I assume he was popular with the ladies and I assume that he didn't treat them that respectfully because all of his stories involve like robbing orchards and getting tetanus shots and hiding his own shoes so that he could go to school barefoot because it was more comfortable and he just sounded wild. I think he got into fights. I think the the priests wrapped his knuckles a few times. But I mean, how could you go to school in Ireland at that time like early and

the Republic of Ireland in like the 50s and 60s. Was it even the Republic? Well, I mean, what? Look, I don't need I should know politically what went on back then. Okay, it ended its British Dominion status on April 18th, 1949, following the passage of the Republic of Ireland Act 1848. Well, that settles that. But I think my dad was trouble.

And I think that I maybe shouldn't have said that because he was watching it live on his iPad from the DR, the Dominican Republic, because my dad is just burning through my inheritance at the minute. He and his lovely wife, Cheryl, have been on a bunch of holidays this winter. And God bless them for that, because the weather in Toronto and in Sarnia is apocalyptic.

My mother also happens to be away visiting her friend Judy in Florida. She and her husband Abe the Babe recently went on a cruise and they can't even fly home. It's such terrible weather. But anyway, we had a lovely Valentine's in Ireland. I was on the Late Late Show with Steve Coogan, Chris O'Dowd, Christina Hendricks, who is just inimitable and beautiful.

She looks like a porcelain doll in real life, and she's such a talent. And I loved her in Mad Men, which Bobby hasn't even watched. So this is brilliant news because Bobby and I always run out of TV to watch. And of course, we're busy with the children. So that means we watch Peppa Pig if we watch anything. But Bobby has not seen Mad Men. He has not seen a single episode of Mad Men, and he has never watched Sopranos.

And we were like, huh? When that news was revealed. And I said, Bobby, listen to me. Why every night are we like flicking through all the different services, like trying to find something that we both like? I will rewatch Mad Men. You will love Mad Men. Like men like Bobby who enjoy drinking whiskey, they love Mad Men. So well made. And I loved it when it came out. But it's so long ago now I would watch it again.

So he will know. He will know Christina Hendricks. And if you would like to see the project that she's doing with Chris O'Dowd, it is called Small Town, Big Story. And I saw the screening for it. It was wonderful. It was really funny. It was really well performed. And that's a Sky original. Loved it. Loved my time there.

But I slagged off Donegal. So getting back to that, there was a prize that was advertised relentlessly to the audience at home. Every time they went to commercial, they were talking about this beautiful hotel in Donegal. It's a five-star experience, and it looked like it would be really fun to win. And in addition to this stay, obviously the hotel is the sponsor. You get 5,000 pounds, and they showed the sponsorships.

the spa and the restaurant and all these wonderful things you could do if you won the prize. And then they said, yeah, you're going to get to go to this hotel in Donegal for five nights. And I was in the green room watching the advert for the first of five times. And I went five nights in Donegal. And Bobby looked at me and said, I was thinking the same, like who can be away for five nights? And this hotel looks beautiful. I mean, a picturesque, really relaxing place.

week, but let's have three days and then home. Like, don't these people have jobs, families, loved ones? I just can't imagine going anywhere for five days. So then when it was my turn to go on the show, Patrick Kielty, wonderful host, was giving away another prize to the audience. And I was the judge of who would win the prize. And I just said, and I shouldn't have said it. I said, five nights in Donegal is too much. I might have Tourette's. Like, I know that's the sponsor. I know that's the wrong thing to say. I know that alienates people.

possibly a large part of my audience who might come to see me from Donegal, but I meant no disrespect to the town. I just meant like five nights is too many anywhere. But specifically in Donegal, it's not like it's Dublin where you could do a lot. It's a little bit of a slower vibe. Still fun, still a treat, but like who's gonna watch your kids?

All right, so when I go to Ireland, I'm not in Donegal. No surprise there. On the 27th, I'm in Limerick. On the 28th of March, I'm in Galway. On the 29th of March, I'm in Dublin. And on the 30th of March, I'm in Belfast and then home. And I would love to see you there. I looked into the DMs the other day. And who do I have a message from? Hooters of Newcastle upon Tyne.

So I bang on about this through no fault of my own. People ask me about my time at Hooters and I will answer the question gladly. So people have asked me about this enough.

that it's become part of my story that, yes, I used to work at Hooters. I used to waitress there. I had a phenomenal time. It was a different time. It was early 2000s, the noughties, when the shade of tan and muscular tone of my midriff was all that mattered to me in this world. I wanted to be sweet, uncomplicated, docile, voluptuous, blonde, and beautiful, and bright.

I wanted to be a cheerleader. And when I arrived in Toronto for university to embark upon my urban and regional planning degree at Ryerson, which the name of that school has been changed because of Indigenous violence, I assume, or slavery or both. Don't name things after men is the lesson.

I tried to go to a different restaurant. I got a job in midtown Toronto, young and eglinton, at a cool bar that my uncle frequented called Originals. And I got lost and the uniform was black. So I was wearing black and it was a hot September day and I was just too ginger to be wandering around. Back then we didn't have smartphones. I could not find Originals and I was getting sweaty and I was pissed off.

And then I saw Hooters, like an orange beacon of familiarity. I knew the brand. I knew what it was. There looked to be very nice, friendly girls inside. And I thought to myself, Catherine, if you worked at Hooters, you'd be at work by now. That's genuinely how I got a job there. Just a fleeting... You know how frustrated being lost is? Like, I'm not someone who cries. But when I cannot find my way and I'm about to be late, I cry from the stress. So I was on the verge of tears.

I walked into the Hooters. The girls were really nice to me. And back then in the early noughties, we were taught that like pretty girls are mean. That's what all the rom-coms would portray and all the teen movies, like the popular girls were bitches. But no, these were beautiful, happy, like-minded, similar aged girls. And they were really nice to me. And they called over their manager, Mike, who became a very good friend of mine. He's not the one I sucked off.

And Mike was so nice straight away. I actually love him. I would love to reconnect with him. He's a great guy, not lecherous at all, like never exploited anyone there, just a solid guy. And he gave me a job right away. He was basically like, great. Hi, what's your name? When can you start? Perfect. I love being told yes. And so I started working at Hooters. I was like, all right, well, I guess I don't work at originals anymore. I couldn't find it. Now I work at Hooters. And I had a fine time there. And I earned...

my confidence there. I learned that being pretty isn't the most important thing and the fact that I had chat and I could manage a lot of tables and I could multitask and I was a good waitress and a friendly person, like got me more tips than most of the other girls.

The girls who were competent waitresses respected the other girls who were competent waitresses. So it meant that I made friends with very layered young women who probably left their small towns to go to university or to do whatever and ended up in Toronto at Hooters like me. I had so much fun there. I have nothing bad to say about Hooters or

When it comes to my experience, though, of course, the brand is designed to, in a satirical, tacky way, like highlight women as decorations. Yes, it's not like the design of the brand is not to like empower you for life. That's kind of a byproduct of it, but they don't set out to do that. But the hours are really flexible, right?

You I mean, in my experience, I worked with really nice people like I have nothing to say about it. And if anyone was ever weird with us, which, by the way, no customer ever was, I'm sure management would have handled it swiftly. No one ever tried anything dodgy with me ever, though I have worked in other bars and restaurants. I bartended at other places where men would proposition me or one guy tipped me in cocaine.

Like, but when I was young enough, I didn't even know what it was. I was like, what's this bag of sugar? And the other girl was like, throw it out. So, I mean, nothing like that ever happened at Hooters.

So then I got good enough to win the pageants, to host the pageants. Yes, there was some controversy. I said things I shouldn't have said there, but that's just how I am. Yes, like I had some friction with the owner now and then because he didn't really like the way that I was. Like he tolerated me, but he didn't want me damaging the brand by being a smart ass. Fair enough. I had a brief little romance there that was consensual on both parts.

The manager is no longer there. He's in a better place, Applebee's or somewhere. And then I opened the Hooters in Nottingham and that was fun. I got to travel. I went to Hooters in Florida. I get to go all kinds of different places. So now knocking on my door is Hooters Newcastle. And they say, Catherine, the owner would like to talk to you about a possible appearance or something. I don't know. I just ignored the message because I thought, do you know what? It's embarrassing for me to tell people what my fee is.

Because no offense, Hooters, but you can't afford it. And secondly, I've said enough about Hooters. Like I talk about Hooters all the time. I don't need to be like cutting the ribbon. I don't need to be attending like any bikini. Like the time for me to be at Hooters is closed. It's done. I'm not going to be 42 going in there to like inspire the young minds of tomorrow. I left that experience in its place. I have nothing bad to say about it, but there it is.

Although there are some people in the UK who are quite incensed by the notion of restaurant expansion.

There have been many attempts to open more Hooters around the UK. There are hundreds of them in like 17 or 18 countries, but the Newcastle location notwithstanding, only Nottingham Hooters exists. And I did the relocation of that in like 2006 or 7. They opened one in Birmingham in 1998 that closed 18 months later with excuse after excuse. A Bristol location closed after claims that restaurant staff had given a breast shaped cake to a 12 year old boy.

I read this and immediately my thought was, well, no, they didn't. Like his parents or whomever his guardians were that held his birthday party at Hooters brought that cake in. And I know this because we don't have the facility to bake or buy or create a breast shaped cake at Hooters. No way, no how. And it was a lot of work.

And it would have been young women who were like, oh, OK, you've brought a cake for your son. OK. And then opened it and made the decision of like, OK, we're not going to shut this down. Like his parents obviously thought it was funny to bring him in for his 12th birthday and have a party here. And kids are allowed at Hooters. It's not a bar. It's a restaurant. Kids eat free on weekends. I think only Sundays in Newcastle for some reason. But when I worked there, kids ate free on the weekends.

Um, so it's not Hooters' fault. Like, his parents could have brought that same cake to TGI Fridays and been like, now reveal the cake while we sing. A Liverpool location shuddered over legal disputes about its signage, and an earlier plan to open in Newcastle in 2015 was foiled after opposition from Northumbria police, who claimed it would attract more stag and hen parties, which could lead to a rise in crime. I mean, correct and...

Speculative. The anti-hooter stance CO, Kruti Walsh, the police director at the feminist charity, Philia, said, "...violence against women and girls is an epidemic, so we firmly oppose plans to expand a chain that treats women as objects to be served up alongside chicken wings and fries. An establishment focused on the sexual desirability of its all-female waitstaff should face the same, more stringent licensing demands as sexual entertainment venues."

I really appreciate Philia as a charity, and I'm in complete agreement that violence against women and girls has reached an epidemic scale. It's a huge problem. I think it's a tenuous link to say that Hooters has any impact on that. And we talk a lot about ownership of your sexuality and sex work being legitimate, and I think...

to suggest that having waitresses with orange shorts and trainers on and vests, like I get it though, they are for decoration, but does that make them more likely to be victimized? Or does it perpetuate the idea that women are only objects? Because I've always looked at it as being satirical. And I've been into so many other bars and restaurants where the waitstaff are more scantily clad than we ever were at Hooters.

Not that these like technicalities matter, but isn't this from a feminist charity kind of a lot like saying, well, she was wearing a short skirt while she was asking for it. It's like, well, you know, just because someone chooses to work at Hooters or just because Hooters exists doesn't mean that women should be subjected to more violence. I don't really get it, but I mean, fine. Entitled to that stance.

Incoming Hooters Newcastle owner Johnny Gord has this counterpoint. I know John Gord. I don't have a problem with John Gord. He was also my owner in Toronto. Same guy. We've had our ups and downs. I don't remember him as being...

He wasn't a problem. Is he the most articulate? Let's see. Have you looked outside on a Friday night? What else can I say about that? We raise millions and millions of dollars for breast cancer charities. If you want to go to TGI Fridays, some people are saying it's offensive because they're dressed with braces.

Well, we're not offensive in any way. It's been going 41 years. We have hundreds of restaurants in 17 or 18 countries. It's a restaurant. We don't want to be here as a bar. We do kids eat free on Sundays. Hooters isn't what you think it is, what you perceive it to be, until you come in the door. And it's true, like, we don't even serve liquor, or we didn't in Toronto. It's wine and beer. I think we started to have cider after a while. Did we even have wine? I mean, shows what I know.

So I suppose I am in a unique position to weigh in on all of this. I believe that one should live and let live. Do I want to be part of the machine that like propels Hooters Newcastle to the tippity top? I don't know if 2025 is the time for,

for Hooters. I don't know if 2004 was the time for Hooters, but all I can say is that when I worked there, I really enjoyed it. I was treated well. It afforded me many opportunities to like travel, have fun with my girlfriends. I realized that my youth and relative beauty and figure was monetized and that was an asset. And I don't think that Hooters was

They're invested in like me becoming great. They're invested in making money just like every other brand. But I had an awesome time there. And if I could go back, which obviously I can't, I would do it again. But it wouldn't be 2025. I believe in a free market. I think people who want to go to Hooters and get it.

and like it, they'll go. They'll take their kids there and their kids will eat free on a Sunday. They might have buffalo chicken with a ranch dip. It's going to be awesome. I think the girls who want to work there, if they are, you know, sex workers and they think that they're getting a job in a strip club, they're going to be sorely disappointed because it isn't that. It's like being a cheerleader. I suppose the same man, John Gord, was in charge of

the proceedings at my Hooters and who got hired there. And I felt we were always really well looked after. We had good cooks. One of them was really quite lecherous, but it was fine. He wasn't like an actual problem. He was like this old guy. I'd be like, oh, hello, baby. How you doing? But I also worked at another restaurant that wasn't Hooters where the cook was the same. I think that's just a cook thing of the early noughties. An older Greek man,

It's just going to be a lot of fun, as we used to call it. So I'm not going to go there. I'm not to cut the ribbon, but like I wish every entrepreneur the best. And I wish every woman autonomy to make her own decisions about how and where and why and when she works. Hey, you know what would make your customer service help desk way better? Dumping it and then switching to Intercom. But you're not quite ready to make that change. We get it.

There is a new saying among the Gen Zs, Gen Zeds, if you are Canadian or British.

Um, I mean, I don't even know if I can say it on the podcast. It's, it rhymes with bunt. It's bunt. Now in the UK, we use this word pretty liberally, but in Canada, they're just not ready for that word. I used that word in a standup show once. It was a mistake. And I like that kids are just saying it now to mean like, it's kind of like the new brat is bunt, but with a K.

Rap girly du jour, Dochi, is leading the charge in trying to make visibly wearing face tape happen, and the jury is still out on whether this trend catches fire.

I mean, it is bunt to wear face tape. That's what she said. It's kind of a trade secret. The newly minted Grammy Award winning rapper started sporting cosmetic face tape in 2024, clarifying in a TikTok video that it is an intentional part of her look. How interesting. Along with the caption reading, addressing the face tape, the face tapes are there on purpose because it's bunt. I had never thought of...

highlighting a trade secret like that. So it started really with the, well, old actresses from Marlene Dietrich to RuPaul. Women of a certain age or queens would elevate their cheekbones and have like a more youthful look, though like slightly more

racially ambiguous by making sort of fox eyes and pulling up their temples under wigs or under a hairstyle with cosmetic theatrical tape. And usually it hides very well on stage. I have thought of wearing it for TV appearances, but the trouble with me is that I have really fair skin. I have really fine hair. I worry about you being able to see it.

And, you know, anytime there's like a wardrobe or makeup, oops, like if you can see the tracks from someone's extensions, if you can see the tape, if you can see their bonding, if you can see, you know, something that you shouldn't see, like face tape would be embarrassing maybe in this day and age because, you know, it shows vulnerability. It shows maybe you're getting older or you're not feeling very confident about how snatched your face is. Like the idea is certainly to hide it.

But dochi, I mean, yes, make it part of the look. And then who can say what? Be like, yeah, I'm wearing face tape. Just like we started wearing corsets on the outside. That used to be just under clothing. And now it's like a fashion statement. It's all in like Schiaparelli and all these different designers to have the corset be part of the look. That's been happening for ages since like Moulin Rouge.

So I'm excited about this. Face tape is the only thing that's going to stand in my way of a facelift.

I have tried it and I also have this other little contraption where it's tiny combs that clip into either side of your hair just above your temples. So it's not just right on your face, but kind of above your ears and your hair with an elastic band that goes around the back of your head and that's supposed to pull and it feels really tight. It feels like a high ponytail, like a Croydon facelift kind of trick, but I took it off and I took it on and put it back on and I didn't really notice the difference in my face.

I have tried neck tape before when I used to wear not a wig but enough extensions to cover it. I just sort of try to tape my neck at the back and that just resulted in like a very painful removal process. What else is trending? From exposed face tape we travel south of the border for a new below the belt trend: a full bush in a bikini.

In a TikTok video posted in early January, Gen Z artist Sujinda sounded the call to arms. The video, which has over 15.4 million views, was inspired by an Etsy review Sujinda saw a woman leave for a homemade bikini. In the review, the woman included a photo of herself wearing the swimsuit with tufts of pubic hair coming out from the sides.

I think women are fed up, the artist told Huffington Post in an email interview. Life under capitalism keeps getting harder, and we still have to dedicate time to shave or invest in monthly painful hair removal treatments, she said. Why? To be considered appealing? To whom? To what an uninvolved man wants? To accept the misogyny that gets recycled down from our mothers and peers?

I'll tell you what would not fly at Hooters, and that is exposed bush. I mean, it's so interesting to me now that I'm becoming older and these new, very emboldened and awakened women are standing up for themselves and

And being like, this is wrong, Catherine. Like, you're wrong to think Hooters was okay. And you're wrong to think that, like, older grabby cook was just cute. And, like, you're wrong. Because during the Me Too movement, I watched as a lot of, like, elderly actresses sneered at the young women making accusations. They were like, oh, well, that's just what the casting couch is. Well, don't participate if you don't want this, this. Don't be so sensitive. Like, don't you know that I had to put up with worse?

And I don't feel that way at all when these young women come out with new ideas, like having a full bush in a bikini. I think, all right, my instinct is that's crazy. No, thank you. But I have to accept like, wait, I'm from a toxic generation. I'm from the nothing tastes as good as skinny feels girl band generation.

So maybe this is the way forward, though it does create a new stress for someone like me who is very fair. I don't have a lot of hair anyway. If this became the trend, I would have to start wearing a merkin. I would need to get like pubic extensions just to be able to suit this like full bush bikini trend. I'd have like a few stragglers, scragglers. Even my pubic hair is like kind of light brown, dark blonde. It would look gray. It would look grayish.

It would just be a whole new thing. And then what? Are we braiding it? Are we doing anything extra? Just like competing for like thickness and fullness? It's kind of like a beard, you know, when a man has a really lovely, glossy, full beard that looks nice. But if he's not the kind of man who can grow it properly, it's all patchy. That's what my bikini bush would look like. And it's just not good enough. All right. A little Kanye follow up to last week's conundrum.

Whether he's exhibiting coercive control, self-describe Adolf Hitler, he very much confirmed our worst suspicions. He said...

I have dominion over my wife. He wrote this in all caps via the website formerly known as Twitter on February 7th. This ain't no woke ass feminist shit. She is with a billionaire. Why would she listen to any of you dumb ass broke bitches? People say the red carpet look was her decision. Yes, I don't make her do nothing she doesn't want to.

She definitely wouldn't have been able to do it without my approval. You stupid ass woke pawns. I have no respect or empathy for anyone living because no one living can fuck with me, but I do love some people and I give them favor. This is a very controversial take by me. And I, I feel like I almost shouldn't say it out loud. Kanye West is a problem. Kanye West, I think has mental illness. Kanye West is,

is an anti-Semite. I think it's very dangerous to start saying, oh, well, maybe he's not an anti-Semite. Like this is what has emboldened anti-Semites for so long. And I think I would be doing a great disservice to the Jewish people if I minimized any of his actions. Like anyone who tweets the things he's tweeting or X-ing, whatever you call it now, these are anti-Semitic tweets. They are a call to arms for other anti-Semites. It strengthens them. It's very dangerous. I have no patience for it whatsoever.

But looking at the but, looking at the big picture of this whole Kanye breakdown, all of the messages, all of the public quotes, I think he is also trying to make art. And I think his art is...

saying the unsayable, doing the undoable. Like no one in their right mind would say the things he's saying now, especially not a public figure. And I think in doing it, that is the art or that is the intended art. That's what he's attempting to do. Do you know what I mean? It's like an immersive stunt, but backed up by very true dangerous feelings that obviously I do not condone. Do you know what I mean? Because no other celebrity on the planet

There might be other anti-Semitic celebrities who like feel a little bit of what he feels, but none of them are selling a swastika t-shirt, are like tweeting the things that he's tweeting, are like talking about having dominion over their wives. A lot of them probably feel exactly like this. I'm a fucking billionaire. I have dominion over my wife. There are a lot of powerful men who probably feel this. They don't say it. And I think the saying is,

of the toxic things and just putting it out there and dealing with it in such a brash and like unbelievable way is the art. I think Kanye is still trying to make art and I don't condone it and it doesn't make it okay. Does anyone feel this way? Thank God. So Joanne has been busy wedding planning. She has yet to

to send me the podcast emails from this week. So I thought I'd dip in myself and like, this is about me needing a PA and this is unhinged. This is why I don't want, I don't need a PA this level of admin. Like I need a PA to deal with this admin from you. So I'm sure you're very competent, but

Catherine, you might recognize my name as I occasionally pop up in your IG DMs as the person who tries to convince you to hire me as your PA. As you have so far been steadfast in your resistance to my services, I thought I would try a different approach. My plan is to see if you would read this on the podcast, and then we can get the audience to decide if you should give me a try. Are you game?

If you read this out and the audience feedback indicates that they can see how I can help you, then we set up a trial. However, if after hearing this, they agree with you that having a PA is some sort of nightmare, then I promise to leave you alone forever. I know how reticent you are to go down this road, but I promise you that having a professional, efficient PA is bliss. You said to me once in a DM that you would rather die than have a PA.

And you also said on the pod that you don't need a PA because you're capable of making your own lists and because Deliveroo exists. Honestly, I was offended by that. We do so much more than making lists and ordering food, but you don't know this because you haven't tried. What I love about Deliveroo

the way I behave on social media is I answer a lot of people's DMs. No, I don't see all of them because like it's just filtered that way. But every once in a while, someone wakes up for milk, somebody needs something, I'm in a car, whatever, I'll dip in and I will read a few and I will always respond. And depending on what's going on, it might be a quick response. I feel sorry that I gave you such an abrupt answer that I would rather die than have a PA. But

Let's see. Let's see your reasoning. This is too many reasons. This is okay. Nine reasons. And then like an appendix with four more reasons and then more writing again, Catherine, I have over 25 years private PA experience and I've absolutely refined my skills and being non-intrusive. So you will never feel like you have a stalker or have lost control of your own life. Can I like counter each reason step-by-step? Um, I would not be comfortable with treating you like,

Like non intrusively, if you were doing things for me and participating in my life, then I, I don't know how to treat like quote staff like staff. And I know people who have even like live in housekeepers and they're like, oh, you know, they get out of my, they don't really, they'll just come in the room and start cleaning something and my friends won't address them. And I think that's weird.

And so if you were doing intimate things for me, like if you had my passwords and my calendar and stuff, I don't think I'd be able to just allow you to be non-intrusive. Do you know what that means? I would have white guilt about that. And I know you're white too, but anyway. I'm hardworking, organized, loyal. My first role lasted 20 years. Respectful, discreet, kind. I live locally to you and I have my own home office set up.

So there's no need for me to work from your house. I know you would not be comfortable with that. We could meet as often as needed to discuss work and then I would go away and do the work. I'm happy to work full-time or part-time. And I can work on a self-employed basis where I simply invoice you for my hours so you don't have the faff of having to employ me. I can run scheduling, travel, business and holidays, life admin, family appointments, household bills, school research and applications, passports, visas, gifts, errands, and so much more. Yes, but I do those things.

In addition to like the other things that I do and that that's like just the role of being a mom. And I don't think that I could like relinquish these tasks from my white knuckle grip. And maybe I don't do them exactly right, but there's a certain...

ritual in doing them and a certain piece that I get from it and it makes me feel like I'm part of this family. I have worked for both normies and top entertainment industry celebs and I'm perfectly comfortable in either world. Given how independent you are, I promise to be sensitive to that. I would never feel like you were being managed.

I'm there as a steady hand in the background, never getting in the way, but making sure that all the little bits are taken care of so that you can enjoy professional and family time. I am a mom of two kids, it's similar in age to Violet, and I've been through the London private school system at every stage, so I know this process intimately. I only mention this as I know it's something you've been dealing with recently, as mentioned on the pod. I really respect and massively enjoy the work you do, and I can see why.

Well, here, how much you manage yourself. And although you're incredible, no one needs to manage so much single-handedly. Yes, they do, if they're like a martyr. Furthermore, I think it's always good to give real-world examples when one's trying to sell oneself. So here are some examples of things you have mentioned on the podcast that have caused you stress and things that would not have happened if you had me on your team. Number one, which caused like a fucking absolute ongoing disaster.

Number one, you would not have missed your LA show due to not having the correct visa. I would have been all over that. Two, you would not have been late with Violet's sixth form application. Yeah, that's true. These were real world examples are really hitting me where it hurts.

Oh, my daughter is the same age going to the same sort of schools I imagine you would be looking at. So I would have been all over that. Number three, you would not have missed Jeff's show due to being double booked. Scheduling is my bread and butter. I would have been all over that.

You would not have had the stress of trying to sort out Fred and Fena's dual passport situation. My own kids are dual passport holders, as were the children of two of my previous employers, so I'm very experienced in dealing with multiple embassies and various application procedures. I would have been all over that. Finally, in the interests of complete honesty, I must give you the one and only downside. I am Australian. I know, horrifying. In my defense, I've lived in London for many years, and the worst of my rough edges have been beaten out of me.

I do feel bad for the way I talk about Australians. This is the thing. If as an aside, I just think it's funny because it doesn't make any sense. And sometimes I pick these like non-sensical petty battles. Like I hate Chris Hadfield from my town on the basis that he's an astronaut and I'm not. That doesn't make any sense. And it doesn't make any sense that I talk badly about Australians. I actually don't have a problem with any of you at all. So maybe this union would heal our relationship.

So let's put it to the listeners. And I have this cri de coeur just for them. Listeners, sisters, gays, thems, friends, help me convince Catherine to secure the help she so deserves and unwillingly needs. Please send a quick email to the podcast backing my application. And who knows, if we are successful, Catherine may even have more time to put out the podcast more frequently. Thank you for your help. Well, this impressed me, but...

I'll just wait to see before I like add my two cents any further. If you want to write me an email, it is telling everybody everything at gmail.com. If you want to weigh in on this, um, all I can say is that there's like a method to my madness and, um,

I fundamentally just think I would... Okay, this is it. I think I would be weaker if less was expected of me. I think people can only do what they have to do in any given moment, which is why people get like a burst of energy to look after a newborn or they'll look back on a terrible time and be like, wow, how did I do that? But they just did it. And then when their children are older, they're like lazy again because you can. And I don't want someone...

like sorting all the passports in school because I did get that stuff all done eventually. And I did it because I'm my kid's mom and it should be down to me. And I think I would just lose efficacy and I would lose respect for myself as an adult with a PA, unless I was a man.

Oh, no. I mean, this is at best very stupid and at worst bit racist. Last week, I spoke about Devonta Smith, who played for the Kansas City Chiefs, looking really cool on the way into the Super Bowl. And someone has corrected me. Not only is his name Devonta, which, yeah, I mean, that makes more sense. But also, he does not play for the Kansas City Chiefs. He plays for the Philadelphia Eagles. And in my defense, why was he wearing red? Right.

Bobby's just come in. Bobby, is it appropriate that... Did you know Devontae Smith played for the Eagles? Yes. Shit. But okay, why did he come to the Super Bowl wearing red then? I can't comment on the fashion choices. Would you wear red if you're playing against the Chiefs? I don't ever wear red. No, why not? Because it doesn't look good on me. Oh, but would you wear the opposition's team color to confuse innocent white women? No, it's not a good look. I wouldn't do that, especially to all the new white girl fans. Well, I'm very sorry.

Last week, a young woman wrote into me and she said, my boyfriend has two other girlfriends and a wife. And I was shooketh. And it reminded me of the Tinder swindler. It reminded me of different documentaries that I've seen along the way, but I can't remember the names of where men have preyed on women. I'm sure women have done the same and good for them.

working in a male-dominated industry, but a lot of these involve men from abroad or men from right at home who have multiple families, who take money from women and who break their hearts and they can be with them for a number of years, like they're a Russian spy or something.

And the more that I read this woman's letter, I thought, I think this guy might actually be dangerous based on the little information that I have. So she met a local woman who was also his girlfriend. She'd been dating him for a decade. There was another woman and he fled to America where he married a very wealthy woman with two kids.

And the ladies ask me, what should I do? Since then, she has messaged me on Instagram. The other girlfriend has also messaged me on Instagram to say that he has accepted money from them. And I just think this is a dangerous guy. And I plead one more time because no one has written back yet this week with actual legal advice, like actionable things that these women can do to find out what else this guy is capable of just to check.

just to find out if he's done it to anyone else. If it is fraud, what exactly is going on? In the meantime, some listeners have written with their advice, though it's not like official advice. One woman recommended the book that you can read or listen to on Amazon called The Chain by Shemen Suleiman. And I would like to listen to that. I assume it's about these kind of guys. And also someone suggested there are private social media groups called Is This Your Man or like

sisterhood groups where you can put in your location and even narrow it down to specific neighborhoods maybe. And these are groups that are a safe space for women to post cheaters they've dealt with and for women to post guys they've just started seeing to check if there are any red flags. Now, Bobby and I do have a group in Sarnia that I am a member of only because I'm really nosy and it's called

what is it called like dating my ex i forget it's a facebook group anywhere where people do post pictures of guys they've just started seeing and nine times out of ten there are a host of replies they're like oh yeah he's trouble he was seeing me he abused his girlfriend blah blah blah the danger of these groups is it's all hearsay and has to be presumed gossip and there could be vindictive posts just from someone who hates their ex so you do have to take it with a grain of salt

But I mean, it's worth maybe posting this guy. Like, I don't know how legal it is, I suppose.

You could just put it out without actually libeling him. Just be like, is anyone dating this guy? Because like the facts that you know are he was my boyfriend for 10 years. He was also the neighbor's boyfriend and this other girl's boyfriend. And now he has a wife in America. I think it's worth checking out those groups in the first instance. And if anybody else has any better advice, actionable legal steps we can take. Anyone wants to make this documentary with me telling everybody everything at gmail.com.

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Well, full coverage make me look cakey. Is my undertone neutral or is it cool?

Bobby Kudstra, welcome to Telling Everybody Everything.

Thank you for having me again. A real fan favorite on the show. I was talking about our little Valentine's escape to Dublin and I forgot to say that a man was murdered. Yeah, he was stabbed to death. Outside our hotel. And it was really unfortunate as it always is. But I don't think they caught the perpetrator. I don't know what like the detective work was like with LaGuardia.

But they just closed down like the entire block. And it seemed like they were just stopping people to ask them if they'd been around last night. Yeah, it's not the best, you know, way to solve a crime, I suppose, to like 25 hours later try and ask random strangers on the street if they know anything. Because there was a woman with a baby crying. Yeah, well, I don't know. Maybe she was involved, like knew the person or something. Maybe they have less CCTV in Ireland than England. I think in that area there would be sufficient...

CCTV and so many accounts that they were presumably in a club or something and it made its way onto the streets. I know one guy was stabbed and lived and he was found just down the road and the other guy did not make it. He died in the hospital. So there was two victims. One guy lived. So he should be able to provide some more detail with a follow-up on that case. Absolutely crazy that a young man would just take a knife out in case because...

Tell me about drinking and testosterone and fighting. Yeah, it happens, especially, you know, that age range when we were in uni.

Luckily, no one carried around knives in Canada. It was just you know, you'd fight with fists and there used to be some nights where like my friends would get beat up I've been beaten up before I've won some fights I've lost fights, but no one died because yeah didn't have a knife on them to pull out I don't know what the thing is with knives over here. It doesn't make sense I don't understand guns also in Canada It's just good old fists and then nothing bad could really happen you just get your face mashed in and you know That would suck but you know you live another day. I

I think what young men fail to consider, because I get it. Like if you think maybe someone else has a knife, then maybe that's why you have a knife. But it ruins your life to kill someone just as much. Well, not as much, but if you die, that's bad. Or if you get stabbed, that's bad. But if you stab someone else, if you take their life...

based on like a snap judgment, you should really have just had a scuffle. That is going to destroy the rest of your life. Either you're going to wake up. Can you imagine the anxiety of like being drunk? Not really. Oh, I got in a fight. And then you're like, oh, you actually ended up murdering this guy who goes to your school. Yeah. And then like the anxiety of like waking up dead and you're like in hell. Yeah. Well, Irish people don't go to hell because they've all been like suitably baptized. I don't know they were Irish, you know.

Oh, yeah, that's right. We don't know who they were. It was so sad, though. So like that would put a damper on the Valentine's things. Well, luckily, that was the next day. So I know. But it's just like heartbreaking every time. And now we have a son. And I'm just like, if anyone even fought Fred, I would lose my mind. I mean, I just don't get it. I need to understand men. I fight Fred once a day. And he has multiple weapons.

Well, this is the thing. It's like boys are born like wanting to fight. They're like, let's fight. Let's fight. It is normal. And like, I mean, the drinking... Can't you guys fight in a safe way? Yeah, I wish, you know, I wish they could fight in a safe way over here like we did, relatively speaking, in Canada. Like if you had a problem, you just fight. And I fought my friends. I had relationships that like were gone south for a while and they finally boiled up. And I remember this one specific relationship. We've been having problems...

And then we, one night, just had a fight and then we picked each other up and we were like, you know, shook it off. Like nothing happened. So it's a part of like, especially that kind of age range to like get in a fight, solve some stuff. But this like drunken knife fight thing, I've never really understood. It's really sad. Was this the Lowy incident? Yes. I knew. I had a friend and we were drinking, just guys, after, it was like before football season. So we were just like in training camp. We could only drink inside of our house. Yeah.

And something was said and I knew if I came back with this one line, it would be a problem. And I called him a low life and he jumped me and we fought. And then they let us go. Which is such a low life thing to do. Well, it was something like he owed someone money. I'm like, oh, I don't expect you to pay back because you're a low life. And I just knew that would just turn him right over. And it did. And then so our friends let us go for a while and then it was

you know, we dusted it off and it actually solved whatever problems we were having previously. It was actually genius. Was it equal draw? It was a good fight. Yeah, it was a draw. He obviously started on top of me. I flipped him over. I'm good at wrestling. He was like longer punchy, but I'm more of a wrestler type fighter. And are you taking shots to the face when you have this fight? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And does it hurt a lot? In the moment, absolutely not. You have so much adrenaline pumping. You don't really feel it. And then like the next day you may be a bit sore, but afterwards you're kind of excited. It's weird.

Let's take it back to the old-fashioned days of good fighting. Duke it out and then like... Because these kids are missing out. I know. Just like... And it's cheap to just like... I bet the other guy didn't even have a knife. He thought he was getting a regular fight and the next thing you know, he's like gutted. It's just awful.

It will like destroy so many families. Okay, on to a brighter subject. Yes, what would that be? It is Monday, the 17th of February. Oh, yes. My mom's birthday is in five days. Don't let me forget. Don't you forget. What are you going to do for my mom's birthday? I'll probably, you know, DM her on Instagram. Nice. Nice. Say happy birthday. I mean, we can get together and get a type of flower or something for her. Yeah.

Well, Monday nights is at home with Catherine Ryan. Oh yes. Nights. And that is streaming on you. And it is also shown live every, not live, but you know what I mean? You can watch it on old fashioned TV as it happens Mondays at 9 PM on you and W. And there are people who don't know these networks. There are always kind of new networks coming out. And I describe it best when I say UK TV, which was the original home of taskmaster and so many other amazing comedy programs. Um,

which is kind of in some way related to Dave, where you'd watch reruns of comedy. And then W Network is where you would watch like Emma Willis

on the midwife show and a lot of other like really interesting British kind of reality stuff for women. W network was women's network. Those have all amalgamated into you and W or just you. And you can stream on you a ton of comedy and all bunch of different kinds of shows at home with Catherine Ryan is on there. You can get it through your sky, whatever you normally watch last series. It was called parental guidance. Now it's called at home with Catherine Ryan because it is the reality show that they always wanted it to be.

I think they took one look at our family and went, "Docu-series about other families? No." Full shot of Bobby Zab's, yes. Well, that's never happened yet. No? No. Why are you so resistant to taking your shirt off on the show? Maybe I'm not in that great of shape. No one's asked. I mean, I would. I've been constantly asking. I feel like the Kris Jenner of this family. I'm here to broker some footage of you that will get the gay community interested.

I'll have to talk to the producer. Wouldn't that be you? I'm one of many very talented producers and I do the least amount of work. But what did you, let's start positively. Because today's episode is really. What's today's one? Today's episode two, it's the one. It's like your one. That they screened at the screening. I think it's like a pivotal episode. It's a good episode. I cry. We go to marriage coaching again. We talk about how to be the best wife.

I think episode one was kind of how to be the best mother to Violet, then how to be the best wife. Episode three is really your episode, and then episode four goes on a tangent about power dynamics. It was really fun to make. Stand-up comedy. Oh, yes. That's the fourth one. But I think in the second one, I think they tease the idea, or maybe it's the third. I'm not sure. But I don't know if we should be saying that type of information. We're allowed, because the box set, you can watch all four episodes streaming on you. What was your favorite part of making it?

My favorite part of making it was like wrapping. Just because it is a lot of work at the time and you don't think it is, but it kind of is. You're managing your family and then also like people in the house. So it is kind of stressful at times, although everything was great. My favorite part about making it as far as inside the show would be just like how like...

unfazed basically fred and fenn are with it if they're if they were it would kind of be a problem but they you know they took it in better stride than me i would say just having people around all the time and things are switching and you know not a lot of consistency for them and speaking of unfazed you seemed very unfazed you have less of a filter than i do on the show that is one thing yeah i've never really had a filter and the show definitely illuminates that fact um

A little bit. And you're the one with that podcast, which I'm on, called Telling Everybody Everything. And I do that naturally. Yeah. With a, you know, camera crew in my face. I wonder why we're both like that. I don't know. I just can't help myself, I think. Like, I don't know why. You've never felt like, oh, I want to keep that private. You don't... Well, to be... No, I think it's funny. So I say these things...

They're just in my head. So I just say them out loud. And sometimes I think it's funny. Sometimes I can't help myself. But at the end of the day, I think it's entertaining to say it. Whether it's just me and you or whether it's a camera, it doesn't really affect what I'm saying a lot of the time. Yeah. So I run into trouble. Also, I have speculated when I'm trying to

answer questions because I've done a little press tour for the show. I think because you and I are from a small town and because you and I were quite well known in our school, it is just a feeling of everybody being in your business. Everyone in Sarnia is in everybody's business. So why would you try to hide like what your house looks like or where you live or what your relationship's like? Because we know that about everyone in our town. It's probably worse. You're probably more

on display just living in Sarnia without a reality show than you are living in London with a reality show. True, because you know you can't edit the reality of being in Sarnia which everyone knows everyone's business. Gossip is everywhere. You can't escape it. It's great.

It was good. And what was your favorite part about filming the show this season, this time around? I mean, I agree with you that it is tough because you're trying to anticipate everyone's level of comfort and what's going to happen next. And...

I love that the production do let us be ourselves. I don't feel like micromanaged or told what to say. However, I think my least favorite part, and I would say this to you as well, is that, I mean, I will ask you the same, is that we have to...

be ourselves, but then keep taking the kids out. That is what makes it stressful. If it was just cameras around capturing what we do anyway, that would be fine. But every once in a while, and by every once in a while, I mean constantly, we're pulled out to do little interviews, like answer this question. And you can't really have a child in that or you can't be holding Fena to do that because she might talk or she might...

You know, so we keep taking the kids out and that's what doesn't work. That's the only thing that's difficult because in real life, the kids are always around. But I do understand for telling a story on television, it would be annoying for the audience if Fred was interrupting. It's very difficult to have a conversation with the kids. I think the difficult thing for me and I think the family mostly is like sometimes one person's in a good mood and they're feeling loose and fun and you'll say something and then it's kind of taken away.

a bit too seriously and I'm guilty of feeling you know sensitive to that and sometimes it's a joke and then it's just kind of balancing it all out and it's yeah

But also because we're on a time budget and financial budget, stuff happens really quickly. So you will go upstairs to put the kids down or to change your outfit. And I will receive a brief like, oh, bring up that disagreement that you guys had the other day and have a chat about that because we're missing some gaps to, you know, demonstrate the rift between Bobby and Violet. So Bobby will come down the stairs and it seems like I'm trying to start an argument. It feels like I'm getting attacked.

And I'm just like, didn't we cover this already? Like, why are we, like, dwelling on this? And then I don't know what's going on. And I'm just like, all right. And then a lot of the time I'm a fun guy, cool guy. And I'm, like, being funny and fun. And then that's met with some, like...

Okay, well, in fairness to me, I was having a hard time. Listen. Personally. We're all having a hard time personally. All right. But you were having a harder time than most at that time. Maybe one day you'll discuss why. Well, yeah, maybe to get the ratings up. Stay tuned. You don't know which episode is going to come, but there's something that happened that may be brought up later in life, whether it be on the reality show, could be a few episodes left, or down the line. Well, I would encourage people to watch At Home with Catherine Ryan because...

I would love to do a third series. I've got many ideas now. Every time we're not filming it, I want to film more of it. When you're out of it, you're like, oh, we should have done this. We could do this. And there are a lot of opportunities for like, you know, more fun on the show. I think that we like, when you're in the mix, you just kind of like, all right, let's get it over the line. But not to say that the show isn't great. It is really good. I think it's much better than the first season. And yeah,

The kids aren't in it. The small kids aren't in it as much. And Violet is a star. Oh, she's such a star. And it's just... It's annoying. Yeah, she's really good. She comes off like this special Violet way that only she can do. So it's great. But yeah, as you said, I think that's... You hit the nail on the head. Every time we do it, it gets better and we'd like to make it better again. And you and I are...

perfectionists in a way like we just want to make it better and now we have all these funny ideas for series three so we loved it we love you and w you can stream it on you just search on your phone like how are people this thick just search stream on you and it's as easy as messaging me how do you get stream on you well thank you bobby for joining me are you gonna take me out to dinner now

Nope. Well, we could actually if we have time. Yeah, we do. All right, fine. I'll take you over to dinner then. If we go to dinner, we can be back in time and put the kids to bed. Great. Love ya. Love you, bye. Thank you for listening. Please write me an email telling everybody everything at gmail.com. Any dilemmas you might be having in your life, any questions, any concerns, any comments for the podcast or any advice that you would like to give to listeners.

whom you think have been ill-advised by me. I am not a professional. I give probably quite bad advice, but it doesn't stop me sharing. Please look after each other. You can see me on tour or... No, that's it.

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