Episode 588: Horrors of SeaWorld Part I - The Perfect Killer
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What's that noise? What's that noise? Am I... Am I... Am I about to be... We're gonna be murdered? I think I'm about to be murdered by two big fat idiots. Welcome to the last podcast on the left, ladies and gentlemen. Fun noises with the boys. Fun noises with the boys is back. Woo!

We're finally here. We're finally here. We're finally here. People said that we might get to this point, but we didn't choose this, Marcus. We did not choose this at all. My name's Marcus Parks. I'm here with Henry Zebrowski. Every day. And we're here today...

We're going to be doing something different with today's episode. We've never done this before. We've never done this before. I ain't done lots of shit. Yeah, he can't read. He can't have sex. It's summertime. Summertime's a time when you try new things. When you try on some new hats. So this is our brat show.

I'd say this is more of our experimentation summer. It's the one where Katy Perry kissed the girl that first time. I'd say this is more the summer where you do too much cocaine and then you really think about your life choices afterwards. Oh, yeah, sure, okay. Gets real hot, gets real sweaty. Speaking of hot and sweaty, I'm wearing a sweater. Yeah, that was a mistake. Ed Larson is going to be...

Leading this episode and the next episode, he's going to be leading us on the horrors of SeaWorld. My God, man. Please take us in. Yes. I'm in the passenger seat this time. This is nice. Yeah, see, now you feel like me. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I did a little bit of research on this. This is a topic that... Was it when you went to a pool and ate a bunch of fish, you fucking idiot? You're not the funny one today, idiot.

You're Mr. Man with the outline. So you need to stick to your little fucking outline instead of your precious roasts. No, no. I give him permission. I mean, even though I may not be the driver, I think I'm still somewhat of a co-CEO here. You have to. And I say...

Eddie, you get to be anything you want to be. Oh, thank you. And that's the problem with our whole generation is that that's what's led to this sort of... It doesn't matter. Failing up? Yeah. Now, Eddie, you chose this topic. We decided that we wanted you to try to teach us something. Yeah. About something that concerned you personally.

I mean, I'm always... I'm a big fan of animals. I love my animals. If you watch the ham dates... Oh, yeah. I love my animals when they're a quarter pound. I love them when they're even better if they're half a pound. And I just think animal attacks... We can talk about ghosts, aliens, serial killers. We do talk about that, yes. But to me...

The scariest thing in the world is being ripped apart by animals. Apparently, it's super not popular. Did you see the story about the woman who got ripped apart by the pack of Great Danes recently? I did see that, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's crazy. It's absolutely insane that that can happen. Did they end up finding the pack? I think they shot a bunch.

A bunch of them. I'm not quite certain. You ever hear the one about the infant girl torn apart by the squirrels? That's honestly worse than Great Danes. Honestly, it's just what happens. That's why you never load a child's diaper with a bunch of hazelnuts. And there's been plenty of babies eaten to death by rats. Oh, yeah.

Bit by bit by bit. There was a whole plague. And the dingo ate my baby thing was also real. We learned that in Australia. Very real. Yeah, Australia, lots of deadly animals. You got to take the reins, Eddie. All right. Growing up in Florida, I loved going to places like SeaWorld, Busch Gardens, and Miami Seaquarium. It was the only place you could get a bath. Seaquarium sounds like an STD. It's now shut down because it was horrible. Yeah.

There were places that you could witness the impossible. You could see a 25-foot, 12,000-pound whale perform a water ballet with a human being. The good old days. Yeah, man. It was a circus underwater on steroids and, best of all,

At the end of the show, you were as wet as the performers. You said the good old days. I'm going to go ahead now and tell you, it's still happening. Oh, wow. We can still see them. Yay. Yes. You can still see them. How many SeaWorlds now? Four? There are four technically now. There used to be five, but they shut the one in Ohio down a while ago. Yeah. Why? Because it's nowhere near the fucking ocean? Yeah.

The one in San Antonio is doing just fine. Oh, yeah, yeah. The one in San Antonio. I remember going to SeaWorld San Antonio. You went? No one wanted to go to SeaWorld San Antonio. Why would you? That was always an option on vacations for everyone in Texas, and everyone was like,

Why would I go there? Six Flags over Texas is so much closer, and there's Wet n' Wild right across the highway. Those fucking dolphins shouldn't be in the middle of San Antonio. No. Now, George Millay, one of the four men who started SeaWorld back in 1964 with Milton Shedd, Ken Norris, and David Demott, George Millay also started Wet n' Wild, so there you go. See, I don't like being wet, though.

I know you don't. I don't like being wet. You're going to hate this whole episode. I don't like sitting in my wet... You some kind of cat? Why don't you like being wet? I don't like water parks. I don't like being wet all day. You don't like log foams either, do you? I don't. I don't want my bottom wet. Unless it's because I've met...

Paul Newman. Here's a little log fume tip for you. When it's going down, lift your butt up just as it hits the water. That way when the water comes into the log, you're not going to get it up your ass.

But when you sit back down, aren't you just sitting back down and wet? No, you're sitting back down in the seat and the wet's on the bottom. The thing is that you've let the wet touch the seat and now the wet will be on the seat. You're going to get kind of wet, but you're not going to get a puddle in your butt is what I'm saying. You got to take this from me. Well, anyway, George Malay opened SeaWorld with good intentions, I'm sure. At first, they wanted to build an underwater restaurant. Whoa, cool.

Yeah, and then it was the concept of an underwater zoo that got them real excited. Oh, yeah. When they started this venture in San Diego with a couple of dolphins and sea lions, I'm sure they had no idea how successful and deadly it would become. Did they pull those dolphins and the sea lions from the groundlings? No.

I think they're a UCB train. So they don't get paid. No, they definitely don't get paid. They at least get a meal. They get to go to advanced sea lion class and advanced advanced sea lion class. And sometimes the trainers have sex with the students. But it was a success. Yeah.

And in 1989, George Millay and the boys sold SeaWorld to the Anheuser-Busch Corporation. Yeah, beer did it. Yeah, man. It would be so much cooler if they filled all the fucking pools with beer. Just fucking whales hiccuping and shit. Yeah, that'd be fun as hell, man.

And they purchased SeaWorld, and later Anheuser-Busch sold it to the Blackstone Group, those fuckers, in 2009 for $2.7 billion. The Blackstone Group? Yeah, yeah, yeah. God, they sound like they're going to be—they sound like they sell whale meat. They own a little bit of everything. No, Marcus. They're only the world's largest alternative asset member with more than $1 trillion underneath them.

There's no way they got anything nefarious going on. Oh, their address is right here in town in Santa Monica. Oh, wow. Blackstone renamed the corporation to Sea Roll Parks and Entertainment, and in 2013, they sold 37% of the initial public offering. So we know there are a lot of people making a lot of money off of these parks today. Okay. Okay.

Of course. Yeah. I just still, besides the two of you, have you ever been to SeaWorld, Henry? A million years ago in Florida. I've never known anyone besides the two of you who have ever actually been to a SeaWorld. I don't know what a SeaWorld is. It's a theme park aquarium.

Yeah, but how is it? Are there rides? Now there are. Yes, there used to not be. So in 2013, that documentary Blackfish came out after Don Brancho was killed in Shamu Stadium in 2010. Now, the movie was huge. It won an Oscar. Oh, I remember. It decimated SeaWorld. Yeah. So they added rides after the movie came out to get people to come back to the park. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

And Don was killed by the massive and known aggressive orca, Tilikum, who was captured in the wild off of the coast of Iceland as a pup in 1983 and ended up being the largest orca in captivity until his death in 2017. Now, in true Last Podcast and the Left fashion, was Tilikum molested? No.

I want to know what have made telecoms so aggressive. What really led to, was it a head injury? Was it a loss of status? I really hate to tell you this, but in fact it was all of those things. Wow!

See, this is honestly, I'm glad this is a, we're here. The serial killer soup is like trans species, man. That's incredible. Can you imagine getting killed in Shamu Stadium by getting killed by Shamu? It's like the same if you wrestled in Chris Benoit Arena. Yeah. Now, I was going to save this fact to the part of this where I tell you a bunch of killer whale facts, but a male killer whale can have an eight-foot penis. Hey!

Hey, but I mean, that means he gets to molest more by the yard than a lot of guys. I like how you call Tilikum known aggressive orca. It's like known sexual predator. He's a predator. Tilikum had previously killed two other people before the gruesome death of Don Brancho.

If he was known to have killed humans before, why was he performing with people for stadiums full of spectators? I don't know. Why was R. Kelly allowed to go into any single bathroom unaccompanied? Phenomenal question. As of the time of this recording... Pee-pee was his main weapon. He came for the raps, but then everybody else was forced to experience the pee-pee.

And the hotel lobby, of course. As of the time of this recording, four people have been killed by orcas in captivity. Tilikum claiming three of those deaths. No shit. Yes. Yeah. And there are no reported human fatalities by the fins of orcas in the wild. Yeah. Like they are normally like now we're seeing an uptick in orcas attacking boats. Yes. But mostly we're saying apparently that's the that's larrikin.

It's a fad. Yes. They're calling it a fad. I did not know that. We talk a little bit of this on Side Stories about how whales literally have fads. They act in weird kind of patterns. Yeah. Like the ones where all the whales had the fishes on their heads. Yeah, they have different languages for different regions. Whales are incredible. They are...

unbelievable, very highly intelligent, emotional animals. And they'll kill again. And today we're going to look at killer whales and the theme park industry, particularly SeaWorld, and why there are still killer whale shows to this day.

Our main source materials today are the book Death at Sea World by David Kirby and the film Blackfish directed by Gabriella Calperthwaite. Oh, wow. That is a difficult name. Yes. It's an extremely difficult name. Now, it's, you know, people are asking why fish true crime now? Yeah.

It's always been this way. Man, I remember I was so excited when it came out. I went and saw Blackfish in the theater, and it was a fairly fun experience. But it shouldn't have been. What do you mean? Because it was so sad. Yes. But what happened was, it was very serendipitous. I was in New York City. I got on the train. I went and met our buddy Trey Gallion at the Sunshine Theater. But while I was on the train, just like one of those out of nowhere massive rainstorms

rainstorms came and completely fucking destroyed me and I got out and I had to get from Delancey and Essex all the way to the Sunshine Theater. Oh, that's a long walk. It was a long walk and I was soaked to the bone and I showed up soaked to the bone and I was like, one for Blackfish, please. Ha ha ha ha ha!

It was like you just came from the world. I'm a big, fat, wet animal, and I want to see a movie about another big, fat, wet animal. This just happened to me. I just survived. I literally was like, you know how some people go to see Batman dressed as Batman? LAUGHTER

I'm dressed as one of Shamu's victims. I also thought it'd be hilarious if you were hidden in the exit with a bucket of water and then whenever he splashed in the movie, you just went and got in the front row. That's that new 40X. Yeah, like Herschel Gordon Lewis used to do with the tingler. Yeah, the smell of it. Yeah, what they'd used to do is they'd put these little buzzers in seats and during certain scenes, it would tingle. It'd ping your balls. It'd ping your balls, yeah. Ping the tingler. Yeah.

Now, Henry, you can back me up on this. Even before the movie Blackfish came out or the death of Don Brencho, one of my YouTube holes that I would go down to late at night were SeaWorld accidents. Oh, yeah. No, we spent hours. Yeah. Years.

At your house at night, stoned out of our minds, watching animals kill other animals, watching animals kill humans, watching this because there's something fun about watching animals do it.

it. Yes. You know, like animals attacking each other. Like, you know, when I watch animal shows with Natalie, Natalie always roots for the innocent like creature running from the predator. But I'm like, the predator's got to eat, right? He's got to eat. No, no. And we're talking about in the wild here. You're not talking about like dog fights or anything. No, no, no, no, no, no. This is like in the like watching cruel, not

cool, right? Cruel. There's nothing cruel. No, no, we're not watching dog fights. No, it's more like I like watching, you know, a rhino fight a bunch of tigers. Yeah, no, no, nature. Nature, nature, nature. But also, sea world accidents. You know, there's just something comical about it to me. I mean, what did they think was going to happen? You put a 12,000 pound super dolphin in a tiny tank with humans and make them do tricks for food?

Chaos is sure to happen. It is. There's something about a total unstoppable force of nature that has always intrigued me.

Tsunami footage, also something I can get lost watching. Because tsunami footage is so fascinating because it's so slow yet so destructive. Yeah. No, I like tornado footage myself when the tornado starts coming towards it. When people realize the tornado is coming towards them and they start running, that's what I love seeing. It's very exciting. Because I've experienced it and it's terrifying. I can only imagine. Tornado is like the one thing I haven't been through yet. One day. I'll show you.

Come with me. So the SeaWorld videos, you know, were fairly innocent, or so I thought. Occasionally a trainer would get whipped in the air the wrong way, or Shamu would eat a pelican, and you'd watch the trainers flip out and try to get the show back on track, all while the lamest, whitest, fake African-inspired music played. Send me on my way. Send me on my way.

Imagine if Paul Simon has testicles removed and had to record the rhythm of the Saints in Orlando with the creative notes coming from SeaWorld execs. That's the music they play. You know what it's like to be a fish. It is easy to be a fish. Fish like life with my fish like friends. No, Paul Simon honestly still was already fake African. Yes. No, no. But, you know, he was fine. So...

It's a mu-mah whip. You know what I found out too was reading the thing about the orcas purposely fishing for birds. Yes. So they would go and they would spit out

fish. I showed this on the ham day. Yes. And then they come and they eat the birds, but that's also showing that they are in circumstances where they're extremely bored. Oh, and they're fucking highly intelligent. Yes. They hunt in the wild like no other animal does. Their brains, we'll get to it, are fucking 12 pounds, which is one of the, like pound for pound dolphins have the biggest brains in the world. And that's why we can make such excellent candles out of them. Laughter

So the videos were always hilarious, especially because we knew that Telecom had previously killed a man. Not the first one in Sealand in the Pacific. That one wasn't a popular story here in America. That happened in Vancouver. I'm talking about the death of Daniel Dukes.

a 27-year-old scruffy-looking fella who on the night of July 6th, 1999, thought it would be a good idea to jump in Tillicum's tank and play with the majestic creature. You and me, Tillicum, are having a night on the goddamn town. Hope you like champagne. Yeah, no, he definitely had white man dreads. Oh, yeah, buddy.

I named each one after my favorite speaker during the Civil Rights Movement. It was all over the news. Do you guys remember it? Oh, yeah, of course. No one felt bad for the guy. No. In fact, he was ridiculed for his ridiculous act. It was on all the late night shows. We're making fun of him. Yeah, man, the killer whale didn't stalk him outside of his apartment.

and then hide in the closet and then wait for him to go to sleep and surprise attack him. He had to go to the whale. SeaWorld even referred to him as a vagrant who climbed into the tank and drowned. You know what? I identify as a vagrant and I take that offensively.

The truth is, when he was found by the staff in the morning, his body was mutilated and draped over the back of Tilikum. Oh, he's draped over the back. So was he doing the thing? Because I've seen the videos. He was wearing them like a hat. Yeah. Well, I've seen the videos of killer whales like popping seals up into the air. Yes. Was he popping them into the air and he just fell? He had been playing with him for hours. Wow. Oh. Yes. So.

SeaWorld claims they had no security tape footage that night. We don't know what happened. So no one knows exactly what went down that night. So why would they lie about not having the security footage? Like, is it just because it was way more grisly than they wanted to tell? SeaWorld seems to me like they enjoy a good cover-up. Oh.

Oh, I do understand. I think that they were to show a picture of a killer whale covered in blood with blood in the water and a big mutilated corpse. It might hurt ticket sales. Yeah. Possibly an arm or a leg that had got accident. But not for us. We drove for two hours to see Snowtown. I think I would do the same thing. I'd be like, if they want the true crime audience...

Throw some blood in there. Like, do it. Fake it for us. And if you're watching this on our Patreon, video on Patreon, you can see in the background the corrosive chemical sign. I bought that from an old man in Snowtown who had no sense of irony. Absolutely none.

I paid eight Australian dollar-y dues for it. Man, I spent ten on a fucking license plate. So stupid. I always jump the gun on these buying things. Hey, man, that's when you open your TGI Saturdays. You put it on the wall. Fly from your grave. Hey, everyone. How you doing? Ed Larson from Last Podcast on the left to talk to you about Raycon again. Man, man.

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But to assume that SeaWorld didn't have a security camera on a $10 million animal in a much more expensive facility is very hard to believe. They absolutely had cameras on, and they saw exactly what it was. They just did not want to bum people out. I'm sure they immediately deleted it. Yes. Daniel Dukes was by no means a normal American. He wasn't racist. He wasn't.

connected to David Dukes, was he? No, no, but he was from South Carolina, so maybe. No, it's Dukes with an S. I almost wrote David every single time in the script. He just wanted to. He just missed him. It's like, oh, talk about someone I want to see get ripped apart by a killer whale. No, couldn't be related to David Duke, but he could be related to Daisy Dukes. Whoa! Cute!

Daniel lived a freewheeling lifestyle. He loved music and animals. He better. And seemed to not be fond of responsibility. Yeah, I don't think so. Yeah, I don't think anybody climbed into a killer whale tank necessarily. Like, you know, always suddenly open up. Yeah.

He backpacked all around America and eventually landed in Florida, as lots of individuals do. And when you say backpack, you think I carried my things in a backpack? No, friend. I hid inside of a backpack. And someone put me in the back of a bus and drove me around. And that shit was hella awesome. I was a textbook.

Florida seems to be the end of the road for a lot of people. Oh, it's great. It's a haven for condoms. It's where you go to be forgotten. Yep. Yeah. He had a couple of small brushes with the law, some petty theft and marijuana convictions. He lived with a Hare Krishna community for a little while. It didn't work out. He was like, I'm out. Peace. I am sick of it.

Of the quiet singing. Yeah. So he left South Florida and started to go north. And a couple days before his death, he actually spent a couple days in jail in an Indian River County jail for stealing a Three Musketeers bar for breakfast. Oh, why? Oh, that shouldn't be a crime. And then on July 4th and 5th, he was spotted inside the park by staff.

They noticed him because he had dreadlocks and he was also hitting on a lot of the ladies. Hi, well, hi, Mr. Shamu. Can I come inside there?

Hey, lady, you look like a whale I can ride. You offer discounts for vagrants? Yeah. I ain't got no home. I believe the way they put it in the book seemed similar to that. I got to tell you, lady, most girls love this. I just want to let you know before I start. Second of all is, do those udders provide milk or is it the back udders?

Can I squeeze your butt just a little bit? Oh, the butt is back on her. I'm just curious as all hell. Curious as a little cat. Scribby, scribby, scribby, scrib. When he wasn't hitting on chicks, he watched the Shamu show repeatedly. And security noticed him, but didn't pay him much mind. Hey, excuse me, Shamu. How'd you book this gig? Because I got a feeling. You paying for them fish?

Wait a second. You get free fish and all you gotta do is slap around inside of one. And so on July 5th, when the park closed, Daniel hid close to the Shamu Stadium. And when the coast was clear, he hopped out of the gate to G-Pool, disrobed down to his underwear, boxer shorts, I believe, and he went towards the tank. And on this particular night...

Tilikum was the resident in that pool. Yeah, man, I could see him putting a shower cap on. He's getting that big brush. And like, we all bathing tonight real deep. Can't wait to snuggle with you, Shamu. Let's go put on a show. Let's watch some 2020. Yeah, that's my favorite. You guys get cable in this water?

Well, the reason we're making fun of this band, they were talking to this character, just this idea of just being like...

man, that killer whale is going to love me. I mean, it's a ridiculous thing. He's going to love me. It's like every drug dealer I've ever had being like, can't wait to talk about FIFA with you, friend. We all know when someone jumps into the enclosure at a zoo, it doesn't end well. No, no, no, no. It's at that point. It's I would say unless you're a child who fell in.

You deserve everything that's coming to you. No one's rooting for you. No. Imagine if you jumped into the jail cell with Carl Pan's Ram and said, I dare you to kill me. It's the same thing. Actually, I think there was a woman, I was half heard this on the news this morning, there was a woman who like jumped into a tiger enclosure, like yesterday, I think. Oh, really? That happens more than you think. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Remember when someone did it at the Bronx Zoo and they took its foot? They took the woman's foot? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Might have been a dude. I can't remember. Yeah.

Regardless, 7.05, July 6th, the next morning, a worker arrived to a ghastly sight. At first, he didn't realize what he actually saw. He thought there was a large white toy until it comes back. But upon further inspection, it was not a toy. It was the nude, lifeless body of Daniel Dukes.

Staff was notified and Tilikum allowed himself to be wrangled into another area. I didn't do shit. I didn't do shit. Allegedly, I was in the tank. I blacked out. Yeah, there was a rage, of course. He entered into my section and for a while we were hanging out. Yeah, it did seem to be consensual, but next thing you know, he started choking me during intercourse and I blacked out.

But when they fished out Dukes, he had multiple bite marks, was extremely bruised, and had drag marks all along his body. His boxer shorts were found at the bottom of the pool, and Tilikum gingerly had removed his left nut, and they found it at the bottom of the pool. So did he nod off his ball? He opened his scrotum.

They're like doctors with scalpels, these things. He opened his scrotum, removed a single testicle, spit it out.

What if it turns out it had cancer in it? Wouldn't that be amazing? That's a test they should have run. Oh, my God. It would have turned out that it was going to kill him anyway. He tried to save his life. This is a doctor, not a whale. Well, they found the nut at the bottom of the pool. Oh, well. The old Hitler special. Yeah.

Among Duke's possessions were a cigarette stuffed with weed. Are these possessions or are these leavings? Some beads, $2 in cash, and no admission ticket was found. Wow, he climbed the fence. SeaWorld to this day calls him a trespasser and a vagrant, and they're trying to save face, of course.

I mean, I would say he is a trespasser. He is a vagrant. They're disavowing him. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're saying they're not in with him. He did technically arrive dressed up as a penguin. He dressed up as a penguin. It's because they don't want...

I do see that they... Maybe he won a bet. And they were like, you know what? Go in the tank. If he showed up to spin the line. We don't know. We don't see it. We've never seen the video. Never know. Well, he was so high when he arrived, we assumed he was special needs. So we decided his make a wish could be, let's give him a ride in the tank. Yep. And it all went horribly wrong. Sure, he wasn't invited in the tank, but one would think it wouldn't be so easy for him to sneak in and jump in the tank.

How was there no security around the largest animal in the largest attraction at SeaWorld Orlando? I think only because only a moron would climb into the aquarium with a thing called a killer whale. Yeah. Like, it's like, that's the only thing, is that it's because it's...

7-Elevens have security guards. Oh, I agree. Yeah, but no one's going to shoplift a killer whale. You think so? Hey, man, I saw fucking Ace Ventura. That was a dolphin. Critics claim that he was led to believe that the whales were not dangerous by the messaging the SeaWorld puts out around their whales.

One claiming that they turned Telecom into Mickey Mouse. That's if you also apply SeaWorld's advertising to dabs. I can see why you think that you're watching it over and over again. And if you're some sort of drug addled... I'm just going to say...

Man with no necessarily goal. No, man with not an identifiable goal. Uh-huh. Right? Not a vagrant. And he's here watching the show again and again and again. And they're probably, at some point, truly... Probably just, like, losing his mind. Oh, yeah. He's been like, whoa, this is fucking... I'm here, dude. Like, a week ago, he was a Hare Krishna. Two days ago, he was in jail for stealing candy. So I think that he literally... You got arrested for stealing candy? Yeah.

That's even stranger in and of itself. Yeah. You know, like you got caught. And so he's there probably watching trainers react to this animal, not really understanding like most people do. Like people come to stand up shows and think you just necessarily make it up as you go. Like people do stuff like that where it's like he's probably looking at these trainers being like, I can totally do that. Birds love me. Yeah. Yeah.

So also check out this quote from Ken Balcom in Orca Activist said this about Telecom in an interview that week. You pull them out of their element and you've already got a potential delinquent. You put them in a captive situation where they're locked in a small space with limited context. Basically, you're building a cycle. No.

It's true. I'm sure that's exactly how the orca activist talks. Yeah, basically, I'll tell you what. If it wasn't for how small our vaginas are, more whales would do more to us if they could. But they don't like the split noise. Ha ha!

And not turned on by it. Well, SeaWorld rebuked the claim, suggesting that the death was hypothermia and drowning. Absolutely not. How did they explain the testicle? Hey, man, your balls sometimes... I wish they could escape me. Yeah, they said that Tilikum was not responsible, but the coroner's report did not list hypothermia as a cause of death, and Tilikum attacked Dukes while he was still alive. Yeah.

Dukes attacked Tilikum. Dukes was hugging Tilikum. That's an attack to a whale. Almost every part of Duke's body had been beaten up. Also, his blood work came back clear of all drugs, including marijuana. Thank God I ate that apple cider vinegar before my fucking work interview. But I do want to tell the story, too, because I did research the concept. You remember the Brothers interview?

that went after the Siberian tiger. Oh, the Christmas at the San Francisco Zoo. Yes, this was on Christmas Day. This was at the San Francisco Zoo, and these two brothers, Kubler and Amritpal Dhaliwal, arrived hammered.

high, throwing nachos and screaming at a tiger. I believe it can as well. Oh, yes. And then the tiger jumped far too short for regulation fence because they measured it wrong. It was supposed to be 20 feet tall, 16 feet tall by regulations. It turned out to only be 12 feet tall. That tiger also sat there for fucking years. While it was eating shit, the tiger finally said, fuck this shit and killed one of the brothers. On Christmas! On Christmas! You come into my fucking house!

On the Lord's Day. He was also Catholic. No one knew the tiger was Catholic. And then he killed one of the people and attacked the other two in front of a concession stand, and they had to shoot the poor tiger, which made me feel bad for the tiger. He just got pushed to its limit. Of course. And it was, yeah, the cops came and shot him. Well, what happened yesterday was a woman in New Jersey at the Kohanzik Zoo. Never been. Yeah, it's in Bridgeton.

Oh, Bridgeton. Yeah. My favorite place to get drunk and punch myself in the face. She climbed over a wooden fence and tried to touch a tiger. She was almost bit, but then she skittered away, and now police are looking for her. That doesn't count. That's one fat lazy tiger. Yeah.

Actually, I'm looking at a picture of the tiger right now, and it's very fat. Man, there is one tiger at the Cincinnati Zoo that I go and I look at it, and I don't know. It's definitely got some mental problems. Yeah, it's just upset. Yeah.

But before we go any further into the abuse of Telecom leading to him killing two other humans, we have to talk about orcas in general. Don't worry, this isn't going to turn into too much of a science project, but I figure we got to talk about some of this. This is his version of Wagon Manifest. No, this is very like bathroom book facts about orcas. But I love this. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. So killer whales...

are not whales propaganda they are a type of dolphin called orcanus orca or orca for short oh dude they're or i didn't know they dolphins yeah i didn't know they dolphins either yeah yeah they're dolphins yeah they're they're they're not whales oh wow well but some people call them whales still i don't know it's very confusing i just feel like are they a hybrid like are my rav4

Yeah. Like a whale fin. Whale fin. They have another thing called false killer whales. Have you seen these guys? No. Oh, my God. They look like Shamu fucked a xenomorph. They're terrifying looking. Where are they from? I don't know. I don't know exactly where they're from, but they have them at some of the SeaWorld parks as well. Oh, they are. It all looks like it's been outfitted by the guys that have Punisher symbols on their cars. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, they're cool. They're mad.

Yeah, yeah. They look like Dodge Challenger. Whoa. That's so cool. That's so tubular. I want to drive to see Fast and the Furious movies while my ex-wife is yelling me on speakerphone. Yeah, but they're also a dolphin. Why does it look so much greasier than a regular dolphin or a whale? I know. It looks crazy, right? Yeah, it's cool. Yes, I love a false killer whale. All right, so out of anything talked about on this show before...

They are the perfect killers. Yeah. All right? Males in the wild live from 30 to 60 years and can get up to 32 feet long and weigh up to 13,000 pounds. Wow.

Geez. All right. There's two types of orcas, transient and resident. And one can vote and one can't? No.

Actually, yes. Transient orcas are just as they sound. They have no particular home and in the wild can swim up to 100 miles a day. So they choose this life? It seems like it. And resident orcas live in one place. So you'll see the same pod in the Puget Sound. And it's just random? Yeah.

Or is it a type of whale? Entirely different. They are different types of the same whale. Interesting. Now, resident orcas, pretty much their diet consists mostly of fish and kelp, whereas transient orcas are known to eat other sea mammals such as seals, other dolphins, and sometimes even smaller whales. Wow, the cannibals?

Yes. Well, no, they're other whales. Oh, like baby, like smaller whales. Transient ones have to fight harder in this life. Yeah. The resident ones, they kind of like take, they got their own, like you need to require probably a steady food supply. Nug. Yes. No, there are all sorts of shit. No, but the resident whales will kick the shit out of a transient whale if they show up in its neighborhood because they're looking to fuck.

Because a transient whale shows up, it's looking to fuck, right? And you're like, no, that's my resident ass whale wife. You can't come in here and fuck my wife, buddy, just because you're in from out of town, right? And they're usually in pods, but also there's lone male transient orcas as well. That is like their version of serial killers. Yeah, I've seen those transient orcas that pop the seal up into the air 20 feet and then just do it over and over again until the seal's dead. It's incredible. I just see them walking around with the Jeffrey Dahmer glasses on.

Here's another fun one. Killer whales have no sense of smell. No. Yeah. They have great eyesight, but that doesn't help when hunting at night or in murky waters. They survive and thrive on echolocation. They release a series of clicks and noises and listen for the echo. So that's when they are going like...

That is like sending out eye messages. Yeah, and they use this to not run into rocks, boats, etc. Also to locate prey and other orcas in this manner. Which also kind of speaks to the fact that they might know the difference between various preys and boats. Like, obviously, they're playing, because now what we're seeing with the orcas doing this weird behavior, attacking the boats, like, they know their boats. Oh, yeah, they know their boats.

They also, like, they can tell if it's a salmon or a trout by the echo relocation. So can I by the market price. So it is like, and also they can tell the dimensions of the air in the bladder of another mammal. Now that is just so that you could also tell what kind of animal it is. I imagine. Imagine that's like. Yeah. That's like their seat. If it's a dolphin or a seal or whatever.

They also can echolocate near and distant targets simultaneously, which scientists don't really understand. I remember from Echo the video game. Yes. Yeah, Echo the Dolphin. Yeah. I never learned how to play that game. I just swum around in the first level for a while. That's really all I ever did with it. It was otherwise not a very interesting game. It was a renter.

Yes. I remember, well, no, Echo was the one that they, it came with the system. Yeah, it was either that, Sonic, or Green Dog. Yeah, and I already had Sonic, and Green Dog was stupid. I love Green Dog. I hated Green Dog. Really? I liked Sonic. Green Dog? He was the surfer with the big nose. You'll recognize him when you see him.

Anyway, echolocation does not work through kelp. Salmon, therefore, hide in the kelp. Orcas over dolphins have figured this out and just tear up kelp whenever they see it, hoping that fish are hanging out in there.

Green Dog the Beach Surfer, dude. Yeah, dude, that brings you all the way back, Dom. It's a total garbage game. It's incredible. I've never heard of this game in my entire life. Yeah, man. Yeah, man. Sonic 1. It totally sucks. Please, continue. Orcas never fully sleep.

because they can't breathe underwater. And sleep is the cousin of death. It is. For orcas, it definitely is. They remain partially conscious so they don't drown. One half of their brain sleeps at a time and only for a handful of minutes at a time. That's

Crazy. Yeah. That's crazy, man. Orcas in the wild will babysit younger orcas in their pod when it's needed. You're just saying that this because orcas, they do, they got like fairly layered intelligence. They're geniuses. But for orcas.

I don't know, man. Do you see one learn how to play the flute and put together a fantastic new instrumental album out of nowhere? If it had fingers, they'd definitely sing songs. I think about it a lot, how whales and dolphins, they probably have an inner life and an entire society that we do so many things that we don't understand, don't know about. They just swim around and have fun all the time. Well, dolphins, some of it's quite harrowing, Marcus.

Oh, I know some of it is. I don't think it's all fun and games. I don't think Little Mermaid was a documentary. I don't think they're down there playing jazz and playing instruments on it and wondering if they're going to get fucked. They're not all made out of fucking great bodies. I don't think it's like that. I don't think it is like that. I think it's hard to be a dolphin. And I think, honestly, a lot of them should just get into coding.

So... Yeah, get that side hustle. That's what dolphins need. Need a side hustle. Yeah. Really make their life miserable. Only fins. I'm angry at myself. I don't know.

I'm angry at myself. Henrytoons.com. Yes. One of their favorite meals, great white shark liver. Ooh, me too. Yeah, yeah. They're known to kill great whites, rip out their livers, share them with their friends, and discard the rest of the carcass. That's incredible. Yeah, they've also been known to eat deer and moose if they swim out too far. Oh, I bet. I bet. And they also put they don't eat humans, which is bizarre. Well, it's because-

They normally see from what I have read with humans and predatory animals is that we legit don't taste good. Yeah. And that we are just, we're never considered to be the number one meal for any apex predator because of how difficult we are to catch. They should just kill us though. They could. They could have back in the day. They could have stopped this human experiment real early if they had wanted to. But we are just never, they don't eat enough of us. They don't like our taste. Yeah. Yeah.

They also enjoy playing with their food. Cool. Sometimes for hours. Planet Earth has great footage of killer whales tossing around a seal back and forth, hurling it into the air to just rip it to shreds after a very long torture session, sometimes lasting hours. The killer whale has been seen.

To play with its prey for hours on end. The reason why you're hearing this type is this is the last thing you'll ever experience. Ha ha!

I'm going to tie you down and I'm going to gape you big. Next thing I know, I'm going to have my dog have its way with you. To be honest. David Parker, killer whale. Scientists don't know exactly why they do this. Maybe it's for fun. David Orca Ray. David Orca Ray. There it is. So jet lag. Things are a little slow. Yeah.

Well, one thing they think is that maybe it's because the sea mammals fight back that it can't be for fun. Other scientists think it helps with their digestive system. I bet you it's something like that. There's also something to intelligence involving play. That is a thing that comes up with a lot of animals. It seems to be also to express energy, but it must have some form of...

Technically, if it's there, it must have some kind of Darwinist reason for being there. It helps them because it's a behavior that is learned and kept up. So it's like they all watch other whales do it and then they do it and it means something. It must be about them building either building community, grassroots campaigning. Yeah.

And then maybe a lot of it, but yeah, it might just help them, you know, like a nice 10 minute walk after you walk. Well, you eat. Well, they say orcas usually swallow their food whole.

which is hard on the stomach. So the flopping around of a seal might help take its skin off. Oh, like tenderize it. Yes. Wow. Yeah. They also learn to eat certain parts of animals, like the shark liver or penguin breasts. They rip the breasts off penguins and only eat that and leave the rest of it behind. And then they've also been known to remove salmon heads,

before swallowing the rest of the fish because the heads don't digest as well. Whoa, and it gets stuck in their assholes. Yeah. And they know. Wow. That's interesting. Yeah. I don't know. Thank you. But that's the thing is stuff like that has to be touched.

They have to be talking to each other and telling like, don't swallow the salmon head. Or it's all watching them do it and then they all just mock the behavior and then it does serve a purpose. Yeah, they do have different dialects, you know, like a whale from Washington won't understand a whale from Nova Scotia or Iceland or anything like that. And I'm still in enough of free speech jail that I won't do the Asian whale accent here. That's because they're all being killed.

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Here's something cute. They love community. We all know that. They love their pods. They have big families. They have smaller families and extended families, but they also assist each other in calf birth in the wild. The mother will swim around in circles, give births, and then the other whales will lift the pup up to the surface and help it breathe. And then after they can be seen celebrating, jumping in the air, excited that a new orca has joined the

pod. Whoa. One more. Yeah. One more of us. Yeah. They are clearly highly intelligent and emotional animal with extremely large brains. Dolphins in general have the largest brain to body ratio of all animals. Now that the trivial pursuit of animal facts is over for now, let's talk about SeaWorld and how they acquire these magnificent animals. Well, I know that it ain't easy.

No, and it's also not super good to the animal. I remember reading about Ringling about how when he used to get elephants for the circus, they used to do a thing where they'd go to Africa, they'd get something like a hundred elephants because they knew they needed to get three for the circus because that's how many would live in the transit from where they were taken to America. God, just imagine dumping dead elephants off the side of a train just...

Oh, no, definitely created probably a number of cryptids and it probably fed hold of various nations of the Kirkus and the Trisnircus. Interesting connection there. Barnum's most famous elephant, Jumbo, was killed and he was hit by a train. Whoa. Yeah. Some say saving a small boy. Really? Yeah.

Some say. Some say. That's how they sold them. I mean, P.T. Barnum was the master of bullshitters, so I think it was Barnum say. Oh, yes, yes.

So as we said earlier, SeaWorld had four U.S. locations. Now they have three U.S. locations. And they recently opened up another one in Dubai, of all places. Dubai is... I've heard someone describe it as LinkedIn with slave labor. Oh, yes, yes, yes. It's horrible, horrible. It seems like just a horrible place that shouldn't exist. It's a tribute to human misery. Yeah.

Well... So now let's add animals in. Yeah, yeah, of course. Let's take orcas to the fucking desert. Yeah, they don't... They shouldn't be there. They should be where the water is. At least Orlando is natural. Well, it's sort of close to the water. So...

They have all these locations, and the Shamu show is obviously the biggest draw, so they got to keep getting as many whales as possible. Now, Shamu is just the name of the brand. There was an original Shamu. Shamu was the first killer whale brought to the San Diego Zoo in the 1960s.

Now Shamu is the stage name for all orcas that perform at SeaWorld. Okay. Like Joe Biden. Like the guy that is now Joe Biden. Yes. Yeah. Mr. Harris. The fact that he was cloned several months ago. Yeah. And that's the reason why. And the clones don't last so long. No, they degrade easily. Yeah, they degrade very easily. Yeah.

So all the whales have other names. But let's go through a quick yet confusing history of these particular killer whales. Also, just so you know, SeaWorld refuses to use the term orca and only calls their performers killer whales. Because it's a more marketable name for a creature that you can go pay to see, I imagine. Oh, much, much more. And you don't feel as bad watching a killer whale get mistreated.

I guess, yeah. Honestly, that is very interesting. I never thought about it that way because then you're like, well, that's a dangerous-ass animal. It's a cool thing it's in there instead of out there. Yep.

SeaWorld has three ways of acquiring orcas. In the old days, they were captured in the wild and sold to aquariums and marine zoos. This practice was done in Iceland, Canada, and off the coast of Washington State. No longer happens in these places for ethical reasons. It's a disgusting practice. We'll get more into it in the next episode. Especially when they make these whales book their own bringers. Yeah.

They gotta come show up and they're supposed to do ten minutes. They gotta do three impressions. Do you have an idea just dropping that in some character actor's lap? Oh, you gotta come up with three impressions. You know what I mean? How much is the whale gonna do if you're already playing Shambu? Now you're venting.

How do they get these gigs? You know, Iceland still wails. There's still this huge argument within Iceland itself as to whether wailing is wrong or not. Yeah. Doesn't seem like they have much to do over there.

Except to see us fly. Come see us in Reykjavik. Don't bring the whales. You got to buy at least four tickets for a whale. They've been doing it since the 12th century. They got it down pat. Yeah. Well, Russia recently, as a couple of years ago, has been continuing the practice of capturing orcas and selling them to zoos and aquariums in China.

If you want to learn more about this, there's an amazing article called Why Defenders of Killer Whales Are Worried About China by Leah Thompson. Give it a read. They also buy killer whales from other theme parks when they're down and out. Oh, so they flip whales. Yes. Because a lot of times when they hunted these whales in the wild back in the 70s and 80s, they would capture a couple of the babies, you know, and then they would throw them out to other zoos.

These zoos start closing down. SeaWorld's buying the same whales from the same pods, and now they're mingling back in with each other. So they're making money on top of the whale money they're already making. It's crazy. So they buy whales from other theme parks when they're down and out. And of course, they've come under scrutiny for breeding the orcas in the parks. So they are not allowed to breed them.

They have stopped breeding them in the parks. Is it just because of the V2 movement? Oh, yeah. Yeah, the uproar. People hated it. Oddly enough, Steve-O helped stop that. Wow. Yeah, when he climbed a giant crane and brought a giant Shamu pool inflatable up there with him and wrote, SeaWorld sucks on it. And the fire department had to get him down. Yeah.

Hey, you never... They always say, Mr. Rogers said, look for the helpers. They never know when they come. And then he also climbed... The sign going into Sea Roll Drive, he climbed up there as well and crossed out Drive and Road Sucks. Nice. Wow. Yeah, so Steve-O has actually drawn a lot of attention and helped stop the breeding in captivity of orcas. That's incredible. Um...

SeaWorld has a history of moving their whales around the country from location to location to help the breeding process. Well, it seems to be a lot like priests. When one of these whales fuck up or one of these animals fuck up, they just move them. They just move them to another spot. Yeah, man. It's complex and sad, but also important to the story of Tilikum. And here's a breakdown laid out well by David Kirby in the book...

Death at SeaWorld. So now this is where it's going to, you're saying this is going to be very sad. This is going to be sad and also a little confusing. That's my favorite. Yes. It's great for podcasts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sad and confusing. Let's just all go watch Dancer in the Dark, why don't we? I remember that. It's so quiet.

Quiet. So Katina is the matriarch whale of the Orlando whales. And by 1991, she was one of three left there. Okay, so there was many whales there. Now there's only three. She's the main mama bitch. Yes, Katina was captured off the coast of Iceland in October 1978 when she was two or three at the time. Which is also when we got Maria Navratilova. Yes.

This is very young for a female orca to be separated from its mother. Female orcas will stay by their mother's side up to 15 years. Some even stay close to their mother after they themselves have had a calf of their own. Is this not how to make it some of its own girl whale boss? Yeah. In a way, like, you know, get away from the traditional gender roles of whales? Well, actually...

the lady whales are usually in charge. Whoa, okay. Kamala. In some cases, three to four generations of females swim in close proximity to each other. Orcas usually first mature to give birth at the age of 15. Katina was nine when SeaWorld made her have her first calf. Was her trainer Matt Gates? He was in Florida. Um...

In 1984, Katina was impregnated in San Diego by a much larger orca, Winston, who was captured off the coast of Washington in 1970. Winston was purchased by SeaWorld San Diego in 1976 after spending time at a UK amusement park where he got the shitty name Winston, of course. Of course, my name's big ol' Winston, me know. I'm ready to fuck. Yeah, you bring it out there, I'll give you a big quick shag. Winston.

Winston himself was rounded up in notorious mass capture in Penn Cove, Washington. Where were you at, Penn Cove? Yeah, goff on the horse.

Scooped us up to a place where I could fuck all willy nilly. Best night of my life. Now I know what you're thinking. This isn't going to turn into the killer whale episode of Someplace Underneath. Where are the whales? But these highly intelligent emotional animals were trafficked for many years. Just stating the facts. Sure. Katina was then shipped back to Orlando to give birth there. Which is actually. Because she was pregnant. And that is very much a.

pastime in Florida. To get pregnant as a child and have birth in state. That's honestly what happened to my family. And that's what she did. September 26, 1985, Katina gave birth to the first orca ever born in captivity, Kalina. So her name's Katina, the baby's named Kalina. Correct. I have photographic

evidence of me there with my family soon after this happened. Wow. As a fellow big baby born in Orlando, my family took me to see Baby Shamu to pay respect. Honestly, it feels like a very passive-aggressive, you're not that big. Oh, he thinks he's the biggest baby. Yeah, the birth of Kalina, Baby Shamu was a media sensation even more than my own. Wow.

Wow. Yeah. See, Winston. This is all about jealousy. It really is because you only got one newspaper article and this baby was covered. I got articles all across the country. They were talking about me in Chicago. They were talking about me in Alaska. They shouldn't have been. People were sending sweaters. It sounds like they were trying to traffic you. You know what I mean? I dare you to traffic this big baby. I couldn't find a car seat big enough.

Winston was unable to celebrate the birth of his daughter because he died seven months later in San Diego from a heart attack. Because men are expendable. Yes. He was 19 when he died. Damn, Tom. And remember, orcas have a life expectancy of 30 to 60 years. Did he have to go to the Gulf War? I think he died before that. Baby Shamu brought in millions of visitors. So what happens in show business when you're a hit? Oh, yeah. They put you on tour. Come on, baby. Do the hit.

Yeah, so in 1990, at four years old, Kalina hit the road. Remember, female orcas stay with their mothers for 15 years in the wild. So if we're talking about the orcas as actual, you know, like animals with intelligence. So we're talking like generational trauma with these whales. Or dolphins. Yeah, and every time they're ripped apart from their families, the mother screams for years. Yes.

Yes. Jesus. It is very upsetting. So they hit the road with baby Kalina. Her first stop was Ohio. She was first to perform at a premature age with orcas she did not know. Just take the word orca out and replace it with Lindsay Lohan. It's exactly the same. It's exactly the same story. She then did shows in San Diego and in the very tank that her father died.

and then finally ended her tour in San Antonio. And then booked and busy. This is so fucking sad. It is extremely sad. Oh my God, to end the two-year tour and you end up in San Antonio. And while she was in Texas at six years old, she got pregnant. Wow. And we all know how hard it is to get an abortion in that state. Yeah.

Her baby daddy was Kotar. Whoa. Kotar. Yeah, a smaller orca captured off the coast of Iceland. He had been shipped around the SeaWorld parks as well. Kotar had a tough time at the parks because of his size.

He was often bullied by the other whales, male and female alike. Don't let anybody fucking do that to you, Kotar. It's all about the fucking motion of the ocean. Most of the time, the fucking female whales just want you to be confident. It's not about you being big. It's about showing up and saying, I'm the man to be here to fuck. All right, so we got many killer whales in the mix now. SeaWorld was...

for lack of a better term, killing it and ranking in millions of dollars in profit. And they are loving this. Yes. Printing money, nothing but baby whales, and everybody loves it. Yeah. They started to acquire other orcas to keep up with demand. They often would get orcas from parks that were not doing as well as them. In 1987, Orlando bought a large moody orca from a place called Marineland, Ontario. He was a transient orca, not a resident orca like all the other orcas.

that was caught off the coast of Victoria, British Columbia. His name was Can-Duke, a big old aggressive boy because his diet consisted of mammals, like seals, while Kotar, being from Iceland, grew up eating fish. Yeah, they were just hanging out. Yeah. The different kinds of guys. Trainers were not allowed to be in the water with Can-Duke because he was a transient orca and was more dangerous. And Can-Duke is the opposite of Marcus on vacation because Marcus on vacation was Can't-Duke.

It took two and a half weeks in Australia, and it became distressing. Really? It took that long? It took a long time. I got regular the day before we left. Wow. Yeah, man. It's called traveling. It's called your belly hurts. Do you eat cheese a lot? No. He needs more roughage. No, I ate good. You did eat good. We ate together. Yeah. All right. Well, I'll shake you a bunch if you need next time. Thanks.

Also, Kanduk showed signs of aggression and self-harm. He was known to ram his own head into the wall until bleeding. And sometimes when the trainers arrived in the morning, bugs would be swarming around his wounds. Now, it's just very interesting because like people, it's like Kotar's like, oh no. This is Kanduk. This is Kanduk. I know, but Kotar's like, oh shit, they just brought this big troubled crazy guy in here that I got to deal with like he's in a fucking gen pop.

in prison. Exactly. And then one day in Orlando, Kanduk and Kotar got in a big old fight in front of everybody. Whoa. They repeatedly beached themselves on the side out and would scream in anger and frustration. Whoa, that's kind of fun though as a people at SeaWorld kind of watching it, but it's not good. I mean, as...

You know, it's so, like, do you want to be there that day or not? I don't know. Yeah, the screaming day? Well, just watching the two whales fight each other is kind of fun. Well, at the peak of the battle, the little guy, Kotar, fresh out of ideas, bit Kanduk on the penis, severely wounding him. That's what my father told me, is that there's no such thing as a fair fight.

You just have to do it. You gotta win. If you gotta punch a guy in the dick, you gotta pull out his eyeballs. That's what you gotta do. That's what Cotard did. Yeah, man. It's fucking Short King's, man. Short King's rules. And they punished him and sent him back to San Antonio. Worst thing you could possibly do. And that's where he mated with Kalina and gave birth to their son named Keet. Oh, whoa. They're all from the Palin family?

I like that they all hung out together. I mean, he just got to go fuck. Basically. And Keet stayed in San Antonio and Kalina was finally shipped back to Orlando and reunited with her mother, Katina, after being separated for almost five years. She was also pregnant again from the birth of her son,

from cotar damn need condoms this was less than one year after the birth of keith the gestational period for killer whales is usually 17 to 18 months in the wild they usually wait five years between calves but if we've learned anything from alabama the best part about is that fucking's free yeah i mean it's easy to do it's fun to do don't cost money to gush inside

Well, Kalina's second calf, Keto, was born in Orlando. She's around five years old at this point, one third of the age of most killer whale mothers. Keto would grow up to be an angry fucker just after Telecom, of course. Also, SeaWorld wasn't even slowing down the breeding. CanDuke had also impregnated Katina while he was in Orlando. Damn, dog. Now SeaWorld has now created a whole new killer whale.

Because remember, Katina, a resident fish eater, and Kanduk, a transient mammal eater, gave birth to Katarina. Whoa, that should be like the super whale. So it's a new super whale. Whoa, that's cute. Yes. Either that or its entire brain is completely fucked up. Whoa, we'll see. Well, SeaWorld is very creative with the whale breeding, but not so much in the naming department. Yeah, there's a lot of same names. Okay.

Can't there be a Steve? Yeah. I don't know. There are no Steves. This is our fucking whale called the Reaper. Yeah, this is Sean. Well, Katerina was shipped off to Ohio because the baby Shamu business was going well, and then they sent her to San Antonio when she was four years old, and then she died.

from a bacterial pneumonia at the age of 10. Bacterial pneumonia seems to be the trend on how these whales die in captivity.

Female orcas in the wild live to a maximum lifespan of 90 years old. She was 10. Jesus. There were three other SeaWorld-owned whales in the mix here. Keanu, a female who gave birth to two baby Shamus in captivity. Whoa. The first died at 11 days old, and the other was Kayla. Keanu was sent to Orlando, and Kayla was sent to Ohio. Keanu only lasted seven months in Orlando and died at the age of 17, also from bacterial pneumonia. Jesus.

Meanwhile, in Florida, the mammal-eating can-duke continued to impregnate other fish-eating Icelandic killer whales. This is what I do, friend. Okay? I kill. I fuck. Can-duke? Can-duke. Gudrun, a female, was captured from the same time as Keanu off the coast of Iceland. I know a Gudrun. You do? You do? It's an Icelandic name. Oh! Oh!

But first, she was shipped to perform in the Netherlands before being purchased by SeaWorld Orlando. Gudrun gave birth to Taima and Nayar a couple years apart. Gudrun was a better mother to the first. That's a judgment call.

Yes. And I think that you're a bastard for doing that because I think all mothers are blessed. Well, by the mid-90s, SeaWorld was having a hard time keeping up with the demand for their shows. It was harder to capture killer whales in the wild. Canada, Iceland, and Washington State outlawed the capturing of the whales, as we said. So they were forced to breed in captivity or just buy whales from other parks.

There were not many options left. Kanduk dies. Damn, not the cum supplier. Yeah, and Kotar was in Texas, so SeaWorld Orlando needed to fix this problem. Where were they going to hunt for a new stud? They only had two options. Keiko?

owned by Mexico City Amusement Park. And his fucking dick was fucking, he's ready to fuck whatever, dude. He's hanging there, he's camera ready, man. He's fucking, he's ready to fuck now, man. I'm ready to fuck. Actually, Keiko was very depressed and he had a bent dorsal fin and he was covered in lesions. Unhealthy at best. I feel like it's, yeah, I mean, honestly, especially these days, the bar is so low for men. Keiko, though,

Went on to be the most famous orca in history, better known as Willie from Free Willie. No shit! It's incredible. Wow, that's why I got yelled at down the street whenever I made anything above a slow walk where people would go like, hey, Free Willie! Yeah, that was a couple years that we all dealt with that. We were fat. I remember that.

Well, I'm going to sidetrack us for two seconds here just to talk about Keiko because this story is insane as well. Free Willy, if you remember, was a huge hit. People love Free Willy. $153 million off a $20 million budget. It was about a boy who falls in love with an orca named Willy and is determined to free him. It's a nice movie. Michael Madsen's in it and he's even nice. He's nice in that movie. He's very nice in that movie. It's the only movie where he plays like a nice person. He has to be nice. Yes. He's a single father, I believe.

Spoiler alert, they free Willy. No! Yeah, well, the fucking poster is the spoiler to the end of the movie, so I don't feel that bad. Anyway, right before the credits roll in Free Willy, it says, you can help save whales of the world by calling 1-800-4-WHALES. And then you call it and you're like, hey.

Are you single? Are you a transient whale looking for a warm porthole? Well, I called it earlier today, and it was just a message of a nice old man telling you to go to the website, Keiko.com, and leave a message if you feel like it. Yes, yes, an old way of using the internet, but yes. Everyone, of course, after they saw the movie and that, was like, hey!

That's a great idea. How about we free Keiko? He's the star of the goddamn movie. Yeah, dude. So you mean tell me he gets to just be the guy inside? He gets to act like a free whale that he's definitely not a free whale because he's on camera doing cues? Yeah, so they're like, let's free his fucking ass. So 1-800-4-WALES got 300,000 calls to free Keiko. And then that was easier said than done. Remember, Keiko is super sick. Sick.

He's in this crappy Mexico City aquarium. It just was. His tank wasn't even filled with salt water. It was filled with fresh water and chlorine. Oh, Christ. So they couldn't even grab. It's not like you can just grab them and ship them back to Iceland and expect everything to be fine and dandy. No, he'll get torn apart.

by the other whales or just die immediately just from the environment. Yeah, so he also has no idea how to be an orca. He needs to learn how to do whale shit like talk and eat. Right now he's eating dead fish out of people's hands. He doesn't know how to hunt, you know? I mean, that's also the reason why they changed the way they do that. Now we know that they try to feed it in a way that kind of stimulates their brains or whatever.

Right now, I mean, still, they're just giving them dead frozen fish. But, like, we saw that one when we went to Sea Time in Australia, in Sydney, where they have the dugong, and they're just like, they give it, like, its special leaves inside of the park and cone. Well, that was a nice aquarium. Yeah, we're talking SeaWorld. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And dugong, he was one of three dugongs in captivity because he can't go back, much like Keiko. He's out there. They built him.

They built them this new gorgeous facility. So they moved them out. They didn't take them out, right? Well, before they moved them out, they had to build them a new facility in Oregon. That took a year and a lot of money, and they were trying to raise money. So Warner Brothers chipped in, thank God, because they made so much money off of the fucking movie and then made three other movies.

And another eccentric millionaire, Craig McCaw, helped cover the rest of the cost. As long as there can be a little hole I can stick my dick in. Dude, this guy, he was like, he had cell phone money and he was just giving $300,000 a month to Keiko. Dude, that's the type of insanity these people have.

need. These whales need somebody who's just going to give them money. Yeah, so the facility's still there. It's gorgeous and it simulated the ocean and they began to release fish in there to teach them how to hunt. When they thought he was ready, they shipped him back to Iceland on a C-17. The army fucking covered it. What do they do? Just fucking throw buckets of water throughout or what? He's just in a giant concrete tomb. Yeah, tomb. Yeah, tomb.

So they did, I'd imagine. Yeah, I imagine. And when they got, they shipped them back to Iceland. They still couldn't get them free just yet because they didn't know what would happen. So they put them in this bay and they had a giant netted area that was like a couple acres wide. And then he kind of hung out in there and he caught some fish and he started to talk to some other orcas. And eventually they let him go and see how it would do. He died.

couldn't socialize with the other orcas that well, but he was very interested in them. So he followed a pod of orcas all the way from Iceland to Norway. Once he got there, the other orcas were like, you're weird. Yeah, you're fucked up. Why do you like these humans so much? Because the humans are watching this all go down. They're like, uh-huh. Make sure that the millions of dollars are going towards something positive here. And he keeps going back to them because that's where fish come in.

come from. Of course. And he likes them. And the other orcas are like, what the fuck are you doing? Are you a spy? Yeah. Seriously. Are you Melania? And so eventually, he doesn't make any friends. And he lives a very lonely existence for a couple years and dies of bacterial pneumonia. My God. Yes. But he technically...

was released into the wild and did live for a certain amount of time free and

He had no friends, but he did get to live free again. And that's the ultimate freedom. I don't know. No friends. No friends. No attachments. Absolutely not. Vagrancy, my friend. Yes. Full, total floating. So there's only one other option to stud for Orlando now. It was an 11-year-old male from a place named Sealand of the Pacific. His name was Tilikum, and he just got done killing his first victim, Kelty Lynn Byrne, and

And that's where we'll pick up next week in the horrors of SeaWorld Part 2. Jesus Christ, that is very funny. You just did it like literally Tilikum is a serial killer. He is the meanest of the whales. He's the longest body count of any purposeful animal. Besides elephants, elephants kill the most animals.

trainers in captivity, but not one elephant has killed the most. Yes. You know what I mean? But it's kind of interesting. Yes. So Tilla comes, killed two other people. And he set the context like it was a serial killer episode. And that's where we'll pick back up. We did his background. We did the psychological makeup. It is a true crime episode. It is, but with a dolphin. That's the thing. Good work.

Way to go, buddy. Really good work. Tricked him. Tricked the audience. And if you want to see Eddie's wonderful killer whale sweater. Oh, you didn't even mention the fact that he's sweating balls in here for no fucking reason. But if you want to go see it, it's on the Patreon. Patreon.com slash last podcast on the left is where you can go to watch video episodes. You can follow us at TikTok on Twitter.

and Instagram at LP on the left. You can also check out our streams at twitch.tv slash LPNTV and catch all those streams later on. After the fact, on YouTube, you can come see us on tour. We got shows coming up in Boston, in London, in Reykjavik, in Los Angeles, and New York City. And Chicago got side stories tickets for sale next week. Next week.

So come on out for that. The Park West Theater. I can't wait. That place is fucking beautiful. I can't wait to be there. I can't wait to do it. I can't wait to get sick on food afterwards with you too, buddy. We're going to get really gross. Yeah. We're getting fucking. I want to get some Italian beef. I want to get some backstage and then after the show I want to go out and get sick again. Yeah. I want to get real sick. Yeah. Just remember we've got the show the next night. You know, you just fucking pet. I'll shit it out. What you got to do is. I don't have. I have the opposite problem. Too much dookie. Yeah. No, it's always there for you. I got a real shy ruckum.

It's a shy record. Mine loves friends. Not like Tillicum. No. No. No. So, hail Satan, everyone. How Jean? Hail Kalina. Yeah, poor Kalina. Poor Kalina. She never stood a chance. She was in that video with James Dean.

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