Episode 612: Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell - The Doomsday Murders Part IV - Pet Semetary
02:06:02 Share

Last podcast on the left is proudly sponsored by Amica Insurance. At Amica, you'll receive coverage with compassion. When you choose Amica, they'll take the time to explain your options for auto, home, and life insurance. You can feel confident knowing that they'll protect what matters most to you. Amica will provide you with peace of mind. Go to amica.com and get a quote today. ♪

Hello, Florida. Your favorite son and biggest baby are coming home to bring you the laughs you deserve. Everyone likes to poke fun of the Florida man. Everyone likes to use Florida as a punching bag. Whenever an alligator on meth eats an old person, it can happen anywhere. As a famous Floridian baby, I feel your pain.

So that's why I'm coming home to let you know it's okay to be who you are. It's okay that the rest of America is scared of us. It's okay that books are illegal in our schools. It's okay whenever it gets cold, it rains iguanas.

I'm here to support you. So come on out. March, I'll be in North Florida. And in May, I'll be in South Florida and Orlando. It's the Invasive Species Tour. Ed Larson, me, is coming to Florida in March and May. I'm coming to Jacksonville, Panama City, Tallahassee, Marco Island, Dania Beach, Orlando, and Key West. So lock up your public subs now.

and start singing the Miami Dolphins fight song because we're going to party like it's Florida, baby. Tickets at eddytoons.com. There's no place to escape to. This is the Lost Hot Tass. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started.

Yesterday. What happened? I know you guys are going to be. Listen. Tell me about it. I'm so excited to finally tell you this. It finally happened to me. I was on my Toto praying. And I, do you ever have, I know people don't necessarily like it when I start with anything about my bodily functions. Yeah. I'm just going to start like, I'm not going to go into it deep. It's not necessarily. It's just plain don't like it. It's whatever. Whatever.

There's a couple that like it. There's a couple that like it. But you know when you're having a filthy, dirty little fuckers? You know when a duke's too hard? Lick your lips. But you know what I mean? When a duke's too hard? Like when it's too difficult to get out or when it's too physically hard? Physically hard. Yeah. You let it cook too long. In the middle of this, I black out and all of a sudden I'm in this tunnel of light.

And I'm going through, I see you come back and forth, like the wash and all this kind of stuff, like all this energy's coming this way. This is your first anal cum, isn't it? I might have been, I might have cum so hard that I turned to death. I went into death. I'm death mode. And did you guys know? Jesus is black. Wow. Yeah. Really? Wow. That's crazy, dude. That's nuts. I thought he wasn't real. No. He was like, he showed up and he's like, yeah, me.

And I was just like, what? And he said, guess what, dude? Be gay. Yeah. Really? And he's just like, and then he bent over and started sucking his own penis. It came up through his robes. You know what I thought was so big? How big was it?

Okay. And I felt like the carpenter's cut. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It has to be a useful one. Yeah, and it takes a carpenter to give a good circumcision. It does. It does. But then, what I thought was truly beautiful, the penis itself. Hey,

Wow. Oh, interesting. I thought it'd be great if his penis was shaped like a cross. He did not, Jules. Welcome to the last podcast on the left, ladies and gentlemen. My name's Marcus Parks. I'm here with the sacrilicious Henry Zabrowski. I have been chosen as the vessel of the message of sucking your own penis is the only way to know thyself. Hmm.

And we have Ed Larson. That's right. I'm still waiting for all the evidence. They could be innocent. You know what? And that's the smartest take I've heard. That's the smartest take. Because he's right. They're still, they've only had two trials. Yeah. That they've both been convicted. Yeah. It was, you know, COVID trials are very weird. You're right. It's hard to get a good jury in there. It is. Yeah. Especially over Zoom. Especially over Skype.

Before we had Zoom. It's hard to translate all that stuff. It is hard. So today, we're here. We're here at the conclusion. Chad Daybell and Lori Vallow, part four. We're going to find out just how guilty these motherfuckers are. Super guilty. I just went and listened to six hours of the coroner talking. Oh, yeah? Guess what, man? Boring? He needs new material. Yeah. These coroners, they're never camera ready. No, dude. I'm just saying. Except Dr. G. Who's that? Dr. G.

There was a whole show, a reality show about a medical examiner named Dr. G in which they use actual people as the corpses. Not, of course, the actual corpses, but, you know, they use actors to play the corpses. And it's a lot of old people that are trying to figure out the cause of death. So it's just a bunch of naked old people getting manhandled by actors. That's kind of fun. It is really, really fun. And the G stood for Godzilla. Oh, yeah.

So when we last left Chad Daybell and Lori Vallow, Lori's fourth husband, Charles, had just been murdered by Lori's psychopathic open mic comedian brother, Alex Cox.

Since Lori was now unfettered by marital demands, she was free to finally move to Rexburg, Idaho, a.k.a. the New Jerusalem, where Chad Daybell had been gathering his faithful followers in anticipation for the end times. There was still, however, three people standing in the way of Lori and Chad being together fully. Lori's two children, 16-year-old Tylee and 7-year-old JJ, as well as Chad's wife of over 30 years, Tammy Daybell.

So how long did she wait after Charles was killed before she moved to New Jerusalem? Seven weeks. Oh, okay. They had been kind of going back and forth and visiting because that's where all the pap conferences were. Oh, how close is that to 40 days? It's so biblical. It's very close. Yeah. Now the theory is that Chad Daybell wanted complete control over Lori, and that wasn't going to happen until both of Lori's children from previous marriages were out of the picture. And

In my opinion though, Lori wanted the kids gone just as, if not more, than Chad. But that does bring up a few questions. See, if you'll remember, seven-year-old JJ wasn't even Lori's biological child.

She specifically asked for him.

Her eldest son, Colby, certainly would have taken Tylee in rather than see her die. And even Lori's youngest sister, Summer, seemingly the only sane member of the Cox family, said she would have happily taken care of Tylee until Tylee was old enough for college.

And so, the question is, why did Laurie and Chad have to kill the kids at all? It's fun! That's why, Marcus! Well, personally, I think it comes down to two possibilities. As I said last episode, JJ and Tylee might have known incriminating details about the murder of Charles Vallow, and Laurie may have ordered Alex to kill them to supposedly protect their holy mission. Kill the kids! Giggity-gig! Sounds like a fun afternoon! See you guys!

So it's possible she really did think there were zombies. Well, that's the thing. It may be something far more shallow than the spiritual mission. I would concur that it is absolutely far more shallow. See, like her mother, Lori Vallow was obsessed with appearances, and one couldn't very well be seen as a great spiritual leader of the Mormon people and a mother who abandons her children simultaneously.

It's also possible that Lori wanted to prove to Chad and to herself that she could walk the walk. So it is possible that Lori killed her kids because being the mother of two missing children is a better look than being a neglectful mother. And killing her kids proved her dedication to her and Chad's fantasy world. It also completes the vision within visions of glory. And the constant thing that is brought up

about Mormon prophets in the post-us world, in the Mormon-led post-apocalypse, is that wives and children, they have no purpose. They all say that each one of these major prophets loses their family as some form of Job-like sacrifice to the fatalist nature of the way God has chosen to run the post-apocalypse. So there is a little bit of that, too, where they're like, you know, actually, according to the style of the times,

There's no children in our paradise. You read Vision of Glory Holes? Yeah, no. It's crazy. Full of holes. Full of holes. Actually, I'm really glad you brought that up. To the last tabletop book on the left, we are doing our first ever, it's just different glory holes from around the world. And it's amazing how the shapes change. Italy, Italy.

They're square. Like ravioli. Well, if we're talking about appearances, that does bring up another question. If Lori killed the kids because it looked better than abandoning them, then why did she keep their deaths a secret?

Well, I think that question tells you quite a bit about Lori Vallow. One, I think it speaks to her as a narcissist who engaged in the highest forms of magical thinking. She did whatever she wanted in this world and believed that she was so special that if she just kept denying that anything was wrong, things would work out all on their own. But

But I also think, perhaps even more so, that Lori did believe Chad when he told her that the world was going to end in July of 2020. And if she just held on long enough, then the matter of the missing kids was going to be a moot point. That's correct. I think that she thought that they had a looming deadline. Yeah. And they thought that this would all wash away once it all proves to be true, which it didn't.

You're wrong, Chad! You bitch! See you in fucking prison! Can't wait till you get the chair! But she also had a very practical reason for killing the kids. Yeah. Which is to collect the social security checks. JJ received something like $4,000 a month, which is what she was getting as passive income. Chad also wanted this passive income. They sent it in a text to

change back and forth when Charles Vallow's insurance payment didn't come to her. She was like, don't worry, I'm still getting the $4,000 from JJ. She says it in the thing. And so that's how they can wipe them out, lie about the deaths, because who doesn't get, you can't

You can't get Social Security checks to a dead person, technically, right? And so that's the reason why you have to hide the deaths so that you can continue to get paid. So he was $4,000 because he was severely autistic? Severely autistic. Wow. And that's the other shallow version of this, which is I—and this is my own—

This is my own opinion, obviously. But Lori Vallow, without the regular Botox, she's starting to look like, you remember those Reagan puppets from the old Peter Gabriel videos? Oh, yeah. She's starting to look like that. Like, she's really starting to look rough. And she also said she couldn't age, you remember. Yeah. So that's a big thing. But there's a part of me that thinks that Tylee and JJ didn't fit the castable looks.

Of the prophet's children. And Chad did? Yes. Chad is the Mormon elite. Chad is the Mormon vision of what a man's supposed to be. Factless. He can't see his penis because out of sight, out of mind. And then if he's got, because that's what really protects him. Yeah. He looks like the cum that made him. Exactly. Exactly.

Exactly. It shows that God did not waste a single seed. Just made them all come. He looks like what Slimer looked like when he was still alive. Yeah, yeah. You did that joke on me where I look like the guy who plays Slimer in a gay porn version of Ghostbusters. That's actually Eddie's joke. Yes. Oh, yeah. Well, I said Richard Dreyfuss if you played Slimer. Yes. And that is what this man is.

He is the Michelin tire man with a little tiny penis. Now, what we do know is that the plan to kill Tylee and JJ began pretty soon after Lori arrived in Rexburg in July of 2019. And this is about a year before the apocalypse was due to come knocking on everyone's door.

See, since J.J. was severely autistic, Charles had bought him a service dog. But soon after Charles' murder, Lori put the dog up for sale, cleaning house, as it were, which was more or less the first step towards her getting rid of all her remaining encumbrances. Which is also a massive red flag, because you're not supposed to sell a service dog. It's actually illegal. Yes, they did it on, she tried to do it on Facebook.

Really? Yeah, just try to sell this service dog. They're all like, doesn't JJ need the service dog? She's like, oh, you know, JJ has been fucking being like super cool recently. He's very independent. What she actually said is like, well, the service dog was more like Charles's thing. It's like not really my thing. Service dog. I got a service dog. Rambo. I made him a service dog, but he's more of a waiter. He is.

He very much is in, he's like a catering dog. It'd be kind of cool if you give like a little kid like a service dog, but it's like an attack dog.

dog. Ooh, I'm sure that happens a lot. Can you imagine getting like a blind man, like nine chihuahuas? If you could give him like more dogs, right? More than like, that'd be kind of cute. It's not the same as one service dog. It's like nine service dogs. You just want like an army of dogs to just make a lot of noise. Yeah. It seems like it would be an encumbrance. I feel like that as if you were blind and you wanted to take it out on us.

Like, that's what you can do. Being like, you'll have to deal with my seeing eye army. Now, while the cops hadn't charged Alex Cox with the murder of Charles Vallow and instead believed the easier, work-free explanation of self-defense, the people in Chad and Lori's immediate circle were not so easily swayed.

See, for some reason, the murder of Charles Vallow was what finally snapped podcaster Melanie Gibb out of her delusions concerning Chad and Lori's claims of divinity. Because I don't think Melanie Gibb ever really believed that their text chains wishing for the death of Charles Vallow were actually going to work.

Melanie Geb later said that while she started out as a true believer, she did anything Chad and Lori asked her to do after the murder. Not because she was a follower, but because she had become afraid that if she said no, she would be labeled as a zombie and murdered as well. It's quite possible. It's also quite possible that she started getting real upset when they started using her as an alibi. Yeah. And I think that's what they started to do because everybody was just a removable piece that wasn't Chad's.

or Lori. Also, an accessory. Didn't she like help steal his car? Oh, yeah. She is a Melanie Gibb is guilty of crimes. She should have been arrested as well. I'm actually really, really surprised that she wasn't. She's out there, out there still podcasting away her with other the luminaries in the podcasting world, such as Meghan Markle, Barack Obama, some of

The five news podcasters out there, she's really doing it. And she very much so was a part of this conspiracy and only extricated herself when it got hot. I think that she would have, if they would have killed her husband and it brought her in on it, which is what she was angling to do, she was trying to get her husband labeled as dark. And if she had wanted to, she could have pressed it farther. But then she decided, maybe I'll get blamed.

Yeah. Well, I mean, it's very easy to see why she didn't go to jail because she turned state's witness. You got to do that. You got to flip. You got to take that flip.

Now, once Lori moved to Rexburg, she was soon joined by her and Chad's so-called divine hitman, Alex Cox. Unlike Melanie Gibb, Alex had only gotten closer to Chad since he'd shot and killed Charles Vallow. And Chad was playing the same game with Alex that he'd played with Lori. He was playing the same game with Lori.

See, while Lori had been told that she'd been the wife of important figures in Mormon history in her past lives, Alex was told that he had been a special protector to important figures. And it was Alex's job in this life to protect Lori from zombies like Charles Vallow. Listen, you're very, very important. You remember Denzel Washington?

That's you. Okay. From what movie? Well, any number of his films that I'm not allowed to see. Or, you know, like, that's the thing. You're the helper. You know, your maroon eyes, think about this, your maroon eyes, valet. You help him. Okay. All right. So, Gladiator 2, Denzel Washington. Yes. From what I've heard. Shocking Brooklyn accent. Okay.

Well, I mean, this is another cult tactic is that all he's doing is he's telling these people that, you know, they have lived this role in a past life. And it just so happens that the role that they lived in the past life that was very important and very cool is the exact same role that they have to live in this life. Like Lori Vallow has to be the wife of the prophet. Alex Cox has to be the protector of the wife of the prophet and also the prophet. You have to be. You have to be because that's...

This is your destiny. Like, that's the whole destiny thing. It is your destiny. Just imagine those little fucking piglet hands. Just like, you, me, my...

Moroni hanging out in the post-Mormon apocalypse sharing strangers' wives. Just, you know, I hate that he's got no riz. None. He's got none. No, he's got nothing. He's got absolutely nothing. That's how low the bar is in Mormonism. We would clean up. I thought about it. We just moved in. That's a...

Let's abandon the episode. I've thought about it. Let's move to Salt Lake City and let's take over that fucking town. Man, if I were to become a Mormon, I'd be president of the church in 10 years. Let's do it. God, let's take it. And then we flip it from the inside. We take the money. I fucking turn the entire, the opening, like they have that big fountain in front of the, and just fill it with fucking beer. And it come out everywhere.

every day and I'd fill up my big stein being like, God says we're drinking now. And they're all like, yeah! Funnily enough, we will be in Salt Lake City in July, July 12th. That's by customleft.com. Live from your grave.

T-Mobile Home Internet is all about speed. Value. What you doing, Zach? I'm cursing. There are so many benefits. You got to talk fast. T-Mobile Home Internet ranks number one in customer satisfaction for home wireless internet by J.D. Power. Wow, you are good. Try singing it. T-Mobile has price lock. They won't raise your rate on internet. Hulu and Paramount Plus on there. On there.

Get T-Mobile Home Internet all in for just $55 a month with auto pay and any postpaid voice line. Additional terms apply for J.D. Power 2024 award information. Visit jdpower.com slash awards. Is your child struggling with a specific subject or need help with homework? IXL Learning is an online learning program for kids. It covers math, language arts, science, and social studies. If your child is struggling, this is the smartest investment you can make.

A single hour of tutoring costs more than a month of IXL. IXL is used in 96 of the top 100 school districts in the U.S. And don't you want to be a part of that community? I tell you, when I first started my little Carmelita on her journey with IXL, at first she was like, is this chicken? How can I eat this? She said it with her eyes.

And I said, no, you have to learn to do math if you're going to eventually get a degree and bring money into this home. And honestly, the changes I've seen in Little Carmelita over the last couple of weeks would just show you, you need to get IXL because my dog is doing my accounting.

And I am now scared. Make an impact on your child's learning. Get IXL now. And last podcast on the left listeners can get an exclusive 20% off IXL membership when they sign up today at ixl.com slash left. Visit ixl.com slash left to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price. Wow.

Arming a SimpliSafe home security system does more than just secure a home and loved ones. It creates a feeling of safety. With SimpliSafe, sleep comes easier and leaving the house feels more confident. Traditional security systems only take action after somebody has already broken in. That's too late.

SimpliSafe's active guard outdoor protection can help prevent break-ins before they happen. No long-term contracts or cancellation fees. Monitoring plans start affordably at around $1 a day, 60-day satisfaction guarantee, or your money back. And we love SimpliSafe. They stand guard over our thoughts and words here at LPN.com.

valiantly in the night and they send their armed guards out to go attack those that would come at us preemptively. We know what the criminals are thinking ahead of time. So we go to their homes and we arrest their mothers before they're born.

And that's the power of SimpliSafe. Keeping the streets clean. Using the power of time travel. Going to anywhere a crime ever was and then going a year before the crime happened and arresting the people that even thought about committing the crime that inspired the people that did the crime. SimpliSafe is safe.

simply the best thing that has happened to this country since nuclear weapons. So you visit simplisafe.com and get yourself really safe. Visit simplisafe.com slash LPOTL to claim 50% off a new system with a professional monitoring plan and get your first month free. That's simplisafe.com slash LPOTL. There's no safe like SimpliSafe.

But being a special protector was a hell of a lot more exciting than Alex Cox's reality. Alex Cox's reality was that he was a failed stand-up comedian who'd never gotten out of the Phoenix open mic scene and instead opted for a career as a truck driver. Listen, I don't know if anybody ever heard this before, but have you ever had sex with a black chick? Please...

off the CD didn't you use Alex you used that joke last week is that oh did you hear that from your brother-in-law Adam parallel thinking and honestly I really wish that Adam would stop stealing my fucking material alright that's my fucking material I'm the king of you ever fuck an Asian you ever fuck a deaf woman

That's me. That's what I do. But there's no punchline. Yeah, there is. Have you ever had sex with a black chick? And? It's funny. Ha ha ha ha!

We love our truck drivers. We do. Ed said last week, country wouldn't run without them. Hong Kong. I always do the Hong Kong, and I don't care if you think I'm mentally disabled. But driving a truck is not as exciting as being the personal assassin for a central figure in the upcoming apocalypse. So with Alex at their side, Chad and Lori had someone who would carry out their dirty work without question.

Now, about eight weeks after Charles's murder, I guess it's eight weeks, not seven weeks. Eight weeks after Charles's murder, Lori, Tylee and JJ moved into a townhouse unit in Rexburg. Well, Alex Cox soon moved into the townhouse next door after quitting his truck driving job to, quote unquote, protect Lori full time.

It does seem, however, that by the time the Daybell cult began building this little enclave in the Rexburg townhouses in early September, Alex had already been told about the plan to get rid of Tylee and JJ. This, of course, can be inferred from the idiotic text messages sent between Alex and Lori.

On September 3rd. Yeah, this makes me angry. Because this is the thing that happens with cults so fucking often. And it's especially prevalent in modern cults. I'm so fucking sick of cults getting cute. The irony that they... It doesn't make it... Like, you're not hip just because you're doing it out loud. I hate you. No.

On September 3rd, after Alex set up the Wi-Fi for his and Lori's townhouses, he texted Lori the network name. Alex had called it anti-Layman, which is, of course, a stupid Mormon thing. Layman being short for Lamanites, the bad guys in the Book of Mormon. But tellingly, the password for the Wi-Fi was too many kids using the number two, which is weird by itself, but not incriminating.

But in response to the Wi-Fi name and password, Lori wrote, unprompted, that she and Chad were trying to, quote, get to the bottom of what we need to do to eliminate them completely. Which was in reference to the kids. Well, you forget. Too many kids. You also forget, right before that, she had typed, ha ha ha ha ha ha, so funny. Yeah, that's right. Which is true. She laughed at the too many kids, which is important because it shows that she knew exactly what he was referring to. Yes.

Yeah, buddy. She wrote it down. I'm dumbfounded. He wrote it down. They both wrote it down. She both laughed at it. The laughing at it even makes it more incriminating. Too many kids also just sounds like a Mormon YouTube family blogging channel. Just shows that they're clearly planning the whole thing. Very much so. Mine is too little ham. Yes, of course. Because you always have. You come over. He always has.

So now that Chad Dayball and Lori Vallow lived in the same town, they go on walks together on the Brigham Young University, Idaho campus, where Chad would tell Lori to be patient because Tammy was going to die in a car accident any day now. I was downtown last week. The drivers are getting worse.

And worse. Chad, however, didn't go by Lori's townhouse just yet because Lori's daughter Tylee was understandably upset about uprooting her whole life at the age of 16 because her mother believed herself to be one of God's chosen. And Chad Daybell was pretty much the symbol of everything that was going wrong in Tylee's life.

But Lori would not wait long at all after moving to Rexburg before she took care of Tylee. Lori had fashioned Tylee into a little miniature her. She was very much in love with her mom's attitude, very similar to Lori's own childhood with her mother. And Tylee wanted to be in her mother's good graces a large amount. If you watch the...

Interrogation footage of Tylee Ryan after Charles Vallow's death. She repeats the same story as Laurie. They tell this whole convoluted story, the self-defense thing. But you can tell, and maybe it's just because I'm watching this stuff for so long and you're watching with hindsight, is that you can tell...

She's parroting bullet points. Yeah. She's hitting, you can tell this is a rehearsed talk. Yeah, and mimicking her mannerisms even. She's talking just like her mother. When you see the mother say the word, that's the thing that keys me in. Lori's doing her spiel and laughing and stuff. Cut to Tylee saying the same exact turns of phrases. The same exact things. She's like, oh, she's been coached, but the cops were too busy. Another day in for

Fucking, oh, I better go. Oh, no. We better go check on that Salt Lake again. Licks are still plenty seasoned. Oh, have you ever been to Peppermint Mountain? Yeah, we better go. This story is not a commercial for good policing. It's not. No, it's really not. But the problem when they moved to Rexburg is that, you know, Tylee had been this sort of mini-me for so many years, but then Tylee's behavior changed. Yes. Tylee was not

She's a 16-year-old. Yeah, she's a 16-year-old. She's not doing whatever Lori says anymore. She's being difficult. You know, she's fucking pissed off that she had to move to Rexburg, Idaho. And I think it's the second, third, maybe fourth time she's had to move in her life. She's fucking sick of it. And Lori does not do well with people giving her any kind of guff. Well, because Tylee didn't know that she was cruising for a bruising because she didn't understand that her fighting her mother was her exhibiting zombie-like behavior. Exactly. Exactly.

Well, just a week and a day after Lori moved into the townhouse in Rexburg, she and Alex took Tylee and JJ on a day trip to Yellowstone National Park, just an hour and a half drive away. The whole family took a lot of photos on their smartphones where everyone appeared to be happy and having a good time. But those photos were the last known pieces of evidence that showed Tylee Ryan still alive.

As far as what happened to Tylee, we really don't have a clear picture of what went down. By the time Tylee's body was found, many months after her murder, it was so badly decomposed and had been so thoroughly destroyed that the medical examiner had no choice but to determine the cause of death as homicide by unspecific means.

Later investigations, however, used smartphone data and pings on nearby towers to track the movements of Alex Cox. And using that data, they were able to build a loose timeline of what may have transpired. Yeah.

Yeah, Tylee was found in, sadly, in multiple bags. And that was what was... She was found in a bucket. Yes. And then, but that bucket contained multiple bags. And those bags had to put, which is why her autopsy took something like two weeks. It took a very, very long time. And yeah, but it was so destroyed, it's very hard to figure out exactly what happened.

So according to the smartphone data, Alex Cox showed up at Lori's townhouse late at night after the trip to Yellowstone, arriving at 2.42 a.m. It's believed that Alex and or Lori murdered Tylee that night, and Alex spent the next hour completely dismembering and beheading Tylee's corpse in Lori's home.

He then took the remains to his own townhouse next door, where he presumably got a couple hours of sleep. Then, at 9 a.m., he left for Chad Daybell's property with Tylee's dismembered body in tow. See, Chad had a good amount of land surrounding his home in Idaho, plenty of room to bury a body, and he'd already chosen a spot to bury Tylee east of his barn. Chad, the former professional gravedigger, likely dug the hole himself.

There's so much extra land in Idaho. Why bury him on your own property? Because that's what he had access to. You can keep an eye on it. Yeah, it's because he's Mormon and he's stupid. Like, literally, that was the plan. It was just because it's there and I can do it. And again, they're working what we talked about before, this idea of we have to remember, they still think...

this all's going to be real in a way that Chad, I don't know so much because obviously he lied and he changed his story. He made the whole thing up. Yes. But on some level, you are now, you're now on the point where you're killing children. You believe that this is going to turn out awesomely.

Yeah. Right? So you kind of think, as long as I kind of handle it all on my own, no one's going to come peering into my world. Alex believes it's real. Lori believes it's real. Chad most likely has convinced himself that it's real. He's the one who's going to benefit the most. Yeah. And I think there's also, there's a bit of a ritualistic aspect to this, which, you know, I'm going to get into now. And if you want to get into a ritual, you usually have to do that on your own property. Yeah.

That's what I learned. Because guess who hates it? The goddamn YMCA. Because guess what the M doesn't stand for? Magic rituals. According to who? Hey!

According to nobody I'm about to fucking give a shit. I don't care about it. If those old men make me look at their penises, I'm going to show them a pentagram. We know that Lori Alex and Chad Daybell planned this murder together well in advance because the day after Tylee was killed, Chad had Googled what direction the wind would be blowing on the day they were set to dispose of Tylee's corpse.

The reason why he googled wind direction was because he and Alex had planned to burn the body before burying it. And this is, you know, possibly two reasons. It could be to lessen the chances of someone noticing the smell of rotting flesh over time, or it could be, like I said, socializing.

somewhat of a ritual it could have been a ritual or it's just the fuck they don't understand how hard it is to burn a body yeah i feel like there's a lot comes down to just chad totally knows how hard it is to burn a body chad was in the fucking dead body business for forever do you cremate but in the cremation business does that go over to the grave digger business is that not two separate is that like a union job it's two separate it's two separate things but they talk

Yeah, and also... Oh, but the talk is more like, what's your favorite color of a recently deceased member of society? Ah, yeah. I like it when it's...

Brown and green. That's how they talk. I go for a classic gray. I want the tits to be completely sauna. As long as it's mortals, that's all I care about. Which way's the wind? Just because I farted.

Well, Chad googled the wind direction to make sure that his neighbors didn't catch the scent of human flesh cooking out in the open. And so, after Tylee's body was burned, most likely by Alex, they tossed her decapitated head into the grave first, then poured the still-burning remains into a green bucket. Then they were burning to the point where the bucket melted from the heat.

The bucket was then placed on top of the head, and by 11.45 a.m., Alex was on his way to get lunch at Del Taco, having just buried his niece. And we want to thank Del Taco for sponsoring this episode. Honestly, one of the finest post-family annihilation meals I've ever had is the sleeper Del Taco hamburger.

It really hits the spot, especially when you've made and emptied your own nest. It's certainly a place you go to not be seen. Hey, Del Taco's the better chain. No, it isn't. Yeah, it is. Taco Bell's way better. No, Del Taco's better than Taco Bell. I put Del Taco over Taco Bell. Well, both of you are fucking idiots. I mean...

They're both really bad. And we have no business eating Del Taco or Taco Bell in LA is like eating fucking Pizza Hut in New York City. I don't know why we do it. Because sometimes you got to. Because sometimes you just craving that ick. I want something nasty. I know, but that's why I like Del Taco. Del Taco kind of gives it to you in a more soft way. I miss Taco Viva.

That was the old one. Maybe it was just in Florida. Oh, maybe it was. I don't know, but I loved it. Taco Bueno? Don't know it. That's Texas. Texas, yeah. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. I went to, in Queens, it was Taco Go Fuck Yourself. Oh, I remember.

I remember that. You remember talking to yourself? Yeah, whenever you'd say you had to pay extra for them not to spit on you. Yeah, yeah, that was my favorite. I loved it being called Uncle Big Butt every time I went in there. So did they burn her head? Yeah, they burned the whole thing. They tried to burn her head. Tried to burn her head, yeah.

He's so bad at it. If he's a former crematorium guy, he should know that a backyard fire isn't nearly as hot as a crematorium. Well, he's a former gravedigger. This is what I'm saying. Well, that's the thing. The crematorium and the gravedigger guys, they talk.

But I don't know if they're always talking shop. Yeah, I don't think they're always talking shop. No. That's why it might be a ritual thing or it might just be like, it might just be let's, I don't think they were trying to like fully cremate the body. Like, I think what Chad Daybell knew is that I think Chad Daybell knew about how much

decomposing flesh can smell, like, and how easily it can permeate up through the ground. And so I think that what they were trying to do was burn the flesh away so it wouldn't smell. Also, has anybody ever heard of, and this is, I feel like we could say this with pure confidence, spontaneous tylie combustion, which is honestly what I was really hoping. And I wish that she would have been diagnosed ahead of time because we would have gotten the antidote, which is a bucket of water.

We had the bucket. As Henry said last episode, these are Mormons trying to get away with murder. Sheltered folk. And from what we've seen over the years, nothing gets you into trouble faster than over explaining. That, of course, is exactly what Chad did after the disposal of Tylee's body.

After Alex left that day, Chad decided that he needed to explain to his wife what that burning flesh smell was, whether she noticed it or not. So he sent this highly incriminating, unprompted text to ostensibly cover his tracks. And please, verbatim. Well, I've had an interesting morning.

I felt I should burn all the limb debris by the fire pit before it got too soaked by the coming storms. While I did so, I spotted a big raccoon along the fence. I hurried and got my gun, and while he was still walking along, I got close enough that one shot did the trick. Yep, he's now in our pet cemetery. Fun times! Sometimes.

Dead is better. Why do you keep coming by my pet? Sabotage. Why do you keep coming over here? Are you from the Munsters? I just wanted to come by and tell you not to go down that road. I know. It's closed off. Just go down. Don't go down that road. I don't want to. I can't. They're doing construction. It's all sour. I know it is.

That's why I added sugar to the mix. Also, if you're trying to kill your kid because they're a zombie, don't bury them in the best cemetery. Honestly, for a second, I was like,

But then, if she comes back, we can use her to fight against the devil. Which is not true, because it's like a monkey spa arrangement, isn't it? Yeah, it is. It is. Remember what happened in Pet Sematary 2? We all love Clancy Brown. I do. Oh, yeah. No brain, no pain. Yeah. God, I love Pet Sematary 2 so much! It's so good. Now, even though Tylee was only 16 years old, Lori told everybody that she was now attending BYU-Idaho.

Most people accepted the explanation as to why Tylee wasn't around anymore. So when there weren't a lot of follow-up questions, it seemed like Lori felt safe enough to move on to the task of getting rid of J.J.

See, according to Melanie Gibbs' boyfriend, Chad was telling Lori that JJ was now a zombie who loved Satan. Cool! I knew you'd say that. God, that would have been awesome. Lori said she believed Chad's claim because JJ's vocabulary was growing, and he was finally sitting still to watch TV, where he'd never been able to do that previously. So as soon as things are going well, she's like, Satan.

As soon as he's like kind of coming out of his shell and like growing and like, yeah. Yeah. Well, honestly, I do think it's it is partially that it's coming down to, oh, you're not supposed to get better. JJ is supposed to get worse. JJ is supposed to be super, super burdensome. Actually, him getting better is what's hastening his end. Yeah. When things get good around here, we thank Satan every day. Now, it seems like there was a moment when Lori thought that she might not have to kill JJ because

She told podcaster Melanie Gibb that she was going to hand over JJ to his grandmother, Kay Woodcock. She was going to lie to Kay and tell her that she couldn't take care of JJ anymore because she had cancer.

But I think at this moment, Lori got a little too wrapped up in her own story and decided that it was time to practice what she preached. Or she was just lying to Melanie Gibb as she's lied to everybody. Indeed. See, from how Melanie Gibb put it, Lori was overanalyzing everything J.J. did. And the only answer Lori seemed to come up with was zombie, zombie, zombie.

Now, in Laurie and Chad's world, leaving someone as a zombie was to doom that person's soul to an eternity in limbo. So just handing off J.J. didn't work with the mythology the Daybell cult had built. So just two weeks after his stepsister Tylee was murdered, J.J. had to go as well.

So on September 22nd, Melanie Gibb and her boyfriend came over to record a podcast with Lori, and they ended up staying the night. It just kind of reminds me of the time that Eddie and I, we guested on Dan Soder's podcast. Do you remember when we killed that boy? Ha!

I mean, just to warm up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We just, because we, again, it's just so hard to start. It was in the morning. Yeah. Podcasting's so hard in the morning. Dan's still doing that, huh? Oh, yeah. He's been doing that since, like, the old days back in 2010 when we were recording stuff together. The only thing that changed is all those dead, dead, dead, dead boys. Well, he's getting the checks. Yeah. Well, Gibb and her boyfriend saw Alex take JJ up to bed before they went to sleep. But when they were packing up to leave the next morning, JJ was nowhere to be seen.

Lori quite nonchalantly told them that JJ was being a zombie the night before, after they'd gone to bed. And he climbed up on the fridge and smashed a picture of Jesus. Then he climbed onto the kitchen cabinets where he got stuck between the cabinets and the ceiling like a fucking cat. So Lori said she'd asked Alex to take JJ over to his place to calm him down. But as we now know, that was the night that Alex killed JJ Valo.

With this one, however, we absolutely know that Lori Vallow was present during whatever it was that transpired. One thing we know from Melanie Gibb was that he went next door to his townhouse with a crying, screaming J.J. And when he came back, the last she was, they were the last people to see J.J. She watched J.J. quote unquote asleep.

in Alex Cox's arms as he took him up the stairs. Yeah. Now, again, we don't know exactly how the murder went down, but it is possible that it may have been a highly neglectful accident.

When it comes to Lori Vallow, though, this really could go either way. What we do know is that Alex and Lori wrapped duct tape around JJ's head tightly to cover his mouth. By accident. Man, yesterday, it was so hard. I had two rolls. I don't even know how I tripped. Yeah, and just covered in it. Then they wrapped tape around his head several times from his chin to his forehead, basically only giving him the ability to breathe out of his nose.

JJ's feet and ankles were also bound in duct tape, as well as his wrists. In fact, Alex and Lori had wrapped duct tape all around his hands and arms all the way up to his elbows. Finally, though, Alex put a white plastic garbage bag over JJ's head and pulled the drawstring, which is probably what ultimately killed him.

But the reason why we know that Lori Vallow was at least present for the torturous death of her son is because investigators found one of Lori's bleach blonde hairs stuck in one of the pieces of duct tape used to restrain J.J. Now, if you listen to the coroner talk about this, one thing that is interesting is that in the toxicology report of J.J.,

GHB was found in his liver. Now, there are some people that believe, like the coroner said, which I love, which is my freedom, right? He says they can't speculate.

Right? But I can. That's the best part. I can speculate all day. I mean, if GHB is in the liver, it's in the liver. But they said it was a small amount. GHB, that's the roofie drug, right? That's the roofie drug. They said it was a small amount. So this is my take. What they found, a couple of things that were very interesting and sad on JJ's body. There were scratch marks on his neck.

that obviously came from human nails. So what they think happened was, and this is my entire speculation, Alex takes him next door. They knew they were going to kill JJ at some point. They decided to do it this way. He had caffeine, chocolate in his system,

GHB and his own, like, he had his medication and some other decomposition materials. I think that he was given a drink that had not the right amount of GHB in it to kill him entirely. I think that he expected JJ to just not wake up. And then when he went upstairs, JJ got groggy. And I think that what then happened...

first was the first layer of trying to suffocate him, which was putting duct tape on his mouth, which is where the first duct tape is seen. Then we see him struggling. So I think you see bruises all over JJ's arms and when she was very obviously pinned to the bed, then you see struggle marks over his hands and in his neck.

Yeah.

Yeah. And we know that Alex had GHB because he was an open mic comedian. He is. And that's how you get paid. And I went through those mic pulls. As far as why this happened, it very well could have been that JJ, and this could still work in with your theory, that JJ was having an episode of sorts. Alex, the

took things too far and trying to calm him down. JJ died. Well, they already had a plan to kill him. So I just feel like it's too coincidental. That's the thing. Once he'd wrapped him up, it's possible that JJ died or Lori just told him to finish the job, even with the podcaster couple staying in her home that night.

But it is more likely that Lori and Alex had fully planned to murder JJ on September 22nd, even with the podcasters there. If only so Lori could prove how powerful and untouchable she was by this point. Or as a witness or an alibi. So they didn't do it. Oh, it's very possible. Also, they weren't true crime podcasters. If they were true crime podcasters, maybe this whole thing would be a little bit different. Maybe. It would be brought to you.

By Squarespace. This murder is brought to you by Squarespace. See, the evidence for premeditation here is that Alex headed out to Chad Daybell's property the morning after the murder, just like he'd done with Tylee. Except this time, he carried JJ's seven-year-old corpse in a black plastic garbage bag.

Now, smartphone data says that on the morning Alex disposed of JJ's body, he only spent 17 minutes on the northern edge of Chad Daybell's property near Chad and Tammy's Pet Cemetery. But since Alex spent such little time on the property, it's likely that Chad had already dug the grave either the night before or that morning. And the directive had to be given in person because no text exists that could reasonably be linked to the body's disposal.

So all Alex had to do was throw the body in the hole, put three wooden panels and three heavy stones on top, then fill the small grave with dirt before once again leaving Chad's property. Yes, because I think that the process of cutting up Tylee and burning him was too much for them. Yeah. I think that they realized that when they in the middle of it, which is a part of the reason why I think she was only half burned, was because in the middle of the process, they're like, what? What are we doing? This is awful. Yeah. Yeah.

When did they move to Rexburg again? How long was Chad Daybell there? Chad Daybell had been there five years. Something like that, since 2018. Okay. Maybe, I guess, maybe like two. A year and two years, almost two years? Yeah, I guess he moved there in 2018. So, yeah, maybe like two years.

that's not long enough to have a pet cemetery. Exactly. I was trying to think. Wow. The pet cemetery thing always irked me and I didn't know why. That's it. That's what it is. How many dogs did these people kill? Seriously, your first thought is brand new house, new neighborhood, meeting the neighbors. First thing you say to your wife, so where do we put the pet cemetery? You know what I'm saying?

So we're already planning? Yeah. That is really funny. Yeah. Did they have a bunch of dogs and cats die in a fire or an explosion? Well, there was the one terrier group suicide we had, but that largely we felt that had to do with online bullying. That's right. And the donkey was a zombie. Yeah, yeah.

As far as what Lori told people about JJ, she, for some reason, had multiple stories that were all slightly different. And I never understand this with these people, why they have to tell different people different stories when it's so much easier to have one simple story to stick to. That's really good advice if you're trying to kill. We're going to be given a lot of it today. Yeah.

That's what I always say. If you want to learn how to do something well, don't just look at the masters. Look at the failures. Look at the failures.

Lori told his school that JJ had gone to Louisiana to stay with his grandparents, but she told JJ's nanny that JJ had gone to visit his grandmother in Hawaii. No fucking reason. Yeah, JJ's living an amazing fake life. Yeah. The explanation Lori had given people about Tylee, however, the one that she'd gone to BYU, Idaho, that was starting to wear thin. On September 24th, Tylee's older brother and Lori's first son, Colby Ryan, texted Tylee's phone to wish her a happy birthday.

Obviously, Lori Ballow had been anticipating something like this because she'd kept Tylee's phone charged and ready to use since Tylee's murder. So when Colby texted Tylee's phone, Lori texted back, pretending to be the dead daughter that she had killed. And this brings me to one of my most, one of my largest pet peeves in all of millennial made content.

Our feeble, sad attempt to write like teenagers and to speak like teenagers. Every single time I see a show that has been obviously written by 40 to 50 year olds with teenagers speaking, they sound really fucking stupid. And I know, I don't think that you need to have one pedophile on every staff. Right.

that knows how to talk to kids. Well, they did. It was called the Disney Channel. Oh, yeah, that's right. Nickelodeon. It made huge hits. But again, see how if you harness him with just enough guidance, if you harness him, sky's the limit. Hannah Montana. She's a gas.

That's bad lingo. I was just making a... Oh, she's a Gat. Oh, Gat. Yeah, that's boss. Yeah, that's my new... That's boss. She's the bee's knees. Yeah. She's the wasp's ass.

Now, when Lori started texting as Tylee to Colby, Colby figured, this is kind of weird. Can I give you a call? But Lori, texting as Tylee, wrote back that she was too tired to talk. And Lori didn't even bother to try and mimic Tylee's emoji-heavy texting style. Colby, of course, knew that something was up immediately. It did not, however, enter his mind that his mother had killed his sister who was now pretending to be her on the phone. And it would be a long time before Colby accepted that fact.

And that's why it shows that actually, in many ways, the powers, the superpowers of being bipolar or having OCD, that that's actually the first thought you would have. And that's actually why I'm stronger in many ways. My powerful, powerful paranoia. Are you my mom pretending to be my sister? Jackie loves it. Now, depending on your point of view, the fall of 2019 was either very good for Chad Daybell or very bad.

Flush!

It's the first good thing they've done the whole fucking time. They did it for their own fucking, to save themselves or somebody they knew was going to be a liability. Yeah, they do it all the time. But that's the thing. They stripped Chad of his LDS membership. They banned him from entering Mormon temples or partaking in the sacrament. And that should have been a life-shaking moment for him.

But really, all this meant was that Chad had nothing else to do but to retreat completely into his own little fantasy world. And that's the big problem with this, with the Mormon church, is that they have these people that are on the fringes. They start saying all this crazy shit. The Mormon church says, like, hey, you can't be a part of our club anymore. And so that only makes those fucking people double down on the crazy shit that they've been talking about. It's time for me to go independent. Yeah.

Yeah, free from all restraints. Fuck you, FCC. And additionally, for a fringe figure like Chad Daybell, I would imagine that being excommunicated was a bit of a badge of honor because Chad continued on his merry way with Lori and his other followers, even though it was obvious that everything was starting to fall apart. There's some...

information pointing to the fact that Chad was actually super bummed and that one of the things that he was trying to do, like truly when I keep talking about this, this foiled a big plot that was coming from inside. Sure. This foiled

foiled the thing where they knew that they were positioning all of these guys to be the brand new prophet from the streets. Yeah, the neo-fundamentalist revolution. So I think in that way, that's also why they excommunicated him so quickly, was because they needed... Basically,

Show Tom Harrison you need to stop talking about this, but we won't punish you because we've decided you're important. But we got to knock out all your little buddies. Same thing with fucking What's-His-Putz with Tim Ballard. Yeah, especially the ones with bodies piling up. You know, but Mormons, they love blood. It's basically we're going to start your we see your coup. We see it coming and we're going to take out your guys before it even gets close. Yes.

Now, for two people who were trying to get an entire town prepped for the end times, which was due in about nine months at this point. Oh, my God. Where do we get the floats? Where do we get floats? How do I get peanut butter? Why don't we do? How do we make? How do you make peanut butter? Well, for people who were trying to get all this shit done, Chad and Lori spent an awful lot of time on their own personal romance. But more than anything, they spent a lot of time making sure they got paid.

Since Lori hadn't gotten any payout from Charles Vallow's insurance policy because he'd switched the beneficiary to his sister Kay, Chad made sure they had a nest egg by significantly increasing the life insurance policies he'd taken out on his wife Tammy.

Hmm.

But once it was confirmed that Melanie Boudreau was indeed still the beneficiary, the ex-husband, Brandon Boudreau, was clocked as a full zombie and was therefore put on Alex Cox's hit list. Got all that? Yeah, I got all of it. You know, I'm just bad about it. You know Alex Cox, but he has to go full fucking, what's his name from gross point blank? John Cusack. John Cusack. He's got to go back in there, right? Because now he's got to get all in his blacks.

And get ready for Assassin Mode. Yeah.

Now, we know that Lori was involved in the plot to kill her niece's ex-husband, Brandon Boudreau, because she visited a gun shop the day after JJ was killed and took photos of assault rifle ammunition boxes. It's believed that Lori took these pictures to show Alex what he needed to use to kill not only Brandon Boudreau, but Tammy Daybell as well, because both Tammy and Brandon had now been officially clocked as zombies, and both were heavily insured.

As such, Chad was also laying the groundwork for Tammy's impending death by telling friends she wasn't doing well and that he wouldn't be surprised if she died in her sleep any day now. Any day. We're all just on pins and needles about it. We're all holding our mouth and nose shut about it. It's so important to have her relax and I go, relax, Tammy.

Relax! Stop it! You sleep, Tammy! She keeps accidentally covering herself in duct tape. I don't know how that happens. She just does that alligator death roll with the duct tape. But before Tammy got got, Chad and Lori decided to take down Brandon Boudreaux first. So on October 2nd, Alex stupidly drove to

Tylee's Jeep to Brandon Boudreaux's home early in the morning. A Jeep that Brandon knew. A vehicle that Brandon knew. Not just that, coming from Idaho to Arizona, bad gas mileage. Super bad gas mileage. The worst.

The worst. And yes, he made the trek all the way from Idaho, all the way down to Gilbert, Arizona. And that, of course, that's the same town that Alex had murdered Charles Vallow. Gilbert, Arizona was kind of like the first Rexburg. A lot of these people had moved to Gilbert to be around Lori and Charles and so on and so forth. But I tell you what, if I rent a car to go kill somebody else's family, I'm getting the Toyota Corolla. Yeah.

Is that thing great gas mileage? Yeah. Lasts forever. You could drive it through a bank. You could drive it through the White House. Comfy. It is just an incredible tool for the assassin. And it's one of the most popular cars in America. It is. So they're all over the road. They're all over the road. Yeah. Well, once Alex arrived in Brandon's neighborhood, he parked across the street from Brandon's house. He then got into the back seat and steadied his silenced rifle for the moment Brandon returned from the gym.

He keeps reminding me. We brought this up the other day. Caddyshack 2. Dan Aykroyd. Okay, Mr. Esther House. He's got the blacks on. You can see him with the ghillie suit inside of the fucking hat. All right, going cousin hunting.

He does. Dan Aykroyd in that movie does seem to be on the edge of an orgasm the entire time. It's a very strange film. It's a very strange film. I think it's better than we remember. It is. I need to go back and see and watch it. Yeah, because it's about miniature golf, right? Oh, yeah. It's Jackie Mason. Jackie Mason. And Randy Quaid is great. He's wonderful in it. You ever try to golf with that jammed up your crack? No.

That's another line from Candy Shack 2. We watched it endlessly as kids. Once Brandon pulled up, Alex fired a shot. And with a whoomp, Brandon felt a bullet whiz by his head.

Immediately recognizing that someone was shooting him, Brandon hit the accelerator and drove off, while Alex fled in the opposite direction. Exiting stage left. Terrified, Brandon reported the attempted assassination and hid out at his parents' place with his kids, having narrowly escaped the fantasy world created by Chad Daybell and Lori Vallow.

Tammy Daybell, however, would not escape Chad and Lori. And from the timeline and Lori's digital trail, we know that Tammy's death was planned far in advance. See, on the same day that Alex Cox tried to shoot Brandon Boudreau, Lori ordered two extremely tacky wedding rings off Amazon Prime using her ex-husband's account. Romantic. Yep.

I did buy Julie's Engager ring at Costco, so I can't really talk. Hey, Costco's got good jewelry. Well, you went to the store. You went to the store. And it's good jewelry. I like Costco jewelry. Yeah, and when I had to pick it up, the guy in front of me had a giant jar of peanut butter. He was returning. I'm like, what am I doing here? Hey, at least you didn't bring her a big giant jar of peanut butter. Keep digging in there. You might find something you like. Oh, yeah.

Now, Lori would later say that she'd bought these rings for the upcoming wedding between Alex Cox and cult member Zulema Pastenas. But that doesn't explain the collared shirt and linen slacks that she also bought on her dead husband's Amazon account in her dumpy groom-to-be's sizes. Do they get extra fupa length? Is that only the thing that you can get? Can you get big fupa pants? On Amazon Prime, you can. Oh, wow. Amazon Prime's great. You know, if I buy my linen, I go to quince, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So much ad play. Dress like a zombie-killing prince when you're in your quits. They're going to love this. They're going to love this. It's a free one. But these clothes, of course, would be the same that Chad would wear during his and Lori's impending nuptials. So the whole excuse of I bought the rings for Alex and Zulema does not hold.

Now, three days after Lori ordered the rings, Chad sent her a text saying that he had big news about Tammy. After getting no reply, Chad sent another text explaining the big news because he obviously couldn't wait to tell Lori. Here's that text. The short version is...

That she has been switched. Tammy's in limbo. And level 3 demonic entity named Viola is in her body. It happened about 10pm and was done by Tammy's sister that I always knew was 3dark. But it turns out she is multiple creation. Can you believe it? Not fully sure of the timing for her removal. But once her actions verify the differences, I don't want to wait.

Basically telling him, time to kill Tammy. Gonna kill Tammy. Gonna kill that Tammy. Do you know what multiple creation means? Multiple... She is a... Well, I know you don't know. Well, fuck you. Multiple creation, I believe, has to do with demonic entities. And that she's not... Because there's some that are human and some that aren't. There's a whole extended lore and...

It doesn't matter. Tammy's fucking dead. Yeah, I did actually. I struggled quite a bit on this episode with how much of the lore to put in and how much more. You don't need to know anymore. You really don't. You really don't. You know everything you need to know. There is a whole fucking... There is a lower layer to this fucking shit. Oh, yeah. That is like... It's so deep and it's so stupid and it's so confusing. And I've read all of it. Yeah. I've gone through all of it and it's not...

It hasn't helped me. Hasn't helped me as a person. Hasn't helped me as a comedian. Hasn't helped me as a podcaster. It's nonsense. It's just, it is. But I also, you know, I like nonsense, but it's not even good nonsense. But Tammy really, I wonder where she was at during this because all of this was happening while she was alive. The kids get killed, you know, all this is going on and she is just kind of in a, in her own little world. She's going about her day. Yeah. She has no idea that this is coming for her. She's looking at her big dumpy husband and he's just going,

Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm glad that ex-Tina turned around on that one. And she's just like texting going like, oh, nothing. Just, I'm on the internet. Well, if you look at it from her perspective, you know, at this point, you know, her husband has been excommunicated from the church they've been in their entire lives. Oh, she's back. But they're both like, I would imagine life for Tammy right now is highly stressful. Well, she's also, she is...

She is mostly a true believer. Yeah. And then we also wonder whether or not, one of my big concepts is that he tried to get her to be a plural wife. Maybe. And she wasn't super into it. Do you think, does she know that Laurie exists? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, they went to see they she went to at least one conference with Chad. She knows Lori exists because she knows that he guests on her podcast. Yeah. And they know her in terms of that way, because she became this sort of very you can't be more minor of a presenter than she was. And that's how she got known. Yeah. But he doesn't she definitely doesn't know that they're texting that they've been texting every day for at this point a year. Yeah. That they made forehead sex. Yeah. She has no idea that they made forehead sex.

Well, four days after Chad sent the text about Tammy being switched, he gave Alex Cox the go-ahead to carry out Tammy's assassination.

As Tammy was unloading groceries from her car in front of her and Chad's home, Alex Cox suddenly appeared with a ski mask and a rifle. Coming for you, Mrs. Esther House. It's the same. Just him, again, fully ghillie suit in the middle of the fucking Salt Lake City gated community. This isn't Salt Lake City. This is Rexburg, Idaho. It's just like a gated community and him just going like.

At first, Tammy thought that Alex was holding a paintball gun, but when he fired several shots, it became obvious that it was an actual rifle, albeit silenced. For

But as it turned out, Alex Cox was a very bad shot, and he missed Tammy just like he missed Brandon. Tammy screamed, Alex ran away, and Tammy called the police soon after. The police, however, decided to seize on Tammy's initial impression that the assailant was using a paintball gun, and therefore dismissed the whole thing as a prank. Literally just glazed over it because, and I do think it's just because Tammy didn't

I know that they have seen guns, right? Like this is a Mormon like family. They've seen guns. They're in a rural community, a fundamentalist Mormon community. They've definitely seen guns. I think the only thing that would have fooled her about is the fact that it was an automatic rifle or was something that didn't look like something that she was used to seeing. And it had a big silencer on it. Yeah. Wouldn't there be bullet holes or at least...

Well, it was, well, that's the, that is the thing. Yeah. There would be paint. I did ask. I did think about that. Like, where's the paint, but it is, you know, it wasn't a gated community. Like it was a rural community. Like, like I, I, I know these places well, where you get like just outside of town and you know, these, uh,

are large. They're very, they're like a few acres and each house is pretty far away from each other. So, you know, you can fire a bullet and it's not really going to hit anything or it's not going to hit anything close. And these cops aren't going to go off into the fucking, you know, they're not going to go out into the woods to see if there's any like bullet holes. These motherfuckers have no idea

There's nothing else going on. It's Rexburg, Idaho. But that's the thing. If there's woods, there might be nothing. Like, there might be nothing beyond it, and there might be nothing to see. And they also don't believe it's bullets or an actual gun because they've never seen anyone shoot a gun at someone properly. Yeah, I guess. It's no violent crime. Yeah, that's the thing. It's the most...

Likely explanation. Occam's razor. Every cop is supposed to go off of like, what is the most likely explanation here? And in Rexburg, Idaho, the most likely explanation is some shithead kid with a paintball gun. Not a fucking assassin for a cult.

Uh, well, that's where they were wrong. But we know for a fact that Lori and Chad ordered this hit because later that night, Zulema Pastenas was hanging out with Lori when Alex called. Zulema heard Lori tell Alex over the phone that he was an idiot who can't do anything right by himself. Yeah, she sounded like a fucking cartoon villain. Yeah, Alex!

You can't do anything right by yourself, Snuggler. What is the point of having henchmen if you keep bungling it up? Oh, Batman! Surrounded by incompetence and foolishness,

Dilemma, of course, took that to be an admonishment for botching the assassination. But only later, because Dilemma... Poor, poor, stupid, stupid Dilemma. The way that I would describe Dilemma is that Dilemma doesn't... I don't think Dilemma really knows that there's anything going on at this point. She doesn't think about the murders or anything like that. It's only after everything kind of comes back that she goes...

That makes sense now. Yes, I remember Lori very angry. She yelled. She said mean words like, you're stupid and you're bad at it. And it was just, what a terrible call. The way she's talking about it. Because she called the man stupid on the phone. She was just like...

Oh, no. But in the end, Chad Daybell decided to go a different route in murdering his wife. Instead of an assassination, he and Alex decided to go with a good old-fashioned suffocation in the middle of the night. About 10 days after Alex's attempt on Tammy Daybell's life, Chad called 911 and said that his wife had gone to sleep with a bad cough. Chad thereafter found her dead with so-called pink foam coming out of her mouth.

The county coroner, however, felt that there was no reason to look into her death. So he ruled the causes as natural and immediately sent the body to a funeral home because Chad specifically said he did not want an autopsy. How about a cremation, you fucking idiot? Sorry. Exactly. No, it's he...

We know that she was murdered. They originally said that it was accidental, and it's just another fucking example of they just take the husband's word for it. Yeah. They mostly take the information that's there, and you have Chad describing some long thing, and you've got, I guess, I don't know how many bodies build up in the morgue in Rexburg, but it's like, I guess you've got to move it along. If someone reports an attempted murder, then 10 days later, they're dead.

Maybe look into it. One was a prank and one was a cough. You don't understand, Eddie, that pranks and coughs can't run the world. That is true. They really can't. If I let pranks and coughs run my life, his whole life would be fucking shattered. It'd fall apart, yeah. From the boogie-down streets of Queens to a pile of beans, a new cup of piping hot Polish-Italian java.

Last podcast on the left. And Spring Hill Jack coffee rising from the rubble with the new brew. Butterfly Dudes Blue Eye Blend.

Nothing to do with any moth-based entity. Don't even think about it. This is a butterfly dude. Don't mind the blue eyes. He's just Caucasian. Our new proprietary roast might seem eerily similar, but don't let your tongue deceive you. It's a butterfly dude roast. This is the butterfly dude's blue-eyed blend. Entirely delicious. And not just the same beans.

Butterfly dudes, blue-eyed bland, from the cocoon to your room. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Think about your favorite leaders, mentors, and idols. They don't have all the answers, but they do know when to ask questions or seek support from their community. In a society that glorifies hyper-independence, it's easy to forget that we're all better when we have a support system behind us. Much like how...

I felt so sad the other day. I went to the store. It was an ice cream store. To get a scoop of mint chocolate chip ice cream. And it was the only thing that really could have settled me that day. I was so upset. The news. Politics. The fires. My shoe hurt. I went to get that scoop of ice cream and they were out of mint chocolate chip. So I went to my friend's.

And I asked him for help, and he said, here. And he handed me a bazooka. And I went back to that ice cream shop, and I felt better ever since. And it's the kind of stuff that, when you need a reach out, that's the kind of thing that BetterHelp can provide. BetterHelp is fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient. Serving over 5 million people worldwide.

Access a diverse network of more than 30,000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties. Or you can just talk to my friend with a bazooka. Build your support system with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash lastpod to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P, dot com slash lastpod.

It's always nice to keep your money where you can see it. I want my money to sit in a big pile of silver rocks that I sit upon. And if you want to get it from me, you have to kill me. But not everyone's like me. See, traditional big wireless carriers also seem they like to keep your money too, and that drives me crazy. If you're tired of high wireless bills, bogus fees, and free perks that actually cost more in the long run, you're going to want to switch to Mint Mobile.

Mint Mobile offers premium plans starting at $15 per month with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text on the nation's largest 5G network. Plus, you can keep your phone and number along with all your contacts. Lucky you. You'll never miss a text when you're on Mint Mobile because it is everywhere. Ubiquitous. Like the pain of being man. Go and save your money with Mint Mobile.

If you like your money, Mint Mobile is for you. Shop plans at mintmobile.com slash LPOTL. That's mintmobile.com slash LPOTL. Upfront payment of $45 for a three-month five-gigabyte plan required, equivalent to $15 a month. New customer offer for first three months only, then full-price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra. See Mint Mobile for details. Are you holding back on foreign travel plans this year because you are afraid of the language gap?

Well, no need to moan the gap if you have Babbel. This year we speak like an old new yo with Babbel, the language learning app that gets you talking. Babbel's 10-minute lessons, created by over 200 experts, help you start speaking a new language in three weeks or at your own pace. With a focus on practical, real-world conversations, it makes learning to communicate easy and effective. I do wish that they could put a cockney...

like option in there so you can go I hope not and they can go and she can be like that means hello mister like oh all right what my being like how are you sir like I feel like that would be really fun that would help me or like they have like they have like terms like the like in Ireland and stuff where they go like oh she's like uh she's like a cat caught inside or the washing machine or something oh they say oh what's the crack that's what that's what they that's what they say oh what's the crack

In Ireland. And I wish I had an app that says, oh, he's not talking about your butt. It's what they say over there. But Babbel, otherwise, doing great. Let's get more of you talking in a new language. Babbel is gifting our listeners 60% off subscriptions at babbel.com slash left. Get up to 60% off at babbel.com slash left. Spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash left. Babbel.com slash left. Rules and restrictions may apply.

As far as what Chad told Tammy's family, he said that she'd been sick and had been having coughing fits as of late, which her family found hard to believe because she'd been in perfect health when they saw her just two weeks earlier. Chad, however, stonewalled everyone again and again and even made a tacky and oddly detached Facebook post announcing her death. It read, quote,

I am saddened to share that my beautiful, talented wife Tammy passed away early this morning in her sleep. It is a shock to all of us. She was so beautiful in every way.

We are still working out the details, but we plan to hold a viewing Monday evening in Springville, Utah, then hold a funeral and burial there on Tuesday. We are overwhelmed with the outpouring of love and support. Thank you so much. It's the thank you so much. Thank you so much.

He really is a bad writer. Think about this. He can't even write a moving post about his dead wife. Yeah. No, yes. Exactly. Yeah. He's supposed to be. He's written like novel after novel. Beautiful and talented. Yeah. Like she's Vanna White. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like who describes their wife as beautiful and talented? What does that mean? Yeah. He used the word beautiful twice in three sentences. Couldn't come up.

Couldn't even be bothered to look up the thesaurus. You know what it was? It was that he wanted to make sure to everyone know, being like, no matter what woman I roll in here with three days from now. Ha ha!

Just know for a fact that I thought Tammy was beautiful. By the way, she was buried in the same cemetery where they used... No, not the pets. No, where the pets are. Tammy wanted to be amongst her thousand pets that we murdered in the last few years. She had to be with the five parakeets she crushed with the car accidentally.

No, it was a cemetery in Utah where they hadn't met, but she'd gotten him a job after they started dating. They worked there together for a long time. Oh, I remember. Same joint? Yeah, same joint. She was the gravedigger's receptionist, which is going to be my new Mormon pornography novel. Not the astronaut's wife, but the gravedigger's receptionist. And they get so many calls. Crazy.

But, you know, Laurie and Chad, you joke about it being like whoever I show up with four days from now.

Two weeks after Tammy died, Chad and Lori flew to Hawaii and paid $600 for a beach wedding complete with a photo shoot. When they got back, Chad even had the nerve to call one of Tammy's sisters to tell her that he'd gotten remarried in Hawaii. This is two weeks after he buried Tammy.

Strangely though, Chad described Lori as an empty nester whose daughter had died a year previous. Again, Chad's given details he doesn't have to give and he's lying for no reason and he raised suspicion as a result. Also, if they don't give a fuck about the law...

Why are they getting married on paper? Yeah. I don't know. I think it's because it's just, it's again, weirdly, this is the Mormon thing. You're stuck in this sense of appearances and this need for appearances to be away. So they still, in this...

delusional state they want it to be as real as they can make it so that when it does happen it's all been legally like we're legally married they can have a sense of kind of I don't know normalcy I don't think they made one correct choice to get away with it no they really didn't confidence is too good sometimes it really is

Well, Chad and Lori's insistence that they go full steam ahead, it wasn't really working in the real world. Because the disappearances of Tylee and JJ were finally starting to catch up to Lori Vallow. In late November 2019, JJ's grandmother, Kay Woodcock, finally called police down in Gilbert, Arizona to tell them that JJ had been missing for three months and that his adopted mother, Lori Vallow, wasn't responding to texts or calls.

Kay had called Arizona police because she didn't know Lori had moved to Idaho. But unbeknownst to Kay, those same cops were already investigating Lori for the attempted murder of Brandon Boudreau because Brandon had absolutely recognized the green Jeep that his attempted assassin drove as the same one that belonged to Lori's daughter. Additionally, those same cops in Arizona were also revisiting the death of Lori's fourth husband, Charles Vallow.

So one of the Arizona detectives agreed to drive to Idaho to do a welfare check on JJ. And the only way that visit could have gone worse for Lori and Chad is if JJ's dead body had fallen from the fucking ceiling in the middle of the interview. It is just wild how badly they will continue to fuck this up.

So when detectives knocked on the door of Lori's townhouse, it was actually Alex Cox and Chad Daybell who answered. And the last person you wanted talking to the cops were these two knuckleheads.

Where Lori was always calm and collected with the police, Alex and especially Chad melted under the slightest pressure. For example, when detectives asked if JJ was home, Alex and Chad just looked at each other and said nothing. Don't know. They didn't even say don't know. They were just like,

You know when you can see, hear the eyeballs move? When the detective asked again, Alex blurted out that J.J. was in Louisiana visiting his grandmother. He loves Mardi Gras. He loves it. It's one of my favorites. He loves absinthe. The grandmother, Kay Woodcock. And the detective told Alex that he knew this wasn't true because guess what? Kay

Kate Wilcock was the one who called and asked for the welfare check. So she's not there. This can't be real, then. So the detective asked for Lori's phone number. Alex stupidly said he didn't have his sister's phone number while he was standing in his sister's house. Yeah, I got her number. Yeah, absolutely. It's 557-28-07.

Eight. Forgot the niner. Five. Because I remember her number because the numbers spells boobs. But if you wanted to talk to Lori, she was in the townhouse next door. So he just immediately was like, I don't know her number, but she's next door. You can talk to her there. She heard it through the wall. Yeah. While one officer went to talk to Lori, Chad panicked and tried fleeing the interview in his Chevy Equinox. To the Mormon moment!

Let's go. The detectives, of course, stopped him and asked him again about JJ. Chad said the last time he saw JJ was in October. And he didn't have Lori's number either, in case the cop was wondering. Because he didn't know her that well. I agree.

never had forehead sex with this woman. I've never tried to lead the 144,000 and this very world that you stand upon with this woman. I have no idea who JJ is. Old friend of mine, I guess. Stay away from my pet cemetery. Anything. Here's a lesson to be learned. Well, because the thing is that he's acting like JJ's like a guy he used to know. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, not like a seven-year-old disabled boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He'll literally be like, JJ, well, as I heard it from JJ, he was, I think he was on his way to St. Paul for a conference. Or is he backpacking across Europe? He's in a backpack.

in Europe. Well, Chad's claim that he didn't know Lori that well was another easily disproved lie because the cops knew that Chad and Lori had just gotten married in Hawaii. It's been, honestly, it was a very short kind of elopement, really. It's only been a year. Chad.

Because how long does it take to really know someone? Sometimes you don't know anybody, you can live with them forever. Finally, though, the cops located Lori herself in one of the townhouses. And she tried using the same charm that had worked on cops her entire life. But the veil was starting to slip.

Lori tried the brick wall of rambling tactic. This is one of Lori's go-tos. She went on and on about JJ's autism, how she was such a good person for raising him, how horrible Kay Woodcock was, and how Lori should have been the person to receive the insurance benefits for her husband's death. In fact, she's going to sue Kay Woodcock. It's just moving from subject to subject to subject so the cops can't ever focus on what they're actually there for. Yeah, and when they're there investigating a missing person, don't bring that up.

don't bring up another random death you're involved in. Don't bring up how you're upset about it. Don't ask, don't give the cops things to ask you questions about. Yeah.

And finally, Lori started talking about how her brother Adam, a.k.a. Bo Nasty, he was trying to kill her for insurance money. She's basically deflecting all the blame away from herself while simultaneously trying to play on the sympathies of the police. But when the cops didn't buy it and just kept pressing her to just tell him where JJ was, she improvised and said that JJ and Tylee were both at the movies with her friend, podcaster Melanie Gipp. They're all seeing Frozen 2. Ironically...

Which, it is about trying to find lost family members. Really? Yeah. Really? Yeah. I didn't know that. Wow. Yeah. And were they found buried in the pet cemetery? They were in the annihilation cloud never. Oh, wow. Okay, sure. Well, Laurie said this. I blame Olaf!

You just want to blame Josh Gad for anything. Josh Gad, I'm coming for your sins. Josh Gad, I won't rest until I see you crucified. If I get you, you're going to accidentally fall down in some duct tape. Honestly, Josh Gad, I mean you no harm. I'm glad you kind of turned the corner on that one. You used to have a lot of animosity. I'm fine with Josh Gad. He's allowed. I like him. He's fine.

It's because you have a nice life now. I do. I think that's what it comes down to. You don't have to hate all the fat comedians anymore. Yeah. Because you used to have kind of a blanket hatred. Yeah, I did. But now it's different. Yeah. That guy from Lost, though, he's going down hurly. Fuck that piece of shit. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. No, no, no, no, no. You go ahead.

He beat me out to play the mute hermit miner in the Adam Sandler Ridiculous 6 vehicle. That was supposed to be me. I was the second choice in that. Yeah, man. I was supposed to be my... I was supposed to be hanging out in New Mexico with fucking all the Sandman's crew. Yeah, and he beat me out in a lesbian vampire movie that never even came out.

I'm going to go ahead and defend Jorge Garcia right now. I think he's delightful. I'm a massive Lost fan. I met him once at an event in Brooklyn, and he was extraordinarily kind. Jorge Garcia, I mean you no harm. Well, Lori told the cops that she was going to have Melanie call them as soon as they got back from watching Frozen 2. But just after the cops left, Chad returned to come up with a plan, albeit a very bad one.

He called Melanie Gibb and told her that the police would be calling about JJ, but she must not under any circumstances pick up. And that's it.

Laurie, we're covered. There's one thing an amateur podcast doesn't like to do, and that's talk. There's no way she would want to get involved in something spicy like this. If you get a call from a number 911, don't pick it up. Send it to voicemail. Well, Laurie then called Melanie Gibb herself and asked Melanie for a recent photo of, quote,

children running around. And Kip later testified that Lori had implied that she wanted Melanie to make it look like the photo was of JJ, but Melanie declined to participate. Now, the cascade of lies that came from the mouths of Lori, Chad, and Alex was enough justification for search warrants on all the townhouses rented by cult members. But when the cops returned for the search the next day, they found that Lori and Alex were both gone and all of Lori's clothes were missing.

As it turned out, though, Chad, Lori... I hate them. Naked sister time. Naked sister time. Ding, ding, ding, ding. He does like it. We know he likes it. He loves it. He loves it. We know he loves it. As it turned out, Chad, Lori, and Alex were not necessarily on the run. Instead, they moved on to the next phase of solidifying their cult.

See, after spending Thanksgiving at Knott's Berry Farm... Classless. Fried chicken for Thanksgiving? They serve a Thanksgiving buffet. You've been. I saw it advertised. Well, after that little vacation, Chad and Lori joined their most ardent members in Las Vegas for a flurry of cult weddings.

Remember last episode I said they made all the people divorce and then they made all the people marry. They hadn't made them married just yet. They just paired them together and said, you're going to marry this person. You're going, this is, this is your soulmate. This is the point where they actually went through with it. Oh, giggity gig. More like old mate. I'll save it. Let me write that down. Did anybody have a notepad?

I got to write that down. I got to write that down. I can't lose it. Hold me. Hold me. Hold me. Hold me. I can't lose it. I can't lose it. Hey, Alex, you want to go to Del Taco? Yes, absolutely. Of course I do. Fuck, what was the joke?

So two days after the cops executed a search warrant on the cult's townhouse enclave, Chad and Lori met Alex Cox, Zulema Pestanis, and Lori's niece, Melanie Boudreau, in Las Vegas. Now, the first wedding that night was between Alex Cox and Zulema. Alex was following orders from Chad and Lori to marry Zulema because they told him that that's just what was supposed to happen. And then,

And Zulema got to marry the cult's protector, which upped her status just the slightest bit. I love how your breath smells like beer. And I love that even though you do not drink, you smell like beer. I love your grubby, beaver-like hands. And I love your small, pumpkin-like smile.

But then there was the matter of who was going to marry Lori's niece, Melanie Boudreaux.

See, after her divorce from Brandon, Melanie Boudreau had been trolling the Mormon dating sites, and she'd found a poor sap named Ian Pawlowski.

Now, as far as I know, Ian and Melanie had never met in person prior to their Vegas wedding. But Melanie was reasonably cute, and Ian was very much into her Mormon doomsday prepper vibe. Wow, I'm looking at it. I did not know there was LDSsingles.com. Of course there is! There's a dating site for everybody. Wow. There's a dating site for people who work in the funeral business. See, that's cool. That's fun. But I'm just saying, there's sites for everyone.

Besides for balloon fetishes. Oh, really? Yeah. Meet up with somebody else who likes getting horny with balloons. Pop it off. Oh, Lunars.com. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's a dating app for people that...

I like to have sex with balloons. That's great. It's right there. Yeah. Is it just pictures of balloons that they can have sex with? You know, I think that is interesting because it should just be the Party City website. Well, after the ceremony between Melanie and this new guy, Ian Palowski, who, just keep in mind, this guy just...

Showed up. Yeah, he's fresh. He's brand new. Brand new. He don't know nobody. He doesn't know anything about any of this. He just thinks he found this cute woman on a Mormon single site, and he got lucky. And they have multiple cult members back in Rexburg that could probably pick for this, right? Yeah. Well, no. No, no, no, no. Because they think they needed new blood. I think they started getting a little too incestuous. A lot of people were yapping. Yeah. Yeah.

After the ceremony, Melanie revealed everything to Ian about the cult that he was now unwillingly a part of, from the End Times 144,000 prophecy to the Light Dark Scale, as well as the ever-present threat presented by zombies possessed by demon slugs.

But instead of bolting, Ian basically said, Fuck yeah, sounds cool. Of course. Because right before that conversation, he was some dumbass boring Mormon. Yeah. He described Melanie's lowdown of the entire Daybell mythology as fun and exciting, saying that it felt as if they'd ripped their entire worldview from a Dungeons and Dragons manual. It's weird that you'd say that. It's almost like,

That's exactly what they did. It's a direct quote from Ian. It's amazing. It's like a live RPG, but instead of rolling dice, you wrap a child's head in duct tape. But after Melanie Boudreau was done with the world building, things turned very dark very quickly when she got into the actual plot.

She told Ian that her ex-husband Brandon was possessed by a demon. Okay. And that Alex Cox, the man Ian had just met, was actively trying to murder Brandon as a consequence. Our witness to the wedding. Melanie Boudreau, oh, that guy. That guy. That guy. With the pump

can smile. Yeah. The grubby beaver hands. Alright, fine. I don't like him anyway. He's a funny guy. He was super funny. The first thing he asked me, right, as soon as I walked into him, I knew I was going to like him because he was just like, hey, tell me something. He's like, hey, do you ever fuck a black chick? And I was just like, that's... I was like, no, actually, I've never touched a breast. But if I... I can see how the angle... It's funny to ask people. You ever been on Lunars.com?

Melanie Boudreau then went even further, telling Ian that Lori Vallow's kids, Tylee and JJ, they'd also become zombies. And Melanie believed that Alex had taken care of them as well. In other words, what started off as a fun LARP for Ian Pawlowski very quickly turned into a terrifying nightmare. That fun LARP lasted for literally 25 minutes. And then he was just like, oh, dearie me. Oh, it just, well, better.

Better get to fucking. That's what I would say. If I was Ian, that first thing I'd be like, well, let me fuck before I get shot in the head. So after hearing the plot, Ian Pawlowski texted his ex-wife, whom I assume he still had a good relationship with, and he asked her to Google Melanie Boudreau because Ian couldn't do it himself in Melanie's presence. Yeah, it was an excuse to reach out. Yeah, and Ian's ex-wife did so and soon called Melanie's ex-husband, Brandon Boudreau, after easily finding his phone number.

Eager to talk, Brandon told Ian's ex-wife all about the Daybell cult's attempt to kill him because they said he was a zombie, although it was really for the insurance money. Then he told her about their already successful murder of Charles Vallow for the same reasons. What? Oh, what?

Ian's ex-wife then called the police, marking yet another person who contacted the authorities asking for someone to look into the activities of Chad Daybell and Lori Vallow. But, you know, I would see Chad Daybell and be like, this guy ain't killing nobody. That's exactly what happened again and again. Yeah.

Ian Pulaski, however, was terrified as to what would happen to him if he pulled out of the marriage. I like just started this! So he stayed with it and soon moved to Rexburg along with everyone else. He did continue communicating with his ex-wife, but he hid the texts because he believed if the cult ever found out, he'd be labeled a zombie and killed as well. But Ian was able to stand just simply

six days of marriage to Melanie Boudreaux. And she's spending those six days making him sit down and listen to Pat podcasts and Avow podcasts. Yeah, gotta get him caught up. You gotta get ready for the Lord. And he's just sitting there sweating. What did I do? God, I never should have agreed to go to that open, Mike.

And he and his ex-wife, after six days, they contacted the detectives from Arizona who were already investigating Lori for both the attempted murder of Brandon Boudreau and the disappearance of her children. They put Ian in contact with the FBI. And after Ian spilled everything he knew, he became an informant.

pumping Melanie for any information she might have. You got to do the flip. Got to do that number one flip. Chad and Lori, meanwhile, seem to have completely given up on the idea of a new Jerusalem. Now that their spouses were dead and Lori's kids were out of the way, they used the near half million dollars Chad had received from Tammy's life insurance policy to rent a house in Hawaii in December of 2019. They all but abandoned Rexburg. Fucking the fuck.

Right out the door. Out the door. And that's great advice for anyone who lives in Rexburg. Get out of there. Get the fuck out of there. Yeah. Now, this blasé behavior about the impending apocalypse was strange to the faithful followers Chad had left behind. And all the people who'd followed Chad without question were at long last starting to examine everything with a closer lens.

What with the many deaths and disappearances surrounding Chad and Lori, it began to finally dawn on podcaster Melanie Gibb and her pat boyfriend that they very well might become accessories to murder if they weren't careful. Now, there's a lot of things as a woman I'll accept. I'll accept friends that kill their children for the sake of the Lord. I'll accept people who kill their husbands, people kill their boyfriends. But I will not accept

responsibility. So to cover their asses, Melanie Gibb and her boyfriend began recording every phone call they had with Chad and Lori, hoping that at some point their former spiritual gurus would incriminate themselves. This is a point I want to give to the police. There are police officers that listen to this show. It's actually kind of funny in that way.

But for those of you, just know that if you're going to have someone wear a wire, I think every police station should also have an acting coach. Yes. That can teach people how to not act like they're on a wire. Because if you listen to the phone call Melanie gave May to Chad and Lori, they're like, you're on a wire, Melanie. You're recording this call right now, aren't you, Melanie? And she's like, no.

No, I'm not. I'm simply curious about what happened to JJ. And they're all like, tell the police that we don't know where he is. Yeah, well, she wasn't doing it for the police at this moment. She's just doing it for herself. Yeah, because guess what she was really trying to do, Marcus? Get material for her podcast.

See, I was going to give her the benefit of doubt and say not go to prison. No. No. I feel like that was the second. During a call on December 8th, 2019, Lori insisted over and over again that JJ was fine and safe, but she refused to elaborate. That's what that was her line over and over again. He's fine and he's safe. I don't need to tell you where he is.

Chad also denied ever saying that Tammy's death was foretold, even though he'd related this prophecy to podcaster Melanie Gibb perhaps half a dozen times, if not more. I made a spiritual death, like a transformation, like she was going to become Islamic. Wow.

Once Chad and Lori began to realize that their podcast buddies were no longer on their side, Lori began claiming that Melanie Gibb had been influenced by dark spirits. Oh, yeah. She did the fucking... Yeah. Like, as soon as she was like... She said, sounds like... Because Melanie said to Lori, it sounds like you've been lied to by the devil and you have your eyes clouded by the devil. And Lori goes, sounds like somebody else has been charmed by the devil. Like, she says the same thing back. Yeah. And Melanie Gibb's like...

I can't do anything to counter that. Well, actually, she did have something to counter that. She went nuclear, and she called Chad and Lori the Mormon equivalent of the Antichrist, known as Corey-whore. More like Lori-whore. Yeah! And you can get your discounts on quints using the code LORIWHORE90.

Now, once the Antichrist came into the conversation, Lori hung up and never spoke to Melanie Gibb again. Gibb could have therefore easily ended up on the cult's hit list as another zombie. Well, she definitely was. But the noose was tightening around Chad and Lori's collective neck more and more with each passing day.

See, Gibb got proactive, and she took the recording of her last phone call with Chad and Lori to the police, and based off Chad's suspicious comments concerning the subject of his wife and her foretold death...

Police were able to get a court order to exhume Tammy Daybell's body for a full autopsy, done entirely clandestinely and without Chad's knowledge. Very quickly, investigators noticed that there were several blunt injuries consistent with being restrained and or suffocated to death. But to this day, we have no idea if it was Chad, Alex Cox, or both of them who directly participated in Tammy's murder.

Tammy's body was in, out, back in the ground in just eight hours. But by the end of it, investigators had determined that Tammy's death was indeed suspicious, although they did not yet have enough evidence to arrest Chad for her death.

Cremate your loved ones when you kill them. He tried. He tried, Eddie. He tried with one. Not with Tammy. Tammy, he could have just, they said, okay, no autopsy. They'd say, great, cremate her. It's so easy. There's just the smallest part of me that thought she might want to see me be the boss and wake up.

Now, when it comes to the murders, both successful and attempted, we have evidence that Chad, Lori and Lori's brother, Alex, they were involved in every one of them. But we're totally in the dark as far as the hows go. The reason why we don't know much is because Alex Cox, the assassin who tied it all together and probably carried out each murder with his own hands. He did not survive past December 2019. And it's possible, however unlikely, that Chad and Lori might have had something to do with it.

I don't know how they didn't. If it was just natural causes. There is. How? I'll get into it. It's such a coincidence. It is a coincidence. The biggest, every,

There's been no coincidences in this entire fucking story. It is a horrific sticking point. It really is this thing where, same, because I refuse to believe it was natural causes, but we just don't have the proof. Yeah, we don't. Well, that's the thing. It might be natural causes. It might not be natural causes, but we don't have any proof that Chad and Lori specifically were involved in it. Let's get into it. Please.

See, after the marriage to Zulema in Las Vegas, Alex moved back to Gilbert, Arizona, where Zulema still lived. Because Chad and Lori were already on their way to living their true fantasy life in Hawaii. Oh, yeah. They took the check in peace. Yeah. So, like, they're like, I thought we were all going. I thought that Rexburg was about to pop off. Yeah. But you guys just...

jump ship and are literally like the photos and video of Chad and Lori having the vacation of their lives in Hawaii. Love and life. They stayed there in a resort for a month. They blew a bunch of money. She's reading visions of glory by the pool. How disgusting. So they fucking left. And so now he's like, you could see this moment being like,

Oh. Yeah, and they're like, go to... Go with your wife. What about me? Yeah, go with your wife. Go where? Gilbert. Gilbert. Zulema, your beloved Gilbert. Yeah. You know, and then he goes and Zulema can be like, thank you, Alex. I'm so happy when you take the gum out when we kiss. I'm so happy that you decided to change your underwear.

But according to Zulema, Alex spent a lot of time after the wedding talking about how Chad and Lori were setting him up to be the fall guy for some mysterious thing Chad and Lori had been doing. Have you heard of Moroni coin? Trying to set me up with a rug pull. Bullshit.

Before Zulema could find out what this mysterious thing was, Alex was found dead on the floor of his and Zulema's bathroom, covered in feces. Not feces. With pink foam coming from his mouth. Pink foam! With this pink foam, quite similar to the pink foam Chad described coming out of his wife Tammy's mouth the night she died. Do we know, like, if you die, what would produce pink foam coming out of your mouth? Poison. Poison.

Yeah. Possibly. Yeah. Did they give him an autopsy? Yes, they did. And no poison? No poison. None whatsoever. Yeah, we don't know. It's very strange. Well, just a few days before his death, Alex had driven to Mexico to score some illegal prescription drugs. And investigators believe that Alex used these drugs to die by suicide to protect Lori and Chad.

Others, however, believe that Alex may have come to the realization that he'd murdered his brother-in-law, his niece, and his nephew, all so his sister could be free to marry some doughy asshole, and he couldn't live with what he'd done. It should have been me.

Oh, how I wish I was on that beach, getting sand on my balls, making sex to my sister. Now I'm just stuck in old New Jerusalem. Sucking on the face of dumb, stupid Zulim. My sister's sitting there in Hawaii. Getting finger banged by the Lord. Loving New Jerusalem, too. So now that he's dead, we're done with this, right? No! No!

Fuck Alex! Fuck Alex! But after a thorough autopsy, it was ruled that Alex died from blood clots and high blood pressure, hereditary conditions that had killed other members of the Cox family. So it's hard to say exactly what the circumstances behind Alex's death really were. I mean, it is stressful. Everything that he fucking did could have just given him a heart attack. It could have. That's what I mean.

Now, by this point, authorities had been asking Lori to produce her kids for months. But in December 2019, they decided that if Lori was going to keep stonewalling them, the only option they had was to go public. So the authorities pulled out all the stops with a full media blitz. Including us! Yeah! Attacking Lori and Chad simultaneously.

With Lori, they hammered the fact that she was totally uncooperative with telling police where her kids were. But Chad's involvement here was the secret sauce that made this whole story even more treacherous and indecent. Police finally revealed that they had exhumed Tammy Daybell's body and had ruled her death suspicious. And they believe that the cases of Lori's missing kids and Chad's dead wife may be linked.

Chad and Lori, of course, discovered all this through newspaper headlines. They read all about it from their romantic villa in Hawaii, and they were, I'd imagine, simultaneously terrified and excited that their little cult had just become one of the biggest news stories in the world.

You don't think that they'll check the pet cemetery, do you? No. There's no pets. Are they looking for pets? Did you leave that? Is that old man who tells people to not go down that road still there? Because if he's still there, then I don't think they're going to go down that road. He's very convincing. Honestly, I gave him $10 to stay there and tell the police to not go down that road. I told him it actually really helped me. Then I sliced his mouth open with a scalpel. He hates kids.

He fucking hates kids. You could see in the footage, the only way to describe it, I really wish that you could see it, so you could see the little smiles on their faces. Like, they have this, like, we're such, we're so popular. Yeah. Everybody wants to talk about us. And they are so thrilled. Because I do think in some way they think...

This will now kind of, you know, this is utterly convoluted. And I don't know why they think this, but I think that they think that this is proof that it's working. Yeah. That it's going to happen. Or that, you know, it's the possibility also that the word is going to get out about their religion, about their, you know, unique view of Mormonism. People are going to see the light. And everyone's going to be like, oh my God, that's amazing. Of course, Chad Daybell's God. Yeah. Oh yeah. Now that's not at all what happened. Yeah.

Almost immediately, the Mormons who'd spent years supporting and believing Chad and Lori, they began to cut ties. The founders of Preparing a People, the Preparing a People podcast network.

They issued a statement denying they were a cult. And it's always bad when you have to issue a statement denying you're a cult. It's a hard day for the PR squad. Yeah. And they quickly distanced themselves from Chad and Lori by removing all of their podcast appearances. Now that's a pap smear. True. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Very good. EddieTunes.com. Yeah.

The only person who came to Chad and Lori's side was the founder of the neo-fundamentalist Mormon message board, Avow, who publicly declared that Chad and Lori were innocent.

This guy even allowed Chad and Lori to publish a statement on his website in which they claim to be victims of bad press who are only trying to protect JJ and Tylee from so-called evil forces. Protect them from bad press? Is this the opening of Spider-Man the musical? Like, no, this is not, yeah, you're being accused of murder. Yeah, no, no, bad press. Yeah, yeah, I get it. No, it's a good, it's a good role. Bad notice can kill a whole show, you know. Tell me about it.

Tell me about it. It was in Heroes Stillborn. I know. Yeah, it was Stillborn. It was more the CGI in that, though. Yes, it really was the overspending on things that we didn't need to spend money on. And not one sandwich in the whole fucking show. Call your show Heroes. Fucking put

some sandwiches in it. You want me to keep sticking around and come back for episode two? Put a fucking sandwich in the shell. Eddie, do you have any idea how hard I fought for the fat asshole demo? Do you have any idea how hard I went in the paint for the... Just throw a sub in there. Throw a fucking eggplant part.

By January 16th, 2020, the state of Idaho filed a court order demanding that Lori produce JJ and Tylee within five days. The deadline obviously came and went, and the media attention only increased when Dateline aired a two-hour special called Where Are the Children? Appropriately, they aired it on Valentine's Day.

But finally, time ran out for Lori Vallow. On February 20th, 2020, 02-20-2020, and this is a month after she blew past the court date where she was supposed to produce The Kids, Lori was arrested in Hawaii, where she was charged with a whole host of crimes, from desertion of a child to contempt of court. Chad, however, stuck to the script. While

While Lori was in jail in Hawaii awaiting extradition to Idaho, Chad talked to her for an hour every day, assuring her this was all a part of the celestial plan and that the world was still definitely coming to an end on July 22nd, 2020. Not a day later. Make sure you get the keys to your cell because when the world ends and you're in the cell and you can't get out, we're going to be fucked. You're going to have to break out.

The things were really starting to cook for Lori Vallow, but she was extradited to Idaho in March of 2020, which was the same month that COVID-19 brought the entire world to a halt. And now we're going to pause for a four-hour series on COVID-19. Pause. Wow, what an amazing journey that was. I missed it. Me too. I missed my puzzles.

Lori's march towards justice was therefore put on hold, but it did give investigators more time to turn their attention towards Chad Daybell and the death of Lori's fourth husband, Charles Vallow. See, after combing through all of Chad and Lori's texts, both the ones they sent to each other and the ones they sent to other people, investigators found the absolutely idiotic text that Chad had sent to his wife the day after Tylee's murder, the one about cremating the raccoon and burying it in the pet cemetery.

Now, investigators knew that this text was sent the day after Tylee was seen alive for the last time, during the trip to Yellowstone with her uncle Alex and her mother Lori. From there, investigators looked at Alex Cox's locations using his phone data. And when they put the locations and the stupid, over-explaining text together, they decided they'd better take a look at Chad Daybell's backyard.

Kind of just sounds like they're all looking at his butt. No, they did when he went to prison. See, it's wide and gaping. Much like the tunnel to heaven. Pure white as snow. Go ahead, take a look in there. See if you can't find heaven, little boy. Come on, see if you there. See Jesus inside the little nodule inside of my butthole that makes me shoot wine. Shoot wine, folks.

I wish Alex was here because then I could give him that material. Yeah. Poor Alex. I can't say W-H-I-N-E. He's the comedian. And so on June 9th, 2020, the FBI and Rexburg police brought cadaver dogs to Chad's home. Chad let them onto his property, then plopped down in his Chevy Equinox.

He nervously watched investigators and kept getting in and out of his car while running his fingers through his hair, acting about as guilty as he possibly could. Don't touch me! You can't, no, you can't. That's totally good. No, no, you don't want to! Leave that corn alone if you want! My dogs are buried there! My 25 dogs! You wouldn't have to, but do not disturb! That is where Hamlet the gerbil is buried!

Before long, the dogs had located the first burial site, that of J.J. Vallow. And just by coincidence, Lori had chosen that moment to call Chad from prison. This is about, that's the big coincidence in this story. This truly is the big coincidence in the story. This is, thank you so much for including this. Of course. This is my favorite, this is my literal, like, milestone.

My main hit. This is my don't stop believing in this whole fucking joke. Oh, no. I love this call so much because this is the call between the two of them because I love calls when people realize how fucked they are. It's so much fun. We're just going to listen to 15 seconds of it because there's a lot of mumbling and you can't understand what Chad's saying most of the time without subtitles. But here is Chad and Lori realizing that their lives are over.

forever hi babe hello are you okay so they're searching the property the house right now yeah yeah okay that's it's just yeah yeah they're searching what property right now and so because she keeps saying because it's funny she's like so they're staying inside like if you keep saying it's called like so they're staying inside the house he's like

No. You're checking the pet cemetery. Like he said this thing and she's just like, it'll be okay. Is there anything I can do from here? You're going to

Get a call from my lawyer later. Like, okay, babe. Like it's that whole like, just, oh, hey, are you okay? But that's the weird thing about it is that it is that same like girlfriend talk. It's girlfriend voice. Yeah. It's that same voice that your girlfriend or your wife gives you like when you're in great distress. Like it's that's the funny thing is you can actually tell if she really loves him.

She's genuinely concerned for him and genuinely wants to make him feel better. But is she not just concerned with herself? Yes. I think partly, but I think she is very, I think she's concerned with herself, but she's also concerned about him. Where you hear concern, I hear pure delusion. Yeah. I think that she is talking as if

It's normal because it makes her like, it makes Chad feel better because Chad's got to be, Chad doesn't want anybody in the room, but it's not out of concern. It's about keeping Chad together so that he doesn't act like a big fat bitch in front of the police. And that's exactly what he did next. Yes. Once Chad hung up the phone, he could see that something was happening. That's about the time they discovered JJ's body.

So, just like he'd done before, Chad tried running away in his Equinox. To the Marvin Mobile! The cops quickly chased him down, and since Chad didn't have the stones for a chase, he surrendered. And finally, after all this time, both Chad Daybell and Lori Vallow were in jail. Yay!

We got him. See, my main thing is that I do believe that God has chose me to lead 144,000. Yeah, there are a lot of rules to break, but one thing I will not do is speed. Because Mormons don't speed, no matter what's going on. And when you find a boy-shaped dog in my pet cemetery... You will, first of all, call the newspapers, because what a fine for you. Big time.

Because also, if you don't look at him for too long, he starts singing and dancing. Hello, my baby. Hello, my ragdum gal. You've got to believe me. Once Chad was arrested and the discovery of both bodies became public, the Chad Daybell and Lori Vallow story grew to even greater proportions.

Before long, all the details about Chad and Lori's beliefs about zombies and the end of the world became public as well. And Lori Vallow was finally given the infamous designation of the Doomsday Mom.

Now, the case for murder here was difficult to prove because investigators believed that Alex had been the one who'd actually murdered the kids. But after the now former cult member Zulema Pastanas obtained immunity and podcaster Melanie Gibb really started talking, police were able to charge Chad and Lori with the first degree murder of Lori's kids in May of 2021.

Soon after, Lori Vallow was also charged with conspiracy to commit first degree murder in regards to the death of her fourth husband, Charles Vallow. And both Lori and Chad were charged with the murder of Tammy Daybell. And so by June of 2024, Chad Daybell and Lori Vallow had been found guilty on every single charge.

And while Lori received life without parole, Chad Daybell is currently sitting on death row in Idaho. Do you think that if he gets electrocuted in the chair, does he turn into French fries? I mean, he does look like a potato. He would be. I feel like, yeah, I feel like if you zap him, he might smell delicious. Yeah, he might. I really wonder what his last words are going to be. Oh, dear. I.

I'm pooping. Oh, he gets strapped into the, you know, the lethal injection. Because I'd imagine lethal injection is how they're going to kill him. Yeah. I wonder what his last words are going to be. Probably just something like, okay, Jesus, now. Now, Jesus, go. Anytime. Anytime, Jesus. Now, Jesus, all right, come on. Time to go. I know you love drama, but let's just kind of get it done. We only got a minute left. Yep.

Now, completely by coincidence, Dateline revealed while we were recording these episodes that Lori Vallow had agreed to give them an interview, her first since her podcast appearances, and certainly the only one since she was arrested, charged, and convicted.

This interview was released just a week ago. And after watching it, I can say with conviction that prison has not changed Lori Vallow one iota. And she still believes that absolutely everything we've said about their mythology is true. You know, I was convinced. Finally, you know what I needed was her rambling for an hour to Keith Morrison and not saying any details. Yeah.

And I was a believer. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Me too. She also had some filler migration. Filler migration? That's what they call it. Oh, when she gets filler and her face looks all fucked up? Yeah, that's your filler migration. It's because she hasn't been able to upkeep it, so it's been sliding. Oh. Also, she puts hair on the top of her head like fucking Bam Bam. Bam Bam.

She does this stupid cute thing where she does like a scrunchie and stuff and she makes like prison makeup. She looks like a fucking evil clown. Of course. No. Well, she used the same tactic on Keith Morrison that she used on the cops when they showed up at the townhouse. It's this wall of it's this brick wall of rambling where she spent the majority of the hour and a half that they had together. That's all the police would would give Keith Morrison. She spent the majority just rambling on about Tylee.

and not really saying anything in particular. So when you actually watch the episode, it's maybe...

Four and a half minutes of Lori Vallow talking over it. They stretch it over a fucking hour and a half. It's maybe, maybe four minutes of her talking. I actually thought that Dateline kind of dropped the ball on it. To be honest. What are they supposed to do? Release the entire uncut interview. Oh, you can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit. I want the chicken shit. That is true. He does want the chicken shit. I want the chicken shit. I want to hear every word out of her mouth. I want to hear it. I want to hear what she has to say for herself.

Because her, what she said in her sentencing reaction, because he gave her statement at the end of sentencing, her theory is that Tylee killed JJ accidentally and then committed suicide a month earlier. Yes. Exactly. But that's her whole, that's the only thing she has to say. Yeah. Yeah.

But she did say that she still believes that both she and Chad are going to be exonerated any day now. Again, Jesus loves an ark. Yeah, he does. Well, what she said is that Jesus, she's been to heaven multiple times. She said that in the interview. Jesus showed her when she was in heaven a vision of the future in which Chad and Lori were together. And they were together outside of the prison walls. So therefore, that means that

Chad and Lori will be exonerated one day. Well, you're also not going to get exonerated if no one's trying to exonerate you. Well, no, but Jesus is going to come down. He's going to kill all of us with his machine guns. And then he's going to lift them up. And then Chad's finally going to turn into the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Nobody stepped on a church in my town!

He says, apparently though, Jesus has the magic ability to take the, what can only be described as oatmeal on the sides of his thighs and his whole body and push them up in the muscles. Yeah. Jesus is going to fucking body by Jesus. Yeah. And, uh, Lori also says that, uh, her and Tammy are friends, uh,

They're sister wives, basically. And that Tammy visits Lori in prison, and they have conversations. And she also says that Jesus visits her in prison. And she does just ramble on. She talks about how, you know, if I ever had a bumper sticker, like if I ever had a bumper sticker, I always had this joke that if I had this bumper sticker...

then I would say Jesus loves you, but he loves me more. And I just thought that was really cute. And she has this fucking demeanor about her that's infuriating and insane because she's talking the whole time about how she has been falsely accused, falsely convicted, falsely tried. But she's smiling and laughing and giggling. So bubbly. So flirty. Like the whole time. Flirting with Keith Morrison. Do you think you know

about that, Keith? What do you know about that, Keith? Were you there, Keith? Like, doing that thing where, and then her cousin, I was listening to the Mormon Stories reaction to it, and I thought it was interesting as her cousin was like, that's actually the Lori I know very well. She's like, she used to do this thing where, it's like, it is a hot girl from a small town thing where they both, I've noticed it, I love everyone, I've met all the years, but sometimes, you gotta meet them. As a professional person,

entertainer when you go out and to the smaller areas of the country you meet other people that are the large fish and their small world yeah and they sometimes like to relate to you by making fun of you saying mean things to you but also kind of sucking up to you at the same time yeah stop doing that yes lori valo does exactly that she both makes she both flirts and negs yeah

It's very strange. Yes. But it's her go-to move. She's the star. Yes. She's very much the star here. That's the thing. Keith Morrison, she's in a room with Keith Morrison. Keith Morrison's a fucking, he's taking away her attention. Yeah.

And she is also very delusional. Oh, yes. So delusional, in fact, that she half-joked in the interview about the possibility of being a guest on Dancing with the Stars after her release, as if the world is going to be sorry that they ever doubted her, that she'll become a beloved public figure.

who makes television appearances. Didn't they do that with like three different Republican shitheads? Yeah, well, you know, they did it with... They do, they've done that already. I mean, yeah, they have brought... Carole Baskin. Yeah. She knew how to get away with murder. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, I guess she believes that... I guess that it's really not that far off. It's really not that far fetched. If she does get released by...

Mitt Romney in 2028. Yeah. And then she'll be on Dancing with the Stars and then get extra days at Disneyland. Yes. She just can't show most of her legs. She'd have to wear a very long skirt. Sarah Palin. That was the controversial one on Dancing with the Stars. Oh, sure. And Sean Spicer. Sean Spicer, yeah. Ugh.

Now, this interview. Yeah, right. Is that fun? Yeah. Now, this interview coincided with the beginning of Laurie's latest trial, the one concerning the murder of Charles Vallow. It's going on right now. Oh, yeah. And Laurie, like her father before her, is representing herself with a face full of, as you said, clownish prison makeup.

In other words, it's a fair bet to say that Lori Vallow's delusions will never end. But I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that it's not entirely her fault. Now, yes, Lori is a narcissist of the highest order, and that probably would have been true no matter what religion she was. But when narcissism meets Mormonism, it's like fire meeting gasoline.

Because of Mormonism's built-in improvisational nature, any LDS member with a touch of evil and a big heaping of arrogance, they have a ready-made cult kit that they can pick up and use at any moment. And we've seen this happen dozens upon dozens upon dozens of times. Yes, Spun is on episode 18 of Mormon-based crimes. Like, it's huge. And also...

Again, I don't know what to say. It's their natural arrogance. The Mormon aloofness, this idea that they are better than us, also feeds this. Well, also, they don't have to deal with outside society. They've been given full states to exist in. You can go play in this little area. And what's worse is that it doesn't take a lot of these people to do a lot of damage.

The number of ardent followers that Chad Daybell had, it didn't even approach double digits. Yet he and Laurie together were able to use Mormon ideology to justify the murder of four people, including two children.

Furthermore, fringe Mormon voices like Papp and Avow, along with all those NDE and End Times authors, they're constantly adding their own bits of lore to the Mormon storyline. And the more stuff there is to build from, the easier it is for people to spin off into their own dark corners where all manner of evil lurks.

Yeah, that's how we're going to end up with like a spider dog television show. You know what I mean? Where they make fucking, oh God, the new James Bond series are going to be horrible. Well, it's already fucking Spider-Ham. I know. Spider-Ham is fine. I like that. Well, Spider-Ham is fantastic. Spider-Ham has been around since the 80s. I used to love Spider-Ham comics. Okay.

You don't sound convinced. It's not for him. I mean, it should be, though. Yes, that is true. But that's all to say that religion in this country is becoming more dangerous by the day, more sinister, more violent. And it's not just Mormonism. There's an edge to Christianity at large that's only gotten sharper over the last few decades. And I'm not exactly sure what the rest of us are supposed to do about it.

What I can say, though, is that while it is your choice to follow whatever religion you want, it's your responsibility as a human being to think for yourself, especially if the people in charge start asking or telling you to do things or believe in things that you know aren't right. For some of you, that day might come very soon.

So in the end, all I ask is for you to think about what the people in charge are saying. Because if a religion or a movement tells you that you and yours are special, that you and yours are good while everyone else is evil, then they really aren't that far off from the narcissism that created Chad Daybell and Lori Vallow.

Very nice. And I'll say, that's why I'm so glad we did this series, because we fixed it. I just think it's one final nail in the coffin to organize religion. Yeah, yeah. Party it up, boys. Yep, we're taking down this $500 billion fucking massive capitalist system. And we're free of the nipple. Yeah.

That's what we're fucking doing, boys. Wow, we finally did this story and now it can be out of our system. Yeah, okay, now it can be done. Now it's gone and we can move on to other things. I just want to say thank you guys so much for listening to our show. Thank you guys being cool. We got, obviously, there's the new, what's it called? SiriusXM Podcast Plus. SiriusXM Podcast Plus. You can do everything you want with that.

And there's also, you can do a, is that great? Is that a good promo? Yeah. People love it. Yeah. And then what, the main thing is to know is that we have some really good series coming up. And we also have a new extended sort of running series that we're going to be introducing vaguely soon as well. But next week we've got some, you're going to like a fan favorite of ours. You're going to like it. Because guess what month it is?

March. Yep. Oh! It is definitely. We're very, very excited. This one we're going for, these are Earthbound. Mostly. Mostly. Mostly Earthbound, which I'm very excited for. Actually, one of the main contenders is specifically not Earthbound. Yes. It's even in the name. Yeah, it's very much in the name. It's going to be good. And then we got a bunch of great series. Yeah, and not just that, we got a bunch of new fucking shows on the

tour, man. I'm so excited. I got it up right here. We got in July 12th. Salt Lake City. We're going to go check on our people. Make sure they're okay. Honestly, what I want to say at our Salt Lake City is I need to see as much fishnet

We need to get this going, y'all. We need to make that a fucking full-on golf night. Hey, we know we played many shows in Salt Lake City before. I fucking love playing Salt Lake City. It's got some of the best crowds we've ever had. Yeah, because they go hard. Oh, yeah. Like, if you have people like Exmo's, people who aren't Mormon at all in Salt Lake City, yeah, they push back.

Pretty fucking hard. I'm so excited. I've never been to Salt Lake City. It looks beautiful. Also, August 8th, we're going to be in Charlotte, North Carolina. August 9th, the very next night, we're going to be in Durham, North Carolina. September 20th, St. Paul, Minnesota. October 11th, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. October 25th, Oakland, California. November 29th, just after Thanksgiving, we're going to be in Cleveland, Ohio! Yeah!

I love Cleveland. Yeah, me too. And then December 12th and 13th, Portland, Oregon. Yeah, I love Portland as well. Two shows back to back. No, we're going to have a lot of fun. We're really, you know, we're having more fun than ever and we like it. Yeah. And then tonight, if you're listening to this early enough, come out to the Ryman, baby. There's still a couple tickets available. We're going to have some great show for you. And then on Sunday, of course, you can catch Henry and I at the Nazi Scientist Center in Hotsville.

Alabama. Hey, we made him not a Nazi anymore. Technically, yeah. And Werner Von Braun, as we've learned, he wasn't like that enthused about the Nazis. Also, he was pretty enthused. He definitely may not have been enthused about the ideology, but he was definitely enthused about the workforce they provided. It's just about where you get the rockets.

Also, want to throw this out into the world if they ever make the Chad Daybell movie, Tim Heidecker. Wow. Yeah. That is inspired casting, my friend. Absolutely inspired casting. Who's Laurie? Oh, I couldn't figure that one out yet. I got to think about that because I think that it would be a- Marjorie Taylor Greene. No!

Yeah, all 275 pounds of blonde pump in action. That's what I like. I like a woman who looks like a rectangle. All right, fuckers. We'll see you next week. Patreon.com, all the other stuff. Twitch.tv, social.tv. Last five guys left. All right, Hail Satan. Hail invasive species. My tour of Florida. Go get tickets. I'll be in Jacksonville, Panama City, and Tallahassee next weekend. Perfect. Thank you.

Goodbye, y'all.