Relaxed Fit: The 4th Annual* Last Podcast On the Left March Madness of Murder
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On March 28th, Universal Pictures, Blumhouse, and the director of The Shallows invite you to their new horror movie, The Woman in the Yard. In the morning, she appears. By noon, she gets closer. When night falls, she takes you. Who is this woman? Where did she come from? What does she want? And most importantly, when will she leave? Don't let her in. And don't miss The Woman in the Yard, only in theaters March 28th.

I can say to my new Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra, hey, find a keto-friendly restaurant nearby and text it to Beth and Steve. And it does without me lifting a finger, so I can get in more squats anywhere I can. One, two, three. Um, will that be cash or credit? Credit. Galaxy S25 Ultra, the AI companion that does the heavy lifting so you can do you. Get yours at Samsung.com. Compatible with select apps requires Google Gemini account results may vary based on input check responses for accuracy.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last hot ass. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready? Are you prepared for the madness and mayhem? Welcome to...

to last podcast on the left and we are here at the depends adult diapers for men center outside of downtown Croatia and it is a beautiful day for a fight isn't it Marcus that's right this is the fourth annual last podcast on the left March madness of murder and mayhem this year we've got a damn good surprise for everybody this year it's gonna be an all wild card edition

That's right, man. We got the broswers popping. We got the popcorn popping. And we got the crack in the light bulb. That's right. We are having a time here in Croatia. And I hope everybody's enjoying their hot dog made from real dog. It is one of the essential delights here in downtown Croatia. And do you think that we got a stern wind coming out of the northeast about 45 miles per hour? Do you think that will affect the gameplay today, folks?

Well, we'll have to get that one contestant off the rankings. All right, here we go. Goodbye, Mitch McConnell. Unfortunately, we forgot that in Croatia, the wind blows with powdered glass. Yes, it's actually a perfect environment. These contestants, some of these people have never been in a physical fight. Absolutely not. Some of them have been in so many fights, you would consider them to be the most dangerous person around. But that's why we bring them in here today. Isn't that correct?

We are doing it in an all dirt field. That's right. And here on the wild card edition, I know in previous years on the March Madness of Mayhem and Murder, we've done half fictional and half real. But this year, we only got a couple of fictional people in there because this is a wild card edition. I'm very, very excited to see how this shakes out. And I am filled to the brim. Thank you, Depends. I have blood in my diaper. Oh, you might want to get that checked out of it. Nah. No.

I like your cavalier attitude. Welcome to the last podcast on the left, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Marcus Parks. Hey, I'm your commentator, Andrew Zubowski, and I'll tell you, my wife's going to divorce me because I'm too good of a husband. And of course, I had Larsa. How you doing, folks? I'm just here to have the ham and make sure the whale stays in. I actually did forget I was going to bring prosciutto today. I forgot it. Well, tomorrow is another day. Yeah. Let me ask you, am I bleeding right now?

No. Okay, good. Because it tastes like blood. Yeah, hey, that's just your mouth. Yeah, I know. Well, yeah, I got a cold sore, and then when I was doing my announcer voice, it ripped open. Wow.

Wow. It's a cold sore, but it looks hot. Yeah, wow. Sexy. Apply your sports bandage. Ah, very good. Yes, Rob has handed me our sports bandages, a.k.a. paper towels. The quicker, thicker, picker-upper. That way I won't be self-conscious about bleeding from my mouth. We're saying thank you to our big sponsors over at Brawny. They could absorb. You know that just one square of Brawny can absorb up to four gallons.

ounces of infant blood. And that's why brawny is the number one paper towel of abortionists everywhere. That's right. No tampon? No problem. Jam yourself up full of brawny. Thanks. You big lumberjack. And I also wouldn't mind getting a sponsorship from Orogel because I am quite open about cold sore use and cold sore, you know, suffering. Maintenance. Yeah, maintenance. So yeah, just Orogel, if you need a sponsor, if you need a pretty face...

Hit me up. But it ain't too pretty because it's got a cold sore on it. Hey, what's the point of having it if you don't? He earned it, though. Yeah, I did earn it. Yeah, I did earn it. You'll take a paste or a gel. Please. But yes, here on the March Madness of Murder and Mayhem, this is our fourth one. And what we're going to be doing today is we're going to be picking 16 fighters out of our cup.

of champions. Oh, here we go. Let's get our first round going. Let's get our first round. And of course, we've got the Eastern Conference and the Western Conference. That's right. And that's the Far East and the Far West. Far East, Far, Far West. All right. So let's start with the Eastern Conference. We're going to go through all the Eastern Conference first round first, and then we're going to go through the Western Conference first round after that. Nothing makes me happier, Marcus. Let's

get into the man so our first contestant today is five mars attacks aliens oh there you go that's gonna be you know they are from another planet and they are hostile because they don't understand birds do not run we are here to protect you and if you remember anything from the third annual march madness that we did we don't know anything about birds either i don't

I said $10,000. You said $400. We are not going to re-litigate the bird matter. That's why we chose a new way of doing the contest. Yeah, the bird matter is closed. We can't revisit the bird matter. It has been decided. Ever since this, what's happened? The price of eggs through the roof. It is, again, that's eggs, not birds. They came first. Birds have eggs.

X came first. And who is fighting five Mars attacks aliens? Let's see here. It is...

Marjorie Taylor Greene. Oh, the bruiser from, I believe it is Missouri. This big, thick old bitch is ready for a fight. All right. So how is this fight? So we're doing this in a dirt field. Oh, I think all these legal aliens are going to die.

trying to fight. You got to take a good spot from an American warrior. And I will not allow it. I will face them in the square circle. They literally have Jewish space lasers. Yeah, that is the problem. They are manufactured by some of the finest Jewish laser companies in all of the world. Like if anybody's seen a Blitterstein, one of the best laser

Destruction laser companies out there, thank you for your sponsorship. So I'm thinking that, okay, so with the Mars Attacks aliens, do they have the space lasers or are they hand-to-hand here? I think that they have laser guns. There's no way these aliens fight fair, first of all. No, we know that. But Marjorie Taylor Greene is shielded by the Constitution. And what you guys don't understand is that the Constitution can absorb, I believe, up to the watts of a...

Neutron bomb. I'm trying to think what the Constitution can save. Three blasts. I mean, forget that. I mean, just that. Also, her thick skin. Oh, no. She's got... If you did a roll on her, I did a roll for her Constitution. It's 18. She has the skin like a rhino. Yeah. It's as thick. It can take most trapnol, and it can take quite a bit, but you can kill her with a bazooka. I'm pretty sure her mother was an armadillo. Yes.

Yes. But I do think that the Mars attacks aliens, they're clever. That's the thing about them. They're warriors. They're very clever, and Marjorie Taylor Greene is not very bright. No, no, but what she lags for in mental strength, she makes up for in strength of body and frame. She's a tank. Yeah, she is my full-on bruiser. She's my number one woman out there ready to fuck shit up within a three-feet circle of her arms.

That is true, but the Mars Attacks aliens do have the range, though. They do, and they also... Let me take my heels off! And remember, there's five of them. Yeah, they'll surround her.

All right, here we go. See if they can handle me. What I'll do is I got to rip my dress off, tie it around my head to keep my hair out of my eyes. All I got is my studded bra and my filled panties, and I'm ready to take these aliens down one knuckle sandwich at a time. You come for me, you little Martians. You can't handle the truth.

Now, do you think, first of all, are they fighting now or are we going through the entire, is this fight currently happening? This fight's currently happening. Okay. I just wanted to make sure I knew what was happening. I don't think she stands a chance against five Mars attacks aliens. I don't think so either. But I do think in the fight, she can get, if you get three a hold, right? Because, all right, let's put it this way. Set it up. Attacks.

Aliens land, right? We're going to have the setup of the fight. Marjorie Taylor Greene, she rolls out of like, I've used it like the, you know, in the gladiator when the big gates rise up and she's coming out. She's been fighting other smaller men warming up for fucking an hour, right? She's sitting there like, oh yeah, Mr. Buttigieg, I'm going to take you down. She's down there working on Pete Buttigieg, getting herself warmed up.

She comes out, right? Sees the aliens. First, I think she's going to do a sexual affront. Yeah. And do a, you don't know if you could handle this much American woman.

And I wonder whether or not they would respond well. Yeah, yeah, you see this? Oh, yeah, you're the hottest baby I've ever seen. I want to slip your entire body inside of me. But the Mars Attacks aliens, as we know, are not swayed by female or human sexuality in any way whatsoever. But I think she can get close to one or two of them. How? With her hands and feet. Well, she's got to have a gun on her.

Yeah, she has one in her pussy. Yeah, or around her ankle. She has a Dillinger in her pussy. But I believe that traditional firearms were not that effective against the Mars Attacks aliens. No, as we know, it's only that one song. It's just that one song. Yeah. And I don't think Marjorie Taylor Greene listens to music that good. Just not watch Tim Burton films. And plus, she's going to spend half of the time telling the Mars Attacks aliens that they never attacked Earth and killed anybody in the first place. Yes, exactly. And she's on their side, and she kind of wishes she could join them.

Yeah. But in the end, they don't have any team. So I think, unfortunately, they do rise above her floating. I still think she could take out one. Oh, of course she's taking out one. Yeah. Yeah. She's definitely. She's got one. She's going to take out one. She's going to bite its neck. Yeah. Yeah. Because they're going to sacrifice one in order to sneak up behind her and take her down. And then she's definitely zapped into a skeleton. Yeah. She's definitely. Dad.

I actually see it more like the sort of situation where they have to like surround a massive elephant and like five people have to shoot. And it has to be like, you can't defeat me. You can't defeat the green. And then her hair doesn't disintegrate. It just sits on top of the skeleton. That is all that is left is her tits and hair. All right. So round one.

The Mars attacks aliens take it. All right. What a satisfying conflict. All right. So round two, we have.

Joseph Fritzl with his grandfather's Luger. Very good. So, yeah. So he does have. Yeah, I'm ready to fight. It's one of my favorite days. They let me out of the prison and it's just nice to do it. And I have so many different ideas for home renovations. Number one father.

In the room. So what age of Joseph Fritzl are we hitting here? Now. Oh, now. 85-year-old Joseph Fritzl. Yeah. But he's got his grandfather's Luger. And he's out of prison. And he's out of prison. Okay. And he's going to be going up against...

Mudang the hippo strapped to a Boston Dynamics song. Oh, my God. Well, unfortunately. Well, I mean, if he's able to lure them in a basement and shut that door, who knows what's going to happen? So I kind of want to talk about this choice. So Mudang is obviously. This is Henry's choice. Obviously, this is Henry's choice. Now, Mudang is the spiritual center of this team. Yeah. Yeah. The miniature hippo. A lot of the fight. And he's going. Yeah.

Right? Because everyone was joking about Mudang being wet and grumpy, which is why he's an antagonist, right? Yeah. But then he's strapped to a giant Boston dynamic dog. Now, I do think that... I think that the Boston dynamic dog slows Mudang down. No, absolutely not. Mudang is small enough to be cradled inside of it. Mudang is a two-year-old hippopotamus at this point. Yes. That is the gigantic... Look at the size of Mudang. This is when it was a child.

This is now. This is Mudang always. No, it's not. Mudang is a full-grown hippopotamus. But no, it's not yet. Right now, I'm using baby Mudang. You're using baby Mudang? But you have to say it's baby Mudang because baby Mudang does not look like this any longer. Yeah, it's baby Mudang. Mudang at the height of its popularity. It's meme-level Mudang. Yeah. And he's inside of his Boston Dynamic dog. Yosef Ritzel, obviously, he... Oh, hold on. The Mudang is inside the dog? And...

I think that's unfair. I think that Mudang should be strapped on top of the dog. That's what I kind of mean. Yeah, yeah. Essentially, it's a belt attached to it. Yeah. A leather belt. I think that you could see this thing revving up. Joseph Ritzel's bound to a chair. He can barely walk. He's got his U-Grow up, being like, the one thing I learned in all my time of being a father is patience. Yeah. And he sits and he waits, and Mudang, they load him up, right? He comes, see him, see him, see him, see him, see him, see him, see him.

He comes out. We decide whether or not, at first, Mudang, he's too cute. He likes the attention. Yeah. Right? So everybody's applauding Mudang. Everyone's like, yay, Mudang. Right? And so the legs are going, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing. And he's like dancing for the crowd. And everyone's like, Mudang. And it's like going, er, er, er, er. And the audience loves it. They're falling apart. Right? You know, Spritzel's not remotely cute.

Like, he's not phased at all. No. He had sex with his own daughter too much. He can't deal with being cute. Yeah, he's just going to pull out his gun and shoot Mudang in the head. Exactly. One shot. Yeah. He has one shot. And then he's going to throw, like, a battery down a staircase that a dog's going to go after. He's going to shut the door. Joseph Fritzl knows to wait for his moment at the very top of Mudang, working its crack

pleasing engagement because it must, because it's driven by ad dollars. Yeah. Joseph Fritzl shoots it in the head and that leads the Boston dynamic dog to be leaderless. But I do think that Joseph Fritzl, he's an old man. I don't know what his marksmanship skills are like. So I think he's going to wait until the Boston dynamics dog with mudang strapped on top charges him. You made to the red.

The Boston Dynamic Dog's eyes. Waits until he charges him. And so he's going to shoot Mudang right before the Boston Dynamic Dog. Collides into him. But that's the thing. The Boston Dynamics Dog is going to collide with the old man. Well, now Yosef Ritzel has been knocked out of his wheelchair. So now it's Yosef Ritzel second round, unfortunately, on his feet. Yes.

He's on his feet. He's definitely on his feet and he's a little badder because that's what we got to remember. That's what the rules that we put in last year is that you do go into the next round with the injuries that you sustained in the round before. So for example, we have only four Mars Attacks aliens left. Yes, exactly. And now it's Joseph Fritzl has been removed because he obviously was in a rascal, but I

I also think that once Mudang is dead and the dog has this fucking stupid weight off its back of a hippopotamus, it will be a much more fierce fighter and will kill Mudang.

No. Yosef Fritzl, while he's laying on the ground, I just stomp him to death. It loses the, Mudang is the driving force. Yeah, Mudang's the driving force. I think after he kills Mudang, Fritzl gains control of the Boston Dynamics dog. He's riding the Boston Dynamics dog. Yeah, so now it's Yosef Fritzl riding a Boston Dynamics dog. But he loses the gun. Yeah, but he loses the gun. Because he only had one bullet in it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it shot through the head. And he was so surprised when it actually worked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. That was supposed to last this long. Fly from your grave. Every cup of Nespresso coffee is an invitation to transform your morning routine into a ritual you can treasure each and every day. Using the Virtuo Pop, a simple touch of the button, freshly brews bold aromas and a rich velvety crema layer for delicious cafe quality coffee at home.

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All right. Next round. Wow, this is great. This is really our best work. Yeah, it really is. This is the best stuff we do. Ten fully armed Australian larrikins. Now, for those of you who remember, larrikins, those are the rambunctious children that built the entire criminal network of Australia. And a fully armed larrikin has a garbage pail body, right? It has garbage pail armor with holes cut out of the side of it with the hands sticking out of it. With trash can land heads. Meg Kelly armor. Yes. A trash can land head.

and each one has an armed shot.

Slingshot. Yeah, with a bunch of rocks. Yes. I mean, a nearly unlimited supply of rocks. It's Australia. There's rocks everywhere. Yeah, it's a rock-heavy city or country. Again, they're children, though. But they're fearless. By children, we mean what? 13? 14? I would say, yeah, 8 to 13. 8 to 13. In Australia, you're a child until you're 13. You're immediately a man as soon as you hit 14. You're an adult man. And then at 18, you're a crocodile. Yeah.

So we got 10 fully armed Australian larrikins versus... It's going to be child versus child. We have Jan Pelgrim, the cabin boy from the Batavia.

The insane cabin boy. I love the kill. This fight could have actually happened. Yeah, it's so close. It really could have. This is a regional battle here. That's where he came from. Off the coast of Australia versus the Australians themselves. All right. Now we know he's supposed to be impressed by it.

You know you're supposed to be a great granddaddy of some sort, some kind, but the rest of us don't care because we hate old people. We want Tony and Tony and Tony. And I'm going to put Jan Pellgrim. I'm not going to do Jan Pellgrim as he was, which, you know, of course he was back then too weak to strangle anybody, too weak to kill anybody. I'm doing Jan Pellgrim as he saw himself. Oh, yeah. Strongest boy that ever lived. Jan Pellgrim self-image. I'm a

I'm a boy that was born to kill other boys. And I'll do it discriminately. What are the chances that they just join forces and decide that they're like, he's the 11th larrikin? Good. Very good. Well, this is the problem. Very, very good. Did we understand this at first when we put together this list? Because I think that there is no way.

They stay separate. Yeah. I think so too. I think that the Lair can see him and say, oh my God, we're on the same team. Yeah. Why fight when we can kiss? Yeah. Let's go take this whole fucking thing. They can't wait to fight the Mars aliens. That

That's all they want to do. That's all a Larrican ever wanted, ever, was to fight a Martian. Yeah, I think that this is, I feel like they're just going to become buddies. He's a follower, you know. That's 11 Larricans. I don't know. I think Jan Pelgrim becomes the leader. Oh, yeah. If Jan Pelgrim, as his self-image, because Jan Pelgrim, you've got to remember, he's 17. And he did talk people into killing. He did. Yeah. Oh,

Oh, yeah. He definitely gums in. They're about to fight, and the larrikins all sit, and they kind of measure each other up. All of a sudden, they're looking at each other's slingshots, and they're like, that's a nice slingshot. He's just like, yeah, it is, right? It's fucking awesome. I killed a bunch of people with it. I've killed people. Multiple people.

grown men. I got a dull knife. It barely works, but you can slap people with it. You know, a lot of us, we never really got a chance to kill grown men yet. Right? Most of us just harass people and pretend to be ghosts. As long as it's got a point on it, it can go in the eye. Let's go together.

All right. So it's going to be the best Australian garage rock band ever, Yawn and the Larricans. Yeah, wow. That is just, that is a team that we didn't know that it could happen like this. All right. Defying reality. That's why this is better than the actual March Madness, is because this can't happen amongst basketball teams. Yeah. Do you think people have this sort of passion talking about like Duke versus Syracuse? No. Unless they got money right. Yeah. Yeah.

All right. Honestly, we want to say thank you to the various gambling apps that work here. You can actually submit a bet for one of these for our March Madness right now. Yeah. On your rocket money? Yeah.

I think it's on Better Sleep. Yeah, Better Sleep. All right, so this is the last round in the prelims. Not prelims, but like the last round in the first round. Eastern Conference. Oh, we've got Al Gata, the 9-11 Gator. Oh, yeah. Trained by Al Gata.

Killed the old man when he was expecting at least on 9-11. That's right. Just a beautiful Tuesday. But remember, it was shot in the head by a cop. Yeah, that is true. So it can be killed. Yeah. Alligator, the 9-11 gator versus Lorne Michaels. Whoa! We shall see, shall we? I don't know if he's ready for the...

main show or not. What do you take? What LK to actually take? I appreciate that. I guess we really don't do puns anymore, but... I know that on 9-11 he saw that and immediately started producing. Oh yeah, he was unfazed by 9-11. I can't wait for the sketch this will inspire. One of my favorite days, 9-11, because I got to get to work very easily. Ha ha ha!

So the thing is that 30 Rock is actually quite far. Far, quite far from the World Trade Center. A perfect distance for me to enjoy it from as a Canadian. Now, does he have a security team? He has a phalanx of assistants. Yeah, a phalanx. How many is in a phalanx? Five. When I saw him in real life, he was surrounded by five blonde ladies on phones, and he did nothing. Yeah, and isn't there always like a child, like a boy who follows him with popcorn?

No, I wish. I heard about that. I didn't see that. I never saw that. I think I remember reading that in the book, the oral history of Saturday Night Live, is that he quit smoking many years ago, and so now he constantly eats popcorn. And so there's somebody that's always around him that makes sure that there's never a bowl of popcorn. It's kind of like Ronald Reagan with his jelly beans. That's another substantiated rumor about me.

How many times people make up incredible things. I'm seven feet tall. Well, if you remember, Al Gaeta went for the man's terrier and then the man got in the way and got killed and had his leg ripped off by Al Gaeta. Now...

The popcorn boy could be the thing that fucking entices Al Gaeta to come out of the swamp and go after the boy. And then Warren would be so upset that his popcorn boy is being attacked. He would then jump in to save his popcorn, not the boy. And then Al Gaeta could...

Rip his legs off. Al Gaeta, I'm just going to say... He's a 12-foot alligator. Yeah, he's a big alligator. And Lorne Michaels is a dainty old man. Yes, for my own peace of mind. He's a television producer. Yes, Al Gaeta, absolutely.

absolutely massacres Lord Michael. He first, like, obviously he stages it all to be like, let's see how he does in the test. And so they bring, Al Gaeta is in the waiting room for that 8-H. It sounds like two 2x4s slapping together. Lord Michael's being like, can he do an impression of Elon Musk? And then he goes and

Al Gator goes towards the stage and then meanwhile, like Lord Michael, you know, cause they don't laugh. Al Gator goes up there. He does a couple of things. He can't stand bombing. No. Yeah. Oh, but, or loves it.

and then he just rips, he jumps off the fucking stage through the writer's staff onto Lorne Michaels and beats and just absolutely decimates him. Yeah, Lorne Michaels didn't do his homework and he tried to zigzag instead of just run straight. Yeah. I guess I should have seen his audition. Now, for the next round, does Al Gaeta merely kill Lorne Michaels or does he eat him alive? Because that's going to have a lot

a bearing on how alligator does. He kills them. Well, in the one fight we knew, he just ripped the guy's leg off and then, see, the thing is with alligators, when they kill somebody, they drag them under the water and they let them sit there under a rock until they get mushy and then they come back and eat them. What if I'm already mushy? Ha ha!

I'm thinking that if there are the assistants around, Algate is going to get chased off. So Algate is still going to be hungry going into the next fight. Oh, yeah. He's ready to go. But he will have Lauren's leg in his mouth. Yeah, he ripped it open. He ripped Lauren open and he's like, oh, no. I guess we'll have to see what the critics say.

All right. So that is our... So who's moving on? So our Eastern Conference round two is going to be four Mars Attacks aliens versus Yosef Fritzl on a Boston Dynamics dog. And Jan and the Larricans versus a still hungry Al Gaita. So let's move over to the Western Conference to see what our first round is going to be. The Larricans also...

hire Al Cato. Hey, we've got to get to it. We'll get to it. We don't know what's going to happen. We don't know what's going to happen. So, first round is Benicio del Toro as the Wolfman. Now, Henry has stipulations here. Alright, so it's Benicio del Toro. Now, what do we know from the Kruger's Door murders and our crew over there is that he is absolutely in real life a werewolf. But Benicio del Toro is not fully aware of this. Our competition takes place and kicks off, right? We've been fighting for hours. Yeah.

So let's say we hit a kickoff at 3.30. Yeah. First fight's at 3.30? Yes, that's right. Right?

So Benicio del Toro is a wolfman. Yeah. And it's about whether or not we get to the nighttime. Because if you're getting to the nighttime, you're going to be either fighting Benicio del Toro, the actor, or him transformed into a werewolf. I say two fights an hour. So right now we're at about 630 p.m. Oh, it's about to turn. It depends on how long the fight is. Let's see who he's versus.

The next full moon is March 14th. Today's March 2nd. But what time does the moon rise? That's what we really have to look at, is what time does the moon rise? 2.55 a.m. Well, that's when it's at its peak. Eastern Standard Time. That's the next full moon. Yeah. Yeah, I guess that's when it's fully full.

Because it doesn't have... Does a werewolf turn... Wow. Does a werewolf turn when the moon is fully full? The werewolf turns when the moon is fully full. It's not just that night? No. It's the moon has to be fully full. All right. Well, then he's Benicio Del Toro, the actor.

In makeup. Unless it lasts until 2.55 in the morning. Yeah. But he's not there. No, he would have made it to the end of this bracket. Yeah. We might have been able to say this if he was the very last card pulled. Yeah. But unfortunately, right now, as it stands, it's Benicio Del Toro in Wolfman makeup. But he's also pretty bad.

Pretty badass. He is. He is. As far as actors go. But that's the thing. Benicio Del Toro did enter into this tournament knowing that this could happen. He rolled the dice and he lost. He took the payout. Yeah. He did take the payout. He took the money. Well, let's see if it's his widow that's going to get the money in the end because Benicio Del Toro is going up against...

Ooh, Judge Doom. Judge Doom, the villain in Who Framed Roger the Rabbit. When he killed your brother, he talked just like this! This is my issue, though. Okay. This is one of my issues. God, I opened up my cold sore again. Oh, God, he's covered in blood. Now, Judge Doom, in and of itself, he was good versus cartoons.

He's also good versus Eddie, though. Yeah, because he had all the extra weapons in the warehouse. And remember, he's got springs in his feet. He's very intimidating. He is a cartoon. He's a cartoon. He's an actual toon. Yeah, that is the main. Wearing human skin, I think. Yes, yes. And does he have the weasels with him?

No. No, no, no. This is Solo. This is Solo. Yeah, he's too strong because especially, yeah, because the only thing that technically kills him is turpentine. Yeah. Also, dip would not affect Benicio Del Toro. No. Benicio Del Toro probably hasn't come with dip. Yeah, that's the thing is that he would have had to have known that dip was, and that's things that nobody, none of these fighters know who the rest of the people are.

Yeah. But I still think... He wouldn't have thought to come with dip. Yeah, because again, it all depends on who you're versus. Benicio Del Toro, pretty much assumed...

He was going to be a wolf, man. Yeah. By the time we were going to do this. Yeah. You very much assumed. He was just coasting. He's got confidence. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And he's sitting here being like, oh, oh, no. Oh, no. My name got called too early. Yeah. I was supposed to be here already. I'm still in makeup. Yeah, it's probably like, what, 5 p.m., 6 p.m.? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's about 6.37. Yeah. We've already had four fights. I do think, unfortunately, Benicio Del Toro comes out.

I think at first he does a couple of like, he tries to do a couple of the boxing things that he learns from his personal trainer. Yeah. So he comes and he's in the Wolfman outfit going, ah. He is strong. Yeah, he is. But Judge Doom, unfortunately, springs in on a bunch of, on his spring feet and shoots a sword out of his hand and fucking impales his face with it. Unfortunately, I don't think. Actually, I don't even think Judge Doom needs to go all the way. I think Judge Doom could just beat him to death with his walking stick. Yeah, probably. And he's just like, ah.

Oh, oh, I'm Benny Zilderthal, the actor. Yeah. Chuck Dube's going to be pretty hard to beat. Yeah, he is. Now that I'm thinking about it. We'll see. We'll see. Because, again, it's still just Dip. And we don't quite know who would know. Because we got some clever people here. Well, he wasn't killed by Dip, right? Oh, no, he was killed by Dip. Because he was run over by the steamroller and it didn't kill him. No, yes. Wow.

Yeah. So, I mean, it's going to take some cleverness to take care of Judge Doom. I'll say that. It's definitely going to take some cleverness here. But we have some. We don't count some of these villains out yet. Yeah. Don't count them out. But Benicio Del Toro, the actor, is unfortunately slaughtered immediately. Slaughtered very, very quickly. Yeah. All right. Next up, we have... Next round, yeah. I love Benicio Del Toro. I know you do. I do as well. But he's dead now. Yes.

Next up, we have... Ooh, Telecom the Whale! See, this is why I chose Mudang strapped to the Boston Dynamic Dog, because I knew you were going to do Telecom. Have to do Telecom. But then you had to do... I was like, what's going to counter Telecom? Well, the thing is with Telecom is he is bound to his tank. Yeah. Yeah.

So that is kind of the rough thing. It depends on who he's going against. Because in order to do the fight, you have to agree to go into the tank. Oh, of course. We've set up these stipulations before. Yeah. Where you do have to go to that environment. You have to fight him in the tank. It's not like he's just rolling around on the ground. He could probably do a pretty good job. But they won the coin flip. Yeah.

That's why. Yeah, because otherwise he'd just be on the fucking dirt. Yeah. And when Tilikum, you know, said heads, he threw a scalp into the ring. All right, Tilikum, you win. But whoever fights him does, they are going to, depending on if they're water breathing or not, they will definitely get scuba equipment. They'll get. They have to fight them. They have to go, like, they have to be equals. And that equal will be, oh, Luigi Mangione. Oh.

Oh, man. Okay. I think... For the love of God, can we just do this once? All right. I know telecom means a lot to everybody. Yeah. But I think it's going to take more than three bullets to take out telecom. But let's just say for the sake of our country...

Telecom knows that this will be a symbolic death. And he knows how much this means to everybody. That Luigi tried to take this all the way. You know what I mean? But this would truly make Luigi a villain now. Because... No, Telecom is going to kill all the men. You can argue that's all self-defense. If Luigi killed...

Telecom is guilty for the same reason the Menendez brothers are guilty. They went overboard. Telecom did not have to kill those people in that way. He was stolen from his home. There is ways through. He was raped. Oh, my God. It's the same. No.

I will not allow relitigation of Telecom. But if Luigi was doing what Luigi does, he'd kill the owner of SeaWorld, not Telecom. Right now, Luigi has to fight the fights he can fight. Yeah, but that's the thing. This is the fight he needs to fight. Yeah, because if Luigi killed the owner of SeaWorld, then Telecom would eventually die. The whole thing would fall apart.

but it would take a very long time for the entire corporate apparatus to fall around the ears of Tilikum. We need lawyers, unfortunately. We also need lawyers. I feel like Luigi Mangione in his full...

scuba fighting gear. That's the thing. Here's what we know about Luigi Mangione. Man knows how to prepare. The man knows going in... And he's got money, so he's like Bruce Wayne. Yeah, he's got money. He knows how to prepare. He knows how to go into a situation to win it. He's ready. And he's written on his harpoon gun. He has a harpoon gun. Oh, he has a harpoon gun, not a tiny little gun that's made from a 3D printer. No, he doesn't because he prepares. Yes, and he's written on it, Defend...

D. Gill. They don't have gills. D. Swim. It doesn't matter. He doesn't matter. He's here to kill. D. Blozer. And he fucking shoots Tilikum directly perfect shot into the center of its brain. You don't think he's going to be enamored by the beauty of Tilikum? He's going to look at him for two seconds and be like, oh my god, what should I do? And then Tilikum just grabs him by the fucking foot and drowns him. He thinks Tilikum's a

fucking sellout for giving all of his free promo to SeaWorld. Yeah. Tilly Combs is a prisoner. He's a sellout, a bitch. He's exactly who Luigi should be standing up for. No, he's got to fucking show nobody's got to be taking any kind of dirty money from anybody. I think if Luigi really wanted to beat Tilly Combs, he'd just unplug the filter. Ha ha ha!

Technically, you shoot out the cage. No, but I do think that Luigi prepares. Luigi knows how to get there. He knows how to get the job done. And Luigi does not hesitate. So I don't think there would be any sort of distraction or anything like that. I think he pops in and just right in the brain. I don't think Tilikum's got the fight in him anymore. What are you talking about? He's killed three. Maybe he understands that.

He's got to hold some accountability. And he always gets you. That's Tillichum's move. I'm cute. I'm adorable. Come on in. Get naked. But not when you're coming to kill him, though. You know what I mean? I'm telling you, he's very enamoring.

I know. I know. I don't think Luigi has it in him. I don't know what you guys are talking about here. I think Tilikum is obviously a beast that cannot be defeated. I think that you're fighting for Tilikum because you have emotional attachments. I have no emotional attachments to Luigi. Well, no, I just think it would be a fun way to get... I think it's a fun way for him to kill a whale. Yeah. Just shooting it from outside the water. Yeah.

All right. I don't think you guys are correct, but I'm outnumbered here. Yay! All right. Hell of a first bracket. Let's move on. Let's move on. Yeah, fuck yeah, man. But do you think Telecom wouldn't know he's coming? He also was in a fight. Yeah, but I don't know. I don't know what those SeaWorld killer whales, what they're paying attention to, really. It seems like it takes a while before they notice that someone else gets in the water. Yeah. It takes a while for them to get agitated to that point as well. Yeah. Years. Years.

All right, so next up we have...

The biggest monster of the UK, Mr. Jimmy Savile. Oh, what? Hey, I'll fix it. That's right. He's got a pump on his knee. Oh, man. Better meet. No, man. Thank God he's not going against the Larrick. It's Christ. They're in a different bracket. They might beat the fucking shit out of him. Or they might fall in love with him. Oh, he is charming. Yeah. Talk about the telecom effect. And we have Jimmy Savile versus. It's a.

Like versus like here. It's Jimmy Savile. This was completely random. Jimmy Savile versus Diddy. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Wow. It's battle of the monsters. Battle of the sexual predators. Different tastes. Yeah. Different tastes. Wow. I mean, Jimmy Savile, obviously, he's fun and shit.

Definitely he's going to a Diddy party. For sure. He's going to go to a freak off. Yeah, he's definitely going to a freak off. Diddy has what will appeal to Jimmy Savile. I can also see Jimmy Savile going like, oh yes, more money certainly does bring more problems. Right, right.

Say them all, say them all. Well, that's the thing, is that Jimmy Savile was a monster of opportunity. He, of course, was known across the United Kingdom for years and years as a man of charity. And that's, of course, how he found many of his victims, you know, in spinal wards, mental hospitals, and so on and so forth, in addition to various kids that were on Jim will fix it. But did he...

I think Diddy's like the... He's the spider with the web and Jimmy Savile's the fly. Because Jimmy Savile was... Jimmy Savile is the one that he goes to...

to where the action is and Diddy has the action. We don't know Diddy's kill count. We don't. Diddy's kill count could be... He killed Brittany Murphy. He killed Brittany Murphy. He killed... I think he's going... He was going after Dick Van Dyke. He kind of got out of the way. I love Rex Howerman we were talking earlier. You're like, allegedly. And Diddy, you're like, he killed Brittany Murphy? Yeah, exactly. We know who he killed.

He did a lot of, yeah. Who else did he do? Tupac Shakur, Biggie Smalls. His ex-wife. Yeah, his ex-wife. They were talking about that. Her boyfriend. Yeah, yeah, all that kind of stuff. Brittany Murphy's boyfriend, Bernie Mac. And Jimmy Savile's only ever dealt with children, and kids are like... Well, Jimmy Savile's more teenage girls. Yes. Young teenage girls, that was Jimmy Savile's, that was his taste. Yeah, like...

He did he, you know, let's just say. Because Savile's clever. That's what he always said. It's always better to be clever than smart. He also manhandled full-grown men, did he? Did he sexual assaulted full-grown allegedly? Little known fact about Jimmy Savile, wrestler.

And he was a wrestler, and he was in incredibly good shape his entire life. You know what's hard to wrestle? A man covered in baby oil. Especially a man covered in GHB baby oil. It gets you sleepy, dude. Yeah, it gets you real sleepy. I think that is the main issue, is that you get the GHB. That's the key here. He's slathered with GHB baby oil, which makes him truly someone to beat.

Yeah. Very difficult. Diddy's got the money. I do think he's got the upper body strength. I think he's got more kills. He's got more people. He's by far more violent because Jimmy Savile was not necessarily known to be violent. Jimmy Savile was a man of opportunity. He liked to prey on the weak. I tell you what, though. I'd pay for a front row ticket to that fight. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Except for you've got to wear a poncho. A white one. Yeah.

Yeah, you get sloshed with a lot of that sleepy time oil. But I think with this one, I think Diddy takes it. I think Diddy takes it, unfortunately. Unfortunately, I actually think it's fortunately. You know, I think that Diddy's allowed to win here. Hey, everybody. Ed Larson here from Last Podcast on the Left. And today, an interesting thing happened to me. I was...

Leaving the house dressed head to toe in quints. Just, I got my matching maroon linen shirt and pants on. I have my quints sunglasses, even my quints underwear. You know what else I got? I got this cool little chain that I wear on my wrist. That's also from quints. And I'm looking at the mirror and I'm looking at myself and realizing I can't leave the house like this.

I'm a married man. I'm going to get jumped by all the ladies, all the dudes, all the dogs just for looking like this. It's not a good idea. I mean, I look like a prince in my quints, if you know what I'm saying, man. Like, I respect my wife.

So I only wear my quints at home so she can dunk her cookies. Because I love her. And you people out there in the streets, you see me in my ugly clothes. You see me in my ugly clothes.

You don't see me in my Mongolian cashmere sweaters from $50 or iconic 100% leather jackets that are sourced from safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices along with premium fabrics and finishes. I don't do that outside of the house because I love you, Julie. But you, you can do whatever you want.

So indulge in affordable luxury. Go to quince.com slash last for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. That's q-u-i-n-c-e dot com slash last to get free shipping and 365-day returns. quince.com slash last. You deserve it.

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Oh, Keith Raniere. Oh, he's my guy of NXIVM. Yeah, of NXIVM. And we've also got...

the symbionese liberation army so let's do nexium versus the xsla yeah nexium versus oh my god we already know who fucking wins the sla pumps these motherfuckers full of bullets they got lots of because you know creed they show up right the sla rolls up they're fucking looking cool as the

They got all their guns. They're stupid. They got the flags. But none of them are black. None of them are black. So they're not going to be able to convince the SLA to do anything. Exactly. Nexium is nothing but...

What's her name? It's just skinny white women. Yeah. So they roll in. So first of all, it's Keith Raniere and all his skinny white women. And then you've got the SLA. And they're also all rich as well, which is going to piss off the SLA. Oh, yeah. This is very much the bourgeois. Yeah. Right? These are money people. First, Keith Raniere's being like, can you guys even net? Yeah.

And they're like, what? And he brings out his volleyball, spins it on his finger like he's just like, all right, let's see. Best two out of three. Whoever wins the volleyball match, that's who moves on in the game. Cut to... Yeah. I think the SLA is going to give the volleyball game a chance. Yeah, I think they're going to try. Yeah, I think they're going to try, I think, because they do have pride. What's his name again? The leader, the...

Oh, the, oh, um, Sin Q. Sin Q. You can see Sin Q roll up to Keith Raniere being like, what's up, my man? What's going on? And they, you know, they do like, he tries to teach him a fucking high five back and forth. And Keith Raniere, he can't. Yeah. He can't at all. So then I think it's a flap, flap, flap, flap, poke in the eyes right through his little glasses.

smashes his glasses out, right? Now Keith Raniere, you can't see. But the SLA still makes him play volleyball. We're doing this the old school way. On the sand. Oh my God. So they're just going to beat him at volleyball and then shoot him? Yeah. Yeah.

I think so. And they'll march all over him. Yep. They first beat him, and then that's got to be such a blow for him. Yeah. He freaks out. As soon as he fucking, he's like, you're not following the rules. Now, how many of Keith Raniere's white women become SLA members? No. No.

Yeah, Ally joins. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like, yeah, what's her name? Okay, yeah, the one that was in Battlestar Galactica or the one that was in Supergirl? Supergirl. Yeah, Smallville. Yeah. Oh, yeah, Ally Mack joins. She's definitely the angriest one. Yeah. Okay, so SLA picks up Ally Mack. Yeah. That's awesome. She'd do so well with them. Yeah.

She really would. That's who she should have found. Yeah. Wow, so that's the last of the brackets. That's the last of the brackets, and that's the thing. We have one final... We have a couple that did not make the tournament, unfortunately.

Chad Daybell and Lori Vallow did not make the tournament, unfortunately. They'll have to wait until next year. Yeah. Just too busy in prison. That's it. All right. So now we are in the quarterfinals of the March Madness of Murder and Mayhem, fourth annual. First up, four Mars Attacks aliens versus Josef Fritzl on a Boston Dynamics talk. All right. Now...

This is complicated. Is he riding it like a horse? Yes. Okay. Yeah, has to. And he's not strapped on like Mudang was. He might be laying on top of it. Yeah. See, I could see him running circles with the Boston Dynamic Dog. I could see him going around there and them not really knowing what's going on. But here's also one stipulation I'm going to put in. We've got four Mars Attacks aliens. Marjorie Taylor Greene was such a beast...

They used up every bit of plasma power they have. So they have to fight him with his hands. So from now on, the Mars Attacks aliens are hand-to-hand combat. All right. Well, I will say one thing about the Mars Attacks aliens. We saw them take out tanks. We saw them take out all kinds of— With weaponry. With weaponry. Yeah. But why would they have no laser guns? Because there has to be a stipulation on them to fight.

But then why did we give Yosef Fritzl a gun and we're not going to give the thing? We don't know of him having a gun ever. No, but that's the thing. The Mars Attacks aliens are covered in laser guns. But they started with the laser guns, but they used up all of their laser guns in fighting Marjorie Taylor Greene and killing Marjorie Taylor Greene. They're not infinite, no. I don't believe that at all. You see, what's funny is that

Normally I wouldn't, I would agree that they would have unlimited plasma firing ability. I just wonder whether or not like is if Yosef Ritzel so freedom bound. Well, I'll say freedom. Think about this. He's fresh out of jail. Yeah. He hasn't had a daughter in 25 years. He doesn't want to die. Yeah. Right. He wants to be able to go. His dream is to move back into a house with the basement that he has total control over. So he has motivation. Now,

The aliens don't. You're saying they don't have motivation? No. Here's what I'm going to say is that I actually know a good amount about the Mars Attacks lore. I was obsessed with Mars Attacks when I was in junior high. Okay. But specifically, I was obsessed with the cards, the card that Mars Attacks was based on. But I was also obsessed. Topps Comics had this incredible Mars Attacks series. It was like a five-issue miniseries in which it actually had it.

from the perspective of the Mars Attacks aliens, the movie, of course, made them very goofy. But if we combine that with the T.O.P.'s Mars Attacks lore, then we know that the Mars Attacks aliens did have limited resources as they were invading the Earth. And so if they do have limited resources, there was a lot of management going on, like where are we going to put all the aliens, where are we going to put all the UFOs. So that tells me that they do have limited resources, that their weapons are not infinite,

and that we are dealing with a situation where they would eventually run out of ammo. But as we said, what you get in the first round, you can bring to the next round, but you do not get anything extra after you enter the first round. Well, we also said that Yosef Fritzl's out of bullets. Yes. Yeah, Yosef Fritzl's... Exactly. He came in with one bullet, and he's done. And I will say that I would...

that the Mars Attacks aliens are way better with technology than Yosef Ritzel, and I think that they will be able to reprogram the Boston Dynamics dog to be on their side. He just put us into a fucking hole. It's a very good point. I can't argue with that. Yosef Ritzel, as much as we all, again, he has the, just like Mudang,

He has the inspiration and he wants to go. But I just think that if you take that power from him, his 90 year old legs are not really going to be able to do it. And if you remember, Yosef Fritzl is a structural engineer, not an electrical engineer. So he's not going to have any idea what to do with that dog.

But again, four Mars Attacks aliens. I do think one Mars Attacks alien might get trampled by the dog. That's the best bet. That's his best bet. He sacrifices himself so that he can be attacked by the dog while the other two jump on its back and redo its wiring. But then unfortunately they do just knock it off and they just kind of...

I think they use their massive glass, like plexiglass heads, and they just headbutt Joseph Fritzl over and over again until he's just mush. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But now that they've reprogrammed it, what do we have now? We have three Mars Attacks aliens with one Boston Dynamics dog. Which is fucking powerful. Honestly, this is a huge commercial for Boston Dynamics. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I really have been asking because I want one of these dogs. I want one real bad. I want one for the network. Yeah. All right. So our next fight, we have Jan and the Larricans versus Still Hungry Algaida.

And I'm thinking... They kill an alligator. Unfortunately, I have to say, alligator doesn't stand a chance against the larrikins because they fight crocodiles. Exactly. Crocodiles are way more powerful than alligators. And so I think that this is a very easy win for the larrikins, unfortunately. It really is. And they now all have brand new alligator leather hats and gloves. And they have

teeth that they can use in their slingshots. So then they can take the alligator, rip it to pieces, use that to actually enhance their weaponry. Yeah. So I think that, yeah, this is a no-brainer here. It really is. Unfortunately. I don't want it to be this way. But this is a blowout. Yeah. Just seeing about 12 boys kick an alligator to death.

Again, I'd pay money to see that scene. With rocks and trash cans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that's how they fight. It's sort of organized. It's a swarm. They're coming from every angle, and it's very difficult to get. And then they're making fun of you, too. That's also the worst part about larrikin. They're saying stuff about your fucking weight, about your clothes. Yeah, they steal your pants. It's demoralizing. I'm just going to get you started.

Stop it. Stop bullying me. Of course, Jan Pelgrim's voice, once it gets to a certain frequency, it can make your ears bleed. It does hurt you. And can maybe affect a Mars attack alien later on. We'll see. We'll see what happens. Okay, so that is Eastern. That's the Eastern quarterfinals over and done with. Let's head over to the Western. This first one, this is a really interesting fight.

Judge Doom versus Luigi Mangione. Now, if we remember Judge Doom, one of the things that Judge Doom was about, what Judge Doom was more than anything else in this entire world, Judge Doom was a capitalist. Absolutely. That was his whole plan. His whole plan was to buy the fucking red line and to replace it. We'll see a freeway where you'll see motels, tire salons. My God, man.

That is a beautiful Baltimore accent. Thank you.

Since we did talk about how much he studies and prepares

pairs. I feel like he knows about the dip. I feel like he knows about the dip. And he could just have a water gun and like, you know. Exactly, dude. He really can. I think that he has the dip. I think that he writes on the back, unfortunately, because he's a hack, he writes detune, de-judge, de-scribble, on the side of the water gun filled with dip. He squirts it all over his face. He bukkakes it all over his face. He's like, ah!

In a weird way, I think he's the only one that could beat Judge Doom. I think so, too. I think he's the only one that could have taken him down. That was it because of the power of the proletariat itself. Yeah. He's fueled by angry populists. Oh, no. Judge Doom is like the capitalist of all capitalists. He's trying to eliminate populists.

public transportation, that piece of shit. Yeah, he's trying to not only eliminate public transportation, but he is willing to murder and kill the very soul of Joy, the toons, in order to do it. And he's also a class traitor because he himself is a toon. Yeah, he's a fucking self-hating toon. Yeah, he doesn't have a chance against Luigi. He really doesn't. Yeah, fuck him, man. Shoot him in the head. All right, so Luigi moves on to the semifinals. Yeah, wow. Yeah, fuck yeah, dude. Good work, Luigi. Yeah, and this next one, this is a...

This one's pretty interesting. This is Diddy versus the Symbionese Liberation Army. Whoa! How do I say...

Just their sheer fear of him. Oh, for sure. I think Diddy's own presence is so intimidating to the SLA. They so want to be cool with Diddy. They do. They want to go to the party. And Diddy's got a lot of cred. And that's all they want. All they want is for Diddy to tell them that he likes their shoes. They're going to listen to anything he tells them to do. If he tells them to go fucking drown in baby oil, they will do it. You sure, Diddy?

Yeah, that is true. Are you sure? I get you, did he? If there's one thing that a white man wants above all else, it's for a black man to tell him that his shoes are cool. That's all they want. He'll do anything for that. They will fold. Nothing makes me happier. Oh, my God. It happened to me on the train, on the J train once in New York. I was on a high for a week. It's my favorite. It's the only reason why I wear those shoes. Do you think that we could change the attitude of the entire country if someone just told Trump his shoes were cool? Yeah, yeah, I think so.

I think we're there. Someone has to go with fake laugh for a year. Yeah.

So, yeah, I think Diddy takes them out pretty fast. Yeah, I think so, yeah, because I don't. He's like, have you tried this new sports drink? They're like, wow, Diddy, what's that? It's called Sleepy Oil. Like, that's what he does. He shows them the new sports drink that he's marketing from his Ciroc label, and they're all so excited to be. And he sets up, like, a velvet rope, and then he sets it all up like it's a super exclusive hip-hop.

party. And so they're so excited to go that he has the guys check in. They check in all their weaponry, just like you have to do at a hip hop party. And they all walk in and then he gives them all his special cocktail and they're all dead. Now, I will say he is Diddy loves a celebrity.

So I think Patty Hearst might live if she continues how she acted with the SLA. I view this as Patty Hearst is out of the SLA. This is without Patty Hearst. Yeah, for me, this has been without Patty Hearst the entire time. Oh, okay. But you know who Diddy picks up, though? Ally Mack. Oh, yes, absolutely. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Very much so. Because there's one thing Ally Mack likes to do. It is collaborate. Oh, she does. She does.

She does. Wow, so we're down to the final four. Yeah, this is the final four here. This is incredible. So, now this is... Oh, man. This is like Duke versus Gonzaga. Like, three Mars Attacks aliens...

With a Boston Dynamics dog versus Jan and the Larricans. Wow. Now, what's the other fight before we discuss this one? And the other fight is Luigi Mangione versus P. Diddy. Whoa! Jesus Christ. I would have never thought this is where this date would go. I know. I know. Last year it was Godzilla versus

the xenomorph. Yeah, yeah. Let's do, like, before we go, let's go, last year's Final Four was on the Eastern Conference, we had Xenu, the Scientology god, versus the xenomorph, you know, alien, and on the other side, we had Godzilla, who was...

quite injured by 400 birds versus a killdozer possessed by Pazuzu. Wow. Yeah. What a colorful year that was. But this year, I feel like we're really getting it down to brass tacks. What do people want to hear? Yeah, I feel like, because, I mean, it's been a long time since we've had a group versus a group in the final four. But I'm thinking that at the end of the day,

and the Larricans might overtake the three Mars Attacks aliens and the Boston Dynamics dog. We don't think that the Mars Attacks aliens and the Larricans wouldn't fucking...

fucking be like, I love you. I don't mind that. The craziest super group of all time. There is a chance. They love chaos so much. Nothing more than chaos. The Martians hate all humans. No matter what, they hate all humans. Because you remember, even in the movie, if you follow the lore, they do kind of hint that they might go with the bad humans and then they blow them up too. I think in the end, unfortunately...

They would, but larrikins are immune to lies.

So is a Boston Dynamics dog. But I think that's true. But also, there's no way the Mars Attacks aliens can tell lies because all they do is go, But in terms of the idea that larrikins know that even if the Martians pretend to sort of try to get them into the fold, larrikins are naturally distrustful. Yes, they are. And so I'm actually, I'm with Marcus. I think the reason why is,

Yeah. The power of youth. And how if you believe in yourself, what you can do. Yeah. Right? And how these little boys, they are armed to the teeth. They have no parents. They live in the jungle. They feel nothing. They live in the outback. Yeah. They feel nothing. And at the end of the day, it's like I was saying with Jan Pelgrim, the register of his voice. That high pitched.

As soon as he learns how to sing, boom. All three Mars attacks aliens explode. The heads explode, just like in the movie. But I think this dog is going to be hard to take out. They just have rocks. But they could also, they have tricks. And what you could do is you can get, you can trap

Wrap up a Boston Dynamics with old-fashioned, especially like old-school rope traps. Like, you know, you attach a thing down from a bend-down tree. You like attach like a thing. You know how they do it where it lifts you up where the rope is attached to the super thin tree and it flips you up into the sky? I could see them doing that to a Boston Dynamics dog. I think the dog takes out at least one or two of these. Sure, yeah. I'm going to say he takes out three. Yeah, but larrikins are, they multiply. Yeah.

Because the boys just keep showing up. And they are a swarm. It would literally be a cloud of dust with fists coming out of it and shit. Yeah, like Heathcliff getting into a fight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think we could do this. I think that the Lyricans can beat the Martians. Does Yon live?

Yes. Yes, of course. Well, Jan's the one who delivers the coup de grace. But while he does that, does the Boston Dynamics dog just fucking rip his larynx out? Nope. I think that the other laryngans take care of that. I think the other laryngans make sure that the Boston... Because remember, they have... One half goes after the dog. The other half goes after the aliens. They also can naturally form really good towers and piles as boys. Yeah. But also remember...

So, can the Mars attacks aliens? They have everything that they gained from killing Al Gaeta. Yeah, remember, they have all their stuff. It's just wearing its skin. But it makes it more fucking resistance to weaponry. I think that they can overpower the aliens because there's not as many aliens. Yeah, it all depends on if the Boston Dynamics dog gets them down on the ground and stomps on them. Yeah, and starts ripping out their throats. Well, it doesn't have a mouth. It doesn't? No. No.

No, it's just the Boston Dynamics dog. It's only powers in its legs and how much it can stamp. Seamstress, Seamstress, Seamstress, Seamstress. Seamstress has got to give this thing a robot mouth. What are we even doing here? That's what I've been asking for. See, no head. No head. Yeah, you can attach a gun to it, but we decided not to do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We decided not to do that. But I think in the end of it, yawn and the lyricans take it. All right, so we're talking seven lyricans and yawn. Yeah, seven lyricans and yawn. Wow. Wow.

I would have never thought that the Larricans would make it this far. Larricans mean something to people. Yeah, they really do. And they have right now, again, it's like the Eagles last year. They just want it more. Yeah. They just want it. And that's the thing is that the Larricans never would have made it if Jan hadn't come on because Jan was the one that eventually saved him from the Mars attacks aliens. Yes. You never know what's going to happen. On the last podcast on the left, March Madness of Mayhem and Murder.

You never know when you're waiting for a hero and it's going to show up. And there's a reason why this was the wild card edition, because anything can happen, ladies and gentlemen. Anything can happen. Semifinals on the other side, we have Luigi Mangione versus P. Diddy. I don't think it's a competition at all. I don't think Luigi Mangione is impressed by a single fucking thing that Diddy has to say or do. And I think Luigi Mangione, again...

Shoots him in the back of the head. You think that he's going to be able to get that close to Diddy? Diddy has to. Well, he has to. It's a fight. The thing about Brian Thompson is Brian Thompson was a loner. He'd always go out by himself. Telecom's sitting there alone in the tank. Diddy has a crew at all times. But I will say Diddy is, again, he's a star fucker.

So the reverse of the SLA, where all the SLA are super enamored with Diddy and want to get on his good side and do whatever he wants, I could see Diddy originally sucking up to Luigi Mangione and saying, we should be friends because I think that you're super cool. But Luigi loves the attention. Exactly. But that's the thing is that actually...

I don't know if you guys know this, but I think Luigi and Diddy are currently in the same prison. Whoa. I think they're currently in the same jail. And I think I remember reading that Diddy is actually jealous of Luigi for how much attention Luigi is getting. And Luigi is actually... Pact of attention. Luigi is trying to back off a little bit. He's like,

Stop sending pictures. I don't need any more pictures. Because it eventually will poison the jury pool against him. He knows that. I think that Luigi, yeah, they're both the same. Yeah, they're both in Brooklyn. I think there's a really solid chance that Diddy can take Luigi. See, I do think that if it was a one-on-one fight, yes.

Diddy could absolutely physically manhandle Luigi Mangione. Absolutely. He's larger than him. But we have established that Luigi prepares. Of course. And I think what Luigi's going to bring to this one? Landmines.

Landmines? Wow. Why is that going to matter to him? Explosives. That's going to take away the fucking first wave of the goons. Luigi Mangione has become the Batman of this competition. Yeah, he really has. And then because he has that ability, I would label him as such. But then also, did he's got... Hmm.

Can Diddy call upon the ghost of Brittany Murphy? I think that if Luigi Mangione... No, no, no. Once you murder someone, well, Diddy's not really into Satanism or anything like that, so no, he's just murdering. Are you ready for this? Luigi Mangione, handful of landmines. He's going to put them down. What's on the ground? Bunch of baby oil. Whoops! Slips! The landmines fly in the air!

Oh, wow. Okay. Wow. I never, because Diddy's got a lot of time to think. Yeah, he does. He's in jail. And you know, I feel like we've been discounting, in a way, ah, wow, we've been discounting

Diddy quite a bit. Diddy's prolifically horrible. He was a real criminal. Yeah, that is true. That is true. Yeah, I think. Wow. Yeah, I didn't even think about it in terms of that. The baby oil. Yeah, because that's the thing. It's hubris. Luigi Mangione could suffer from hubris. This is Batman versus the Joker. Yeah.

Did you remember when Diddy dressed as the Joker? Yeah, Diddy did dress as the Joker, and I think this might be the time that the Joker takes it. Wow, yeah. You know what, Eddie? You flipped it on me. You flipped it on me, too. You flipped it on me. I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen. I know it's going to be deeply unpopular. Yeah, I know. People are really going to be upset. Yeah, it's going to be really unpopular. Just because he's evil doesn't mean he can't win. That's why we're doing this. Casey Affleck won it all.

That's what this is about. What are we supposed to do here? Yeah, yeah, no. Casey Anthony's still out there hanging out. Oh, my God. Is that Diddy as the Joker? Yeah, that's Diddy as the Joker. God, he looks great. Do you ever see the video of him harassing Tyler, the Creator? No. That's the Joker. Oh, my God. You could see Tyler, the Creator is like, so he's pulling out of some party. Diddy is dressed as the Joker and keeps trying to get him to come out of the car. And you can see this look on Tyler, the Creator, where he's like,

No, thank you. No, I don't want to go with you. I don't want to go. Because he seems all tough, but he's actually a really nice guy. Tyler, the creator? Yeah, he's a very nice guy. But you see this thing where he's trying to get him to come out. Oh, my God. And he won't come out. He's got a gun. No, it's a fake gun. It looks real. Yes, it looks real. Yeah. Yeah, it should be. But he was apparently... Well, he even white-faced his neck. Well, of course. He stayed in character all night, apparently, and it was very frightening. Yeah. Oh, my God. That sounds extraordinarily frightening. No, this terrifies me. Yeah, that's what...

Luigi met Diddy as Joker Fry Diddy. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So, unfortunately, yeah, Diddy does take it, but this is a very...

This is a very interesting final. This is the longest fight we've had. Yeah. But this is a very interesting final here. Man, it is Diddy versus Jan and the Larricans. I mean, if anybody can woo these little Larricans. It's a man who's got fucking gallons of baby oil and...

people who are going to fuck these larrikins. Why do I say that? These larrikins have never had sex like this. But the larrikins, I think, they love all crime except for sexual assault. Yeah, I would say that too. I think that they're not sexual angels. I don't think they're sexual beings. They're too young. I think that they just like the freedom of the outback

They love, they commit crime for the fun of it. You don't think that Titty's going to show them a pair of titties and they're going to go, oh my God. I bet you, but I also think boys would come too fast. And they go right to sleep. Dude, if you show them. Yeah, they do. But I do think that if you showed a bunch of boys a pair of titties, right? Like let's say you called, what's her name over? You call, it was Ice-T's wife, Coco. Coco.

Let's say you go over huge titties, showing them to lyricans. I think they come in their pants immediately. And yeah, at first you're like, wow. But then it's kind of over. And then once you've come, you don't care about anything. Diddy's been manipulating young gang members his entire life.

He has this. And also, he could just straight up drug them up because we know larrikins are going to do drugs. And we know that Diddy has drugs and plenty of booze. Sir Rock, all around. They like booze, but I think that the larrikins are smart enough to know that...

that he's going to turn the tables on them. I think that they know that he's just luring them in like a Captain Hook. And I think that they can see past that. And I think that there is somewhat of a code to the larrikins. I do think that larrikins stand just like Luigi Mangione. They mostly stand for freedom.

And they don't want... They don't trust a shady adult. They're not going to become trafficked by Diddy? I don't think so, because I think that what Jan Pelgrim... If you have Jan Pelgrim at the head of this Larrican group, because what does Jan Pelgrim want? What is the only thing...

to kill. Murder. And Diddy only murders when necessary. Murder's way too high profile for him, so I don't think that this is going to be their crowd. I don't think they're going to want in here at all. If the Lyricans can take out the, as far as I'm concerned, if the Lyrans can take out the Mars attack aliens, they can take out Diddy. Yeah. I think that if Diddy is really, like, if you're going to fight all of these boys, the thing about boys, again, they just keep showing up. And any

but he can be a larrikin. You just have to just give up living in society. Yeah. Well, as a child. Yes. You can't be an old larrikin. And you have to be a good... An old larrikin is a... Is a bastard. Yeah. Yeah.

A convict, a criminal, a drifter, many different things. And I think at the end of the day, I think before Diddy even opens his fucking mouth, I think a larrikin hits him in the head with a slingshotted rock and he goes down and they just beat him to death. You don't think he doesn't have a gun on him at all times? He might have a gun.

He might. But at this point, we've just been using oil. But that's the thing, is that Diddy, by the strategy that you put forth, Diddy's strategy is to try to bring the kids in. He's going to try to manipulate them. He's going to smooth talk them. Yeah, he's going to smooth talk them. He's not going to come out with a gun. I think the larrikins get him in the head with the rock, and that's really all you need. A well-placed rock. As soon as they get their fill of, you know, like pigs in a blanket...

and the mimosas going around. Do you think that's what they have at Diddy's parties? Pigs in a blanket? That's what I'm saying. The little spinach triangles. When they all eat, when they're filled with the spinach triangles, they are then, they've already served their purpose at the party. They've gotten the free food and the booze that they wanted. That's the only reason why they're there. They don't care about the women. They're sexless. Yeah, and I think at the end of the day, after they kill Diddy, they take over his empire and they run it into the ground. Oh yeah, they spend all the money very quickly on pinball machines.

The Larrick has formed the real one.

That's it. Yeah. Luricans form the real bad boy entertainment. And ladies and gentlemen, that was the fourth annual last podcast on the left. March madness of murder and mayhem wildcard edition. One of the craziest tournaments we've ever had in the entirety of this tournament. We've been doing over the years. My God, that was a hell of a day. It was a hell of a night.

I know we're going to hear the end of it, but that's why we want you. Chime in. Sidestorieslpotl at gmail.com. Where did we get it right? Where did we get it wrong? And what? Next week. I mean, next year. When we do this again. We are terrified of larrikins. I think is the one thing we've decided. There's nothing in this world that scares us more than 14-year-old boys. They are unpredictable and they are unstoppable because we can't do anything about them.

them. I can't hit them. I can't, like, you know, because if I was allowed... That's the thing is you fight back against the larrikins, you go to jail. That's the thing. Yeah, sure. A well-placed strike of an SUV can kill a lot of larrikins. Yeah. Oh, man, he does have plenty of escalades. Yeah. If we want to talk about this again. I just don't think there's too many of them. Yeah. Wow. This is just...

I love us. Yeah, as do I. This is our best work. Patreon.com slash last podcast on the left. If you want to see this and all of our episodes in video form, you can see absolutely on the video that every single one of our matchups were completely and totally random. Pulled it from this cup that I'm holding right here. Nothing fixed.

Nothing fixed. You can also check us out at Last Podcast on the left on TikTok and Instagram and go check out all of our streams at twitch.tv slash LPN TV. And don't forget to come see us on tour. Yeah, baby. We're going to be in Detroit on April 18th. And then we're going to be after that. We're going to Toronto on May 3rd and Atlanta on June 28th. And then after that, we got a whole bunch of more shows about to be announced. So make sure you check that out. Also, call us.

Come check me out. I'm in Florida right now. Let's hang out. I'm going to be in Jacksonville on the 20th. I'm going to be in Panama City on the 21st and 22nd. And in Tallahassee with Danny Bedrosian of Parliament Funkadelic at the 926 Bar and Grill on March 23rd. You're not going to want to miss that. That's going to be an amazing show. Coming back to the old stomping grounds. In the very room I started comedic.

It's going to be so much fun, Mac. And I can't wait to do, we're going to have fun in Orlando and Fort Lauderdale. That's right. First side story shows are going to be fucking great. May 7th and 8th, we're going to be in Fort Lauderdale, Dania Beach for side stories. And on May 8th, we're going to be in Orlando at the Funny Bone. Fuck that, Ed. Hell yeah. Hail Satan, everyone. And hail Gein. And make sure to remember, always fight for freedom. Yeah. Hail Telecom.

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