Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion
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Hello, Florida. Your favorite son and biggest baby are coming home to bring you the laughs you deserve. Everyone likes to poke fun of the Florida man. Everyone likes to use Florida as a punching bag. Whenever an alligator on meth eats an old person, that can happen anywhere.

As a famous Floridian baby, I feel your pain. So that's why I'm coming home to let you know it's okay to be who you are. It's okay that the rest of America is scared of us. It's okay that books are illegal in our schools. It's okay whenever it gets cold, it rains iguanas. I'm here to support you. So come on out.

March, I'll be in North Florida. And in May, I'll be in South Florida and Orlando. It's the Invasive Species Tour. Ed Larson, me, is coming to Florida in March and May. I'm coming to Jacksonville, Panama City, Tallahassee, Marco Island, Dania Beach, Orlando, and Key West. So lock up your public subs now.

and start singing the Miami Dolphins fight song because we're going to party like it's Florida, baby. Tickets at eddytoons.com. There's no place to escape to. This is the Lost Podcast. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. Oh, yeah!

Side stories, breaking news. We are here. In the middle of the afternoon, maybe, if you don't have a job. We are here with our anchor, Marcus Parks. Hi. Side stories, breaking news. How's everybody doing today? How are two of you doing today? Fuck you. Okay. I'm good. I'm good.

I'm fine. I'm fine. So the reason why I'm coming on the show today, I wanted to give you guys some news. We did sign a new contract with Sirius XM. And I'm just going to tell you right now, if you don't want anything to change, you the listener, if you don't want anything to change about your experience about last podcast on the left,

It don't got to change at all. And that's the good news. That's really nice. So rare does someone say, if you don't want something to change, do nothing. Do nothing. Do nothing. It's really nice to have that. But if you do want a little bit of a change from now on, if you get a Stitcher Plus premium subscription, you can get the episode a week early. For example, if you want to listen to both Chad Daybell, Lori Vallow, Part 4, and...

and our annual March Madness of Serial Killers this Friday. You can do that, but if you want to just wait until next week when the March Madness of Serial Killers is going to come out anyway for free on the feed, then you can wait for that. So it's absolutely 100% totally up to you. It doesn't change anything about side stories. Side stories is the same. Yeah, side stories is the same. All the other...

shows on the network brighter side staying the same oh yeah we can't change we don't know how to they aren't allowed they aren't allowed to change but no nothing else changes for you it just so happens if you have a stitcher premium account you will get the new last podcast on the left main show a quote week early but still it is an evergreen show so you're just gonna get to see

show the next week. But that's what's really incredible about capitalism, isn't it, boys? You get the choice. Yeah, you get the choice. So if you sign up for Stitcher Premium this week, you'll get two episodes on Friday. And if not, your life doesn't change one bit. Yes, the Patreon doesn't change. Nothing else changes.

Exactly. And, you know, the reason why we're doing this is because here at Last Podcast on the left, you know, here at the Last Podcast Network, we got a lot of big dreams. We got a lot of big plans and we got a lot of people who work here. Like there are, what, 15 employees now full time? Yes. Here at Last Podcast Network. Not to mention the talent. And the talent as well. Like the...

That pops it up to about 30. And all of our employees, our full-time employees, they all have health insurance. We make sure they have good health insurance. We make sure that these people are taken care of. And we want to make sure that we keep our creatives happy. And we want to make sure that we pay our creatives. And we pay the people that actually do the shows here on the network. And this is how it's done. So, again, if you don't want anything to change, it don't got to change. And please...

If you could just do one thread on the subreddit, just put in one post and you just put them all there. You could put all the complaints there and the, and people be upset for a little while, but just know it's going to pass. And you know what? I'll read it. Yeah. I'll read it. I'll read it. I'll read it. I'll sit there like a dog that just ate a newspaper and they'll just sit there and I'll be bad boy. Yeah. I'm bad. I'm a bad boy. But,

No, this is also so that we can continue to work at the highest level possible, which is what we promised to do. If there's one thing that we have shown in the years of us doing this show is that we fucking put our money where our mouth is. The show is just gonna get

better. This is what we do. We're working extremely hard. And not just that, if you do nothing and you keep your life exactly the same and keep listening to our show just the way you listen to it, there's going to be an extra free show in a little while for you as well. Yes. The show that we were asked to do last year. Asked.

That's a good term for it. Last update on the left. We're going to be releasing that now for free for everybody on the main feed starting here in a couple of weeks. So that's, again, nothing changes for you and you're going to get a new show coming out every week. I think there's, how many, we record 40 episodes of last update? And we also, who knows, we have other shows. We were trying to work out other new shows previously.

bigger streaming shows. We have a bunch of stuff in the kitty that we want to get done and this is how we're going to get it done. I'm putting out a sex tape. But it's by myself. Oh, okay. And she's going, it won't work.

And I filmed it in the bathroom. We call that an illegal masturbation video. Yeah, that's evidence. Yes. Yeah. And we'll get to a story like that on side stories shortly. Yeah, you'll see. Yes. And speaking of working hard and working our asses off, I got to go finish this Chad Daybell and Lori Vallow part four script. Get the fuck out of here. So we can get this shit out and recorded before we go to Nashville.

Nashville this weekend. So we'll see y'all in Nashville. And thank y'all so much for listening. Thank you so much for being fans of Last Podcast and Left. Thank you so much for being with us for so long. This is the 15-year anniversary of Last Podcast Network this year. So thank you guys so much for being with us through all these changes, all these different things that we've been doing. And we promise to keep doing it for a really long fucking time because I'm having a fucking blast. Yeah, we are. And we're going to get you.

It's easy to remember when the anniversary is because I had my hernia surgery right afterwards. I know. Yeah. So it's 15 years since I plugged that back out of my balls. Yeah.

Okay, goodbye, everybody. Have a good show, boys. Goodbye. Welcome to Side Stories. My name is Henry Zebrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. And what an amazing announcement that was. Oh, my God. And we are just so good at it. We're so good at messaging. And we're so good at being true men. Just business guys. Yeah. How many more rings are you going to be able to buy with the new contract?

Like anal rings? Cock rings? I don't buy rings. I'm not into the rings. I think that rings are for people that either professional guitarists. You ever notice that with the cowboy hat where the flaps come up the side? I hate it. Oh, I hate it. I don't like it. What is it? The Bret Michaels?

Yes. They're Bret Michaels. That comes with rings, I believe. It's the rings. And something about like, I feel like if you play piano professionally or guitar professionally, that makes sense. Well, if you play piano or guitar professionally, won't the rings get in the way? I don't know. I think about that all the time. But then you look at rock star guys and they always have crazy rings and crazy bracelets and they're always playing through it. And I guess they're just so used to playing and they're so used to people looking at their

hands that they want the hands to look fancy. To be sexy, yeah. But I just don't understand because, no, we're looking at the fingers playing the guitar. We don't care about the rings, but these guys like rings. Jimi Hendrix, is it really the biggest problem? You know who is? Well, he doesn't count. He doesn't count. He doesn't count. And Prince never did. You know who honestly is the bad one is? Who? It's Slash. Yeah, he's got lots of rings. If you look at Slash, he's got like full-on crushed Pepsi cans around his fingers at all times. And I do know that he, I mean, he's allowed.

Yeah. At Slash. He can do whatever the hell he wants. I saw him at Disney World once. Really? Was he playing the Mad Hatter? No. That would have cost a tremendous amount of money. No, I think that he was there with his family, and he had a bigger beer belly than I thought he did, and I was proud of him. Of course he's got a beer belly. He never went in for solo.

Oh, all right. I love your Flash. Come on, I love him. I love Flash. I just like that he's brave enough to have a dad bod. Yeah. Now, we have a couple of updates. Now, one of the things that happens here on Side Stories often is we've talked about the Side Stories effect, which is we talk about a...

news story and either some massive update about it comes out the day after we record every single time. Now, last week, Eddie and I were very interested in the mysterious circumstances of Gene Hackman's death. Yes. It seems incredible.

Kind of fishy. One of the dogs had died in the kennel in the closet. They found that Gene Hackman was, he was also dead, surrounded by pills. And again, very mysterious. She was surrounded by pills, not him. Either way, it was mysterious. It was very mysterious. And it seemed interesting. And it seemed like it might have been murder, but actually it was so weird, it was just sad. It was crushingly sad. The actual...

What happened is what's going to happen to all of us. If we're lucky. So Betsy Arakawa, I guess somehow she got bit by a rodent or interacted with a rodent. Hunter's disease. They got Hunter disease. You know, so you don't necessarily. Hunter virus. You basically, you can, it's almost, it can be airborne. Basically it's from rodent droppings or excess urine.

And so like, even if you like, if so, if you go into a room where mice have been pissing and shitting for like months and you breathe it in too much, I don't know if that's exactly how it happened. That's interesting. Or if you clean it up, you can get this Huntus disease, which I had never heard of. So I was interested about it and I went and looked into it. Apparently if you're cleaning up lots of rat piss and rat shit, um,

Use gloves. Oh, and have a ventilator. And wear a mask. Yeah, have a straight on ventilator. I would not fuck with that. And they said the house was clean, but they had lots of other like sheds on the property. It was a big property. And so she definitely got it somehow. It's very rare. Yes. Only 136 people have died of this in the last hundred years in New Mexico. That's fucking crazy. It's very crazy that it happened.

into her, especially because, you know, they're not hoarders. No. Like they said, the house was looking fine. Yes. And so it's just like a crazy thing. But her, so basically everything, we don't know exactly when she died, but it seems like. At least a week before Gene Hackman died. Well, her,

all of her communication stopped on February 11th. So like her last emails, her last phone calls were February 11th. So they say that might've been the day she died, but she was also driving around February 11th. She went to a couple stores. She might've been sick for a couple of days and just away from her phone. We don't know. They said that she was in CVS looking for medication. She was wearing a mask that day of her death.

Or maybe her death. Probably her death. Probably. And she was visibly sick, and then they knew something was going on the next day when she did not pick up her dog's prescription food, which is, we're all... Oh, my God. This food, the dog food's getting more expensive.

As it is. Don't add Ativan to it. No, you should see the mountain of different foods I have. I have to change their food every meal. No, I know. It's crazy. You are like a White House chef for your two dogs.

But then it seems like that. So she died of this, of hantavirus. Yeah. And then he... And the pills next to her were just her thyroid medicine. It's nothing you can really overdose on. So they were able to rule that out because it looked like a suicide, a murder-suicide kind of. That's what we thought. We thought it was like interesting and

and almost cool. No, but it's just sad. It was super sad. So then Gene Hackman just putzed around the house and finally succumbed to his Alzheimer's and heart disease while inside the house. A week later. Yeah, so he just kind of puttered back and forth. So he probably found her dead and experienced that a couple times. So like 50 last dates? Yeah.

Yeah, that is so hard. You don't like that, Rob? Rob didn't like that joke. No one likes that. No one likes it. Everyone's upset with that. Yeah, even I didn't laugh. I laugh at most things. Yeah, yeah, people don't like that. But it's because the reason why I think we should laugh. Now I'm laughing about how upsetting it was. Yeah, how upsetting it is. But they think it's important to laugh because, you know,

The reason why people that we dislike do what they do, especially right now, all of the weird despots and people that are fans of despots and people that want to be fascists and all this stuff, to understand that what they're fighting with all of their money and power and all these things that they're trying to build is exactly what happened to Gene Hackman. That's exactly going to happen to all of us, which is that we all succumb to time disease.

And just being mortal. Yeah. And if you're lucky enough, you could do it at 95 in a giant mansion in New Mexico. You can. It's a beautiful house. I'll tell you what. But Elon Musk, these guys, they are fighting this. It's the feeling of dying like that that they don't understand is so essentially a part of your experience as a human being. And they are so afraid of it. They're so afraid.

That's why they do everything that they do to control reality. Because on some level, I think some of these billionaires believe that they can control the flow of life itself and that everyone else is subject to these rules of mortality but them.

Yeah. But, you know, they'll all die. And I'll tell you what, Gene Hackman, great life, phenomenal actor. I think, honestly, it's a sad way to go out. I feel much worse for his wife because she was going to be around for a long time. But she got this random ass virus. You know, I'm glad that

I don't have to rescind my Hail Gene Hackman. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because there was like a second there where we're like, hopefully he didn't fucking kill her. Because, I mean, can you imagine Gene Hackman, 95 with Alzheimer's, doing the Crimson Tide, like that monologue at you. You shut the fuck up! You know what I mean? Like, he's doing that monologue at you, man. That's got to be scary. I would not want to deal with that. Won't that be my last memory of my famous husband, Gene Hackman? Yeah, so...

Guess the update is it's over. Yep. It's all done. Time is a steamroller that stops for no one. We get to keep loving Gene Hackman and his wife. And that's good. That's the best thing that they did for us. That's the best part of it. He was a great man. It seems like he was at least a fine man, but a fantastic man.

actor. But yeah, well, you know, I loved his political views. I love a liberal who fights. Yeah. We need him. We need some mean liberals. I think that's really cool. I always loved that. And, you know, go watch Mississippi Burning. I think it's very appropriate for right now. Also, I find it funny we did talk about this. Did we talk about that we realized accidentally that Hoosiers is about rooting against the integrated team? Yes.

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Now, I actually do have, you know what I realized? This story of somebody that I know friends of friends of is actually an update. Okay. Because we covered this in the very beginning when this was just a rumor. Okay. And now this is, she's getting arrested now.

All right. Is this... So are these the updates or... This is in the updates. I would put this within the updates, but it's a story in and of itself. Well, you better get on with it because I'm confused. Ghost Adventures. Oh, yeah. Now you realize it's an update. It is. Because I do remember we talked about it a while ago when it was more like rumors that there were...

some kind of animosity. She had been starting a bunch of like, what we now know is that Aaron Goodwin, who is one of the cast members of Ghost Adventures, Zach Bagans, you know, very...

famous nouveau Warren world where he is the, he is the grand commander of all paranormal television and ghost adventures kicked it all off the OG ghost bros. And this guy was saying, I guess his wife was a Victoria Goodwin was starting to do like, there was like an online kerfuffle. I think if, I don't know if you remember this, I don't, but now Charlie's,

charges have finally hit the fucking internet. It is crazy. So, Ghost Adventure star Aaron Goodwin, his wife, Victoria Goodwin, has now been arrested officially after allegedly plotting to have him killed. Yeah, she was booked on two charges, solicitation to commit murder and conspiracy to commit murder.

She was trying to make one of the hosts of Ghost Adventures a ghost. And then he would have went... See, that's my problem with Ghost Adventures. What? Is the name. Because Ghost Adventures seems like it should be about a ghost on an adventure. Well, the ghosts are on an adventure. They're joining the Ghost Adventures. Oh, they're joining the Ghost Adventures. Actually, I don't know. I think Ghost Adventures was just the first thing that they had come up with as a pitch back in the day, and now they're locked in. Yeah, see, I think Ghost Hunters makes more sense. There is Ghost Hunters. I know there is Ghost Hunters. I'm just saying, I think that makes...

Makes more sense. It would have. As a title for a show that's like this. Ghost Adventures, I think, at the time, sounded more positive. Yes, but now, he almost went on his own ghost adventure. Oh, he would have been a ghost? They would have adventured upon him. Yes. And then he would have made money. And how jealous. Wow, you think Zach was involved? He would have been so jealous if he became a ghost. That's all Zach wants to be. No, I think that...

Apparently, Zach's super surprised by this. And the way it went down was that his wife, so Victoria Goodwin, who's cute, you know, she's cute, normal wife, whatever. It seemed that she was, I'm going to go on a limb. Now, this is full on me extrapolating that she was seducing an inmate from prison that she was speaking with a great deal.

And eventually, this is the person that they eventually offered $11,500? Something like that. Yeah, $1,000. $11,000 to kill this man. To kill a celebrity.

It's a killer celebrity, which is, again, low-balling. I feel like $11,000 is low to kill anybody. We've talked about this. I still think that the minimum is $25,000. I said $100,000. I can't believe $25,000 is a minimum. It should be more than a car to kill somebody. The only reason why I think it's $25,000 is, and we talked a little bit about this, is that the economic bracket that most people are in looking for a hitman to kill their husband is normally $10,000.

medium to high. Like, it's normally in a middle to high, like, level. And so I think 25 is a gettable amount of cash. A lot of people that are super rich, they can't get that money necessarily. They're either not liquid or what we found with a lot of rich people, they just do it themselves. Yeah. They just fucking, I'll kill

You know what I mean? We're like, fuck it. Why get a middleman involved? So they found her text with this inmate in the Florida prison. Because she deleted the text on her own, but he was hiding the cell phone and they found it and they got all this evidence. Yeah, they weren't even looking for this crime, but they found his phone and these messages were on the phone. One of them was from her saying, am I a bad person because I chose to end his existence, not divorce? That's what they said. And then he was just like, no, no.

And then he said, I'd give you $2,500 up front. Not enough. Always 50%, bitch. Yes. Can't believe that. And she communicated with him. There was one point where she was trying to make it happen where she said to him, he's asleep right now in the hotel room. I need to know what's going on. Can I get an update? Was it done?

Dude, just before, this is what I also don't understand as from specifically Lady Duman is that whatever you want to say about, uh, this is, I'm not, I mean this in the least incelli way possible is that the, the lady quite often has a lot of the strength when

when you go into divorce court. Yes. And because he's the breadwinner, technically, and if you aren't making that money, you can take him for as much money as the judge is going to give you. They're going to probably give you the money. It is so much more advantageous for you, money-wise, for your divorce. Yeah. Right? With men, I understand, in a way. You got to kill him. Yes. Well, do... I mean, you have to kill him.

It's very, what I find interesting and I guess ironic about the entire thing is that they were married. Did you see this? They were married. At the Haunted Mansion in Disneyland. I mean, why not? That's how much money is that? But the attic scene, Constance Hatchaway, she kills all her husbands. It was fucking there all along.

Interesting. Yeah. So she's saying she's Kaiser. You're saying she's Kaiser Sosa? Yeah. It's in the plot of the ride where they got married. It's very possible. That the bride kills her husband. But interesting.

But he was already doing it. And it's really sad because he's like a real wife guy, too. He's taken lots of pictures of her. I mean, he's so ugly. It's hard. This is three weeks ago. I know, dude. They were mini-golfing. They were mini-golfing. And he posted a picture of them mini-golfing with the caption, My Valentine always beats me at mini-golf. Yeah, oh, man. Maybe he lost the bet.

I think that this is she really didn't care. He looks really happy in this picture. Yeah, because she does too, but I don't trust her. No, you shouldn't. Because this is Post trying to kill him.

Yes. This picture is after she, because this hit was discussed in what, December? Oh, yeah. And then Aaron, he basically, he came forward and he said to TMZ, he was blindsided. He thought he had a happy marriage. And that's got to be the worst of all. Because in the end, you don't. She is already, like, think about how intense that is, too. Where it's not like she's fucking the sound guy.

It's not like she's fucking somebody, some other professional, like your booking agent. She may be. We don't know that. We don't know. But that's what she decided to do was to seduce an ex-con. All the way in Florida. I know, because maybe she felt like that would give her some...

To be honest, I think maybe give her some distance. How did she find that guy? Also, he's not an ex-con. He was in jail. She was going to get, apparently he was going to get, it sounds like, which I don't understand. It says inmate, but then she says all this stuff like, did you already do it? Blah, blah, blah. Which means. Well, that he knows a guy who he's sending.

How many people are involved here? I know. Well, she's obviously not good at it. No. No, no, no. It didn't get done. Again, you got to do it yourself, guys. Yeah. If you really want to murder, you can't trust all these people. Cut out the middleman. We're looking at a picture of them kissing on some rocks.

Push him off the rocks. That's what they could have done right here. That's free. We learned that. That's totally free. Although there is a cameraman, obviously. Guess who you have to kill next. Yeah, yeah. Or guess who you get in on it. Yeah. Guess what the inmate should have been. Dressed as a photographer. This could have all been done ahead of time. The inmate could have been the fall guy. He could have set it up. You just go like, I'm just going to go over here a little bit. Do you have any idea what would happen if you just show your men your breasts?

and then he's in the confused state of looking at breasts, you could just push him right off the cliff. Yeah. It's that easy. I'd also love immediately people, people.com, first comment. She's cute. First comment. That sounds like something you'd say. Yep. But also, if you wanted someone to kill this guy, should have reached out to Hulu. Yeah.

Should have reached out to Hulu. Hulu would love to get some marketing here. They love hitman shows. Yeah, they really do. They really, really do. Now, talk about this. We'll go into this other story because this kind of reminds me of this, is that who they definitely shouldn't have hired is this group of fucking chucklehead stooges that tried to rob Amaranth. Oh, my God. Now, Amaranth,

Amaranth is a, I'm going to go ahead and call her a queen of the internet. Yes. She is, people just say, I actually feel like when the way that they talk about her on this and the story, they kind of minimize her as an OnlyFans model. Yeah. Amaranth is a- But she is. She is. But she is like, kind of like a symbol in many ways. She's like the OG, hardcore, hot tub streamer.

She flipped it all into a business. She's dealt with bullshit with her fucking, I believe her ex-husband. She was like held a prisoner. Amaranth has actually been through the ringer. Yeah. But I will say... 6.2 million followers. She's huge. Amaranth is huge. This is on Twitch. She games and she talks and, you know...

Whatever you think about her, just know that she is technically an empire unto her own. Yeah, and I've never heard of her before this week. And I was researching, and I got to say, she's unattractive. Yeah, what a gross. Yeah, I couldn't imagine why anybody would want to look at these girls.

Easy. Gross. Yeah. Get out of here. Uggos, but even Uggos don't deserve to be robbed, Eddie. My wife listens. No, they don't. But this lady, the one thing that Amaranth did incorrect. Let's get this out of here, Rob. I can't look at these pictures, Rob. Now, Amaranth is very attractive. Why did they do this to her? Because...

And this is the other thing that I want to say. She's a young person. A little bit more. She's younger than us. She's 11 years younger. She's like 30. She's not young enough. She's 31 years old. She's not young enough to have done this, but I will say this to people. You have to think about who you're saying things to on the internet, even if you are this big, especially if you are this big. So she said to her 6.5 million just on Twitch that she had amassed over $20 million in Bitcoins.

Now, these guys decided, which I guess is like, which is the saddest thing of all. It's probably not that difficult to find her. Yeah. She's probably been doxxed multiple times already. It's probably not that hard. Yeah, she makes videos every day. She does. And so, according to her, three men, masked men, broke into her home.

And pistol whipped her, hit her several times. And they said, you know, where is this money? We know that you have 20 million in Bitcoin. So they, because we watched the video of her being attacked earlier or her being chased into her house rather. Well, it's not chased. So the way it worked is, is that they came in, they first attacked her. They tied her up where they were going to, and they sort of beaten her.

Then she said, if you want the money, my husband is the one that can give you access to it. Because this is also the silliest thing about Bitcoin. As in an order for them to steal it, they have to put a gun to her head, which is what they did. And basically say, you have to get on the internet.

And you have to transfer your money to my account. Like, you have to go log in. But isn't that like a literal paper trail? Yes. So they would have gotten caught. Eddie, I'll never understand the fake money thing and how new fake money is better than the old fake money. I'll never understand. Like, I don't know because some people say, oh, it's actually a unique property.

code. And then some people say, oh, you steal the code. I have no idea how it works. I've had you guys explain crypto to me 90 times. I'd rather have less money than be involved. I just couldn't give a fucking shit. I just couldn't give a shit. But she was worth a lot of it. And so these guys are all fumbling, trying to figure out how to get the money, and

And eventually she says, my husband can give you access. So what you see in the video, so this video that came out on Law and Crime, you're watching them go from the front house to the back house. So Amaranth is leading the three robbers to the back house. Oh, that's her driver?

Oh, yeah, dude. That's her personal driveway? That's her compound. Man, she does really well for herself. Yes. And so they went to the back house, and as they're going... That's why there's dogs everywhere. Oh, yes. It's a whole compound. That's why she has the... I told you. You could see three custom cars. She's got an Escalade. She's got a custom G-Wagon. She's doing very well. And so they went in there where her husband was lying in wait with a gun. Now, the reason why he even knew what was going on, which is why I'm still kind of confused...

was that instead of calling 911 in the heat of the moment, she tweeted, I am getting robbed. Well, because she couldn't call 911 because they're standing over her. But she could probably tweet with her fucking eyes closed. And that's what she said, is that she was doing it because they were trying to get her to log into her Bitcoin account. And she's like, I am, I am, I'm logging in. And she said, I mean, just shows we all need to work on our media literacy, including robbers.

is that they looked and they saw that they didn't see that she was in her account. She was tweeting. And her husband saw the tweet. Yes. In the back house. Armed himself. And this is a... Couples need a plan like this. I mean, it seems like... I mean, they put themselves in a rough situation, but it seems like they were kind of ready. Oh, yeah. She brought him to the back house. Husband lit him up. Shot one of the robbers. And they ran away. And so this shows you got to be careful. But they didn't catch the guys. No. How? How?

How are they not able to? They gave their Bitcoin account to her, right? No. They were just trying to get. I think the goal was to have her log in. Then they take the phone. Oh, okay. But then she was like, oh, I can't. Oh, yeah. Very smart. Very smart.

I think... She should shift it to real estate? No, I think that people should subscribe to her OnlyFans and watch her videos. I think that they do, Eddie. She needs some more... If you have crypto, I say give it to her. I am going to say, Eddie, that while I do support Amaranth, she's doing very well. She just wants to buy her things. People do. People buy her stuff online.

All day. She is very well bought for. She is doing very, very well. But we just want to say good luck to you, Amaranth. We hope that you're okay. Meg Turney, same thing. We had a friend, Meg Turney, that was also a model that went through the same shit. Got fucking brutally robbed, tied up, beaten, horrible. She's another wonderful lady that did not deserve it. Yeah, so you need an armed husband? Yeah.

I honestly, I think that this is where we need Boston Dynamic Dogs. Oh my God. Well, she has three dogs. I know they did nothing. They did nothing. They were too good. They were running back and forth. They were too cute. They were actually just adorable. Yes, they were being too cute. They were not killing the robbers. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Wow. This is wild. Yep. You know, but.

I'm sure they'll find these guys eventually. I mean, even if they don't, it's just knowing that you better be careful who you come for. Because even though she might be a hot tub streamer, she might be packing. All right, well...

There's some guys that's going to be, there's one guy that's going to be packing. Oh my God. I love this. So, all right. So we were talking about how it was a $11,000 for someone to hire a hitman. It's crazy, right? $11,000 to kill a famous human being. Yes. Like legitimately has 20 seasons of television. So difficult. And also she was arranging the hit.

To be done on set. Yes. So where there's cameras. Yeah. Fucking insane. But.

For $1,000 more. $1,000 more. You can be Gene Simmons' assistant for one day. So Gene Simmons is doing a solo tour. This is the funniest concept I've ever heard. And so he put out this dumb shit, this fucking asshole. He put out this thing. What a fucking dickhead. It's all like, so basically it's roadie for a day. It's a special thing.

VIP package for his solo tour where you get to hang out and assist Gene Simmons. You're literally doing manual labor, setting up for the band show. You were going to sit in on sound check and arrive at the venue with the band and hang out backstage for $12,495.

That's so amazing. Tell a roadie. If you know a roadie, tell a roadie. And ask them, be like, are you happy about this? Yeah, how much do you get paid? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Do you get $12,000? A day? A day? Yeah, yeah, or the Gene Simmons. To just watch you do it. That just made me laugh so much. It's such a fucking silly idea. Yeah, according to the listing, the high roller will go home with a set list signed by Simmons and assigned rehearsal-used bass guitar. That's wump.

Well, rehearsal-used bass guitar could be worth a couple thousand. I don't know. Guitar is pretty expensive. Guitar itself, probably Gene Simmons' guitar. Yeah, one Gene Simmons' guitar, it's probably itself worth between $2,000 and $3,000. Yeah, but where are you going to sell it? At one of those fake autograph stores at the Mirage? Yeah. You know? Yes.

That's where he's at. RIP Mirage. But last time I was there, I went into their autograph store because I love going to those stupid autograph stores. And they're all obviously fake. But my favorite was I was walking around and one of the autographs they had there was Leonardo da Vinci. Ha ha!

I remember. I know exactly what you're talking about. It's just like, wow. And you mentioned just here, who does that impress? Like, who does it make, like, wet? I mean, like, as you can see right here.

I have Da Vinci's autograph. Like you would wait until I know. I got the VIP meet and greet with him. Yeah, I said, let me tell you a thing or two about helicopters. Propellers. How about we go with propellers? Oh, man. Well, I really hope no one does this stupid fucking Gene Simmons thing. He...

All right, you know. What if we do $15,000? You pay me. Uh-huh. You get to do the podcast. What am I? Hold on. For an episode. If you pay me directly $15,000. Then I still have to come to work? No. I'm talking about the fans. Oh, the fans. This is a VIP experience. I thought you were talking to me. No, this is a VIP. I'm not giving you money to do what I already do. No, no, no, no, no, no. This is a VIP experience for last podcast and left listeners that I want you to say you. You.

Directly Venmo me $15,000 And then they do the show with me? They get to do the show, yep With me, so I have to carry the dead weight No, they have to do me They are you, but they're guaranteed dead weight And how much do I get? Same I get another $15,000? No, same weight you always get Your normal fees, your normal payment Well then it's not going to work out

I won't show up. You won't show up for the fan experience? No. All right. $3,000 goes to you. Okay. Yep. Done.

They are to the deal. Man, I'll tell you what. I've hung out with Gene Simmons before, and he sucks. Yeah, I've heard he's not a nice man. Yeah, he's shitty to be around. He's not fun. I don't like him. His daughter's very nice. His daughter is very nice. Really? Yes. Yeah, no, it makes me sad because, I mean, obviously he was never, you know, he is the most capitalist rock star of all time. He is unabashed about it. You know who is great?

Dee Snider. Complete delight. Exonerated by time. Yeah. Another one of those guys. Just so much fun. Just normal. Hanging out. You know who also? All around you. You know who basically got exonerated by time too is Sammy Hagar. Oh, yeah. He's completely neutral. Yeah, no. No one cares. You know, he doesn't have like...

Yeah, obviously, he's got Cabo, Cabo Wabo's fucking crushing it, but you don't really see too many problematic characters there. No. You know what I mean? I kind of figured that like Nilo, Shannonopolis and stuff would be there, you know what I mean? Yeah. But no, just fucking normal ass guys. Yeah, he's fine. Yep. All right. Go check it out. Go to see Cabo Wabo. Yeah. And Sammy Hagar says he doesn't want to tour anymore. Yeah, he's fucking 70. He's 74 years old. He shouldn't tour anymore. What's he doing? He has enough fun. He's enough to do with the restaurant. It's him with the...

Right now. This magic moment. Do it right here now. So Lazio. The sack falconer. All right. Now Lazio is the name of the Italian soccer team.

team the sierra a club okay so that's that's the lazio which i believe i don't know what that means a term involved but the statement read ss lazio spa shocked to see the photographic and video images of mr juan bernabi but now mr juan bernabi those of you that aren't aware he was the falconer

for the Italian soccer team. So whatever this Lazio, right? And so they have, I guess, one of their mascots is an eagle, a bald eagle that flies around. And he's in charge of the eagle. His job is to watch the eagle. Now, if you look at this man, first thing I say in my head is, eh, eh, eh, eh, signore clean.

Because he looks like Mr. Clean. And we know he's super, super clean because his penis has been seen by many, many people now because he posted it. Why did he post it? Because he wanted to show off his absolutely impressive penis.

Penile implant surgery. That's right. Now, they said that enough was enough. The company said they were really upset. The company apologizes to the people of Italy. Watch him kiss. He's kissing the eagle with that mouth. The company is aware of the pain shared by all that the loss of the eagle in the next home games will cause to the fans, but believes that it's not

possible to be associated, all of us, and especially with the historical symbol of the eagle, with a subject with its initiative has made the continuation of the relationship inadmissible. That's a little bit roundabout way of saying they fired him because he put his penis on social media. Now, he says that he didn't. He said that he posted his own personal penile implant picture to his own Facebook profile, which is public. It's a private profile. But it's public because it's on the internet.

So he posted this picture, and somehow this amazing picture of his extremely well-made close friends group on Instagram that I'm like, we're not close friends. But it's kind of fun. I like to see. I'm like, oh. Yeah. That's nice. It's nice that you think of me that way. Oh, that's nice. But this guy, what I love about this guy is that...

He does not fucking care. In the most Italian way possible. He says, I put the video on my private profile, so it's a private thing. If people then circulate it, what can I do? And so he literally is unaffected. He says, my conscience is clear. I published it only to let people know about the surgery.

They said, did you regret posting the images? He said, absolutely not. I have never regretted anything, let alone doing it for something that has a medical purpose. Right? So he says that he needs it. He said that his sexual desires were rampant.

He said, this is again, this is to a reporter, guys. This is to an out loud source. This is to somebody who he knows is writing it down. Oh my God. That's the picture? Yeah. Yeah. This is the picture. Look how he's so happy. Oh my God. This is why they fired him. That's why they fired him is because it's the single worst picture of a penile implant. The average cost of this, Henry.

You would need to work for Gene Simmons twice to cover this. It goes up to $25,000. That is the single worst picture I have ever seen. He is. Okay, let me try to describe this. He is. His face is beet red. He has a smiling ear to ear. The way he's positioned is the most lazy. He must be in so much pain. He is just. He's got an obvious kind of bandage there. He's laying there like a corpse with a fully, fully...

He does look like a falconer. At least you have used it before. Now it's got a third perch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This motherfucker is so happy with how crystal hard his dick is. He's like, make it a self-portrait. All of the doctors are just like, yes, yeah, easy. And they're all just, well, they are just fine with it. And he said,

People always get mad when I do this, but I always try to look at things from the person's point of view. And if he assumes this is a private profile and he's sharing his new surgery, his $25,000 surgery... Who's on the closed one? Is his nieces on there? Is his nephews on there? We don't know. It's also, I don't think that... Yes, I just think that...

You know what it is? How do I say this? If I got a new dick, I'd show you. Of course. Yeah. In person. We talked about this. I'd send you a pic.

Check out my new dick. One picture. New dick here, who dis? Okay, that's, again, totally fine. New picture, if you send a picture privately to one person, he still posted it on a social media profile. Yes. He posted it for everyone. If you just sent it to me. But it was a private profile. I have no problems with you sending me pictures of your new science-built penis.

It's just the smile on his face. It wasn't like the smile does kind of make it bad. But the thing is, it's not like he was harassing anybody. It's just like, check out this thing I did. Throw a towel on it. It's like a tattoo. Well, if you throw a towel on it, you can't show anybody. Yeah, you can. It'll look like a ghost.

I don't know, man. And then he says here, I added the surgery to increase my sexual performance because I am very active. I need to ejaculate whenever I have free time. This is direct quotes, people. Yeah. A wonderful surgery. I had to be as good as I was when I was young.

My erection is natural, but with this device, I press a button that allows me to perfectly control both the erection and the timing.

So he can be erect at the grocery store, you can be erect at the DMV. He says, I would advise people to have this procedure because previously I relied daily, daily on the pills to increase my sexual potency. Being able to control my erection is a step forward for my life. I see you had erectile dysfunction. No. He's saying he needed it just to fuck more. Yeah.

He was just taking pills recreationally to keep his dick hard so that he could fuck multiple times. I hate when people call erectile dysfunction ED because it just spells my name. Wink. Sounds like a branding opportunity. Someone put the end in erectile dysfunction. Being able to control my erection is a step forward for my life. When I have a free time.

I always want to have sex. I would like to do it at least once or twice a day. This guy's horny. This guy's horny, horny, horny, horny, horny. To the point where he blew out his penis organs. I imagine a lot of ladies love him. I mean, he's a falconer at a soccer match, you know, in Europe. I imagine he's a sought after gentleman. What is it about?

I don't know. You don't think he is? You know what it is? His whole thing is given RFK Jr. Oh, that's a back. He's definitely, yeah, it is. Look at that. I appreciate it. Don't you even make fun of that back. That's my goal back. Man, that is impressive. That's my fucking goal. God, run a comb through it. It's a very hairy back. I have the same back.

And it's a virile man. As you can tell. You don't have the same back. No, but that is a virile man's back. Oh, it definitely is. He needed to have a cyborg penis to keep up with his balls. And that is a picture of a bald eagle on the wall of his bed. In his bedroom. He lives that eagle life. He loves eagles. Can you see the translation there? What's the eagle doing now? It's not his eagle. It's the team's eagle. It's traumatized.

Good morning, everyone. Thank you very much to those who were with me yesterday at Casalina to give us the support, the friendship, and the love. I think you all are with my heart. I had a wonderful weekend surrounded by friends and family. He's always nude in this. Now all I can see is him naked with that absolutely massive erection sitting there. I'm very surprised that he even performs. I mean, it's Italy, though. Isn't everyone just naked? Italy's actually a lot more popular

Not prudish, but it's prudish. It's a Catholic country. It's a very religious country. Dude, Italy fucks more than any other country. But it's a surprisingly conservative country. It has a very large conservative streak. There is also the Catholic thing, which is massive there. All I know is we were on one boat in Italy, and the guy who drove the boat tried to fuck both of our wives. I mean, it's because also he runs a boat.

And he was just, man, I'll always remember that guy. Oh, you don't need it. We are alone on this boat. We do not need the bathing suits. Do you remember that? Yeah. His daughter is the only other person on the boat. And he only directed that at Julie and Natalie. Yes. No, no. Your wives do not need the bathing suits.

This guy's fucking horny, man. All right? So, yeah. Big ring? Big ring. But he probably got the... He keeps kissing the eagle. He keeps kissing it. I don't know why he's kissing the eagle so much. All I want... Oh, stop kissing it. The eagle likes it, it seems like. You know what I am going to say is that... It should be ripping his face off. If the next piece of music comes out... When the eagle's looking at the camera like, what's this fucking guy doing? If he fucks this eagle...

If he's been fucking the Eagles, we're going to be talking. I mean. All right? Because you know who's the only person who's allowed to fuck the Eagles? I know the Eagles like getting fucked. You know the only one who is allowed to fuck the Eagles? Glenn Frey. Ooh.

He's gone. It's a fucking man. God is fucking ass. I saw the Eagles after Glenn Frey died and they had Bob Seger sit in for his section, which was pretty fucking awesome. That's pretty good. It was like an upgrade. Yeah. I mean, I didn't want to say I was happy he was dead, but it was a nice coincidence. We're complaining. Actually, now that you're dead, I actually could see a lot of great options. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

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All right, so this story, this next one, now it's not, the story itself isn't that interesting, but I had some questions about it, and maybe people can get back to us and let us know what they think. Side stories, lpotl at gmail.com. So a suspect in a Florida jewelry theft, this happened in Orlando, swallows a

$770,000 worth of Tiffany earrings just before his arrest. And we don't recommend this. No. No.

He got caught. He said, am I going to get in trouble for what's inside my body is one of the quotes that he had. And then they x-rayed him and found out for sure that he has the earrings in the middle of his body. Yeah. And so now he has to pass the earrings so they can give it back to Tiffany and co. And what we want to know.

Sidestorieshelp, P-O-T-L, at gmail.com. Number one from our medical community. He also, he looks pretty muscular. He was quite fit. Is that I wonder, will these even come out of him? Yes, and if they do, and they do go back to Tiffany's, will they?

Will they be at a discounted rate? I'll tell you right now, Tiffany's. Because if it went through a human shit river. I'm going to do this. Right now, Tiffany's, I'll take them off your hands, five grand. Five grand? Yeah, take them off your hands, all right? People don't want them poo-poo diamonds. Tiffany's.

10 grand. You go, whoa, hey, we're in a bidding war. 10 grand. Don't come against me, man. No, I'm not coming against you. I just want to buy Julie something nice. Yeah, but then. But I'm never going to spend more than 10 grand on earrings, so I might as well get really nice ones for her. Yeah, but I don't know if, because I'm willing to go up to 12th.

Are you willing to go up to 12 or are you going up to 12? We'll see what happens. Well, I mean, tell Tiffany's right now. I'm going to wait until the very end of the auction. Oh, well, the auction's closed for 10. What the fuck you? Give me the money. No, I do want to know. I feel like we should be able to get a discount. These are poo-poo diamonds. These are poo-poo diamonds. You don't mean to tell me because no matter what you do, when you give these poo-poo diamonds to whoever you love. It's got to be less than half a mil. If you're 770 now.

When they resell these diamonds. 15 grand. Now, what if he dies? What if he dies? Because if you swallow a tooth, you can cut off your esophagus and you could die. To be honest, I think that if he dies, it pushes it up. You think it makes it more expensive? Oh, yeah. No, but if he dies, do they go in him and cut these earrings out?

and then give them back to Tiffany's, or is he buried with them? If I was Tiffany, I would do exactly that. I don't know if Tiffany's is allowed to say whether or not. This is, I feel like, a weird legal ground here. You don't think that Tiffany's doesn't have, like, a contingency plan for this, or like a morgue?

There's no way that there's not a Tiffany's morgue. You know, all in that blue color? Whatever they do, you know, that Tiffany blue? This is actually, I do think that while this is a silly question... He could easily die. The back of these earrings could rip up his intestines and this man can get sepsis and die. Talk about blood diamonds. Seriously, yes, exactly. Blood and stool diamonds. Now, I wonder if you, for Tiffany's, this...

It's not that this hasn't happened before, but I don't think that they... I've never heard of it. I don't know. I don't know if you'd leave behind. I don't know what Tiffany's rules would be. Like, I wonder if, for insurance purposes, if they would just cut him open and take the things out of him. I also truly do believe that if they kill him, I think if they get it out with him not dying... Yeah, they want him to just pass it. He's shitting in a bucket currently. Yeah, which...

Lucky bucket. He's not even... Lucky bucket. But no, he... Yeah, no, they're not even letting him use the toilet. He's got to use... No. He's got, you know, so... No, because all they're waiting for is jingle, jingle, jingle. Think about that all day long. You're just waiting for the jingle, jingle, jingle. What if he immediately swallows them again? Oh, that's what I'd do.

What are you going to do now? Oh, my God. But I wonder if Tiffany's like if he does, if it passes all the way through him. I think that honestly, the real answer, we'll see if this is correct or not. I think the real answer will be they would harvest the diamonds from it.

And they would melt down the metal and they would remake them into other earrings. But the diamonds themselves covered in shit still were covered in shit at one point. But I think if you wipe them off with a couple of easy wipes and then you throw them in a batch of a bunch of other diamonds, you wouldn't even know. You don't think that it lowers the price at least 30 grand? I, I, for me as the man trying to purchase the poopoo diamonds. Yes. Yeah. I don't,

I don't think anyone buys these for the $770,000 that they're trying to sell them for. I don't think so, unless, again, they make them all the way through because then it shows how resilient they are. Yeah, well, I mean, obviously they're going to make it through them. I think if they kill them, the price goes up. You think if it kills them, it goes up? I'd pay because... Think about the true crime people that love money and have money.

Like, you know, that concept of these earrings killed a man that are on the lobes of a woman. Does that not make you women wet? It's crazy. Zach Baggins, I'm looking at you. But think about that. Yeah, oh yeah. Oh yeah, I feel like you guys would like... I think ladies would like, especially these days, they'd be like...

Uh, yeah, my earrings have a death count. You know what I mean? Like, I think people... I mean, all diamonds have a death count. Well, I like the lab ones because they're just easy to do. And also, again, I don't think... And they're cheaper. I don't think a diamond's even worth it unless it comes from the hands of a charm.

It's a great point. And that's the reason why we do, but we do work with Blue Nile because they do better. Yeah. And if you guys want, we're going to be selling Last Podcast on a Left Diamond soon. Yes. Yeah, as an upgrade to the Stitcher Premium plan. Yes, I'm going to be choking them down and shitting them out.

So that you can have them. But the only way you get to have them is you keep the shit on them. They call them pubic zirconia. Yes. But I'd love to find out. Is he going to live? Yeah, he definitely can die. And we have one last story for you all today. And that is the Texas Rocket Man.

is recovering after a county fair mishap. This happened close to us. Yes, this was in India. This is the Riverside Fair. Yeah, the Rocket Man, Chachi Valencia. Great name. Great. Especially for a Rocket Man?

Chachi is kind of the best name for a Rocket Man. But tell me about this. All right, so this is a little... This might get... Some people might get a little maybe upset about this, but I'm not saying that this is because he's an essential worker. I'm just curious. Now...

Chachi Valencia. His job is his whole life is to be shot out of a cannon. Yes. Now he's done this several times, but he did this over the weekend. Now he fucked up this weekend by shooting himself out of a cannon. And I guess he misjudged the wind.

So if you see the video of him doing it, it's like you could definitely see it hurts. He hits the edge of the net, bounces up, spins around, slams down onto his body, right? He fucking falls down. He crushes a bunch of bones. He breaks his ribs. At least he did hit the net for a second. He lived.

Now, obviously, he's very resilient. This is a tough man that's been doing this for—he does this for a living. I don't think there's any way this is the first time he's fell. Well, he's had a couple mishaps. He's had to get a couple near misses. But the one thing I do find curious—now, tell me about this. I don't mean this to sound cutthroat here. But there is a GoFundMe being set up to help Chachi Valencia recover.

get money to recuperate so that he's, because all the money he's going to lose not being able to get shot out of a cannon for the next several months. Yes. But I, how do I, and medical bills. But how do I say, yes, like, obviously, GoFund, like, it's really sad that we're in this place and people need these GoFundMes. I don't think this man has insurance. No. But there's, because who would insure the Rocket Man? Yeah. But I wonder, is this maybe not...

Maybe not Mother Nature herself telling you to slow down, Chachi. Maybe, Chachi, it's time for the Rocket Man to come down to Earth. Maybe if you're making little things like this, next time, Chachi, it might not be a near miss. It might be a full-on, you get shot into a

A fucking cavern. You get shot into a gulch. It was a sudden, unexpected gust of wind. He is the Texas Rocket Man, and this happened in California. We know about the winds. We had the fires. It pops up, especially in Riverside. But you can look it up online beforehand. It's out by the windmills. I think you got to check with a...

But it's an unexpected gust. I know, but you got to figure out how to... Also, it's got to be pretty strong to fucking push a human body. It must have been. It was enough. Yeah. Unless there was somebody trying to kill the Rocket Man. This is from the GoFundMe page. We're reaching out with some difficult news about Chachi, the incredible human cannibal artist known as the Rocket Man Valencia. Recently at the Riverside County Fair and National Date Festival...

Oh, the food date. The food. Okay, I was going to say. The food date. All right, good, because the date festival in Riverside seems like it could get rough. Oh, yeah. A sudden and unexpected gust of wind tragically altered his performance. During his act, a strong gust of wind caught him midair, causing him to miss the safety net. He struck the side of the net. It catapulted him out and unfortunately landed on the asphalt.

Oh, yeah. He got jacked up. Now, I know there's a net there, but why not have some pads down also? Because that's not nearly as impressive, Eddie. It is. I don't think anyone would notice. I would. You would, you? First thing I'd say is, pussy. Yeah. What a pussy.

Oh, he needs more than a net? Yeah. Chachi is a dedicated performer who brings joy and excitement to audiences, a breathtaking marvel in skill and daring. His death-defying stunt as electrified crowds at the London Olympics closing ceremony. That's pretty fucking awesome. That's pretty big. NASCAR and Formula One events and the secret weapon in Rio de Janeiro's carnival competition. It is wild, man, to have that life. Think about that.

That's what you do. You travel the world getting shot out of a can. It's just a matter of time. Oh, of course. If this is your job, you're going to have a bad day at work at some point. Don't you kind of, if you have this type of job. You have to prep for this, right? But don't you kind of want it? I mean, yeah, of course. Because I feel like that's what I would do with the very last one. Once I hit like 80, I'd be like, pull the net. All right, now we're doing it for real.

Yeah, you know, I feel like that could be and then you just get splattered. Yeah, and he's coming back though. This is a he's just gonna take some time off and he's gonna come back the rocket man, you know So please if you do feel like you need to support him you can but also maybe again I'm saying rocket man. Yeah, maybe this is your wake-up call. I'm looking at his go fund me and There's only one person put words of support

And it just says ding dong. Interesting. Very, very sad. Not a single lesson learned. $10. Ding dong. Ding dong. Why did it say ding dong? What the fuck? Why does it just say ding dong?

That must be a thing. Maybe it's an inside joke with him. I don't know, but it's hilarious. I don't know, but either way. Chachi, we love you, Chachi. We love you, Chachi. I want the best for you. I hope you reach your goal. I'm not donating, but we brought it up on the show, and so maybe someone will donate if you want to see the Riverside or the Texas Rocket Man Valencia come back, heal, and return to the sky. Go to his website.

The Rocket Man Valencia. Just go to his website and send a word of support through his email request. I guess you could also just book him. Available? Well, not right now. Can you look this up? How much is the book? You got to reach out. Oh, we got to reach out. Because maybe that's what we'll do. Yeah, we'll book him once he's better. How much do you think it could cost for one shot out of the cannon? $5,000.

$1,000. $1,000? Yeah. Well, you've got to get the cannon. You've got to get the net. I sadly think it's like $750. Really? Yeah. You think so? Well, then they've got to lower this $55,000 goal. Yeah.

Maybe it's a thousand. I think maybe you rent the thing. How do I... It's not a thing you can look up. Why can't I look this up? Are you... How much is a human cannibal? If you get shot out of a cannon, please write in. Let us know how much do you charge.

We're not necessarily hiring you, but we are just curious. I'm looking for estimates. Yeah, yeah. To see if it's something that's in the budget. Yeah, I'm looking for estimates here, honestly, because I'm going to take a couple of options here. Because basically, if it's more expensive than a dog in a ballerina costume, probably not going to do it. Unfortunately, that's the choices we need to make in the 2025 economy.

Yeah, we'll have to look it up. We're going to have to try to book him. He's got a booking agent. Yeah, of course he does. Yeah. Of course, if he's big enough to go to the London Olympics and shit like that, he must be fucking a very... Yeah, this guy's kind of the best at it. He must be. It seems like it. Or one of. Yeah. Well, I hope to see you back at work, Chachi. Yeah, but it's more of a spring. That's what I knew. They don't actually shoot you. TheRocketman1 at live.com if you want to email him and wish him well. I want to hang out with him. Yeah. He actually seems like a blast.

When's the last time you saw the movie Rocketman? I haven't seen it in a long time. I wonder if it sucks, though. Probably. Let's get some listener emails. Yeah. All right, here we go.

Some really good ones this week. Yeah, we got some stuff on victim advocates, first degree murder. Victim advocates. The one thing I will just say is thank you for the support I got from victim advocates. And the main thing that they said is I got a lot of backup and truly just. Even the victim advocates agreed with you. Yes. And just make sure you just call a lawyer. If you can afford a lawyer, call a lawyer. Talk to somebody with a lawyer, a law degree from your state.

Yeah. It's extremely important too because all the laws vary by state. And if you're very broke...

And you find a victim's advocate, maybe hit up your smartest friend and be like, does that seem real to you? I mean, I don't know, but it'll definitely call a fucking lawyer. Most lawyers, you could definitely find somebody that will pick up, at least pick up the phone. And let's just know that the people that reached out to, they're trained by the state and they really are. And they're confidential. Like people like this, a real victim's advocate is not going to blast you on social media.

That is just not how it works. A victim's advocate is supposed to work for you, alongside you, and it's not supposed to bring attention to themselves. It's actually the exact opposite of what they're supposed to do. Casey Anthony is the ultimate example of this parasitical version of this job. Caca woman. Caca bitch. And Gypsy Rose Blanchard coming out hard against her. Yeah, well, if anyone knows about a bad mom. And that's the sad, because I wish that she would have made it to my March Madness pool.

Oh, Gypsy? Versus Casey. Oh, yeah. Because Gypsy kills mothers. Yeah. And Casey kills daughters. Yeah, that is. Right? So, I mean, who's stronger? If you really want to go out, you want to talk about who's strong and who's not. Gypsy kills mothers. Yeah. And she's got prison time under her belt. Oh, she's hard as fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. She can make a ratchet-ass fucking shift, dude. But didn't her boyfriend and her just break up because of Dr. Phil? He got broke up because of the social media bullshits.

the OG boyfriend. But now she's back with the other guy. The guy that she said had the dick is fire. Oh, okay, yeah. She's not with him anymore. She's with the other guy. She's back with the big guy? Ken? No. Yeah, Ken. She's with Ken now. She's with Dumper? I thought Dumper was gone. Ken is the new old one. Yeah, he's the old guy who's not the Dumper that she was with originally. I like the Dumper. He's fine.

He's the only, you can tell he's a nice man. Couldn't handle the heat? No, he certainly could not. Gypsy Rose Blanchard, if she's one thing, red hot.

Here we go. Now let's get to this really gross story. I love this. I don't know if it's a gross story. It's just more, you never know how close families are. An unsettling story. So I've been a wedding bartender in North Carolina for five years and work at venues all over the state. There's a lot of downtime before a wedding, so it's common for vendors to swap interesting stories to pass the time. This is the craziest one I've heard.

So the story goes that just before the ceremony, everyone is preparing to get lined up, doing final checks, and the groom is nowhere to be found. Where is he? So all the bridesmaids and groomsmen are looking around. The bride's getting frustrated.

All the guests are in their seats, walking around, searching the venue. The bride's sister starts hearing noises coming from a closet. So she opens the door, only to find the groom breastfeeding from his mother while the father is watching. I suppose, I guess, for some much-needed comfort before the stress of the wedding. Needless to say, the wedding was canceled.

Now, nothing's got to be, like, how do I put this? Is she still breastfeeding? I think it was just dry and it was for the feeling of it. He was sucking on her tits. Yes. He wasn't breastfeeding. I mean, assuming if you're getting married, your mother is over 50. There's only two ways this counts in terms of that we can remotely kind of try to sort of...

Like, talk about this and that if one, your mother is Salma Hayek, two, your mother is Susan Sarandon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is the only way this is remotely acceptable. Or Amaranth.

Yes. Yeah. Simply just because she needs the support. Yeah. Now, but the idea of just wholeheartedly just sucking on a titty with no milk coming out of it on your wedding day is, I get it, we all handle stress differently. For me, I find that situation itself very stressful. Also, if you have to do this, I suggest doing it at the hotel beforehand. Okay.

We're not even telling you don't do it. We're not even saying hold back, it's your wedding day. We're saying have the good taste to do it back in the changing area. And not that day.

Not the day of the wedding. The dad watching is the weird part. I think he's just trying to make sure he did it right. This sounds like a back rooms video. It does. I do. But I've talked, did I not talk about on the stream about how my entire algorithm, I am getting this like breastfeeding thing. Really? It's a lot of that. It's a way to show tits.

but without it, but they use the baby. And a lot of times they use a fake baby too, to pretend suck on the tit. And then they pull it off like, Oh, and just so you could see him a little bit. And so they, you see nipples on Instagram now. Oh yeah. Because of the breastfeeding. Yeah. Look it up.

I'm okay. I've never typed into words breastfeeding. I had a family member who kept posting breastfeeding videos, and I wasn't happy about it. We've talked about this where I'm okay with it. I'm happy about it. If I was in the room, that's one thing. I'm not disgusted by it, and I don't even hate it. I don't think that it's bad. I think it's natural, and I think you need to breastfeed whenever you need to breastfeed. Absolutely. But if you're my little cousin, please don't post it on Instagram stories. I had also said.

Just understand we are doing everything in our power as men to not look at it because we don't want to see it. We actively don't want to see it. I'm behaving myself. But the sucking and the titty out makes our heads turn. It's a noise. There's nothing that we can do. Because how hard is this noise to ignore?

If my dog is licking his foot at night, I flip out because the noise is so much. Meanwhile, if you sit over there and you got your six-year-old out and she's chomping on your fucking, chomping on your Tetons, getting their fucking whole milk, all right, I'm going to end up looking. And I don't want to. No one wants it. We all hate it. But just know that's why I think it's cool. But again, I also support it. Please breastfeed in public. Just put a blanket over everybody. Just know that, yeah, it's more of like if your family's around...

I don't know. We're just getting into trouble. Now I'm getting in trouble. Now we're just getting into trouble. It's a touchy subject. Well, it is a touchy subject. It's funny in a way. It's a very touchy. Super sucky. It's a sucky subject. Because I do, you know, but again, I support breastfeeding. I want you to breastfeed. Please breastfeed. Do it at the restaurant. Do it at the airport. I don't care. Do it at the police station. Do it at the crack house. You just don't need...

To put it on Instagram reels. I don't know. I guess maybe they do. But you like it. I don't like it. And I'm asking for a nod. I don't like it. But you have been enjoying it. No, I just, I've seen it. You've seen it. And you don't like it. No. Say it again. I don't like it. No, because I don't want to see babies in there. That's not what breasts are for. No. Well, it is technically exactly what they're for. Yeah, for lame breasts. Now let's go and look at this next story.

So unsubscribe, unsubscribe. This is this is literally the non-toxic male podcast. Here we go. So we had a comment. We talked about Lori and Chad this week getting a hotel room for their non-heavy petting awkward Christian non-sex. OK. And this is just too much.

When I was in college, I was in a sorority and it was a relatively normal sorority except for one girl. She was a very conservative Christian. Not sure exactly which branch, but very fundamentalist. I think her parents wanted her to join because she would live with only girls and stay pure or something. Yeah, good idea.

She got engaged by the time she was 20, which we all awkwardly side-eyed because it's the only way they can have sex. That's why they get engaged early. Boys were not allowed on the second floor of the house, but you could theoretically study with your boyfriend on the main level. One time her fiance came over and they were hanging out in the living room while I was reading for class. We were probably like 10 feet away from them.

The two of them faced each other and they pressed their foreheads against each other, looking each other's eyes and breathing heavily together while holding hands. It was the most disgustingly intimate, uncomfortable thing I have secondhand experienced. And it went on for about 15 minutes. Whoa, that's long. Oh, yeah. Well, I just sat there. I was trying to read, not knowing if I should leave. Every so often, I would just hear a...

from behind me and I would internally scream. I think it would have actually been less weird if they just had sex in front of me. I agree. Eventually, the awkwardness of the situation broke through to me and I coughed loudly and I left to leave them with their weird breathing shit.

Yeah, so I think it's probably good. That's how they have sex in Demolition Man. That is what I wanted to bring up with the shells. Yeah. Lori and Chad got a hotel room and in Coneheads. Yeah. Instead of doing that weird shit in a public park. Yeah, that's like, I don't know why it's really gross. It's so much worse than sex. It's so much worse than sex. Getting married at 20 and pressing foreheads together is so much worse than having sex one time.

Yeah, I guess so. Yes. At the same time, good for them. No, fuck them. No one should be getting married at 20 years old. No, that I agree with. I feel like I understand why you do and I understand that people do it and it's really not disparaging. I'm just saying just straight up as a now a 40 year old. But if you get off on slapping

foreheads and holding hands, I think it's good. I think it's good for you. I think it's fine, yeah. If you are getting off, though, you shouldn't get off in front of other people. No! I mean, if that is your sex, it should be behind a fucking closed door anyway. Yeah. Because, again, I just don't need you guys doing mind shares. I think the face is worse than the falconer. You know what's funny?

I sort of do too. Only just because the Falconer put it on. Yes, he should not have posted it. No. The thing about the Falconer that saves it all is his own accepting attitude. It's his own

is how Italian he is about it. Yeah. That's what saves that story. It's the fact that he's not only not ashamed, but just so happy at how well his penis looks that he wanted to show the world and he was just proud of it and he took it. He took accountability. He saved up for it and he bought it. But these are the people, these guys pressing foreheads together are the same people that are making like

Supreme Court decisions. You think so? Yes. So that's the thing. That's what we're talking about here. This is the problem is that if you can't put PNV... You know, we know he's being dirty. Now, but I'm just saying these are the type of people where they come... This is what we're looking at, evangelicals and fundamentalists. That's what Amy Barrett is and all these people are. Just understand that if you can't put PNV, you cannot choose what to do with our country. That is what I consider. If you can't...

If you literally can't watch an R-rated movie, how in the literal fuck are you supposed to run the country United States of America when we are proudly built on war? Yes. All right? We are proudly built on bloodshed, and I won't have you deny it. You fucking dirty-ass Christians. Yeah. You fucking Christians, man. So much worse than that. We're coming for you. We're going to pull your pants down. I'd rather you openly buttfuck a runaway. Yeah. You know?

There you go. We ended strong today. We really did. We really, really did. What a day it was.

We got a lot of messaging in there, and I think that everybody who's heard us is more inspired. So in two days, if you want to hear more of this, we're going to be at the Ryman Auditorium. You bet. That is March 14th in Nashville, Tennessee. And I am going to love being in Nashville. I'm going to live the Nashville lifestyle. Go down there. I'm going to get some way too hot for me chicken. You are going to get the chicken. I don't know yet. I haven't decided. I want to eat good. Honestly, I'm going to eat good.

Let's get the chicken on Saturday, the day after the show, so we don't have to worry about being sick. Could someone send me an email of what's like a good sleeper thing we should check out in Nashville on Saturday while we're in town? There's a good restaurant we should head up because I am just fucking, I'm already hungry thinking about Nashville. Yeah, no, I love eating there.

It's one of the good towns for that. And then we're going to get our German food on Sunday in Huntsville. That is March 16th. Henry and I are doing a special side stories in Huntsville. It's going to be a blast. I can't wait for it, man. I cannot wait. Yeah, we're going to NASA. Well, we're not going to NASA, but we're going to go scream at the building. Oh, yeah. And then we're going to talk about your hero, Werner Von Braun.

wrong. Oh, everybody's favorite American. We're going to have so much fun. Come out to Huntsville. We are going to, we're going to have a fucking blast. Yeah. And then April 19th, we're going to be in Detroit at the Masonic. So make sure you check us out there. And then also next week, I'm

I am touring Florida. That's right. On March 20th, I'm in Jacksonville. March 21st and 22nd, I'm in Panama City Beach. And on March 23rd, I'm in Tallahassee with Danny Bedrosian. It's going to be amazing. I got our boy Evan Rossi opening up for me. We're going to have a shit ton of fun. I got...

I'm doing an hour of Florida jokes. Yes, it is good. You have developed this whole act. Yes, yes. So this is a lot of Florida specific material. You're not going to see anything like this. Come and check it out. And then Henry and I are going to be in Florida in May, but we'll talk about that down the road. But right now,

March 20th, Jacksonville. 21st and 22nd, Panama City Beach. And the 23rd, I'll be in Tallahassee, Florida. Come check all that shit out. You love it, you animals. Yes. Yes. And we will laugh our way, won't we? Yeah. Go and get those tickets. We'll see you soon, you fuckers. Hail Satan. Hail breastfeeding. Please. Hail it. From the boogie down streets of Queens.

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