Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix
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Everything is rolling, so whatever you guys are feeling good. Ooh, wow. Yeah, a little rhythm. Yeah, a little rhythm, a little Pope is Dead music. Well, you know, it's important because it's important today to really recognize the fact the curse has been broken.

News has finally happened. And time for side stories to talk about it. I know! It has finally happened. We've been waiting for something like this for years. It has never happened. The Pope always...

always gets better. Yeah, he loves getting better. He always goes dipping down and then pulling up the nose, make everybody get all excited, starting up the conclave, sending out the invites. This Pope died like five times. He's been dead.

That's the other thing. He's been dead for six months. At least. They said irreversible heart failure is how he died. I actually, I'd heard. I saw a stroke. Yeah, well, he was stroking. Oh, stroking to the east, stroking to the west, stroking to the boy that I love best. He is stroking. Pope Francis is dead. Hey, how you doing? Welcome to Side Stories.

My name is Henry Zebrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. How you doing? I want to be the first... Skokin' to the east. Skokin' to the west. To bless the Pope after he's dead. You know, a lot of people immediately... In the name of the dad and the boy. And the ghost and the enchanted... Something. Apparition. Yep.

I want to say a lot of people said Henry Zebrowski is going to come out hard with the, you know, the Pope harboring molesters joke about how, you know, how he's, you know, him and Whoopi Goldberg, I think, had an affair together. There's a lot of people, him, he was coming for that Ted Danson ex-wife material. Oh, yeah. I think that there's a lot of people that were expecting me to say stuff like that. But I want to say Papu Jorge, me so sorry you dead. Yeah. Yeah, man. Papu.

Pooh Jorge, I'm so sorry that the last thing that you had to see was J.D. Vance's fat face, but everybody else was also saying the same thing. We've all seen the millions of jokes about J.D. Vance killing the Pope. He was probably already dead. Oh, we're saying. Just sitting there. I think that the Pope's been dead for two months. I think so. I think they knew that they had a drag. How did he get fatter? I don't know. And, you know, whatever it is, apparently when you gain cancer, it's not like, it's like you get lumps. But he didn't have cancer. Yeah, it's a lot of stuff.

He probably had everything. He had every single thing that you could have. He had it all in one go. J.D. Vance begged to see him. He sent his goon, Papa Jorge, went and sent his goon at him to tell him, you know, you're not a real Christian. J.D. Vance went, meh, meh, meh. Then they went and then he got to see him on his last breaths. But I still think that he was dead.

He saw Papu Jorge sitting there. Papu Jorge, they screwed his little hat on. They got the threads on in there. You know, they made sure he had his arms attached because they fell off about three weeks ago. And so, you know, they have the strings. Oh, yeah. And he's like...

All popes are puppets. We know that. So nice to meet you. So nice to meet you. Welcome to La Manica. Have you ever been to Italy? You know, JD Vance is like wondering why he's not answering him. He's like, this motherfucker's stonewalling me. Or he's like, wow, quiet contemplation. Ha ha ha.

Just watching the corpse of him rot in front of him. We also said we're looking at his... Since when do we let vice presidents meet the Pope, by the way? Since all the rules are gone, Eddie. Vice presidents... Vice presidents don't get to meet the fucking Pope. Vice presidents need to be pretty and shut the fuck up. That's right. That's all I want to see. I want you to sit in your little fucking bodyguard

I want you to do something dumb like teach people to read or something. That's what vice presidents are supposed to do. They're not supposed to. He's too busy. And you know what? He looks like shit. And eventually, you know, they think that you had anything to do with this, J.D. Vance. The Vatican is going to disappear you. Oh, my God. And I hope, I just hope that he said one wrong thing in that room. Oh, I can guarantee it. It probably just something like, oh.

Man. Whoa. Hey. Nice dress. But done. Done. But we were looking at pictures of Papu Jorge in his casket. And if you look at it, you can tell, I guess, like, they sort of don't embalm them. I don't quite know. Let me get a close up of this. I don't know how it all works. I need to see it large for me to know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I want to see it big. I want to get in there. Can I take a VR tour of the Pope's casket? Yeah.

Man, what about the guy behind him dressed like a jester? That is the Swiss Guard. That's the Swiss Guard? Yes, that is a part of the Vatican Guard. That's the elite guard that their jobs are to protect that hat. Maybe a different fucking outfit would help them be better fighters. No, that's how you know they're fighters. Those sleeves are not good for fighting. I will say, don't fuck with the Swiss Guard. I've made comments about the Swiss Guard before, and apparently they will fuck you up. Really? Apparently, yeah. They are very highly trained. Okay.

That's his private army. Do they put holes in people? Yeah, yeah, four of them. Like the cheese. Yeah, string them up, Jesus, Mike. But the Papu is here melting. You can see him in this casket. He's slowly melting, which shows that... But the funeral's not until Saturday. Yeah, I know. He already looks awful. They're going to have to pop him on ice. They're going to do something, right? I think they do. They put him in the fridge. Yeah, they have to. Yeah, I mean, you know, you got to have all the spread going. It's not like it's cold in Italy.

It's nice. It's nice. Well, that's France. The, um... Stole my joke. Yeah, but you deserve it. And, uh...

I love how they had to like, they're like, okay, he's five, eight, but we need a six foot five casket for the hat. Just so you know, we're going to have to bury him with that. It's actually, it seems he died with it still on, just melting into his forehead. That's because he has a dildo on top of his head. The hat hides the dildo. I wonder, like, so now we're going to go through the conclave.

Sidestories, L-P-O-T-L, at gmail.com. I'd love to know what we know about what they do to the Pope's corpse. Because I know what we did. We were talking about it with Gurney right before the show. They have a whole thing. Obviously, it's a whole...

very regimented. What do they do with his eyes? They do a regimented breakdown. Jerry Orbach didn't get to ask, so we don't get to ask either. But they go through a whole procedure, and I know one of them is they take a little hammer and they knock him on the head three times. This is true. A silver hammer. Yes. And they knock him on the head three times, and then they go,

Jorge. And they say his real name. And I guess that transmutes him back to human. Or if he like, if possible, wake up. And then, wait, wait, wait, wait. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Go back to sleep. Go back to fucking sleep. It's my turn, Papu. It's my fucking turn. I'm in charge. Hell yeah, man. I mean, because what happens, they seal the apartment.

Yes. Because you never know what happens in there. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. If I were you, I'd go up to his little lips and go, I'm forgiven, Henry. Oh, great. Thanks, buddy. I know all your crimes and I forgive you. Thank you. Thank you, Papa Jorge. But yeah, everyone's expecting us to talk about how a lot of you gave me pushback because he was the nice pope. He's the best pope we've had.

What does that even mean? He's better than the other fucks. He's fine. What's hard is that I don't mind. The next one's going to suck. He has used homophobic slurs in the past. But he's also stuck up for gay people. Sort of. The thing is that I guess. He said they're allowed to be humans. Kind of. It's still one of those where I do think that I know that everyone's saying at least he's trying. But you know what I'd love? Someone that didn't just

You just be executed. Do it. Be the Pope. This is my thing. Aren't you like the fucking infallible head of the church? I know you have all these people you have to convince and all this kind of shit, but when it comes down to it, he could literally come out and be like, not only are gay people great, but I jerk off to gay porn every day. Like if you really wanted to change shit, he would absolutely.

Actually change shit. Instead of kind of hinting and kind of half-changing shit. And before everybody tells me, oh, the politics and blah, blah, blah. It's like, yeah, I get it. I don't give a fuck. If he's chosen by God, then he should be able to do whatever the fuck it is he wants. Also, the Catholics, you know, they could use a little refresh, a little sprucing up. Somebody needs to do something with like a set of huevos. You know what I mean? Someone's got to actually...

actually do something. And now we have the opportunity to do the funniest thing ever if anybody has seen Conclave. And they know how Conclave ends. Yes. And I think that could be really, really fun. This is a good way for someone to sneak in there.

Yeah, it would be a good idea. Oh, so Pope Francis here, I love this. He says, he sneaks in views on sex and masturbation as he kisses feet of prisoners. Lucky Pope. Really? What does he say? On Holy Thursday. Do you mind if I suck on these feet? Hey, I know I'm supposed to kiss them, but I can suck on them if you want.

You know what? I'm in prison for child molestation. You go ahead and suck my feet, Bo. Is it okay that I'm like super old? Yep. Do you mind that I'm old? Honestly, that to me is the grossest part of this. But yeah, please start sucking.

And so he says that he's saying no to masturbation, right? He says sex is one of the most beautiful things that God has given to the human person, even though he's never even seen. He doesn't know. He has no idea. He doesn't know about sex. He doesn't even know. Does he know what queefing is? No. But while in the favor of sex, masturbation, he still says is a big no-no. Masturbation's a no-no? No-no. You know what's a big no-no? Hmm? Having sex with children. Hmm.

That's a big old fat no-no. A lot of those guys, it's a bit of a yes, yes. They are very, very, they're super into it. Yeah. Criminally so. So now we are mourning the passing of Il Papu. The next one's mourning as in it's, you know, it's early. It's 2.15. Yeah. I think that the next pope is gonna suck.

And they have to suck. Yeah, so I don't... We went from Nazi to halfway decent. Sort of. Sort of. Again, I still feel like it's giving him too much credit. He's still... No one...

There's no reason to like a pope. No, it's like a president. It's like a king. Anybody that likes anybody that is in charge by some form of... It's the largest cult in the world. So this secret group gets together and puts together. They all decide what they have interpreted what God has told them to choose who the guy is to be pope. And they've chose multiple Nazis. They've chose multiple war criminals. They've chose... It's like, so I don't want to fucking hear it. So now the next pope is going to be some other guy. It's

probably going to be like... It's going to be... Bezos. No, even he... I don't even know if he can... There's an American running. He doesn't want to live in... He doesn't want to live in the Vatican. It's too small for him. We might have our first American pope. I forget the guy's name. Oh, great. We might get an American in there. Oh, good. That'd be interesting. That's what we need. No, I don't think so. You know what I want? I want some English out of the pope. Robot. Robot pope. Where's my Roomba pope? Roomba pope? Yeah, they got Roombas that can mop now. Okay.

Where's my Roomba Pope? Just put a hat on a Roomba? Yeah, fuck these guys. They're all saying the same thing. We might have our first. There was talk about having our first African Pope.

But they didn't like how he, that Francis approved of same-sex couples. No, they are going to choose somebody that's very bad. You know what I like about Francis's death? A thing that he did that I find to be kind of cool is he said that there's always a private viewing for all the Cardinals. And he was like, fuck that shit. They don't get that. Take anything away. Change anything is all I'm saying. How about change something that matters?

You know, you start small. You know, I guess that's my question. It's like, I guess where everyone wants me to give him credit, and I guess it's just... This guy's a piece of shit smug face. Yeah, fuck all of these people. Who's this guy? Cardinal Matteo Zappi? Every single time I see one of their little tiny hats, I get angry. I hate the Cardinals' tiny hats. Yeah, why do they have all of origami hats? I'm so sick of them. Did they have like a class and they all made their hats together and now they have to wear it? You work at In-N-Out? Or is that just what you do with kids? Yeah.

Fucking disgusting pieces of shit. I like that. That's nice. That's good. Took me two seconds, but that was fun. Legitimately, I am trying to dial back the molestation jokes because that's our act on the road. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why I don't want to spoil those bits.

It's just this idea of I don't care that the Pope is dead. I'm glad that he's dead. But unfortunately, it just opens it up to another. Do you not care or are you glad? No, I just don't. There's one or the other. I'm mad that there's going to have to be a new choice. You know what this is again? This is another British wedding. Yeah.

This is another royal wedding fucking garbage. This is another, oh, the queen's dead. I'm going to have to watch five hours of fucking dragon or wrinkly ass across fucking the bridge. They go dump her in the river or whatever they did. I mean, that was fun to look at the dead queen for so long. It is another thing that the whole world has to stop and give a shit about that I'm sick of. You know, I'm sick of these things. You know, I want to talk about. What?

How we helped Ryan Coogler's Sinners do very well in the box office. Oh! See, that's the difference. That's what... Original horror movie, big budget, R, made some fucking cash, dude. That's the fucking news, dude. This is a great year between this and The Substance and Nosferatu. This is a fucking big year for horror movies coming back to the mainstream where they fucking belong. I am also going to confess...

That I am buying time in this recording, waiting with the verdict watch open for the Lori Vallow trial on my YouTube. I wonder what Mr. Coogler thinks about that. Let me ask him. Probably. Rob, call Coogler. Call him on the phone. Pull up the Coogler phone. Pull up the Coogler phone.

But no, I've been sitting here because of what I was also hoping for in another first for Side Stories, that that verdict would come in on time. We still—we have a couple minutes left. You never know what's going to happen. Rob's watching. I don't think we're going to know for a week. I think there's one fucking asshole in there being an asshole. I actually don't know if it can go that long. I think it really can only be—like—

The fact that it's taking longer than 15 minutes to decide that she's guilty is one of the biggest travesties I have ever seen. Do they have the death penalty in Arizona? Could she get the death penalty for this? She's not up for a death penalty because this is just a conspiracy trial. Oh, okay. So this is just... Saying that she's involved. She orchestrated the conspiracy. Now, I can see how...

You can convince maybe some of the less bright members of the jury pool that there is a reasonable doubt. Right. Like because the main issue is that the prosecutor put out all of this circumstantial evidence, which is the text. Yeah. But to tell the entire story of a person.

going ahead and planning. Like she was the mastermind. She was the one pulling all the elements together. She was the one that told Alex to get the gun. She was the one that made sure that her, her other bestie got her, the pulled her brother out of the scenarios that Charles Vallow would make sure that he would show up alone to the house. She was the one that told Tylee to fake coming out with the baseball bat. Text messages.

No, but you can, it's insinuated. And the problem is that how

It just depends on how difficult a jury wants to be. Yeah. Because they also... They don't know that she killed her kids. Ostensibly, they don't know. Do you think at the end of this, they're going to be like, what? She killed those fucking kids? I think so, yes. I would have changed my goddamn vote. Exactly. Which is the reason why they didn't want it in there. It's because they're trying to figure out if you can... But this is one of those really hard lines. Because there was no person...

seeing a meeting of them together orchestrating the plan. Yeah. There was no, there's nobody from within the plan to testify. Because guess what? They're dead. Everybody's dead. And no one's asking about that. No one's asking where's Tylee? Why didn't she talk?

And they know Alex is dead. But they're like, where's everybody else? Where's Chad Daybell's wife? Where's Daybell in general? Chad Daybell, they are... Chad Daybell, the prosecutor, specifically carved out because they did not...

Number one, he's not going to come. It's his right to plead the fifth because he's married to Lori Vallow. Like, cause he was still legally married to her. So it's his right to not testify. No lawyer of his would tell him to go testify because he's trying to fight his death penalty.

Oh, he's getting shot in the head. We all know that. Oh, can't wait. Oh, man, let me do it. And then the next ones are the, but that's kind of the issue now is that any one of those pieces of information, if Lori Vallow were to bring up, would allow the prosecutor to open up the story and bring in the...

The story of her killing her kids, which is what Lori Vallow kept trying to fight. And then, as you can see, the reason why she did not end up testifying on the stand and the reason why she didn't end up testifying, which is I did find an interesting statistic, is that 90 percent of defense trials that don't include the defendant testifying on their behalf.

They end up losing the case. Wow. So it's the fact that she didn't testify says a lot to the jury. And because the reason why she didn't testify is because she didn't want to be under control of having to answer questions from the prosecutor.

Could she ask herself questions if she testified? She would do one or the other. It's actually, I had to look this up. It's either she would have a set of written questions that would be asked by her. She has an assisting lawyer. She has somebody that's kind of helping her get through a lot of the processes there because she doesn't have a law degree and she's a fucking moron, homicidal maniac.

And so she did a good job, though. She did not. I mean, they're still deliberating. The only reason why they're deliberating. They've been in there for two and a half hours today. They're just doing it because they are a pain in the butt. They are doing it because it's a pain in the butt. They legitimately, she did such a horrendous job of doing what she was needing to do. It just really depends on, and I mean this as nicely as possible, how dumb the jury is. Man.

Man, I'll tell you what. It depends on how dumb or how difficult the jury wants to be. If I can give you a little brighter side to this, if she does get off, first of all, she's in prison for the rest of her life no matter what, so it doesn't even matter. But if she does get off, I think it'll influence a lot more idiots to defend themselves. Always. But then they'll end up losing. I mean...

There is just no way she's going to win. There's just no way, but we'll find out. Yeah. I mean, that's what they said. The answer should be in by now. Well, no, not necessarily. Right now it's a two and a half hours. Yeah. Right now it's two and a half hours. They said that she got the, in Idaho, she got seven hours to talk to them to decide that she was guilty in Idaho.

Also, it was a much longer trial. She didn't represent herself in that. No, and it was a much thicker trial. But this one, it's just, I don't understand. It's obviously, it's slightly less of a sentence too. But I do think that once they find out,

that after the fact that she's murdered her children, they're going to be pretty upset if they let her go on this one. I mean, we still don't know where that is. We just don't know where it is. And Lori Vallow. So the answer is she can have answers. She can have questions that her assisting attorney can answer to her. And then there's other things that you can do. Sometimes they allow you to testify to a narrative where they allow you to just extemporaneously talk.

Where you can monologue at the... At the jury. She can. Both of us almost said audience. Yes, it is. We're such fucking performers. But that's all it would be. That's all it is. But then... But the problem, again, is that then she would be open to cross-examination, and the last thing that she wanted was to be spoken to by another woman, which is the saddest thing. I think in the end, she just hates... She definitely hates this prosecuting attorney. Nothing would make me...

happier than watching this prosecuting attorney nail her to a fucking wall. But it's just, it's not going to happen. The poll on Law and Crime Network, 28,000 votes. Guilty by 94%. Not guilty, 2%. Hung jury, 4%. It's because the audience knows she kills her kids. Yes. The audience knows she's already a convicted murderer. But the jury has to know that she's a prisoner.

So they know she's a prisoner already, but they don't know what of. Yeah. They don't know what for. They technically...

Yeah. I mean, you know that she's let in every day in handcuffs and taking them off. She knows she's wearing a body shock vest. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. Just in case she was just nicely, though. Yes, because that is her right. Because she's in trial. The goal is, is that that's one of those things they talk about us about how it might influence the jury to see you in prison where. Yeah. No, because on her looks great. Yeah.

She fucking deserves every fucking minute of it. So what happens if she's not guilty? Just like there's this flawed justice system and that's it? No, it's like technically the justice system does what it does. Yeah. So it's up to the jury. It is up to the jury. You can't do anything about the issues of humankind not understanding things. Does the case open back up and they start looking for Charles Fallows' murderer again? No, they don't. No. No, because Alex killed him.

Essentially, Alex is the murderer. Yeah. But Alex isn't there because Alex is dead, which they also did not talk about how he died. Oh, yeah. We know that they said that she died. He died by natural causes, which is still true. Pink juice out the lungs. Yes. That's still true, but doesn't necessarily mean that it was natural. Because I still think it's very possible that he committed suicide. Suicide or something like that. Did he get an autopsy? I don't remember.

I think it worked. Does that? No, because at that time they thought it was all. I think that they were so certain that it was natural causes. What brain aneurysm? Pulmonary aneurysm or something like that, which is the same thing that I guess that Tammy Daybell had, even though they opened that one up. Interesting. So Alex probably was murdered as well. But there's no way to know for sure. No way. No way. Especially if he died the same way as Tammy. Mm hmm.

At least, sounds like it. Yeah. But, you know, so this is going to play out, but she, I just, I cannot imagine she's not going to be guilty. What was Tammy's official cause of death again? I think, again, it was considered suspicious. At first, it was considered pulmonary embolism, and then it was suspicious. And then Daybell, Chad, got got for it. Got got for it. Yes. So Chad Daybell's already gone all the way. Now they're saying that, yeah, she was asphyxiated. Okay.

So she was, that's what they tried to say. Oh, that's right, because they dug her up and they found the marks on her and all that shit. Oh, yeah. That's right. They found the bone broken in her throat. That's right. That's right. That's right. It's almost like we did a whole thing about this. It's almost like we did a month on this. Fly from your grave. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

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All right. So speaking, this is some future news that I just, I can't even believe this story. It's just wild. This is like what the, this is like what we can expect for shit like this to start happening. Woman posing as ice agent kidnaps,

ex's wife. Yeah, this is like, this is a full on like she had a costume and a character. The whole thing. Alright, with detentions by immigration and customs enforcement agents in the headlines, a woman in Florida decided to don an ice shirt

And kidnapped might have been icy. It might have been like a slurpy shirt. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, like the old slurpy shirt. A kidnap her ex-boyfriend's wife. La Trance Battle, 52, showed off the shirt and held a handheld radio when she showed up at a hotel chain where the woman worked on April 10th, according to Bay County Sheriff's Office. She also allegedly presented a business card indicating that she worked for the sheriff's office and told the employee she was there to pick her up.

This is too easy. Yes. The victim, in the process of becoming a legal U.S. resident, got into the vehicle with Battle, believing her to be a real ICE agent. So she's just terrified and she gets in there. Once in the vehicle, the woman tried to

call her husband and lawyer, but Battle forcefully snatched the phone from her hand, deputies wrote in the arrest affidavit. They added the victim became suspicious after Battle drove past the sheriff's office and made comments indicating the woman would have to suffer the consequences of her husband's

Oh, shit, dude. That's bad. This is like, ladies get angry, man. Yeah, dude. This is fucking wild. You know what I'll say? I really appreciate that a woman's doing this. Yeah. I'm not a man. And it's costumes. Yeah. I do like theater. Because most dudes are the ones that go this far. Yeah. It's nice to see a lady really go for it.

True jealousy. Most of the time, you just got to get a nice good new hair color and you feel better. She took her to an apartment complex and then she was able to contact a resident there who called for help. So not a red roof in. So someone saw that she was in trouble and they called the police for her. So that's nice. Oh, yes. When the woman was able to speak to her husband again, he told her the apparent ICE agent sounded a lot like his ex, a woman he said attacked him at his job two years earlier. So that's her move.

she shows up at your job and fucks with you. That's where everybody's super vulnerable. Do you remember back in the day in high school, did you ever play Mafia? No. Did you ever do the thing where people would have you get a hit

And then you had to hit somebody. Like, we used to do this in high school where it's like, you know, like certain places were safe zones, but everybody who was playing had a water pistol and you could whack somebody. Yeah. Like do a thing. And then when you whack somebody, they give you who they were supposed to whack and you go do it again and again. Oh, that's kind of fun. But work was supposed to be off limits. Yeah. That's what this lady doesn't get. She doesn't know the rules of mafia. Yeah.

She just knows the rules of ICE. Yeah. Show up to our schools, apparently. That's what they like. Then she was fleeing to Alabama. She got caught, and she was charged with kidnapping and commission of a felony, robbery by sudden snatching, impersonating a law officer, and the commission of a felony and felony violation of probation. So she's fucked. Wow. That's just like...

I mean, that's a long way to go to get revenge. You really don't need to do all that much for that much. What was her plan, though? I just think. Was she going to try and deport this woman? I think that she was going to try to. To be honest, I think that she was rolling for as long as she could with just kind of improvising, saying yes and herself. And then I think eventually she realized like, oh, this isn't.

going to play out unless I kill this woman. Yeah, I think it's good. If you're going to commit a crime, I think it's good to have a goal. It's like writing a book. It's like writing a book. Remember what Stephen King said. Stephen King said the key to writing a book is knowing the ending. He's like, everything else you'll figure out. But if you know the beginning and the ending, you could do a lot to get from A to Z. And so that's the main thing. For anybody looking to do a long con...

that, think of the ending in mind, and also two...

Take the complications out of it. You can just grab the woman coming out of work and putting her in the back of your car. You know what I mean? You don't need to get a costume. You don't need licenses or any of that stuff. You can't just whack her in the back of the head when she's coming out of the bathroom. So I would say also that's not advice. No, as much as it's just, you know, what are you doing here, lady? Just think about if you're going to do a crime, just understand that it's going to keep going. It's going to keep going. And I have one other story I want to do. Oh, please.

Arizona is not a friendly place. And nothing really says that quite like the story. They're about to let Lori Vallow off. I mean, I know. Any updates, Rob? Nope, not yet. Slow ass pieces of fucking shit. So here we go. So in Arizona, a guy by the name of Daniel Lanks. This is in Phoenix, Arizona.

Now, I didn't realize that this is just aggravated assault. Facing felony, this guy, he's facing felony aggravated assault. He had an unprovoked attack. A cop said, so people came up to him. A guy came up to him and he said, hey, how you doing? And then Daniel, Daniel Lanks pulled his eyeball out.

Yeah. Yeah. And then beat the shit out of him after that. Oh, yes. Because once you pull the eyeball out, the guy's pretty surprised. The victim stated that during this incident, he was in fear for his life and safety, believing that Daniel could have killed him. Absolutely. He popped your eyeball out. Yeah. Also, popping an eyeball out, it's not that hard. Yeah, no, that's what I hear. Just get the thumb in there. Or you just hit the side really hard. The key, I want it just like...

That's what my dad always said. Go for fucking eyes and balls. Yeah? Oh, yeah. That's very nice of him. He was correct. My buddy's dad taught me how to fight. And when I got my car, he gave me a cue ball. And then I was like, what do I do with this? He's like, oh, you keep it in your trunk in case anyone tries to run from you.

Oh, wow. Good. Yeah. You know me. Always hunting people down to the ends of the earth. Yes. She said he just went up to him. He just like, because what crime? Where is there a crime? Daniel Lanks, 39, older than him. Yeah. That's like, that's where I'm starting to get upset.

When I'm starting to see that I'm older than some of our criminals. Oh, yes. It sort of makes me upset. That's why I can't watch sports anymore. I know. I just can't watch children. I can't watch children do anything. But yeah, no, I mean, this guy, he fucking... How you doing? And then rips his goddamn eyeball. I mean, he was obviously doing bad. Yeah, yeah, he doing...

I'm stressed. You know, Lee, he just doesn't even really say how he popped it out. He reached from behind him and, like, scooped it. But that's crazy. It is really crazy. That's a crazy way to do it. He must have done it before. Do you think? And I don't mean that. I'm not blaming the victim at all. No. Is it any way I was loose?

Oh, just a little loose. You might have had big sockets. I think your eyes are so deep in your head, they'd be really hard to get out. Super hard to get. Yeah. That's a challenge to you people. Try to come and scoop my eyes. I dare you to try to scoop my eyes. You'll never get near enough to my eyes to scoop them.

My eyeballs are always moving around. We need some grill tongs to get him out. But after he fucking took this guy's eyeball out, he fell to the ground, started screaming, my eye, my eye, my eye. And then he just started punching him in the face and broke his fucking jaw. Yes. That is a brutal fucking attack. Lentz was apparently, he was near a shop at the intersection of Broadway and 48th Street. It was around 1 a.m.

I'm a victim. Don't talk to anyone past midnight. Again, I'm victim blaming. No, this is advice. This isn't victim blaming. This is just straight up advice. Well, I will say, you don't do the head nod to any kind of man. Head nod!

Head nod, you know, that's only, like, literally, a head nod is like, am I supposed to be scared of you right now? Yes, but a head nod is. A head nod is a communication between men. We're acknowledging each other's presence. And you just go like, I just came from up north in Oscoda, up north in Michigan, Oscoda. I just also, big shout out to the American Glory Growers. Yes. I actually got actual good weed grown by them.

hand from a place dead in the middle of nowhere. Amazing. Fucking Michigan. It was great stuff. Go check it out. But the idea that you, like, so you're talking to another man. Sometimes you gotta give somebody the head nod, right? I feel that that's, with men communicating to each other, right? Like, it's good to do. It's good to leave these things up. Do you think he was whistling? Yeah.

Hey, how you doing? Hey, how you doing? But you don't, the key is yes, never verbal because it does seem to enter into a thing. So he said, hey, how you doing? Lankson said, I'm going to whoop your ass, which is not a proper response. No, it's rude. He said, Daniel told detectives to shut the fuck up. He did not understand his rights.

And yes, he said, how you doing? And then he turned around here and he popped the eyeball out of him. And he has an eye tattoo. Maybe that's what he was jealous of. Yeah. He's like, ah, I should have got that tattoo. What is that? New York Yankees? What is that? No, it looks like it's... Flowers. I think it looks, yeah, it looks like, what's the, it's like a dandelion plant. Oh, weird. Or is it like a cactus? Aww. Aww.

I wonder if that's his spirit animal. I think he covered up a teardrop. Oh, I think he covered up a teardrop. But that doesn't make sense, though. Why would you cover up the teardrop? Isn't the teardrop supposed to let everybody know you killed somebody in prison? Yeah. Isn't that what a teardrop is? I got a teardrop tattoo next to my brown eye for all the dookies I've slain. It's the poor, the poor tattoo artist having to get in there.

He was able to model it after his own teardrop. Whoa. Because he was crying. Lonely teardrops. Is that what that song's about? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my tears will never dry. Lonely teardrops. That was actually one of the first Motown hits. Oh, really? We learned that. It was written by, what's his name? It was written by Barry Gordy. Man.

What a great time at the Motown Museum. Yeah, we went to the Motown Museum. We had a great weekend. Detroit's wonderful. Yeah, we had a fucking awesome time. Oh my God, what was that place? Hot Sam's? Hot Sam's. I told you all about Hot Sam's. Dude, Henry and I are looking sharp. Not right now, but when we want to dress up again, we bought some really nice clothes. I love Hot Sam's. That was a very cool place. Go to Hot Sam's if you're in Detroit. Go check it out. Go check it out. There was one other thing I wanted to remind people of. Go check out the Foreign Report.

on its own YouTube channel. So this is the thing we're trying to do here at Lost Podcast Network, which is we're trying to give some of our shows that are not as similar to last podcast and the others more of a chance to thrive in the internet space. So that is requiring us to put them on their own little channels. Please go and subscribe.

to the foreign report on YouTube. I'll go do that right now. Good. Sina Ghaznavi is the smartest person I know. He is very smart. Well, him and Marcus, but that's no offense to either one of you. But they're smarter. That's not my job. That's not my job.

Travis is great on there, too. Travis is great. Travis is great everywhere. Travis is great everywhere. But I love the forum report because it really does show every side of the news. It really does. I really appreciate it. They're actually an educated, level-headed response to global news. And it is extremely, it's great. With no agenda. None. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's great. And you always know. And you always know equally. Well, the best part is that when you get everybody angry, that's how you know you're right. Yeah.

When everybody's angry. That's how you know you're correct. So now we have a special guest. He's going to join us here in the last podcast in the Left Studios. A man, an intrepid leader in the UFO space. Captain Ron Janix of Contact in the Desert. He's going to be here.

We're going to be jawing with him a little bit. That's right. Yeah, because we're going to promo and talk about our eventual, like multiple shows we're doing in Contact in the Desert. Multiple shows. And Ron's been doing it every year, right? Yeah, for a dozen years. So we're going to find out all about the backstage shenanigans of Contact and why you should come out and see it because it's going to be hilarious. It's going to be amazing. And we're going to be out there from, I believe, May 30th to June 2nd. Yeah, yeah.

I think is the correct dates. Yeah. We got our whole comedy show and then we have a last podcast property show. Yep. Where we're going to interview and we're going to have a good time. We're better. We fucking better. Yeah, man. I love this shit. Contact in the Desert is such a crazy, fun experience. I love it. It was last year when we did it. It was the time where I was like, oh my God, I'm involved in something crazy. Oh, yes. So here we go. Now we will hear.

From Captain Ron. All right, ladies and gentlemen, we promised you this. We have Captain Ron Janix from Contact in the Desert. Now, this man has experienced too much truth at once. Now, you've been doing Contact in the Desert for how long? This is our third year.

But this is your third year, right, of the entire time. For owning it. Yes. I've been involved in it since like 2015, 16. I was like a host and I got to know the old owners and I would host and participate. And so I've been going there. It's been my favorite week of the year for about 10 years. Is there anything else that you do? Are you a Burning Man guy?

I've never done Burning Man. Now, I did do, you know, Contact in the Desert used to be like Burning Man. It was literally physically in the desert. It was at Joshua Tree State Park. Cool. Literally. And you'd walk from like Little Hut to Little Hut to see the different speakers. It was 120 degrees outside. Yeah. Because it's in the desert. You're literally walking over cactus. Literally. Yeah.

And Joshua Trees. But was that, like, do you have the same crew there then? Because, like, now you have, like, George Norrie and George Knapp. Like, now you're having, like, the luminaries of it. You can't put George Knapp out there. Yeah, no. He's got nice shoes. They've had Norrie and those guys have been going the whole time. They went out to the desert. Absolutely. Mm-hmm.

Nap's still legit though. Nap's hardcore. Oh, I know. I've seen the documentaries. You know, he's a man. Nap's one of my favorite guys in the whole field for sure. He's very cool. He's a genuine investigator. We might get invited to his home. Great. We're trying to force it. He's in Vegas. Have you ever been?

Not to his house, but I've seen him in Vegas. He's great. Have you ever done a thing? I just want to just straight up. I've done a thing before. Have you ever done a thing? Never. Never. He hates. I'm a novice. First of all, I'm going to get that out of there. I'm not an expert in this field. I'm very much a student, and I'm having a great time learning. Contact in the desert really taught me a lot and opened up my eyes last year. You can digest a lot in those five days. That's how it was for me. I mean, when I first went to that, I saw a flyer once.

and all these names were on it, like Van Dan again. Oh, yeah. Those guys were like, I got to go see this. And then it was just like so much thrown at me at once. You can really ramp up your knowledge.

Quickly in five days. Did you always, were you always into UFOs? Like what got you to all this? You know, I never had an experience. I'm not an experiencer or anything like that, but I've always had a curiosity to that. I always like things that are unknown. I like those shows in search of anything that's like that. I liked Art Bell, if you guys remember Art Bell. He's my patron saint. There you go. Yeah, as Marcus Parks is currently. I loved that stuff. And I kind of fell into a buddy of mine who had a podcast about UFOs. He's like, you're really into this. Why don't you come on?

And then we did Truth Be Told together for years and years and years. So I just, and you know, the more you do it, every time you interview somebody, you learn that much more. Maybe you read their book before they come on or you read stuff about them. You watch their lectures and you just grows, grows, grows, grows. Were you a stand-up? Did you do comedy? Because you're very funny. Did you do stuff like that? Like what were you doing like that got you decide that you wanted to talk about it? Because a lot of guys get into the material, but they're not...

Microphone or camera ready. You know, it's just one of those things. I was a personal assistant for 20 years, you know, working for like celebrities in Hollywood. So I never really was in front of the camera or any of that. So you're used to harboring secrets. Yeah. Yeah.

And I'm the behind-the-scenes guy, absolutely. You know, I was always behind the scenes. But it doesn't bother me. I'm open to either role. You'd never guess. I saw you, like, running stuff last year. You were, like, emceeing. Like, oh, it's like, oh, there's Nick Pope. Come on up here. You bring him on stage. You make him uncomfortable. Answer some questions. Love it. I love it. It was great. It was like a true, like, oh, no one reminded me of Playboy After Dark. There you go. Oh, look at that.

No one has ever said that about content in the desert before, that's for sure. I'm still not ready to say it, Ron. But I will follow it up. I will. But yeah, you're just walking around. You know what? Schmoozing with people. You lean on a table like, hey, Whitley, how you doing, buddy? What's going on? You know, I've been doing this now for about 14, 15 years. I've interviewed all these guys. I've got to know some of them and become friendly with them.

And we almost feels like to us that Contact in the Desert is sort of like a banquet for a community. You know, it's almost like an annual thing that we know we all go there. We all meet here. What have you been working on this year? What have you been doing? You know, a lot of these guys know each other. Some of them don't see each other until Contact next year. I feel like there should be a yearbook. Almost. Almost. You know what I mean? Do you ever do, like, through all of this process, like...

There's one side of you, obviously. You run and you're the proprietor of Contact in the Desert. So that's one side of you. On the other side of you, you've been experiencing these people at the center of ufology personally for 15 years. Where has it taken your beliefs? Well, I'll tell you what. My whole life, I am right here, man. I am right in the middle. I am the middle of all of this. So I'm very skeptical, but I'm very open-minded. I am...

A lot of these guys have gone on some of these other shows and they want me to say provocative stuff. They're like, what's the craziest thing you'll say? Sure. And I'm like, you got the wrong guy. I'm not that guy. I mean, I'm right in the middle. Same with us. It's like I am one of those. What I like to view is I'm across the board agnostic. Well done. Well done. Now, I will say this. I will say in the 15-year period that we're talking about, I have...

I've moved more towards belief that there's definitely something going on. I've always thought there's something going on. Now I really feel, you know what, there's more to this than we see. Because it's one of those things, you can't have a cursory knowledge of UFOs. Like if you talk to somebody on the street, oh yeah, I've heard of Roswell. You don't know about UFOs.

When you interview these guys, when you read these books, when you deep dive into this, it's a layered onion, as you know. So you start getting more and more knowledge in this area. There's some serious shit going on here. And, you know, I've had the honor of talking to people like Avi Loeb. Yes. You don't get to be the top of astronomy at Harvard without knowing something. And he says it's most likely that somebody is going to be coming here.

Why is he saying that? I give credence to these guys where I think some people dismiss those guys, and that's not right. Yeah. Well, because part of me wonders at this point, like, so is there some what's one piece of evidence or a piece of information? Would you say that really kind of kicked you over the line? OK, I'll tell you right now. I hate this because it's the cliche and I answer it the same always. But it is Roswell.

And if you read the Roswell books that Don Schmidt and Tom Carey have put together, their research is incredible. And they've interviewed these guys over and over, and they all fit into this perfect narrative. I mean, the idea that they interview the guy that runs the funeral home in that town, and at that night that Roswell crashed, he got a call at 3 in the morning and we need caskets.

Bring him out here. Well, is there a car crash? Don't worry about it. Just bring him over. Well, I mean, that just fits so perfectly into the story. Who's going to make that up? Who's going to think of this? And Art Bell read the deathbed confession of that colonel. He says, I wrote this for my granddaughter to know that we're not alone in the universe because I saw the bodies and I saw the ship and I saw this, but I didn't want any of the bullshit and I was threatened. What?

Why would somebody do that? Yeah, they wouldn't do that No, I find that extremely compelling. You know, you do it for the money. You want to get fame? You want to get a book not that anybody makes any money on this shit, but they think that yeah So somebody like that to me that's compelling to me I don't know why people aren't more compelled by some of these things John Mack you guys familiar with John Mack. Yes, I

head of psychiatry at Harvard, another guy who went to look at this phenomenon and said, I'm going to explain since he's at the top of

of psychiatry in the world. He was. This is another guy that had his career ruined by his interest in UFOs because he was a legit guy. A legit guy. That wanted to talk to experiencers. So why do we talk, why do we take this guy as being at the top of his game and he's this highly respected guy and then he sets out to say, I'm going to figure out what's wrong with these people. It must be another phenomenon. And then he looked into it and he said, no, that's not what it is. Something really is happening to them.

So if this guy's the top of his class, top in the world of this, why don't we then take his answer? All of a sudden, he's crazy. Yeah. That must be nonsense. And he's a professional bullshit detector. That's bullshit to me. I can't stand that. If you guys can't take John Mack at his word or Avi Loeb at his word or these guys, then why do we even have academia? Why do these guys raise to that level? Exactly. I actually, I do think that that's really interesting. And I also wonder, in the last 15 years, has anybody...

Because what I'll get, even on my level, I'll get somebody who's like... Your level? You mean like... Low level? Yeah. Yep. Exactly. I get people sending me stuff that they're like, don't let anybody know about this. I have secret information. You have to look at this thing. What's a thing? How often does that happen to you? That does occasionally happen to me. What happens more often to me, see if this ever happens to you guys...

I'll meet somebody I don't know or I'll be wherever and maybe they find out what I do or they ask what I do and I tell them. And they'll immediately be like, well, no, I don't believe in any of that nonsense. That's all bullshit. I swear to God I've told the story a hundred times. I swear it's true. They do that old Columbo routine where they go, no, no, that's... You know, there's this one time. Oh, yeah, dude. I was up late at night. My dad and I were fishing. It was dark. And this thing came across the sky and...

Wait a minute. A minute ago, this was not so. And then you have a personal. I don't even have that. Yeah. They have it. It's very common that people have an experience. Oh, yeah. Or my mom told me a story when I was a little girl.

You know, you hear these things. It's amazing how prolific that is. So let me ask you something. As someone who obviously believes you're the owner, co-owner of Contact in the Desert, you've never had an experience. Are you like actively looking at the skies or you just go about your day? No, I'm not that guy. I'm somebody that puts credence into what Avi Loeb says, credence into John Mack says. I think Travis Walton is awesome.

Yeah. I got to know Travis Walton. I did a whole special thing on his 45th anniversary. I brought his brother back in. I brought the original people in. We had a big thing. Pretty freaking believable, man. I mean, Travis Walton's honestly the thing that switched me at contact last year. Because it's just like, the other guys have no reason to lie.

The other guy, they all told the same story. And I love that, like, Travis Walton, when he gets out of the car, he's looking at the ship and he's talking shit. He's yelling at him. He's throwing shit. He's fucking screaming. They kicked his ass. They brought him out. And then he comes back without a scratch. All of this is plausible to me. All of this makes sense. Exactly those guys would be like that. Of course those guys would take off. Of course they'd be scared. All of it's very plausible to me. Even Roswell's plausible. And there's so many of these ancillary things that fit in.

The Travis Walton case, it's also great that there's one incident. Yes. I'll tell you another thing for me personally that I probably shouldn't say because this will bite me in the ass. But when you come to me and you're Travis Walton and you say, listen, this one day, this one thing happened to me. I was out in the woods. The ship was there. I got beamed on and that was it.

Maybe lightning strikes. It's these guys I can't stand that, oh, you know, I've been to Mars and I've worked on alien bodies and I've been underground on spaceships and I've been underground on Earth with the military working on this and I've operated on alien bodies and I've got implants. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace.

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Can I ask you, I want to ask your opinion then with stuff, guys like that. I'm torn because I think that guys like that, obviously they believe the more details they throw into some kind of story that the more real it sounds. But I actually also wonder, like, what do you think their other motives are? Because number one, there is people always say, oh, money. They sell book rights. Let me let me straighten it out for you.

There's not a heck of a lot of money in ufology, especially in the book markets. And then to the idea of just or is it to just for attention? Like, I do understand people lie for that attention. But I also wonder if there's ever something to this idea that there is some massive like we just did the Montauk project. Yeah. Preston Nichols. Sure. Total. You know, God knows what's going on with this guy.

But on some level, you almost kind of wonder, like, what if something did happen to him? And then the U.S. government, like, did some kind of erroneous experiment, fucked up his life, scrambled his brains, and then dropped him back into a Long Island park.

And now he's this babbling guy, this crazy sounding guy, but he actually was a part of something like it could be a natural psychosis. It could be, you know, MK ultra type stuff where they fuck with people, which they have done and they've come out and it's proven that they've done these kind of things. So, you know, I don't like to dismiss anybody's story completely out of hand. Cause you know, maybe these guys that I'm referring to, maybe it's genuine. Maybe that's possible. I,

I don't lean that it is. I wouldn't bet a nickel that it is. I don't think that is. It feels very disingenuous. That's a one in a billion chance that something could happen to you. You've had nine of those happen to you. Now the math is in the multi-trillions, and that's hard. It's like you, Philip Schneider, you're the special one. You know what I mean? Like, it's hard. And you shot him, and you got away, and these other guys came, and all the ant. It's like, well, no. That's why I like Travis's case. I like these individual cases. One time with...

You know what? Maybe. Yeah. That's very plausible. And it's not like he was into it beforehand. You know, like it's right. You know, that's none of those guys were. They didn't even know about that. Yeah. And so that's what that's what's convincing to me. And also, it's just you. The problem is with all of this is if you're going to take it seriously, you do have to listen to everybody.

No matter how absurd it sounds. Absolutely. And you have to investigate. You have to take it all seriously. You have to investigate all of it. And it's very time consuming because a lot of people come in there with crazy stuff. Guess what sucks? What? Now you add misinformation. You have misidentification. Oh, yeah. Which is 95% of the cases. Yeah.

But then you have misinformation. Then you have intentional Richard Doty disinformation. Now that's really clouding the water. So it makes it even harder to get to the truth. I always think that a lot of these things, there's 10% truth in it. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. And then when I hear it over and over, I mean, why are these abduction stories throughout history true?

Word for word. If you ever read Communion, there's some great pieces in Communion where Whitley describes, he writes passages that people wrote hundreds of years ago that sound like an alien abduction case from today.

Oh, I completely agree. So that's credible. Yes. Something's been going on. Jacques Vallée. Yeah. Like a student. I totally believe there's some kind of either physical slash psychic phenomenon that follows our consciousness, whatever the hell it is. I don't quite know. Like, I wonder now, like, do you feel like with stuff like this, have you ever felt that the men in black or anything like the idea of like, do you think that the government ever fucked with contact?

At Contact in the Desert? Yeah. I don't think they fucked with it at all, but I mean, I've heard from many people, including Nick Pope, that there are DOD officials that have shown up at Contact in the Desert. And it makes perfect sense to me. Do you know what I think? What do you guys think of Arrow?

I think that this whole thing got outed and that they have been trying to figure out how to package it in a way that makes sense. And I also think that Lou Elizondo's influence might have been less than he puts himself in.

into the scenario. I think that... Oh, you mean like every single person in ufology? No, I'm sorry. I didn't say that out loud. You guys can edit that right out. No problem. But anyway, something like Arrow to me, which is garbage, I don't think it's to share the information with us. It's I want to see what you guys have. Yeah. They want to collect everything so that they know what people have. Well, one of the biggest questions I always have is...

is, okay, let's say the U.S. government is right. There's no such thing as UFO activity. Everything they've come out and said is correct. It's like, you know, we're not doing... But then why have they put so much time and effort...

in discrediting all these movements. Right. Why are there these $80 million programs that, oh, there's nothing to see here. If there's nothing to see, okay, not only that, adding exactly to what you said, Henry. So in 2023, they had the Schumer bill, the UAP disclosure bill. And then in December, they gutted it. They took all the teeth out of it. Wait a minute. If there's nothing to hide here, why do you need to gut this bill?

I have... Well, they say it's to protect the special cameras, to protect the special ways that they... Bullshit. There are no Bigfoot living in my apartment, and if you want to send a bill that says I'm going to look in your apartment for bigfoot, go right ahead. Please! So if you've got nothing to hide, then why would you not say, come take a look? Why do we have to take all the teeth out of that? That alone...

is suspicious as hell. It's like they released the Tic Tac footage. We've seen that, you know, with everything that was going on with the drones last year. So it's not like the American public hasn't seen, you know, footage that is extremely credible from the government. And what was the response?

No one really cared. So why are they hiding it? Well, January 2023, look, we shot all those things out of the sky. We did all this thing over Michigan. They shot an object the size of a sedan that no one would claim above Alaska. And we were all just acting like it didn't happen because they couldn't find. And then they went to go look for the rubble. And there's no snowstorm. And then I had friends that were actually in Alaska at the time period that were like, sky's clear.

Sky's clear. They definitely could have went and looked for that shit if they wanted to. Yeah. I think things like Arrow and these other things, you know, when we say government, that's too broad of a term. I do subscribe to the idea. I think Danny Sheehan's on board with this, too, is the idea that, as Dr. Stephen Greer says, that this knowledge is held in a black budget unacknowledged project. It's not like government employees know this about. It's not like when we say the government. It's private. Yeah, right. So if it...

This is how this knowledge is held in a small group throughout history. Whoever had the best technology won the war. It's been that way since the dawn of man. Two hundred thousand years ago. It's been that way since since the bow and arrow. Yeah. Previous to that in 2001, they had the bone. That was enough. You had a better technology than the other idiot. So I think that that's been going. So if you have this knowledge, why would you share it?

So I don't think most people in government or even people at Arrow, they do have plausible deniability because they're not going to put the guy that really does know in charge of it. Yeah, because... They're not going to put some jackass that doesn't know anything. Because a lot of times they're not good talkers. They're not good talkers either. That's by design. Yeah. They're not going to put some guy that really knows the dirty secrets and really has that information and is a great talker. They're not going to do that. So to me...

That's how I feel about it. Is there anything that's appeared at Contact that...

like has truly blown your mind. Also for the people that don't know, Daniel Sheehan is a very influential lawyer that was a part of like, he worked on, I believe Watergate. He was a part of the whole Silkwood case. Iran Contra. He did a lot of fucking stuff. He worked a lot, a lot of different things. He did very important work that has now taken up the mantle of helping whistleblowers and helping people come out with UFO information. What broke him?

Well, Danny's been privy to some information, which is awesome. That makes him fully believe this. I got to go see him talk. And the way he talks about it is just like, I've seen it.

You will see it one day. Yeah. But I've seen it. And I was like, show it to me! He's seen it. He's been to the Vatican archives, you know? I mean, he has seen some great... Now, here's another credible guy. Talk about a credible guy. This guy's record is beyond reproach. And he's just been fighting for humanity for years.

I mean, how great to have him in our corner. I mean, that is as credible as it gets. It's just very interesting. And I just wonder if anybody else, because I saw his talk at Contact, which was great. It was fascinating talking about all the maneuverings of using all these new whistleblower laws and stuff. What else is Contact like? Blown your mind. Has anyone ever brought in anything physical? Yeah, we had that guy that goes by the name Alien Hunter. Yeah.

Yep. And he brought in all kinds of things that he claims are implants. I remember, yeah. Stuff like that. It's like, you know, maybe. Yeah. Those are all into the unknowable box. How would I know? Yeah. It might be.

He's collected her over the years. Maybe. What about like a skull or something? No, but we do have the crystal skull comes there. The actual Mitchell Hedges crystal skull is there and people get to meet with them and everything. It's really cool. Yeah, I got our oars taken. Last time we had our oars pictures taken. How do you choose what all ends up there?

Well, you know, we have a kind of a committee of us. We all kind of think about it. We go down to Gordon's house in Mexico and we talk about these things. And, you know, each year there's kind of things that are happening or hot. Like this year we're doing the telepathy tape lady. Yeah, which is huge. That's suddenly the hottest thing in the world, you know, and it's incredible. Again, John Hopkins, Harvard, that's where she did her study. She's been studying these kids for 15 years. Yeah. This is incredible stuff. And it's legit. It's legit.

We really do want to lean into the scientific academic side of this. Yes. We really separate ourselves from other events. Nothing against the other events. It's just...

We each have our own lane sort of a thing. Our lane is really moving. And even my podcast, Beyond Contact, which is tied to contact, we want to lean into the academic side of things. We want to interview Danny Sheehan. We want to interview historians like Richard Dolan. Let's find out the actual first document, you know, firsthand witnesses, that kind of thing. We don't like the speculative stuff. Yes, maybe people can talk to cats. Maybe people have been on Mars. Maybe all that's true.

Let somebody else handle that. That's great. And if I'm wrong on that stuff, awesome. I'd love it. Yeah. Let's stick. We want to stick in the lane over here that's more academic, more scientific, and let's get to what's going on. And I want to say thank you so much for letting us come and ruin the festival.

Well, it was a great thing up until now, now that you guys are part of it. Yeah, you know. Very exciting. We were a five-star event. Now we're at about .5. I've noticed that. And the only thing that's changed. Well, five's still there. Hey, man, that's the effect. Yeah. That .5 is really sticky. You know what's funny about that is I was on the first podcast on the left this morning. I hate these fuckers. It's really weird that I ended up here. I hate those fuckers. And after this.

Heaven. Is that it? So let me ask you, is anyone going to be talking about the drone thing this year? Because it seemed to go completely unanswered. The drone thing went away, didn't it? Awfully quick. Yeah, and now we're just pretending like nothing. It was the only thing anyone was talking about at the beginning of this year. I know a lot of crazy shit has happened in the news, especially like the Pope died yesterday and stuff, but...

I mean, like, come on. Does anyone have a report? What are we learning here? Doesn't it feel like those were military drones? And doesn't it seem like my... I think some of them, sure. I think it's most likely something like a military drone that's looking for a dirty bomb. That's what they were, one theory? That makes the most sense to me. We don't want to talk about it. Don't shoot it down.

Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Because they don't want to say that out loud, which makes sense. See, I got a fun one. We did a live show. We did a live show, and after the live show, I was saying goodbye to people at the end, and a guy pulls me aside, and he's like...

I work for the intelligence services and what we are currently working on, the reason why they're not talking about what the drones were, is that they are a pilot AI flown drone squadron.

They are not only non-manned, but there's no humans involved in flying them at all. Was it interesting meeting Richard Doty personally? I love the guy. That's cool. I love the guy. No, because I saw the – we followed it for weeks. We watched all of it. I was screaming. I did a whole thing on last stream and the left about nothing to see here. Certainly not a bunch of drones turning into gobbledygook and then zapping other drones out of the sky. That's not for certain.

Yeah, I mean, it was insane footage across this country, across the world. There were guys that were running boats and driving out just to film. Yeah. Just know we're going to probably do quite a bit of drone talk. Yeah. We drone on a lot. You fucking bitch. I'm fucking. No, but that's a part of what we're going to, don't worry, we'll handle the drones. Yeah.

Don't you worry about that. Don't ask, don't tell. We don't tell speakers what to say at all, including, shockingly, you gentlemen. Oh, yes. And gentlemen is being very, very, you know. I'm disgusted you were even called that. Did you get any, what was the response from our show? Did you get any complaints? A lot of negative stuff. Yeah, good. Good.

No, it's all good. I'm glad you guys got a sense of what contact is because it's one thing to tell somebody. It's one thing to talk about it. But then you see it, it's like... I'm converted. Oh, I get it. Oh, dude. I would go for free. I'd buy tickets. Do you not agree to this, though? Because this is something that frustrates us. People have...

a misconception in their brain that this is tinfoil hat, crazy people talking about crazy shit the whole time. No, it's certainly not. You do a good job because there are people, obviously, it's all layers. Oh yeah, for sure. So on one level, I was joking about how I came into the lobby of the hotel and there are people that put me to shame.

for how driven I am about this material, right? Like I'm seeing people live, eat and breathe. And I'm watching all two. I was like, they're taking it so much even more seriously than me. There's a part of me that I thought we were all going to be getting drunk in the pool. Like I thought all y'all are going to be in the pool. And then when they're, when I didn't say, I was like, Oh no, this is actually pretty serious. And then what was nice is like, yeah, sure. You got some, um,

You've got all spectrum. You have the whole spectrum. It really is. So there really is those truly, you've got the grounded side. You've got your Jeremy Corbell, George Knapp, and then you have our friend Michael Osedona.

Who's on the other side? It's like you does also crazy stuff because but it's fun because it's a part of the whole experience. And what we're going to try to do is kind of bridge those two. Right. The idea of like we're we come knowing what we're talking about, but also we're joking about it because I don't know how else to speak.

And that's fine. Yeah, it's entertainment when we're up there. You know, we are the entertainment. They're not coming to us for expert opinions. We don't have doctorates. We have Ross Colhart for that. That's fine. Let him be serious. I want to party with him, though, this year. This year, though, I'm getting more of these guys in the pool. I was saying that. I'm like, listen, we could have these same discussions outside. In the water. It's 100 degrees in the center of the pool, so it works. I feel like we should push it. There's a part

You saw me? You saw my Polish body. I got a question about that. Too much of it, to be honest. I know. Oh, my gosh. I love being in that pool. It was a great time. Now, I got to say, I was outside at another event. It was very nice. You guys had, you played E.T. outside for everybody, the families and all that. That was great. That was really nice. But during the E.T. showing, there was some crazy conversation.

crap happened in the sky. There's a bunch of blue stuff broke up there. Did you hear about that? It was all SpaceX, I think. It was all that. That's what we guess. Yeah. But it was awesome. To be at the place watching an Amazon movie. I definitely was smoking a J out there and watching somebody go like, there's something in the sky. And I was just like,

God damn it, I knew it would happen at Contact. We have those folks that see it every day, as you know, as you mentioned earlier. It's that whole gamut. And it's fun. And it's funny how things do happen at Contact. It's just weird. Like even the Ross Colhart, the first big interview he did with David Grush, happened during Contact. It was the year before you guys came. We literally stopped the event, all poured into one room, and we all watched the live podcast

press conference together. And then, and then Danny Sheehan and Richard Dolan went up and, and speakers were like in the audience asking questions. Hey, do you think he knows this? And do you think this, and why couldn't he say this? And it was awesome. That's awesome. So it's great that things happen there like that. And we've had people with that say that CE5 has happened and they've seen things and,

It's awesome. I mean, if it doesn't happen there, where the hell could it possibly happen? You know, if it requires that energy and that mindset, well, boy, we have it. Where else are you going to get 2,000 people together thinking about this? Yeah. Something happens. All right.

Something lands on the golf course. What's the protocol? Who do we send? Like, literally, for a contact in the desert. You have everyone you need. I was going to say Henry, to be honest, but I mean, I don't know. I think only reason why is because I feel like if they're going to destroy me, at least we don't blow George Knapp. You know what I mean? Like, if I go and I get immediately zapped by lasers, technically, I've died how I lived. Well, I think.

You mentioned it earlier. We would send Danny Sheehan out there as our guy, right? This is my lawyer! That would be me talking to the aliens. This is my lawyer! Intergalactic law. Talk to my lawyer! There you go.

There you go. How do you feel about the jellyfish shapes, UFOs? Have you been looking about this? I've seen that. There's all these. There's cigar, triangle. Jellyfish, though, because these guys fight me on jellyfish. It seems silly. They don't like jellyfish. I utterly believe- Well, it's only because they're describing that shape. It's not-

Yeah, I know it's not a jellyfish. Henry thinks it's a jellyfish. It's not a jellyfish. It's a jellyfish shape. It's a shape. More of a jellybird. It has debris hanging. There's some shit hanging off of it. What is that? Yes. And it doesn't move. The debris doesn't move. The debris is stiff. You keep saying it's balloons. It's not balloons. It's a jellyfish UFO. I say that it looks ridiculous more than I say it's balloons. Whatever, dude. Everybody always says balloons. I don't know.

I know. There are that many balloons flying around here. I also like, no one really watches UFO footage the way I watch it. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, kind of like, how do you, I feel like. Everyone watches it the way you watch it. In the middle of the night in their underwear, stoned out of their mind. Do you not do that? Is that not how you research, Captain Ron? That is not how I do it. But that's, it's interesting.

It's how the information slides in. But then you talk to some of these guys, even like Mark D'Antonio, who's an astronomer that comes that we love. He takes a bus out into the desert and they look and do a sky watch and it's awesome. Oh, yeah. That's another great, great aspect of contact. I'm going to try to do that this year. But, you know, he will explain to you and then you'll be like, oh,

It's not a UFO. I think 99% of the footage we see is not an alien-controlled craft at all. Here, show them this one. Yeah, so I found this one. This one is like, so I'm always on the search because we do the show together, and I'm always wanting to find something for Henry. And I was sitting there. I got some shows coming up in South Florida, and so I'm like literally looking at the newspapers, who's writing articles about comedy, trying to get in the promo on my show. So I find this one guy. His name, he goes by LaCrosse Wright.

writer. His name is David Osborne. He did not respond to my request to put me in the Naples News, but he, on the front of his page, which is a private page so I can't show it up there, but I made him be my friend, has this footage that just looks I can't explain this footage. And here's what he wrote. This is the first video I shot after seeing something odd in the sky at 4pm. This is a guy not connected at all.

You know, he's literally an entertainment writer in Florida. He's just a reporter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whether it's a UFO or UFP, the object was quiet and moved slowly, changing shapes. Here you can see it morphing into a geometric sphere before moving to the left, southeast behind the tree. There was little to no wind that day with temperatures in the low 70s. All right, so here it is. Here's the footage. Well, morphing shape right there, that's an object.

odd behavior for a balloon or anything else. Okay, let's take a look. Yeah, so let's look at this. So, like, what's the difference between this? So, like, I find this interesting. How is this... It's awfully slow, right? Yeah. For 12 likes, I like that no one has really seen it or, like, knows about it. There's no reason for anyone to look at it. And this guy's, like, risking his career not for likes, just for, like, this is what I saw in my backyard. I guess it could be a deflated balloon. Ha! Ha!

But I don't, like, would not afflate a debate. Like, why is it, like, in the sky like that? And it is rotating. You can see that it's rotating. Yeah.

Whoa, yeah, it looks cool. Do you know, there's a guy in Mexico today, it's on Coast to Coast AM, there's a photo today of a guy who took a picture that's similar to this. Well, dude, how did you feel about that jetpack man? It was a giant black balloon. Jetpack man in LAX, he came back like a year later and then like a year and a half later. Jetpack man is strange too because jetpack man is in the same realm, it's in the same realm as jellyfish and it's also like they're saying that there's no commercially available jetpack.

that is able to fly at that height and for that length of time. I agree, but I don't jump to alien. That's a problem a lot of people make. I don't jump to alien on any of these things. You're talking about this. There is a good new picture. Yeah, click on that link right there in the story. This one right here. This one.

Yes. That's an interesting photo, isn't it? This was from Plano Informativo on Twitter. And yeah, man, that is a pretty thick looking UFO. And it looks like a goddamn hubcap. Like a classic UFO flying saucer. And those are my favorite. Those are great. Saucer shapes are my favorite because it harkens back. But now we have the problem. AI is out there.

We just went to NAB in Vegas. The technology is so sick. When you're editing now, the programs automatically have this built in while you're editing. If you shoot this room and you get here and you're like, ah, it will add 10 seconds for you. It will...

Crazy. What it thinks is there. Oh, God. It's sick. So it's getting harder and harder to trust photos or videos. That's why you like these multi-witness cases. If we had Phoenix Lights happen today and every- We'd take the drones.

Well, kind of, but the Phoenix Lights, there were thousands of people at the same time saw the same object. The drones were all over the place. And the Phoenix Lights was such a display that it was definitely felt like a thing of, look at us. We are here.

That's how it felt. But not everybody had a phone or a camera in their pocket like they do today. So if we had that now, I think it was 90s, wasn't it? I don't know for sure. I'm an idiot. But even then, we didn't have...

phones in our pocket with cameras on them like we do now. If that exact same event happened today, now you would have this same object from literally a thousand different perspectives and all this eyewitness testimony. Now you've got something to build a case on. Now that doesn't mean it's alien again. Why couldn't this be a secret military project? Why couldn't this be something else? But

would be a lot more interesting, wouldn't it? Oh, very much so. Because I also find that, I found that they, when you look at that footage, I do believe it was part of one giant structure. But, you know, I have a lot of people that, you know, the Fife Symington, the governor of Arizona, he came out and he apologized. He believed that he did see something that night. He freaked out after he kind of belittled the whole thing. But in the

Six lights is still one of the most mysterious events in our history. It's a great one. And even in 1998, which is only 27 years ago, do you know that it was a different time already for this subject? That's why he felt he had to make a joke about it.

It doesn't feel like somebody would do that today. A governor probably wouldn't do that today. We're more scared now, too. We didn't see that when the drones came out. They didn't go, oh, it's an alien. They didn't. No, they did. They either talked about it very non, they very like blankly. Don't worry about it. Yes. Or there were, and then the rest of us spun.

And some of these senators were like, oh, my God, it's coming from a mothership. Like, they went the other way. Yeah, well, then you wonder what are they getting out of it, too. Everybody's getting something out of it. I do believe on one hand there's also an evangelical far-right arm in our government that's really excited for things like something that could be an alien invasion or literally they believe that some of the telltale signs that Jesus is coming back is stuff like war.

China will invade America. And to them, that's a good sign because it means we're all going to die. All the sinners are going to die and Jesus is going to come back. And so that's the problem is that also you're kind of there's this other thing where half of our intelligence services have been taken over by literal the most fantastical evangelical thinking. And they're trying to pull

you pop the seals to end the world and you hear part of that supposedly being part of the what they call the legacy people in government that know this information yeah that they're affiliated with this and oftentimes are coming from that angle you got a guy like chris bledsoe who ties that into religion as well he you know but he's different that's kind of like a that's a

personal relationship to God and how it was reflected by this phenomena. These other guys are trying to make it happen. Right. They're forcing it into that paradigm. Absolutely. But I don't know if the thing itself is going to be pulled into that paradigm itself. I find that the more they talk to whatever this trickster phenomena is or we deal with whatever this trickster phenomena is, it does not like to be used for other people's purposes.

And I think that's a part of it. It won't allow us. And that goes way back, back to the djinn even. You know, we talk about that. All these different beings that people saw. It's interesting how similar it is over time. That adds credibility to it, in my view. Yeah.

Do you think Harry Reid knew more than he was? For sure. Yeah. For sure. He's the guy that put the money into that program, the program. Yeah. Because I know he worked with it and he was always trying to find out what was going on. But at the same time, again, I don't think he was always interested. Why would he keep it secret? Because I think these guys are in, let's call it mainstream government, the real government, the regular government.

You know, I do believe it's very, very possible. I'm not at all a conspiracy theorist, but I do think it is possible that we would have black budget programs. Oh, we definitely do. We definitely do. Absolutely. So I would think that something that is super technology that is alien in nature right into that program. So a guy like Harry Reid, even as prominent as he was.

They say that they don't tell the presidents about UFOs because this is a topic that's on a need-to-know basis, and they don't need to know, and they're a short-term four-year employee. They're out. Yeah, you're out. These legacy guys literally are there their whole life. Their kids come up in it, and they're sworn to secrecy, and it's like a closely guarded thing. And that's what we're doing with the podcast industry, and I want to say that we're brave for that. Yeah.

So, guys, this time we did it. This is awesome. Thank you so much, Captain Ron. Dude, appreciate it. So where do your shows... What I want to know is how do you unfunny people do a comedy show? Oh, I mean, it's a disaster every time. Yeah, yeah. I'm only funny when I'm on the clock. It's an intentional train wreck. Is that your angle? The goal is to work your way up from a ditch. Got it. 24-7. Half of comedy is lying to your audience. Most of them is telling them things that have never been true and another be true.

Captain Ron, beyond contacts or podcast? Yes, sir. Coast to coast. Anything else you want to promo? Before, just buy tickets for Contact in the Desert and see all of us. Yes. May 29th to June 2nd, we're going to be out there at the Renaissance. It's going to be a frigging blast.

And I'm hosting my own talks in the pool. Yes. I want other L. Ron Hubbard shaped men with me in the pool. Bring your sunscreen. Yes. It's going to be 110 degrees outside. I just got to slather up.

Yeah, you got it. We did not even put that on the schedule intentionally, but it's an informal... Oh, no. I'm hosting the belly flop contest. You're just going to see me floating in the water, and that's where you'll find me. I want to see Nick Pope do the limbo. Well, you guys are doing your podcast live there. We've got, like, Jesse Michaels is doing it there. Everybody's doing it. It's a great... And Ross Colhart, who I love. Yeah. Ross is awesome. Josh Gates is going to be there, which is amazing. He's great, too. Amazing. And then...

You know, these guys are going to do the podcast live. We have five world premiere movies that have never been seen before on this topic. So there's all kinds of stuff happening. But if people go to contactinthedesert.com, they could find out about me. They could find out about Beyond Contact, our podcast. We cover all of these topics, and it's a lot of fun on there. And Contact's awesome, too. Obviously, it's a lot of fun. It's just the best. So we'll see you in the desert. Fly from your grave.

So first of all, I just want to say thank you to Ron Janik's... He looked nothing like Kurt Russell. He doesn't. But it's good to still see him. It's good to still see him. He's strong. But for you motherfuckers, we got the bitch! It finally happened, Henry! We got the fucking bitch! All the news!

The side story curse is broken today. We broke it. We got all the news. I can't fucking believe all the news came out today. This is amazing. I am going to nut.

Oh my God. This is fucking awesome. No, yeah, yeah. Fuck that bitch. Until Alec Baldwin dies this evening. Yeah, exactly. Shut off. They'll be like, and stop. Trump gets shot in the head. We're like, fuck. Well, fire up the motion.

the mics. Lori Vallow, guilty. By conspiracy. Yep, because she's fully guilty. And she's not sentenced yet. The sentencing is still to come. Yes. She just did her polite little smile. Worst lawyer ever. Yeah. So Lori Vallow, go screw. Fuck

Fuck you, bitch. You suck. And we will see you at the next trial. She has another trial coming. She has another trial for what? I believe this one's for Tammy. Oh, because she's definitely involved. Well, she definitely might have helped orchestrate it. I'm not certain, but we will get there. They are going in levels of importance. So I think it's whatever is the next one. She's the farthest from. I have to remember. I forgot what the next trial is. Man.

the patreon.com slash last podcast and I'll have to pay money to just scream, watch a scream and go to at LP on the left and all of our various socials to look at that shit. Come and see us, see us live on stream every Tuesday, 6 p.m. PST through the patreon. Uh,

It goes right to YouTube a couple days later, and it's so much fun. And go to twitch.tv slash LPNTV to watch all of our Twitch streams this week. I don't know. We don't got a hoop-a-goo or a good put this week, right? I think the Twitch streams are kind of like taking a little break. We're working on it. Yes. The streams are taking a break, and then we are reconfiguring how they're going to come out. But don't worry.

They're coming back. There's lots of plans. There's lots of cool stuff happening. Plans within plans. We're letting Holden help make decisions. He's been doing good. He really has. He's been doing good. It's very cool. Put his feet to the fire. Hey, invasive species.

Ed Larson tours Florida. I'm coming. Are you ready? Naples, Off the Hook Comedy Club, May 6th. You got to come. It's a Tuesday. What the fuck else are you doing in Naples on a Tuesday? All right. Fort Myers, I'm talking to you. Marco Island, get your ass. All right. Sarasota, it's a drive. But if you want to come, I'll say hi. I like Sarasota. Yeah, I know, but it's just far from Naples.

But they're on the west side. Maybe they want to come down Bradenton. Who knows? Bradenton. And then May 7th, Henry and I are doing Side Stories live. Yep. From the Fort Lauderdale Improv. Come and check that out. Jackie Zabrowski is going to be joining us now. We're going to be going ape shit. It's going to be a lot of fun. These Side Story shows have been off the

fucking chain, dude. Yeah, no. I've been having so much fun with these. And then the very next night on May 8th, we're going up to Orlando. We got two shows. The first one's already sold out. So get tickets to the late show at the Orlando Funny Bone. That's going to be Henry, myself, and Jackie Zebrowski, of course. And then I'm going down to

Yeehaw, he's going to drink himself to death with all them, what was it, nine-toed cats? Six-toed cats. Asshole. Now I'm going to be down there from May 9th to the 11th. And I want to give a little thank you to We've Got the Keys for helping me promote the show. They've been promoting it for me, and it's very cool. They're very cool guys. They produce lots of Key West stuff, including Fantasy Fest, so check them out on socials. On Twitter.

June 28th, Henry, Marcus, myself, we're going to be at the Coca-Cola Roxy in Atlanta, Georgia. The following night, Henry and I got two side story shows. Once again, back to back. Dad's Garage. First show, guess what? Sold out.

Yeah, you fuckers. So make sure you come to the late show. Those are going to be completely improv. Usually we at least think of the subjects ahead of time. These shows, we're going to a proper improv theater, and so we're going to do

We're making them up. We're making them up. You're going to like it because it's going to be fun. So bring some suggestions, you fuckers. We are definitely going to rely on the audience for suggestions. But we'll see. We have a couple of little, we'll have some tricks up my sleeve. Of course, of course. And then, of course, all the way in November, on November 3rd, crimewaveatsea.com slash lab.

Go and get on the ship, baby. All right, we're going to have fun. We got shows. We got meet and greets. Oh, wow. We only got like four tickets left to the late night show. Oh, really? And Dad's Grush. That's awesome. So go get those tickets. Yeah, come on. We're going to have fun. We're going to have a blast. And literally, we have no idea what we're going to say, so it'll be fun. And then, of course, come hang out with us and Captain Ron at Contact in the Desert, May 29th. He's a good hang. Through June 2nd. Yeah, very good.

cool guy yeah we're gonna get drunk yeah so come on out that's at the renaissance all the way we're gonna spark it i'm gonna bring my good shit from home yeah we're gonna get we're gonna get healed we're gonna be out there dog and i'm gonna be in the pool so come and check it out and cry and wave at sea by both places we're gonna be wet physically wet all right you love it guys we'll talk to you next week yeah because i gotta take a shit yeah you could take your shit man it's fine you'll see

Hell run, Janix. Live your everyday knowing for a fact you just got to work up to the point that you take a shit and you need to take a shit and you can love the fact that your body tells you when work is over and then you can laugh the entire time you're taking the shit because you know for a fact that you've completed your work for the day. Poopoo train, poopoo. Chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugg