Side Stories: Devil at the Doorstep
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There's no place to escape to. This is the Lost Podcast. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. We're rolling. Oh, what? Can I do something? This is something I've always wanted to do, Henry. You want to start like this. I want to start like this. This is something I've always wanted to do.

We have live shows to plug. We do. We do. We have live shows. You always just move past and the audience appreciates it. But me, I want to plug the fucking shows. You're allowed to, but I normally don't. Dallas, December 22nd. Last podcast on the left. Bring your Catholics. We're going to spank them. And then. I would actually prefer if you left them home. March 14th. Unless they're buying tickets. Ryman, unbuckled.

Auditorium, Nashville, Tennessee. It's going to be a big show. Coming in. It's going to be huge. It's the former Grand Ole Opry. We're in it.

We're doing our show. It was a Confederate church. It was. And we're turning it back into one. That's right. We get to go into a Confederate church and yell Hail Satan back and forth. You, the people at home listening to this, Henry Marcus and I, we're going to yell Hail Satan at each other in a former Confederate church. Please come join us there. And then, of course, side stories. Huntsville. You know my favorite city. Oh, those Nassau fucks.

You can't keep me out of Huntsville. Fucking space nerd pieces of shit. I want to see your goddamn UFOs, your UAPs.

You and A to me. What? Oh, fuck NASA. I will tell you the truth, though, Eddie. Coming in hot. Due to some of their budget cuts, they already got fucked. Oh. Well, fuck you again. Yeah, seriously. No, but we love you. But we do like you. We do like you. If you want to come, just message us. You're going to be on the list. We'll put you on the list and we'll take care of you. We'll hang out because we like NASA. But we don't like you. Hey.

Perfect. Honestly, that was great, Eddie. We do need to plug more up top. Yes! We do. Once we hit the end of the show, people are like, oh, they're done. They turn it off. They never hear the plugs. And then they're like, when are you coming to Dallas? You're like, I was just there! Because they don't sit there and they don't listen. But, Ed, guess what? They're going to ask anyway. Yes. I know, and that's okay. And I want them to. I want them to know. Come see us live. It's a lot of fun. The show's better than ever. Please do. Come see us live. But before that, you're listening to Side Stories. Side Stories.

And I am Henry Zebrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. Hi! Thank you, seriously. Fervent enthusiasm is the style option of that sales pitch, and I'm proud of that. I'm proud of our energy. I'll take it down a notch now. No, you did a good job. Henry, I'm so sad. No, I can't have this. This is worse. I'd rather the rage. My pillow is soaked with tears. I'm going to beat you to you're happy again. Oh, please beat me. I know, now you're coming. Now you're just going to start coming.

But first of all, that's one rollback. Second rollback, we want to say thank you to the nice emails I received from Lindsay Shookus. Yay!

Our old friend. Our good buddy. Saturday Night Live addiction. Obviously, she said that it was edited around her. She's a lovely lady. Some of you made your feelings known about her. The impression she gave on the Saturday Night Live documentary. On her personal social media accounts. She says, thank you.

Please leave me alone. The notes were received. Yes, she says, thank you. But she is, honestly, she sent a lovely email, and she specifically said one of the nicest things I have heard, which she says, Lauren told this to everybody and drilled it into our heads all these years. Anybody that stepped foot on 8-H for that audition is funny. And that's like, it doesn't really matter. Like, nothing. That is... They never asked me. No. No.

And it shows. And really, really fucking shows. So I want to say thank you, Lindsay. Live shows! Coming to Dallas! And Eddie, you did a very good job. Thank you for supporting me last week. I love you! You're a good friend and I love you as well. Yeah, and I wanted

I want to just say, for the record, if I ever go after anyone, I don't like going after people, but what if I ever do? He does. Let me do it. You know, like, I don't need you to do it too. People are very nice. Please do not attack people on our behalves. We're doing it ourselves on the show. Unless, of course, they themselves are bad. Yeah.

Right? Because I feel like that's the thing. Engagement is good. Yeah, engagement is good. Well, on our Instagram, not on her Instagram. It does nothing for us. Hey, I got a compliment out of it. Yeah, you did get a compliment out of it. I'll take it. So thank you guys. Another update. Oh, yeah. We got a big one. Can we play the funeral dirge?

Would you mind playing? Can we hold for a second while we get this clip coming? Last week, I just got to stop talking about these things. Yeah. All right, because... D-I-R-G, the funeral dirge. Because last week, we brought up... Is this a funeral dirge? That's awesome. Yeah. This is a requiem for Katrina? Is that the hurricane? Yeah.

Well, yeah, I mean, it was very upsetting. They're all musicians down there when they have to deal with their pain in some way. But starting with like a march. Yeah, well, they love to celebrate. You know, their funerals are great. Maybe your buddy could have a New Orleans funeral. Norbert the tiny dog is dead. Dead! Now, I brought it up last week talking about my issues with social media dogs and their representation in the media.

Norbert the little dog, as I said, was one of the only things that held my precious psyche together in some of the hardest moments of my life. So as of Monday of last week, they had posted a little thing. Norbert the dog, little tiny dog, little tongue sticking out of its mouth, beady eyes. Yeah. Can't think. No brain. Right? My favorite kind of dog. Oh, the best. Petrified. Stupid. Cute.

How I hope to be when I'm old. And so Norbert the dog was listed as safe from coming out of the... He went to the hospital and they said all of his signs are looking well and maybe his kidney markers were slightly up, but

They said he was doing really well, and they posted a bunch of videos of him eating in the hospital. And they're like, oh, look, Norbert's back to his old self. Twelve hours later, he's dead. Yes. Fucking dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead. Those dog hospitals, they're not the best always. Well, the thing about them is— You would like to think a star like Norbert would get proper care. You would, but it seems that they get the same health care as us, whatever you could afford. You got to see his last meal. I am—

So angry. As a fan, that's pretty cool. But I now, I need new rules. Imagine being able to see Dom DeLuise's last meal. That would be incredible. I saw James Gandolfini's last meal and that will always inspire me. But beloved famous dog Norbert passes away. I do believe it was death by hanging. Yeah. Doing autoerotic asphyxiation, which is super sad that Norbert couldn't find love that he couldn't

Bye. You know what? I'm going to like the post. Yes, please do. But I now have rules. Okay? I've unfollowed the other dogs. Whoa. Yeah. I'm out of the game. Come on, dude. I'm out of the game. These dogs don't deserve love because Norbert's dead? No, because they're temporary. Because Norbert let you down? Yes. Norbert was 15. Norbert should have. He was 100 years old in dog years. I want rules in place. Okay? Okay.

Us fucking stupid ass center left liberals, right? We love regulations, except of course when it comes down to air quality because we're all fucking experts out here. Yeah. But we... So these guys... But I want some regulations on social media pets and this is it. All right? This is what I want. Number one, you either live forever in perpetuity...

serving the ghost of that animal as if it is alive. Forever. So that animal... You know, there's like 10 Benjis. Yes. You know? If Norbert the dog is there, I want you to pretend that Norbert the dog is fine. Yeah, that's what they did with Flipper. I don't want the reality. That's not why I'm following Norbert.

Norbert. I'm following Norbert to have my soul uplifted. But, okay, yes, in this cruel, very stark memorial post that they made, the 2009 to 2025 tombstone memorial that they put No, what's beautiful about this, Eddie? There's no, he's not amongst his friends. He's not on the other side of the rainbow bridge. His friends are these two human hands holding him up. But dude, that Norbert is in hell right now. Like that picture. Dog's gonna

Not Norbert. Norbert? You think Norbert went to hell? He helped people when they needed him most. He was failed. I look at Norbert and I see the eyes of a thing that has been compromised. And I look at him and I see this memorial tombstone 2009 to 2025 underneath him. They didn't even try to zhuzh it up.

There's no harps. There's no clouds. There's no angels. There's nothing. What's going on with their stories? There's no Jimmy Carter happily opening his lap. There's a rainbow on that Norbert story. That's another fan post. That's not from the official Instagram. So that's my rule one. My rule one is either. Where's your Norbert post? Norbert did so much for you.

The second Norbert is dead, the second I don't have to give the humans that are making money off of Norbert's soul that money anymore. All right? Unless. You didn't give them any money. I didn't. But my time, which is worth money. And then if you look at this, right? So rule one is either. So it's one or the other.

It is either it lives in perpetuity. We do not address the mortality of the animal. We move forward. You're attracted to tiny, shaking, dying dogs. Yes, and I want them to exist in that way. You need to like a lively dog. No. No. And then rule two is if not, the day Norbert is dead, there needs and must be the next post.

And here's Nippers. Norbert, yeah. But there needs to be brand new dog, new talent on the roster. Just change the name of the account, everything. Done. Done.

Or Norbert the dog, RIP, parentheses, slowly but surely. Nippers is filling a lot of the content out, obviously, because Nippers is the new dog. You will slowly ingratiate Nippers to the audience. Hopefully, if you've done your research correctly, Nippers is pretty close to the OG one. And then Nippers can go and...

and B, they have his tongue sliding out. Just the fact that it's like... Because look at it right next to it. It's their birthday. Well, Norbert, obviously, they don't talk about why his tongue's sliding out. It's because he's got no teeth. He had rotten teeth, and now they get his teeth removed. Yes, that happens to a lot of small dogs. That happens to a lot of small dogs. It's so cute, though. It's adorable. Yes, it's extremely adorable. And technically, you could get the same effect by...

Experts. You're moving several. Flopping out of your mouth. You just got to get rid of some of these side rail teeth. That's going to be the new zoomer trend. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Kids doing toothless bleps. Nothing would make me. That would be cuter.

Certainly better than all the fucking Nazism. Yeah, but he passed away on January 26th on a Sunday. Dogs don't pass away. Dogs die. Dogs fucking die. Okay? I love my dogs. 9 p.m. Died in the owner's arms. How sweet. What? It's better than fucking dying on the free zone. The end zone being spiked after it fucking made the quarter of the fucking touchdown or whatever.

Unbelievable. I unfollowed all the other cute animals, except for Cheddarini. Who's Cheddarini? I'm not even going to bring him up. Super close to death because you like them? I'm not going to bring up Cheddarini. Cheddarini? Cheddarini's a good guy. You know who you should look up? Is the alive Norbert, Norbert Barka. On Insta, still alive. He's going to be dead soon. Still going to the park and having play dates with his friends. He's going to be dead soon. No.

Oh, he's got at least four years. Also, my sweet, sweet friend that runs. Oh, my, look at this boy. And also, my sweet, sweet friend that runs Puppy Songs. Both of those dogs died, too. The Puppy Songs people died? Yes. Not the people. No, the people live on. Should we play the funeral dirge for them? Yes. Just skip ahead a little bit past the drums.

Let's get to the horns. Oh, the puppy songs guys died too. Yes. And I want to say big ups to Mel. I want to say his name was Ding Dong. Mel Ding Dong. Yeah, I remember him. No, it was Mel and Snepet. Snepet Ding Dong.

You really inspired many cute songs about the cheese tacks. Oh, the cheese tacks is them? They're dead. I love the cheese tacks. Oh, the cheese tacks lives forever. Yeah, you mean the intellectual property rights of the song. Yes. I wonder if

I mean, they need to really cut that. Now that they got time that they don't have to watch all these dogs, they can really hit the studio with that cheese tax. I love you guys, and I'm so sorry you lost your dogs. I lost them, but I'm saying... I joke because mine are next. Mine have been next for years, though. Well, that's why you're numb.

Yeah, yeah, I am, no, because I'm just like, Tootsie, she's got the night terrors. She's actively keeping you awake and they're actively dying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She puked four times last night just walking around. Oh, that's why she looks so good, so skinny. She is thin. But no, no, same. I have two elderly dogs. No, I have one elderly dog and the other one waiting. Jackie asked me on a double date earlier and then I said, can I bring my dogs because I know they're going to die soon. Ha, ha, ha.

And you know what? Nothing sets the tone of a double date better. Nothing sets one better than bringing your mid-death situation.

17-year-old dog. Tootsie's fine. Tootsie just looks sort of like she's seeing all the people she's going to see on the other side. She done been seeing them people, man. But I feel the same way with my father. Same way, where I'm just kind of numb to the fact that we've been kind of saying he's going to be dead for so long that even my father is sitting around going like, wasn't I supposed to be dead? Like, literally, he said that. He's like, I thought I was supposed to be dead already. We're like, no, Dad.

No, it doesn't work like that. He's like, eh, well. Tootsie's walking around. She's like, Kathy? Kathy? Where's Kathy? No, no. And you're like, well. That's my mother. That's cute, though. It is cute. That's cute and sad. Every time she starts barking at me, though, I'm like, am I dying? Because, you know, she sees it. Well, yeah. You ever hear those stories about, like, there was one famous story about a cat that

that would choose people in a nursing home. Oh, yes. They would go lay at the feet of the person and then they'd be like, oh, the cat loves it. And then they'd fucking die. You know what they say about that is if you die in front of your cat and people don't find you, your cat will eat you. But if you die in front of your dog, your dog will not eat you. No, well, I've heard, you know, that's one of those kind of rumors.

Reddity. We don't know what's real or what's not real. Sometimes they say, too, that a dog will keep people from getting to the body. Yes, the famous case of the cat named Oscar, who worked at a nursing home in Rhode Island, seemed to have an uncanny ability to predict when residents were about to die.

I'm surprised no one tried to kill the cat. I would. Yeah. Oh, no. If that cat showed up at my feet, I'd be like, get the hell out of here, you feline bastard. I'm not going to hell. I won't die. Oh, you're so cute, kitty. I won't die. I need to have sex with another sex worker. Yes. I won't die. I will buy love.

Yeah, but here's an update on Norbert's... Casket? No, not a casket. He doesn't have one. They say in the post, in celebration of Norbert's life, we will share Norbert's photos and videos on his social media and websites. In some way, we hope to carry on with his good work. When you think of him, we would want you to just smile in the spirit of Norbert. High five to each of you. Love, Norbert.

Julie. So we're going to still pay attention to this. They're going to keep posting Norbert. Yeah, that's what they're saying. I'm going to follow. You unfollowed? Yeah. I'm following. You know, there's nothing better. Norbert is dead. I know, but there's more. If you wanted to pretend. There's more content coming. If they wanted to pretend. They're not pretending. They said he's dead. It's one or the other. You don't think they should post anymore? No, this is a McCaul. Well, I mean, what? You think there should be no more photos of David Lynch?

Should we just take all of his work and throw it in the trash because he's dead? David Lynch wasn't famous for being cute. Yeah, I mean, he was pretty cute. But David Lynch wasn't. Look at this. No one did this for David Lynch. No one wrote, oh, here's the David Lynch flower pen. I think there is. I bet if I bet there is a David Lynch knee-high socks. I don't see those. I bet those exist as well. David Lynch knee-high socks. Of course they exist. It's just different when I...

Oh, the 2025 calendar sold out. Sold out really quick. Wow. You remember when August Ames, the porn star, committed suicide? Yes. I kind of feel the same way where I just still just like. But Norbert didn't commit suicide. No, but it's like it.

In a way, he gave up. He gave up on us. He didn't give up. He was 15 years old. All he had to do was not die. That's all he had to do. Jimmy Carter waited around for a long fucking time. I think you have an unrealistic view on how long dogs will live. I'm grieving. And my grief will appear as it will. If you want to be a fan of dogs, no, they're going to die. I know. Oh, I know. All right? I just don't want to think about it until the last possible minute. Are you going to be one of those people that when your dogs die, you're not going to get any new dogs? No, opposite. Or are you going to get new dogs?

Opposite. You're going to get bigger dogs. New dog that day. Oh, that day. That day. The first visit to the vet to meet the executioner, and the second visit is going to the pound. Yes.

So it's one in and out. That's what I'm doing. No emotional. No emotion. I need the emotional snapback. Yeah. Okay? I will not grieve properly. I refuse to. And I don't want to. I find it weird. All right. So August Ames, when she committed suicide, now when everyone's in a blue moon, my penis has an inkling.

to see her and remember her. Do you still watch? Of course. But then right afterwards, you start thinking about her family. Well, it's just the saddest thing in the world. And then you are just jerking off to a dead woman. Yeah. And you know she... And then obviously in porn, most of the time I consider most of these ladies are probably dead by the time I'm seeing it. Yeah.

You know, most of the time they've gotten this. No, not the new ones. It's a better industry now. Not the new ones. I'm saying the old ones. She was sad. I'm saying the ones from my generation. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's what I mean. They're like professional wrestlers. Yes, it's a hard life. What about Anna Nicole Smith? Are you done with her? Well, she just kind of makes me sad.

But no. But she's a star. I still, yeah. I mean, that's, you know, she's... I don't do it all the time, Eddie. I'm just, every once in a blue moon, you'll just see a snippet. Once, you'll just see a thing that reminds you of that. Like, two big melons, or... I think it's amazing that you get nostalgic while you jerk off. No, it's before. While I'm jerking off, I am a fucking serial killer. No emotion is in there. In the...

Two minutes, 40 seconds it takes me to come while I'm jerking off. I am incorruptible. I don't exist. There is no me. I am something else. I am a third thing. A devil and an angel. Cannot be reasoned with. Immediately afterwards, it's like, aww.

Well, it's 17 for the calendar. The problem is that you just see her smiling. Maybe she has some particulate matter on her face. And then you think like, oh, now she's fucking dead. Are we talking about Norbert or Augustine right now? Because I was going to say Norbert's probably a guy.

Yeah, I don't ever jerk off to him. Yeah. I take all his names off and take it off. I can't look at her. I can't look at her. I'm getting sad. It's not good. Because looking at her, I'm getting sad. You shouldn't be learning their names. You got to. Of course you do. I like their work. I like their art. I like their work. Yeah. I do, of course. How is this, like, whatever the first video is, usually? Well, yeah, sometimes, but every once in a while, if I'm alone...

You know, if I could be in a hotel room, you know, whatever. You've all heard it. You've all fucking heard this before from countless comedians. So let's talk about some news, some real news. Shout out to the very alive Norbert Barker. I know, but it's a larger dog, so we got less time with it. So get your time with it now. He's very cute. All right. So if you want to be with him now, do it now. And he likes that old lady, and that old lady likes him. Yes. Good. But I'm a following. I'm done. Live from North Lake.

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New customers on first three-month plan only. Speeds lower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. All right, so are we going to talk about any actual news today? Yes, we have to. Okay. There's still plenty of show. Yeah, and there's not much news. No, no, no, no, no, no. We are still, we're going to be suffering a little bit from a political vacuum for a little bit. Can you believe that Norbert's dead?

Unbelievable. I'll talk about it more. We were supposed to do, we did a guest spot on a big podcast yesterday where we had a bunch of content we were supposed to talk about. And all I wanted to talk about was Norbert. And the guy wanted nothing. Yeah. Had nothing to do with it. All we really wanted to talk about was Paul Prudhomme. Yeah.

Oh, yes. And Norbert. I love Paul Prudhomme. I met him before he died, and I still jerk off to his image as much as possible. As you should. He deserves it. His spice combinations cannot be beat. We'll save it for our nutmeg-based show later this week. Thank you, Eddie. You're right, because we do have a lot of nutmeg information to go through.

that we will be covering this week. Now, first I want to cover, you know, United States of America ain't the only ones that are pretty far ahead along in the game of domestic terrorism. Okay.

These Canadians, you're figuring it out. But just like they do. Like, you know, I'm not one of these people. We don't want... I don't want you, Canada. You know what I mean? We want you to stay over there. I want you over there just because you deserve your own country. You don't need to be here. You should get rid of that queen, as far as I'm concerned. They have a queen? Well, I mean, king. They have to go pay attention to King Charles. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. For the next 50 minutes that he's still alive, they have to pay attention to him. So...

But guys, we don't... His tongue's sticking out of his mouth. Oh, yeah. Hold my head while I sign these papers. They have now, they're going to do King Charles knee-high socks. Oh. And King Charles doggy biscuits.

But now, Canada, they're catching up to us, but only in the most Canadian way, which is it's not quite violent enough, guys. You're going to have to ship up or ship out. This was the police. They've cleared the W.R. Bennett Bridge. They reopened it to traffic after the Royal Mounted Police News. They saw a suspected vehicle. An ice cream truck was parked there.

blocking the entire bridge. Now, they first didn't know what happened. They didn't know what it was. It was blocking a bunch of traffic. But then a Facebook post came out with the Canadian patriot, Roy Winner, who posted explaining there were explosives inside that ice cream truck. And you're only safe if you stay 50 feet back because I control it from far away.

Because now they are looking at it. This all came out over the weekend. So it was sitting there. They first closed the bridge at 345 a.m. because it happened in the middle of the night. So that's another one he really was trying to avoid violence. Nothing happened yet. The guy that was, I do think it's funny, the head investigator for this, the name of, his name is Gerbel. Inspector Chris Gerbel.

Which is the first, I didn't know they allowed that name. Of the Germany Goebbels? I guess so. Well, he's the Canadian Goebbels. Oh, okay. So they were like, oh, well, you know, you better think about maybe the fact that fascism is going to save all of us, you know. That's Canadian Goebbels. And so they went and they figured it out. But the message is really wanted to come into because they, so again, it's Canada. So this is in the town of Cotter.

Kelowna. Kelowna. Okay. Which I believe is in, I forget which one of these fucking places. Kelowna, it's in British Columbia.

So this guy, Roy Winter, they have been trying to obviously hide his truths from us. Okay. Because they're really afraid that his manifesto will radicalize people. Very similar to Luigi Mangione's. Did you read his manifesto? Of course I did. You love manifestos. Manifestos are one of my favorite things. You know, that's what you can replace Norbert with. Oh, my manifestos. Yeah, yeah. And then I can write mine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Finally. Finally.

Finally! Alright, so Roy Winner, I will be live streaming this action to bring public attention to a necessary evil. Alright, when you see this email, this action has commenced. If for some reason this doesn't make the news, you might want to question why. And it's because the RCMP are going to try to bury everything and all the evidence to go along with it while protecting the Hells Angels, Kelowna Cabs, and willing participants from public attention.

Whether you believe it or not, this story is 100% truthful. Just so everyone is fully aware of the fact that the Attorney General of Canada, Arif Farhani's office has had a complete copy of all the evidence delivered by Canada Post to 284 Wellington Street on January 17, 2025, 1057 a.m.

First, I would not apologize to everyone who suffers because of my actions here today, but you can ultimately thank the RCMP, the Hells Angels, Kelowna Cabs, and willing participants for putting me in this predicament. The William R. Bennett Bridge is closed in both directions until this matter is resolved and my life restored with restitution. I am accusing the RCMP, especially Sergeant Bryce Peterson, the Hells Angels, Kelowna Cabs,

and willing participants for conspiracy, collaboration, corruption, crookedness, while intentionally causing me irreversible financial harm.

Now, the Hells Angels have been in the news lately. What's going on? Are they back officially? Remember in Australia, they talked about the bikies? The bikies. They definitely got a bikie problem there. They have a biker problem. And Canada does still have a Hells Angels problem. But this guy... Figured they'd be very inactive in the winter. But he has now a bunch of rules of what people are allowed to do around him. He said the emergency vehicles are allowed to pass him as long as they got their sirens on.

And he says, choice A. You got two choices. Choice A.

You'll see that my vehicle has got 60 pounds of highly volatile material that requires nothing more than a stupid human to make a simple mistake and regret their decision. Choice A is that today a safe distance from my vehicle is approximately 50 feet. Choice B is that I will introduce you to God at the same time I introduce myself.

So he's just sitting in an ice cream truck on a bridge saying that he's going to blow it all up. And then they are letting traffic resume. It's very Canadian. They closed enough. Sitting there like waving at cars, holding a button to detonate himself. They won't even dare to shoot me. They won't even try to arrest me. And so he's really angry. Would you drive past it?

Yeah, sure, I'd give him a hunk. Yeah? Yeah. I mean, he could just let it off at any moment. I want a chocolate double scoop.

Why wouldn't they just, and they won't kill him because they don't want the bridge to blow up? No, it's Canada. And so they went, they're very, very cautious in Canada. And I think largely they didn't believe him because they didn't know what was going on. Because they found out that the, matter of fact, they safely went through the entire truck. Basically, the manifesto, long and short, this is much longer than I even want it to be, that they gave him tickets he didn't like.

Yeah. And then he went to fight him. With the Hells Angels? Yep. And won in court. And then, so he won. Very similar to our Killdozer. Battle winners. He also was apparently involved in some kind of assault with what he said was a Hells Angel. And he was trying to save the town from this Hells Angel.

And that the police protected the Hells Angel. Oh, so he just attacked some guy because he was wearing a biker's cut. He doesn't like motorcycles. Yeah. I think they scare him. I think it's because ice cream trucks are really slow. The ice cream trucks and motorcycles are enemies. I would say that they are definitely enemies. So they went and they got him. The explosive unit, they arrived. They're stationed on the bridge. This was back in the day.

And the acting commissioner, they said they went through the risk assessment of the vehicle's contents was finally found, coupled with the man's comments over both the phone and online, resulted in both the Southeast District's emergency response team and the RCMP explosive disposal being deployed. And they said they did not elaborate on the contents of the van, but said they pose a significant risk to public safety.

So what that means is that there was nothing in there. Yeah. Yeah. There was nothing in that van. And he lied. And they didn't want to admit that. No. Because they definitely would have said it was a bomb. Yeah. They absolutely would have said it was a bomb. Yeah. No, for sure. Yeah. And then he started a fire in the van. He was parking it across the bridge. That's got to be hard. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's what nobody tells you. He said, all the ice cream melts in milk. You know what melts in ice cream? He's like, no one says. It's like water.

It's not like diesel fuel, which can put out flames. That's the thing. They're unhinged, man. Remember the Mr. Softee guys in New York? Oh, yeah, dude. They were fucking nuts, dude. I remember they loved the cheesesteaks. When I worked at 99 Miles to Philly, the cheesesteak restaurant, they would always call, and then they'd put in an order for a cheesesteak, and they'd be like, delivery! And I'd be like, all right, where are you at? What's your address? And he's like, Mr. Softee! I was like, okay. He said, I'm in the Mr. Softee truck! All right, well,

Where is it? I'm a softie. You're not Mr. Softie. If you think you're the ice cream man, then this conversation has to end. Mr. Softie's a brand. He has ice cream for a head. It's not you. But yeah, when you live on an ice cream truck, I mean, life is crazy. I know. I do agree. It's also, I mean, an ice cream truck in Canada in the middle of winter?

I mean, this guy's got problems. Useless. Yeah. Exactly. He just needs something to do. Strike trying to sell ketchup to a lady with white gloves. That's right, man. That's right. Why are you doing that? I don't know. I don't know why they even say that. Because you're Brian Dennehy. Yep. That's right. Oh, yeah. Tommy boy. So that's that story. That's really all we got. Canada's not releasing a heck of a lot about this because of the fact that there was probably no bomb in there. He caused a public nuisance and was-

then arrested. And the perfect Canadian domestic terrorist vent, because nothing happened. Yeah. Because that's what they're really good at. Canada has a thing that I find interesting. There were no animals involved, which is un-Canadian. Very un-Canadian. I have found that Canada has distinctly very intense laws about planning crimes versus doing them. Like, there is a big story that they... I forget the hell her name is. There was a shooter...

That they got them, they gave them life sentences on just planning the shooting. Oh, really? Without doing the shooting, which is fascinating in and of itself because technically it's hard because it's...

What is planning crimes? The Valentine's Day shooting planning. Lindsay Savonaranth, this lady, was a U.S. woman sentenced to life for, but it was just to plot the shooting. And what they say is that if you put up a bunch of, like, she tried, she came into Canada from America. They said that once she crossed the border, then it shows the intent of

And then they went and I believe that they had a gun. But the thing is, then when you listen to which is a last podcast on the left thing, though, which is a lot of people don't say, hey, that's what it says here. The Rosinski, according to police, Justice Peter Rosinski, they said of the plan to kill unsuspecting shoppers and not been interrupted by an anonymous tip and the quick actions of local police, it would have been carried out. But it was still.

I'm going to say that it was still pretty far from when it was carried out. And if you were to kind of see their correspondence now, like, yes, obviously they take these mass shootings extremely seriously, as we all do, but there's a little bit of...

This could just be two morons talking. Yeah, I was thinking about that. Because they are just two morons. Obviously, please stop anyone who's planning a mass shooting. Thank you for your work, officer. But at what point does it go from a possible creative exercise to...

A crime. Well, it's also in Canada. They say that idea of the threatening. Yeah. The sentence was partly shaped is according to Rosinski again by the principles that apply to terrorism. While he told the court, the motivations and intentions in the case are not precisely the same as those related to terrorism at

He said the crime requires the court to send a clear message to those conspiring to kill multiple people that they will pay a heavy price. Now, that's interesting because they do the exact opposite of what we do in our country. We don't like labeling things as terrorism. Unless, of course, they're Luigi Manzioni and they actually inspire a bunch of people. Then...

That's very quickly terrorism. Yeah. So that they can, even though they don't understand, it's kind of the opposite. It wasn't quickly terrorism. It was like a week. They debated whether it was terrorism or not. No, but it was a real quick debate. Yeah. It was a real quick debate. Now, I want to circle back to this because thinking about it, it's just like planning. What if that's just like...

a creative thing that you want to do. Dude, it is. Put it in a screenplay and then it's legal? There's literally no, I feel like it's just one of those, there is no right and wrong. I guess the moment you buy a gun, that's what they're saying. Yeah, the moment you buy a gun, it changes. But still, in an American justice, and for I would consider, if when we have those things, it does make sense to me that

you can still make the decision to not pull that trigger up until the moment you pull that trigger. Like, to me, it comes into what you get into attempted. But you wait that long, then you have a disaster on your hands. But you'd be surprised. I actually just watched another, it was an interrogation series of these two teen mass shooters that one of them, obviously the one said they were the aggressor, right? One said that they were aggressor.

And the others said that they were not the aggressor. But when they went deeper into it, they could see that it was kind of the opposite. And it was like, that one was like, the kids, though, were really hesitant.

Into the very, very, very last minute. Yeah. And then the first killing happened. They pulled out a gun. The other kids immediately wrestled the gun away, tried to wrestle the gun away from him. And he shot the first person, but he didn't shoot anybody else. Okay. But...

There's something. And that, to me, that's where the line is. Yeah. They brought the school. But it's hard. But that line is a little too far. Of course. Well, then I think about, well, you know, we suffered. I've suffered, unfortunately, two very dangerous stalkers. And part of that issue with stalkers is the same thing. You really can't do anything about it until they fucking kill you and your family. Because they're just saying, like, it's a free world and they can technically harass you. Right.

as much as they want, especially if you're a public figure in that way. So it's one of those where it's kind of all over the place. I have no fucking idea. I don't know. I feel that this is because in America, we also a lot of times we do the the not entrapment, but we help radicalized people. Yes, we do that in order to stop. Yes, to stop them. We show up and give them all the gear and say, hey, meet us here. And then we arrest them. Yeah.

So I don't know. I have no idea what the right answer is. And that's working for us because nothing bad happens. That's the thing, Eddie. Because the best part about it, and then what they do, it's like they set up a terrorist event that they then stop. And then they go, see? Yeah. See what we did? They do catch some people. Of course they do. The NYPD talks about, I remember I was talking to somebody, the idea that if you knew how much shit floats...

like through the NYPD like halls in terms of information and what happens there. They're like, you'd never sleep ever again. I worked with the NYPD for a little bit because we wanted to work on a roast with them. And so I took a couple meetings with them and I got like involved with the first precinct. And I remember...

They showed us the room where they have the morning meeting, like, go find this guy, go find that guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. These are the corners that are trouble. And then I looked on the side because they have the mug shots. They have a thing of mug shots that you can flip through. And then I saw another pad that just had photos of suspicious packages that they found on the subway. Okay.

And one of them was just like dynamite and a clock found in a Macy's bag. Yeah, we just need a hat. And then I was just like, whoa, what's this? And I'm like, yeah, we found that on the subway. And I was like, how often does this happen? And they're like, more than you'd like. Like, yeah, thank you. And then I think about how many times we carried props on the subway that looked just like that. Taped up fake guns and shit. Constantly. Just like how many problems we caused just being artists. Like.

Hi, I'm Sarah Silverman, and I want to invite you to Arena Stage this February to see my semi-autobiographical, semi-conscious, but fully enjoyable new musical, The Bedwetter. It's a story about growing up different from everyone else, the insanity of family, being a bedwetter, and a dash of clinical depression.

In other words, it's about the year I was 10. The Bedwetter, February 4th to March 16th, only at Arena Stage. Visit arenastage.org for tickets today.

Hey, I'm Paul Scheer. I'm June Diane Raphael. And I'm Jason Manzoukas. And we're the hosts of How Did This Get Made, a comedy podcast where we deconstruct, make fun of, and celebrate the best, worst movies ever made. Have you ever seen a movie that's so bad that it's actually good? Eh, that's what we're talking about. From blockbuster franchises and made-for-TV romances... To bonkers 80s action flicks and obscure sci-fi musicals, we cover it all. You can find How Did This Get Made wherever you get your podcasts. And don't forget to follow the show so you never miss an episode.

Idiot.

This is your chance. This is your opportunity. This is your comeback. Purdue Global, Purdue's online university for working adults. Start your comeback today at purdueglobal.edu.

Well, this next story that I want to talk about is actually related to the subject we're talking about, which this happened in Texas. A North Texas resident is an on edge after their ring doorbell captures a devil at the door. Oh, this fucking guy. Yes. So apparently a guy in a hood

and a red goat mask showed up to someone's front door with a sign that just says, Revelation 20, colon, 1 through 15. Yeah, I want to look it up. It's obviously the Bible verse, Revelations.

Oh yeah, I got it. Yeah, it's awesome. It's fucking metal. It is metal, I will say that. And I saw the angel coming down out of heaven having the keys to the abyss and holding in his hand a great chain. He seized the dragon, that ancient serpent who is the devil or Satan and bound him for a thousand years. He threw him into the abyss and

locked and sealed it over him to keep him from deceiving the nations anymore until the thousand years were ended. After that, he must be set free for a short time. Yes. Well, the homeowner said my husband and I had gone out to dinner and we'd stopped off at a store to pick up a Powerball ticket and I was waiting in the car. The devil! The devil lies in its gambling heart! Ha ha ha!

I mean, honestly, I agree in that way. But they got a ring notification, and she looked at her phone, and there was a dude in a fucking hoodie with this goat devil mask holding the Revelations on. Never let them forget, friend. Always scare them, sir. Yes, see, they all right. The devil is coming, and he is your neighbor, and he is going to tell the HOA that your lawn is too big. Yes.

He's coming for you. And so she called the cops, filled out a police report, but no crime was actually committed. There is no crime. It's not even really a threat. It's art in a weird way. Technically, that's what everybody likes in this country. That's evangelicalism. That's literally spreading the word of Christ. Yeah. So the cops are like, we wrote it down, but...

There's nothing we can do. And she's like, I hope that they catch the guy. Why? But there's nothing to catch. What if there's nothing to catch? Yeah. It's a fun guy having a fun time. I bet you that guy's not even a Christian.

I bet you that guy's just high as balls, having a great night. And guess what this guy just fucking gave me, Henry Zebrowski? An idea? Yeah, of what to do on the weekend. Oh, yeah. This is exactly what I want to do. Sidestories, LPOTL, gmail.com. Am I bothering you? Yes.

Am I scaring you? Side stories at LPOTL at gmail.com. Please email in. Yeah, well, she posted about it on social media and it got a lot of traction. Of course it did. It's awesome. But a lot of people said that they would shoot the person, that they would just kill them, which if you do this, you'll spend the rest of your life in prison. If you shoot somebody over something fake like this.

You're very fucking stupid. And you deserve whatever happens to you. Do you look at this as a threat? I mean, in a way it's a threat, but not really. Do you want to know my actual theory on this one? If this happened to you, what would you do? It'd be awesome. Just like, do you want to come in and have tea? Yeah, but hey, how you doing, buddy? You know what my actual theory is? What? She did this. Whoa. She made this all up.

And all these entire things are ruse. Well, there's obviously a man in the hoodie. So she can't possibly have ever met a man that would do this for her? Well, she was with her husband at the powerball thing. So a man and a wife have never met another man to share their wife with? Well... They've never once had a big old, big old guy come over and rail the living F out of your wife while you're sitting there going, next time, fucking Greg, go respect me. Next time when he sees how big a dick my wife can take...

Yeah, take it all, Cindy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And once she comes, they're like, you want to do something fun? Mm-hmm. Let's get some cardboard. Yeah.

You know what would be interesting? Look at the time of the ring video and the time of the purchase of the Powerball ticket. See if they line up. Well, you see, this is what I'm saying. This is what the cops would need to do. Yeah. But the cops also don't care because there's no crime. They couldn't possibly give a fucking shit. Right? They don't care about this at all. Because I can guarantee they looked at this and also said, probably, you did this. Yeah. That you did this to...

have this go viral so that everyone can think that you're being persecuted for whatever your Christian beliefs or whatever is happening when it's actually not. Yeah, I think the goat mask is... It's stupid. It's not a good one. No. It could be a little dumber. No, it's a stupid goat mask. It's not even that evil look and it's just red. It's sort of like a devil mask. I'm saying that this is a homebrewed issue and this woman is doing this to us. Okay.

Oh, all right. And that guy's fake. Okay. That's my fucking call. But it's in Dallas, so we can go check it out when we're in town. Oh, yeah, on February 22nd. We got to get this guy to come to the show. Yeah, yeah. Reveal yourself at our show, please. I would love to have that. Honestly, the real hero here is the gold-faced man. The mask maker. If the mask maker could reach out to Sidestories, lpotl at gmail.com, we would love to talk about the end times. I mean, the mask maker is from...

China. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's different. Yeah, we'll meet the nine-year-old that made that plastic mask. There's nothing I would like to hear about the crimes that that nine-year-old has seen working inside of the Halloween mask factories of China. Yeah. Um...

There is a fun story from my hometown. What did you want to talk about? First, I want to talk about the fact that this egg has arrived again. Oh, more eggs! There's another egg. Well, you know, the eggs, the price still hasn't gone down. No. Oh, it's almost like Eddie, I don't know if he even had a plan to bring the prices of groceries down. Yeah. I don't even think that they might even know.

It's been a plan, Eddie. Really? Yeah. Concepts of a plan. No, Eddie. That's funny. That's funny, Eddie. What a funny joke. 4chan leak, Antarctica egg. Oh, it's Antarctica. I don't know why I thought it was in Alaska. So show this video. Now, this comes from our favorite reputable news source, 4chan. There has been another release video. Oh, the post was removed. The other main post from Reddit was removed. Wow.

But this one is not. So as you can see, you remember last week I showed you a video of what looked like an egg on a stick? Yes. This is the same, but it looks far more elaborate. This one is a new one. Same thing. They believe that this was recovered outside of Antarctica and it was an ancient object. This is a part of this, whatever this leak series is, where you see what is supposed to be some either, I don't know what they call the dick of a helicopter. What do they call it that pops out of the bottom? What's the red rocket of a helicopter? The cockter.

Something like that, yeah. You got a thing hanging from that and you got the fucking egg hanging from that. It looks better than the other one. Am I looking at two things or one thing here? You're looking at two things. You see that thing dangling and swinging? Yes, that's the egg. That is the egg-like UFO. But what is below it? The red rocket of the helicopter. It is whatever the hanging penis out of the bottom

of a helicopter that hangs a piece of rope that is holding whatever that egg is. Hold on. Am I looking at this from the ground perspective or from the sky perspective? Imagine a helicopter is. Okay, this is a helicopter. It's the camera and the helicopter on the floor. You're doing it this way. All right, I'm a helicopter. You see me? I'm a helicopter. You're so pretty. You see how my arms are going like the rotors of a helicopter? Yeah, well, they're just going back and forth. Well, this is as far as they can go.

You see how they're like a helicopter? Sure. Right? Yeah. My penis is hanging down, right? Mm-hmm. In this position, my penis is hanging down. Yeah. That's what we're looking from. Imagine I'm a helicopter, and you're a little man hanging out of my belly button looking over my dick and balls to the floor. Okay. Like a POV. Yes. But it does...

Look like the sky is behind the egg. That's a mountain range. That's a mountain range. If that is real. But these are trees here. Well, that's a mountain range with fucking trees on it, Eddie. This video is garbage. That's what I'm saying. It's worse. Worse than the other one. I actually think, I do think that this one is better than the other one.

I miss the drones. We all do. I like the drones more than the eggs. This egg stuff I don't really even understand. It's just all over my UFO stuff. This egg stuff is new. Ross Colhart's got another guy, so this is also interesting. A guy that he was talking to, again, is he full of shit? I have no fucking clue. So this big issue, right, with whistleblowers, that Ross Colhart was talking to David Grush, and David Grush kept saying,

That he was just talking about things other guys told him they saw. But I thought Grush was reliable. No. Well, his position was reliable. But he said in his quote-unquote honesty, I am describing things other people said they saw. Okay. But Ross Colhart's got a new guy, Jacob Barber.

who has said he has seen these things himself. Okay. He's a new guy. He says he's worked for the past 30 years. He's worked in both official and unofficial capacities for the U.S. government.

He says he wants to tell people what's going on, what he's seen. According to Russ Colhart, this is brand new. He's an unknown man. He delivered. This is brand new. And he says, we're in this rare opportunity in human history where it's very clear that we know that there are things flying in the sky that are unexplained and un-understood.

And that there's another one of the things that I'm uniquely providing information on. And he says that he saw the aliens himself. He said it's kind of crazy. This guy was a guy named John Blitch. He said everything changed on September 11th.

I left the Air Force. A lot of shit changed. Yeah, thanks for the update. Yeah, buddy. No way. I left the Air Force and was sent out to California at that time to begin establishing my cover bases as an independent contractor so that I could serve. What was coming down the line next for me was the path which led to the UAP subject.

A lot of the work we did was one I call The Range, where the U.S. government and its private partners used to test all kinds of things, weapon systems and resilience to weapon systems of certain craft. And so you see a lot of exciting things, said Barber. But then he started to see strange things. It's always interesting out there, he said. Things come in and out of sight. Things disappear for a moment and reappear. Things seem to move very quickly. Things change color. They change shape.

And then I'd be talking about Oprah Winfrey. Whoa! Got her fucking ass! About time! And so John Barber, he also said, Jacob Barber also said, he said, we know that they classified craft and we recovered them and we took them back where they go. They went to a place. He said, we picked them up. He said, they recovered things, quote unquote, exotic in nature. And he said, he's got his first glimpse of non-human pretty quickly. He said, I saw an egg. It was a white egg.

There was no engine. There was no thermal signature. I was operating at night when I finally came in to pick it up. So I'm working under night vision goggles at the time, and it was quite clear. I flipped them up, flipped them down, and looked at it a couple of different ways, and it was an egg. Metallica, pearly white. He said, I can tell you that the reaction by my team, we all knew we were dealing with something strange. They said it was weird. They didn't know what it was. And it had hieroglyphics on its side.

Okay. He said, and then he went to go drop off the egg. He said, but there was another object when he dropped off the first egg. A basket. It was a giant bunny. One was the egg. The other was what I called an eight gun. Eight gun.

The eight gun was essentially a flying disc with what looked like eight delineated sections when looking down. And I can tell you what it looked like from looking down because that's primarily how I saw it, because I'm a helicopter pilot. We did recoveries with the eight guns. There was more than one that made its way to the ground on this particular operation. And as I get started getting closer to the site, he's in one of the most profound experiences of his life. Last time he picked up an eight gun, he said, I started feeling odd.

I started feeling extremely emotional, and the closer I got, the more the emotions started to overwhelm me. I felt this intense hybrid of sadness and happiness and beauty and song, and it was very disruptive to me because I had a very practical responsibility at the time to operate a helicopter in the mountains at night. And I began wondering, what the hell is wrong with me?

I felt something had connected with me. I felt like something had tuned into me and my soul and was providing me some sense of guidance on what to do and how profound what I was doing was. It was so overwhelming that I began to cry. It was very feminine energy. She said the UFOs were talking to him.

This guy. But what's wrong? This fucking guy. Yeah, I know. Who looks like he doesn't cry enough. That guy is. You remember they said about a sheer sign of a size sociopath is if you see the entire whites above the pupils? Yes. He's one of those guys. No, for sure. Oh, yeah. He definitely looks like an egg. I don't know. It just seems like. Why can't helicopter pilots be emotional?

Well, no, it's that. I mean, why is that bad? It's actually, they say this to the, truly it is. Leave it at home? They shouldn't be emotional. They should not be emotional. They should be, you know that the, one of the, you know the old, like, and we're cruising at 10,000 feet. Like that voice. Yeah. Like that voice was a constant, what was apparently was a impression, it was an impression of Chuck Yeager.

So Chuck Yeager was considered to be like one of the biggest icons of all pilots. Right. He broke the sound barrier. He did all this shit. But the thing was unflappable. No emotion. No personality. You know, like and that's what they look for in astronauts. That's why a lot of astronauts are test pilots. Yeah. Never interview an astronaut. They are boring. Yeah. They don't really got a lot to say except the one guy with the mustache. And he just opens different things in space and goes, look how that floats.

I don't like that guy. We all love that guy. We all love that guy. But I'm saying that's what space is. Yeah. Like it's scary. The first I mentioned, it sounds like what's scary. It's like what they talk about with space is apparently it's just terror mixed with unbearable boredom.

Have you thought about going? I would never go to space. You're obsessed with space. I will go to space when there is a proper private way to go to space. Really? Oh, they don't want me up there. Lance Bass goes all the time. Yeah, it's because he's one light a ball. So he's fine up there. He doesn't need it. I got two. I got two big ones, right? Lance Bass lost some of his balls, right? I have no idea. Didn't he have testicular cancer? I don't know. Testicular cancer?

Lance Bass has testicular cancer. Tell me. That's my vocal warm-up. Lance Bass had testicular cancer. Lance Bass. Oh, he doesn't have cancer. No, no, he's okay. Whatever, dude. What a bitch. He's got diabetes. He's got type 1.5 diabetes? I never even heard of that. It's called the fucking remake. And arthritis. Yeah, dude. All right, so he's cool. All right. As long as he's got that betas, I like him. I only like him sick. Well...

Do I have time for my fat man from home? Oh, you got to. You got to because the listener letters were not that very good this week. No offense. No, in terms of like what we want to talk about, the ones I got

Or I'm going to use for other purposes. Yeah, yeah. They go in other directions. Oh, except the big one that I will say, which is... I'll just throw it out there. There was no such thing as a Roman salute. Yeah, we know that. Yeah, but we did not... But the idea that even the concept of the Roman salute, there was no such thing. No, it was created in movies. But it was first created in paintings. Then...

reiterated by pop culture and things featuring Romans. But there are no statues with Roman salutes. None. There's nothing like that. None of the artists from back in the day. It is a wholly Nazi invention. Yes. And they really like it. Yeah. And all the Nazis are very happy about...

the South Africans Nazi salute. Oh, they love that Elon Musk is a Nazi. They really like that. It's good for them. It's good for his constituency. His demo. Well, speaking of chaos, a large...

bald man struck a slimmer man on the head with a dinner plate. That's right. The big news broken here. Never close in the Amazon side stores. A Florida attorney allegedly attacks father of girl who cut in front of him at a buffet at a meat station. Okay, so let's first break this down. Number one seemed he does. It was an irate move. You know a man's fat.

When his face hides his ears. Yes. I have never seen a face... The tops of his ears are the only thing you can see. I have never seen someone's face fat cover that much of their ears. It is weird that... That is a wild face. His cheeks are thicker than his neck and the top of his head. His goatee... And he is a lawyer. His whole goatee area could fit inside of a large woman's pussy. Yes. That's how small it is. Yeah, no, there is... He is a...

He's very large. And you can also, another way to tell that a man is fat in a news article is when the other man is constantly called slim. When they say that the other slimmer man, like they constantly talk about this. Being like, we could just like, also you could just say two guys. But it's like they obviously wanted to point out how fat

The first man was. So they had to just say large man and slimmer man. Yes. I like this story a lot because it happened less than a mile from my high school. And it concerns a thing to us, which is meat lines at buffets. Buffet crimes. Yes. So, okay. I'm of two minds here, Eddie.

I agree with the man, but I feel like he took it too far. I'm in too... Let me... Okay. Let me ask... All right, Eddie. Rob, you're a former real fat boy, and you were a fat boy, Eddie. And I feel like we can commiserate on this. Oh, so big. Oh, so big. Oh, bring me my chicken. Sorry, I'm doing my whale performance. Where's my Oscar? Where's my chicken? Oh, so big.

Oh, yeah, I love the cock. Oh, you're talking about the whale. You know what my problem with the whale is? Not one fart. And the whole fucking movie. You're telling me the last week of this man's life. He's not going to fart a lot. There's not going to be one fucking fart. It sounded like my lover's farts. I miss that guy. That's not what happened to Brenna Fraser. So are there lines in, okay, let me just put this this way.

Are there actual, literal lines to follow in a buffet when a buffet is two-sided? Okay, if a buffet is two-sided and you can have equal access, is there such a thing and a need for a linear line?

to approach the buffet. Now, when you say it's two-sided, is it two lines that lead to a middle? Oh, it's an island. So you can get on either side of it. Because sometimes it's the same stuff in two lines that meet in the middle and go out. Or, another caveat to this, yes, are lines even necessary? Or two, right? You've already been one round. You've already done the entire thing. Must you wait?

online to get to the specific food that you want for doubles. I think if you've already been there, you definitely have to wait in line. Yes. Why though? You're just getting one specific food. But not everyone has gotten their one specific food so far. So you have to wait till they all get their food and then you can get more food. In outside of the buffet world, in outside of the buffet world, you're right. Yeah. Inside the buffet world, this is an equal opportunity zone. Yeah.

You know, like this is a buffet. There's going to be enough for all of us unless they specifically say that there's going to be a limited amount. That I can understand they're being in line for, but they're going to be hush puppies. Yeah. They're going to come back with more hush puppies. They're going to come back with more mac and cheese. There must be order. Or it will just be chaos. There must be order. I'm not saying you have to wait for everyone to finish, but you need to get back in line. See, this is the heart of this story because it comes down to is there a bigger cause?

crime. We don't know if he's on seconds though. We don't know. I imagine because of his violence, it was firsts.

You're talking about Fat Man was on his first. Yes. So you're saying when the father broke into the line, cut in line in front of him with the daughter. The daughters cut in front and he yelled at the daughters and then he pointed his violence to their father because he was aware enough that he could not beat the daughters. You know, in a way, in a way that makes him kind of classy. Because if you're going to be in a Boca buffet...

And you're going to at least he could have hit the girls. Well, he could have hit the girls. I'm not saying he should have. I'd say he could have. Yes. No, if he felt the need, he physically could have made that bad choice and hit them. Yes. And if I was manager of the buffet, I'd have to actually sit and listen to the man and say, well, they did cut. Now, I have to say, this isn't a sizzler. This isn't a golden corral. This is a wedding.

So it kind of changes everything. You're acting like a lunatic at a wedding. And then people are having fun, so they're more jokey. They might cut, more likely to cut, have some fun, especially young ladies having a good time. Who knows? One of them might have caught the bouquet. They're feeling lucky.

You know, and this, you see this man? You want to get in between him and prime rib? I mean, first of all, that is, you're just saying, yeah. He is prime rib. Yes, because I know the laws of the jungle. Yeah. Right? Yeah. He eats first. Absolutely. He's got to eat. Yeah. The little girls don't know. No. No, they don't know. They're just having a good time. But can I say that this may be a good opportunity for them to learn?

I mean, they did. This is a really good learning opportunity for them in this high stakes buffet scenario because this guy took it to the proper level. Like, obviously, you might say, yes, he didn't need to physically beat the man, right? No. He didn't have to break plates over his head like he was Bluto from Popeye. Yeah. But he was like, I'm not going to hit these girls. Where is their father? See? Yeah.

I feel like there was sense here. Maybe. You know what I think is that we don't know that there's old beef. I mean, besides the fucking buffet. Shots fired, Boccalato Country Club.

Off of Boca Rio Road. Lake Mouth Prime Rib Buffet. Yeah, well, you know, it's a golf course. And there's a golf course across the street that we used to always break into and throw parties at. But yeah, during the reception, the defendant was allegedly in line at the Prime Rib Carving Station when two young girls cut in front of him. The Palm Beach Sheriff County. And the rower got angry about being cut in front of the buffet in front of the father and one of the girls. And then the father, to be honest...

to best the other man in hand-to-hand combat for respect of his daughters. So, in a way, I feel like, I guess, even at a wedding, that even makes this even more an essential human fight. He was cut. That is, no one is saying this man was not cut. He's a victim here. He, a type of victim. Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, I think that all of this story is like, if he hit the daughters, I'd be saying much different stuff. A worker said in a sworn statement that they saw the whole interaction from the start and corroborate the victim's account about why Mark became upset at being cut in line. He was cut in line. The witness then stated that the victim had turned away from Mark in an attempt to ignore him. And this is when Mark walked up to him with a plate and hit the victim in the head with the plate.

Never turn your back on a giant hungry bastard. Yes. The witness confirmed that the plate shattered and Mark pushed the victim and was holding him by the collar. The witness then stated that the surrounding people separated the two individuals, but then Mark attempted to walk back over to the victim. Yeah.

The witness said, We ain't done here yet. I still see you got my fucking short wrap. Yeah, they heard multiple plates shatter, but only one was used to hit the victim in the head. And I want to say, as a Florida man,

This man, this is a wedding. He could have been in from out of town. This might not be a Floridian. It could just happen in Florida. Actually, you might be right. Yeah. And that's why I think it's important before your weddings to solve a lot of your, try to squash your stuff. Yeah. Right before you get in there and let it play out. Yeah. Also, Boca Rio Road, you're going to love this. When I was a kid, they found a van full of teenagers in.

in the canal of Boca Rio Road. Why this is interesting is because they found the van, but apparently it was a bunch of kids that went missing in the 60s, and then a fisherman found the van. So they were dead in there? They were dead in there for like 40 years. That's awesome! See, there you go. They all thought that they ran away and joined a cult, but they didn't get far from home and just drove into the canal. That's awesome!

Wow. Yeah. That's like Mike Myers. Was the one where it's like the maniacs on the bus? Oh, yeah. 10,000 Maniacs? No, it was another movie. It was another movie. It had a bunch of guys, crazy guys on a bus. Oh, I love a bus. They died anyway. Well, we got to wrap this up. We do have to get out of here, unfortunately. We got to wrap up today. Live every day knowing that you keep your head in a swivel at a buffet. Move it along, people. Yeah, move.

Do not cut huge men at buffets. We all love the buffet. I know that he was violent and he is obviously the problem here, but I'm not blaming the victims, but don't cut...

Love yourself and love the buffet environment by following the rules, but also move in a timely manner because then you can laugh your way back to your seat with your hush puppies, with your finely sliced roast beef, with your mac and cheese, because what you've done here is followed the rules and created a society, but you also chose your food in a timely manner that moved us all along. This isn't fucking a three-star Michelin restaurant, okay? We don't need to peruse all of this.

stations. You can come back to it. It's a buffet. You're going to want to do this in multiples. Yes, we have to. We have to go. We have to go. We're interviewing Kane Pixels for our Patreon, so go subscribe and listen to that there. Go to twitch.tv slash lpotv and go to the last podcast on left.com. Yeah, we're going to talk about the back room, so you can check it out there. Love you guys. Bye. Bye. Hell Satan.

Hi, I'm Sarah Silverman, and I want to invite you to Arena Stage this February to see my semi-autobiographical, semi-conscious, but fully enjoyable new musical, The Bedwetter. It's a story about growing up different from everyone else, the insanity of family, being a bedwetter, and a dash of clinical depression.

In other words, it's about the year I was 10. The Bedwetter, February 4th to March 16th, only at Arena Stage. Visit arenastage.org for tickets today.

Hey, I'm Paul Scheer. I'm June Diane Raphael. And I'm Jason Manzoukas. And we're the hosts of How Did This Get Made, a comedy podcast where we deconstruct, make fun of, and celebrate the best, worst movies ever made. Have you ever seen a movie that's so bad that it's actually good? Eh, that's what we're talking about. From blockbuster franchises and made-for-TV romances... To bonkers 80s action flicks and obscure sci-fi musicals, we cover it all. You can find How Did This Get Made wherever you get your podcasts. And don't forget to follow the show so you never miss an episode.

Idiot.