Side Stories: Soder Stories
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Man, I am getting more and more excited to go to Huntsville. I can't wait. We're on our way. I can't wait to do this. One of my favorite things here, it says, is we found really very interesting. You know, we asked last week to get any sort of recommendations of things to do in Huntsville, and we were super excited. We're like, okay, and we got a lot of messages, and we're like so happy. And one of my favorite one is this. We said, you got to come to Huntsville, and you have to eat at Hildegard's.

We're like, oh, what's that? What's Hildegard's? Yeah, it doesn't sound very Alabama-y. No, it doesn't. It sounds really good. And they said, which I think is like, I dislike how they put it, it's a local German restaurant that has deep roots in Huntsville since the great German influx on or about 1945. No! And my thing was, is that, what is that, what is that sound?

And it's like, oh, yeah. It's because the Operation Paperclip scientists that we purchased had to move to Huntsville. Did we purchase or take? Purchase. And then we move into Huntsville. We made of Americans. And then think about this. Then I'm like, now I'm super excited to go. Yeah. Only just because.

How good does German food have to be for ex-Nazis to sit and like it?

I mean, like, I'm not saying it's good that it serves Nazis. Holy shit, look at that. And we made them. That's schnitzel, dude. We revamped them into American, so it doesn't really count. Because we went to the moons on their back. But if you look at this, like, this food looks so good. And it has to be good, because can you imagine serving it to Werner Von Braun? And watching Werner Von Braun take one slice and him look at you and just be like, we have a food.

for someone like you and they're all like he's like shaking and stuff he's like an excellent cook you know like they have to just deal with it

I love how it looks like all Alabama, like they just cover it in gravy. Dude, that's a Wienerschnitzel. That's exactly what Wienerschnitzel is. I love Wienerschnitzel. Oh, man, we are going to eat all over this. Welcome to Side Stories. Holy shit. My name is Henry Zebrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. Fuck you. I want to talk about the schnitz. Me too, man. And I understand that some people might be upset about it, but I just love the concept of what they just called local German influx after 1945, which is if that was just sort of—

coincidence was it i mean like how many like what actually that's a really good question like it's probably like what like probably like 10 science i'm guessing this is me just like guessing out of the top of my head i'm guessing 10 scientists and their families so it's probably like 100 people um it says how many scientists 1600 german scientists engineers and technicians became united states from 1945 and 1959 they took us to the moon baby

because they had the eye on the prize. These guys' operation, that's what gave us our big advantage over the Soviet Union. Yes. And these guys went straight to Huntsville. And that's kind of nice, honestly, in a way, for them. It is a good place to stash a bunch of Nazis, and no one's going to pay attention. No one cares what happens in Huntsville, necessarily, because they keep it a secret. NASA, never a straight answer. Mm-hmm. All right, well, yeah, they're all going downtown, straight to Huntsville.

At least. And the very end, yes, we know. Horrible atrocities. For sure. A world war.

All their fault, but still. I want the bratwurst. I want bratwurst so bad, I don't care who has to die for me to get it. Also, I don't... I just don't care. I've recently, Julie showed me pictures of when she went to Germany recently, way before we were together, and she was dressed in a bunch of German lady clothes, like the white shirt with the chest teething a little bit. You want to have sex with a Hummel figurine.

She looks very good when we dress her like her people. Can we go? Sidestorieslpotl at gmail.com. Can you send me where I can get a genuine B

A beer wench outfit for Ed's wife. Yes. I have her sizes saved in my phone for whenever I buy her clothes. Then can I get one for me? Yes. Because I'm going to buy one and stand next to her. I mean, you would look good as a little boy dressed as a little German boy. You don't think I don't got the fucking... What's German for breasts? You got calves. What's German for breasts? Schnitzel. Schnitzel.

Titsle. Yeah, Titans. Oh, Brewster. Oh, yeah, I got crazy Brewsters. You got Brewster? Yeah, man, I got fucking Brewsters out the fucking... I got a day... I fucking got size... I die. I got size die Brewsters. Wow. And you could just go, yeah, you slap me into that. These are... Are these of age women? I think I just found your fetish. Yeah, send me the links. Yeah, I think I'm finally going to role play. I am... I'll be a little Jewish, you know, like... I don't know.

Running from, you know, hiding in the woods. So you're going to be Adrian Brody from The Brutalist? No, I'm thinking more Daniel Craig from Defiance. I'm just going to say anybody that survived WWII in its way and was of the Jewish persuasion, Eddie, I'm going to say this in the most gentle way possible.

You might need to lose a couple of pounds. Oh, well, you know, so there was needed a cook. See, if you dress as this, you see, this is a later host. And I don't want to dress as a German. I want to be like, I want to dress in a Holocaust uniform so that you can have sex with a weird, you know, weird fucking fantasy that you want to do where you want to have Julie act like some kind of like Nazi sympathizer that you're having sex with because she's a Jewish sympathizer.

Because she's having sex with a Jewish man? Yes. But no, but a lot of them did that and then they would go and sell them out. Like Ilsa, the she-dog of the Fuhrer. I wouldn't let them touch her. But she's German. Yes. Rosing. Wow, this is a lot. Wow. So what does this say? Is sexy Nazi role-playing okay? As long as you're a proud Jew. I...

not say she was going to be Nazi. I can't even read it. What does it say here? It says, there's nothing wrong with introducing Nazi role play in the bedroom according to Josephine Dalton. There's no Nazi role play. She's German. Not every German was a Nazi. Mark Oppenheimer's writing about this, but he's scolding

the letter writer for being a self-hating Jew. Famous sex writer Dan Savage called on Oppenheimer, who is Jewish, to answer the unusual question on his blog Savage Love. The letter writer, a Jewish woman in her 20s, found herself in quite a pickle with her German lover. Oh, see, this is way different than what I'm trying to do. She wanted to ask him to fulfill her Nazi roleplay fantasy but was scared he would be offended. Yeah, that's the fear. Of course.

How long do I have to wait? I'm talking about a German that hides the Jewish people. Oh, okay. That's different. You didn't set it up like that. You didn't set it up like that. I'm working on that. I'm dealing with this fantasy being happening as in my mind as in life. Why are you doing with me and Rob?

You should be doing it with your wife. Well, you know, I come here, I cook the ideas around, and I present them to Julie later once they're fully cooked. See, this is good. Do you think that she's going to be excited that you and I worked out your Nazi role play with her? Ah, Nazi! Nazi era.

You're going to have to go and do that with her. You're going to have to go discuss that and say, Henry loves this idea. We workshopped it on the show. Yeah, Henry really was excited for this idea. I bought her a German hat once. One of the ones that kind of looked like Peter Pan a little bit. She wasn't happy about it. She didn't like it. No, but you want your... Yeah, a hat...

It's not a sexy article of clothing. I'm not trying to take... Well, it is. It's the only thing you're wearing. Actually, no. I find it strange. Can you imagine that? I don't know why. I don't know what it is about, like... Again, if it's a nude woman, I'm already... I'm engaged. I don't really care. But something about a nude woman with just a top hat on, with just a Peter Pan hat on, actually... I'm looking at this, Rob. Yeah. That's weird. Yeah. Because it looked like she's...

She's like a little girl that got transformed magically into an adult. You know what I mean? And that she's still the little girl on the inside. Hold on. You weren't a lost boy. Now she's a found woman. Yep, she is. And he found her. And while I'm really glad we explored that.

So this is, but we can't wait to come to Huntsville. Oh, they have the local mill art center. Yeah. Lots of artists and studios. Yeah. Full of galleries to check out. They have a record store and a dude who makes cigar box guitars.

Huntsville Space and Rocket Center. We know they won't let us in there. We've already asked and they said no. Yeah, they won't. NASA said Henry can't come. I can't go anywhere. I can't come. And they're right because you can't, right? When was the last time you actually... Oh, I come. Yeah.

I come, my friend. Don't you worry about that. It'll come out. Well, it was what NASA told us no. It was D.C. NASA. So maybe Alabama NASA has smaller scruples. Technically, the California NASA said that they might.

But our connect there got a new job. And so, yeah, so our LA NASA connect got a new job. So we can't take us no more. I'm excited about this, but we do have to take a plane there and it's been horrible out there for planes. And I did want to bring up this one story. Okay. Now I've heard something about this several times.

Which is, you know that if you die in the air, there's really not much they can do for you. No, it's how Carrie Fisher died. She had a heart attack on an airplane. Yeah. Yeah. And no one did anything. Well, I think they punched her in the chest a bunch of times. They tried to save her. Did you bully her? No. Can't believe that they would do that. But sometimes it happens. And honestly, these people are all traumatized, but I actually think it's kind of fun. It's amazing she couldn't force the plane to land. Right? Yeah. She could have. Yeah.

She could have. She wanted to. She could have taken the rebellion to the cockpit. Here we go. Now, this story, some people say they're all traumatized, but I actually think it's kind of funny. Okay. Mitchell Ring and Jennifer Collin were on a Qatar Airways flight from Melbourne to Doha, the Qatari capital, last week. Okay. About 10 hours into the flight, a woman exited the restroom, collapsed, and died right in front of them. That's very horrible. That's horrible.

And they say, according to them, they did everything they could. You know, they pumped her legs, fished around her mouth, they kissed her a bunch. Yeah. And she never came back. Hell, they're upside down. Everything you do to a woman. Sometimes also with a woman, too. Have you ever, this is a tip, this is for, I don't want anybody, I don't want anybody to push back on me on this. I don't think that, you never get pushed back. No. If you want to wake up a woman who's asleep or is dead.

twist them like radio dials. Sometimes that's how you know if she's dead. Every time there's a fresh dead woman, always do that. Try to change the volume on her. That's how you find out when they're not. Because most people respond to that. But you can't do that in the air. You've got to put it on airplane mode. You do. You're right. That's what they do. So they did everything they could according to them. They said they looked a little frustrated. Frustrated.

All right, so they didn't know what to do. Which I don't really know. I guess it's because her body was right there. Yeah. Because my thing is, she already paid for a seat. You should put the dead woman back in the seat she paid for. Well, they didn't put her in the seat she paid for? No, they decided because she might have been of the larger persuasion. It seems that they physically could not get her back to her seat. Okay. So they just plopped her in the seat that was open next to this guy.

So they said straight up, can you move over, please? They said, yes, no problem. And then they just placed that lady in the chair that they were just sitting in. So she just laid there absolutely dead. Well, Qatar Airways is not Delta. No, it's not. But Qatar also, you're in the middle, you're over the Atlantic Ocean. So I do understand why you...

have to... Well, I guess no, but you have the Indian Ocean. But it's like, I understand why you can't necessarily land. No, you can't. So they said that couples... Why don't they give the couple somewhere else a sit? Well, this is the worst part is that they got stuck in. They got stuck in while the... This is the thing. The lady was really big? Let's put it this way. I think that some people, maybe not me...

If a body was placed next to me, I think that some people might be very reticent to get near it.

I'll go past it. Me? I'm straddling the thing if I have to take a shit. I don't care. I'm just going. I know it's dead. I know she's dead. Go by. I'll give her the little papal blessing or something. Was she doing the dead body thing and shitting and puking and pissing and stuff? The dead body thing? You said it like it's a dance move. Well, I mean, when someone dies, you just shit yourself, right? Yeah, you ventilate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She probably, she could have definitely, well, it sounds like she just came out of the bathroom, so I think she was empty. Oh!

Maybe that's what was keeping her alive. Sad. Now that's sad.

I should think about that now. Hopefully I don't have a shit that keeps keeping me alive inside of me. Oh, yeah. You got one? You never know when it's going to come. Oh, wow. That's scary to me. I have a question. Okay. What would you guys rather? Sit next to a dead person for four hours or a screaming baby for four hours? Dead person. I think, yeah, the first hour would be kind of tough, but once you get used to it. It's just a dead person. Yeah. They're just sitting there. It'd be different if the dead person haunts you forever. The baby, you get relief as soon as you're not by it anymore. Wow.

Is it just odd to say that I don't think it would haunt me at all? Yeah. I think that I'm on a plane and there's different rules. I think that if I saw someone die in front of me, I saw someone die in front of me in an emergency room. I have. I watched someone collapse and that did end the panic attack that I was in there for because I realized that I shouldn't be in the emergency room. Yeah, you're fine actually. And then I've seen dead body. I saw a dead body on the train and I'm not really that scarred by it.

Well, the thing is... I didn't go to war. No. Well, yeah, those were normal dead bodies. They weren't, like, hacked up or anything like that. I think this woman... I don't know why they put her in that seat. Why not just put her in a bathroom? I think they just... And you shut the door. I think they just were trying to get her in a seat because they didn't want her corpse lying like a log in the center of the fucking aisle. Yeah. And so I think they wanted to plop her into a seat as some form of respect, I imagine. I don't know. I don't know, though, because... I mean, definitely, if there's more than one bathroom, you jam her in the bathroom, you shut the door so no one has to see it. Yeah.

That's exactly what you do. No. Yeah. No. Yes. Or you find a way to put her down with the luggage. So she stays cold. That would actually be nice. Or you put her up in the galley where you can literally cover her in ice. Well, you can't. We've already established you can't. Like, we're not lifting her up. Well, yeah. They could ask people to help. I've had someone help. I've had the. Is there a doctor on a plane on a flight before? But they said the worst part was that when they were stuck after the flight emptied.

They were not allowed to leave their seats because they had to wait until the medical officer came on and worked on the dead body as they were stuck next to it because they didn't want to cross over the body. They just wanted to make sure that she was actually dead, I imagine.

Yeah, again, twist the nipples, slap her face a bunch. Like, that's a big thing. You don't do that a lot. In old time movies, you remember how they used to do that a lot? There was a lot more like slapping people. Yeah, oh yeah. You're hysterical. They slap you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you know, it's not allowed anymore, but it probably worked on a couple occasions. But if I saw a dead, you know, you just give a fucking couple jabs to the fucking dead body, it's not living. But again, at that point, she's dead. She's been dead. Four hours. But don't worry. They said they went on to complete their trip to Venice, Italy.

Because they said, you know, they're really trying to make the best out of a really hard situation. But you know what? They just moved on. But he said, you know, we're on holiday, so we're just trying to have a good time. And what are you going to do? Go home? Yeah, exactly. No, I'm already there. We're going to Italy. That's what I'm telling my fucking wife. Being like, hey, listen, yeah, we saw a corpse today, but guess where we're going to see another corpse if I have to lose all these thousands of dollars on the fucking trip to Venice. Oh, man. I hope they didn't miss their connection. Yeah.

Hopefully Qatar Airways Qatar Qatar Airways Is it Qatar? I don't know

I think it's Qatar. I think it's Qatar. They didn't give them anything after this. Nothing. No. When are you going to go back to fucking Qatar? What are they, in Hamas? Well, no, Qatar Airways. Qatar Airways, it goes all over that area of the world. Oh, okay. Because that's probably the flight that they had to connect over to Italy. That's a long flight, Melbourne to Europe. Yeah. No, for sure, for sure. You got to stop somewhere. Yeah. Live from Northland. From the boogie-down streets of Queens.

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Well, we learned nothing, have we? No. And now it's time to have one of our favorite people on the face of the planet join us. Yeah, baby. Very, very excited. We have a guest in studio. His name is Dan Soder. Live from Northland.

Ladies and gentlemen, this man to my right, we just appeared on his podcast. Yes. So, as is the custom of all comedians across all nations, we then invited him to be a part of our podcast. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the incredible New York-based stand-up comedian, Dan Soder. Yes! That is so funny. That really is our only tradition in comedy. Yeah. It's like, I have prepared the couch for us to podcast. Yeah.

For the last time, you showed me your podcast, and now I will podcast with you. Disregard my roommate. Sorry if the TV's loud. He's going through something. Tit for tit. It's great. I love being here. I love being at the last podcast.

The studio is unbelievable. This is fucking unbelievable. Unbelievable. Who's your favorite killer on our wall over here? I mean, Casey Anthony easily. Look at that smile. She knows she's getting away with it. Dude, when you guys did the episode, because this is, and I've said this, but it's true. This is the only podcast I consistently listen to, and I have for years. But this is the only podcast I consistently listen to.

But the Casey Anthony one you guys did where the cops go into her job and she's just leading them around like, like she worked at universal studios and did not is the craziest shit I've ever heard. It's some of the things that in this show are just a gift. It's like a gift where you find out like, I mean, obviously it's why we do the show. When you start like opening up the hood and looking into the actual details of these people's lives, it's fantastic. The idea of like,

A pathological liar's life is an amazing labyrinth. Yeah. And it's a fun circus. You've been with one, right? I've met pathological liars, and what's crazy is when you think you have them nailed down, they squirm out. Oh, yeah. And that's what's amazing about her is that scene specifically that I'm talking about is they had her nailed down. They got to an end of a hallway, and she was like,

I've never worked. I don't work here. And that's like crazy. But they're all cool with it. They go, all right. Well, that doesn't mean you murdered your daughter. You guys are making a lot of excuses. It's just wild. Yeah, it was. That is. So it's fun to be in the studios and like look around and be like, oh, look at all this. So all the fans that are listening.

I'm taking this experience for you as well. He shat already. I did. I went in and I touched myself. But in a pissed sense, not in a sexual sense. Did you get a chance to masturbate to the Jackie trying to scoop up JFK's brain? Yeah, I go, oh, fuck.

You did not put that in here. By the way, I went to the Grassy Knoll for the first time. Oh, congrats. Did they remove the X? No. No, there's two Xs. They're making a double X.

I think because of your guys' look at all the conspiracy theories, I believe that's how I arrived to my belief that it was the Secret Service member in the jump seat of the Cadillac. And it was too early in the Secret Service's life that they could admit that they made a colossal fuck up like that. I will not believe that a juicy secret...

of we killed JFK could have ever lasted long enough because what do we know about CIA guys? As soon as they're sick,

They start telling the truth. As soon as they, they'll have a bad cold. And they'll start saying stuff like, we definitely killed some people in Serbia. She's like, can I get you anything, Richard? He goes, I would love some chicken noodle soup. Also, we did it by Luther King Jr. That was us. And she goes, what? It's a head cold. He goes, I just had to tell somebody. I'm so weak. Yeah, he just goes.

Completely terminal. It was me with a sniper rifle. I shot him on that balcony in Memphis. I just can't believe that the secret would ever lay that long. No, it wouldn't. Have you all ever hung out there and walked around, though? No. You haven't. No, I worked in...

Fort Worth at this hotel where he stayed at. I was working the hyenas. Jealous. The hotel they put you up at is very loud about like, this is where JFK stayed the night before he got assassinated. Like every elevator bank, every floor, they're like, Joe!

day before he got shot. They scream it, but I never went to the grassy hole. Well, like the Watergate in D.C. Now it's all super cute. Yeah, they're all like like the main bar at the it's called like the break in. That's what I was going to say. Break into comfort. Yeah, it's not even a bit. They do that. I am not a crook. What do you mean? You're a hotel keys, a flashlight. But I was so I was behind the fence on the grassy knoll and I'm looking at the X. It's a perfect shot.

Well, that's what they're saying. It's the perfect shot. It really is. So when you go and stand there, it's just like, there's even like a good prop. Like, it's perfect. Yeah. When you went this time, did you see what I loved about, the first time I went to Dealey Plaza was the conspiracy theory buskers thing.

Oh, very much. Oh, yeah. They try and take you around and show you shit. That's their ghost tours? Dude, it's the best. They stay. They stand on the grassy knoll with lanyards and piles of newspapers. And then they're just on loop. It was just all black men when I went. I know exactly. It's the same guy. It was wild. He comes up to you. He just starts kind of saying the beginning of the story, right? And then he's like, if you want to hear the rest, that'll be $15. I love that. And then you like...

You can pay the man 50. Marcus and I did it. We paid him money. And then we both sat with this homeless man to describe the events of the conspiracy theory. And then we started pushing back. And then we're now talking with the man. And then he's yelling at us being like, you don't know better than me. You don't know better than me. And we're all like, I'm sorry, sir. Like, I guess we're just visiting. This is just this is an important place for our relationship. Yeah.

The thought of you looking at the grassy knoll and then a guy with a cigarette bouncing in the corner of his mouth going, you know that's where they did it. And you go, excuse me? And that's how he gets you in? That's how they train each other? They go, it's the opening line. It's the opening line. Jackie shouldn't have worn gloves that day. What?

What did you say? Well, let's sit down right here on my knee and I'll tell you a little tale about a man from Boston. A lot of Irish brains spilled on that X. And you go, oh, my God. Yeah.

Oh my God. Oh my God. I declare. Tell me more. Now, I'm glad that you even said this because this is, I'm so glad to have you here. I'm glad to be here. Because you, he was on Billions. Yes. And he knows, like even just, you heard that, like even just saying that about the pitch, right? Like he knows all about the pitch. It's... And what you got to do to get in there. Dastardly people. Oh yeah, dude. You know, I worked as, I did headhunting for a very small period of time and I was fired immediately. Yeah.

If you wanted to, your character from Wolf of Wall Street might have...

hired my character from Billions later on. Very similar in the idea of doing the stockbroker as idiot. Yes. Which is fun. Yes, it is. It's very fun to just go like, hey, what if you're a complete moron, but we're very rich? All of them. And then you find out that's literally the heart of all of the stockbroking industry is all fat fucks from Queens. It's all confidence where there should be none.

It's the same guys that failed cop exams, like became stockbrokers, but it does work. But how do you feel about crypto? I don't know what it is. I don't trust what it is. It seems like there's a lot of people that are just getting absolutely...

just wrecked because they buy these like meme coins. The one I know, the most famous one is the Hawk to a girl. Oh, Hawk to a girl. And then she was, she finally made her, her very tear filled apology because she didn't understand. She just didn't understand. She didn't know Hawk to a girl is innocent. I do believe that she had no idea. She took the money. Someone, I do believe that. I don't think it was a Kaiser Soze thing where she goes, all right, I'm going

And then she walks off and she goes, excellent. Just as I planned. Someone get Elon on the phone. Talking about blowjobs in the street to stealing millions and you being the person who did it. What a Bond villain. He's like, I didn't expect to see you, Miss Sucks Me Off. I'll do it. Hey, it's only $25. James, I'll blow you. I can suck you. James, I'll suck you. Him fucking a hillbilly girl? Little known secret, I'm actually...

Hey, there's nothing that drives me wild like a little hillbilly girl It seems as if you yeah the rug pull with her and I you're right I don't think she knew what she was doing But I also did not feel like there were any victims in this no It's only idiots only idiots lost their money But now this is this is why I wanted to bring this up this even the subject is because this this story really made me laugh and

Now, this comes from Twitter. I don't know if you're aware. Okay. It's an app. Now, a crypto trader known as Mr. Fuck You...

He shot himself live on Twitter. Have you not heard about this yet? No. It happened yesterday. We keep meeting under these crazy circumstances. Oh, yeah. By the way, right before we get to the story, when you had us on the show, the Luigi Mangione shooting had hours before. So everyone was like, why didn't they go harder in the paint on Dan Soder's show? And I was like, it's because we didn't know what the fuck was happening. The body wasn't tagged yet.

Legitimately. You guys came over at like 1130 a.m. The murder happened at 630 a.m. So there's a chance he was still en route to the morgue. The embalming flu was not in that CEO yet. It wasn't cool.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you can hear it a little bit back. All right. So take it back. A crypto trader known as Mr. Fuck You, he shot himself live on Twitter after losing his last $500 in a meme coin rug pull on Friday night. Now, what he said, this complete utter chode. What does that mean, by the way?

I don't know what... A meme coin rug pull. I'm going to say... I'm going to say they took his meme coin from him. What they do is pump up a coin, a fake crypto version of a coin, right? They pump it up. They all put the money in. And the goal is to get out and sell right at the very top, which normally happens within about 8 to 12 hours. So now is everyone trying to sell when they get to that top? It's a...

It sounds like no matter what. It's like, you know, you're short of stock. Yeah. I believe it's like that. So no matter what, people are going to get fucked. Yes. Yes. Okay. Or if you're in at the end. If you know it beforehand. Showing up at the end of the gangbang. Yeah. Why is everything so soupy? Oh, my God. Can we put the air conditioning on? It's also, yeah, you go, it's warm, but it's also kind of like damp in an unsettling way. She's...

She's alive. Would you like some cortisone? I just need to sit down next to her head. Are you sleepy? Yeah. That is, so that's cryptocurrency. Yes, yes. That is literally cryptocurrency. It's that guy being like, well, I'll still take my turn. I'll guess I'll kiss you.

But this guy, he says, okay, he says he wanted to, I guess, promote this new meme coin. So he had a revolver in his hands and he says, if I die, make me a meme coin. The gun then misfired twice. And then on the third time, it blew his fucking brains out. And then it

shot the brains out of the back of his head, which then, and then the stream lasted for another 30 minutes. As guess what happened? The meme coins started getting printed. So they immediately did a bunch of them. Cause he was also known as I'm really poor online. This is him with an AK 47 and a fedora. Oh my God. This is exactly how I imagined Mr. Fuck you both in life and in death. It is a cheap shitty gun.

Yes, it is. Was that a Kalashnikov? It's an AK. It looks like without a stock, yeah, or without the back end of it. So you see what they're saying right here, according to Mr. Fuck You, his life, he also went by, I'm really poor, he's 23, and he said he was going through some mental health struggles, obviously, and some believe that the community, in the community, believe that the suicide was tied to a breakup, as he used to talk about his surety, but

But suddenly he stops referring to her. No more shorty. No, it was about two weeks ago. And then it turned into a full meme coin circus. You have a thing called Mr. Coin with the developer sending him 70% of the total supply just before his death. And then reactors at crypto Twitter were actually really interesting because a lot of people were, of course, like just jumping in. So a lot of people made money on meme coins based upon his death in the moments after his death. That is literally...

The reason that Damian Lewis's character in Billions is a horrific person is because he was trading as 9-11 was happening. That's the idea, right? And that's the exact same thing that these people were doing. Oh, yeah. Tragedy strikes and people go, make money off it. Oh, yeah. The only part, and this unfunny situation, obviously, someone took their own life. It's kind of funny. It's funny that he took three times that he went like this. Yeah. Yeah.

I just think it's a... Oh, there we go. I don't mind this trend. I think that this could be a continuous... Like, we could glue some... Grandpa... Extras. Yeah. Grandpa, what?

what was cryptocurrency? You go, it was quite the watch for about 10 years. And then they all died. I just feel like it's a, what are we going to do? Because I know it's the idea of like, money's fake anyway. Yeah. Sure. And then crypto's like a new fake money. Yes. And so now we're supposed to all believe in the new fake money, but also it's making people kill themselves. But if he was going to kill himself anyway, why shouldn't people make money? That's a good point. A true businessman. What a capitalist. Yeah.

He goes, I'll tell you this. What are the resources here? Can we take them? How do we buy in? I think it's like the thing about, yes, all money is and I mean, you could go further and say like once we got off the gold standard then all of a sudden now money truly means nothing. Once we stop giving shells for blowjobs, then everything's

been downhill. Everything goes crazy. Money's not real. But this is like the most manipulated like up and down. And I guess it is similar to the stock market when you see stuff happen and then all of a sudden everyone's like money's down, money's up. But this is just like so warped

and crazy, and it is silly, because it's called like the sloppy top coin. Uh-oh. Hundreds of thousands of dollars, even millions of dollars are getting slopped around with these dumb shit little things, which is, it seems like the smokescreen, I brought this up a little bit in our Anders Breivik series, but I do feel like this is my, it's like a boomer situation here that I'm forced into, where several very big studies showed about how memes are

Radicalize young men faster than any other form of media. That's because we hate to read. It's because memes, making it funny and making it palatable, make it extremely easy for it to slide in. And then how does this sound familiar? It's only a joke. I'm just saying it's just a funny thing that I'm doing. I wasn't serious. Yes.

And the problem is that if nobody ever is serious, eventually you're going to, it changes your worldview in a way. Eventually, if nothing is remotely sacred, all of a sudden, you're a 21-year-old making money off of some dipshit suicide because you can't. Well, because memes turned you into the Joker. Yes. Where nothing is connected and everything is like, okay, I'll just kill everybody. You become a goon lord. You do. You become a goon lord. It really, and it's, these young guys are like, well, I can make,

a life-changing amount of money. Yeah! I mean, dude, the craziest thing is when Trump did that right before his inauguration. Oh, my God. And you're like, listen, I hate all politicians. They're all scumbags. But if Obama tried doing that, they would have bled out of their dick holes. He would have been... They would have set him on fire. I've got a pretty good one. It's called the Berry Coin. I should probably get in. Because get out. And then we're going to launch the Michelle. Yeah!

I love the Michelle coin. First, we're going with the berry. Now, the berry's up. And by the way, everyone's feasting. Everyone's eating. Everyone eats on this. We all up, team. And then your rug pulls. I don't know what happened. I'm going to bed. You know me. I got to get a good night out. I'm going to play some basketball. I got to hit the hay. Well, how much money was made on this meme coin? Whoever held the Trump coin, like...

Someone had like a like a lot of it Yeah, which is also funny because they announced the coin during a crypto that crypto conference that snoop was performing Yes, yeah, so snoop was the distraction where they're like he's like hey, hey y'all y'all crypto tizzles ready to hear some That's actually a very interesting way to put it I actually do wonder if it is even like that I

Like, literally, like, Snoop's gonna now do 15 minutes. You wanna hear Gin and Juice live? And we're literally going to short this in the next 15 minutes. Like, we're gonna get this done. Seven of us are about to make $60 million each. Yeah. Within two hours. And everybody else eats dick. They probably paid him in that shit. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Everybody else eats dick. But I just more... It was just looking at him, too. He just looks like such a fucking... You know, how do you say, like...

Does anybody look at their baby when it first comes out of their vagina and they look at them in the bassinet and be like, my son one day is going to commit suicide on Twitter. He has the face of somebody that would. Way to take something as sexy as Bud Dwyer and make it not cool. Yeah, buddy, come on. At least Bud Dwyer did local corruption and he had a ton of shit against him. He wasn't just like,

My girlfriend left me and I'm not making any money now if all you were afraid of guns It's like the story of every person who's ever made it yeah, it's like that's the buddy I mean if you just well I don't know if you can get gold chains and a gun, but you're wearing a $10 hat well That's a rich boss hat These kind of pictures

That kind of like, I'm broke as fuck, but then what was his other name? I'm really poor. I'm Mr. Fuck You, and I'm really poor. So look at those two emotions. He's sad, and he's angry. That's bipolar. Yeah. That's like...

He wasn't like Mr. I mean, sad and angry isn't bipolar. I'm just saying that when he's sad, I'm really poor. Yeah. When he's up, when he's manic. It's Mr. Fuck you. Mr. Fuck you. That's where he puts the fedora. Is that Mr. Fuck you? That's Mr. Fuck you. Right there. That's Mr. Fuck you. Show the other one. He's just like, that's Mr. I'm really poor with the Louis Vuitton hats to the side. Yes. Because he is poor because he spent $1,000 on a stupid hat. I just hate.

when people shave the top of their mustache. It's really great. Unless you're John Waters, you have to be a professional homosexual to have a pencil-thin mustache. You are not allowed. Or you better fucking own a haunted house. Yeah, go man. You better have a haunted house.

That's so funny. Just going, what are you doing? Taking care of the top of my mustache. She's like, that's weird, buddy. It's like 1925. Oh, why don't you kill yourself? He goes, that's it. Holy shit. That's the song. We'll be rich. That's how I make the money. That's the meme coin.

Hey, why don't you kill yourself with your stupid mustache? Say that again? Wait, it's just what? I said take out the trash, kill yourself with your stupid mustache. That's an amazing idea. Excuse me. I'm going to get on Twitter. How do you get a revolver? Shorty? Her name just was Shorty? Just go to, trust me, go pick up paper towels and cleaner. You're coming back. So we just want to say, again, rest in peace.

To Mr. Fuck You. And I hope that you guys, you gooners and you goondames, I'm going to think women goon, you gainers, you women gooners, if you even exist, I hope that you go out there and you celebrate him every day by buying a revolver. Yes. It's very nice. That's really good. Really good send-off. Thank you. I got another story out of Surfside, Florida. This one's fun. You're going to love this. And you know this. What I like about it is you're like a...

In the drug movies where the guy tastes the cocaine and he goes, that's good shit. It's a Florida. If it's a Florida story, that's pure Florida. He goes, that ain't no Florida Bama shit.

That's pure Florida. Oh, yeah. Well, this one kind of pisses me off, and I don't know where I stand on it. I've actually gone back and forth in my head twice already, so maybe you guys can help me out. 35-year-old man terrorized the community of Surside, Florida with a Chucky doll. Now, what I like is... He was standing outside of a market, and then he was, like, waving the Chucky doll at people, and then eventually he got arrested for disturbing the peace. See, I just, like, it's just a doll, but look at it. They call him a...

A fictional serial killer. That's what they call Chucky. Oh, that's what they call Chucky. A fictional serial killer. They said he's waving around a fictional serial killer. And it's like, no, it's a doll. But it's fine. It's a red-haired doll. Yes. But I want you guys to see the news report when we get a chance here. Why? Because they take it way too seriously? Oh, of course. I just wish it was a real little red-headed boy. That would be great in overalls.

It's a child abduction story. You better watch out or I'll hit you with Sean. Check this out. Creepy. Creepy. Seems fine, right? Having fun. What, he's just fucking with Chucky merch?

What a strange one. Alright, everyone, we're gonna begin it this way. I tried to get the doll today, I couldn't, but I got something else. You know, you know who this guy is? He's got a fucking costume. When you're walking around in Surfside, I was able to get the, uh, What are you doing? Oh, this is the worst shit I've ever seen. He was just happy to expense this for Halloween next year. How is this helping? Take a look.

Take a look. Damn, he was... And you really have no reason to be in the area. I understand that. What the Chucky is going on here? God damn it. I will love this forever if he stops and he goes, you don't understand. I'm trying to get my soul into the body. That's what I want. You don't... I was just walking there.

She's walking. He said the doll is fake. They warned the guy. But Chucky is back. No, not the movie. Night, Chucky.

So this is my question. Did he actually believe in the magic of Chucky? No, he's literally running around outside this market holding a Chucky doll. I'm going to get you, motherfucker. I'm going to get you. But the thing is, he said it was in response to him being not given beer at the restaurant. So he went home to get his Chucky. You know who can solve this?

a murderous little doll you know who would never ever betray me you know who i could find i could call to my side charles stab him he knows chucky's full name

It just goes in there. This news report sucks so bad that they are trying to push the fact of the storyline of Child's Play onto an insane man. This guy should be stripped of all press credentials. What is this man doing? He's just holding a costume up. And it doesn't have the mask. It doesn't have the thing. This is the worst reporting ever.

I've seen. Whoever set up this camera shot, there's a reflection on him that you can't stop watching. It's like they have a street sign behind the camera and they're flashing the sun at him. See what I mean? Yeah, I do see that. What is going... Yeah, he looks like he's in a J.J. Abrams film. And he looks like he... It just looks like the reflection is weird. Yes. This is a thing that shouldn't have been like...

There's a crazy guy with a doll down the street. Don't go there. Yeah, but like, why does this man get arrested? And it's because he has a record, I think. He has a very long record, multiple DUIs. He has a couple of salt and batteries. Is no man better than his past? Can no man grow past his fucking where he's... Oh, the chains! The chains of what I've been put on. What if it wasn't a Chucky doll? What if it was like a giraffe doll? Should it be allowed to do that? The giraffe's gonna scare

Jeffrey from Toys R Us is pissed they've been liquidated. I wonder if some of his DUIs were Chucky, like he got in the passenger seat and then he put Chucky down. You wouldn't even believe this thing, man. This is a danger. He's a crazy driver. I know the killer that's inside him, and he's nuts. He's nuts, officer. But just the idea of him going, like, was he going, hey? And also just the idea of calling the cops on him is very strange. Yes. Hi, 911? Yes.

You're going to have to listen to me. There is a man with a tiny porcelain red-headed shot outside of this door. He's in Oshkosh Pogoshes and he's swinging him around. It's flailing. Also the reporter going like,

Stories about Chucky. There's a spirit Halloween down the street. I've had it. I might be able to. He goes, guys, check this out. Let's go live right now. He's opening the costume. They're like, that's not the doll. The only way this is honestly police worthy is that you take two of them, chain them together. That's a nunchucky. And then that can actually be extremely, extremely dangerous. Well,

Then it's a weapon. But then you also got to fill them with lead. Are those heavy Chuckies? Those are illegal in the state of Florida. You can't have a weighted Chuckie. That is wild. You remember the Teddy Ruxpins? Yeah. Those things fuck you up. You know, my favorite diss ever was our friend Jermaine Fowler said that my voice sounds like a Teddy Ruxpin running out of battery. Ha!

I cannot hear that. He said that over 16 years ago. Isn't that funny? He goes, damn, you sound like a Teddy Ruxpin runner. And it's like, I want to read this shit. No, it's because you have a beautiful, real radio voice. I'm running out of

Man, I miss my Teddy Rupskin, but I was angry. Whenever I tried to hug him, I'd give myself a concussion because it's a robot. Yeah, it is a robot. You forget that he is a skeleton. You do it too hard, Eddie. And he was very cute, so you'd want to squeeze him. He's just telling me stories. Everyone else who tells me a story lets me hug him. Why can't I hug this guy?

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I was trapped in the cult. A new true crime docuseries. Everything inside of me was screaming, just go. Ten cults. He claimed he heard the voice of God. Ten stories of escape. It was an emotional battle. We were brainwashed. My sister and I got on the snow machine and I'm like, there's no way out. And if I got caught, he would for sure kill me.

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Black Bag. Rated R. Under $17.99 without parent. Only in theaters March 14th with special engagements in Dolby. There's another story. We got one more of these stories. One more. I figured you'd have some fun with this one, Dan. So...

Gardai, I don't speak Irish. No, you don't. You don't. It is, yeah, it's... They're continuing to keep an open mind on the discovery of a severed hand at a school in North Dublin on Friday.

This sounds like an Irish folktale. Do you know what they say when you find a hand in a schoolyard? Yeah. And it's got the marks of a beak. It means that good luck, it's on its way. Oh, suck on his pinky. Yeah.

Oh, never take a bodiless hand in a schoolyard, or else you'll have 20 years of bad luck. Well, a prominent theory in the investigation is that the hand may belong to a local male child who suffered horrific burn injuries in a gas container explosion at a bonfire on Thursday night. What point in the night do you say, ah?

Ah, hand's gone. Yeah. No reason to look. No one went looking for the hand. James, your hand is gone. God gives you two until you lose them. You know, that's nice, though. You got one still. Hey, I shake me hand. At least you have this one. And it's your hand shaking hand. They could not definitely confirm at this stage that the hand was discovered at the school belonged to the boy. Check his wrist. Why does he just go down and go, yo, that's me?

I would never wear that watch. How big's the hand? It's so funny. It's like how many children are missing hands? It looks like one of the ones you buy at a football game with the number one sign. It's absolutely a giant black man's hand. This isn't my son's hand at all. This looks like it's Lamar Odom's hand.

It looks like Dom Shaquille O'Neal dropped his hand here. Maybe the bird was just trying to bring the hand back to where he thought it belonged. Dropped it at the school. Or the bird was like, look at this feast that I... God damn it, I dropped it. I can't get that thing back up. I mean, a full hand...

Just at the wrist? Yeah, dude. It just popped off because it exploded. And then a bird... I do think it's exactly what you said. I think a bird picked it up thinking, mmm, yum, lunch. And they pick it up and then it's hard for a bird to do it. And the bird don't go back. Birds are lazy. They always kind of talk about the early bird and the worm and stuff like that. But I think largely... I've seen birds drop shit all the time. Birds really give up. They just don't really care. The thought of someone coming home...

hammered from a pub and then being like, I can't find me down loiter. And then looking up and watching a hand drop out of the sky and go into the yard and you go...

The fuck? I'm scared. Just run home. He's like, it's time to get sober. Oh, fuck. Oh, I'll tell you what fucking got me on the wagon. A hand falling out the damn sky. It's from the clothes. The birds dropping hands. But how do they not know if it's the same child? They should just go and line it up. I think it's because the child, like, maybe it's because he's embarrassed. Or was the hand mauled?

I mean, it blew off from a gas canister explosion, so I imagine it ain't pretty. Give it a shot. Also, what's this 12-year-old doing around gas canisters? What kind of dangerous life is this kid leaving? Europeans have more fun. Yeah, they drink wine at dinner. They play with explosives. I'll always remember we went to Berlin, and we were walking around, and, you know, it's this big, like, it was like an EDM festival slash environmental protest.

That's very funny. There was nothing like seeing 14-year-olds look so classy drinking white wine. They're all drinking white wine. I didn't even know what wine was. I couldn't even tie my shoes. Yeah, they're all very cosmopolitan. And they're all enjoying each other, clinking glasses and stuff. You've never been to an art exhibit at the age of 14? Yeah, they're all just so very cool.

Well, school was not in session, so no children saw the hand. So that's nice. I mean, that's sad, though, for them, because I feel like that's a fun story for kids. Like, I feel like in Stand By Me, yeah, like, I saw Human Bones once when I was a child. It was awesome. Really? Yeah. Where'd you see him? In Forest Park in Queens. We went up there, and we went to, my buddy and I went past a bunch of, at the time, They were walking around the railroad tracks. Yeah. Yeah.

Dude, I've never heard this before. I was the fat one. I'm Jerry O'Connell. But we went through a bunch of police lines. My neighborhood in Queens had a very sudden influx of Haitian population over a very small period of time. And it really changed the neighborhood. And it brought in a lot of voodoo and brought in a lot of like practices. And we had like several voodoo head shops in the neighborhood, which were awesome.

Yeah. Because you could see it. Like, you could go into, it was like a bodega, and then you'd look past the guy, and there would be a room behind him where you'd have all the paraphernalia. Like, you'd go and you'd get it all. It's awesome. There's nothing cooler growing up. If you had voodoo stores. Oh, yeah. And you're like 10. You're like, can I see that? Yeah. They were like, and they're all like, they go like, no, no. No, no, not for you. And then I go, and we went to see, we went to this place that was all cordoned off, and

And there was blood all over the, this like, they did animal, like it was one of those things where they came hard down, cops came down hard on the Haitian population, obviously because of racism and also because they were doing a lot of animal sacrifice with no licenses. That's really funny to get a license for animal sacrificing. You have to, killing, I mean, that's just fine. You have to do it in a certain place. Yeah. You have to do it because like apparently, yeah, you can't do it at Forest Park. You can't do it in your rental. They're walking up going, you got the forms? Yeah.

If you ain't got the forms to do this, you should not be out here chopping this fucking goat's head off. Listen, I want you to listen. I love Mama Muerte just as much as anybody else, all right? Every day I give him a sip of rum and I smoke a cigar to Papa Evil, okay? Buddy, listen, if I could bring back a zombie, I'd be doing it. I'd bring back my father-in-law because he was the best part of my life's family.

I need the paperwork or I'm taking you fucking in. Now, remember all the places that would sell chickens all over New York? Yeah. I mean, dude, in Astoria, they sell like everything. You get like goats and shit. Yeah. They are cracking down. The chicken ones where they were- Your feathers would be literally shooting out the side of the building. When you'd watch Brooklyn and Queens especially, you would see the trucks unload and you would be like-

Like, I remember on 39th Avenue in Queens walking by and being like, oh, those are hundreds of chickens and they're all still alive. And they're like, ah, ah, ah! And you just walk by like, oh, fuck. I always wondered if those were more expensive than a rotisserie chicken at the store. You never bought one? No, I never bought a live chicken. No, we bought...

We did it once. We got one. They pre-killed it. Oh, really? They kill it for you. Oh, they kill it for you. Yeah, you go in there and they literally go like, eh? And then you go, kill it. And then they go like, they snap its neck. Did you watch? Yeah. And they pluck it. They pluck it. Yeah, they clean it all up. And then you take it. How much was it? Do you remember? I want to say literally it was like $10. But I do think that I brought it to, because it was with Carly, and then I think she cried. Yeah. Well, I mean, she's a very nice person. And also like watching it go like, oh.

I want to call him. Oh, God. Yeah. Bang. I just got hungry. Did you cook it or did we use it for a sketch or something? We used it for a sketch. Oh, okay.

This is where Murderfest was getting all its props back. Dude, this is... We had a pig head one time that we did a photo shoot with. I remember that. Oh, and then I remember the time that we did a sketch where... So you don't think about it. What did we do with the pig head? Did we just throw it in a trash can in the village? That's what we did when you got all the pig intestines for the Buttweiser sketch when we thought we needed to have real intestines. There was no way we could ever fake it with any form of makeup. And so they covered me in real pig intestines and we destroyed this costume. We fucked up the whole...

John's whole living room. We did all this shit just because we're like, no, dude, it's fucking hardcore. No, dude, we're hardcore. We're doing hardcore.

We're making fucking art. No, the audience doesn't know that it's fucking real. You're like, did it look real? I remember it being really thin and being like, oh, that doesn't look real. Even though it is real? Everyone's like, this is fake. You have no idea the disgusting lengths we went to get this thing. A lot of audiences don't know what it's like to have a real butcher. Because I used to go to a real guy. I remember when we asked for the pig guts and the guy was like, yeah. He was so excited. He's like, fire!

You made my Tuesday shift easier. Come here. It's that bag right there. Yeah, wow. I love that guy. The liverwurst sandwiches. Those things would slow us down. He made his own liverwurst. You eat liverwurst? No. Oh, Dan, it's great. Are you an advanced meat man? Not really. You get sick? No, I can hold on. Have you ever had head cheese?

No. What's that? It's like meat jelly. Oh, my God. It's like all the stuff from your fucking head, dude. I remember listening to you guys going to Scotland, and you said you liked the blood. Yeah, blood sausage. The white sausage. I don't know what it is. I think it's cum. I don't know what it is, but I eat it too. Solidified. Solidified cum. Because that's head cheese. So it's like essentially, it's a meat jelly solidified.

I'll tell you right now by the very fat forward. I could do it if I had a Cracker oh With mustard yes, you put some muscle. I could do that yellow or French

It's a cold meatloaf. I like a spicy ass mustard, like a Kosciuszko. I like a fucking Polish mustard. Would I look stupid doing it with like a French's? No. I mean, French's is a shitty mustard. There's nothing stupid about it. The yellow mustard? Let's not get into any of that. I mean, the deli mustard, if you're going to have mustard, you eat deli mustard. French's. You like shitty- Yes. He's allowed. He's allowed. I do. You're allowed to do whatever you want. I'm just curious why somebody would. It's because they're people they grew up with. I like it.

Yeah. I fucking like it. You're going to just listen. I want to squash this now. I didn't realize you were going to cry. No, deli mustard. I would do that. I would absolutely do head cheese. Yeah, man. I love all that type of shit. Anything that's fucking. What about haggis? Yeah, I love it. You loved haggis. I love. I actively like haggis. What? Yeah, it's good. If you get it, good.

You're not going to eat it here. LA is not... When we were in Edinburgh, I lived with Sean Patton, and we would hang out every night, me, Sean Patton, Langston, and Emmy Blotnick, and we were like, should we get haggis? And we pussed out. We were like, let's not do it. You'd be so surprised. And then you throw the rest in the trash like a real American.

You would be wildly surprised how good it is. It's a horrible name and the ingredients are a nightmare. So is a hot dog and I like hot dogs. Exactly. It is basically the same flavor profile as a hot dog. It's heavily spiced,

Good texture. Okay. Comes out like a solid disc. There's people that are absolutely disagreeing with you right now. Yeah, I love it. They're like, no. So there was this part, I want to hear about this. This kind of relates to what we're talking about. There was a wild game dinner in rural Pennsylvania this week where they ate crow. Okay. They had bear stew, raccoon adui sausage, stingray casserole. Gearhead skate.

No. Skate is basically... Yeah, it's like stingray. Yeah, I think I've had skate before. It's bad. Was it gamey? No, it's just fucking... It's a difficult... There's not much going on there. Yeah, it sucks. You have to pull all the meat out of all the bones. It sucks. Yeah, they have rabbit kielbasa, snapping turtle salami, smoked eel, beaver shepherd's pie.

Goose and sauerkraut? Beaver Shepherd's Pie sounds like the worst porn I've ever seen. She actually got her pussy blown off. But we're still going to do the scene. We're still going to film this. Yeah, I'm

I'm right. What happened is I stepped on a landmine and it took out one of my lips. I'm still ready for the scene. The groundhog chili, though, does sound pretty good. Groundhog chili. See, none of that. The only thing that really skeeves me out is that I've heard bear meat's really gross. I've heard bear meat's very greasy. They said it was cow because they put it in like a stew. Yeah, I guess that makes sense.

This also sounds like a joke. It sounds like the back of a roadkill cafe shirt. It does. Without the clever names. Like if they just gave up on a roadkill cafe shirt. It's a raccoon omelet. Enjoy yourself. You guys used to call it like skidding turf. Yeah, yeah. No, no, no. Nope. Nope.

It's called rat. It's rat murder. Oh, man. But they say the things they have the biggest trouble cooking is predators like fox and coyote. They said they have a coyote smoked ham and then half the people loved it. Half the people hated it. Yeah, I bet. I don't want to eat. I think dog.

in general is not necessarily a coyote's not dog yeah i mean they're like it's close enough they're dog adjacent for sure but they live a different life they have they i mean they live tough lives yeah you see a dog and then you see a coyote it's like when you see a dog and then you see a wolf and you go no these aren't even similar like wolves are giant compared to dogs and then coyotes are just like oh you poor son of a bitch they always have maddened fur they're always like ah help

It kind of feels like how we were just in Dallas with Marcus's family. Yeah. And there is a good thing about, like, I always sort of feel like maybe I could be a man. And then you meet, like, all the ranchers. Oh, yeah. And then you're like, oh, I'm not a man. Oh, yeah. I just get in there and, like, squeeze as hard as I can with the handshake. And just be like, hopefully that's good enough. His father has one eye. And he still works, like, 15 hours a day. He beat the shit out of us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, look at that. He's like, help! Yeah.

But it is when you shake a man's hand like that and it just feels like tree bark. Yeah. Like it's not like a real hand. You go like, are you made of oak? Yeah. And you want like my hand feels like essentially the hand of like, you know. It's like a soft. You're soft. Hilary Swank. Yeah. I have Hilary Swank's hands. He goes, I've never met a princess before. I think you got Ricky Lake's hands. Yeah.

Oh, Ricky Lake hand ass. I definitely do. If I went into her Hollywood fall hall of fame. Oh my God, did it unlock something? Did you see a trace out? Oh my God, did you hear Henry's hosting a 90s talk show? Let's get real, people. With Henry Zebrowski. Let's bring him out. You just said that? Let's bring him on out.

My sweetest, most beautiful Dan. Oh my God, you guys are the best. What a cherished time this was to spend this with you. To go from the creek in the cave to this. To go from me listening to you guys as I play College Football 25 on my PlayStation 5.

Very studio. And then very quickly, what I wanted to do, this is Rob's idea and I think it's fun. Yes. Is at the end of your shows, you do a card opening segment. Hell yeah. So Rob went to the local hobby store. Yeah. And he got a pack of cards to open that I figured that maybe we could describe. And I've never seen this before. It is the Elvis collection. Yes! This fucking rock.

So these are, so I'm just going to give this to you. Yeah. I'm just going to give this. The Elvis collection. You get a pack. You guys get a pack, and then we'll just see. Cards of his life. Let's go through some of it. Let's just see what this is. It says cards of his life. It is the Elvis collection. I love Elvis. My first ones of a toilet. Whoa, he's a murderer. If you get the peanut butter and banana sandwich, you get another pack for free. Oh my God, a fake police badge.

I got so excited I thought you did and I hurried to open my pack. Did you ever see his interviews? I'm fascinated with Elvis. Have you ever seen his talks or the interview with his cook?

No. She's wonderful. It just recently came out? Yeah, no, it was like a couple, a bunch of years ago. Oh, yeah. She was like, Mr. Elvis, he used to wake me up every night and he'd say, Miss B, I want my peanut butter sandwich now. And then she'd go and talk about how she's like, I always knew he was hungry. I could hear him wrestling. It's so funny. It's just like a nice,

He'd come in after taking three of those blue pills. And he would be so excited. So excited. Dude, I got Vegas Elvis having a cup of water. Yeah, that's good. Healthy Elvis. Health conscious Elvis. And on the back, they have these little descriptions of the cards. And it says, Elvis never was one to tell a string of jokes during his Vegas shows.

He left that to the professional comedians who opened for him. But that's got to be crazy to open for Elvis. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. People are just so mad that you're there. He goes, hey, did you ever think about doing, at the end of that Lincoln joke, having it to where like- I got a couple of tags for you. Yeah.

You do tags, buddy? No thanks, King. No tags. Hey, don't step there. Hey, if you could avoid any suspicious minds. Hey, can you do something not about the Chicago ghetto? I'd appreciate it. Oh, man. For example, after sipping from a glass of water, he would say to the audience, during the show, you'll see I drink a lot of Wawa. That's because the desert air is very dry and it affects my throat.

I've also got some Gatorade. It's supposed to act 12 times faster than water. Looks as if it's been used already to me, but if it aids my Gator. What? Yeah. They printed a quote that makes no sense. Yeah, just him rambling high on amphetamines. Gatorade looks like piss, and I drink it anyway, is what he said. Looks as if it's been used already to me, but if it aids my Gator. Oh, and I bet that got such a laugh. Oh, yeah. Everyone's like, what? He's talking about his fucking dick. Oh.

Oh, he got a guy. I got a hologram card. Look at this. It's Tupac. It's now or never. It's now or never. Oh, my God. I'm literally struggling to open this. I missed my finger. My teeth. I had to do this. This is so funny. You have to, like, pull it apart. Yeah, because you're the expert. Yeah, these sometimes. For on Dan Soder's podcast, just so you know, on his incredible podcast. On Saturday mornings, we open up cards with the...

And we've stopped doing it with everybody because I think we've kind of reached the point where you go like, you know, you're talking about... Saturation point? Yeah, when you were talking about Bobby Bonilla. And I love my Bobby Bonilla bit and I also still herald him, but at some point the time does go and you can't always do the same bit always. Oh, wow. You know what I got? Smirking Elvis. Childhood home.

Childhood home. Wow. Shotgun shack. And he was born in it, January 8th, 1935. Oh, he's a Capricorn. East Tulipo. How do you say that in Mississippi? Tupelo. Tupelo, Mississippi. Someone just got so mad at me. See, this is the live series. I remember this one's like, these are part of the same live show that he did. These are the comeback tours. You know what else? I do find it interesting that he never toured internationally. Really? He also invented the live stream.

Really? He never toured internationally? No. What a pussy. All right, this one's him. No, it's because the colonel wouldn't let him. That's what it was. I would call him in this one. Because the colonel was wanted. This was him on a shrieking tour. This is when all the girls would see him and shriek.

Colonel Parker's inspiration to have Elvis do a benefit concert for the USS Arizona Memorial at Pearl Harbor in 1961 turned into a total triumph show for all concerned. First off, show was hot. Elvis stood at the microphone and sang if his life depended on it. Secondly, the fundraising triggered an outpouring of public support. Wow. Because Elvis had it like that. See, this is the kind of shit I like. See, this is the version of Elvis I like the most, which him...

Big thick belt on. Just at work. Yeah. He's relaxed. Elvis relaxed wherever, whenever, and however he could. Here you see him participating in an early 70s Easter egg hunt at his home in California. Given his demanding schedule, it's a wonder that he ever got to relax at all. There were songs to record, movies to make, concerts to do, and on rare occasions, television specials to consider. In spite of this picture, it should be obvious that Elvis never put all of his eggs in one basket. Oh my God.

That guy wrote that and pushed it away from his desk and went, well, that card's done. Yeah, yeah. Done. We'll print that fucking thing up. Now I'm going to go home and have sex with my husband. I got one here. Is this him explaining how it's okay for him to call Priscilla even though she's only 16 years old? He goes, now? Now, he'll listen. He goes, here's the deal. You have to understand. She's the most mature woman I've ever met. 14 going on 40.

Now, here's the deal. I know what weirds out some of the boys, because she still likes her building blocks. Ha, ha, ha.

But I told them, hey, hey, hey. I go, how are you supposed to build a home if a girl don't like to build blocks? They go, God damn, Elvis. You really got me with that Gatorade joke and then that your bride isn't a child. Yeah, I'll really turn around. The old flipperoo. They thought they had me. They had me in the first half. Not going to lie. It's not called grooming if it's a horse.

Honestly, thank you so much for joining us. I do wish we had a little bit more of the food involved. There's a couple of Garbage Pail Kids over there, too. I got one for each of you guys, just in case you... Studded jumpsuit, dude.

Look at this. That's my dream, man. Look at this. There's Alligator, which is weird. That's for Ed. Oh, of course. These are Garbage Pail Kids. Max Axe. And then we have here, this is Shaggy Aggie. This is making fun of women with underarm hair. Yeah. And then this one here is referring to an executioner. This is Garbage Pail Kids. For those of you who don't know, this was a thing that we liked as children. I love Garbage Pail Kids. Because they took the Cabbage Patch Kids and they were like, what if they were dark and twisted? And you were like, yeah, thank you.

What if Satan made his own garbage pail kit? I'd say, buy it, buy it. But this I find to be ignorance.

Pure ignorance. I think the pedophile series with Elvis is way better. This is spookier than any cabbage cake. They should mix them in the same deck. Oh, no, I got stinky McLunky, and then also, oh, God, Elvis kissing a 13-year-old. Hey, listen. She has the lips of a woman.

Don't forget that. Hey. And here's one of Elvis giving her father a Cadillac. Oh, here's the thank you. Hey, nothing makes you forget about your little baby girl like keys dropping into your palm. Hey, tell me, what was it like when she was in your palms? Can I get a feel?

I want to feel where she came from. Oh, it was incredible. Oh, sweet, dearest Soder. I love you guys so much. Please listen to the Soder podcast and check him out. He's on tour this weekend in San Diego on the 28th at the Balboa

theater, which is a great theater. Yeah. Great place to see a show. And then you're going to be in San Francisco on the second or the first second on the second San Francisco, the palace fine arts center. And then of course, grand rabbits, Michigan gilda fest on March 8th. Go check out Dan live. One of the best comedians on earth. I am your HBO special is it's you literally the only special I've watched twice. Oh, thanks. Yeah. It's so good. I fucking love it, man. It's just awesome to come out here and be able to do this.

I love you guys so much. Please tell Marcus I said hi. I'm so proud of you. By the way, Marcus produced a podcast for me and Mike Racine in like 2008. And...

Man, we should have held on to that. And man, we fucked up. We fucked up. What was it about? Day jobs. Yeah, I remember that. He was a mover, I was a waiter, and we'd just come in and bitch about stories, but we really didn't know how to podcast yet. Now we're seeing, his phone, he still cracks up. Yeah, I love Mike Christine very much. But, uh,

Tell Marcus I said hi. I'm so proud of you guys. This is so cool to see you guys have your own fortress in the city of angels. Dude, thank you so much for being here. Check out the goddamn show. Yeah. It's the Dan Soder Soder podcast. I'll be listening to you guys. Bye. As I play college football and yell about it. Yeah, do it. Okay. All right. Bye, fucker. Fly from your grave.

What an amazing time we had. Oh, I love Dan. He's the best. Nothing makes me happier than old New York buddies, man. I love them. They really, it just warms my heart. Yeah, it's good to see him still around. Still around? He's fucking doing amazing. He's crushing it. Playing theater solo. He's doing great. So go to patreon.com slash last podcast and left. You can watch us go through the whole card scenario. We're having so much fun. Also, go check us out on the big flop with Misha Brown. We talk about...

joe exotic that's right we really we really fit in with his audience and i'm excited though like go check it out he was super funny he was amazing i had such a good time talking to misha he was so fun he was very sweet man very very sweet uh and then go check out all of our horseshit on twitch twitch.tv slash lpn tv we have good pud live this week yes at 6 p.m yeah and next week um we got a hoop

Goo Games come back on March 6th with MJ Neffel, the wonderful Rob Hayes and Olivia Grace. It's going to be a lot of fun. Ooh, yeah. It's going to be a lot of fun. And go to lastpodcastandleft.com and buy tickets to see us live. Our show's better than ever. Huntsville, H and H-U next Tuesday. We're going to Huntsville, baby. Come out to Huntsville. Yeah, March 16th. We're going to be fucking chilling there. Side Story's going big.

We're going to have a lot of fun. Come check us out. We're going to eat some Yerman food. We're going to have diarrhea. Come, please. Watch us entertain you. We are coming from hot chicken to schnitzel, seeing what's better. I'm very excited because we're going to be in Nashville with Last Podcast at the Ryman two days before that on March 14th. I'm done with hot chicken. You're done with hot chicken? It's a prank. We've talked about this up for the show for years. What are you talking about? Hot chicken. It's a prank played from locals.

on to us. Well, you get the mild. Don't go. Yeah, you get mild. You have to get the mild. Yeah, what are you talking about? Yeah, you don't get the ridiculous one. I don't know. And then it's delicious. I kind of want some barbecue. I think it's your fault. I like barbecue. No, the last time I went extreme with it, it was very bad for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't do that, man. It's bad for you. Also, right after Huntsville, I'm going down Florida, baby. I'm starting my invasive species tour on March 20th. I'm going to be in Jacksonville the 21st and 22nd. I'm going to be in Panama City and I just found out

It's going to be spring break. Ooh, yeah. If you want to watch your boy get destroyed by a bunch of drunk, horny 18-year-olds. Oh, you are going to be. You are not going to be in that comedy club. They're going to rip me to shreds if they do come. And then the night after that, on March 23rd, I'm going to be in Tallahassee, Florida with Danny Bedrosian. Back at you.

at our old stomping ground. What used to be Brothers is now the 926 Bar and Grill. I'll be playing there. All those tickets are available on eddytoons.com. Also, we're going to be doing in May, going back to Florida, I'm doing some shows in Naples and Key West by myself. But in between that, Henry and I got a couple side stories live. We're doing O-Town. We're coming on to Fort Lauderdale. You can come and check us out. O-Town, actually, the tickets are doing really well. But come

Check us out in Fort Lauderdale. I have no idea what in the living fuck that's going to be like. Oh, it's going to be great. I'm very excited. I've done that place a little. Dania Beach Improv is a great comedy club. I really love that place. I've done it a million times with Jeff, and I can't wait to come back home and see my people, and I'm going to be there. I got the Publix jokes in hands. You guys are fucking ready for it. Yeah.

I can't wait. And then also Atlanta, we added a second show at Dad's Garage. Yes, we did. So make sure you check that out. We sold out the first show and we haven't actually announced this yet. No, we haven't. The tickets are on sale. Make sure you go check it out. They are available at lastpodcastandleft.com. And I'm going to say a thing that I don't know what it means yet. They're going to be different formats. Yes. No, they're going to be a different show. So if you want to come to both, they will be different. Yes. Which means that Henry and I are going to riff both of them. Yep.

But you're going to help us. They're going to have a structure. You're going to see. There'll be a structure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Structure. Sure, yeah. Structure. You know structures. You know we do. You've seen us a lot. Yeah. All right. Hail Satan, everyone. Yes. Hail Dan Soder. Yeah, he did good. Fucking love that guy.

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